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“The Indians were decimated by the whites, some tribes even exterminated?”
I slowly dozed off. I actually liked English, but somehow Mr. Schmidt managed to cover the same topics every year. We had Native Americans for the third time at least. Suddenly, I heard snoring next to me.
“Jan, please wake up and follow the lesson!“ Mr. Schmidt had heard it too. My best friend Jan actually woke up.
“Don't grin like that, it's stupid,” he whispered to me.
“I never grin stupidly, but always hyperintelligently,” I retorted.
“Pah!”
After this outburst of action, we continued to doze off. At least for five minutes, because then Mr. Schmidt, who was also our class teacher, suddenly stopped his English droning.
Immediately everyone was wide awake. Mr. Schmidt ended the lesson? Several minutes before the end of the lesson? That had never happened before. He always went over time.
“I still have an announcement to make.”
Aha, so there was something after all.
“As you probably already know, our school will be opening a few integration classes in the next school year.”
We didn't know yet.
“Depending on which age group it is, this class could also be affected.”
General whispering. Florian spoke up.
“Mr. Schmidt?”
“Yes?”
“What is an integration class?”
“An integration class is a class in which disabled and non-disabled students learn together?”
Now there was real unrest, everyone suddenly threw questions into the room.
“We are already 26 in the class, should there now be 20 disabled people added?”
“What kind of disability are we talking about?”
“Why our class?”
“Please be quiet for a moment! Integration classes are possible with all kinds of disabilities, we haven't even discussed what kind of students we'll be admitting. It's also about a maximum of two per class. And we chose your class because, compared to your parallel classes, you have few problems with other lifestyles.”
I could confirm that, though.
“As I said, we don't yet know which students we'll be talking about. We also don't yet know whether any students at all will be enrolled in your year. In any case, nothing has been finalized yet.”
At lunch in the school cafeteria, the announcement was of course the general topic of conversation. I followed the back and forth rather casually. “Few problems with other lifestyles,” yes that was it. In any case, I was extremely lucky with my class when I was outed two months ago.
Like many young gays, I had registered with Gayromeo (where I had to “round up” my age to 18), hoping to meet a few other young gays, since I didn't know any otherwise. Sure enough, I met Johannes soon after. He was a few years older than me, but he was totally gorgeous and seemed nice. We met a few times and eventually we went to bed together. At first it was really nice, but then he just said, “I want to fuck you,” and started to stick his fingers up my ass. It hurt like hell, and I whined for him to stop, but he didn't. At some point, I managed to get away from him. I got dressed and fled from his apartment. From then on, he constantly wrote me messages along the lines of “I want to deflower you.” Meanwhile, I knew from other users that he was only interested in “first ascents” of guys, and I answered him curtly that I was not interested. He just wrote back: “I'll get you for this.” At the party for my 16th birthday, he turned up, announced loudly: “Lukas is gay and slept with me,” and disappeared again. Everyone had heard it, not just all the guests, but also my parents and my brother, who were in the house. I just remember sitting on the floor and crying – and my parents and friends, at least those who were still there, took care of me.
That night, I learned that I could always rely on my parents. My pubescent little brother, he was fourteen, often made stupid remarks, but he didn't mean any harm.
I expected much worse at school. When I arrived the next Monday, trembling, my worst fears were immediately confirmed. Matthias, with his gang of hooligans from the parallel class, called after me at the school gate, “faggot.” Just when I was doubting whether I should even dare to go to class, Florian from my class came rolling up on his skateboard. He was always friendly and funny, but I hardly knew him. He was the king of the skaters, took his sport much more seriously than school and was one of the few in the class who smoked. In short, he did pretty much everything I didn't do, so we never had much to do with each other. “Don't let a few idiots annoy you.” I looked at him skeptically. As he rolled past, he patted me on the shoulder. “Hey man, you're cool.” Flo may have lived in a very different world from me, but actually he was a good guy. Most didn't react quite so openly, some even distanced themselves a bit from me, but after two weeks, everyone in the class had actually adjusted to the new situation and everything went back to normal.
And I could always rely on my real friends. My real friends were the ones I was sitting with at the table: Jan, my very best friend since the days of the sandbox, his girlfriend Lisa, who he had been with for over a year, Kevin, an incredibly patient, calm and good-natured guy, and Julia, who, as far as I could tell as a gay guy, was extremely good-looking but had never had a boyfriend. In any case, she dismissed all the school machos. I knew everyone long enough to understand that she would have liked to be with Kevin. Maybe that would come.
“Lukas, are you still there?” Lisa brought me back from my reverie. Where were we? Oh yes, the maybe integration class.
“How is that going to work? Wheelchair users can't even get through the building, there's no elevator and no disabled toilet,” Julia interjected. ‘Or they'll have to do a major renovation first. There's enough space, but it'll be really expensive.”
“Maybe then we'll finally get soap dispensers in the bathroom.’ I couldn't resist this dig at our school administration.
“It doesn't have to be wheelchair users, it could be that blind people come,“ said Jan.
“Well, but you need guidance systems for them, and how are they supposed to read what's on the board?”
“Was it even mentioned that they were physically disabled?” Lisa asked. “It could also be mentally disabled or learning disabled.”
“But next school year we'll be in the 11th grade. Are there any learning disabled people who make it that far?”
We looked at each other helplessly. Actually, we had to admit that we had no idea about the subject. So we decided not to worry about things that would only become relevant later. If at all. We had more important things on our minds anyway; after all, there were only a few days left until Christmas.
“I spoke to Mr. Schmidt on the phone to set the date for the parents' meeting.”
Great, just got home and then you hear something about school again. Did I mention that my mother is a parent representative?
“He said that you might have an integration class.”
“Yes, we are all very excited.”
“Well, just wait and see. Nothing has been decided yet anyway.”
My mother again. She managed to see the good in everything.
“What, you're getting Mongos in the class?”
My little brother came straight out of the bathroom into the kitchen with a towel around his waist.
“Alexander!” My mother looked at him sharply.
Oh, she had to be really angry when she called little Alexander that. Otherwise, he was just Alex to everyone. Of course, I knew that he had been raised to be just as tolerant as I was and that he just wanted to provoke in his pubescent way. “Let it be, Mom, he just wants to play.”
Alex stuck out his tongue at me and flexed his muscles a bit, probably to make me jealous. Actually, we looked quite similar with our hazel eyes and brown tousled hair, but Alex was always more athletic than me, and for some time now he had been doing dumbbell training, probably to get the girls. I mean, I wasn't really unsportsmanlike, but rather the slim type. I could show myself in the swimming pool without looking embarrassing, but I never made it to the top of the sporting world. Fortunately, we were not taught in classes during physical education, but the boys were divided into three groups, one good, one medium and one weaker. I was always in the middle group, so at least I didn't have to compete with the big sports freaks.
“So, you two bullies, I'm going to go do some Christmas shopping.”
And just like that, Mom was gone. She could do that very quickly.
“What did you actually want from Mom and Dad for Christmas, kid?”
Alex grinned dirty. “A few chicks to fuck, of course.”
He disappeared into his room.
“And you think you'll get them?” I shouted after him.
“Well hopefully, how am I supposed to survive Christmas without fucking?”
“You've survived over 14 years without fucking?”
A pillow flew at my head from his room. Even though my first sexual experiences were not great, I liked to tease him about not having had his first time yet.
Christmas was quiet and cozy. Of course, my brother didn't get any girls as gifts, but he did get a lot of other things that he was happy about. Otherwise, it was a very normal Christmas with a Christmas tree, tinsel, Christmas music and good food. Nothing new, but Christmas thrives on everything being the same.
“Boom!”
I didn't really like fireworks, but they were a must on New Year's Eve. We were standing in the meadow behind Jan's parents' house, waiting for the new year to begin. Just a few more minutes and the new year would be here.
“Do you know what I heard from my aunt?”
Everyone turned to Julia. Julia's aunt worked in the school board, so we were always provided with the latest information, but the fact that there was to be something new from the school on New Year's Eve, of all times, was surprising.
“We're supposed to get a disabled student in our class at the end of the first semester.”
“What?”
“Without any preparation?”
“Why is that?”
“They say he's moving here with his family, and because there's no suitable special school for him here and his mother doesn't want to send him to boarding school, and because the Schiller doesn't want to accept him, he's coming to us.”
The Schiller Grammar School was the other grammar school in town. We were at the Kant Grammar School, which was of course the much better of the two. At least that's what we thought.
“And what kind of retard is he supposed to be?”
“No idea.”
Oh dear, well, we could be curious about what the new year would bring. And it started right now with howling, fireworks and fireworks all around. What did I actually wish for this year, I wondered, while a rocket rose in front of me. Actually only one: a friend. A friend to cuddle, to cuddle, to fall asleep together. Would the wish come true? I didn't think so. But I wished for it.
There were things that didn't change even in the new year. For example, that you had to go to school. The news that we would have a new person in our class in a few weeks spread at the usual rate. Before the first lesson, the first information was passed on, after the second lesson the whole school was talking about it. At least the students, because the teachers didn't say a word about it.
Maybe they want to wait a few days to share the information, we all thought.
But after a few days, not a word had come from the teachers, not even after a week, and after two weeks, we were still sitting in Mr. Schmidt's English class just as clueless as ever.
“Why isn't he saying anything?” Jan whispered to me.
“Maybe there was nothing to the information after all?”
“The information is completely watertight,” whispered Julia from behind.
“Did any of you get your hands on the class register? Maybe the new guy is already in there.”
General shaking of heads.
A knock on the door interrupted our discussion. The door opened and our headmistress, Frau Stein, appeared in the doorway. To be precise, she filled it. Female headmistresses always seemed to have to underpin their importance with their girth.
“Mr. Schmidt, I'm very sorry to disturb you, but there's an urgent phone call for you.”
Oops, that rarely happened.
Mr. Schmidt went to the office with Ms. Stein. That was our chance! The class register was in the front. So, look in, leaf through, look for the class list? Lo and behold: the new guy was actually in there! But it didn't say much, only his name and date of birth. At least now we knew that his name was Thomas Neumeier. And he was 16, like us, so apparently he had never repeated a year. We couldn't discuss it for long either, because Mr. Schmidt came in again and, unmoved, continued with his sleep relaxation program – oh sorry – his class.
When he packed up his things at the end of the lesson, i.e. of course three minutes after the end of the lesson, I couldn't take it anymore.
“Mr. Schmidt, is it true that we're getting a disabled student?”
Mr. Schmidt paused for a moment. “Oh, news travels fast around here. Actually, we wanted to discuss this with you and him when he gets here. Yes, that's right.”
“But we don't have the facilities here to take in a physically disabled or blind person, do we?”
“He's neither physically disabled nor blind.”
Oh dear, he actually told us almost nothing. Now he was already walking wordlessly towards the door.
“Mr. Schmidt?”
“Yes?”
“What kind of disability does he have?”
“He is deaf.”
“And how is he supposed to follow the lessons?”
“He's pretty good at lip-reading. He's also had a few extra lessons with a deaf teacher who fills in the gaps when he hasn't understood something. But we'll really only see how it goes once he's here.”
With that, he disappeared from the classroom.
A deaf person? We hadn't even considered that possibility.
“Do you think he'll be able to follow everything?”
“I don't know,” said Lisa, ‘I think the idea is that we're supposed to help him.”
“Maybe he's really good-looking, then Lukas will drool over him and help him with every task,’ Jan grinned at me.
“Pah, forget it.”
Although, maybe he was right, there hadn't been a really good-looking student in our class before? Apart from the fact that I never drool, of course.
Oh well, what the heck, let's wait and see. Maybe he was also the biggest creep in the world, then I wouldn't have anything to do with him anyway.
The following two weeks dragged on with the usual uneventfulness. There were school days and half-yearly reports with pretty much the expected grades.
The following Monday started well, with math with Mr. Mausbach. Math was one of my favorite subjects, I didn't let unpopular topics deter me and bravely fought my way through the logarithms. What was it again, did I need the natural or the decimal logarithm here?
My thoughts were interrupted by an unharmonious knock on the door. In came Ms. Stein, Mr. Schmidt, a woman I didn't know, and behind them? Wow, I almost fell out of my chair. My absolute dream guy! Light blonde hair, dark brown eyes, an earring in his left ear, broad shoulders, as far as you could see under the black jacket. Did I mention that I'm totally into muscles? Well, not gross bodybuilders, but I can instantly go weak at the knees for well-trained, athletic guys. And that's exactly what this guy seemed to have. On top of that, he had a really cute, somehow totally sweet face. If he smiled, he could certainly melt my heart. At the moment, however, he was just looking around rather uncertainly.
“Don't drool,“ Jan grinned at me.
“I'm not drooling!”
“Yes, you are!”
”
“This here is Thomas,” explained Ms. Stein. “You already know that he is now part of your class. I would like you to support him as much as possible. And this,” she turned to the woman who had come in with her, ”is Ms. Mayring, our new sign language teacher. She will help Thomas. But she also offers a course in sign language for everyone. I would be happy if as many of you as possible took part. The dates will be posted on the bulletin board.”
Except for Thomas, the group disappeared as quickly as they had come. Thomas sat down at a free table in front of me, so I had the opportunity to size him up a bit. He had hung his black jacket over the chair and placed his backpack under the table. A bicycle helmet and an air pump were hanging from the backpack, apparently he had come by bike despite the winter temperatures. Just like me, he was obviously not a fan of designer clothes; he was wearing a normal white sweatshirt, jeans and sneakers. And without his jacket, you could see a little bit more of his body; he obviously went to the gym regularly.
“Are you drooling again?”
“Pah!”
“Do you think he can do it with us?”
“I don't know.” Lisa seemed almost worried. ‘I didn't get the impression that he understood much. I thought you said he could read lips?”
“But Mr. Mausbach has to look at him to do that,’ I interjected. ”He kept walking back and forth, and I think Thomas could only see his back half the time.”
“Maybe we should have helped him somehow.”
“How? How can you make contact with him at all?”
“Well, you would have helped him take off his clothes.“ Jan grinned the dirtiest grin he was capable of.
“Isn't that right?”
“Well, it was obvious that you liked him,” said Julia.
Oh dear, am I that easy to read? I squinted as carefully as possible towards the table in the corner. There sat my secret crush with a girl. Was that perhaps his girlfriend? Then I would secretly hate her.
“That's Klara, his sister. She's in ninth grade and, unlike him, she can hear,” Kevin explained, as if he could read my thoughts.
“How do you know that?”
“The rumor mill has already reached this table. You just didn't realize it because you were ogling Thomas.”
“I wasn't...”
Oh dear, I really had to try harder to hide it.
I got up to take my tray back. I almost tripped over my little brother at the tray rack.
“Say, is that your new guy?” He pointed his head in the direction of Thomas.
“Yes, why?”
I had never seen Alex take an interest in the boys in my class before.
“And who's the pretty one at his table?”
Aha, so that's what this was about.
“That's his sister. Now please don't tell me you're talking about banging hot chicks again?”
“Nah, nah. She's, she's... uh... really... uh... pretty?”
With a slightly red face, he stammered and left. Apparently I was not the only member of the Kamphaus family who had a crush on a member of the Neumeier family.
I began to worry about my secret crush. The school days went by and the situation didn't get any better. Anyway, it seemed like he didn't really pay much attention to the lessons.
Well, maybe I shouldn't worry so much about other people's problems. On the other hand, he was so cute. They said that Ms. Mayring was helping him fill in the gaps. I could only hope that worked.
Damn! Now I had a much more pressing problem: computer science was postponed to the 9th and 10th hour today and I had two free periods.
“What a bummer!” I said out loud as I stood in front of the bulletin board.
“You can always go to the sign language course for morons.”
Oh dear, Matthias the idiot again. Fortunately, he passed me by and didn't make a few comments of the kind.
Oh dear, I spoke too soon. Thomas had just come from the stairs to the bulletin board and Matthias received him with a few monkey gestures. I turned away, I really didn't need to see that.
“Hey, what's the matter with you?” I suddenly heard Matthias scream.
I turned around again. Thomas had grabbed Matthias by the collar and lifted him up. Wow, he must have been really strong, he must have gone to the gym. Matthias wriggled, but Thomas held him in the air with one hand. After about a minute, Thomas put him down again. Matthias left. Apparently he had realized that he was better off not messing with Thomas.
Nevertheless, I still had the problem of what to do with my two free periods. Hm, maybe I should really go to the sign language course. If I didn't like it, I could just stay away again.
When I entered the classroom with the bell, I realized that the course was not very popular. Apart from me, there were a few sixth-formers, but no one else.
“Hello!” it sounded. Or rather, it didn't sound. Ms. Mayring just formed the word with her lips and waved. Apparently that was the correct greeting among the deaf.
Before she started with the actual signing, she began with a few explanations.
“In Germany, the deaf use German sign language. There is also sign language that accompanies spoken language, in which spoken language is translated one-to-one into signs. German sign language, on the other hand, has a sentence structure that differs significantly from the German language.
There are two schools of thought in deaf education. One advocates oral language education. In this approach, students should lip-read as much as possible and also learn to speak themselves, which is difficult for most of them because they cannot hear their own voice. The other approach advocates teaching in German sign language. This has the advantage that communication is easier. The disadvantage, however, is that it becomes more difficult to make contact with hearing people. In addition, many find it difficult to write German texts because they are used to a completely different grammar. But one should not generalize, I also know deaf people who write very good German.
So, now enough theory for the beginning. Now we want to do a bit of signing. We use not only our hands, but also our facial expressions.”
Ms. Mayring demonstrated a few gestures. I was afraid I would feel silly doing it, but somehow it was fun. Soon we were walking through a virtual market, showing each other tiny fruits, thin asparagus and thick turnips, all accompanied by appropriate gestures.
“So, that's it for today.” The two hours had flown by.
“Next time, we'll form a few real sentences, like introducing each other and the like. Thanks for now, for participating so well.”
The high school students left the classroom, but I still wanted to ask Ms. Mayring something. After all, she knew Thomas a little better.
“Did Thomas actually grow up speaking orally or signing?”
“Let's put it this way: he was always pushed back and forth a bit. He can lip-read quite well, but he can't really speak properly. In any case, he is practically impossible to understand; he communicates using sign language.”
“So he has difficulties in German?”
“No, he writes excellent German. He's just a highly intelligent student, so far he's had almost only A's. I'm afraid that's going to be more difficult here. I'm trying to help him fill in the gaps, but in math and science it's hard for me because I'm reaching the limits of my abilities there. You'll have to help with that.”
I thanked Ms. Mayring and went to the door.
“Lukas?”
I turned around again.
“Why don't you just ask Thomas all these questions yourself?”
“Because... uh... I don't know.”
“Because you don't know how to get in touch with him?”
“Yes, something like that.”
“My God, try gestures, or write a few notes or something. I also always thought that you young people would be chatting on the internet all the time anyway, wouldn't something like that work with him too?”
Hm, I hadn't thought of that. Chat would be a possibility. But in which chat room?
When I arrived home, I booted up the computer. Maybe he was on Jappy. I rarely used Jappy; I preferred to meet my friends in real life, but maybe I could find Thomas. So I quickly entered our zip code and the age 16 in the search, let's see what came up. Our town wasn't that big, so the results were manageable. There were just a few people I already knew, and two or three more I didn't know, but Thomas wasn't among them. I clicked through the profiles without a picture, but there was nothing that matched him either. Disappointed, I turned off the computer.
That evening, I lay on my bed and thought. Was it really such a good idea to take Thomas in, without preparation and without any concept? After all, it was impossible to overlook the fact that he was in serious trouble. The Schiller Grammar School had also refused to accept him, Julia had said. They had probably sensed the difficulties. Wait a minute... the Schiller? Maybe he lived around here. Then he didn't have our zip code at all, but the other one that still existed in the city.
Although it was already late, I booted up the computer again and quickly found myself in the Jappy search. And... bingo! There he was. With a nice profile picture, smiling happily. Oh my God, how cute he looked! I realized that I had never seen him happy, apparently he felt very much like a stranger with us.
Oh, he was still online. I hesitated for a moment, then sent him a short message: “Hey!” I couldn't think of anything better.
A message came back shortly afterwards: “Hey”
“Still awake?”
“Yes, but not for much longer. It's been a busy day.”
“Our school is very exhausting for you, isn't it?”
“Oh, so-so.”
I was sure that he was greatly understating his problems here.
“I'd be happy to help you with math or something?”
“Thanks, but I don't need it.”
Apparently he was too proud to accept help. I was already thinking about how I could persuade him when another message came from him:
“I'm going to bed now. Good night.”
And he was gone. I was ready for bed too, but first I looked around his profile a bit. It was almost as empty as mine. At least it said that he was single. But otherwise he hadn't given much information, not even whether he was looking for girls or boys. But what was I worrying about, the chance that he was gay was vanishingly small.
I took a look at his photos. The profile picture seemed to be the only recent one. Otherwise, he had two folders, both of which had been created two years ago. In the folder “Friends and me” Thomas could be seen, apparently in a good mood, talking to others. I clicked on the folder “Soccer”. There was only one picture in it, but this picture... I almost fell off my chair. It showed Thomas playing soccer... shirtless! Even though the picture was apparently two years old, he already had a very handsome body, even though he certainly looked even better now. Of course, he was in the group for the best students in gym class, so I had never seen him do sports.
Later, I lay in my bed and tried to fall asleep, but I couldn't. Again and again, I imagined Thomas without a shirt, what he would look like, and what great muscles he had. My dick had been as hard as granite the whole time, and I had no choice but to jerk off.
“Maybe I'll have a chance to see him topless in the summer,” I thought to myself, while I wiped my cum off my stomach with a handkerchief. ‘Maybe I can...’ I couldn't get any further, I finally fell asleep.
Oh, shit! Today I was really close to school. I ran up the stairs and just made it to the classroom when the bell rang.
Phew, just made it. But don't panic, Mr. von Ochsbrink, our history teacher, was just writing on the board. It would be at least five more minutes before he started class.
As I passed, I waved to Thomas with the “hello” I had learned yesterday. He looked up in surprise, hesitated, and then answered with “hello” as well.
I dropped down onto my seat next to Jan. “Well, have you finally got the attention of your crush?”
“He's not my crush.”
“Apparently he is.”
I gave up. Jan always noticed that I was looking at Thomas. But today was a little different. Thomas sat a little more turned towards the class and out of the corner of his eye, he looked over at me more often. Unfortunately, he kept avoiding my gaze when I looked at him.
“Well, at least you seem to have sparked his interest,” Jan said as we walked down the stairs towards the courtyard after the second hour. I had already told him in a whisper about the events of the past day during the lesson.
“Well, he's still a bit shy about it. And he doesn't want to be helped either.”
“But you saw how he looked at you.” Jan put on his grungiest smirk again. ”I think he fancies you.”
“Well, that might suit you. I admit, I think he looks nice?”
“Nice? You must dream about having sex with him all day.”
My God, he was still grinning. And I missed the bottom step of the stairs with such fright that I almost fell over. But wait a minute, why only almost? Actually, I had just tipped over and now I was hanging in the air. It took me a moment to realize that someone had held me with a strong grip and was now putting me back on my feet. I turned around. Thomas was standing behind me and smiled at me kindly. He smiled at me! Thomas smiled at me! I walked into the courtyard feeling rather dazed. What had Jan said? I want sex with Thomas? Yes, that too, somehow maybe. But most of all I wanted to cuddle and caress him and fall asleep snuggled up against him. Unfortunately, that would probably remain a dream.
In the evening, I looked at Jappy again. Unfortunately, Thomas was not logged in. So it went on for a few days. At school, he looked at me more friendly, even smiled, but I had not yet started a conversation with him. But on Jappy, the same thing every day – no Thomas.
It took almost a week before I caught him online again.
“Hey, there you are again.”
“Yes, I'm not often here online.”
“I noticed that.”
Suddenly I had an idea. Maybe I could ask him about his relationship with girls.
“So you don't use Jappy to look for a girlfriend?”
“No, why?”
“I just thought so? Because of the topless picture, I thought that was supposed to attract girls.”
“Nah, that was just at football.”
“Oh, so you just take your shirt off when you play soccer?”
“I really like doing that, not just when I'm playing soccer, but generally when I'm outside when it's warm.”
Wow! I immediately imagined being outside with Thomas and him taking off his shirt. Just thinking about it made me hot.
“And then all the girls don't run after you?”
“Nope.”
My God, there was really no getting anything out of him. But I still had to try because of the really important things.
“Say, don't you want me to help you with math?”
“Nah, nah, let's not. I'm off now.”
Oh dear, he really didn't want any help. Somehow I could understand him. He had probably always been a very good student and now couldn't get over having to rely on help. But it couldn't go on like this either.
I could see that again the next morning. The day started with math. Math is actually nice, but today we got the test back that we had recently written. That said, it was still nice for me, I was able to pick up my A. Thomas, however, looked pretty crestfallen. It was obvious that he had screwed up the test.
“Before we continue with the lessons, I would like to change the seating arrangements.”
Oh, what was Mr. Mausbach planning to do now?
“While marking the tests, I realized that some of you had probably used not only your wits but also the answers of the students sitting next to you. Is that right, Florian?”
Flo looked down guiltily, at least that's what it looked like. You couldn't really see it under his baseball cap, which he always wore everywhere. Actually, I only knew him with a cap.
“It might be better if Lisa doesn't sit next to you anymore. I think Lisa would be happy next to Jan.”
Yes, I could imagine that. But what about me then?
“Lukas, you could sit here next to Thomas, there's still a seat.”
Okay, I could live with that. While I was moving all my things, Mr. Mausbach looked at me and raised his eyebrow slightly. The purpose of this action was immediately clear to me. He wanted support for Thomas without embarrassing him in front of the class.
Thomas looked at me briefly. He actually looked quite friendly, so I seemed to be welcome. He wasn't smiling though; on the contrary, he looked quite sad. I could understand that; the work had obviously not gone well for him. I tried to catch a glimpse of his work. Oh God, he had really messed it up. It must have really hurt him; he was certainly not used to such grades.
I slid him a note. “I can really help you.”
He wrote underneath: ”I don't need it.”
My God, he was stubborn. Mr. Mausbach now continued with the lesson. I tried to follow the lesson and watch Thomas at the same time. Now it was clear: he was taking in the blackboard writing and a few incoherent sentences from Mr. Mausbach. And nothing else. It was not going to work that way.
I looked at Thomas. He turned his face away immediately, but the half-second had been enough to see that there were tears in his beautiful brown eyes. He probably knew that his school career was going down the drain here.
He tried to continue his class notes for a few more minutes, but then he apparently capitulated. Oh dear, I felt sorry for him. He just sat there motionless for a few minutes.
Suddenly he started moving again. He wrote something on a piece of paper and with slightly trembling fingers he pushed it over to me.
“Can you come to my house after school today?”
Hurray, he had finally realized that someone wanted to help him. I wrote a short “Yes” below it and sent my mom a text message saying I'd be coming home late. Thomas also pressed his cell phone, apparently announcing my visit at home. Actually a practical invention, the text message, that had to make his life much easier.
I also needed to relieve myself, namely after the lesson on the toilet. At the sink, I met Alex, who apparently had the same urgent need. I quickly told him that I would come home later today because I was still going to Thomas's place.
“Well then you can finally shag him?” Oh dear, Alex's grin was almost unbearable.
“Alex!”
“Well, it's obvious to everyone that you fancy him.”
“Get out!”
Alex actually left.
When I came back to class, Thomas and Jan were passing a few notes to each other. It was kind of nice that he was thawing out a bit and gradually getting in touch with the others. I don't know what Jan had told him, but he grinned at me. Thomas also looked somehow different than before, somehow a bit happier, apparently he had overcome the initial shock of his work.
I was a bit excited when we left school and he pushed his bike next to me. My God, he really did live at the end of the world. We had to go through the entire city, across the large market square and past the town hall. We were on the road for almost half an hour. No wonder Thomas came by bike even in winter, and there was no decent bus service either. Somehow Thomas seemed more relaxed than at school. We couldn't talk to each other, but he smiled at me friendly from time to time, and I smiled back.
The Neumeiers lived in a nice row house. Thomas unlocked the door and in the hallway a woman, who was apparently his mother, was waiting for us. She looked quite a bit like Klara. She greeted Thomas with a hug and a kiss on the cheek and ruffled his hair. Immediately I wanted to do the same, but I couldn't really do that.
“Hello Lukas,” she said, beaming. So she knew who I was. ”It's nice that Tommy finally brings someone from school.”
The Neumeiers seemed to have just moved in, as there were still a few folded moving boxes in the corner.
Mrs. Neumeier noticed my glance. “Yes, we are still quite new in town. But now we are done with the move and all installations. Only the heating is not working properly, so it is still a bit cool here. But that will be fixed tomorrow, actually we like it warm.”
It's true, it was actually quite fresh here. Too bad, I was already hoping to see Thomas in a T-shirt?
First of all, Thomas showed me the house. It wasn't particularly big, but it was very cozy. Downstairs were the kitchen, bathroom, and living room, and behind the living room was a small garden. It must be nice here in the summer; the garden was not visible from outside, and the small terrace by the house was certainly a good place to lie and sunbathe. I preferred not to imagine what else I could do with Thomas there.
Thomas led me up the stairs. At the top was his mother's bedroom – I noticed that somehow there was no father in his life – and his sister's room. We took a quick look inside; she didn't seem to be there. Her room was tidy, which couldn't really be said for Thomas's own room. He quickly cleared away some sports equipment so that we had somewhere to sit. Otherwise, his room looked like that of a normal teenager, except that there was no stereo and no music posters on the wall. I noticed a strange lamp above the door, the purpose of which I couldn't explain to myself. Thomas noticed my questioning look, went out and pressed a button. The lamp started flashing brightly. So that was the substitute for knocking, that's how Thomas had a bit of privacy in his room.
“I have to go to the bathroom,” I signaled to him. Of course, I didn't know any appropriate gestures for that, but had to roughly imitate what I meant, which made me blush and made him grin.
On my way down, I passed the kitchen and Frau Neumeier was looking out. “I'm really glad someone is helping Tommy; it doesn't seem to have gone so well so far.”
“Yeah, somehow the school didn't really prepare for that either.”
“Yes, for one thing, he wasn't prepared for it himself. Then there were always the problems he had with his father.”
“Where?” I bit my tongue just in time. I didn't really want to ask about the father, who apparently no longer lived here.
Ms. Neumeier had understood the question anyway. ”Oh, you can ask. No, he doesn't live here, he left us. That's why I had to look for a job and now work here at the hospital. Well, he always wanted to have a perfect son and Tommy was always a disabled person for him, and his second child was a girl. And that his son was in his eyes even more disabled... Well, let's leave it at that, in any case, he couldn't cope with it.”
I didn't understand what she meant by “even more”, but I didn't want to ask, it wasn't my business anyway.
“Unfortunately, I have to go to work now.”
“Oh, you must have really inconvenient working hours.”
She laughed. “Well, somehow all this,” she pointed to the house around, “has to be earned. So have fun today.”
And learning was actually fun. I was amazed at how easily I could communicate with Thomas. Mathematics went well with pen and paper and I quickly realized how easy it was to fool around without words, which we did extensively.
Time flew by and I found it a shame when I had to leave. Thomas was really a nice guy, with whom you could laugh a lot.
He accompanied me to the door. I was still wondering how I should actually say goodbye. “Hello” had already been used in class, but not goodbye. Thomas took the decision out of my hands... he hugged me and squeezed me very tightly. I was sure that this was not the usual way of saying goodbye among the deaf, but of course I enjoyed it anyway.
“You're going to Thomas's again?”
Alex looked into my room.
“Yes, why?”
“Couldn't you mention to Klara that you have a very nice brother?”
“I could tell her that my little brother wants to fuck all the chicks who aren't in the trees by three.”
“If you do that, I'll sit down at your computer and delete all your porn!”
“Ugh, they're password protected.”
“Then I'll just tell Thomas that you're into him.”
“Don't you dare!”
“Does he even know you're gay?”
“I don't think so?”
I thought about that as I walked across town to Thomas. Actually, he couldn't know, after all, he could hardly communicate with the others at school. And I hadn't told him either. Should I have done that maybe? On the other hand, he was just starting to treat me as a friend. And what if he didn't want to know anything more about me then? But at some point I would have to tell him too. Oh dear, was that complicated?
Thoughtfully, I trudged through the snow. I had considered taking the long bike ride, but even though it was already March, it was bitterly cold, there was snow and black ice. So I decided to walk the route after all.
I arrived at Thomas's house and rang the bell. Although ringing might not be the right word; a few flashes of light could be seen inside. Through the frosted glass door, I saw a familiar figure approaching and opening the door. Wow! Thomas was standing in front of me in a T-shirt and colorful shorts. I really wanted to cuddle and kiss him. Unfortunately, there was no kiss, but another hug. Man, it was cool to feel his back muscles through the thin T-shirt!
When he went up the stairs in front of me and I saw his muscular legs in front of me, and when he lay down on the floor in his room, folded his arms behind his head and stretched his T-shirt over his broad chest, I could hardly think straight anymore. Why couldn't this great boy be gay? I would have liked to have had him as a friend, as a real boyfriend with a relationship and all that.
But studying was just as fun as the last time. And while fooling around, Thomas suddenly had the brilliant idea of tickling me. Not that I liked being tickled, but now I had an excuse to touch him. You could really feel nice muscles through the T-shirt. Unfortunately, Thomas was of course much stronger than me and now really started tickling. He pushed his hand under my T-shirt and tickled my naked skin! My cock immediately became rock hard.
At that moment, the lamp above his door flashed on and we sat up again in a reasonably civilized manner. Klara stuck her head in the door.
“Oh, hi Lukas. I didn't want to disturb you.”
“You're not disturbing me,” I lied.
She was about to leave, but turned around again.
“Oh yes, what I wanted to ask you?”
“Yes?”
“This Alex, is he your brother?”
“Yes?”
“And does he... uh... well, you know?”
“Know what?”
“I mean... does he have a girlfriend?”
“No, not yet.”
With a slightly red head, she disappeared. Aha, that could still be interesting.
I looked at the clock, unfortunately I had to leave soon. Somehow I thought that was a shame, but on the other hand, I was of course looking forward to the hug that I would get from Thomas again.
“Hey, Lukas, snap out of your thoughts!”
Oh, Jan had noticed that I wasn't really paying attention during the conversation at the lunch table.
“Does a B-plus in math knock you out like that?”
Oh dear, now he had to stir up my misery. I really felt that a B- was a defeat, at least in math. On the other hand, I could have been happy. Thomas had managed a A- thanks to my help with his studies and now looked at me in a good mood.
Oh, I hadn't mentioned that yet? Thomas now always sat at our table in the school cafeteria. My friends liked him too and enjoyed having him around, even though they always had a bit of trouble communicating with him. When necessary, I had to translate using my very rudimentary sign language skills. I went to the course regularly, but I had learned most of what I knew from Thomas. If you really want to learn sign language, you should definitely get a deaf friend.
And we now called each other friends. Unfortunately only as friends, actually I would have liked to have wanted more from him, but I couldn't tell him that.
“Just to cheer you up...” Jan startled me out of my thoughts again. ”The Sunday after next is my Easter party.”
Oh right, the Sunday after next was Easter Sunday, but we had never had a party then.
“Easter party?”
“Well, with an egg hunt and an Easter bonfire and all that.”
“Cool, I hope the weather plays along.”
And before you knew it, we were fully immersed in the planning. Jan took a piece of paper, wrote something on it and pushed the paper over to Thomas.
“You're coming too, aren't you?" I read upside down.
Thomas looked at me a bit uncertainly. I nodded encouragingly at him and he wrote “ok” underneath. I was happy for him, it was time we integrated him a bit into our group. I hoped the weather would get better by Easter; currently it was five degrees and raining.
Apparently my wishes were heard by the weather god. Although I was sure that there was no weather god, but he fulfilled my wishes anyway. And so I arrived at Jan's place in sunshine and spring-like temperatures. Thomas was already there and looked really happy. Somehow the invitation gave him the feeling of finally belonging.
Gradually, the other guests arrived, and Jan and Lisa began to distribute baskets among the guests.
“Easter without Easter eggs is of course not possible. That's why Jan and I... uh... the Easter Bunny has hidden chocolate eggs in the garden. Attention, the search is about to begin?”
At the starting signal, we all ran off to search for the eggs in the bushes and flowerbeds. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Thomas crawling through the bushes, grinning like a Cheshire cat. Jan and Lisa, on the other hand, looked a little worried. They had not considered one thing, namely that Thomas had an excellent power of observation because he was used to compensating for his lack of hearing with his eyes. He immediately saw anything we didn't notice, such as a broken twig or a few flattened blades of grass.
I went to Jan and Lisa with my meager haul.
“I think a great treasure hunter has not been lost on me.”
“Thomas has already found enough for three,” Jan said.
Thomas was just coming towards us. There was a huge pile of Easter eggs in his basket. He took some of them, put them in my basket and beamed at me. I think it was a real source of happiness for him to be superior to the hearing person for once.
The evening was really fun. When it was dark, we lit an Easter fire. Actually, it was only a small campfire, but at least it gave off a nice warm glow. I watched the scenery. There was laughter, everyone was talking animatedly, even Thomas made himself understood with funny gestures and was happy, Kevin and Julia kissed in the flickering light of the fire... Wait a minute... Kevin and Julia kissed? There was probably some important information that had passed me by again.
When Julia went to the house, probably to the bathroom, I went over to Kevin.
“It's nice that you're together now.”
“We've only been together since today.”
I looked into the fire a little sadly. Somehow I was soon the only lonely single in the class.
Kevin must have noticed my look. “Hey, you, pot, you'll also find your lid.”
“I don't think so? Where?”
After my disastrous coming out, I no longer dared to date on the internet and there was no gay scene worth mentioning in our small town.
“He would be a good match for you, wouldn't he?” Kevin pointed his head in the direction of Thomas, who was having a great time with a few classmates, making some funny, not to mention obscene, gestures.
“Oh, really? I don't think he's gay?”
“Are you sure?” Kevin looked at me. ”I mean, when you're seen together? Do you see it now? He makes himself noticed by tapping others on the shoulder with his index finger. He always puts his whole hand on your shoulder. So you must be special to him.”
I hadn't even noticed that.
“And what about the way he always cuddles you?”
Thomas had actually started greeting and saying goodbye to me at school with a big hug, but I thought that had more to do with the fact that I was taking care of him.
“I don't know? He doesn't even know I'm gay.”
“And when are you going to tell him?”
Oh dear, he had hit my weak spot again. On the one hand, his friendship meant so much to me that I didn't really want to keep something important like that from him. On the other hand, I was terribly afraid that he might not want anything more to do with me.
But today I didn't want to worry about it. Not at this nice party.
It was already night when I finally came home. Nevertheless, I couldn't fall asleep and turned on the computer again. Lo and behold, Thomas was also online at Jappy.
“Hey, king of the Easter eggs! You're still awake too.”
“Yes, yes, the eggs are my subjects. But I'm going to bed now. Good night!”
“Good night, Thomas.”
And off he went. Wait, he had just sent a message before that:
“For you I'm Tommy.”
Unfortunately, spring was only a brief interlude. It got cooler again and it seemed as if it rained for weeks. My mood was also often quite gloomy during that time. On the one hand, my friendship with Tommy, as I now always called him, deepened, but on the other hand, I just couldn't bring myself to tell him my little, or rather big, secret.
Nevertheless, I enjoyed every minute I spent with him. Unfortunately, we couldn't meet today because he had his special lessons with Ms. Mayring again and then he wanted to go to the gym.
At least I could sit in the park today. It was now mid-May and after all the cold and rain, today was the first warm day, at least 25 degrees. Okay, maybe only 24, but warm anyway.
Before I went home, I wanted to say goodbye to Tommy, of course. But where was he? He was no longer in the classroom, and he was not to be seen in the courtyard either. Aha, he was probably outside in front of the school gate. There was some kind of skate parkour that some students had created themselves, and that's where I was going now.
A few seventh graders were rolling back and forth on their boards on the grounds. Hm, where was Tommy? I looked around. Yikes, there was Alex. With Klara! Holding hands! It really seemed like something was going on there.
Now I spotted Tommy, too. He was standing at the edge, watching the somewhat clumsy attempts at skating by the little ones with some amusement. Now he borrowed a skateboard from a seventh grader and rolled onto the grounds himself. Somehow he looked more professional than the little ones.
“He's really cool.” Flo was standing next to me.
He checked the wind direction, went to the other side and lit a cigarette. I thought it was kind of him to always smoke in my slipstream.
“You think he's cool?”
“Well, he's a great athlete. I don't even know what else I should do to keep up with him.”
“Maybe quit smoking?”
Oops, I didn't mean to say that, I really didn't want to criticize him for anything, I liked him. But he just looked at me thoughtfully.
“You're probably right.” Then, so quietly that I could hardly hear it: ”I hope I can do it. It was stupid to even start.”
Unfortunately, Tommy's performance was already over, he rolled back to the edge.
Oh, what was that? Now he took off his T-shirt, rolled back onto the equipment and continued his show topless! That was the first time I saw his upper body in real life, his great muscles moving all the time. Did I mention that I find athletic guys with bare chests totally hot? And now it was my Tommy too! Luckily I was wearing thick pants, otherwise my boner would have been hard to miss.
Now Tommy noticed me and rolled over to me. He said goodbye with the usual hug. I felt like my pants would burst when I had his naked muscular back under my hands.
“Nice pair,” said Flo, when Tommy rolled away again. I looked into his eyes. I think he meant that sincerely.
The next few weeks were still dominated by the beautiful May weather, but unfortunately my hope of seeing Tommy naked again was not fulfilled. Maybe I should ask the weather god for a real heat wave? Oh no, he didn't even exist.
It was only in June that the weather changed noticeably again. Unfortunately, however, there was no heatwave, but a real drop in temperature with thick, dark rain clouds. And the consequences were not long in coming.
“Atishoo!”
Tommy looked at me sympathetically as I pulled the seventy-fifth handkerchief out of my pocket that day. Oh dear, I was really feeling miserable.
“Wouldn't you rather go home?” he wrote on a piece of paper.
Well, that was beneath my dignity, but when I finally came home after school, I felt really sick. As always in such cases, my mother came with the clinical thermometer, read out ‘38.6 degrees’ aloud and prescribed strict bed rest for me.
I felt quite ill that evening and only noticed through a haze that Alex came into my room.
“Well, didn't you like the weather?”
“Hm.”
“It's shit, there was no football today either.”
Some of the guys from school always met regularly in the park during the summer to play soccer, and my brother always went there too. I had never looked at it, although it was always said that it would be fun, especially because students from different years played together peacefully. But that didn't interest me at the moment.
“I don't care about your soccer,” I grumbled.
“That wouldn't be the case if you knew that your crush was always playing.”
Now I was awake.
“He's not my crush.”
“You'd do well among the screeching girls on the sidelines, they all look up to him.”
“Girls are screaming and looking up to Tommy? Why is that?”
“Well, you should know that best. Mega body and he's the only one who always plays shirtless. I'd love to have a fan club like that, Thomas always ignores them.”
Oh dear, maybe I should take more of an interest in football after all. But the idea of being there among the screaming girls, well, I don't know. But if he ignored them, maybe that meant that he was... My God, was it complicated! I tried to think, but I couldn't, I was too miserable.
And the next day I wasn't much better. I just dozed through the morning, and in the afternoon Jan came by to give me the latest information and help me with my homework. He usually did that when I was sick. However, this time I couldn't really follow his stories.
“Unfortunately I can't come tomorrow,” he said as he was leaving, ”but I'll send someone else from our team.”
It often happened that he couldn't come, and then Lisa or Kevin would come.
“Take care and sleep well.”
And he was gone.
I actually slept well and the next day I felt much better. Today I would surely notice more of the homework. Out of boredom, I waited for the afternoon from ten o'clock.
In fact, shortly after three, the doorbell rang at the apartment door and my mother opened it. I tried to hear from my room which of my friends it was and heard – nothing. I was still wondering why they were keeping quiet when Tommy was already standing in my room door, grinning happily at me.
It hadn't even occurred to me that he was now one of my friends and fully integrated into the homework and information system.
Unfortunately, there was no hug from him this time, after all, I didn't want to infect him. It was his first time with me and he looked around my room with interest. The music posters on the walls left him visibly perplexed; after all, he couldn't listen to music and had no idea about it. I don't know if he noticed that they were mainly boy band posters.
Meanwhile, he had discovered my old teddy bear. I was kind of embarrassed about it, but Tommy took it, stroked its head a few times and then put it back on the shelf. I would have preferred it if he had stroked my head.
We had quickly finished our homework and had a lot of fun as always. In between, my father also stopped by and said hello, he had just come from work. As soon as he was out, we continued to fool around. Unfortunately, our laughter alarmed my mother, who stormed into the room and reminded us that I needed my bed rest.
Tommy waved goodbye. A little sad, I waited until I heard the apartment door close. It did so about an hour later. What? Almost an hour? Had they been talking for that long, or however you should call it with Tommy? I got up and looked out the window. Sure enough, Tommy was just riding off on his bike. Before he turned the corner, he saw me at the window and waved cheerfully.
“Why didn't you bring Thomas with you before? He's nice.”
I hadn't even noticed that my mother had come into the room.
Hm, why hadn't I brought Tommy with me before? I had no idea myself. The first time he had taken me to his place and since then it had just become a habit for us to always meet at his place. I decided that next time we would study together at my place.
The weekend was as gray as the whole week. I stood at the window and watched the raindrops sadly. At some point I would have to bring myself to talk to Tommy about being gay. I would have liked to have talked to him about my feelings for him, but how would he react? Could I tell him that he looked totally hot to me? And, more importantly, that he was the absolute sweetest and nicest guy I knew?
"After a rainy week, the weather will change completely in the next few days. A high pressure area will reach us as early as tomorrow, causing the clouds to disperse and temperatures to rise. The day after tomorrow, we can expect a beautiful summer's day with a cloudless sky and temperatures around 28 degrees. Starting Friday, very hot, dry air will reach our broadcast area and temperatures well over 30 degrees Celsius are to be expected."
My father turned off the radio.
It was now Tuesday and we were sitting at the dinner table. Even though I hadn't fully recovered yet, I was doing much better and could finally really enjoy my food again.
But something was missing. I checked everything. Hmm, my cutlery was complete. Cheese and sausage were there, tomato and cucumber too. So what was missing then?
Now I realized it.
“Where is Alex?”
“He's spending the night at Klara's. They want to watch a long DVD first.”
I wondered whether I should ask what they would do afterwards, but decided it would be better not to.
That night I lay awake for quite a long time. I was pleased for my brother, who was now probably comfortably falling asleep with Klara. But somehow my thoughts were more with the great boy, who was probably now lying only a thin wall away from the two of them, hopefully sleeping peacefully. I just had to talk to him at last, I couldn't stand it any longer. But how should I go about it? I thought that if I tried, my courage would desert me at the last moment.
The next morning, my dark thoughts had vanished as I opened the window and the sun came out from between the last remaining clouds.
Unfortunately, this mood didn't last long and when Jan came by in the afternoon, I was on the verge of a real depression. Nevertheless, I didn't let anything show.
“What's the matter with you?”
Ok, I tried to hide it.
“Why?”
“You're hardly responsive and you're holding the geography book the wrong way.”
I sighed. I couldn't pretend with Jan.
“It's got something to do with Thomas, doesn't it?”
I really couldn''t pretend with Jan.
“You'll make a cute couple.”
“Jan, that's enough. You're acting like Tommy's gay too.”
“Well, the way he looks at you?”
“What, how he looks at me?”
“Haven't you noticed that he never really takes his eyes off you? And when you got sick, he asked me so many questions about your condition that you could tell he was really worried, at least more than a normal friend would be.”
“I think you're reading too much into it. First of all, I'd have to tell him that I'm gay, and I'm just afraid that he won't want to have anything to do with me anymore.”
Jan looked at me silently for quite a while.
“Lukas, he knows.”
“Whaaat? How come?”
“I told him.”
“You what? Have you gone crazy?”
“I know it wasn't fair. But I was worried that you would become friends and he would find out about it and maybe not be able to handle it, and that would have been a huge disaster. So I thought it better to come clean right away.”
“And when was that?”
“Back then, after math class, when Mr. Mausbach sat you next to Thomas before you went home with him for the first time.”
“So he's been... ”
I couldn't say any more. Tommy knew I was gay. And not just since yesterday, but from the beginning. And during that time he had become my friend, smiling at me, tickling me and hugging me regularly. Even when he was half naked.
Now I was really confused. Either Tommy was straight. Then he obviously had no reservations about gays at all. For that, he would really have my full respect. Or else? No, I didn't dare to think about that or else?
We hardly made any progress with our homework that day, so it was already late when I said goodbye to Jan at the open door of his apartment. My parents were standing next to him, too.
“Are you coming back to school tomorrow?”
“I don't know yet, it depends on how I feel tomorrow. If I'm not there, could you help Tommy with his math? He must have some gaps by now.”
“He doesn't, we've all been taking care of him the last few days.”
“Thanks.”
“Hey, don't worry, we won't let your crush...”
He bit his tongue. He had completely forgotten that my parents were standing next to me.
I could always easily tell when my mother was happy.
“Does that mean Thomas will be our son-in-law?”
Hm, what should I answer to that?
“That might suit you well,” I grumbled because I couldn't think of anything better.
“Oh yes!“ My parents nodded joyfully.
Oh God, this could be a problem.
“I think I'd better go now?”
Jan disappeared through the door, embarrassed. That is, he tried to. In the doorway, he bumped into Alex, who had just come home and must have heard the last few sentences.
“We'd really like to take Thomas,” my father said when the door was finally closed.
“Now stop it! He has to be gay to do that.”
“But he is...” Alex bit his tongue.
That was enough. I disappeared into my room. I just wanted to be alone. And I was. For two seconds.
Alex followed right behind me and closed the door behind him.
“Lukas, I have to tell you something.”
Actually, I had already heard enough unexpected news today.
“Yeah?”
“I asked Klara a few things about her family, like why she doesn't have a father and stuff.”
“And? Did she kick you out?”
“No, I took a diplomatic approach.”
I sighed. The word “diplomatic” suited my brother about as well as “delicate” suited a full-grown blue whale.
“And?”
“Well, the father had always had problems with the fact that Tommy was not a full-fledged son in his eyes.”
He was already calling him Tommy. Apparently he had already been accepted into the Neumeier family.
“Yes, I know that already.”
“In any case, he tried to educate Tommy as strictly as possible, although Susanne always tried to prevent it.”
“Who is Susanne?”
“Mrs. Neumeier.”
“I see.”
Apparently they had already become familiar.
“The father really wanted Tommy to speak properly and apparently always lost his temper when he couldn't. Then he wanted to make a big man out of him and send him to boxing. But Tommy preferred playing soccer and running and swimming and going to the gym, but not boxing.”
I could well imagine that. Tommy was very athletic and muscular, but aggressive sports somehow didn't suit him at all.
“Anyway, the father pulled the reins even tighter. When Tommy was on a school trip, his father searched his room to see if he could find anything that Tommy shouldn't have, like cigarettes or something.”
“Tommy doesn't smoke.”
“He didn't find anything, but he found something else.”
“What?”
“A stack of porn magazines.”
“And Klara knows all that?”
“Not officially, she overheard the parents' argument, which must have been very loud.”
“And what was so bad about the porn magazines? They certainly couldn't compete with the stack under your bed.”
Alex blushed a little.
“Nothing against my magazines, I've seen yours too.”
Now I blushed.
“But the most important thing is yet to come: Tommy's magazines were of the same kind as yours.”
“What?”
“Yes, they were all gay porn. And then the father said he didn't want to live under the same roof with a disabled son who was also gay. And then he moved out before Tommy even came back from the school trip.”
“And Tommy knows why?”
“Probably not really. Susanne has talked to Klara about the fact that she knows Tommy is gay, but that she doesn't want to bring it up with him, but wants to wait until Tommy comes out with it himself. She thinks that's the best way for him.”
I saw it that way too, especially after my coming out.
My head was spinning. My crush was gay and he knew I was gay? Oh my God?
Alex went to the door. Then I thought of something else.
“Alex?”
“Yes?”
“How was your first time?”
Now he blushed even more.
“Uh, we haven't yet...”
“Even though you spent the night with her?”
“Well, we actually wanted to, but then we didn't really know how, and somehow it was kind of embarrassing.”
“Can I give you a tip?”
“Sure.”
“Don't worry too much about it. Anything that's fun for both of you is allowed. As long as you use condoms, of course. Do you have condoms?”
He blushed a little more.
“Yes, from the drugstore.”
“How many?”
“20.”
“Well, that should be enough for the first night.”
Now even my little, insecure mini-Casanova had to grin, leaving me alone with my thoughts. And they quickly circled back to my own secret, or no longer so secret, darling.
I turned on the computer, maybe he was still online. And indeed, his name was highlighted in green.
“Hey”
“Hey, back among the living?”
“Yes, I'm fine again.”
Actually, I hadn't gone into the chat to write about my well-being, but somehow I found it difficult to find the right words.
Finally, I pulled myself together and wrote: “Jan said he already told you that I'm gay?”
Oh dear, that was clumsy, but I couldn't formulate it any better.
“Yes, that was a long time ago.”
“And you don't have a problem with it?”
“No, of course not.”
Okay, that was the easier part of the exercise. The worst was still ahead of me. How should I write this without scaring him away? Finally, I gathered all my courage.
“I don't really know how to ask this after your orientation. I mean, whether you also...” Oh dear, this is really hard for me.
I sent the message. And waited. After several minutes, still no email came back. Had I hurt him? Or was he now struggling for words himself?
After what seemed like an eternity, an answer came: “Lukas, do you promise me that you will never, never, never tell my mother?”
Oh. That meant he really was gay.
“You know that my brother is practically part of your family now?”
“Yeah, sure, but what's that got to do with it?”
“Because I know through the connection that your mother knows.”
“What? Oh. And how did she find out?”
Oh dear, what should I write now? I'd better not mention his porn for now. Maybe we'd watch it together later? Oh, now I was starting to dream.
“I don't know. But she just wants to wait until you tell her.”
“And I didn't dare to tell her all this time.”
“But your mother seems very tolerant, doesn't she?”
“Yes, of course, but I think that my father's decision to leave had something to do with the fact that he sensed that I was different. He always thought of me as a cripple because I can't hear, and now this? And then I was so afraid of losing my mother too. Somehow I thought she deserved a better son or something like that, oh, it's just not easy to explain.”
“She has the best son in the world and she knows it.”
Oops, that sentence was typed faster than I could think. That was a real declaration of love and Tommy would understand that. Before he could answer, I just kept typing.
“In any case, you should tell her as soon as possible, then you won't agonize over it for so long.”
“I know, but you also know that it's damn hard.”
“Yes, but you also know that she will react well. The worst part is the time before, and you should keep that short.”
“She's coming home right now. Do you think I should tell her right away?”
“Yes, be brave!”
“I'll try?”
“Will you be online again afterwards?”
“Unfortunately not, we're expecting visitors.”
“Then all the best! You can do it!”
“Think of me.”
“I will.”
And he was gone.
Of course, I checked fifty more times that evening to see if he would come back online, but he didn't.
And not the next day either. I felt fit again by now, but my overprotective mother thought it would be better if I stayed home for another day, just to be on the safe side. She probably thought I would be happy about it, but I spent the whole, beautiful, warm Thursday running to the computer again and again to see if Tommy had written a message. But he hadn't. Not in the afternoon and not in the evening. I couldn't call him, and a text message seemed too short and inappropriate. So I had to wait until Friday.
I'd never been so impatient going to school. It was Friday, I was at least physically completely recovered, and it was extremely hot. The weather forecast had announced a whopping 36 degrees, and even this early in the morning, I felt a bit overdressed in my shorts and thin T-shirt.
In the first hour, we had biology with Ms. Mehdorn. We always called her Ms. Mehlwurm (mealworm) because that just seemed more appropriate for biology.
I was dying to know if Tommy had finally plucked up the courage to talk to his mother. Unfortunately, he wasn't there when I arrived in the biology room. I was starting to get worried. The bell rang, but there was still no sign of Tommy. Frau Mehlwurm appeared in the door – still no Tommy.
As she was about to close the door behind her, he finally came rushing in. I had to make an effort not to start drooling. He was wearing short red sports shorts and a black muscle shirt that was still tight around his body. He made a few apologetic gestures, which were probably meant to tell us that his bike was broken, and collapsed into his chair next to me.
Mrs. Mehlwurm began her lesson, but I wasn't interested in her at the moment. I turned to Tommy. He took my hand, squeezed it, and beamed at me.
That was it. He had made it! I couldn't follow the lesson anymore, I was just happy. After a few minutes, Tommy let his right leg move a little further to the right so that his bare knee touched mine. Wow, he could stay like that for the whole lesson. And so he stayed most of the time. When he moved in between, his knee was back on mine very quickly.
After a while, he slid a note across to me.
“Come to my place after school.”
Oh, that wasn't a question anymore, but an order. Which I would love to follow, of course.
Somehow the school day didn't want to end. My God, I was impatient! I wanted to be alone with Tommy at last.
Actually, it would have been a suitable day for a heat-related vacation. I mean, when should there be a heat-related vacation if not at 36 degrees? Unfortunately, the school thermometer was apparently hanging in the secretary's refrigerator and so we were tormented by our full program. And the whole thing ended with a double period of sports, where I couldn't even be with Tommy because we were in different groups. And then floor exercises were on the program. In our smallest and oldest gym. I could have puked.
But even the worst double period comes to an end.
“And what are you doing today... outdoor pool?” I asked Kevin as we got dressed, freshly showered.
“Nah, it's too warm for that. I'll lie on the balcony with Julia.”
“Well then have fun”
“You have fun with your sweetheart, too.”
“Eh?”
I wanted to say something else, but Kevin was already gone.
Impatiently, I walked over to the large gymnasium, where the better athletes had sports today. Outside, Flo came towards me on his board.
“Is Tommy still there?”
Of course he was still there. Otherwise he would be waiting for me out here.
“Yes, he's the last one.”
Flo rolled around me once.
“You really go well together.”
Apparently everyone knew that we were now a couple. Except for us, of course.
Flo patted me on the shoulder. “Be nice to Tommy, he really likes you.”
He rolled away at a considerable speed.
In the locker room, I actually found Tommy and again my breath was taken away. He was almost done changing. He was already standing in his red sports shorts, only the black muscle shirt was still in his hand. I hoped I could keep my dick under control if he walked next to me in that thing.
He noticed me and smiled happily at me. He put the shirt in his backpack, put on the backpack and came out with me.
He really walked with me through the city with his shirt off! I just couldn't help but look at him again and again. And he looked so happy too!
And then he went even further. He took my hand. Oh my God! I had been dreaming of being with him all the time, and now we were really walking hand in hand through the city!
I looked around carefully to see if people were turning to look at us. But nobody did, at least nobody acted as if it was normal. However, there were only a few people around.
The market square was deserted. Only a few skaters were hanging around by the fountain with their boards, but they didn't seem to feel like skating in the blazing heat. Normally, I would probably have stared at them because they had all taken off their shirts, but today I only had eyes for Tommy.
Tommy suddenly stopped in the middle of the square. What was he up to now? He turned to me, put his arms around my shoulders and kissed me on the mouth.
I looked around cautiously. Okay, nobody seemed to notice, so again. This time we opened our mouths and let our tongues play with each other.
When we finally broke away, I realized that our kiss hadn't gone unnoticed after all. One of the skaters rolled up to us. Just before he got to us, he took off his sunglasses. Oh, that was Flo! He rolled past us, smiled happily at us, and gave us a thumbs-up. Normally, I would have found the situation embarrassing, but now I thought it was really nice that someone was happy for us.
When we arrived at Tommy's house, we had licked each other several times and were in a great mood. His mother greeted us in the hallway.
“Oh, hello Mrs. Neumeier.”
“My name is Susanne.”
Oh, now I was obviously also accepted into the family.
She greeted Tommy as usual by ruffling his hair. She didn't seem surprised that her son showed up at home half naked; apparently this was really his usual outfit for hot days. I hoped it would be a hot summer.
“I'm sure you want to do your homework first.”
We didn't really want to. She had apparently understood my expression correctly and laughed.
“You'll have time for everything else afterwards. Tomorrow is the weekend and you'll be staying overnight, won't you?”
“I... uh?”
I hadn't expected that at all.
“That's not a problem. Alex is staying here again too.”
“Oh, he's coming too?”
“He's already here. The two of them are sitting upstairs studying geography.”
We went up to Tommy's room. That is, first we stopped by to see Klara. It was obvious that it didn't look like they were studying geography. The two of them looked up at us, their faces red. It seemed that nothing exciting had happened yet. Alex hadn't taken off anything but his T-shirt, and Klara still looked decently dressed.
Grinning, we retreated to Tommy's realm. And even if no one believes it, we actually did our homework first. Well, okay, of course we kissed a few times. And studying history went like this: we both leaned over the book and Tommy scratched my head. He seemed to like doing that. Apparently we really fit well together, because I thought it was totally nice.
We had just finished when the lamp at the door blinked and Susanne stuck her head in.
“Dinner is ready. Hurry up, otherwise it will get cold.”
We dashed downstairs and found a huge table laid. And then it tasted great too. Susanne had really made an effort.
“It's Tommy's favorite meal, to celebrate the day.”
Oh, well then it tasted twice as good.
The mood at the table was relaxed and it was really funny. Susanne always somehow managed to create a mishmash of speech and gestures that everyone could follow.
I quickly felt accepted into the family and at home. Well, maybe not quite like Alex, who followed Tommy's example and sat at the table naked-chested, but he had been part of the family a few weeks longer than me. I wasn't that far yet. Alex and Klara had no problem kissing at the table. They were really smooching, to be precise. We didn't dare to do that, although Susanne looked encouragingly at us.
After dinner, Susanne had to go to the night shift. My God, she really had stupid working hours.
But now we had the house to ourselves. It was already very late and we decided to go to sleep. After I came out of the bathroom, I was faced with a problem: of course I hadn't brought any sleeping clothes. Tommy was sitting on his bed in pajama shorts with Mickey Mouse on them. He had apparently already thought of my problem and threw me a similar pair of shorts with a Donald Duck motif. When he came back from the bathroom, I had put them on too. I had feared that Tommy's shorts would be too wide for me, but they fit surprisingly well.
Tommy lay down in bed and turned off the light. Some light came in from a string of lights down in the garden, so we could still see each other well. I took off my T-shirt and crawled into bed with him.
What followed was the most beautiful night I had ever experienced. Finally, I was allowed to caress everything about Tommy, his broad chest, his belly, his shoulders. And Tommy kissed me and caressed me too and ruffled my hair and kissed me again and hugged me and held me very tight. Slowly our hands wandered down and soon our trousers flew in a high arc across the room.
Tommy held my hand briefly. It took me a moment to understand his gestures. He wanted to let me know that it was his first time. Well then, I had to make a special effort to make it nice for him.
I was afraid that he would cum immediately, given how excited he was, so I just stroked his cock very gently. He had a beautiful cock. I mean, it was a perfectly normal cock, like yours or mine, but it was Tommy's cock, so it was beautiful. And rock hard. He must have been really turned on, there was a drop of pre-cum on the tip of his cock. I gently stroked him, gently caressed his balls and continued stroking him. Soon his breathing quickened, his muscles tensed and his cum splashed onto his stomach. He didn't even start to wipe it away, but immediately reached for my cock, which was now at least as hard as diamond. He stroked and jerked alternately. My God, how gentle he could be with his big paws. My cock was about to twitch when Tommy's lips touched mine. I jerked off during an intense French kiss. My God, that was really something completely different than jerking off alone. It wasn't dirty sex either, it was real love.
Tommy had already laid out handkerchiefs and we wiped off our cream. We kissed and caressed each other a little longer and then fell asleep, cuddled together.
Dirty sex, it went through my mind in my dream. Not with us. Or was it? The fuck noises were clearly audible. I opened my eyes. Wait a minute. Fuck noises? I looked around. No, I was still in Tommy's bed. And Tommy was sleeping peacefully next to me. The noises were coming from next door! The soft groaning was clearly Klara's voice. And there was also breathing, which was now getting faster. And now I also heard a familiar voice groaning softly. It was clear: my little brother was having an orgasm. Somehow I was happy for him, now he had made it and was a bit more grown up.
I fell asleep again. And slept through until early morning, when I woke up because something was in my mouth. It was – a tongue! What nonsense, of course my tongue was in my mouth, it was always there. Wait! There was also Tommy's tongue and it was playing happily with mine. I was immediately awake. And we picked up right where we left off that evening, kissing and caressing and cuddling. Finally, I was lying on top of Tommy, our hard cocks between us. I started to move and rub our cocks together. Oh man, that was hot! It didn't take long for us to cum at the same time.
I had to laugh and Tommy looked at me questioningly. He couldn't hear that next door, two other lovers had another climax.
We dozed for a few more hours while the sun rose outside.
Suddenly the light above the door blinked on. I was about to hide under the covers, but Tommy held me tight, just making sure that our private parts, which were indeed soft at the moment, were hidden under the covers.
Susanne came in. She didn't seem particularly surprised to find us naked together in bed. Of course, she couldn't see that we were completely naked. However, it could hardly have escaped her that our shorts were lying on the floor.
As always, she said everything twice, signing and in speech. By now I understood the signs, I had really learned a lot from Tommy.
“Breakfast will be ready soon, the rolls are already in the oven!”
She disappeared again. Ok, so I didn't mind breakfast. Hm, so quickly get dressed. In no time at all we were back in our colorful shorts. I reached for my T-shirt, but Tommy took it out of my hand and threw it into the corner. Then he took me by the hand and led me down to the kitchen.
It was a very relaxed breakfast. Although I don't know how Alex and Klara even managed to eat, it looked more like long-term kissing.
Susanne made a few gestures in our direction, along the lines of “Don't be like that.”
We kissed each other cautiously. Susanne looked a little mocking. Ok, then we dropped all inhibitions and started kissing each other fiercely.
After breakfast, I carried some dishes behind Susanne into the kitchen.
“Susanne?”
“Yes?”
“Do you really not mind how we intrude here and just spend the night like this?”
“No, of course not, why? If you've had the kind of life I've had with my husband so far, then the only thing that matters is to have happy children.”
“Well, I'm just saying, because I just arrive here, kiss Tommy, sleep with him in his bed?”
I preferred not to mention that we hadn't just slept there, but I'm sure she could guess that.
“Believe me, Tommy has had a really hard time so far. When he started school with you, I was afraid he would always be an outsider and never find a connection. And as a deaf gay man, I thought he would never find a partner either. And now I see him so happy, I think it's just great.”
At that moment, you could see how much she loved her son.
“Well, now I have to go to bed, it was a long night shift. I would ask you not to be too loud. But you are welcome to lie down in the garden, my bedroom window faces the front.”
She disappeared upstairs and I went through the living room to the terrace. Now in summer, the garden was really beautiful. You couldn't see in from outside, everything was green, a few birds were chirping and a small fountain was splashing away.
On the terrace were two wide garden loungers. On one of them, Alex and Klara had already made themselves comfortable. They were obviously too self-absorbed to notice the beautiful garden.
Tommy pointed to the other lounger. “Hm, would we both fit on there?” Tommy was a bit wider, after all. But yes, it would be fine, we would just have to snuggle up very close, and we didn't have any other plans anyway.
I got up again to go to the bathroom. In the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror. I thought I looked quite presentable, but actually I wanted to finally look a bit more muscular. I decided to ask Tommy to take me to the studio with him, or at least to give me a few training tips.
When I came back, I noticed the local newspaper that Susanne had brought, and which was now lying on the living room table. A page was open in the local section.
Integration classes on the verge of collapse?
The municipal Kant Grammar School had such good intentions: disabled and non-disabled pupils were to learn together and from each other in integration classes. Now, however, the project has apparently come under criticism within the school before it has even begun.
To some extent, it has actually already started, albeit on a very small scale: since the beginning of this semester, a deaf pupil has been taught at the Kant Grammar School. It has apparently become clear that the preparation and planning required have been significantly underestimated.
“We have provided the student with a deaf teacher, but that is clearly not enough,” says Marianne Stein, headmistress of the Kant-Gymnasium. “If we want to accept more students, perhaps even some with more severe disabilities, we need more qualified staff. The planning phase must also be much more thorough.”
“One special needs teacher can't fill all the gaps,” adds Werner Schmidt, the class teacher of the student in question. “Our student is doing very well with us now. He will certainly stay with us until he takes his school-leaving exams. But it's only by chance that it's going well in this case because he has the intensive support of hearing students.”
But isn't that exactly the point of an inclusive class?
“Yes, of course,” says teacher Schmidt. “But not every class is as helpful as this one. And then you need enough specially trained teachers as a backup, so to speak.”
“To do that, we also need significantly more staff,” adds headmistress Stein. “And whether we'll get it is still up in the air. In any case, we'll have to rethink our integration concept thoroughly.”
I went back to the terrace, lay down on the lounger next to Tommy and put my head on his chest. Ah, that was nice. Just dozing in the sun while Tommy scratched my head and his chest slowly rose and fell under me.
Rethink the integration concept? I had integrated my Tommy into my life.
Everything else didn't matter.