2025-07-10, 03:44 PM
Oh, how beautiful it was to fly so easily through the air. Fabian could literally feel the warm wind gliding through his toes and hands, which he had stretched out straight and still in front of him. His curls blew in the wind and it felt as if he could feel this warm wind inside him as well – he felt almost as light as a feather as he sailed over green hills. Below, a few lambs were romping around – from this height they looked like little cotton balls chasing each other, but if Fabian concentrated hard, he could even hear them bleating. He flew on – over small villages where happy children were playing, over forests as dark green as the eyes of his favorite doll. To his right, an ocean of seemingly endless proportions now opened up, when suddenly a seagull sought his company and looked at him curiously. Fabian had never really liked it when someone stared at him like that. So he decided to turn to the left to avoid this cheeky seagull.
“Stay here! You'll like it here with us,” he heard her call. ‘No one will hurt you here!”
“I'm afraid I can't,’ gasped Fabian, who found it difficult to speak at such a great height, ”as beautiful as it is here, I don't belong here. Maybe another time.” He had barely finished speaking the sentence when he was suddenly pulled downwards, as if he was in the grip of a firm hand. He rushed towards the ground and the forest, which had previously been dark and beautiful, now seemed dark and threatening and, to make matters worse, was coming closer and closer.
Slowly, very slowly, Fabian opened his eyes. Why did his dreams always have to end like this, how he would have liked to have flown even further. He rubbed his eyes and peered wearily from under his blanket. It wouldn't be long before his mother came to wake him up. Unfortunately, the weekend had passed far too quickly again – how nice it was to be back with his grandparents in the country. The city, the daily grind – and especially school were always so far away on days off. Fabian hated school – not in the way that many students like to say, no, he really hated it.
“Good morning, my darling, did you sleep well?” His mother had come into the room unnoticed and, like every morning, gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead.
“Morning, Mom!” Fabian replied, followed by a hearty, exaggerated yawn. It was the same ritual as every day, and every time, his mother had to laugh heartily about it. All he wanted was to make her happy, not to cause her any grief.
While he slowly stumbled out of bed, his mother fumbled around in his closet to lay out his clothes. As always, Fabian grumbled about it – after all, he was no longer a small child. On the other hand, he liked the fact that she took care of him.
Fabian was always in a hurry after his shower – he gulped down his breakfast in record time, said goodbye to his mother and father – who had also gotten up by now – and ran with his fully packed school bag towards the bus station, which was not far from his parents' house. Not that he was in a hurry to get to school – as I said, he hated school – but every time he hoped to catch an earlier bus so as not to run into them. Them – the other boys in his class.
Unfortunately, he was unlucky that morning – he was at the bus stop early enough, but apparently a bus had been canceled. It seemed like an eternity before the school bus finally arrived. His heart was pounding – hopefully at least his friend Silvie was on the bus, who always sat in the first row and kept a seat for him. Then at least he wouldn't have to fight his way all the way to the back, past all the rows where she sat. Silvie was not only his only friend, he also sat next to her at school. Was that why the boys called him 'girlie boy'? Or was it his blond curls? Fabian didn't know the answer to that question. He liked Silvie very much, but he wasn't in love with her.
Luckily, Silvie was sitting on the bus that morning and had, as always, saved him a seat. His heart was beating at a normal pace again as he took a seat next to her. Alex, Phillip and Can were sitting further back on the bus and didn't seem to have noticed Fabian's arrival at first. They were in the same class and Fabian's worst enemies.
“Good morning, Fabian,” smiled Silvie, in a similar way to his mother. ‘Oh, if only the day could be over already – it's not going to get any better,’ Fabian thought to himself, and he also greeted Silvie in a friendly manner.
Soon they were deep in conversation – about what the weekend had been like, whether he had all his homework and how he was doing. A few times Silvie glared angrily over her shoulder – and from that point on, the first chewing gum balls flew in Fabian's direction.
“I was at grandma and grandpa's. It was really great, imagine how big their new dog is again,” Fabian said. Unfortunately, the ‘old’ dog had died last year, which made Fabian very sad. ”I'd love to...”
Fabian fell silent. A piece of chewing gum had hit him full in the head. While Silvie swore at the back, he tried to ignore this attack. “How do they always have so much chewing gum?” He thought, and it was hard for him to hold back the tears.
“You fag!” He heard someone shouting loudly behind him. It was definitely Can – he always called him that.
“Have a good cry, you sissy. You're not wearing your skirt today!” That was Alex. How could he possibly know? Fabian had known Silvie for a very long time and they had liked playing together even in kindergarten. She was often a guest at Fabian's house – and they had often swapped clothes out of curiosity. Fabian always found it very pleasant, but also just a game. But Alex couldn't know that.
Five minutes later, the bus had finally arrived at the school. “OK. I'll see you in class then!” he said to Silvie before running towards the school building. It was always worst during the breaks and the time before the start of classes. So he tried to be at school before everyone else – even if he wasn't really in the school. Right before Fabian's class was the school garden, which also had an old garden shed. Of course it was locked, but some time ago he had discovered a loose board through which he could easily slip – after all, he was very slim. Once inside, he always huddled behind the large spades and rakes and sat very still. If he was particularly early, he enjoyed the silence, the smell of the wood or the chirping of the birds.
From minute to minute, however, the noise level in the school building next to him increased. He heard the others laughing and shouting. How the boys called each other names for fun. How the girls giggled.
He knew he didn't belong. He didn't like to fight with the other boys, nor did he like to play soccer. During gym class, he preferred to stay with the girls – there were other ball games besides soccer, where he was always chosen last anyway. In general, girls seemed much gentler to him – he felt comfortable among them. But he wasn't a girl either, even if he often imagined what it would be like to be one. Fabian always thought about that – and about many other things – in those last few minutes before the first bell. After that, he had five minutes to hang up his jacket in the cloakroom and rush to class.
Most of the time he actually managed to do this on tiptoe, just to avoid being loud or attracting attention. How he would like to be like the other boys sometimes – loud and wild. And if someone were to be rude to him, he would give them a smack in the face! Just like the others did to him, not because he was rude to them, but simply because he was different. He couldn't help it – even thinking about it seemed like a mistake to him. He just wasn't like the others, he just didn't belong.
To make matters worse, all students had to be in class after the first bell – if you were caught by a teacher, it meant trouble. Fabian was caught once: a teacher snarled at him so fiercely that his legs turned to water and tears welled up in his eyes. He didn't ask why he was late. He didn't really seem to care. The teachers didn't care that he regularly dreaded the breaks. They didn't care what happened every time before and after school.
It didn't interest any of the teachers when one day they grabbed him and dragged him to the toilet.
“Come with me,” a boy from another class said to him kindly. Fabian didn't know the older boy and was curious to know what he wanted. ”I've hidden a little kitten in the toilet. Do you want to see it?” Fabian loved animals. His grandparents not only had a dog, but also two cats, with whom he often played for hours when he stayed with them over the weekend.
So he went with the boy that day, even though he was a little afraid. After all, he knew that animals were not allowed in the school building and that it could get him into a lot of trouble.
Every morning, Fabian remembered that day, the throbbing in his throat, the excitement – and what happened next.
“I hid it in the last cabin,” he heard the boy say, who was just behind him. At that moment, fear overcame him for the first time – something didn't seem right here. The door burst open and another boy came out. Fabian tried to run away, but the older boy behind him was much too strong – he grabbed him by the throat and pushed him into the cubicle with the help of the other boy.
“Be quiet!“ one hissed, holding his mouth shut as Fabian began to whimper.
“I said be quiet!” he hissed again when Fabian didn't calm down.
“Come on, before a teacher comes!“ whispered the other. They grabbed him by the legs, plunged his head into the shell and flushed it. Fabian could hear their ugly laughter much louder than the water.
“Well, did you like the shower, you fag?” one of them laughed in his face when they were done with their evil game.
“Let's see if he really is a girl,“ said the other, and he pulled Fabian's trousers down.
It didn't seem to bother them at all that Fabian was now crying quietly to himself. He tolerated the abuse heaped upon him patiently.
“Look, he's got a willy after all!” one of them exclaimed, amused.
“Stay here! You'll like it here with us,” he heard her call. ‘No one will hurt you here!”
“I'm afraid I can't,’ gasped Fabian, who found it difficult to speak at such a great height, ”as beautiful as it is here, I don't belong here. Maybe another time.” He had barely finished speaking the sentence when he was suddenly pulled downwards, as if he was in the grip of a firm hand. He rushed towards the ground and the forest, which had previously been dark and beautiful, now seemed dark and threatening and, to make matters worse, was coming closer and closer.
Slowly, very slowly, Fabian opened his eyes. Why did his dreams always have to end like this, how he would have liked to have flown even further. He rubbed his eyes and peered wearily from under his blanket. It wouldn't be long before his mother came to wake him up. Unfortunately, the weekend had passed far too quickly again – how nice it was to be back with his grandparents in the country. The city, the daily grind – and especially school were always so far away on days off. Fabian hated school – not in the way that many students like to say, no, he really hated it.
“Good morning, my darling, did you sleep well?” His mother had come into the room unnoticed and, like every morning, gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead.
“Morning, Mom!” Fabian replied, followed by a hearty, exaggerated yawn. It was the same ritual as every day, and every time, his mother had to laugh heartily about it. All he wanted was to make her happy, not to cause her any grief.
While he slowly stumbled out of bed, his mother fumbled around in his closet to lay out his clothes. As always, Fabian grumbled about it – after all, he was no longer a small child. On the other hand, he liked the fact that she took care of him.
Fabian was always in a hurry after his shower – he gulped down his breakfast in record time, said goodbye to his mother and father – who had also gotten up by now – and ran with his fully packed school bag towards the bus station, which was not far from his parents' house. Not that he was in a hurry to get to school – as I said, he hated school – but every time he hoped to catch an earlier bus so as not to run into them. Them – the other boys in his class.
Unfortunately, he was unlucky that morning – he was at the bus stop early enough, but apparently a bus had been canceled. It seemed like an eternity before the school bus finally arrived. His heart was pounding – hopefully at least his friend Silvie was on the bus, who always sat in the first row and kept a seat for him. Then at least he wouldn't have to fight his way all the way to the back, past all the rows where she sat. Silvie was not only his only friend, he also sat next to her at school. Was that why the boys called him 'girlie boy'? Or was it his blond curls? Fabian didn't know the answer to that question. He liked Silvie very much, but he wasn't in love with her.
Luckily, Silvie was sitting on the bus that morning and had, as always, saved him a seat. His heart was beating at a normal pace again as he took a seat next to her. Alex, Phillip and Can were sitting further back on the bus and didn't seem to have noticed Fabian's arrival at first. They were in the same class and Fabian's worst enemies.
“Good morning, Fabian,” smiled Silvie, in a similar way to his mother. ‘Oh, if only the day could be over already – it's not going to get any better,’ Fabian thought to himself, and he also greeted Silvie in a friendly manner.
Soon they were deep in conversation – about what the weekend had been like, whether he had all his homework and how he was doing. A few times Silvie glared angrily over her shoulder – and from that point on, the first chewing gum balls flew in Fabian's direction.
“I was at grandma and grandpa's. It was really great, imagine how big their new dog is again,” Fabian said. Unfortunately, the ‘old’ dog had died last year, which made Fabian very sad. ”I'd love to...”
Fabian fell silent. A piece of chewing gum had hit him full in the head. While Silvie swore at the back, he tried to ignore this attack. “How do they always have so much chewing gum?” He thought, and it was hard for him to hold back the tears.
“You fag!” He heard someone shouting loudly behind him. It was definitely Can – he always called him that.
“Have a good cry, you sissy. You're not wearing your skirt today!” That was Alex. How could he possibly know? Fabian had known Silvie for a very long time and they had liked playing together even in kindergarten. She was often a guest at Fabian's house – and they had often swapped clothes out of curiosity. Fabian always found it very pleasant, but also just a game. But Alex couldn't know that.
Five minutes later, the bus had finally arrived at the school. “OK. I'll see you in class then!” he said to Silvie before running towards the school building. It was always worst during the breaks and the time before the start of classes. So he tried to be at school before everyone else – even if he wasn't really in the school. Right before Fabian's class was the school garden, which also had an old garden shed. Of course it was locked, but some time ago he had discovered a loose board through which he could easily slip – after all, he was very slim. Once inside, he always huddled behind the large spades and rakes and sat very still. If he was particularly early, he enjoyed the silence, the smell of the wood or the chirping of the birds.
From minute to minute, however, the noise level in the school building next to him increased. He heard the others laughing and shouting. How the boys called each other names for fun. How the girls giggled.
He knew he didn't belong. He didn't like to fight with the other boys, nor did he like to play soccer. During gym class, he preferred to stay with the girls – there were other ball games besides soccer, where he was always chosen last anyway. In general, girls seemed much gentler to him – he felt comfortable among them. But he wasn't a girl either, even if he often imagined what it would be like to be one. Fabian always thought about that – and about many other things – in those last few minutes before the first bell. After that, he had five minutes to hang up his jacket in the cloakroom and rush to class.
Most of the time he actually managed to do this on tiptoe, just to avoid being loud or attracting attention. How he would like to be like the other boys sometimes – loud and wild. And if someone were to be rude to him, he would give them a smack in the face! Just like the others did to him, not because he was rude to them, but simply because he was different. He couldn't help it – even thinking about it seemed like a mistake to him. He just wasn't like the others, he just didn't belong.
To make matters worse, all students had to be in class after the first bell – if you were caught by a teacher, it meant trouble. Fabian was caught once: a teacher snarled at him so fiercely that his legs turned to water and tears welled up in his eyes. He didn't ask why he was late. He didn't really seem to care. The teachers didn't care that he regularly dreaded the breaks. They didn't care what happened every time before and after school.
It didn't interest any of the teachers when one day they grabbed him and dragged him to the toilet.
“Come with me,” a boy from another class said to him kindly. Fabian didn't know the older boy and was curious to know what he wanted. ”I've hidden a little kitten in the toilet. Do you want to see it?” Fabian loved animals. His grandparents not only had a dog, but also two cats, with whom he often played for hours when he stayed with them over the weekend.
So he went with the boy that day, even though he was a little afraid. After all, he knew that animals were not allowed in the school building and that it could get him into a lot of trouble.
Every morning, Fabian remembered that day, the throbbing in his throat, the excitement – and what happened next.
“I hid it in the last cabin,” he heard the boy say, who was just behind him. At that moment, fear overcame him for the first time – something didn't seem right here. The door burst open and another boy came out. Fabian tried to run away, but the older boy behind him was much too strong – he grabbed him by the throat and pushed him into the cubicle with the help of the other boy.
“Be quiet!“ one hissed, holding his mouth shut as Fabian began to whimper.
“I said be quiet!” he hissed again when Fabian didn't calm down.
“Come on, before a teacher comes!“ whispered the other. They grabbed him by the legs, plunged his head into the shell and flushed it. Fabian could hear their ugly laughter much louder than the water.
“Well, did you like the shower, you fag?” one of them laughed in his face when they were done with their evil game.
“Let's see if he really is a girl,“ said the other, and he pulled Fabian's trousers down.
It didn't seem to bother them at all that Fabian was now crying quietly to himself. He tolerated the abuse heaped upon him patiently.
“Look, he's got a willy after all!” one of them exclaimed, amused.