07-10-2025, 01:13 PM
The Spring of My Life
The lights of the Ferris wheel shine in colorful hues, bathing the surroundings in a warm, almost unreal light. I stand at the foot of the Ferris wheel, waiting for a few friends from the university. Dusk is setting in. I am the first to arrive at the agreed meeting point. Here in Münster, the Send is taking place again, a small folk festival in front of the castle. One by one, Cordula arrives first, followed by Michael. We greet each other and chat about our boring chemistry lab, which we are currently being tortured with at the university. I look at the many different people around us. The cold March air tickles my nose. Suddenly, I see him. My gaze falls on a boy, about my age. He weaves through the crowds and strolls toward the Ferris wheel, in our direction. Right now, at this very moment, is one of those very rare instances in life where you have to hold your breath for a moment because you see someone you believe you have encountered in your sweetest daydreams. It’s one of those moments when everything around you becomes unimportant, lights and music merge into a swirling, unreal mass. Suddenly, the boy notices my gaze and immediately returns it. I am startled and shyly look away. A balloon vendor is advertising his goods, holding a huge bunch of colorful balloons in his right hand, all wanting to soar high into the sky. They float weightlessly in the wind. But my eyes soon seek their way back to the boy. They have spotted him immediately. He comes closer – and still looks directly into my eyes. My heart races, and I look away shyly again. My gaze falls to the gray cobblestone ground. I see Cordula's shoes, then Michael's. My thoughts revolve around the mysterious boy. Suddenly, a pair of dark sneakers joins our group. My gaze climbs up them, navigating along the legs, over the torso, the arms, and further up: I look into his face, into his eyes. He smiles at me. "This is a friend of mine," Cordula explains, pointing to our newcomer. "We share a workspace in the lab for the internship." "What’s your name?" Michael asks. "My name is Timm," says the newcomer shyly and looks at me again.
Timm has large, sky-blue eyes and dark blonde hair, tousled over his ears. He hides his hands from the cold in his pockets. He wears dark pants, a red sweater, and a dark brown jacket. Along with black sneakers. Around his mouth, a hint of fine, blonde stubble is visible. And something else: I notice that he has a little cocoa mustache at the corners of his mouth. He must have just had a cup of hot chocolate. My heart races. I want to kiss his sweet mouth immediately! I feel something happening to me. I have never seen such a sweet boy in my life. That very evening, I know that I have fallen in love.
By the way, my name is Lars. I grew up in a small, rural village in northern Germany. I am slim, have short blonde hair, and green eyes. Back then at the folk festival, I was 21 years old, shy, and not out. I had just moved to Münster, started my biology studies, and was trying to master my fate far from home. What happened that evening in front of the Ferris wheel would change my life forever. I fell in love with Timm as I had never loved anyone before or since. I could no longer keep this burden, this happiness to myself. So, I decided four weeks later, on a spring day in April, to confide in my best friend Heike.
"Should I really dare? Can I do this?" I asked myself during the drive to her. Heike spent the semester break at home with her parents. The car radio played "In Your Eyes" by Sylver. A song that always made me think of Timm. My heart began to race, and a swarm of butterflies awakened in my stomach. I simply had to take the plunge!
Heike opened the front door. We greeted each other as warmly as always. "Look, I've prepared the fireplace!" she said happily, drawing my gaze to the blazing fire in the hearth. In front of it were two wicker chairs and a table set with steaming tea and cookies. On one hand, it was a very tempting picture. On the other hand, I had something important to tell her. However, here by the fireplace, every word could end up in the curious ears of Heike's parents, who were listening to the monotonous television program in the next room. Nevertheless, we made ourselves comfortable in front of the fireplace. She told me many things that I have since forgotten, as I kept fidgeting nervously in my chair, only thinking about Timm and my upcoming first coming out. Every five minutes, I glanced at my watch. Finally, I took a big sip of tea and said, "Hey, Heike, can we go to your room for a moment?" – "To my room? But it's empty! I've taken all my furniture with me for my studies." – "That's okay." I tried in vain to put a smile on my face. Heike had recognized the strange sound in my voice. Wordlessly, she walked up the stairs to her room. She opened the door. An echo greeted us. The room was icy cold. It was indeed almost empty. Only Heike's emptied wardrobe stood with its doors open against the wall like a dark gate to another world. "Shall we sit down?" I asked, directing my gaze to the green carpet. My voice trembled; I was freezing. Heike and I sat cross-legged on the floor facing each other. "What's wrong?" she asked me. Her large eyes held my gaze. "I have to tell you something!" I stammered. My face changed from what felt like blue to green. "I've fallen in love!" Seconds turned into minutes. "But that's nice!" she replied hesitantly. She was as excited as I was, and also scared. Her face color matched mine. I pinched the fabric of her pant legs with my fingers and slowly traced the lines of her jeans with my index finger. Then I took my phone out of my pocket and opened a text message from Timm. "Look," I said, trembling as I showed her the sender. "It's not a woman. It's a he!"
Did I really just say that? Did I actually say "he"? I had done it! My well-guarded secret had been revealed for the first time! I felt so relieved! My heart was still racing, and I could feel the blood rushing through my veins. But I had done it! Heike said something. Unfortunately, I can no longer remember her words. However, I felt that she was encouraging me. Gradually, I calmed down. I looked at Heike, and she looked at me. After a brief silence, she said, "Now I have to tell you something too." I waited eagerly for her words. "I've been in love with you for two years!"
That evening in April 2002, both Heike and I had our coming out – each in our own way and, admittedly, surprising for the other. But it was good because we stood by our feelings and ourselves and dared to take a step. Even though, in this case, our desire for love would remain unfulfilled for both of us.
However, the evening also left its marks. Out of fear of a similar emotional chaos, I confided in no one for over a year. After that year, everything happened very quickly. The warm summer sun awakened new courage in me. I gradually opened up to my other friends over the course of a few days and weeks. Soon, I met my first boyfriend, with whom I had a long, albeit not always easy, relationship. I used my ended single life as an opportunity to finally confide in my parents and siblings. And what can I say? Coming out was the second-best decision of my life. What the best was is another story.
Now it is the year 2007.
I am now 26 and have had a new boyfriend for a year, with whom I am very happy. I have many good friends and a strong family that supports me.
Heike now lives in the Harz Mountains, struggling through her internship as a high school teacher, and recently broke up with her long-term boyfriend. Our friendship still endures.
And Timm? I experienced an exciting and unforgettable early summer with him. We spent a lot of time together, went to concerts, to the lake, or spent nights on his balcony under the stars. Candles burned around us, Heather Nova sang "I'm on fire" for us, and the red wine dulled our senses. With him, I experienced the most erotic moments of my life, even though we never had sex. After a few months, Timm returned to his hometown of Vienna. We lost contact. He never found out that he was the love of my life.
The lights of the Ferris wheel shine in colorful hues, bathing the surroundings in a warm, almost unreal light. I stand at the foot of the Ferris wheel, waiting for a few friends from the university. Dusk is setting in. I am the first to arrive at the agreed meeting point. Here in Münster, the Send is taking place again, a small folk festival in front of the castle. One by one, Cordula arrives first, followed by Michael. We greet each other and chat about our boring chemistry lab, which we are currently being tortured with at the university. I look at the many different people around us. The cold March air tickles my nose. Suddenly, I see him. My gaze falls on a boy, about my age. He weaves through the crowds and strolls toward the Ferris wheel, in our direction. Right now, at this very moment, is one of those very rare instances in life where you have to hold your breath for a moment because you see someone you believe you have encountered in your sweetest daydreams. It’s one of those moments when everything around you becomes unimportant, lights and music merge into a swirling, unreal mass. Suddenly, the boy notices my gaze and immediately returns it. I am startled and shyly look away. A balloon vendor is advertising his goods, holding a huge bunch of colorful balloons in his right hand, all wanting to soar high into the sky. They float weightlessly in the wind. But my eyes soon seek their way back to the boy. They have spotted him immediately. He comes closer – and still looks directly into my eyes. My heart races, and I look away shyly again. My gaze falls to the gray cobblestone ground. I see Cordula's shoes, then Michael's. My thoughts revolve around the mysterious boy. Suddenly, a pair of dark sneakers joins our group. My gaze climbs up them, navigating along the legs, over the torso, the arms, and further up: I look into his face, into his eyes. He smiles at me. "This is a friend of mine," Cordula explains, pointing to our newcomer. "We share a workspace in the lab for the internship." "What’s your name?" Michael asks. "My name is Timm," says the newcomer shyly and looks at me again.
Timm has large, sky-blue eyes and dark blonde hair, tousled over his ears. He hides his hands from the cold in his pockets. He wears dark pants, a red sweater, and a dark brown jacket. Along with black sneakers. Around his mouth, a hint of fine, blonde stubble is visible. And something else: I notice that he has a little cocoa mustache at the corners of his mouth. He must have just had a cup of hot chocolate. My heart races. I want to kiss his sweet mouth immediately! I feel something happening to me. I have never seen such a sweet boy in my life. That very evening, I know that I have fallen in love.
By the way, my name is Lars. I grew up in a small, rural village in northern Germany. I am slim, have short blonde hair, and green eyes. Back then at the folk festival, I was 21 years old, shy, and not out. I had just moved to Münster, started my biology studies, and was trying to master my fate far from home. What happened that evening in front of the Ferris wheel would change my life forever. I fell in love with Timm as I had never loved anyone before or since. I could no longer keep this burden, this happiness to myself. So, I decided four weeks later, on a spring day in April, to confide in my best friend Heike.
"Should I really dare? Can I do this?" I asked myself during the drive to her. Heike spent the semester break at home with her parents. The car radio played "In Your Eyes" by Sylver. A song that always made me think of Timm. My heart began to race, and a swarm of butterflies awakened in my stomach. I simply had to take the plunge!
Heike opened the front door. We greeted each other as warmly as always. "Look, I've prepared the fireplace!" she said happily, drawing my gaze to the blazing fire in the hearth. In front of it were two wicker chairs and a table set with steaming tea and cookies. On one hand, it was a very tempting picture. On the other hand, I had something important to tell her. However, here by the fireplace, every word could end up in the curious ears of Heike's parents, who were listening to the monotonous television program in the next room. Nevertheless, we made ourselves comfortable in front of the fireplace. She told me many things that I have since forgotten, as I kept fidgeting nervously in my chair, only thinking about Timm and my upcoming first coming out. Every five minutes, I glanced at my watch. Finally, I took a big sip of tea and said, "Hey, Heike, can we go to your room for a moment?" – "To my room? But it's empty! I've taken all my furniture with me for my studies." – "That's okay." I tried in vain to put a smile on my face. Heike had recognized the strange sound in my voice. Wordlessly, she walked up the stairs to her room. She opened the door. An echo greeted us. The room was icy cold. It was indeed almost empty. Only Heike's emptied wardrobe stood with its doors open against the wall like a dark gate to another world. "Shall we sit down?" I asked, directing my gaze to the green carpet. My voice trembled; I was freezing. Heike and I sat cross-legged on the floor facing each other. "What's wrong?" she asked me. Her large eyes held my gaze. "I have to tell you something!" I stammered. My face changed from what felt like blue to green. "I've fallen in love!" Seconds turned into minutes. "But that's nice!" she replied hesitantly. She was as excited as I was, and also scared. Her face color matched mine. I pinched the fabric of her pant legs with my fingers and slowly traced the lines of her jeans with my index finger. Then I took my phone out of my pocket and opened a text message from Timm. "Look," I said, trembling as I showed her the sender. "It's not a woman. It's a he!"
Did I really just say that? Did I actually say "he"? I had done it! My well-guarded secret had been revealed for the first time! I felt so relieved! My heart was still racing, and I could feel the blood rushing through my veins. But I had done it! Heike said something. Unfortunately, I can no longer remember her words. However, I felt that she was encouraging me. Gradually, I calmed down. I looked at Heike, and she looked at me. After a brief silence, she said, "Now I have to tell you something too." I waited eagerly for her words. "I've been in love with you for two years!"
That evening in April 2002, both Heike and I had our coming out – each in our own way and, admittedly, surprising for the other. But it was good because we stood by our feelings and ourselves and dared to take a step. Even though, in this case, our desire for love would remain unfulfilled for both of us.
However, the evening also left its marks. Out of fear of a similar emotional chaos, I confided in no one for over a year. After that year, everything happened very quickly. The warm summer sun awakened new courage in me. I gradually opened up to my other friends over the course of a few days and weeks. Soon, I met my first boyfriend, with whom I had a long, albeit not always easy, relationship. I used my ended single life as an opportunity to finally confide in my parents and siblings. And what can I say? Coming out was the second-best decision of my life. What the best was is another story.
Now it is the year 2007.
I am now 26 and have had a new boyfriend for a year, with whom I am very happy. I have many good friends and a strong family that supports me.
Heike now lives in the Harz Mountains, struggling through her internship as a high school teacher, and recently broke up with her long-term boyfriend. Our friendship still endures.
And Timm? I experienced an exciting and unforgettable early summer with him. We spent a lot of time together, went to concerts, to the lake, or spent nights on his balcony under the stars. Candles burned around us, Heather Nova sang "I'm on fire" for us, and the red wine dulled our senses. With him, I experienced the most erotic moments of my life, even though we never had sex. After a few months, Timm returned to his hometown of Vienna. We lost contact. He never found out that he was the love of my life.