Forums

Bernd
I still looked at the magazine, which I discovered in my son's room when I was putting things away. I still looked at this magazine and the naked man who smiled at me on the front page. Trembling, I went into the kitchen and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs.
“Can't it be my son, a FAG?” The word kept going through my mind. What am I going to do? What did I do wrong? I didn't even realize that tears were running down my face. My son a gay?..
Who could I talk to about this? Karin! Karin is my best friend and is a doctor, maybe she can help me! Like a drowning man, I staggered to the phone and dialed Karin's number.
On the other end, I heard the dial tone, then a click as the receiver was picked up.
“Hello, Karin Manske?”
“Hi, it's Bernd. Karin, I need to talk to you, I don't know what else to do.” Then I started crying.
Kevin
Man, what a day that was. Our math teacher Schrulle, that was his nickname, had tortured us for two hours again, and on top of that, we had gotten a new guy in our class. Oh man, he looked cute. Steven was his name and I was blown away.
I just arrived home and unlocked the door.
“Pa, hello, I'm back from the torture chamber.”
No answer, which was strange, as my dad would normally come running and ask me what our torturers had done to us.
Well, maybe he still had to go shopping, or there was trouble at work and he had to go back there. I went to my room and threw my backpack in the corner. Something was very wrong in my room.
I looked around my room warily. The laundry basket was gone and my closet was open. Oh no, the magazine. I had bought a gay newspaper and had hidden it in my clothes.
I ran to my closet in panic and felt under the shorts for the newspaper. My fingers felt the magazine, I breathed out relieved. Phew, lucky again. Then I went to get a bottle of coke from the kitchen. Somehow it looked like someone had left everything and fled from this chaos.
There must have been a lot of trouble at work for Pa. At least that was my thought when I saw the kitchen.
By the way, my name is Kevin, I'm 16 years old and I live alone with my father. My mom died 5 years ago in a car crash, since then my father raised me alone and we got along quite well.
Dad was my best friend all those years. But I also had my secrets and one of them was that I felt attracted to boys. I couldn't deal with it until now; I didn't trust my father to confide my feelings about it.
I was afraid of hurting him and as I had read on the internet, the outbursts of emotion when parents found out about their children were not always edifying. I started by cleaning up the kitchen, and I heard the front door open.
Bernd
Karin had time for me immediately and I made my way to her. She was my and Kevin's best friend. She helped us wherever she could and, to be honest, she was also my girlfriend.
Me and Karin had been together for over three years, we only told Kevin a year ago. He had already had enough to deal with, not having a mother, so I had kept my private life to a minimum.
Kevin was at the top of my list, and Karin was on the list quite a while later. She had always understood and accepted it, but a year ago she started pushing me to slowly move her up the list a bit.
I have to say that she has a daughter who also wanted to have a family again. Her name is Sabrina, she was the same age as Kevin and a nice girl. She and Kevin got along great and often spent the weekends together. A thought crossed my mind as to whether she knew about Kevin?
With these thoughts in mind, I arrived at Karin's apartment and pressed the doorbell. As if Karin had been standing behind the door, just waiting for it, she flung it open.
“Come in, Bernd!” She pulled me into the hallway and took me in her arms. I couldn't help it and started to cry again.
After I had calmed down a bit, my eyes wandered along the hallway. Karin probably understood immediately who I was looking for.
I sent Sabrina to you to check on Kevin and NO, I didn't tell her why.
She pulled me into the living room and pushed me onto the sofa.
So now tell me very slowly what's going on.
Karin, Kevin, he has... in his cupboard... I burst into tears again.
Now, slowly. What does Kevin have in his cupboard?
He has a gay magazine hidden in his closet. What should I do? What did I do wrong?
Tears ran down my face, and I looked at Karin imploringly, as if she were the oracle who could tell me how to cure Kevin.
“Bernd, if Kevin is gay, does that change the way you feel about him?”
No! I shook my head violently.
But why my son of all people and how should I deal with it? I can't!
First of all, Bernd, what's so bad if it were like that? Secondly, I don't understand your sentence: “I can't?”
Well, I won't be able to hold him in my arms like before, will I?
Why not? Is he going to be a different person just because he'll rather love a boy? Bernd, I always thought you were open-minded about the world and everything in it. We don't live in the Middle Ages anymore, do we, when the church wanted to wipe out this DISEASE.?
Karin looked at me and hugged me.
Bernd, you know that as a doctor I have seen and experienced a lot. At the moment I have a boy in therapy who is gay. He came out to his parents. Do you know what his father did when the boy told them?
I shook my head and looked at her questioningly.
The father beat him half to death and then dumped him on the street like a piece of garbage. If a few neighbors hadn't called the police, the boy would be dead now. He's now sixteen years old and living with a foster family. What can the boy do to stop him being gay?
Oh my God Karin, you don't think that I would do that to Kevin, do you? My voice almost choked as I squeezed out the words.
Karin looked at me and shook her head.
No, otherwise you wouldn't be sitting here talking to me about it. Bernd, I love you and I'm on your side, but I will intervene if you hurt Kevin.
I can't do that, Kevin is my everything. It's just that I don't know how to deal with it.
You shouldn't have to deal with it at all! It's up to Kevin to accept himself like that! You have to help him and continue to accept him as he is.
I slowly calmed down and nodded.
You're right. What should I do now?
First of all, it's important that you show Kevin that you don't have anything against gays.
And how? I must have had question marks all over my face.
Karin smiled at me.
“That's better, and that's how we'll approach it. First of all, when Kevin brings up the subject of homosexuality, you should try to say something positive about it. Kevin has to see that you're open to it and have no problems with it.”
“Yes, I'll probably do it that way.”
Then we talked for quite a while, and we also came to talk about the topic with the boy Karin was currently treating. What she asked me then was not so easy to answer. She wanted to take the boy in and since, as I understood it, we had enough space in the new house, that wouldn't be a problem. Yes, we planned to move in together in two weeks and we had bought the house together. Then I remembered that Kevin didn't even know about it yet.
Well, at first I wasn't so thrilled, but on the other hand, why not? The boy needed help and Karin wouldn't give in anyway.
After I nodded in agreement, she said, “I knew you wouldn't let me down. I love you, Bernd!”
Well, me and my big heart, what I had gotten myself into???!!!!
Kevin
?Hello, is anybody there??
I recognized Sabrina's voice and ran out of the kitchen into the hallway.
?Hi Sabrina, what are you doing here??
?I just wanted to see if my dearest Kevin is okay and how he feels!?
I had to smile. Sabrina was the only one I had told that I might like boys.
I'm fine, and you? I approached Sabrina and hugged her.
Oh man, stop it. Since my mom got this new one, she's hardly ever around and when she is, she only has one topic of conversation. Steven this and Steven that?
What's with this Steven guy?
Oh, he wasn't so lucky. His parents beat him half to death, as I understand it. Why, I don't know either. Anyway, he's now with a foster family.
Oh, and otherwise. How are our parents' preparations going? Have they already found an apartment where we can all live?
Sabrina laughed: “Yes, dear brother, they have. Say, hasn't your father told you anything yet?”
I shook my head: “No, he hasn't. But we've hardly seen each other this week either. He must be under a lot of stress at work.”
Sabrina nodded and we went into the kitchen together.
“Tell me, what does it look like here?”
“Yes, I know. When I came home, Dad wasn't there and the kitchen already looked like this.”
Well then, let's get it organized and then you can tell me if you've seen a nice boy?” she beamed at me.
We started by cleaning up the kitchen. When we were done, we went to my room and I told her about the new guy in our class.
I must have been beaming quite a bit, because Sabrina then said to me: “It seems like someone has really fallen for him.” What's his name?
“Ehhhmmm, Steven. Say, the boy your mother was talking about, wasn't his name Steven too?”
Sabrina nodded: “But that would be a big coincidence if it was the same Steven!” “Have you been writing with Crash again?”
Nah, he hasn't been online for a while. But maybe he'll be in the chat again today.
I met Crash in a forum, he never told me his real name. We'd been writing to each other for over half a year. Crash is gay and wanted to tell his parents, that was the last time I heard from him. Since then, there had been radio silence and I didn't know how his outing had gone.
Sadly, I shook my head: 'Sabrina, I just hope that everything went well for him!
How long has it actually been since he last got in touch?
I think it's been nine weeks now.
Sadly, I looked out of the window. Crash had become a person to whom I had confided everything about me. And now he hadn't contacted me for almost nine weeks.
“Hey Kevin will be fine. He'll definitely contact you, you'll see!” Sabrina looked at me encouragingly.
I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. From one second to the next, I started crying.
I miss him so much and he always encouraged me to stand by my homosexuality. Me?
Sabrina hugged me: “Shh, Kevin, everything will be fine. You'll see, he'll get in touch and besides, I'm still here too. I couldn't have wished for a better brother than you, Kevin. It's just a shame that a sweet guy like you likes boys.”
At these words, we both started giggling and then we laughed. Sabrina was just wonderful. She always knew how to make me laugh.
So what are we going to do today? After all, tomorrow is Saturday and that means we can sleep in, right?
I thought we'd go to the Mecca, there's supposed to be a really good DJ mixing music there today, I said.
Well then it's a date. Oops, it's so late, I'll have to hurry. Will you pick me up then?
Sure, Sabrina, I'll be at your place at 7:00 p.m.
Bernd
Now I was on my way home. The conversation with Karin had done me good. I now saw the whole thing from a different perspective and what was even more important to me was that I didn't want to be like these parents of the boy Karin was currently treating. Just thinking about it made me feel an irrepressible rage. With these thoughts, I stormed up the stairs to our apartment.
“Kevin's back!”
Kevin's door opened and my son beamed at me.
“Where were you?” he asked.
“I was at Karin's, we still had a lot to talk about.”
“Oh, so that's why you leave the kitchen as if a bomb had hit it. That must have been extremely important?”
Yes, my son did it! And what are you going to do today? As far as I know, today is Friday!?
I'm going to Mecca with Sabrina!?
I thought so! Oh, Kevin?? I approached him: We have found a new home for the four of us!?
Oh, is that something completely new! I thought I wouldn't find out at all. Or only when I was standing in front of an empty, cleared-out apartment?
Sorry, I completely forgot, boy!
That's okay. Sabrina told me.
Sabrina was here? I had to play dumb, otherwise Kevin might have smelled a rat.
Jops, my favorite sister was here! And where are we going to live next?
Not even far from here and it's not an apartment, but a house?
Wow, can we afford something like that?
Sure, son, and it's all in the bag already!
Kevin beamed even more and I couldn't help but go up to him and hug him.
Kevin, I love you so much, no matter what happens!?
Hey Dad, what's up with you?
Nothing, I just wanted to say it. You are the most important thing in the world to me and that includes you being happy.
Dad, if you haven't realized it yet, then here's some help: I love you just as much and I'm happy to have you as my father!
I pressed him even closer to me and a few tears stole into my eyes. Oh God, how I loved him, my son Kevin.
Now hurry up, Sabrina is bound to be waiting for you!
Kevin nodded and disappeared back into his room. I then went to the kitchen to tidy up, but as I discovered, someone else had already been busy there.
“And can I go like this?“ came from behind me.
I turned around to the voice and saw Kevin standing in the kitchen door.
“Wow, who are you, young man?”
Kevin had to laugh and I joined in.
“And...?” Kevin turned around in circles.
“You look great, Kevin.“ ‘Here?’ I had taken my wallet in my hand and took out a fifty and gave it to him.
“Thanks!” With that, he jumped to the wardrobe and took off his jacket.
“See you, Dad, maybe I'll sleep at Sabrina's?”
No problem, Karin wanted to come here anyway. I called after him before the front door slammed shut.
Kevin
I still wonder what was up with my father today. He knows that I love him. Strange, I went to Sabrina's with these thoughts. When I arrived at her place, I rang the doorbell.
“Hi Kevin, tell me, why are you ringing the bell or have you forgotten your key at home?”
Karin looked at me and laughed.
I shook my head: “I've forgotten again that I have one of those things from your apartment!” But tell me Karin, Dad said you found a house for us?”
Yes we do, Kevin, and if your father has forgotten when the moving day is, it's in two weeks time!
Oh yes, great, then I'll see you every day! and with that I jumped at Karin's neck and hugged her.
Karin had to laugh and hugged me back.
Hey, what's going on here!? came from behind us, it was Sabrina.
“Dear, that's called a little family cuddle!“ Karin replied with a laugh.
“Can I join in?” Sabrina snorted.
Without waiting for an answer, she wrapped her arms around both of us.
“So guys, I still have work to do and before you disappear, I wanted to talk to you briefly.” Karin let go of us and went into her study.
I looked questioningly at Sabrina, but she just shrugged her shoulders. So we both followed Karin, with a big question mark on our foreheads.
“What did you want to discuss with us?” Sabrina asked, looking questioningly at her mother.
Sabrina, Kevin, I'm currently treating a boy and he has no one to take care of him. I really like him and wanted to take him in with us. Bernd agrees, but I don't know what you think about him moving into our new home with us!
Sabrina looked at me and I looked at her, and we couldn't help but grin.
Well, as long as he behaves himself and doesn't mess up, we're fine with it! Sabrina spoke for us.
OK, he's coming today and will sleep in the guest room. I would be happy if you could also take him with you to your evening event! Karin looked relieved at us.
And where should I sleep then? I asked.
“I made the couch in the guest room for you! I hope you don't mind sharing the room with Steven tonight?
“No, I don't mind!” As long as he looks cute, I don't care, it crossed my mind. As if Sabrina could read my mind, she jabbed me in the side with her elbow.
Ouch..., eh Karin could ask me what was going on, it rang at the apartment door.
Karin raced past us to the apartment door, from where we heard voices shortly afterwards.
Steven
Now I was standing here in front of Karin's apartment door. I still couldn't believe that she wanted to include me in her family. She had told me that she and her partner Bernd and his son and daughter wanted to move into a house together.
I had my doubts about including a GAY man in her family, but Karin just waved them aside. That's not a problem and believe me, Kevin and Sabrina will be happy to meet you. The words still sounded in my ears.
What did I have to lose? It couldn't get any worse than it was now. With these thoughts in mind, I now stood at their door with my few belongings, with Ms. Stahnke from the youth welfare office standing next to me and looking encouragingly at me.
You'll see, everything will be fine! Karin is the best person for you to be with.
Ms. Stahnke pressed the doorbell and we heard footsteps approaching the door. The door was flung open and Karin stood before me.
There you are! Kevin and Sabrina are already waiting. Karin said to me, then she turned to Ms. Stahnke.
“Well Christel, did everything go all right?”
“Yes, it was not even that hard to convince my boss that it was the best thing for Steven. So here are his things and if you need anything, just call me. I'm in a hurry, I have an important appointment!” With that she said goodbye to us and disappeared.
I was still standing rooted to the spot at the door.
“Well then come in.”
I bent down and took my suitcase and my backpack in my hands and followed Karin into the apartment.
“Sabrina, Kevin this is Steven!”
I could only see Sabrina, but she nodded at me in a friendly way and came towards me.
“Hi Steven, come on I'll show you your room where you'll be sleeping for now,” she took the suitcase out of my hands.
Well then kids, I'll disappear into my study, I still have some work to do. Oh, before I forget, I'll be spending the night with your father Kevin.
Yes, that's fine. Dad has already told me.
Oh yes, there was someone else. I wonder what Kevin looks like.
As if Karin had sensed my question, she revealed the view of Kevin and then I saw him.
Oh shit, that was the Kevin from my new class and he looked at me just as horrified.
“Hi... Steven?“ came quietly from Kevin.
“Hi Kevin, I think I'll go again?” turned around and was already on the way to the door.
“Steven, please stay, I'm really happy that you're going to live with us. Besides, we don't really know each other, and Sabrina and I would like to get to know you.“ Kevin replied.