2025-07-10, 04:10 PM
I'm dead, and this is how it happened:
When I woke up this morning, I knew: today is the day! The day of decision! Today I would finally dare to do it. No matter what the outcome would be. No matter what the consequences would be. By now, I didn't care about ANYTHING! It just had to happen now.
What had to happen? Oh yes, I should perhaps explain that a little to help you understand my sudden passing. So, right from the start: I've fallen in love! Not really suddenly, though, it was more of a long crush over several years.
Now, love itself is not necessarily a reason to depart this mortal coil. In my case, however, the circumstances were somewhat more complicated. The thing is: I'm a guy. And I fell in love with: a guy! HELP! I'm gay! Awful, isn't it? That was exactly my reaction when it hit me four or five years ago.
The object of my desire goes by the name of Jerome, which sounds so infinitely musical and romantic. And not only is the name French, but so is the divine creature who goes by it. Jerome was a newcomer to our high school back then in the 10th grade, and I, a foolish dog that I was, had nothing better to do than fall head over heels in love with him! That's when everything started!
It all started quite harmlessly, I felt attracted to him in a way that was completely incomprehensible to me at the time. At that point, it would never have occurred to me that this feeling of attraction was an expression of my homosexuality, which was just beginning to creep up on me. It took quite a while before I realized the full extent of my feelings. When it happened, I couldn't get out of the bathroom for hours! An upset stomach, I can only say. Well, at least it gave me the time to calmly reflect on this madness that was boiling up inside me. Three rolls of toilet paper and half a lake of rinse water later, I had thought about everything and weighed it up and had my inner coming out behind me.
But that didn't mean that everything was hunky-dory! Okay, I had admitted to myself that I was gay and had a crush on a super-cute French lad – but what did I get out of it? This French lad was out of reach, and to make matters worse, the girls in the area swarmed around him like flies around a horse's turd. Oh God, did I really just do that? Did I compare Jerome to a horse turd? Sorry, Jerome!
So I could only rave about him from afar, idolize him, and memorize his appearance for later use. Or, much worse, not only from afar but especially up close! We had become good friends over time, which was both a blessing and a curse for me. Constantly in his presence, and yet he was so out of reach. The years at school were bad enough, but now we were doing our civilian service in the same hospital at the same time, even on the same ward! What torture!
When I woke up this morning, I knew: today is the day! The day of decision! Today I would finally dare to do it. No matter what the outcome would be. No matter what the consequences would be. By now, I didn't care about ANYTHING! It just had to happen now.
What had to happen? Oh yes, I should perhaps explain that a little to help you understand my sudden passing. So, right from the start: I've fallen in love! Not really suddenly, though, it was more of a long crush over several years.
Now, love itself is not necessarily a reason to depart this mortal coil. In my case, however, the circumstances were somewhat more complicated. The thing is: I'm a guy. And I fell in love with: a guy! HELP! I'm gay! Awful, isn't it? That was exactly my reaction when it hit me four or five years ago.
The object of my desire goes by the name of Jerome, which sounds so infinitely musical and romantic. And not only is the name French, but so is the divine creature who goes by it. Jerome was a newcomer to our high school back then in the 10th grade, and I, a foolish dog that I was, had nothing better to do than fall head over heels in love with him! That's when everything started!
It all started quite harmlessly, I felt attracted to him in a way that was completely incomprehensible to me at the time. At that point, it would never have occurred to me that this feeling of attraction was an expression of my homosexuality, which was just beginning to creep up on me. It took quite a while before I realized the full extent of my feelings. When it happened, I couldn't get out of the bathroom for hours! An upset stomach, I can only say. Well, at least it gave me the time to calmly reflect on this madness that was boiling up inside me. Three rolls of toilet paper and half a lake of rinse water later, I had thought about everything and weighed it up and had my inner coming out behind me.
But that didn't mean that everything was hunky-dory! Okay, I had admitted to myself that I was gay and had a crush on a super-cute French lad – but what did I get out of it? This French lad was out of reach, and to make matters worse, the girls in the area swarmed around him like flies around a horse's turd. Oh God, did I really just do that? Did I compare Jerome to a horse turd? Sorry, Jerome!
So I could only rave about him from afar, idolize him, and memorize his appearance for later use. Or, much worse, not only from afar but especially up close! We had become good friends over time, which was both a blessing and a curse for me. Constantly in his presence, and yet he was so out of reach. The years at school were bad enough, but now we were doing our civilian service in the same hospital at the same time, even on the same ward! What torture!