2025-07-10, 02:19 PM
The Price of Friendship
Jan lay in bed and watched Mark, his slender figure under the blanket, the relaxed face in which the softer features of the former child could now be discerned, the pointed nose, the tousled black hair, the delicate, long fingers resting on the pillow.
"Ah, my big one! I could give you so much. I want to give you so much. You deserve it more than anyone else and you are worth it," he thought. "Just a word from you, just a word... but it seems it was not meant to be." Jan sighed and wondered if Mark knew what price he had paid for their friendship and would still pay. "I don't know exactly either," he thought, "but it is very high. Will I be able to pay it? Will I be able to endure paying it or will I fall apart in the process?"
The line "Life is a piece of shit, if you look at it" from "The Life of Brian" came to Jan's mind. He turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He thought back and tried to recall how it all began, and as he pondered, his eyes slowly began to close.
Jan had been excited all afternoon, even though the meeting was only in the evening. "I wonder what the others will be like," he asked himself as he gathered his clothes for the evening. He already knew them all, just as the others knew him, but that evening was supposed to be different. Because this time it wasn't online, where there was only a FlyingDragon or a Serpent; this time it was a live meeting.
Jan enjoyed gaming and chatting, and gradually a circle of "acquaintances" formed with whom he either played online or chatted. One day, someone suggested that they should also meet "live," and thus the event was planned for that evening.
Fortunately or unfortunately for Jan, the chosen venue was not far from his apartment, so he didn't have to hurry, which only increased his nervousness given that time seemed to stand still. Finally, it was time, and he set off.
"Is there a meeting here...?" Jan asked somewhat uncertainly at the coat check when he arrived at the venue. The woman behind the counter smiled and pointed to the stairs: "Yes, they are on the first floor." Upon reaching the top, Jan saw several people walking around or chatting with others. Right at the end of the stairs and in front of the door to a large room stood a small table with self-adhesive labels and several felt-tip pens laid out. Jan took one and scribbled "FlyingDragon" on a label and then stuck it on his shirt.
Soon someone approached him and looked at him, more specifically, at his name tag. Then the stranger smiled and said, "Hi Fly." Jan first glanced at the small white spot on the stranger's T-shirt. It read: "Leech." Jan lifted his gaze and smiled back: "Hi Lee!"
Thus, the first part of the evening passed, first with looking and then recognizing. There was much laughter and discussion. Stories, mishaps, and blunders from the game were shared, real names were exchanged, hopes were confirmed, but some were also disappointed.
"Serpent," whose real name was Mark, had also come. Jan was happy because he had spoken the most with Mark in the game and in chat, and he was curious about him. Mark was the exact opposite of Jan. While Jan was tall at almost 190 cm, athletic with light brown hair and dark brown eyes, Mark was just over 170 cm, had a slender figure that appeared almost fragile. He wore his black hair cut back to 3 mm and had coal-black eyes.
The two chatted well as always, a lot with each other and also with others, until "Morgaine" - Nicol - showed up. Nicol was Mark's crush. He had often gushed about her to Jan in chat, and it seemed that the two really got along well. He also told Jan that he had high hopes for the meeting because this would be the first time he and Nicol would meet in real life.
Jan left Mark alone with Nicol and went to the others, as there was still much to discover and discuss. The evening dragged on, and Jan noticed that he hadn't seen Mark for quite a while. He asked some of the others, but it seemed that no one knew where Mark was until someone said they thought Mark had left. Jan was a bit disappointed that Mark hadn't said goodbye to him, but he couldn't change that, so he continued chatting with the others.
Then someone came and said that Mark was sitting outside the venue on the stairs and was quite drunk. When Jan asked around a bit, it turned out that Nicol had probably "dumped" Mark, as she told him she had gotten together with someone else, which led Mark to drink too much too quickly.
When the question arose about what to do with Mark, as he couldn't stay on the stairs like that, Jan said he was a bit tired, and since he lived just around the corner, he would take Mark home with him.
Jan found it easy, with his stature, to help the lighter Mark and carry him, half over his shoulder, into his apartment. Once there, Mark immediately vomited in the foyer, after which Jan carried him to the bathroom and set him down on the toilet. "Cheers and bon appétit! What a mess!" Jan thought angrily and also compassionately as he cleaned the foyer. Then he turned his attention to Mark, who was now half-asleep on the toilet, took off his dirty clothes, washed his face with a towel, and finally brought him to bed.
"I hope he doesn't throw up in my bed too," Jan mused to himself as he went back to the bathroom to clean Mark's things. After he finished and took a shower, he lay down in bed and watched Mark suspiciously for a while. But his fears proved unfounded, as Mark was already blissfully asleep, so he turned to his side, ultimately falling asleep himself, while still thinking that Mark was actually a really handsome boy.
Thus began a casual friendship between the two. Afterwards, they met more often, sometimes with others from the group to play soccer or just the two of them to go to the movies. It also became customary for Jan to greet the boy who was a head shorter than him with "Hi Big Guy!" and for Mark to respond with "Hey there, Little Guy!?" Jan was quite sure that Mark liked being greeted that way, because with others who tried it, he quickly made it clear that his name was Mark and that he should be called that. Over time, the group began to fall apart, and so they only met as a duo. When Mark moved and no longer had internet in his new apartment, Jan completely lost contact with him. He regretted the break, as he had come to like Mark quite a bit in the meantime, but he was still uncertain about his feelings for him, and even though he missed Mark and often thought of him, he did nothing to find him.
This would have remained the case until one evening, about half a year later, an unknown name appeared in Jan's ICQ with a message. "Hello Little Guy!" was the short message. Jan replied with a suddenly pounding heart: "Hi Big Guy!" "Hey there?" came the next message with a big smiley behind it. "Mark??? Is that really you!?!?" Jan asked back. "Who did you expect, old man???" came the immediate response, this time with several smileys.
Mark, after he was able to get internet access again, had found Jan. He told Jan that he had been trying to reach him for a few weeks, but he couldn't remember exactly what name Jan was registered under in ICQ, so he tried similar names, but only when they were online.
"Your mobile didn't work," Jan wrote to him, as he had initially tried to reach Mark a few times under his number. "I lost it during the move and with it all the numbers I had, including yours. But your number isn't listed in the phone book?!" came the next message along with Mark's new number. "Yeah, I also moved four months ago and gave up my landline," Jan replied.
The casual friendship between the two now blossomed into a real one. They met much more often than before, either going to the movies or hanging out at Jan's or Mark's, discussing everything under the sun, going skating or biking. They also discovered that the differences between them extended beyond the surface.
Mark was more of a daredevil, but Jan noticed that this was only the surface of him and that he could also be serious and thoughtful. Jan realized that Mark was very intelligent, but he didn't like his cynical attitude toward himself and the world, and he wondered what could make the other boy so bitter. He also thought that Mark should make more of himself and occasionally told him so, but most of the time he only received cynical remarks, which Mark always directed at himself.
Mark was also much more volatile than Jan; he carried his moods like clothes and changed them just as often and quickly. Sometimes he was exuberantly enthusiastic, only to show up the next day in deep despondency, and sometimes it was exactly the opposite. There seemed to be no middle ground for him. He also told Jan about his "conquests," and when things went well, he was funny, cheeky, and lively, the best buddy and friend. But when "love" didn't work out, which was almost always the case after a few weeks, he was filled with self-hatred, and it was difficult to reach him. After a while, Jan also stopped trying to remember the names of his girlfriends, because before he could remember one name, there was already a new girl with a new name.
There were also other things about Mark that puzzled Jan. When the two of them were fooling around and testing their strength against each other during a scuffle, it occasionally got a bit wilder, and Jan noticed during these moments that something was changing in Mark. The smaller boy suddenly fought more seriously, and Jan recognized a desperation in him, which first frightened him and then left him bewildered. Although he was stronger than Mark, he backed off and said, "It's a draw," to which Mark usually replied, "I told you I'm stronger than I look and that you shouldn't underestimate me." "Yes, you did," Jan replied and tickled him to distract both of them. Despite everything, he really liked Mark's cheeky nature and the relaxed moments with him.
Mark, on his part, found the couple of years older Jan somehow fascinating. He seemed almost like a rock in the surf to him. He was calm, balanced, always cheerful and optimistic. Mark knew that nothing was given to Jan in life and that he had to work hard for everything he had achieved, and even though he was only vaguely aware of it himself, he admired him for it. He also realized that he himself was quite moody, and the more he appreciated Jan's calm demeanor and that he always listened to him, accepted his moods with composure, and could always cheer him up. He found it pleasant that he could talk to Jan about anything, and that he could not only tell him about his romantic escapades and problems but also bombard him with all sorts of questions, and that the older boy always had an answer. When he once told Jan, "You are one of the smartest people I know," Jan laughed heartily and said to him, "You just need to look in the mirror more often, big guy." He also liked that Jan went along with many of his crazy ideas and that he could not only talk to him but also have a lot of fun together.
There was only one thing that worried Mark about Jan, and that was Jan's eyes. He always had the feeling that Jan's soft chestnut-brown eyes saw and perceived much more in the world than he admitted. When he looked into Jan's eyes, he felt that Jan was not just looking at him but truly seeing him. He had experienced twice what these eyes could do—once with himself and once after a movie outing together.
On the day Mark experienced the power of those eyes on himself, he had an appointment with Jan. It was a day when the whole world annoys you, and he arrived at Jan's place quite charged and in a bad mood. "Ugh, what crap!" he exclaimed instead of a greeting, and when he saw Jan's questioning expression, he added, "Don't ask me!" And Jan didn't ask, which irritated Mark even more, so he added, "Fuck!" When Jan still said nothing after the third repetition, Mark burst out, "Say something already!" "Sit down," Jan said, grinning at him. Mark was so surprised that he silently sat down in the armchair behind him. Jan brought him a large glass of cola and sat down across from him in his office chair. "Tell me! What's wrong?" he then prompted with a smile. Mark, who quickly recovered from his surprise, replied defiantly, "Well, what do you think? Nothing! Everything is crap!" "Everything? I've heard that before, so please tell me what isn't everything," Jan said. "Life, the world, just everything is messed up! Just crap!" Mark continued to protest.
Jan sighed deeply and said in a serious tone that Mark had never heard from him before, "Alright, Mark, as you wish. I think it's overdue." "What's overdue?" Mark interjected, now a bit unsure and thrown off the course of his sulking. "Mark, listen to me and look at me, please!" Jan said then. And there they were, those eyes. Mark would never forget those eyes. These eyes in which he saw friendship, genuine affection, understanding, but also compassion and help. These soft brown eyes now observed him with full intensity, looked at him, and he suddenly knew that they were penetrating him like X-rays, that he could no longer escape, that he could hide nothing anymore. These eyes saw him and perceived him, just as he was and what he was.
"I'll tell you what your problem is!" Jan said. And he said it, all the bad traits, all the flaws and moods that Mark never wanted to admit to himself. Jan told him all of that. Mark tried to resist; he tried to shake off these truths as if they didn't belong to him, as if they concerned someone else, as if Jan was talking about a stranger. But he could not resist, for there was nothing he could have resisted against. He only saw Jan's eyes, and the warm glow in those eyes was like a friendly light in a cold, dark night. He wanted to reach that light, which promised him safety, warmth, and redemption.
But Jan was not finished yet: "Your biggest problem is that you don't know who you are and what you're worth," he said, and he listed all of Mark's good qualities, telling Mark how he saw him, how he viewed their friendship, and how much it meant to him. He told Mark what he was worth, that his life was worth living. He shared with Mark about his own life and showed him that life, despite all adversities, was something special, something great that one could and should enjoy. His words were like balm for Mark's wounded soul, and when he found the warmth and support he needed in Jan's eyes, his tears could no longer be held back.
With the tears, Mark also found his voice again and began to speak. He poured out many things from his soul, and Jan listened attentively. Time passed, and it became an evening for Mark that he would remember for a long time. But he didn't tell Jan everything, and he knew Jan had noticed this, yet he was genuinely grateful that Jan hadn't pressed further.
The second time Mark was confronted with Jan's eyes happened after a movie night together, and Mark was glad that he was not the target of those eyes that evening. The two were on their way from the cinema to Jan's apartment when Jan suddenly stopped in front of a shop window, while Mark walked ahead and turned into the small side street where Jan's building was located. After a few steps, Mark was approached by two boys coming towards him, or rather, they were hitting on him. After a brief exchange of words, during which Mark made little effort to avoid conflict and clarified the intentions of the two boys, he was already mentally preparing for a rather unpleasant encounter.
But instead of coming towards him as he expected, the two boys suddenly stepped back and looked at something behind Mark. Before Mark could turn around to see for himself, he already heard a voice behind him: "Is there a problem here?" It was Jan's voice, but not in the way Mark knew it. This voice sent chills down his spine, for it was cutting and cold. "Absolutely icy," Mark thought, and when he turned to Jan and their eyes briefly met before Jan's gaze shifted back to the other boys, Mark sharply inhaled and almost took a step back like the other two, for all his instincts screamed "Danger!" at him with that look.
Jan's face was hard and had something unyielding about it, and later Mark could have sworn that in Jan's eyes at that moment a storm was brewing, with actual lightning flashing and cold flames flickering. When Jan repeated his question while his gaze remained on the other boys, Mark heard and felt the clear warning in the question. This was not the friendly, good-natured Jan he knew. This was the Jan who stood firmly in life and was used to facing his problems and resolving them. In the eyes of this Jan lay a cold finality that allowed no thoughts of contradiction and only said one thing: "Don't even try!"
"Hey, hey! We were just chatting!" Mark heard behind him, and when he turned around again, he saw one of the boys raising his hands in a placating manner. Jan said nothing, but his look was enough, and the two boys moved on, crossing to the other side of the street. After a moment of silence, Mark said, "Uhhhh, you scared me!" but when he received only a "Don't do that!" in response from Jan, he was wise enough not to ask what exactly he meant, for he did not want to provoke this Jan. Mark didn't know what was going through Jan's mind, but he caught him several times that evening looking at him, and when he realized that he had been noticed, he quickly looked away. Mark said nothing, but he wouldn't have been himself if he hadn't repeatedly tested Jan's boundaries.
Jan lay in bed and watched Mark, his slender figure under the blanket, the relaxed face in which the softer features of the former child could now be discerned, the pointed nose, the tousled black hair, the delicate, long fingers resting on the pillow.
"Ah, my big one! I could give you so much. I want to give you so much. You deserve it more than anyone else and you are worth it," he thought. "Just a word from you, just a word... but it seems it was not meant to be." Jan sighed and wondered if Mark knew what price he had paid for their friendship and would still pay. "I don't know exactly either," he thought, "but it is very high. Will I be able to pay it? Will I be able to endure paying it or will I fall apart in the process?"
The line "Life is a piece of shit, if you look at it" from "The Life of Brian" came to Jan's mind. He turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He thought back and tried to recall how it all began, and as he pondered, his eyes slowly began to close.
Jan had been excited all afternoon, even though the meeting was only in the evening. "I wonder what the others will be like," he asked himself as he gathered his clothes for the evening. He already knew them all, just as the others knew him, but that evening was supposed to be different. Because this time it wasn't online, where there was only a FlyingDragon or a Serpent; this time it was a live meeting.
Jan enjoyed gaming and chatting, and gradually a circle of "acquaintances" formed with whom he either played online or chatted. One day, someone suggested that they should also meet "live," and thus the event was planned for that evening.
Fortunately or unfortunately for Jan, the chosen venue was not far from his apartment, so he didn't have to hurry, which only increased his nervousness given that time seemed to stand still. Finally, it was time, and he set off.
"Is there a meeting here...?" Jan asked somewhat uncertainly at the coat check when he arrived at the venue. The woman behind the counter smiled and pointed to the stairs: "Yes, they are on the first floor." Upon reaching the top, Jan saw several people walking around or chatting with others. Right at the end of the stairs and in front of the door to a large room stood a small table with self-adhesive labels and several felt-tip pens laid out. Jan took one and scribbled "FlyingDragon" on a label and then stuck it on his shirt.
Soon someone approached him and looked at him, more specifically, at his name tag. Then the stranger smiled and said, "Hi Fly." Jan first glanced at the small white spot on the stranger's T-shirt. It read: "Leech." Jan lifted his gaze and smiled back: "Hi Lee!"
Thus, the first part of the evening passed, first with looking and then recognizing. There was much laughter and discussion. Stories, mishaps, and blunders from the game were shared, real names were exchanged, hopes were confirmed, but some were also disappointed.
"Serpent," whose real name was Mark, had also come. Jan was happy because he had spoken the most with Mark in the game and in chat, and he was curious about him. Mark was the exact opposite of Jan. While Jan was tall at almost 190 cm, athletic with light brown hair and dark brown eyes, Mark was just over 170 cm, had a slender figure that appeared almost fragile. He wore his black hair cut back to 3 mm and had coal-black eyes.
The two chatted well as always, a lot with each other and also with others, until "Morgaine" - Nicol - showed up. Nicol was Mark's crush. He had often gushed about her to Jan in chat, and it seemed that the two really got along well. He also told Jan that he had high hopes for the meeting because this would be the first time he and Nicol would meet in real life.
Jan left Mark alone with Nicol and went to the others, as there was still much to discover and discuss. The evening dragged on, and Jan noticed that he hadn't seen Mark for quite a while. He asked some of the others, but it seemed that no one knew where Mark was until someone said they thought Mark had left. Jan was a bit disappointed that Mark hadn't said goodbye to him, but he couldn't change that, so he continued chatting with the others.
Then someone came and said that Mark was sitting outside the venue on the stairs and was quite drunk. When Jan asked around a bit, it turned out that Nicol had probably "dumped" Mark, as she told him she had gotten together with someone else, which led Mark to drink too much too quickly.
When the question arose about what to do with Mark, as he couldn't stay on the stairs like that, Jan said he was a bit tired, and since he lived just around the corner, he would take Mark home with him.
Jan found it easy, with his stature, to help the lighter Mark and carry him, half over his shoulder, into his apartment. Once there, Mark immediately vomited in the foyer, after which Jan carried him to the bathroom and set him down on the toilet. "Cheers and bon appétit! What a mess!" Jan thought angrily and also compassionately as he cleaned the foyer. Then he turned his attention to Mark, who was now half-asleep on the toilet, took off his dirty clothes, washed his face with a towel, and finally brought him to bed.
"I hope he doesn't throw up in my bed too," Jan mused to himself as he went back to the bathroom to clean Mark's things. After he finished and took a shower, he lay down in bed and watched Mark suspiciously for a while. But his fears proved unfounded, as Mark was already blissfully asleep, so he turned to his side, ultimately falling asleep himself, while still thinking that Mark was actually a really handsome boy.
Thus began a casual friendship between the two. Afterwards, they met more often, sometimes with others from the group to play soccer or just the two of them to go to the movies. It also became customary for Jan to greet the boy who was a head shorter than him with "Hi Big Guy!" and for Mark to respond with "Hey there, Little Guy!?" Jan was quite sure that Mark liked being greeted that way, because with others who tried it, he quickly made it clear that his name was Mark and that he should be called that. Over time, the group began to fall apart, and so they only met as a duo. When Mark moved and no longer had internet in his new apartment, Jan completely lost contact with him. He regretted the break, as he had come to like Mark quite a bit in the meantime, but he was still uncertain about his feelings for him, and even though he missed Mark and often thought of him, he did nothing to find him.
This would have remained the case until one evening, about half a year later, an unknown name appeared in Jan's ICQ with a message. "Hello Little Guy!" was the short message. Jan replied with a suddenly pounding heart: "Hi Big Guy!" "Hey there?" came the next message with a big smiley behind it. "Mark??? Is that really you!?!?" Jan asked back. "Who did you expect, old man???" came the immediate response, this time with several smileys.
Mark, after he was able to get internet access again, had found Jan. He told Jan that he had been trying to reach him for a few weeks, but he couldn't remember exactly what name Jan was registered under in ICQ, so he tried similar names, but only when they were online.
"Your mobile didn't work," Jan wrote to him, as he had initially tried to reach Mark a few times under his number. "I lost it during the move and with it all the numbers I had, including yours. But your number isn't listed in the phone book?!" came the next message along with Mark's new number. "Yeah, I also moved four months ago and gave up my landline," Jan replied.
The casual friendship between the two now blossomed into a real one. They met much more often than before, either going to the movies or hanging out at Jan's or Mark's, discussing everything under the sun, going skating or biking. They also discovered that the differences between them extended beyond the surface.
Mark was more of a daredevil, but Jan noticed that this was only the surface of him and that he could also be serious and thoughtful. Jan realized that Mark was very intelligent, but he didn't like his cynical attitude toward himself and the world, and he wondered what could make the other boy so bitter. He also thought that Mark should make more of himself and occasionally told him so, but most of the time he only received cynical remarks, which Mark always directed at himself.
Mark was also much more volatile than Jan; he carried his moods like clothes and changed them just as often and quickly. Sometimes he was exuberantly enthusiastic, only to show up the next day in deep despondency, and sometimes it was exactly the opposite. There seemed to be no middle ground for him. He also told Jan about his "conquests," and when things went well, he was funny, cheeky, and lively, the best buddy and friend. But when "love" didn't work out, which was almost always the case after a few weeks, he was filled with self-hatred, and it was difficult to reach him. After a while, Jan also stopped trying to remember the names of his girlfriends, because before he could remember one name, there was already a new girl with a new name.
There were also other things about Mark that puzzled Jan. When the two of them were fooling around and testing their strength against each other during a scuffle, it occasionally got a bit wilder, and Jan noticed during these moments that something was changing in Mark. The smaller boy suddenly fought more seriously, and Jan recognized a desperation in him, which first frightened him and then left him bewildered. Although he was stronger than Mark, he backed off and said, "It's a draw," to which Mark usually replied, "I told you I'm stronger than I look and that you shouldn't underestimate me." "Yes, you did," Jan replied and tickled him to distract both of them. Despite everything, he really liked Mark's cheeky nature and the relaxed moments with him.
Mark, on his part, found the couple of years older Jan somehow fascinating. He seemed almost like a rock in the surf to him. He was calm, balanced, always cheerful and optimistic. Mark knew that nothing was given to Jan in life and that he had to work hard for everything he had achieved, and even though he was only vaguely aware of it himself, he admired him for it. He also realized that he himself was quite moody, and the more he appreciated Jan's calm demeanor and that he always listened to him, accepted his moods with composure, and could always cheer him up. He found it pleasant that he could talk to Jan about anything, and that he could not only tell him about his romantic escapades and problems but also bombard him with all sorts of questions, and that the older boy always had an answer. When he once told Jan, "You are one of the smartest people I know," Jan laughed heartily and said to him, "You just need to look in the mirror more often, big guy." He also liked that Jan went along with many of his crazy ideas and that he could not only talk to him but also have a lot of fun together.
There was only one thing that worried Mark about Jan, and that was Jan's eyes. He always had the feeling that Jan's soft chestnut-brown eyes saw and perceived much more in the world than he admitted. When he looked into Jan's eyes, he felt that Jan was not just looking at him but truly seeing him. He had experienced twice what these eyes could do—once with himself and once after a movie outing together.
On the day Mark experienced the power of those eyes on himself, he had an appointment with Jan. It was a day when the whole world annoys you, and he arrived at Jan's place quite charged and in a bad mood. "Ugh, what crap!" he exclaimed instead of a greeting, and when he saw Jan's questioning expression, he added, "Don't ask me!" And Jan didn't ask, which irritated Mark even more, so he added, "Fuck!" When Jan still said nothing after the third repetition, Mark burst out, "Say something already!" "Sit down," Jan said, grinning at him. Mark was so surprised that he silently sat down in the armchair behind him. Jan brought him a large glass of cola and sat down across from him in his office chair. "Tell me! What's wrong?" he then prompted with a smile. Mark, who quickly recovered from his surprise, replied defiantly, "Well, what do you think? Nothing! Everything is crap!" "Everything? I've heard that before, so please tell me what isn't everything," Jan said. "Life, the world, just everything is messed up! Just crap!" Mark continued to protest.
Jan sighed deeply and said in a serious tone that Mark had never heard from him before, "Alright, Mark, as you wish. I think it's overdue." "What's overdue?" Mark interjected, now a bit unsure and thrown off the course of his sulking. "Mark, listen to me and look at me, please!" Jan said then. And there they were, those eyes. Mark would never forget those eyes. These eyes in which he saw friendship, genuine affection, understanding, but also compassion and help. These soft brown eyes now observed him with full intensity, looked at him, and he suddenly knew that they were penetrating him like X-rays, that he could no longer escape, that he could hide nothing anymore. These eyes saw him and perceived him, just as he was and what he was.
"I'll tell you what your problem is!" Jan said. And he said it, all the bad traits, all the flaws and moods that Mark never wanted to admit to himself. Jan told him all of that. Mark tried to resist; he tried to shake off these truths as if they didn't belong to him, as if they concerned someone else, as if Jan was talking about a stranger. But he could not resist, for there was nothing he could have resisted against. He only saw Jan's eyes, and the warm glow in those eyes was like a friendly light in a cold, dark night. He wanted to reach that light, which promised him safety, warmth, and redemption.
But Jan was not finished yet: "Your biggest problem is that you don't know who you are and what you're worth," he said, and he listed all of Mark's good qualities, telling Mark how he saw him, how he viewed their friendship, and how much it meant to him. He told Mark what he was worth, that his life was worth living. He shared with Mark about his own life and showed him that life, despite all adversities, was something special, something great that one could and should enjoy. His words were like balm for Mark's wounded soul, and when he found the warmth and support he needed in Jan's eyes, his tears could no longer be held back.
With the tears, Mark also found his voice again and began to speak. He poured out many things from his soul, and Jan listened attentively. Time passed, and it became an evening for Mark that he would remember for a long time. But he didn't tell Jan everything, and he knew Jan had noticed this, yet he was genuinely grateful that Jan hadn't pressed further.
The second time Mark was confronted with Jan's eyes happened after a movie night together, and Mark was glad that he was not the target of those eyes that evening. The two were on their way from the cinema to Jan's apartment when Jan suddenly stopped in front of a shop window, while Mark walked ahead and turned into the small side street where Jan's building was located. After a few steps, Mark was approached by two boys coming towards him, or rather, they were hitting on him. After a brief exchange of words, during which Mark made little effort to avoid conflict and clarified the intentions of the two boys, he was already mentally preparing for a rather unpleasant encounter.
But instead of coming towards him as he expected, the two boys suddenly stepped back and looked at something behind Mark. Before Mark could turn around to see for himself, he already heard a voice behind him: "Is there a problem here?" It was Jan's voice, but not in the way Mark knew it. This voice sent chills down his spine, for it was cutting and cold. "Absolutely icy," Mark thought, and when he turned to Jan and their eyes briefly met before Jan's gaze shifted back to the other boys, Mark sharply inhaled and almost took a step back like the other two, for all his instincts screamed "Danger!" at him with that look.
Jan's face was hard and had something unyielding about it, and later Mark could have sworn that in Jan's eyes at that moment a storm was brewing, with actual lightning flashing and cold flames flickering. When Jan repeated his question while his gaze remained on the other boys, Mark heard and felt the clear warning in the question. This was not the friendly, good-natured Jan he knew. This was the Jan who stood firmly in life and was used to facing his problems and resolving them. In the eyes of this Jan lay a cold finality that allowed no thoughts of contradiction and only said one thing: "Don't even try!"
"Hey, hey! We were just chatting!" Mark heard behind him, and when he turned around again, he saw one of the boys raising his hands in a placating manner. Jan said nothing, but his look was enough, and the two boys moved on, crossing to the other side of the street. After a moment of silence, Mark said, "Uhhhh, you scared me!" but when he received only a "Don't do that!" in response from Jan, he was wise enough not to ask what exactly he meant, for he did not want to provoke this Jan. Mark didn't know what was going through Jan's mind, but he caught him several times that evening looking at him, and when he realized that he had been noticed, he quickly looked away. Mark said nothing, but he wouldn't have been himself if he hadn't repeatedly tested Jan's boundaries.