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Part 1
I woke up, but first had to look around to see where we were. Sleeping in the car hadn't been such a good idea; I hurt all over. We – that's my parents and me. Like every year, we went to Tuscany for a four-week holiday. With the caravan to the seaside.
You will surely say, is he still going on holiday with mum and dad? Why not, when else would I get three weeks' holiday for “free”. And then in Tuscany too....?
I pushed myself up and looked out of the window. We had actually arrived. We were at the entrance to the campsite. I opened the door and got out. First of all, I had to stretch and bend my individual limbs, it's not normal to sleep in the back of the car at 1.85, I don't do it often.
My mother's spare key was on the front seat, so I locked the car and stomped towards the reception, where I found my parents.
‘So, the junior has finally woken up,‘ my father said.
‘And did you sleep well, my darling?’ my mother asked.
I nodded at both of them and had to yawn again heartily.
‘Do we have the same seat?’ I asked tiredly.
‘Yes, but there are still people on it,‘ replied Mum, “we have to wait another hour before we can go on it.’
‘If you don't mind, I'll go and have a quick look at the beach,” I said.
‘That's all right,’ said my Dad, ‘there's not much we can do at the moment anyway.’
So I walked through the big gate into the campsite. I recognised some of the faces I saw from last year. I greeted them friendly and had a little chat here and there.
‘Hi Andreas, back again?’
I knew the voice, it could be none other than Chrisi. I turned around and it was her.
‘Hi Chrisi, just arrived.’
We greeted each other with a hug and two kisses on the cheek.
‘Have you grown even more? It suits you though. Gregor and Lisa are already here too, we'll meet up later on the beach.’
My Chrisi again, talking my ear off and I only caught half of what she said.
‘It's okay, I just want to take a quick look at the sea, and then I'll help my parents put up the caravan and unpack, I'll come to you later, okay?’
‘Are you staying in the same place again?’
‘Place 21, as always.’
‘Okay, see you later then.’
And just like that she had disappeared again. So I walked on to the beach, and was handsomely rewarded for it. The sea was calm, with a slight swell as it actually is every morning if there isn't a thunderstorm somewhere at night.
I took off my trainers and socks and dug my toes deep into the sand. Oh, how I had missed this feeling. A few steps further and I was standing in the water. I almost started dreaming as the water lapped around my feet.
‘At some point I'll move here,’ I thought to myself. Back to reality, I remembered my parents, so I quickly went back to help them.
‘Hello Andreas, there you are at last, we were able to get to the pitch earlier, will you help Dad align the caravan?’
‘I will.’
Every year it's the same thing, winding, winding, winding, until the caravan is finally straight according to the spirit level. Then it was time to put up the awning and again, where does the pole go, something is still missing, it's crooked.
After two hours I could finally pitch my little tent. Yes, I no longer slept in the caravan; I wanted a bit of privacy.
*-*-*
I finally arrived at the beach completely exhausted. Gregor, Lisa and Chrisi were lying at our usual spot at the back of the old pine tree. Gregor saw me first and jumped up, almost knocking me over with his enthusiastic greeting.
Lisa was the last to greet me.
‘Hi old chap, still single?’
‘Well Lisa, you turned down my marriage proposal two years ago, and I've been unhappily single ever since.’
Gregor started laughing loudly.
‘Lisa, it's your fault that our Andreas has changed sides,’ he said.
Have I already told you that I'm gay, and my friends here knew that.
Lisa wrinkled her nose.
‘You're just glad that thanks to Andreas you have no competition, because you don't look as good as Andreas, you wouldn't stand a chance.’
One-nil to Lisa. It was as always and I had been looking forward to it for the last few weeks.
‘Kuki can't come this year, her mother had to go to the hospital. But Jens, Dirk and Jessica will probably arrive today,‘ Chrisi said.
‘Then we're complete again. And has anyone already spotted someone who would fit in with our clique?’ I asked.
‘We haven't looked around that much yet, we wanted to wait until everyone was here anyway.’
I spread out my towel.
‘So if you don't mind, I'll jump into the water,‘ I said and stormed towards the water.
The others were with me immediately. I dove in and didn't resurface until a few metres further on.
‘Man, I've missed this, an outdoor pool is no substitute,’ I said.
‘You don't need to swim here half naked,’ grinned Gregor, “or do you want to hit on someone.
I had forgotten to tighten the drawstring of my shorts because of all the water, so half of my back was hanging out.
‘Why is it already visible?” Lisa said and started giggling with Chrisi.
‘Well Gregor, at least it's a nice arse, for looking at, not something flat like yours at the back,‘ I said and Gregor was on me in a second, dunking me under water.
‘Look who's waving,’ Lisa called.
We all looked towards the beach entrance. There were Dirk, Jens and Jessica. Dirk and Jessica were twins, but you couldn't tell except for their eyes. Jens was Jessica's boyfriend and had been coming here for the second year in a row.
We got out of the water to greet the three of them. Jessica screamed loudly when Gregor took her in his arms, wet as he was.
‘Look at my sweetheart,’ Dirk said, hugging me and kissing me on the mouth. Dirk was the second gay guy in our group, ’You look even better than last year.’
It had been clear for a long time that Dirk and I weren't right for each other, but a little kiss here and there or an arm around each other on a walk was okay.
‘Boo guys, I'm glad I'm finally out of the cart, with these two magnificent specimens of men it was almost unbearable,‘ said Jessica.
‘If you have to listen to your boy group tootling the whole way, are you surprised?’ Jens said, for which he got a nudge in the ribs.
Dirk still had me in his arms.
‘Brother dear, I think I'll call Torben right away and tell him you've got a guy here,‘ Jessica said.
Dirk abruptly let go of me.
‘You have a boyfriend?’ I wanted to know.
‘Yes, for four months,‘ he replied.
‘And why didn't you bring me, there would be room in your big car,’ Gregor said.
‘He couldn't, his parents had already booked somewhere else.’
While we were talking, I saw a boy and a little girl walking towards us in the background. When they were at our level, I heard what the little girl said.
‘Tommy, look, but that's a big lake.’
‘Katja, that's not a lake, that's the sea.’
‘Are there ducks to feed there too?’
‘No, sweetheart, only fish.’
‘Can you see them?’
And before I knew it, they were out of my hearing range. He was just the type for me, but with my luck, well... pipe dreams. He had curly blonde hair like his sister and had to do sports to keep in shape.
‘Earth to Andreas, hey hello,’ Chrisi called.
‘Um... what?’
‘Jens asked what's on tonight.’
‘The usual, our parents are sitting on the terrace again and we'll do our usual first tour.’
Everyone looked at me grinning.
‘What?’ I asked.
The looks wandered to Tommy and his sister.
‘Oh man, the chance that the guy is gay is as big as one of you finding a golden sand grain on the beach.’
Everyone started laughing. So loudly that Tommy looked over and right at me. Had I spoken too loudly? The red of my swimming trunks faded against the red in my face.
I stomped back to my towel.
‘Andreas, don't be offended,‘ Lisa said.
‘I'm not just sad,’ I replied.
‘Why?’ Jessica asked.
Meanwhile we were all sitting again and the pine tree.
‘I would also like to finally have a boyfriend, I also want to have someone in whose arms I can snuggle. I want to wake up in the morning and look into a sweet face.’
‘You listen to Shania Twain too much,’ said Jens.
‘So what, you have your Jessica, and you know how nice it is.’
Stunned silence all around.
‘Sorry guys, I didn't mean to drag you down, I didn't even want to come here this year.’
‘Then why are you here after all,’ Chrisi asked.
‘Because I missed you all so much and wanted to see you again. I can be myself with you, I don't have to pretend like I do at home. Except for my parents, nobody still knows.’
‘That's rough,’ said Dirk, “I know what it's like, and it's only thanks to my sister that I've managed to escape this vicious circle.’
‘I can't really imagine what it's like,” said Lisa.
‘To pretend to be straight all day?’
‘Yes.’
A ball bounced into our group and, how could it be otherwise, Katja came running.
‘Can I have my ball back?‘ she asked shyly.
‘I have an idea,’ Lisa said quietly, ‘shall we all play with you?’
‘Oh yes, my brother Tommy will play with you too.’
I looked at Lisa a little puzzled, but then Dirk pulled me up. Jens took the little girl on his shoulder and so they all ran over to Tommy. He didn't seem to know what was happening to him, because a bunch of wild teenagers were running around him.
Katja enjoyed being the centre of attention.
‘This is my brother Tommy,’ she said proudly and took his hand, ’Tommy, look, I've made a lot of friends.’
He took his little sister in his arms and smiled at her. Oh man, what a smile, I had already fallen for him. Jens kicked the ball a little hard in the direction of Dirk, only Katja and her brother were standing there.
He reacted very quickly and raised his arm and fended it off, which I didn't do, and the ball hit me right in the face. Everything went black.
‘Is Andreas dead now?‘ I heard Katja ask.
I opened my eyes.
‘No, Katja, he's just faking,’ Dirk said, ‘see, he's looking at you again.
The little girl was sitting right next to me with her face over mine. An enchanting child's smile came towards me.
‘Oh man, what was that for a hammer?’
I grabbed my head and rubbed my forehead.
‘Did you hurt yourself?’
I couldn't place the voice, so it must have been Tommy's. I turned my head to the right and looked straight into Tommy's eyes, who was kneeling next to me, looking totally pale.
‘No, it was just the force that knocked me over,‘ I replied, “you should play volleyball, you can use something like that.
‘I do,” said Tommy, grinning sheepishly.
‘Come on, big guy, get up,’ said Gregor, pulling me up.
‘Then we have two who can do it,‘ said Lisa, “then it's no longer so unfairly distributed when we play beach volleyball.’
‘Why who then?” asked Tommy.
Before I could answer, Chrisi was faster again.
‘The young man you just knocked over,’ she said.
‘Katja,’ someone called.
A couple was standing at the entrance to the campsite.
‘Hello Mummy, Tommy has just shot someone down.’
‘Katja,‘ Tommy called, slightly annoyed.
Tommy's parents came running towards us.
‘What have you done?’ Tommy's father asked.
‘I just defended myself so Katja wouldn't get shot.’
‘And I was the target that caught it, but nothing happened,‘ I said to defuse the situation a little.
Tommy's father looked at his offspring a little sharply.
‘Have you just arrived?’ Chrisi asked to change the subject.
‘Yes,’ said Katja, who was happily running around between our legs.
‘And which seat?‘ Chrisi wanted to know.
‘Seat 22,’ said Tommy's mother.
‘That's right next to us,‘ I said.
‘So you're from Bochum?’
‘Yes, they're my parents.’
‘We're from Bochum too,’ she said.
‘So the parents‘ section on the terrace is getting bigger again,’ said Lisa.
Tommy's father looked questioning.
‘We're all from around here, Dirk, Jessica and Jens are from Cologne, Chrisi and Gregor are from Essen and I live in Wattenscheid,‘ said Lisa.
‘The world is small,’ said Tommy's mother and smiled, ‘come on Katja, I promised to buy you an ice cream.’
‘Oh yes mommy, a colourful one, like I always eat,’ Katja replied.
We all started laughing.
‘I fancy an ice cream too,’ said Chrisi, “who else?’
So it was decided: we would all go and get ice cream. We left our things because we wanted to come back afterwards. I quickly ran to my tent to get my money. When I arrived, I saw that there was another tent right next to it.
‘That's mine,” came from behind.
I turned around and saw Tommy standing behind me.
‘I have to be careful at night not to step into the wrong tent,‘ I said, immediately regretting it.
‘Why, it could be fun,’ said Tommy, and disappeared into his tent.
What was that just now? I went to get my money.
‘Coming, Andy?’ I heard Tommy call.
Only my parents usually called me Andy, but somehow I liked it when Tommy said it.
‘Yeah, just a sec. Just changing my shorts.’
When I crawled out of the tent, I noticed that Tommy had also changed. Only in swimming shorts. I had to control myself not to stare at Tommy all the time and, above all, to keep my trousers still.
When we arrived at the restaurant, the others were already waiting. As suspected, Tommy's parents were already sitting with ours.
‘Well Andy, I see you've already made the acquaintance of the force of gravity.’
That came from Lisa's father. So the story was already over, I rolled my eyes in annoyance and noticed Tommy grinning. Katja sat on her dad's lap and licked her ice cream happily.
‘Are you coming up?’ Gregor called from one of the higher terraces.
That was what I liked so much about this place. It wasn't just one big terrace, but connected by small stairs, each leading to a different level. One of them was our regular spot, where we always sat together.
Tommy and I bought an ice cream and climbed up to the others. I dropped onto the only free chair. Tommy, on the other hand, just stood there. I pointed to my leg and he grinned, came over and sat on it.
Everyone looked at us in amazement.
‘Did we miss something?’ Dirk asked in astonishment.
‘Why would you have missed anything?‘ Tommy replied before I could.
I looked sharply at Dirk.
Tommy looked back and forth between me and Dirk and began to grin again.
‘Tommy, would you like to hang out with us tonight?’ I asked Chrisi, taking a breath because Dirk didn't continue.
‘I'd like that, if my parents don't have any objections,’ said Tommy.
‘Don't worry, our parents will take care of them, because they want to have some peace and quiet from their offspring.’
‘And when do we meet?’
‘Around eight, when we've all showered and eaten.’
‘Got it, I'll be there... um, where?’
‘At the front desk.’
‘Okay, I'll be there.’
We all went swimming again later. And after dinner, I ran to the shower house and got ready for the evening. After showering, I stood in front of the mirror and combed my hair.
‘It looks better all messed up like this.’
Tommy was standing next to me again, only wearing a towel around his hips. I couldn't help but notice the small bulge at the front of the towel.
‘Do you think so?’
‘Yes, leave it like that, I like it better,’ said Tommy and made his way back.
I slowly started to wonder whether Tommy had just hit on me or just let loose his opinion about my hair. I really had to talk to him, it couldn't go on like this, but on the first day, just come out and say it?
Hi Tommy, I'm gay, do you want something from me. No, I couldn't do it like that, that was obvious. I packed up my stuff and walked back to our caravan.
*-*-*
I arrived at the reception on time at eight, the others were already waiting. Tommy's outfit caught my eye immediately. He was wearing a cut-off T-shirt that showed off his magnificent abs.
Cut-off jeans that ended just above the knees and trainers. I swallowed.
‘So now that our wimp has finally arrived, we can go,’ said Gregor, for which I could have gone straight for his throat, but Tommy didn't seem to care and continued chatting with Lisa.
So we set off and soon arrived at the small village and the campsite. The girls were drawn to the small clothes shops that were still open at this time, which would be unthinkable at home.
Dirk walked next to me and tapped me on the shoulder. I looked at him.
‘Stop staring at Tommy, it's embarrassing.’
‘That bad?’
‘Worse. I think someone has a crush.’
‘Yes, on the bottles.’
‘Don't start with the sand theory again, although I have to admit, Tommy is hard to read. When I see him flirting with Lisa like that.’
‘Exactly, so just hold back on the comments about me. I want to tell him myself.’
‘Come out?’
‘Yes.’
‘Do you think he hasn't already realised it himself?’
‘I don't know...’
‘What I just noticed is that you're usually so particular about your hair, but now it's standing on end.’
‘I know...’
‘And why?’
‘Because Tommy said it looks better.’
‘Aha,’ said Dirk and grinned.
‘Ass.’
‘Same to you.’
We caught up with the others.
Tommy liked what we were showing him. And when Lisa asked if we wanted to watch the sunset together on the small cliff, Tommy was hooked. Of course, there were already a few people gathered there.
We stood there, packed together, watching the disc as it slowly disappeared into the sea. Tommy was standing in front of me and at some point he leaned against me. I felt the warmth radiating from his body. I smelled his hair and fell into a swoon.
When the sun had gone, there was a general mood of departure on the cliff.
‘Do we want to walk back to the campsite via the beach?’ Chrisi asked the group.
It was unanimously agreed. So we descended to the beach, took off our shoes and walked along the water's edge towards the campsite. I was always fascinated by the sight of the coast, how the many lights of the fishing villages sparkled.
After we had discussed what we wanted to do the next day, we said goodbye to each other. I walked to our site together with Tommy.
‘Good night and sleep well,’ Tommy said goodbye to me.
‘You too, good night.’
During the millisecond that we looked into each other's eyes, I would have loved to kiss him good night. He disappeared into his tent. I did the same. With a thought of Tommy I fell asleep smiling.
*-*-*
Against my habit of sleeping late at home, I always woke up quite early here in Italy. I looked at my watch... seven. I got up and ran to the toilet. From there I strolled back to the beach, where the access was just being unlocked.
Last year I had gotten into the habit of going for a run along the beach before breakfast. It did me good to walk alone with my thoughts along the water. I collected a few shells. My thoughts were of course with Tommy.
I had to admit to myself that I had fallen in love with this guy. And after I found out that he really didn't live far from me, Tommy kept gaining more and more brownie points with me, and I started dreaming about what it would be like to be best friends with him.
I looked up and realised that I had walked quite a distance. I turned around so as not to be late for breakfast. When I arrived, my mum was already putting the coffee dishes away. Everything was still quiet at the neighbouring tent, only Tommy's tent was open.
‘Can I help you, mum?’
‘You can get the rolls and, if you want, sausage and milk too.’
Did I actually mention that I'm a total milk fanatic, at home I can even get through five litres a day...
She handed me her purse.
‘And bring Dad his newspaper, you know he can't have breakfast without it.’
‘Don't worry, I would have got those first thing,’ and with that I was already heading towards the shop.
What I liked about this campsite was that it had a shop, a kiosk and a restaurant with a bar. Actually, you didn't have to leave the square. I came to the kiosk and happened to see Tommy buying a pack of cigarettes.
‘For you?’
Tommy jumped. He blushed and stared at the ground.
‘Don't worry, kid, I smoke too.’
‘But you promised...’
‘I always try to cut down a bit when I'm in Italy, so I'll see you later, I still have to buy some rolls.’
I was about to start walking when I remembered the newspaper. I grinned at Tommy, who walked past me and looked at me in puzzlement.
‘I'm getting older, I forgot something,’ I said.
Tommy started laughing.
*-*-*
When I had got the rolls, I set off on my way back. On the road to the campsite there were new arrivals: four caravans and a camper van. Maybe there was something interesting among them. Man, I was only thinking about fresh meat, was I horny? When I came back to the caravan, I saw Katja sitting in front of the tent.
‘Morning, Katja.’
‘Good morning Andreas, you're already awake,‘ she said.
‘Of course, I've already bought bread rolls.’
‘Tommy is still sleeping.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘He's still in his tent and I'm not allowed in there.’
I put the things I had bought at my mother's table and went to Katja.
‘Shall I have a look for you?’ I asked her.
‘Oh yes,‘ she replied.
The zip was undone.
‘Tommy, are you awake?’
Only a “Mmmh” came from the tent.
I took heart and pushed the tent cloth aside.
There lay Tommy, wearing only skimpy shorts on his air mattress, blinking at me.
‘Am I disturbing you?’ I asked quietly.
‘No...‘ came the tired reply.
‘Your sister wants to see you.’
‘Yes, I heard that,’ came the annoyed reply.
‘Tommy?’
‘Yes?’
‘Is something wrong?’
A short silence followed.
‘Can we talk later when we're alone?’
‘Of course, I'd like that,’ I said.
‘And send the little one in, otherwise she won't leave me alone.’
‘Okay, see you later,‘ I said, crawling out of the tent again.
‘So, Katja, Tommy said you can come in.’
‘Yay!’ she shouted and had already disappeared into the tent.
I ran to my mother, who received me with a smile.
‘You're good with kids.’
‘I like them.’
‘So why don't you do something like this for a living?’
‘Mum, who would hire a gay kindergarten teacher?‘ I asked, and my mother lost her smile.
‘At your school, Filbing, he's gay too,’ she said, putting the jam on the table.
I looked longingly at Tommy's tent, where Katja's giggling came from.
‘Oh, I don't know...’
‘You have so many options, Andreas.’
I nodded and dropped onto my camping chair.
*-*-*
‘You can surf?‘ Tommy asked me when I appeared on the beach with my surfboard.
‘Yes, a little,’ I said.
‘Did you hear that, guys? ‘A little’,’ said Dirk, ’Tommy has left everyone behind here so far.’
I blushed, the others grinned.
‘Do you want to go outside with us?‘ I asked Tommy.
‘How does that work?’ he asked.
‘Just be surprised.’
I hoisted my sail and attached the boom. I probably won't retract the centreboard because it's easier for me to balance the extra weight with Tommy. I asked Tommy to lift my board so I could get the sail from the beach.
I fastened it and climbed up. Fortunately there were hardly any waves, but there was a bit of wind.
‘Now lie down over there, feet back,‘ I instructed Tommy.
Meanwhile the whole gang was at the water's edge, making fun of us.
‘I hope it goes well for them,’ Dirk said in the background.
‘I want to take a photo of them,’ Lisa called out.
‘Me too!‘ Katja called, who had also come to the beach with her parents.
–*–
My dad and Tommy's father were standing together.
‘Do you think there's a chance?’ Andreas‘ dad asked.
‘What do you mean, surfing or ...?’ Tommy's father asked.
‘The or...’ he replied and walked back to his lounger grinning.
–*–
I had pulled my sail out of the water, held on to the boom and put it in the wind.
‘Please don't try to steer against me, otherwise we'll both be in the water, just try to trust me.’
‘I am already,’ Tommy said quietly.
I slowly picked up speed and quickly moved away from the beach. I wanted to get out a bit first, where it was calmer. After a while and a quiet ride, I gathered all my courage.
‘What was going on with you in your tent this morning?‘ I asked.
‘What?’ came from Tommy.
‘What was going on with you, Tommy?’
‘Oh, nothing.’
‘Tommy, I've only known you for two days, but I've never seen such sad eyes as I did this morning.’
‘So you've been watching me?’
‘Of course!’
‘What's natural about it?’
I swallowed, should I go for broke, take a risk. He couldn't run away from me here.
‘Because I've fallen in love with you.’