07-11-2025, 02:41 PM
Hello, I'm Micky. Actually Michael, but hardly anyone calls me that. You could theoretically even change my ID. Even my boss only calls me Micky when he's in a good mood, otherwise, of course, Mr. Hohlbein. Yes, it's a crappy name, but I can't do anything about it. What it's about today? About my youth. Yes, I know it sounds stupid when I talk about my youth at the age of 21, but what it is about today happened five years ago, and for me it is about a quarter of my life and thus clearly a long time ago. When it all began, I was still 16 and lived in a small town in the countryside, somewhere between Berlin and Hamburg. It's not really worth mentioning exactly where, so we'll leave it at that. It was a small place, about 10,000 inhabitants, so there was an atmosphere where everyone knew each other. Sometimes this is quite pleasant, but in the long run it's annoying. You are recognized by everyone and you can't do anything without being watched. If you're in a bad mood for a day, then two minutes later the whole “city” knows about it, basically it's not a real one, it's much too small and much too village-like. At that time, I still went to high school in town, hard to believe, but our town really had its own. Although it is also quite small. Since then, I have never seen a school that can manage with 200 students. Well, and I was involved in a clique of about 8 guys. All of them were in my course level and we had all known each other for years, most of us even from kindergarten. There were Sandy, Melanie, Andy, Matthias, Daniela, Christina, Marcus and me. All of them were 17 except me, I was just the baby of the family, but only for a few more weeks, then it should be time for me too, finally 17 and the summer vacations weren't far off either, after all, it was already early summer, it was slowly getting really warm outside and you could almost dare to go out in just a T-shirt and shorts, well, but only almost. I'm a real frostbite for such actions.
“Morning,” I greeted Marcus.
“What? So cheerful so early in the morning? I don't think you're normal.”
"I don't know if I'm normal, but you definitely aren't. You look more like you just fell out of bed.”
“That's how I feel too. Well, I should just get a bit more sleep. But try explaining that to Melanie, she just won't let me get any rest,“ he rolled his eyes.
”What about me?“ Melanie suddenly joined us too.
”Speak of the devil…“ and again Marcus just rolled his eyes.
”Hey, what's that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, nothing. Just that my little devil always shows up when people talk about him.“
”Weirdo.“
”But at least a nice weirdo?“
”The best weirdo in the world."
And what happened in the next few seconds before my eyes? Yes, it was time, the first couple had found each other this morning and had to slobber all over each other. Whereby one must say that it is a miracle how Melanie keeps our womanizer Marcus so close to the leash and does not let him escape in any adverse direction. For those who haven't understood it yet: me, Marcus and Melanie were standing in front of the school one Wednesday morning, waiting for the bell to ring to start school. Well, not primarily for the bell to ring, but rather for the others to arrive.
“Good morning,“ something suddenly jumped on me from behind and I jumped in fright at first. ‘Hey, don't faint.’
”Then don't squeak in my ear and don't jump on my long-suffering back.“
”Oh, you poor thing. I'm really sorry. But good morning to you two lovebirds too.”
“Morning Sandy,” Marcus says, joining in again.
Morning, morning, morning, and so it went on until finally all eight men and women were standing in a circle and chatting about the previous evening as usual. At that time, there were only one couple internally and four couples externally in the clique, if you want to put it that way. As already known, Marcus and Melanie were a couple and everyone else except for Matthias and me had found their partner outside of the group. Well, but I wasn't really jealous about it. Sure, I would have liked to have had someone by my side, but if it doesn't work out, it just doesn't work out. Lately, though, I've noticed that my friends have somehow been trying to set me up, and when this time of setting up starts up again, I can bury myself for a while. I think there is nothing worse than being introduced to a girl, only to then tell her yourself: “Nah, you're not my type!” which is probably the case most of the time. If my friends would tell her themselves, no problem, but in the end you are always the scapegoat.
“So, what are you all up to today?” Daniela asked, sort of into the room.
“Well, me and Melanie have to study math.“ And at the same moment that Marcus said this, the rest of the group burst into laughter, while Melanie blushed beautifully at his side. ‘Shouldn't it be biology?’ someone from the group added.
”Nah, but seriously, who wants to go swimming at the lake this afternoon?” Daniela asked this time a little more specifically.
“We're both in,“ Melanie answered first this time.
”And what about math?“ Marcus asked in disbelief.
”That can wait, just like you.“ Gosh, someone wanted to get even for the gaffe from earlier.
”Um... Excuse me, but isn't it a bit too cold to swim?” I interjected.
“Wimp. A man feels no cold, he'll get through it, and it's not that bad, the water is already 15°C,” is typical of our Hartei Matthias.
“Hey, don't be a tough guy here. If it's too cold for me, it's too cold for me. I don't want to be sick in bed for the next week when the water might finally be really warm,” I spat at him a little too harshly. But anyone who makes such allusions to me should watch their back, I get mighty bitchy about stuff like that.
“Now just calm down, you two squabblers, not again, so once more: Who's coming to the lake to swim or just to hang around, can also be nice for those who don't want to?"
Somehow this has been happening more and more often between Matthias and me lately. I don't know exactly why, but we ended up arguing almost every day, and it only took a very small provocation for either of us to take the first step. Yes, I admit it, I wasn't really an innocent lamb either; every now and then, when I was in a bad mood, I took advantage of this opportunity to let off steam, especially at that time. Why has this only happened recently? In my opinion, Matthias had undergone a transformation overnight. All of a sudden, he wanted to appear strong and self-confident. That's all well and good, I say to myself, as long as it doesn't get too strong, otherwise it quickly becomes bragging and that's just how it turned out with him. Always these weird sayings about tough guys and this typically conservative social image of women and men. He often played the big shot and tried desperately to find a girlfriend. Sometimes it was really annoying. The others seemed to be able to deal with it, but I tend to blow up pretty quickly when it comes to stuff like that. Me and Matthias had never really done much together outside of the group, so neither of us really minded bickering with each other.
“So, who's coming with us?“ Daniela asked again.
”So, Marcus, Melanie, Matthias, Sandy, Andy, Christina, me. And what about you, Micky?“
”Oh, I don't know yet, I actually still have a bit to do.” I replied. Actually, I didn't really have anything to do, but rather I didn't really feel like running into Matthias.
“Oh, come on, what do you have to do? It'll be more fun at the lake than doing what you're planning to do,” Melanie tried to persuade me.
“For one thing, I still have a lot to organize because my parents are going on vacation tomorrow, if you remember, and for another thing, I really need to do something for school again,“ I snapped back a bit too sharply, so of course I was sorry about it at the same moment.
”It's okay. You don't have to be a bitch about it.”
“Sorry, I didn't mean it, I must have got up on the wrong side of the bed today.“
”Come with us for a couple of hours despite your things, it'll be fun and it'd be a shame if you weren't there,” Daniela tried again to persuade me.
“Well, I'll see what I can do, but I still can't promise anything.“
”Thanks, it'll be great and you won't regret it, I promise."
And with these final words, the wretched ringing of the school bell began. Annoying every day, it just reminded us that we were stuck here for the next 2 years. But what could you do about it? There was nothing you could do except just put up with it all. And that's where our group split up. Some in math, some in art. Well, at least it wasn't the case that we all had to go to different classes, but there was always someone with us. Well, but whether this person was really useful to me. Now I had math and who was with me, of course? Matthias. I guess I'll never get rid of that guy.
“You have the homework with you?” he asks me at the same moment.
“Yes, sure, don't you?” I snapped at him, of course.
"Hey, it's fine. What did I do to you this time? Say, are you having your period?”
“If you don't stop this shit right now, I'll hit you. You're just annoying!“
”Sorry to have disturbed your royal highness. Get off your high horse, apparently the sun has gone to your head today.”
“Blah blah blah. Can't you do anything other than use others for your own purposes or do without your stupid comments for once? They're really annoying!“
”Sorry for being annoying. You can leave if you don't like it.“
”Thanks, I'll do that then.”
No sooner said than done. I grabbed my stuff and snuck off to one of the back rows. Finally some peace and quiet. No annoying guys getting on my nerves. Well, I was in a really bad mood this morning, I admit, but Matthias of course topped it all. At least I had two hours of peace and quiet for now and was able to slowly return to normal. I didn't catch much of the lesson, but so what. It's just math, I'll manage somehow.
Well, and then I was talked at for two hours by our teacher. About the integration of a normal e-function etc. etc. Boring stuff that really didn't interest anyone. I'm sure you're not interested either. So I'll skip the next 90 minutes, during which I was only asleep anyway, and move on to the next big break. Math was over and now our group gathered again in the auditorium.
“Is anyone else coming this afternoon?“ I ask again to be on the safe side. There have been occasions when just the eight of us wanted to meet and suddenly there were about 20 of us.
”No, not really. My friend and the friends of the others have to find something else to do today. It's possible to do without us, and besides, the eight of us should meet again on our own.”
“I agree, I just wanted to check again. You can surely still remember last summer, when suddenly about 20 people came to shit?”
“Sure, but I thought it was cool. It was almost party time, a bit few people for a party, but still. And above all, it was full of delicious girls.” Who do you think made that comment? Right, Matthias. All talk and no action. He talks big about delicious girls, but has never even remotely had a girlfriend himself.
“Well, that's fine for you. But I can live just fine without looking after every other skirt. Maybe this afternoon will help you to finally get your blood pumping in your loins again if you don't see any other girls!“
”Hey, what's that supposed to mean?” the other female creatures in our group objected indignantly.
“Oh, nothing, I just wanted to...” I said, ‘um...’ ”Oh, forget it.”
And again only this nasty grin of the girls. I don't know, but somehow you're always powerless against women. It's true, women often have more brains than the rest of humanity, whoever that may be. At least a few women, and if I should narrow it down even further, then our 4 girls.
“Yes, yes, we understand, we're not your level, we're just a bunch of poor women who have nothing to offer. No money, no beauty...“
”But a very charming character and a wonderful friendship,” I interrupted the four of them. Somehow I had to get out of my fat mouth again.
“Smoothie,” was the only reaction from the rest of the guys, and from the girls there was just an ‘Ohh,’ and everyone blushed equally. At least I had achieved my goal there and could grin from ear to ear for the time being. And I didn't just say that to make it sound better, I really meant it, I loved my girls. Whenever I felt like crap, I could just contact them and someone was always there for me, and all without anything in return. Well, there was one, but it wasn't asked for, I was there for her in return. You have to be honest. Girls tend to be put off by a guy like Matthias; I doubt that you could build up any kind of deeper emotional relationship with him, let alone talk to him about something like that.
At that very moment, the eerily annoying shrillness of our school bell sounded. The break was over and our group once again split into two. Sandy, Marcus, Matthias and I had German first, while the rest went to art. As soon as we entered our room, our slightly graying German teacher stomped in. Unlike our other teachers, he really was only slightly graying at 40, and he was also quite open and tolerant of other matters. But just as fickle as me, you could tell immediately whether it would be a good or rather an annoying hour, and today it was rather a positive hour, at least that's what his face looked like.
“Sandy?“ I tried to whisper quietly.
”Yes?“
”When are we actually meeting this afternoon?“
”Around three, right at our swimming hole in the forest, you surely remember that, don't you?“
”Yeah, sure, I just wanted to know roughly when so I don't arrive last again. You know me.”
“Well, don't exaggerate, there are much worse guys than you in our group, just look at Matthias. Cheesy, macho and always late. What are you supposed to think of that?“
”Oh, it's not just you who's noticed that?”
“Nah, who hasn't? You could only miss it if you had a tomato on each eye or just didn't want to see it...“
Suddenly a louder voice came from the front and addressed both of us, well, me, directly.
”Mr. Hohlbein? What else is there that's interesting?“
”Oh, nothing.”
“Nothing? Well then this is more interesting for you. You have to fill out a questionnaire in groups of two by tomorrow...”, during these words he was already standing up and handing out 4 pieces of paper with questions to each of us, ”... you have to work through these questions with your partner and present a concrete overall picture of the person to the class at the end. You are not supposed to reproduce any explicit statements here, but rather to interpret the person as you see them, how well you would get along with them, for example, what you think of them and so on. You understand. Everyone has about 5 minutes to express themselves, so we should be done in about 2 hours.” A small artistic pause set in and he continued. ”So now to the individual groups. Sandy, you'll work with Martin. Daniel, you'll work with Manuela. Michael, you'll work with Matthias..."
Um, excuse me? I'm supposed to fill out a crappy questionnaire like this from one day to the next and answer questions like ”When did you have your first relationship? Are you looking for sex or love? How do you see your life at the moment?” I was already against the grain, but I also had to do this together with Matthias and then evaluate it. Surely, evaluating will not be a problem. A rough, uncouth block of wood that only thinks with its pig and nothing else, I probably don't need to say more in class, but I don't want to let go of any soul here either.
“Um...“
”Yes, Michael?“
”You're not really asking us to answer all these questions, are you?“
”Well, actually, yes. Why not?“
”Why not? Because they're pretty much private and I certainly won't give some answers because they just don't belong in public.”
“Do they come into the public eye? I don't think so. You are supposed to answer each other and these answers will ultimately remain in your possession. You are not supposed to simply repeat the other person's answers here, you are supposed to characterize the people. You are not supposed to mention any explicit answers here. So I don't really see a problem."
Aha, no explicit statements to the class, but to Matthias. I wonder what the difference is. One word to Matthias and two hours later the whole town knows it. Once again, you had to be prepared for anything. For the next two hours, my mood was once again in the basement. As soon as you get a little cheerful, something like that slows you down again. So what did I do for the next two hours? I stared out the window and cursed myself for getting out of bed that day.
“Michael? Do you still want to take part in the lesson?”
“Michael? Are you even listening to me?“
”Michael? What are you doing there at all?"
And again and again the questions came from my teacher, but I wasn't interested at all, so at least he saw what I thought of his teaching method with the test. Nothing at all, well I could do something like that with Sandy or someone like that, but not with Matthias, gossip number 1.
But eventually even those two hours were over and the bell rang for a break. Well, at least it would have been a normal break. No, now I had to quickly get my gym clothes out of the locker and then it was off to the gym. But first I had to say goodbye to Sandy, who had philosophy instead. Have I already said that I curse this Wednesday? Yes, well then I'll say it again here, I hate Wednesday, because the next two hours I had again together with Matthias and no one else from our group. I would have liked to just gone home and slept until this Wednesday would be over.
The way to the gym was a narrow dirt road through a small forest. Well, in our area, the gym is not directly on the school grounds. But it's not that bad, it's only about a 500-meter walk. Suddenly, however, Matthias is walking right next to me and I jump in fright.
“Hey, not so jumpy. Don't say I've done something to you again!” And once again Matthias is walking next to me. ‘I just wanted to ask how we're going to do our questionnaire?’
I started boiling up inside again just hearing the word questionnaire, but there's nothing I can do about it.
“I'm not sure, but it would probably be best if we went somewhere together after our meeting at the lake and worked through all the stuff.“
”Well, where? I don't really live near our swimming spot! What about you? Couldn't we meet there? It's right on my way anyway?”
This guy even has the nerve to come to me. But I don't really have anything against it either. It's really the best option, and before we end up having to go to him, I'd rather agree to meet at my place.
“Okay, then at my place, if it absolutely has to be?” I try to sound indifferent.
“It doesn't have to be, we can just put 0 points on the board.“
”Well, don't be a bitch about it again.“
”Oh, just forget it, we'll meet after the bath.“
And again he was gone, probably fortunately, even more of his sayings and at some point I would blow up...
...”Have you seen the new one from the ninth?”
“No, which one do you mean?“
”Well, the one with the two excellent arguments!“
”Oh, you mean the one with the watermelons?“
”Yes, I'd really like to take her on. She looks really hot...“
”Dream on, by the time she lets you at it, your dick will have rotted off. Stick to yourself, you'll get more out of it.”
“You should know. Well, I don't think I know anyone who switches to manual mode as often as you do!”
Can you imagine that? You just come into the gym locker room and what do you get? Watermelons, rotting cocks, hand jobs? Sometimes I feel like I'm in a stable full of horny rabbits just waiting for the next shot. Well, I guess guys aren't really any better than rabbits. Often I'm really glad when at least some of them get their blood to the head at least once a day and then and when they can produce a reasonable, straight sentence without using words like wanking, fucking, tits and the like. It really works for some of them, but well, what can you ask for? You just want to wander past for now and hide in a quieter corner.
“Ah, our Mr. Clean is back. Still chaste and well-behaved?“
”Oh come on, leave him alone, he's just a bit behind, what did you expect, poor guy.“
”I think his biggest dream is to cum once a year.“
”Well, or at least get it up once.”
Well, sometimes the day continues just as badly as it started. Today seems to be one of those days again. Are you not a man just because you don't jerk off every two minutes or slobber over some female every two seconds, no matter how ugly she is? Well, you have to listen to something like that every week. At some point you just get numb and just ignore it, or rather, you try to somehow not hear it. And yet it comes back to your eardrum and you still hear it. No matter how often you tell yourself, “They're just assholes, you don't have to pay attention to that!” you're still somehow hurt again and again. You ask yourself, what did I do wrong? Am I really such a failure? And I think, no matter how self-confident some 30 or even 40-year-olds pretend to be, it just doesn't work. They too are vulnerable to such things, maybe not as easily as teenagers, but it also takes a toll on them. I used to freak out regularly because of such comments and sometimes I would have lashed out, but I am no longer proud of that today, however much they might have deserved it. But I had simply given them the right to do so by my reaction. I was weak and didn't know how I could have reacted differently. Today, I'm at least a little older and just walk past the guys, sit down somewhere in a quiet corner of the locker room and just change. T-shirt, sweatpants, sneakers, what more do you need? Somehow it's time for me to get dressed quickly and just get out of there and go somewhere where you're not sitting across from these weirdos.
“Aha, we're not fancy enough for you, are we?“ Sven, the weirdo, says, of course.
”Should you be?“
”Shut your wankered mouth or I'll smack you!“
”Ah, a threat, but you'd better take another look at the dictionary so you have other words than wank and tits. Well, at least you should know what other words there are, nobody's asking you to be able to write them,« I said and just walked past him. Behind me, I heard him call out »wanker« after me again. Well, as I said, a dictionary might work wonders, although I'm actually afraid that everything is already forgiven anyway. Instead of getting annoyed about it again, I preferred to go to the gym, or rather to the stack of mats in the equipment room, and just lie on them. Close my eyes and relax a bit. It didn't take a second and I was asleep. Although the day was still pretty young, I was so exhausted that I just collapsed...
... Michael? Hello? Mr. Late Riser! The lesson has started! You'd better come quickly to the others, before you get into trouble!” Something was jolting my shoulder. ‘Hey, not yet, I don't feel like doing sports’ was the first thing that went through my mind. But eventually I had to open my eyes after all. I was lying on the mat as before, only Matthias was bent over me, constantly shaking my shoulders. Aha, the culprit, why can't he just let me sleep, no one will notice anyway.
“Ah, Sleeping Beauty is awakening from her deep sleep!“ Matthias simply grinned at me.
”Oh, just shut up, why can't I just sleep in peace here?” I spat at him, still a little tired, and then had to yawn again promptly.
“Why? No idea? Because otherwise you'll just get into trouble with our professor again? Come on, before you really get a reprimand!” he smiled at me this time and held out his hand. Still a little sleepy, I reached for it rather weakly and moments later he had pulled me up. But unfortunately a bit too hard, I was apparently still too weak on my feet, because at the same moment I lost my balance and just fell forward, but there was Matthias. Somehow, as a reflex, he just grabbed me and held me just to make sure I didn't fall over.
“Hey, still a bit weak on your feet?” he whispered to me, rather gently, directly in my ear this time.
“Thanks, but I'm fine now,” I just tried to react somehow, broke away from him and left the equipment room as quickly as possible and sat down with the others.
Somehow the scene had just frightened me a little. What was that about Matthias? Is he kidding me? Or is he suddenly trying to be friendly after all? Sometimes you really can't figure him out.
“So, now for handball. Like every week. Form teams and compete against each other. Oh, and by the way, that's when the final grades are given,” it came from our sports teacher, and I knew exactly that it was going to be one of those shitty days again. I hate handball like the plague, actually all kinds of games. I'm just not good at any kind of sport, well, maybe a little chess and table tennis, but well, you can forget the rest. That's why I was always chosen last, I had already gotten used to it. Well, at least I was useful as a defender, because anyone can stand around stupidly and raise their hands.
“Micky!” Um, who's shouting for me? Sure, Matthias had once picked me for his team and this as the penultimate, so this time I didn't stay on the bench until the end and then had to be assigned to some team after all, which basically didn't want me.
“You're going back to defense, you're pretty good at it,” Matthias said again. The big guy is trying to act like the boss again. ‘And whenever the situation seems successful, you slip through to the front. Most of the others won't cover you, it can lead to too many surprises...’ Blah, blah, blah. Have I already told you how much I like playing handball? You can actually see this quite well in something like that, everything is discussed and most of the time it's just about beating the other team, and the fun falls by the wayside. Anyway, you just have to subordinate yourself, if you get annoyed about any aberrations in the game here, you'll be punished with a punishing look from the coach anyway.
And whistle. The game had started again. I first received the ball in the middle and passed it to some runner, and then disappeared into our defense again. How exciting.
Tom, Matthias, Tom and ouch... That must have hurt. During a jump attempt, he was first taken down and landed on his side on the floor. I think I would be guaranteed to be disabled for the next 10 years with such an action, but of course these guys get up after 10 seconds and continue as if almost nothing had happened.
Final whistle and 9 meters. That means that all opponents have to go to their circle line and our team has to go to the dashed 9-meter line. Except for me, I didn't mind. I had to stay a little further back so that I could maybe distribute better. The real reason was that I wasn't doing anything up front, so at least I could quickly get into defense during a counterattack.
“Micky! I'll throw you the ball in a minute. This time, don't distribute it, just run with it to the goal line and try to throw it. Meanwhile, the opponents will try to keep us in check, so you'll have a free run.”
Um, did I just understand that right? Mattias doesn't really want me to start an attack, does he? “And go,” apparently he does. He quickly clapped me on the backside and then went to his position.
Whistle! The game was on again, only now did I realize that I was still standing there a bit perplexed. Only slowly did I realize what was going on now. Not only did I realize it slowly, but time seemed to be running in slow motion before my eyes.
Matthias threw me the ball, slowly and gently like a balloon, it flew into my hands. “Micky go!” Matthias suddenly shouted at me. I had apparently just been standing there for a while, not knowing what to do. Well, a while, in handball maybe two seconds. Only then did I realize what I had to do and I started dribbling the ball forward. With the utmost caution, step by step. As promised, a gap opened up in front of me. Matthias on one side and Tom on the other. Both held back the opponents to give me space. I dribbled meter by meter, with the utmost caution. After all, I didn't want to disappoint, not this time. At least I wanted to score. If it's held, that's another matter, but at least score. Meter by meter. The first beads of sweat formed on my forehead, first small and then larger and larger, and all just because of the adrenaline, which must have shot through my head by the kilogram at that moment.
Five meters to the circle line. I took the ball in my hand and was about to take the last three steps to the jump shot. Three more steps. My heart was pounding like a jackhammer against the inside of my ribs. Two more steps. I was about to gasp for air, but not a single breath entered my lungs. One more step. My muscles tensed and I was about to jump. But shit, Sven had slipped past Micky and was standing right in front of me, but I couldn't go back. I was already in the air phase when I first noticed him. He stretched his arms up and was about to jump, but I was already right in front of him, swung my hand wide and threw the ball over his hands. The ball first hit the ground. It had so much spin and power that the ball, with a slight left turn, went right past the goalkeeper's hands and only lost momentum behind him, in the goal's net, and was intercepted.
But at the same time, I was still in my flight phase and kept flying, but at some point Sven was standing in the way. He also started to jump, but the ball had already flown over him. But he and I were in our flight phase at that moment and it seemed inevitable that we would collide. After all, I couldn't brake or turn, nor could he. He crashed violently into my chest with his face and went flying, landing on his back on the ground. He landed roughly on his back first and then on his stomach. As I was about to touch down, I got caught up in his feet, but landed a little more gently on my side right next to him. It was only when I was lying on the ground that my normal sense of time returned. My adrenaline level dropped and I was able to breathe again.
“Morning,” I greeted Marcus.
“What? So cheerful so early in the morning? I don't think you're normal.”
"I don't know if I'm normal, but you definitely aren't. You look more like you just fell out of bed.”
“That's how I feel too. Well, I should just get a bit more sleep. But try explaining that to Melanie, she just won't let me get any rest,“ he rolled his eyes.
”What about me?“ Melanie suddenly joined us too.
”Speak of the devil…“ and again Marcus just rolled his eyes.
”Hey, what's that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, nothing. Just that my little devil always shows up when people talk about him.“
”Weirdo.“
”But at least a nice weirdo?“
”The best weirdo in the world."
And what happened in the next few seconds before my eyes? Yes, it was time, the first couple had found each other this morning and had to slobber all over each other. Whereby one must say that it is a miracle how Melanie keeps our womanizer Marcus so close to the leash and does not let him escape in any adverse direction. For those who haven't understood it yet: me, Marcus and Melanie were standing in front of the school one Wednesday morning, waiting for the bell to ring to start school. Well, not primarily for the bell to ring, but rather for the others to arrive.
“Good morning,“ something suddenly jumped on me from behind and I jumped in fright at first. ‘Hey, don't faint.’
”Then don't squeak in my ear and don't jump on my long-suffering back.“
”Oh, you poor thing. I'm really sorry. But good morning to you two lovebirds too.”
“Morning Sandy,” Marcus says, joining in again.
Morning, morning, morning, and so it went on until finally all eight men and women were standing in a circle and chatting about the previous evening as usual. At that time, there were only one couple internally and four couples externally in the clique, if you want to put it that way. As already known, Marcus and Melanie were a couple and everyone else except for Matthias and me had found their partner outside of the group. Well, but I wasn't really jealous about it. Sure, I would have liked to have had someone by my side, but if it doesn't work out, it just doesn't work out. Lately, though, I've noticed that my friends have somehow been trying to set me up, and when this time of setting up starts up again, I can bury myself for a while. I think there is nothing worse than being introduced to a girl, only to then tell her yourself: “Nah, you're not my type!” which is probably the case most of the time. If my friends would tell her themselves, no problem, but in the end you are always the scapegoat.
“So, what are you all up to today?” Daniela asked, sort of into the room.
“Well, me and Melanie have to study math.“ And at the same moment that Marcus said this, the rest of the group burst into laughter, while Melanie blushed beautifully at his side. ‘Shouldn't it be biology?’ someone from the group added.
”Nah, but seriously, who wants to go swimming at the lake this afternoon?” Daniela asked this time a little more specifically.
“We're both in,“ Melanie answered first this time.
”And what about math?“ Marcus asked in disbelief.
”That can wait, just like you.“ Gosh, someone wanted to get even for the gaffe from earlier.
”Um... Excuse me, but isn't it a bit too cold to swim?” I interjected.
“Wimp. A man feels no cold, he'll get through it, and it's not that bad, the water is already 15°C,” is typical of our Hartei Matthias.
“Hey, don't be a tough guy here. If it's too cold for me, it's too cold for me. I don't want to be sick in bed for the next week when the water might finally be really warm,” I spat at him a little too harshly. But anyone who makes such allusions to me should watch their back, I get mighty bitchy about stuff like that.
“Now just calm down, you two squabblers, not again, so once more: Who's coming to the lake to swim or just to hang around, can also be nice for those who don't want to?"
Somehow this has been happening more and more often between Matthias and me lately. I don't know exactly why, but we ended up arguing almost every day, and it only took a very small provocation for either of us to take the first step. Yes, I admit it, I wasn't really an innocent lamb either; every now and then, when I was in a bad mood, I took advantage of this opportunity to let off steam, especially at that time. Why has this only happened recently? In my opinion, Matthias had undergone a transformation overnight. All of a sudden, he wanted to appear strong and self-confident. That's all well and good, I say to myself, as long as it doesn't get too strong, otherwise it quickly becomes bragging and that's just how it turned out with him. Always these weird sayings about tough guys and this typically conservative social image of women and men. He often played the big shot and tried desperately to find a girlfriend. Sometimes it was really annoying. The others seemed to be able to deal with it, but I tend to blow up pretty quickly when it comes to stuff like that. Me and Matthias had never really done much together outside of the group, so neither of us really minded bickering with each other.
“So, who's coming with us?“ Daniela asked again.
”So, Marcus, Melanie, Matthias, Sandy, Andy, Christina, me. And what about you, Micky?“
”Oh, I don't know yet, I actually still have a bit to do.” I replied. Actually, I didn't really have anything to do, but rather I didn't really feel like running into Matthias.
“Oh, come on, what do you have to do? It'll be more fun at the lake than doing what you're planning to do,” Melanie tried to persuade me.
“For one thing, I still have a lot to organize because my parents are going on vacation tomorrow, if you remember, and for another thing, I really need to do something for school again,“ I snapped back a bit too sharply, so of course I was sorry about it at the same moment.
”It's okay. You don't have to be a bitch about it.”
“Sorry, I didn't mean it, I must have got up on the wrong side of the bed today.“
”Come with us for a couple of hours despite your things, it'll be fun and it'd be a shame if you weren't there,” Daniela tried again to persuade me.
“Well, I'll see what I can do, but I still can't promise anything.“
”Thanks, it'll be great and you won't regret it, I promise."
And with these final words, the wretched ringing of the school bell began. Annoying every day, it just reminded us that we were stuck here for the next 2 years. But what could you do about it? There was nothing you could do except just put up with it all. And that's where our group split up. Some in math, some in art. Well, at least it wasn't the case that we all had to go to different classes, but there was always someone with us. Well, but whether this person was really useful to me. Now I had math and who was with me, of course? Matthias. I guess I'll never get rid of that guy.
“You have the homework with you?” he asks me at the same moment.
“Yes, sure, don't you?” I snapped at him, of course.
"Hey, it's fine. What did I do to you this time? Say, are you having your period?”
“If you don't stop this shit right now, I'll hit you. You're just annoying!“
”Sorry to have disturbed your royal highness. Get off your high horse, apparently the sun has gone to your head today.”
“Blah blah blah. Can't you do anything other than use others for your own purposes or do without your stupid comments for once? They're really annoying!“
”Sorry for being annoying. You can leave if you don't like it.“
”Thanks, I'll do that then.”
No sooner said than done. I grabbed my stuff and snuck off to one of the back rows. Finally some peace and quiet. No annoying guys getting on my nerves. Well, I was in a really bad mood this morning, I admit, but Matthias of course topped it all. At least I had two hours of peace and quiet for now and was able to slowly return to normal. I didn't catch much of the lesson, but so what. It's just math, I'll manage somehow.
Well, and then I was talked at for two hours by our teacher. About the integration of a normal e-function etc. etc. Boring stuff that really didn't interest anyone. I'm sure you're not interested either. So I'll skip the next 90 minutes, during which I was only asleep anyway, and move on to the next big break. Math was over and now our group gathered again in the auditorium.
“Is anyone else coming this afternoon?“ I ask again to be on the safe side. There have been occasions when just the eight of us wanted to meet and suddenly there were about 20 of us.
”No, not really. My friend and the friends of the others have to find something else to do today. It's possible to do without us, and besides, the eight of us should meet again on our own.”
“I agree, I just wanted to check again. You can surely still remember last summer, when suddenly about 20 people came to shit?”
“Sure, but I thought it was cool. It was almost party time, a bit few people for a party, but still. And above all, it was full of delicious girls.” Who do you think made that comment? Right, Matthias. All talk and no action. He talks big about delicious girls, but has never even remotely had a girlfriend himself.
“Well, that's fine for you. But I can live just fine without looking after every other skirt. Maybe this afternoon will help you to finally get your blood pumping in your loins again if you don't see any other girls!“
”Hey, what's that supposed to mean?” the other female creatures in our group objected indignantly.
“Oh, nothing, I just wanted to...” I said, ‘um...’ ”Oh, forget it.”
And again only this nasty grin of the girls. I don't know, but somehow you're always powerless against women. It's true, women often have more brains than the rest of humanity, whoever that may be. At least a few women, and if I should narrow it down even further, then our 4 girls.
“Yes, yes, we understand, we're not your level, we're just a bunch of poor women who have nothing to offer. No money, no beauty...“
”But a very charming character and a wonderful friendship,” I interrupted the four of them. Somehow I had to get out of my fat mouth again.
“Smoothie,” was the only reaction from the rest of the guys, and from the girls there was just an ‘Ohh,’ and everyone blushed equally. At least I had achieved my goal there and could grin from ear to ear for the time being. And I didn't just say that to make it sound better, I really meant it, I loved my girls. Whenever I felt like crap, I could just contact them and someone was always there for me, and all without anything in return. Well, there was one, but it wasn't asked for, I was there for her in return. You have to be honest. Girls tend to be put off by a guy like Matthias; I doubt that you could build up any kind of deeper emotional relationship with him, let alone talk to him about something like that.
At that very moment, the eerily annoying shrillness of our school bell sounded. The break was over and our group once again split into two. Sandy, Marcus, Matthias and I had German first, while the rest went to art. As soon as we entered our room, our slightly graying German teacher stomped in. Unlike our other teachers, he really was only slightly graying at 40, and he was also quite open and tolerant of other matters. But just as fickle as me, you could tell immediately whether it would be a good or rather an annoying hour, and today it was rather a positive hour, at least that's what his face looked like.
“Sandy?“ I tried to whisper quietly.
”Yes?“
”When are we actually meeting this afternoon?“
”Around three, right at our swimming hole in the forest, you surely remember that, don't you?“
”Yeah, sure, I just wanted to know roughly when so I don't arrive last again. You know me.”
“Well, don't exaggerate, there are much worse guys than you in our group, just look at Matthias. Cheesy, macho and always late. What are you supposed to think of that?“
”Oh, it's not just you who's noticed that?”
“Nah, who hasn't? You could only miss it if you had a tomato on each eye or just didn't want to see it...“
Suddenly a louder voice came from the front and addressed both of us, well, me, directly.
”Mr. Hohlbein? What else is there that's interesting?“
”Oh, nothing.”
“Nothing? Well then this is more interesting for you. You have to fill out a questionnaire in groups of two by tomorrow...”, during these words he was already standing up and handing out 4 pieces of paper with questions to each of us, ”... you have to work through these questions with your partner and present a concrete overall picture of the person to the class at the end. You are not supposed to reproduce any explicit statements here, but rather to interpret the person as you see them, how well you would get along with them, for example, what you think of them and so on. You understand. Everyone has about 5 minutes to express themselves, so we should be done in about 2 hours.” A small artistic pause set in and he continued. ”So now to the individual groups. Sandy, you'll work with Martin. Daniel, you'll work with Manuela. Michael, you'll work with Matthias..."
Um, excuse me? I'm supposed to fill out a crappy questionnaire like this from one day to the next and answer questions like ”When did you have your first relationship? Are you looking for sex or love? How do you see your life at the moment?” I was already against the grain, but I also had to do this together with Matthias and then evaluate it. Surely, evaluating will not be a problem. A rough, uncouth block of wood that only thinks with its pig and nothing else, I probably don't need to say more in class, but I don't want to let go of any soul here either.
“Um...“
”Yes, Michael?“
”You're not really asking us to answer all these questions, are you?“
”Well, actually, yes. Why not?“
”Why not? Because they're pretty much private and I certainly won't give some answers because they just don't belong in public.”
“Do they come into the public eye? I don't think so. You are supposed to answer each other and these answers will ultimately remain in your possession. You are not supposed to simply repeat the other person's answers here, you are supposed to characterize the people. You are not supposed to mention any explicit answers here. So I don't really see a problem."
Aha, no explicit statements to the class, but to Matthias. I wonder what the difference is. One word to Matthias and two hours later the whole town knows it. Once again, you had to be prepared for anything. For the next two hours, my mood was once again in the basement. As soon as you get a little cheerful, something like that slows you down again. So what did I do for the next two hours? I stared out the window and cursed myself for getting out of bed that day.
“Michael? Do you still want to take part in the lesson?”
“Michael? Are you even listening to me?“
”Michael? What are you doing there at all?"
And again and again the questions came from my teacher, but I wasn't interested at all, so at least he saw what I thought of his teaching method with the test. Nothing at all, well I could do something like that with Sandy or someone like that, but not with Matthias, gossip number 1.
But eventually even those two hours were over and the bell rang for a break. Well, at least it would have been a normal break. No, now I had to quickly get my gym clothes out of the locker and then it was off to the gym. But first I had to say goodbye to Sandy, who had philosophy instead. Have I already said that I curse this Wednesday? Yes, well then I'll say it again here, I hate Wednesday, because the next two hours I had again together with Matthias and no one else from our group. I would have liked to just gone home and slept until this Wednesday would be over.
The way to the gym was a narrow dirt road through a small forest. Well, in our area, the gym is not directly on the school grounds. But it's not that bad, it's only about a 500-meter walk. Suddenly, however, Matthias is walking right next to me and I jump in fright.
“Hey, not so jumpy. Don't say I've done something to you again!” And once again Matthias is walking next to me. ‘I just wanted to ask how we're going to do our questionnaire?’
I started boiling up inside again just hearing the word questionnaire, but there's nothing I can do about it.
“I'm not sure, but it would probably be best if we went somewhere together after our meeting at the lake and worked through all the stuff.“
”Well, where? I don't really live near our swimming spot! What about you? Couldn't we meet there? It's right on my way anyway?”
This guy even has the nerve to come to me. But I don't really have anything against it either. It's really the best option, and before we end up having to go to him, I'd rather agree to meet at my place.
“Okay, then at my place, if it absolutely has to be?” I try to sound indifferent.
“It doesn't have to be, we can just put 0 points on the board.“
”Well, don't be a bitch about it again.“
”Oh, just forget it, we'll meet after the bath.“
And again he was gone, probably fortunately, even more of his sayings and at some point I would blow up...
...”Have you seen the new one from the ninth?”
“No, which one do you mean?“
”Well, the one with the two excellent arguments!“
”Oh, you mean the one with the watermelons?“
”Yes, I'd really like to take her on. She looks really hot...“
”Dream on, by the time she lets you at it, your dick will have rotted off. Stick to yourself, you'll get more out of it.”
“You should know. Well, I don't think I know anyone who switches to manual mode as often as you do!”
Can you imagine that? You just come into the gym locker room and what do you get? Watermelons, rotting cocks, hand jobs? Sometimes I feel like I'm in a stable full of horny rabbits just waiting for the next shot. Well, I guess guys aren't really any better than rabbits. Often I'm really glad when at least some of them get their blood to the head at least once a day and then and when they can produce a reasonable, straight sentence without using words like wanking, fucking, tits and the like. It really works for some of them, but well, what can you ask for? You just want to wander past for now and hide in a quieter corner.
“Ah, our Mr. Clean is back. Still chaste and well-behaved?“
”Oh come on, leave him alone, he's just a bit behind, what did you expect, poor guy.“
”I think his biggest dream is to cum once a year.“
”Well, or at least get it up once.”
Well, sometimes the day continues just as badly as it started. Today seems to be one of those days again. Are you not a man just because you don't jerk off every two minutes or slobber over some female every two seconds, no matter how ugly she is? Well, you have to listen to something like that every week. At some point you just get numb and just ignore it, or rather, you try to somehow not hear it. And yet it comes back to your eardrum and you still hear it. No matter how often you tell yourself, “They're just assholes, you don't have to pay attention to that!” you're still somehow hurt again and again. You ask yourself, what did I do wrong? Am I really such a failure? And I think, no matter how self-confident some 30 or even 40-year-olds pretend to be, it just doesn't work. They too are vulnerable to such things, maybe not as easily as teenagers, but it also takes a toll on them. I used to freak out regularly because of such comments and sometimes I would have lashed out, but I am no longer proud of that today, however much they might have deserved it. But I had simply given them the right to do so by my reaction. I was weak and didn't know how I could have reacted differently. Today, I'm at least a little older and just walk past the guys, sit down somewhere in a quiet corner of the locker room and just change. T-shirt, sweatpants, sneakers, what more do you need? Somehow it's time for me to get dressed quickly and just get out of there and go somewhere where you're not sitting across from these weirdos.
“Aha, we're not fancy enough for you, are we?“ Sven, the weirdo, says, of course.
”Should you be?“
”Shut your wankered mouth or I'll smack you!“
”Ah, a threat, but you'd better take another look at the dictionary so you have other words than wank and tits. Well, at least you should know what other words there are, nobody's asking you to be able to write them,« I said and just walked past him. Behind me, I heard him call out »wanker« after me again. Well, as I said, a dictionary might work wonders, although I'm actually afraid that everything is already forgiven anyway. Instead of getting annoyed about it again, I preferred to go to the gym, or rather to the stack of mats in the equipment room, and just lie on them. Close my eyes and relax a bit. It didn't take a second and I was asleep. Although the day was still pretty young, I was so exhausted that I just collapsed...
... Michael? Hello? Mr. Late Riser! The lesson has started! You'd better come quickly to the others, before you get into trouble!” Something was jolting my shoulder. ‘Hey, not yet, I don't feel like doing sports’ was the first thing that went through my mind. But eventually I had to open my eyes after all. I was lying on the mat as before, only Matthias was bent over me, constantly shaking my shoulders. Aha, the culprit, why can't he just let me sleep, no one will notice anyway.
“Ah, Sleeping Beauty is awakening from her deep sleep!“ Matthias simply grinned at me.
”Oh, just shut up, why can't I just sleep in peace here?” I spat at him, still a little tired, and then had to yawn again promptly.
“Why? No idea? Because otherwise you'll just get into trouble with our professor again? Come on, before you really get a reprimand!” he smiled at me this time and held out his hand. Still a little sleepy, I reached for it rather weakly and moments later he had pulled me up. But unfortunately a bit too hard, I was apparently still too weak on my feet, because at the same moment I lost my balance and just fell forward, but there was Matthias. Somehow, as a reflex, he just grabbed me and held me just to make sure I didn't fall over.
“Hey, still a bit weak on your feet?” he whispered to me, rather gently, directly in my ear this time.
“Thanks, but I'm fine now,” I just tried to react somehow, broke away from him and left the equipment room as quickly as possible and sat down with the others.
Somehow the scene had just frightened me a little. What was that about Matthias? Is he kidding me? Or is he suddenly trying to be friendly after all? Sometimes you really can't figure him out.
“So, now for handball. Like every week. Form teams and compete against each other. Oh, and by the way, that's when the final grades are given,” it came from our sports teacher, and I knew exactly that it was going to be one of those shitty days again. I hate handball like the plague, actually all kinds of games. I'm just not good at any kind of sport, well, maybe a little chess and table tennis, but well, you can forget the rest. That's why I was always chosen last, I had already gotten used to it. Well, at least I was useful as a defender, because anyone can stand around stupidly and raise their hands.
“Micky!” Um, who's shouting for me? Sure, Matthias had once picked me for his team and this as the penultimate, so this time I didn't stay on the bench until the end and then had to be assigned to some team after all, which basically didn't want me.
“You're going back to defense, you're pretty good at it,” Matthias said again. The big guy is trying to act like the boss again. ‘And whenever the situation seems successful, you slip through to the front. Most of the others won't cover you, it can lead to too many surprises...’ Blah, blah, blah. Have I already told you how much I like playing handball? You can actually see this quite well in something like that, everything is discussed and most of the time it's just about beating the other team, and the fun falls by the wayside. Anyway, you just have to subordinate yourself, if you get annoyed about any aberrations in the game here, you'll be punished with a punishing look from the coach anyway.
And whistle. The game had started again. I first received the ball in the middle and passed it to some runner, and then disappeared into our defense again. How exciting.
Tom, Matthias, Tom and ouch... That must have hurt. During a jump attempt, he was first taken down and landed on his side on the floor. I think I would be guaranteed to be disabled for the next 10 years with such an action, but of course these guys get up after 10 seconds and continue as if almost nothing had happened.
Final whistle and 9 meters. That means that all opponents have to go to their circle line and our team has to go to the dashed 9-meter line. Except for me, I didn't mind. I had to stay a little further back so that I could maybe distribute better. The real reason was that I wasn't doing anything up front, so at least I could quickly get into defense during a counterattack.
“Micky! I'll throw you the ball in a minute. This time, don't distribute it, just run with it to the goal line and try to throw it. Meanwhile, the opponents will try to keep us in check, so you'll have a free run.”
Um, did I just understand that right? Mattias doesn't really want me to start an attack, does he? “And go,” apparently he does. He quickly clapped me on the backside and then went to his position.
Whistle! The game was on again, only now did I realize that I was still standing there a bit perplexed. Only slowly did I realize what was going on now. Not only did I realize it slowly, but time seemed to be running in slow motion before my eyes.
Matthias threw me the ball, slowly and gently like a balloon, it flew into my hands. “Micky go!” Matthias suddenly shouted at me. I had apparently just been standing there for a while, not knowing what to do. Well, a while, in handball maybe two seconds. Only then did I realize what I had to do and I started dribbling the ball forward. With the utmost caution, step by step. As promised, a gap opened up in front of me. Matthias on one side and Tom on the other. Both held back the opponents to give me space. I dribbled meter by meter, with the utmost caution. After all, I didn't want to disappoint, not this time. At least I wanted to score. If it's held, that's another matter, but at least score. Meter by meter. The first beads of sweat formed on my forehead, first small and then larger and larger, and all just because of the adrenaline, which must have shot through my head by the kilogram at that moment.
Five meters to the circle line. I took the ball in my hand and was about to take the last three steps to the jump shot. Three more steps. My heart was pounding like a jackhammer against the inside of my ribs. Two more steps. I was about to gasp for air, but not a single breath entered my lungs. One more step. My muscles tensed and I was about to jump. But shit, Sven had slipped past Micky and was standing right in front of me, but I couldn't go back. I was already in the air phase when I first noticed him. He stretched his arms up and was about to jump, but I was already right in front of him, swung my hand wide and threw the ball over his hands. The ball first hit the ground. It had so much spin and power that the ball, with a slight left turn, went right past the goalkeeper's hands and only lost momentum behind him, in the goal's net, and was intercepted.
But at the same time, I was still in my flight phase and kept flying, but at some point Sven was standing in the way. He also started to jump, but the ball had already flown over him. But he and I were in our flight phase at that moment and it seemed inevitable that we would collide. After all, I couldn't brake or turn, nor could he. He crashed violently into my chest with his face and went flying, landing on his back on the ground. He landed roughly on his back first and then on his stomach. As I was about to touch down, I got caught up in his feet, but landed a little more gently on my side right next to him. It was only when I was lying on the ground that my normal sense of time returned. My adrenaline level dropped and I was able to breathe again.