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‘Jonas, you have to get up!’ Damn, who was calling my name at such an unchristian time? Slowly I was able to organise my thoughts and my brain seemed to come to only very gradually. That I get out of bed well in the morning, can now really be classified in the realm of fantasy.
I opened my eyes briefly and saw my father Werner standing at my bed. He could hardly stop himself from grinning as he said: ‘Yeah, if you don't get into bed at night, you shouldn't complain in the morning!’
With the greatest effort, I managed to grumble a short ‘I'm awake.’ He seemed to be satisfied with that for the time being and disappeared from my room, but still with that terrible grin, humming something happily to himself.
As the attentive reader might have noticed by now, I am not exactly what you would call an early riser. By the way, my name is Jonas Florian Berger, all my friends call me Flo for short, except for my father, who calls me Jonas. I have been 16 years old for about two months and Werner is my breadwinner, sorry, legal guardian. Unfortunately, he is the only one of his kind, which means that only my father is there for me.
My mother died about a year ago in a terrible car accident. My father was in the car with my mother. He was also seriously injured in the accident and had to spend several weeks in hospital.
During this time, I was staying with distant relatives, but somehow I felt that they didn't care about me. My father took the accident quite well. But the loss of my mother is not only still affecting me, my dad is also still doing pretty badly sometimes. He doesn't let on and tries to bring calm and order into our lives, but I can still tell how much he misses Mum.
To make matters worse, my father lost his job due to the long period of illness. He worked as a clerk for a small company in the Ruhr area. Through connections, he has now found a new job after some time. And this is where I come in, because the new job is in a medium-sized town in Hessen. Errr, Hessen, yes, I know J.
So we had no choice but to move. We organised the move so that it took place during the summer holidays, so I didn't miss any more school time. I'm not what you'd call a nerd, but I'm still doing quite well in school, even though I had a lot of catching up to do due to my parents' accident and the stress that came with it.
We have now been through the stress of the move for a good week and a half, and unfortunately the holidays have also come to an end. Just this Sunday, and then the serious side of life begins again for me, that is to say, the 10th grade at a completely different high school.
‘Jonas, are you finally coming to breakfast?’ my father called out from the kitchen in a more forceful tone. That was the signal for me to leave the cosy warmth of my bed and drag myself into the bathroom.
Unfortunately, the accident and the costs associated with it have depleted our savings, and even with the new job, my father doesn't earn enough for us to be able to afford a spacious and generously sized apartment. That's why I don't have my own bathroom, but have to share Dad's.
It's not that we're poor, but we still have to think twice about every penny before we spend it. I'm used to it though, because even when my mum was still alive, we were always just able to keep our heads above water because she only had a temporary job.
In the bathroom, I now briefly performed the absolutely necessary, before I could devote myself to one of my favourite pastimes, eating. Winking, I always said to my father that I needed that for my growth when he once again marvelled at the quantities of food I devoured with an incredulous expression on his face.
It was very important to my father that I always had enough to eat and so he preferred to save at the other end. Thank God I don't put on weight, so I'm slim despite the incredible amounts of food I eat. But it's probably also because of the sport, because I go running with some regularity (it's not only fun, but also cheap!).
What else is there to know about me? I'm 16, I've already mentioned that. Oh yes, I have short blonde hair, blue eyes and I'm about 1.65m tall. And perhaps not entirely irrelevant is the fact that I'm gay.
I realised it a long time ago, but it has only been clear to me for about a year. I used to think that it was just a phase of puberty, as you can read in every teen magazine, but at some point the certainty crept in that I simply feel nothing for the opposite sex.
However, since I am quite shy and a real scaredy-cat, I didn't talk to anyone about it. Even my old friends from Dortmund didn't know about my ‘abnormality,’ as I thought at the time. I just didn't have the guts to tell any of them.
And I still haven't told my dad either, even though he's a really lovely and understanding father and would definitely stand behind me, and will do so once he finds out. But I still haven't dared to tell him.
Still tired, I sat down at the breakfast table and began to stir my tea with relish. ‘Jonas...’ my father began, ‘if you don't want to come, I understand.’
To explain: we had planned to go to my mother's grave in Dortmund again today to say goodbye, as we wouldn't be able to go there for a long time. ‘No, I want to go with you,’ I told him, looking him in the face.
My mother had been the most important person in our family for me, and I would have been the first to tell her that she could not expect any grandchildren from me.
While I was thinking about it again, all the memories that had faded came to light and I felt a tear running down my cheek. I'm not a crier, but I'm not quite over her death either. Hey, after all, I'm just a teenager going through the hormonal changes.
My father had noticed how suddenly my mood had changed and came over to me and gave me a hug. We cried together. This mutual consolation helped us both, and after a few minutes we continued our breakfast, but there was still a sad mood in the air.
After we had finished eating and washing up, we drove to Dortmund in our clunker. I don't want to bore you with boring details now, just so much that we arrived and made it back was already a bigger miracle.
At my mother's grave there were tears again, but it was okay. Afterwards we drove to our relatives and said goodbye to them too.
We came back late at night and I fell into my bed totally exhausted and fell asleep immediately.
After a much too short night my alarm clock woke me up with a hell of a noise the next morning. As you know, getting up is not really easy for me, but today it was even more difficult because the holidays were definitely over and it was time to go back to school.
So there was no way I could avoid getting out of bed. After only five minutes, I managed to drag myself out of my oh-so-warm bed and trudged to the bathroom. Dad is, somewhat incomprehensibly to me, an early riser, so I had the bathroom all to myself for a wake-up shower. Cleaned up, I ventured into the kitchen, where my old man was already waiting for me with coffee, rolls and boiled eggs.
I was quite amazed, because that's not exactly what we usually have for breakfast at home. We usually just have muesli and tea. ‘What's going on here?’ I asked, but Dad must have noticed my strange expression, because he cheerfully replied, “Yes, son. If you're going to take on the daily battle of education, then you should at least be strengthened for the challenge on the first day,” and grinned.
‘How thoughtful,’ I replied laconically, as I sat down at my desk and spread the first roll, “but no one said anything about wanting to.’
‘I hope everything goes well for you today,” my father began. “Yes, I think so, after all, I didn't do too badly in my old school,” I replied, chewing.
‘Jonas, I really hope that you won't have any problems at school. I rather mean that I hope you'll quickly find friends and make friends.’ “I would be happy with just one, and that would be a boyfriend,” I thought to myself, but just said, ’Yes, I hope so too.’
But Dad had hit the nail on the head with his remark, because after all, he knew only too well how shy I am and therefore it takes me quite a long time to build friendships.
‘You'd better hurry up a bit, otherwise you'll be late on your first day,’ he said shortly afterwards. I quickly looked at the clock and saw that he was right. Time had flown by during breakfast, and it was already really late. ‘Oh, what the heck, I'll drive you today.’ Dad still had vacation time today, so he had plenty of time. Normally I would walk the 15-minute route. ‘Great!’ I replied with a grin and shoved another half of a bread roll into my mouth under my father's astonished gaze.
Five minutes later we were sitting in the family car – an old Golf – and off we went to school. The closer we got to school, the stronger the butterflies in my stomach became. “What awaits you there?” it shot through my mind. And my nervousness increased by the second.
Finally we reached the school and Dad stopped briefly on the street and let me out. ‘Good luck, kid,’ he said goodbye. ‘Thanks, I need it,’ I replied and slammed the door a little too hard. Yeah, yeah, the damn nervousness.
I watched as my father turned the car around and drove away, honking the horn briefly. Then I was all alone and on my own. An absolute new beginning lay ahead of me. ‘Well, it won't be that bad,’ I tried to reassure myself as I climbed the first steps of my new school.
The first bell had just rung and some younger students tried to push past me and hastily enter the school before me.
My new school is a somewhat old-fashioned building from the late seventies. Overall, this school consists of three separate complexes, which are connected by walkways. There is the administrative wing with the staff room, offices and the cafeteria, the second complex houses the classes up to ninth grade and the third complex the classes 10-13.
‘Well, let's go,’ I encouraged myself and let the hasty fifth graders pass first. They giggled and laughed, not giving me a second glance. The usual chaos that I was already familiar with from my old school prevailed in the corridors, and I think this is somehow the same in all schools around the world. But at the beginning of the school year, it is somehow even more extreme, because everyone had to greet each other first and tell each other what they had been up to during the long summer holidays.
I stopped for the main course and let this impression sink in. Slowly but surely, the chaos cleared and the students went more or less quickly to their classes, so that I could briefly get a first overview.
In the school's letter to my father, it said that I should go to the secretariat in the first hour to register. So I quickly checked the location of the secretariat. Thankfully, someone at this school had thought of a signpost in the form of a board with directions on a wall. ‘So, to the secretary that way,’ I thought to myself and set off.
After two turns, up some stairs and along a somewhat longer corridor, a large door with a sign saying ‘Secretariat’ appeared.
‘Bingo!’ Since my parents placed a great deal of emphasis on good manners in my upbringing, I naturally knocked politely first and before the soft echo faded away, I already heard a crisp “Yes, please.” from inside.
So I opened the door and entered the office. And even now I saw something that is probably the same in every secretariat in the world, or at least in Germany. In addition to the usual plants on the windowsill and the coffee machine bubbling loudly away, there was also the secretary of the director, in this case Ms Schneider-Offlein, as I could see from the nameplate on her desk.
Ms Schneider-Offlein looked just as you would expect a secretary to look. A little overweight, around 50 years old, her hair pinned up, a hooked nose, over which perched enormous glasses, through which she looked at me and scrutinised me while she poured herself a cup of coffee.
‘You wish?’ She asked me after she had finished her examination and a certain amusement lay in her voice. Having become uncertain, I first looked down at myself to see if I had forgotten any important piece of clothing when I put it on. No, everything was there and even put on the right way.
‘Hello, my name is Florian Berger,‘ I replied. “I'm new here and I'm supposed to register,” I stammered.
‘Let's see... Ah, here we are,’ said Ms Schneider-Offlein, after she had leafed through a large stack of documents and conjured up a large index card. ‘Jonas Florian Berger,’ emphasising the Jonas excessively.
‘I'll report you to the director,’ she said, and after a short knock, she disappeared behind a heavy door with leather fittings.
A short time later, she came out again, holding the door slightly open. “Director Paschke is expecting you,” she said, pushing me into the room with a slight push. She closed the door behind me and I was in the lion's den, in the director's office.
I turned around briefly towards the door, while the director said, ‘Just a moment, I'll be with you in a moment.’ Only now did I realise that he was on the phone. So I took the opportunity to look around the room.
The director sat in his leather swivel chair at an enormous desk, which was covered all over with papers and books. Behind this huge table, he looked a little small and out of place. I estimated him to be about 1.70 m, but that can also be deceiving when someone is just sitting.
The students didn't seem to have worn down his nerves yet, because his hair was piled up in impossible shapes on his head and had probably not seen a brush that day. He wore small, metal-rimmed glasses, which suited him, I thought. They gave him that certain something and emphasised a face that was likeable at first glance.
There are people who you either like or dislike immediately. In my opinion, Director Paschke clearly belonged in the first category, but I didn't know exactly why.
There were still a lot of plants in the room and shelves with tons of books were set up along all the walls. It was a bit chaotic overall, but the room still felt cosy. Somehow not at all like you would imagine the room of a headmaster to be, where disobedient students are brought to their just punishment, if you are to believe old wives' tales. ‘I could imagine working here too,‘ it crossed my mind.
‘Yes, see you then,’ the director ended his phone call and quietly put down the receiver. He now looked at me, and like his vozi (an abbreviation for ‘Vorzimmerdame’, or ‘receptionist’), he now scrutinised me closely and then nodded briefly. ‘Hello. I'm Director Paschke,’ he replied seconds after finishing the examination and held out his hand, which I also shook with a brief nod, “and you must be Jonas Berger.” Without waiting for my answer, which would have been obvious anyway, he grabbed a file, my file, as I suspected, and began to leaf through it a little.
‘So, Jonas, can I call you by your first name?’ I nodded again briefly and he continued, “We have received the documents from your old school. It all looks very good. I think we'll get along well.” I smiled a little sheepishly; what else could I say? That I intended to cause trouble, beat up the caretaker, or what?
‘I'm very sorry about your mother,’ he began again, putting on a sad expression. That had shocked me a little. My smile had suddenly disappeared. “Yes, me too,” I replied in a hoarse voice. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to open old wounds,” he said apologetically when he saw my expression.
‘Then let's move on to something more pleasant. Here is your timetable. I will accompany you to your classroom in a moment and introduce you briefly.’ “Great, I thought. On the first day, the complete idiot who can't even find his classroom on his own.” “Oh, that would be very nice,” I replied. Have I already mentioned that I'm good at putting on an act? ‘Somehow all closeted gays seem to have that ability, I thought to myself.’
‘And now a few small rules that will certainly make life at our school a little easier for you...’ The usual nonsense about order, discipline, not wearing caps in class, not skipping classes, not smoking, etc. followed...
We will also have the pleasure of working together in English and mathematics, because I am your class teacher in those subjects,’ he said, not particularly amused. That didn't bother me, though, because I liked headmaster Paschke somehow from the start, and the way he behaved towards me suggested that the hours would be quite pleasant.
‘I'm curious to see what my old college friend Börgerhaaf taught you in maths,’ he said, jumping up from his chair. Now I could see that he couldn't possibly be taller than 1.60 m, because I, at 1.65 m, was quite a bit taller than he was.
‘Come on, let's go, otherwise you'll miss too much,’ and he opened the door and pushed me outside.
After a short walk, we had reached the third wing and five minutes later, after passing several corridors and staircases, we were standing in front of my new classroom.
‘It will probably take me forever to get to know my way around this school,’ it crossed my mind as the headmaster knocked briefly but violently on the door and, without waiting for an answer, opened the door and pushed me into the classroom behind it, slamming the door behind him again.
The voice, which incidentally belonged to my new GK teacher, immediately fell silent, looking up in surprise and at the director and me. Paschke immediately started rambling: ‘Excuse the interruption, Mr Weber, but I'm bringing you the newcomer, Mr Berger.’ ‘I hope you have fun and behave yourselves,’ he said to the class and before he left the room again, he grinned briefly at the class and finally at me, before we only noticed the slamming of the door
So now I was standing alone in front of the class, apart from the teacher. Some kind of stupid feeling, I can tell you. Thank God Mr Weber started right away.
‘So, Mr Berger. Welcome to the greatest event of this school year, my class.’ General grinning and quiet laughter from my future classmates. “Aha, a joker,” I thought again, but just nodded briefly as I looked at him.
‘Would you be so kind as to introduce yourself to us?’ Damn, exactly what I always hated, but it was probably unavoidable. I had to swallow briefly and noticed that, in addition to my teacher, all the students were now looking at me in a more or less bored manner.
‘Yes, um, so I'm Florian Berger, I'm 16 and I moved here from Dortmund with my father because he found a new job here.’ “Great, how witty,” it went through my mind and while I said this sentence, which meant the world, I looked around a little and looked at my fellow students.
At first glance, a normal class, and even at second glance, it remained so. Slightly more girls than boys and of the boys, nothing that could have melted my heart.
‘Wait a minute, who's that?’ In the second last row on the left, next to the spotty girl? Hallelujah! There sat a boy who captivated me immediately. About 1.75 tall, slim, short black hair, green eyes (as far as I could tell) and a smile that almost knocked me over. And with that smile he beamed at me. Wow, a real cutie!
I was now completely beside myself and just stared in his direction, unable to say anything. Suddenly, I noticed a clearing of the throat next to me.
‘Ahem, I don't want to disturb you, Mr Berger, but do you have anything else to tell us?’ came from the corner where my teacher was standing.
Shit, there was something else. What was it? Right, I was supposed to introduce myself, and instead I stared at this dream of a boy. I blushed bright red.
‘Yes, I think that's everything for now,’ came out of my mouth somehow, although I didn't know who was saying those words.
Do you know the book Crazy by Benjamin Lebert? Some of you may have also seen the film (yes, the one with the biscuit scene). In the book, Benjamin describes a scene when he had to introduce himself to the new class and didn't do a particularly good job of it. As a result, the girls didn't like him and the boys thought he was an idiot. At that moment, I felt exactly as he described.
‘Well, I think you'd best sit with Miss Wegener over there,’ said Mr Weber, pointing to a free seat in the back row. It was diagonally behind the desk with the hunk (*grins*). This school year could actually be quite nice! J
Well, after I had made a fool of myself, I was able to go to my seat. Of course, on my way there, I passed the table of my dream boy and I really had to pull myself together not to look directly at him. That would have given me away for sure if it wasn't already too late.
So I arrived at my pre-assigned seat and put my backpack on the table louder than I actually wanted to. I looked briefly at my fellow passenger, who, as I now knew, was called Wegener. She was actually quite pretty, if you like girls, I thought after I had checked her out very briefly. She was quite small and slim, with blonde hair tied in a ponytail and lots of freckles on a really pretty face.
‘Hello, I'm Florian, but for friends I'm just Flo,’ I said quietly in greeting. ‘Hi, Katrin,’ she replied cheerfully, smiling at me and stretching out her hand, which I gratefully accepted and shook. After I had sat down and unpacked my school things, the teacher also decided that the lesson could now continue and he continued with his lesson.
While he continued speaking, he, the dream boy, turned around and looked me in the eye. I thought I would die. ‘Hello, I'm Lukas,’ he said softly and grinned cheekily at me. ‘I hope we have a lot of fun together.’ Please, how should I understand that now? I was totally confused and just stammered softly, ‘Yup, it's not going to be me.’
I was totally lost and only heard through a haze as Mr Weber called my name. ‘So we'll continue with the November Revolution. Mr Berger, could you perhaps briefly tell us about the historical events and the course of this revolution?’
Oops, that's going fast here. Why are the newcomers always put through their paces as soon as they change schools?
‘So, we'll move on to the November Revolution. Mr Berger, could you perhaps give us a brief summary of the historical events and the course of this revolution?’
Oops, that was quick. Why do new students always get put through their paces as soon as they change schools?
But what the heck. I had to answer something and so I rummaged in the depths of my memory to conjure up something on the keyword November Revolution. We had this topic at the beginning of the last school year at my old school.
Luckily, I had to give a presentation on the period at the time (thank you, Mr Niemayer!), so I had already studied it a little more intensively. Unfortunately, I had forgotten a lot of it. After a few moments, which seemed like hours to me, I remembered a few things.
‘Um, the November Revolution...’ “There were sailors” uprisings in the port cities of the German Empire in the year... hmm... 1918, because they feared being sacrificed in the last days of the war. From there, the spark of revolution spread to almost all cities in the empire in just a few days. Workers‘ and soldiers’ councils formed everywhere, demanding the immediate cessation of hostilities and the abdication of the Kaiser and the princes of the land.
(Thinking) The Imperial Chancellor, I think his name was Prince Max of Baden, had the declaration of the Emperor's abdication published on his own authority, which was only confirmed hours later. Shortly thereafter, the last Imperial Chancellor transferred the affairs of state to Friedrich Ebert, the then-chairman of the SPD.’ I then continued to tell the story and told him everything I knew.
‘Hmm, ... yes, ... quite useful,’ said Mr Weber, nodding contentedly while he made some notes. Lukas suddenly turned around, smiled at me and gave me a thumbs up. “Cool,” he said, then sat back up straight. Katrin beamed at me too and whispered softly, ’Great, you're really good at this. Weber has never been so impressed by anyone here.’
I smiled quietly and happily to myself, a little red in the face, and just enjoyed this moment. But as it is with these moments, unfortunately they are over all too quickly. So it wasn't even five minutes before the lesson was over. The bell rang and Mr Weber ended the lesson, but not without assigning homework.
‘I know it's the first day of school, but they all look so relaxed and rested that a few assignments won't bother them,’ he said, opening the textbook. ’Please read chapters 9 through 13 and answer the questions in writing. Due next class.’
‘Great, off to a good start,’ I thought to myself, and I guess I wasn't alone in my opinion, because everyone made some comment and they didn't sound particularly enthusiastic. “See you then,” said Mr Weber, leaving us alone in the classroom.
Shortly after he left the room, most of the students got up. Some unpacked their breakfast, since it was a short break, while others talked to each other. But some also approached me.
‘Great performance,’ a boy said to me. “I'm Hannes, by the way,” he introduced himself and held out his hand. Hannes must have shouted twice when his height was being called out, because he was an estimated six feet tall and powerfully built, though not fat. You could tell that he did a lot of sports because his handshake was quite strong for a lightweight like me. It was a miracle that he hadn't broken my hand.
While he was introducing himself, he nudged Lukas, who was still sitting at his table and fumbling in his bag, in the side and said, ‘And by the way, I'm this bottle's best friend,’ and began to laugh loudly.
Lukas had to catch his breath after this little attack, but then recovered quite quickly. ‘Hannes, another gag like that, and I was your best friend.’ In revenge, it was now Hannes' turn to be teased, but he obviously enjoyed how Lukas tried to annoy him.
‘You can't take him like that,‘ said Lukas, pointing at Hannes. He may be big and strong and have an appetite like an ox, but inside he's a lap dog. Now it was Hannes’ turn to look annoyed at Lukas.
I had to grin inwardly at how the two of them teased each other. You could tell right away that it was all just fun and that they were really good friends.
Suddenly I heard some of the boys in the front row making fun of me. ‘Uh, uh, I'm from Dortmund...’ one of them imitated me, and two other boys standing around him laughed their heads off. The boy suddenly turned to me, pointed at me and snorted.
‘Don't worry about it,’ said Hannes suddenly. “They're the class idiots, they make fun of everything. And Matthias is their boss.” That was the boy who had imitated me. ’But be careful of them, they're not all right in the head.’
‘If you ever need help, let me know,’ Hannes started again and slapped me on the shoulder. I sank to my knees, but picked myself up again and pretended to brush dust off my shoulders. “Sure, I could use your help, but please don't kill me first,” I said to Hannes, and we both laughed heartily.
Now Katrin came too and sat down on the table.
My timetable came back to me. ‘Say, don't we have to go slowly, otherwise we'll be late for Franz?’ I asked the group. ‘No, we have French in this room,’ Katrin replied, while she slowly pushed a piece of bread into her cheek and chewed on it with relish.
‘Ah, good.’ “You won't repeat that when you've met Mademoiselle Levevrè,” Katrin said, grimacing. “That's right, the Lev has a real toad face,” Hannes said, nodding in confirmation of his words.
‘She's by far the worst teacher we have,’ Lukas also chimed in, making a face that I assumed was supposed to imitate Levevrè. He pursed his lips, raised his eyebrows and said in a fake French accent, ’Monsieur Lüka, I'm appalled. Haven't you understood the text yet?’ He batted his eyelashes meaningfully as he said this. Hannes, Katrin and some of the others standing around us had tears in their eyes from this performance and were clapping their thighs with laughter.
They managed to compose themselves in time, however, as the gong sounded, signalling the end of the break. No sooner had the last sound faded away than the door opened again and a woman entered the room.
She was about fifty years old and the type of an old maid. Flower-patterned granny dress, slim, her hair tied in a bun and much too large glasses on her nose. No, she really wasn't a beauty and she didn't necessarily emphasise her strengths with her outfit, if she had any at all.
It was clear that this could only be Madame Levevrè.
Immediately, all the students sat down on their seats.
‘Bonjour, Mesdames et Messieurs.‘ “Bonjour Madame,” it sounded from all mouths.
‘Comment allez-vous? I hope you all had a nice holiday,’ she said, looking around as she placed an eco-friendly straw bag with her materials on the teacher's desk.
‘Aah, nous avons un étudiant nouveau?‘ and looked at me. Well, that was probably my cue.
‘Qui Madame.’ ‘Et könnten sie sisch bitte seulement vorstellen?’
‘Uh, yes, uh, my name is...’ but she interrupted me, ‘en français s'il vous plait’.
Good heavens, why do you have to speak French in French class? So I quickly brushed up on my French and off I went.
‘Well, well, well, my name is Florian Berger. I live on Lingusterweg. My father is an employee. He says it's interesting but tiring.
What do you do in the evenings? I like films and pop music. Sometimes I listen to CDs with friends...’
It went on like this for about five minutes. I told something, she asked questions and I continued. It was quite bumpy in some places, but I was still quite satisfied. French was a little bit my thing and so I didn't find the interview that terrible. After five minutes, Lev let go of me, and she too seemed satisfied. She scribbled something in her notebook.
Now that I had my baptism of fire behind me, it was the others' turn. Ms Levevrè tortured one after the other and tested them, but she seemed to have her sights set particularly on a boy in the second row on the left.
It was Matthias, who had imitated me so badly before. French really didn't seem to be his strong point, because he stuttered so much that it was hard to understand anything. After about five minutes, the Lev realised that it was no use with him today, and picked out another victim. Somehow I didn't feel sorry for him at all.
While she was quizzing Lukas, I finally had the opportunity to take a closer look at him without attracting attention. Unfortunately only from behind, but at least it was better than nothing. I took in every detail.
He seemed to know a thing or two about fashionable clothing, because the stuff on him looked damn good. But somehow I would have thought everything on him was damn good-looking. Unfortunately, I didn't have that much money to be able to constantly go for the currently trendy outfit. So it happened that my clothes just had to last a little longer than others. But that wasn't so important to me. And what are brand names anyway?
Do you believe in ‘love at first sight’? For me it was definitely like that. I was blown away. Thank God I had already had Lev, so I didn't have to pay too much attention and could let my mind wander. And you can guess three times who my thoughts were about **grins**.
Thanks to the question and answer game, the double period went by quickly, so that it was time for the big break. Of course, the Lev hadn't let us go into the break without homework, but somehow I had expected that.
‘Do you already know our school a little?’ Lukas suddenly asked while packing his bag. “If you like, I can show you around a bit,” he said. “We have to go to the other wing for chemistry and physics anyway, so I can show you the Cafete first.” ’And we have a free period now anyway.’
‘Nothing would please me more,’ I replied. And I really meant it. Suddenly Hannes pricked up his ears. ’Cafete? Did I just hear Cafete? I'm so hungry...’
While he was saying this, he rubbed his stomach with both hands and made smacking noises. He reminded me a lot of Larry Coupiac (is that how he spells his name?). That was King Coup from the series ‘Parker Lewis’. Lukas started laughing. ‘Cafete is the keyword for Hannes, and he's always hungry.
So we took our things and set off. Lukas and Hannes then showed me our most important classrooms as promised. After that, we went to the cafeteria, where Hannes had a snack in the form of three pieces of cake and a chocolate milk. We talked a little about our hobbies and came to the conclusion that all three of us liked good films and good music. Unfortunately, the free period was already over and it was time for chemistry.
Not much happened in the remaining lessons of my first day, except that I had to introduce myself as usual everywhere. But somehow I got through that too and before I knew it, the gong ended the last hour of school and we were released back into freedom.
As I stood in the corridor putting on my jacket, Lukas and Hannes came up to me. ‘Say, where exactly do you live?’ Lukas asked. “At Lingusterweg 4,” I replied. “Cool,” Lukas answered, “then we have a bit of the way together.” “Okay, let's go together,” I said (believe me, without any ulterior motives J) and the three of us said goodbye to school for today and left the school building. We then said goodbye to Hannes, who had to take a different route.
On the way, Lukas told me a little about his family. I learned that he had three younger brothers, his father was a programmer, and his mother took care of the children. ‘And what about you?’ He asked after he had finished telling me.
‘Well,’ I replied, “I live alone with my dad in a small apartment because we can't afford anything bigger at the moment.” “And what about your mother?” Lukas followed up. “She's no longer around,” I said, and I noticed how my voice became so strange again. “She died in a car accident.” Brief silence. ’Oh, sorry.’ ‘It's okay.’
We then walked a little in silence along the path and five minutes later we came to a crossroads where our paths parted.
‘I have to go this way now,’ Lukas said, pointing in the other direction. “If you want, we can do something together tomorrow after school,” he suggested. “Great,” I replied. **grinning** “See you then.” ’Yeah, bye.’
Now we parted ways and five minutes later I arrived at our apartment door. Dad wasn't home yet. Although it was his day off, he still wanted to take care of a few things, which apparently was taking longer than expected. He had already cooked dinner, so I warmed it up in the microwave. It wasn't that great, but so what. Not everyone can be a good cook and a great father at the same time. After I had eaten, I quickly did the dishes and then went to my room.
After I had disposed of my school things on the desk, I turned on the stereo (a small one) and looked for my favourite radio station. Although I couldn't say anything particularly great about the Hessians so far, they certainly had good radio stations. After the music I wanted to hear came out of the speakers, I decided to do the unpleasant things first.
So I started with my homework. The GK tasks were done quite quickly and French didn't take too long either (I wonder how long it will take Matthias – hehehe **grins**). We hadn't opened any of the other subjects yet, so my work for today was done.
It was only 4 o'clock. What else should I do today? Suddenly Lukas came to my mind again. During the homework I had completely suppressed him, but now I had to think of him. But he also looked too sweet in his clothes. And that smile... And what did he mean with his comment about fun. Could he also...?
No, that was probably just a pipe dream.
‘Forget it, Flo,’ I thought. What are the chances that someone in your class is gay and then also your dream boy of all people? That would clearly be too many coincidences to be real. But dreaming wasn't forbidden, I sighed. And then all my self-doubts came up again.
Of course, my dad is a great father and I have a lot of fun with him. But with my mom's death, a part of me died too. I just need a shoulder to cry on. Someone to listen to and just be there for you when you need him. And there's my dad, even though I love him very much, not necessarily my first choice. Even though my father is there for me, I still feel incredibly lonely.
I need someone who understands me, who I could love. Who also loves me, just as I am, with all my faults. I'm not talking about sex here. Not primarily, of course. Finding someone to snuggle up with, who is there for me and for whom I could be there, that's what I was looking for and needed. Damn, how can I describe it better?
And I wouldn't have liked anything better than for Lukas to be that person. There were only two problems. First: Lukas was most likely not gay. Second: even if he was, I would never have had the courage to talk to him. Even now, my friendship with him was too important to me to have it destroyed by a hasty confession.
But at least he seemed to like me. If not as a ‘boyfriend,’ then at least as a good friend! Otherwise, he probably wouldn't have agreed to meet me tomorrow and shown me around school today. And Hannes also seems like a great guy and a great buddy. If I ever got into serious trouble with Matthias or the other Idis, it was good to have someone like Hannes as a friend.
Since the day was still much too young for the telly and I still had to process the morning somehow, I decided to go for a little run. So I put on my old sports clothes and strapped on my Nikes (unfortunately quite old ones, but they serve their purpose) and set off.
The run did me a power of good. I had already scouted out a small route during the holidays and now I ran it. After about an hour I came back quite exhausted. I had let my training slide a bit lately and that takes its toll at some point. I unlocked the door again, panting and gasping for air. Dad still wasn't there. I went to take a shower and enjoyed the warm water.
The run had helped me to get my thoughts back on track. I was now convinced that it was absolutely idiotic that I could have any chance with Lukas and decided not to say anything.
After a long shower (oh dear, the water bill...) I spent the rest of the afternoon in my room reading my current favourite book.
Have I actually mentioned that I'm almost addicted to Harry Potter? Please don't laugh, but I really like the stories. Maybe it's because Harry is an outsider just like me. But he can achieve anything he wants. Somehow I wished for that too and the books gave me a feeling of living in this dream world too. And then there's that goofy Neville... J.
At some point, I looked at the clock again and it was already seven. Suddenly, I heard the door open downstairs and Dad come home. ‘Hello, Junior!’ He called up and threw the groceries noisily on the kitchen table. ‘Hi Dad!’ I called down and quickly finished the chapter.
‘Would you like a cup of tea?’ I heard him call from the kitchen. Without answering, I went downstairs. ‘Sure, a mint for me, please,’ I said when I arrived in the kitchen. ‘An excellent choice, sir,’ he said, chuckling. While he was making the tea, I started to put the groceries away. When I had finished, the tea was ready and Dad and I went into the living room.
‘So, how was your day?’ he asked me as we started drinking tea. “All right,” I replied. “The teachers seem okay and I don't seem to have to catch up on too much.” “I see,” he said with a satisfied look on his face as he took a big gulp.
‘And are there nice people in your class too, maybe even nice girls?’
Oops. Bad question. ‘Yes, I guess so.’ I decided it was best to keep quiet about my experience with Matthias. ‘I think I've already found new friends. One of them is called Lukas and lives nearby, and his best friend Hannes seems to be all right too.’
‘By the way, Lukas and I want to do something tomorrow after school, or do you already have other plans?’ “No, go ahead. I have to go back to work tomorrow and it will definitely be very late.” “I'm glad things are going well for you.” “Yes.” I said.
We talked a little more about Dad's day and decided to let this evening slowly fade away in front of the television. Since we can't afford a TV for me, we chose a nice film and watched it together while drinking the rest of the tea.
But at around 9pm, I realised how tired I was and decided to go to bed. ‘What's the matter with you?’ Dad's comment came immediately.
I usually didn't go to bed before eleven, but today with all the new impressions had really exhausted me.
‘It was a hard day, I'm tired,’ I grumbled and stood up. “Good night, son.” “Good night, Dad.” “And Jonas...?” he said just as I was standing in the doorway. I turned around again. “I love you!” ’I love you too, Dad.’
I trudged upstairs and got ready for bed. Ten minutes later I was already lying in bed. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep.
In my dream, I was walking alone on a beautiful beach. Suddenly I heard a voice behind me and I turned around. It was Lukas standing behind me. ‘I love you,’ he whispered and took me in his arms. ‘I love you too,’ I said. And we kissed. It was the most passionate kiss I had ever experienced. And even if it was just a dream, it seemed so real to me. It seemed as if we were kissing forever. Just as my dream Lukas pulled away from me and was about to say something, I heard an inhuman noise, just as if an alarm clock...
‘Shit, it was all just a dream,’ I thought to myself. It took a while before I was reasonably in control of my senses again. You all know by now that I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. But after a dream like that, I never really want to wake up again. Why can't dreams last forever? And why can't dreams ever become reality?
I sighed.
I sighed again, but it didn't get any better. So I might as well get up. After the morning routine and a breakfast that was much too short, I set off for school. I hoped to meet Lukas on the way, since he also had the same route part of the way. But it wasn't so. I was probably late again.
After a good quarter of an hour I finally reached school and even managed to find my class before the bell rang.
Maths was on the programme for the first lesson today. To be honest, I was looking forward to seeing the head teacher again, as he had made a really nice impression on me.
When I entered the classroom, most of the students were already there. Lukas was already sitting at his desk and grinned at me in a good mood. ‘Did you sleep well?’ He asked me as I passed his desk.
‘Thanks, fine,’ I said and sat down next to Katrin, who also greeted me in a good mood. “Hi,” I replied and began to unpack my things.
Direx Paschke came around the corner with verve and entered the classroom, not without slamming the door behind him again much too loudly.
‘Morning, ladies and gentlemen. I welcome you back to the wonderful world of mathematics after the far too long holidays...’
The lesson went by in a flash. Paschke really knew how to make the dry subject somewhat understandable, but he took it easy for the first lesson and everyone could easily follow the brief repetition of the last school year.
The second lesson – English – also went by way too quickly, and it was already break time. I used the break to chat with Katrin, Hannes and, in particular, Lukas. The remaining lessons before the long break also went by without a hitch, so there was a little more time to chat.
During this break, Lukas and Hannes also introduced me to the others in the class whom I didn't know very well yet. ‘Seems to be a really nice class,’ I said to Hannes, and he nodded in agreement. ‘Except for the few idiots at the front,’ he said, pointing to Matthias and his vassals, who weren't looking at the moment.
The remaining hours of the school day passed quickly and, amazingly, there were no assignments. The teachers didn't seem to be in the mood either. But what the heck. It was fine with me.
I was already looking forward to the afternoon with Lukas. ‘I'll see you outside then,’ Lukas said and went ahead with Hannes, since I was still busy packing up. ‘Okay, I'll be right behind you,’ I said, trying to hurry up a little.
Slowly, the class emptied while I was still busy with my things. Somehow I was especially slow today. By now, only me, Matthias and his cronies were left in the classroom. I was finally ready, put on my jacket and was about to leave the room when I tripped over something and fell flat on my back. When I had pulled myself up again, I saw that I had tripped over Matthias' bag.
‘You idiot,‘ he shouted at me. “Sorry,” I replied sheepishly, “I'm sorry, but I tripped.” “My stuff's obviously not good enough for this gentleman,” he shouted. “So... sorry,” I stuttered, but Henning, one of Matthias’ cronies, had already grabbed me and pushed me in the direction of Matthias.
He immediately continued by pushing me to Dieter, the third in the group. ‘Then we'll show you how to handle other people's things around here,’ said Matthias, grinning maliciously as Dieter pushed me back in his direction.
Matthias didn't stop me, though, but moved aside with an admittedly elegant movement, and I lost my balance and hit my head on the edge of a table. I was dazed and only just realised that I was bleeding from a head wound when I saw Dieter swinging his heavy boot up for a kick...