2025-07-10, 02:08 PM
“Another night with open eyes
too late to sleep, too soon to rise
You're short of breath, is it a heart attack?
Hot and feverish you face the fact
you're in love and it feels like shame
because she's gone and made a fool of you in public again
You're in love and it feels like pain
because you know there's too much truth in everything she claims
So ask yourself now
Can you forgive her
if she wants you to?
Ask yourself
Can you even deliver
what she demands of you?
You drift into the strangest dreams
of youthful follies and changing teams
Admit you're wrong, oh, no, not yet
Then you wake up and remember that you can't forget
she's made you some kind of laughing stock
because you dance to disco and you don't like rock
She made fun of you and even in bed
said she was gonna go and get herself a real man instead
So ask yourself now
Can you forgive her
if she begs you to?
Ask yourself
Can you even deliver
what she demands of you?
Or do you want revenge?
But that's childish, so childish
Remember when you were more easily led
behind the cricket pavilion and the bicycle shed
Trembling as your dreams came true
you looked right into those blue eyes and knew
it was love and now you can't pretend
you've forgotten all the promises of that first friend
It's bad enough she knows how you feel
but she's not prepared to share you with a memory
So ask yourself now
Can you forgive her
if she begs you to?
Ask yourself
Can you even deliver
what she demands of you?
Ask yourself now
Can you forgive her
if she begs you to?
And ask yourself
Can you even deliver
what she demands of you?
Or do you want revenge?
But that's childish, so childish”
(Pet Shop Boys – Can you forgive her?*)
The bedroom was dark, only a little light from the streetlamps came in through the slits in the blinds, spreading in small stripes on the wall. The radio alarm clock, which was next to the bed on the bedside table, showed the time in bright green letters. Three o'clock twelve. Alex sighed as he read the display and turned on his back. He had been lying awake in bed for four hours now, trying to fall asleep for four hours, but the thoughts that were buzzing through his mind kept him from it.
Alex, whose real name was Alexander, had turned 19 a few weeks ago. He had recently started studying architecture in Munich and had moved out of his parents' house, which was in a small village in the Allgäu region. Of course, he couldn't afford his own apartment, so he had found a place to share with three other people. He had got on very well with them from the start, which was one of the reasons why he was actually enjoying his new life here.
And yet Alex was now lying here in the dark and couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard he tried. He was desperate. Not because he had a lecture tomorrow morning, which he could skip, but because of the matter with Lisa. It had all started so well...
Alex had met Lisa at university. There had been something between them from the start, there was a certain tension in the air. He liked Lisa and he thought she was quite good-looking. And she seemed to feel the same way, at least that's what his roommate Leon thought.
“Dude, she's into you.” he made it clear to Alex at some point when the whole clique, including Lisa, was out and about in one of the city's clubs one Friday evening and Leon had to watch the whole evening as Alex and Lisa cautiously circled each other, but neither dared to take it a step further.
After this announcement and another drink, Alex became more courageous. Well, at the end of the evening, the two of them were no longer responsive to the others and were more concerned with themselves, to the delight and simultaneous displeasure of Leon, who seemed very annoyed that his buddy had now found a girlfriend, unlike him.
Lisa was Alex's first girlfriend. During his school days, on the one hand, he had never been particularly interested in girls, but on the other hand, he was still quite shy. Both characteristics combined led to the fact that at some point he had to watch as almost all the guys in his circle of friends had one girlfriend after another, while he was left alone every time. At first, he hadn't even minded – what could he possibly do with a girlfriend, it was just work and all that. But when he was 16, Christian, one of his classmates at the time and a real ladies' man, had told the whole class that Alex must be gay, otherwise there was no way to explain his lack of interest in girls.
In a way, that day changed Alex's life. Before, he didn't care what others thought of him, but he couldn't let Christian's claim stand. Him, gay? Ridiculous. It was always the others who were gay, but he certainly had nothing to do with people like that. He liked playing soccer, hated shopping and the color pink, and had mostly boys, not girls, in his circle of friends.
Well, he did feel a little caught out, after all, he hadn't really been interested in girls until then, and when he did, he would look at boys without realizing it. But he only did that because he admired them, because they were role models for him, because he wanted to be like them. And as for girls, he was probably just a late bloomer, it would come, for sure.
Actually, Alex had never really cared much about how other people lived their lives. He had nothing against gays, and he didn't care about what they did with each other. Since Christian had ridiculed him in front of the whole team, however, he had to regain his reputation. Or build it up from scratch, because he had never been considered a gifted heterosexual. That's why he made sure to make it clear whenever homosexuality was mentioned that he personally would never want to do anything like that. And he made sure to deliberately look at girls, which worked quite well. It worked.
He still hadn't found a girlfriend in the rest of his school days, but he didn't need to. His occasional critical comments about gays, his fantasies about what he would like to do with different girls, which he talked about with his friends – all this led to Christian's claims soon being forgotten.
Only Alex himself had never been able to suppress them.
He was all the more satisfied when he had found Lisa. He liked her, she was funny, nice, and good-looking. And anyone who had a girlfriend couldn't possibly be gay. Of course, Alex didn't just have the relationship for that reason; after all, he liked spending time with Lisa. But it was definitely a plus.
Well, and now he lay here sleepless in bed, Lisa was gone and everything was heading for disaster. It had been looming since the first days of their relationship, but Alex had been blind to it. Now he knew better.
Sighing, he got up – there was no point anymore, he wouldn't fall asleep anyway. He put on his pajamas and shuffled into the kitchen to get something to drink. Since it was the middle of the night, Alex didn't expect to run into one of his roommates, and so he was all the more shocked when he suddenly met Emma in the kitchen.
Emma was one of the two girls who lived here with Alex and Leon, and he got along really well with her. He liked Leon, and of course the two of them stuck together as a faction of the boys, but Alex secretly got along even better with Emma. Both had similar views and a similar sense of humor, and you could talk to Emma about anything. No matter what it was about, she had always been empathetic and understanding, and Alex had had to seek out a word or two of advice from her during his relationship with Lisa.
“What are you doing here?” she whispered in surprise when he entered the room looking rumpled and tired. “You look like crap!” she added. Sometimes she was maybe a bit too honest and direct.
“Thanks, you too.” grumbled Alex. He sat down on one of the chairs around the small kitchen table. “I couldn't sleep, so I might as well get up.” He tried to explain his situation.
“Well, it's a new experience that you can't sleep.“ she winked at him. Why did Emma have to joke at this time of night? He wasn't even lucid enough to get it.
”What are you doing here?” Alex wanted to know now, because slowly he also realized that it was certainly not normal to be standing in the kitchen at half past three in the morning.
“You don't want to know!” Emma just said and then made no effort to explain anything. Hm, that's strange. If he hadn't been so desperate about his own situation, he would have gone out of his way to uncover whatever it was she was trying to hide from him.
“Is it because of Lisa?” Emma asked, hitting Alex harder than he was willing to admit. Last night, their relationship had shattered into about as many pieces as a mirror that had begun to make its final journey towards the floor in slow motion and clearly visible to everyone, and that no one could catch and save. Alex might not have cared if it hadn't been for the fact that so much was at stake. No one could ever find out the real reason why Lisa had broken up with him, otherwise he would have been a laughing stock for the rest of his life. And Alex hadn't worked for years on his reputation to have it snatched away at the first opportunity.
Of course Emma had known for some time that something was going on between him and Lisa, but she didn't know any details and thank God Lisa hadn't blabbed yet either. But Alex was sure that this could well happen in the future, because his ex-girlfriend was obviously very annoyed and unfortunately rather unpredictable. So it was best to take his chance now, while he still had it and while he was still able to fight for his honor.
“Yes, it's about Lisa,” he finally answered, hesitating before saying what he now had to say.
“I broke up with her yesterday. I couldn't do it anymore, we weren't right for each other.” Well, at least the second part wasn't technically a lie. ”She didn't understand and was extremely angry, almost sounded like she wanted revenge. So if she shows up here anytime soon telling some story or other, it's best not to take her too seriously. Just like always, really.”
He tried to make it sound like a joke and laughed briefly, but stopped when he realized that Emma was looking at him questioningly. Obviously, she didn't find the story as funny as he did, but probably for a different reason. Although he felt a bit bad for having lied to a good friend, he knew that he had no other choice. He had to get to Lisa before she blindsided the others with the truth.
“Alex...” Emma seemed to consider her words very carefully before she finally spoke. She seemed worried; obviously she didn't completely buy the story. “First of all, I'm sorry. I've noticed that there's been tension between you two. But isn't this a bit harsh on Lisa?”
Of course she suspected something. Why did Emma always have to be so damn righteous? Normally, that was one of the qualities he particularly liked about her, because she seemed to stand up for just about anyone who was treated unfairly. But did she really have to stab him in the back like this? He couldn't look her in the eye, otherwise she would probably have convicted him immediately.
“Well, maybe you're right. I'm sorry. After all, it's the middle of the night...” he tried to straighten things out again. He was very happy to apologize for his choice of words; he himself realized that it was mean to talk about his ex-girlfriend in this way just a few hours after breaking up. And as long as he discussed the choice of words with her, she hopefully wouldn't get the idea to question the content of his words. As long as Emma remembered that Lisa was only out for revenge and that she shouldn't believe everything she said, he was satisfied.
“It's okay, Alex, I don't know if I would have been fair in your situation either.” If only she knew what his situation really was. ”As I said, I'm very sorry that your relationship fell apart, but then she probably just wasn't the right one for you. From what I know of you, you are a very empathetic, sensitive and kind person and you definitely deserve someone who loves you for who you are. I really hope that you can find that person one day, since it was obviously not Lisa.”
Why did she say that in such a strange way? And why did she consistently use the gender-neutral formulation? For a brief moment, Alex had the feeling that everyone was now conspiring against him. No, he thought, it's nothing more than a coincidence.
“If you want to talk about it...” Emma followed up. For a brief moment, Alex was overcome with the desire to tell her the truth – the whole truth. His web of lies and half-truths would collapse and he could feel free again. It would be easy and it would be a relief, but he wasn't ready yet. He could almost admit to himself that he had been lying to himself all these years, but he wanted to cling to his last hopes for a while, especially in front of others.
That meant that if he talked to Emma now, he would have to lie, and he didn't want to do that again. So it was best to go back to bed, wallow in self-pity and just not say anything at all.
“Thanks, but not right now, I don't think so... Have fun with whatever it is you were doing here that I definitely don't want to know about, I'm going back to bed,” he said, giving Emma a brief nod as she looked at him with a frown, then turning around and making his way back to his room.
The drama had begun when he had visited Lisa the night before. According to drama theory, exposition and the moment of rising tension (but not the actual words) had already passed, the action was heading straight for the climax, and the final catastrophe was only a matter of time. If his private life were a theater performance and Alex were just a spectator, he would almost certainly have been thrilled.
The two had been together for two months, but apart from a bit of kissing and fumbling, not much had happened between them yet. Lisa wanted to, but Alex had always held her back. He just didn't feel ready for it yet, at least that's what he kept telling himself.
But it was clear that Lisa would have to get her way eventually, because even before that, she had repeatedly teased Alex about it, saying that he must be a total wimp if he had rejected her again. If it went on like this, she would have to find herself a real man at some point, she joked.
Alex didn't think it was funny and he didn't laugh either, but Lisa just said that he obviously had no sense of humor – no wonder if he could never laugh at the Till Schweiger movies that he sometimes had to watch with Lisa out of obligation.
Last night was different, though, as Alex realized as soon as he arrived in the hallway of Lisa's apartment. Lisa lived alone in the not-so-tiny apartment, which was understandably rather unusual for a first-semester student without a side job. Wealthy parents was the keyword.
They had a delicious dinner (Lisa was an excellent cook, definitely one of the biggest advantages of their relationship, Alex thought) and had a drink or two – nothing new in itself. But throughout the evening, Lisa had made some very suggestive remarks that increasingly unsettled Alex.
When the plates were finally empty, Lisa came over to him, hugged him and sat on Alex's lap. After a few passionate kisses on her part, which Alex returned slightly shocked, she whispered suggestively in his ear, “I want to sleep with you. Now!”
Alex was nervous and a little afraid. And he wasn't aroused by any stretch of the imagination – it was all just happening way too fast for him. Lisa seemed to be different, she seemed really wild about him and couldn't wait any longer. Alex let her lead him to the bedroom via a few intermediate stops, doing his best. Until then, he still had hope that he could change the inevitable outcome of the story.
Even hours later, Alex still saw the scene that followed over and over again in his mind's eye. His top had been lost in the heat of the moment; he found it later in the hallway when he was leaving the apartment, fleeing from Lisa's anger. Lisa herself was standing topless in front of him, which for almost any other boy his age would have been the best moment of the year. Alex had never been able to do anything with breasts, at least he had been able to admit that – he didn't understand why his old classmates had always made such a big deal about it. Nevertheless, he had always tried hard not to let it show.
Alex was finally betrayed by his own best friend when Lisa set about removing his trousers to get at her object of desire. The result was sobering and did not change even when Lisa finally pulled his underpants down in disbelief. His penis was about as limp as it would be if he had just taken a cold shower or was at a senior yoga class in the locker room. In retrospect, he gave Lisa credit for not saying a word and just staring at him – in her gaze, he could see a mixture of anger and “I knew it after all”.
What followed, however, was not so nice. The disappointment slowly disappeared from Lisa's face and turned into an almost diabolical grin.
“I think you'd better go now, little fagot,” she said before he finally managed to find his scattered clothes and leave the apartment with as much dignity as possible.
too late to sleep, too soon to rise
You're short of breath, is it a heart attack?
Hot and feverish you face the fact
you're in love and it feels like shame
because she's gone and made a fool of you in public again
You're in love and it feels like pain
because you know there's too much truth in everything she claims
So ask yourself now
Can you forgive her
if she wants you to?
Ask yourself
Can you even deliver
what she demands of you?
You drift into the strangest dreams
of youthful follies and changing teams
Admit you're wrong, oh, no, not yet
Then you wake up and remember that you can't forget
she's made you some kind of laughing stock
because you dance to disco and you don't like rock
She made fun of you and even in bed
said she was gonna go and get herself a real man instead
So ask yourself now
Can you forgive her
if she begs you to?
Ask yourself
Can you even deliver
what she demands of you?
Or do you want revenge?
But that's childish, so childish
Remember when you were more easily led
behind the cricket pavilion and the bicycle shed
Trembling as your dreams came true
you looked right into those blue eyes and knew
it was love and now you can't pretend
you've forgotten all the promises of that first friend
It's bad enough she knows how you feel
but she's not prepared to share you with a memory
So ask yourself now
Can you forgive her
if she begs you to?
Ask yourself
Can you even deliver
what she demands of you?
Ask yourself now
Can you forgive her
if she begs you to?
And ask yourself
Can you even deliver
what she demands of you?
Or do you want revenge?
But that's childish, so childish”
(Pet Shop Boys – Can you forgive her?*)
The bedroom was dark, only a little light from the streetlamps came in through the slits in the blinds, spreading in small stripes on the wall. The radio alarm clock, which was next to the bed on the bedside table, showed the time in bright green letters. Three o'clock twelve. Alex sighed as he read the display and turned on his back. He had been lying awake in bed for four hours now, trying to fall asleep for four hours, but the thoughts that were buzzing through his mind kept him from it.
Alex, whose real name was Alexander, had turned 19 a few weeks ago. He had recently started studying architecture in Munich and had moved out of his parents' house, which was in a small village in the Allgäu region. Of course, he couldn't afford his own apartment, so he had found a place to share with three other people. He had got on very well with them from the start, which was one of the reasons why he was actually enjoying his new life here.
And yet Alex was now lying here in the dark and couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard he tried. He was desperate. Not because he had a lecture tomorrow morning, which he could skip, but because of the matter with Lisa. It had all started so well...
Alex had met Lisa at university. There had been something between them from the start, there was a certain tension in the air. He liked Lisa and he thought she was quite good-looking. And she seemed to feel the same way, at least that's what his roommate Leon thought.
“Dude, she's into you.” he made it clear to Alex at some point when the whole clique, including Lisa, was out and about in one of the city's clubs one Friday evening and Leon had to watch the whole evening as Alex and Lisa cautiously circled each other, but neither dared to take it a step further.
After this announcement and another drink, Alex became more courageous. Well, at the end of the evening, the two of them were no longer responsive to the others and were more concerned with themselves, to the delight and simultaneous displeasure of Leon, who seemed very annoyed that his buddy had now found a girlfriend, unlike him.
Lisa was Alex's first girlfriend. During his school days, on the one hand, he had never been particularly interested in girls, but on the other hand, he was still quite shy. Both characteristics combined led to the fact that at some point he had to watch as almost all the guys in his circle of friends had one girlfriend after another, while he was left alone every time. At first, he hadn't even minded – what could he possibly do with a girlfriend, it was just work and all that. But when he was 16, Christian, one of his classmates at the time and a real ladies' man, had told the whole class that Alex must be gay, otherwise there was no way to explain his lack of interest in girls.
In a way, that day changed Alex's life. Before, he didn't care what others thought of him, but he couldn't let Christian's claim stand. Him, gay? Ridiculous. It was always the others who were gay, but he certainly had nothing to do with people like that. He liked playing soccer, hated shopping and the color pink, and had mostly boys, not girls, in his circle of friends.
Well, he did feel a little caught out, after all, he hadn't really been interested in girls until then, and when he did, he would look at boys without realizing it. But he only did that because he admired them, because they were role models for him, because he wanted to be like them. And as for girls, he was probably just a late bloomer, it would come, for sure.
Actually, Alex had never really cared much about how other people lived their lives. He had nothing against gays, and he didn't care about what they did with each other. Since Christian had ridiculed him in front of the whole team, however, he had to regain his reputation. Or build it up from scratch, because he had never been considered a gifted heterosexual. That's why he made sure to make it clear whenever homosexuality was mentioned that he personally would never want to do anything like that. And he made sure to deliberately look at girls, which worked quite well. It worked.
He still hadn't found a girlfriend in the rest of his school days, but he didn't need to. His occasional critical comments about gays, his fantasies about what he would like to do with different girls, which he talked about with his friends – all this led to Christian's claims soon being forgotten.
Only Alex himself had never been able to suppress them.
He was all the more satisfied when he had found Lisa. He liked her, she was funny, nice, and good-looking. And anyone who had a girlfriend couldn't possibly be gay. Of course, Alex didn't just have the relationship for that reason; after all, he liked spending time with Lisa. But it was definitely a plus.
Well, and now he lay here sleepless in bed, Lisa was gone and everything was heading for disaster. It had been looming since the first days of their relationship, but Alex had been blind to it. Now he knew better.
Sighing, he got up – there was no point anymore, he wouldn't fall asleep anyway. He put on his pajamas and shuffled into the kitchen to get something to drink. Since it was the middle of the night, Alex didn't expect to run into one of his roommates, and so he was all the more shocked when he suddenly met Emma in the kitchen.
Emma was one of the two girls who lived here with Alex and Leon, and he got along really well with her. He liked Leon, and of course the two of them stuck together as a faction of the boys, but Alex secretly got along even better with Emma. Both had similar views and a similar sense of humor, and you could talk to Emma about anything. No matter what it was about, she had always been empathetic and understanding, and Alex had had to seek out a word or two of advice from her during his relationship with Lisa.
“What are you doing here?” she whispered in surprise when he entered the room looking rumpled and tired. “You look like crap!” she added. Sometimes she was maybe a bit too honest and direct.
“Thanks, you too.” grumbled Alex. He sat down on one of the chairs around the small kitchen table. “I couldn't sleep, so I might as well get up.” He tried to explain his situation.
“Well, it's a new experience that you can't sleep.“ she winked at him. Why did Emma have to joke at this time of night? He wasn't even lucid enough to get it.
”What are you doing here?” Alex wanted to know now, because slowly he also realized that it was certainly not normal to be standing in the kitchen at half past three in the morning.
“You don't want to know!” Emma just said and then made no effort to explain anything. Hm, that's strange. If he hadn't been so desperate about his own situation, he would have gone out of his way to uncover whatever it was she was trying to hide from him.
“Is it because of Lisa?” Emma asked, hitting Alex harder than he was willing to admit. Last night, their relationship had shattered into about as many pieces as a mirror that had begun to make its final journey towards the floor in slow motion and clearly visible to everyone, and that no one could catch and save. Alex might not have cared if it hadn't been for the fact that so much was at stake. No one could ever find out the real reason why Lisa had broken up with him, otherwise he would have been a laughing stock for the rest of his life. And Alex hadn't worked for years on his reputation to have it snatched away at the first opportunity.
Of course Emma had known for some time that something was going on between him and Lisa, but she didn't know any details and thank God Lisa hadn't blabbed yet either. But Alex was sure that this could well happen in the future, because his ex-girlfriend was obviously very annoyed and unfortunately rather unpredictable. So it was best to take his chance now, while he still had it and while he was still able to fight for his honor.
“Yes, it's about Lisa,” he finally answered, hesitating before saying what he now had to say.
“I broke up with her yesterday. I couldn't do it anymore, we weren't right for each other.” Well, at least the second part wasn't technically a lie. ”She didn't understand and was extremely angry, almost sounded like she wanted revenge. So if she shows up here anytime soon telling some story or other, it's best not to take her too seriously. Just like always, really.”
He tried to make it sound like a joke and laughed briefly, but stopped when he realized that Emma was looking at him questioningly. Obviously, she didn't find the story as funny as he did, but probably for a different reason. Although he felt a bit bad for having lied to a good friend, he knew that he had no other choice. He had to get to Lisa before she blindsided the others with the truth.
“Alex...” Emma seemed to consider her words very carefully before she finally spoke. She seemed worried; obviously she didn't completely buy the story. “First of all, I'm sorry. I've noticed that there's been tension between you two. But isn't this a bit harsh on Lisa?”
Of course she suspected something. Why did Emma always have to be so damn righteous? Normally, that was one of the qualities he particularly liked about her, because she seemed to stand up for just about anyone who was treated unfairly. But did she really have to stab him in the back like this? He couldn't look her in the eye, otherwise she would probably have convicted him immediately.
“Well, maybe you're right. I'm sorry. After all, it's the middle of the night...” he tried to straighten things out again. He was very happy to apologize for his choice of words; he himself realized that it was mean to talk about his ex-girlfriend in this way just a few hours after breaking up. And as long as he discussed the choice of words with her, she hopefully wouldn't get the idea to question the content of his words. As long as Emma remembered that Lisa was only out for revenge and that she shouldn't believe everything she said, he was satisfied.
“It's okay, Alex, I don't know if I would have been fair in your situation either.” If only she knew what his situation really was. ”As I said, I'm very sorry that your relationship fell apart, but then she probably just wasn't the right one for you. From what I know of you, you are a very empathetic, sensitive and kind person and you definitely deserve someone who loves you for who you are. I really hope that you can find that person one day, since it was obviously not Lisa.”
Why did she say that in such a strange way? And why did she consistently use the gender-neutral formulation? For a brief moment, Alex had the feeling that everyone was now conspiring against him. No, he thought, it's nothing more than a coincidence.
“If you want to talk about it...” Emma followed up. For a brief moment, Alex was overcome with the desire to tell her the truth – the whole truth. His web of lies and half-truths would collapse and he could feel free again. It would be easy and it would be a relief, but he wasn't ready yet. He could almost admit to himself that he had been lying to himself all these years, but he wanted to cling to his last hopes for a while, especially in front of others.
That meant that if he talked to Emma now, he would have to lie, and he didn't want to do that again. So it was best to go back to bed, wallow in self-pity and just not say anything at all.
“Thanks, but not right now, I don't think so... Have fun with whatever it is you were doing here that I definitely don't want to know about, I'm going back to bed,” he said, giving Emma a brief nod as she looked at him with a frown, then turning around and making his way back to his room.
The drama had begun when he had visited Lisa the night before. According to drama theory, exposition and the moment of rising tension (but not the actual words) had already passed, the action was heading straight for the climax, and the final catastrophe was only a matter of time. If his private life were a theater performance and Alex were just a spectator, he would almost certainly have been thrilled.
The two had been together for two months, but apart from a bit of kissing and fumbling, not much had happened between them yet. Lisa wanted to, but Alex had always held her back. He just didn't feel ready for it yet, at least that's what he kept telling himself.
But it was clear that Lisa would have to get her way eventually, because even before that, she had repeatedly teased Alex about it, saying that he must be a total wimp if he had rejected her again. If it went on like this, she would have to find herself a real man at some point, she joked.
Alex didn't think it was funny and he didn't laugh either, but Lisa just said that he obviously had no sense of humor – no wonder if he could never laugh at the Till Schweiger movies that he sometimes had to watch with Lisa out of obligation.
Last night was different, though, as Alex realized as soon as he arrived in the hallway of Lisa's apartment. Lisa lived alone in the not-so-tiny apartment, which was understandably rather unusual for a first-semester student without a side job. Wealthy parents was the keyword.
They had a delicious dinner (Lisa was an excellent cook, definitely one of the biggest advantages of their relationship, Alex thought) and had a drink or two – nothing new in itself. But throughout the evening, Lisa had made some very suggestive remarks that increasingly unsettled Alex.
When the plates were finally empty, Lisa came over to him, hugged him and sat on Alex's lap. After a few passionate kisses on her part, which Alex returned slightly shocked, she whispered suggestively in his ear, “I want to sleep with you. Now!”
Alex was nervous and a little afraid. And he wasn't aroused by any stretch of the imagination – it was all just happening way too fast for him. Lisa seemed to be different, she seemed really wild about him and couldn't wait any longer. Alex let her lead him to the bedroom via a few intermediate stops, doing his best. Until then, he still had hope that he could change the inevitable outcome of the story.
Even hours later, Alex still saw the scene that followed over and over again in his mind's eye. His top had been lost in the heat of the moment; he found it later in the hallway when he was leaving the apartment, fleeing from Lisa's anger. Lisa herself was standing topless in front of him, which for almost any other boy his age would have been the best moment of the year. Alex had never been able to do anything with breasts, at least he had been able to admit that – he didn't understand why his old classmates had always made such a big deal about it. Nevertheless, he had always tried hard not to let it show.
Alex was finally betrayed by his own best friend when Lisa set about removing his trousers to get at her object of desire. The result was sobering and did not change even when Lisa finally pulled his underpants down in disbelief. His penis was about as limp as it would be if he had just taken a cold shower or was at a senior yoga class in the locker room. In retrospect, he gave Lisa credit for not saying a word and just staring at him – in her gaze, he could see a mixture of anger and “I knew it after all”.
What followed, however, was not so nice. The disappointment slowly disappeared from Lisa's face and turned into an almost diabolical grin.
“I think you'd better go now, little fagot,” she said before he finally managed to find his scattered clothes and leave the apartment with as much dignity as possible.