2025-07-10, 04:17 PM
“Dad, we need to talk.”
“Diplomatic as always, I think to myself. That's my son.”
“What's up?” I ask expectantly, looking up from my coffee and the tablet I've been using to follow the latest news.
“I don't really know... somehow...” he started and then plonked himself down on the seat opposite me, looking quite resigned. ‘Oh, forget it...’ he says, getting up again.
“Uh, okay and what?” I ask, slightly irritated. I've never seen him so speechless. He sits down again and looks uncertainly into my eyes. It seems that the conversation is costing him quite an effort.
“So, from the beginning and don't worry, whatever it is, it can't be that bad, right?”
Again this look, only with a furrowed brow. Somehow it's not easy being the father of a teenage boy, if that can be said of a 16-year-old.
Since there is still no answer, I try a question: “Is it a girl?”
“No, definitely not, I don't need to talk to you about it anyway,” comes the prompt reply. Well, thank you very much, I think to myself. ‘So you don't have much experience in that area,’ he even goes one better.
Shaking my head, I sit across from my little one and once again I can't believe my ears. Okay, we're used to this kind of communication with each other, but I'm still amazed again and again. On the other hand, I'm glad that we've found a way of dealing with each other. As a weekend dad, it's sometimes difficult, but we've created a good basis, it seems.
“Okay, so it's not girls, it's school, then? Mom? Or boys?“ Now I'm the one grinning, because I keep shocking him with that.
“Nope, not school and not Mom either,” he replies promptly.
“Good, then it's still the boys. Who did what?“ A typical parent question. How I used to hate that, it crosses my mind. Apparently some things tend to repeat themselves. Did my parents feel the same way back then?
“Nobody did anything, everything's fine,” I am now pulled out of my thoughts.
“But...?” I follow up with the famous parental undertone. The gaze of Joshua, that's my son's name, slowly lowers towards the floor, apparently there seems to be something very interesting all of a sudden. Funnily enough, his ears are slowly turning red and he's getting those red spots on his cheeks, as always when he's excited. “Oh dear, now it's getting exciting,“ I think to myself. Josh shifts restlessly in his chair and still can't raise his eyes. I can see him thinking and carefully choosing his words. After a while, he looks up and looks me firmly in the eye.
“I think Marco's jealous of me,” he says, squeezing the words through his teeth.
Now it's me who looks at him questioningly. Marco is Joshua's best friend and they have known each other since the beginning of elementary school.
“Why should he be jealous? What happened?”
“Oh, he's been so dismissive of me lately and pisses me off over every little thing. When I asked him about it, he just hemmed and hawed and said something about me taking the girls away from him.”
“Ah, so that's what's going on,“ I think to myself. To find out more about the context, I'm quiet for now.
“I'm not doing anything,” Josh continues. “I mean, sure, we have similar tastes every now and then, but not the girls. Marco and I get along great, but we're as different as day and night.”
“Oh yes,” I think to myself again. Yin and Yang could turn green with envy. Josh is more the calm and collected one, thinks about many things, is interested in music, likes to paint and has a huge heart for those who are not as well off as he is. His teacher has mentioned to me several times how well he helps others and supports them in their work without imposing, but always with a sensitive feel for the right moment. Marco, on the other hand, is an absolute whirlwind. As Josh told me right at the beginning, he has ADD, or attention deficit disorder. His concentration is zero and he is always on the move. They can't sit still for a moment and linger; there's always something to be done, held in the hands or talked about. This is what makes them very different, but also obviously connects them in their very own way.
“I agree with you, you differ in character, but also in appearance. I guess that shouldn't be a problem with the girls, should it?”
Another difference between the two. Marco, with his fair skin, straw-blonde hair, rather sturdy build, broad shoulders and slight paunch, is the complete opposite of Joshua. Joshua is slender, not an ounce of fat on his body, dark brown hair and sun-tanned skin. Marco and Josh are really not comparable in this respect either.
“Nah, I told him that too. But still, he's totally bitchy when I talk to the girls during the breaks or even go out with them after school.”
Slowly, a thought creeps into my head, but I'd rather hold it back. I know this topic is always very difficult for Josh, especially at this stage of growing up.
“I assume that you also offered him a ride when you're out together?”
“Yeah, sure. But then he just makes stupid jokes and tries to hog the attention the whole time. It's really exhausting, Dad.”
“I'm sure it is. What does he say about it?”
“Nothing, that's just it, or he blames it on his ADD.” Josh sinks further into his chair in resignation. Marco's behavior is visibly getting to him.
“Is that also the reason why he is not with you this weekend?” I ask now, because I already noticed in the preparation for our meeting that he did not mention Marco with a single word and even when I asked, he just said that he would come to me alone this time. Since I know that he also likes to spend time alone with me from time to time, I didn't ask any further.
Josh nods his head sheepishly and mumbles a quiet “Yes”.
“Say, didn't Marco have a girlfriend?“ I try to steer the conversation in a different direction.
“Nah, not anymore. Broke up with her last week.”
“Do you have a girlfriend?” I cautiously ask my son. He raises his head in surprise and looks at me with wide eyes.
“Nah, not at the moment,“ he replies quickly. I have to smile. I love his direct and dry manner.
“Well, not at the moment, but is it planned?” I press him further.
“I don't know, not yet,” he replies somewhat indecisively.
“Have you asked Marco if he has chosen the same thing and that's where his displeasure might come from?”
“He said no, he wants to take a break for a while and be on his own for a bit.”
Surprised, I look at Josh. “Did he say that?”
“Yes.”
“Hm...” I let it hang in the air for a moment. I struggle with myself as to whether or not to ask Joshua the question that is going around in my head. How will he react to it? Josh looks for my gaze and now sees that I am thinking about something.
“Go on, spit it out, what's on your mind,” he now throws at me. I have to smile. It's always like that with us. Everyone sees when something is bothering the other and we always challenge each other to openly express our thoughts, however hard or abstract they may be. I slowly begin to speak.
“Say, have you ever thought about whether Marco might be gay?“ I ask my son cautiously.
“Nah,” he replies immediately, his eyes the size of mill wheels. “Marco is the ultimate ladies' man, he could never be into guys.”
“Well, I've heard that it happens,“ I grin at him. Now Josh can't hold back either, and in the next moment his eyes are sparkling again.
“Just because you changed your mind at some point and now like guys doesn't mean that everyone else has to do the same,” he says with a laugh. Yes, yes, my son, always quick-witted.
“I'm just saying, it was just a thought,” I join in his laughter.
“Sometimes you're really crazy, you know that?“ He grins at me and just shakes his head.
“Of course, that's why you like me so much and keep coming back to me. I'm just not like the other fathers of the other guys,” I grin at him.
“But seriously,” Josh takes up my thought again, ”do you really think so?”
“Diplomatic as always, I think to myself. That's my son.”
“What's up?” I ask expectantly, looking up from my coffee and the tablet I've been using to follow the latest news.
“I don't really know... somehow...” he started and then plonked himself down on the seat opposite me, looking quite resigned. ‘Oh, forget it...’ he says, getting up again.
“Uh, okay and what?” I ask, slightly irritated. I've never seen him so speechless. He sits down again and looks uncertainly into my eyes. It seems that the conversation is costing him quite an effort.
“So, from the beginning and don't worry, whatever it is, it can't be that bad, right?”
Again this look, only with a furrowed brow. Somehow it's not easy being the father of a teenage boy, if that can be said of a 16-year-old.
Since there is still no answer, I try a question: “Is it a girl?”
“No, definitely not, I don't need to talk to you about it anyway,” comes the prompt reply. Well, thank you very much, I think to myself. ‘So you don't have much experience in that area,’ he even goes one better.
Shaking my head, I sit across from my little one and once again I can't believe my ears. Okay, we're used to this kind of communication with each other, but I'm still amazed again and again. On the other hand, I'm glad that we've found a way of dealing with each other. As a weekend dad, it's sometimes difficult, but we've created a good basis, it seems.
“Okay, so it's not girls, it's school, then? Mom? Or boys?“ Now I'm the one grinning, because I keep shocking him with that.
“Nope, not school and not Mom either,” he replies promptly.
“Good, then it's still the boys. Who did what?“ A typical parent question. How I used to hate that, it crosses my mind. Apparently some things tend to repeat themselves. Did my parents feel the same way back then?
“Nobody did anything, everything's fine,” I am now pulled out of my thoughts.
“But...?” I follow up with the famous parental undertone. The gaze of Joshua, that's my son's name, slowly lowers towards the floor, apparently there seems to be something very interesting all of a sudden. Funnily enough, his ears are slowly turning red and he's getting those red spots on his cheeks, as always when he's excited. “Oh dear, now it's getting exciting,“ I think to myself. Josh shifts restlessly in his chair and still can't raise his eyes. I can see him thinking and carefully choosing his words. After a while, he looks up and looks me firmly in the eye.
“I think Marco's jealous of me,” he says, squeezing the words through his teeth.
Now it's me who looks at him questioningly. Marco is Joshua's best friend and they have known each other since the beginning of elementary school.
“Why should he be jealous? What happened?”
“Oh, he's been so dismissive of me lately and pisses me off over every little thing. When I asked him about it, he just hemmed and hawed and said something about me taking the girls away from him.”
“Ah, so that's what's going on,“ I think to myself. To find out more about the context, I'm quiet for now.
“I'm not doing anything,” Josh continues. “I mean, sure, we have similar tastes every now and then, but not the girls. Marco and I get along great, but we're as different as day and night.”
“Oh yes,” I think to myself again. Yin and Yang could turn green with envy. Josh is more the calm and collected one, thinks about many things, is interested in music, likes to paint and has a huge heart for those who are not as well off as he is. His teacher has mentioned to me several times how well he helps others and supports them in their work without imposing, but always with a sensitive feel for the right moment. Marco, on the other hand, is an absolute whirlwind. As Josh told me right at the beginning, he has ADD, or attention deficit disorder. His concentration is zero and he is always on the move. They can't sit still for a moment and linger; there's always something to be done, held in the hands or talked about. This is what makes them very different, but also obviously connects them in their very own way.
“I agree with you, you differ in character, but also in appearance. I guess that shouldn't be a problem with the girls, should it?”
Another difference between the two. Marco, with his fair skin, straw-blonde hair, rather sturdy build, broad shoulders and slight paunch, is the complete opposite of Joshua. Joshua is slender, not an ounce of fat on his body, dark brown hair and sun-tanned skin. Marco and Josh are really not comparable in this respect either.
“Nah, I told him that too. But still, he's totally bitchy when I talk to the girls during the breaks or even go out with them after school.”
Slowly, a thought creeps into my head, but I'd rather hold it back. I know this topic is always very difficult for Josh, especially at this stage of growing up.
“I assume that you also offered him a ride when you're out together?”
“Yeah, sure. But then he just makes stupid jokes and tries to hog the attention the whole time. It's really exhausting, Dad.”
“I'm sure it is. What does he say about it?”
“Nothing, that's just it, or he blames it on his ADD.” Josh sinks further into his chair in resignation. Marco's behavior is visibly getting to him.
“Is that also the reason why he is not with you this weekend?” I ask now, because I already noticed in the preparation for our meeting that he did not mention Marco with a single word and even when I asked, he just said that he would come to me alone this time. Since I know that he also likes to spend time alone with me from time to time, I didn't ask any further.
Josh nods his head sheepishly and mumbles a quiet “Yes”.
“Say, didn't Marco have a girlfriend?“ I try to steer the conversation in a different direction.
“Nah, not anymore. Broke up with her last week.”
“Do you have a girlfriend?” I cautiously ask my son. He raises his head in surprise and looks at me with wide eyes.
“Nah, not at the moment,“ he replies quickly. I have to smile. I love his direct and dry manner.
“Well, not at the moment, but is it planned?” I press him further.
“I don't know, not yet,” he replies somewhat indecisively.
“Have you asked Marco if he has chosen the same thing and that's where his displeasure might come from?”
“He said no, he wants to take a break for a while and be on his own for a bit.”
Surprised, I look at Josh. “Did he say that?”
“Yes.”
“Hm...” I let it hang in the air for a moment. I struggle with myself as to whether or not to ask Joshua the question that is going around in my head. How will he react to it? Josh looks for my gaze and now sees that I am thinking about something.
“Go on, spit it out, what's on your mind,” he now throws at me. I have to smile. It's always like that with us. Everyone sees when something is bothering the other and we always challenge each other to openly express our thoughts, however hard or abstract they may be. I slowly begin to speak.
“Say, have you ever thought about whether Marco might be gay?“ I ask my son cautiously.
“Nah,” he replies immediately, his eyes the size of mill wheels. “Marco is the ultimate ladies' man, he could never be into guys.”
“Well, I've heard that it happens,“ I grin at him. Now Josh can't hold back either, and in the next moment his eyes are sparkling again.
“Just because you changed your mind at some point and now like guys doesn't mean that everyone else has to do the same,” he says with a laugh. Yes, yes, my son, always quick-witted.
“I'm just saying, it was just a thought,” I join in his laughter.
“Sometimes you're really crazy, you know that?“ He grins at me and just shakes his head.
“Of course, that's why you like me so much and keep coming back to me. I'm just not like the other fathers of the other guys,” I grin at him.
“But seriously,” Josh takes up my thought again, ”do you really think so?”