07-10-2025, 04:44 PM
Part 1
‘What a bummer,’ I thought. “Now I'll have to go to boarding school for three months.” My apprenticeship as a chef included block teaching. And this block teaching took place at a vocational school somewhere in the Black Forest.
And so that I didn't have to travel home every day, there was a boarding school attached where my training company had registered me. I knew that school was starting again the following week, but I hadn't reckoned on having to travel so far.
So I started planning what I should take with me. I heard from other apprentices that they slept in two-bed rooms there. That was another thing I didn't like at all. With my luck, I was sure to get a guy in the room with whom I couldn't get along.
Take it easy Daniel, I thought, wait and see what's coming your way. So I had a week to make all the preparations.
*-*-*
The day arrived and I loaded my car. I had already said goodbye to my parents, both were already at work. I locked the house and drove off. I was glad that I had burned some new CDs, so the journey was not so boring for me alone.
After two hours and a traffic jam on the motorway, I finally arrived. I parked my car in the large car park and decided to leave my luggage in the car for the time being and pick it up later.
So I walked up the stairs through the entrance and found the office straight away. There was a small queue, but two ladies at their desks were doing their best to sort it out, which they managed very well, and they seemed to be a well-rehearsed team. The only thing that took a while were some students who, in my opinion, were a little slow on the uptake.
I looked around a bit and caught a glimpse of a cute guy here and there. Oh man, if one of them was lying in the room with me... it would be fatal and inevitably I had to grin.
‘Name?’
Oops, it was my turn...
‘Daniel Krüger... Queens - Hotel Heidelberg.’
They needed a signature from me and I paid a deposit for the room key. I was about to leave, took my key and turned to the office door. What I didn't see... was the guy behind me. I tripped over him and pulled him to the ground with me.
There was a roar of laughter in the office.
‘Um... could you maybe get off of me, you're pretty heavy,‘ came from the guy standing in front of me.
‘Oops, of course,’ I said.
I stood up and held out my hand to help the boy.
‘Thanks, I've got it, but I'm not that old.’
‘Alex, he just wanted to help you,’ someone said from behind the desk.
So his name is Alex. I picked up my things and left the office as quickly as possible. Great, I had made a great debut. I ran to my car to get my luggage. My roommate apparently hadn't arrived yet; the door was still locked.
I opened it and put everything on the floor. Two beds, a large desk in front of the window, a cupboard on each side. I thought it was sparsely furnished at first, but I wasn't in a hotel, I was in a boarding school, and I could live with it for three months.
I started unpacking and stowed my things in the closet. At noon we were supposed to show up at school, report in and pick up our schedules, but there was still plenty of time before then.
* - * *
After I had made the bed, I decided to look around the house a bit. On my way down the stairs, I met Alex. He grinned at me, raised his hands and playfully gave me a wide berth.
I couldn't help but grin back and walked past him. When I was almost around the next corner, he called something after me.
‘What's your name, anyway?’
‘Daniel,’ I replied.
‘Okay Daniel, see you later.’
Later? A little confused, I continued on my way. When I arrived downstairs, it seemed as if lunch had just started. Ms Langer was coming towards me from the dining room.
‘Oh Daniel,’ well, good, she knew my name now too, ’before I forget, you have your room to yourself. Your roommate preferred to move into a hospital room and won't be coming to this class anymore.’
‘Oh Mutsch, then I can move in with Daniel, I don't like the room,‘ came from behind my back.
I turned around with a start. Alex.
‘Yes, yes, I know, Alex... all rooms are the same,’ said Ms Langer, or how he said to her - Mutsch.
‘But I have such a boring sleeping nose in my room,’ replied Alex.
‘So you're looking for a new victim.’
‘Gosh, don't make me look so bad in front of Daniel.’
‘I'm afraid you'll have to take care of that yourself.’
He stuck out his tongue at her. Oh man, what's that for? I've only been here for three hours and I've already become the topic of discussion.
‘I just want to warn Daniel about you!’ she said and walked on, Alex behind her.
‘What do you mean, warn him about me? I'm obviously the sweetest sunshine walking around the building!’
Ms Langer started laughing out loud. There I was, standing in the middle of the hallway, as if I had been ordered and not picked up. So I decided to follow the two of them into the office. Alex was just lighting a cigarette.
‘You can smoke here?‘ I asked... a stupid question, I know.
‘Of course, the boss does it too,’ Alex replied, and I saw that Ms Langer also had a cigarette in her hand.
‘So I won't sign off as often in the evenings as my colleague did back then,‘ Alex said.
‘Is there a particular reason for that?’ Ms Langer asked.
Her mobile phone started to beep. I looked back and forth between the two of them.
‘You're probably wondering how me and Mutsch know each other so well,’ he said to me.
Can he read minds? I nodded at him.
‘I used to visit a colleague up here when he was at boarding school, and on my first visit I got into a terrible fight with Mutsch.’
Ms Langer grinned.
‘And since then I've been coming to visit her regularly.’
‘Now too?‘ I asked.
‘No, this time I had to go to the boarding school myself.’
‘Chef?’
‘No, an apprenticeship as a restaurant specialist,’ said Alex.
‘Aha, a gravel treader,’ I remarked and grinned.
I couldn't help but use the expression.
‘He's certainly not tongue-tied,‘ said Ms Langer, turning to her computer and typing eagerly.
Alex looked at me for a long time and it seemed to me that his eyes had turned puppy-dog. He also tilted his head to one side.
‘Can I move in with you now, Daniel?’ Alex suddenly asked me.
I shrugged and took a cigarette out.
‘You're serious?‘ I asked, a little surprised.
‘Of course, I really don't want to be in the room with a sleeping pill like that,’ he replied.
‘And who says I'm not?’ I replied, ’If you want, you're welcome to move in with me, I don't mind.’
‘Mutsch please, may I?‘ he said, playing a pleading tone.
He knelt in front of her and looked even more stupid than he did with me. I couldn't help but laugh.
‘Now I have to carry you around too, nothing but work with you. But for my sake and don't spoil Daniel so much,’ said Frau Langer.
What did she mean by that? A moment ago she had to warn me about him and now he shouldn't ruin me. Suddenly Alex pulled me out of my thoughts.
‘Are you coming up, then I can take my stuff to you right away. What room do you have anyway?’
‘Two hundred and five,’ Mrs Langer answered for me, while I stubbed out my cigarette.
‘So come on, let's go,‘ he said.
‘But bring your key over later so we can swap!’ Frau Langer called after us.
‘Okay, I'll do that, Mutsch.’
* - * *
‘You even have a TV with you,’ I said in amazement when Alex stumbled into the room with the first load of his luggage.
‘Of course, and it even has a built-in video player, in case it gets boring,‘ he answered with a smile.
‘I only have my CD player and a few CDs with me,’ I said.
‘And what do you like to listen to?‘ asked Alex.
‘Look for yourself, there's a pile on the desk,’ and I stood up just as he moved to the desk.
And once again we were lying on the floor, only this time he was on top. I felt his weight and warmth on me. A thousand thoughts shot through my mind as he looked me in the eye.
He was about my height, 1.85. He had blonde, shaggy hair and those blue eyes that had caught my eye the first time we met.
‘Do you always hit on people like that, is that your line?’
He laughed out loud.
‘Next time it'll cost you a round,’ he said, got up and left the room to get the rest of his things.
Man, what have I got myself into... the absolute dream boy. How am I going to get through this in the next few weeks. That means work for me again. Well, I could have done a lot worse.
Ten minutes later, Alex arrived with the second load of clothes.
‘Did you move out of your home, or why do you have so many things?’
‘That's not much, you should see what I have when I go on holiday...’
‘A van?’ I laughed.
‘Something like that...‘ he replied and started laughing too.
*-*-*
There was nothing interesting at school, except maybe that Alex was sitting next to me in class. Back in the room, I just collapsed on the bed.
‘What do you actually do when you're not listening to music or just lying around on the bed?’ came from Alex, who had just arrived.
‘I play volleyball,‘ I replied.
‘Actively?’
‘No, since my apprenticeship only when I have time.’
‘No wonder you look so fit.’
I blushed.
‘Well, you don't have to hide,’ I replied, returning the compliment.
‘I just swim a lot, it doesn't come naturally.’
‘Well, that's settled then,’ I said, and he started grinning.
Man, what do I do now... I can't stand it for long when Alex keeps looking at me so intensely. I needed someone to talk to, but who? Half an hour later, we were sitting in the office. Alex was joking around with Ms Langer, and I was having a great time.
‘And already settled in?‘ came from Ms Langer.
‘Yes I am, Ms Langer,’ I replied.
‘Um... you and Mutsch are enough for me, don't talk to Ms Langer.’
‘Okay, thanks... Mutsch.
I was lost in my thoughts and pulled on my cigarette. My thoughts were with Michael, my boyfriend, who had broken up with me two weeks ago.
‘Is something wrong?‘ Mutsch pulled me out of my thoughts.
‘I'm fine,’ I said.
‘Really, because I mean, if you have tears in your eyes, something is wrong!’
Oh man, I hadn't noticed the tears rolling down my cheeks. I was glad that Alex had just stepped out of the room to get a drink.
‘Do you want to talk?‘ Mutsch asked me and lit a cigarette.
‘I don't know exactly... oh well, it doesn't matter, at some point everyone here will notice anyway... I'm gay and two weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me.’
‘And why did he break up with you?’ she asked this time.
I was amazed that she took it so easily that I was gay.
‘He said goodbye with the sentence: ‘I have achieved my goal, I have what I wanted and I no longer need you for that...’ I couldn't continue, because this time I really started to cry.
Mutsch took me in his arms. With a tearful voice, I continued.
‘That hurt so much, Mutsch... he just used me. Can you imagine, he just wanted to get to a friend of mine, which he also managed...’
‘Am I disturbing...’
Alex was standing in the doorway. I wiped the tears from my face.
‘No!’ I replied, reached for my cigarette case and ran out of the office.
‘Daniel, stay here...’ I heard Mutsch still call.
But I was already halfway up the stairs. I unlocked the room and threw myself on my bed inside. I just couldn't stop crying. I didn't even notice that Alex entered the room, nor that he sat down at my bedside.
I was only startled when I felt his hand gently stroking my head.
‘Hey Daniel, sorry, I didn't know anything, I didn't know you had a broken heart, what happened?’
‘Didn't Mutsch say anything?’ I asked quietly into my pillow.
‘Mutsch just said that you weren't feeling well. She would never tell anyone about someone if they didn't agree.’
‘I don't know... are you interested in that... and what must you think of me anyway – not a sleepyhead but a crybaby!’
‘Well, when my roommate is lying on the bed crying his eyes out, I'm interested.’
‘My boyfriend broke up with me?’
His hand stopped and was suddenly no longer there. Now I'd messed up, I thought. I'd admitted I was gay.
‘And why did the asshole break up with you?‘ I suddenly heard him ask.
Or was it?
‘He found someone else.’
‘I absolutely can't understand it. He's blind in the head. He's got the sweetest boyfriend on earth and he throws you over,’ Alex fumed.
With a jolt I looked up and directly into his face.
‘Did I understand you right?’ I asked, puzzled.
‘That I think you're cute, yes you did.’
I looked into his blue eyes and literally sank into them, unable to say a word. He came closer to me... I closed my eyes and felt his lips on mine...
*-*-*
It was dark in the room when I woke up. My alarm clock showed 2:43. Only now did I realise that I was not alone in my bed and, above all, that I was naked. Then it all came back to me. Next to me was Alex, also naked, snuggled up against me.
He had confessed to me that he had been in love with me from the very beginning, ever since I had run into him the first time and wanted to come to my room because of that. Little rascal.
But I wasn't sure what to think about it. My memories of Michael were still very fresh and still hurt a lot. But next to me lay this bundle of energy who managed to make me laugh in a few seconds.
I tried to slowly pull my arm out from under him, which only made him snuggle up even closer to me. So I tried to fall asleep and soon sank back into Morpheus' arms.
*-*-*
‘Just as I thought...’
I woke up with a fright. Mutsch was standing in front of my bed.
‘Hey you two sleepyheads, school's starting soon,’ she said grinning, ’you're going to be late, and you almost missed breakfast anyway.’
Alex and I sat in bed with our heads burning red.
‘Now don't be like that, I'm glad you found each other,‘ said Mutsch and left the room.
We looked at each other and started laughing. Alex leaned over me and started kissing me.
‘Hey, not so rough, you heard we have to go to school,’ I pushed him back.
‘But I don't want to go to school,’ Alex replied, defiant like a little child.
‘You don't have a choice, because I want to go to school.’
‘Nerd! Romance killer!’
‘Aha, I'll convince you otherwise at noon.’
‘Show-off!’
I pounced on him and tickled him. With a loud scream, we fell out of bed.
‘Now you're lying on top of me again, it's becoming a habit,‘ Alex grinned cheekily.
‘Yes, I could really get used to it, in any case it's nice and soft!’ I countered.
‘Come on, let's hurry up, otherwise we'll really be late.’
‘Hear, hear.’
Alex got up and grabbed his clothes from the floor, which were scattered all over the place.
‘Who made such a mess here?’
‘Well, I remember someone who tore his clothes off like a ‘savage’ last night...’ I began to tell him.
‘Torn off, we want to make that clear!’
*-*-*
School went by quickly and I couldn't wait to be alone with Alex in our room. But when he came in, he wasn't in such a good mood.
‘Is something wrong?’ I asked him.
‘I don't know myself, I was just thinking about us.’
‘Why is there something wrong with that?’
I got nervous and scared.
‘There's nothing wrong with it, believe me.’
‘But?’
‘What will happen to us when school is over?’
‘Why?’
‘You in Heidelberg, me in Karlsruhe.’
‘But that's not far apart,‘ I interjected.
‘For me it is, I want you with me.’
‘Me too,’ I said softly, ‘but I have to finish the apprenticeship...’
He stood before me, embarrassed.
‘Do you want to end it before it has even begun?’
‘I don't know...’ she replied almost in a whisper.
He disappeared from our room. Shit, why does it have to be so complicated, I thought. I sat down at the desk and stared out the window. Completely absorbed in my thoughts, I didn't notice how I fell asleep with my head on my crossed arms.
*-*-*
I had fallen in love with Alex and hadn't thought about Michael for hours. It didn't hurt as much as it did yesterday. I took my cigarettes and straightened my hair in the mirror, which was now a bit on end, and then walked down to the office.
I couldn't see Alex anywhere. So I ran outside and lit a cigarette. But even out here I couldn't see him. A little worried, I went back into the house.
‘Have you seen Alex?’ I asked Mutsch, who was sitting in her office.
‘No, he hasn't been down here. Why?’
‘He ran out of the room earlier and hasn't been seen since.’
‘Did you guys have a fight?’
‘No, we didn't, we just had a short conversation.’
I briefly told her the gist of it, and she didn't understand why Alex was reacting this way either.
‘That doesn't sound like Alex at all. I think he's really got it bad.’
A girl entered the office.
‘Mutsch, there's someone sitting up there in the stairwell crying.’
‘So what?’
‘He's sitting on the stairs to your apartment.’
‘Aha,’ she said, looking at me.
We knew immediately that this could only be Alex. So I ran up the stairs and found him sitting there, looking like a picture of misery.
‘Hey, little one, what's wrong?‘ I asked quietly and took him in my arms.
He jumped because he probably hadn't heard me coming. He looked at me with his red-rimmed eyes and didn't say a word. I pulled him to me by the hand and walked with him to our room.
‘So now tell me what's going on,’ I repeated, sitting down next to him.
‘I'm sorry, but I think I saw black for a moment.’
‘It's not a big deal.’
‘But it always happens to me when I've found someone I want to be with.’
‘What always happens to you?’
‘That I suddenly panic and back down.’
‘And what's different this time?’
‘Because I really fell in love with you, it was never like that with the others. I don't want to be without you for a second, feeling you, having you around me.’
‘That's good.’
‘But I don't know if it's good!’
‘And what's so bad about being my friend?’
I was surprised at the firmness of my voice, when I was the first to start blubbering at every opportunity.
‘There's nothing wrong with it, it's just that I've never had a real friend before... a steady boyfriend, I don't know what you expect from me, I'm just afraid of messing everything up.’
‘The only thing I expect from you is honesty, Alex, just like you would expect from me.’
‘Nothing else?’
‘With honesty, everything else comes by itself, you don't have to worry about it, why should you mess up?’
‘I don't know... I'm just totally insecure because I've never been in a relationship like this before,’ Alex said.
‘Never? With your great looks, I'm surprised.’
‘I told you that I always chickened out. But it's different with you. Right from the start, I felt a sense of familiarity, as if we had known each other forever.’
‘Thanks,’ I said, giving him a kiss, ’shall we go and have a smoke?’
‘Yeah, I need one now.’
When we arrived at the office, Mutsch just looked at us but didn't say anything.
‘Would you both like to go out for dinner later when Mutsch is finished with her shift?‘ Alex asked.
‘Italian or Greek?’ Mutsch asked, and both then looked at me.
‘I'd like to go out for pizza again, I haven't done that in a long time,’ I replied.
*-*-*
I talked to Alex for a while and listened to the music that was playing on the radio. Mutsch was still working on the PC.
‘Can I help you?‘ she suddenly said.
‘Yes, I'm looking for...’
Startled, I turned around and looked at the familiar voice at the door.
‘Michael? What do you want here?’
I felt myself bristle and I was getting angry.
‘To talk to you,’ he replied.
‘I don't know what we could possibly have to say to each other.’
‘Please, Daniel.’
I got up, feeling a little grumpy.
‘All right, let's go out for a cigarette.’
I took my pack and lighter and looked at Alex for a moment. He nodded at me, smiling, as did Mutsch. So I walked outside with Michael.
‘What do you still want from me?’
‘I realised that I made a huge mistake.’
‘A bit late, isn't it?’
‘That's right, I only realised when you weren't there anymore that I was missing something.’
‘And now?’
‘Do I... still have a chance?’
‘A chance at what? Do you think you can just dump me and then come crawling back like nothing ever happened?’
‘I thought...’
‘You thought wrong, Michael. Do you know how much you hurt me, how much I had to cry because of you? I don't want to experience that again, definitely not. Because how can I be sure that if you meet someone again, you won't just leave me again?’
‘I didn't know it had got you down so much.’
Michael looked at the floor the whole time, concerned.
‘How could I, you left me from one moment to the next, sleeping with me and then saying it's over, did you enjoy that, or what?’
I talked myself into a rage.
‘Daniel, what do you think of me.’
For the first time he looked me in the eye, he cried.
‘And you don't need to come to me with the crying either.’
‘What has become of you, Daniel, I don't know you at all.’
‘That's what you've made of me, Michael, quite simply.’
‘Then there's no point in us talking any further.’
‘No, there isn't, you said it was over and for me it is over, pasta. I don't want to do this to myself anymore, Michael, and besides, I've fallen in love with someone who is the complete opposite of you.’
He winced at my words. I had him now as far as the feeling I had when he left me. But it did not bring me the satisfaction I hoped for. Now it hurt me what I had let go. I had let myself down to the level of Michael.
‘Michael, I'm sorry. What we had was nice, but it's over now and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't love you anymore; the feelings are gone, as if something in me has died. I hope you find your happiness somewhere else. Goodbye,’ I said, putting my hand on his shoulder again and walking back to the boarding school.
Mutsch and Alex were standing at the office window.
*-*-*
‘You really told him off, you were heard up to here,‘ said Alex.
‘And why do I feel like such a shit now that I've told him off?’ I asked.
‘Because now you've hurt him just as much as he hurt you, only this isn't like you,’ Mutsch explained quietly and sat back down on her office chair.
‘I feel really sorry for him now, in retrospect I feel like a real asshole.’
‘He's still downstairs,’ Alex said to me, ’go back down.’
‘And what do you think I should do?’
‘Talk to him again, what else?’
‘And what should I say?’
‘That's up to you.’
Feeling a little annoyed again, I walked down the stairs into the courtyard for the second time. Michael was still standing where I had left him. I simply walked up to him and put my arms around him without saying a word.
He began to sob loudly and trembled all over.
‘I'm sorry, Michael, for the way I reacted.’
‘It's all right, Daniel. I didn't deserve any better, it's my own fault.’
‘Come inside for a bit, I don't want you to go home like this.’
‘No, I'd rather not.’
‘I want to introduce you to my friend,’ I said without thinking.
‘He's here?’
‘We even live together in the same room.’
‘No, I don't want to go in there anymore. I'll have another cigarette and go home.’
‘Okay if you're sure.’
‘Yes, I am.’
*-*-*
I watched him run back to his car. I was still standing there even after he had driven away.
‘Don't you want to come back inside?‘ Said a voice behind me.
Alex. He put his arm around me, pressed himself tightly against me and caressed my chest.
‘Thank you,’ I said.
‘What for?’
‘Just for being there.’
‘I just wanted you to finally be able to break away from him. He would have hovered between us like a shadow all the time.’
‘I can see that I have someone very special standing in front of me.’
‘Thanks for the flowers, but there's nothing special about me.’
‘Nothing special? Yes, Alex, you are. Your manner, your character, everything is special.’
‘Don't put me on a pedestal, I don't like that.’
‘I'm not, I'm just telling the truth.’
‘Can you imagine a future with me?’
‘Yes I can, even that we open a bar together.’
‘Wow, really? You're thinking that far ahead?’
‘Yes Alex, I love you and I won't let you go.’
‘I love you too, Daniel.’
We embraced each other and kissed.
*-*-*
The days went by, school paved our daily routine. On the weekends, we took turns going to Karlsruhe or Heidelberg. Then came the exams. Even though it was difficult for us, we left each other alone and studied hard in our room.
Between the exams, we discussed how we felt about the work we had just handed in. We usually spent the evenings with Mutsch. She also managed to keep us from thinking about the exams the whole evening.
The last day in the house arrived, and we all sat there sadly; all the work had been delivered, somehow the air was out, the tensions of the last few days were gone.
‘And what are you going to do now?‘ Mutsch asked.
‘Alex has found a flat for us both in Karlsruhe. And I've got a new job too, together with Alex,’ I said.
‘And you're sure you want to set up your own business?’
‘Yes, there are six of us. Everyone contributes their share,‘ said Alex.
‘Well, I wish you luck with it,’ said Mutsch.
‘Thanks, we can use it. It was also quite difficult to get the place in top condition again, it was empty for more than two years,’ I said.
‘I'm curious, when are you opening?’
‘In three weeks, when the practical exam is over. And you are still cordially invited.’
‘I'll gladly accept the invitation. I want to be there when you open your shop.’
‘You will, and it will be an unforgettable experience,’ said Alex.
We sat together almost all night and talked our heads off. The next morning we went over again and received our certificates, as expected, both good.
Saying goodbye to Mutsch was hard for us, but she assured us that we would see each other again in three weeks at the latest. I put my luggage in the car and walked back to the boarding school one last time.
I took Mutsch in my arms and held her for a while. We both had tears in our eyes.
‘Take care of yourself Daniel, okay?’
‘Yes, I will and I'll be sure to let you hear from me. Thanks for the great time here, it means a lot to me!’
‘It means a lot to me, too,‘ she said and let go of me with a heavy heart.
Alex also said a heartfelt goodbye to her. Waving, we walked back to the car park.
‘Friday?’ I asked.
‘Yes, Friday, what time are you coming?’ Alex replied.
‘Around eight, can't be earlier because of my shift.’
‘Okay, I'll be expecting you.’
‘Good.’
‘Daniel...’
‘Yes?’ I said, looking into his sky-blue eyes.
‘I love you.’
‘I love you too, my little one.’
We hugged again, almost getting lost in a never-ending kiss. We didn't say anything, just looked into each other's eyes before we both got into our cars and drove off.
‘What a bummer,’ I thought. “Now I'll have to go to boarding school for three months.” My apprenticeship as a chef included block teaching. And this block teaching took place at a vocational school somewhere in the Black Forest.
And so that I didn't have to travel home every day, there was a boarding school attached where my training company had registered me. I knew that school was starting again the following week, but I hadn't reckoned on having to travel so far.
So I started planning what I should take with me. I heard from other apprentices that they slept in two-bed rooms there. That was another thing I didn't like at all. With my luck, I was sure to get a guy in the room with whom I couldn't get along.
Take it easy Daniel, I thought, wait and see what's coming your way. So I had a week to make all the preparations.
*-*-*
The day arrived and I loaded my car. I had already said goodbye to my parents, both were already at work. I locked the house and drove off. I was glad that I had burned some new CDs, so the journey was not so boring for me alone.
After two hours and a traffic jam on the motorway, I finally arrived. I parked my car in the large car park and decided to leave my luggage in the car for the time being and pick it up later.
So I walked up the stairs through the entrance and found the office straight away. There was a small queue, but two ladies at their desks were doing their best to sort it out, which they managed very well, and they seemed to be a well-rehearsed team. The only thing that took a while were some students who, in my opinion, were a little slow on the uptake.
I looked around a bit and caught a glimpse of a cute guy here and there. Oh man, if one of them was lying in the room with me... it would be fatal and inevitably I had to grin.
‘Name?’
Oops, it was my turn...
‘Daniel Krüger... Queens - Hotel Heidelberg.’
They needed a signature from me and I paid a deposit for the room key. I was about to leave, took my key and turned to the office door. What I didn't see... was the guy behind me. I tripped over him and pulled him to the ground with me.
There was a roar of laughter in the office.
‘Um... could you maybe get off of me, you're pretty heavy,‘ came from the guy standing in front of me.
‘Oops, of course,’ I said.
I stood up and held out my hand to help the boy.
‘Thanks, I've got it, but I'm not that old.’
‘Alex, he just wanted to help you,’ someone said from behind the desk.
So his name is Alex. I picked up my things and left the office as quickly as possible. Great, I had made a great debut. I ran to my car to get my luggage. My roommate apparently hadn't arrived yet; the door was still locked.
I opened it and put everything on the floor. Two beds, a large desk in front of the window, a cupboard on each side. I thought it was sparsely furnished at first, but I wasn't in a hotel, I was in a boarding school, and I could live with it for three months.
I started unpacking and stowed my things in the closet. At noon we were supposed to show up at school, report in and pick up our schedules, but there was still plenty of time before then.
* - * *
After I had made the bed, I decided to look around the house a bit. On my way down the stairs, I met Alex. He grinned at me, raised his hands and playfully gave me a wide berth.
I couldn't help but grin back and walked past him. When I was almost around the next corner, he called something after me.
‘What's your name, anyway?’
‘Daniel,’ I replied.
‘Okay Daniel, see you later.’
Later? A little confused, I continued on my way. When I arrived downstairs, it seemed as if lunch had just started. Ms Langer was coming towards me from the dining room.
‘Oh Daniel,’ well, good, she knew my name now too, ’before I forget, you have your room to yourself. Your roommate preferred to move into a hospital room and won't be coming to this class anymore.’
‘Oh Mutsch, then I can move in with Daniel, I don't like the room,‘ came from behind my back.
I turned around with a start. Alex.
‘Yes, yes, I know, Alex... all rooms are the same,’ said Ms Langer, or how he said to her - Mutsch.
‘But I have such a boring sleeping nose in my room,’ replied Alex.
‘So you're looking for a new victim.’
‘Gosh, don't make me look so bad in front of Daniel.’
‘I'm afraid you'll have to take care of that yourself.’
He stuck out his tongue at her. Oh man, what's that for? I've only been here for three hours and I've already become the topic of discussion.
‘I just want to warn Daniel about you!’ she said and walked on, Alex behind her.
‘What do you mean, warn him about me? I'm obviously the sweetest sunshine walking around the building!’
Ms Langer started laughing out loud. There I was, standing in the middle of the hallway, as if I had been ordered and not picked up. So I decided to follow the two of them into the office. Alex was just lighting a cigarette.
‘You can smoke here?‘ I asked... a stupid question, I know.
‘Of course, the boss does it too,’ Alex replied, and I saw that Ms Langer also had a cigarette in her hand.
‘So I won't sign off as often in the evenings as my colleague did back then,‘ Alex said.
‘Is there a particular reason for that?’ Ms Langer asked.
Her mobile phone started to beep. I looked back and forth between the two of them.
‘You're probably wondering how me and Mutsch know each other so well,’ he said to me.
Can he read minds? I nodded at him.
‘I used to visit a colleague up here when he was at boarding school, and on my first visit I got into a terrible fight with Mutsch.’
Ms Langer grinned.
‘And since then I've been coming to visit her regularly.’
‘Now too?‘ I asked.
‘No, this time I had to go to the boarding school myself.’
‘Chef?’
‘No, an apprenticeship as a restaurant specialist,’ said Alex.
‘Aha, a gravel treader,’ I remarked and grinned.
I couldn't help but use the expression.
‘He's certainly not tongue-tied,‘ said Ms Langer, turning to her computer and typing eagerly.
Alex looked at me for a long time and it seemed to me that his eyes had turned puppy-dog. He also tilted his head to one side.
‘Can I move in with you now, Daniel?’ Alex suddenly asked me.
I shrugged and took a cigarette out.
‘You're serious?‘ I asked, a little surprised.
‘Of course, I really don't want to be in the room with a sleeping pill like that,’ he replied.
‘And who says I'm not?’ I replied, ’If you want, you're welcome to move in with me, I don't mind.’
‘Mutsch please, may I?‘ he said, playing a pleading tone.
He knelt in front of her and looked even more stupid than he did with me. I couldn't help but laugh.
‘Now I have to carry you around too, nothing but work with you. But for my sake and don't spoil Daniel so much,’ said Frau Langer.
What did she mean by that? A moment ago she had to warn me about him and now he shouldn't ruin me. Suddenly Alex pulled me out of my thoughts.
‘Are you coming up, then I can take my stuff to you right away. What room do you have anyway?’
‘Two hundred and five,’ Mrs Langer answered for me, while I stubbed out my cigarette.
‘So come on, let's go,‘ he said.
‘But bring your key over later so we can swap!’ Frau Langer called after us.
‘Okay, I'll do that, Mutsch.’
* - * *
‘You even have a TV with you,’ I said in amazement when Alex stumbled into the room with the first load of his luggage.
‘Of course, and it even has a built-in video player, in case it gets boring,‘ he answered with a smile.
‘I only have my CD player and a few CDs with me,’ I said.
‘And what do you like to listen to?‘ asked Alex.
‘Look for yourself, there's a pile on the desk,’ and I stood up just as he moved to the desk.
And once again we were lying on the floor, only this time he was on top. I felt his weight and warmth on me. A thousand thoughts shot through my mind as he looked me in the eye.
He was about my height, 1.85. He had blonde, shaggy hair and those blue eyes that had caught my eye the first time we met.
‘Do you always hit on people like that, is that your line?’
He laughed out loud.
‘Next time it'll cost you a round,’ he said, got up and left the room to get the rest of his things.
Man, what have I got myself into... the absolute dream boy. How am I going to get through this in the next few weeks. That means work for me again. Well, I could have done a lot worse.
Ten minutes later, Alex arrived with the second load of clothes.
‘Did you move out of your home, or why do you have so many things?’
‘That's not much, you should see what I have when I go on holiday...’
‘A van?’ I laughed.
‘Something like that...‘ he replied and started laughing too.
*-*-*
There was nothing interesting at school, except maybe that Alex was sitting next to me in class. Back in the room, I just collapsed on the bed.
‘What do you actually do when you're not listening to music or just lying around on the bed?’ came from Alex, who had just arrived.
‘I play volleyball,‘ I replied.
‘Actively?’
‘No, since my apprenticeship only when I have time.’
‘No wonder you look so fit.’
I blushed.
‘Well, you don't have to hide,’ I replied, returning the compliment.
‘I just swim a lot, it doesn't come naturally.’
‘Well, that's settled then,’ I said, and he started grinning.
Man, what do I do now... I can't stand it for long when Alex keeps looking at me so intensely. I needed someone to talk to, but who? Half an hour later, we were sitting in the office. Alex was joking around with Ms Langer, and I was having a great time.
‘And already settled in?‘ came from Ms Langer.
‘Yes I am, Ms Langer,’ I replied.
‘Um... you and Mutsch are enough for me, don't talk to Ms Langer.’
‘Okay, thanks... Mutsch.
I was lost in my thoughts and pulled on my cigarette. My thoughts were with Michael, my boyfriend, who had broken up with me two weeks ago.
‘Is something wrong?‘ Mutsch pulled me out of my thoughts.
‘I'm fine,’ I said.
‘Really, because I mean, if you have tears in your eyes, something is wrong!’
Oh man, I hadn't noticed the tears rolling down my cheeks. I was glad that Alex had just stepped out of the room to get a drink.
‘Do you want to talk?‘ Mutsch asked me and lit a cigarette.
‘I don't know exactly... oh well, it doesn't matter, at some point everyone here will notice anyway... I'm gay and two weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me.’
‘And why did he break up with you?’ she asked this time.
I was amazed that she took it so easily that I was gay.
‘He said goodbye with the sentence: ‘I have achieved my goal, I have what I wanted and I no longer need you for that...’ I couldn't continue, because this time I really started to cry.
Mutsch took me in his arms. With a tearful voice, I continued.
‘That hurt so much, Mutsch... he just used me. Can you imagine, he just wanted to get to a friend of mine, which he also managed...’
‘Am I disturbing...’
Alex was standing in the doorway. I wiped the tears from my face.
‘No!’ I replied, reached for my cigarette case and ran out of the office.
‘Daniel, stay here...’ I heard Mutsch still call.
But I was already halfway up the stairs. I unlocked the room and threw myself on my bed inside. I just couldn't stop crying. I didn't even notice that Alex entered the room, nor that he sat down at my bedside.
I was only startled when I felt his hand gently stroking my head.
‘Hey Daniel, sorry, I didn't know anything, I didn't know you had a broken heart, what happened?’
‘Didn't Mutsch say anything?’ I asked quietly into my pillow.
‘Mutsch just said that you weren't feeling well. She would never tell anyone about someone if they didn't agree.’
‘I don't know... are you interested in that... and what must you think of me anyway – not a sleepyhead but a crybaby!’
‘Well, when my roommate is lying on the bed crying his eyes out, I'm interested.’
‘My boyfriend broke up with me?’
His hand stopped and was suddenly no longer there. Now I'd messed up, I thought. I'd admitted I was gay.
‘And why did the asshole break up with you?‘ I suddenly heard him ask.
Or was it?
‘He found someone else.’
‘I absolutely can't understand it. He's blind in the head. He's got the sweetest boyfriend on earth and he throws you over,’ Alex fumed.
With a jolt I looked up and directly into his face.
‘Did I understand you right?’ I asked, puzzled.
‘That I think you're cute, yes you did.’
I looked into his blue eyes and literally sank into them, unable to say a word. He came closer to me... I closed my eyes and felt his lips on mine...
*-*-*
It was dark in the room when I woke up. My alarm clock showed 2:43. Only now did I realise that I was not alone in my bed and, above all, that I was naked. Then it all came back to me. Next to me was Alex, also naked, snuggled up against me.
He had confessed to me that he had been in love with me from the very beginning, ever since I had run into him the first time and wanted to come to my room because of that. Little rascal.
But I wasn't sure what to think about it. My memories of Michael were still very fresh and still hurt a lot. But next to me lay this bundle of energy who managed to make me laugh in a few seconds.
I tried to slowly pull my arm out from under him, which only made him snuggle up even closer to me. So I tried to fall asleep and soon sank back into Morpheus' arms.
*-*-*
‘Just as I thought...’
I woke up with a fright. Mutsch was standing in front of my bed.
‘Hey you two sleepyheads, school's starting soon,’ she said grinning, ’you're going to be late, and you almost missed breakfast anyway.’
Alex and I sat in bed with our heads burning red.
‘Now don't be like that, I'm glad you found each other,‘ said Mutsch and left the room.
We looked at each other and started laughing. Alex leaned over me and started kissing me.
‘Hey, not so rough, you heard we have to go to school,’ I pushed him back.
‘But I don't want to go to school,’ Alex replied, defiant like a little child.
‘You don't have a choice, because I want to go to school.’
‘Nerd! Romance killer!’
‘Aha, I'll convince you otherwise at noon.’
‘Show-off!’
I pounced on him and tickled him. With a loud scream, we fell out of bed.
‘Now you're lying on top of me again, it's becoming a habit,‘ Alex grinned cheekily.
‘Yes, I could really get used to it, in any case it's nice and soft!’ I countered.
‘Come on, let's hurry up, otherwise we'll really be late.’
‘Hear, hear.’
Alex got up and grabbed his clothes from the floor, which were scattered all over the place.
‘Who made such a mess here?’
‘Well, I remember someone who tore his clothes off like a ‘savage’ last night...’ I began to tell him.
‘Torn off, we want to make that clear!’
*-*-*
School went by quickly and I couldn't wait to be alone with Alex in our room. But when he came in, he wasn't in such a good mood.
‘Is something wrong?’ I asked him.
‘I don't know myself, I was just thinking about us.’
‘Why is there something wrong with that?’
I got nervous and scared.
‘There's nothing wrong with it, believe me.’
‘But?’
‘What will happen to us when school is over?’
‘Why?’
‘You in Heidelberg, me in Karlsruhe.’
‘But that's not far apart,‘ I interjected.
‘For me it is, I want you with me.’
‘Me too,’ I said softly, ‘but I have to finish the apprenticeship...’
He stood before me, embarrassed.
‘Do you want to end it before it has even begun?’
‘I don't know...’ she replied almost in a whisper.
He disappeared from our room. Shit, why does it have to be so complicated, I thought. I sat down at the desk and stared out the window. Completely absorbed in my thoughts, I didn't notice how I fell asleep with my head on my crossed arms.
*-*-*
I had fallen in love with Alex and hadn't thought about Michael for hours. It didn't hurt as much as it did yesterday. I took my cigarettes and straightened my hair in the mirror, which was now a bit on end, and then walked down to the office.
I couldn't see Alex anywhere. So I ran outside and lit a cigarette. But even out here I couldn't see him. A little worried, I went back into the house.
‘Have you seen Alex?’ I asked Mutsch, who was sitting in her office.
‘No, he hasn't been down here. Why?’
‘He ran out of the room earlier and hasn't been seen since.’
‘Did you guys have a fight?’
‘No, we didn't, we just had a short conversation.’
I briefly told her the gist of it, and she didn't understand why Alex was reacting this way either.
‘That doesn't sound like Alex at all. I think he's really got it bad.’
A girl entered the office.
‘Mutsch, there's someone sitting up there in the stairwell crying.’
‘So what?’
‘He's sitting on the stairs to your apartment.’
‘Aha,’ she said, looking at me.
We knew immediately that this could only be Alex. So I ran up the stairs and found him sitting there, looking like a picture of misery.
‘Hey, little one, what's wrong?‘ I asked quietly and took him in my arms.
He jumped because he probably hadn't heard me coming. He looked at me with his red-rimmed eyes and didn't say a word. I pulled him to me by the hand and walked with him to our room.
‘So now tell me what's going on,’ I repeated, sitting down next to him.
‘I'm sorry, but I think I saw black for a moment.’
‘It's not a big deal.’
‘But it always happens to me when I've found someone I want to be with.’
‘What always happens to you?’
‘That I suddenly panic and back down.’
‘And what's different this time?’
‘Because I really fell in love with you, it was never like that with the others. I don't want to be without you for a second, feeling you, having you around me.’
‘That's good.’
‘But I don't know if it's good!’
‘And what's so bad about being my friend?’
I was surprised at the firmness of my voice, when I was the first to start blubbering at every opportunity.
‘There's nothing wrong with it, it's just that I've never had a real friend before... a steady boyfriend, I don't know what you expect from me, I'm just afraid of messing everything up.’
‘The only thing I expect from you is honesty, Alex, just like you would expect from me.’
‘Nothing else?’
‘With honesty, everything else comes by itself, you don't have to worry about it, why should you mess up?’
‘I don't know... I'm just totally insecure because I've never been in a relationship like this before,’ Alex said.
‘Never? With your great looks, I'm surprised.’
‘I told you that I always chickened out. But it's different with you. Right from the start, I felt a sense of familiarity, as if we had known each other forever.’
‘Thanks,’ I said, giving him a kiss, ’shall we go and have a smoke?’
‘Yeah, I need one now.’
When we arrived at the office, Mutsch just looked at us but didn't say anything.
‘Would you both like to go out for dinner later when Mutsch is finished with her shift?‘ Alex asked.
‘Italian or Greek?’ Mutsch asked, and both then looked at me.
‘I'd like to go out for pizza again, I haven't done that in a long time,’ I replied.
*-*-*
I talked to Alex for a while and listened to the music that was playing on the radio. Mutsch was still working on the PC.
‘Can I help you?‘ she suddenly said.
‘Yes, I'm looking for...’
Startled, I turned around and looked at the familiar voice at the door.
‘Michael? What do you want here?’
I felt myself bristle and I was getting angry.
‘To talk to you,’ he replied.
‘I don't know what we could possibly have to say to each other.’
‘Please, Daniel.’
I got up, feeling a little grumpy.
‘All right, let's go out for a cigarette.’
I took my pack and lighter and looked at Alex for a moment. He nodded at me, smiling, as did Mutsch. So I walked outside with Michael.
‘What do you still want from me?’
‘I realised that I made a huge mistake.’
‘A bit late, isn't it?’
‘That's right, I only realised when you weren't there anymore that I was missing something.’
‘And now?’
‘Do I... still have a chance?’
‘A chance at what? Do you think you can just dump me and then come crawling back like nothing ever happened?’
‘I thought...’
‘You thought wrong, Michael. Do you know how much you hurt me, how much I had to cry because of you? I don't want to experience that again, definitely not. Because how can I be sure that if you meet someone again, you won't just leave me again?’
‘I didn't know it had got you down so much.’
Michael looked at the floor the whole time, concerned.
‘How could I, you left me from one moment to the next, sleeping with me and then saying it's over, did you enjoy that, or what?’
I talked myself into a rage.
‘Daniel, what do you think of me.’
For the first time he looked me in the eye, he cried.
‘And you don't need to come to me with the crying either.’
‘What has become of you, Daniel, I don't know you at all.’
‘That's what you've made of me, Michael, quite simply.’
‘Then there's no point in us talking any further.’
‘No, there isn't, you said it was over and for me it is over, pasta. I don't want to do this to myself anymore, Michael, and besides, I've fallen in love with someone who is the complete opposite of you.’
He winced at my words. I had him now as far as the feeling I had when he left me. But it did not bring me the satisfaction I hoped for. Now it hurt me what I had let go. I had let myself down to the level of Michael.
‘Michael, I'm sorry. What we had was nice, but it's over now and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't love you anymore; the feelings are gone, as if something in me has died. I hope you find your happiness somewhere else. Goodbye,’ I said, putting my hand on his shoulder again and walking back to the boarding school.
Mutsch and Alex were standing at the office window.
*-*-*
‘You really told him off, you were heard up to here,‘ said Alex.
‘And why do I feel like such a shit now that I've told him off?’ I asked.
‘Because now you've hurt him just as much as he hurt you, only this isn't like you,’ Mutsch explained quietly and sat back down on her office chair.
‘I feel really sorry for him now, in retrospect I feel like a real asshole.’
‘He's still downstairs,’ Alex said to me, ’go back down.’
‘And what do you think I should do?’
‘Talk to him again, what else?’
‘And what should I say?’
‘That's up to you.’
Feeling a little annoyed again, I walked down the stairs into the courtyard for the second time. Michael was still standing where I had left him. I simply walked up to him and put my arms around him without saying a word.
He began to sob loudly and trembled all over.
‘I'm sorry, Michael, for the way I reacted.’
‘It's all right, Daniel. I didn't deserve any better, it's my own fault.’
‘Come inside for a bit, I don't want you to go home like this.’
‘No, I'd rather not.’
‘I want to introduce you to my friend,’ I said without thinking.
‘He's here?’
‘We even live together in the same room.’
‘No, I don't want to go in there anymore. I'll have another cigarette and go home.’
‘Okay if you're sure.’
‘Yes, I am.’
*-*-*
I watched him run back to his car. I was still standing there even after he had driven away.
‘Don't you want to come back inside?‘ Said a voice behind me.
Alex. He put his arm around me, pressed himself tightly against me and caressed my chest.
‘Thank you,’ I said.
‘What for?’
‘Just for being there.’
‘I just wanted you to finally be able to break away from him. He would have hovered between us like a shadow all the time.’
‘I can see that I have someone very special standing in front of me.’
‘Thanks for the flowers, but there's nothing special about me.’
‘Nothing special? Yes, Alex, you are. Your manner, your character, everything is special.’
‘Don't put me on a pedestal, I don't like that.’
‘I'm not, I'm just telling the truth.’
‘Can you imagine a future with me?’
‘Yes I can, even that we open a bar together.’
‘Wow, really? You're thinking that far ahead?’
‘Yes Alex, I love you and I won't let you go.’
‘I love you too, Daniel.’
We embraced each other and kissed.
*-*-*
The days went by, school paved our daily routine. On the weekends, we took turns going to Karlsruhe or Heidelberg. Then came the exams. Even though it was difficult for us, we left each other alone and studied hard in our room.
Between the exams, we discussed how we felt about the work we had just handed in. We usually spent the evenings with Mutsch. She also managed to keep us from thinking about the exams the whole evening.
The last day in the house arrived, and we all sat there sadly; all the work had been delivered, somehow the air was out, the tensions of the last few days were gone.
‘And what are you going to do now?‘ Mutsch asked.
‘Alex has found a flat for us both in Karlsruhe. And I've got a new job too, together with Alex,’ I said.
‘And you're sure you want to set up your own business?’
‘Yes, there are six of us. Everyone contributes their share,‘ said Alex.
‘Well, I wish you luck with it,’ said Mutsch.
‘Thanks, we can use it. It was also quite difficult to get the place in top condition again, it was empty for more than two years,’ I said.
‘I'm curious, when are you opening?’
‘In three weeks, when the practical exam is over. And you are still cordially invited.’
‘I'll gladly accept the invitation. I want to be there when you open your shop.’
‘You will, and it will be an unforgettable experience,’ said Alex.
We sat together almost all night and talked our heads off. The next morning we went over again and received our certificates, as expected, both good.
Saying goodbye to Mutsch was hard for us, but she assured us that we would see each other again in three weeks at the latest. I put my luggage in the car and walked back to the boarding school one last time.
I took Mutsch in my arms and held her for a while. We both had tears in our eyes.
‘Take care of yourself Daniel, okay?’
‘Yes, I will and I'll be sure to let you hear from me. Thanks for the great time here, it means a lot to me!’
‘It means a lot to me, too,‘ she said and let go of me with a heavy heart.
Alex also said a heartfelt goodbye to her. Waving, we walked back to the car park.
‘Friday?’ I asked.
‘Yes, Friday, what time are you coming?’ Alex replied.
‘Around eight, can't be earlier because of my shift.’
‘Okay, I'll be expecting you.’
‘Good.’
‘Daniel...’
‘Yes?’ I said, looking into his sky-blue eyes.
‘I love you.’
‘I love you too, my little one.’
We hugged again, almost getting lost in a never-ending kiss. We didn't say anything, just looked into each other's eyes before we both got into our cars and drove off.