Forums

"Hello! Meals on Wheels are here!"
Sascha placed the full shopping baskets on the kitchen table.
"There was no cottage cheese left. You have to go into town yourself. I didn't feel like driving into the city for two euros."
"Whatever. It doesn't taste good anyway. You should spread it on your crispbread for breakfast," remarked Lena, who had come into the kitchen to help him unpack.
"Does your Brigitte diet say the thirty-seventh?" teased Sascha, taking off his jacket, which then landed on the sofa.
"Yes, come on, rub salt in the wound! Hit it! Beanstalk! You're eating your way through our supplies without putting on an ounce of fat!" Lena replied, mock-offended.
"I just want to protect you from your cravings! I'm only doing this for you!"
Lena threw a packet of soup at him.
"Here, your change... where's Philip?"
"Haven't seen him today. I assume he's still asleep." Lena packed her groceries into her refrigerator compartment.
"He's totally burying himself... what's wrong with him?"
"I don't know. I rarely see him anymore anyway. I don't know what he does all day. He's probably just sitting in front of his computer the whole time."
"Is there any way to lure him away? Or is he brooding over a hot new program for NASA?"
Lena let out an annoyed sigh. "I have no idea. I've become very suspicious of this guy in the last few months. Ever since that stupid internet incident last summer."
"Because of the IT guy? Really? Do you think he's still tackling this?"
"Well, it really affected him. And he was never the same afterward. Maybe he hasn't processed it yet."
They didn't say anything for a while until they had put away all the shopping.
"Coffee?" asked Sascha. "Sure!"

*****

It was almost two o'clock. The university library was about to close. Philip hated Saturdays. Why couldn't they work on the weekend too? He packed his things—his notebook, notes, and pen—after the unpleasant bell signaled the imminent closing. At least he'd gotten a lot done today. He could actually treat himself to a free weekend now. But what was he supposed to do with it?

Philip left the library. He loved being there on Saturdays, as most students were still recovering from the previous evening's parties and weren't thinking about studying. He usually sat alone in the computer science section, working on his thesis undisturbed.

It was April, the new semester had started the previous week. And spring had arrived. The weather was perfect for sitting on the balcony. But Philip didn't really notice the difference from the gloomy winter weather of the past few weeks. He got into his old VW Golf and drove off.

The streets were busy. Philip cursed a few times at the, in his eyes, hormone-driven convertible drivers who were taking advantage of the opportunity and the excellent weather to drive their summer cars. Finally, he pulled into the driveway of the house where he shared an apartment with Sascha and Lena. Just as he got out and locked the car, another car pulled into the driveway. A convertible.

Philip held his breath for a moment. It was Patrick.

"Hi!" Patrick got out of his Beetle convertible and smiled at him.
»Hi!«
"Well, have you been busy yet?" Patrick pointed to his bag.
"Uh, yeah, I was still in the library, writing something."
"Ah, and what else is on the agenda today? Do you have to keep working?"
"Nope, not today. I don't know yet. Maybe TV or something..."
"Are you crazy? In THIS weather? That would be throwing pearls before swine! What do you think about a little drive somewhere? To Cologne or Frankfurt..."
"What now?"
Patrick shrugged. "Why not?!"
"Hmmm..." Philip thought for a moment.
"Yeah, why not? I'll... bring in my laptop. Are you coming with me?"

They went into the house. The apartment was on the first floor. Philip unlocked the door. Lena was busy putting on her denim jacket in the hallway. A packed duffel bag stood next to her.

"Hi!" She smiled at the unknown visitor.
"Hi. Are you going home?" Philip wanted to know.
"Yes, it's my dad's birthday. But I'll be back on Monday."
"This is my roommate Lena. Lena, this is Patrick."
They shook hands. "Hi, Patrick! Are you studying together?" she asked, tying her hair into a braid.
"No, I'm already done! Luckily!" laughed Patrick.
"Well, Philip's almost done... so, I have to go. My train leaves in a quarter of an hour. Have a nice weekend!"
"You too! See you later!"

Philip put his bag in his room.
“Nice!” Patrick remarked when Lena left the apartment.
"Yes, she is. But sometimes a little curious."
"Aren't we all?" Patrick replied, leaning against the doorframe. He looked around his room.
"Nice room."
"Yes, I feel quite comfortable here too. Nice and bright. And above all, cheap. I pay just under 200 euros, including everything. Would you like a drink?"

Philip walked past him into the kitchen, where he poured himself a glass of Coke.

"Oh yeah, for me too, please!"
"So, what did you do at Easter?"
"Not much. I was home and enjoying myself. My mom got a new dog. He's only a few weeks old. She still needs a little help. But it was nice."
"Really? What kind?" Philip wanted to know.
"A French Shepherd. We already have one. Lili is already eight years old. At first, we thought things would be difficult with the little one. But Lili is really sweet. She takes good care of him."
"So, have you chosen a name yet?"
»House.«
Philip grinned. "Maya... Maaaajaaaaa!" Philip imitated Willi from Maya the Bee. They laughed.
»You can come along...«
"Let's see."

After finishing their drinks, they headed outside. Philip put on a baseball cap as Patrick drove off, top down, of course.
"I'm so glad it finally stopped raining! The car just has to drive WITHOUT the top!" Patrick was euphoric.
"Well, here you have to expect that it's only nice three months a year. I would never buy a convertible!"
Patrick looked at him reproachfully. "Now tell me you don't like it!"
"Nope!" Philip grinned. "It's pretty cool like that!"
Patrick turned on the CD player. Scissor Sisters.

Their journey took them to Cologne, where it was two degrees warmer than at home. They were lucky and quickly found a free parking space at the opera house.
"I haven't been to Cologne in ages!" said Philip as Patrick closed the roof. "To be honest, neither have I. I used to be here regularly two years ago. But then... my ex lives here."
"We could go to the banks of the Rhine. Have ice cream or something..." Philip suggested. Patrick agreed.

*****

Sascha was sitting on the balcony, listening to music and smoking, when Philip returned home late that evening. Philip joined him, holding two bottles of beer from the fridge.

"Hi, did you have a nice evening?" asked Sascha, picking up a bottle. "Thanks!"
"Yeah, it was okay... I was in Cologne."
"In Cologne? Alone?"
"No, Patrick was just standing at the door this afternoon when I came out of the library."
»The IT guy?!«
»Yep.«
"Aha... how come?"
"I was wondering, too. He wanted to go off into the blue with me. It was quite nice."
"Quite nice, aha... and what else?"
"Hmm, I don't know anything else... He just dropped me off here and said we could do it again sometime."
"And do you want that too?"
"If I knew! I mean, it was a great day today..."

They didn't say anything for a while, but drank their cold beer.
"What's been going on with you lately?" asked Sascha. "You're just sitting around in your room..."
"The thesis... well, and otherwise I don't feel like going on the slopes."
"It's not about leaving... Lena and I don't even see you here anymore. We're worried."
Philip snorted.
"I'm just saying... if anything happens, feel free to give us a call."
"I know. I'm trying."
"I beg you. Man, we always had so much fun!"

Philip said nothing, but nibbled on the aluminum label of the beer bottle.
"How are you getting on with your thesis?"
"Hmm, pretty good. I'll probably finish next month. Definitely in time," Philip replied, taking a sip from the bottle.
"How about a job? Have you looked around yet?"
"Yes, I might be able to get a foothold where I did my internship. We'll see. I quite liked it there."
"That was something with CMS, right?!"
Philip nodded. "Yes, funnily enough, that's exactly what Patrick does." He smiled.
"Well... sounds good. But I'd look elsewhere. It can never hurt." Sascha held out the cigarette pack. But Philip declined.
"No, let's not! I quit a week ago. I've held out so far."
Sascha raised his eyebrows in appreciation. "Respect! Then I don't want to seduce you any further."
Having said that, he lit another cigarette.

"So, did you talk to the guy again? About what happened back then..." he wanted to know.
Philip shook his head. "No, I... what else can I say?"
"Hmmm, did you ever really talk about it? It didn't seem that way to me back then."
"Actually, not... he once wrote me an email saying he felt kind of weird about me lying to him. That he wasn't sure and all..."
»And now just come over...«
"Yeah, but... we're still in touch. We call or chat every now and then."
"But you haven't done anything together since then..."
"No... oh, I don't know... I'm pretty out of sorts right now, too. It was a really good day today. We had a good chat. It was totally relaxed. Apart from my nervousness..." Philip sighed.
"So you think there's still a chance that he might want more?" Sascha speculated.
"I really don't know. I don't even know if this was a good time to do something with myself. I mean, college... I don't want to get rejected again. That would set me back."
"Well, it takes two. You could have canceled, after all..."
"Yeah, maaaaann! But it was a nice change. I've been wishing for him to find time for me. Well, when he came today... it was pretty cool."
"Oh, man, Philip! You're making this really complicated!" Sascha summarized.
"Why complicated? What would you do?"
"I don't know. But I don't think I'd really want to live in uncertainty all the time. It would wear me out, really!"
"You think I should turn him on?"
"At least confront him... or turn him on... he MUST respond to one of those!"
"I can't do that..."
"You have to know. But you'll definitely feel better once you've gotten over it. Or are with him... I mean, THAT option is still definitely there, after what you're saying."
Philip looked at his hands.
"I'm going to sleep. Night."
"Night, Philip. And stop sitting in front of the computer so long! It's unhealthy!"

*****

“Hi, are you still awake?”
"hi... yeah... can't sleep"
"Me too. I was hoping to see you here."
"It was nice today"
"I think so too. And a thousand times better than watching TV."
„*g*“
"My neighbor wanted me to have a drink with her, but I fobbed her off."
"I drank another beer with my MB"
"Sascha"
"Exactly"
“You like him, don’t you?”
“Yes, that’s correct”
"Should I be worried?"
"Huh?"
“oh, forget it”
“no, he likes women *fg*”
"cut down"
“What are you listening to right now?”
"Mad world, but original. You?"
„patience“
"You have to burn it for me"
"clear"
„philip?“
„Patrick?“
"I thought a hundred times today whether I should come to you... I was really unsure."
"What, only a hundred times?"
“could have been a hundred and five times”
„?“
“Maybe I should have done it sooner”
„was?“
“visit you, do something with you”
„hmmm“
"oh oh"
„was?“
"Now you're "hmming" again..."
"hmm, yeah, sorry..."
"Do you still want to come over?"
"like right now???!!!"
"and"
"I don't know..."
“Okay, no need... sorry”
"No problem... but I'm really done for today"
"Okay... are you going to bed?"
"I think so... bad?"
“Too bad... but okay”
"good night then"
“Yes, sleep well too, Philip”
"see you then"

*****

Luckily there were gas stations, and thus (relatively) fresh rolls on Sunday.
Philip hadn't slept well, but he'd managed to stay in bed until eleven o'clock. He'd been too sluggish to get up. Now, after a long shower, he felt more rested. He'd walked to the gas station, which was only ten minutes from his apartment. The weather had held up. On the way back, his eyes fell on Patrick's car. It was parked in front of his apartment, which was also only a block away from Philip's. He didn't have a garage and always had to park on the street. Philip's heart beat faster.

He was very smitten.

They had met last summer, online. Philip had been very frustrated at the time because a relationship had ended, and it had been very unpleasant. Since he had developed a strong hatred of men at the time, he had unloaded it on the first person who had messaged him online in a chat. That was Patrick. Philip had fed him a ridiculous story about himself. The whole thing went on for several weeks and culminated in Philip sending him an email with his real CV. By that point, he had already been head over heels in love with him. They had chatted for hours and eventually even spoken on the phone. Before the whole thing finally got completely out of hand, he had decided to tell the truth after intensive consultation with Sascha, his best friend.
Philip had expected a lot: insults, a break in contact,... but not that he would be standing at his door ten minutes later. Which was what happened. Then they saw each other for the first time. It was very strange. They never exchanged pictures. Philip had fallen in love with him instantly. What followed was a night of wild kissing, followed by a lull. Patrick had calmed down and hadn't wanted to intensify their contact any further. This plunged Philip into a deep crisis for the rest of the year.

Philip had made coffee and made himself comfortable on the balcony. But he couldn't concentrate on the Sunday newspaper. Since yesterday, his thoughts had been constantly circling around Patrick. It was like nine months ago. He knew what that meant. It was pointless; he had to surrender to his thoughts. While the coffee brewed, his gaze wandered across the street. Maybe he should call him and ask if he'd like breakfast...

The doorbell rang. Once, twice,...
"Hello?"
»Hi, Philip here!«
»Oh, hi!«
"Um... breakfast at my place?"
"Yes... hmm... okay... I'll be right there!"
"Great! See you soon!"

What had he done?! He'd be standing at the door any minute! What did he even look like? Philip rushed into the bathroom to check his style. Okay, dark circles under his eyes. Well, the night had been short. A little gel in his hair. That would have to do. He waited for him in the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror the whole time. Brown hair, dark eyes... Patrick liked that, he knew it.

The doorbell rang. Philip jumped. He rushed into the hallway, pressed the buzzer, and opened the apartment door. Patrick.

“Hi!” Patrick greeted him, beaming.
"Good morning, or... it's already past twelve... come in!"
"I'm glad you called me."
Philip smiled. "It's great that you came!"

He led him to the balcony. "Coffee or tea? Oh, no, you prefer cocoa!"
"If you don't mind...?" Philip laughed. "Coming right away!"

He warmed a cup of milk in the microwave and added four spoonfuls of cocoa powder. Philip knew Patrick liked it very sweet.

*****

"Hello, Philip"
„Patrick!“
"How's it going?"
„gut“
"and?"
"and"
„hm“
"why, hmm?"
“Why are we chatting again?”
“because we are online”
"apparently"
"What do you mean, Patrick?"
"I feel like we've been talking like this for too long..."
“over the net?”
“Yes... we've gotten too used to it... that's why we can't even talk normally.”
"Do you think?"
"Yes, when we are together, we don't talk about such things"
"what things?"
"about, for example, that you don't feel well either..."
„hm“
„ring...“

The phone rang.
»And?«
"That's better, isn't it?" Patrick.
Philip leaned back in his chair. "Yes." He took a sip of water from the glass next to the computer keyboard.
“So, what do you think?” Patrick wanted to know.
"I don't really know... I thought today was a nice day..." Philip turned off his PC.
"I somehow find every day with you beautiful." Did he really say that?
"The way you say it..."
"What's wrong with that?"
"No."
"Okay... um, to be honest..."
»And?«
"I don't know what you're trying to achieve. I mean, you suddenly show up at my door, we spend time together... I don't really understand what's going on. You've been avoiding coffee with me for months. I kind of gave up on it because I thought you were going to get rid of me... in installments."
"Yeah, I know. I... I'm sorry. I've been very... confused these last few months, I don't know. And Saturday... I was planning this, to be honest. I was totally out of it all morning. I was staring out the window the whole time, trying to see when you'd get home."
"Really? Why?"
"I... I wanted to see you because... I miss our conversations and... it's nice when you're here."
"Wow, this is... real?"
Patrick laughed. "Yeah, man! Sorry, I don't find it easy to talk about things like that."
"But why? We've been talking about 'things like that' the whole time?"
"Yes, but... I don't know why that is..."
"Hmm, and now?"
"Do you have any plans for tomorrow evening?" Patrick asked quietly.
"No, I'm just at university all day, I guess."
"Can we see each other?"
"Sure! Maybe we can have a barbecue or something. If the weather holds..."
"Yeah, that would be an idea... we can call again tomorrow."
"Okay... then... good night, Patrick."
"Sleep well, Philip!"

*****

The weather held up.

When Philip came home that evening, Lena was already in the kitchen, preparing a salad. Philip had met her in the cafeteria that afternoon and told her about the plans to kick off the barbecue season. Naturally, she was immediately enthusiastic and agreed to contribute. Philip had taken care of the barbecue meat, which he put away in the fridge.

"So, when is Patrick coming?" she wanted to know as she took care of the dressing.
"He wanted to come by at seven." Philip poured himself a glass of milk.
"So, are you excited yet?" Lena grinned. Philip rolled his eyes.
"I don't know what that means. I don't want him to fly again. That was really too much."
"I can understand that. But if he's putting in so much effort... maybe he's really thought it through!"
"Well, we'll see. I'm going to take a shower."

It was just after seven o'clock when the doorbell rang. Philip had already fired up the grill. He was a real fire freak and loved throwing all sorts of things into the fire. But he held back because he knew Lena didn't like that at all.

"Hi!" Patrick stood in the balcony door. He was beaming. Philip smiled.
"Hello!" Philip poked at the coal. "Want a beer?"
"Gladly!"
Philip walked past him into the kitchen and took two bottles of beer from the fridge. He opened them with a lighter lying on the cupboard. He gave one to Patrick.
"Cheers!" said Philip, holding out the bottle for a toast. "Cheers!"
Then Lena and Sascha came onto the balcony.
"Hi, everyone! Have you put anything on the grill yet?" asked Sascha, placing plates on the wooden table on the balcony.
"No, I was just there."

It was a nice evening. Sascha's girlfriend joined us later.
It was around 11:30 when only Philip and Patrick were still sitting on the balcony. They had put the grill aside and filled the firebox with wood, so that a small fire was burning. They looked at each other. Patrick cleared his throat, an indication that he was nervous.

"It's getting a bit chilly here..." said Patrick.
"Yes, you're right. Let's go inside..." Philip stood up. "The fire will go out on its own. Nothing else can burn in here."

They went into Philip's room.
"Have a seat! Want another drink?"
Patrick shook his head and sat down on the sofa. Philip sat next to him.
"And that's where you always sit when we chat, huh?!" Patrick remarked.
"Yes... and now I'm sitting here... with you..." The alcohol had definitely made him more relaxed, even though he hadn't drunk much.
"I'm glad you're here."
Patrick smiled. "Yes, I'm glad I'm here too... with you..."
It was Patrick who stroked Philip's cheek with one hand. Philip placed his hand on his.
"My doctorate in biology!" whispered Patrick, leaning toward him. Philip laughed.
"Oh, man, I'll never get rid of this!"
"It's your own fault!"
They kissed.
"Was that so hard?" Philip asked, stroking his neck. Patrick smiled.

*****

Done. Philip plopped down on a chair in the kitchen. Lena was there too.
"I did it!" he said.
»Your thesis?«
»Yep!«
"Wow! Congratulations! Just handed it in?" Lena handed him a cup of coffee. Philip nodded.
"Yes, I got the okay from my editor yesterday. Then I printed the final version and had it bound today."
Philip took a folder out of his pocket and placed it on the table.
"Wow, classy! When will you get the results?" Lena wanted to know.
"Four to six weeks. Oh, I'm so glad this is over!" Philip leaned back. "I believe you! And what do you do now? Have you secured the job?"
"Yes, I start next month. So I still have four weeks of vacation left!"
"Envy! Are you leaving?"
Philip grinned. "I don't know... Patrick has no idea I'm finished with the work yet. He thinks I need another month. I'll surprise him at the office..."
"That's sweet!" Lena took a sip of coffee. "You guys are a really good match, you know that? I really think Patrick is very nice."
"He loves you too, by the way."
"Hmm, thanks... what are his people like? Have you met any of them yet?"
"Yes, his neighbors, well, the other residents. They're a clique. Yes, they're actually pretty okay. But it's always weird when you come into a community like that. You feel pretty stupid at first. You know..."
"Yeah, but the more we do things together... I get along really well with Daniel's people. But it took me a while."
"He always wants to take me to his mother's... he goes there often on weekends... but somehow I always talked myself out of it... I don't know if I'm ready yet... family stuff... I'm not really into that."
"Hmm, sure, that's still different. But if she's okay..."
"Yeah, she seems pretty casual. But still... it's official!"
"What's wrong with that?"
Philip hesitated for a moment. "Not really. It's a sign he's serious."
"Well, you see! Well, I'd go along... just out of curiosity!"
"I knew you'd do this for such ignoble reasons!"
Lena stuck her tongue out at him.
"How are your studies going?" he changed the subject.
"Good. I have two more exams, then I'll start my traineeship after the summer break. At the Karenngelisches Gymnasium."
"Cool... then you can annoy the kids!"
"I guess they'll annoy me more!"
"No, you'll get your way!"

In the early afternoon, Philip hopped on his bike and set off for the company where Patrick worked. It was just a few hundred meters from his apartment. Philip had never been there before, but Patrick had given him the green light to pay him a visit.
After locking his bike, he looked for the somewhat hidden entrance. It was a small, well-organized CMS agency that had already achieved considerable success and made a name for itself.

"Hi, um, I'm looking for Patrick Müller's office!"
Philip had stopped the first employee he came across.
"Second door on the right."
"Thanks!"

Philip walked down the hall. All the doors were open. He knew the atmosphere here was very good. Second door on the right. There he was, sitting at his desk, typing on his computer. Philip knocked on the doorframe. Patrick looked up. He immediately beamed from ear to ear.

“Hi!” Philip greeted his friend.
»Hey, hi!«
Patrick had stood up and walked around the desk to him.
"What are you doing here?"
He gave him a kiss on the mouth.
"Surprise you and keep you from work a bit..."

Someone else came into the office. It must have been Patrick's boss, because he himself was the company's "vice" boss, so to speak, and shared the office with him.