2025-07-10, 03:45 PM
Nervously, Lauri glanced from his vocabulary notebook to his notes for Raimund and back to his muesli, trying to reconcile studying at the last minute with eating. His sister Karen sat across from him, amused. Unlike her, who could leisurely raise a teacup to her mouth, read a book and even chat with their housekeeper Maya, he was making a terrible mess of it. At least she had once again suspiciously provided him with cocoa that morning.
Karen suddenly giggled and put the book down. ‘Don't even try, little brother. You're just a man and multitasking isn't functionally intended.’
Lauri looked around for a moment, then gave her the finger, because Maya was just about to open the fridge. Before he got even more flabby, he preferred to get up, down his cocoa and stuff the vocabulary booklet into his backpack.
Karen rose as well and straightened her cute black cardigan. ‘It's raining,’ she stated a little disgustedly. ‘Do you want me to drive you, Lauri? I have a class in a few minutes, too.’ Not only had she gotten her driver's license a while ago, but of course she had gotten the car to go with it. Her studies in dentistry often required her to make the early trip into the city to the university.
There was something about riding with her, especially in rainy weather. She and Lauri had the same taste in music and got along great. When his girlfriend Elisa caught them together on the golf course, she would talk ecstatically about clothes with Karen for an hour. And his mate Tim was crazy about Karen and always blushed endlessly when she dropped her brother off at school. But Lauri had other plans. ‘No. I'm going with Raimund. I still have to do that to him anyway...’
‘Please! Please don't tell me that you've done the homework again for that crazy...’ she looked around at the housekeeper, who had just left the room. “...ass!” She pushed a cute black glittering hair clip at her temple into her light blonde hair.
Lauri blinked. ‘I never have,’ he lied, unmoved. ‘No. I still have to give him his MP3 player back.’ Actually, it had been Lauri's player. He had given it to Raimund as a present not too long ago. Unlike Lauri and Karen, whose parents, thanks to their practices as a dentist and orthodontist, had more money than Scrooge McDuck, she should be overcome by desire, Raimund was poor.
Raimund's mother had separated from her husband after a rather unpleasant, very short marriage. The guy had then first sunk into unemployment and then completely disappeared. He was probably violent, at least not the type of man a woman wanted to raise her child with. Raimund's maternal grandmother had already thrown her daughter out of the house during her apprenticeship because of disputes; the two no longer spoke to each other. The paternal grandparents were more like their son.
Thus, Raimund's mother Judith was a completely abandoned, single and completely chaotic mother. She had come to the village while fleeing from her ex-husband when Raimund was about four years old. Her decrepit car was crammed full of her belongings and some animals that Judith also fed. With this chaos, they moved into the small gatekeeper's cottage on the old tracks, thanks to some connections, and began to live there more than they resided.
Unfortunately, Judith was the perfect miscast as a mother. She was soft, highly disorganised and absent-minded. About her decision to dye her hair, she could forget to pick up her son from kindergarten. She couldn't say no to anyone or anything, which led to her acquiring an unspeakable number of strange pets. At the same time, she had a tendency to get involved with men who took advantage of her, and all of this left her with very little time for her son.
Once a man had taken advantage of Judith again, she realised after very tiring conversations with Maya and others what a loser she had chosen and ended the affair. But she had never been vindictive if someone had taken advantage of her once.
Her son Raimund was less forgiving. If he found out that a guy was taking advantage of his mother, he would take revenge, and in a very creative way. He was notorious for this, and it wasn't uncommon for him to drag his friend Lauri into these harebrained plans and actions.
Raimund and Lauri had been in the same kindergarten group since he and his mother had appeared in the village. In silent agreement with her ethical ideas, the housekeeper Maya had taken over the regiment not only over Lauri and Karen, but also over the wild Raimund.
And Raimund was wild, all right. When Judith, in the sixth month of her pregnancy, had found herself not just a few kilos heavier but actually and surprisingly pregnant, she had very romantically wished for a son to be named Raimund. He should always smile angelically and be mild and well-read and just wonderful. He should have black curls like his father, whom Judith had just married, full of romance and in a hurry. Unfortunately, she had forgotten the unfortunate flirtation with the red-haired bakery truck driver a few months earlier.
She had actually had a son. A Raimund, because she had insisted on the name. But that's where the similarities between dream and reality ended. Raimund was red-haired like the unfortunate baker, from birth and it got steadily worse. This led to the scandal with her current husband, who couldn't count and therefore didn't realise that he was only with Judith after she had conceived. It earned her a black eye, a broken rib and a new life in the village. Actually a lucky break for Judith and it was the lucky break for Raimund. Unfortunately, Raimund was not only red-haired, but did not fit in with his mother's ideas in other ways either. He was never mild, rarely smiled, did not like to read and was about as wonderful as a root canal treatment. Raimund was the kind of son who would be perfect for advertising contraceptives.
Of course, this was largely due to the fact that Judith didn't educate him at all, just blinked in confusion when yet another neighbour, the farmer from across the way, the mother of a child with whom Raimund had fought, the baker, where he had stolen something, or Lauri's parents, where he had broken something, talked to her and gave her strict lectures.
There were only two people who had Raimund completely under control. One was Maya, with her energetic manner and the ability to bribe him with food or punish him by depriving him of the right to sit at the table in her kitchen. The other was Lauri. One look from Lauri's brown saucer eyes immediately made Raimund nervously ask if something was wrong. If Lauri's eyes started to well, Raimund was ready to beat the world to make everything right again.
Raimund's mother had been confused by the unwanted but sorely needed help from Maya, but she had gone to work, taken care of her animals and men, and probably gladly forgotten about her son's many worries about money and other little things. As a saleswoman in a bookshop two towns away, she was as confused as she was popular with customers. At least she had the unique gift of remembering pretty much every book that a customer had ever bought. This made her a good choice when someone in the area needed a birthday present.
So thanks to the energetic Maya, thanks to Lauri's enthusiasm for this wild friend and thanks to Lauri's relaxed, uninformed parents, it was not uncommon for Raimund to magically turn up at Lauri's dinner table after kindergarten and after elementary school to do his homework. Raimund had only managed to get into high school because Lauri did his homework, helped him with tests, constantly kicked him in the butt and generally made sure that his friend didn't lag behind.
Raimund had made sure that the somewhat chubby Lauri with the thick glasses was not teased without getting a punch in the nose, that he was not teased when he had to wear a squint eye patch, because then Raimund would also give him a punch in the nose. That he was not teased later because of the bulky braces that he had to wear thanks to his father, because otherwise Raimund would have given him a good punch on the nose, and that no one dared to tease him during physical education when he once again came in last because then he would have received a good punch on the nose.
Their childhood was thus characterised by a constant symbiosis of well-being and security. Lauri protected Raimund from the chaos at home and from being left back at school. Raimund protected Lauri's childlike emotional well-being and spoiled him almost more than his own parents and big sister did.
Raimund himself was happy to take care of his own interests, since Maya managed his physical well-being and Lauri his mental well-being. He played handball in a team twice a week. He was so aggressive that he was incredibly good at it. He played a lot on an old guitar that Judith had given him, and he worked almost every evening in a bar, where he occasionally provided live music on the guitar. Most of the money was spent by Judith on various animals, their food or veterinary bills. Raimund was very loyal to his mother and gladly gave her the necessary money. Since Judith was too confused to realise that her savings, which she kept in a preserving jar, should have been used up long ago, she didn't notice it either. He also invested his money in a scooter because, at the age of fifteen, he no longer wanted to use the school bus or a bicycle.
His wild red hair, the very picture of a mysterious father, now also shone towards Lauri because Raimund had pulled his helmet off his head. That, too, was typical of him. He threw the helmet to Lauri, who put it on, enjoying the fact that Raimund cared so much about him, even if he hid it quite well behind the excuse that he would then be the cool one who would ride without a helmet.
Raimund laughed at Lauri, who, grumpy from the Monday feeling in his bones, climbed onto the scooter after he had straightened his backpack. Raimund's bag had disappeared into the luggage box at the back, so Lauri was able to lean perfectly against him. Before Karen could step out of the house to make snide comments about her lack of motorised transport, the scooter roared into life and sped up the hill out of the village.
The school wasn't far, and it was an easy ride by bike, but Lauri would never have swapped that for the chance to snuggle up against the strong back, while Raimund already shouted the wild plans of the day over his shoulder, or asked him about missed homework.
Raimund chained his scooter in front of the school, then Lauri handed him the vocabulary list. ‘This is yesterday's list, here is last week's. I've marked the words that will statistically be on tomorrow's test with a dot. Make sure you don't have the cheat sheet in your pencil case again, Rai, because that's the first place Schulz will look today.’
Raimund grumbled a small thank you and brushed the rain out of his hair, then his latest brainwave was discussed. While they waved to their friends from the class, he announced: ‘Saturday is the Easter bonfire. We'll do it Friday night. It's supposed to rain, but it'll be fine. Judith's new boyfriend wants to go camping with her and stares at the weather report every five minutes. They're out of the way. Your millionaire parents are flying out again, aren't they?‘
’Hm, they are. Camping? Isn't it freezing?’
‘Sure, he just wants to get her out of the house and away from me anyway. She had a family crisis the other day, wanted to do something with me, I don't know what that's about. He's driving her away again.’ Raimund pushed the strap of his olive-green bag, full of colourful patches, a little higher on his shoulder. “Are you coming, Princess?” He grinned.
Lauri frowned. Once, in primary school, thanks to his blonde hair, which was much too long at the time, he had been given the job of the stupid princess in a Christmas play because the real princess had thrown up out of fear or perhaps thanks to a virus, and the damage was done. For months, he was nothing but the princess's prince for the class. It was the only time Raimund had been involved and no one had been hurt.
At some point, Lauri had shaved off his hair with his father's long-hair clippers, which had earned him a period of wearing very thick caps and officially just looked awful on his round face. The other kids had forgotten about the princess thing, only remembering it very rarely, but Raimund had got into the habit. Lauri couldn't get out of the number. Since then, Raimund called him Princess. But he did it in a loving, almost affectionate way. As if the expression was a term of endearment for him. Fortunately, or perhaps because of that, he only did it when they were alone. Still, there had to be a punishment. Lauri punched him briefly with his elbow. ‘Ass. Let's see. Maybe I will go to Cyprus with my parents after all.’
‘Cyprus this time? I see. I'll do it without you. Farmer Franz was there with the tractor this time, and he always leaves the keys in the ignition on the old turnip. I can manage that on my own.’ Raimund stretched his only insufficiently shaved chin energetically.
Lauri sighed and rummaged busily in his backpack. ‘Let's see. I'll tell you on Wednesday what I'm doing.’ He liked to keep Raimund in suspense, enjoying the fact that his friend did care. But it was clear that Cyprus would never be able to compete against a harebrained idea of his friend and crush. Besides, he wanted to use the Easter holidays and the absence of his parents for the plan. It had to be, as much as he was afraid of it. Sighing, Lauri wondered how he should tell Raimund about his feelings. He was terribly afraid that for the first time in his life he would get his nose broken by his best friend and brother.
They parted in front of the school, Raimund had to memorise the vocabulary at the last second, and Lauri joined his friends to find out the latest gossip and the upcoming Easter plans. He blocked out the chatter and thought about his own plan. He had to do it soon. Easter was perfect, the old folks were away, Karen was busy with her best giggling friend, who was probably supposed to spend the night, and he and Rai would steal the tractor from Farmer Franz in a cloak-and-dagger operation to pull apart the branches at the Easter bonfire.
According to Raimund, it was scandalous that many animals had to die in these Easter fires because people were too lazy to check under the bushes and tree stumps before burning them. So this year he was determined to make their Easter bonfire unsuitable as a death trap and to free the rabbits and hedgehogs and mice from it, before everything was to be burned the next evening thanks to the wet with the help of petrol.
The action was crazy to the power of ten and typical of Raimund. He had stolen all the fishing equipment at school one year because he found it scandalous that the fish had to suffer just because a teacher wanted to start a fishing club. The following year, in a cloak-and-dagger operation, they had moved all the trout from the breeding pond to the large lake. Weeks later, the police were still trying to figure out who the thief was. They didn't realise that it could have been teenagers with a scooter, a small trailer and three buckets of water.
Raimund had put up a huge poster pointing out that one farmer was stuffing his animals full of antibiotics when he had noticed it. Raimund was extremely active in such matters and therefore also very exhausting, but Lauri liked that about him. He hoped that it was precisely Raimund's way of being so active, so protective of the weak, that would allow him to survive the debate in his own case, perhaps even with an unbroken nose.
The lesson, the vocabulary test including a search for a cheat sheet by teacher Schulz in Raimund's pencil case, and the breaks passed by Lauri rather unnoticed. He thought about the words he wanted to use to explain himself. It was like that. Raimund had been like a brother to him, all these years, and also his best friend. He had been his buddy, his student, whom he had taught so many things, and at the same time a teacher from whom he had learned the important things in life. Since last summer, however, Raimund had become something new to Lauri. Something that scared him. First love, maybe the only one, he was still undecided. The fact was, right now Rai was his only love.
Since last summer, Lauri had had a crush on Raimund, and a really big one at that. It was terribly painful, just like in the best depressing songs. It was beautiful. It was a wild feeling that wanted to be free, but wasn't allowed to be. Frightened, Lauri had locked up and hidden this feeling.
He had spent hours on the internet gathering information. It was perfectly okay for him to have a crush on Raimund. That was what it was called. From a social point of view, it could be difficult here and there, but difficult was Raimund's middle name, that much was already clear to Lauri. But was it really okay for him? Somehow Lauri was happy about these beautiful feelings and at the same time he viewed them with concern.
His life had not been particularly passionate or exciting so far. He hadn't really wished for that. He liked the calm and regularity of his life. He enjoyed living it in peace and was not wildly active like Raimund. The thought of a wild action on his own initiative rather frightened Lauri. But his feelings didn't get better, only clearer, louder. He had agonised over this last summer, during which Raimund had gotten a pretty sharp body from playing a lot of handball, beach volleyball at the lake and his job as a harvest worker. Lauri had noticed this tacitly, of course, but his sister Karen had expressed it verbally. She had cast an appreciative glance at Raimund's almost naked figure at the lake and then told her friend Rebekka, ‘The red plague fly is slowly becoming quite a sight.’
Rebekka had added, with expert knowledge, ‘Considering the hair, it's a miracle that he's getting so much tan and not walking around like a lobster.’
Lauri had followed their gaze and hadn't hidden it well enough, it seemed. In the following, he had to be annoyed by the two girls because of his alleged jealousy of Raimund's muscles. That wasn't true at all. Lauri was not muscular or even athletic-looking, but he had left the total chubbiness of his childhood behind him to some extent, even if he would never look slim or trained.
He played golf quite well and enjoyed it. So he played golf a lot, which helped him get a little fitter even against his own will, and he had gotten a good tan and very light blonde hair from sailing. He was actually quite content with himself. He had always been a realist and more was just not possible for him. He didn't have a big belly or butt anymore, so that was something. His face was still soft and round, but he hadn't developed any severe skin problems, unlike the neighbour's son, who now went to therapy twice a week. He hardly had a beard that needed shaving, and he had his brown saucer eyes, with which he repeatedly got away with it with the girls in the golf club and with the English teacher, as well as with their housekeeper Maya, and with his parents.
No. This summer, Lauri was quite happy with the way he looked. It was his psyche that worried him. No matter how motivating the internet trumpeted that it was okay to confess to your best friend that you had a crush on him. On the internet, they were certainly best friends who weren't called Raimund, otherwise they wouldn't have been so happy about it. And so Lauri was secretly, very quietly and only to himself madly in love with his friend.
But it suited him that this feeling was directed towards Raimund. Lauri had never done anything wild in his life that didn't have to do with Raimund. Alone, he was well-behaved, sweet, lame, boring. He did well in school, which was pretty good. He always went sailing in the sailing school in the summer and he trotted across the golf course with his father and mother twice a week. On Wednesdays and Fridays, when they closed their practices earlier. On the golf course, he always talked very nicely and kindly to the other children of the rich people who also romped around there.
He even spoke very kindly and nicely to Elisa from the parallel class. She was the crush for him, from the point of view of his sister and parents. Elisa's parents were both doctors with their own practices, so she and her parents appeared on the golf course on Wednesdays and Fridays. As soon as Elisa appeared, Lauri had to stand by her and be nice to her. That wasn't difficult for him; she was a totally nice girl and quite pretty, but nothing more. Lauri didn't feel wild around Elisa in any way.
And that day, too, Lauri dutifully trotted along to the bike racks with the others from the clique, where they were still hanging out. He smiled at Elisa, who now even wanted something from him, he promised her best friend Fiona that he would come to Elisa's birthday party, and he agreed that he would go sailing with his school friend Tim at the weekend after Easter, if the weather held up.
The conversation with Elisa, who asked Lauri about his Easter plans, was interrupted impatiently by Raimund's screeching horn. ‘Come on!’
Lauri blinked at Raimund and hastily said goodbye to Elisa, to whom he shouted as he ran off, ‘I'm probably not even going to be there. Cyprus or something is on the cards!’
When he took the helmet from Raimund, he said somewhat reproachfully, ‘What's the matter? Today is Monday, you don't have gym or work, do you?’
Raimund looked at him briefly, then bowed his head. ‘I don't want to freeze here and wait for the next rain.’
‘Well. We're having fish today, are you coming anyway?’ Being an activist, Raimund had been a vegetarian for a while and didn't even want to come over for dinner when there was fish or meat. That's why Lauri often asked for pancakes or rice pudding or vegetable soufflé from Maya.
Today Raimund seemed to be in a better mood, or he wanted something from Lauri, because he nodded curtly. ‘I don't want to go home either, Judith's latest disaster is probably still there,’ he explained.
‘Your new guy doesn't work either?’ Unemployment was typical for Judith's guys.
‘Yes, a hairdresser, they're closed on Mondays. But he's still a nincompoop. He's much too old for her. Besides, he cut her hair badly.’
Sighing, Lauri tightened the strap on his helmet and was surprised by Raimund's rough fingers plucking out one of his hair strands that had become too long again. Raimund looked at him for a moment, then smiled apologetically. ‘Hey, I'm sorry about your flirtation with Elisa, princess. I'll make it up to you, okay?’
‘I'm not flirting with her,’ Lauri protested indignantly. Annoyed, he tried to ignore his hot ears and folded his arms because Raimund was laughing at him again. These were the things that made the silence so difficult for Lauri. Raimund was rough, wild and never affectionate, except with him. With Lauri, Raimund was gentle, tender, even affectionate. But what did that mean?
What did those looks into the eyes, the touches mean, sometimes the back of the hand, sometimes the hair? Raimund was usually so outspoken, so why did he touch Lauri, smile at him so sweetly and say nothing else? It had to mean that he simply didn't want anything from Lauri, except to be his brother and protector. Fortunately, Raimund then drove off quickly and didn't bring up this embarrassing topic again.
They had lunch together with Maya and Raimund then had Maya sew a new patch on his bag, which was already covered with colourful items. This time it was a patch with two figures in top hats holding hands. A bit like the figures on toilet doors. Lauri looked up in astonishment from his laptop, where he had looked up the sign on the internet. ‘Raimund, do you even remember what all these signs stand for?’ He looked at the colourful mess. “What Maya is sewing on there is for same-sex marriage, isn't it?”
Maya looked at the symbols inquiringly, then said critically. ’Raimund, then maybe I should have sewn it next to the other one from the other day, huh?’ And when she tapped on it, Lauri's mouth went dry. It was a lambda symbol on a rainbow background. And before he could stop himself, his mouth asked, ‘Rai, are you gay with a symbol?’ Hope made him dizzy and his heart race.
Raimund grinned at him. ‘Judith's last failure in men was this really funny guy. Karsten. He's in the police, border patrol or something. He was fit, uncomplicated and nice. She picked him up in the cactus when she came to pick me up. And what can I say? Karsten hadn't stolen her furniture and valuables, he had treated her nicely and even paid her, he didn't have her do his laundry or talk her into getting some sick dog. He helped her when the fence fell over again the other day. He wasn't impotent like last year's guy, I could hear that much...’
Maya coughed softly and Raimund grinned apologetically, but continued. ‘…he didn't have a thousand weird diseases and he didn't have a thousand illegitimate children who had to be fed every weekend. There had to be a catch. Well, recently Judith confessed to me that he had probably gone both ways. He wasn't just with her, but also with a man. She had forgotten about a date and, typically Judith, went to see him the next morning to apologise. She must have surprised the two of them in bed. Classic. Typically Judith, she started by making them both a coffee and listening to their story. Karsten didn't dare actually come out and told her that he thought she was nice, wouldn't get him in trouble, didn't want to get married and that he could have her as an alibi alongside his lover. Well. Typically Judith, once again.’
Lauri gaped open-mouthed and looked at Maya, who pushed the needle through the thick fabric of the bag with a concentrated look and pretended that she wasn't part of the conversation. ‘How does Judith always do that? She really has a tracking device for totally messed-up men, doesn't she?’
Raimund shrugged. ‘He said he really liked her. I believe him. But liking someone and loving them are two different things, aren't they? At first they even wanted to try it as a threesome, but that was too complicated for her, you know Judith. And now I'm meeting Karsten again at the Cactus and he's asked me if I'd like to take part in a petition. In Germany, gay couples aren't allowed to marry. I didn't know that! Our country is totally behind the times! It's totally lousy. In Spain, gays are allowed to marry, but they're Catholic over there! Cool, isn't it?’
Maya coughed again and cut the last thread. ‘Done. I don't want to hear that word again at my dining table,’ she said, looking sternly over her frameless glasses. Then she got up and grumbled as she stretched her back. ‘Lauri, you haven't taken your laundry down. I have Easter off, you have to wear clean clothes.’
‘He can do his own washing from time to time, Maya.’ Raimund jumped up and kissed her on the cheek. ’Thanks!’
Lauri looked at the colourful patches and couldn't fight back. His heart was pounding. Now was his chance, right? Now he had to tell Raimund. Karen wasn't there. Maya was just throwing on her ugly transition jacket and waved at them, and Rai and he were sitting so close together.
‘Hey, Rai?’ With trembling fingers, Lauri fumbled with the tasteless Easter basket on their table.
Raimund threw his bag on the floor and said, ’Well, come on, Lauri!’
‘How?‘ Lauri looked up anxiously and was surprised again by Raimund's fingers, which plucked his hair to the side. “Princess, your hair has become really long, soon I'll call you Rapunzel.”
’Ass! What?‘
’Are you in love with Elisa?’
‘What? Why would you say that? No way!‘
’Well, you've been so absent lately. Always daydreaming. Just now, too. I babble on and on and you just stare ahead. I was even allowed to call you princess. Am I boring you?’ It suddenly sounded urgent, serious.
‘No! No! I'm just... tired, Rai. I don't fancy Elisa, really.‘ He was so distracted because he only needed to hear Raimund's voice to drift off into a dream world. It wasn't getting any better, it was getting worse.
’Do you want to sign up for this marriage thing too?‘
’Hm. Absolutely. It's really unfair, I think too.’
‘I'll bring it to school after the holidays, then we'll do it with everyone. We'll make a campaign out of it. Are you coming Friday night? You can drive the tractor, you've at least had some practice. I can't do it so well without you.’ Raimund was already jumping up.
‘Of course. I'll call my parents right away and tell them to fly to Cyprus on their own. I didn't feel like going there anyway.‘
’Great. See you!‘
’Wait a minute, Rai! Are you working tomorrow?‘
’Sure. I'm at the cactus. Why don't you come with the others? You can bring Elisa too.’
‘I don't want to. No, I have a theatre evening with my parents tomorrow, I'll come on Thursday, okay?’
Raimund grumbled his okay to himself, so Lauri followed him again into the utility room. ‘Rai, I'm not into Elisa, honestly not.’ They looked into each other's eyes briefly and Raimund grinned weakly. ‘Well, luckily. I was afraid I'd lose you to some snipe.’
A moment later, Lauri was sitting alone at the dining table, staring at the Easter arrangement. His thoughts were in a whirl. Raimund wasn't against gay relationships. Of course not. But what would happen if his own best friend suddenly belonged to that group? Would they no longer be able to look at each other? No longer be able to touch each other? Lauri's heart beat with fear. He knew he had to come clean about this before it got ugly. But he didn't want to lose Raimund.
The rest of the day, Lauri was completely dull and was glad that they only had two more days of school before the holidays gave him a respite. After all, only one more year of school and then he was free. Although that was relative again. Karen was studying dentistry, her boyfriend was studying dentistry. Lauri was expected to study dentistry. He felt queasy when he heard the sound of the drills, the smell made him feel as uncomfortable as it did for most people. He didn't want to be a dentist. He wanted to... sighing, he threw himself on his bed and took out a picture of Raimund and himself. They had put their arms around each other and laughed at the camera. He was cute and blond and a bit too chubby, Raimund was lanky and strong at the same time and with his red hair. Lauri just wanted to stay with Raimund. Where and how was almost irrelevant.
The Thursday before Easter came faster than Lauri would have liked. With it came his next date with Elisa. She was totally sweet and nice. He really liked her, liked her sense of humour, thought she was pretty with her dark brown hair and bright blue eyes. But he didn't feel any kind of heartbeat when she gave him a deep look from those heavenly eyes. Like now. They were sitting across from each other at a table in the Kaktus, where Raimund worked behind the bar to get the money together for a car. He was already eighteen, after all. One year older than Lauri. He had come to school later. Ostensibly because he was still so wild and immature. In reality, Maya and Judith had thought it would be better if Lauri and Raimund stayed together.
Raimund had brought Elisa and Lauri their drinks and was now chatting with some school friends while he washed the glasses. Elisa had manoeuvred Lauri to the table and looked into his eyes. Somehow, everyone expected them to become a couple now, didn't they? Lauri looked around nervously, met the grinning gaze of her friend Fiona and now wished that his parents had ordered him to fly to Cyprus with them. What a bummer. Now he was pretty much trapped. If only he hadn't come here!
Elisa told him something about a new film and he nodded, hadn't seen it either, but missed his chance to invite her to the cinema because he was watching Raimund, who was somehow talking to a girl for quite a long time. Lauri jumped up, even though Elisa was in mid-sentence. ‘I... have to go to the... toilet, I'll be right back.’
The music was loud and so Raimund leaned in closer as Lauri stared at him across the bar.
‘Save me.’
Raimund blinked. ‘Please?’
‘Save me. Elisa is hitting on me.’ Lauri looked imploringly into Raimund's eyes and found them much prettier than Elisa's. Also blue, but in a happy, bright way. Not blatant or striking, but somehow they lured the gaze in. Or was it always just him?
Karen suddenly giggled and put the book down. ‘Don't even try, little brother. You're just a man and multitasking isn't functionally intended.’
Lauri looked around for a moment, then gave her the finger, because Maya was just about to open the fridge. Before he got even more flabby, he preferred to get up, down his cocoa and stuff the vocabulary booklet into his backpack.
Karen rose as well and straightened her cute black cardigan. ‘It's raining,’ she stated a little disgustedly. ‘Do you want me to drive you, Lauri? I have a class in a few minutes, too.’ Not only had she gotten her driver's license a while ago, but of course she had gotten the car to go with it. Her studies in dentistry often required her to make the early trip into the city to the university.
There was something about riding with her, especially in rainy weather. She and Lauri had the same taste in music and got along great. When his girlfriend Elisa caught them together on the golf course, she would talk ecstatically about clothes with Karen for an hour. And his mate Tim was crazy about Karen and always blushed endlessly when she dropped her brother off at school. But Lauri had other plans. ‘No. I'm going with Raimund. I still have to do that to him anyway...’
‘Please! Please don't tell me that you've done the homework again for that crazy...’ she looked around at the housekeeper, who had just left the room. “...ass!” She pushed a cute black glittering hair clip at her temple into her light blonde hair.
Lauri blinked. ‘I never have,’ he lied, unmoved. ‘No. I still have to give him his MP3 player back.’ Actually, it had been Lauri's player. He had given it to Raimund as a present not too long ago. Unlike Lauri and Karen, whose parents, thanks to their practices as a dentist and orthodontist, had more money than Scrooge McDuck, she should be overcome by desire, Raimund was poor.
Raimund's mother had separated from her husband after a rather unpleasant, very short marriage. The guy had then first sunk into unemployment and then completely disappeared. He was probably violent, at least not the type of man a woman wanted to raise her child with. Raimund's maternal grandmother had already thrown her daughter out of the house during her apprenticeship because of disputes; the two no longer spoke to each other. The paternal grandparents were more like their son.
Thus, Raimund's mother Judith was a completely abandoned, single and completely chaotic mother. She had come to the village while fleeing from her ex-husband when Raimund was about four years old. Her decrepit car was crammed full of her belongings and some animals that Judith also fed. With this chaos, they moved into the small gatekeeper's cottage on the old tracks, thanks to some connections, and began to live there more than they resided.
Unfortunately, Judith was the perfect miscast as a mother. She was soft, highly disorganised and absent-minded. About her decision to dye her hair, she could forget to pick up her son from kindergarten. She couldn't say no to anyone or anything, which led to her acquiring an unspeakable number of strange pets. At the same time, she had a tendency to get involved with men who took advantage of her, and all of this left her with very little time for her son.
Once a man had taken advantage of Judith again, she realised after very tiring conversations with Maya and others what a loser she had chosen and ended the affair. But she had never been vindictive if someone had taken advantage of her once.
Her son Raimund was less forgiving. If he found out that a guy was taking advantage of his mother, he would take revenge, and in a very creative way. He was notorious for this, and it wasn't uncommon for him to drag his friend Lauri into these harebrained plans and actions.
Raimund and Lauri had been in the same kindergarten group since he and his mother had appeared in the village. In silent agreement with her ethical ideas, the housekeeper Maya had taken over the regiment not only over Lauri and Karen, but also over the wild Raimund.
And Raimund was wild, all right. When Judith, in the sixth month of her pregnancy, had found herself not just a few kilos heavier but actually and surprisingly pregnant, she had very romantically wished for a son to be named Raimund. He should always smile angelically and be mild and well-read and just wonderful. He should have black curls like his father, whom Judith had just married, full of romance and in a hurry. Unfortunately, she had forgotten the unfortunate flirtation with the red-haired bakery truck driver a few months earlier.
She had actually had a son. A Raimund, because she had insisted on the name. But that's where the similarities between dream and reality ended. Raimund was red-haired like the unfortunate baker, from birth and it got steadily worse. This led to the scandal with her current husband, who couldn't count and therefore didn't realise that he was only with Judith after she had conceived. It earned her a black eye, a broken rib and a new life in the village. Actually a lucky break for Judith and it was the lucky break for Raimund. Unfortunately, Raimund was not only red-haired, but did not fit in with his mother's ideas in other ways either. He was never mild, rarely smiled, did not like to read and was about as wonderful as a root canal treatment. Raimund was the kind of son who would be perfect for advertising contraceptives.
Of course, this was largely due to the fact that Judith didn't educate him at all, just blinked in confusion when yet another neighbour, the farmer from across the way, the mother of a child with whom Raimund had fought, the baker, where he had stolen something, or Lauri's parents, where he had broken something, talked to her and gave her strict lectures.
There were only two people who had Raimund completely under control. One was Maya, with her energetic manner and the ability to bribe him with food or punish him by depriving him of the right to sit at the table in her kitchen. The other was Lauri. One look from Lauri's brown saucer eyes immediately made Raimund nervously ask if something was wrong. If Lauri's eyes started to well, Raimund was ready to beat the world to make everything right again.
Raimund's mother had been confused by the unwanted but sorely needed help from Maya, but she had gone to work, taken care of her animals and men, and probably gladly forgotten about her son's many worries about money and other little things. As a saleswoman in a bookshop two towns away, she was as confused as she was popular with customers. At least she had the unique gift of remembering pretty much every book that a customer had ever bought. This made her a good choice when someone in the area needed a birthday present.
So thanks to the energetic Maya, thanks to Lauri's enthusiasm for this wild friend and thanks to Lauri's relaxed, uninformed parents, it was not uncommon for Raimund to magically turn up at Lauri's dinner table after kindergarten and after elementary school to do his homework. Raimund had only managed to get into high school because Lauri did his homework, helped him with tests, constantly kicked him in the butt and generally made sure that his friend didn't lag behind.
Raimund had made sure that the somewhat chubby Lauri with the thick glasses was not teased without getting a punch in the nose, that he was not teased when he had to wear a squint eye patch, because then Raimund would also give him a punch in the nose. That he was not teased later because of the bulky braces that he had to wear thanks to his father, because otherwise Raimund would have given him a good punch on the nose, and that no one dared to tease him during physical education when he once again came in last because then he would have received a good punch on the nose.
Their childhood was thus characterised by a constant symbiosis of well-being and security. Lauri protected Raimund from the chaos at home and from being left back at school. Raimund protected Lauri's childlike emotional well-being and spoiled him almost more than his own parents and big sister did.
Raimund himself was happy to take care of his own interests, since Maya managed his physical well-being and Lauri his mental well-being. He played handball in a team twice a week. He was so aggressive that he was incredibly good at it. He played a lot on an old guitar that Judith had given him, and he worked almost every evening in a bar, where he occasionally provided live music on the guitar. Most of the money was spent by Judith on various animals, their food or veterinary bills. Raimund was very loyal to his mother and gladly gave her the necessary money. Since Judith was too confused to realise that her savings, which she kept in a preserving jar, should have been used up long ago, she didn't notice it either. He also invested his money in a scooter because, at the age of fifteen, he no longer wanted to use the school bus or a bicycle.
His wild red hair, the very picture of a mysterious father, now also shone towards Lauri because Raimund had pulled his helmet off his head. That, too, was typical of him. He threw the helmet to Lauri, who put it on, enjoying the fact that Raimund cared so much about him, even if he hid it quite well behind the excuse that he would then be the cool one who would ride without a helmet.
Raimund laughed at Lauri, who, grumpy from the Monday feeling in his bones, climbed onto the scooter after he had straightened his backpack. Raimund's bag had disappeared into the luggage box at the back, so Lauri was able to lean perfectly against him. Before Karen could step out of the house to make snide comments about her lack of motorised transport, the scooter roared into life and sped up the hill out of the village.
The school wasn't far, and it was an easy ride by bike, but Lauri would never have swapped that for the chance to snuggle up against the strong back, while Raimund already shouted the wild plans of the day over his shoulder, or asked him about missed homework.
Raimund chained his scooter in front of the school, then Lauri handed him the vocabulary list. ‘This is yesterday's list, here is last week's. I've marked the words that will statistically be on tomorrow's test with a dot. Make sure you don't have the cheat sheet in your pencil case again, Rai, because that's the first place Schulz will look today.’
Raimund grumbled a small thank you and brushed the rain out of his hair, then his latest brainwave was discussed. While they waved to their friends from the class, he announced: ‘Saturday is the Easter bonfire. We'll do it Friday night. It's supposed to rain, but it'll be fine. Judith's new boyfriend wants to go camping with her and stares at the weather report every five minutes. They're out of the way. Your millionaire parents are flying out again, aren't they?‘
’Hm, they are. Camping? Isn't it freezing?’
‘Sure, he just wants to get her out of the house and away from me anyway. She had a family crisis the other day, wanted to do something with me, I don't know what that's about. He's driving her away again.’ Raimund pushed the strap of his olive-green bag, full of colourful patches, a little higher on his shoulder. “Are you coming, Princess?” He grinned.
Lauri frowned. Once, in primary school, thanks to his blonde hair, which was much too long at the time, he had been given the job of the stupid princess in a Christmas play because the real princess had thrown up out of fear or perhaps thanks to a virus, and the damage was done. For months, he was nothing but the princess's prince for the class. It was the only time Raimund had been involved and no one had been hurt.
At some point, Lauri had shaved off his hair with his father's long-hair clippers, which had earned him a period of wearing very thick caps and officially just looked awful on his round face. The other kids had forgotten about the princess thing, only remembering it very rarely, but Raimund had got into the habit. Lauri couldn't get out of the number. Since then, Raimund called him Princess. But he did it in a loving, almost affectionate way. As if the expression was a term of endearment for him. Fortunately, or perhaps because of that, he only did it when they were alone. Still, there had to be a punishment. Lauri punched him briefly with his elbow. ‘Ass. Let's see. Maybe I will go to Cyprus with my parents after all.’
‘Cyprus this time? I see. I'll do it without you. Farmer Franz was there with the tractor this time, and he always leaves the keys in the ignition on the old turnip. I can manage that on my own.’ Raimund stretched his only insufficiently shaved chin energetically.
Lauri sighed and rummaged busily in his backpack. ‘Let's see. I'll tell you on Wednesday what I'm doing.’ He liked to keep Raimund in suspense, enjoying the fact that his friend did care. But it was clear that Cyprus would never be able to compete against a harebrained idea of his friend and crush. Besides, he wanted to use the Easter holidays and the absence of his parents for the plan. It had to be, as much as he was afraid of it. Sighing, Lauri wondered how he should tell Raimund about his feelings. He was terribly afraid that for the first time in his life he would get his nose broken by his best friend and brother.
They parted in front of the school, Raimund had to memorise the vocabulary at the last second, and Lauri joined his friends to find out the latest gossip and the upcoming Easter plans. He blocked out the chatter and thought about his own plan. He had to do it soon. Easter was perfect, the old folks were away, Karen was busy with her best giggling friend, who was probably supposed to spend the night, and he and Rai would steal the tractor from Farmer Franz in a cloak-and-dagger operation to pull apart the branches at the Easter bonfire.
According to Raimund, it was scandalous that many animals had to die in these Easter fires because people were too lazy to check under the bushes and tree stumps before burning them. So this year he was determined to make their Easter bonfire unsuitable as a death trap and to free the rabbits and hedgehogs and mice from it, before everything was to be burned the next evening thanks to the wet with the help of petrol.
The action was crazy to the power of ten and typical of Raimund. He had stolen all the fishing equipment at school one year because he found it scandalous that the fish had to suffer just because a teacher wanted to start a fishing club. The following year, in a cloak-and-dagger operation, they had moved all the trout from the breeding pond to the large lake. Weeks later, the police were still trying to figure out who the thief was. They didn't realise that it could have been teenagers with a scooter, a small trailer and three buckets of water.
Raimund had put up a huge poster pointing out that one farmer was stuffing his animals full of antibiotics when he had noticed it. Raimund was extremely active in such matters and therefore also very exhausting, but Lauri liked that about him. He hoped that it was precisely Raimund's way of being so active, so protective of the weak, that would allow him to survive the debate in his own case, perhaps even with an unbroken nose.
The lesson, the vocabulary test including a search for a cheat sheet by teacher Schulz in Raimund's pencil case, and the breaks passed by Lauri rather unnoticed. He thought about the words he wanted to use to explain himself. It was like that. Raimund had been like a brother to him, all these years, and also his best friend. He had been his buddy, his student, whom he had taught so many things, and at the same time a teacher from whom he had learned the important things in life. Since last summer, however, Raimund had become something new to Lauri. Something that scared him. First love, maybe the only one, he was still undecided. The fact was, right now Rai was his only love.
Since last summer, Lauri had had a crush on Raimund, and a really big one at that. It was terribly painful, just like in the best depressing songs. It was beautiful. It was a wild feeling that wanted to be free, but wasn't allowed to be. Frightened, Lauri had locked up and hidden this feeling.
He had spent hours on the internet gathering information. It was perfectly okay for him to have a crush on Raimund. That was what it was called. From a social point of view, it could be difficult here and there, but difficult was Raimund's middle name, that much was already clear to Lauri. But was it really okay for him? Somehow Lauri was happy about these beautiful feelings and at the same time he viewed them with concern.
His life had not been particularly passionate or exciting so far. He hadn't really wished for that. He liked the calm and regularity of his life. He enjoyed living it in peace and was not wildly active like Raimund. The thought of a wild action on his own initiative rather frightened Lauri. But his feelings didn't get better, only clearer, louder. He had agonised over this last summer, during which Raimund had gotten a pretty sharp body from playing a lot of handball, beach volleyball at the lake and his job as a harvest worker. Lauri had noticed this tacitly, of course, but his sister Karen had expressed it verbally. She had cast an appreciative glance at Raimund's almost naked figure at the lake and then told her friend Rebekka, ‘The red plague fly is slowly becoming quite a sight.’
Rebekka had added, with expert knowledge, ‘Considering the hair, it's a miracle that he's getting so much tan and not walking around like a lobster.’
Lauri had followed their gaze and hadn't hidden it well enough, it seemed. In the following, he had to be annoyed by the two girls because of his alleged jealousy of Raimund's muscles. That wasn't true at all. Lauri was not muscular or even athletic-looking, but he had left the total chubbiness of his childhood behind him to some extent, even if he would never look slim or trained.
He played golf quite well and enjoyed it. So he played golf a lot, which helped him get a little fitter even against his own will, and he had gotten a good tan and very light blonde hair from sailing. He was actually quite content with himself. He had always been a realist and more was just not possible for him. He didn't have a big belly or butt anymore, so that was something. His face was still soft and round, but he hadn't developed any severe skin problems, unlike the neighbour's son, who now went to therapy twice a week. He hardly had a beard that needed shaving, and he had his brown saucer eyes, with which he repeatedly got away with it with the girls in the golf club and with the English teacher, as well as with their housekeeper Maya, and with his parents.
No. This summer, Lauri was quite happy with the way he looked. It was his psyche that worried him. No matter how motivating the internet trumpeted that it was okay to confess to your best friend that you had a crush on him. On the internet, they were certainly best friends who weren't called Raimund, otherwise they wouldn't have been so happy about it. And so Lauri was secretly, very quietly and only to himself madly in love with his friend.
But it suited him that this feeling was directed towards Raimund. Lauri had never done anything wild in his life that didn't have to do with Raimund. Alone, he was well-behaved, sweet, lame, boring. He did well in school, which was pretty good. He always went sailing in the sailing school in the summer and he trotted across the golf course with his father and mother twice a week. On Wednesdays and Fridays, when they closed their practices earlier. On the golf course, he always talked very nicely and kindly to the other children of the rich people who also romped around there.
He even spoke very kindly and nicely to Elisa from the parallel class. She was the crush for him, from the point of view of his sister and parents. Elisa's parents were both doctors with their own practices, so she and her parents appeared on the golf course on Wednesdays and Fridays. As soon as Elisa appeared, Lauri had to stand by her and be nice to her. That wasn't difficult for him; she was a totally nice girl and quite pretty, but nothing more. Lauri didn't feel wild around Elisa in any way.
And that day, too, Lauri dutifully trotted along to the bike racks with the others from the clique, where they were still hanging out. He smiled at Elisa, who now even wanted something from him, he promised her best friend Fiona that he would come to Elisa's birthday party, and he agreed that he would go sailing with his school friend Tim at the weekend after Easter, if the weather held up.
The conversation with Elisa, who asked Lauri about his Easter plans, was interrupted impatiently by Raimund's screeching horn. ‘Come on!’
Lauri blinked at Raimund and hastily said goodbye to Elisa, to whom he shouted as he ran off, ‘I'm probably not even going to be there. Cyprus or something is on the cards!’
When he took the helmet from Raimund, he said somewhat reproachfully, ‘What's the matter? Today is Monday, you don't have gym or work, do you?’
Raimund looked at him briefly, then bowed his head. ‘I don't want to freeze here and wait for the next rain.’
‘Well. We're having fish today, are you coming anyway?’ Being an activist, Raimund had been a vegetarian for a while and didn't even want to come over for dinner when there was fish or meat. That's why Lauri often asked for pancakes or rice pudding or vegetable soufflé from Maya.
Today Raimund seemed to be in a better mood, or he wanted something from Lauri, because he nodded curtly. ‘I don't want to go home either, Judith's latest disaster is probably still there,’ he explained.
‘Your new guy doesn't work either?’ Unemployment was typical for Judith's guys.
‘Yes, a hairdresser, they're closed on Mondays. But he's still a nincompoop. He's much too old for her. Besides, he cut her hair badly.’
Sighing, Lauri tightened the strap on his helmet and was surprised by Raimund's rough fingers plucking out one of his hair strands that had become too long again. Raimund looked at him for a moment, then smiled apologetically. ‘Hey, I'm sorry about your flirtation with Elisa, princess. I'll make it up to you, okay?’
‘I'm not flirting with her,’ Lauri protested indignantly. Annoyed, he tried to ignore his hot ears and folded his arms because Raimund was laughing at him again. These were the things that made the silence so difficult for Lauri. Raimund was rough, wild and never affectionate, except with him. With Lauri, Raimund was gentle, tender, even affectionate. But what did that mean?
What did those looks into the eyes, the touches mean, sometimes the back of the hand, sometimes the hair? Raimund was usually so outspoken, so why did he touch Lauri, smile at him so sweetly and say nothing else? It had to mean that he simply didn't want anything from Lauri, except to be his brother and protector. Fortunately, Raimund then drove off quickly and didn't bring up this embarrassing topic again.
They had lunch together with Maya and Raimund then had Maya sew a new patch on his bag, which was already covered with colourful items. This time it was a patch with two figures in top hats holding hands. A bit like the figures on toilet doors. Lauri looked up in astonishment from his laptop, where he had looked up the sign on the internet. ‘Raimund, do you even remember what all these signs stand for?’ He looked at the colourful mess. “What Maya is sewing on there is for same-sex marriage, isn't it?”
Maya looked at the symbols inquiringly, then said critically. ’Raimund, then maybe I should have sewn it next to the other one from the other day, huh?’ And when she tapped on it, Lauri's mouth went dry. It was a lambda symbol on a rainbow background. And before he could stop himself, his mouth asked, ‘Rai, are you gay with a symbol?’ Hope made him dizzy and his heart race.
Raimund grinned at him. ‘Judith's last failure in men was this really funny guy. Karsten. He's in the police, border patrol or something. He was fit, uncomplicated and nice. She picked him up in the cactus when she came to pick me up. And what can I say? Karsten hadn't stolen her furniture and valuables, he had treated her nicely and even paid her, he didn't have her do his laundry or talk her into getting some sick dog. He helped her when the fence fell over again the other day. He wasn't impotent like last year's guy, I could hear that much...’
Maya coughed softly and Raimund grinned apologetically, but continued. ‘…he didn't have a thousand weird diseases and he didn't have a thousand illegitimate children who had to be fed every weekend. There had to be a catch. Well, recently Judith confessed to me that he had probably gone both ways. He wasn't just with her, but also with a man. She had forgotten about a date and, typically Judith, went to see him the next morning to apologise. She must have surprised the two of them in bed. Classic. Typically Judith, she started by making them both a coffee and listening to their story. Karsten didn't dare actually come out and told her that he thought she was nice, wouldn't get him in trouble, didn't want to get married and that he could have her as an alibi alongside his lover. Well. Typically Judith, once again.’
Lauri gaped open-mouthed and looked at Maya, who pushed the needle through the thick fabric of the bag with a concentrated look and pretended that she wasn't part of the conversation. ‘How does Judith always do that? She really has a tracking device for totally messed-up men, doesn't she?’
Raimund shrugged. ‘He said he really liked her. I believe him. But liking someone and loving them are two different things, aren't they? At first they even wanted to try it as a threesome, but that was too complicated for her, you know Judith. And now I'm meeting Karsten again at the Cactus and he's asked me if I'd like to take part in a petition. In Germany, gay couples aren't allowed to marry. I didn't know that! Our country is totally behind the times! It's totally lousy. In Spain, gays are allowed to marry, but they're Catholic over there! Cool, isn't it?’
Maya coughed again and cut the last thread. ‘Done. I don't want to hear that word again at my dining table,’ she said, looking sternly over her frameless glasses. Then she got up and grumbled as she stretched her back. ‘Lauri, you haven't taken your laundry down. I have Easter off, you have to wear clean clothes.’
‘He can do his own washing from time to time, Maya.’ Raimund jumped up and kissed her on the cheek. ’Thanks!’
Lauri looked at the colourful patches and couldn't fight back. His heart was pounding. Now was his chance, right? Now he had to tell Raimund. Karen wasn't there. Maya was just throwing on her ugly transition jacket and waved at them, and Rai and he were sitting so close together.
‘Hey, Rai?’ With trembling fingers, Lauri fumbled with the tasteless Easter basket on their table.
Raimund threw his bag on the floor and said, ’Well, come on, Lauri!’
‘How?‘ Lauri looked up anxiously and was surprised again by Raimund's fingers, which plucked his hair to the side. “Princess, your hair has become really long, soon I'll call you Rapunzel.”
’Ass! What?‘
’Are you in love with Elisa?’
‘What? Why would you say that? No way!‘
’Well, you've been so absent lately. Always daydreaming. Just now, too. I babble on and on and you just stare ahead. I was even allowed to call you princess. Am I boring you?’ It suddenly sounded urgent, serious.
‘No! No! I'm just... tired, Rai. I don't fancy Elisa, really.‘ He was so distracted because he only needed to hear Raimund's voice to drift off into a dream world. It wasn't getting any better, it was getting worse.
’Do you want to sign up for this marriage thing too?‘
’Hm. Absolutely. It's really unfair, I think too.’
‘I'll bring it to school after the holidays, then we'll do it with everyone. We'll make a campaign out of it. Are you coming Friday night? You can drive the tractor, you've at least had some practice. I can't do it so well without you.’ Raimund was already jumping up.
‘Of course. I'll call my parents right away and tell them to fly to Cyprus on their own. I didn't feel like going there anyway.‘
’Great. See you!‘
’Wait a minute, Rai! Are you working tomorrow?‘
’Sure. I'm at the cactus. Why don't you come with the others? You can bring Elisa too.’
‘I don't want to. No, I have a theatre evening with my parents tomorrow, I'll come on Thursday, okay?’
Raimund grumbled his okay to himself, so Lauri followed him again into the utility room. ‘Rai, I'm not into Elisa, honestly not.’ They looked into each other's eyes briefly and Raimund grinned weakly. ‘Well, luckily. I was afraid I'd lose you to some snipe.’
A moment later, Lauri was sitting alone at the dining table, staring at the Easter arrangement. His thoughts were in a whirl. Raimund wasn't against gay relationships. Of course not. But what would happen if his own best friend suddenly belonged to that group? Would they no longer be able to look at each other? No longer be able to touch each other? Lauri's heart beat with fear. He knew he had to come clean about this before it got ugly. But he didn't want to lose Raimund.
The rest of the day, Lauri was completely dull and was glad that they only had two more days of school before the holidays gave him a respite. After all, only one more year of school and then he was free. Although that was relative again. Karen was studying dentistry, her boyfriend was studying dentistry. Lauri was expected to study dentistry. He felt queasy when he heard the sound of the drills, the smell made him feel as uncomfortable as it did for most people. He didn't want to be a dentist. He wanted to... sighing, he threw himself on his bed and took out a picture of Raimund and himself. They had put their arms around each other and laughed at the camera. He was cute and blond and a bit too chubby, Raimund was lanky and strong at the same time and with his red hair. Lauri just wanted to stay with Raimund. Where and how was almost irrelevant.
The Thursday before Easter came faster than Lauri would have liked. With it came his next date with Elisa. She was totally sweet and nice. He really liked her, liked her sense of humour, thought she was pretty with her dark brown hair and bright blue eyes. But he didn't feel any kind of heartbeat when she gave him a deep look from those heavenly eyes. Like now. They were sitting across from each other at a table in the Kaktus, where Raimund worked behind the bar to get the money together for a car. He was already eighteen, after all. One year older than Lauri. He had come to school later. Ostensibly because he was still so wild and immature. In reality, Maya and Judith had thought it would be better if Lauri and Raimund stayed together.
Raimund had brought Elisa and Lauri their drinks and was now chatting with some school friends while he washed the glasses. Elisa had manoeuvred Lauri to the table and looked into his eyes. Somehow, everyone expected them to become a couple now, didn't they? Lauri looked around nervously, met the grinning gaze of her friend Fiona and now wished that his parents had ordered him to fly to Cyprus with them. What a bummer. Now he was pretty much trapped. If only he hadn't come here!
Elisa told him something about a new film and he nodded, hadn't seen it either, but missed his chance to invite her to the cinema because he was watching Raimund, who was somehow talking to a girl for quite a long time. Lauri jumped up, even though Elisa was in mid-sentence. ‘I... have to go to the... toilet, I'll be right back.’
The music was loud and so Raimund leaned in closer as Lauri stared at him across the bar.
‘Save me.’
Raimund blinked. ‘Please?’
‘Save me. Elisa is hitting on me.’ Lauri looked imploringly into Raimund's eyes and found them much prettier than Elisa's. Also blue, but in a happy, bright way. Not blatant or striking, but somehow they lured the gaze in. Or was it always just him?