07-10-2025, 03:11 PM
It was the first day of school after the summer vacation, the first day of my last year at school. I was still really tired as I sat next to my best friend Jule at eight in the morning.
Jule was exactly one day older than me, so she would soon be 18. She had gorgeous auburn hair that she usually wore in a braid. She was a beautiful, slender, athletic girl. We lived on the same street and had been inseparable since kindergarten.
She was the only person in the world who knew I was gay. She always said she knew before I did. I wasn't a troll myself. I was athletic, even if I would have liked a little less on my stomach, was 5'11” tall, had short black hair and blue eyes.
The holidays were, as always, too short. I had been to the outdoor pool almost every day to watch the swimmers from the local swimming club.
I was longing for that very moment when the door swung open and Mr. Möller, our teacher, came in with a new student.
He looked like the younger, sportier brother of the singer from Jupiter Jones. He also had slightly longer brown hair. He had doe eyes that didn't look shy at all. He was bursting with self-confidence, I sensed that immediately. And that despite the fact that the clothes he was wearing weren't even third-hand.
“So guys, this is Ian. Do you want to introduce yourself or take a seat?” Mr. Möller asked. Ian remained standing, everyone stared at him. He briefly explained that he was half American and that he and his mother had moved to the town next to mine. He was already 18. At the end of his introduction, he laughed charmingly and said, ”Oh, and one more thing. By the way, I'm gay.”
I gasped – at least only Jule heard me through the ensuing chatter. She put her hand on my thigh.
My heart was racing and I had trouble concentrating. I was kind of angry. Why had he done that? Was he so hell-bent on being the center of attention? What an arrogant jerk!
My first stop during the break was the smoking area. I hadn't smoked in two weeks, but I bummed a cigarette and lit it while I sat on a wall. I inhaled deeply and coughed hard, but my nerves finally calmed down.
I sat between Florian and Jens, who were already talking shit about Ian. “Jan, don't you have an opinion about that?” Florian asked. The question was addressed to me. “I don't care,” I grumbled. “As long as he doesn't hit on me.” I withdrew from the further conversation.
When I re-entered the classroom at the end of the break, the girls were gathering around Ian. “Why are they still interested?” I wondered. When I even recognized Jule among the hens, I was in a really bad mood.
The bell rang and Mr. Blome entered the classroom. Jule quickly scurried to her seat, grabbed a small piece of paper, wrote something on it and pushed it over to me. The guy is really cute, it said. Do you think so? I wrote back. Of course!!! And he has English and P.E. like you! “Great,” I thought. I don't think I like him, I wrote. Oh nonsense, you are just afraid because he dares to say that he is gay. Actually, you like him, she wrote. I think he wants to be a bit too much in the center of attention and I don't like him, I scribbled. Jule looked at the note briefly, then smiled at me motherly and wrote, but you do! I watched the teacher at the blackboard and thought for a moment, then I wrote, you might be right. But I don't know if and how I should address him. I don't want him to broadcast it right away – look, Jan's gay!!! I pushed the note over to her, then looked up again and was startled to see Mr. Blome standing next to me.
He held out his hand and asked for the note. He used to read such notes with a grin in front of the class and publicly correct the mistakes.
The class was as quiet as a mouse. “You know it's forbidden to write notes, so hand them over,” he looked at me with his pale blue eyes. “This is private,” I replied. I had put both my forearms on the paper. “Hand it over, or you'll be expelled,” he threatened. ‘Fine,’ I said, standing up, ‘then I'll go outside.’ The class laughed, the teacher reached for the note, I held on to it. A scuffle broke out, I got the note back, put it in my mouth, chewed it and swallowed it. Mr. Blome exploded and threw me out on my ear.
I spent the double period outside the classroom. Unfortunately, I had my cell phone in my backpack and it was really boring.
Mr. Möller came down the hall once. “What's going on here?” he asked paternally. “Eating is forbidden,” I answered cheekily, and he shook his head as he continued on his way.
The rest of the school day was uneventful.
The delivery service had left my food on the doorstep, as it did every Thursday. I picked it up and went into the empty house. My parents were journalists at a major newspaper and they almost always worked. I sometimes saw them at weekends or late at night. There were times when they were away for weeks at a time. During that time, Jules' parents were my foster parents.
Thursdays were the worst days to meet them, because the editorial team met then.
I ate my meal alone in front of the TV.
In the afternoon I had arranged to meet Jule at the open-air pool. We watched the swimmers again. We had a favorite spot from which we could see the whole pool.
Jule had been holding back about Ian since morning. But I sensed that her head was boiling. “Come on,” I urged, “just say it.”
“You two would make a cute couple,” she said sheepishly.
I waved that off. “I'd make a cute couple with this guy,” I said, pointing discreetly at the young man pulling himself out of the water. He was well-trained and wore only a tight swimsuit that promised a lot. Jule rolled her eyes. “Maybe, but he's not into boys. He likes girls.” She got up, went over to Bernhard, her boyfriend, and kissed him. Grinning, she came back.
“Aren't you tired of always just watching? Don't you want to feel closeness too?” she asked. I shrugged my shoulders, squinting at the sun, which was in the wrong position. ‘I feel close to you.”
“Janni, I also mean sex, kissing, petting. Whatever.’ She sat down again and we enjoyed the view in silence.
“I want it all,” I said after a while, ‘but it's not that easy either. I couldn't just come out and say, ’By the way, I'm gay.‘ And I can't just go up to him and say, ’I'm gay too,' just because he's gay. Do you understand? I don't even know him, so how can I know if he's trustworthy? I can't.” Jule stroked my back comfortingly. “Well, then let's get to know him first.”
Getting to know each other went faster than expected. Jule and I had stayed in the swimming pool too long, so we just missed the last bus home. ‘Shit, now we have to walk,’ she moaned. I didn't feel like walking, but I didn't have any money for a taxi either. I tried to hitchhike when a car arrived.
Many cars just drove by. But suddenly one stopped. Ian was behind the wheel. “Do you want a ride?” he asked. Jule immediately jumped into the back seat of the car. I think it was a Peugeot.
“Where are you coming from?” I asked, hoping I didn't sound too insecure.
“From the city, I had hoped to be able to work as a pizza delivery boy, but nothing. I need a job,“ he complained. Jule thought for a moment in silence, while Ian told me that he needed his own car because his mother's belonged to him.
“My uncle has a delivery company,” Jule finally said. “Maybe they need someone.”
“Really, would you put me in touch with them? That would be great,” Ian's eyes sparkled with joy.
The ride didn't take too long, and eventually Ian dropped me off at my house. He insisted on driving Jule to her house, and we made fun of him by making him stop two houses later.
I waved goodbye to my friend and went into the house. My father was actually at home. He was sitting on the sofa, his feet on the coffee table, a sure sign that my mother was not there.
“Hi, where were you?” he asked. My father had just turned 40 and still looked very good. Of course, I had to say that because everyone always judged immediately, ‘he looks like the father.’ I sat down with him in front of the TV. He was watching a football highlights show. ‘Swimming,’ I replied. ‘With Juliane?’ he asked. I nodded. “I don't even know, is she your girlfriend?” my father asked. I shook my head. “She's cute, though,” he said, grinning. “Yes,” I replied, “but she's like my sister and I'm not a pervert.” He laughed and I just laughed along. “I was thinking of ordering a pizza, do you want one too?” he asked. I did.
So we sat there eating pizza and drinking beer while watching the sports show. Yes, my father actually had a crate of beer that he shared with me in a fatherly way. That evening was something new for me; I hadn't seen my father like that in a long time. And the beer was a first.
We went to bed late. I hadn't drunk as much as my father in a long time, but I couldn't handle too much anyway.
The next morning, I found it hard to get up. I just couldn't get going. I was still drinking my coffee when Jule was already ringing the doorbell. “Come on, come on, we'll miss the bus,” she urged me. We only just managed to see the bus's rear lights. We were too late to get out of our street.
Jule sulked a bit. “Sorry,” I said.
“Why were you so slow today? Great, Blome in the first hour,” she growled.
“I was drinking with my father last night. And watching football,” I replied. ‘Really? You never have alcohol in the house. What happened to the self-confessed teetotaler?’ she asked curiously. I was about to answer when a familiar car drove up.
“Can I give you a lift somewhere?” asked Ian. Jule was instantly delighted and immediately jumped back into the back seat. I sat down next to Ian. ‘We missed the bus again,’ I explained. ‘Seems to happen to you guys a lot, huh?’ He had an honest and infectious laugh. ‘Say,’ Jule looked thoughtful, ”do you always come by car in the morning?”
Ian nodded. “As long as my mom has her company car,” he replied.
“Couldn't you always give us a lift then? I hate taking the bus,” she asked. I immediately felt a nausea, which I actively suppressed. Being so close to an out gay guy every morning, who looked really good up close and had a very beguiling deodorant, made me nervous. Ian said that he would of course take us with him and asked us for our cell phone numbers so that he could contact us in good time if something happened to the company car.
We arrived at the school before the school bus. The last chance to have a quick smoke. So off to the smoking corner. I heard Ian ask, “Where is he going?” I was already too far away to hear Jules' answer.
I smoked my cigarette and regretted not having some grass too. I mean, I wasn't a real pothead, only occasionally I would extend a cigarette or two to relax extremely. So it stayed with the normal cigarette. Then I trundled to the classroom.
On Fridays after school I always had band practice. Yes, I played in a band. I played bass guitar. I could also play violin and double bass, but the bass guitar made the biggest impression on my friends and acquaintances, so I usually dropped the other instruments.
Our band covered pop songs, so it wasn't anything outstanding. But I just enjoyed it. Unfortunately, our drummer had left. Without him, we only sounded half as good. “I was talking to an old friend the other day,” Lena said, after everyone had said how much Markus was missed. Markus had left the band when Lena broke up with him. “Her cousin plays the drums. She said she'd send him over sometime.”
My father was home again. I was starting to get worried. “Oh,” I said, “are you on vacation?” He nodded. Then he immersed himself in a newspaper again.
I snuck into my room. As soon as I was upstairs, my cell phone rang. It was Jule. “Where have you been?” she reprimanded. “I made plans with Ian. He'll pick us up at eight. We're going to the Deele. Put on something hot.”
So I should put on something hot. Great, but what? I didn't have anything hot. I went through my closet at least eight times, made a huge mess in my room, and then sat on my bed in resignation. Suddenly my father was standing in the doorway. “Are you doing a fashion show?” he asked with a grin. I replied sourly, “I wanted to go out, now I don't know what to wear.”
He shook his head slightly. “So you want to make an impression?” he asked, and I hoped he wouldn't notice how embarrassed I was. He looked around at the clothes chaos, grabbed a pair of black jeans and a blue shirt with stripes. “I wouldn't iron the shirt, or you'll look dressed up,” he advised.
Half an hour later, I appeared downstairs in the living room. I thought I looked really hot. My father had great taste. And I noticed that he had bought another case of beer. He handed me one and looked at me firmly. “Janni, there will probably always be a case of beer in the house. One case every two weeks. I don't want to have to drink my after-work beer in a bar in the future. My beer is your beer, but if you drink it all, you have to get more.” That was quite an announcement.
My parents had been avowed teetotallers for as long as I could remember. My mother's brother had died of alcoholism early on. I would never have dreamt that my father secretly enjoyed a beer after work. ‘What will Mom say?’ I asked. My father laughed briefly. “Well, she'll probably be okay with it, we're not getting drunk. No, seriously, yesterday was an exception. But nothing speaks against a bottle of beer at the soccer game.”
Soon after, I went to pick up Jule.
She looked great as always. If I had been straight, she would have been my great love. But she was great anyway, somehow.
I told her about my father, and she also found his behavior very strange. “Where is your mom anyway?” she asked. “Have you seen her in the last few days?”
I thought for a moment. Then I shrugged. ‘I don't know if she was home,’ I finally admitted.
Jule suppressed a laugh. “You guys are a weird bunch,” she grinned. “By the way, you look really hot tonight,” she said, eyeing me up.
“Thanks.” I grinned. ‘My dad picked out my clothes.’ I had to swear to her three times because she didn't want to believe it.
Ian arrived at eight sharp. He was simply wearing jeans and a T-shirt. This time I was faster than Jule; before she knew it, I had entered the car. Ian was in a good mood, but you could tell he was a bit nervous. I liked that; it made him less perfect.
The Deele was the only kind of pub in our area. We sat down at a table and told each other our life stories. Jule and I sat next to each other on one side, Ian on the other.
He told us about his childhood in New Jersey, about his parents' separation when he was 14, and about moving to his mother's homeland. I was amazed that he spoke German without an accent. He said his mother was a German teacher and therefore took it very seriously that he and his sister Virginia spoke German very well. His sister was two years older and had gone to New York to study.
Some of the music was quite good, so Jule and I often disappeared onto the dance floor. I liked dancing with Jule. Even though she always snuggled up against me like a cat, so that everyone around us thought we weren't dancing but having sex,
But at some point I had enough of dancing, so that after a lot of pushing and shoving, Jule disappeared on the dance floor with Ian and I had to watch the two of them. Now I found Jule's dancing style really annoying. She danced just as closely with Ian as she did with me. And I didn't like the fact that it seemed to please him.
Was that the reason for his outing? All the girls would be even more attracted to him. Because he didn't seem gay at all, it occurred to me. “What if he's not gay?”
“Who is that?” Bernhard's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.
“Oh, he's new in our class, don't worry, he's gay. Ian,” I replied. Bernhard sat down. “You know,” he said, leaning in a little towards me, “I trust her. And with you, her brother,” he put his fingers in quotation marks, “I've resigned myself, but if she gets a gay best friend now, I'll go crazy with jealousy.” Jule hadn't even told him about my orientation.
It didn't take long for Jule to discover her Bernhard and come back to the table. She kissed him passionately on the mouth. And plunged Ian into total confusion. “I thought you two were a couple,” he said. He really seemed a bit shocked. “No, we're just friends, nothing more,” I explained to him, not without using my favorite saying. “She's like my sister and I'm not a pervert.” I liked Bernhard a lot, he was 23 years old, he and Jule had been a couple for a year and he was good for her. On top of that, he looked fantastic, lived in his own apartment and earned good money as a warehouse clerk. I was almost a little jealous.
We went home late. Jule, of course, went with me to Bernhard's, so I had to go alone with Ian. I had one in the tea, not much, but I was not as uptight as usual. We laughed a lot and briefly, very briefly, our hands touched. When I was fiddling with the radio and he had enough of pop songs. I took this as a warning shot and turned my head back on. I didn't want him to know that I was gay too.
As he was about to stop in front of my house, a rabbit suddenly jumped across the street. I recognized it immediately. It was one of the rabbits of Jules' little sister Dannika. “Damn,” I cursed, “the rabbits are out.” I jumped out of the car and grabbed Konrad right away. The fat one was sitting in my parents' flower bed. Ian suggested putting him in the trunk until we had the two girls too. Mucki was stuck on our driveway. We surrounded her and Ian grabbed her in a flash. Now only Berta was missing. Then Ian spotted her on the lawn in front of Jules' house. She was so busy with the clover that she was easy to catch.
We took her to the rabbit hutch at the back of Jule's garden. “What an adventure,” Ian laughed as we returned to the car.
“Yes, with Jule I have a relationship for stealing horses, with her little sister only for catching rabbits.” I myself found that very funny at that moment. Ian just looked at me silently. The look was strange and I felt the blush on my face. I was glad it was still dark.
“Well,“ Ian said, ‘see you Monday.’ That wasn't a question, it was a statement. ‘But I'll be at the outdoor pool with Jule again tomorrow, just looking...’ Did I really just say that? I could have killed myself right then.
“Looking?” Ian asked.
“Well, you know, showing off, seeing if you can catch one,” I tried to sound macho. I didn't succeed particularly well. “Yeah,” Ian said. “Let me see, I'll get back to you.” He got into the car. I turned around and walked up our driveway. I expected the sound of the engine, but nothing came. Finally, I turned around and saw Ian cursing and looking for something. I went back.
“Did you maybe put the key in your pocket in the confusion?” he asked. I searched my pockets, but I didn't have it. Ian swore, surprisingly in English. It must have fallen out of his pocket during the chase. We searched as best we could, but there was nothing to be done before sunrise. “Just sleep with me, we'll find the key in the morning,” I suggested. I couldn't let him sleep outside after all. I was pretty cold from the cold. It was suddenly bitterly cold at night.
I unlocked the front door, shivering, and immediately showed Ian the way up the stairs. My realm was the attic. My room was quite small, with only room for my bed and my desk. My closet was in the hallway. But I had a guest bed in an even tinier room, and my own bathroom with a bathtub.
I quickly gave Ian some bedding. Then I got him another bottle of water and went briefly into the bathroom to change. I put on a pair of knee-length athletic shorts and a T-shirt. Normally, I only slept in my underwear, but I didn't dare to tonight.
When I came out of the bathroom, the light was already off in the guest room, but the door was slightly open. “Do you need any more sleep?” I asked.
Ian laughed. ”No, I always just sleep in my underpants, I still have them.”
A few minutes later I was lying in my bed. I couldn't fall asleep now, no matter how hard I tried. There was a guy in my guest bed, wearing only underpants, I wondered if he was wearing boxers. The thought didn't let me close an eye. No, it only gave me a very hard-on. At first I didn't dare to touch it at all, always listening to see if anything was happening in front of my door.
It was only when I was so horny that it hurt that I laid hands on it. I imagined how Ian would have to moan. I imagined what it would be like if I went over to him and took off his underpants and confronted him with my cock. I came violently and loudly. The latter frightened me so that I listened for ages to see if Ian had heard it.
I lay very still for what seemed like an eternity until the sperm on my stomach became uncomfortably cold and something began to itch. Then I got up, wiped myself off with another T-shirt and walked very quietly through the hallway to the bathroom. There I cleaned myself up properly and was just about to scurry quietly back to my room when I heard Ian's voice: “Tell me, do you feel the same way?” I was so startled that I held my breath for a few seconds.
“What?” I finally gasped.
“Can you see gays in the crowd, too? I mean, do you also have an eye for people who are different?” I didn't hear any mockery in his voice. I was afraid he had seen through me. ‘I don't know, I'm no different. Sleep well,’ I said a little shrill and disappeared into my room in a flash.
I didn't fall asleep until the sun was shining outside again
Jule was exactly one day older than me, so she would soon be 18. She had gorgeous auburn hair that she usually wore in a braid. She was a beautiful, slender, athletic girl. We lived on the same street and had been inseparable since kindergarten.
She was the only person in the world who knew I was gay. She always said she knew before I did. I wasn't a troll myself. I was athletic, even if I would have liked a little less on my stomach, was 5'11” tall, had short black hair and blue eyes.
The holidays were, as always, too short. I had been to the outdoor pool almost every day to watch the swimmers from the local swimming club.
I was longing for that very moment when the door swung open and Mr. Möller, our teacher, came in with a new student.
He looked like the younger, sportier brother of the singer from Jupiter Jones. He also had slightly longer brown hair. He had doe eyes that didn't look shy at all. He was bursting with self-confidence, I sensed that immediately. And that despite the fact that the clothes he was wearing weren't even third-hand.
“So guys, this is Ian. Do you want to introduce yourself or take a seat?” Mr. Möller asked. Ian remained standing, everyone stared at him. He briefly explained that he was half American and that he and his mother had moved to the town next to mine. He was already 18. At the end of his introduction, he laughed charmingly and said, ”Oh, and one more thing. By the way, I'm gay.”
I gasped – at least only Jule heard me through the ensuing chatter. She put her hand on my thigh.
My heart was racing and I had trouble concentrating. I was kind of angry. Why had he done that? Was he so hell-bent on being the center of attention? What an arrogant jerk!
My first stop during the break was the smoking area. I hadn't smoked in two weeks, but I bummed a cigarette and lit it while I sat on a wall. I inhaled deeply and coughed hard, but my nerves finally calmed down.
I sat between Florian and Jens, who were already talking shit about Ian. “Jan, don't you have an opinion about that?” Florian asked. The question was addressed to me. “I don't care,” I grumbled. “As long as he doesn't hit on me.” I withdrew from the further conversation.
When I re-entered the classroom at the end of the break, the girls were gathering around Ian. “Why are they still interested?” I wondered. When I even recognized Jule among the hens, I was in a really bad mood.
The bell rang and Mr. Blome entered the classroom. Jule quickly scurried to her seat, grabbed a small piece of paper, wrote something on it and pushed it over to me. The guy is really cute, it said. Do you think so? I wrote back. Of course!!! And he has English and P.E. like you! “Great,” I thought. I don't think I like him, I wrote. Oh nonsense, you are just afraid because he dares to say that he is gay. Actually, you like him, she wrote. I think he wants to be a bit too much in the center of attention and I don't like him, I scribbled. Jule looked at the note briefly, then smiled at me motherly and wrote, but you do! I watched the teacher at the blackboard and thought for a moment, then I wrote, you might be right. But I don't know if and how I should address him. I don't want him to broadcast it right away – look, Jan's gay!!! I pushed the note over to her, then looked up again and was startled to see Mr. Blome standing next to me.
He held out his hand and asked for the note. He used to read such notes with a grin in front of the class and publicly correct the mistakes.
The class was as quiet as a mouse. “You know it's forbidden to write notes, so hand them over,” he looked at me with his pale blue eyes. “This is private,” I replied. I had put both my forearms on the paper. “Hand it over, or you'll be expelled,” he threatened. ‘Fine,’ I said, standing up, ‘then I'll go outside.’ The class laughed, the teacher reached for the note, I held on to it. A scuffle broke out, I got the note back, put it in my mouth, chewed it and swallowed it. Mr. Blome exploded and threw me out on my ear.
I spent the double period outside the classroom. Unfortunately, I had my cell phone in my backpack and it was really boring.
Mr. Möller came down the hall once. “What's going on here?” he asked paternally. “Eating is forbidden,” I answered cheekily, and he shook his head as he continued on his way.
The rest of the school day was uneventful.
The delivery service had left my food on the doorstep, as it did every Thursday. I picked it up and went into the empty house. My parents were journalists at a major newspaper and they almost always worked. I sometimes saw them at weekends or late at night. There were times when they were away for weeks at a time. During that time, Jules' parents were my foster parents.
Thursdays were the worst days to meet them, because the editorial team met then.
I ate my meal alone in front of the TV.
In the afternoon I had arranged to meet Jule at the open-air pool. We watched the swimmers again. We had a favorite spot from which we could see the whole pool.
Jule had been holding back about Ian since morning. But I sensed that her head was boiling. “Come on,” I urged, “just say it.”
“You two would make a cute couple,” she said sheepishly.
I waved that off. “I'd make a cute couple with this guy,” I said, pointing discreetly at the young man pulling himself out of the water. He was well-trained and wore only a tight swimsuit that promised a lot. Jule rolled her eyes. “Maybe, but he's not into boys. He likes girls.” She got up, went over to Bernhard, her boyfriend, and kissed him. Grinning, she came back.
“Aren't you tired of always just watching? Don't you want to feel closeness too?” she asked. I shrugged my shoulders, squinting at the sun, which was in the wrong position. ‘I feel close to you.”
“Janni, I also mean sex, kissing, petting. Whatever.’ She sat down again and we enjoyed the view in silence.
“I want it all,” I said after a while, ‘but it's not that easy either. I couldn't just come out and say, ’By the way, I'm gay.‘ And I can't just go up to him and say, ’I'm gay too,' just because he's gay. Do you understand? I don't even know him, so how can I know if he's trustworthy? I can't.” Jule stroked my back comfortingly. “Well, then let's get to know him first.”
Getting to know each other went faster than expected. Jule and I had stayed in the swimming pool too long, so we just missed the last bus home. ‘Shit, now we have to walk,’ she moaned. I didn't feel like walking, but I didn't have any money for a taxi either. I tried to hitchhike when a car arrived.
Many cars just drove by. But suddenly one stopped. Ian was behind the wheel. “Do you want a ride?” he asked. Jule immediately jumped into the back seat of the car. I think it was a Peugeot.
“Where are you coming from?” I asked, hoping I didn't sound too insecure.
“From the city, I had hoped to be able to work as a pizza delivery boy, but nothing. I need a job,“ he complained. Jule thought for a moment in silence, while Ian told me that he needed his own car because his mother's belonged to him.
“My uncle has a delivery company,” Jule finally said. “Maybe they need someone.”
“Really, would you put me in touch with them? That would be great,” Ian's eyes sparkled with joy.
The ride didn't take too long, and eventually Ian dropped me off at my house. He insisted on driving Jule to her house, and we made fun of him by making him stop two houses later.
I waved goodbye to my friend and went into the house. My father was actually at home. He was sitting on the sofa, his feet on the coffee table, a sure sign that my mother was not there.
“Hi, where were you?” he asked. My father had just turned 40 and still looked very good. Of course, I had to say that because everyone always judged immediately, ‘he looks like the father.’ I sat down with him in front of the TV. He was watching a football highlights show. ‘Swimming,’ I replied. ‘With Juliane?’ he asked. I nodded. “I don't even know, is she your girlfriend?” my father asked. I shook my head. “She's cute, though,” he said, grinning. “Yes,” I replied, “but she's like my sister and I'm not a pervert.” He laughed and I just laughed along. “I was thinking of ordering a pizza, do you want one too?” he asked. I did.
So we sat there eating pizza and drinking beer while watching the sports show. Yes, my father actually had a crate of beer that he shared with me in a fatherly way. That evening was something new for me; I hadn't seen my father like that in a long time. And the beer was a first.
We went to bed late. I hadn't drunk as much as my father in a long time, but I couldn't handle too much anyway.
The next morning, I found it hard to get up. I just couldn't get going. I was still drinking my coffee when Jule was already ringing the doorbell. “Come on, come on, we'll miss the bus,” she urged me. We only just managed to see the bus's rear lights. We were too late to get out of our street.
Jule sulked a bit. “Sorry,” I said.
“Why were you so slow today? Great, Blome in the first hour,” she growled.
“I was drinking with my father last night. And watching football,” I replied. ‘Really? You never have alcohol in the house. What happened to the self-confessed teetotaler?’ she asked curiously. I was about to answer when a familiar car drove up.
“Can I give you a lift somewhere?” asked Ian. Jule was instantly delighted and immediately jumped back into the back seat. I sat down next to Ian. ‘We missed the bus again,’ I explained. ‘Seems to happen to you guys a lot, huh?’ He had an honest and infectious laugh. ‘Say,’ Jule looked thoughtful, ”do you always come by car in the morning?”
Ian nodded. “As long as my mom has her company car,” he replied.
“Couldn't you always give us a lift then? I hate taking the bus,” she asked. I immediately felt a nausea, which I actively suppressed. Being so close to an out gay guy every morning, who looked really good up close and had a very beguiling deodorant, made me nervous. Ian said that he would of course take us with him and asked us for our cell phone numbers so that he could contact us in good time if something happened to the company car.
We arrived at the school before the school bus. The last chance to have a quick smoke. So off to the smoking corner. I heard Ian ask, “Where is he going?” I was already too far away to hear Jules' answer.
I smoked my cigarette and regretted not having some grass too. I mean, I wasn't a real pothead, only occasionally I would extend a cigarette or two to relax extremely. So it stayed with the normal cigarette. Then I trundled to the classroom.
On Fridays after school I always had band practice. Yes, I played in a band. I played bass guitar. I could also play violin and double bass, but the bass guitar made the biggest impression on my friends and acquaintances, so I usually dropped the other instruments.
Our band covered pop songs, so it wasn't anything outstanding. But I just enjoyed it. Unfortunately, our drummer had left. Without him, we only sounded half as good. “I was talking to an old friend the other day,” Lena said, after everyone had said how much Markus was missed. Markus had left the band when Lena broke up with him. “Her cousin plays the drums. She said she'd send him over sometime.”
My father was home again. I was starting to get worried. “Oh,” I said, “are you on vacation?” He nodded. Then he immersed himself in a newspaper again.
I snuck into my room. As soon as I was upstairs, my cell phone rang. It was Jule. “Where have you been?” she reprimanded. “I made plans with Ian. He'll pick us up at eight. We're going to the Deele. Put on something hot.”
So I should put on something hot. Great, but what? I didn't have anything hot. I went through my closet at least eight times, made a huge mess in my room, and then sat on my bed in resignation. Suddenly my father was standing in the doorway. “Are you doing a fashion show?” he asked with a grin. I replied sourly, “I wanted to go out, now I don't know what to wear.”
He shook his head slightly. “So you want to make an impression?” he asked, and I hoped he wouldn't notice how embarrassed I was. He looked around at the clothes chaos, grabbed a pair of black jeans and a blue shirt with stripes. “I wouldn't iron the shirt, or you'll look dressed up,” he advised.
Half an hour later, I appeared downstairs in the living room. I thought I looked really hot. My father had great taste. And I noticed that he had bought another case of beer. He handed me one and looked at me firmly. “Janni, there will probably always be a case of beer in the house. One case every two weeks. I don't want to have to drink my after-work beer in a bar in the future. My beer is your beer, but if you drink it all, you have to get more.” That was quite an announcement.
My parents had been avowed teetotallers for as long as I could remember. My mother's brother had died of alcoholism early on. I would never have dreamt that my father secretly enjoyed a beer after work. ‘What will Mom say?’ I asked. My father laughed briefly. “Well, she'll probably be okay with it, we're not getting drunk. No, seriously, yesterday was an exception. But nothing speaks against a bottle of beer at the soccer game.”
Soon after, I went to pick up Jule.
She looked great as always. If I had been straight, she would have been my great love. But she was great anyway, somehow.
I told her about my father, and she also found his behavior very strange. “Where is your mom anyway?” she asked. “Have you seen her in the last few days?”
I thought for a moment. Then I shrugged. ‘I don't know if she was home,’ I finally admitted.
Jule suppressed a laugh. “You guys are a weird bunch,” she grinned. “By the way, you look really hot tonight,” she said, eyeing me up.
“Thanks.” I grinned. ‘My dad picked out my clothes.’ I had to swear to her three times because she didn't want to believe it.
Ian arrived at eight sharp. He was simply wearing jeans and a T-shirt. This time I was faster than Jule; before she knew it, I had entered the car. Ian was in a good mood, but you could tell he was a bit nervous. I liked that; it made him less perfect.
The Deele was the only kind of pub in our area. We sat down at a table and told each other our life stories. Jule and I sat next to each other on one side, Ian on the other.
He told us about his childhood in New Jersey, about his parents' separation when he was 14, and about moving to his mother's homeland. I was amazed that he spoke German without an accent. He said his mother was a German teacher and therefore took it very seriously that he and his sister Virginia spoke German very well. His sister was two years older and had gone to New York to study.
Some of the music was quite good, so Jule and I often disappeared onto the dance floor. I liked dancing with Jule. Even though she always snuggled up against me like a cat, so that everyone around us thought we weren't dancing but having sex,
But at some point I had enough of dancing, so that after a lot of pushing and shoving, Jule disappeared on the dance floor with Ian and I had to watch the two of them. Now I found Jule's dancing style really annoying. She danced just as closely with Ian as she did with me. And I didn't like the fact that it seemed to please him.
Was that the reason for his outing? All the girls would be even more attracted to him. Because he didn't seem gay at all, it occurred to me. “What if he's not gay?”
“Who is that?” Bernhard's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.
“Oh, he's new in our class, don't worry, he's gay. Ian,” I replied. Bernhard sat down. “You know,” he said, leaning in a little towards me, “I trust her. And with you, her brother,” he put his fingers in quotation marks, “I've resigned myself, but if she gets a gay best friend now, I'll go crazy with jealousy.” Jule hadn't even told him about my orientation.
It didn't take long for Jule to discover her Bernhard and come back to the table. She kissed him passionately on the mouth. And plunged Ian into total confusion. “I thought you two were a couple,” he said. He really seemed a bit shocked. “No, we're just friends, nothing more,” I explained to him, not without using my favorite saying. “She's like my sister and I'm not a pervert.” I liked Bernhard a lot, he was 23 years old, he and Jule had been a couple for a year and he was good for her. On top of that, he looked fantastic, lived in his own apartment and earned good money as a warehouse clerk. I was almost a little jealous.
We went home late. Jule, of course, went with me to Bernhard's, so I had to go alone with Ian. I had one in the tea, not much, but I was not as uptight as usual. We laughed a lot and briefly, very briefly, our hands touched. When I was fiddling with the radio and he had enough of pop songs. I took this as a warning shot and turned my head back on. I didn't want him to know that I was gay too.
As he was about to stop in front of my house, a rabbit suddenly jumped across the street. I recognized it immediately. It was one of the rabbits of Jules' little sister Dannika. “Damn,” I cursed, “the rabbits are out.” I jumped out of the car and grabbed Konrad right away. The fat one was sitting in my parents' flower bed. Ian suggested putting him in the trunk until we had the two girls too. Mucki was stuck on our driveway. We surrounded her and Ian grabbed her in a flash. Now only Berta was missing. Then Ian spotted her on the lawn in front of Jules' house. She was so busy with the clover that she was easy to catch.
We took her to the rabbit hutch at the back of Jule's garden. “What an adventure,” Ian laughed as we returned to the car.
“Yes, with Jule I have a relationship for stealing horses, with her little sister only for catching rabbits.” I myself found that very funny at that moment. Ian just looked at me silently. The look was strange and I felt the blush on my face. I was glad it was still dark.
“Well,“ Ian said, ‘see you Monday.’ That wasn't a question, it was a statement. ‘But I'll be at the outdoor pool with Jule again tomorrow, just looking...’ Did I really just say that? I could have killed myself right then.
“Looking?” Ian asked.
“Well, you know, showing off, seeing if you can catch one,” I tried to sound macho. I didn't succeed particularly well. “Yeah,” Ian said. “Let me see, I'll get back to you.” He got into the car. I turned around and walked up our driveway. I expected the sound of the engine, but nothing came. Finally, I turned around and saw Ian cursing and looking for something. I went back.
“Did you maybe put the key in your pocket in the confusion?” he asked. I searched my pockets, but I didn't have it. Ian swore, surprisingly in English. It must have fallen out of his pocket during the chase. We searched as best we could, but there was nothing to be done before sunrise. “Just sleep with me, we'll find the key in the morning,” I suggested. I couldn't let him sleep outside after all. I was pretty cold from the cold. It was suddenly bitterly cold at night.
I unlocked the front door, shivering, and immediately showed Ian the way up the stairs. My realm was the attic. My room was quite small, with only room for my bed and my desk. My closet was in the hallway. But I had a guest bed in an even tinier room, and my own bathroom with a bathtub.
I quickly gave Ian some bedding. Then I got him another bottle of water and went briefly into the bathroom to change. I put on a pair of knee-length athletic shorts and a T-shirt. Normally, I only slept in my underwear, but I didn't dare to tonight.
When I came out of the bathroom, the light was already off in the guest room, but the door was slightly open. “Do you need any more sleep?” I asked.
Ian laughed. ”No, I always just sleep in my underpants, I still have them.”
A few minutes later I was lying in my bed. I couldn't fall asleep now, no matter how hard I tried. There was a guy in my guest bed, wearing only underpants, I wondered if he was wearing boxers. The thought didn't let me close an eye. No, it only gave me a very hard-on. At first I didn't dare to touch it at all, always listening to see if anything was happening in front of my door.
It was only when I was so horny that it hurt that I laid hands on it. I imagined how Ian would have to moan. I imagined what it would be like if I went over to him and took off his underpants and confronted him with my cock. I came violently and loudly. The latter frightened me so that I listened for ages to see if Ian had heard it.
I lay very still for what seemed like an eternity until the sperm on my stomach became uncomfortably cold and something began to itch. Then I got up, wiped myself off with another T-shirt and walked very quietly through the hallway to the bathroom. There I cleaned myself up properly and was just about to scurry quietly back to my room when I heard Ian's voice: “Tell me, do you feel the same way?” I was so startled that I held my breath for a few seconds.
“What?” I finally gasped.
“Can you see gays in the crowd, too? I mean, do you also have an eye for people who are different?” I didn't hear any mockery in his voice. I was afraid he had seen through me. ‘I don't know, I'm no different. Sleep well,’ I said a little shrill and disappeared into my room in a flash.
I didn't fall asleep until the sun was shining outside again