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The world is so damn unfair. I could throw up! I'm only realizing this now because I'm on the verge of one of my depression episodes. For what feels like an eternity, I've been rushing around the apartment looking for a bracelet. Of course I can't find it, and I'm very close to a nervous breakdown. The bracelet was from one of my ex-boyfriends and means a lot to me. Apparently, however, I have lost it somewhere. I remember putting it on again last week after playing squash, but now it is gone. I have no idea how long it has been missing. That's the stupid thing. I didn't even realize it was gone. What a bummer!
Slowly, two hands slide over my shoulders from behind and travel down my torso. Warm breath brushes my neck, and if I hadn't been in such a damn bad mood, I would have enjoyed it.
“Stop it,” I murmur instead, grab my coffee and disappear into the living room.
“What's wrong with you?” Benni asks and sits down next to me on the sofa.
“I lost my bracelet.”
“Patrick's?”
“Yes,” I grumble and turn on the TV. There's actually nothing on that would interest me, but it doesn't matter now.
“And that's so bad that you won't let me touch you?”
“I can't be in a bad mood and cuddle with you or do anything else at the same time.”
“Then just forget your bad mood.”
“Nah.”
“What? Do you want to wallow in it a little longer?” he asks stubbornly.
“To be honest, yes. I know you can't stand Patrick and it probably suits you just fine that the bracelet is gone, but it was very important to me.”
“I think you should finally forget about him.”
“It was clear that you would see it that way,” I say irritably and stomp into the bathroom.
“In case you haven't noticed, you're with me now. At least I thought so.”
“I've noticed that. Thank you for your trust.” I put the toothbrush in my mouth and start brushing. I hate brushing my teeth. Just like I hate arguing with Benni. Especially about this topic. He's not really jealous at all, only when it comes to Patrick. For some reason, he's totally allergic to him. Maybe it's because I went to Benni when Patrick broke up with me. I was devastated because it happened so suddenly and Benni was the first person I told. We had only just met and didn't know much more about each other than our first names, but he just happened to be there when I needed someone to talk to.
I still feel sick when I think about that day. Maybe Benni notices that too. Still, he should know me better. I'm not going to follow someone who threw me away like an expired yogurt.
“I'm sorry, Manu,” he says, cuddling up against my back. “But I ate the guy.”
He looks at me through the mirror with wide eyes. At the look, I am even tempted to forget my bad mood and decide that I have done enough oral hygiene. Benni grins and strokes my belly.
“What's going on?” I ask as his fingers unbutton my pants.
“I'll help you take off your clothes.”
“How kind of you,” I say, turning to him. His lips touch mine and finally chase the dark thoughts out of my head.
“Do you still want to sulk?” He asks, pulling me behind him into the bedroom.
“Make me a better suggestion, and I might refrain from doing so.”
He plops himself down on the bed, takes off all his clothes and disappears under the duvet.
“I can't think of anything,” I hear him mutter.
“Me neither,” I say and climb into bed with him.
“You don't go to bed with your clothes on.” He tugs at my sweater.
“I just thought you would like to continue what you started in the bathroom.”
His eyes flash and then he's already on top of me, kissing me.
“Absolutely.”
I put the pen and pad aside and sigh as I fall onto my bed. What wouldn't I give to have Benni with me right now. The only problem is: I'm shy and nobody knows that I'm gay. My parents would kill me and I can do without anyone at school finding out.
Oh man! I wish I was like Manu. Just going for it and not always keeping everything bottled up inside. He says when he doesn't like something and always knows exactly how to get others to pay attention to him. I totally admire that. I have no talent at all for looking sexy or even seducing other guys. Can you learn it? Well, and if you can... I'd rather leave it all to Manu. That way I get something out of it too. In my imagination.
I turn off the light and bury myself under my duvet. Starting tomorrow, it's vacation. Finally, I can sleep in again. And even better, my parents have agreed to go on vacation without me. I think that's by far the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. And that too should say a lot about my life so far.
Loud banging and cursing wake me up much too early the next morning. My parents are obviously having trouble loading the car as planned. No wonder, given the masses they are trying to stuff into it. Yesterday, our entire hallway was full of bags, suitcases, backpacks, folding boxes and who knows what else. And it's a long and quite wide hallway.
I stay in bed for a while, because it still feels like the middle of the night to me. But eventually I have to drag myself out of bed to say goodbye to my beloved parents. They are sitting at the kitchen table drinking tea.
“Good morning, Moritz. You didn't have to get up,” my mother says, and I don't believe a word of it.
“I can sleep late enough in the next few weeks.“ I'd rather not say that you couldn't have slept with all the noise.
“I hope you realize that you are solely responsible for this house for the next two weeks,” says my father in his regular business tone. He really always talks like that. All the more reason not to let him in on my secret. What a shame it would be...
“That means no wild parties where drunks rampage in our house, no strangers and please make sure that everything is locked when you leave the house or go to bed.”
Really. Do I look like I want to throw wild parties? Who should come? Really a good joke.
“I think we should slowly make our way home, honey,” my mother interjects. At least she doesn't have such a bad image of me.
“Yes, you're right.”
Shortly thereafter, they've disappeared and I can finally drink my coffee in peace. This silence...
Benni was really insatiable last night. I think I now smell more of him than of myself. That doesn't seem to bother him, though, because he's kissing my neck right now.
“Hmm,” I grumble, because I just woke up.
“It's really incredible how soundly you sleep. You even kept snoring when I...”
“Yes, very interesting,” I interrupt him and stop his hand from slipping under the covers. “I'm going to take a shower.”
“Wait, I'll come with you,” he says and jumps up.
“No, I need a break now. You've had enough fun.”
“Spoilsport.”
The water that meets me is ice cold. So Benni has once again forgotten to set the temperature back to a tolerable warmth. I don't know how many times I've told him that. And sometimes I think he doesn't give a shit. I'm not going to die from it, he always says. Well, at least I'm awake now.
Benni is lying on the bed watching TV. Olympics. What else? I think he's addicted. They're showing some kind of swimming competition. I find it deadly boring and these suits are more than a little embarrassing.
“Look how muscular he is,” he says, fascinated, pointing at the swimmer Phelps.
“I don't think it's very nice. And I don't like you staring at them like that either.”
“I'm not staring at all. But you have to admit that it looks awesome when they're all soaked and then the muscles.”
I am appalled and stand directly in front of the TV, if he doesn't want to look at me voluntarily.
“And if I stand in front of you soaking wet, isn't it hot?”
“Yes,” he says, grinning mischievously at me. “And if you're so jealous, I like that even better.” He pulls me onto his lap and caresses my upper body.
“So you just wanted to annoy me, did you?” I should have known better.
“That was revenge for you leaving me here alone. And by the way, nobody looks as hot as you do when you get out of the shower.”
I kiss him and he turns off the TV. Wow! So I'm more important than the boob tube after all.
Manu should actually be grateful to me. He's independent, has a sweet boyfriend and sex. I can't say the same about myself, but then I'm only sixteen. And apparently not all there, when I talk about Manu as if he actually existed.
I'd better get some fresh air and take my mind off things. I need to restock the fridge anyway for my short-term independence. I actually hate shopping, but somehow it's kind of a kick when you shop for yourself.
Fortunately, there's not much going on. I can't stand crowds. And if people then also stand in the narrowest place, I could start screaming immediately. They all only think of themselves. It's always: me first, then me and then maybe you. Maybe I shouldn't think so badly of my fellow countrymen, but isn't it their own fault? A little consideration and selflessness can't hurt.
While I am still ranting in my mind, I walk past a group of teenagers. They look quite freaky, but in a fascinating way. They are sitting on an old wall in the middle of the pedestrian zone and are obviously having fun. In front of them is a CD player playing, in my opinion, good music. Summery feel-good rhythms reach my ears. I could really use that right now. Two of them seem to feel the same way I do and are moving to the beat in a relaxed and happy way. It's only when I take a closer look that I realize that they are two boys. I stop dead in my tracks and watch them. One of them is nestled against the other's back and together they move to the beat of the music. I'm speechless. I would never dare to do that. It's almost like at the CSD. I watched the parade for the first time this year. Of course my parents didn't know about it. They thought I was studying with a friend. I can't believe they fell for that cheap excuse, but it didn't matter to me either. Usually, two guys dancing together isn't anything special, but today? What wouldn't I do to be in her shoes. The sight of it stings, so I move on. I can still hear the music long after I've lost sight of the group, and in my mind the same movie keeps playing over and over: the two guys laughing and uninhibitedly pressing close together. Their hands on each other's bodies, that was a hot sight. Hopefully they'll be gone by the time I go back. I've seen enough for one day to feel like crap. And I want to enjoy my freedom for as long as I can. That's about as much use as a nice dinner with my whole crazy family.
To make matters worse, I'll be standing at the checkout for about ten hours before I can pay for my three things and leave. Didn't I say so? Nobody offered to go before, even though they all had their shopping carts packed full.
Now I just have to buy iced tea. The most important thing. My parents always forbid me to drink this “stuff” because it's so unhealthy. I should rather drink Hohes C and multivitamin juice. I don't have to mention that alcohol is out of the question either.
Done. I'm on my way back. As far as I'm concerned, it could be a bit warmer, more summery. Instead, I'm walking around with a jacket. Maybe it's already fall? But then where was the summer?
I am slowly approaching the place where the cheerful group was sitting earlier, but I don't hear any music. Nice. At least that worked, I think and stroll towards the bus stop. Hopefully I won't have to wait that long for the bus. No sooner have I finished thinking than the said vehicle is already approaching me. Is that some kind of sign? Suddenly everything is working. Maybe I should wish for a handsome boy to kiss me today, but that would be too much of a good thing. The doors open with that awful hissing sound and I get on the bus. All seats are taken. That's the sign. I leave my bags on the floor and just manage to grab a pole before the bus pulls away abruptly.
A few stops and about eight thousand deaths from suffocation later, I can finally get off the bus and take a deep breath of fresh air. An elderly gentleman who could really do with a shower was standing next to me the whole time. I felt very badly fogged by a foul-smelling cloud of sweat. Thank God I made it through this and can finally go home now.
“Hey, wait a minute!” someone calls behind me. Out of reflex, I turn around, not because I think it's meant for me. And I'm struck by lightning. The two boys from earlier are coming towards me. The ones who were dancing in the pedestrian zone.
“It was you who was watching us, right?”
“Uh...“ I break out in a sweat. Hopefully they don't think I was staring at them. Or possibly that I have something against gays.
“It's okay, don't be embarrassed,” one of them chuckles and winks at me. I'm about to collapse. What the hell do they want from me?
“You looked a bit sad. Trouble with your boyfriend?”
“No, I... I don't have a boyfriend. How did you...”
“How did I know you like guys? At some point you get an eye for it, but it was also obvious how you looked at us. What's your name?”
“Moritz. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you.”
“You didn't. Why don't you come by again sometime? We're often there and always happy to have visitors. Especially when they're as cute as you.”
There must have been a hallucinogen in my coffee, because before the two of them disappear again, they kiss me on both cheeks at the same time. What a day! I'm so intoxicated that when I get home, I turn to Manu and Benni again. Escape to another world. Most of the time it works quite well.
“So, any news?” Benni asks when I come home from work and drop down on the sofa in full gear.
“Indeed. The police announced in a press release today that there was a brawl in the city center. Really bad. Some crazy guy attacked a group of teenagers. And why?”
“I don't know, spit it out.”
“They were playing loud music and dancing.”
“And what's wrong with that?” Benni asks, massaging my shoulders.
“They were boys. I'm telling you, the world is going to the dogs. Now dancing is already a public nuisance. And I get to write the story.”
“Why you? You're just doing your internship there.”
“I asked myself the same thing. Anyway, I have no idea how to write this article without outing myself.”
“Why don't you talk to your boss again? You'll think of some excuse.”
“Nah, no chance. So how was your day?” I ask to change the subject. Of course I'm interested, but most of Benni's stories are pretty gross.
“Gross.” Didn't I say so?
“Did someone decorate the walls with their poop again?”
“No, I was supposed to watch when a bandage was changed. I've really never seen anything that nasty. The wound was really...”
“I don't think I want to know the details,” I interrupt him and go into the kitchen. “What are we eating?”
“Hot dogs.”
“Again?” I'd better check the fridge again to see if there's another option. If I'm not careful, Benni won't eat anything but hot dogs. He's addicted to them too.
“Should I buy anything else?” He asks, hugging me from behind. I'm flabbergasted because he always lets me do the shopping. Maybe I'm slowly managing to educate him a little.
“You don't have to. I'll just throw a few things we still have in the pan and we're done.”
“That fight is still on your mind, isn't it?”
“What makes you say that?”
“I can see it in your face. Besides, you've never come home so exhausted.”
I sigh. “One of the boys is in the hospital. Broken ribs, bruises and a dislocated shoulder. That's insane. If he had danced with a girl, people would have watched and maybe even applauded. Just because he's gay, he's got the short end of the stick. Are we only allowed to have fun at home? And in gay clubs?”
“You know how they think.” Benni tries to calm me down. Normally, he gets just as upset about things like this, but he probably thinks that would just make me more upset. Well, when he's right... Still, it's beyond me what goes on in the minds of people like that.
"Now I really feel like writing this article. Tomorrow I'll go to the hospital and visit the boy.“ Haha, they'll see what they get out of giving me the story. Benni looks at me strangely. Almost pityingly. I can't use that right now. If he thinks I've gone crazy, he should keep it to himself.
”You do realize that you're going a bit crazy right now, don't you?"
“Yes, yes. I'll make dinner now.”
I read something similar the other day. At the CSD in some Eastern European country, right-wing extremists attacked the participants of the parade. It makes you wonder if they have anything other than hatred and violence on their minds. I really admire all those who are still brave enough not to hide. Unfortunately, I can't count myself among them. I will never be like those two weird guys from the city. They could quickly end up just like the boy in my story. I used to not think about these things at all; I was pretty naive.
After getting an overview of the current state of the Olympic Games, I go to bed. It's still pretty early, but I got up early too. And the day was already a lot more eventful than the ones before. Should I go into town again tomorrow? After all, I was invited by... Great, I don't even know their names. It's kind of rude to ask for your name and not introduce yourself. Maybe I shouldn't get too full of myself, even if one of them said I was cute. But who wants to be cute? And what about the kiss? Oh, they probably do that to everyone. I'll probably make a complete fool of myself when I show up there again tomorrow.
What's certain, in any case, is that I'm not quite all there just thinking about it. I really should urgently shift down a gear and just wait and see if this rush has worn off tomorrow.
Ah, this is what I call a vacation. Sleeping in until eleven, a quiet breakfast and a whole day to spend as I please. First, I'll take a shower and enjoy the warm water. I'm just as much of a wimp as Manu.
For some reason, I'm in a damn good mood. I even try harder with my outfit, because a baggy T-shirt is out of the question today. I've decided to go into town again after all. I can always hide somewhere if I feel uncomfortable. Hopefully they won't make a circus out of it again today, otherwise I'll leave immediately. It remains a mystery what draws me there at all, but with a little luck I won't regret it.
The bus is definitely on time and there are even seats available. Then it can start. However, it seems as if I have forgotten the little self-confidence from this morning at home. During the ride, my hands start to sweat and I feel like I'm on my way to hell. Ridiculous, I know. But I just realize that these guys and I have nothing in common at all. Apart from our weakness for other guys. What am I supposed to talk about with them? I can't just spread my boring life in front of them.
“Hey, Moritz.”
The plan to hide is no longer an option. They're shouting at the top of their voices all over the pedestrian zone. So I'd better go to them quickly before everyone knows my name.
“There you are.”
“Uh, yes. I had nothing else to do,“ I stammer. At least there's no music today.
“All the better. I'm Tim, by the way, and this is Lippe. His real name is Philipp, but well, we call him Lippe.” Better than Snowy, I think. Although the two of them are likely to be just as inseparable as the well-known comic duo.
The group consists of seven young people, and I am now introduced to them one by one. Actually, they seem quite nice and apparently no one is surprised by my sudden appearance. One person, I am told, is still missing. Kai. But he will probably turn up later.
I feel quite lost among all these strangers, especially since Tim and Lippe dropped me off on the wall and then left me alone. So I have no choice but to play the silent observer until the two girls in the group approach me. Anna and Susi.
“Excuse me for being so nosy, but are you into boys?” Anna asks, and I have to be careful not to fall off the wall.
“Yes, why?”
“Too bad. It would have been exciting to have a heterosexual boy in the group for a change. Besides, I like you.”
My cheeks are starting to glow. Where do they all get their self-confidence from? And to explain: Anna and Susi represent the hetero part in this group. All the others, that is, all the boys, are gay.
“Sorry, I didn't mean to take you by surprise,” Anna giggles. She obviously thinks I'm cute too. And that puts a damper on my mood.
“You didn't,“ I lie contritely.
“Where did Tim and Lippe pick you up?” Susi asks.
“Yesterday, when I got off the bus. Do they just talk to anyone?”
“It happens quite often, yes, but only if they like the person. Are you often in town?”
“Nah, I was shopping and then I saw them dancing.”
“Oh, it was you,” says Anna in amazement. ‘That's right, now that you mention it. You caught the eye of pretty much the whole group as you watched the two of them.”
And again I catch fire. How embarrassing! ’I didn't even realize that.”
“Hey guys!” Anna calls. ‘That's the guy from yesterday. Did you notice?”
“Of course,’ one of them shouts back. ”Not all of us are as blind as you.”
Anna sticks out her tongue at him and I feel like shooting myself. It definitely can't get any worse than this.
“There comes Kai,” announces Tim and then turns to me. ”You'd better be careful with him. You're exactly his type and if you're not careful, he'll have you wrapped around his finger in no time. Don't get me wrong, he's a sweetheart, but mostly he just wants to have fun. You better not fall in love with him.”
What? I don't even know him. Do I look like I'm that easy?
“Thanks for the tip,” I say, confused, and wait tensely on the wall until Kai has spotted me and comes over.
“Hello, I didn't think you'd be back so soon. I'm Kai.”
“Moritz.“ I don't know what's up with Tim. He doesn't give the impression at all that he wants to seduce me immediately.
“Ah, Mo, then, yes? Sweet name,” says Kai, smiling at me. Now I know exactly what Tim meant. I guess I've just gotten over the whole falling in love thing, too.
Anna and Susi look at me meaningfully from the side and wait until Kai has rejoined the others.
“You'd better not do that,“ whispers Anna.
“What?”
“Well, to look at him like that. It would do Kai good if he didn't always get what he wants.”
“Who says...” I try to defend myself, but Susi interrupts me.
“You'd better listen to Tim and Anna. They've known Kai forever.”
“All right. I'm going now.”
“Already? Did we say something wrong?“ Anna asks.
“Nah, I'm just getting hungry.”
“Will you come again?”
“Sure.” But not until I've brought order to this huge lump of chaos that has taken up residence in my head.
I politely say goodbye and disappear before Kai can give me one of his looks.
The woman at the information desk kindly tells me where I can find the boy's room as soon as I show her my press card. I admit that I feel a bit important with this thing. But now I should rather concentrate on what lies ahead of me.
I knock on the door and enter. There are two beds in the room, but one is empty and covered with some kind of foil. At least he has his privacy here.
“Hello Martin, I'm from the press, and if it's okay with you, I'd like to ask you a few questions. You don't mind if I use the informal ‘you’, do you?”
“Yes, sure,” he replies in a weak voice. With several broken ribs, it's probably not easy to breathe and speak.
I pull a chair up to the bed and sit down. Where should I start?
“My name is Manu and...” I hesitate briefly, “...I'm gay too.”
“Do your colleagues know?”
“No.”
“And how do you plan to write this article then?”
A bright mind and in this state. That makes things easier.
“I don't know that either,” I answer truthfully. “But I certainly won't leave anything out.”
“Then I'm glad they sent you. I thought I was dealing with a conservative weirdo and that it was my own fault afterwards.”
“But they have to approve the story first. Just because I write it doesn't mean it will be printed.”
“We'll see.”
“So... you're eighteen and still go to school, right?” I begin my interview. He nods. This goes on for quite a while until we have the official part behind us. I write, or rather scribble, everything down in my little notebook.
“Do you often meet in this part of town?”
“If there's nothing else to do and the weather's good, yes. Sometimes we have music with us and sometimes we just hang out.”
“Has anyone ever attacked or harassed you?”
“Some people look funny and whisper, but no one has ever attacked us. Why should they? We just talk and sometimes dance to the music when we feel like it.”
“Why do you think the guy attacked you?”
“Because he's a homophobic asshole. That's all there is to it. We didn't do anything to anyone, especially nothing that would require a beating.”
“How exactly did it happen?” I ask, preparing myself for having to write down a lot of information in a short time.
"My friend and I were dancing to the music when suddenly this man approached us. We heard him swearing from afar, but didn't expect him to be dangerous. He spouted the usual nonsense about us being perverts and bombarded us with all sorts of swear words. The others said I should just let him talk, but I didn't want to. I've had to listen to a lot, but this guy really pissed me off. I went up to him and wanted to tell him what I thought of him, but I didn't even get that far.” Martin put a hand on the bandage on his upper body and grimaced for a moment. He took a few more breaths in and out before he could continue. "He swung and hit me in the face before I could even open my mouth. I went down and then he kicked me. Over and over. I tried to fight back, but I didn't stand a chance. Somehow he managed to get hold of my arm and then pulled on it or did something else that dislocated my shoulder. It happened so fast that I don't even remember how he did it. I only remember the pain. It hurt like hell, you can't imagine. My friend ran after me and pulled the guy away from me. He broke this pig's nose. Our other friends came too and held the guy until the police arrived."
I am speechless and didn't even write down a single word. I won't forget this anytime soon. Martin pauses as if the telling has taken quite a toll on him. He is breathing heavily and is obviously in pain.
“Should I get someone?” I ask, worried, because I have no idea how else I could help him.
He shakes his head. “It's just talking that hurts.”
“Okay, I'll leave you alone then. Can I leave you alone? Shouldn't I rather tell someone?”
“No, go ahead. My friend will be here soon.”
“All right. I'll come back tomorrow, okay?”
He just nods again and I leave the room.
I can't really concentrate. It took me forever just for the last few sentences, so I'd better put the pen down.
Kai is on my mind and I wonder if he really is as Tim said. At least he has a crazy charisma. I can well imagine that quite a few people have already given in to him, and I don't really intend to join that list. Nevertheless, there is a little, nasty something inside of me that wants exactly that. I mean, the way he looked at me... Probably the others thought the same and he probably has already broken many hearts. I know all that and yet I am so crazy to wish to be close to him. That I am really his type, I can not imagine at all. I'm small, not really athletic and as I said, quite shy. So far, I've always somehow blended into the background and nobody really noticed me. At school, the teachers never remember my name and I've always been too uncool for my classmates. I'd be really interested to know when someone is cool in their eyes. Maybe when he beats up a gay boy in the middle of the street?
Kai has probably always been popular. He looks fantastic, has a stunning smile and obviously has no problem approaching others. I wonder if he's ever had a girlfriend? They must surely flock after him.
After I've decided that this worrying is getting me nowhere, I actually make myself something to eat. Earlier, it was just an excuse, but as time goes by, hunger strikes. I have ravioli from the can, my secret favorite. And of course, iced tea. Yay! Life has its good sides, too. Then, however, my eyes fall on the newspaper and the smile disappears from my face. They report on the murder of a boy. He was on his way home from the disco late at night and just stopped at the side of the road to light a cigarette. Another man watched him doing so and attacked him because he thought he was a hustler. The perpetrator was arrested shortly afterwards and said during interrogation that he had done the right thing in his view. It was only when it was explained to him that he had killed an innocent, heterosexual youth that he showed remorse.
A cold shiver runs down my spine as I read the article. Any youth could have been the victim, you have to imagine that. Because there are such sick people, you have to be afraid to go out on the street. The world is really going to the dogs.
Before I went home, I talked to a nurse. She told me that there is a risk of pneumonia because Martin is not breathing deeply enough due to the pain. As far as I understand it, the oxygen then does not reach the tips of the lungs and that can lead to inflammation. That's why patients with a rib fracture also need to take painkillers regularly.
Martin didn't tell me that, of course. It's a good thing I spoke to someone after all, because the nurse said it was absolutely necessary for him to take something for this pain.
I left the hospital feeling a little better and went home. Benni is not back yet, but it shouldn't take long. I make myself a coffee because I have a splitting headache and don't want to take something for it right away. At least I won't get seriously ill from it.
Half an hour later, I hear the front door open and a moment later Benni comes into the living room. I can't see him because I've put a pillow over my face, but who else could it be?
“What are you doing?” he asks, amused.
“I have a headache. The pillow is for darkening the room.”
“I see. I have something here that will make your headache go away quickly.”
“If it's something to eat, forget it. I feel sick too.”
“You're a real jerk,” he says, offended. “Now look.”
Reluctantly, I put the pillow aside and look up at Benni. He's holding...
"My bracelet! Where did you find that?“
”Well, I'm the best,” he says with a grin, sitting down next to me. He grabs my wrist and ties the bracelet around it. ‘I figured that your memory is not something you can rely on, so I went to the sports center. Someone must have found it and turned it in. So much for you putting it back on after squash.’
“Idiot,” I say, pulling him to me and kissing him on the mouth.
“And what about your headache?”
“Still here.”
“That's not possible. Then I'll have to distract you a little more, won't I?” His hands are already under my sweater and his lips are back on mine.
“You're a pig,” I laugh, pulling his shirt over his head. “But a cute one.”
“Well, thank you very much,” he says and pushes me back so that I'm lying on the sofa again. My sweater lands on the floor and Benni's lips instantly move over the naked skin of my upper body. They kiss my stomach, my chest and my neck until they arrive back at my mouth. The throbbing in my head moves further down and settles in my chest. Even after two years together, my heart still starts beating wildly every time Benni touches me. I hope it will stay that way forever and that something like Martin's never happens to us. There are enough enemies out there, but with a bit of luck, we'll never have to deal with their absurd hatred.
It's getting pretty cold on the sofa and there's not that much space to cuddle here either. But I really need that now, so we move to the bedroom. Benni caresses my back with both hands and pulls me very close to him because I'm already starting to tremble with cold.
“It's a real miracle that I haven't frozen to death yet next to you,” he says and pulls the blanket up even higher. “How can you keep cooling down so quickly?”
“I don't know. That's just the way it is.”
“And how's your head now?”
“Great,” I say, already knowing exactly what he's going to answer.
“Too bad.”
“Huh?” I hadn't expected that. I could have sworn he'd say something like, “There's nothing better than me.”
“I was actually hoping you'd need a second dose of painkillers.”
I sigh. “Don't you ever get enough?”
“No, not of you.”
“Then of whom?”
“You know exactly what I mean.”
Yes, I know exactly what you mean, and luckily he can't see my grin right now.