2025-07-10, 03:46 PM
A Visit to the Cinema
*** Hi everyone.
The author asked me to comment on this story here. So if you don't like someone constantly interrupting and making malicious comments, then you're in the wrong place. Oh yes, if you're interested, I'm Gloria. My age? Well, that's really not important! Well, let's turn to the story. – Oh yes, when I have something to say, it is written between asterisks.
So the main character is a normal guy, just 16 years old and – how could it be otherwise – gay. If you think that this is already the end of the story – think again! That's the advantage of an omniscient narrator – I know that he is gay. He doesn't. Oh, and for the record: his name is Nathan Ziegler, he's about 175 cm tall, has brown hair and a pretty good figure. ***
Nathan sleepily feels for the alarm clock that had just abruptly woken him from his dreams. Why couldn't the semester holidays have started yet? No, instead there were still a few tests and schoolwork to be done in the next few weeks.
Not that Nathan was a bad student, but somehow he lacked the right connection to the others. The other boys in his class were beginning to take more and more interest in girls, but he couldn't quite understand this interest. He only got along reasonably well with Robert. They often sat together in the afternoons working on maths problems for the next lesson or on Cicero's speeches on various topics.
*** We'll spare you the usual stuff like showering, brushing your teeth and so on and so forth, I'm sure everyone knows how that goes. The only noteworthy thing is that Nathan only drinks a cup of coffee in the morning. So, after crossing out all the unimportant things, we'll accompany him to school right away. ***
Monday morning began as usual with a double period of chemistry. Nathan and Robert, who also sat together in the chemistry classroom, joined the rest of the class, who found it difficult to get excited about the professor's lectures on Mondays at 7:30 a.m., surrounded by various chemicals (the architect would have been better off planning ventilation for the chemistry classroom).
At least he allowed himself to be persuaded not to ignore the break as usual, but to treat himself to a snack.
‘So, how was your holiday?’
‘Oh, it was okay. The usual. Christmas, then a short break from the party and an almost seamless transition to the New Year's Eve celebrations, and then the “same old” skiing holiday,’ replied Robert.
‘Well, something like that. And what did you do on New Year's Eve?‘
’Actually, I wanted to go to Karin's party, but my parents didn't allow it. So I sat at home. We ate cold cuts, watched TV and poured lead at midnight.‘
’And what did you get?’
‘No idea what it was. It looked a bit like goat shit. Not very promising.’
‘Take comfort in the fact that my New Year wasn't any more exciting either.’ Nathan was about to start his description, but the bell interrupted him.
*** At this point, I want to finish where Nathan was interrupted. His New Year's Eve wasn't any more exciting either, especially because he hadn't been invited to Karin's party. ***
The rest of the morning was pretty much business as usual. The two boys took part in class more or less actively, discussed their holidays and arranged to meet after school. They were separated for the last two hours because Robert was taking art while Nathan had chosen music because his drawing skills were rather limited.
*** Not that music lessons were all that much more interesting – the curriculum states that 16-year-olds should be interested in music history – but some art teachers are true pedagogical geniuses. And after asking for the umpteenth time what this was supposed to represent, Nathan had decided that he would rather struggle with music history than opt for ‘advanced humiliation’. ***
Nathan had barely started on the maths homework when Robert rang the doorbell.
‘Hey, I was just about to start without you.’
‘Sorry, I couldn't leave earlier. My mum hadn't finished dinner yet.’
A short time later, the two of them were sitting over the examples and were pleased to find that the professor had had a good day.
‘What are we going to do with the rest of the afternoon?‘
’I don't know. What do you think of just listening to music and chatting a little?‘
’Ok. Put something on.‘
When the first bars of “The Miracle Of Love” sounded, Robert's face took on a pensive expression.
’Tell me, have you ever really been in love?’
‘I don't think so. And you?‘
’Hm, I don't know. I met a nice girl on a skiing holiday...‘
’And? Have you – you know?‘
’Where do you think. After that weird community evening in our guesthouse, she kissed me on the cheek, but that was it.’
Nathan realised that Robert was obviously still a little hung up on his holiday acquaintance and therefore tried to change the subject.
‘Do you know what film we're going to see at the cinema on Thursday? Ms Stangler hasn't said anything about it.’
"No idea. But knowing her, it's bound to be interesting. She just said that it fits in with our next topic, “tolerance”.’
Ms Stangler, given the awesome abbreviation StaPe by the computer, was responsible for teaching English in the class. After four years with various other teachers, she took over the class last year and taught many a student, accustomed to convenience, how to work. With snappy sayings, she kept order in the class like no one else and often caused incredulous amazement when she impressively ensured quiet. ***
‘I'm getting an ice cream. Do you want one too? Hello!’
‘Hm, what did you say? I was just lost in thought.’
"I noticed that. Do you want an ice cream?’
‘Yes, please,‘ replied Robert.
When Nathan returned with two cups of vanilla ice cream with thick chocolate sauce, Robert had changed the CD.
’Cos every time I seem to fall in love, Crash! Boom! Bang! I find the heart but then I hit the wall, Crash! Boom! Bang!...‘
’Here's your ice cream.’
They ate their ice cream in silence for a while, then Nathan said, ‘You loved her, didn't you?’
‘I don't know. I don't know what's going on with me. You think you're just having fun together and then you get a kiss and suddenly everything is different.’
"Do you have her address?’
‘No, I forgot that, idiot that I am. But at least she asked for mine."
*** Well, well, that's how they are, men. If we women didn't always think for them, some dream couples would have been lost forever. They were just prototypes, after all. ***
The two of them spent the rest of the afternoon playing various board games until Robert finally went home in the evening. That night, Nathan lay awake for a long time, wondering how he could cheer Robert up, because this business from the skiing holiday had obviously affected him more than he was willing to admit.
That night he had another strange dream: he is standing in a large ballroom and one by one all the girls in his class come in. But they all walk past him and in the end he is surrounded by dancing couples and mocking laughing faces circle him.
The next morning, Nathan set off for school particularly early because he really wanted to talk to Robert before the first lesson.
Robert was already there when Nathan came into class.
‘Hey, did you sleep well?’ Nathan greeted him.
‘Oh, so-so,’ Robert grumbled back.
‘What's the matter? Were you thinking about her all night?’
"I don't know. In any case, I slept really badly. I don't know what's been going on with me lately.’
‘Maybe you just long for a girl to share your life with?’ “I guess so.”
*** It's always cute when 16-year-old boys play Dr. Sommer. But let's see, maybe Nathan even hit the nail on the head. ***
‘And in the next lesson we're going to start with the next topic. Please read page 37 in your textbook until then.‘
’Ms Stangler?‘
’Yes, Nathan?‘
’What film are we going to see at the cinema on Thursday?‘
’I'm not going to tell you that yet."
Nathan went back to his desk feeling disappointed, where Robert was waiting for him, grinning.
‘Well, you nosey parker. Any luck?‘
’No, you heard him.‘
That afternoon, Robert called Nathan.
’Ziegler?‘
’Hello Mrs Ziegler, this is Robert Falkner. Can I speak to Nathan?‘
’Yes, just a moment, I'll get him. – Nathan, telephone!"
A little later, Nathan was downstairs.
‘Who is it?‘
’Robert.‘
’Hello Robert, what's up?‘
’Steffi wrote to me!‘
’Who?‘
’Steffi. You know, the girl from the skiing holiday.‘
’And?’
‘She writes that she thought I was really nice and that she's sorry we didn't meet earlier. – Hello, are you still there?‘
’Yeah, yeah. I'm really happy for you. Are you going to see each other again?‘
’She writes that she might come to visit during the semester break.‘
’Hey, so? Are you inviting her?’
‘I don't know yet. I have to ask my parents first. So I'll see you tomorrow?‘
’Sure, it's school anyway. See you then.‘
’See you.’
Nathan slowly replaced the receiver and went back to his room. Suddenly he felt empty inside. Somehow he wholeheartedly wished Robert luck, but he was also afraid. Afraid of losing his only friend.
When Robert was feeling sad, he was there for him, but if he entered into a relationship now, he would just be a third wheel. The longer he thought about it, the more terrible he imagined the future to be, until finally he cried himself to sleep.
Well, sweetheart, I'd say it's a clear case based on the symptoms. The stuff that love, intrigue, jealousy and most daily soaps are made of. It just remains to be seen whether friendship is stronger.
When the alarm clock woke Nathan in the morning, he was bathed in sweat and his bed looked like a bomb site. He hadn't slept very well all night and had been haunted by monsters.
Nathan made his way to the bathroom, washed his face with cold water and finally realised that all his efforts to make the dark circles under his eyes disappear were in vain.
*** Yeah, who doesn't know the problem. Apparently, no make-up has yet been invented that reliably covers dark circles. Welcome to real life, kid. ***
‘Don't dawdle, you'll be late for school,‘ his mother called up from downstairs.
’I'm coming.‘
’Well, I think that's a rumour."
Nathan hurried to finish his coffee and get out of the house. His mother was once again in an unbearably good mood, and although he wasn't usually grumpy in the morning, after that night he wanted to save himself the trouble.
He had barely arrived at school when Robert greeted him.
‘Hey, I thought you weren't coming today.’
‘I didn't sleep well. What's going on?’
‘Here, this is it.’
Robert waved a piece of paper in front of Nathan's nose.
‘That's who?’
"Well, the letter. You're a little slow on the uptake today.’
‘Oh, from your holiday acquaintance.‘
’Yes, exactly. Just look at this writing. So beautifully even and curved."
The sheet was indeed covered with perfectly straight lines in beautifully engraved script.
‘And the paper is even perfumed,’ Robert continued to enthuse. He was obviously floating in seventh heaven.
Nathan no longer heard exactly what Robert was saying. He just felt a lump forming in his throat that threatened to cut off his air. He felt as if he would have to gag on his coffee at any moment. What was the matter with him? He should be truly happy for his friend, that he was so in love. Was this jealousy of his happiness? Or just fear of being alone?
The bell for the first hour interrupted Robert's ramblings and brought both of them back down to earth.
Nathan and Robert had gymnastics for the last two hours. Actually, Nathan really hated gymnastics because he was neither sporty nor a sports enthusiast. He was lucky that this did not have a negative effect on his figure, but he could have done very well without it.
The first lesson was musical gymnastics to tapes that had been out since the professor was young, and then there was a floor exercise test.
Nathan could still manage the various types of rolls, but when it came to cartwheels and handstands, he more or less failed.
*** Yes, yes, we don't learn for school but for life. And if a pack of enemy agents should ever chase us, we can impress them with a handstand or a headstand, and then flee by doing a flying roll or cartwheel. ***
In the second lesson, the professor allowed himself to be persuaded to form three teams and play football. Although Nathan usually hated this form of sport too, today it didn't seem so inconvenient to him.
Somehow today he felt the need to kick the ball uncontrollably. In the first game, Nathan and Robert met as opponents.
Kick-off.
A player from the opposing team approached Nathan, who had been assigned to defence. It was Alexander. Nathan didn't like him because in his eyes he was a disgusting show-off who also had nothing on his mind. But in sports he was an ace and the girls were at his feet because of that and also because of his well-toned body. In no time Alexander had tricked Nathan and placed the ball in the goal.
‘Try a little effort next time,‘ Stefan Nathan grumbled.
’Very funny. You go yourself.‘
After ten minutes, Nathan's team had lost by a landslide and the third team was able to fight against Alex and Co. After another ten minutes, the same emerged victorious from the battle.
’This time I'll be a defender and you go to midfield,’ Stefan said to Nathan.
‘If you think so.‘
’Maybe you'll score more in midfield,‘ Stefan said with a mocking grin.
’Very funny.‘
During the game, Nathan's team held out bravely and was even only one goal behind shortly before the end of the game.
’We'll get there too.‘
’Of course we will.’
‘Let's go!"
Nathan received the ball shortly after the kick-off. All the others were covered by opposing players, so he set off alone towards the goal.
‘Don't mess this up,’ flashed through his mind. But Robert had already noticed that Nathan was trying to go it alone and ran towards him. Nathan was only a few metres from the goal, he took a shot, but just as he pulled the trigger, Robert snatched the ball away from him.
But he hadn't reckoned with the fact that Nathan had already taken a shot and now hit him with full force on the lower leg. The subsequent flight was followed by a hard landing.
The professor whistled a foul and rushed to Robert, who lay groaning on the ground, holding his foot. Nathan stood next to him, thunderstruck, not knowing what to say or do.
‘Let me feel, is anything broken?‘ the professor asked.
’No, I don't think so, but it hurts like hell.‘
’Nathan, go outside with him and put cool compresses on the leg. By the way, you have the red card.’
‘After class, I'll go to the hospital with you so that a doctor can take a look at your foot,‘ he said to Robert before he limped to the locker room with Nathan's help.
’Hey, I'm really sorry,’ Nathan said, ’but I didn't want to mess it up at all and I just couldn't stop.’
‘It's okay. Next time I'll give you a wide berth when you're running with the ball.‘
’I hope it's nothing serious.‘
’It's not too bad. It'll be fine in a few days. It'll be a nice bump.‘
’What bump?’
‘Well, because I hit the ground pretty hard when I landed.‘
’Wait, I'll put a cold cloth on it too.‘
’Don't bother. I'm not a washerwoman. This will do. It's not that bad.’ Hey, don't look so worried. You'd think you'd killed someone.’
Before they could talk any further, the mob came storming out of the gym. Robert and Nathan also started to change and a little later the professor arrived.
‘Ready to go, Robert?’
‘Yes, in a moment.’
‘Can I come with you too? After all, it's my fault we're in this mess.’
"All right.’
When they arrived at the hospital, they realised that today had obviously been a popular day for accidents. Almost all the seats in the waiting room were taken and the nurse at the front desk said that it would probably take a while.
After he had completed the formalities, the professor said to the two of them: ‘Unfortunately, I can't stay with you because I still have a dentist appointment myself, but I hope I can count on you not to do anything stupid.’
"All right. I can't do much jumping anyway.’
After the professor had left and some time had passed, Nathan said, ‘What do you think about me sitting down and you on my lap? My feet are about to fall off.’
‘Are you crazy, I'm not gay!’
‘What does that have to do with it?’
‘Only girls do that!’
After what felt like two hours, it was finally Robert's turn.
The doctor said that it was fortunately only a slight bruise and that the bone was not injured. ‘No sports for the next few weeks and rest in general. Also, apply this ointment twice a day and bandage it with a fasche* during the day.’ (* Austrian: Fasche - German: elastic bandage)
Robert called his parents from the hospital and his father came to get the two boys.
‘Your mother was very upset when she heard that you were calling from the hospital. But I calmed her down right away and told her that it wasn't that bad.‘
’Thanks, Dad.‘
’But next time you'd better pay more attention when you're fending,’ Mr Falkner said with a wink.
Nathan sat silently in the car the whole way and watched the streets go by.
‘Are you asleep? We're here.’
‘Oh. I was just lost in thought. Thanks for the ride home, Mr Falkner. And sorry again about your bruised foot.’
‘It's not that bad. I'll see you tomorrow.’
"Ok. See you then. Bye.’
That evening, too, Nathan lay awake for a long time, brooding. Why did everything have to be so complicated? He used to sit on Robert's lap and no one cared. And now it's suddenly gay?
‘Do you become gay if you sit on a man's lap? What is gay like anyway? Isn't it weird when you kiss a man?’ Finally, Nathan fell asleep and dreamt of fairies, elves and better days.
The next morning, Nathan was especially keen to get to school, because he didn't want to miss the trip to the cinema.
Cinema is only on the programme from the fourth lesson, but that's just how young people are. Impetuous and enthusiastic. That's nice.
The others in Nathan's class were just as curious, so it was one of those rare days when everyone was at school well before the first lesson. And of course there was a lot of speculation about which film would be shown. In the wildest speculations, films were suggested, but the needle of probability burst many a bubble.
After what felt like two and a half hours, Ms Stangler finally came in to collect the class. Mr Kettenbauer, the class maths teacher, was actually quite happy to get rid of the class early, as the level of attention had already approached zero.
Five minutes later, the whole class was standing in front of the school gate, ready to leave. ‘We're going to the Filmpalast now. The cinema's owner has agreed to put on an extra show for us this morning. Let's go.’
*** A brief explanation: the Filmpalast is a small cinema that shows not only the usual Hollywood fare but also more sophisticated films and original versions. ***
Once we arrived at the cinema, Ms Stangler paid for the class and agreed with the owner that she needed a few minutes with the class before the film started.
‘Sit down and shut up please. Today we're going to see a film about two boys discovering their identity and feelings. The film will be in English, but there are German subtitles. I would ask you to try to follow the film without reading them. Homework until Saturday is to write down the plot of the film. Ok. Let's go now. Roll the film please.’
After it had been established that the film was called ‘Beautiful Thing’, Nathan started thinking again – as far as this was possible on the side. He had heard the title somewhere before. Or was it just his imagination?
Jamie wants to rub Ste's back and lets him smell a bottle of foot balm with peppermint.
Jamie: ‘Like it and I'll rub it into your back... If you want.’
Jamie: ‘Cold, isn't it?’
Ste: ‘Yeah.’
Jamie tenderly rubs Ste's back, taking care not to touch the wounds.
Nathan watched it with incredulous amazement and at the same time became more and more confused. Why didn't he find it repulsive? What was this strange tingling sensation that drove him crazy? And why did something start to stir in his pants when one boy rubbed the other's back?
Jamie: ‘Have you ever kissed anyone and stuck your tongue in?’
Ste: ‘How can I do this?’
Jamie: ‘It ain't ugly.’
Ste: ‘With me it'd be ugly.’
Jamie: ‘I don't think you're ugly.’
Jamie: ‘Turn over, I'll do your front.’
Ste: ‘I can't... I'm too sore.’
"Shh! Robert. Why isn't he turning over?’
‘How should I know. Maybe he's got a hard-on.‘
’Why?‘
’I don't know. Don't be so stupid."
Ste: “Turn off the light... Please.”
Jamie: “I don't wanna.”
Ste quickly dives under the covers and the two lie head to foot.
Jamie: “Can I come up there?”
Ste: ’No.’
Jamie: ‘Please.’
Ste: ‘Stay where you are!’
Ste watches Jamie anxiously and struggles with himself. Finally he turns and lies head to head with Jamie.
Ste: ‘Satisfied?’
Jamie: ‘Mhm... Night.’
Jamie kisses Ste on the lips. Fearful looks follow, but then change into tender ones.
Ste: ‘Do you think I'm queer?’
Jamie: ‘I don't know what I think.’
Jamie turns off the light.
Jamie: ‘Can I touch you?’
Ste: ‘I'm a bit sore.’
Jamie: ‘Yeah.’
Jamie touches Ste tenderly...
1996 Channel Four Corporation)
Nathan hardly noticed the rest of the film, the feelings that arose took up all his attention. It became increasingly clear to him that he, Nathan Ziegler, was gay.
And he envied Ste and Jamie. He wanted to have a boyfriend too, to be held, caressed, kissed.
*** Nathan is so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he doesn't even notice that Robert has been leaning against his leg the whole time and briefly touches Nathan's knee during a kissing scene. Was that a coincidence? We'll see. ***
When the film was over and the others had already got up to gather in the anteroom, Nathan was still sitting in his chair, staring spellbound at the screen.
‘Hey, wake up! We're leaving,’ said Robert. ‘What's the matter, did you see a ghost or do you have a crush?’
After these words, Nathan jumped up and stormed past Frau Stangler and the others out of the cinema.
‘Nathan! Stop! You can't just run away like that. You stay here.’
But when Frau Stangler came out of the cinema and looked around, Nathan was already gone.
Part
2
–
Coming
Out
Nathan ran three blocks before he ran out of breath. Breathlessly, he leaned against a wall. In his mind's eye, a wave of problems piled up, ready to engulf him at any moment.
‘Gays kidnap children.’
‘Gays are obsessed with youth.’
‘Gays die lonely deaths.’
"Gays have AIDS.’
‘Gays are perverse.‘
’Gays live against nature.‘
’Gays..."
The sentences raced faster and faster through Nathan's head, going round in circles – faster! Faster! Faster!
Nathan didn't even notice how his knees went weak and the ground seemed to give way under his feet. A brief dizziness and blackness covered his face like a cloth before he fainted.
*** It's really irresponsible to stuff young people (and everyone else, for that matter) full of such stupid prejudices. And when they're affected themselves, something like this happens and everyone is surprised. Hopefully this will turn out well for Nathan. ***
‘Hey, wake up,’ was the first thing Nathan heard.
He slowly opened his eyes and tried to sit up, but was gently stopped by a hand. As the fog lifted, he looked into two bright blue eyes.
The owner of these two eyes might have just turned 18.
‘What, what happened?’ Nathan asked.
The boy replied, ‘I just came from the drugstore over there and saw you over here, collapsed like a piece of wood. I couldn't just stand by and watch.’
Only now did Nathan notice that the stranger was kneeling next to him without his jacket, and that the jacket was lying under his head. The pleasant scent rose to his nose.
"What's your name, anyway?’
‘Nathan. And you?‘
’Manuel. Come on, I'll help you up, otherwise you'll catch cold lying here on the floor."
Before Nathan could protest, Manuel had taken him under the shoulders as if he had to carry an unconscious man.
Was it his imagination, or did Manuel hold him a moment longer than necessary?
‘You know what, we'll go to the café over there and you'll have a hot tea to get your circulation going again.‘
Nathan wanted to say something, but Manuel's determination brooked no contradiction.
A short time later, they were sitting across from each other with a cup of hot fruit tea.
’Has something like this happened to you before?’ Manuel asked.
‘Er. What?’ Nathan's mind had been somewhere else again.
*** Well, not that far away. For one thing, he had been lost in Manuel's eyes and, for another, he wondered if he really was gay. Let's see how this goes on. It's really sizzling and tingling. ***
‘I meant whether you've passed out before.‘
’Not really.‘
After a short pause, Nathan asked, “Do you still go to school?”
’Yes. But not here. I'm only going to start at the local high school in the next semester. We just moved here recently, so I'm finishing the semester at my old school.’
‘Hey, then we'll probably see each other more often. I also go to the gym here. And what class are you in?‘
’7th. And you?‘
’I'm only in 6th. I would have thought you were older.’
‘That's probably because, at 189 cm, I'm not exactly average height for my age. Hm. I have to go now, otherwise my mother will start to worry. You know how it is. But if you like, you can come with me. I'm sure my parents won't mind.‘
’Hm. Yes, I'd like that.’
After they had paid, they set off. Manuel's house was in a residential area on the outskirts of the city, so they took the bus a few stops. After walking a few more blocks, they stood in front of a neat detached house.
‘This is it. Do you like it?’
"Yes, it's quite nice. Let's go inside, it's starting to snow.’
‘Hello, is anybody home?‘
’Hello Manuel, I'm here in the kitchen.‘
A pleasantly soft female voice came from the kitchen.
’I have a visitor with me,‘ Manuel said and went with Nathan into the kitchen.
’This is Nathan. And this is my mother.‘
’Hello Mrs. um...’ Nathan felt his face redden.
‘Wallner,‘ Manuel's mother added, “but that doesn't matter. Just make yourself at home here – as much as that's possible. You see, we haven't finished unpacking everything yet. Manuel has probably already told you that we only just moved here.”
’Yes, he has. We'll go over to my room then.‘
’Okay.’
‘Don't be shocked when you go in, it still looks a bit like a mess,’ Manuel said.
*** Always these understatements. The room was just furnished with furniture – a wide bed, by the way – and lots of larger and smaller moving boxes. In between, there was also a lot of unpacked stuff waiting to be stored. ***
‘I can't disagree with you,‘ Nathan said with a cheeky grin.
’Let's just sit on the bed, the armchair is full,‘ Manuel suggested. “Well, so this is my future realm.”
’What's that?’ Nathan asked, pointing to a colourful piece of cloth hanging out of one of the boxes.
Manuel blushed a little and looked embarrassed: ‘Oh, it's just a flag, nothing more.’ He tried to quickly stuff the piece of cloth back into the box.
"Can I see it? What do you need it for?’
*** 100 points for you, sweetheart! Have you ever heard of sensitivity, tact or a sure instinct? The guy turns red and tries to quickly hide the thing, and you keep digging without hesitation or mercy...
Hesitantly, Manuel pulled a rainbow flag out of the box. Somehow, the flag looked familiar to Nathan, but he couldn't quite place where. After Nathan had looked at the flag, Manuel carefully folded it again and put it back in the box.
‘Where did you get it?’ Nathan asked.
"My mother gave it to me.’
In the meantime, Manuel had sat down on the bed with Nathan again, and now they were only a thigh's width apart. Manuel's closeness confused Nathan just as much as the strange tingling sensation that had been running through him the whole time.
The conversation had come to a standstill anyway and they just looked deep into each other's eyes. Nathan lost himself in those radiant eyes, immersed himself in them and took off. He wanted to touch Manuel, hold him, just feel his warmth.
But at that moment, Manuel jumped up and looked at Nathan with fear-filled eyes. ‘Do you hate me now?’ ‘I think it's better if you leave now.’
Nathan had no idea what was going on and didn't react to Manuel's request.
‘Please go. Go!’
‘What's the matter, why should I hate you?’
‘Well, because of that thing.’
"What thing?’
*** Sweetheart, you really are more naive than the police allow. The guy picks you up off the street, takes you for tea, takes you home, has a rainbow flag, looks deep into your eyes and is close enough to touch. What more do you need to realise what's going on? A billboard on the main street? Radio announcements? Well. Let's get back to the action. ***
During the conversation, they had moved to Manuel's room door. ‘That I'm gay. I like guys.’
*** It's a shame you can't see the look on Nathan's face. Rarely seen a stupider guy. ***
Nathan's confusion increased immeasurably. Was that something bad? With wet eyes Manuel showed him to the door and raised his hand briefly in farewell before he closed the door behind Nathan.
Now Nathan was standing in the middle of dancing snowflakes and didn't know what was happening to him. Somehow he felt like crying. Slowly he made his way towards the city centre.
But at the first crossroads, he changed his plan and walked aimlessly through the neighbourhood. The longer he walked, the clearer his thoughts became, and the more he became determined. He had to go to Manuel again and tell him that he didn't hate him, that he felt the same way.
After two circuits around the block, he had mustered up the courage to ring the doorbell. Mrs Wallner opened it. For a moment, her face seemed to express something like relief, or was it just his imagination?
"I'm sorry to bother you again, but I think I left my fountain pen at Manuel's.’
Boy, oh boy, I've heard a lot of bad excuses, but this one takes the cake.
‘Go on in, he's in his room.’
Nathan wondered if Ms Wallner had really not heard about the fight, or if she was just a good actress.
He knocked tentatively on the door to Manuel's room. A hesitant ‘Come in’ followed and Nathan entered. Manuel was obviously surprised that it was Nathan and tried to look friendly, but Nathan noticed that he had apparently been crying shortly before.
He quickly closed the door.
"I've been thinking about what you said before.’
‘And?‘ Manuel replied anxiously.
’I've realised a few things,’ Nathan said, taking a step closer to Manuel. When Nathan was standing right in front of him, Manuel lowered his head. Nathan gently lifted his chin, looked briefly into the blue eyes that looked at him fearfully, and gave him a gentle kiss on the mouth.
‘You too?’ Manuel stammered, but Nathan just quietly gestured to him not to destroy the moment with words and hugged him. It seemed like an eternity in seventh heaven as they stood there, hugging each other. He felt Manuel's hand resting in his hair, he felt his closeness, his warmth, the wonderful scent.
After a seemingly endless embrace, they broke away from each other.
‘How long have you known?’ Nathan asked.
"Good question. I've only really been aware of it since I turned 16. I've fallen for boys before, but I just couldn't put it into words. And you?’
‘This morning. We went to see ‘Beautiful Thing’ at the cinema and it suddenly hit me.‘
’And then it all became a bit much for you.‘
’Exactly. Does anyone know about you?‘
’Well, my best friends know and my parents and of course the guys from the group.‘
’What group?’
‘I meet with other gay guys around my age twice a month. It's a bit of a drive, but it's worth it. Do you want to come with me next time?‘
’Well, I don't know.‘
’Don't panic, nobody's going to bite you. They've all been through the same thing you have.’
‘I'll think about it. I think I have to go now, otherwise my mother will report me missing. You know how mothers are.‘
’Will I see you tomorrow?‘
’We'll see if the teachers are feeling generous tomorrow.‘
’I'll write down my phone number in any case. Will you give me yours too?’
‘Yes, sure.‘ After the successful exchange of numbers, Manuel accompanied Nathan to the front door and gave him a hug goodbye.
’Well then, take care and see you soon.‘
’Yeah, you too,’ Nathan said goodbye.
*** Well, kiss him already! Everyone in the building already knows that you two are head over heels in love and no one is looking anyway. ***
Despite saying goodbye, they were still standing in front of the locked front door, holding hands. Manuel looked deep into Nathan's eyes and Nathan was lost in thought too. Manuel gently pulled him closer and breathed a questioning ‘May I?’
‘What?’
*** Boy, oh boy. What do you think? Crochet you a potholder? ***
"Kiss you.’
Instead of an answer, Nathan pulled Manuel even closer and shortly after, their tongues were already dancing the lovers' round dance.
Full of pleasure and affection, they explored each other, Nathan's hand slid under Manuel's shirt and Manuel also went on a journey of exploration. A little later, with Nathan's jacket already on the floor, the two were interrupted by a throat clearing.
‘I don't want to disturb you two, but don't you want to continue in your room?‘ Mrs Wallner suggested.
Nathan blushed immediately. “We, I mean, I mean we...”
’It's okay. I know what's going on and I don't have a problem with it. To be honest, I was even hoping that you would come back. But now don't let me disturb you any further.’
‘I really have to go now. I'll see you tomorrow. I promise.‘
’Okay, see you then.’ One last kiss was exchanged and then it was really time to go out into the cold reality.
*** He can consider himself really lucky with this mother-in-law. Another woman would have probably chased him out of the house as soon as she came round. ***
Part
3
–
Almost
Unreal
Out in the clear winter air, it became more and more clear to Nathan that he was head over heels in love with the boy he had just kissed so fiercely. And what had seemed like the end of the world just a few hours ago took on a completely different colouring. Nathan set off home elated.
At home, he was immediately met by his mother.
‘Tell me, do you know what time it is? You could have at least called.‘
Only now did Nathan realise that he should have been home a few hours ago.
’I'm sorry, I totally lost track of time."
And before his mother could ask any more, Nathan disappeared into his room.
The next morning, Nathan was met at school by Robert.
‘Tell me, what happened yesterday? You were running as if something were after you.’
Nathan realised that he was blushing. What should he do? He didn't want to lie to his best friend, but he couldn't tell him the truth.
He wasn't even sure himself whether he had dreamt the whole thing. But Manuel's kisses had tasted too real for that.
‘You're impossible to get anything out of,’ said Robert. ‘Then let's go downstairs, we've got gym class again today.’
"Do you think Frau Stangler will say something to my parents?’
‘I don't know. In any case, she said that you should report to her today."
On the way to the gym, Nathan wondered what Frau Stangler wanted from him. Did she already know everything and just wanted him to deliver his death sentence? Did she want to know from him what was going on?
When they entered the changing room, he was distracted from his thoughts. Somehow, something was different today. He hurried to put on his gym clothes and tried not to look at anyone.
But what was different?
Hadn't he always been gay?
Was he afraid of getting a hard-on in front of everyone?
*** Oh, he's really not making it easy for himself. Nothing happened the many times before, did it? ***
After what felt like three hours, Nathan went to the conference room during the big break to report to Ms Stangler. After she arrived, she told Nathan that they had something to discuss. They went into a small meeting room and Ms Stangler gestured for Nathan to sit down.
‘I assume that you had a good reason to run away yesterday,‘ she said in a calm tone.
Nathan felt red in the face once again.
’I, um, I, well...’
‘I haven't told anyone about this yet because I think we can sort it out ourselves. But you have to realise that you could have got me into a lot of trouble. If something had happened to you, I would have been fully responsible.‘
’I'm sorry.’
‘Then we'll consider the matter closed. Now, I have to get my things for my next lesson. Stay here for a moment and think about everything again.’
When she picked up her bag, a small notebook fell out.
‘You've lost something.’
‘Oh, it's all right, it can stay there. I don't need it anymore. Well, I really have to go now.’
In the doorway, she turned around again: ‘Oh yes.’
Nathan looked up questioningly.
"Go your way and be happy.’
With these words she closed the door behind her. Nathan stood up and went to the notebook lying on the floor next to the sofa where Frau Stangler had just been sitting. It was a magazine from a gay group. Somehow it dawned on him that Frau Stangler knew more than he had thought.
*** Of course, sweetheart, the woman didn't become a teacher for nothing. She can put herself in the shoes of her students. And when someone sits on ‘Beautiful Thing’ at first as if they'd been struck by lightning and then runs away, it's like half a coming out. ***
‘And?’ Robert wanted to know how the conversation with Ms Stangler went.
‘All ok. The case is closed.‘
’How did you manage that?‘
’I'm not telling.‘
’And what's that thing you've got there?‘ asked Robert, pointing to the booklet that Nathan had put in a plastic bag.
And once again, Nathan felt the blush rising as he searched for a plausible answer.
’This?’
‘Yes, exactly that!‘
’Well, it's just a thing, a, a, a cinema programme.‘
*** Yeah, yeah. Look, there's a pink dinosaur flying. ***
’Can I see it?‘
’Um, well, actually...’
‘Then don't. We'll go into town this afternoon.‘
’Er, I'm sorry, but I still have to study history.‘
’But he's not checking tomorrow.‘
’Well, I thought... you know, just learn something.‘
’Well, don't then,’ said Robert, walking to his seat.
For the rest of the morning, Nathan just waited for the school day to end so that he could hurry home and get on to Manuel as soon as he'd finished the most necessary tasks.
After three more lessons, Nathan hurried home, but Robert wanted an explanation for the excuse about learning history.
"Say, what's up with you?’
‘Nothing, what should be?‘ Nathan felt his nervousness begin to increase immeasurably.
’So that nothing is, you can tell someone else, you're acting too differently than usual.‘
’Oh my God, so it's already showing on my face,' Nathan thought.
‘I'm sorry, but I really have to go now, my mother is probably already waiting with dinner. See you tomorrow.‘
’Okay, see you tomorrow."
On his way home, Nathan started brooding again. He had to tell Robert in any case, otherwise their friendship would be at stake. After all, he couldn't lie forever. On the other hand, he was afraid that Robert would turn away.
After he had finished lunch and the most important tasks, he called Manuel immediately.
‘Wallner,’ a woman's voice answered.
‘Hello Mrs Wallner, this is Nathan. I wanted to ask if Manuel is available.’
‘Yes, just a moment, I'll get him.’
Nathan heard the receiver being put down next to the phone.
‘What if he can't or doesn't want to remember me at all?’ it crossed his mind, ‘or what if he just wants to use me?’
*** Now just stop it! First of all, you can still ask yourself that when the time comes. And secondly, you weren't exactly shy and reserved yesterday either. ***
‘Hello Nathan, I thought you weren't going to call anymore.’
‘Sorry, I still had homework to do.’
"Do you want to come over?’
‘Sure, I'll be right over.‘
’You better put on shoes,‘ Manuel joked.
’See you then.‘
’Yeah, see you then.‘
He quickly changed and was on his way to Manuel's house. The closer he got, the lighter his heart felt. When he finally rang the doorbell at the Wallners’, Manuel opened the door at the same moment.
‘Hey, were you standing behind the door?‘
’Not exactly. I'm glad you're here.‘
With that, he pulled Nathan in and slammed the door shut. The next moment, they were hugging and kissing each other passionately.
’Well, if it isn't Nathan,‘ a voice called from the background.
The two of them parted.
’Hello, Mrs Wallner.’
‘Hello Nathan. I didn't want to disturb you either. I just have to go out for a moment, but I guess you can manage without me.‘
’I'll take care of Nathan,’ Manuel replied.
After a brief farewell, the two went to Manuel's room, which, to Nathan's amazement, looked much tidier than the day before.
‘Wow, what happened here?‘
’I thought you might like things a bit tidier than a mess.‘
’Well, it's not that great in my place either."
In fact, some boxes had already disappeared and in return some shelves had been partially put away. Nathan was particularly taken with the large stereo system.
‘So, what's it like? I've been thinking about getting a decent stereo system myself, but I don't know which one yet.‘
’Yeah, it's pretty good. Hang on, I'll put something on.‘
’Do you like Eurythmics too?’ Nathan asked as the first bars of “Sweet Dreams” began to play.
No, I can't stand the song, but thanks to my gift of sight I knew that you liked it and therefore put it on. Silly question.
‘Yes, I've always loved how Annie slips into the most diverse roles.’ They sat down on the bed and let the music wash over them.
As is often the case with those newly in love, they didn't sit next to each other for long before they were kissing each other passionately again. Soon they were lying closely entwined on the bed, caressing each other.
*** And as it so often happens, the superfluous layers of clothing fell away over time and so we soon find the two of them in their underwear – cute little things, by the way. ***
Manuel gently stroked the bulge between Nathan's legs, which was getting bigger and bigger. Nathan got goosebumps and started to tremble.
‘Hey, what's the matter?’
‘I'm just not sure if I'm ready for this. It's all going so fast.’
Manuel gently stroked Nathan's back.
‘Yesterday I still didn't know what was wrong with me and now I'm lying here next to you. On the one hand I'd like to do it, but on the other hand I'm afraid of it.’
‘I know the feeling. But I think I know what to do. Just relax and enjoy it."
*** Well, Nathan has more luck than sense again. Many others would have just carried on or maybe pulled the old “if you love me, you'll sleep with me” trick. Well, let's see what good things he's come up with. ***
Manuel made Nathan lie down on his stomach, stretched out. Then he began gently caressing and caressing every inch of the body that was presented to him. He started by caressing and massaging Nathan's feet, stroking and kissing his thighs, lingering at the back of his knees, continuing on and finally kneading the firm buttocks that were presented to him.
Then he kissed and caressed his way up Nathan's spine, massaging his shoulders and neck, stroking his hair tenderly, nibbling on his earlobes and finally running his tongue along Nathan's spine again before turning him onto his back.
Nathan wanted to sit up a little and kiss Manuel, but he gently pushed him back onto the mattress and slid down. Again, he caressed his feet, stroked and kissed his thighs up until he reached the loins.
He gently stroked to the left and right of the bulge, almost driving Nathan crazy. Then he slid up a little higher and began to play with Nathan's navel with his tongue, travelling higher, nibbling and sucking tenderly on the nipples, which were hard and large.
And further on, his path led to Nathan's ear lobes, which he nibbled on while running his fingers through his hair. Finally, he kissed him on the tip of his nose, ran his fingertip over the shiny, moist lips, and then ended it all with a never-ending kiss.
*** Honey, switch off the telly and come over, I need, erm, need you really urgently. ***
Nathan pulled Manuel very close to him.
‘Let's do it. I'll lose my mind here otherwise,’ he whispered in Manuel's ear.
‘Ok.’
While Nathan tried to get rid of his last shred of clothing, Manuel fished two condoms out of the drawer of the bedside table.
‘So we don't have any children,’ he said with a grin, while he also peeled Nathan out of his trousers.
The condom was quickly in place and a little later Nathan felt considerably relieved.
‘Oh, banana,‘ he realised as he went on the counterattack.
Finally, they lay in bed, cuddled up close.
’I didn't think sex could be so good,‘ said Nathan, “you almost drove me crazy.”
’But you seemed to like it quite a bit,’ Manuel grinned.
Instead of answering, Nathan kissed him again and let his hand slide lower.
‘Not that I have anything against it, but I estimate that my mother will be here any moment. And as quiet as you were earlier...’
Nathan blushed a little.
"It's not a problem. There was no one there to listen.’
*** By the way, I'm back now, too. I'm sorry I left you alone for a moment, but it was necessary. ***
Sure enough, Manuel's mother came home a little later.
‘I'm sorry, but it took a little longer. I hope you managed without me.’
"Yes, thank you. Manuel took really good care of me.’
‘I can imagine that,’ Frau Wallner smiled, which once again brought a blush to Nathan's face. “Would you please help her carry the shopping in?”
As it turned out, the “short trip” had turned into a full week's shopping, so there was quite a bit to carry in.
‘How about you join us for dinner tonight?‘ Mrs Wallner suggested.
’I'd love to, I just have to let my parents know first. Can I use your phone?‘
A little time and some persuasion later, that was sorted too, and so Nathan went back into the room with Manuel.
’Well, I'm kind of a little nervous.’
‘Why?‘
’Well, my first family dinner as a son-in-law,‘ Nathan smiled.
’Oh, you don't need to see it that dramatically, my parents have known for a while and are therefore fine with it. As long as you don't act like an animal, there's no problem.’
‘Then I'm reasonably reassured. And what do we do until dinner?‘
’What do you think of listening to some music and cuddling?‘
’Hmm,’ Nathan asked himself broodingly, before pulling Manuel into his room after a seemingly indifferent “If you think so” and kissing him passionately just behind the door.
*** So, let's turn the wheel of time a few hours and many kisses further. ***
Finally, Ms Wallner called the two of them to the table and, having become hungry from all the kissing, they quickly followed her call. There were grilled chops with fried potatoes and letcho.
Nathan looked at Mr Wallner, who had just come in through the door, with interest but wariness.
‘You must be Nathan,’ he said, shaking his hand.
After everyone had filled their plates and sat down at the table, Mr Wallner raised his glass.
"Let's drink to you both. We're happy that you've found each other and wish you all the best.’
Then the likeable fifty-two-year-old with the silver-coloured curl turned to Nathan.
‘Since you're now part of the family, so to speak, we'd be happy if you called us Franziska and Wolfgang.’
The rest of the dinner was quite casual and cheerful, and Nathan also began to thaw out a bit after a while.
Finally, it was time to say goodbye again, and with a last, heartfelt kiss, Nathan set off for home.
*** Hi everyone.
The author asked me to comment on this story here. So if you don't like someone constantly interrupting and making malicious comments, then you're in the wrong place. Oh yes, if you're interested, I'm Gloria. My age? Well, that's really not important! Well, let's turn to the story. – Oh yes, when I have something to say, it is written between asterisks.
So the main character is a normal guy, just 16 years old and – how could it be otherwise – gay. If you think that this is already the end of the story – think again! That's the advantage of an omniscient narrator – I know that he is gay. He doesn't. Oh, and for the record: his name is Nathan Ziegler, he's about 175 cm tall, has brown hair and a pretty good figure. ***
Nathan sleepily feels for the alarm clock that had just abruptly woken him from his dreams. Why couldn't the semester holidays have started yet? No, instead there were still a few tests and schoolwork to be done in the next few weeks.
Not that Nathan was a bad student, but somehow he lacked the right connection to the others. The other boys in his class were beginning to take more and more interest in girls, but he couldn't quite understand this interest. He only got along reasonably well with Robert. They often sat together in the afternoons working on maths problems for the next lesson or on Cicero's speeches on various topics.
*** We'll spare you the usual stuff like showering, brushing your teeth and so on and so forth, I'm sure everyone knows how that goes. The only noteworthy thing is that Nathan only drinks a cup of coffee in the morning. So, after crossing out all the unimportant things, we'll accompany him to school right away. ***
Monday morning began as usual with a double period of chemistry. Nathan and Robert, who also sat together in the chemistry classroom, joined the rest of the class, who found it difficult to get excited about the professor's lectures on Mondays at 7:30 a.m., surrounded by various chemicals (the architect would have been better off planning ventilation for the chemistry classroom).
At least he allowed himself to be persuaded not to ignore the break as usual, but to treat himself to a snack.
‘So, how was your holiday?’
‘Oh, it was okay. The usual. Christmas, then a short break from the party and an almost seamless transition to the New Year's Eve celebrations, and then the “same old” skiing holiday,’ replied Robert.
‘Well, something like that. And what did you do on New Year's Eve?‘
’Actually, I wanted to go to Karin's party, but my parents didn't allow it. So I sat at home. We ate cold cuts, watched TV and poured lead at midnight.‘
’And what did you get?’
‘No idea what it was. It looked a bit like goat shit. Not very promising.’
‘Take comfort in the fact that my New Year wasn't any more exciting either.’ Nathan was about to start his description, but the bell interrupted him.
*** At this point, I want to finish where Nathan was interrupted. His New Year's Eve wasn't any more exciting either, especially because he hadn't been invited to Karin's party. ***
The rest of the morning was pretty much business as usual. The two boys took part in class more or less actively, discussed their holidays and arranged to meet after school. They were separated for the last two hours because Robert was taking art while Nathan had chosen music because his drawing skills were rather limited.
*** Not that music lessons were all that much more interesting – the curriculum states that 16-year-olds should be interested in music history – but some art teachers are true pedagogical geniuses. And after asking for the umpteenth time what this was supposed to represent, Nathan had decided that he would rather struggle with music history than opt for ‘advanced humiliation’. ***
Nathan had barely started on the maths homework when Robert rang the doorbell.
‘Hey, I was just about to start without you.’
‘Sorry, I couldn't leave earlier. My mum hadn't finished dinner yet.’
A short time later, the two of them were sitting over the examples and were pleased to find that the professor had had a good day.
‘What are we going to do with the rest of the afternoon?‘
’I don't know. What do you think of just listening to music and chatting a little?‘
’Ok. Put something on.‘
When the first bars of “The Miracle Of Love” sounded, Robert's face took on a pensive expression.
’Tell me, have you ever really been in love?’
‘I don't think so. And you?‘
’Hm, I don't know. I met a nice girl on a skiing holiday...‘
’And? Have you – you know?‘
’Where do you think. After that weird community evening in our guesthouse, she kissed me on the cheek, but that was it.’
Nathan realised that Robert was obviously still a little hung up on his holiday acquaintance and therefore tried to change the subject.
‘Do you know what film we're going to see at the cinema on Thursday? Ms Stangler hasn't said anything about it.’
"No idea. But knowing her, it's bound to be interesting. She just said that it fits in with our next topic, “tolerance”.’
Ms Stangler, given the awesome abbreviation StaPe by the computer, was responsible for teaching English in the class. After four years with various other teachers, she took over the class last year and taught many a student, accustomed to convenience, how to work. With snappy sayings, she kept order in the class like no one else and often caused incredulous amazement when she impressively ensured quiet. ***
‘I'm getting an ice cream. Do you want one too? Hello!’
‘Hm, what did you say? I was just lost in thought.’
"I noticed that. Do you want an ice cream?’
‘Yes, please,‘ replied Robert.
When Nathan returned with two cups of vanilla ice cream with thick chocolate sauce, Robert had changed the CD.
’Cos every time I seem to fall in love, Crash! Boom! Bang! I find the heart but then I hit the wall, Crash! Boom! Bang!...‘
’Here's your ice cream.’
They ate their ice cream in silence for a while, then Nathan said, ‘You loved her, didn't you?’
‘I don't know. I don't know what's going on with me. You think you're just having fun together and then you get a kiss and suddenly everything is different.’
"Do you have her address?’
‘No, I forgot that, idiot that I am. But at least she asked for mine."
*** Well, well, that's how they are, men. If we women didn't always think for them, some dream couples would have been lost forever. They were just prototypes, after all. ***
The two of them spent the rest of the afternoon playing various board games until Robert finally went home in the evening. That night, Nathan lay awake for a long time, wondering how he could cheer Robert up, because this business from the skiing holiday had obviously affected him more than he was willing to admit.
That night he had another strange dream: he is standing in a large ballroom and one by one all the girls in his class come in. But they all walk past him and in the end he is surrounded by dancing couples and mocking laughing faces circle him.
The next morning, Nathan set off for school particularly early because he really wanted to talk to Robert before the first lesson.
Robert was already there when Nathan came into class.
‘Hey, did you sleep well?’ Nathan greeted him.
‘Oh, so-so,’ Robert grumbled back.
‘What's the matter? Were you thinking about her all night?’
"I don't know. In any case, I slept really badly. I don't know what's been going on with me lately.’
‘Maybe you just long for a girl to share your life with?’ “I guess so.”
*** It's always cute when 16-year-old boys play Dr. Sommer. But let's see, maybe Nathan even hit the nail on the head. ***
‘And in the next lesson we're going to start with the next topic. Please read page 37 in your textbook until then.‘
’Ms Stangler?‘
’Yes, Nathan?‘
’What film are we going to see at the cinema on Thursday?‘
’I'm not going to tell you that yet."
Nathan went back to his desk feeling disappointed, where Robert was waiting for him, grinning.
‘Well, you nosey parker. Any luck?‘
’No, you heard him.‘
That afternoon, Robert called Nathan.
’Ziegler?‘
’Hello Mrs Ziegler, this is Robert Falkner. Can I speak to Nathan?‘
’Yes, just a moment, I'll get him. – Nathan, telephone!"
A little later, Nathan was downstairs.
‘Who is it?‘
’Robert.‘
’Hello Robert, what's up?‘
’Steffi wrote to me!‘
’Who?‘
’Steffi. You know, the girl from the skiing holiday.‘
’And?’
‘She writes that she thought I was really nice and that she's sorry we didn't meet earlier. – Hello, are you still there?‘
’Yeah, yeah. I'm really happy for you. Are you going to see each other again?‘
’She writes that she might come to visit during the semester break.‘
’Hey, so? Are you inviting her?’
‘I don't know yet. I have to ask my parents first. So I'll see you tomorrow?‘
’Sure, it's school anyway. See you then.‘
’See you.’
Nathan slowly replaced the receiver and went back to his room. Suddenly he felt empty inside. Somehow he wholeheartedly wished Robert luck, but he was also afraid. Afraid of losing his only friend.
When Robert was feeling sad, he was there for him, but if he entered into a relationship now, he would just be a third wheel. The longer he thought about it, the more terrible he imagined the future to be, until finally he cried himself to sleep.
Well, sweetheart, I'd say it's a clear case based on the symptoms. The stuff that love, intrigue, jealousy and most daily soaps are made of. It just remains to be seen whether friendship is stronger.
When the alarm clock woke Nathan in the morning, he was bathed in sweat and his bed looked like a bomb site. He hadn't slept very well all night and had been haunted by monsters.
Nathan made his way to the bathroom, washed his face with cold water and finally realised that all his efforts to make the dark circles under his eyes disappear were in vain.
*** Yeah, who doesn't know the problem. Apparently, no make-up has yet been invented that reliably covers dark circles. Welcome to real life, kid. ***
‘Don't dawdle, you'll be late for school,‘ his mother called up from downstairs.
’I'm coming.‘
’Well, I think that's a rumour."
Nathan hurried to finish his coffee and get out of the house. His mother was once again in an unbearably good mood, and although he wasn't usually grumpy in the morning, after that night he wanted to save himself the trouble.
He had barely arrived at school when Robert greeted him.
‘Hey, I thought you weren't coming today.’
‘I didn't sleep well. What's going on?’
‘Here, this is it.’
Robert waved a piece of paper in front of Nathan's nose.
‘That's who?’
"Well, the letter. You're a little slow on the uptake today.’
‘Oh, from your holiday acquaintance.‘
’Yes, exactly. Just look at this writing. So beautifully even and curved."
The sheet was indeed covered with perfectly straight lines in beautifully engraved script.
‘And the paper is even perfumed,’ Robert continued to enthuse. He was obviously floating in seventh heaven.
Nathan no longer heard exactly what Robert was saying. He just felt a lump forming in his throat that threatened to cut off his air. He felt as if he would have to gag on his coffee at any moment. What was the matter with him? He should be truly happy for his friend, that he was so in love. Was this jealousy of his happiness? Or just fear of being alone?
The bell for the first hour interrupted Robert's ramblings and brought both of them back down to earth.
Nathan and Robert had gymnastics for the last two hours. Actually, Nathan really hated gymnastics because he was neither sporty nor a sports enthusiast. He was lucky that this did not have a negative effect on his figure, but he could have done very well without it.
The first lesson was musical gymnastics to tapes that had been out since the professor was young, and then there was a floor exercise test.
Nathan could still manage the various types of rolls, but when it came to cartwheels and handstands, he more or less failed.
*** Yes, yes, we don't learn for school but for life. And if a pack of enemy agents should ever chase us, we can impress them with a handstand or a headstand, and then flee by doing a flying roll or cartwheel. ***
In the second lesson, the professor allowed himself to be persuaded to form three teams and play football. Although Nathan usually hated this form of sport too, today it didn't seem so inconvenient to him.
Somehow today he felt the need to kick the ball uncontrollably. In the first game, Nathan and Robert met as opponents.
Kick-off.
A player from the opposing team approached Nathan, who had been assigned to defence. It was Alexander. Nathan didn't like him because in his eyes he was a disgusting show-off who also had nothing on his mind. But in sports he was an ace and the girls were at his feet because of that and also because of his well-toned body. In no time Alexander had tricked Nathan and placed the ball in the goal.
‘Try a little effort next time,‘ Stefan Nathan grumbled.
’Very funny. You go yourself.‘
After ten minutes, Nathan's team had lost by a landslide and the third team was able to fight against Alex and Co. After another ten minutes, the same emerged victorious from the battle.
’This time I'll be a defender and you go to midfield,’ Stefan said to Nathan.
‘If you think so.‘
’Maybe you'll score more in midfield,‘ Stefan said with a mocking grin.
’Very funny.‘
During the game, Nathan's team held out bravely and was even only one goal behind shortly before the end of the game.
’We'll get there too.‘
’Of course we will.’
‘Let's go!"
Nathan received the ball shortly after the kick-off. All the others were covered by opposing players, so he set off alone towards the goal.
‘Don't mess this up,’ flashed through his mind. But Robert had already noticed that Nathan was trying to go it alone and ran towards him. Nathan was only a few metres from the goal, he took a shot, but just as he pulled the trigger, Robert snatched the ball away from him.
But he hadn't reckoned with the fact that Nathan had already taken a shot and now hit him with full force on the lower leg. The subsequent flight was followed by a hard landing.
The professor whistled a foul and rushed to Robert, who lay groaning on the ground, holding his foot. Nathan stood next to him, thunderstruck, not knowing what to say or do.
‘Let me feel, is anything broken?‘ the professor asked.
’No, I don't think so, but it hurts like hell.‘
’Nathan, go outside with him and put cool compresses on the leg. By the way, you have the red card.’
‘After class, I'll go to the hospital with you so that a doctor can take a look at your foot,‘ he said to Robert before he limped to the locker room with Nathan's help.
’Hey, I'm really sorry,’ Nathan said, ’but I didn't want to mess it up at all and I just couldn't stop.’
‘It's okay. Next time I'll give you a wide berth when you're running with the ball.‘
’I hope it's nothing serious.‘
’It's not too bad. It'll be fine in a few days. It'll be a nice bump.‘
’What bump?’
‘Well, because I hit the ground pretty hard when I landed.‘
’Wait, I'll put a cold cloth on it too.‘
’Don't bother. I'm not a washerwoman. This will do. It's not that bad.’ Hey, don't look so worried. You'd think you'd killed someone.’
Before they could talk any further, the mob came storming out of the gym. Robert and Nathan also started to change and a little later the professor arrived.
‘Ready to go, Robert?’
‘Yes, in a moment.’
‘Can I come with you too? After all, it's my fault we're in this mess.’
"All right.’
When they arrived at the hospital, they realised that today had obviously been a popular day for accidents. Almost all the seats in the waiting room were taken and the nurse at the front desk said that it would probably take a while.
After he had completed the formalities, the professor said to the two of them: ‘Unfortunately, I can't stay with you because I still have a dentist appointment myself, but I hope I can count on you not to do anything stupid.’
"All right. I can't do much jumping anyway.’
After the professor had left and some time had passed, Nathan said, ‘What do you think about me sitting down and you on my lap? My feet are about to fall off.’
‘Are you crazy, I'm not gay!’
‘What does that have to do with it?’
‘Only girls do that!’
After what felt like two hours, it was finally Robert's turn.
The doctor said that it was fortunately only a slight bruise and that the bone was not injured. ‘No sports for the next few weeks and rest in general. Also, apply this ointment twice a day and bandage it with a fasche* during the day.’ (* Austrian: Fasche - German: elastic bandage)
Robert called his parents from the hospital and his father came to get the two boys.
‘Your mother was very upset when she heard that you were calling from the hospital. But I calmed her down right away and told her that it wasn't that bad.‘
’Thanks, Dad.‘
’But next time you'd better pay more attention when you're fending,’ Mr Falkner said with a wink.
Nathan sat silently in the car the whole way and watched the streets go by.
‘Are you asleep? We're here.’
‘Oh. I was just lost in thought. Thanks for the ride home, Mr Falkner. And sorry again about your bruised foot.’
‘It's not that bad. I'll see you tomorrow.’
"Ok. See you then. Bye.’
That evening, too, Nathan lay awake for a long time, brooding. Why did everything have to be so complicated? He used to sit on Robert's lap and no one cared. And now it's suddenly gay?
‘Do you become gay if you sit on a man's lap? What is gay like anyway? Isn't it weird when you kiss a man?’ Finally, Nathan fell asleep and dreamt of fairies, elves and better days.
The next morning, Nathan was especially keen to get to school, because he didn't want to miss the trip to the cinema.
Cinema is only on the programme from the fourth lesson, but that's just how young people are. Impetuous and enthusiastic. That's nice.
The others in Nathan's class were just as curious, so it was one of those rare days when everyone was at school well before the first lesson. And of course there was a lot of speculation about which film would be shown. In the wildest speculations, films were suggested, but the needle of probability burst many a bubble.
After what felt like two and a half hours, Ms Stangler finally came in to collect the class. Mr Kettenbauer, the class maths teacher, was actually quite happy to get rid of the class early, as the level of attention had already approached zero.
Five minutes later, the whole class was standing in front of the school gate, ready to leave. ‘We're going to the Filmpalast now. The cinema's owner has agreed to put on an extra show for us this morning. Let's go.’
*** A brief explanation: the Filmpalast is a small cinema that shows not only the usual Hollywood fare but also more sophisticated films and original versions. ***
Once we arrived at the cinema, Ms Stangler paid for the class and agreed with the owner that she needed a few minutes with the class before the film started.
‘Sit down and shut up please. Today we're going to see a film about two boys discovering their identity and feelings. The film will be in English, but there are German subtitles. I would ask you to try to follow the film without reading them. Homework until Saturday is to write down the plot of the film. Ok. Let's go now. Roll the film please.’
After it had been established that the film was called ‘Beautiful Thing’, Nathan started thinking again – as far as this was possible on the side. He had heard the title somewhere before. Or was it just his imagination?
Jamie wants to rub Ste's back and lets him smell a bottle of foot balm with peppermint.
Jamie: ‘Like it and I'll rub it into your back... If you want.’
Jamie: ‘Cold, isn't it?’
Ste: ‘Yeah.’
Jamie tenderly rubs Ste's back, taking care not to touch the wounds.
Nathan watched it with incredulous amazement and at the same time became more and more confused. Why didn't he find it repulsive? What was this strange tingling sensation that drove him crazy? And why did something start to stir in his pants when one boy rubbed the other's back?
Jamie: ‘Have you ever kissed anyone and stuck your tongue in?’
Ste: ‘How can I do this?’
Jamie: ‘It ain't ugly.’
Ste: ‘With me it'd be ugly.’
Jamie: ‘I don't think you're ugly.’
Jamie: ‘Turn over, I'll do your front.’
Ste: ‘I can't... I'm too sore.’
"Shh! Robert. Why isn't he turning over?’
‘How should I know. Maybe he's got a hard-on.‘
’Why?‘
’I don't know. Don't be so stupid."
Ste: “Turn off the light... Please.”
Jamie: “I don't wanna.”
Ste quickly dives under the covers and the two lie head to foot.
Jamie: “Can I come up there?”
Ste: ’No.’
Jamie: ‘Please.’
Ste: ‘Stay where you are!’
Ste watches Jamie anxiously and struggles with himself. Finally he turns and lies head to head with Jamie.
Ste: ‘Satisfied?’
Jamie: ‘Mhm... Night.’
Jamie kisses Ste on the lips. Fearful looks follow, but then change into tender ones.
Ste: ‘Do you think I'm queer?’
Jamie: ‘I don't know what I think.’
Jamie turns off the light.
Jamie: ‘Can I touch you?’
Ste: ‘I'm a bit sore.’
Jamie: ‘Yeah.’
Jamie touches Ste tenderly...
1996 Channel Four Corporation)
Nathan hardly noticed the rest of the film, the feelings that arose took up all his attention. It became increasingly clear to him that he, Nathan Ziegler, was gay.
And he envied Ste and Jamie. He wanted to have a boyfriend too, to be held, caressed, kissed.
*** Nathan is so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he doesn't even notice that Robert has been leaning against his leg the whole time and briefly touches Nathan's knee during a kissing scene. Was that a coincidence? We'll see. ***
When the film was over and the others had already got up to gather in the anteroom, Nathan was still sitting in his chair, staring spellbound at the screen.
‘Hey, wake up! We're leaving,’ said Robert. ‘What's the matter, did you see a ghost or do you have a crush?’
After these words, Nathan jumped up and stormed past Frau Stangler and the others out of the cinema.
‘Nathan! Stop! You can't just run away like that. You stay here.’
But when Frau Stangler came out of the cinema and looked around, Nathan was already gone.
Part
2
–
Coming
Out
Nathan ran three blocks before he ran out of breath. Breathlessly, he leaned against a wall. In his mind's eye, a wave of problems piled up, ready to engulf him at any moment.
‘Gays kidnap children.’
‘Gays are obsessed with youth.’
‘Gays die lonely deaths.’
"Gays have AIDS.’
‘Gays are perverse.‘
’Gays live against nature.‘
’Gays..."
The sentences raced faster and faster through Nathan's head, going round in circles – faster! Faster! Faster!
Nathan didn't even notice how his knees went weak and the ground seemed to give way under his feet. A brief dizziness and blackness covered his face like a cloth before he fainted.
*** It's really irresponsible to stuff young people (and everyone else, for that matter) full of such stupid prejudices. And when they're affected themselves, something like this happens and everyone is surprised. Hopefully this will turn out well for Nathan. ***
‘Hey, wake up,’ was the first thing Nathan heard.
He slowly opened his eyes and tried to sit up, but was gently stopped by a hand. As the fog lifted, he looked into two bright blue eyes.
The owner of these two eyes might have just turned 18.
‘What, what happened?’ Nathan asked.
The boy replied, ‘I just came from the drugstore over there and saw you over here, collapsed like a piece of wood. I couldn't just stand by and watch.’
Only now did Nathan notice that the stranger was kneeling next to him without his jacket, and that the jacket was lying under his head. The pleasant scent rose to his nose.
"What's your name, anyway?’
‘Nathan. And you?‘
’Manuel. Come on, I'll help you up, otherwise you'll catch cold lying here on the floor."
Before Nathan could protest, Manuel had taken him under the shoulders as if he had to carry an unconscious man.
Was it his imagination, or did Manuel hold him a moment longer than necessary?
‘You know what, we'll go to the café over there and you'll have a hot tea to get your circulation going again.‘
Nathan wanted to say something, but Manuel's determination brooked no contradiction.
A short time later, they were sitting across from each other with a cup of hot fruit tea.
’Has something like this happened to you before?’ Manuel asked.
‘Er. What?’ Nathan's mind had been somewhere else again.
*** Well, not that far away. For one thing, he had been lost in Manuel's eyes and, for another, he wondered if he really was gay. Let's see how this goes on. It's really sizzling and tingling. ***
‘I meant whether you've passed out before.‘
’Not really.‘
After a short pause, Nathan asked, “Do you still go to school?”
’Yes. But not here. I'm only going to start at the local high school in the next semester. We just moved here recently, so I'm finishing the semester at my old school.’
‘Hey, then we'll probably see each other more often. I also go to the gym here. And what class are you in?‘
’7th. And you?‘
’I'm only in 6th. I would have thought you were older.’
‘That's probably because, at 189 cm, I'm not exactly average height for my age. Hm. I have to go now, otherwise my mother will start to worry. You know how it is. But if you like, you can come with me. I'm sure my parents won't mind.‘
’Hm. Yes, I'd like that.’
After they had paid, they set off. Manuel's house was in a residential area on the outskirts of the city, so they took the bus a few stops. After walking a few more blocks, they stood in front of a neat detached house.
‘This is it. Do you like it?’
"Yes, it's quite nice. Let's go inside, it's starting to snow.’
‘Hello, is anybody home?‘
’Hello Manuel, I'm here in the kitchen.‘
A pleasantly soft female voice came from the kitchen.
’I have a visitor with me,‘ Manuel said and went with Nathan into the kitchen.
’This is Nathan. And this is my mother.‘
’Hello Mrs. um...’ Nathan felt his face redden.
‘Wallner,‘ Manuel's mother added, “but that doesn't matter. Just make yourself at home here – as much as that's possible. You see, we haven't finished unpacking everything yet. Manuel has probably already told you that we only just moved here.”
’Yes, he has. We'll go over to my room then.‘
’Okay.’
‘Don't be shocked when you go in, it still looks a bit like a mess,’ Manuel said.
*** Always these understatements. The room was just furnished with furniture – a wide bed, by the way – and lots of larger and smaller moving boxes. In between, there was also a lot of unpacked stuff waiting to be stored. ***
‘I can't disagree with you,‘ Nathan said with a cheeky grin.
’Let's just sit on the bed, the armchair is full,‘ Manuel suggested. “Well, so this is my future realm.”
’What's that?’ Nathan asked, pointing to a colourful piece of cloth hanging out of one of the boxes.
Manuel blushed a little and looked embarrassed: ‘Oh, it's just a flag, nothing more.’ He tried to quickly stuff the piece of cloth back into the box.
"Can I see it? What do you need it for?’
*** 100 points for you, sweetheart! Have you ever heard of sensitivity, tact or a sure instinct? The guy turns red and tries to quickly hide the thing, and you keep digging without hesitation or mercy...
Hesitantly, Manuel pulled a rainbow flag out of the box. Somehow, the flag looked familiar to Nathan, but he couldn't quite place where. After Nathan had looked at the flag, Manuel carefully folded it again and put it back in the box.
‘Where did you get it?’ Nathan asked.
"My mother gave it to me.’
In the meantime, Manuel had sat down on the bed with Nathan again, and now they were only a thigh's width apart. Manuel's closeness confused Nathan just as much as the strange tingling sensation that had been running through him the whole time.
The conversation had come to a standstill anyway and they just looked deep into each other's eyes. Nathan lost himself in those radiant eyes, immersed himself in them and took off. He wanted to touch Manuel, hold him, just feel his warmth.
But at that moment, Manuel jumped up and looked at Nathan with fear-filled eyes. ‘Do you hate me now?’ ‘I think it's better if you leave now.’
Nathan had no idea what was going on and didn't react to Manuel's request.
‘Please go. Go!’
‘What's the matter, why should I hate you?’
‘Well, because of that thing.’
"What thing?’
*** Sweetheart, you really are more naive than the police allow. The guy picks you up off the street, takes you for tea, takes you home, has a rainbow flag, looks deep into your eyes and is close enough to touch. What more do you need to realise what's going on? A billboard on the main street? Radio announcements? Well. Let's get back to the action. ***
During the conversation, they had moved to Manuel's room door. ‘That I'm gay. I like guys.’
*** It's a shame you can't see the look on Nathan's face. Rarely seen a stupider guy. ***
Nathan's confusion increased immeasurably. Was that something bad? With wet eyes Manuel showed him to the door and raised his hand briefly in farewell before he closed the door behind Nathan.
Now Nathan was standing in the middle of dancing snowflakes and didn't know what was happening to him. Somehow he felt like crying. Slowly he made his way towards the city centre.
But at the first crossroads, he changed his plan and walked aimlessly through the neighbourhood. The longer he walked, the clearer his thoughts became, and the more he became determined. He had to go to Manuel again and tell him that he didn't hate him, that he felt the same way.
After two circuits around the block, he had mustered up the courage to ring the doorbell. Mrs Wallner opened it. For a moment, her face seemed to express something like relief, or was it just his imagination?
"I'm sorry to bother you again, but I think I left my fountain pen at Manuel's.’
Boy, oh boy, I've heard a lot of bad excuses, but this one takes the cake.
‘Go on in, he's in his room.’
Nathan wondered if Ms Wallner had really not heard about the fight, or if she was just a good actress.
He knocked tentatively on the door to Manuel's room. A hesitant ‘Come in’ followed and Nathan entered. Manuel was obviously surprised that it was Nathan and tried to look friendly, but Nathan noticed that he had apparently been crying shortly before.
He quickly closed the door.
"I've been thinking about what you said before.’
‘And?‘ Manuel replied anxiously.
’I've realised a few things,’ Nathan said, taking a step closer to Manuel. When Nathan was standing right in front of him, Manuel lowered his head. Nathan gently lifted his chin, looked briefly into the blue eyes that looked at him fearfully, and gave him a gentle kiss on the mouth.
‘You too?’ Manuel stammered, but Nathan just quietly gestured to him not to destroy the moment with words and hugged him. It seemed like an eternity in seventh heaven as they stood there, hugging each other. He felt Manuel's hand resting in his hair, he felt his closeness, his warmth, the wonderful scent.
After a seemingly endless embrace, they broke away from each other.
‘How long have you known?’ Nathan asked.
"Good question. I've only really been aware of it since I turned 16. I've fallen for boys before, but I just couldn't put it into words. And you?’
‘This morning. We went to see ‘Beautiful Thing’ at the cinema and it suddenly hit me.‘
’And then it all became a bit much for you.‘
’Exactly. Does anyone know about you?‘
’Well, my best friends know and my parents and of course the guys from the group.‘
’What group?’
‘I meet with other gay guys around my age twice a month. It's a bit of a drive, but it's worth it. Do you want to come with me next time?‘
’Well, I don't know.‘
’Don't panic, nobody's going to bite you. They've all been through the same thing you have.’
‘I'll think about it. I think I have to go now, otherwise my mother will report me missing. You know how mothers are.‘
’Will I see you tomorrow?‘
’We'll see if the teachers are feeling generous tomorrow.‘
’I'll write down my phone number in any case. Will you give me yours too?’
‘Yes, sure.‘ After the successful exchange of numbers, Manuel accompanied Nathan to the front door and gave him a hug goodbye.
’Well then, take care and see you soon.‘
’Yeah, you too,’ Nathan said goodbye.
*** Well, kiss him already! Everyone in the building already knows that you two are head over heels in love and no one is looking anyway. ***
Despite saying goodbye, they were still standing in front of the locked front door, holding hands. Manuel looked deep into Nathan's eyes and Nathan was lost in thought too. Manuel gently pulled him closer and breathed a questioning ‘May I?’
‘What?’
*** Boy, oh boy. What do you think? Crochet you a potholder? ***
"Kiss you.’
Instead of an answer, Nathan pulled Manuel even closer and shortly after, their tongues were already dancing the lovers' round dance.
Full of pleasure and affection, they explored each other, Nathan's hand slid under Manuel's shirt and Manuel also went on a journey of exploration. A little later, with Nathan's jacket already on the floor, the two were interrupted by a throat clearing.
‘I don't want to disturb you two, but don't you want to continue in your room?‘ Mrs Wallner suggested.
Nathan blushed immediately. “We, I mean, I mean we...”
’It's okay. I know what's going on and I don't have a problem with it. To be honest, I was even hoping that you would come back. But now don't let me disturb you any further.’
‘I really have to go now. I'll see you tomorrow. I promise.‘
’Okay, see you then.’ One last kiss was exchanged and then it was really time to go out into the cold reality.
*** He can consider himself really lucky with this mother-in-law. Another woman would have probably chased him out of the house as soon as she came round. ***
Part
3
–
Almost
Unreal
Out in the clear winter air, it became more and more clear to Nathan that he was head over heels in love with the boy he had just kissed so fiercely. And what had seemed like the end of the world just a few hours ago took on a completely different colouring. Nathan set off home elated.
At home, he was immediately met by his mother.
‘Tell me, do you know what time it is? You could have at least called.‘
Only now did Nathan realise that he should have been home a few hours ago.
’I'm sorry, I totally lost track of time."
And before his mother could ask any more, Nathan disappeared into his room.
The next morning, Nathan was met at school by Robert.
‘Tell me, what happened yesterday? You were running as if something were after you.’
Nathan realised that he was blushing. What should he do? He didn't want to lie to his best friend, but he couldn't tell him the truth.
He wasn't even sure himself whether he had dreamt the whole thing. But Manuel's kisses had tasted too real for that.
‘You're impossible to get anything out of,’ said Robert. ‘Then let's go downstairs, we've got gym class again today.’
"Do you think Frau Stangler will say something to my parents?’
‘I don't know. In any case, she said that you should report to her today."
On the way to the gym, Nathan wondered what Frau Stangler wanted from him. Did she already know everything and just wanted him to deliver his death sentence? Did she want to know from him what was going on?
When they entered the changing room, he was distracted from his thoughts. Somehow, something was different today. He hurried to put on his gym clothes and tried not to look at anyone.
But what was different?
Hadn't he always been gay?
Was he afraid of getting a hard-on in front of everyone?
*** Oh, he's really not making it easy for himself. Nothing happened the many times before, did it? ***
After what felt like three hours, Nathan went to the conference room during the big break to report to Ms Stangler. After she arrived, she told Nathan that they had something to discuss. They went into a small meeting room and Ms Stangler gestured for Nathan to sit down.
‘I assume that you had a good reason to run away yesterday,‘ she said in a calm tone.
Nathan felt red in the face once again.
’I, um, I, well...’
‘I haven't told anyone about this yet because I think we can sort it out ourselves. But you have to realise that you could have got me into a lot of trouble. If something had happened to you, I would have been fully responsible.‘
’I'm sorry.’
‘Then we'll consider the matter closed. Now, I have to get my things for my next lesson. Stay here for a moment and think about everything again.’
When she picked up her bag, a small notebook fell out.
‘You've lost something.’
‘Oh, it's all right, it can stay there. I don't need it anymore. Well, I really have to go now.’
In the doorway, she turned around again: ‘Oh yes.’
Nathan looked up questioningly.
"Go your way and be happy.’
With these words she closed the door behind her. Nathan stood up and went to the notebook lying on the floor next to the sofa where Frau Stangler had just been sitting. It was a magazine from a gay group. Somehow it dawned on him that Frau Stangler knew more than he had thought.
*** Of course, sweetheart, the woman didn't become a teacher for nothing. She can put herself in the shoes of her students. And when someone sits on ‘Beautiful Thing’ at first as if they'd been struck by lightning and then runs away, it's like half a coming out. ***
‘And?’ Robert wanted to know how the conversation with Ms Stangler went.
‘All ok. The case is closed.‘
’How did you manage that?‘
’I'm not telling.‘
’And what's that thing you've got there?‘ asked Robert, pointing to the booklet that Nathan had put in a plastic bag.
And once again, Nathan felt the blush rising as he searched for a plausible answer.
’This?’
‘Yes, exactly that!‘
’Well, it's just a thing, a, a, a cinema programme.‘
*** Yeah, yeah. Look, there's a pink dinosaur flying. ***
’Can I see it?‘
’Um, well, actually...’
‘Then don't. We'll go into town this afternoon.‘
’Er, I'm sorry, but I still have to study history.‘
’But he's not checking tomorrow.‘
’Well, I thought... you know, just learn something.‘
’Well, don't then,’ said Robert, walking to his seat.
For the rest of the morning, Nathan just waited for the school day to end so that he could hurry home and get on to Manuel as soon as he'd finished the most necessary tasks.
After three more lessons, Nathan hurried home, but Robert wanted an explanation for the excuse about learning history.
"Say, what's up with you?’
‘Nothing, what should be?‘ Nathan felt his nervousness begin to increase immeasurably.
’So that nothing is, you can tell someone else, you're acting too differently than usual.‘
’Oh my God, so it's already showing on my face,' Nathan thought.
‘I'm sorry, but I really have to go now, my mother is probably already waiting with dinner. See you tomorrow.‘
’Okay, see you tomorrow."
On his way home, Nathan started brooding again. He had to tell Robert in any case, otherwise their friendship would be at stake. After all, he couldn't lie forever. On the other hand, he was afraid that Robert would turn away.
After he had finished lunch and the most important tasks, he called Manuel immediately.
‘Wallner,’ a woman's voice answered.
‘Hello Mrs Wallner, this is Nathan. I wanted to ask if Manuel is available.’
‘Yes, just a moment, I'll get him.’
Nathan heard the receiver being put down next to the phone.
‘What if he can't or doesn't want to remember me at all?’ it crossed his mind, ‘or what if he just wants to use me?’
*** Now just stop it! First of all, you can still ask yourself that when the time comes. And secondly, you weren't exactly shy and reserved yesterday either. ***
‘Hello Nathan, I thought you weren't going to call anymore.’
‘Sorry, I still had homework to do.’
"Do you want to come over?’
‘Sure, I'll be right over.‘
’You better put on shoes,‘ Manuel joked.
’See you then.‘
’Yeah, see you then.‘
He quickly changed and was on his way to Manuel's house. The closer he got, the lighter his heart felt. When he finally rang the doorbell at the Wallners’, Manuel opened the door at the same moment.
‘Hey, were you standing behind the door?‘
’Not exactly. I'm glad you're here.‘
With that, he pulled Nathan in and slammed the door shut. The next moment, they were hugging and kissing each other passionately.
’Well, if it isn't Nathan,‘ a voice called from the background.
The two of them parted.
’Hello, Mrs Wallner.’
‘Hello Nathan. I didn't want to disturb you either. I just have to go out for a moment, but I guess you can manage without me.‘
’I'll take care of Nathan,’ Manuel replied.
After a brief farewell, the two went to Manuel's room, which, to Nathan's amazement, looked much tidier than the day before.
‘Wow, what happened here?‘
’I thought you might like things a bit tidier than a mess.‘
’Well, it's not that great in my place either."
In fact, some boxes had already disappeared and in return some shelves had been partially put away. Nathan was particularly taken with the large stereo system.
‘So, what's it like? I've been thinking about getting a decent stereo system myself, but I don't know which one yet.‘
’Yeah, it's pretty good. Hang on, I'll put something on.‘
’Do you like Eurythmics too?’ Nathan asked as the first bars of “Sweet Dreams” began to play.
No, I can't stand the song, but thanks to my gift of sight I knew that you liked it and therefore put it on. Silly question.
‘Yes, I've always loved how Annie slips into the most diverse roles.’ They sat down on the bed and let the music wash over them.
As is often the case with those newly in love, they didn't sit next to each other for long before they were kissing each other passionately again. Soon they were lying closely entwined on the bed, caressing each other.
*** And as it so often happens, the superfluous layers of clothing fell away over time and so we soon find the two of them in their underwear – cute little things, by the way. ***
Manuel gently stroked the bulge between Nathan's legs, which was getting bigger and bigger. Nathan got goosebumps and started to tremble.
‘Hey, what's the matter?’
‘I'm just not sure if I'm ready for this. It's all going so fast.’
Manuel gently stroked Nathan's back.
‘Yesterday I still didn't know what was wrong with me and now I'm lying here next to you. On the one hand I'd like to do it, but on the other hand I'm afraid of it.’
‘I know the feeling. But I think I know what to do. Just relax and enjoy it."
*** Well, Nathan has more luck than sense again. Many others would have just carried on or maybe pulled the old “if you love me, you'll sleep with me” trick. Well, let's see what good things he's come up with. ***
Manuel made Nathan lie down on his stomach, stretched out. Then he began gently caressing and caressing every inch of the body that was presented to him. He started by caressing and massaging Nathan's feet, stroking and kissing his thighs, lingering at the back of his knees, continuing on and finally kneading the firm buttocks that were presented to him.
Then he kissed and caressed his way up Nathan's spine, massaging his shoulders and neck, stroking his hair tenderly, nibbling on his earlobes and finally running his tongue along Nathan's spine again before turning him onto his back.
Nathan wanted to sit up a little and kiss Manuel, but he gently pushed him back onto the mattress and slid down. Again, he caressed his feet, stroked and kissed his thighs up until he reached the loins.
He gently stroked to the left and right of the bulge, almost driving Nathan crazy. Then he slid up a little higher and began to play with Nathan's navel with his tongue, travelling higher, nibbling and sucking tenderly on the nipples, which were hard and large.
And further on, his path led to Nathan's ear lobes, which he nibbled on while running his fingers through his hair. Finally, he kissed him on the tip of his nose, ran his fingertip over the shiny, moist lips, and then ended it all with a never-ending kiss.
*** Honey, switch off the telly and come over, I need, erm, need you really urgently. ***
Nathan pulled Manuel very close to him.
‘Let's do it. I'll lose my mind here otherwise,’ he whispered in Manuel's ear.
‘Ok.’
While Nathan tried to get rid of his last shred of clothing, Manuel fished two condoms out of the drawer of the bedside table.
‘So we don't have any children,’ he said with a grin, while he also peeled Nathan out of his trousers.
The condom was quickly in place and a little later Nathan felt considerably relieved.
‘Oh, banana,‘ he realised as he went on the counterattack.
Finally, they lay in bed, cuddled up close.
’I didn't think sex could be so good,‘ said Nathan, “you almost drove me crazy.”
’But you seemed to like it quite a bit,’ Manuel grinned.
Instead of answering, Nathan kissed him again and let his hand slide lower.
‘Not that I have anything against it, but I estimate that my mother will be here any moment. And as quiet as you were earlier...’
Nathan blushed a little.
"It's not a problem. There was no one there to listen.’
*** By the way, I'm back now, too. I'm sorry I left you alone for a moment, but it was necessary. ***
Sure enough, Manuel's mother came home a little later.
‘I'm sorry, but it took a little longer. I hope you managed without me.’
"Yes, thank you. Manuel took really good care of me.’
‘I can imagine that,’ Frau Wallner smiled, which once again brought a blush to Nathan's face. “Would you please help her carry the shopping in?”
As it turned out, the “short trip” had turned into a full week's shopping, so there was quite a bit to carry in.
‘How about you join us for dinner tonight?‘ Mrs Wallner suggested.
’I'd love to, I just have to let my parents know first. Can I use your phone?‘
A little time and some persuasion later, that was sorted too, and so Nathan went back into the room with Manuel.
’Well, I'm kind of a little nervous.’
‘Why?‘
’Well, my first family dinner as a son-in-law,‘ Nathan smiled.
’Oh, you don't need to see it that dramatically, my parents have known for a while and are therefore fine with it. As long as you don't act like an animal, there's no problem.’
‘Then I'm reasonably reassured. And what do we do until dinner?‘
’What do you think of listening to some music and cuddling?‘
’Hmm,’ Nathan asked himself broodingly, before pulling Manuel into his room after a seemingly indifferent “If you think so” and kissing him passionately just behind the door.
*** So, let's turn the wheel of time a few hours and many kisses further. ***
Finally, Ms Wallner called the two of them to the table and, having become hungry from all the kissing, they quickly followed her call. There were grilled chops with fried potatoes and letcho.
Nathan looked at Mr Wallner, who had just come in through the door, with interest but wariness.
‘You must be Nathan,’ he said, shaking his hand.
After everyone had filled their plates and sat down at the table, Mr Wallner raised his glass.
"Let's drink to you both. We're happy that you've found each other and wish you all the best.’
Then the likeable fifty-two-year-old with the silver-coloured curl turned to Nathan.
‘Since you're now part of the family, so to speak, we'd be happy if you called us Franziska and Wolfgang.’
The rest of the dinner was quite casual and cheerful, and Nathan also began to thaw out a bit after a while.
Finally, it was time to say goodbye again, and with a last, heartfelt kiss, Nathan set off for home.