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Letter

old letters?
By chance I came across letters
old ones from the past
I was immediately back in the past
names came back to mind
faces reappeared to me
it was a great time
with lots of conversations
great experiences
great friends
what are they all doing now
out of sight, out of mind
almost?
The true friends from the past
are also the friends of today
they have remained so
because we
nurtured and cultivated the friendship
and never
broke off the contact
Old letters remind
us of the time gone by....
The letter
The move was done, finally all the boxes were in the new apartment. I wanted to say to my own apartment, yes I had finally managed to move out of my parents' house. Now I was sitting here on my boxes and didn't know where to start.
So I'll leave what was on the boxes for now to get an overview. I sorted them by room. Two-room apartment with kitchen and bathroom. But it was my kingdom and that was worth a lot to me. Then I noticed the nameplate for my apartment door in my hands.
Sweet Home? Nicolas Drehmel, I had to hang that up right away so that everyone would know who had moved in. That was done. So I started to furnish one room after the other, I wanted to be ready in the evening in case any visitors came. Ah, current things, it said on the box, I opened it. These were the things I had packed at the end. Alarm clock, papers, the last post, just post that I hadn't looked at yet.
Advertisement, advertisement, a letter from Frank, wow, I have mail from Frank. I tore open the envelope and read the letter.
Hello Nicolas,
Today is Monday evening and I'm sitting in front of my stereo system and thinking. I just came back from having ice cream with Christoph and Jo (you'll meet him). I was bored while eating and wolfed the ice cream down for five euros.
I was wondering what it would be like if you were there. I realized that no friendship has ever been as strong and intense for me as it is with you. It all happened so fast for me, and I now find all my other acquaintances so boring. I realize that I can't be as open with them as I can with you. I also find openness and trust very important, and I only trust you completely. By the way, this letter is not a song of praise for you, but rather an ordering of my thoughts and a processing of impressions. I am afraid of becoming too attached to you and thus destroying our friendship. Even when I can't be with you, my thoughts are with you and that makes you happy.
Our friendship reminds me of a poem:
You have to look for friends
Not everyone is a friend, some don't even have a friend.
A friend likes you
He'll do anything for you
Even if it's hard for him
He's loyal
He doesn't make a big deal of himself
He doesn't think of himself
He only thinks of you
Sometimes there are arguments with a friend
But good friends
Always make up
Sometimes you ask a lot of a friend
Your friend will do it
A friend will stand up for you
Without being a friend is bad
A loyal friend
Is like a strong protection
Whoever has found him
Is rich
Thank you Nicolas for being my friend.
Frank
Oh man, what's this letter about again? He said he didn't want a closer relationship, says we're just friends, and then I'm never out of his mind, he misses me. I did write to him that I love him.
That he is not sure of his feelings for me, I can't understand after this letter, especially the fear that he will bind me to him too much, I would like it more if he would do that. Totally upset, I sat on the remaining stack of my moving boxes.
What should I do? I would love to be his real friend. Just talking together is no longer enough for me. It's nice to be with him, but I want more, I want him completely!
I should stop, I sound selfish. It's his decision. I swore to myself that I would stop fighting for him. I don't want to keep chasing after him and forcing him to do things he doesn't want to do.
I now also cleared the rest of the boxes out of the way and took them down to my basement room. I kept moving my decorations around until I finally found the right place for them.
What was still missing were a few pictures and plants. When I came into the kitchen, Frank's letter was still lying on the table. I took it in my hand and read it again. I just couldn't figure him out.
I put it in the envelope and fired it into the corner. I finally decided to take a shower, after this work, my smell was repulsive even to me. I enjoyed the warm shower and stood there for a while, letting the water run down me.
Of course, I couldn't get the stupid letter out of my head. I washed and was just drying myself when the doorbell rang. Damn, I thought, just now. Half dripping, I ran to the intercom.
“Yes?”
“Hi Niki, it's Nadine.”
“Hello Nadine, this is a surprise, just a moment I'll let you in.”
“Okay.”
I pressed the buzzer. Then I went to the door and opened it a crack, and waited for Nadine to come up. She came puffing up the stairs and I let her in.
“Sorry, I was just in the shower as you can see.”
I was standing in front of her with only a towel wrapped around my hips.
“Oh Niclas, if you weren't gay, I'd jump you right now. Why do the cutest guys always have to be gay?”
“I've told you often enough, there are plenty of cute guys who are straight.”
Yes, you have, but I think they are hiding from me.
I'm getting cold, I'll just put something on quickly. Why don't you look around a bit?
Yes, I will. Can I make you some tea?
Yes, please. You'll have to make it up as you go along, I haven't got much of an order in the kitchen yet.
All right, go and get dressed.
I ran back to the bathroom, dried myself off, and put on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. I left my hair as it was, always standing in all directions anyway.
“And did you find everything?” I asked Nadine as I entered the kitchen.
“Yes, everything, even that,” and pointed with her head in the direction of Frank's letter, which was lying on the table again, ”Do you want to talk about it?”
“What is there to talk about? He misses me, but he doesn't want me as a boyfriend, so what does it matter?”
“Nothing doesn't matter. I see how you suffer from it.”
Oh Nadine, I don't know what else to do. I've lost the desire to fight, he doesn't want me.
Then you have to look for someone else, however much it may sound like.
I've already thought about it, but I can't get Frank out of my head.
When were you out last, I mean really in a disco, not your usual bar tour?
Not for a long time.
And why?
You know very well that at twenty-three, I'm already one of the grandpas.
Don't exaggerate, you still look passable for your age, said Nadine, grinning cheekily.
Only now did I realize that she wanted to tease me. I also started to laugh and we walked into the living room with our cups of tea.
“You know what, Niki, I'll quickly go home, change, and then we'll go to the disco together, okay?”
Can we do that, but don't you think that such a passable-looking man robs you of all chances with other men, who think I'm with you?
You know, that can be quite helpful, there are so many horny guys around, she replied.
You're right again. So we're going out together to catch men?
Yes, let's go. You somehow still lack pictures and plants here.
What you don't say, I would never have thought of that, I said and started laughing.
Two hours later, Nadine stood freshly styled in front of the door.
Wow, you're almost unrecognizable, I said and greeted her with a kiss on the cheeks.
And are you ready?
Just a moment, I'll get my jacket.”
“No need to put on any more powder?” Nadine asked cheekily.
“I don't need it, it's all natural on me.”
Nadine sighed loudly. I locked my apartment door and rushed after Nadine, who had already gone ahead.
“Don't you think your shirt is a bit wide open?“ Nadine asked cheekily as I got into the car with her.
“Why can everyone see what I have to offer?”
“Do you have a new ring on?”
“You mean this one?” I lifted my shirt slightly and pointed to the piercing on my chest.
“Yes, is that a snake?”
Yes, I found it last week in a small shop in the city center.
It looks cool,“ said Nadine, starting her car.
“Thanks.”
“They're really into it again tonight,” said Nadine, who I was pushing in front of me.
“But they're playing really cool music to dance to again,” I replied.
“Let's get something to drink and find a place.”
Okay?”
We were slowly making our way to the bar when Nadine suddenly stopped.
“What's the matter, go on then?”
“Look who's dancing over there,“ Nadine said.
I looked at the dance floor and after a while spotted Frank, who was dancing with a blonde.
“So what, I'm here with you,” I said.
You don't want to go to him?
No, I have no desire for it.
Good. What do you want to drink?
A Pils.
Okay, sit down over there, I'll bring it right away.
Okay.
I let my eyes wander around the room. Some cute guys were already there, but all of them were busy with girls, with a few exceptions. Nadine pulled me out of my thoughts.
“Well, have you found anything tasty for me or for you yet?”
“A few, yes... maybe something interesting will come in.”
At that moment, I saw a boy enter the store.
“Nici, close your mouth, it's embarrassing.”
“Sorry, I didn't realize.”
I drank from my beer and Nadine grinned again like a honey horse.
“Now he's coming in our direction too,” said Nadine.
“I don't think so, he's probably seen someone familiar in our direction.”
I don't have that feeling, the way he's looking at you or me.
You're just imagining it, well maybe you, but not me.
The boy really did come over to our table.
Hello, I'm new here, can I sit with you for a bit?
Nadine looked at me with a grin.
Of course, sit down, I always like to meet new people, said Nadine and nudged me under the table.
I finally stopped staring and looked for the right words.
I agree, what's your name? I asked.
Jost, and you?
This is Nicolas and I'm Nadine.
Are you a couple?
“No, we're both still available,“ I said a little brashly, which earned me a nudge in the side.
“I'll quickly get a drink, I hope you'll still be around a bit?”
“We've only just arrived ourselves,” said Nadine, and off he went.
“Don't stare at Jost like that, it's a wonder he still has his clothes on,” Nadine said to me.
Oh stop it, I'm not that bad, I replied.
Even worse, grinned Nadine cheekily at me.
Jost came back with a coke and sat down again. The new song by Kate Ryan started to play. Jost looked at me.
Fancy a dance Nici?
I'd love to, I said smiling.
“How do you do that?“ asked Nadine, who had noticed our looks.
“What are we doing?” I asked in return.
“How do you know that your partner is also gay?”
“That I'm gay?” asked Jost. Nadine nodded.
“Oh Nadine, over time you get a sense for whether someone is gay or not, and with Nici I knew it immediately.”
Nadine looked at me penetratingly.
“To me Nici looks quite normal,“ she replied.
“Come on, let's go dancing, you too, Nadine,” said Jost, pulling me off the stool.
His hand on my side put me in a tangle of my feelings. Arrived on the dance floor, we let ourselves be infected by the hot rhythm and the atmosphere. While dancing, I forgot everything around me. I only heard the music and the bass.
Jost pressed his body close to mine. He had taken off his T-shirt and put it in his pants. His body glistened in the light of the stage. I couldn't take my eyes off him. The music did the rest. I ran my hand over his muscular upper body. His eyes sparkled at me and I lost myself in them.
Jost put his arm around me and scratched my neck. Our faces slowly approached and Jost gave me a kiss.
“Hey you fags, can't you do that somewhere else, that's annoying,” said a voice behind us.
I felt an unpleasant pressure on my back, which threw me forward. Someone tried to push me away. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Jost was no better off.
And before we knew it, Jost and I were in a fight. Five guys were attacking us. Nadine, who bravely wanted to intervene, was simply thrown into the corner. Soon I was on the floor and only felt kicks hitting my body. I saw the light come on, heard screams and then everything went black.
When I tried to open my eyes, it hurt like hell. Everything was burning and seemed so swollen. I tried to reach my face with my hand, but someone held my hand firmly.
“Nicolas, stay calm, I'm here. Dad's here too.“ My mother's voice.
“Where...?” Even speaking was difficult for me.
“You're in the hospital,” my father said. ”Some guys thought they'd use you as a punching bag.”
Suddenly, everything came back to me. The disco... Nadine Jost...
“Nadine?”
Nadine is fine, she wasn't hit,? my mother said.
And Jost?