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Mike
I yawned heartily and stretched. I had spent the first night more than restlessly, but must have fallen asleep sometime. Outside, everything seemed quiet. I looked at my watch. Seven.
It was quite early, but now that I was awake, I might as well get up. Quietly, I pulled up the zipper of my tent. Cool air met me. Somewhere in the neighborhood, I heard a dog barking.
I struggled to get out of my sleeping bag and out of the tent. I stretched again and enjoyed the first rays of the sun rising over the Etruscan mountains of Tuscany.
Actually, I was supposed to be here with Elke right now. But after the last fight, it was over. Damn! With “Mike, you're a wimp,” she had slammed the door behind her and hadn't been seen since.
But I was just as fed up with her nagging and moaning. Not a night went by when she didn't find something to put me down with. The infatuation from the beginning had long since faded.
So this separation was actually quite right for me. So I packed the car alone and went on the vacation we had planned together. And then came what I had feared.
I quickly realized that night, while driving, how alone I was. The sudden loneliness hurt and I had to make a few stopovers because my crying clouded my vision.
And after the three glasses of red wine that I downed last night to forget, my bladder was now reporting. On the way to the medical supply store, I passed the terrace.
The property ended here and there was a beautiful view of the valley in front of you. I had deliberately chosen this holiday home. Another point where Elke grumbled. I was just not the kind of guy who went to a party every night. Well, everyone would say, “You're twenty, so throw yourself into the full life.”
My bladder was reporting and I walked on to the toilet house.
Again, no one was to be seen and I quickly settled the pressure that I felt. After that, I made my way back to the tent. Just in shorts, it was quite fresh for me.
I looked around a bit and decided that my decision to come here had been right. There were only a few tents behind mine and the large house on the hill housed a few vacation apartments.
And then there was the large pool. Everything was done up in Italian style with terra-cotta colored stones. Like the house, the tents were surrounded by bushes and pine trees. Then there was the sanitary building and a small outhouse with a washing machine, refrigerator and sink.
The owner's brown mongrel came up to me, wagging his tail.
“Well, already awake?” I asked and scratched him on the head.
Then he trotted on. I paused again on the terrace and looked down into the valley.
Thomas
At first I wasn't at all thrilled that my big sister dragged me on vacation with her and her girlfriend. The two of them slept in the bedroom and I slept on the pull-out couch in the living area.
But after the disappointment with Marc, my ex-sweetheart, whom I caught in bed with another man, my sister Jessi Samaritan felt she had to play. I should get my mind off things.
I threw back the blanket, got up and immediately my head made itself felt. Yesterday after arriving I had quite a few drinks, although I knew I couldn't handle anything. The only thing I could remember was crying myself to sleep.
A new day?a new life! This sentence from Iris, Jessi's friend, still echoed in my head. A new life?a disparaging smile graced my lips. I had so many plans with Marc, but now it was all over.
I quietly pushed the door open. The sun had already risen. My eyes wandered over the beautiful view and stuck to a guy on the terrace. He was wearing only shorts like me and was leaning against the railing.
A really cute guy, I thought to myself. Everything a gay man's heart desires. The broad back suggested he did sport, as did the muscular upper arms.
I rubbed my hand across my face. Thomas, you really are the worst. You've only just become single and already you're ogling the next man's ass. But he was definitely cute and fit.
But the chance that the guy was also gay and still single was zero? a pipe dream. Surely a blonde bimbo would come along and let him nibble on her.
But nobody came and the urge to see him from the front also grew stronger and stronger. Just curiosity. So I went down to the terrace just as I was, in shorts. At least he looked like a German.
“Morgen!“ I said.
Mike
I was totally absorbed in my thoughts when someone greeted me with ‘Morgen?’ I was startled and turned around to see a guy about my age standing in front of me. He smiled.
“Morgen!” I greeted him back.
“Did you also arrive yesterday?” he asked.
“Yes!”
'Thomas,' he said, holding out his hand.
'Mike,' I replied and shook his hand.
The hand was soft and warm, yet the grip was firm. I realized that I was still standing there in my pyjama shorts and crossed my arms over my chest.
'Are you here alone?' Thomas asked.
'Yes, and you?'
With my sister and her friend. But you? Alone? Isn't that boring?
No, just right.
Thomas screwed up his face, his eyes seemed sad.
I'll go take a shower, I said, nodded again and left him standing there.
Thomas.
Wow! What a cutie! I stood there staring after him. He disappeared into the next tent, presenting his backside to me. It was a good idea to take a shower, because the sight of him made me want to have sex.
And being seen out here with a mola, no, not even I would want to inflict that on anyone. I ran back to the house. Jessi and Iris seemed to still be sleeping, so I went to my suitcase and took out my shower things.
It took a while for my tired limbs to finally wake up. I thought back to all the shower orgies with Marc, which was now also in the past. Jessi had always thought that Marc and I wouldn't be a good match.
But A. who listens to his big sister and B. when you're in love, you're on a cloud. Well, now I knew where I stood. I washed my hair and soaped myself several times until I was interrupted by a heavy knocking.
“Thomas, how long are you going to keep hogging the bathroom? I need to use the toilet,“ I heard Jessi call.
“Almost done!”
“Men!” it was heard through the door.
Without drying myself, I tied a towel around my hips and left the bathroom.
“If your brother wasn't gay, the absolute sin,“ I heard Iris say.
“Thank you, my sweetheart,” I cooed, playfully, and blew a kiss.
“Iris, even if my brother were good-looking, he's a man and men are...”
pigs,“ I interrupted her, ‘I know, sis, you don't have to tell me.”
Jessi and Iris started laughing loudly and I retreated outside as I was. A quick glance at the surroundings to ’make sure” and I took off my towel. Naked as I was, I lay down on the plastic lounger in front of our apartment and let the sun dry me.
Mike
The shower had achieved its goal and I was fine again. Totally relaxed, I packed up my things and made my way back to my tent. I didn't want breakfast, I wasn't hungry, but I needed a cup of coffee now.
My eyes fell automatically on the large house where I would have my coffee later. And they got stuck on the terrace in front of one of the apartments. Thomas was lying there, naked.
He looked somehow beautiful. I couldn't take my eyes off Thomas. He seemed to have showered like me; his skin glistened with moisture. His black, curly hair was also stuck to his head wet.
What was I thinking? I thought a guy was beautiful. Was I still all right in the cupboard? Dazed, I crawled into my tent, pulled a pair of shorts and a T-shirt out of my pocket.
In the middle of the movement, I paused. The image of naked Thomas wouldn't go out of my head. I let myself sink onto my sleeping bag. What was the matter with me? When swimming, I always saw my buddies naked.
I had never paid much attention to it before, but now? Thomas? I rubbed my eyes with my hands. Had I been more affected by Elke than I wanted to admit to myself?
No, I was glad to be rid of Elke, I just felt quite alone. And now there was Thomas, to whom I felt attracted. I thought he was handsome. I shook my head as if I wanted to catapult these thoughts out of my head.
I squeezed myself into the shorts and had trouble getting the shirt over my head. Actually, I was stupid, getting dressed was certainly easier in front of the tent. So I crawled out of the tent again.
When I finally stood, my gaze fell again on Thomas, who was still lying there as he had been before. Dressed as if by magic, I walked towards the house, getting closer and closer to Thomas.
Thomas
Before I started to fry here, I thought I'd better put something on. Actually, all I needed was to dry, but in the warmth of the morning sun, I needed to feel comfortable. I opened my eyes and sat up.
I jumped as I saw Mike standing in front of me at a short distance. Somehow he seemed surprised himself, because he flinched just as much as I did. He looked down at the ground, embarrassed.
“Coffee?“ he asked.
“Please?” I asked.
“Do you feel like having a coffee?”
“I'd love to, but I'm already having breakfast with my sister and her friend.”
No problem, it was just an idea.”
Was there something like disappointment to be read in his face? He just kept walking without turning around again. Actually, I could have gone with him, but I didn't really feel like it.
With Marc, I had risked everything and lost everything. Shortly after we met, I had moved in with him, crazy as that may sound. Of course I canceled my lease at my old apartment. I neglected many of my friends because of Marc, well, actually all of them.
I moved out of Marc's in a cloak-and-dagger operation. The assurances that this was a one-time thing and meant nothing more had become meaningless to me. My heart was already broken.
I had loved him divinely, but those few seconds destroyed everything that had been important to me. Somehow it had all lost its meaning. And if it hadn't been for Jessi, I'd probably still be on the street.
It was pure coincidence that she had picked me up? If not, then? No, I didn't want to think about this any further. Now I was sitting here on vacation. Above all, I was sitting here naked. Oh, shit! I had also been naked in front of Mike.
Mike
What had possessed me to ask this Thomas if he wanted to have a coffee with me? I shook my head. I didn't even know him. The image appeared in my head of him lying naked in front of me.
What was it about this guy that was messing me up so much? I had never experienced a guy messing me up before. I went into the main building, where there was a small kiosk next to a small shop.
But also, what I particularly liked, a counter snack. For little money, there was breakfast, lunch and dinner. I sat down on a stool and studied the small menu. I wasn't hungry yet.
The waitress came and I ordered a coffee. I put the menu back down and thought about what to do with the day. I took a cigarette out of the pack and lit it.
Since I had driven so much yesterday, I didn't want to leave by car again today; I was sure I would see the beach soon enough. And when I thought about it, it was probably no fun alone either.
So I decided to lie by the pool later. But before that, I wanted to go into town for a few minutes to get something to eat and drink. That was a must. The waitress brought my coffee, which I paid for immediately.
I thought about yesterday's drive as I sipped my coffee. Several traffic jams due to construction sites had cost me more time than I had planned for. And then there were always these breaks where I just had to stop.
Where I sat behind my steering wheel and cried. Again and again the scene with Elke came to mind. This >wimp< echoed in my head. Laughter tore me out of my thoughts, which was perhaps better that way.
Thomas came running up the road with two girls.
“How about just a coffee?“ ‘Brother, you're too skinny anyway, you should eat something!’ said one of them.
“I like myself the way I am!” “I don't know what you're talking about, Jessi. Do you want me to dress like a typical German, with an open shirt and a beer belly?” replied Thomas.
“Thomas
No, not at all. There are already too many of them around, said Iris.
You see! I started, “That's why I'm not eating this morning. No, seriously, I'm really not hungry.
So I'll order something sweet, that's what I need now, said Jessi.
Your thighs will thank you for it, sis, I chuckled.
“Ass!”
“Allow me, Thomas!” I said, saluting like a soldier.
Jessi shook her head and I received a small slap on the back of the head, which in turn amused Iris. I let my gaze wander and spotted Mike at the bar. He wiped his eyes and smiled, apparently at our conversation.
You just shouldn't mess with your older sister, especially not mention her figure. We had reached the bar.
“Hello Mike,“ I said, and he nodded at me.
“Really, as soon as you're left alone, he's already chatting up strange guys,” Jessi said indignantly.
I wanted to wring her neck for that sentence. I looked at her reproachfully and Iris joined in with another giggle. I sat down next to Mike, with Iris next to me, and Jessie?
She also sat down next to Mike. No chance to protect him from my big sister. Mike had turned back to his coffee, while I began to study the menu like the others.
“Hello Mike, I'm Tom's big sister,“ I heard Jessi suddenly say.
“Hello,” Mike replied quietly.
And this is Iris, a friend of mine,“ she continued.
Mike nodded in her direction.
And you? Here alone?
“That can be a blessing!” I blurted out, and Iris giggled again.
“Yes, I am,” Mike replied.
He finished his coffee and got up. Without saying another word, he just left.
What's up with him, did I say something wrong? Jessi asked, looking after him.
Not everyone can take your morning monologues, I replied.
Iris kept giggling and I sighed.
There's something else, didn't you see how sad he looked? Jessi asked.
“Of course I noticed and what do you want me to do?” I asked.
“Go after him and comfort him.”
“But are you okay, sis? I don't even know if he wants to talk to me. And it's obvious that guy's not gay, right?
How can you be so sure? He's really really cute, don't you think?
Jessi, stop trying to fix me up!
I'm not, I just don't like to see someone sad. I think I'll go to him.
No, don't. OK, I give up, but just so you don't talk him into the ground?
I don't know how she always manages it, but she had me back doing something I didn't really want to do. Jessi just grinned at me as I got up.
“You'll pay for the next coffee!” I said, and followed Mike.
Mike
I really didn't feel like listening to the cackling of hens. No, I was completely fed up with that.
Mike?
I turned around and Thomas followed me. What's going on?
Yes?
Sorry if my sister got on your nerves, he said when he caught up with me.
That's okay.
So now we were both walking next to each other.
“Are you okay?“ Thomas suddenly asked.
I looked up and into his eyes.
“I mean, you look so sad. Have you been crying?”
“If you must know, yes, I was crying,” I said, annoyed.
“Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry.”
“What do you want?” I asked and stopped walking.
Admittedly, my reaction was a bit too intense, but it worked. Thomas shut up and stared at me.
“Sorry, I'm just in a crappy mood and not interested in any nonsense about your sister.”
“Understandable?”
“Please?”
“I completely understand you. Sometimes my sister is just unbearable.”
A slight smile graced his mouth.
“And what about me?” Thomas asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Whether you can't stand my presence either?”
“I didn't say that.”
“Feel like walking a bit?”
I looked around. There were many olive groves around the house, but also paths in different directions.
“Why not?” I conceded.
So we walked past the parking lot, up the path to the next hill. We didn't say a word to each other. Everyone looked at their path in front of them. I had fewer problems with my sneakers, while Thomas only wore flip-flops.
The rocky path did the rest. But as long as he didn't say anything and kept walking, I didn't say anything either. The path now climbed a little more and we both panted for the bet. It wasn't long before we reached the hill.
We both let ourselves fall on a thick, fallen trunk by the wayside.
“It's really beautiful here,” said Thomas, looking down towards the sea.
My eyes followed his down into the valley. On the horizon, you could see the mountains around Livorno.
“Do you still want to go to the sea today?“ Thomas asked.
“I don't know, alone?”
“And how about?”
“No, not with your sister,” I interrupted him.
“With me,” Thomas finished his question with a grin.
“Um, yes?”
?Well, I really didn't want to do that to you, having to go to the beach with my sister and pondering various ladies' fashions in the bikini world. Or possibly gossiping about form-fitting men and women.?
?No, you're enough for me!?, I said and started laughing.
?So it's a deal, the two of us will go to the beach at noon.?
*-*-*
So there we were, sitting on the beach, almost alone. There weren't many people near the dunes. We had made ourselves comfortable on our towels. Thomas had already put on his swimming trunks, but I was still sitting there in my clothes. I looked into the distance again and lost myself in my thoughts.
“Problems?“ Thomas asked.
“Not anymore, no,” I replied.
Thomas
There I was, this beautiful guy sitting next to me, looking sadly into the distance. I would have loved to take him in my arms, but I refrained from doing so. I didn't even know how he would react to my being gay.
“My girlfriend, who I'd been with for two years, broke up with me a week before our vacation,” Mike said quietly, without changing his line of vision.
“Did you do something?” I asked without thinking about what I had just asked.
The bill came right away, and Mike looked at me reproachfully.
“Sorry, I was just assuming. Not everyone catches their partner in bed with someone else. So I should rephrase my question: What didn't she like about you?”
“Everything.”
I don't understand.
Mike looked at me.
You broke up with your girlfriend, too, did you catch her?
Um... well, how should I say this without risking you getting mad at me?
Why would I be mad if we talk about our exes?
There's the small problem that I don't have any exes.
H???
I have a past?
“Aha,” Mike said, as if he couldn't do anything with it now.
“I'm gay?”
“Yeah, I got it.”
First he gave me a penetrating look, then looked back at the sea. He fumbled a pack of cigarettes out of his shorts and held it out to me. I shook my head. He took a cigarette out, lit it, and made the pack disappear again.
“You're not shocked or anything?” I asked.
“No, why?”
“I just thought.”
He took a drag on his cigarette and continued to stare straight ahead.
“So, what's it like?“ Mike suddenly asked.
“What do you mean?” “Being with a man. How is it different from being with a woman?”
“I see.”
There was that meaningful and yet deadly ‘I see’ of his again.
“And when did you become gay?” he asked.
I hated this run-of-the-mill question.
“When did you realize that you're straight?” I asked him in return.
He grinned sheepishly.
“1:0 for you, sorry, I didn't think about it.”
“At fifteen, I realized that I was more interested in boys than in the girls in my class.”
Is that how you realize you're gay?
Not only that. It's the complete reaction of your body, your thoughts and your actions.
I see.
If he says “I see” again, I'll push him into the ground, unscrewed!
So, are you gay too? I just asked out of curiosity.
He looked at me in horror. Again, he looked out to sea. We had left a little later and so the beach was about to empty.
“I don't know what I am, who I am. My ex called me a wimp.”
I remained silent because I didn't know what to say anyway.
I just know that it hurts terribly in here, he pointed to his heart, I suddenly feel so lonely and sad.
His head sank down and I saw that a few tears were dripping to the ground. Oh please not, otherwise I'll join in right away. The world champion in crying!
Isn't it always like that when a friendship breaks up? A partnership? At least for one of them?
I don't know, it was my first girlfriend, and when I think about it, I don't want any more either.
Oh dear, what do my ears hear?
If it hurts so much every time something breaks, then I'd rather be alone.
He took a deep breath and sobbed. Now I couldn't resist my urge and put my arm around him. Was that the typical maternal protective instinct? If the matter hadn't been so sad and deadly serious, I would have laughed out loud.
So I suppressed a smile and felt Thomas lean against me.
“Is it the same with you gays? Do you also have pigs who break your hearts?”
Did the boy have a problem with stereotyping? The way he said it: “you gays.”
“Mike, the only thing that differentiates us is that you stick your dick in front and I stick it in behind. Okay?”
Oops? I guess I leaned out a bit too far. Such a sentence, from my lips. Again he looked at me in horror, but also somehow curiously.
Doesn't that hurt?
Please? I choked on my own spit and started coughing.
Sorry? I didn't mean to offend you, said Mike and put his hand on my thigh.
Is he crazy? Get your hand down there! I felt a cold shiver run down my spine. I got goosebumps all over. Was there an outlet around here? The guy was giving me the creeps.
“Um, no, are you not?” I stammered, and felt blood pool in a spot that was now quite embarrassing for me.
He looked at me as if he were waiting for something. His moist eyes glistened in the late afternoon sun. Oh shit, this guy was good! I was melting like butter – take me, I'm yours!
“Are you alright? You look like you're in pain,“ Mike asked.
Pain? Me? I want you right now! Oh shit, my fuses threatened to blow.
“No, everything's fine!”
“I think I'll go for a swim,” Mike said and stood up.
He pulled his shirt over his upper body and took off his sneakers. Oh God, what a beauty, don't drool. The button of the shorts followed and the pants slipped down.
I was breathless. What was this place? How did I torment little Thomas? The guy was really crazy, but he only had a pair of bright red briefs on. I swallowed and couldn't stop staring.
“Are you coming?” Mike asked, turning to me.
There were maybe still twenty centimeters between the swimming trunks and my face. I could see the bulge clearly.
“Who's first down?” I shouted and dived forward and started running.
I sprinted across the beach like a hare and jumped into the water. Aaaaaaaaaaaaah?it was so cold!
Mike
What was up with him? As if stung by an adder, Thomas ran to the water and jumped in. I was too surprised by his reaction, because I was still standing at our towels.
I followed him slowly and saw him emerge. He threw back his head and wiped the water from his face. Meanwhile I had also arrived at the water's edge, a small wave lapped at my feet.
A little fresh for my liking.
“A bit cold,” I said.
“You get used to it quickly,” said Thomas, who was now hugging himself.
But there was still something I needed to get used to. Somehow the sadness had disappeared. I was at the sea, feeling good, and yes, if it weren't for that ‘and?’ I walked slowly, step by step, to Thomas.
This Thomas, who was confusing my mind. I liked being with him. But the thought of maybe being gay scared me. It threw my whole world view into disarray.
And yet it seemed familiar, as if it would explain a lot of things. Indecisive and hardly able to think straight, I walked slowly into the water where Thomas was waiting for me.
It was really freezing cold. At least at first. Just as frozen as Thomas, I stood close to him. We looked into each other's eyes and were both shaking. Then, out of the blue, Thomas came up to me, took me in his arms and kissed me.
I stood frozen, feeling his warm lips on mine. A sudden warmth seized my body like I had never felt before.
It was beautiful and yet... I pushed Thomas away, ran out of the water as fast as I could.
“Mike, wait!” he called after me, and followed me.
I just shook my head and went on to our things. Thomas caught up with me and pulled at my arm. I twisted the arm away to escape his grip.
“Don't touch me,” I commanded him.
“Oh, now it's ‘homophobic asshole’?
I braked, turned around and slapped him. He stood there, staring at me, glaring. Suddenly, he jumped and knocked me over.
“If you think I'm just going to let you hit me, you're crazy,” he shouted, taking my head in a headlock.
“You're the one who's twisted,” I gasped, trying desperately to free myself.
“Yeah, and you're the poster boy for control!”
His grip didn't loosen at all, so my only chance was to fight back with my legs. I wrapped my legs around his and squeezed hard. He let out a loud scream and loosened his grip.
I pulled up my foot and kicked him, catching him in the stomach. With a groan, he was flung away from me.
“Are you out of your mind?“ he screamed in a hoarse voice, doubled over in pain.
I sat up, panting heavily.
“Why did you kiss me?” I asked tonelessly.
“Because I felt like it, you asshole!“ ‘Excuse me if I offended Mr. Hetero,’ Thomas replied angrily.
“I'm not gay,” I said defiantly, “this can't be?”
“Why not?” Thomas asked, sitting up as well.
“It shouldn't be!” I said, already feeling the first tears roll down my cheeks.
“Why?”
“Because it's abnormal, everyone says that?”
“Thank you, I'm abnormal?”
“I didn't mean it like that,“ I said tearfully.
“But that's what you said,” Thomas replied icily. “Look at me. What's so different about me than about you? Just because I love men, long for a strong embrace, for a man who loves me? You had the same feelings as I do for a woman, what's the difference?
Thomas talked himself into a rage while I sat there like a little crybaby.
“We even do the same things in bed with each other, only with a slight difference: it's a different hole! And that's abnormal for you?”
I shook my head and sobbed.
“Sorry if I've fallen for you,” I heard Thomas say before he stomped off.
I looked up and saw him disappear into the dunes. Slowly, I got up and followed him. It didn't take long before I found him sitting next to a bush, crying too.
“I'm sorry, Thomas, it's all so new and incomprehensible to me.”
He didn't react. I walked in front of him and dropped to my knees. He had pulled up his legs, crossed his arms over them and buried his head in them.
'Since I met you, I've felt attracted to you. I couldn't take my eyes off you, felt comfortable around you, but does that make me gay?
Thomas raised his head and looked at me with his tear-stained eyes.
“Mike, just forget it, it was a stupid idea of mine. Let's just go back,” he said quietly.
“Hello? A moment ago you were at my throat and now you just give in so easily? I can't figure you out. Where is this self-confident guy who impressed me?
Just drowned in the water, huh? I heard him grumble.
I had to grin. He hadn't lost his sense of humor.
Thomas
That's what I got for switching off my brain and listening to my heart? Or was it my dick? Shit, how could something like this happen to me? Suddenly I felt a hand on my arm.
“Could we start over and take it slow?” I don't know what I am, Thomas. I'm torn between my feelings. Sure, I liked the kiss earlier, but I've never kissed a guy before, let alone with one.
I looked up and his face was very close. His fingers gently caressed my upper arm. Oh boy, you make me all twitchy! Mike just looked at me questioningly, apparently expecting me to say something.
“What's so bad about that for you?” I asked quietly.
He tilted his head and gave me this ‘I'm melting you now’ look.
It wasn't bad. It was new and unfamiliar. I was startled, maybe at myself, because I liked it.
His voice was so gentle now, it calmed me tremendously.
And what do we do now? I asked with a shaky voice.
He stood up and held out his hand to me.
First, let's go back to our things before they're gone.
I took his hand and he pulled me up. Again we were standing very close together, our faces only a few centimeters apart. It sent a cold shiver down my spine.
Shit, I had fallen in love with the guy. The guy had me completely under his spell. I stood before him, at a loss for words. This time it was he who took the initiative.
He shyly raised his hand, put it around my neck and pulled me in slow motion, at least that's how it seemed to me, towards him. He closed his eyes and a few seconds later our mouths met.
This time it felt different from the first time. No rigidity of his lips. I suddenly felt his feelings, his insecurity. Mike was trembling all over. For me, this was the sign to finally break through my rigidity and take action myself.
Slowly, I raised my arms and gently put them around Mike. He buried his face in my shoulder.
“Fear?” I asked.
He nodded almost imperceptibly.
“Of what?”
He raised his head and looked at me again.
“I don't know. I don't know what's happening, what's coming to me.”
I pushed Mike a little away from me and put my hands on my shoulders.
“Listen, Mike. I never want to do anything to hurt you. I don't want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. What happened earlier was a mistake! I'm sorry. I'm sorry.”
“It's okay. It's not like I'm not curious.
But
?This uneasiness? and at the same time I feel comfortable around you.?
We had reached our things and Mike dropped onto his towel. I sat down next to him. He rolled to one side and propped up his head with his hand. I couldn't help but look at his magnificent body again.
Of course, my eyes remained fixed on his red mini-briefs, which now revealed a larger bulge under the fabric than before. Again, I had to swallow hard. Mike followed my gaze and began to giggle sheepishly.
“I can't help it. It just starts to grow,” Mike said.
Oh, you're caught. Now it brought the redness to my face. Mike moved a little closer and put his hand back on my thigh.
“I feel uncomfortable, really? But inside I'm boiling right now? I want more.”
I almost melted away at these words. Mike had spoken them very softly and a little deeper than usual. That voice was so erotic. Little Thomas was in king-size position in no time.
I couldn't help but bend down and kiss Mike. This time there was no trace of shyness. He immediately put his hand on the back of my neck and pulled me even closer to him.
I shifted my position from sitting to lying. What I hadn't thought of was now happening. Mike was suddenly half on top of me. His kiss became more demanding. My hand traveled over his back, his warm, soft skin.
I could hear him humming softly, which somehow turned me on even more.
“Mike, you don't have to do this?”
I want to, though,” he moaned in my ear.
Our erections rubbed hard against each other. My hand wandered down, finding a way under the elastic of the briefs. I gently kneaded his butt. Mike groaned and arched his back.
Now more courageous, he wandered into my swim shorts. At first a little timid, but when he got hold of my boiling flesh, he was lost. His tongue wildly pierced my mouth, raging with my tongue.
He gripped my cock hard and began to rub it. But I didn't want to come so quickly, I wanted to enjoy this moment with him for longer. Gently, I pushed him away from me.
He looked at me disappointedly.
“Don't you like it?“ he asked sadly.
“Rather the opposite?” I gasped.
My eyes fell on his tight briefs. What I saw there was more than I had dared to hope for in my wildest dreams. His cock was so huge that his glans was already pushing up the waistband.
It was dripping away. I quickly took off my shorts and he did the same. I couldn't help but bend forward to push this magnificent piece into my mouth.
As soon as I had put my lips around Mike's glans and started to work on it with my tongue, Mike threw himself backwards with a groan. His hand sought out my cock again, grasped it firmly and began to rub again.
We were both so overdue, so irritated that we both came together after a short time. Moaning loudly, he squirted shot after shot into my throat and I fired no less. We both twitched and Mike's river didn't seem to want to stop.
At some point, I dropped exhausted next to Mike, who smiled at me.
“Is it always this hot?“ he gasped.
“It just keeps getting better,” I gasped back.
I sat up and Mike did the same. On Mike's tanned chest, the traces of my ejaculation were clearly visible. His hand stroked over my thigh, which caused a wonderful tingling sensation in me.
I raised my eyebrows when I saw Mike's boner, which had not collapsed as suspected, but was still standing like a one.
“Could it be that someone here is ravenous?” I asked and reached for his cock.
A broad grin suddenly graced his face and he pulled me in for another kiss. This intimate kiss and Mike's exploring hands gave me another blood congestion between my legs.
Mike pulled me back down onto the towel and I laid my head on his shoulder. He had his muscular upper arm around me. My hand rested on his cock, gently playing with the foreskin.
“Am I gay now?” he suddenly asked.
I raised my head and looked into his eyes, which seemed quite sad.
“What makes you think that now?“ I asked.
“So?” “Um...” “I just had an incredible orgasm because of you. I've never experienced anything like it, and I liked it.”
“Just because you had sex with a gay guy, you're not gay?”
But it wasn't just the hot sex we just had. Thomas, when I saw you naked on that couch this morning, my feelings suddenly went crazy.
I see what you mean.
You're the first man ever that I've felt that way about. At the gym, I constantly saw naked colleagues, but none of them interested me.
Never looked at their cocks?
Mike smiled sheepishly.
Now that you mention it?
And what were you thinking about then? I asked.
Mike
Oh great, what was I thinking about?
I don't remember, I replied.
Thomas' gentle massage on my cock didn't go unnoticed. A slight tingling sensation began deep inside me again.
Thomas? I moaned lightly, “If you keep doing that, I'll come again.”
Thomas increased the pressure of his hand and began rubbing my cock.
Tom? moan, what is that cool, I squeezed out.
Enjoy it to the full, he murmured in my ear.
Then he plunged his tongue down my throat. I felt my thighs tense, I held my breath and began to moan loudly. Tom had increased his speed.
He rubbed my part vigorously and I began to twitch uncontrollably. Wow, it was so hot to feel Tom's hand on my cock, his tongue raging with mine. Everything inside me contracted.
I could only breathe in fits and starts.
“Tom? I think I'm about to come,” I just managed to squeeze out.
It felt like a volcano had erupted inside me. My whole body was boiling, the power seemed to be gathering in my cock. I moaned and started to cum.
“Wow Mike, that's a lot of water,” I heard Tom say from afar.
My whole body was just twitching, I moaned the lust out of me? it seemed to take no end. Tom rubbed as hard as before and so slowly, the feeling was unbearable when he ran his palm over my glans.
I reached for his hand and he stopped. A few seconds later, however, I felt something soft. I opened my eyes dazedly and looked down. Tom was already back in my cock in the mouth to get even the last few drops.
I trembled again all over, but Toms kind calmed me.
*-*-*
On shaky legs I walked back with Tom to the car.
And what will happen now? Where do you come from?
I looked at him questioningly.
“What do you mean?” Thomas asked me and unlocked the trunk of his car.
“What will become of us both?”
A certain sadness played in my voice, but I hoped Thomas wouldn't notice.
“Seen that way, I don't know anything about you, Tom. Where do you come from?”
“Passau.”
So far away?
But you don't speak Bavarian, do you?
Why, what do you want from me now?
I had to grin.
“I prefer to speak High German, I enjoy it more.” And where do you come from?
“From a small town, above Heidelberg.”
“I see?”
“Admit it, you don't know where Heidelberg is.”
Tom shook his head sheepishly.
“Do you know Karlsruhe in Baden-Württemberg?”
“Um, yes?”
“Mannheim is a bit further up from Karlsruhe.”
“Quite a way away,” Tom remarked.
I just sighed.
“Mike, I know this is all going a bit fast.”
What was he getting at?
Could you imagine a life with a man?
I looked at him in disbelief.
I can tell from your reaction, just forget the question, said Tom and left me standing there.
Don't go away! Can I think about it first? I called after him reproachfully.
Tom stopped abruptly and turned around.
“You've been gay your whole life, think and feel that way,” I continued, ”I'm sorry if I don't think so, or not yet. For me, this is really happening too fast. Everything is totally new to me.”
Tom looked at me sadly, because I had become somewhat loud in my explanations, but inside I was seething.
Maybe I'm a bit naive about this, need a bit longer. I can't just say I love you, want to be with you.”
His eyes became even sadder.
“Tom please, don't get me wrong! Of course I like you and I also feel things in me that are totally foreign to me, but that somehow all have something to do with you. I need time. Do you understand?
Tom nodded but didn't say a word. A single tear came out of his eye.
Thomas
I don't know what came over me to ask him something like that. I had fallen in love with Mike, that was clear to me now. But to think about a possible future? Only I could come up with something like that.
I fought back the tears. Mike stood before me and looked at me.
“Tom, it's not that I haven't felt good in the last four hours. To be honest, it was the four most beautiful hours I've had in a long time. But I need time to process all of this in my own mind.”
Just forget about it, okay Mike? I had a crazy idea in my head.
Don't talk such nonsense, Mike snapped at me again and stepped towards me.
I backed away, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. Mike looked at me in horror.
Um, what's up? Are you afraid of me? Mike asked quietly.
He raised his hand and reached for mine. I flinched slightly at his touch, but this time I stayed still.
“No, I don't,” I said after a little while.
So there we were. He held my hand and we looked at each other. Nothing around us could distract us.
“I just need time, Thomas, will you give me that?”
I nodded again, the lump in my throat growing larger.
“And to answer your question from earlier, yes, I could even imagine it, especially with you.” He continued quietly, giving me a kiss on the cheek.
Then he let go of my hand and ran to the passenger door. I stood rooted to the spot, stroking my cheek where Mike's lips had been a moment ago.
I was addicted to this guy, body and soul, futile to resist it. Did I want that at all?
“Coming?” he asked from the car.
*-*-*
Mike
Exhausted, I lay on my mat. Slowly, the day passed before me again, and I thought about everything I had experienced. I had to smile when I thought of the meal with Tom, his sister and their friend.
I hadn't laughed so hard in a long time. And now I lay in my tent and my thoughts revolved around Tom. Was this really what I had longed for? Me with a man?
The thought of sex made my lower region crave blood again, and yet I was too tired to do anything at all. I enjoyed the thought of remembering Tom's closeness, his gentle hands on my body.
My hand automatically wandered into my shorts.
“Mike, are you still awake?“ I heard a voice whisper and jumped.
“Tom?” I said and started to unzip my shorts.
Slowly I undressed and I had the feeling that it was the only sound in the whole place. In the semi-darkness, a figure emerged in front of me, whom I recognized as Thomas.
“Hey, what are you doing here?“ I asked and couldn't help smiling.
“I couldn't sleep. I can't get this sweet lad out of my mind who has turned my head,” Tom whispered.
“Come in,” I said and made room.
Mike crawled into my tent with difficulty and plopped down next to my sleeping place.
“Ouch,“ I heard him say quietly.
I had completely forgotten that I had left all my belongings where Mike had dropped.
“I'm sorry, I didn't think about something lying there,” I said softly.
“It's okay, I was just startled.”
I felt for Mike's hand in the darkness. And I found it.
What will become of us two, h? I heard Thomas ask quietly.
What do you mean?
You're going home in two days? Mike, I've fallen in love with you!
Shocked, I looked into the darkness. What should I say to that? Well, I liked Thomas a lot, felt very comfortable in his company, but am I really gay because of that?
Was it a stupid idea of mine to come here, I'll go back?”
I grabbed his arm.
“Please stay!”
“Why Mike, it doesn't make any sense anyway. In two days you'll go home and disappear from your life?”
“Why do you talk like that?”
“Because that's the way it is, isn't it?”
I still had a firm grip on his arm and didn't want to let go.
Can't you give me some time? I can't just say, 'Thomas, I love you,' because I can't handle it at all.
Then live on in your hetero world? Goodbye!
He freed his arm and crawled out of the tent.
Tom, please stay here?
Without saying a word, he disappeared. Tears welled up in my eyes, partly because it hurt so much, but also because I was so angry. What was that about? Didn't he understand what was going on inside of me?
Was it too much to ask for time to come to terms with myself and my feelings? I let myself fall back on my pillow and wiped away the tears.
***
I hadn't slept much, but I had made up my mind that I would leave today. I had already stowed my clothes and was in the process of pulling the pegs out of the ground.
“Hello Mike? You're leaving already?
I turned around in shock. There stood Jessie with her friend Iris.
“Yes, I've changed my mind, I'm leaving today.”
“This doesn't have anything to do with my brother, does it?” she asked.
“What makes you think that?”
Because my brother is all red-eyed and doesn't want to come out of his room anymore.
And what am I supposed to do about it?
Jessie winced, apparently my tone had been a bit too harsh.
“Sorry!” I said, knocking off the pegs before stowing them in the car.
I reached into the collapsed pile of fabric and pulled out the poles.
“Have a good trip. Bye.”
“Bye.”
I didn't even turn around to look at her. I quickly folded up the tent and laboriously stuffed it into the designated bag. She too went into the car. I looked around briefly, but couldn't see anything else that belonged in the car.
After locking the trunk, I grabbed my shower stuff and fresh clothes, because I didn't want to drive home so sweaty. Home? What awaited me there? A half-empty apartment. Anyway, it was better that way, and a single life isn't supposed to be so bad.
As I walked to the showers, I suddenly thought about what it would be like to live with Thomas. Did I love him? Did I do the same? His last words still echoed in me and it hurt. Really hurt.
If it affected me so deeply, if I kept thinking about him, then there must be something to it. Was I in love with him too? I entered the shower house, which was quite empty at that time of day. Free choice. I decided on one of the family showers, which were much larger.
I put the shower gel on the shelf and took off my clothes and towel before locking the door behind me. Slowly, warm water came out of the nozzle and I stood under it.
Despite the high temperatures during the day, the warm water was always a relief. But I had to hurry, I had to leave by ten o'clock and I still had to pay the bill. So I washed quickly and a few minutes later I was freshly dressed.
When I passed the main house, my eyes fell automatically on the balcony where I had seen Thomas for the first time. But there was no Thomas, all the doors were closed and locked.
Sadly, I walked to the car, stowed my things, got behind the wheel and drove to the front desk. I grabbed my money and entered the hut. Quickly the amount was paid and I was back outside.
Once again I looked along the path to the main building. There was no one in sight. I took a deep breath and got into my car. The engine started and the car slowly rolled down the path to the road.
I looked in the rearview mirror again and suddenly saw Thomas.
Thomas
No, I couldn't let him drive like that. Not like that. I ran like a man possessed to his seat, but it was already empty. I took a quick breath and ran to the front desk. Not so easy in flip-flops.
At some point I was so tired of them that I took them off. I hardly felt the sharp stones. When I arrived at the front desk, I only saw the rear lights of Mike's car, he was about to drive onto the road.
My hands on my sides, panting heavily, tears welled up in my eyes. Why did I have to act like such an asshole? Now he was gone? Forever.
Suddenly the brake lights lit up, kicking up dust. My breath caught. The door opened and Mike got out. Still I stood there totally rigid. In contrast to Mike, because he ran towards me.
Somewhere deep inside of me, there was a surge and I started running too. A few seconds later we were in each other's arms.
Mike, I'm so sorry! Please don't drive!
My voice sounded whiny.
But I will drive.
Startled, I let go of him. I didn't understand and he even smiled. He turned around and ran back to his car. He didn't get in, though, but just leaned into the car, only to return to me a few seconds later with something in his hand.
“Would you please write down my phone, cell phone and address for me?” he said, slightly out of breath, holding out a small notebook.
“Um, yes, please,“ I said, still a little confused.
He leaned forward slightly, and I was able to use his back as a writing surface. Everything was quickly written down. He reached behind his back pocket and pulled out his wallet.
“Everything's in here,” he said, handing me a card, “Get in touch when you get home.”
I looked at him with wide eyes, still unable to speak.
“Don't look like that. When you get home, I'll come visit you. I want to get to know the man I'm falling in love with properly!”
The last words echoed in my head and I couldn't help but pull him to me and hug him tightly.
“Thank you,” I breathed.
We let go of each other. With wet eyes, I looked at him.
“Please send a text when you get home,“ I said with a trembling voice.
“I will, I promise,” he replied with a broad smile.
Then he put his hand around my neck, pulled me to him and a little later I felt his lips on mine.
His tongue entered me and our tongues began to dance wildly with each other. My knees went weak.
“So then? See you?“ he said, panting slightly.
I nodded.
“I'll be in touch,” he continued.
“Do that?“ And Mike?
“Yes?”
“I love you,” I breathed.
“I know,” he said, and blew another kiss on my lips.
Then he turned around and walked back to his car. Again and again he turned around and waved at me with a smile. When he arrived at his car, he sent me another kiss on the hand before he got in and started the car.
A cloud of dust marked the car's leap onto the road, and he was gone. I was still standing in the same place, his card pressed to my heart, and watched him go, even though he was already out of my field of vision.
*** End ***