07-10-2025, 02:44 PM
Oh, how beautiful it was to fly so easily through the air. Fabian could literally feel the warm wind gliding through his toes and hands, which he had stretched out straight and still in front of him. His curls blew in the wind and it felt as if he could feel this warm wind inside him as well – he felt almost as light as a feather as he sailed over green hills. Below, a few lambs were romping around – from this height they looked like little cotton balls chasing each other, but if Fabian concentrated hard, he could even hear them bleating. He flew on – over small villages where happy children were playing, over forests as dark green as the eyes of his favorite doll. To his right, an ocean of seemingly endless proportions now opened up, when suddenly a seagull sought his company and looked at him curiously. Fabian had never really liked it when someone stared at him like that. So he decided to turn to the left to avoid this cheeky seagull.
“Stay here! You'll like it here with us,” he heard her call. ‘No one will hurt you here!”
“I'm afraid I can't,’ gasped Fabian, who found it difficult to speak at such a great height, ”as beautiful as it is here, I don't belong here. Maybe another time.” He had barely finished speaking the sentence when he was suddenly pulled downwards, as if he was in the grip of a firm hand. He rushed towards the ground and the forest, which had previously been dark and beautiful, now seemed dark and threatening and, to make matters worse, was coming closer and closer.
Slowly, very slowly, Fabian opened his eyes. Why did his dreams always have to end like this, how he would have liked to have flown even further. He rubbed his eyes and peered wearily from under his blanket. It wouldn't be long before his mother came to wake him up. Unfortunately, the weekend had passed far too quickly again – how nice it was to be back with his grandparents in the country. The city, the daily grind – and especially school were always so far away on days off. Fabian hated school – not in the way that many students like to say, no, he really hated it.
“Good morning, my darling, did you sleep well?” His mother had come into the room unnoticed and, like every morning, gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead.
“Morning, Mom!” Fabian replied, followed by a hearty, exaggerated yawn. It was the same ritual as every day, and every time, his mother had to laugh heartily about it. All he wanted was to make her happy, not to cause her any grief.
While he slowly stumbled out of bed, his mother fumbled around in his closet to lay out his clothes. As always, Fabian grumbled about it – after all, he was no longer a small child. On the other hand, he liked the fact that she took care of him.
Fabian was always in a hurry after his shower – he gulped down his breakfast in record time, said goodbye to his mother and father – who had also gotten up by now – and ran with his fully packed school bag towards the bus station, which was not far from his parents' house. Not that he was in a hurry to get to school – as I said, he hated school – but every time he hoped to catch an earlier bus so as not to run into them. Them – the other boys in his class.
Unfortunately, he was unlucky that morning – he was at the bus stop early enough, but apparently a bus had been canceled. It seemed like an eternity before the school bus finally arrived. His heart was pounding – hopefully at least his friend Silvie was on the bus, who always sat in the first row and kept a seat for him. Then at least he wouldn't have to fight his way all the way to the back, past all the rows where she sat. Silvie was not only his only friend, he also sat next to her at school. Was that why the boys called him 'girlie boy'? Or was it his blond curls? Fabian didn't know the answer to that question. He liked Silvie very much, but he wasn't in love with her.
Luckily, Silvie was sitting on the bus that morning and had, as always, saved him a seat. His heart was beating at a normal pace again as he took a seat next to her. Alex, Phillip and Can were sitting further back on the bus and didn't seem to have noticed Fabian's arrival at first. They were in the same class and Fabian's worst enemies.
“Good morning, Fabian,” smiled Silvie, in a similar way to his mother. ‘Oh, if only the day could be over already – it's not going to get any better,’ Fabian thought to himself, and he also greeted Silvie in a friendly manner.
Soon they were deep in conversation – about what the weekend had been like, whether he had all his homework and how he was doing. A few times Silvie glared angrily over her shoulder – and from that point on, the first chewing gum balls flew in Fabian's direction.
“I was at grandma and grandpa's. It was really great, imagine how big their new dog is again,” Fabian said. Unfortunately, the ‘old’ dog had died last year, which made Fabian very sad. ”I'd love to...”
Fabian fell silent. A piece of chewing gum had hit him full in the head. While Silvie swore at the back, he tried to ignore this attack. “How do they always have so much chewing gum?” He thought, and it was hard for him to hold back the tears.
“You fag!” He heard someone shouting loudly behind him. It was definitely Can – he always called him that.
“Have a good cry, you sissy. You're not wearing your skirt today!” That was Alex. How could he possibly know? Fabian had known Silvie for a very long time and they had liked playing together even in kindergarten. She was often a guest at Fabian's house – and they had often swapped clothes out of curiosity. Fabian always found it very pleasant, but also just a game. But Alex couldn't know that.
Five minutes later, the bus had finally arrived at the school. “OK. I'll see you in class then!” he said to Silvie before running towards the school building. It was always worst during the breaks and the time before the start of classes. So he tried to be at school before everyone else – even if he wasn't really in the school. Right before Fabian's class was the school garden, which also had an old garden shed. Of course it was locked, but some time ago he had discovered a loose board through which he could easily slip – after all, he was very slim. Once inside, he always huddled behind the large spades and rakes and sat very still. If he was particularly early, he enjoyed the silence, the smell of the wood or the chirping of the birds.
From minute to minute, however, the noise level in the school building next to him increased. He heard the others laughing and shouting. How the boys called each other names for fun. How the girls giggled.
He knew he didn't belong. He didn't like to fight with the other boys, nor did he like to play soccer. During gym class, he preferred to stay with the girls – there were other ball games besides soccer, where he was always chosen last anyway. In general, girls seemed much gentler to him – he felt comfortable among them. But he wasn't a girl either, even if he often imagined what it would be like to be one. Fabian always thought about that – and about many other things – in those last few minutes before the first bell. After that, he had five minutes to hang up his jacket in the cloakroom and rush to class.
Most of the time he actually managed to do this on tiptoe, just to avoid being loud or attracting attention. How he would like to be like the other boys sometimes – loud and wild. And if someone were to be rude to him, he would give them a smack in the face! Just like the others did to him, not because he was rude to them, but simply because he was different. He couldn't help it – even thinking about it seemed like a mistake to him. He just wasn't like the others, he just didn't belong.
To make matters worse, all students had to be in class after the first bell – if you were caught by a teacher, it meant trouble. Fabian was caught once: a teacher snarled at him so fiercely that his legs turned to water and tears welled up in his eyes. He didn't ask why he was late. He didn't really seem to care. The teachers didn't care that he regularly dreaded the breaks. They didn't care what happened every time before and after school.
It didn't interest any of the teachers when one day they grabbed him and dragged him to the toilet.
“Come with me,” a boy from another class said to him kindly. Fabian didn't know the older boy and was curious to know what he wanted. ”I've hidden a little kitten in the toilet. Do you want to see it?” Fabian loved animals. His grandparents not only had a dog, but also two cats, with whom he often played for hours when he stayed with them over the weekend.
So he went with the boy that day, even though he was a little afraid. After all, he knew that animals were not allowed in the school building and that it could get him into a lot of trouble.
Every morning, Fabian remembered that day, the throbbing in his throat, the excitement – and what happened next.
“I hid it in the last cabin,” he heard the boy say, who was just behind him. At that moment, fear overcame him for the first time – something didn't seem right here. The door burst open and another boy came out. Fabian tried to run away, but the older boy behind him was much too strong – he grabbed him by the throat and pushed him into the cubicle with the help of the other boy.
“Be quiet!“ one hissed, holding his mouth shut as Fabian began to whimper.
“I said be quiet!” he hissed again when Fabian didn't calm down.
“Come on, before a teacher comes!“ whispered the other. They grabbed him by the legs, plunged his head into the shell and flushed it. Fabian could hear their ugly laughter much louder than the water.
“Well, did you like the shower, you fag?” one of them laughed in his face when they were done with their evil game.
“Let's see if he really is a girl,“ said the other, and he pulled Fabian's trousers down.
It didn't seem to bother them at all that Fabian was now crying quietly to himself. He tolerated the abuse heaped upon him patiently.
“Look, he's got a willy after all!” one of them exclaimed, amused.
“And what a tiny one. So it's almost a girl after all,” said the other. The noise was slowly getting louder in front of the toilet, which made the two of them nervous.
“You're going to stay here for another five minutes, okay? Otherwise we'll do it again tomorrow and the day after and every other day, got it? And don't you dare say anything to anyone! Or we'll think of something much worse!”
To emphasize this, one of the two punched him in the stomach before they left the toilet. Fabian slumped down – never before in his life had he been so scared. But he did as the boys had ordered him. He pulled up his trousers and stayed seated for another 15 minutes instead of 5, while he cried silently.
It had long since rung for the hour when he held his head under the hair dryer to dry his hair. Then he returned to the class, where he also got in trouble from the teacher.
“Fabian, you know it is forbidden to be late for class after the bell!”
“Excuse me, I was still in the bathroom. I've had a stomach ache since this morning!”
The teacher eyed him suspiciously, and Fabian knew he didn't believe him. “Don't tell me fairy tales,” the teacher said that day. “Were you hiding in the toilet again, eh? Tell me, do you always have to lock yourself out? Do you want to remain an outsider for the rest of your life?”
Fabian stood rooted to the spot while everyone else stared at him. He hated being stared at. His homeroom teacher had even called his parents into school to tell them how worried he was about Fabian. His reason for concern: Fabian would exclude himself – he would refuse to join the group. When his mother later asked him about it, Fabian began to cry. He was far too afraid to tell her what had really happened – and besides, he didn't want to make his mother, whom he loved more than anything, sad.
From that day on, Fabian hardly dared go to the bathroom at school – and he began to wet the bed.
That morning, Fabian was in his seat on time when the bell rang for the first hour. In the first hour they had math – Fabian was extremely gifted and math, in particular, came easily to him. The hour went by quickly, unfortunately, because in the following break Fabian had to go to Can. He had ordered him a few weeks earlier to give him his daily snack.
“What have you got with you today, sweetheart?” he purred girlishly, much to the amusement of his friends.
“I've got a grain roll with cheese – and a packet of cocoa!”
“Yuck. Is that all? Pure girl food! Do you at least have any money on you?”
“No,” Fabian lied, because he had five euros in his pocket. Of course, Can didn't believe him. Fabian flinched when he reached into his pocket and fumbled out the five euros.
“Liar!“ Can snapped at him, and the others looked at Fabian as if he had committed a serious crime. Silvie tried to intervene, but a few girls stopped her; they all helped when it was against Fabian.
“Lie to me again and you'll get more blows, understand?” Can stood up to the smaller Fabian. “Understood?”
“Yes,“ Fabian squeaked.
Can pocketed the five euros, but took his cheese croissant anyway, brought it to his crotch and ran his right hand up and down.
“Oh, Fabian, Fabiaaan,” he moaned, while the others doubled over with laughter. Then he spat on Fabian's snack and handed it back to him.
“Enjoy your meal, fag. Now get out of my sun.”
Fabian was so tired of it. He was too weak and too afraid to defend himself against the much stronger Can. What would it have achieved? Can had many friends who would help him, he only had Silvie, who couldn't help him either.
And Can was quite serious about it: if Fabian didn't do what he wanted, he would wait for him after school and beat him up. Can never hit him in the face, usually in the stomach or balls. After all, Fabian shouldn't have any visible evidence against him.
So the school day went on – hour after hour. Break after break. Insult after insult. Sometimes it was Can, then Phillip, then Alex.
Finally, the last two hours had arrived – drawing. Fabian was a very good drawer and he loved this subject. When he had his drawing sheet and his watercolors in front of him, he disappeared into another world. He immersed himself in the watercolors and everything around him was colorful. His brush danced across the sheet as if moved by an invisible hand, while Fabian created dream landscapes. Because that was the motto of the hour: a dream!
What a coincidence! Fabian decided to paint his dream from the night before. He painted the hills he had flown over, the lambs chasing each other – and a friendly-looking seagull. He remembered what the seagull had said to him: “No one will bother you here!”
Fabian was finished faster than anyone else and looked contentedly at his sheet – the art teacher praised him and he could hardly wait to come home to show his mother.
“See you at the bus stop,” Fabian whispered to Silvie, while he ran out of school just as fast as he had left the bus in the morning.
A little later, they met again at the bus stop – together with a crowd of other students, all waiting for the bus. Among them were Can, Alex and Phillip, who glared at him angrily. Fabian was proud of his drawing – they apparently didn't like it when he was pleased with himself.
More and more children gathered at the bus stop, but no bus approached. When Fabian felt unobserved by the others, he said goodbye to Silvie and decided to walk home.
“Are you sure?” asked Silvie. ”The bus will be here soon!”
“Oh, it's not that far, and at least the others won't get on my nerves!”
As inconspicuously as possible, he crept away, carefully carrying his drawing in front of him – after all, he didn't want to crumple it unnecessarily. The sun was shining warmly and the people who came towards him looked at him smiling.
“Ah, Fabian!” Frau Weinfahrt, who lived in the neighborhood, ran into him. ‘What a beautiful drawing you've made again! And how big you've gotten. How old are you now?”
“I'll be nine in two weeks!’ Fabian replied politely.
“Well, happy birthday then.” She rummaged around in one of her pockets and pulled out a bar of chocolate, which she immediately put into his school bag. ”In case we don't see each other again before then!”
Fabian thanked her and said goodbye. He liked Mrs. Weinfahrt, who was always nice to him.
How could it be that everyone in his neighborhood seemed to like him, while everyone at school hated him?
He was supposed to live to be nine years old. But he really wasn't that tall, even if Ms. Weinfahrt said he was. Rather small and very slender. Because of his blond curls, some people really thought he was a girl, which Fabian didn't really care about – as long as they didn't call him names because of it. He just liked playing with dolls and with other girls. He didn't want to play with boys – he was more afraid of them, even though he saw something mysterious in them. When he thought of some boys, he even felt a warm sensation in his stomach. He found that strange then!
“You've really buttered up the Miller again! Give it here!”
Can was suddenly standing in front of him – with Alex and Phillip in tow. He snatched the drawing from him and looked at it mockingly.
“Look – nothing but sheep! And clouds! And that damn pigeon! A real fagot picture!” Can scornfully dragged out the words ‘sheep’ and ‘cloud’, while he held Fabian's drawing with two fingers.
“That's a seagull,“ Fabian whispered barely audibly.
The three of them fell silent.
“Please? Do you have something to say?” Can snapped at him.
“Come on, get him over there!”
Alex and Phillip pushed Fabian unnoticed down a side street, where they immediately pushed him to the ground and held him.
Almost gently, Can placed Fabian's drawing just in front of his face, as if he were careful not to damage it. Then he unbuttoned his trousers and peed on it.
The colors blurred and merged – the seagull no longer looked friendly, but rather as if it were crying.
When Fabian noticed that Alex and Phillip's grip had loosened slightly, he took the opportunity to escape.
“Come on, after him!” he heard Can shouting behind him.
He ran headlong out of the side street onto the street.
Only the screeching of a car prompted Can, Alex and Phillip to end their ‘hunt’.
Fabian stood rooted to the spot – if the car hadn't slammed on the brakes, he would have been killed. He turned around to his three tormentors and looked at them. Not reproachfully or angrily. Just sadly and with a pleading look in his eyes that seemed to say, “Just leave me alone!”
He couldn't tell if Can, Alex and Phillip had noticed it too. They were also standing there as if frozen to salt acids. Fabian went home silently.
“Well, my darling, is everything all right? Dinner will be ready soon – spaghetti with cheese sauce. You like that so much. How was your day?” his mother greeted him as Fabian crept into the house.
“Everything's fine, the same old stuff,” Fabian smiled at her and went to his room. He didn't want her to see him crying. She shouldn't have to worry about him. He would turn nine in a few weeks – and then everything should be better.
“Stay here! You'll like it here with us,” he heard her call. ‘No one will hurt you here!”
“I'm afraid I can't,’ gasped Fabian, who found it difficult to speak at such a great height, ”as beautiful as it is here, I don't belong here. Maybe another time.” He had barely finished speaking the sentence when he was suddenly pulled downwards, as if he was in the grip of a firm hand. He rushed towards the ground and the forest, which had previously been dark and beautiful, now seemed dark and threatening and, to make matters worse, was coming closer and closer.
Slowly, very slowly, Fabian opened his eyes. Why did his dreams always have to end like this, how he would have liked to have flown even further. He rubbed his eyes and peered wearily from under his blanket. It wouldn't be long before his mother came to wake him up. Unfortunately, the weekend had passed far too quickly again – how nice it was to be back with his grandparents in the country. The city, the daily grind – and especially school were always so far away on days off. Fabian hated school – not in the way that many students like to say, no, he really hated it.
“Good morning, my darling, did you sleep well?” His mother had come into the room unnoticed and, like every morning, gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead.
“Morning, Mom!” Fabian replied, followed by a hearty, exaggerated yawn. It was the same ritual as every day, and every time, his mother had to laugh heartily about it. All he wanted was to make her happy, not to cause her any grief.
While he slowly stumbled out of bed, his mother fumbled around in his closet to lay out his clothes. As always, Fabian grumbled about it – after all, he was no longer a small child. On the other hand, he liked the fact that she took care of him.
Fabian was always in a hurry after his shower – he gulped down his breakfast in record time, said goodbye to his mother and father – who had also gotten up by now – and ran with his fully packed school bag towards the bus station, which was not far from his parents' house. Not that he was in a hurry to get to school – as I said, he hated school – but every time he hoped to catch an earlier bus so as not to run into them. Them – the other boys in his class.
Unfortunately, he was unlucky that morning – he was at the bus stop early enough, but apparently a bus had been canceled. It seemed like an eternity before the school bus finally arrived. His heart was pounding – hopefully at least his friend Silvie was on the bus, who always sat in the first row and kept a seat for him. Then at least he wouldn't have to fight his way all the way to the back, past all the rows where she sat. Silvie was not only his only friend, he also sat next to her at school. Was that why the boys called him 'girlie boy'? Or was it his blond curls? Fabian didn't know the answer to that question. He liked Silvie very much, but he wasn't in love with her.
Luckily, Silvie was sitting on the bus that morning and had, as always, saved him a seat. His heart was beating at a normal pace again as he took a seat next to her. Alex, Phillip and Can were sitting further back on the bus and didn't seem to have noticed Fabian's arrival at first. They were in the same class and Fabian's worst enemies.
“Good morning, Fabian,” smiled Silvie, in a similar way to his mother. ‘Oh, if only the day could be over already – it's not going to get any better,’ Fabian thought to himself, and he also greeted Silvie in a friendly manner.
Soon they were deep in conversation – about what the weekend had been like, whether he had all his homework and how he was doing. A few times Silvie glared angrily over her shoulder – and from that point on, the first chewing gum balls flew in Fabian's direction.
“I was at grandma and grandpa's. It was really great, imagine how big their new dog is again,” Fabian said. Unfortunately, the ‘old’ dog had died last year, which made Fabian very sad. ”I'd love to...”
Fabian fell silent. A piece of chewing gum had hit him full in the head. While Silvie swore at the back, he tried to ignore this attack. “How do they always have so much chewing gum?” He thought, and it was hard for him to hold back the tears.
“You fag!” He heard someone shouting loudly behind him. It was definitely Can – he always called him that.
“Have a good cry, you sissy. You're not wearing your skirt today!” That was Alex. How could he possibly know? Fabian had known Silvie for a very long time and they had liked playing together even in kindergarten. She was often a guest at Fabian's house – and they had often swapped clothes out of curiosity. Fabian always found it very pleasant, but also just a game. But Alex couldn't know that.
Five minutes later, the bus had finally arrived at the school. “OK. I'll see you in class then!” he said to Silvie before running towards the school building. It was always worst during the breaks and the time before the start of classes. So he tried to be at school before everyone else – even if he wasn't really in the school. Right before Fabian's class was the school garden, which also had an old garden shed. Of course it was locked, but some time ago he had discovered a loose board through which he could easily slip – after all, he was very slim. Once inside, he always huddled behind the large spades and rakes and sat very still. If he was particularly early, he enjoyed the silence, the smell of the wood or the chirping of the birds.
From minute to minute, however, the noise level in the school building next to him increased. He heard the others laughing and shouting. How the boys called each other names for fun. How the girls giggled.
He knew he didn't belong. He didn't like to fight with the other boys, nor did he like to play soccer. During gym class, he preferred to stay with the girls – there were other ball games besides soccer, where he was always chosen last anyway. In general, girls seemed much gentler to him – he felt comfortable among them. But he wasn't a girl either, even if he often imagined what it would be like to be one. Fabian always thought about that – and about many other things – in those last few minutes before the first bell. After that, he had five minutes to hang up his jacket in the cloakroom and rush to class.
Most of the time he actually managed to do this on tiptoe, just to avoid being loud or attracting attention. How he would like to be like the other boys sometimes – loud and wild. And if someone were to be rude to him, he would give them a smack in the face! Just like the others did to him, not because he was rude to them, but simply because he was different. He couldn't help it – even thinking about it seemed like a mistake to him. He just wasn't like the others, he just didn't belong.
To make matters worse, all students had to be in class after the first bell – if you were caught by a teacher, it meant trouble. Fabian was caught once: a teacher snarled at him so fiercely that his legs turned to water and tears welled up in his eyes. He didn't ask why he was late. He didn't really seem to care. The teachers didn't care that he regularly dreaded the breaks. They didn't care what happened every time before and after school.
It didn't interest any of the teachers when one day they grabbed him and dragged him to the toilet.
“Come with me,” a boy from another class said to him kindly. Fabian didn't know the older boy and was curious to know what he wanted. ”I've hidden a little kitten in the toilet. Do you want to see it?” Fabian loved animals. His grandparents not only had a dog, but also two cats, with whom he often played for hours when he stayed with them over the weekend.
So he went with the boy that day, even though he was a little afraid. After all, he knew that animals were not allowed in the school building and that it could get him into a lot of trouble.
Every morning, Fabian remembered that day, the throbbing in his throat, the excitement – and what happened next.
“I hid it in the last cabin,” he heard the boy say, who was just behind him. At that moment, fear overcame him for the first time – something didn't seem right here. The door burst open and another boy came out. Fabian tried to run away, but the older boy behind him was much too strong – he grabbed him by the throat and pushed him into the cubicle with the help of the other boy.
“Be quiet!“ one hissed, holding his mouth shut as Fabian began to whimper.
“I said be quiet!” he hissed again when Fabian didn't calm down.
“Come on, before a teacher comes!“ whispered the other. They grabbed him by the legs, plunged his head into the shell and flushed it. Fabian could hear their ugly laughter much louder than the water.
“Well, did you like the shower, you fag?” one of them laughed in his face when they were done with their evil game.
“Let's see if he really is a girl,“ said the other, and he pulled Fabian's trousers down.
It didn't seem to bother them at all that Fabian was now crying quietly to himself. He tolerated the abuse heaped upon him patiently.
“Look, he's got a willy after all!” one of them exclaimed, amused.
“And what a tiny one. So it's almost a girl after all,” said the other. The noise was slowly getting louder in front of the toilet, which made the two of them nervous.
“You're going to stay here for another five minutes, okay? Otherwise we'll do it again tomorrow and the day after and every other day, got it? And don't you dare say anything to anyone! Or we'll think of something much worse!”
To emphasize this, one of the two punched him in the stomach before they left the toilet. Fabian slumped down – never before in his life had he been so scared. But he did as the boys had ordered him. He pulled up his trousers and stayed seated for another 15 minutes instead of 5, while he cried silently.
It had long since rung for the hour when he held his head under the hair dryer to dry his hair. Then he returned to the class, where he also got in trouble from the teacher.
“Fabian, you know it is forbidden to be late for class after the bell!”
“Excuse me, I was still in the bathroom. I've had a stomach ache since this morning!”
The teacher eyed him suspiciously, and Fabian knew he didn't believe him. “Don't tell me fairy tales,” the teacher said that day. “Were you hiding in the toilet again, eh? Tell me, do you always have to lock yourself out? Do you want to remain an outsider for the rest of your life?”
Fabian stood rooted to the spot while everyone else stared at him. He hated being stared at. His homeroom teacher had even called his parents into school to tell them how worried he was about Fabian. His reason for concern: Fabian would exclude himself – he would refuse to join the group. When his mother later asked him about it, Fabian began to cry. He was far too afraid to tell her what had really happened – and besides, he didn't want to make his mother, whom he loved more than anything, sad.
From that day on, Fabian hardly dared go to the bathroom at school – and he began to wet the bed.
That morning, Fabian was in his seat on time when the bell rang for the first hour. In the first hour they had math – Fabian was extremely gifted and math, in particular, came easily to him. The hour went by quickly, unfortunately, because in the following break Fabian had to go to Can. He had ordered him a few weeks earlier to give him his daily snack.
“What have you got with you today, sweetheart?” he purred girlishly, much to the amusement of his friends.
“I've got a grain roll with cheese – and a packet of cocoa!”
“Yuck. Is that all? Pure girl food! Do you at least have any money on you?”
“No,” Fabian lied, because he had five euros in his pocket. Of course, Can didn't believe him. Fabian flinched when he reached into his pocket and fumbled out the five euros.
“Liar!“ Can snapped at him, and the others looked at Fabian as if he had committed a serious crime. Silvie tried to intervene, but a few girls stopped her; they all helped when it was against Fabian.
“Lie to me again and you'll get more blows, understand?” Can stood up to the smaller Fabian. “Understood?”
“Yes,“ Fabian squeaked.
Can pocketed the five euros, but took his cheese croissant anyway, brought it to his crotch and ran his right hand up and down.
“Oh, Fabian, Fabiaaan,” he moaned, while the others doubled over with laughter. Then he spat on Fabian's snack and handed it back to him.
“Enjoy your meal, fag. Now get out of my sun.”
Fabian was so tired of it. He was too weak and too afraid to defend himself against the much stronger Can. What would it have achieved? Can had many friends who would help him, he only had Silvie, who couldn't help him either.
And Can was quite serious about it: if Fabian didn't do what he wanted, he would wait for him after school and beat him up. Can never hit him in the face, usually in the stomach or balls. After all, Fabian shouldn't have any visible evidence against him.
So the school day went on – hour after hour. Break after break. Insult after insult. Sometimes it was Can, then Phillip, then Alex.
Finally, the last two hours had arrived – drawing. Fabian was a very good drawer and he loved this subject. When he had his drawing sheet and his watercolors in front of him, he disappeared into another world. He immersed himself in the watercolors and everything around him was colorful. His brush danced across the sheet as if moved by an invisible hand, while Fabian created dream landscapes. Because that was the motto of the hour: a dream!
What a coincidence! Fabian decided to paint his dream from the night before. He painted the hills he had flown over, the lambs chasing each other – and a friendly-looking seagull. He remembered what the seagull had said to him: “No one will bother you here!”
Fabian was finished faster than anyone else and looked contentedly at his sheet – the art teacher praised him and he could hardly wait to come home to show his mother.
“See you at the bus stop,” Fabian whispered to Silvie, while he ran out of school just as fast as he had left the bus in the morning.
A little later, they met again at the bus stop – together with a crowd of other students, all waiting for the bus. Among them were Can, Alex and Phillip, who glared at him angrily. Fabian was proud of his drawing – they apparently didn't like it when he was pleased with himself.
More and more children gathered at the bus stop, but no bus approached. When Fabian felt unobserved by the others, he said goodbye to Silvie and decided to walk home.
“Are you sure?” asked Silvie. ”The bus will be here soon!”
“Oh, it's not that far, and at least the others won't get on my nerves!”
As inconspicuously as possible, he crept away, carefully carrying his drawing in front of him – after all, he didn't want to crumple it unnecessarily. The sun was shining warmly and the people who came towards him looked at him smiling.
“Ah, Fabian!” Frau Weinfahrt, who lived in the neighborhood, ran into him. ‘What a beautiful drawing you've made again! And how big you've gotten. How old are you now?”
“I'll be nine in two weeks!’ Fabian replied politely.
“Well, happy birthday then.” She rummaged around in one of her pockets and pulled out a bar of chocolate, which she immediately put into his school bag. ”In case we don't see each other again before then!”
Fabian thanked her and said goodbye. He liked Mrs. Weinfahrt, who was always nice to him.
How could it be that everyone in his neighborhood seemed to like him, while everyone at school hated him?
He was supposed to live to be nine years old. But he really wasn't that tall, even if Ms. Weinfahrt said he was. Rather small and very slender. Because of his blond curls, some people really thought he was a girl, which Fabian didn't really care about – as long as they didn't call him names because of it. He just liked playing with dolls and with other girls. He didn't want to play with boys – he was more afraid of them, even though he saw something mysterious in them. When he thought of some boys, he even felt a warm sensation in his stomach. He found that strange then!
“You've really buttered up the Miller again! Give it here!”
Can was suddenly standing in front of him – with Alex and Phillip in tow. He snatched the drawing from him and looked at it mockingly.
“Look – nothing but sheep! And clouds! And that damn pigeon! A real fagot picture!” Can scornfully dragged out the words ‘sheep’ and ‘cloud’, while he held Fabian's drawing with two fingers.
“That's a seagull,“ Fabian whispered barely audibly.
The three of them fell silent.
“Please? Do you have something to say?” Can snapped at him.
“Come on, get him over there!”
Alex and Phillip pushed Fabian unnoticed down a side street, where they immediately pushed him to the ground and held him.
Almost gently, Can placed Fabian's drawing just in front of his face, as if he were careful not to damage it. Then he unbuttoned his trousers and peed on it.
The colors blurred and merged – the seagull no longer looked friendly, but rather as if it were crying.
When Fabian noticed that Alex and Phillip's grip had loosened slightly, he took the opportunity to escape.
“Come on, after him!” he heard Can shouting behind him.
He ran headlong out of the side street onto the street.
Only the screeching of a car prompted Can, Alex and Phillip to end their ‘hunt’.
Fabian stood rooted to the spot – if the car hadn't slammed on the brakes, he would have been killed. He turned around to his three tormentors and looked at them. Not reproachfully or angrily. Just sadly and with a pleading look in his eyes that seemed to say, “Just leave me alone!”
He couldn't tell if Can, Alex and Phillip had noticed it too. They were also standing there as if frozen to salt acids. Fabian went home silently.
“Well, my darling, is everything all right? Dinner will be ready soon – spaghetti with cheese sauce. You like that so much. How was your day?” his mother greeted him as Fabian crept into the house.
“Everything's fine, the same old stuff,” Fabian smiled at her and went to his room. He didn't want her to see him crying. She shouldn't have to worry about him. He would turn nine in a few weeks – and then everything should be better.