2025-07-10, 03:47 PM
The day at the quarry pond was to herald a change in Julian's life. But the 14-year-old eighth-grader had no idea of what was about to happen as he enjoyed the tropical temperatures at the quarry pond with his friends.
In the late afternoon, most of the boys went home. Only Julian remained lying in the shade of a bush, enjoying the peace and quiet.
Suddenly, he was startled as he felt a hand that timidly touched his naked shoulder. Through his narrowed eyes, he recognised the black-haired girl from the 9th grade.
‘Hannah, you scared me. What are you doing here?’
"Oh... nothing, just a coincidence. Do you want to go out for ice cream with me?’
Julian didn't believe Hannah's story of chance, but he said, ‘Yeah, okay, let's do it.’ He put on his jeans, T-shirt and K-Swiss. Hannah watched him closely. Julian noticed it and felt uncomfortable, but didn't say anything. This uneasy feeling didn't go away in the ice cream parlour either. He sensed clearly that Hannah wasn't just there for the ice cream. But that seemed so strange and unreal to him. When they said goodbye to each other, he went home lost in thought. Thousands of thoughts whirled through his head. There was a girl who wanted to be close to him. Not a little girl who adored him, no, a self-confident girl who was more than a year older than him. And there was no doubt that it was a hard-hitting come-on.
Actually, he should be happy and proud of himself. Instead, he found the situation repulsive. The longer he thought about it, the more confused he became. Why didn't he jump at Hannah? He knew that some boys at school were after Hannah and were rebuffed by her. And he? He could get her, just like that, without much effort. Because she wanted him. So what was he afraid of? Fear? After half a night of waking and brooding, he was sure: no, it wasn't fear, but something else that was keeping him from pursuing Hannah. Was it Hannah? No, he had to admit to himself that he didn't find any girl attractive or appealing at all. There were some that he liked. Yes, liked, like many other people. Except for... Wait a minute... Some guys he found attractive, very much so. My God, was he... no, of course not, that would be ridiculous. Surely it was just a weird phase of puberty. He was sensible enough to realise that puberty had its ‘fringe phenomena’, which he too had enjoyed, but certainly didn't have to take so seriously... Or didn't want to take seriously?
Hannah avoided him as much as possible.
The months passed. A new girl came into his class: Sophie. She was so different from the other girls. She had such an open, buddy-like nature.
At school they sat next to each other and quickly became friends. He often forgot that Sophie was a girl, she simply didn't matter. He enjoyed the physical contact, the hugs, the lack of inhibition that he felt in her presence. They had been doing a lot of things together for a long time.
One day Sophie asked if she could bring her twin brother to the cinema with her. Julian had never met a pair of twins before and was very curious to see what it would be like. It was bound to be fun. Julian deliberately left a little early to pick them up.
Sophie opened the door and let Julian in. ‘Go on in, I'll be ready in a minute,’ she said. Sitting on the couch in the living room was a handsome blond boy with deep blue eyes. He held out his hand to Julian. ‘Hi, I'm Philipp.’
Julian returned the handshake. ‘Hey, I'm Julian.’
‘Yes, I know, my sister's friend,‘ he grinned at Julian.
’Um...yes, something like that,’ Julian couldn't say more.
Over the next few weeks, the three of them spent a lot of time together. Philipp and Julian became good friends. However, Julian quickly began to feel an affection for Philipp that grew stronger and stronger. This frightened him, very much, because he also remembered the thing with Hannah. The confusion of feelings that he had suppressed for so long. What was wrong with him? He was now 16 years old. This bloody puberty should have been under control by now. Was he really gay, which had often crossed his mind? No, that couldn't be, never! Again and again he had suppressed these thoughts.
For days and nights Julian brooded over his problem. Until Sophie approached him
‘Hey Juli, what's up with you?’
‘Oh, nothing.’
"Don't lie to me, I can tell you're not feeling well. What's going on?’
Julian would have liked to have had a good cry on Sophie's shoulder, but he made excuses. A full fortnight went by before he finally plucked up the courage. He told Sophie everything he felt, describing his confusion to her. He only didn't mention his feelings for Philipp.
When he had finished, Sophie took a deep breath.
‘Juli, you know, I've noticed for a long time that you're somehow different. I've also thought that maybe you're gay.‘
’What, how did you notice that? I'm not a fag or anything.‘
’No, of course not. But your behaviour towards girls is quite revealing.‘
’Man, I've been trying not to let it show.’
‘Of course, only someone who knows you as well as I do would notice.‘
’Shit, I don't want that...‘
’Juli, just accept it, otherwise you'll just drive yourself crazy. What's so bad about being gay? You're my best friend and you'll always be my best friend.’
‘You are, but what about the others, they'll chase me away.‘
’No one will chase you away, but you have to have the courage to admit it to yourself. That's the most important thing right now."
Sophie took Julian by the shoulders and shook him gently.
‘Hey, believe in yourself! I do.’ She kissed Julian on the cheek. He looked at her with wet eyes and said softly, ’Yes, thank you, I will.’
Julian spent the next few days organising his thoughts. Slowly, he realised that there was no point in lying to himself. He decided to involve one more person he could trust completely: his brother. Kevin was seven years older and the best brother in the world.
He waited until dinner.
"Hey Kev, I've got a few new CDs.’
‘Yeah cool, let's listen to them right now.‘
After dinner in Julian's room:
’Come on, show me the CDs.‘
’Um... well... I don't have any new CDs, but I need to talk to you.’
‘Man, when you look like that, you've done something wrong. So what's up? Did you forget the rubber while screwing and now the old lady is pregnant, or what?‘
’No, uh, well, it's kind of along those lines.‘
Kevin put his arm around Julian's shoulders.
’Ok, so it's about a girl, so go ahead.’
Julian hesitated.
‘No, it's not about a girl, rather the opposite. I... um, I think, I'm pretty sure... I'm... gay.’
Julian avoided eye contact. Kevin looked at his brother for a long time before answering.
‘Dude, are you really sure?’
"Yes, I think so.’
‘Ok, in that case. How do you think I don't care about this. You're my brother and I'm always there for you. Tell me, are you afraid?‘
’Yes‘
’Look, I can't take away your fear. You have to do that yourself. Face it. Be honest with yourself, otherwise you'll just mess up your life. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?’
‘Yes, but it's so easy to say.‘
’I know that, little one. I'll help you whenever I can. If you want to talk, I'm always there for you, I hope you know that. But you have to take the first step yourself. Do you understand?‘
’Hm yes, you're right.’
Julian lowered his eyes. Kevin tousled Julian's long hair.
‘But tell me, is there someone special?’
Kevin grinned at Julian with his winning smile.
‘Yes, Philipp, Sophie's brother.‘
’Great, go for it.‘
’It's easy for you to say. What if he doesn't want to and then brags that I made a pass at him? Man, if the others find out, I'm screwed.’
‘Kid, you don't have a choice. You have to take the risk, otherwise you'll be alone for the rest of your life. But people today are tolerant enough and your friends aren't freaks. It'll work out."
Kevin gave his brother a friendly slap and grinned. Julian looked at Kevin. ’Thanks, dude, I'll manage... somehow.’
He lay awake half the night thinking about Kevin's words and how he could make it clear to Philipp how he felt about him.
However, he did not come to any conclusion.
Over the next few days, he kept away from Sophie and Philipp to gain some distance and have time to think.
In the late afternoon, most of the boys went home. Only Julian remained lying in the shade of a bush, enjoying the peace and quiet.
Suddenly, he was startled as he felt a hand that timidly touched his naked shoulder. Through his narrowed eyes, he recognised the black-haired girl from the 9th grade.
‘Hannah, you scared me. What are you doing here?’
"Oh... nothing, just a coincidence. Do you want to go out for ice cream with me?’
Julian didn't believe Hannah's story of chance, but he said, ‘Yeah, okay, let's do it.’ He put on his jeans, T-shirt and K-Swiss. Hannah watched him closely. Julian noticed it and felt uncomfortable, but didn't say anything. This uneasy feeling didn't go away in the ice cream parlour either. He sensed clearly that Hannah wasn't just there for the ice cream. But that seemed so strange and unreal to him. When they said goodbye to each other, he went home lost in thought. Thousands of thoughts whirled through his head. There was a girl who wanted to be close to him. Not a little girl who adored him, no, a self-confident girl who was more than a year older than him. And there was no doubt that it was a hard-hitting come-on.
Actually, he should be happy and proud of himself. Instead, he found the situation repulsive. The longer he thought about it, the more confused he became. Why didn't he jump at Hannah? He knew that some boys at school were after Hannah and were rebuffed by her. And he? He could get her, just like that, without much effort. Because she wanted him. So what was he afraid of? Fear? After half a night of waking and brooding, he was sure: no, it wasn't fear, but something else that was keeping him from pursuing Hannah. Was it Hannah? No, he had to admit to himself that he didn't find any girl attractive or appealing at all. There were some that he liked. Yes, liked, like many other people. Except for... Wait a minute... Some guys he found attractive, very much so. My God, was he... no, of course not, that would be ridiculous. Surely it was just a weird phase of puberty. He was sensible enough to realise that puberty had its ‘fringe phenomena’, which he too had enjoyed, but certainly didn't have to take so seriously... Or didn't want to take seriously?
Hannah avoided him as much as possible.
The months passed. A new girl came into his class: Sophie. She was so different from the other girls. She had such an open, buddy-like nature.
At school they sat next to each other and quickly became friends. He often forgot that Sophie was a girl, she simply didn't matter. He enjoyed the physical contact, the hugs, the lack of inhibition that he felt in her presence. They had been doing a lot of things together for a long time.
One day Sophie asked if she could bring her twin brother to the cinema with her. Julian had never met a pair of twins before and was very curious to see what it would be like. It was bound to be fun. Julian deliberately left a little early to pick them up.
Sophie opened the door and let Julian in. ‘Go on in, I'll be ready in a minute,’ she said. Sitting on the couch in the living room was a handsome blond boy with deep blue eyes. He held out his hand to Julian. ‘Hi, I'm Philipp.’
Julian returned the handshake. ‘Hey, I'm Julian.’
‘Yes, I know, my sister's friend,‘ he grinned at Julian.
’Um...yes, something like that,’ Julian couldn't say more.
Over the next few weeks, the three of them spent a lot of time together. Philipp and Julian became good friends. However, Julian quickly began to feel an affection for Philipp that grew stronger and stronger. This frightened him, very much, because he also remembered the thing with Hannah. The confusion of feelings that he had suppressed for so long. What was wrong with him? He was now 16 years old. This bloody puberty should have been under control by now. Was he really gay, which had often crossed his mind? No, that couldn't be, never! Again and again he had suppressed these thoughts.
For days and nights Julian brooded over his problem. Until Sophie approached him
‘Hey Juli, what's up with you?’
‘Oh, nothing.’
"Don't lie to me, I can tell you're not feeling well. What's going on?’
Julian would have liked to have had a good cry on Sophie's shoulder, but he made excuses. A full fortnight went by before he finally plucked up the courage. He told Sophie everything he felt, describing his confusion to her. He only didn't mention his feelings for Philipp.
When he had finished, Sophie took a deep breath.
‘Juli, you know, I've noticed for a long time that you're somehow different. I've also thought that maybe you're gay.‘
’What, how did you notice that? I'm not a fag or anything.‘
’No, of course not. But your behaviour towards girls is quite revealing.‘
’Man, I've been trying not to let it show.’
‘Of course, only someone who knows you as well as I do would notice.‘
’Shit, I don't want that...‘
’Juli, just accept it, otherwise you'll just drive yourself crazy. What's so bad about being gay? You're my best friend and you'll always be my best friend.’
‘You are, but what about the others, they'll chase me away.‘
’No one will chase you away, but you have to have the courage to admit it to yourself. That's the most important thing right now."
Sophie took Julian by the shoulders and shook him gently.
‘Hey, believe in yourself! I do.’ She kissed Julian on the cheek. He looked at her with wet eyes and said softly, ’Yes, thank you, I will.’
Julian spent the next few days organising his thoughts. Slowly, he realised that there was no point in lying to himself. He decided to involve one more person he could trust completely: his brother. Kevin was seven years older and the best brother in the world.
He waited until dinner.
"Hey Kev, I've got a few new CDs.’
‘Yeah cool, let's listen to them right now.‘
After dinner in Julian's room:
’Come on, show me the CDs.‘
’Um... well... I don't have any new CDs, but I need to talk to you.’
‘Man, when you look like that, you've done something wrong. So what's up? Did you forget the rubber while screwing and now the old lady is pregnant, or what?‘
’No, uh, well, it's kind of along those lines.‘
Kevin put his arm around Julian's shoulders.
’Ok, so it's about a girl, so go ahead.’
Julian hesitated.
‘No, it's not about a girl, rather the opposite. I... um, I think, I'm pretty sure... I'm... gay.’
Julian avoided eye contact. Kevin looked at his brother for a long time before answering.
‘Dude, are you really sure?’
"Yes, I think so.’
‘Ok, in that case. How do you think I don't care about this. You're my brother and I'm always there for you. Tell me, are you afraid?‘
’Yes‘
’Look, I can't take away your fear. You have to do that yourself. Face it. Be honest with yourself, otherwise you'll just mess up your life. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?’
‘Yes, but it's so easy to say.‘
’I know that, little one. I'll help you whenever I can. If you want to talk, I'm always there for you, I hope you know that. But you have to take the first step yourself. Do you understand?‘
’Hm yes, you're right.’
Julian lowered his eyes. Kevin tousled Julian's long hair.
‘But tell me, is there someone special?’
Kevin grinned at Julian with his winning smile.
‘Yes, Philipp, Sophie's brother.‘
’Great, go for it.‘
’It's easy for you to say. What if he doesn't want to and then brags that I made a pass at him? Man, if the others find out, I'm screwed.’
‘Kid, you don't have a choice. You have to take the risk, otherwise you'll be alone for the rest of your life. But people today are tolerant enough and your friends aren't freaks. It'll work out."
Kevin gave his brother a friendly slap and grinned. Julian looked at Kevin. ’Thanks, dude, I'll manage... somehow.’
He lay awake half the night thinking about Kevin's words and how he could make it clear to Philipp how he felt about him.
However, he did not come to any conclusion.
Over the next few days, he kept away from Sophie and Philipp to gain some distance and have time to think.