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Part 1

I don't know how she managed it, but now I was sitting here in the open air, hoping that something would soon happen on stage.
She? I'm talking about my favorite aunt Sabine, who had dragged me to an open-air concert. At the age of eighteen, not exactly my taste in music. Squeezed into an old jacket, I felt very cramped.
“Kevin, do you want the program?“, Sabine asked me.
“A bag of popcorn would be better for me now,” I replied, grinning as I accepted the booklet.
I opened it and began to read, since nothing was happening on stage yet anyway. Piano pieces by Brahms and Tchaikovsky. Very interesting, I always wanted to hear them. Benjamin Kohler at the piano. Surely some old, little, gray little man who will soon start hitting the keys.
The people around me started clapping. I looked up. And what can I say? It took my breath away. So much for the old man. He was about my age and?wow, was he handsome.
I'm not really into long hair, but his black curls rose gently with every step and fell back just as softly. My aunt pushed me.
“If you're hungry, we can eat something during the break,“ she said.
“How? What?
Stop staring like that, people might think you want to eat him.”
I blushed, but had to smile at the same time.
“So noticeable?”
“Yes,” said Sabine, and started giggling.
I loved that about Sabine. She was my mother's younger sister, but to me she was more of a good friend. She was the first person I tried out my so-called outing with. She just said, “So what, who cares?”
She has retained this directness to this day and when I was in trouble she was always there for me. And today she had just dragged me to this concert.
“I knew you'd like Benjamin,“ she continued quietly.
“You know him?” I asked, probably a bit too loudly.
The people next to us turned their heads and I received angry looks. What are they all about, he hasn't even started playing yet.
“I'll tell you later, just enjoy the music for now,” Sabine whispered to me and looked back to the front again.
After the applause had died down, Benjamin sat down at the piano. I opened the program booklet again and saw what he would play:
Nocturne No. 2 E-flat major opus 9 No. 2<
Aha, I thought, how am I supposed to know what he's going to play? It became quiet in the stands, only the rustling of the nearby forest could still be heard. Benjamin began to play softly. He gently struck the notes and I thought, I know this from somewhere.
I dreamily listened to the music and couldn't stop watching him. He had his eyes closed. His hair swayed slightly in the fresh breeze, which I now noticed too. I looked at his fingers, which seemed to float over the keys with an ease.
I was just sitting there, lost in the piano playing. When he struck the high notes, everything in me tightened. And before I realized it, the first piece was finished and everyone around me began to applaud.
Benjamin turned his head, nodded, smiled, and went back to his piano. Another slow piece, and again it seemed familiar. I looked at the booklet, which only said something about an etude in E major.
How am I supposed to remember that? I put the booklet aside and decided to just enjoy the music. Only when the intermission began did I realize how much time had passed. Benjamin left the stage to loud applause.
“And how did you like it so far?“ Sabine asked, waking me from my daydream.
“Not bad,” I said.
“Not bad?” Is that all you have to say about it?
“Yes, all right. I liked it, thanks for taking me here.”
That's right, would you like a drink?
“I'm always thirsty,” I said.
Sabine pulled me to the exit, where there were several tables. She took out her wallet and paid for something. She came back with two champagne glasses. She handed me one and clinked glasses with me. I sipped it and immediately made a face.
Hey, this isn't Prosecco, it's champagne,“ she said and took a small sip.
I'd rather stick with Prosecco, at least it's not as dry as this stuff here.
But this stuff is three times more expensive than your swill,” she said and started grinning again.
You still wanted to answer my question, I said to change the subject.
Oh, you wanted to know if I know Benjamin?
Yes.
I can say that I do. Benjamin is the son of a fellow student of mine, she said and took another sip of her drink.
Then maybe I could get an autograph for myself.
Not the address,' she asked.
Sabine!
I just thought, and I saw her suppress a laugh.
Don't think, just finish your drink. I feel uncomfortable among so many penguins.
Besides, it seems to be continuing, people are already leaving.
“It will start again when the gong sounds,” Sabine said.
No sooner had she said that than it sounded over the loudspeakers that had been set up here. So we handed back our glasses. The man behind the table looked at me strangely because my glass was still quite full. Then I followed Sabine back to our seats.
Now there was an orchestra sitting in front and I thought Benjamin would not come anymore. But the piano was still there. The musicians rose and Benjamin entered the stage behind a man.
He seemed to be the conductor. There was loud applause again and after it had become quiet, I waited for the music to start. I jumped when the orchestra began to play loudly.
And then Benjamin started, together with the orchestra.
“That's Tchaikovsky,“ Sabine whispered in my ear.
“Who, the man conducting?” I asked quietly.
Sabine covered her mouth and tried not to laugh out loud.
“No, the piece is by Tchaikovsky,” she whispered to me again.
“I see,” I just said and sank back into the piano playing of Benjamin. And as at the beginning, I flinched when the orchestra started loudly.
And I get in trouble when I turn up my music too loud at home, and here you almost get a hearing loss. Benjamin swept over the keys. His head jerked wildly to the music he was playing and his hair flew back and forth.
He seemed to really get into his music, as I was doing right now. Slowly I lost myself and was only fixated on Benjamin. The sounds of his piano playing carried me away, and slowly images began to form in my head that matched the music.
*-*-*
“I'm returning your son,“ Sabine said when she found my mom in the kitchen at my house.
“And how often did you have to wake him up?” my mom asked.
“Not at all,” Sabine replied.
My mom gave me a strange look. She approached me and felt my forehead.
“But you haven't been sick for long, Kevin, have you?”
“Mom! What's that supposed to mean?”
“When I hear your tootling from above, I can't imagine that you enjoyed tonight somehow.”
Sabine started to grin.
“I liked it very much and I'm thinking about whether I'll go there with Sabine more often.”
Sabine started laughing loudly, my mother looked between us questioningly.
“I'm going up to my place. Thanks again, Sabine, for the great evening,” I said, saying goodbye to them both.
Once upstairs, I unlocked my small attic apartment. At least a bit of privacy, I thought. In the bedroom, I immediately got rid of my clothes and stood indecisively in front of my closet when I hung my jacket back on the hanger.
I really had to get a few more things if I wanted to go to concerts with Sabine. Of course, only to the ones where Benjamin was going to be. I pulled an autograph card out of the inside pocket of my jacket that Sabine had gotten for me.
Dreamy, I let myself fall onto the bed and devoured Benjamin's face with my eyes. I started grinning. How old am I? Here I am, lying here, raving about someone as if I were fourteen years old.
A quick trip to the bathroom, and then somehow tired, back to bed. Snuggled up in my blanket, I fell asleep with a grin on my lips.
*-*-*
“Morning,“ I said as I entered my mother's kitchen.
“Did you fall out of bed, or what are you doing down here so early?” my mom asked in disbelief.
“No, I want to go shopping in the city and today, on Saturday, it's better if I leave a little earlier,” I replied.
“Breakfast?”
No thanks mom, I already had some upstairs. I just want to quickly call Sabine to see if she has time and wants to come with me.”
“You and Sabine, the inseparable?”
“Be happy that I'm so family-oriented,“ I replied grinning.
“Morning.”
My dad was standing in the doorway.
“Morning,” we both replied in unison.
“Already awake?“ my Dad asked.
“Yes, and already having breakfast?” I said and disappeared in the living room.
I took the phone and dialed Sabine's number.
“Ziegler?”
“Morning Sabine, this is Kevin, do you already have plans this morning?”
“Morning Kevin, no I have not planned anything yet.”
Would you like to go shopping with me a bit?
Do you need the expert advice of a woman? Sabine replied with a laugh.
Of course, you said yourself yesterday that I should get myself something decent.
Okay, when shall we meet and, above all, where?
At ten, in front of Karstadt?
Yes, I can make that, so see you later, Sabine said goodbye.
See you later, Tsch.?
*-*-*
Later in the city
What's with your hair?
What's with my hair, are you starting again, I said to Sabine, annoyed.
Yes, because I think your hairstyle is absolutely boring.
And what would you suggest I change?
Do you trust me?“ Sabine asked with a smile.
“Would I otherwise be here with you?” I countered.
“Then come with me,” she said, pulling me by the sleeve of my sweater.
I had been sitting at the hairdresser's for over an hour now. Totally annoyed, I was curious to see what instructions Sabine had given. I sat deliberately not in front of a mirror, because Sabine wanted to surprise me.
I had to think of the TV, where you always saw these before and after programs. Restlessly, I looked around to see if there was a camera somewhere. The nice hairdresser, who smiled at me the whole time, was at his last activity, the thinning.
Then the big moment arrived. The nice man pushed me to the big mirror. My jaw dropped. What had happened to my brown hair? Straw-blonde, totally disheveled, my hair was standing on end in every direction.
“Well, what do you think?“ Sabine asked me, standing behind me.
“It takes getting used to,” I managed to utter.
“Well, I think your brown eyes are now shown to their best advantage,“ she said.
I looked at myself again more closely. Somehow I did look different. ‘Wilder and cheekier,’ would have been my mum's words.
“So now let's go shopping,” said Sabine, paying for everything.
“To what do I owe this honor?” I asked in astonishment.
Don't ask and use it while I'm in a good mood.
Back outside on the pedestrian walkway, she stopped for a long time in front of a jewelry store.
“How about a new earring?“ she suddenly asked.
“What do you have against the stud?” I asked.
You've had it for two years now, it's time for something new,“ grinned Sabine.
“And what did the lady have in mind?” I asked, now a little annoyed.
“That thing there, to the right of the gold watch.”
“That looks more like children's jewelry to me, it's so colorful.”
“Colorful? Young man, those are rainbow colors.”
“Do gay men wear earrings?“ I asked, and took a closer look.
“Seems so. Would you like this one?”
“Do you still have your generous pockets on?” I said and started laughing.
She made a face, but then started laughing too.
“Come inside, it's not expensive, I think it would look good on you.”
I went with her into the jewelry store and I already had a new earring. Why do you actually also say to the plug ring, I wondered, as I pfrimmelte the ring to the ear. Sabine didn't give me a breather and pulled me on.
*-*-*
Didn't you want to meet Kevin?, asked my mom, Sabine.
I did, he is standing at the car and unloads his new acquisitions. Monika, put your glasses on please, that's Kevin.
My mom disappeared briefly into the house to come back with the glasses on her nose.
Oh my God, what happened to Kevin?
Just a new outfit, I said, coming from the car loaded with bags.
“Blonde hair?”
My mother shook her head.
“Oh, Monika, don't be like that, I think you have a very handsome son,“ said Sabine, and I began to blush as I squeezed past the two of them.
“And what does he have in the bags?” my mom asked, walking behind me with Sabine.
“New clothes, what else, Mum, I was shopping!”
“Well, let's see them,“ said my mom and dropped onto the couch.
After the fashion show was over, I stowed everything back in the bags.
“I have to say, I have a really handsome son.”
“Right, I noticed that too, he can really wear anything,” replied Sabine.
Annoyed, I rolled my eyes.
“I'm going to go up and tidy the clothes,“ I said, and made my way upstairs.
As I passed, Sabine ruffled my hair.
“I think it's cool,” she said, grinning after me.
When I got to the top, I dropped everything on my bed. My eyes fell on Benjamin's autograph card, which was standing upright on my bedside table. There was a knock at my apartment door. I left the bedroom, closed my door and then opened the apartment door.
“Hello son, why are the two chickens cackling like that in the kitchen?” asked my dad, who was standing at the door.
I grinned at him.
You don't need to say anything more, I can see that for myself. Do you think a change of scenery would do me good too?
Why, do you want to go out on the prowl and hit the disco? I blurted out as I ran into my kitchen.
Do you want to?
What do you think?
Yes, or why this complete change of appearance, which, by the way, suits you well.
Thanks Dad. It was Sabine's idea, I would always walk around so boringly.
My sister-in-law, typically.
What about me?
I turned around. Sabine had also come up.
I was just complimenting your good taste, my Dad said with a cheeky grin.
A smile also formed on my face as Sabine looked at me questioningly.
“Oh, why I'm coming up at all, Kevin, would you like to accompany me tonight and visit an old college friend?“ Sabine asked.
“I don't know... oh, you mean the college friend?” I asked.
“Exactly her,” grinned Sabine.
My father looked questioningly between us back and forth.
Dad, do not look like that, if the girls here have secrets from you, I said to him and patted him comfortingly on the shoulder.
Sabine bent with laughter.
*-*-*
I stood restlessly in front of the mirror and tried to get my hair to look as wild as the hairdresser's. Sabine wanted to pick me up at seven. Shouldn't I put on the yellow shirt after all. Oh man, I'm really turning into a fagot soon.
I decided to stay as I was. I ran down to my parents and met Sabine, who had probably just arrived.
“Where are you going?“ my mom asked when she saw me in my new outfit.
“To pick up men,” I said dryly and briefly.
Sabine started laughing out loud again and almost couldn't stand on her feet when she saw the look on my mom's face.
“Take it easy, Mom, Sabine wants to introduce me to a college friend tonight.”
“Then don't come home too late, there's work again tomorrow,“ said my dad, who also entered the kitchen.
“Do you have to remind me about the office, I've been behind since two colleagues were absent due to illness,” I said.
“Well, off you go then and have a nice evening,” said mum.
“You too,” I and Sabine said almost in unison.
In the car, I got nervous again. Would Benjamin be there too? My hands were clammy and I was afraid my deodorant would fail too. Eventually, the traffic slowed and we arrived in an elegant neighborhood.
“Have you missed any advanced training courses, or why don't you live in such an area?“ I asked Sabine.
“No, Lore just found the right man,” she said, driving up a small driveway.
“Am I dressed wrong, I mean, such a house, isn't there a dress code?” I asked when the house came into view.
“Don't worry Kevin, Lore is the same caliber as I am,“ Sabine said.
“Oh dear, I'm glad that Lore wasn't with us this morning while we were shopping,” I said, grinning.
“Why?”
“I don't want to know what I would look like now.”
Sabine grinned to herself as she parked her Golf next to a Jaguar. We got out and I followed her uncertainly to the entrance. Apparently we were expected, because as soon as we had climbed the first steps of the stairs, the large, heavy front door opened as if by magic.
A young man came out.
“Good evening Mrs. Ziegler, the lady is already expecting you,“ he said.
I looked at Sabine and raised my eyebrows.
“We don't have to take our shoes off, do we?” I whispered in Sabine's ear as we followed this gentleman.
She gave me a reproachful look and rolled her eyes, but then started to grin. The man stopped in front of a door in this oversized hallway and knocked. A few seconds later he entered and I heard him say something quietly.
Then he came out again and motioned for us to enter. A little uneasy, I followed Sabine. It was only thanks to everything I had not let out a loud “wow”. I found myself in a kind of library.
Two walls were full of books up to the ceiling. An elegantly dressed lady approached us.
“Do you think Phillip will thaw out at some point and become more relaxed?“ ‘Hello Lore,’ said Sabine and hugged this woman.
“I'm not sure about that, he takes his job very seriously,” she replied.
“This is my nephew Kevin, who I've already told you a lot about,” Sabine said, pointing to me.
Is there anything more embarrassing than feeling like a display piece? What had she told you about me again? My blood rushed involuntarily to my head.
“Hello Kevin.”
Hello Mrs. Kohler, I said and gave a polite hand.
I held back the servant now.
Sit down, can I offer you something to drink? Mrs. Kohler asked us and pointed to the large wing chairs in front of a fireplace.
She pressed a small button on the wall, and in no time Phillip entered the room again.
“Can I help you, ma'am?”
“A coffee?“ asked Mrs. Kohler, Sabine.
“Sure,” she replied.
“Kevin?”
“I'll have one too,” I said quietly.
“Phillip, please bring us three coffees and some of the pastries I like so much.”
Phillip nodded and left the room again. Our eyes met briefly and I didn't know how to interpret them.
“So, tell me, you went shopping with Kevin today?”
Again, I gave both women my full attention when my name was mentioned.
“Yes, you can see the result, we were also at the hairdresser's.”
“It suits him well, I think.”
A little annoyed at being the center of attention, I took a deep breath.
“Could you two stop talking about me and talk to me instead?” I asked, annoyed.
Both women laughed briefly.
“You must excuse Sabine and me, Kevin, when we're together it's always like that,” said Mrs. Kohler. ‘Oh, and I'm Lore and you're ’please'.”
I nodded and was startled when the door flew open. And there he was, standing in front of me, life-size. Benjamin had stormed into the room.
“Mom, do you know where I put my sheet music?” he asked, and rummaged through a stack of papers on the table.
He wasn't wearing any shoes, walking around barefoot. A pair of faded jeans, and, to my delight, he was wearing a shirt that was unbuttoned. I almost melted when I saw his six-pack. Do you get muscles like that from playing the piano?
“No, dear, but over there in the living room, there was something on the desk,“ Lore said.
Benjamin looked up briefly and noticed us.
“Oh, hello Sabine, nice to see you,” he said before leaving the room just as quickly.
“Nice to see you too,” Sabine called after him.
But he surely didn't hear that. Wow, he didn't even look at me, let alone say hello. He must be one of those conceited, spoiled young'uns, the son of someone important. My mood dropped to absolute zero. Sabine seemed to notice that.
“That's not like Benjamin, what's wrong with him?” Sabine asked.
Oh, he has to play at a new school, he's been playing all the time. He almost doesn't talk to us anymore, just hangs around in his room, doesn't go out either.
Lore looked a little sad.
Oh, Kevin was like that for quite a while, but now he's back to normal, said Sabine, giving me a smile.
And for what reason?, Lore asked.
The question was probably directed more at me. Helplessly, I looked at Sabine.
Don't worry, Kevin. Lore knows about you, Sabine said.
I didn't know whether I should be upset, what else Sabine had told this woman. Lore still looked at me questioningly, she expected an answer from me.
Well, when I realized I was only into guys, it was kind of a world collapse. I withdrew more and more from all events, just wanted to be alone, I hesitated.
Do you think Benjamin is too? Lore asked.
Sabine had once again cleverly put that together. She knew that I was gay and thought I could help here.
“Gay?“ I asked.
She nodded.
“I don't know, I don't know many...”
“Somehow you have to get close to the boy,” said Lore. “Don't you want to give it a try?”
I don't know, Lore?
Well, that's all planned, how naive do they think I am?
Would you do Lore a favor? Sabine asked me.
And how should I go about that nicely? I asked Sabine.
*-*-*
Somehow I was already really angry with Sabine. Lore had suggested that I look around a little. So I was walking around this mansion, looking at one room after another. Sabine could have at least told me about her plan to help Benjamin.
Now that I knew what was going on, I somehow didn't feel like staying here anymore. The sound of a piano reached my ears from somewhere, but it had lost the magic that I had felt at the concert.
I found a door leading outside, into the garden. I stood on a broad terrace. What was I still doing here? Helping this snobbish Heini? Not interested! I found my pack of cigarettes in my pocket. I took out a cigarette and kept looking for a lighter.
Fire?
I jumped, behind me stood Phillip the butler and held out a lighter.
“Thank you,“ I said briefly.
He nodded.
“Young sir, it is not my place to interfere, but in Benjamin's case I break my professional principles. Please help him,” Phillip said softly.
“How do you know?” I asked in amazement.
When I served the coffee, the ladies were talking about whether I should serve their coffee out here?
I can also go back inside and drink it there, thank you Phillip, I said.
It's no problem, just stay here, I'll bring it to you, said Phillip, put down an ashtray and disappeared inside.
This man was somehow eerie to me, but I also knew that such people were supposed to be the soul of the house and were well informed about all the events. But that he asks for help for Benjamin was extraordinary.
It didn't take long for Phillip to reappear with a silver tray holding a cup.
“Milk and sugar?”
Thank you Phillip, I drink it black.”
Phillip put the cup down on the garden table and disappeared quietly again. I took a sip and put the cup down again. Interested, I wanted to see more of the garden. It was well lit and thus still easily visible in the evening twilight.
I walked down a curved staircase into the garden, past a small waterfall that emptied into a pond below. There were bushes of magnificent flowers everywhere; the Kohlers seemed to have a good gardener.
“Could you be so kind as to tell me what you're doing here?”
I jumped again and turned around. Benjamin was standing in front of me. I was looking for words, but somehow everything stuck in my throat, I only saw two very sad eyes in front of me, in which I literally sank.
“Hello?“ Benjamin said.
“Sorry, I'm here with my aunt, Mrs. Ziegler,” I said when my voice was ready to go again.
“Sabine's nephew, so Kevin?“ he said more to himself than to me.
I had to talk to Sabine sometime, when she talks about me everywhere. But since I was already out here alone with Benjamin, I could start an attack on the good guy.
“Then you also surely know why I'm here,” I said quietly and objectively.
H???, came from Benjamin, who I had apparently just snapped out of his thoughts.
“You also surely know why I'm here, I asked?”
“No, what makes you think that?”
“Because everyone in this house knows so much about me,” I replied, thinking of Phillip.
My eyes fell on Benjamin for the first time. His clothes hadn't changed since before. My eyes lingered on his muscular chest, which was lightly hairy. A small gold pendant sparkled on a chain.
“No, I don't know. No one ever says anything to me in this house.”
A certain bitchy undertone could be heard.
“Why are you here?“ he asked.
“Because I'm supposed to take care of you.”
“You? I'm already out of the age range for a governess,” he said, laughing hysterically.
“I think so too, and I don't know what I would have lost here in the first place.”
Oh, sorry, I didn't mean it like that.
But I meant it like that, I said, slightly annoyed.
This condescending drivel was starting to make me sick, I ran back towards the terrace and left him standing there.
Kevin please, I really didn't mean it like that, Benjamin said and ran after me.
I turned around.
“And why does everyone think you need help?“ I asked him.
He stopped abruptly and those sad eyes again.
“Oh, I don't know,” he said, and ran back into the house.
I followed him, but when I entered the house again, there was no one in the room except Phillip.
“Upstairs on the right, last room,” he said, and opened the door to the hallway.
Without saying a word, I entered the hallway again, went up the large stone staircase and found myself in a long hallway.
Last room on the right, I thought. So I followed Phillip's words. I stood in front of the door and could hear a few notes from the piano coming from inside. I knocked softly, but no sound came from inside. I opened the door quietly and found Benjamin sitting at a grand piano.
That was the only thing of value in the room; otherwise, it looked more like the cluttered room of a normal teenager. Benjamin didn't look up and continued to play a few notes on the piano.
“How long have you been playing the piano?“ I asked simply, closing the door behind me.
“I started when I was six,” he replied quietly, without looking at me.
“And how old are you now?”
“I turned eighteen last week. And you?”
“Eighteen too.”
“And what do you do?”
“I work in a freight company as a retail salesman.”
“Retail salesman?”
“Yes, retail salesman. I have to make money somehow,” I said, looking around his room.
“Could it be that you have a bad opinion of me?“ he asked.
“Yes, it could be.”
He grimaced and looked back at his keys.
“Being the son of a millionaire, you sit in a gilded cage,” he said softly.
Why? Isn't the jet-set life supposed to be so great? You can buy everything, lots of pretty girls, right? I replied, waiting for a reaction, which failed to materialize.
What does it get me?
What do you want then? I asked quietly.
I sat down on the small bench in front of the window.
“I want friends, I want to live a normal life like others my age.”
“You play the piano beautifully, isn't that something?”
“It's the only thing that gives me any joy at all. To bring sounds into being with my hands, fingers, that people in other centuries have written. To give them shape, to breathe feelings into them, to make them sound, to let them live???
I was a little speechless at what Benjamin had just said. All the time he looked at his piano... at his hands. And now he looked at me. His eyes were filled with tears.
“Kevin, it's the only thing I have, the only world I can escape to, forget?”
Tears ran down his cheeks and dripped to the floor. I had a strong urge to take him in my arms, but something held me back.
“What do you want to forget?” I asked again very quietly.
He wiped away his tears and stood up.
“All of this?“ He angrily hit a stack of paper on the floor.
“I want to finally live and not be locked up all the time, having to follow the rules,” he shouted, kicking a floor lamp whose bulb went out with a bang.
What rules?”
The door opened and Lore and Sabine poked their heads in. I raised my hand and motioned for them to leave. I stood up and went to Benjamin.
“Who makes the rules?” I asked, seeking his eye contact.
He, on the other hand, held his head with both hands and looked at the ceiling.
“Everyone. Everyone thinks they have to interfere in my life, tell me how to live.”
“Why do you put up with it?”
“What else can I do?” He took a book from the piano and threw it with full force at a shelf where several trophies were lined up nicely, and they fell to the floor with a loud clatter.
“It's your life and only you can make something of it, Benjamin,” I said a little louder.
“Me?”
And again he began to laugh loudly and hysterically. Suddenly he fell silent and looked at me. He turned white in the face, stormed through a small side door. A little later I heard him throwing up.
I quickly ran to the door and found, as expected, the two ladies in front of it.
“I'm sorry that you have to experience this, but I think the outburst was well timed. But please don't come in before I call you and, for God's sake, keep Phillip away from me,” I said to the two, who just nodded at what I said.
I quietly closed the door and ran after Benjamin to see where he had disappeared to. I found him at the toilet, still vomiting. Even though I almost felt sick myself, I helped Benjamin up. I lifted him up and carried him back to his room, laying him on the bed.
Back in the bathroom, I grabbed any towel I found and held it under the cold water. Back at Benjamin's, I wiped his face, gently tracing the contours of his face.
“Why are you here?“ he asked in a whiny voice.
“Because I want to help you,” I replied.
“You can't help me,” he said.
“We've been through that already. Think of something new,” I said and got up and went back into the room.
I went to the shelf and picked up the trophies again, put them back in the way I found them, but it didn't really matter to me. I went to the floor lamp and tried to straighten the lampshade.
On the floor, I saw a sea of sheet music.
“You'll have to pick up the music sheets yourself, I'm not very good at sorting,” I said, and sat back down at the bed next to him.
He seemed to have calmed down a little by now; he wasn't crying anymore.
“Are you feeling a bit better now at least?“ I asked, looking around the room again.
“Yes, I am,” he said, resting his forearm on his eye.
“Shall I get your mom?”
“No, I don't want to see anyone right now.”
“And me?”
“Please stay.”
“Why?”
“Because I feel comfortable with you.”
I saw a candle, put it on the wing, lit it. I turned off the light and sat back to Benjamin at the bed.
“Do you break the rules now?“ I asked, betting everything on one card.
He took the arm down and I could see his eyes sparkling.
“Yes?”
“Sorry, I can't see any violation,” I said.
“Me? You?
“These are your feelings, and there are no rules for them in this world,“ I said calmly.
“But I am alone with these feelings.”
“Are you quite sure?”
He was silent.
“I have to go home now, Sabine will be waiting for me. If you want, I'll come back,” I said quietly.
“You would come back?”
If I may and if you want me to come back?
Yes, I want you to come back.
I'll get in touch with you.
Thank you.
For what?
For listening.
That's why I was there.
* - * *
Of course I was teased by my colleagues the next morning because of my new outfits, but I didn't care. I went to work with fun, my colleagues almost killed me because of it.
I thought a lot about Benjamin, and now and then I had the thought that yesterday had gone too far. But then I thought of his smile when he said goodbye and all negativity had vanished.
Could it be that I had fallen in love with him, with the rich, spoiled Snobsohn? He had allowed me to look very deeply into his soul yesterday, and I felt honored by this trust. But for him to feel the same way about me as I do about him would be a miracle.
The working day went by quite quickly, and so in the evening I was back in my mom's kitchen.
“Your phone was ringing all day,“ she said when I helped her to prepare supper.
“It will call again if it was important,” I said.
But I decided to check my answering machine and quickly ran up to my apartment. It was only the same number announced again and again, nobody had spoken on it.
I wrote it down and ran back down.
“And something important?“ Mom asked.
“I don't know, there was nothing recorded, only the number was announced.”
“Weird,” she said.
After dinner, I retreated back to my apartment and collapsed on my couch. I picked up my phone and dialed the number I had written down. It beeped.
“Kohler.
Hello, Benjamin, this is Kevin.”
“How did you get this private number?”
“Oh, miracle of technology,” I said, grinning.
“Your answering machine?”
“Exactly this one.”
“So I was caught red-handed.”
“Exactly, but what I don't understand is why you called so often, you knew I was at work.”
The other side was silent.
“Benjamin?”
“Yes?”
“What is it?”
“I'm so embarrassed.”
“What?”
“I called so often because I wanted to hear your voice.”
“Huh?”
“Excuse me?”
“I think that's sweet.”
“I see.”
There was a short pause.
“Should I still come over?”
“Would you like that?”
We had that yesterday.
Of course, gladly.
Should I send the car for you?
You're having me picked up?
Yes, why not?
Oh, I've never been picked up in this context, I said.
What context is that? he asked.
I'll explain it to you later when I'm with you.
Okay, I'll send the car, I'll see you in a moment.
Okay, see you soon.
*-*-*
It was a strange feeling to be picked up by a car. The neighbors, who were standing in front of their houses, looked a bit strange when I got into the back of the Jaguar, especially because the driver held the door open for me.
My parents were standing at the front door grinning, but disappeared right away before a flood of questions from the neighbors came crashing in on them. Since Friday, my life had somehow changed. It had become more interesting.
I had a lot on my mind until the car finally drove up the small driveway of Kohlers. The Jaguar stopped right in front of the stairs and Phillip was already standing there, opening the car door.
“Good evening, Mr. Bachheim,” Phillip said with a smile.
“Good evening, Phillip, but you can call me by my first name.”
“Thank you, Kevin. Benjamin is already waiting for you in his room.”
“Thank you, Phillip. I'll find my own way.”
I slowly got used to Phillip and no longer minded being served by him. I somehow liked his stiff manner, but also the sparkle in his eyes when he looked at me.
I took two steps at a time up the marble staircase, turned right down the hall, until I stood in front of Benjamin's door. I was about to knock when the door was flung open.
“And get this childish exam over with tomorrow, you'll still manage that with your pea brain.”
A middle-aged man almost ran me over. He scrutinized me closely from top to bottom.
“Excuse me,” I said automatically, even though he was the one who bumped into me.
He gave me a sharp look, and I felt uncomfortable.
“The choice of your friends also leaves something to be desired,” he said to Benjamin and disappeared into another room.
I stood there like a drowned poodle and didn't know how to react. I was probably not fine enough for this gentleman. I was about to follow him to give him a piece of my mind.
“Kevin, come in, it's no use,“ I heard Benjamin say, who must have read my thoughts.
I entered his room and closed the door behind me.
“Your father?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“Did he come into the world as an adult and so rich?”
“Judging by his behavior towards you, I guess so. I'm sorry.”
You don't have to be sorry, Benjamin. It's not your fault.”
Benjamin got up from his wicker chair and came towards me. He just stood there and looked at me.
“What is it?” I asked.
He just smiled and kept looking at me. My knees went weak. I gathered all my courage, it's now or never, I thought.
“Do you want to kiss me?“ I asked quietly.
Benjamin's face became serious.
“Kissing? Are you crazy?” he replied angrily.
“I thought...” I couldn't speak any more.
I grabbed my jacket, ran out of the room and down the stairs, directly into Lore's arms.
“Hello Kevin, what happened to you?“ she asked.
“I'm sorry Lore, not now?” I replied.
A quick glance back and I saw that Benjamin was standing at the top of the stairs.
“I can't do it,” I said briefly to Lore and disappeared through the heavy wooden door outside.
I started running without really knowing where I was going. Had I misinterpreted Benjamin's sign? Had we been talking about two different things yesterday? A world collapsed inside me, I had made a complete fool of myself, and in front of one of those rich guys, no less.
Tears ran down my face. I ran down the street and collided with an older gentleman on the corner. In order to avoid knocking him over completely, I shifted my weight to the side, which caused me to fall backwards.
I felt a sharp blow to the back of my head and everything went black around me.