07-11-2025, 04:30 PM
Letter
old letters?
By chance I came across letters
old ones from the past
I was immediately back in the past
names came back to mind
faces reappeared to me
it was a great time
with lots of conversations
great experiences
great friends
what are they all doing now
out of sight, out of mind
almost?
The true friends from the past
are also the friends of today
they have remained so
because we
nurtured and cultivated the friendship
and never
broke off the contact
Old letters remind
us of the time gone by....
The letter
The move was done, finally all the boxes were in the new apartment. I wanted to say to my own apartment, yes I had finally managed to move out of my parents' house. Now I was sitting here on my boxes and didn't know where to start.
So I'll leave what was on the boxes for now to get an overview. I sorted them by room. Two-room apartment with kitchen and bathroom. But it was my kingdom and that was worth a lot to me. Then I noticed the nameplate for my apartment door in my hands.
Sweet Home? Nicolas Drehmel, I had to hang that up right away so that everyone would know who had moved in. That was done. So I started to furnish one room after the other, I wanted to be ready in the evening in case any visitors came. Ah, current things, it said on the box, I opened it. These were the things I had packed at the end. Alarm clock, papers, the last post, just post that I hadn't looked at yet.
Advertisement, advertisement, a letter from Frank, wow, I have mail from Frank. I tore open the envelope and read the letter.
Hello Nicolas,
Today is Monday evening and I'm sitting in front of my stereo system and thinking. I just came back from having ice cream with Christoph and Jo (you'll meet him). I was bored while eating and wolfed the ice cream down for five euros.
I was wondering what it would be like if you were there. I realized that no friendship has ever been as strong and intense for me as it is with you. It all happened so fast for me, and I now find all my other acquaintances so boring. I realize that I can't be as open with them as I can with you. I also find openness and trust very important, and I only trust you completely. By the way, this letter is not a song of praise for you, but rather an ordering of my thoughts and a processing of impressions. I am afraid of becoming too attached to you and thus destroying our friendship. Even when I can't be with you, my thoughts are with you and that makes you happy.
Our friendship reminds me of a poem:
You have to look for friends
Not everyone is a friend, some don't even have a friend.
A friend likes you
He'll do anything for you
Even if it's hard for him
He's loyal
He doesn't make a big deal of himself
He doesn't think of himself
He only thinks of you
Sometimes there are arguments with a friend
But good friends
Always make up
Sometimes you ask a lot of a friend
Your friend will do it
A friend will stand up for you
Without being a friend is bad
A loyal friend
Is like a strong protection
Whoever has found him
Is rich
Thank you Nicolas for being my friend.
Frank
Oh man, what's this letter about again? He said he didn't want a closer relationship, says we're just friends, and then I'm never out of his mind, he misses me. I did write to him that I love him.
That he is not sure of his feelings for me, I can't understand after this letter, especially the fear that he will bind me to him too much, I would like it more if he would do that. Totally upset, I sat on the remaining stack of my moving boxes.
What should I do? I would love to be his real friend. Just talking together is no longer enough for me. It's nice to be with him, but I want more, I want him completely!
I should stop, I sound selfish. It's his decision. I swore to myself that I would stop fighting for him. I don't want to keep chasing after him and forcing him to do things he doesn't want to do.
I now also cleared the rest of the boxes out of the way and took them down to my basement room. I kept moving my decorations around until I finally found the right place for them.
What was still missing were a few pictures and plants. When I came into the kitchen, Frank's letter was still lying on the table. I took it in my hand and read it again. I just couldn't figure him out.
I put it in the envelope and fired it into the corner. I finally decided to take a shower, after this work, my smell was repulsive even to me. I enjoyed the warm shower and stood there for a while, letting the water run down me.
Of course, I couldn't get the stupid letter out of my head. I washed and was just drying myself when the doorbell rang. Damn, I thought, just now. Half dripping, I ran to the intercom.
“Yes?”
“Hi Niki, it's Nadine.”
“Hello Nadine, this is a surprise, just a moment I'll let you in.”
“Okay.”
I pressed the buzzer. Then I went to the door and opened it a crack, and waited for Nadine to come up. She came puffing up the stairs and I let her in.
“Sorry, I was just in the shower as you can see.”
I was standing in front of her with only a towel wrapped around my hips.
“Oh Niclas, if you weren't gay, I'd jump you right now. Why do the cutest guys always have to be gay?”
“I've told you often enough, there are plenty of cute guys who are straight.”
Yes, you have, but I think they are hiding from me.
I'm getting cold, I'll just put something on quickly. Why don't you look around a bit?
Yes, I will. Can I make you some tea?
Yes, please. You'll have to make it up as you go along, I haven't got much of an order in the kitchen yet.
All right, go and get dressed.
I ran back to the bathroom, dried myself off, and put on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. I left my hair as it was, always standing in all directions anyway.
“And did you find everything?” I asked Nadine as I entered the kitchen.
“Yes, everything, even that,” and pointed with her head in the direction of Frank's letter, which was lying on the table again, ”Do you want to talk about it?”
“What is there to talk about? He misses me, but he doesn't want me as a boyfriend, so what does it matter?”
“Nothing doesn't matter. I see how you suffer from it.”
Oh Nadine, I don't know what else to do. I've lost the desire to fight, he doesn't want me.
Then you have to look for someone else, however much it may sound like.
I've already thought about it, but I can't get Frank out of my head.
When were you out last, I mean really in a disco, not your usual bar tour?
Not for a long time.
And why?
You know very well that at twenty-three, I'm already one of the grandpas.
Don't exaggerate, you still look passable for your age, said Nadine, grinning cheekily.
Only now did I realize that she wanted to tease me. I also started to laugh and we walked into the living room with our cups of tea.
“You know what, Niki, I'll quickly go home, change, and then we'll go to the disco together, okay?”
Can we do that, but don't you think that such a passable-looking man robs you of all chances with other men, who think I'm with you?
You know, that can be quite helpful, there are so many horny guys around, she replied.
You're right again. So we're going out together to catch men?
Yes, let's go. You somehow still lack pictures and plants here.
What you don't say, I would never have thought of that, I said and started laughing.
Two hours later, Nadine stood freshly styled in front of the door.
Wow, you're almost unrecognizable, I said and greeted her with a kiss on the cheeks.
And are you ready?
Just a moment, I'll get my jacket.”
“No need to put on any more powder?” Nadine asked cheekily.
“I don't need it, it's all natural on me.”
Nadine sighed loudly. I locked my apartment door and rushed after Nadine, who had already gone ahead.
“Don't you think your shirt is a bit wide open?“ Nadine asked cheekily as I got into the car with her.
“Why can everyone see what I have to offer?”
“Do you have a new ring on?”
“You mean this one?” I lifted my shirt slightly and pointed to the piercing on my chest.
“Yes, is that a snake?”
Yes, I found it last week in a small shop in the city center.
It looks cool,“ said Nadine, starting her car.
“Thanks.”
“They're really into it again tonight,” said Nadine, who I was pushing in front of me.
“But they're playing really cool music to dance to again,” I replied.
“Let's get something to drink and find a place.”
Okay?”
We were slowly making our way to the bar when Nadine suddenly stopped.
“What's the matter, go on then?”
“Look who's dancing over there,“ Nadine said.
I looked at the dance floor and after a while spotted Frank, who was dancing with a blonde.
“So what, I'm here with you,” I said.
You don't want to go to him?
No, I have no desire for it.
Good. What do you want to drink?
A Pils.
Okay, sit down over there, I'll bring it right away.
Okay.
I let my eyes wander around the room. Some cute guys were already there, but all of them were busy with girls, with a few exceptions. Nadine pulled me out of my thoughts.
“Well, have you found anything tasty for me or for you yet?”
“A few, yes... maybe something interesting will come in.”
At that moment, I saw a boy enter the store.
“Nici, close your mouth, it's embarrassing.”
“Sorry, I didn't realize.”
I drank from my beer and Nadine grinned again like a honey horse.
“Now he's coming in our direction too,” said Nadine.
“I don't think so, he's probably seen someone familiar in our direction.”
I don't have that feeling, the way he's looking at you or me.
You're just imagining it, well maybe you, but not me.
The boy really did come over to our table.
Hello, I'm new here, can I sit with you for a bit?
Nadine looked at me with a grin.
Of course, sit down, I always like to meet new people, said Nadine and nudged me under the table.
I finally stopped staring and looked for the right words.
I agree, what's your name? I asked.
Jost, and you?
This is Nicolas and I'm Nadine.
Are you a couple?
“No, we're both still available,“ I said a little brashly, which earned me a nudge in the side.
“I'll quickly get a drink, I hope you'll still be around a bit?”
“We've only just arrived ourselves,” said Nadine, and off he went.
“Don't stare at Jost like that, it's a wonder he still has his clothes on,” Nadine said to me.
Oh stop it, I'm not that bad, I replied.
Even worse, grinned Nadine cheekily at me.
Jost came back with a coke and sat down again. The new song by Kate Ryan started to play. Jost looked at me.
Fancy a dance Nici?
I'd love to, I said smiling.
“How do you do that?“ asked Nadine, who had noticed our looks.
“What are we doing?” I asked in return.
“How do you know that your partner is also gay?”
“That I'm gay?” asked Jost. Nadine nodded.
“Oh Nadine, over time you get a sense for whether someone is gay or not, and with Nici I knew it immediately.”
Nadine looked at me penetratingly.
“To me Nici looks quite normal,“ she replied.
“Come on, let's go dancing, you too, Nadine,” said Jost, pulling me off the stool.
His hand on my side put me in a tangle of my feelings. Arrived on the dance floor, we let ourselves be infected by the hot rhythm and the atmosphere. While dancing, I forgot everything around me. I only heard the music and the bass.
Jost pressed his body close to mine. He had taken off his T-shirt and put it in his pants. His body glistened in the light of the stage. I couldn't take my eyes off him. The music did the rest. I ran my hand over his muscular upper body. His eyes sparkled at me and I lost myself in them.
Jost put his arm around me and scratched my neck. Our faces slowly approached and Jost gave me a kiss.
“Hey you fags, can't you do that somewhere else, that's annoying,” said a voice behind us.
I felt an unpleasant pressure on my back, which threw me forward. Someone tried to push me away. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Jost was no better off.
And before we knew it, Jost and I were in a fight. Five guys were attacking us. Nadine, who bravely wanted to intervene, was simply thrown into the corner. Soon I was on the floor and only felt kicks hitting my body. I saw the light come on, heard screams and then everything went black.
When I tried to open my eyes, it hurt like hell. Everything was burning and seemed so swollen. I tried to reach my face with my hand, but someone held my hand firmly.
“Nicolas, stay calm, I'm here. Dad's here too.“ My mother's voice.
“Where...?” Even speaking was difficult for me.
“You're in the hospital,” my father said. ”Some guys thought they'd use you as a punching bag.”
Suddenly, everything came back to me. The disco... Nadine Jost...
“Nadine?”
Nadine is fine, she wasn't hit,? my mother said.
And Jost?
If you mean the boy who was brought in with you, he's not doing so well. Apparently someone broke a bottle over his head. He's still unconscious.?
I heard that, and then I fell back into a deep sleep.
I was walking in a meadow. The sun's rays were strong and warmed my body. I was naked but it didn't bother me. As far as I could see, there was a sea of flowers and grasses. I carefully took each step so as not to crush any flowers. At the edge, where a few trees stood, I spotted a person. I ran towards her happily. She was naked too, but I still couldn't see who it was. So I ran on, dancing and unconquered. Frank? I looked at him and he smiled at me. He took me in his arms, but I didn't feel him at all. I stood there questioningly and he just shrugged his shoulders. Nicolas? Nicolas? Nicolas..somewhere I heard my name called. The image of the meadow became weaker and Frank blurred with the colors of the meadow?
?There you are at last, my darling,? my mother said when I opened my eyes,?you've been sleeping for four days now. How do you feel??
I listened to myself, but I couldn't find anything that was bothering me.
“Good,“ I said.
“I'm glad to hear that, little one,” came the voice of my dad.
I turned my head and looked at him. Suddenly, from one second to the next, I started to cry, I didn't even know why. My dad took me in his arms. It felt good to feel him.
“Nicolas, Nadine and a young man are standing outside. I'll ask them in and we'll leave you to yourselves for a bit,“ said my mother.
“Is that okay?” I asked in surprise.
“You're no longer in intensive care, they're allowed to visit you, you just shouldn't move around too much,” my mum replied.
I nodded, at least I tried to indicate it.
“Good, then your father and I will go and get a coffee and leave you alone for a while, but promise me you won't move around too much.”
“Okay, mommy.”
She gently stroked my cheek and left the room with my dad. In came Nadine and... Frank.
“Hello you two,” I said quietly.
“Hello Nici, look who I brought for you,“ Nadine said.
Frank looked as if he hadn't slept for a few nights.
“Shouldn't we change places, you don't look very good Frank,” I said and tried to make it seem funny with a smile, but I didn't succeed.
“You, Frank, saved her life, so to speak,“ said Nadine.
“Don't exaggerate, Nadine,” said Frank, who was blushing.
“But you're right, if you hadn't punched the thug in the face, Nici would have been hit over the head with the chair.”
“You did that?” I asked.
“Yes, I did.”
Thank you, Frank.
You're welcome. It was the right thing to do.
It's not, I know how much you detest violence.
Not in this case.
I would like to give you a hug, but my mother said I shouldn't move around too much. I don't know why, but I'm sticking to it. What's Jost doing?
The two looked at each other with concern.
“What's going on? One of you should say something.”
Nadine looked at the floor and began to speak quietly.
“He is still in a coma, in an artificial coma. His head injury was very severe, but his condition is stable, his mother told me.”
“Hasn't woken up yet?” I said.
No, he wasn't as lucky as you were.”
I started to cry again.
“Hey kid, he'll be fine again, I'm sure of it,” Frank said.
I tried to move a little because I was uncomfortable, but I stopped when I felt a sharp pain in my chest. I grimaced.
“You've broken three ribs, that's why you're in pain,“ Nadine said, taking my hand in hers.
“What else?” I asked.
“Lots of bruises, haematomas, and your face... when it's gone down again, you'll look almost normal.”
“Why almost?”
“I think the scar from your chin injury will stay.”
Oh man, what have they done to me?
If the bouncers hadn't stopped them, you would have looked even worse.
And what about them now?
Sitting behind bars, with a lawsuit for attempted manslaughter. And you can be sure that they'll stay there, because there were so many witnesses present.
I can't remember anything, only that Jost asked me to dance.
Come again.
“Why are you so well informed at all?” I asked Nadine in puzzlement.
“Because I've been here with Frank every day since you were admitted, and your mother has told me everything.”
Frank still looked worried, but hadn't said anything more so far.
“Frank, your letter?“ I began.
“I know I raised your hopes again,” Frank replied and looked away, “maybe I wanted that too?”
“Do I have to understand that now?” I asked.
How should I put it? I love you, Nici. I only realized that when you were lying on the floor, bleeding, and I thought I would lose you forever. I realized how much I need you.
You love me, really, with all that that entails? I was totally beside myself.
Yes, and I don't want to be without you for a second, if you still want me at all? There's still Jost.
Silly, I only danced with Jost and, above all, I don't even really know him, even if we kissed, I don't remember for sure, did we?
“Yes you did,” Frank said.
“Oops, it was just a kiss.”
“Does anyone have a tissue?“ Nadine asked, trying to hold back her tears so as not to smear her entire make-up.
“I'm so glad that you two have finally found each other.”
“And me,” I said, grinning from ear to ear.
“Nici, but I still have concerns about Jost,” Frank said.
“Why is that?”
I had a long talk with his mother the day before yesterday.
You did what?
There were nurses in your room and I wasn't allowed to go in for a while because a woman asked me if I knew you.
Yes, and?
I answered the question in the affirmative, that we had known each other for quite some time. Then she told me that they had only moved to our city three months ago and that Jost had left in the evening for the first time since they had been here.?
Frank paused and took a deep breath.
She also told me that when Jost woke up briefly, he called your name.?
I looked into Frank's sad eyes.
“Frank, what do you think about the two of us taking care of Jost when he's better?”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Yes, I am. With you at my side, I have all the strength in the world.”
“And if you do fall in love with him?”
With an effort, I pulled Frank down to me.
“Please listen to me. I've been chasing after you for nine months now. Do you think I'll just throw all that away? Frank, I love you. Ask Nadine how I suffered when you didn't want to decide on me.
Nadine nodded at him.
I'll offer Jost my friendship, as a friend and not a boyfriend, because someone else has snatched up the position, okay?
Yes, all right, I'm sorry,' said Frank.
Stop apologizing and finally give me a kiss.
Shyly, Frank pressed a kiss on my lips, I raised my arms and hugged him to me, which I immediately regretted.
'Ouch,' I exclaimed.
“Serves you right, playing the terminally ill and snogging boys again,“ my mom said, standing in the doorway.
Frank blushed and went back to Nadine.
“And can we finally congratulate you and put the curmudgeonly son out of the question?” my dad asked.
“You know?”
Yes, Nadine was kind enough to explain why our son has been such a pain in the neck for the last six months,“ said my mom.
I looked at Nadine, who just grinned at me.
“And what about Jost?” Dad asked me.
“Now you're starting too, but I only kissed him.”
I said the same to your mother, and a week later I was also off the market.
And ten months later you were born.
Were you in such a hurry?
No, I wasn't paying attention, came from my dad.
I didn't want to know that exact detail, oh man, what kind of parents did I get?
“They are probably the most understanding and loving parents you could wish for,” came it from Nadine, ‘just think of Yannick and what happened to him.”
“Yannick, the one who did his carpentry apprenticeship with you?”
“Exactly,’ I answered my mom's question.
“What happened to him?”
He was caught by his father in bed with a boy,? Nadine said.
And what's the matter with that? my dad asked in puzzlement.
He's a religion teacher. He kicked him out after that and said he's no longer his son.
Uhhh? that's hard? my father said.
Nobody's as lucky as I am, I think I should move back in with my parents,? I said.
“It's a shame that you can't give children back,“ my dad said, and my mom started laughing out loud.
“What was that about dearest parents?” I asked Nadine.
Now everyone joined in laughing, including me.
When everyone had said goodbye, I lay there in my bed and my thoughts revolved around Jost. I pressed the nurse button and it wasn't long before someone came.
“What's wrong with our young gentleman?” the nurse asked.
“I have a question. Wasn't there another boy admitted with me?”
“You're surely talking about Jost, who wasn't so lucky?”
“Exactly Jost, is he actually in intensive care?”
“No, not anymore, he has stabilized so far. But he remains under observation.”
“Is he alone in the room like me?”
No, an older gentleman is in the bed next to him.
Um... I don't know how to say this. I know that I'm a private patient and am entitled to be alone here, but is there any way that Jost could be moved here?
Are you sure about that? I don't know if that's possible either; I'd have to talk to the senior doctor.
Would you please do it for me, it's very important to me.
But you know that he is still unconscious.
That's why I would like to be close to him.
Young man, I can't promise you anything, I'll see what I can do.
Thank you.
All this had taken up a little of my time, and soon I fell asleep.
I was woken early the next morning. Two nurses were in my room rearranging things a bit.
“Morning, what's going on here?“ I asked, still half asleep.
“Doctor Sprengler has approved your idea of putting Jost in their room,” came the reply from one of the nurses.
“So early in the morning?”
Now we still have time, later on there are a few operations to be done, and we don't know how we will manage.”
“May I get up?”
“There's nothing to stop you.”
I tried to sit up, but I felt terrible pain in my chest.
“Not like that,” said one of the nurses. ”You'll put pressure on your ribs, that's not good. Try rolling onto your side, yes, just like that, and now support yourself with your hand and push yourself up.”
And just like that, I was sitting on my bed. I held on to the end of the bed and stood up. My legs felt a bit soft, but I was able to move.
And can I walk?
Yes, a little unsteadily, but I can make it to the toilet.
When my dad came today, he had to help me get out of this shroud and, above all, into something proper down below; I felt so naked in this. In the toilet, I felt like God when I was finally able to let it go.
There was quite a commotion in the room. I flushed the toilet and wanted to leave, but someone was standing in front of the door.
“Just a moment, you can come out in a moment,” I heard someone call.
I slowly wished for my bed back because I was getting dizzy. I pushed the door handle down again, but the door still wouldn't open properly. I had no choice but to sit back on the bowl.
Suddenly the door opened. A young man stood before me.
“So now you can, oh, but you don't look so good.”
“No, I'm also totally dizzy,“ I said.
“Nurse Erika, help me with this patient, he's not doing well,” said the young man, I assumed he was a conscientious objector.
“I see, has Mr. Drehmel taken on too much?” came from Nurse Erika.
Together they helped me out of the toilet. Then I saw that Jost was already standing in the room. I saw the thick bandage on his head. I couldn't help but burst into tears when I saw him lying there like that.
“He's doing well, Mr. Drehmel, he's just sleeping, he's no longer in a coma,“ said the young man.
“Nicolas,” I said.
“What?”
My name is Nicolas, you can call me by my first name.?
Oh, I see, thank you, Nicolas. I'm Benny.?
Benny and Sister Erika helped me back into bed, my ribs ached.
“Do you want me to get you something for the pain?” Benny asked, concerned.
“No thanks, they're only there when I move like this, I'll be all right in a minute.”
Benny nodded at me and left the room with the nurse.
I looked over at Jost. He seemed to be asleep, breathing very quietly. There were some devices around him to which he was connected. I tried to get up again and managed to do so without pain.
I slowly walked over to his bed and sat down beside him. I was a little frightened when I could see his face more clearly. His left eye was still swollen and his face was blue and green.
Tears came to my eyes again. My God, Jost, what have they done to you? I gently stroked his arm. He stirred and opened his eyes, at least the right one, it was probably not possible with the left.
“Hello Jost...“ I said quietly.
“Nici,” he replied, almost unintelligibly.
“Yes, it's me, but don't say anything. It'll only tire you out. Go back to sleep. I'm here now.”
He closed his eyes and I saw a small smile on his lips. I stroked his arm again and slowly went back to my bed.
I had barely gotten back into bed when Benny came in again. He was carrying a tray with my breakfast.
“Where is Nurse Isabelle, who usually brings this?“ I asked.
“You'll have to make do with me. I was assigned to Jost, and now I have you both,” Benny said.
“I didn't mean it that way. Sorry.”
I didn't understand it that way either,? Benny said and put down my tray with a grin.
My dad came by at lunchtime.
Dad, could you help me put on something different, I don't feel comfortable in these clothes.?
He went to the closet and pulled out a T-shirt and shorts.
This? he asked.
Yes, exactly.?
He came back and helped me to sit up. The camisole was quickly slipped off. Putting on the shirt was more difficult, because every time I lifted my arms, it stung me in the side where the bandage was.
My father managed to put it on without much pain. Now it was the shorts' turn. I blushed.
“Don't worry, young man, I've had that too and I've seen it on others,” he said.
He pulled this mesh garment down and put my shorts on.
“Thanks Dad, I feel a lot better now.”
He looked over at Jost.
“He's got it pretty bad, you're really lucky.” Why is he in your room at all?
Because I asked for it.
You asked for it? Why?
Because I wanted to be close to him. He kept asking for me when he was awake.
Aren't you afraid he might get the wrong idea, that he might...?
You mean a steady relationship and all that? I'll have to talk to him about that. I'm with Frank now. I'll offer to help him, but no more than that.
You don't have to worry about that, came from the neighboring bed.
My father and I looked over; Jost had apparently woken up.
“My mother has already told me that you are together with Frank,“ I realized that speaking was difficult for him.
My father helped me up, I wobbled over to Jost's bed.
“Bad?” I asked.
Jost tried to shake his head. I held his head firmly.
“Don't, I can see it in your eyes what you want to say.”
“I'd better go, my lunch break is almost up,“ said my dad, saying goodbye to us.
I took Jost's hand and stroked it.
“I'm sorry it turned out this way, you're really sweet, but I love Frank.”
“It doesn't matter,” came from Jost. “I would have been surprised to find someone.”
Hey, you pessimist, there are so many guys just waiting to get you.
Jost tried to smile.
Look at how I look, who, who wants me then?
Man Jost, that will go away, the swelling. Also the green and blue marks.
And, and what about my leg?
Um, what about your leg?
I can't move it.”
I looked at him in shock. I slowly got up and slowly pushed back his blanket.
“Which one, this one?”
I slowly stroked his thigh.
“Yes, that one. I can't move it, but it hurts.”
I pressed the nurse call button and a little later Sister Isabelle came in.
“Ah, Jost is awake, hello,“ she said.
“His leg hurts but he can't move it,” I said, concerned.
“Unfortunately, that's normal. Jost was unconscious a few times. It may be that not all of his limbs are yet responding as he would like,“ she replied.
“But he's not paralyzed, is he?” I asked.
No, Jost is doing fine. He just has to get over his bruises and the concussion, then everything will be back to normal.
I heard Jost take a deep breath. Nurse Isabelle covered Jost up again.
Is there anything else I can do for you? Nurse Isabelle asked Jost.
I'm thirsty.
I'll get you something in a minute.”
She left the room and came back with Sister Erika. Slowly, his bed was raised and Sister Erika gently lifted his bandaged head. Sister Isabelle raised a feeding cup to his mouth and Jost tried to drink.
He began to cough.
“Drink slowly,” Sister Erika admonished.
I had to sit down. I was obviously not fit enough yet, it was the second time I had felt dizzy today.
“What is this stuff?“ I heard Jost ask.
“This stuff is called tea, young man,” said Sister Erika, and I saw Sister Isabelle grin.
“It tastes disgusting.”
“Well, I can't give you Coca-Cola yet.
Water would be fine for me.”
His head end was lowered again.
“Can't I stay a little longer?” Jost asked.
“Yes, but if your headache gets worse, we'll lower it again.”
“Okay.”
There was a knock at the door. A woman came in.
“Hello darling, why have you been moved to another room?”
“Hello, Mom,“ Jost replied.
The nurses left the room.
“At my request, ma'am,” I said.
“Ziegler, but you can call me Evelyn. You must be Nicolas.
“Yes, I am,” I said, and I held out my hand.
Then I lay back down in my bed for good before I ended up on the floor.
And why did you let Jost come to your room?
Because I didn't want him to be in a room with a stranger, so he has someone to talk to. And I can help him if he needs anything.
That's sweet of you, said Evelyn.
The door opened and Benny came in with lunch.
“Well gentlemen, it's time to eat,“ he said and put down my tray.
“And I'll probably have to feed you,” he said to Jost and grinned.
He just sat there and didn't know what was happening to him.
“Boys, I'm going to the cafeteria to have a coffee while you're finishing up,” said Evelyn and was gone.
“Now open your mouth, a little spoon for mommy,“ Benny said.
“Nici, help me, what's sitting on me?” Jost said.
“That's just Benny, our civilian,“ I said, while I tried to shove some noodles in without pain.
“Do all civilians look so sweet?” Jost asked.
I choked on my food and snorted out loud. The mess was quickly wiped away.
“You seem to be recovering really quickly,” I said, wiping away the rest with a napkin.
“Why, you can say facts?”
Benny sat with a bright red head in front of Jost and had stopped feeding him. “The little one blushed, isn't that cute?”
“Jost, stop it, there are people for whom that is uncomfortable.”
“Did you mean that?” Benny asked.
“What?” Jost asked.
“That you find me cute?”
Of course I do!
No one has ever said that to me before.
Jost was about to answer when the door opened and Sister Erika came in.
Benjamin, could you come here, please? We have an emergency and someone has to stay in the nurses' station.
And who will feed me? Jost asked.
“Well, young man, I know that you have two healthy arms and hands and could actually feed yourself. So come on, Benjamin.”
Benny looked at Jost, who was stunned and started grinning. He stood up and left the room with Sister Erika.
“You really seem to be feeling better,” I said.
“That's right, I'm much better today, probably because of your company. But would you be so kind as to lower my bed, my headache is getting worse again.
Um, kid, the thing hanging in front of you. You can do it yourself with that.
Damn, you notice everything.
We both started laughing, but we regretted it immediately because of the pain.
After Benny had cleared the table and Evelyn had said goodbye again, we both fell asleep again. After dinner, our room was really full. My parents and Jost's came and Nadine and Frank were also there.
We had a lot of fun together, but after Jost got tired quickly, they all left. Frank even kissed me goodbye. Somehow I couldn't fall asleep.
A little later I heard the door open, so I turned on my light. Benny was standing in front of me.
“What are you doing here so late?” I asked.
“I can't get out of my head what Jost said to me this morning.”
“And that's why you're here?”
“Yes, I've been totally nervous about it and wanted to know if he was serious.”
Oh Benny, what can I say. Jost is right, you look damn good, and from what I can see, you're very sweet too.
Despite the weak light from my lamp, I saw that Benny blushed.
And Jost doesn't have a boyfriend?
No, came from Jost's bed and we rode together.
Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you, said Benny.
It's okay, I woke up because of my crazy headache, I have pressure on my head, I think it's going to burst soon.
Should I call the night nurse?
No, I wouldn't, said Jost.
Jost rushed out, and the night nurse came right away. After a little examination, Jost got an injection.
“Yes, I'll sit with him until he falls asleep,“ Benny said to the night nurse, who left the room.
“And is the injection already working?” Benny asked Jost.
“Yes, it's like someone let the air out.” To come back to your question from earlier, no, I don't have a boyfriend and haven't had one yet. I'm still available.
“For me, too?”
My head swivelled around and I looked at Benny in astonishment.
“Did I hear that right?“ I asked.
Jost looked over at me and seemed quite embarrassed.
“Yes, you did. I find Jost very interesting and I think I've got a crush on him.”
“I thought you were gay,” I said.
“Do I look like that?”
No, Benny, don't worry. But the way you treat us, the way you lovingly take care of Jost, it made me wonder.
It would be great if I could continue to take care of Jost after the hospital.
Jost, what do you think about that?
He didn't answer anymore, because he had fallen asleep with a smile on his lips.
old letters?
By chance I came across letters
old ones from the past
I was immediately back in the past
names came back to mind
faces reappeared to me
it was a great time
with lots of conversations
great experiences
great friends
what are they all doing now
out of sight, out of mind
almost?
The true friends from the past
are also the friends of today
they have remained so
because we
nurtured and cultivated the friendship
and never
broke off the contact
Old letters remind
us of the time gone by....
The letter
The move was done, finally all the boxes were in the new apartment. I wanted to say to my own apartment, yes I had finally managed to move out of my parents' house. Now I was sitting here on my boxes and didn't know where to start.
So I'll leave what was on the boxes for now to get an overview. I sorted them by room. Two-room apartment with kitchen and bathroom. But it was my kingdom and that was worth a lot to me. Then I noticed the nameplate for my apartment door in my hands.
Sweet Home? Nicolas Drehmel, I had to hang that up right away so that everyone would know who had moved in. That was done. So I started to furnish one room after the other, I wanted to be ready in the evening in case any visitors came. Ah, current things, it said on the box, I opened it. These were the things I had packed at the end. Alarm clock, papers, the last post, just post that I hadn't looked at yet.
Advertisement, advertisement, a letter from Frank, wow, I have mail from Frank. I tore open the envelope and read the letter.
Hello Nicolas,
Today is Monday evening and I'm sitting in front of my stereo system and thinking. I just came back from having ice cream with Christoph and Jo (you'll meet him). I was bored while eating and wolfed the ice cream down for five euros.
I was wondering what it would be like if you were there. I realized that no friendship has ever been as strong and intense for me as it is with you. It all happened so fast for me, and I now find all my other acquaintances so boring. I realize that I can't be as open with them as I can with you. I also find openness and trust very important, and I only trust you completely. By the way, this letter is not a song of praise for you, but rather an ordering of my thoughts and a processing of impressions. I am afraid of becoming too attached to you and thus destroying our friendship. Even when I can't be with you, my thoughts are with you and that makes you happy.
Our friendship reminds me of a poem:
You have to look for friends
Not everyone is a friend, some don't even have a friend.
A friend likes you
He'll do anything for you
Even if it's hard for him
He's loyal
He doesn't make a big deal of himself
He doesn't think of himself
He only thinks of you
Sometimes there are arguments with a friend
But good friends
Always make up
Sometimes you ask a lot of a friend
Your friend will do it
A friend will stand up for you
Without being a friend is bad
A loyal friend
Is like a strong protection
Whoever has found him
Is rich
Thank you Nicolas for being my friend.
Frank
Oh man, what's this letter about again? He said he didn't want a closer relationship, says we're just friends, and then I'm never out of his mind, he misses me. I did write to him that I love him.
That he is not sure of his feelings for me, I can't understand after this letter, especially the fear that he will bind me to him too much, I would like it more if he would do that. Totally upset, I sat on the remaining stack of my moving boxes.
What should I do? I would love to be his real friend. Just talking together is no longer enough for me. It's nice to be with him, but I want more, I want him completely!
I should stop, I sound selfish. It's his decision. I swore to myself that I would stop fighting for him. I don't want to keep chasing after him and forcing him to do things he doesn't want to do.
I now also cleared the rest of the boxes out of the way and took them down to my basement room. I kept moving my decorations around until I finally found the right place for them.
What was still missing were a few pictures and plants. When I came into the kitchen, Frank's letter was still lying on the table. I took it in my hand and read it again. I just couldn't figure him out.
I put it in the envelope and fired it into the corner. I finally decided to take a shower, after this work, my smell was repulsive even to me. I enjoyed the warm shower and stood there for a while, letting the water run down me.
Of course, I couldn't get the stupid letter out of my head. I washed and was just drying myself when the doorbell rang. Damn, I thought, just now. Half dripping, I ran to the intercom.
“Yes?”
“Hi Niki, it's Nadine.”
“Hello Nadine, this is a surprise, just a moment I'll let you in.”
“Okay.”
I pressed the buzzer. Then I went to the door and opened it a crack, and waited for Nadine to come up. She came puffing up the stairs and I let her in.
“Sorry, I was just in the shower as you can see.”
I was standing in front of her with only a towel wrapped around my hips.
“Oh Niclas, if you weren't gay, I'd jump you right now. Why do the cutest guys always have to be gay?”
“I've told you often enough, there are plenty of cute guys who are straight.”
Yes, you have, but I think they are hiding from me.
I'm getting cold, I'll just put something on quickly. Why don't you look around a bit?
Yes, I will. Can I make you some tea?
Yes, please. You'll have to make it up as you go along, I haven't got much of an order in the kitchen yet.
All right, go and get dressed.
I ran back to the bathroom, dried myself off, and put on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. I left my hair as it was, always standing in all directions anyway.
“And did you find everything?” I asked Nadine as I entered the kitchen.
“Yes, everything, even that,” and pointed with her head in the direction of Frank's letter, which was lying on the table again, ”Do you want to talk about it?”
“What is there to talk about? He misses me, but he doesn't want me as a boyfriend, so what does it matter?”
“Nothing doesn't matter. I see how you suffer from it.”
Oh Nadine, I don't know what else to do. I've lost the desire to fight, he doesn't want me.
Then you have to look for someone else, however much it may sound like.
I've already thought about it, but I can't get Frank out of my head.
When were you out last, I mean really in a disco, not your usual bar tour?
Not for a long time.
And why?
You know very well that at twenty-three, I'm already one of the grandpas.
Don't exaggerate, you still look passable for your age, said Nadine, grinning cheekily.
Only now did I realize that she wanted to tease me. I also started to laugh and we walked into the living room with our cups of tea.
“You know what, Niki, I'll quickly go home, change, and then we'll go to the disco together, okay?”
Can we do that, but don't you think that such a passable-looking man robs you of all chances with other men, who think I'm with you?
You know, that can be quite helpful, there are so many horny guys around, she replied.
You're right again. So we're going out together to catch men?
Yes, let's go. You somehow still lack pictures and plants here.
What you don't say, I would never have thought of that, I said and started laughing.
Two hours later, Nadine stood freshly styled in front of the door.
Wow, you're almost unrecognizable, I said and greeted her with a kiss on the cheeks.
And are you ready?
Just a moment, I'll get my jacket.”
“No need to put on any more powder?” Nadine asked cheekily.
“I don't need it, it's all natural on me.”
Nadine sighed loudly. I locked my apartment door and rushed after Nadine, who had already gone ahead.
“Don't you think your shirt is a bit wide open?“ Nadine asked cheekily as I got into the car with her.
“Why can everyone see what I have to offer?”
“Do you have a new ring on?”
“You mean this one?” I lifted my shirt slightly and pointed to the piercing on my chest.
“Yes, is that a snake?”
Yes, I found it last week in a small shop in the city center.
It looks cool,“ said Nadine, starting her car.
“Thanks.”
“They're really into it again tonight,” said Nadine, who I was pushing in front of me.
“But they're playing really cool music to dance to again,” I replied.
“Let's get something to drink and find a place.”
Okay?”
We were slowly making our way to the bar when Nadine suddenly stopped.
“What's the matter, go on then?”
“Look who's dancing over there,“ Nadine said.
I looked at the dance floor and after a while spotted Frank, who was dancing with a blonde.
“So what, I'm here with you,” I said.
You don't want to go to him?
No, I have no desire for it.
Good. What do you want to drink?
A Pils.
Okay, sit down over there, I'll bring it right away.
Okay.
I let my eyes wander around the room. Some cute guys were already there, but all of them were busy with girls, with a few exceptions. Nadine pulled me out of my thoughts.
“Well, have you found anything tasty for me or for you yet?”
“A few, yes... maybe something interesting will come in.”
At that moment, I saw a boy enter the store.
“Nici, close your mouth, it's embarrassing.”
“Sorry, I didn't realize.”
I drank from my beer and Nadine grinned again like a honey horse.
“Now he's coming in our direction too,” said Nadine.
“I don't think so, he's probably seen someone familiar in our direction.”
I don't have that feeling, the way he's looking at you or me.
You're just imagining it, well maybe you, but not me.
The boy really did come over to our table.
Hello, I'm new here, can I sit with you for a bit?
Nadine looked at me with a grin.
Of course, sit down, I always like to meet new people, said Nadine and nudged me under the table.
I finally stopped staring and looked for the right words.
I agree, what's your name? I asked.
Jost, and you?
This is Nicolas and I'm Nadine.
Are you a couple?
“No, we're both still available,“ I said a little brashly, which earned me a nudge in the side.
“I'll quickly get a drink, I hope you'll still be around a bit?”
“We've only just arrived ourselves,” said Nadine, and off he went.
“Don't stare at Jost like that, it's a wonder he still has his clothes on,” Nadine said to me.
Oh stop it, I'm not that bad, I replied.
Even worse, grinned Nadine cheekily at me.
Jost came back with a coke and sat down again. The new song by Kate Ryan started to play. Jost looked at me.
Fancy a dance Nici?
I'd love to, I said smiling.
“How do you do that?“ asked Nadine, who had noticed our looks.
“What are we doing?” I asked in return.
“How do you know that your partner is also gay?”
“That I'm gay?” asked Jost. Nadine nodded.
“Oh Nadine, over time you get a sense for whether someone is gay or not, and with Nici I knew it immediately.”
Nadine looked at me penetratingly.
“To me Nici looks quite normal,“ she replied.
“Come on, let's go dancing, you too, Nadine,” said Jost, pulling me off the stool.
His hand on my side put me in a tangle of my feelings. Arrived on the dance floor, we let ourselves be infected by the hot rhythm and the atmosphere. While dancing, I forgot everything around me. I only heard the music and the bass.
Jost pressed his body close to mine. He had taken off his T-shirt and put it in his pants. His body glistened in the light of the stage. I couldn't take my eyes off him. The music did the rest. I ran my hand over his muscular upper body. His eyes sparkled at me and I lost myself in them.
Jost put his arm around me and scratched my neck. Our faces slowly approached and Jost gave me a kiss.
“Hey you fags, can't you do that somewhere else, that's annoying,” said a voice behind us.
I felt an unpleasant pressure on my back, which threw me forward. Someone tried to push me away. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Jost was no better off.
And before we knew it, Jost and I were in a fight. Five guys were attacking us. Nadine, who bravely wanted to intervene, was simply thrown into the corner. Soon I was on the floor and only felt kicks hitting my body. I saw the light come on, heard screams and then everything went black.
When I tried to open my eyes, it hurt like hell. Everything was burning and seemed so swollen. I tried to reach my face with my hand, but someone held my hand firmly.
“Nicolas, stay calm, I'm here. Dad's here too.“ My mother's voice.
“Where...?” Even speaking was difficult for me.
“You're in the hospital,” my father said. ”Some guys thought they'd use you as a punching bag.”
Suddenly, everything came back to me. The disco... Nadine Jost...
“Nadine?”
Nadine is fine, she wasn't hit,? my mother said.
And Jost?
If you mean the boy who was brought in with you, he's not doing so well. Apparently someone broke a bottle over his head. He's still unconscious.?
I heard that, and then I fell back into a deep sleep.
I was walking in a meadow. The sun's rays were strong and warmed my body. I was naked but it didn't bother me. As far as I could see, there was a sea of flowers and grasses. I carefully took each step so as not to crush any flowers. At the edge, where a few trees stood, I spotted a person. I ran towards her happily. She was naked too, but I still couldn't see who it was. So I ran on, dancing and unconquered. Frank? I looked at him and he smiled at me. He took me in his arms, but I didn't feel him at all. I stood there questioningly and he just shrugged his shoulders. Nicolas? Nicolas? Nicolas..somewhere I heard my name called. The image of the meadow became weaker and Frank blurred with the colors of the meadow?
?There you are at last, my darling,? my mother said when I opened my eyes,?you've been sleeping for four days now. How do you feel??
I listened to myself, but I couldn't find anything that was bothering me.
“Good,“ I said.
“I'm glad to hear that, little one,” came the voice of my dad.
I turned my head and looked at him. Suddenly, from one second to the next, I started to cry, I didn't even know why. My dad took me in his arms. It felt good to feel him.
“Nicolas, Nadine and a young man are standing outside. I'll ask them in and we'll leave you to yourselves for a bit,“ said my mother.
“Is that okay?” I asked in surprise.
“You're no longer in intensive care, they're allowed to visit you, you just shouldn't move around too much,” my mum replied.
I nodded, at least I tried to indicate it.
“Good, then your father and I will go and get a coffee and leave you alone for a while, but promise me you won't move around too much.”
“Okay, mommy.”
She gently stroked my cheek and left the room with my dad. In came Nadine and... Frank.
“Hello you two,” I said quietly.
“Hello Nici, look who I brought for you,“ Nadine said.
Frank looked as if he hadn't slept for a few nights.
“Shouldn't we change places, you don't look very good Frank,” I said and tried to make it seem funny with a smile, but I didn't succeed.
“You, Frank, saved her life, so to speak,“ said Nadine.
“Don't exaggerate, Nadine,” said Frank, who was blushing.
“But you're right, if you hadn't punched the thug in the face, Nici would have been hit over the head with the chair.”
“You did that?” I asked.
“Yes, I did.”
Thank you, Frank.
You're welcome. It was the right thing to do.
It's not, I know how much you detest violence.
Not in this case.
I would like to give you a hug, but my mother said I shouldn't move around too much. I don't know why, but I'm sticking to it. What's Jost doing?
The two looked at each other with concern.
“What's going on? One of you should say something.”
Nadine looked at the floor and began to speak quietly.
“He is still in a coma, in an artificial coma. His head injury was very severe, but his condition is stable, his mother told me.”
“Hasn't woken up yet?” I said.
No, he wasn't as lucky as you were.”
I started to cry again.
“Hey kid, he'll be fine again, I'm sure of it,” Frank said.
I tried to move a little because I was uncomfortable, but I stopped when I felt a sharp pain in my chest. I grimaced.
“You've broken three ribs, that's why you're in pain,“ Nadine said, taking my hand in hers.
“What else?” I asked.
“Lots of bruises, haematomas, and your face... when it's gone down again, you'll look almost normal.”
“Why almost?”
“I think the scar from your chin injury will stay.”
Oh man, what have they done to me?
If the bouncers hadn't stopped them, you would have looked even worse.
And what about them now?
Sitting behind bars, with a lawsuit for attempted manslaughter. And you can be sure that they'll stay there, because there were so many witnesses present.
I can't remember anything, only that Jost asked me to dance.
Come again.
“Why are you so well informed at all?” I asked Nadine in puzzlement.
“Because I've been here with Frank every day since you were admitted, and your mother has told me everything.”
Frank still looked worried, but hadn't said anything more so far.
“Frank, your letter?“ I began.
“I know I raised your hopes again,” Frank replied and looked away, “maybe I wanted that too?”
“Do I have to understand that now?” I asked.
How should I put it? I love you, Nici. I only realized that when you were lying on the floor, bleeding, and I thought I would lose you forever. I realized how much I need you.
You love me, really, with all that that entails? I was totally beside myself.
Yes, and I don't want to be without you for a second, if you still want me at all? There's still Jost.
Silly, I only danced with Jost and, above all, I don't even really know him, even if we kissed, I don't remember for sure, did we?
“Yes you did,” Frank said.
“Oops, it was just a kiss.”
“Does anyone have a tissue?“ Nadine asked, trying to hold back her tears so as not to smear her entire make-up.
“I'm so glad that you two have finally found each other.”
“And me,” I said, grinning from ear to ear.
“Nici, but I still have concerns about Jost,” Frank said.
“Why is that?”
I had a long talk with his mother the day before yesterday.
You did what?
There were nurses in your room and I wasn't allowed to go in for a while because a woman asked me if I knew you.
Yes, and?
I answered the question in the affirmative, that we had known each other for quite some time. Then she told me that they had only moved to our city three months ago and that Jost had left in the evening for the first time since they had been here.?
Frank paused and took a deep breath.
She also told me that when Jost woke up briefly, he called your name.?
I looked into Frank's sad eyes.
“Frank, what do you think about the two of us taking care of Jost when he's better?”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Yes, I am. With you at my side, I have all the strength in the world.”
“And if you do fall in love with him?”
With an effort, I pulled Frank down to me.
“Please listen to me. I've been chasing after you for nine months now. Do you think I'll just throw all that away? Frank, I love you. Ask Nadine how I suffered when you didn't want to decide on me.
Nadine nodded at him.
I'll offer Jost my friendship, as a friend and not a boyfriend, because someone else has snatched up the position, okay?
Yes, all right, I'm sorry,' said Frank.
Stop apologizing and finally give me a kiss.
Shyly, Frank pressed a kiss on my lips, I raised my arms and hugged him to me, which I immediately regretted.
'Ouch,' I exclaimed.
“Serves you right, playing the terminally ill and snogging boys again,“ my mom said, standing in the doorway.
Frank blushed and went back to Nadine.
“And can we finally congratulate you and put the curmudgeonly son out of the question?” my dad asked.
“You know?”
Yes, Nadine was kind enough to explain why our son has been such a pain in the neck for the last six months,“ said my mom.
I looked at Nadine, who just grinned at me.
“And what about Jost?” Dad asked me.
“Now you're starting too, but I only kissed him.”
I said the same to your mother, and a week later I was also off the market.
And ten months later you were born.
Were you in such a hurry?
No, I wasn't paying attention, came from my dad.
I didn't want to know that exact detail, oh man, what kind of parents did I get?
“They are probably the most understanding and loving parents you could wish for,” came it from Nadine, ‘just think of Yannick and what happened to him.”
“Yannick, the one who did his carpentry apprenticeship with you?”
“Exactly,’ I answered my mom's question.
“What happened to him?”
He was caught by his father in bed with a boy,? Nadine said.
And what's the matter with that? my dad asked in puzzlement.
He's a religion teacher. He kicked him out after that and said he's no longer his son.
Uhhh? that's hard? my father said.
Nobody's as lucky as I am, I think I should move back in with my parents,? I said.
“It's a shame that you can't give children back,“ my dad said, and my mom started laughing out loud.
“What was that about dearest parents?” I asked Nadine.
Now everyone joined in laughing, including me.
When everyone had said goodbye, I lay there in my bed and my thoughts revolved around Jost. I pressed the nurse button and it wasn't long before someone came.
“What's wrong with our young gentleman?” the nurse asked.
“I have a question. Wasn't there another boy admitted with me?”
“You're surely talking about Jost, who wasn't so lucky?”
“Exactly Jost, is he actually in intensive care?”
“No, not anymore, he has stabilized so far. But he remains under observation.”
“Is he alone in the room like me?”
No, an older gentleman is in the bed next to him.
Um... I don't know how to say this. I know that I'm a private patient and am entitled to be alone here, but is there any way that Jost could be moved here?
Are you sure about that? I don't know if that's possible either; I'd have to talk to the senior doctor.
Would you please do it for me, it's very important to me.
But you know that he is still unconscious.
That's why I would like to be close to him.
Young man, I can't promise you anything, I'll see what I can do.
Thank you.
All this had taken up a little of my time, and soon I fell asleep.
I was woken early the next morning. Two nurses were in my room rearranging things a bit.
“Morning, what's going on here?“ I asked, still half asleep.
“Doctor Sprengler has approved your idea of putting Jost in their room,” came the reply from one of the nurses.
“So early in the morning?”
Now we still have time, later on there are a few operations to be done, and we don't know how we will manage.”
“May I get up?”
“There's nothing to stop you.”
I tried to sit up, but I felt terrible pain in my chest.
“Not like that,” said one of the nurses. ”You'll put pressure on your ribs, that's not good. Try rolling onto your side, yes, just like that, and now support yourself with your hand and push yourself up.”
And just like that, I was sitting on my bed. I held on to the end of the bed and stood up. My legs felt a bit soft, but I was able to move.
And can I walk?
Yes, a little unsteadily, but I can make it to the toilet.
When my dad came today, he had to help me get out of this shroud and, above all, into something proper down below; I felt so naked in this. In the toilet, I felt like God when I was finally able to let it go.
There was quite a commotion in the room. I flushed the toilet and wanted to leave, but someone was standing in front of the door.
“Just a moment, you can come out in a moment,” I heard someone call.
I slowly wished for my bed back because I was getting dizzy. I pushed the door handle down again, but the door still wouldn't open properly. I had no choice but to sit back on the bowl.
Suddenly the door opened. A young man stood before me.
“So now you can, oh, but you don't look so good.”
“No, I'm also totally dizzy,“ I said.
“Nurse Erika, help me with this patient, he's not doing well,” said the young man, I assumed he was a conscientious objector.
“I see, has Mr. Drehmel taken on too much?” came from Nurse Erika.
Together they helped me out of the toilet. Then I saw that Jost was already standing in the room. I saw the thick bandage on his head. I couldn't help but burst into tears when I saw him lying there like that.
“He's doing well, Mr. Drehmel, he's just sleeping, he's no longer in a coma,“ said the young man.
“Nicolas,” I said.
“What?”
My name is Nicolas, you can call me by my first name.?
Oh, I see, thank you, Nicolas. I'm Benny.?
Benny and Sister Erika helped me back into bed, my ribs ached.
“Do you want me to get you something for the pain?” Benny asked, concerned.
“No thanks, they're only there when I move like this, I'll be all right in a minute.”
Benny nodded at me and left the room with the nurse.
I looked over at Jost. He seemed to be asleep, breathing very quietly. There were some devices around him to which he was connected. I tried to get up again and managed to do so without pain.
I slowly walked over to his bed and sat down beside him. I was a little frightened when I could see his face more clearly. His left eye was still swollen and his face was blue and green.
Tears came to my eyes again. My God, Jost, what have they done to you? I gently stroked his arm. He stirred and opened his eyes, at least the right one, it was probably not possible with the left.
“Hello Jost...“ I said quietly.
“Nici,” he replied, almost unintelligibly.
“Yes, it's me, but don't say anything. It'll only tire you out. Go back to sleep. I'm here now.”
He closed his eyes and I saw a small smile on his lips. I stroked his arm again and slowly went back to my bed.
I had barely gotten back into bed when Benny came in again. He was carrying a tray with my breakfast.
“Where is Nurse Isabelle, who usually brings this?“ I asked.
“You'll have to make do with me. I was assigned to Jost, and now I have you both,” Benny said.
“I didn't mean it that way. Sorry.”
I didn't understand it that way either,? Benny said and put down my tray with a grin.
My dad came by at lunchtime.
Dad, could you help me put on something different, I don't feel comfortable in these clothes.?
He went to the closet and pulled out a T-shirt and shorts.
This? he asked.
Yes, exactly.?
He came back and helped me to sit up. The camisole was quickly slipped off. Putting on the shirt was more difficult, because every time I lifted my arms, it stung me in the side where the bandage was.
My father managed to put it on without much pain. Now it was the shorts' turn. I blushed.
“Don't worry, young man, I've had that too and I've seen it on others,” he said.
He pulled this mesh garment down and put my shorts on.
“Thanks Dad, I feel a lot better now.”
He looked over at Jost.
“He's got it pretty bad, you're really lucky.” Why is he in your room at all?
Because I asked for it.
You asked for it? Why?
Because I wanted to be close to him. He kept asking for me when he was awake.
Aren't you afraid he might get the wrong idea, that he might...?
You mean a steady relationship and all that? I'll have to talk to him about that. I'm with Frank now. I'll offer to help him, but no more than that.
You don't have to worry about that, came from the neighboring bed.
My father and I looked over; Jost had apparently woken up.
“My mother has already told me that you are together with Frank,“ I realized that speaking was difficult for him.
My father helped me up, I wobbled over to Jost's bed.
“Bad?” I asked.
Jost tried to shake his head. I held his head firmly.
“Don't, I can see it in your eyes what you want to say.”
“I'd better go, my lunch break is almost up,“ said my dad, saying goodbye to us.
I took Jost's hand and stroked it.
“I'm sorry it turned out this way, you're really sweet, but I love Frank.”
“It doesn't matter,” came from Jost. “I would have been surprised to find someone.”
Hey, you pessimist, there are so many guys just waiting to get you.
Jost tried to smile.
Look at how I look, who, who wants me then?
Man Jost, that will go away, the swelling. Also the green and blue marks.
And, and what about my leg?
Um, what about your leg?
I can't move it.”
I looked at him in shock. I slowly got up and slowly pushed back his blanket.
“Which one, this one?”
I slowly stroked his thigh.
“Yes, that one. I can't move it, but it hurts.”
I pressed the nurse call button and a little later Sister Isabelle came in.
“Ah, Jost is awake, hello,“ she said.
“His leg hurts but he can't move it,” I said, concerned.
“Unfortunately, that's normal. Jost was unconscious a few times. It may be that not all of his limbs are yet responding as he would like,“ she replied.
“But he's not paralyzed, is he?” I asked.
No, Jost is doing fine. He just has to get over his bruises and the concussion, then everything will be back to normal.
I heard Jost take a deep breath. Nurse Isabelle covered Jost up again.
Is there anything else I can do for you? Nurse Isabelle asked Jost.
I'm thirsty.
I'll get you something in a minute.”
She left the room and came back with Sister Erika. Slowly, his bed was raised and Sister Erika gently lifted his bandaged head. Sister Isabelle raised a feeding cup to his mouth and Jost tried to drink.
He began to cough.
“Drink slowly,” Sister Erika admonished.
I had to sit down. I was obviously not fit enough yet, it was the second time I had felt dizzy today.
“What is this stuff?“ I heard Jost ask.
“This stuff is called tea, young man,” said Sister Erika, and I saw Sister Isabelle grin.
“It tastes disgusting.”
“Well, I can't give you Coca-Cola yet.
Water would be fine for me.”
His head end was lowered again.
“Can't I stay a little longer?” Jost asked.
“Yes, but if your headache gets worse, we'll lower it again.”
“Okay.”
There was a knock at the door. A woman came in.
“Hello darling, why have you been moved to another room?”
“Hello, Mom,“ Jost replied.
The nurses left the room.
“At my request, ma'am,” I said.
“Ziegler, but you can call me Evelyn. You must be Nicolas.
“Yes, I am,” I said, and I held out my hand.
Then I lay back down in my bed for good before I ended up on the floor.
And why did you let Jost come to your room?
Because I didn't want him to be in a room with a stranger, so he has someone to talk to. And I can help him if he needs anything.
That's sweet of you, said Evelyn.
The door opened and Benny came in with lunch.
“Well gentlemen, it's time to eat,“ he said and put down my tray.
“And I'll probably have to feed you,” he said to Jost and grinned.
He just sat there and didn't know what was happening to him.
“Boys, I'm going to the cafeteria to have a coffee while you're finishing up,” said Evelyn and was gone.
“Now open your mouth, a little spoon for mommy,“ Benny said.
“Nici, help me, what's sitting on me?” Jost said.
“That's just Benny, our civilian,“ I said, while I tried to shove some noodles in without pain.
“Do all civilians look so sweet?” Jost asked.
I choked on my food and snorted out loud. The mess was quickly wiped away.
“You seem to be recovering really quickly,” I said, wiping away the rest with a napkin.
“Why, you can say facts?”
Benny sat with a bright red head in front of Jost and had stopped feeding him. “The little one blushed, isn't that cute?”
“Jost, stop it, there are people for whom that is uncomfortable.”
“Did you mean that?” Benny asked.
“What?” Jost asked.
“That you find me cute?”
Of course I do!
No one has ever said that to me before.
Jost was about to answer when the door opened and Sister Erika came in.
Benjamin, could you come here, please? We have an emergency and someone has to stay in the nurses' station.
And who will feed me? Jost asked.
“Well, young man, I know that you have two healthy arms and hands and could actually feed yourself. So come on, Benjamin.”
Benny looked at Jost, who was stunned and started grinning. He stood up and left the room with Sister Erika.
“You really seem to be feeling better,” I said.
“That's right, I'm much better today, probably because of your company. But would you be so kind as to lower my bed, my headache is getting worse again.
Um, kid, the thing hanging in front of you. You can do it yourself with that.
Damn, you notice everything.
We both started laughing, but we regretted it immediately because of the pain.
After Benny had cleared the table and Evelyn had said goodbye again, we both fell asleep again. After dinner, our room was really full. My parents and Jost's came and Nadine and Frank were also there.
We had a lot of fun together, but after Jost got tired quickly, they all left. Frank even kissed me goodbye. Somehow I couldn't fall asleep.
A little later I heard the door open, so I turned on my light. Benny was standing in front of me.
“What are you doing here so late?” I asked.
“I can't get out of my head what Jost said to me this morning.”
“And that's why you're here?”
“Yes, I've been totally nervous about it and wanted to know if he was serious.”
Oh Benny, what can I say. Jost is right, you look damn good, and from what I can see, you're very sweet too.
Despite the weak light from my lamp, I saw that Benny blushed.
And Jost doesn't have a boyfriend?
No, came from Jost's bed and we rode together.
Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you, said Benny.
It's okay, I woke up because of my crazy headache, I have pressure on my head, I think it's going to burst soon.
Should I call the night nurse?
No, I wouldn't, said Jost.
Jost rushed out, and the night nurse came right away. After a little examination, Jost got an injection.
“Yes, I'll sit with him until he falls asleep,“ Benny said to the night nurse, who left the room.
“And is the injection already working?” Benny asked Jost.
“Yes, it's like someone let the air out.” To come back to your question from earlier, no, I don't have a boyfriend and haven't had one yet. I'm still available.
“For me, too?”
My head swivelled around and I looked at Benny in astonishment.
“Did I hear that right?“ I asked.
Jost looked over at me and seemed quite embarrassed.
“Yes, you did. I find Jost very interesting and I think I've got a crush on him.”
“I thought you were gay,” I said.
“Do I look like that?”
No, Benny, don't worry. But the way you treat us, the way you lovingly take care of Jost, it made me wonder.
It would be great if I could continue to take care of Jost after the hospital.
Jost, what do you think about that?
He didn't answer anymore, because he had fallen asleep with a smile on his lips.