07-10-2025, 03:18 PM
Deepest night. A balmy summer night. I lie at the edge of a small forest and look up at the sky. Not a cloud obscures the view of the unspeakably beautiful stars. There must be hundreds, no, thousands that I can see at this moment with a single glance. If not more. Somewhere in the near vicinity, an owl hoots. Fresh forest air flows through my lungs. Even further away than the owl, I hear the booming bass of the party I left a little while ago. I have gained the distance I wanted to gain. After my coming out. And no reaction to it.
When I left my hometown near Berlin almost four months ago because I had found a place at university in Mannheim, at the other end of the country, I hoped that it would be easier for me to deal with my homosexuality. Moving from a small town to a big city, I thought I would be able to live it up better. More intensely than at home, where I went to school and where only two or three people know about it to this day. And it seemed like my plan was working. My new friends, who I found here, all seemed to have nothing against people who are different from them. That was my impression, formed in numerous conversations. I really believed that I could tell them. And I did that exactly three hours and 17 minutes ago. In front of all the guests at my birthday party, I came clean and said three little words: “I'm gay.” One second after my coming out, I thought to myself, “Hey, that wasn't so bad.” I was relieved. Then I let my gaze wander around the room, looking face to face. But what I saw made my relief disappear. Nobody looked at me angrily or contemptuously.
No, I couldn't see anything. None of the faces let me see what my friends were thinking. Nothing, not a single emotion. Eighteen pairs of eyes were fixed on me and my self-confidence, which had just been strengthened by my outing, began to fade again. It was as if someone had stopped time. No one moved, no emotion could be felt. Even the music seemed to have stopped, at least I can't remember hearing it anymore. After another eternity of silence, I left. Or rather: I fled. Ran away. Escaped from my own birthday party. Into the dark forest. Away from the blank stares of my friends.
And here I am now. In the forest. In the forest where I fled. And I wonder what the others are doing now.
Are they talking about me? Are they trying to suppress it? Did they take it as a joke? I don't know. And I think it would have been better if I had never said anything. So, I guess I ruined my own party. But now it's too late. I've said it, my friends now know more about me than my parents. I had just imagined the evening a little differently.
Suddenly a beam of light touches me. The light of a flashlight. I sit up and look directly into the light. I can't see who is holding the lamp.
“So here you are. We've been looking for you.”
No. Not him too. Not Flo. There were so many others at the party. Why him? What am I supposed to think? Flo. One of the best friends I've ever had. Flo.
When I realized that I was gay at the age of twelve or thirteen, I swore to myself that I would never, ever fall in love with a friend. And I had managed it. Until I met him. Florian. Flo.
His face, his eyes, his voice. There's too much about him that's perfect for me to describe it all now. Flo. The sweetest guy I know, from the backwoods of Lower Saxony.
“What are you doing here?” he asks me.
“I'm looking at the stars.”
“Why did you run away?”
I hesitate for a moment.
“Because... because... yes... because I couldn't stand the way you were looking at me anymore. You were all looking at me and not a single emotion told me 'I'm glad you're confiding in us', 'Oops, I probably won't hug you anymore' or 'I think I have to get out of here.' Nothing.”
“Did you imagine that one of us would leave?”
“I didn't rule it out completely.”
“But nobody left. Everyone is still here.”
“But I still don't know where I stand. Your looks didn't say anything.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, even if no one has escaped, I still don't know how you feel about it. Whether it doesn't matter to anyone, whether it took you by surprise, whether you can live with it.”
“Maybe you should just come back to the party and talk to us about it. Then you would see how we feel about it. And maybe you should stop worrying so much and trust us all a little more.”
“Do you really think I should show up there again after what happened?”
“Listen, you're talking to me about it, aren't you? Why shouldn't you be able to talk to the others? And after all, it's your party.”
That's right. I'll talk to him. Flo. With the boy who is probably more affected by my homosexuality than anyone else. Only he doesn't know that yet.
“What do you think of me now?” I ask him directly.
Flo is silent for a moment. A moment of silence at the edge of the forest. I am alone with Flo under hundreds of stars. Somehow romantic. Maybe I should tell him right here that I love him. But how will he react? Will he never talk to me again, will everything be as usual, or will he slap me in the face?
“What am I thinking?” he interrupts my thoughts. ”Well, to be honest, it did surprise me somehow. But I would never have completely ruled out the possibility that you were gay. After all, in the whole time we've known each other, you haven't hit on a single girl, and you haven't had a girlfriend or anything like that. So in any case, I don't mind. But I'm glad you told us. That you trusted us, even if it was gone again shortly afterwards.”
“The fact that I did it is a huge relief for me too. At least at first.”
“Just let it be. You've said it, come back to the party and have a little more fun. The others have already started talking about it again. Everyone is really fine with it.”
With these words, he gets up, looks at me and seems to be waiting for me to follow his example. He smiles. I could die for this smile. The typical Flo smile. With the little dimples at the corners of his mouth. It's actually pointless for me to try to describe it here, it's indescribably beautiful.
“Flo?”
“Yes?”
My heart is beating fast. I look at him and know that now I will tell him. Among the thousands of stars in the night sky. I will tell him that I love him.
“Thanks for your help. Let's go back to the others.”
“Okay,” he agrees, and we make our way back to the party.
What have I done? How cowardly was that? One moment I know what I want to say, but the next moment I say something completely different. So much for self-confidence. Now I'm walking through the forest next to him, the flashlight illuminating our path. And he still doesn't know about my feelings. But I already know that. Walking next to him, thinking that I'll tell him now, and then not being able to say a word. This has been the case ever since I realized that I love him. For three months, twenty-eight days, one hour and seven minutes. During this time, I have often felt the urge to tell him everything. But I have always done it the same way as a few minutes ago. And again, I'm worrying about it too much. I'll just try to forget how I feel about him. Starting now.
When we arrive back at the party, nothing really happens. My friends treat me the same as they did before I came out. That surprises me, but at the same time it shows me that telling everyone was ultimately the right decision after all. Apparently I really did run into the forest for no reason. After a few small conversations that distracted me from Flo, I sit down in a quiet corner and watch the others dance. I enjoy my cold beer on the side. I watch the others and drink my beer. And I watch the others and drink my beer. And I watch the others and... oh what the heck, I'm not watching the others at all. I only watch him. Flo. Only Flo is consistently caught by my eyes. What should I do? I can't forget my feelings for him. With every movement he makes, he looks cuter, every movement makes him more attractive. As he lifts his arms in the air while dancing, his T-shirt reveals part of his stomach. And the waistband of his dark red shorts, which protrudes over his trousers. This makes me horny. I could die for this sight. How I would love to go up to him and kiss him and tell him that I love him. Kiss him and never let go again. But the only thing I do is look at him and drink my beer. Watch him hypnotized and drink beer.
“Hey Dennis, everything okay?”
A voice pulls me out of my hypnotic state. It's Sabrina.
“Yeah, sure, couldn't be better,” I reply.
“It shows. You're sitting here as if you've been smoking pot. As if you're no longer accountable.”
“No, no, I'm still accountable.”
“What were you two talking about earlier?”
“Who?”
“You and Florian when he brought you back.”
“He was just cheering me up a bit. After I wasn't really sure what you thought about me because of your reaction to my outing.”
“Nothing more?”
“No. Why do you want to know so much?”
“Just out of interest.”
“Oh, just out of interest. You can't tell me that. Come on, why did you ask?”
“I, oh, I thought you had cleared up a little something after your outing. Thought he had told you something too. There I go with my curiosity again. Now I've said way too much again.”
“We did sort it out, he told me that he's fine with me being gay. I don't understand what you mean. I don't think it's had any negative impact on our friendship.”
“You know what, just talk to him again. I think you still have something to discuss.”
“What? I don't understand what you mean.”
“Just pay attention to how you look at him. For weeks you have had this look when you look at him. Since tonight I know why.”
“Yes, fine, then you know, but keep it to yourself. Not everyone needs to know.”
“But at least one more person should know. And you should talk to him soon. It will help you.”
“Maybe it's better if he doesn't know.”
“Well, I don't think so. Just talk to Flo about your feelings. Today would be best. I don't think you'll regret it. It's better for you both if you talk to him openly. It's better than him finding out indirectly,” Sabrina promises and disappears with a smile on her lips.
I look back at the dance floor. Flo is still there, moving elegantly. Passionately. Simply perfectly. I should talk to him about my feelings. Huh, haven't I already tried that tonight? And that wasn't very successful. But could it be that Sabrina knows more about Flo than I do? Again, a few more thoughts to worry about. Could it be that he is also... gay? How likely is that, that he of all people...? No, that can't be, the way he talks about girls. And he talks about it almost every night. But still, I fell in love with him. Back then. Three months, twenty-eight days, three hours, and forty-four minutes ago. We were sitting at his place watching a movie. I was sitting on the sofa, he was on the chair in front of it. It was actually just like always. We had sat with him and watched movies many times before. I don't remember what we were watching that evening, but he must have been bored because he fell asleep in his chair. The moment I saw him sitting there asleep, it happened. I suddenly got this tingling sensation in my stomach. He looked so indescribably beautiful. I was overcome with the desire to kiss him. But I didn't dare. I felt the desire to touch him. But I didn't dare. So I did nothing but wake him up again with a creative “Stop snoozing!”
The bad thing is that he's gotten more beautiful every day since then. Every time I see him, I love him more. So it was during the course of this evening. As much as I cursed earlier that he of all people had woken me up, I was so happy that he of all people had woken me up. And now I'm sitting here again, staring at him. But I'm sure I won't muster up the courage to talk to him today either.
I get up, get another beer, sit down again and... do nothing. What time is it anyway? Apparently it's very late, the first people are already leaving. I go over to the door and say goodbye to them. I hug each one in turn and thank them. For coming. For their tolerance. For everything. When I sit down again, I see that there are only five people left at the party. Thorsten and Sabrina and Marek are on the dance floor. Flo is sitting at one of the tables with some crisps. And I'm sitting in the corner again. I look at Flo. He gets up and comes in my direction. My heart starts to accelerate. He sits down right next to me, I can feel the warmth emanating from his body, even though he's not touching me. I breathe in his scent. Simply magnificent. I could pounce on him.
“So,” he begins, ‘was it so bad coming back?’ Sweat is running down his forehead. His face is shiny. It looks really horny. And so does his presence.
“No, it wasn't.”
“I told you so. But nobody ever believes me.”
“Thanks for encouraging me earlier.”
“Don't mention it, I'd do it again anytime.”
“At least once I'll still need courage.”
“What for?”
It's now or never. If not tonight, when should I tell him? I have to do it. For our friendship, or maybe for more.
“Flo, come out with me for a moment, I have to discuss something with you.”
“Sure, a little fresh air never hurt anyone.”
Always this optimism.
We leave the small gazebo that the landlords of my apartment kindly provided me with. I breathe in the fresh air. It's nice out here. Flo seems to feel the same way. And I realize it must be very late, the first light of the new day is already visible on the horizon.
“So, what's on your mind?”
He grins at me. The typical Flo grin. It throws me completely off balance.
“The thing is, well, I'm gay and...”
I start to stutter. Again.
“So?” ‘Speak up,’ he tries to encourage me.
“Hehe, I told you I needed your courage again.”
But now. Short and sweet.
“So, as I said, I'm gay, I've said that often enough tonight. But here comes something new... Flo, I've fallen in love with you.”
So. Now he knows. And I feel a lot lighter. At least exactly the same amount of time as before after my coming out.
“Hm.”, his grin has disappeared. His look is serious. He avoids mine. Damn it, Flo. Say something already. Damn it. Say something. Say that you love me too. Say that we can stay friends. Say something. Please!
“So, what do you think now?” I ask him.
“I'm just wondering how I can best say what I want to say to you now.”
He's making it very exciting again. Damn it.
“Just say it. It can't be that bad.”
“You're right. So, look...” He searches for the right words. ‘I'm honored that you fell in love with me. I really am. But you shouldn't expect too much from me because of it. Because I'm not gay.”
My heart, which has just been unburdened of thousands of stones, seems to shatter into a thousand pieces.
“Can you handle it?’ Flo asks.
“Yes,” I lie, ‘I'll have to somehow.’ And I really do. ‘It was almost clear to me before that there would be no love between us.’ At least he knows it now. And I know where I stand.
“Yes, I just can't tell you anything else. I like you as a friend. But that's all there is from my side. You have to understand that.”
“I will, somehow.“ At least I hope so.
“Let's go for a walk, if you don't mind.”
“No, I don't.”
So we walk towards the edge of the forest, to the place where Flo brought me back from earlier. In front of us, a red ball of fire is rising over the horizon.
“But there's one thing I don't understand,” I explain.
“What?”
“Earlier I was talking to Sabrina, and she said that we should definitely talk to each other after my coming out. And so I thought...”
“...that I'm gay too? I'm sorry if you had hopes.”
“Yes, I hoped at least a little. What did she mean?”
“Well, I told her that Max, the friend from home who was visiting recently, is also gay and thought you were quite cute. We talked about it briefly earlier when you were lying around here. But she wasn't supposed to tell you about it.”
“Oh. Well, that's something at least. Maybe you should invite him over again.”
“I already did that earlier. I think it's good for you to be able to talk to a 'like-minded person'.”
“Thanks, Flo.”
“And you'll see, we'll find you a friend too. For sure. Then you'll get over me. Won't you?”
“Of course I will. With you supporting me like this, it won't take long.”
Then he hugs me, I hug him, in the background the red fireball completely crosses the horizon and I know that this was by far the best birthday I've ever had. A new day begins and with it a new life.
When I left my hometown near Berlin almost four months ago because I had found a place at university in Mannheim, at the other end of the country, I hoped that it would be easier for me to deal with my homosexuality. Moving from a small town to a big city, I thought I would be able to live it up better. More intensely than at home, where I went to school and where only two or three people know about it to this day. And it seemed like my plan was working. My new friends, who I found here, all seemed to have nothing against people who are different from them. That was my impression, formed in numerous conversations. I really believed that I could tell them. And I did that exactly three hours and 17 minutes ago. In front of all the guests at my birthday party, I came clean and said three little words: “I'm gay.” One second after my coming out, I thought to myself, “Hey, that wasn't so bad.” I was relieved. Then I let my gaze wander around the room, looking face to face. But what I saw made my relief disappear. Nobody looked at me angrily or contemptuously.
No, I couldn't see anything. None of the faces let me see what my friends were thinking. Nothing, not a single emotion. Eighteen pairs of eyes were fixed on me and my self-confidence, which had just been strengthened by my outing, began to fade again. It was as if someone had stopped time. No one moved, no emotion could be felt. Even the music seemed to have stopped, at least I can't remember hearing it anymore. After another eternity of silence, I left. Or rather: I fled. Ran away. Escaped from my own birthday party. Into the dark forest. Away from the blank stares of my friends.
And here I am now. In the forest. In the forest where I fled. And I wonder what the others are doing now.
Are they talking about me? Are they trying to suppress it? Did they take it as a joke? I don't know. And I think it would have been better if I had never said anything. So, I guess I ruined my own party. But now it's too late. I've said it, my friends now know more about me than my parents. I had just imagined the evening a little differently.
Suddenly a beam of light touches me. The light of a flashlight. I sit up and look directly into the light. I can't see who is holding the lamp.
“So here you are. We've been looking for you.”
No. Not him too. Not Flo. There were so many others at the party. Why him? What am I supposed to think? Flo. One of the best friends I've ever had. Flo.
When I realized that I was gay at the age of twelve or thirteen, I swore to myself that I would never, ever fall in love with a friend. And I had managed it. Until I met him. Florian. Flo.
His face, his eyes, his voice. There's too much about him that's perfect for me to describe it all now. Flo. The sweetest guy I know, from the backwoods of Lower Saxony.
“What are you doing here?” he asks me.
“I'm looking at the stars.”
“Why did you run away?”
I hesitate for a moment.
“Because... because... yes... because I couldn't stand the way you were looking at me anymore. You were all looking at me and not a single emotion told me 'I'm glad you're confiding in us', 'Oops, I probably won't hug you anymore' or 'I think I have to get out of here.' Nothing.”
“Did you imagine that one of us would leave?”
“I didn't rule it out completely.”
“But nobody left. Everyone is still here.”
“But I still don't know where I stand. Your looks didn't say anything.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, even if no one has escaped, I still don't know how you feel about it. Whether it doesn't matter to anyone, whether it took you by surprise, whether you can live with it.”
“Maybe you should just come back to the party and talk to us about it. Then you would see how we feel about it. And maybe you should stop worrying so much and trust us all a little more.”
“Do you really think I should show up there again after what happened?”
“Listen, you're talking to me about it, aren't you? Why shouldn't you be able to talk to the others? And after all, it's your party.”
That's right. I'll talk to him. Flo. With the boy who is probably more affected by my homosexuality than anyone else. Only he doesn't know that yet.
“What do you think of me now?” I ask him directly.
Flo is silent for a moment. A moment of silence at the edge of the forest. I am alone with Flo under hundreds of stars. Somehow romantic. Maybe I should tell him right here that I love him. But how will he react? Will he never talk to me again, will everything be as usual, or will he slap me in the face?
“What am I thinking?” he interrupts my thoughts. ”Well, to be honest, it did surprise me somehow. But I would never have completely ruled out the possibility that you were gay. After all, in the whole time we've known each other, you haven't hit on a single girl, and you haven't had a girlfriend or anything like that. So in any case, I don't mind. But I'm glad you told us. That you trusted us, even if it was gone again shortly afterwards.”
“The fact that I did it is a huge relief for me too. At least at first.”
“Just let it be. You've said it, come back to the party and have a little more fun. The others have already started talking about it again. Everyone is really fine with it.”
With these words, he gets up, looks at me and seems to be waiting for me to follow his example. He smiles. I could die for this smile. The typical Flo smile. With the little dimples at the corners of his mouth. It's actually pointless for me to try to describe it here, it's indescribably beautiful.
“Flo?”
“Yes?”
My heart is beating fast. I look at him and know that now I will tell him. Among the thousands of stars in the night sky. I will tell him that I love him.
“Thanks for your help. Let's go back to the others.”
“Okay,” he agrees, and we make our way back to the party.
What have I done? How cowardly was that? One moment I know what I want to say, but the next moment I say something completely different. So much for self-confidence. Now I'm walking through the forest next to him, the flashlight illuminating our path. And he still doesn't know about my feelings. But I already know that. Walking next to him, thinking that I'll tell him now, and then not being able to say a word. This has been the case ever since I realized that I love him. For three months, twenty-eight days, one hour and seven minutes. During this time, I have often felt the urge to tell him everything. But I have always done it the same way as a few minutes ago. And again, I'm worrying about it too much. I'll just try to forget how I feel about him. Starting now.
When we arrive back at the party, nothing really happens. My friends treat me the same as they did before I came out. That surprises me, but at the same time it shows me that telling everyone was ultimately the right decision after all. Apparently I really did run into the forest for no reason. After a few small conversations that distracted me from Flo, I sit down in a quiet corner and watch the others dance. I enjoy my cold beer on the side. I watch the others and drink my beer. And I watch the others and drink my beer. And I watch the others and... oh what the heck, I'm not watching the others at all. I only watch him. Flo. Only Flo is consistently caught by my eyes. What should I do? I can't forget my feelings for him. With every movement he makes, he looks cuter, every movement makes him more attractive. As he lifts his arms in the air while dancing, his T-shirt reveals part of his stomach. And the waistband of his dark red shorts, which protrudes over his trousers. This makes me horny. I could die for this sight. How I would love to go up to him and kiss him and tell him that I love him. Kiss him and never let go again. But the only thing I do is look at him and drink my beer. Watch him hypnotized and drink beer.
“Hey Dennis, everything okay?”
A voice pulls me out of my hypnotic state. It's Sabrina.
“Yeah, sure, couldn't be better,” I reply.
“It shows. You're sitting here as if you've been smoking pot. As if you're no longer accountable.”
“No, no, I'm still accountable.”
“What were you two talking about earlier?”
“Who?”
“You and Florian when he brought you back.”
“He was just cheering me up a bit. After I wasn't really sure what you thought about me because of your reaction to my outing.”
“Nothing more?”
“No. Why do you want to know so much?”
“Just out of interest.”
“Oh, just out of interest. You can't tell me that. Come on, why did you ask?”
“I, oh, I thought you had cleared up a little something after your outing. Thought he had told you something too. There I go with my curiosity again. Now I've said way too much again.”
“We did sort it out, he told me that he's fine with me being gay. I don't understand what you mean. I don't think it's had any negative impact on our friendship.”
“You know what, just talk to him again. I think you still have something to discuss.”
“What? I don't understand what you mean.”
“Just pay attention to how you look at him. For weeks you have had this look when you look at him. Since tonight I know why.”
“Yes, fine, then you know, but keep it to yourself. Not everyone needs to know.”
“But at least one more person should know. And you should talk to him soon. It will help you.”
“Maybe it's better if he doesn't know.”
“Well, I don't think so. Just talk to Flo about your feelings. Today would be best. I don't think you'll regret it. It's better for you both if you talk to him openly. It's better than him finding out indirectly,” Sabrina promises and disappears with a smile on her lips.
I look back at the dance floor. Flo is still there, moving elegantly. Passionately. Simply perfectly. I should talk to him about my feelings. Huh, haven't I already tried that tonight? And that wasn't very successful. But could it be that Sabrina knows more about Flo than I do? Again, a few more thoughts to worry about. Could it be that he is also... gay? How likely is that, that he of all people...? No, that can't be, the way he talks about girls. And he talks about it almost every night. But still, I fell in love with him. Back then. Three months, twenty-eight days, three hours, and forty-four minutes ago. We were sitting at his place watching a movie. I was sitting on the sofa, he was on the chair in front of it. It was actually just like always. We had sat with him and watched movies many times before. I don't remember what we were watching that evening, but he must have been bored because he fell asleep in his chair. The moment I saw him sitting there asleep, it happened. I suddenly got this tingling sensation in my stomach. He looked so indescribably beautiful. I was overcome with the desire to kiss him. But I didn't dare. I felt the desire to touch him. But I didn't dare. So I did nothing but wake him up again with a creative “Stop snoozing!”
The bad thing is that he's gotten more beautiful every day since then. Every time I see him, I love him more. So it was during the course of this evening. As much as I cursed earlier that he of all people had woken me up, I was so happy that he of all people had woken me up. And now I'm sitting here again, staring at him. But I'm sure I won't muster up the courage to talk to him today either.
I get up, get another beer, sit down again and... do nothing. What time is it anyway? Apparently it's very late, the first people are already leaving. I go over to the door and say goodbye to them. I hug each one in turn and thank them. For coming. For their tolerance. For everything. When I sit down again, I see that there are only five people left at the party. Thorsten and Sabrina and Marek are on the dance floor. Flo is sitting at one of the tables with some crisps. And I'm sitting in the corner again. I look at Flo. He gets up and comes in my direction. My heart starts to accelerate. He sits down right next to me, I can feel the warmth emanating from his body, even though he's not touching me. I breathe in his scent. Simply magnificent. I could pounce on him.
“So,” he begins, ‘was it so bad coming back?’ Sweat is running down his forehead. His face is shiny. It looks really horny. And so does his presence.
“No, it wasn't.”
“I told you so. But nobody ever believes me.”
“Thanks for encouraging me earlier.”
“Don't mention it, I'd do it again anytime.”
“At least once I'll still need courage.”
“What for?”
It's now or never. If not tonight, when should I tell him? I have to do it. For our friendship, or maybe for more.
“Flo, come out with me for a moment, I have to discuss something with you.”
“Sure, a little fresh air never hurt anyone.”
Always this optimism.
We leave the small gazebo that the landlords of my apartment kindly provided me with. I breathe in the fresh air. It's nice out here. Flo seems to feel the same way. And I realize it must be very late, the first light of the new day is already visible on the horizon.
“So, what's on your mind?”
He grins at me. The typical Flo grin. It throws me completely off balance.
“The thing is, well, I'm gay and...”
I start to stutter. Again.
“So?” ‘Speak up,’ he tries to encourage me.
“Hehe, I told you I needed your courage again.”
But now. Short and sweet.
“So, as I said, I'm gay, I've said that often enough tonight. But here comes something new... Flo, I've fallen in love with you.”
So. Now he knows. And I feel a lot lighter. At least exactly the same amount of time as before after my coming out.
“Hm.”, his grin has disappeared. His look is serious. He avoids mine. Damn it, Flo. Say something already. Damn it. Say something. Say that you love me too. Say that we can stay friends. Say something. Please!
“So, what do you think now?” I ask him.
“I'm just wondering how I can best say what I want to say to you now.”
He's making it very exciting again. Damn it.
“Just say it. It can't be that bad.”
“You're right. So, look...” He searches for the right words. ‘I'm honored that you fell in love with me. I really am. But you shouldn't expect too much from me because of it. Because I'm not gay.”
My heart, which has just been unburdened of thousands of stones, seems to shatter into a thousand pieces.
“Can you handle it?’ Flo asks.
“Yes,” I lie, ‘I'll have to somehow.’ And I really do. ‘It was almost clear to me before that there would be no love between us.’ At least he knows it now. And I know where I stand.
“Yes, I just can't tell you anything else. I like you as a friend. But that's all there is from my side. You have to understand that.”
“I will, somehow.“ At least I hope so.
“Let's go for a walk, if you don't mind.”
“No, I don't.”
So we walk towards the edge of the forest, to the place where Flo brought me back from earlier. In front of us, a red ball of fire is rising over the horizon.
“But there's one thing I don't understand,” I explain.
“What?”
“Earlier I was talking to Sabrina, and she said that we should definitely talk to each other after my coming out. And so I thought...”
“...that I'm gay too? I'm sorry if you had hopes.”
“Yes, I hoped at least a little. What did she mean?”
“Well, I told her that Max, the friend from home who was visiting recently, is also gay and thought you were quite cute. We talked about it briefly earlier when you were lying around here. But she wasn't supposed to tell you about it.”
“Oh. Well, that's something at least. Maybe you should invite him over again.”
“I already did that earlier. I think it's good for you to be able to talk to a 'like-minded person'.”
“Thanks, Flo.”
“And you'll see, we'll find you a friend too. For sure. Then you'll get over me. Won't you?”
“Of course I will. With you supporting me like this, it won't take long.”
Then he hugs me, I hug him, in the background the red fireball completely crosses the horizon and I know that this was by far the best birthday I've ever had. A new day begins and with it a new life.