07-11-2025, 03:46 PM
?Beep!? ?Beep!? The annoying alarm doesn't get any further than that, because I'm already awake. The sun is well above the horizon and its rays are shining through the window of my one-room apartment in Rostock-Dierkow, tickling my face directly. I have three days off and now I finally want to seriously tackle the renovation of the living room. I've had this in mind for a long time, but I didn't have the will to do it until now. I'm not really good at decorating. I quickly finish my morning toilet and then have breakfast. As soon as I take my trousers off, the cell phone rings?h? I wish I had just turned it off yesterday. Well, maybe it's important. The thing is just behind the door on the hall stand, so I stretched my arm and sat back down nicely, then it could continue.
Important people involved:
Rene Schmidt Instructor
Jan Gläher Trainee
“Rene Schmidt here.” ”Good morning, Mr. Schmidt. Meier here. Please excuse me for calling so early, and I know you're on vacation, but you absolutely have to come to the company right away. It's really, really important. OK, I'll come as soon as I can. Oh yes, I'll be buying breakfast later. There are more than enough leftovers in the tea cabinet again from yesterday's meeting. I think I can postpone the renovation for today, which is not a bad thing. Mr. Meier is the head of my department in a large training company. Eight years ago, he was also my trainer for the communications electronics technician program. I'm glad I don't have to do a boring job like his; I much prefer taking care of the IT technology.
I quickly finish getting ready in the bathroom and just slip into a simple pair of jeans and a dark T-shirt, and then I'm ready to go. When I can't find the car key, I remember that I took the Golf to the garage for a check-up yesterday. Great! Now I have to take the tram, change trams and walk a kilometer. I decide to ride my bike instead.
(Others might have been annoyed, but not me, because I usually really enjoy going to work. We are a pretty young team, have a lot of fun, and, yes, Meier, my boss, is partly to thank for that.)
Well, I get my bike out of the cellar and off I go, I don't want to keep my boss waiting too long. Gosh, how can it be so warm so early in the morning? I think I could have done without a shower. It's a good thing that it's only about a kilometer downhill. When I reach the main road, I'm glad I'm on my bike – because at this time of day, there's no way you could get anywhere on it. And every driver is sitting alone in their metal shell again? With a slightly superior smile, I can overtake even the fastest luxury car.
After a quarter of an hour, I brake hard on the company premises. My long blonde hair is a bit disheveled from the drive and my leg muscles are painfully noticeable. Since I got the new car, I have become very comfortable, I have to admit, and? Rene! Are you coming soon? Meier is waiting in the yard! OK, quickly lock the bike to the stand, then I follow the boss to the office, watched by the numerous apprentices, who are probably having their break outside.
After the usual round of greetings with colleagues in the hallway, we sit in the boss's small meeting room. In front of me is a large aluminum foil plate with the most delicious sandwiches, and I have a large pot of coffee in my hand. That's how I like it. But now that I'm sitting directly across from my boss, I notice that he must have slept quite badly and also seems a bit unrefined, from the body odor. I don't know him like that at all!
“Okay, Mr. Schmidt. The fact that I'm not so fresh now is because I spent the night here. Oh, he's watching me closely, but after this meeting in the evening?” Meier's eyes are getting wet. ”Rene, I'll get right to the point, but first finish the roll so you don't choke afterwards. And I'll be in the bathroom.”
After 10 minutes and four more sandwiches in my stomach, the boss is back, visibly refreshed. “Short and sweet, Rene, brace yourself: our Rostock branch is closing. The training program will be moved to Berlin. Nothing will remain on this site; it is to be sold. The staff cannot be kept on. You can imagine how I feel telling you this? And, yes? You are the first employee to find out about this.?
Boom! Over! My brain goes blank. The boss looks at me with sad eyes. But we have only built all this up in the last few years and there has always been more than enough work, isn't there?
You're probably right, and I've fought a number of battles in the board and lost a lot of sleep to make everything so beautiful here. But those at the top of the company want more efficiency, you understand. We're too expensive for them. Full stop. Well, you could have found out all that at the staff meeting on Monday, but the real reason I called you is this: we still need you here in Rostock. One of the trainers is unavailable for health reasons. You're supposed to take over his group, and I don't know of anyone else I could quickly entrust with this task. Incidentally, two classes will remain in Rostock in the future and you are supposed to join them. You have often helped out in House 2, and you were always the best point of contact for work placements. Besides, the trainees have only ever said good things about you. So, here are your options: you will either have to leave, or you can accept the offer and stay. In that case, you will start your new job as an instructor at the House 2 branch tomorrow. The apprentices there need you! By the way, you will be able to meet me there again when everything is wrapped up here? I want to hear your decision in about a quarter of an hour. If you say no, I'll have to find a replacement today, won't I? Oh, and don't say a word to anyone about what you've learned from me, OK?
Even without the cup of coffee to drink to, my blood pressure would have gone up at the news, but now I'm already feeling a little uncomfortable. Shortly after the boss left me here alone to make a decision, I was actually ready for the new job. I urgently need the money, have become accustomed to the very good salary, the installments on the new car also need to be paid, and jobs in the region don't look that promising? I don't expect to have any problems with the subject matter, and I usually get along well with people. Plus, I'm only a few years older than most of the apprentices, so I can still put myself in their shoes. All in all, I can actually be happy with how things are going for me.
In the afternoon, I sit at my desk and familiarize myself with the current knowledge of my future apprentices. I am particularly interested in what I should teach them next and how I myself can handle it. With the freshly checked car, I have already picked up my things from the office that already feels old to me, and I have also bought a lot of paper to prepare for the training. I think it's all going to be fine, because there's nothing there that doesn't look familiar or that might cause any particular difficulties. I realize I'm already looking forward to tomorrow morning and the new task.
* * *
Phew, last night's sleep wasn't so restful, as I'm much too excited to lie quietly in bed. And I feel the urge to use the bathroom; my nervousness has now clearly reached my digestive system. I take extra care with my personal morning routine today – I want to make a good impression on my first day. My hair is a little long, if I am to believe the many well-intentioned suggestions of my “dear” But I like it that way and I'm even a little proud of this head of hair. They're just jealous. Besides, my ears don't stand out as much. I do think that I appear a little thin and my long legs reinforce a rather lanky image.
OK, things that require a lot of physical strength are not for me, and I'm better at dealing with confrontations verbally for self-protection reasons. But I would still like to have a slightly more muscular body, because the way I look now makes me look more like a teenager than a person of authority, which I will soon have to be. I think that when I'm standing among my apprentices, no one will believe that I could be the instructor. Then there's my oval, smooth face – totally baby-faced! If I didn't have what I consider to be a beautiful cock, would my self-confidence as a young man be permanently damaged?
Enough self-reflection, time to face the daily grind! I jump into my Golf and off I go. As the crow flies, it's less than a kilometer to work in the new industrial area, but since it's on the road it's a few more, so I prefer to get in the car. After five minutes of driving, the new building is already in sight and I very much hope to catch a free parking space.
Grabbed my bag, took a deep breath and then straight into my new working life. My friendly “good morning” in the hallway is only met with a nod. “Oh, the new guy? Go ahead and go into the meeting room, it's the open door on the left.” Again, my “good morning?” Again, no reaction? Are all of you grumpy in the morning? Everyone is gazing into their coffee cups as if hypnotized. Reading coffee grounds or what? I can already see the differences to my old workplace. “Do you know the latest?” Ah, so that's where the wind blows. After 15 minutes of listening to complaints about all the evils of life and especially about our lousy corporate headquarters, someone finally comes into the room to release me from this gloom. He is my new boss here, or rather my soon-to-be boss, as I learn, because his pension is already waiting, and his place will be taken by my very well-known and dear ex-boss. Well, and the fact that most colleagues only have temporary contracts and have to constantly hope that these will be extended is probably also a reason why there is not so much general cheerfulness here. It's a difficult situation at the moment, with everyone being asked to save money.
Now that I've been briefed and informed, I'm escorted to the battlefield. For me, this means being present in the computer room, right at the front door, where I can run away at any time. As we enter the room, the conversations fall silent and I realize that I'm being scanned with high resolution. After a moment, many friendly faces look at me? phew, the first test seems to have been passed well. My group consists of seventeen apprentices. Two of them are girls and one is still absent because he is at the doctor's. I first introduce myself, who I am and what I have done so far, then the same game is performed by my apprentices, but without the “so far”. I feel: yes, this could work and I will do well here and there is no indication of any interpersonal problems. So I quickly move on to the normal training activities. Everything is going well and looking promising until, at around ten, the door is opened after knocking and a blonde with tousled hair floats through the door into the room.
Then I suddenly hold my breath as friendly, open and brown eyes examine me and a voice that touches me in the deepest part of my soul announces, “Good morning. My name is Jan Gl?her. I was still at the doctor's.” A hunk of about 1.80m in height, wearing a sleeveless T-shirt, cut-off jeans and a figure like I've never seen before, smiles at me and completely throws me off balance. He goes to his workplace, and I am floating in other dimensions when I can see him from behind as well. This is not just a simple person? no, this is the embodiment of masculine and youthful beauty par excellence! I am immediately confused, no longer knowing what I am supposed to be doing here, what is happening around me. In short, I have completely lost control as an instructor! I have known for years that I react quite gayly to certain male stimuli, but in this particular case, I think all men and women get into trouble, no matter what sexual orientation they feel they belong to. This young man's charisma simply blows me away.
It is as if the general good has taken on human form, with no trace of suspicion or guile in the face and always ready to treat everyone with nothing but kindness and goodwill. I suddenly realize where I have seen such a figure before: carved in stone as David in Florence, created by Michelangelo. My amazement is only interrupted when I slowly come back to reality after being addressed repeatedly.
* * *
And so I am now subjected to special tests every day. With 16 apprentices, I can work in a carefree, focused and proper manner. And, yes, I have had a lot of success in the results of my work. Only with one of them it doesn't work as it should in the training: Jan Gl?her. The interaction with each other is a constant erotic banter, body signals go back and forth. But the most exciting and exhausting thing about it is the constant contact. I have no idea whether this is done consciously or unconsciously by us – in any case, I have no control over it – but every time it happens I am put under such strong internal high tension that I can hardly stand it. I should avoid being in his immediate vicinity, but often I find that I seek it out when we are explaining things at work. At some point I will be so energized that I will have to pounce on him.
I made it through my first few days on the job with a lot of hard work. The nights in between are exciting erotic highlights for me, with Jan and I in dreamland. My opinion of gay contacts is rather negative. From my upbringing in my parents' house, I am quite Christian and I am also active in the youth work of my church. So I know exactly what the Bible says about homosexual contacts, and I stand by it with my faith and inner conviction. So far, I have only allowed myself holiday acquaintances as far away as possible, but then in large numbers. There, on the other side of the world, for example, I live it up in this special area for me. And then it's just pure sex for money? cock for money? without any love and all those complications that bother me so much. Besides, I think that an open coming out would only hinder me in my professional development. I want to have a real career if at all possible. What would my parents say, my relatives and especially my numerous friends in the church group? Such a confession is inconceivable to me!
And then the mutual falling over each other happens pretty quickly: on a Friday afternoon after work, during a heavy, long-lasting downpour, Jan asks me if he can come with me. And who would say no in such miserable weather? Automatically, I open the door without thinking about what might happen. After a few hundred meters, it has already happened to us. When I have to shift gears, I touch him automatically, then he touches me, and our meeting lips soon surrender the rest. Constant honking at every traffic light because I can't register the colors properly, and I don't really care about them anyway.
When I arrive home, I can see and feel his body without any disturbing clothing. Our senses are totally reduced to sex. Now? every day anew to be irritated to the extreme at work, at some point demands a stimulus reduction in the emotional congestion, otherwise serious health problems are on the horizon. Self-help through masturbation? Impossible at this stage. We both talk a lot about love. He is very honest in his way, but I only do so because at that moment, in the throes of lust, you say whatever comes into your head, and it's my turn according to my sex dramaturgy.
The total meltdown and the big awakening come for me after Jan has left and I have tidied up my room again. What have I done! It's already clear to me that I'll have to confess all this, and it will cost me valuable points in the hierarchy? This must never happen again! I remember just writing Jan an explanatory letter.
After hours, I have gained enough self-control to write a text that makes sense to me:
Hello Jan,
I'm sorry about what happened between us. Maybe it was because I really needed sex again to relieve the pressure. Yes, and the sex with you was just amazing. But the love thing? Please don't mention it, because what you call love is perversion to me. Love between males is a sin, and you have led me into it! From the moment I saw you for the first time, you have pierced me like a terrible thorn in my pure flesh, confusing my senses and weakening my judgment. And now you've even got me into bed.
But now it's over! Your life is not my life, your air is not my air. You are nothing to me, less than the absolute vacuum. Get out of my sight, find another world. Don't look at me anymore, don't talk to me anymore, or you'll regret it! Maybe you'll find someone who suits you. I'm not that person and never will be. You just make me sick.
Rene
Yes, the content is fine. Happy and with a nasty little grin, I put the letter in an envelope. Quickly scribbled on the “F” for Jan, I will personally throw the letter in his letterbox later. It's only two streets over to his place. He'll be surprised and I'll finally have some peace and quiet from the guy, I'm pretty confident.
* * *
I'm sitting at my desk, trying to update the training records, when the phone rings. The number displayed is internal. 'Vocational Training Center, House 2, Schmidt speaking.''Good morning, Mr. Schmidt. This is the Human Resources Department in Berlin. My name is Kr?ger. I just wanted to let you know that your trainee Jan Gl?her has terminated his training contract. He has missed several training sessions without explanation, so unfortunately we had no other choice. Please send us his training documents. Right, that's all there is to it. Repeat. And there goes my concentration. I just quickly stash the training folders in the rolling cabinet, as I'm no longer able to enter anything handwritten, and legibly at that, in it anyway. Of course, I feel guilty for having completely failed as a trainer for this one person, but at the same time I feel infinitely relieved not to have to fear any more emotional conflicts. No more worrying about what could happen to me today, and am I always in control of my forbidden feelings? Being plunged into this godforsaken temptation every day? It's over now. Why did he tempt me so with his physical charms and this kind of sin, what he calls love? It was bound to end badly. And now he's got what he deserves. It's his own fault.
In a good mood and with a song on my lips, I'm heading to the break room first to treat myself to another coffee.
At the same time, at a different location:
The man from the funeral home carefully removes the head from the inner edge of the track. Someone has done it again at this point, just after the curve. No chance for a train driver to prevent something like this? Yes, and he has had a job here several times. This work is important, it just has to be done, and he has become accustomed to it over time. Just keep your chin up? Actually, he is a very funny person, always with a cool saying on his lips and the ultimate party animal. When asked about his job, he always honestly says, “I'm a funeral director,” which is then dismissed as a pretty bad joke. When he sees the face of the dead man, he is very surprised. He seems to be only in his twenties, definitely still very young. Far too young for such an act! He can't really imagine what kind of desperation could drive a person to such an act; besides, this one still looks so damn handsome. Somehow he has something of an almost antique beauty, like he once saw in the Vatican Museum, as he now remembers. At the time, he thought that you can express so much with stone, much better than a photo, just in 3D. But what really blows him away is this despair, this oversized grief that radiates from the frozen, but still very much alive-looking face, yes, it can almost be felt physically. With slightly unsteady and wavering steps, he lays the head back to the body in the brought sheet metal box, and wishes on the spot, but to be able to conjure to bring this beautiful people back to life. To close the dead man's eyes, as is usual in his job, he has not the strength this time.
* * *
As always in such cases, the police have been called in, just in case it was a crime. Only, it doesn't look like one here. In the victim's right jeans pocket, the inspector has found a farewell letter, slightly damp from uncontrolled urine. He has already read it twice. After the first time, he locked the car from the inside. Nobody should see the tough guy cry, because a reputation like that takes years of service to acquire – that's the hardest work in the criminal investigation department. But now, in addition to the urine stains on the carefully folded paper, there are also traces of tears. The young man could have been his son in terms of age. He had always wanted a son so badly, but it was not meant to be; now he has three daughters. The boy's inner struggles are explained to him very honestly and in detail over two closely written A4 pages. Even if he has never experienced or had to experience what it means to be gay and what problems can be associated with it, here everything points to a very unhappy love. And he understands that very well. A life without love would be for him as if he had to vegetate as a mental cripple. It is love that gives him the strength to cope with the often hard everyday life. Without love, he would soon be destroyed by all the corpses in his job. What an idiot who doesn't return love because some crazy conventions supposedly forbid it! He wants to give that idiot, Rene, as he is called in the letter, a piece of his mind soon. He is mainly to blame for the senseless death of a very young person, whose life is just beginning, and who will lose his first great love. Legally, this Rene can't be prosecuted? It would be more likely if he had had an intense relationship with the dead man? This world is totally crazy! A good sniff, and the tears wiped away. He lays the pages of the farewell letter on the back seat to dry for now.
When he gets out, he is once again the familiar neighborhood pain in the neck. Only his wife will notice in the evening that something is bothering him, and as always, he will tell her everything that has been on his mind during the day. He loves her very much for always being there for him and for the fact that he can pour out his heart to her, no matter how heavy the load.
A little later, back at the training company:
After coffee, I feel really good. Then, with verve and drive, off to work, today's hot IT room. Even from a distance, I can hear the voices of my people. They also seem to be in a good mood, just like me, judging by the volume and the laughter, I conclude. “Good morning, guys!” I call out loudly to be noticed. The echo is weaker. “Well, let's get started again...” We leave the computers off for now, because it's easier to discuss the task without the noise of the fans. Today we want to go over the... A clear knock interrupts me. “Yes. Please?” A blond, tousled head pushes open the door and a beautiful brown eye smiles at me friendly. He looks just as fresh and attractive as he did a few weeks ago when I met him, and not at all like the sad Jan of the last few days. But there is something else, something strong, very threatening, in those beautiful brown eyes, visible only to one of those present in the room. Anxiously, I call, “Jan! Jan?? You here??, and powerless and hardly understandable behind,?You are now quit though. Therefore I forbid you??, I can't get more out of myself, because something is squeezing my throat hard and I'm freezing. ?Good morning. I'm David. I wanted to ask if my twin rudder is here. He hasn't been home for a few days??
* * *
Rene Schmidt can't hear the end of the last sentence. He is simply too preoccupied with himself and his hearing is severely impaired by a strange rushing and ringing in his ears. He feels a sharp pain in his left side, which immediately radiates painfully throughout his entire body. Then he can no longer see, and his body slowly slumps. Before his life forces leave him completely, he still thinks, “Oh, my God?” But now he can't help him either. Or maybe he doesn't want to. Because maybe his God just can't stand to see what this part of his creation is doing in real life, and has released humanity from him for the sake of damage control and called him to himself? Or are there other powers crying out for justice? None of us humans know for sure.
In the afternoon, contrary to all weather forecasts, a very violent and cleansing thunderstorm rages over Rostock.
A later autopsy will show that Mr. Rene Schmidt was absolutely healthy at the time of his death. An exact cause of death will not be determined. And, yes, there is more wonderful news to report: A classmate of Jan Gl?her is said to have encountered him a year later, together with his brother, while on vacation in New York. After angry protests that he should finally let the dead rest, he later preferred to keep the experience to himself. But what is true is true, because the grave is empty? End. And hopefully others will do better in life!
Important people involved:
Rene Schmidt Instructor
Jan Gläher Trainee
“Rene Schmidt here.” ”Good morning, Mr. Schmidt. Meier here. Please excuse me for calling so early, and I know you're on vacation, but you absolutely have to come to the company right away. It's really, really important. OK, I'll come as soon as I can. Oh yes, I'll be buying breakfast later. There are more than enough leftovers in the tea cabinet again from yesterday's meeting. I think I can postpone the renovation for today, which is not a bad thing. Mr. Meier is the head of my department in a large training company. Eight years ago, he was also my trainer for the communications electronics technician program. I'm glad I don't have to do a boring job like his; I much prefer taking care of the IT technology.
I quickly finish getting ready in the bathroom and just slip into a simple pair of jeans and a dark T-shirt, and then I'm ready to go. When I can't find the car key, I remember that I took the Golf to the garage for a check-up yesterday. Great! Now I have to take the tram, change trams and walk a kilometer. I decide to ride my bike instead.
(Others might have been annoyed, but not me, because I usually really enjoy going to work. We are a pretty young team, have a lot of fun, and, yes, Meier, my boss, is partly to thank for that.)
Well, I get my bike out of the cellar and off I go, I don't want to keep my boss waiting too long. Gosh, how can it be so warm so early in the morning? I think I could have done without a shower. It's a good thing that it's only about a kilometer downhill. When I reach the main road, I'm glad I'm on my bike – because at this time of day, there's no way you could get anywhere on it. And every driver is sitting alone in their metal shell again? With a slightly superior smile, I can overtake even the fastest luxury car.
After a quarter of an hour, I brake hard on the company premises. My long blonde hair is a bit disheveled from the drive and my leg muscles are painfully noticeable. Since I got the new car, I have become very comfortable, I have to admit, and? Rene! Are you coming soon? Meier is waiting in the yard! OK, quickly lock the bike to the stand, then I follow the boss to the office, watched by the numerous apprentices, who are probably having their break outside.
After the usual round of greetings with colleagues in the hallway, we sit in the boss's small meeting room. In front of me is a large aluminum foil plate with the most delicious sandwiches, and I have a large pot of coffee in my hand. That's how I like it. But now that I'm sitting directly across from my boss, I notice that he must have slept quite badly and also seems a bit unrefined, from the body odor. I don't know him like that at all!
“Okay, Mr. Schmidt. The fact that I'm not so fresh now is because I spent the night here. Oh, he's watching me closely, but after this meeting in the evening?” Meier's eyes are getting wet. ”Rene, I'll get right to the point, but first finish the roll so you don't choke afterwards. And I'll be in the bathroom.”
After 10 minutes and four more sandwiches in my stomach, the boss is back, visibly refreshed. “Short and sweet, Rene, brace yourself: our Rostock branch is closing. The training program will be moved to Berlin. Nothing will remain on this site; it is to be sold. The staff cannot be kept on. You can imagine how I feel telling you this? And, yes? You are the first employee to find out about this.?
Boom! Over! My brain goes blank. The boss looks at me with sad eyes. But we have only built all this up in the last few years and there has always been more than enough work, isn't there?
You're probably right, and I've fought a number of battles in the board and lost a lot of sleep to make everything so beautiful here. But those at the top of the company want more efficiency, you understand. We're too expensive for them. Full stop. Well, you could have found out all that at the staff meeting on Monday, but the real reason I called you is this: we still need you here in Rostock. One of the trainers is unavailable for health reasons. You're supposed to take over his group, and I don't know of anyone else I could quickly entrust with this task. Incidentally, two classes will remain in Rostock in the future and you are supposed to join them. You have often helped out in House 2, and you were always the best point of contact for work placements. Besides, the trainees have only ever said good things about you. So, here are your options: you will either have to leave, or you can accept the offer and stay. In that case, you will start your new job as an instructor at the House 2 branch tomorrow. The apprentices there need you! By the way, you will be able to meet me there again when everything is wrapped up here? I want to hear your decision in about a quarter of an hour. If you say no, I'll have to find a replacement today, won't I? Oh, and don't say a word to anyone about what you've learned from me, OK?
Even without the cup of coffee to drink to, my blood pressure would have gone up at the news, but now I'm already feeling a little uncomfortable. Shortly after the boss left me here alone to make a decision, I was actually ready for the new job. I urgently need the money, have become accustomed to the very good salary, the installments on the new car also need to be paid, and jobs in the region don't look that promising? I don't expect to have any problems with the subject matter, and I usually get along well with people. Plus, I'm only a few years older than most of the apprentices, so I can still put myself in their shoes. All in all, I can actually be happy with how things are going for me.
In the afternoon, I sit at my desk and familiarize myself with the current knowledge of my future apprentices. I am particularly interested in what I should teach them next and how I myself can handle it. With the freshly checked car, I have already picked up my things from the office that already feels old to me, and I have also bought a lot of paper to prepare for the training. I think it's all going to be fine, because there's nothing there that doesn't look familiar or that might cause any particular difficulties. I realize I'm already looking forward to tomorrow morning and the new task.
* * *
Phew, last night's sleep wasn't so restful, as I'm much too excited to lie quietly in bed. And I feel the urge to use the bathroom; my nervousness has now clearly reached my digestive system. I take extra care with my personal morning routine today – I want to make a good impression on my first day. My hair is a little long, if I am to believe the many well-intentioned suggestions of my “dear” But I like it that way and I'm even a little proud of this head of hair. They're just jealous. Besides, my ears don't stand out as much. I do think that I appear a little thin and my long legs reinforce a rather lanky image.
OK, things that require a lot of physical strength are not for me, and I'm better at dealing with confrontations verbally for self-protection reasons. But I would still like to have a slightly more muscular body, because the way I look now makes me look more like a teenager than a person of authority, which I will soon have to be. I think that when I'm standing among my apprentices, no one will believe that I could be the instructor. Then there's my oval, smooth face – totally baby-faced! If I didn't have what I consider to be a beautiful cock, would my self-confidence as a young man be permanently damaged?
Enough self-reflection, time to face the daily grind! I jump into my Golf and off I go. As the crow flies, it's less than a kilometer to work in the new industrial area, but since it's on the road it's a few more, so I prefer to get in the car. After five minutes of driving, the new building is already in sight and I very much hope to catch a free parking space.
Grabbed my bag, took a deep breath and then straight into my new working life. My friendly “good morning” in the hallway is only met with a nod. “Oh, the new guy? Go ahead and go into the meeting room, it's the open door on the left.” Again, my “good morning?” Again, no reaction? Are all of you grumpy in the morning? Everyone is gazing into their coffee cups as if hypnotized. Reading coffee grounds or what? I can already see the differences to my old workplace. “Do you know the latest?” Ah, so that's where the wind blows. After 15 minutes of listening to complaints about all the evils of life and especially about our lousy corporate headquarters, someone finally comes into the room to release me from this gloom. He is my new boss here, or rather my soon-to-be boss, as I learn, because his pension is already waiting, and his place will be taken by my very well-known and dear ex-boss. Well, and the fact that most colleagues only have temporary contracts and have to constantly hope that these will be extended is probably also a reason why there is not so much general cheerfulness here. It's a difficult situation at the moment, with everyone being asked to save money.
Now that I've been briefed and informed, I'm escorted to the battlefield. For me, this means being present in the computer room, right at the front door, where I can run away at any time. As we enter the room, the conversations fall silent and I realize that I'm being scanned with high resolution. After a moment, many friendly faces look at me? phew, the first test seems to have been passed well. My group consists of seventeen apprentices. Two of them are girls and one is still absent because he is at the doctor's. I first introduce myself, who I am and what I have done so far, then the same game is performed by my apprentices, but without the “so far”. I feel: yes, this could work and I will do well here and there is no indication of any interpersonal problems. So I quickly move on to the normal training activities. Everything is going well and looking promising until, at around ten, the door is opened after knocking and a blonde with tousled hair floats through the door into the room.
Then I suddenly hold my breath as friendly, open and brown eyes examine me and a voice that touches me in the deepest part of my soul announces, “Good morning. My name is Jan Gl?her. I was still at the doctor's.” A hunk of about 1.80m in height, wearing a sleeveless T-shirt, cut-off jeans and a figure like I've never seen before, smiles at me and completely throws me off balance. He goes to his workplace, and I am floating in other dimensions when I can see him from behind as well. This is not just a simple person? no, this is the embodiment of masculine and youthful beauty par excellence! I am immediately confused, no longer knowing what I am supposed to be doing here, what is happening around me. In short, I have completely lost control as an instructor! I have known for years that I react quite gayly to certain male stimuli, but in this particular case, I think all men and women get into trouble, no matter what sexual orientation they feel they belong to. This young man's charisma simply blows me away.
It is as if the general good has taken on human form, with no trace of suspicion or guile in the face and always ready to treat everyone with nothing but kindness and goodwill. I suddenly realize where I have seen such a figure before: carved in stone as David in Florence, created by Michelangelo. My amazement is only interrupted when I slowly come back to reality after being addressed repeatedly.
* * *
And so I am now subjected to special tests every day. With 16 apprentices, I can work in a carefree, focused and proper manner. And, yes, I have had a lot of success in the results of my work. Only with one of them it doesn't work as it should in the training: Jan Gl?her. The interaction with each other is a constant erotic banter, body signals go back and forth. But the most exciting and exhausting thing about it is the constant contact. I have no idea whether this is done consciously or unconsciously by us – in any case, I have no control over it – but every time it happens I am put under such strong internal high tension that I can hardly stand it. I should avoid being in his immediate vicinity, but often I find that I seek it out when we are explaining things at work. At some point I will be so energized that I will have to pounce on him.
I made it through my first few days on the job with a lot of hard work. The nights in between are exciting erotic highlights for me, with Jan and I in dreamland. My opinion of gay contacts is rather negative. From my upbringing in my parents' house, I am quite Christian and I am also active in the youth work of my church. So I know exactly what the Bible says about homosexual contacts, and I stand by it with my faith and inner conviction. So far, I have only allowed myself holiday acquaintances as far away as possible, but then in large numbers. There, on the other side of the world, for example, I live it up in this special area for me. And then it's just pure sex for money? cock for money? without any love and all those complications that bother me so much. Besides, I think that an open coming out would only hinder me in my professional development. I want to have a real career if at all possible. What would my parents say, my relatives and especially my numerous friends in the church group? Such a confession is inconceivable to me!
And then the mutual falling over each other happens pretty quickly: on a Friday afternoon after work, during a heavy, long-lasting downpour, Jan asks me if he can come with me. And who would say no in such miserable weather? Automatically, I open the door without thinking about what might happen. After a few hundred meters, it has already happened to us. When I have to shift gears, I touch him automatically, then he touches me, and our meeting lips soon surrender the rest. Constant honking at every traffic light because I can't register the colors properly, and I don't really care about them anyway.
When I arrive home, I can see and feel his body without any disturbing clothing. Our senses are totally reduced to sex. Now? every day anew to be irritated to the extreme at work, at some point demands a stimulus reduction in the emotional congestion, otherwise serious health problems are on the horizon. Self-help through masturbation? Impossible at this stage. We both talk a lot about love. He is very honest in his way, but I only do so because at that moment, in the throes of lust, you say whatever comes into your head, and it's my turn according to my sex dramaturgy.
The total meltdown and the big awakening come for me after Jan has left and I have tidied up my room again. What have I done! It's already clear to me that I'll have to confess all this, and it will cost me valuable points in the hierarchy? This must never happen again! I remember just writing Jan an explanatory letter.
After hours, I have gained enough self-control to write a text that makes sense to me:
Hello Jan,
I'm sorry about what happened between us. Maybe it was because I really needed sex again to relieve the pressure. Yes, and the sex with you was just amazing. But the love thing? Please don't mention it, because what you call love is perversion to me. Love between males is a sin, and you have led me into it! From the moment I saw you for the first time, you have pierced me like a terrible thorn in my pure flesh, confusing my senses and weakening my judgment. And now you've even got me into bed.
But now it's over! Your life is not my life, your air is not my air. You are nothing to me, less than the absolute vacuum. Get out of my sight, find another world. Don't look at me anymore, don't talk to me anymore, or you'll regret it! Maybe you'll find someone who suits you. I'm not that person and never will be. You just make me sick.
Rene
Yes, the content is fine. Happy and with a nasty little grin, I put the letter in an envelope. Quickly scribbled on the “F” for Jan, I will personally throw the letter in his letterbox later. It's only two streets over to his place. He'll be surprised and I'll finally have some peace and quiet from the guy, I'm pretty confident.
* * *
I'm sitting at my desk, trying to update the training records, when the phone rings. The number displayed is internal. 'Vocational Training Center, House 2, Schmidt speaking.''Good morning, Mr. Schmidt. This is the Human Resources Department in Berlin. My name is Kr?ger. I just wanted to let you know that your trainee Jan Gl?her has terminated his training contract. He has missed several training sessions without explanation, so unfortunately we had no other choice. Please send us his training documents. Right, that's all there is to it. Repeat. And there goes my concentration. I just quickly stash the training folders in the rolling cabinet, as I'm no longer able to enter anything handwritten, and legibly at that, in it anyway. Of course, I feel guilty for having completely failed as a trainer for this one person, but at the same time I feel infinitely relieved not to have to fear any more emotional conflicts. No more worrying about what could happen to me today, and am I always in control of my forbidden feelings? Being plunged into this godforsaken temptation every day? It's over now. Why did he tempt me so with his physical charms and this kind of sin, what he calls love? It was bound to end badly. And now he's got what he deserves. It's his own fault.
In a good mood and with a song on my lips, I'm heading to the break room first to treat myself to another coffee.
At the same time, at a different location:
The man from the funeral home carefully removes the head from the inner edge of the track. Someone has done it again at this point, just after the curve. No chance for a train driver to prevent something like this? Yes, and he has had a job here several times. This work is important, it just has to be done, and he has become accustomed to it over time. Just keep your chin up? Actually, he is a very funny person, always with a cool saying on his lips and the ultimate party animal. When asked about his job, he always honestly says, “I'm a funeral director,” which is then dismissed as a pretty bad joke. When he sees the face of the dead man, he is very surprised. He seems to be only in his twenties, definitely still very young. Far too young for such an act! He can't really imagine what kind of desperation could drive a person to such an act; besides, this one still looks so damn handsome. Somehow he has something of an almost antique beauty, like he once saw in the Vatican Museum, as he now remembers. At the time, he thought that you can express so much with stone, much better than a photo, just in 3D. But what really blows him away is this despair, this oversized grief that radiates from the frozen, but still very much alive-looking face, yes, it can almost be felt physically. With slightly unsteady and wavering steps, he lays the head back to the body in the brought sheet metal box, and wishes on the spot, but to be able to conjure to bring this beautiful people back to life. To close the dead man's eyes, as is usual in his job, he has not the strength this time.
* * *
As always in such cases, the police have been called in, just in case it was a crime. Only, it doesn't look like one here. In the victim's right jeans pocket, the inspector has found a farewell letter, slightly damp from uncontrolled urine. He has already read it twice. After the first time, he locked the car from the inside. Nobody should see the tough guy cry, because a reputation like that takes years of service to acquire – that's the hardest work in the criminal investigation department. But now, in addition to the urine stains on the carefully folded paper, there are also traces of tears. The young man could have been his son in terms of age. He had always wanted a son so badly, but it was not meant to be; now he has three daughters. The boy's inner struggles are explained to him very honestly and in detail over two closely written A4 pages. Even if he has never experienced or had to experience what it means to be gay and what problems can be associated with it, here everything points to a very unhappy love. And he understands that very well. A life without love would be for him as if he had to vegetate as a mental cripple. It is love that gives him the strength to cope with the often hard everyday life. Without love, he would soon be destroyed by all the corpses in his job. What an idiot who doesn't return love because some crazy conventions supposedly forbid it! He wants to give that idiot, Rene, as he is called in the letter, a piece of his mind soon. He is mainly to blame for the senseless death of a very young person, whose life is just beginning, and who will lose his first great love. Legally, this Rene can't be prosecuted? It would be more likely if he had had an intense relationship with the dead man? This world is totally crazy! A good sniff, and the tears wiped away. He lays the pages of the farewell letter on the back seat to dry for now.
When he gets out, he is once again the familiar neighborhood pain in the neck. Only his wife will notice in the evening that something is bothering him, and as always, he will tell her everything that has been on his mind during the day. He loves her very much for always being there for him and for the fact that he can pour out his heart to her, no matter how heavy the load.
A little later, back at the training company:
After coffee, I feel really good. Then, with verve and drive, off to work, today's hot IT room. Even from a distance, I can hear the voices of my people. They also seem to be in a good mood, just like me, judging by the volume and the laughter, I conclude. “Good morning, guys!” I call out loudly to be noticed. The echo is weaker. “Well, let's get started again...” We leave the computers off for now, because it's easier to discuss the task without the noise of the fans. Today we want to go over the... A clear knock interrupts me. “Yes. Please?” A blond, tousled head pushes open the door and a beautiful brown eye smiles at me friendly. He looks just as fresh and attractive as he did a few weeks ago when I met him, and not at all like the sad Jan of the last few days. But there is something else, something strong, very threatening, in those beautiful brown eyes, visible only to one of those present in the room. Anxiously, I call, “Jan! Jan?? You here??, and powerless and hardly understandable behind,?You are now quit though. Therefore I forbid you??, I can't get more out of myself, because something is squeezing my throat hard and I'm freezing. ?Good morning. I'm David. I wanted to ask if my twin rudder is here. He hasn't been home for a few days??
* * *
Rene Schmidt can't hear the end of the last sentence. He is simply too preoccupied with himself and his hearing is severely impaired by a strange rushing and ringing in his ears. He feels a sharp pain in his left side, which immediately radiates painfully throughout his entire body. Then he can no longer see, and his body slowly slumps. Before his life forces leave him completely, he still thinks, “Oh, my God?” But now he can't help him either. Or maybe he doesn't want to. Because maybe his God just can't stand to see what this part of his creation is doing in real life, and has released humanity from him for the sake of damage control and called him to himself? Or are there other powers crying out for justice? None of us humans know for sure.
In the afternoon, contrary to all weather forecasts, a very violent and cleansing thunderstorm rages over Rostock.
A later autopsy will show that Mr. Rene Schmidt was absolutely healthy at the time of his death. An exact cause of death will not be determined. And, yes, there is more wonderful news to report: A classmate of Jan Gl?her is said to have encountered him a year later, together with his brother, while on vacation in New York. After angry protests that he should finally let the dead rest, he later preferred to keep the experience to himself. But what is true is true, because the grave is empty? End. And hopefully others will do better in life!