07-11-2025, 05:57 PM
Kai gave Tobi his best smile and a gentle kiss. Holding hands, they stood in the middle of the hallway of Tobi's parents' apartment, trying to delay the moment of farewell a little longer.
“I don’t want you to leave,” said Tobi unhappily.
“Oh, sweetie…” Kai stroked his reddish-brown hair.
"I have to. Otherwise, my parents will make a fuss. I'd rather stay here, too, but if I don't come to my grandma's birthday party, things will get tense again."
Tobi sighed heartbreakingly.
“But,” he looked up at Kai with his doe eyes,
“We wanted to this afternoon…”
"...go to the movies. I know. I'll be back by then."
Tobi wasn't so sure. Birthdays like these could take a long time. He'd probably end up standing alone in front of the cinema, waiting in vain for his sweetheart. He shook his head. No, he didn't want that.
Suddenly, the two heard the key in the door, and at the same moment, Tobi's father entered the apartment. Tobi immediately let go of Kai's hand. As soon as Mr. Schenke saw the two boys, he grimaced angrily, but said nothing. Silently, he pushed past them into the living room.
“I think I really have to go now,” said Kai.
Tobi nodded slowly and followed his friend to the front door, which was still open. An unmistakable signal from Tobi's father for Kai to finally leave. He stopped in the doorway and turned to Tobi.
“I’ll be back for the movies, I promise.”
He wanted to bend down to give Tobi a goodbye kiss, but then thought better of it. It was exactly the right decision, because Mr. Schenke came out of the living room, paused in the hallway for a moment to give Kai a dirty look, and then disappeared into the kitchen. The two looked at each other helplessly. Why couldn't parents accept it when their son was gay? This question was related to the silence between them. It was even worse with Kai's parents. They went crazy as soon as they heard the name Tobias. And whenever the word "gay" or "homosexual" was mentioned anywhere, they looked at Kai reproachfully and disapprovingly, as if he could do something about his feelings.
“Life is cruel,” Kai said quietly, trying to smile.
But Tobi didn't seem to have heard him at all. He looked absently past him and stared at the wall behind him. Only after a few seconds did he regain his composure.
“What did you say?” he asked, looking at Kai apologetically.
“Sorry, I was just out of here.”
"It doesn't matter. It wasn't that important."
Kai took a short break.
"Well, I'm going now. See you later, okay?"
“Okay. But be on time!”
"Naturally."
After making sure Mr. Schenke was still in the kitchen, he leaned down to Tobi and whispered "I love you" in his ear. One last loving look, and he went down the stairs leading to the apartment. Tobi watched him go and closed the door when he could no longer see him.
On his way home, Kai replayed the scene in which Mr. Schenke had entered the apartment, as well as all the other scenes in which he had seen him and Tobi together. He didn't want to have to endure that repulsive look any longer. Tobi's mother was just as unhappy about this relationship, but since she was usually out of the house due to her job, thankfully, it rarely showed.
When would Tobias' parents and his own parents—and everyone else, for that matter—finally realize that it was perfectly natural for two people to love each other, regardless of whether they were heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. After all, they lived in the 21st century, so surely they could expect a bit more tolerance?
He shook his head. What was he even thinking? Tolerance? Pure wishful thinking! The fact was, their parents knew about the two of them. It was also known in Tobi's class that Tobi was into boys, after it had come out by unfortunate coincidence. Although his classmates didn't know anything about Kai, the fact that Tobi was "the other way around" was enough to make him angry from then on. The worst part, though, was that Kai couldn't do anything about it because he went to a different school. He didn't have any problems there. His homosexuality was still a secret, apart from his parents.
Sighing, he stepped through the garden gate, for he had now arrived home. He and Tobi had been a couple for six months, and he loved him more every day. He wouldn't let anyone take away his wonderful happiness. "Not even you," he thought bitterly as he unlocked the front door and approached his parents, who wanted to know where he had been.
The film ended shortly after 5:30. Kai had actually managed to arrive on time and was now leaving the cinema with Tobi. It was still bright daylight outside, which was because it was mid-June, and at this time of year the days are, as we all know, quite long. Long, sunny, and hot. (Unless you lived in Germany, where it rained for a few days every now and then.) Only in one respect did tonight differ from the previous ones. In contrast to those, which had been unbearably hot, today it was pleasantly warm. A light breeze dispelled the terrible heat and blew away the ash that Kai had flicked from his cigarette.
“I thought you stopped?” said Tobi, surprised.
“Well…I wanted to, but somehow it’s not that easy…”
Tobi shook his head with a smile, reached for the cigarette, and took a drag as well. "All the better for me," he said, exhaling the smoke with relish.
“Where else would I get the nicotine from?”
“How about buying it yourself?”
“I don’t have any money for that.”
“Oh, but me or what?” Kai took the Marlboro pack out of his pocket and took a new cigarette, since Tobi made no move to give him his old one back.
“Well, who do we have here?” they heard a voice say behind them.
When they turned around, they saw Thorsten and Dennis, two of Tobi's classmates, coming out of the cinema.
“Tobias and his first lover!” said Dennis maliciously and the two boys started laughing.
Kai took an angry step toward Dennis.
“Listen, you retard!” he hissed angrily.
“I’m not Tobi’s lover, I’m his…”
“Buddy!” Tobi Kai interrupted hastily.
Kai turned to him in surprise. Buddy? Had he heard right?
“I think a moose is kissing me!” he thought.
Buddy?! That was the height of it!
“Oh, so that’s how it is.”
Thorsten stood a few centimeters in front of Tobi and looked at him pityingly.
“So still a virgin?”
Dennis laughed again. Thorsten grinned, took the cigarette from Tobi, took a deep drag, and blew the smoke in his face. Tobi immediately started coughing.
“Fuck off, Thorsten!” he gasped.
"Na, na."
He shoved Tobi in the shoulder, causing him to stagger back.
"That's not how you talk to me. And anyway..."
He pushed him again.
“What do you faggot want to do against me?”
“That’s enough!” thought Kai when he saw how Thorsten treated his treasure.
With a forceful gesture, he threw down his cigarette and grabbed Thorsten by the shoulders. With a jerk, he pulled him away from Tobi and pushed him with his back against the outer wall of the cinema.
“There’s going to be a fight,” Tobi realized.
Thorsten and Kai looked into each other's eyes full of hatred, and Dennis took up position behind them, ready to punch Kai if he tried the same thing with Thorsten.
“If you don’t get out of here right now, I’ll show you how to deal with people like you
bypasses," said Kai threateningly.
Thorsten didn't seem at all impressed, even though he was the one who literally had his back against the wall.
“Take your gay fingers off me,” he growled.
Kai pretended he hadn't heard it.
“Touch Tobi again and you’re dead, got it?!”
Thorsten just grinned.
“Uhh! Now he’s playing the big protector!”
With a swift movement, he raised his knee and aimed between Kai's legs. But Kai was faster and managed to dodge to the side at the very last second. At the same moment, he punched Thorsten in the gut with his right fist. That was Dennis's cue. While Thorsten was still writhing in pain, he kicked Kai in the back of the knee, forcing Tobi to watch his friend fall to the ground.
What should he do? He wasn't a thug. That was more Kai's thing. But he had to do something! Helplessly, he scanned the street. Not a soul in sight. This was the cinema! There should be a lot of people around! But apart from them, there was no one around.
Thorsten had recovered somewhat and, together with Dennis, now kicked Kai, who was still on the ground. Down there, he had no chance against the two of them. Tobi rammed Dennis with his shoulder.
“Leave him alone!” he shouted.
Dennis sent him against the wall with a skillful push.
„Uff!“
Tobi was out of breath. As soon as he caught his breath, he tried Thorsten – with the same result.
“That can't be true!” he thought desperately.
Kai had gotten back on his feet and had managed to knock out a tooth from Dennis. But Thorsten held him back after the little incident with Tobias, and Dennis delivered one blow after another. Kai kicked wildly, but it was no use. Thorsten may have been five centimeters shorter than him, but he was apparently stronger.
“What should I do? What should I do?” Tobi repeated in his mind.
He hastily looked around for something he could hit the two of them with, but he found nothing. Not even a stick or anything similar. Suddenly, something caught his eye. He bent down and picked up the cigarette Kai had thrown away. It hadn't gone out yet, which could be very useful to him now.
He stood behind Thorsten and pressed the lit cigarette to his neck.
„Ahh!“
He immediately let go of Kai. Finally free of his hands and feet, Kai immediately attacked Dennis. He kicked him in the shin and then punched Dennis's lower jaw. Another tooth, or at least a piece of it, flew onto the sidewalk. Finally, he kicked him between the legs with full force. Dennis screamed and fell to the ground, his face contorted in pain. Now that Dennis was apparently finished, Kai wanted to turn to Thorsten, but he was already fighting off the pain. After the attack with the cigarette, he had intended to punch Tobi somewhere else, but Tobi had skillfully dodged and only hit the lamppost.
"Oh! I'll kill you both!" he groaned, holding his right hand.
In fact, it looked as if it were broken. Kai, unfazed, pulled Dennis up by his T-shirt and grabbed Thorsten by the collar.
“Fuck off!” he snarled.
"Otherwise, I'll kill you!" He let go of the two, whereupon they immediately started moving. At the end of the street, Thorsten turned around again and yelled: "See you at school, Tobilein! I'll finish you off there!"
Then he turned a corner with Dennis and disappeared.
“What wankers!” said Kai, wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth.
His lip was split, and he was also missing a piece of a tooth. Tobi was relatively unscathed, but Kai looked really bad. His T-shirt was ripped in one place, and he had scrapes and scratches all over him.
"Damned!"
He spat out a little blood.
“This asshole got me!”
He looked at Tobi questioningly.
“Do I look very bad?”
Instead of answering, Tobi looked down.
“That says it all,” said Kai when he got no answer
. “I’m sorry,” mumbled Tobi.
“I didn’t want that to happen.”
Kai sighed.
"Me neither. But there's nothing we can do about it now."
He went to his bike and unlocked it. While he was still
key was busy, he asked:
“What does that even mean?”
„Was?“
Tobi did the same as Kai and opened his bike lock. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Kai struggle in vain with the lighter, trying to light a cigarette. Tobi knew something was bothering him—and it wasn't the fight. Kai's expression revealed that he was annoyed or offended by something else.
“Come on, let me.”
Tobi couldn't stand watching Kai struggle with the lighter any longer and took it from his hand. It worked on the first try, and the cigarette released its smoke into the air. Grumbling, Kai put the lighter away again.
"The 'buddy' thing, I mean," he said after taking a few puffs. "Buddy?" Tobi thought hard. Suddenly his face lit up, but the next second he became embarrassed.
“Oh, that’s what you mean.”
"Yes, that's exactly what I mean. Am I that embarrassing to you?"
"No, I…"
“And then in front of these guys.”
Kai nodded in the direction Dennis and Thorsten had disappeared.
“I actually thought you would stand by me.”
With these words he swung himself onto his bike.
“Kai! Wait!”
"What?"
"I'm sorry. I wanted to...I...I don't know..."
Tobi fell silent. What should he say now? Of course it was wrong. Kai must have been really hurt. If he imagined Kai calling him a friend... He would be just as disappointed.
“I’m leaving now,” Kai interrupted his thoughts.
“See you then.”
As he drove, he took another drag on his cigarette before flicking it away. Tobi remained alone, watching him.
"Kai," he thought. "I love you..."
At ten o'clock, Kai was still wide awake in his bed, thinking. As he stared at the ceiling, he let a silver chain with a heart pendant slide through his fingers again and again. He had bought the chain in town last week and had intended to give it to Tobi, but somehow he hadn't gotten around to it yet. He was just too forgetful. But now he was thinking about the chain, thinking about Tobi, and it would be exactly the right time to give it to him. As a token of his love, so to speak, as a sign that he was sorry for how he'd behaved outside the cinema.
"I shouldn't have behaved like that. After all, there are worse things."
What would have happened if Tobi had said 'friend,' like he himself wanted to? Dennis and Thorsten would probably have made one stupid comment after another about her.
He sighed. On the one hand, he could understand Tobi. Words can hurt a lot... On the other hand...
“Buddy!” thought Kai.
Of course, words can hurt too.
He pushed all his thoughts aside and looked at the empty space next to him where Tobi usually slept when his parents weren't home. How much he missed those eyes! Those eyes, that sweet nose, those wonderful lips... His smell, his warmth, and his closeness! He wanted Tobi with him now, to snuggle up to him and never let him go. The more he thought about Tobi, the greater his longing became. He looked at the pillow next to him for a while and then stood up resolutely. He quickly put on jeans and a T-shirt and quietly left his room. In the hallway, he slipped into sneakers and a jacket and crept out of the house, still holding the necklace in his hand.
Millions of stars sparkled in the sky as he walked down the street. As he approached Tobi's house, step by step, he searched for constellations. The Big Dipper, the Little Dipper, Orion, Delphinus... It was a wonderful night. Even two shooting stars streaked across the sky. Only the moon was not visible.
After five minutes, he turned into the street where Tobi lived. The houses along the side of the road were all dark and silent in the shadows. Kai moved in the light of the street lamps.
At least until he came to the only one on this street that was broken. Stepping into the darkness, he paused for a moment. He searched in his left trouser pocket for the house key. The key Tobi had given him in case he wanted to secretly visit him at night. Kai had also left him a key to his house. That way, when his parents were sound asleep, they could sneak out and see each other whenever they wanted. It was extraordinary, it was exciting. And the anticipation of immediately lying in his sweetheart's arms and falling asleep was simply... indescribable. Only a few more minutes and then he would relive the scene so familiar to him. First through the front door, quietly up the stairs to Tobi's room, undress, and get into bed with him. Then kiss him gently on the neck, sliding his hand under his T-shirt and stroking his stomach.
Tobi would again utter his “Mhhh.”, turn around, smile at him, and say, “It’s nice that you’re here.”
– and then they would kiss. That's how it always went. Kai loved it. Especially the line:
"It's great that you're here." He could hear that from Tobi over and over again. It's great that you're here. It's great that you're here...
He'd be there in a minute. Only five houses separated him from his one and only. He started moving again, heading for the other side of the street. He'd barely taken a step out of the shadows when he heard a loud honk, and shortly after, he felt the impact. His breath was knocked out of him and he landed on the street. Everything hurt. He noticed a warm liquid on his temple, cheek, and chin. What was that? What the hell was running down his face? And what had hit him? He turned his head and groaned. That small movement alone caused excruciating pain. At the end of the street, he just caught a glimpse of two taillights hurrying away. Some idiot must have hit him. How had he even thought of crossing the street at the only place without lights? And why hadn't he looked around to see if a car was coming? It was actually too late to worry about it now anyway, but these questions kept circling around in his mind as he carefully sat up. Pain shot down his spine and into his arms and legs. Very slowly, he moved his limbs and head, then stood up even more slowly. Nothing seemed to be broken. Aside from the fact that everything hurt and he was a bit dizzy, there seemed to be nothing wrong with him. After all, he was still alive.
Suddenly, however, he forgot everything. His mind became crystal clear when he saw the chain. It was lying about five feet away from him—and it was broken. Whoever had been in the car had driven over it and smashed it. Tears welled up in Kai's eyes. "That was Tobi's chain!" he thought angrily.
“You wanker had to break it!”
He didn't think about the fact that he was – more or less – also broken. For him, only the chain mattered. Dejected, he crept to Tobi's house, took the key from his pocket, and unlocked the door. Before climbing the stairs, he wiped the blood from his face with a tissue. Then he went into Tobi's room, where he discovered that the bed was empty. Where was Tobi? He took off his shoes and sat down on one of the pillows. From here, he could see directly out the window and up to the stars. After a few minutes, he heard the toilet flush from the next bathroom, and shortly afterwards, Tobi came into the room with disheveled hair and a twisted T-shirt. Apparently, he had already fallen asleep. With a heartbreaking yawn, he crawled under the covers, laid his head on Kai's right leg, and closed his eyes. Smiling, Kai stroked Tobi's hair lovingly. He expected to hear the sentence, "It's great to have you here." to hear, but in vain. "Well, not today then," he thought, leaning against the wall.
“I had such a lovely present for you,” he said quietly.
“But such an idiot…” He trailed off as Tobi yawned again.
"Someone's tired. Well, I can tell you the story tomorrow."
He remained silent for a while. His head was pounding, he felt nauseous, and his left arm suddenly hurt more than before.
"I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry. I shouldn't have acted like that."
He paused again and looked down at Tobi
. "I love you," he whispered.
Tobi didn't move. Judging by his steady breathing, he was already asleep again. Kai smiled and looked at the stars. Under their gentle glow, with Tobi sleeping beside him, he too was dozing a short time later.
When he woke up the next morning, Tobi was already up and about. Fully dressed, he was fiddling with his stereo.
"Stupid thing! Come on, come on!"
Kai grinned. The stereo sometimes freaked out and wouldn't turn on at all. Annoyed, Tobi threw the CD he was holding onto the desk.
"Then not."
Kai started to say something when the doorbell interrupted him.
“What? Who’s ringing so early?” he asked himself, looking at the alarm clock on the bedside table.
Okay, so early... It was just after 10:30. Besides the time, what he also noticed was that he had slept sitting up last night. Yawning, he stretched out his arms and legs. "Ow!" They still hurt.
"Big!"
Kai turned his head. Saskia and Anne, two girls from Tobi's class, came into the room.
“What’s going on?” Tobi asked when he saw the dismayed faces of the two
“Did something happen?”
“I…We…” stammered Saskia.
Even from the bed, Kai could see that she had tears in her eyes.
“What’s going on?” he asked, but no one answered him.
Saskia suddenly threw herself on Tobi's neck and began to sob. Anne also had to fight back tears. Completely taken by surprise, he took Saskia in his arms.
"Hey," he said quietly. "What just happened?"
"We..." Anne began. "You'd better sit down."
Saskia broke away from him and nodded.
“We have to tell you something.”
Her voice failed her as she spoke the last word. She frantically rummaged in her purse for a tissue.
Tobi did as he was told and sat down on his desk chair.
„Also?“
Now Kai saw that Tobi was also worried. But honestly… he wasn't feeling his best either.
“It’s about Kai…” Anne began.
“Huh? About me?” thought Kai.
"But I'm sitting here! Why doesn't anyone notice me?"
“About Kai?” asked Tobi.
Now pure fear was reflected in his eyes.
“What about him?”
“We wanted to go to the outdoor pool together today…” Anne began.
“And then we thought…”, Saskia added,
"that we'll leave earlier because it won't be so crowded. So we went to Kai's house to pick him up..."
“And then his mother opened the door for us,” Anne continued.
"She was completely devastated. She just cried and stammered...The police were there..."
The girls were silent. Saskia wiped a tear from her cheek. Tobi sat there staring at them, desperately trying to understand what they were telling him. Kai was confused. Him? The police? His mother? He was crying? What had happened?
“W…What is…”
Tobi's voice trailed off. Saskia began to sob again. Anne put her arm around her shoulder and simultaneously reached for Tobi's hand.
"Kai..." she said quietly. "He's dead."
“No!” thought Kai.
„Was?“
Tobi jumped up.
“But…but…” He swallowed.
“Say that’s not true!”
When he looked into the two faces, he too began to cry bitterly. The girls embraced him and tried to comfort him.
. “We’re so sorry,” whispered Saskia.
“You must be sorry too!” Kai shouted.
“To tell such lies!”
None of the three responded
. "Why doesn't anyone hear me?!"
Kai's voice cracked. He hastily jumped up and shook Anne by the shoulder. "Why are you talking like that? I'm here! I'm alive!"
“Kai!” sobbed Tobi.
“Tobi! Tobi, can you hear me?”
Kai put his hands on his shoulders.
"I'm here. I'm here. I'm alive..."
"Here."
Saskia handed Tobi a handkerchief.
“Thanks,” he mumbled, blowing his nose.
“How did this happen?” he whispered.
“A car hit him…” Anne couldn’t say anything further.
She hugged Tobi and held him tightly.
“If you need us, we are here for you.”
She looked him in the eyes. "You know that, right?"
Tobi nodded. Only now did he realize that they were the only ones who hadn't condemned his and Kai's relationship.
“Thank you,” he said again.
Saskia tried to muster a smile, but couldn't even come close. "Do you want us to stay a little longer?"
Tobi shook his head.
“I think I’d rather be alone now.”
A tear trickled down his chin. Anne took his hand and squeezed it tightly.
“We are here for you,” she repeated.
Tobi nodded again.
"I know."
Saskia gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“Maybe we’ll come by again tonight.”
When she saw his eyes fill with tears again, she hugged him too.
"You can do this," she whispered. "We can do this."
Then the two of them left and left him alone.
“All alone,” thought Tobi, threw himself onto his bed and cried until he seemed to have no more tears left.
"Kai!" he murmured over and over again. "Kai, Kai, Kai..."
Kai was still standing next to the desk, confused. Him and dead? Impossible! He was about to walk over to Tobi and hug him when a hand reached for his. He looked down and saw a little boy, about five years old. "Who are you?" Kai asked.
“Don’t you recognize me?”
The little boy smiled, and suddenly Kai remembered. His brother! His little brother, who had died at the age of five. He had completely forgotten about him!
“How…what…why are you here?
“ “We are angels now,” said the little one.
“Angel?” Kai asked incredulously.
"Yes. You see."
Kai couldn't believe his eyes when his brother lifted off the ground and hovered above his head.
“I can fly!” he laughed.
“And you can do it too!”
“No, I don’t think so,” said Kai, shaking his head
. "Yes, yes. Come."
His brother took him by the hand and pulled him up. Kai felt himself rising higher and higher... This couldn't be true, could it? Now he was actually floating under the ceiling! As he "stood" face to face with his dead little brother, he couldn't help it. One tear after another rolled down his cheeks. The little boy floated to him and hugged him.
“I finally have my big brother back,” he said.
„Hey!“
He wiped away Kai's tears.
“Don’t cry.”
Smiling, he stroked his hair. Kai smiled back.
"I want to go back down," he said, and they were back on solid ground. "Are you coming with me?" his brother asked.
"Where?"
"Get out! Fly around a bit!"
"Mo...wait. I have something else to do."
Kai went to the desk, grabbed a pen and a notepad, and wrote something. Then he placed the note on the pillow next to Tobi, who still had his face buried in the covers. Between two sobs, Kai gently stroked his cheek.
"I love you forever."
Then he went back to his brother, who held out his hand to him.
Suddenly Tobi sat up and dried his face with his T-shirt.
“Kai…” he murmured again.
His gaze fell on the note. Surprised, he picked it up with trembling fingers and read the writing: I'm always here for you. Your sweetheart.
Tobi frantically looked around the room, but of course he couldn't see Kai and his brother.
“How…” He stared at the note in confusion.
Kai smiled and took his brother's hand. He smiled too.
"Come on! I'll show you what the world looks like from above."
And the two brothers floated out the window into the cloudless sky.
Kai laughed along with the little one. Flying was wonderful! Only one thing kept bothering him. What had been hanging around Tobi's neck... How had it gotten there? A silver chain with a heart pendant...
“I don’t want you to leave,” said Tobi unhappily.
“Oh, sweetie…” Kai stroked his reddish-brown hair.
"I have to. Otherwise, my parents will make a fuss. I'd rather stay here, too, but if I don't come to my grandma's birthday party, things will get tense again."
Tobi sighed heartbreakingly.
“But,” he looked up at Kai with his doe eyes,
“We wanted to this afternoon…”
"...go to the movies. I know. I'll be back by then."
Tobi wasn't so sure. Birthdays like these could take a long time. He'd probably end up standing alone in front of the cinema, waiting in vain for his sweetheart. He shook his head. No, he didn't want that.
Suddenly, the two heard the key in the door, and at the same moment, Tobi's father entered the apartment. Tobi immediately let go of Kai's hand. As soon as Mr. Schenke saw the two boys, he grimaced angrily, but said nothing. Silently, he pushed past them into the living room.
“I think I really have to go now,” said Kai.
Tobi nodded slowly and followed his friend to the front door, which was still open. An unmistakable signal from Tobi's father for Kai to finally leave. He stopped in the doorway and turned to Tobi.
“I’ll be back for the movies, I promise.”
He wanted to bend down to give Tobi a goodbye kiss, but then thought better of it. It was exactly the right decision, because Mr. Schenke came out of the living room, paused in the hallway for a moment to give Kai a dirty look, and then disappeared into the kitchen. The two looked at each other helplessly. Why couldn't parents accept it when their son was gay? This question was related to the silence between them. It was even worse with Kai's parents. They went crazy as soon as they heard the name Tobias. And whenever the word "gay" or "homosexual" was mentioned anywhere, they looked at Kai reproachfully and disapprovingly, as if he could do something about his feelings.
“Life is cruel,” Kai said quietly, trying to smile.
But Tobi didn't seem to have heard him at all. He looked absently past him and stared at the wall behind him. Only after a few seconds did he regain his composure.
“What did you say?” he asked, looking at Kai apologetically.
“Sorry, I was just out of here.”
"It doesn't matter. It wasn't that important."
Kai took a short break.
"Well, I'm going now. See you later, okay?"
“Okay. But be on time!”
"Naturally."
After making sure Mr. Schenke was still in the kitchen, he leaned down to Tobi and whispered "I love you" in his ear. One last loving look, and he went down the stairs leading to the apartment. Tobi watched him go and closed the door when he could no longer see him.
On his way home, Kai replayed the scene in which Mr. Schenke had entered the apartment, as well as all the other scenes in which he had seen him and Tobi together. He didn't want to have to endure that repulsive look any longer. Tobi's mother was just as unhappy about this relationship, but since she was usually out of the house due to her job, thankfully, it rarely showed.
When would Tobias' parents and his own parents—and everyone else, for that matter—finally realize that it was perfectly natural for two people to love each other, regardless of whether they were heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. After all, they lived in the 21st century, so surely they could expect a bit more tolerance?
He shook his head. What was he even thinking? Tolerance? Pure wishful thinking! The fact was, their parents knew about the two of them. It was also known in Tobi's class that Tobi was into boys, after it had come out by unfortunate coincidence. Although his classmates didn't know anything about Kai, the fact that Tobi was "the other way around" was enough to make him angry from then on. The worst part, though, was that Kai couldn't do anything about it because he went to a different school. He didn't have any problems there. His homosexuality was still a secret, apart from his parents.
Sighing, he stepped through the garden gate, for he had now arrived home. He and Tobi had been a couple for six months, and he loved him more every day. He wouldn't let anyone take away his wonderful happiness. "Not even you," he thought bitterly as he unlocked the front door and approached his parents, who wanted to know where he had been.
The film ended shortly after 5:30. Kai had actually managed to arrive on time and was now leaving the cinema with Tobi. It was still bright daylight outside, which was because it was mid-June, and at this time of year the days are, as we all know, quite long. Long, sunny, and hot. (Unless you lived in Germany, where it rained for a few days every now and then.) Only in one respect did tonight differ from the previous ones. In contrast to those, which had been unbearably hot, today it was pleasantly warm. A light breeze dispelled the terrible heat and blew away the ash that Kai had flicked from his cigarette.
“I thought you stopped?” said Tobi, surprised.
“Well…I wanted to, but somehow it’s not that easy…”
Tobi shook his head with a smile, reached for the cigarette, and took a drag as well. "All the better for me," he said, exhaling the smoke with relish.
“Where else would I get the nicotine from?”
“How about buying it yourself?”
“I don’t have any money for that.”
“Oh, but me or what?” Kai took the Marlboro pack out of his pocket and took a new cigarette, since Tobi made no move to give him his old one back.
“Well, who do we have here?” they heard a voice say behind them.
When they turned around, they saw Thorsten and Dennis, two of Tobi's classmates, coming out of the cinema.
“Tobias and his first lover!” said Dennis maliciously and the two boys started laughing.
Kai took an angry step toward Dennis.
“Listen, you retard!” he hissed angrily.
“I’m not Tobi’s lover, I’m his…”
“Buddy!” Tobi Kai interrupted hastily.
Kai turned to him in surprise. Buddy? Had he heard right?
“I think a moose is kissing me!” he thought.
Buddy?! That was the height of it!
“Oh, so that’s how it is.”
Thorsten stood a few centimeters in front of Tobi and looked at him pityingly.
“So still a virgin?”
Dennis laughed again. Thorsten grinned, took the cigarette from Tobi, took a deep drag, and blew the smoke in his face. Tobi immediately started coughing.
“Fuck off, Thorsten!” he gasped.
"Na, na."
He shoved Tobi in the shoulder, causing him to stagger back.
"That's not how you talk to me. And anyway..."
He pushed him again.
“What do you faggot want to do against me?”
“That’s enough!” thought Kai when he saw how Thorsten treated his treasure.
With a forceful gesture, he threw down his cigarette and grabbed Thorsten by the shoulders. With a jerk, he pulled him away from Tobi and pushed him with his back against the outer wall of the cinema.
“There’s going to be a fight,” Tobi realized.
Thorsten and Kai looked into each other's eyes full of hatred, and Dennis took up position behind them, ready to punch Kai if he tried the same thing with Thorsten.
“If you don’t get out of here right now, I’ll show you how to deal with people like you
bypasses," said Kai threateningly.
Thorsten didn't seem at all impressed, even though he was the one who literally had his back against the wall.
“Take your gay fingers off me,” he growled.
Kai pretended he hadn't heard it.
“Touch Tobi again and you’re dead, got it?!”
Thorsten just grinned.
“Uhh! Now he’s playing the big protector!”
With a swift movement, he raised his knee and aimed between Kai's legs. But Kai was faster and managed to dodge to the side at the very last second. At the same moment, he punched Thorsten in the gut with his right fist. That was Dennis's cue. While Thorsten was still writhing in pain, he kicked Kai in the back of the knee, forcing Tobi to watch his friend fall to the ground.
What should he do? He wasn't a thug. That was more Kai's thing. But he had to do something! Helplessly, he scanned the street. Not a soul in sight. This was the cinema! There should be a lot of people around! But apart from them, there was no one around.
Thorsten had recovered somewhat and, together with Dennis, now kicked Kai, who was still on the ground. Down there, he had no chance against the two of them. Tobi rammed Dennis with his shoulder.
“Leave him alone!” he shouted.
Dennis sent him against the wall with a skillful push.
„Uff!“
Tobi was out of breath. As soon as he caught his breath, he tried Thorsten – with the same result.
“That can't be true!” he thought desperately.
Kai had gotten back on his feet and had managed to knock out a tooth from Dennis. But Thorsten held him back after the little incident with Tobias, and Dennis delivered one blow after another. Kai kicked wildly, but it was no use. Thorsten may have been five centimeters shorter than him, but he was apparently stronger.
“What should I do? What should I do?” Tobi repeated in his mind.
He hastily looked around for something he could hit the two of them with, but he found nothing. Not even a stick or anything similar. Suddenly, something caught his eye. He bent down and picked up the cigarette Kai had thrown away. It hadn't gone out yet, which could be very useful to him now.
He stood behind Thorsten and pressed the lit cigarette to his neck.
„Ahh!“
He immediately let go of Kai. Finally free of his hands and feet, Kai immediately attacked Dennis. He kicked him in the shin and then punched Dennis's lower jaw. Another tooth, or at least a piece of it, flew onto the sidewalk. Finally, he kicked him between the legs with full force. Dennis screamed and fell to the ground, his face contorted in pain. Now that Dennis was apparently finished, Kai wanted to turn to Thorsten, but he was already fighting off the pain. After the attack with the cigarette, he had intended to punch Tobi somewhere else, but Tobi had skillfully dodged and only hit the lamppost.
"Oh! I'll kill you both!" he groaned, holding his right hand.
In fact, it looked as if it were broken. Kai, unfazed, pulled Dennis up by his T-shirt and grabbed Thorsten by the collar.
“Fuck off!” he snarled.
"Otherwise, I'll kill you!" He let go of the two, whereupon they immediately started moving. At the end of the street, Thorsten turned around again and yelled: "See you at school, Tobilein! I'll finish you off there!"
Then he turned a corner with Dennis and disappeared.
“What wankers!” said Kai, wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth.
His lip was split, and he was also missing a piece of a tooth. Tobi was relatively unscathed, but Kai looked really bad. His T-shirt was ripped in one place, and he had scrapes and scratches all over him.
"Damned!"
He spat out a little blood.
“This asshole got me!”
He looked at Tobi questioningly.
“Do I look very bad?”
Instead of answering, Tobi looked down.
“That says it all,” said Kai when he got no answer
. “I’m sorry,” mumbled Tobi.
“I didn’t want that to happen.”
Kai sighed.
"Me neither. But there's nothing we can do about it now."
He went to his bike and unlocked it. While he was still
key was busy, he asked:
“What does that even mean?”
„Was?“
Tobi did the same as Kai and opened his bike lock. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Kai struggle in vain with the lighter, trying to light a cigarette. Tobi knew something was bothering him—and it wasn't the fight. Kai's expression revealed that he was annoyed or offended by something else.
“Come on, let me.”
Tobi couldn't stand watching Kai struggle with the lighter any longer and took it from his hand. It worked on the first try, and the cigarette released its smoke into the air. Grumbling, Kai put the lighter away again.
"The 'buddy' thing, I mean," he said after taking a few puffs. "Buddy?" Tobi thought hard. Suddenly his face lit up, but the next second he became embarrassed.
“Oh, that’s what you mean.”
"Yes, that's exactly what I mean. Am I that embarrassing to you?"
"No, I…"
“And then in front of these guys.”
Kai nodded in the direction Dennis and Thorsten had disappeared.
“I actually thought you would stand by me.”
With these words he swung himself onto his bike.
“Kai! Wait!”
"What?"
"I'm sorry. I wanted to...I...I don't know..."
Tobi fell silent. What should he say now? Of course it was wrong. Kai must have been really hurt. If he imagined Kai calling him a friend... He would be just as disappointed.
“I’m leaving now,” Kai interrupted his thoughts.
“See you then.”
As he drove, he took another drag on his cigarette before flicking it away. Tobi remained alone, watching him.
"Kai," he thought. "I love you..."
At ten o'clock, Kai was still wide awake in his bed, thinking. As he stared at the ceiling, he let a silver chain with a heart pendant slide through his fingers again and again. He had bought the chain in town last week and had intended to give it to Tobi, but somehow he hadn't gotten around to it yet. He was just too forgetful. But now he was thinking about the chain, thinking about Tobi, and it would be exactly the right time to give it to him. As a token of his love, so to speak, as a sign that he was sorry for how he'd behaved outside the cinema.
"I shouldn't have behaved like that. After all, there are worse things."
What would have happened if Tobi had said 'friend,' like he himself wanted to? Dennis and Thorsten would probably have made one stupid comment after another about her.
He sighed. On the one hand, he could understand Tobi. Words can hurt a lot... On the other hand...
“Buddy!” thought Kai.
Of course, words can hurt too.
He pushed all his thoughts aside and looked at the empty space next to him where Tobi usually slept when his parents weren't home. How much he missed those eyes! Those eyes, that sweet nose, those wonderful lips... His smell, his warmth, and his closeness! He wanted Tobi with him now, to snuggle up to him and never let him go. The more he thought about Tobi, the greater his longing became. He looked at the pillow next to him for a while and then stood up resolutely. He quickly put on jeans and a T-shirt and quietly left his room. In the hallway, he slipped into sneakers and a jacket and crept out of the house, still holding the necklace in his hand.
Millions of stars sparkled in the sky as he walked down the street. As he approached Tobi's house, step by step, he searched for constellations. The Big Dipper, the Little Dipper, Orion, Delphinus... It was a wonderful night. Even two shooting stars streaked across the sky. Only the moon was not visible.
After five minutes, he turned into the street where Tobi lived. The houses along the side of the road were all dark and silent in the shadows. Kai moved in the light of the street lamps.
At least until he came to the only one on this street that was broken. Stepping into the darkness, he paused for a moment. He searched in his left trouser pocket for the house key. The key Tobi had given him in case he wanted to secretly visit him at night. Kai had also left him a key to his house. That way, when his parents were sound asleep, they could sneak out and see each other whenever they wanted. It was extraordinary, it was exciting. And the anticipation of immediately lying in his sweetheart's arms and falling asleep was simply... indescribable. Only a few more minutes and then he would relive the scene so familiar to him. First through the front door, quietly up the stairs to Tobi's room, undress, and get into bed with him. Then kiss him gently on the neck, sliding his hand under his T-shirt and stroking his stomach.
Tobi would again utter his “Mhhh.”, turn around, smile at him, and say, “It’s nice that you’re here.”
– and then they would kiss. That's how it always went. Kai loved it. Especially the line:
"It's great that you're here." He could hear that from Tobi over and over again. It's great that you're here. It's great that you're here...
He'd be there in a minute. Only five houses separated him from his one and only. He started moving again, heading for the other side of the street. He'd barely taken a step out of the shadows when he heard a loud honk, and shortly after, he felt the impact. His breath was knocked out of him and he landed on the street. Everything hurt. He noticed a warm liquid on his temple, cheek, and chin. What was that? What the hell was running down his face? And what had hit him? He turned his head and groaned. That small movement alone caused excruciating pain. At the end of the street, he just caught a glimpse of two taillights hurrying away. Some idiot must have hit him. How had he even thought of crossing the street at the only place without lights? And why hadn't he looked around to see if a car was coming? It was actually too late to worry about it now anyway, but these questions kept circling around in his mind as he carefully sat up. Pain shot down his spine and into his arms and legs. Very slowly, he moved his limbs and head, then stood up even more slowly. Nothing seemed to be broken. Aside from the fact that everything hurt and he was a bit dizzy, there seemed to be nothing wrong with him. After all, he was still alive.
Suddenly, however, he forgot everything. His mind became crystal clear when he saw the chain. It was lying about five feet away from him—and it was broken. Whoever had been in the car had driven over it and smashed it. Tears welled up in Kai's eyes. "That was Tobi's chain!" he thought angrily.
“You wanker had to break it!”
He didn't think about the fact that he was – more or less – also broken. For him, only the chain mattered. Dejected, he crept to Tobi's house, took the key from his pocket, and unlocked the door. Before climbing the stairs, he wiped the blood from his face with a tissue. Then he went into Tobi's room, where he discovered that the bed was empty. Where was Tobi? He took off his shoes and sat down on one of the pillows. From here, he could see directly out the window and up to the stars. After a few minutes, he heard the toilet flush from the next bathroom, and shortly afterwards, Tobi came into the room with disheveled hair and a twisted T-shirt. Apparently, he had already fallen asleep. With a heartbreaking yawn, he crawled under the covers, laid his head on Kai's right leg, and closed his eyes. Smiling, Kai stroked Tobi's hair lovingly. He expected to hear the sentence, "It's great to have you here." to hear, but in vain. "Well, not today then," he thought, leaning against the wall.
“I had such a lovely present for you,” he said quietly.
“But such an idiot…” He trailed off as Tobi yawned again.
"Someone's tired. Well, I can tell you the story tomorrow."
He remained silent for a while. His head was pounding, he felt nauseous, and his left arm suddenly hurt more than before.
"I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry. I shouldn't have acted like that."
He paused again and looked down at Tobi
. "I love you," he whispered.
Tobi didn't move. Judging by his steady breathing, he was already asleep again. Kai smiled and looked at the stars. Under their gentle glow, with Tobi sleeping beside him, he too was dozing a short time later.
When he woke up the next morning, Tobi was already up and about. Fully dressed, he was fiddling with his stereo.
"Stupid thing! Come on, come on!"
Kai grinned. The stereo sometimes freaked out and wouldn't turn on at all. Annoyed, Tobi threw the CD he was holding onto the desk.
"Then not."
Kai started to say something when the doorbell interrupted him.
“What? Who’s ringing so early?” he asked himself, looking at the alarm clock on the bedside table.
Okay, so early... It was just after 10:30. Besides the time, what he also noticed was that he had slept sitting up last night. Yawning, he stretched out his arms and legs. "Ow!" They still hurt.
"Big!"
Kai turned his head. Saskia and Anne, two girls from Tobi's class, came into the room.
“What’s going on?” Tobi asked when he saw the dismayed faces of the two
“Did something happen?”
“I…We…” stammered Saskia.
Even from the bed, Kai could see that she had tears in her eyes.
“What’s going on?” he asked, but no one answered him.
Saskia suddenly threw herself on Tobi's neck and began to sob. Anne also had to fight back tears. Completely taken by surprise, he took Saskia in his arms.
"Hey," he said quietly. "What just happened?"
"We..." Anne began. "You'd better sit down."
Saskia broke away from him and nodded.
“We have to tell you something.”
Her voice failed her as she spoke the last word. She frantically rummaged in her purse for a tissue.
Tobi did as he was told and sat down on his desk chair.
„Also?“
Now Kai saw that Tobi was also worried. But honestly… he wasn't feeling his best either.
“It’s about Kai…” Anne began.
“Huh? About me?” thought Kai.
"But I'm sitting here! Why doesn't anyone notice me?"
“About Kai?” asked Tobi.
Now pure fear was reflected in his eyes.
“What about him?”
“We wanted to go to the outdoor pool together today…” Anne began.
“And then we thought…”, Saskia added,
"that we'll leave earlier because it won't be so crowded. So we went to Kai's house to pick him up..."
“And then his mother opened the door for us,” Anne continued.
"She was completely devastated. She just cried and stammered...The police were there..."
The girls were silent. Saskia wiped a tear from her cheek. Tobi sat there staring at them, desperately trying to understand what they were telling him. Kai was confused. Him? The police? His mother? He was crying? What had happened?
“W…What is…”
Tobi's voice trailed off. Saskia began to sob again. Anne put her arm around her shoulder and simultaneously reached for Tobi's hand.
"Kai..." she said quietly. "He's dead."
“No!” thought Kai.
„Was?“
Tobi jumped up.
“But…but…” He swallowed.
“Say that’s not true!”
When he looked into the two faces, he too began to cry bitterly. The girls embraced him and tried to comfort him.
. “We’re so sorry,” whispered Saskia.
“You must be sorry too!” Kai shouted.
“To tell such lies!”
None of the three responded
. "Why doesn't anyone hear me?!"
Kai's voice cracked. He hastily jumped up and shook Anne by the shoulder. "Why are you talking like that? I'm here! I'm alive!"
“Kai!” sobbed Tobi.
“Tobi! Tobi, can you hear me?”
Kai put his hands on his shoulders.
"I'm here. I'm here. I'm alive..."
"Here."
Saskia handed Tobi a handkerchief.
“Thanks,” he mumbled, blowing his nose.
“How did this happen?” he whispered.
“A car hit him…” Anne couldn’t say anything further.
She hugged Tobi and held him tightly.
“If you need us, we are here for you.”
She looked him in the eyes. "You know that, right?"
Tobi nodded. Only now did he realize that they were the only ones who hadn't condemned his and Kai's relationship.
“Thank you,” he said again.
Saskia tried to muster a smile, but couldn't even come close. "Do you want us to stay a little longer?"
Tobi shook his head.
“I think I’d rather be alone now.”
A tear trickled down his chin. Anne took his hand and squeezed it tightly.
“We are here for you,” she repeated.
Tobi nodded again.
"I know."
Saskia gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“Maybe we’ll come by again tonight.”
When she saw his eyes fill with tears again, she hugged him too.
"You can do this," she whispered. "We can do this."
Then the two of them left and left him alone.
“All alone,” thought Tobi, threw himself onto his bed and cried until he seemed to have no more tears left.
"Kai!" he murmured over and over again. "Kai, Kai, Kai..."
Kai was still standing next to the desk, confused. Him and dead? Impossible! He was about to walk over to Tobi and hug him when a hand reached for his. He looked down and saw a little boy, about five years old. "Who are you?" Kai asked.
“Don’t you recognize me?”
The little boy smiled, and suddenly Kai remembered. His brother! His little brother, who had died at the age of five. He had completely forgotten about him!
“How…what…why are you here?
“ “We are angels now,” said the little one.
“Angel?” Kai asked incredulously.
"Yes. You see."
Kai couldn't believe his eyes when his brother lifted off the ground and hovered above his head.
“I can fly!” he laughed.
“And you can do it too!”
“No, I don’t think so,” said Kai, shaking his head
. "Yes, yes. Come."
His brother took him by the hand and pulled him up. Kai felt himself rising higher and higher... This couldn't be true, could it? Now he was actually floating under the ceiling! As he "stood" face to face with his dead little brother, he couldn't help it. One tear after another rolled down his cheeks. The little boy floated to him and hugged him.
“I finally have my big brother back,” he said.
„Hey!“
He wiped away Kai's tears.
“Don’t cry.”
Smiling, he stroked his hair. Kai smiled back.
"I want to go back down," he said, and they were back on solid ground. "Are you coming with me?" his brother asked.
"Where?"
"Get out! Fly around a bit!"
"Mo...wait. I have something else to do."
Kai went to the desk, grabbed a pen and a notepad, and wrote something. Then he placed the note on the pillow next to Tobi, who still had his face buried in the covers. Between two sobs, Kai gently stroked his cheek.
"I love you forever."
Then he went back to his brother, who held out his hand to him.
Suddenly Tobi sat up and dried his face with his T-shirt.
“Kai…” he murmured again.
His gaze fell on the note. Surprised, he picked it up with trembling fingers and read the writing: I'm always here for you. Your sweetheart.
Tobi frantically looked around the room, but of course he couldn't see Kai and his brother.
“How…” He stared at the note in confusion.
Kai smiled and took his brother's hand. He smiled too.
"Come on! I'll show you what the world looks like from above."
And the two brothers floated out the window into the cloudless sky.
Kai laughed along with the little one. Flying was wonderful! Only one thing kept bothering him. What had been hanging around Tobi's neck... How had it gotten there? A silver chain with a heart pendant...