2025-07-10, 03:57 PM
Once again, I sat there in the garden on the board by the fence that my grandfather had actually cut from wood for himself. He could no longer walk properly, so he often sat here to rest.
I looked into the garden, observing the trees, the green grass that had been freshly mowed the day before. I was alone with my thoughts. I reflected, let the sun's rays warm me, and sometimes, I cried there...
It wasn't easy. When I was 8 years old, my parents brought me to my grandparents in Slovenia. For me, it was rather a foreign country, as I had only known the city of Mannheim in Germany, where I was born and played with the children in kindergarten. The main reason I was left with my grandparents was that I was supposed to go to school here in Slovenia.
No question, it was very difficult at first without my parents. But I quickly grew fond of my grandparents, and there were also children in the village with whom I could play. After a few weeks, I also got to know the remote places in the village, which were usually more interesting than the church in the village. And there was so much to explore. The forests, the large meadows and clearings in the woods, the small river in the valley—all of that fascinated me much more all of a sudden.
Months and years passed. I went to school, just like the other children from the village. But one thing set me apart from the others. I was raised by my grandparents.
When I was 13, I noticed it. I was different from the other boys. I was in the 7th grade, in class 7a. Not that I was a nerd, but I didn't care about football. The boys in my class had only one thing on their minds—football. They played during breaks, free periods, and after school. I felt out of place there.
I was interested in something completely different. I was always with the girls: Tea, Anita, Marie, Denise, and Nadine. It all started in the 3rd grade with a small play. In the following years, we did puppet theater. But it only became really fun when we performed real theater and had a director.
Tea and Anita were the best friends. They were inseparable. They lived not far from each other, so they often walked home from school together. Everyone could make the walk in a quarter of an hour, but they couldn't even manage it in an hour.
Marie was our top student. But she always seemed to have bad luck. Once, the whole class went skiing, and she broke her right leg right at the beginning. I think we had seen almost all her body parts in a cast.
Denise and Nadine also couldn't relate to our football boys. They preferred to hang out with the boys, Simon and Mark, from the parallel class 7b.
One day before Christmas, each class was allowed to organize its own party in the classroom. So we decorated our classroom, our math/physics room. The other classes did the same. In the school competition for the best-decorated classroom, we were worse than the others, and the winner was the parallel class 7b.
"Of course, they would win with their silver stars," Marie was disappointed, as her white stars didn't impress the jury.
"Oh come on. The idea with the long paper and fabric strips is what made them win," Denise tried to comfort her.
A little later, it was already time for most of the class to go home on the school bus at 1 PM. Only Tea, Anita, Marie, Denise, Nadine, and I stayed. We turned up the music, and the Christmas party could begin...
The teachers also started their own party in the conference room since most of the students were already out of school.
"Hi Mark, hi Simon, nice to see you here," Denise was happy. Nadine's smile was also hard to miss.
"Everyone's already gone with us," Simon said.
"Let's dance..." Denise grabbed Mark.
You could also see that Marie's bad mood disappeared in an instant. Everyone helped to move the tables a bit aside to create a larger dance floor. We all danced wildly... Good thing Nadine had all her tapes with her. She was the most eager one in collecting hits that were always playing on the radio and diligently recording them.
Don't be surprised, but in 1988, we kids didn't have CDs yet. We all had cassette players and were proud if we could own our own Walkman.
We danced to Madonna's "Like a Prayer" and were enchanted by the music from the movies "Dirty Dancing" and "Flashdance." We danced closer and closer, our bodies touching, just like we knew it from the movie "Dirty Dancing."
After a while, I went to the table with the drinks. I took my glass, and Mark followed me.
"Sascha, what are you drinking?" Mark asked me.
"Coke with Fanta," I replied, looking him in the eyes.
Our eyes met, and for a few seconds, we looked at each other.
It was as if we were hypnotized. At first, our faces were very serious, and then suddenly, we both smiled. He was a bit taller than me, had brown eyes, and short blonde hair with a few curls.
He took a sip from his Coke glass, turned around, and went to the dance floor, where the girls were just singing Madonna's "Like a Prayer" for the third time, waving their hands in the air.
I watched him leave. Why am I looking at him, I asked myself, but didn’t think any further. I was completely beside myself.
“Come on, Sascha,” Nadine swung briefly to me in rhythm with the music, took my arm, and pulled me back to the others.
Time passed like a blur. We completely forgot about time, soon it was 5 PM and dark outside. We realized the teachers had completely forgotten about us. We cleared away the drinks and our glasses, turned off the music, took our things, and silently fled from the school.
We said our goodbyes. First the girls. Then…
“Mark,” I said goodbye to Mark.
“Sascha,” Mark said quietly, and we hugged. The hug lasted a bit longer than with the other boys.
At home that same evening, a day before Christmas, I thought about Mark. I fell asleep immediately and dreamed of him.
The next day, I was expecting my parents from Germany. I looked out the window and it was snowing heavily. I was all excited all day, wondering when my parents would finally arrive. Grandma tried to distract me, but she couldn’t. It was only when the neighbor’s daughter, Meike, who was a year younger than me, knocked on the door that my mood suddenly changed.
“Good day. Can Sascha come out?” was her question.
“Of course,” Grandma said with a smile on her face.
And I was out of the house in no time.
Meike was in the 6th grade, so one grade below me. She was very curious about why I had come home so late the day before.
“Sascha. What did you do at school yesterday?” she asked.
I laughed: “We celebrated.”
So I told her what we had done, who was there. Of course, I didn’t mention anything about what had happened between Mark and me. However, thoughts of him kept running through my mind.
“Shall we go to the big fir tree?” she suggested. To my relief, otherwise she would have noticed that there was something more at the Christmas party at school. She was kind of my best friend and could read everything from my face.
When we arrived at the big fir tree, to the right of the church on the highest slope in the village, we stopped. It was where we occasionally lit a campfire in the summer since it was somewhat away from the houses in the village. And if my parents came, we would see the car in the distance.
“Your parents are coming today, right?” she asked to start a conversation. Although she knew my parents would come that day.
“Yes,” I answered her briefly.
“Aren’t you excited?” she looked me in the eyes.
“I am.” - In the meantime, I picked up the freshly fallen snow and tried to form a snowball: “It’s working pretty well.” I moved a little away from her and tried to hit the big fir tree in front of us.
“Missed!” Meike shouted and began to laugh at me.
We both tried to hit the big fir tree. After the third throw, I managed to hit the tree. Meike hit it on her first try.
“You cheated. You’re much closer than I am,” I accused her.
She laughed: “Party pooper!”
I didn’t want to dwell on it any longer. It felt too silly at that moment. Normally, I wouldn’t let her get away with that. But my gaze kept wandering back to the road…
“Here come my parents!” I shouted to Meike and pointed my finger towards the car. I was visibly happy and ran back to the village while Meike ran after me.
As always, I was happy that my parents were back with me. I was still not really glad, though. I knew they would soon be leaving again. But being together with family, parents, and grandparents at Christmas is the best. We also celebrated on New Year’s Eve…
After two weeks, they drove back to Germany. I hated the goodbye. It was especially hard for me. And when they left, there was no stopping it, I cried.
The next day was Monday, and I had to go back to school. And when I got up in the morning, it was snowing again. Why did it always snow when we had to go back to school? But even at school, things changed again.
The large school hall, where school festivals were celebrated, was no longer empty as usual. This time, four table tennis tables were set up, and the principal spoke to us with New Year’s wishes. Thus, classes began joyfully in the new year. Playing table tennis was a good change during breaks and free periods.
Then someone surprised me from behind.
“Hi Sascha. Shall we play table tennis together during the big break?” came from Mark.
“Yeah, sure,” I replied, quite surprised and a bit confused. I turned my gaze to him and saw his smile.
We had math for the first two hours with our class teacher. After that, biology with Mrs. Hölein. I could never quite gauge her, even though she was always friendly towards me and I could always answer her questions. Maybe I was just a little afraid of her because she seemed a bit older and strict. This hour also passed, and the bell rang for the big break.
I already saw Mark waiting at one of the table tennis tables. I quickly placed my bag down and picked up the table tennis paddle that was on the table. Other students were also gathering around the table tennis tables and watching us. I was a bit nervous, but I could see that Mark felt the same way.
With the game, we became more relaxed. Simon was there too and counted for us. The game was quite balanced, but I was leading when we switched sides.
"You’re good," Mark whispered to me as he passed by.
"You’re not bad either," I replied.
The game continued. And our spectators were excited about our match. Some from my class were also standing at the sidelines watching the game.
"Give it to him, Sascha. You can do it!" one of the teammates shouted.
I glanced quickly to see who it was and already made a mistake. It was tied again, and there were still three points to win or go into overtime. I pulled myself together. I could handle it.
"Great game," came a voice from the side.
Mark approached me and shook my hand: "You played better. And the better one wins. Isn’t that right?" and looked me in the eyes.
"I enjoyed playing with you, Mark. Maybe again another time?" I invited him to the next game.
"Sure," Mark said happily.
The table tennis tables in the large hall were well received by the students.
For the next three months, I played table tennis with Mark several more times. And again and again, I felt that strange feeling. I looked at him, gazed into his eyes. I examined him from head to toe. I liked him more and more.
The Easter holidays were approaching, and then we wouldn’t see each other for a while. A bit sadly, the last school day before the holidays came.
"What are you doing during the holidays?" Mark asked me.
"Nothing," I replied briefly. "And you?"
"I’m meeting Simon. Maybe we can play basketball on the schoolyard," he said.
"Great," I was happy for him and wanted to end the conversation quickly: "Mark, we’ll see each other again after the holidays," I said sadly.
"Okay, Sascha. See you then," we said goodbye without hugging, without a handshake.
The Easter holidays went by quickly.
On the first school day, then came the surprise. The table tennis tables had been removed from the large hall. But we all had to accept that. It had become much warmer outside, and during breaks, the boys from my class gathered as usual on the soccer field.
And I saw Mark playing basketball with Simon.
I looked into the garden, observing the trees, the green grass that had been freshly mowed the day before. I was alone with my thoughts. I reflected, let the sun's rays warm me, and sometimes, I cried there...
It wasn't easy. When I was 8 years old, my parents brought me to my grandparents in Slovenia. For me, it was rather a foreign country, as I had only known the city of Mannheim in Germany, where I was born and played with the children in kindergarten. The main reason I was left with my grandparents was that I was supposed to go to school here in Slovenia.
No question, it was very difficult at first without my parents. But I quickly grew fond of my grandparents, and there were also children in the village with whom I could play. After a few weeks, I also got to know the remote places in the village, which were usually more interesting than the church in the village. And there was so much to explore. The forests, the large meadows and clearings in the woods, the small river in the valley—all of that fascinated me much more all of a sudden.
Months and years passed. I went to school, just like the other children from the village. But one thing set me apart from the others. I was raised by my grandparents.
When I was 13, I noticed it. I was different from the other boys. I was in the 7th grade, in class 7a. Not that I was a nerd, but I didn't care about football. The boys in my class had only one thing on their minds—football. They played during breaks, free periods, and after school. I felt out of place there.
I was interested in something completely different. I was always with the girls: Tea, Anita, Marie, Denise, and Nadine. It all started in the 3rd grade with a small play. In the following years, we did puppet theater. But it only became really fun when we performed real theater and had a director.
Tea and Anita were the best friends. They were inseparable. They lived not far from each other, so they often walked home from school together. Everyone could make the walk in a quarter of an hour, but they couldn't even manage it in an hour.
Marie was our top student. But she always seemed to have bad luck. Once, the whole class went skiing, and she broke her right leg right at the beginning. I think we had seen almost all her body parts in a cast.
Denise and Nadine also couldn't relate to our football boys. They preferred to hang out with the boys, Simon and Mark, from the parallel class 7b.
One day before Christmas, each class was allowed to organize its own party in the classroom. So we decorated our classroom, our math/physics room. The other classes did the same. In the school competition for the best-decorated classroom, we were worse than the others, and the winner was the parallel class 7b.
"Of course, they would win with their silver stars," Marie was disappointed, as her white stars didn't impress the jury.
"Oh come on. The idea with the long paper and fabric strips is what made them win," Denise tried to comfort her.
A little later, it was already time for most of the class to go home on the school bus at 1 PM. Only Tea, Anita, Marie, Denise, Nadine, and I stayed. We turned up the music, and the Christmas party could begin...
The teachers also started their own party in the conference room since most of the students were already out of school.
"Hi Mark, hi Simon, nice to see you here," Denise was happy. Nadine's smile was also hard to miss.
"Everyone's already gone with us," Simon said.
"Let's dance..." Denise grabbed Mark.
You could also see that Marie's bad mood disappeared in an instant. Everyone helped to move the tables a bit aside to create a larger dance floor. We all danced wildly... Good thing Nadine had all her tapes with her. She was the most eager one in collecting hits that were always playing on the radio and diligently recording them.
Don't be surprised, but in 1988, we kids didn't have CDs yet. We all had cassette players and were proud if we could own our own Walkman.
We danced to Madonna's "Like a Prayer" and were enchanted by the music from the movies "Dirty Dancing" and "Flashdance." We danced closer and closer, our bodies touching, just like we knew it from the movie "Dirty Dancing."
After a while, I went to the table with the drinks. I took my glass, and Mark followed me.
"Sascha, what are you drinking?" Mark asked me.
"Coke with Fanta," I replied, looking him in the eyes.
Our eyes met, and for a few seconds, we looked at each other.
It was as if we were hypnotized. At first, our faces were very serious, and then suddenly, we both smiled. He was a bit taller than me, had brown eyes, and short blonde hair with a few curls.
He took a sip from his Coke glass, turned around, and went to the dance floor, where the girls were just singing Madonna's "Like a Prayer" for the third time, waving their hands in the air.
I watched him leave. Why am I looking at him, I asked myself, but didn’t think any further. I was completely beside myself.
“Come on, Sascha,” Nadine swung briefly to me in rhythm with the music, took my arm, and pulled me back to the others.
Time passed like a blur. We completely forgot about time, soon it was 5 PM and dark outside. We realized the teachers had completely forgotten about us. We cleared away the drinks and our glasses, turned off the music, took our things, and silently fled from the school.
We said our goodbyes. First the girls. Then…
“Mark,” I said goodbye to Mark.
“Sascha,” Mark said quietly, and we hugged. The hug lasted a bit longer than with the other boys.
At home that same evening, a day before Christmas, I thought about Mark. I fell asleep immediately and dreamed of him.
The next day, I was expecting my parents from Germany. I looked out the window and it was snowing heavily. I was all excited all day, wondering when my parents would finally arrive. Grandma tried to distract me, but she couldn’t. It was only when the neighbor’s daughter, Meike, who was a year younger than me, knocked on the door that my mood suddenly changed.
“Good day. Can Sascha come out?” was her question.
“Of course,” Grandma said with a smile on her face.
And I was out of the house in no time.
Meike was in the 6th grade, so one grade below me. She was very curious about why I had come home so late the day before.
“Sascha. What did you do at school yesterday?” she asked.
I laughed: “We celebrated.”
So I told her what we had done, who was there. Of course, I didn’t mention anything about what had happened between Mark and me. However, thoughts of him kept running through my mind.
“Shall we go to the big fir tree?” she suggested. To my relief, otherwise she would have noticed that there was something more at the Christmas party at school. She was kind of my best friend and could read everything from my face.
When we arrived at the big fir tree, to the right of the church on the highest slope in the village, we stopped. It was where we occasionally lit a campfire in the summer since it was somewhat away from the houses in the village. And if my parents came, we would see the car in the distance.
“Your parents are coming today, right?” she asked to start a conversation. Although she knew my parents would come that day.
“Yes,” I answered her briefly.
“Aren’t you excited?” she looked me in the eyes.
“I am.” - In the meantime, I picked up the freshly fallen snow and tried to form a snowball: “It’s working pretty well.” I moved a little away from her and tried to hit the big fir tree in front of us.
“Missed!” Meike shouted and began to laugh at me.
We both tried to hit the big fir tree. After the third throw, I managed to hit the tree. Meike hit it on her first try.
“You cheated. You’re much closer than I am,” I accused her.
She laughed: “Party pooper!”
I didn’t want to dwell on it any longer. It felt too silly at that moment. Normally, I wouldn’t let her get away with that. But my gaze kept wandering back to the road…
“Here come my parents!” I shouted to Meike and pointed my finger towards the car. I was visibly happy and ran back to the village while Meike ran after me.
As always, I was happy that my parents were back with me. I was still not really glad, though. I knew they would soon be leaving again. But being together with family, parents, and grandparents at Christmas is the best. We also celebrated on New Year’s Eve…
After two weeks, they drove back to Germany. I hated the goodbye. It was especially hard for me. And when they left, there was no stopping it, I cried.
The next day was Monday, and I had to go back to school. And when I got up in the morning, it was snowing again. Why did it always snow when we had to go back to school? But even at school, things changed again.
The large school hall, where school festivals were celebrated, was no longer empty as usual. This time, four table tennis tables were set up, and the principal spoke to us with New Year’s wishes. Thus, classes began joyfully in the new year. Playing table tennis was a good change during breaks and free periods.
Then someone surprised me from behind.
“Hi Sascha. Shall we play table tennis together during the big break?” came from Mark.
“Yeah, sure,” I replied, quite surprised and a bit confused. I turned my gaze to him and saw his smile.
We had math for the first two hours with our class teacher. After that, biology with Mrs. Hölein. I could never quite gauge her, even though she was always friendly towards me and I could always answer her questions. Maybe I was just a little afraid of her because she seemed a bit older and strict. This hour also passed, and the bell rang for the big break.
I already saw Mark waiting at one of the table tennis tables. I quickly placed my bag down and picked up the table tennis paddle that was on the table. Other students were also gathering around the table tennis tables and watching us. I was a bit nervous, but I could see that Mark felt the same way.
With the game, we became more relaxed. Simon was there too and counted for us. The game was quite balanced, but I was leading when we switched sides.
"You’re good," Mark whispered to me as he passed by.
"You’re not bad either," I replied.
The game continued. And our spectators were excited about our match. Some from my class were also standing at the sidelines watching the game.
"Give it to him, Sascha. You can do it!" one of the teammates shouted.
I glanced quickly to see who it was and already made a mistake. It was tied again, and there were still three points to win or go into overtime. I pulled myself together. I could handle it.
"Great game," came a voice from the side.
Mark approached me and shook my hand: "You played better. And the better one wins. Isn’t that right?" and looked me in the eyes.
"I enjoyed playing with you, Mark. Maybe again another time?" I invited him to the next game.
"Sure," Mark said happily.
The table tennis tables in the large hall were well received by the students.
For the next three months, I played table tennis with Mark several more times. And again and again, I felt that strange feeling. I looked at him, gazed into his eyes. I examined him from head to toe. I liked him more and more.
The Easter holidays were approaching, and then we wouldn’t see each other for a while. A bit sadly, the last school day before the holidays came.
"What are you doing during the holidays?" Mark asked me.
"Nothing," I replied briefly. "And you?"
"I’m meeting Simon. Maybe we can play basketball on the schoolyard," he said.
"Great," I was happy for him and wanted to end the conversation quickly: "Mark, we’ll see each other again after the holidays," I said sadly.
"Okay, Sascha. See you then," we said goodbye without hugging, without a handshake.
The Easter holidays went by quickly.
On the first school day, then came the surprise. The table tennis tables had been removed from the large hall. But we all had to accept that. It had become much warmer outside, and during breaks, the boys from my class gathered as usual on the soccer field.
And I saw Mark playing basketball with Simon.