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„Toooooor!!“
"Yeah, shit," was all I could think, and I took one last desperate leap to the right. Out of the corner of my eye, I suddenly saw something dark approaching me. "The ball doesn't have any red stripes," was all I could think, when suddenly everything went black around me.
“Is something serious?” – “He’s bleeding like a pig.” – “Someone call the paramedics!” – “He’s even too stupid to play football.”
My comrades are being so good to me again. "Yes, thank you very much," I tried to murmur, but a stabbing pain shot through my lips into my head, and everything went mercifully dark again.
As I slowly came to, I realized I was lying in a bed. It was almost to be expected. I carefully opened my eyes. The pain in my head wasn't as bad anymore, and the pain in my lips... hey, wait a minute. I couldn't feel anything from my lips anymore. Everything was numb. Damn.
A quick look around. Aha, so it's a hospital after all. A drip on the palm of my left hand. A small room with a bed, chair, and nightstand, and the same thing to my right, but thankfully unoccupied. Why 'thank God not'? It might be quite interesting to have a nice young man in the room...
Kevin, you're an asshole. Oh, sorry, I haven't introduced myself yet. I'm Kevin. Excuse me, Corporal Kevin Kerner. Now don't giggle like an idiot; I didn't choose that name myself. My parents probably thought it was funny, that double entendre. I've gotten used to it over the last nineteen years.
Oh yes, I come from a small town in the Rhineland between Cologne and Aachen. I also did my vocational training in Cologne. As a freight forwarding clerk. Exactly, with trucks and such, but I liked our small inland shipping department best. And now? At least 600 km separate me from the cathedral. Of course, after basic training, I managed to get as far away as possible. That's what happens when you don't keep your mouth shut and show off your computer skills.
“Good evening, are we awake yet?”
Oh, no. I hate cliches, but this was one of them. Five foot six, just as broad, and with a voice like my sergeant. Just the type of Head Nurse Rabiata.
“Why us?” I thought sleepily, but then made the expected standard statement
"'o `in me?"
"At the hospital, of course. You had a sports accident."
Of course, I had a sports accident. I could have figured that out myself. Now I could make sense of it. I, the idiot I was, had let myself be persuaded to play goal in an indoor soccer game. Typical. And I couldn't even play soccer. If I did any sports, it was running or swimming, but today so many people were missing from soccer that I let myself be persuaded.
"You won't get anything for your lips tonight or tomorrow morning. We'll see after the rounds. If you need anything, just ring the bell."
And with that, she was gone. Great, and I was allowed to starve. Not that I was particularly sad. I wanted to lose some weight anyway. 74 kg is a bit much at 1.84 m. At least, that's my opinion. I'll spare you my mother's comment.
What was wrong with my lips? I carefully touched them with my right hand. Aha, swollen. And what was that? Small, thin, cut short. Sliced honey, I recognized that from my appendectomy. Stitches. My lip had been stitched. In a panic, I felt my teeth with my tongue. Sure enough, one was missing, and then an incisor too.
I slumped back onto the pillow and almost started to cry. I'd tried to keep my teeth perfect for almost 19 years. Brushing until I dropped. Visiting the dentist every three months. Few sweets, lots of fruit. And I'd done it. Not once in my life had the dentist had to drill into me or do other unspeakable things I couldn't even imagine in my wildest dreams. And now this.
The panic about the dentist was already starting to take effect.
Hmm, the nurse had said this evening. What time was it, anyway? I searched the room. There was nothing on my nightstand. Nothing in the drawer either. Aha, a built-in closet. I wanted to swing myself gracefully out of bed, but that was it. First of all, I'd forgotten the drip, and secondly, everything immediately started spinning. Great. Close your eyes, sleep.
The next morning was horrible.
Door open, light on. "Good morning!"
Oh man, it's almost like that comic book movie. The hero is in the hospital, and every few minutes a different old idiot comes in.
Okay, the thermometer thing worked. Then breakfast came. The nurse just glanced at her note and closed the door from the outside. My stomach started to growl slightly. Guess it's not so easy to go hungry after all.
A short time later, the rounds. Five men at once. After an obligatory
"So, how are we doing?" A whole lot of Latin vocabulary. Finally, a "see you tomorrow for observation" message to the nurse. I was studiously ignored. When everyone had left, I frustratedly grabbed the IV drip and went looking for my money and watch. Both were in my pants in the built-in closet. The trip had completely worn me out, and I lay down again.
When I was finally dozing off again, there was another knock at the door. A blond young man in white hospital scrubs pushed through the door. I guessed he was about my age. Dark-blond hair with light-blond highlights. Athletic build. My eyes wandered down his body. I closed my eyes briefly. What was that all about? Aren't there any hot nurses here? My gaze wandered back up to him anyway, lingering on his face. He smiled at me kindly.
"Hi, I'm Marcus, the volunteer here on the ward. I just wanted to ask if I can help with anything."
“Yes, finally let me sleep!”
What was wrong with me today? He hadn't done anything to me. His face twisted slightly and he turned around abruptly.
"No, wait. I didn't mean it like that."
He turned back to me, his face becoming a little friendlier. I raised my left arm with the IV drip.
"Can I get rid of this soon? I actually wanted to go to the bathroom without an attachment."
He laughed briefly.
"Well, let's see. I'll ask the head nurse," he said, looking around briefly and whispering, "when I get a chance to speak."
We both laughed.
"And anything else? Should I get anything else?"
I thought about it for a moment.
"Hmm... maybe something to read," I muttered, more to myself. He had heard it anyway.
“Playboy, or maybe something more sophisticated?”
"Not that crap. Better a crime thriller or something."
Once again, I was quicker with my mouth than my brain. What would he think of me? I'm not into pictures of boobs? I wasn't. Or not mostly. Somehow, most of the women in those pictures looked like cows in a pasture. Oops, if only Daniela knew that. My classmate from vocational school was committed to women's emancipation. That thought just now would have earned me another half-hour lecture.
"Well, let's see what else I can find at the kiosk. Anything else?"
"No, thanks. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know."
“Okay, see you then.”
Marcus turned around and walked to the door. My eyes flickered down at him like before, catching on his butt. He'd already closed the door from the outside when I finally realized what I'd been looking at the whole time. I closed my eyes and sighed. It was that time again. I was watching boys leave. It had started in ninth grade. Physical education had been moved to the first two periods. There were no more excuses; everyone had to shower. Shy as we all were, most of us had turned our faces to the wall and were trying to get out of the shower as quickly as possible. Only Patrik was standing there, with his back to the wall, his eyes closed, the hot water cascading down on him. He was standing right next to me, and a glance out of the corner of my eye let me see that his cock was practically halfway up. It took exactly ten seconds, and mine was standing straight up. I was out of there in no time, grabbed a towel, and changed in record time. The advice section of a well-known youth magazine then informed me in detail that I didn't need to worry; that such behavior was completely normal for boys my age. Exactly, completely normal. So now I could calmly look at the other boys in the shower every time and then run out like a madman.
There was a knock at the door and before I could say anything, Marcus came in.
“Hey, you’re pretty stormy.”
“Sorry, but I thought you wanted something quick to read.”
“And if I had been, hmm...,” I thought about something plausible, “naked?”
Marcus just laughed.
“Who do you think undressed you?”
I froze. That's right, I was wearing those hospital pajamas, and my clothes were over in the locker. Someone must have undressed me and dressed me again. All of them! I felt the blood rush to my head. Why was I embarrassed now?
Marcus just grins now.
"Hey, don't worry about it. I've seen worse."
What did that mean? I didn't look that bad, did I?
“Was I not beautiful enough for you?”
My cheeky mouth. I should probably bite my tongue. We'd only known each other for five minutes, and now it looked like I was flirting with a boy. As if I needed to. Well, thanks a lot. I hope he doesn't think I'm gay or something.
Marcus now looked at me with his big green eyes. He swallowed briefly and then threw a book onto my bed.
"Here, something to distract me. Unfortunately, nothing else was available."
I picked up the book and read the title: All Sense! by Terry Pratchett. It didn't mean anything to me, but whatever. I rummaged for my wallet and gave Marcus the money for the book. He put the money in his pocket without a word and walked out the door. There, he turned around for a moment.
“Yes, much too beautiful” and disappeared.
I was confused. What was that? Until it suddenly occurred to me. It was the answer to my last question. I sank back onto my pillow and thought about the answer. The statement left no doubt, but what frightened me most was that I had liked that answer.
Half an hour later, a nurse appeared and removed that horrible drip. Marcus had kept his word. When I asked about him, the nurse simply said his shift was already over. What a pity.
The next morning, the same ritual. Wake-up call, breakfast (this time there was something), rounds. After a long, well-lit look into my brown eyes, it was decided I should stay another day. The doctor warned me urgently about possible dizziness. Not to walk around so much. Oh well, I still had my book.
The book was excellent. I was over my second fit of laughter of the day when there was a sudden knock at the door and my dear roommates appeared. Our sergeant had assigned them to visit the sick, and they seemed a bit tense because they had to appear in their dress uniforms instead of their camouflage uniforms. Nico was the first to appear. I think his father was Italian or something. A bit shorter than me, anyway, and a dark-skinned guy, with black hair and brown eyes. I'd always known him to be very funny. Behind him was Michael. A few centimeters taller than Nico, but a bit wider. He'd trained as an electrician and was extremely taciturn. And then Robert came. He could have stayed in the barracks. Almost six foot three and broad shoulders. And his head was only on his shoulders to keep the rain out. I waited for a comment from him and was immediately rewarded.
"Well, poor bastard. Did they patch you up again?"
Only Robert could be so stupid. As big as he was, he was just as dumb. And he was also a conscript. I smiled, pained.
“Don’t worry about it.”
Nico's comment, as I could tell from a slight nod, was directed at both my condition and Robert's remark. Without hesitation, Nico sat down on the edge of my bed.
The other two had remained standing next to the bed.
“So, when are you coming out again?”
"Maybe tomorrow. Let's see what the doctor says in the morning."
"Hey," Robert grins at me. "You have a really cool gap. A good souvenir from the soccer game."
Nico turned around.
"You better shut up. Who kicked the ball at his head, causing it to hit the crossbar?"
Aha, so that's how it was. In my mind, I added another negative point for Robert. He gave Nico a sideways look, but kept his mouth shut.
There was another knock at the door. This time it was Marcus. He came in and looked around.
“Oh, you have visitors, so I’ll come back later.”
With that, he disappeared again. Damn, I hadn't been able to speak to him since yesterday afternoon. And I didn't want to ask him in front of the others. What did I want to ask him? Whether he really thought I was beautiful? This could be fun. I shuddered inside. Don't go out on a limb like that, I thought. Later, you'll get an answer you don't want to hear.
“Who was that?”
asked Nico with a long look at the door.
"That was Marcus, our volunteer here. He's quite nice."
Quite nice? Well, should I have said something else?
“Oh, what a piss-tumbler, what a piss-taker,” came from Robert again.
“They’re all gay anyway.”
I'd never seen Nico move so fast. He jerked around, and it seemed as if lightning was shooting from his eyes.
"So what? Would you like his job? You've made it so easy for yourself. There's bound to be a reason he's here and not in some barracks among empty-headed idiots. I'm sure I would have refused, too, if I'd gotten a good job."
"What's all this nonsense? You conscripts are just auxiliary soldiers anyway."
With that, he walked, no, strutted over to the window, leaned against the windowsill and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Poor madman,” Nico muttered.
I struggled not to laugh out loud. But since I'd only been sharing a room with the boys for four weeks and didn't want to ruin things for everyone right away, I decided to keep my mouth shut.
“I’m going to go smoke now,” said Robert and went to the door.
Michael just said, “I’ll come with you,” and trotted behind.
"They're a great couple. If Michael isn't careful, he'll become just as stupid as that other idiot."
"Don't get upset, Nico. It's not worth it."
We were interrupted by a loud knock. Marcus ripped open the door and stormed in, his face bright red.
“If those two idiots show up here again, I’ll forget myself.”
"Helloho? What are you talking about?"
"Those two complete idiots in the monkey suits out there. They stand in the hallway and start smoking. And when I politely point out the smoking ban, one of them tells me I shouldn't stick my stupid face in there with real men."
Nico and I looked at each other speechless. "And then?"
Marcus paused dramatically.
“Yes, then Head Nurse Hildegard came around the corner!”
We all three looked at each other and burst out laughing in unison. I would have loved to see that. Then I saw Nico's smile slowly fade.
“Oh, by the way.” And with that, he stood up, smoothed his jacket, and looked at Marcus.
"This isn't a monkey suit. I'm not making fun of your outfit."
Marcus looked at him confused at first, then his face turned slightly red. He looked down, somewhat embarrassed.
“True, it always depends on who’s inside.”
Now Nico smiled again. "Yes, indeed."
With that he turned back to me.
"Okay, I want to get going again. I don't want those two doing anything else stupid."
He shook my hand.
“And you don’t do anything stupid here either.”
I just nodded. Then he turned to Marcus. Marcus hadn't taken his eyes off him since their brief conversation.
“You can probably tell me where a telephone is.”
Marcus nodded. "Sure, down by the cafeteria. Come on, I'll show you."
With that, he placed his hand on Nico's left shoulder. Nico looked at him briefly, and they both disappeared through the door. Was there anything here I should know?

---

The journey here had been difficult enough. Now I stood before the door, doubtful. If the pain hadn't been so severe, I wouldn't have come at all. I again imagined the most horrific torment I would endure. Well, I was already in pain, so why not?
The reception desk wasn't manned. Well, okay. Maybe I should come back later...? But then a door opens in the background, and a figure in those white medical clothes comes forward. A soldier—I glance up at his epaulettes: Corporal. He must be at least 6'3". I had to grin, because he's still wearing that ugly face mask.
“Hangnmedeschn?”
What does he want from me? My face turns into a question mark. Then he realizes he's mumbling through this stupid thing and pulls it off with one hand. Out comes the most radiant smile I've ever seen.
“I would like the sick note.”
And that voice. Gentle, but firm. Those blue eyes. They smiled too. I stared at him and didn't even notice.
“Will you give it to me now?”
„Was?“
Oh, damn. I felt the blood rush to my head. I'd been staring at him the whole time like an idiot. What would he think of me now? I slammed the medical form down on the counter. The person sitting across from me was still smiling. After a quick glance at my name tag, he walked over to a filing cabinet and pulled out a yellow index card.
“You’ve never been here before?”
I shook my head.
“And what brings you here?”
Shit, I hadn't even thought about my tooth for the last five minutes. For the sake of simplicity, I bared my dentures.
"Ah yes. You're the one with the soccer game."
I felt my head turn an even deeper shade of red. This is unbelievable. Was I already the laughingstock of the barracks with this stunt? Before I could even get started, the corporal got there first.
“We’ve already received notification from the hospital.”
He came back to the front of the counter with the yellow card.
“Your appointment is this afternoon at 3:00 p.m.”
I was confused. What kind of appointment was it? Had I missed something? And there was that smile again. He must have thought I was stupid.
"Since this isn't an urgent case, the senior medical officer will perform the examination this afternoon and perhaps also the treatment at the same time, depending on how much time is left. So you don't need to plan anything for this afternoon. I'd better keep the medical certificate here, since you're so reluctant to give it away."
And again, tomato time on my face. My God, how embarrassing. He must think I always walk around like that. I turned around, went to the door, and pulled on it. Nothing happened.
"It's like a pub here. The door opens outwards."
Completely exhausted, I made my way outside. I leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. What was all this about? Why was I suddenly so out of it? That smile appeared in my mind's eye again. No! Never! I had decided not to give in to these temptations anymore, and that was it. Those shining blue eyes. OVER! Kevin, you're not like that. Now take a cold shower and that's it.

---

Ten minutes to three, I was standing in front of the dentist's group again. My panic had escalated over the course of the day into a minor phobia. I had just decided to flee when I heard a voice behind me.
“You want to come to us?”
I turned around and got my paw on my beret just in time.
“Yes, sir!”
She just nodded.
"Come on in. You'll have to wait a few more minutes, but then we'll start right away."
Her accent had a slight Bavarian accent. And she couldn't have been that old. I opened the door (I now knew which direction to go) and let her go first. My gaze automatically wandered to the now-deserted reception desk.
"Don't worry. Someone will be here soon to keep you company."
Today was tomato day.
"I've heard that you're a little afraid of the dentist, but don't worry, it can't be that bad."
How does she know that? I just nodded, muttered "Hopefully," and crept into the waiting room. It's amazing what kind of literature you can find in the waiting room of a Bundeswehr dentist. The self-congratulatory magazine "Bw-aktuell" (Bw-current), a few ancient issues of a well-known automobile club, and a specialist journal for dentists. Who reads that stuff?
“Next please.”
I looked up. What nonsense, I was the only one there anyway. But that voice. There he was again. Still in that white uniform, made of nylon or something. As I followed him, I saw that his underwear was visible through the thin fabric of his white pants. And another hard labor for my circulation as I realized what I'd just been staring at. Where would all this lead me? First to the nearest door, and then I saw it. The torture device of my worst nightmares.
“Sit down.”
How could he say something like that so easily? Didn't he feel sorry for me?
"The chair doesn't bite. Just sit down."
Bravely, I climbed in. Black leather. Sado-Masochism? I was starting to have to watch where my thoughts wandered. As he laid out the instruments, my eyes fell on a small black name tag on his shirt. Why had I missed it? No matter. What did it say? C. Hohenau.
“What does the C stand for?”
I could have slapped myself. Once again, my mouth was faster than my brain. I can't just ask him his first name. But why not? He was on first name terms with me anyway. And he knew my first name from the file. His gaze briefly wandered down to the name tag.
“Hmm? Oh, right. Christian. Why?”
Now I was standing there, no, sitting there. Why would you ask something like that?
“Oh, just like that.”
“And your name is Kevin, not much more original.”
“Hey, that shouldn’t be a…”
"No, it's okay. We'll be seeing each other here more often anyway."
Thank you for those encouraging words. He must have realized from my expression that he'd said something wrong. But before he could respond, our senior medical officer burst through the door.
"Chris, you have to do the assisting. Nurse Marion just called. She's having a problem at home with the little one. And Tanja is in the DZA today."
Chris, I see. And who's Tanja? Well, whatever. He grabbed a face mask from his left hand, and Mrs. Zahnkempner suddenly had one on too. She was standing to my right, fiddling with something on the chair. Suddenly, the backrest tilted backward, the footrest lifted, and I was lying horizontally. Great. What was that all about?
“Stay calm and open your mouth wide.”
Okay, all the way. As she leaned over me, I felt my hands start to shake. My eyelids began to flutter.
"It won't work like that. You need to calm down a bit."
Well said. Suddenly, I felt a touch on my left wrist. Christian had grasped my wrist with his left hand and was holding it tight. Immediately, my shaking stopped. The dentist noticed and frowned at my left side.
“Is that possible, just with the right hand?”
I think she meant Chris. I was already with Chris, what was going on today?
When she examined the tooth more closely, I was almost ready to leave again.
"Don't close your eyes. Breathe calmly. Chris, watch your eyes."
And that's exactly what he did. Those blue eyes looked at me piercingly. A beautiful blue, as bright as the sky. I couldn't compete with my brown eyes. My last girlfriend had told me shortly before we broke up that I had the look of a dachshund.
"Chris, hello. The tampons."
Apparently, I wasn't the only one dreaming. But why? The only thing he had observed was me. I felt hot and cold. Was he supposed to...
“Sorry, I was a little distracted.”
The senior medical officer gave Chris and then me a long look.
“Yes, I believe that too.”
What was that all about? Oh, I saw Chris's cheeks turn a little red.
"Now let's continue. I'll give you an injection first, and then we'll remove the residue from the root canal. It'll be a bit uncomfortable at first, but it will pass."
I did close my eyes for the injection. A terrible prick, and a few tears streamed from my eyes. Then I felt a hand wiping them away. When I opened my eyes again, I only saw out of the corner of my eye the dentist threatening Chris with her index finger.
“So, now we have a few minutes.”
With that, she went to a small sideboard and sorted some papers.
“Are you feeling better now?”
His voice sounded somewhat worried.
“Yes, much better.”
And with that, I raised my left hand. Now it was his turn to turn red. But before he could say anything, the next attack came from the right.
“So, if the anesthetic takes effect, let’s get to work.”
I don't really want to remember what happened next. It certainly was quite crunchy and scratchy. But those blue eyes followed me the whole time, and his hand stayed on my wrist most of the time. When I was finally allowed to stand up after what seemed like an eternity, my knees were shaking.
"Well, there you go. Who would have thought it? It wasn't that bad. The whole thing needs to calm down now. The next appointment is in two weeks. Bye."
“Come with me, I’ll give you the reorder slip.”
I followed him to the registration desk. This time he took off his face mask in time.
“So, and return the sick note to the office.”
He paused a little.
"And if you want, I'll buy you a beer in the cafeteria tonight. To calm your nerves."
I looked at him in amazement, but then I thought to myself: Well, why not? And I wasn't that thick either.
“Sure, it doesn’t have to be beer, but if you absolutely want to get rid of your money, I’ll come.”
He seemed visibly relieved.
“Okay, see you tonight.”
I could now operate the door flawlessly. Outside the building, a thought flashed through my mind. Was this a date tonight? And if so, it was my first with a man.

---

At exactly 4:30, the first thing to do was change. I preferred my own clothes ten times over this well-stocked, mixed forest. And I really didn't feel like walking around with my beret on in the evenings. We were already suffering a lot with the Red One. "Emergency stop" and all that.
First, to the army mess. I wasn't really hungry, but maybe I could take something with me. What idiot actually thinks that 4:30 is the best time for dinner? By 8:00, I'd be hungry again. Back to the living room. Thank goodness, no one was there. Nico was actually quite nice, but the other two idiots... what the heck, nobody can choose. I took my discman out of the locker and lay down on the bed. The Pogues – certainly not everyone's cup of tea, but good for relaxing. The next thing I heard was the loud slamming of the door. The CD was finished; I hadn't even heard half the tracks.
“So, did you fall asleep?”
Nico always immediately recognizes the obvious.
"Man, it's warm outside. I'm going to take a shower first."
With that, he started searching for the towel in front of his open locker. I was still looking for a few tracks I had missed. It wasn't until Nico pulled his T-shirt over his head that I noticed him again. Then the jeans. Suddenly I felt nervous. I looked at his lean, yet muscular body. I hadn't noticed it until now, but he must have been doing a lot of exercise. After the socks, now the briefs. Even his butt seemed to be well-trained. The small movements of the muscles made the play of muscle easy to see. Plus, he had a full tan. Now he wrapped the large beach towel around his waist and turned around. All of a sudden, my Discman was of paramount interest. I hoped he hadn't noticed that I'd been staring at him the whole time.
"I'll leave the locker open for a moment. You're staying here, right?"
"It's okay. I'll stay a few more minutes."
Why were I suddenly fascinated by these boys? First the looks, the touch of Chris, then Nico's erotic charisma. I needed to take a closer look at that ugly little thought lurking in the back of my mind. Was I really gay? A definite no. Or maybe. A definite yes and no.
I thought about it for a moment. I had my first girlfriend when I was fourteen. Apart from kissing, there wasn't much. Then she broke up with me because I was supposedly "too boring" for her. Stupid bitch. And then there was Susann. Not Susanne, just Susann. She went to vocational school with me and immediately had her eye on me. At a party, she got me drunk, not me her, and dragged me into bed. Okay, it was hot. I was tipsy, young, and innocent. I was determined to change that. We'd been together since that evening. Or rather, she was clinging to me like a leech. When she wanted to sleep with me again, I fobbed her off with the most impossible excuses. And what I only realized afterwards was that every time I kissed her, I saw her brother's face in front of me. It was her twin brother, and apart from the length of their hair, they were almost identical. But only almost. I got along with him really well. The three of us went out together in the evenings, went swimming, and did almost everything together in our free time.
My thoughts were interrupted by the door. Nico came back from the shower. Completely unfazed, he walked to his locker and dropped the towel. Then he grabbed a bottle and started applying lotion. I quickly got up from my bed and went to the door.
“I’ll go then, you’re back here now.”
Nico turned around and looked at me questioningly.
"What? Oh, yeah, thanks. Have fun."
I hurried out of the living room. When he turned around, I got a quick look at him from the front. Those six-pack abs, and then even deeper... I shook my head in despair. It was high time to leave, otherwise Nico might have noticed the already rather large bulge in my jeans.
It wasn't far to the cafeteria, but little Kevin calmed down quickly. I considered whether I should really go in, but then the memory of a beautiful smile won out.
Our cafeteria wasn't that big, just a few tables with maybe 20 seats. A few people were sitting around, and then I spotted Chris. He was sitting alone at a table just in front of the counter, staring into a glass. He was now wearing his camouflage uniform and had placed his beret on the table next to the glass. I walked over and stood next to him.
„Hi“
“Hi, Kevin. Glad you came after all.”
And there it was again, that smile. He was genuinely happy to see me.
"Wait, I'll get something else. What are you drinking?"
"Mineral water."
„Okay“
I went to the counter. Behind it stood our beloved canteen hostess, fat Regine. When she was in a good mood, she sometimes even called herself that. Otherwise, she was very friendly.
“Well, honey, what would you like?”
Yes, yes. Always a joke on your lips.
“Ahem, uh Regine, can I pay tomorrow?”
The next day was the fifteenth and there was money.
"Okay, I already have a few notes. What do you want?"
“Two mineral waters”
Regine looked at me questioningly.
“For you and Chris?”
I nodded. What's next?
"Then take it with you. That's true."
Now I was a little confused, but I took the two glasses and went back to the table.
Christian had overheard the short conversation.
“Thank you, Regine!”
I sat down across from Chris and sipped the water.
"How come?"
"What about the water? It's quite simple. A few months ago, there was a lot going on here, and the guys wanted to dismantle the furniture. I calmed things down a bit, and since then, Regine has been buying me a drink every now and then. Nothing major."
Nothing special? I could easily imagine the scene. Getting into a fight with drunken rioters certainly wouldn't have been for me. I took a closer look at him.
“How tall are you, actually?”
In response, he stood up
"One ninety-one."
I looked up. Oh, man. He had opened his Flecktarn jacket. Underneath, he was wearing the obligatory olive-colored T-shirt. It had apparently gotten a size too small by now. You could clearly see his pectoral muscles, really athletic. Even his nipples were visible. Nervously, my gaze wandered lower, but before I could react, his comment came.
“Well, inspection over? May I sit down again?”
He sat down and I stared desperately into my glass of water.
“You do a lot of sports?” I murmured to the water.
"Yep. Modern pentathlon. And a little martial arts."
"Modern pentathlon? Are you kidding me? Where can you do something like that?"
"Oh, it works fine at our house. There's plenty of room."
I thought about it quickly. That meant running, riding, swimming, shooting, and fencing. Running and swimming were fine, shooting maybe too, but riding and fencing?
"Well, yes. My parents are pretty big on exercise, and when we came to this area, I wanted to try everything, and then I settled on this combination. I've been doing it for seven years now."
I was astonished. He lived in the neighborhood, but was in the cafeteria tonight? Had he stayed because of me? And where did he live then? No wonder he looks so good, given his workout routine. Then a new thought occurred to me.
“You’re a West German?”
I lowered my voice slightly. Even these days, the nasty word with a W isn't welcome here, but Christian had to laugh.
"Yes, but we've been living here again since 1991. My father got back an old family property, and we rebuilt it."
My mind raced. Family property? Reclaimed? Rebuilt?
“Isn’t this a castle by any chance and you’re Prince Charming?”
That was the end of the evening. Why was my mouth always so quick? I stood up, trembling, or at least tried to. But Christian just laughed loudly. Then he looked me straight in the face.
"Well, it's certainly not a castle. And I can't judge the enchanted frog thing. But maybe you have a different opinion?"
Before I could answer, there was a loud noise at the door. Two slightly tipsy soldiers in camouflage came in. Great. I knew one of them. My dear roommate Robert. He's drunk again. I'd seen the second one a few times, too. Robert stopped at our table and looked down. His friend walked over to the bar. Robert swayed slightly. A grin appeared on his face.
“Hey guys, do you know this one yet?”
he asked, pointing at Christian's beret.
“How do you recognize a gay paramedic?”
We both looked up in surprise. Robert was laughing
"Ha, ha. On the blue beret. Ha, ha, ha."
Christian sighed and reached for his beret.
“I’d better go before more funny things like that happen.”
It should be noted that in the army, all medics and doctors wear a blue beret.
Christian now stood up, and so did I. Robert took a step back.
"Don't panic. The joke wasn't that bad."
With that, Christian turned around and we went outside. We stood there in front of the door, silent. After a while, Christian began
"So, if you want to talk to me a little more..."
“And?”
“But someone else lives in my apartment.”
“Me too, I got a four.”
“Oh dear, well then, good night.”
“Yes, good night to you too.”
I turned around and walked slowly away. Behind me, I heard a quiet voice.
“Sleep well and have sweet dreams.”
When I turned around he had already disappeared.
In the middle of the night, I woke up with a feeling I hadn't had in a long time. My stomach felt wet. Clearly, I had had a very realistic dream. The last time something like this had happened to me was three years ago, sometime after that scene with Susann. I cursed inwardly and searched for a towel or something. I didn't want to get up and make a fuss. Finally, I took off my already dirty T-shirt and threw away the rest of it. After that, I couldn't fall asleep for a while. I saw that dream pass by again. There I was, lying naked in a meadow, and a vaguely recognizable person leaned over me and gave me a kiss. A long kiss. Our tongues met, and I felt an infinite sense of happiness. Then hands ran over my body, caressing me everywhere, absolutely everywhere, and the person kissed me again. And again those hands moved over my body, concentrating on a specific spot, stroking and slowly sliding up and down. That was the point at which I had awakened.

---

Exercise is murder. Nevertheless, I continued to do my laps around the sports field. I don't really enjoy running as much as swimming, but what else could I do? Originally, I was only supposed to do 3,000 meters, but after about ten laps, I was more or less in the rhythm, so I just kept running.
Big mistake. In the end, I felt muscles I'd forgotten existed. You just shouldn't jump right into the swing of things without proper preparation.
I slowly walked over to the gym and made a decision. There's a good way to soothe overworked muscles. I wanted to visit the in-house sauna. I'm usually a bit reserved about it, but today I didn't care.
I quickly checked in with the gym attendant, put my clothes in the locker, and headed off to the sauna with two towels. As expected, no one else was here at that time. I checked the temperature, lay down on the top floor, and tried to relax. After a few minutes, the door suddenly opened, and I turned my head to see who was coming in. I jumped up from my position and sat down. Christian looked at me in astonishment.
"Well, I'll be glad I did. I thought I had the place to myself. But hello anyway, kid."
„Hi.“
I was feeling a bit nervous. Christian spread his towel diagonally across from me and lay down. I swallowed. Against my will, my gaze kept wandering to his midsection. A comparison to his height crossed my mind, but I quickly dismissed it. Apparently, it wasn't that successful. I panicked. I couldn't get an erection here in the sauna! Little Kevin, however, had a completely different opinion. I jumped up, held the towel in front of me, and rushed out. Shower! Cold!
I sprinted into the shower, and the cold water did its job. I switched to a regular shower and relaxed a bit. In my mind's eye, I saw Christian lying in front of me again. And then little Kevin started making his way back upstairs. Damn. Cold again. But at that moment, the sauna door opened. I turned to the wall.
“Well, out already?”
Christian had of course lasted the 15 minutes
“Yeah, it was pretty hot.”
I said and instinctively turned around. Christian looked down at me and grinned
“I see that.”
In a flash, I passed Christian in the locker room. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Why did he do that? It was embarrassing enough that I always blushed just looking at him. That I got a hard-on, fine. But that he was still teasing me about it.
“May I come in?”
I looked up. Christian had wrapped a large towel around his waist and was waiting at the locker room door.
"I'm sorry if I offended you, but I really didn't mean anything by it. Some guys get erect in the sauna, it's usually just a matter of circulation."
Yes, he didn't think anything of it. Why not? I was thinking about him the whole time, too. Whatever, don't think about it anymore. The end.
When he didn't get a response, Christian slowly retreated back toward the sauna. I trudged back to my room. Thank God, no one was there. If Nico had undressed again, I would have screamed.

---

I fell onto the bed in my room, crying. I didn't know what to do anymore. I was terrified. Afraid of myself. I wanted to be with him, do things with him, talk to him, and just look at him. His smile. It was simply a feeling of happiness for me. I literally felt butterflies in my stomach. There was no turning back for me. I had fallen in love with Christian. I wanted to be close to him and I had messed everything up. What would he think of me now?
Aber diese Einladung und dann diese Bemerkung gestern Abend. Ich hatte das leise Gefühl, nein die verzweifelte Hoffnung, dass er mich auch ein wenig mochte. Doch wie sollte ich es ihm beibringen? Dass er schwul war, ebenfalls schwul war, das wäre zu schön gewesen. Aber diese Hand an meiner, die strahlenden Augen. Alles nur sein Job, versuchte ich mich abzulenken. Aber er hat sich gefreut, dich gestern Abend zu sehen, und heute auch. Und mal ehrlich, vorhin unter der Dusche, sein Blick war neugierig und auch ein bisschen hm... voller Lust? Sollte er wirklich mit mir die ganze Zeit geflirtet haben? Nein, nein. Da ist wieder der Wunsch der Vater des Gedankens. Ich wurde durch die Tür unterbrochen.
„Hi, na wieder ganz alleine?“
Nico kam mit einer Einkaufstüte herein. Er stutzte kurz und kam dann zu mir herüber.
„Probleme?“
„Ach, es geht schon. Ich glaub ich geh noch mal an die frische Luft.“
Nico nickte nur und ich zog ab nach unten. Vor dem Eingang kam Christian auf mich zu. Ich wusste nicht, was ich machen sollte und blieb einfach stehen. Ich konnte ihm kaum in die Augen sehen.
„Hallo, Kleiner. Ich glaube, ich habe da vorhin Scheiße gebaut. Ich möchte mich bei dir entschuldigen.“
Ganz leise kam seine Stimme, fast schon ein Flüstern. Den Kopf hielt er gesenkt. Ich musste mich räuspern bevor ich etwas sagen konnte.
„Na, ja, ich glaub, ich war auch nicht viel besser. Aber ich war da nicht drauf gefasst und ich bin nicht so selbstbewusst wie du...“
Ich merkte, wie meine Stimme versickerte. Ein Räuspern jetzt bei ihm.
„Ich möchte da was wiedergutmachen und wollte dich fragen, ob du mit mir zum Schwimmen kommst, runter zum See.“
Ich sah ihm ins Gesicht und noch nie hatte ich solch einen bittenden Blick gesehen. Mein Herz begann zu rasen. Ja, ich will. Blödmann, dachte ich bei mir. So weit isses noch nicht. Aber dann kam meine praktische Seite durch.
„Und wie kommen wir da hin?“
„Lass dich überraschen. Hol einfach deine Sachen. Oder nein, warte. Hast du eine Lederjacke, oder so was?“
Eine Lederjacke? Höchstens die alte Jeansjacke. Was sollte ich denn damit?
„Wir fahren nämlich mit dem Motorrad.“
Oh, God. I'd never sat on one of those things before. I hadn't even owned a moped. A bicycle, and that was it. I had to pay for my driver's license myself, and I didn't have enough money for a motorcycle license.
I'd never been to my room and back downstairs so fast. I'd put on my denim jacket and slung my backpack (no, my personal one). A huge racing bike came around the corner from the parking lot between the blocks. I wasn't familiar with it, so I waited until it stopped right next to me. The rider took off his helmet, and Christian laughed at me.
“Have you ever ridden on one of these?”
I shook my head without saying a word. Then a helmet was pressed into my hand.
"Putting it on is the same system as with the combat helmet. So, once you've mounted it, hold on tight. There's nothing to hold on to except me. Hold on tight, though."
"Yes."
I looked at him somewhat doubtfully, but he smiled again at his words.
"And then when driving. When we go into corners, I put the bike to the side so we don't get carried off. Fifth-grade physics."
I grinned sourly. Wait, wait. I wasn't that stupid.
"Don't straighten up while cornering. Some people get scared and automatically try to straighten up. If you do that, we'll fly out of the corner. And I don't want anything to happen to you."
He doesn't want anything to happen to me. Was that a good sign? Maybe. So I put on my helmet and swung myself behind Christian. I carefully wrapped both arms around him. It was the first time I'd touched him, even if only through my leather jacket.
“You have to hold on tighter, otherwise you’ll end up on the ground when you start moving.”
I was happy to do it. He felt my firmer grip and stepped on the gas. He drove slowly to the station. After the guard's friendly greeting, my first shock came. The descent to the main road was a switchback with two tight S-curves. But here, too, Christian drove very slowly, and I was able to get used to this driving style.
In the city, he picked up speed. If I saw correctly, even a bit faster than the police allowed. We drove around the large ring road surrounding the city center and then toward the lake. There, we descended a small, signposted forest path to a parking lot.
“So, from here we have to walk a few more meters.”
A small footpath led through dense forest to the lake. The scenery was magnificent. The lake lay before us, surrounded by dense forest. There were only a few other visitors in the meadow ahead.
“Directly by the water, or on the meadow?”
I looked at him sideways. Let's see.
"To the meadow. It's softer there."
He gave me a scrutinizing look but said nothing. Then we spread our blankets on the lawn and started undressing. I had made a firm commitment not to let it show. So I took off all my clothes and reached for my swim trunks. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Christian watching me. Now I was feeling brave.
"Well, do you like it?"
Christian froze and turned red. He said nothing, but continued undressing very slowly so I could watch him. When he had his swim trunks on, I nodded. We both looked toward the water. Without another word, we dashed off and ran into the shallow water at the shore.
It became a race swimming far out onto the lake. After a while, I looked around and spotted Christian a good distance behind me. So, I was actually better at something than him. I slowly let him catch up and then circled him slightly.
“See you on the shore.”
When I arrived, I was pretty exhausted. The run this morning, and now this. I staggered to my towel and collapsed. A few minutes later, I heard Christian approaching. He collapsed onto his towel as well. He was panting heavily.
"Hey, kid. You're really good."
I felt a little bit proud. So there were things I could do better than him. Maybe there were still things he could show me. My thoughts were wandering aimlessly again. I felt my cock slowly getting hard again, and I gave myself over to that feeling completely. I dreamed, eyes wide open, of Christian... Suddenly, I was startled by a rush of cold water. Christian was standing over me, grinning.
"You looked like you needed to cool down."
“Not me, but you. Wait!”
I jumped up and chased Christian into the water. We then romped around like little kids. We chased each other through the water, wrestled, and dived under. In short, it was wonderful. When it started to get dark, we lay back on our towels.
Christian turned to me, then put his arm on my shoulder. He looked deep into my eyes.
“Hey, little one, I have to tell you something.”
I looked at him now, too. Christian hesitated a little.
"I'm gay and I'm in love with you. Okay, now you know, do whatever you want with it."
I was frozen. Had he really said that? Could it really be like that? I was so nervous I couldn't speak. Then I composed myself. Should I? My heart started racing again, but I put my hand on his shoulder and said quietly.
"I don't know if I'm really gay. But I think I love you too. Will you give me a chance?"
Christian's face first showed surprise, then joy. There it was again, that smile. He leaned over me and his face came close to mine. When he hesitated a little, I put my free hand behind his head and pulled him down. We kissed for what seemed like an eternity. In that moment, I realized I truly loved this boy. No matter what the rest of the world said, this was mine. And Christian seemed to enjoy it too. With his eyes closed, he ran his hand over my body, exploring every nook and cranny. I carefully took my hand and slowly slid it down his body. At first I made a slight detour, but then I boldly stroked his swim shorts. I trembled and he gasped softly.
"No, please don't. I don't want this to end like this. If you keep going, we'll need another towel."
He grinned and kissed me again.
"Little one, I really love you. I'm just happy."
"You have no idea how hard this was for me, but I love you too, Chris."
A short time later, we had to leave. The sun had set, and a cool breeze was blowing across the lake. Christian gave me a ride to the gate. I gave him back my helmet, but he waved me off.
"Keep it. You'll need it. I want to leave with you soon."
I was touched. Tears welled up in my eyes. Christian leaned forward and wiped my tears away.
"Don't cry, little one. It can be so beautiful. I love you, see you tomorrow, my darling."
"Okay, see you tomorrow, big guy. I love you too."
When I lay back in bed in my room, I had to think about the evening for a long time.

---

I just couldn't believe what I saw there.
"What, that's where we want to go?"
Christian just nodded. He had driven his motorcycle to the driveway of a property surrounded by a thick, high hedge. The road curved gently toward a large, three-winged mansion.
"Yes that's it."
The motorcycle braked cautiously on the gravel path in front of the steps. I practically jumped off and took off my helmet. I looked at the building in fascination. Christian had also taken off his helmet and was looking around.
"Hey, man. You told me something about a small estate. This one looks more like a small castle."
Christian looked a little embarrassed. But before he could say anything else, I heard a voice on the steps.
"Welcome to Gut Hohenau. So you're Kevin."
A middle-aged lady came down the stairs smiling. Now I knew where Christian had gotten that smile. Suddenly, my throat went dry. What should I say?
"Uh, yeah. I'm Kevin. And I, uh, I... thank you for the invitation."
"No, no. No thanks. We're all a little curious."
Oh, no. Was this supposed to be a showcase weekend? I felt myself blush again. Christian's mother didn't seem to notice at all. She turned to her son.
"Please bring the luggage in. We didn't prepare a guest room because I assumed you two would be sleeping together. Please put the dirty laundry in the basement. Okay, Kevin, come with me."
With malicious delight, I watched as Christian also blushed. Well, the woman knew what she wanted.
"The estate was built shortly after the Thirty Years' War and, with brief interruptions, has been in the family ever since. The Hohenaus have always been farmers, and so it remains today. An old family of German landed gentry. We have never let ourselves be defeated and have defended every attack on our land or our family to the death."
Oh, what was that all about? She looked at me sharply, and the smile disappeared from her face. Then it dawned on me. She was testing me. Cowards and fortune hunters were apparently caught on the first try.
The way into the house led through a large entrance hall to a small, cozy room with a large seating area and a bar. Mrs. von Hohenau immediately interpreted my confused look correctly.
"We'll chat a bit until Christian gets everything sorted. I heard you're from the Rhineland?"
I was more than astonished by everything she had 'heard' and everything else she wanted to know from me. At one point, I was about to ask if all this counted towards the dowry negotiations, but thank God I was able to hold my tongue this time before anything bad happened.
After a good three-quarters of an hour, I was finally released. Frau von Hohenau smiled graciously.
"Christian should be ready now. You can go upstairs. Up the stairs, the second room on the left. We'll expect you for dinner at seven."
I must have looked very relieved because Christian's mother laughed quietly after me as I hurried back upstairs.
Christian's room was easy to find, and I was more than amazed. His place was almost half the size of our entire apartment at home. A large double bed, couch, armchair, TV—everything was there.
“Well, has she released you from her clutches?”
"Uh, yeah. She said we were expected for dinner at seven."
Christian turned around and stared at me.
“Dinner at seven?”
"Yes why?"
"Because this is a formal dinner for the whole family. Only my father will be missing. He's still in the US on business. He won't be back until the end of this month. I assume Arne will act as the head of the family."
“And who is Arne?”
"Oh, sorry. So, Arne is my older brother. He's 23 now and studying dentistry in Greifswald. Then there's Beate, who's 21 and studying history in Berlin. Finally, Christiane, who's exactly the same age as me. We're twins, and our parents couldn't think of anything else to do but name us Christian Alexander and Christiane Alexandra. Chrissy is starting veterinary medicine studies in Hanover in October."
"Oh, a big family. I'm not familiar with that, as an only child."
"You'll get used to it. They don't bite."
And he was right. The meal was promptly at seven, but in my opinion, it had nothing to do with dinner.
In the dining room – it was actually called that – a large table was partially set and the food was served as a buffet.
Christian practically pushed me into the room, where I immediately found myself face to face with the rest of the family. Christiane was the easiest to recognize. She was almost exactly like her brother, but hers was significantly taller and her figure was a bit curvier.
"So, everyone. This is Kevin. I think I've already told you enough about him that everyone knows what our relationship is. These are Arne, Beate, and Chrissy. You've already met my mother extensively."
Arne wasn't quite as tall as Christian, but he was a bit broader. During the brief introduction, he only raised his eyebrows slightly, but nodded in a friendly manner. Beate seemed somewhat disappointed.
"What, the Inquisition has already met? What a pity."
She came up to me laughing and hugged me, so that I froze completely at first.
“And he’s shy too.”
Chrissy turned to her twin brother.
“Hey, why do you always get the pretty ones?”
“Because I’m just as pretty?”
Before a longer discussion could begin, they were interrupted.
"Stop, you two. We want to eat in peace. For Kevin's information: There are no designated seats at the table. Whoever has gotten something to eat sits wherever they want. This might lead to a change of table partner. Have fun."
I looked from one to the other, then to the table, and back to the buffet. Christian laughed, took my hand, and pulled me to the buffet.
A good hour later, I still hadn't finished my meal, but I had to answer a constant stream of questions from three different sources. Christian seemed to be having a great time, while I was only slowly getting over my nervousness.
Although it wasn't particularly late, it suddenly became dark outside. The high windows offered a glimpse of dark clouds that were rapidly gathering. The first flash of lightning flashed, followed shortly by thunder.
Christiane suddenly looked up and turned pale.
"The horses from the south paddock are still outside. We have to get them in, or they'll run away."
I was just figuring out that she must have been talking about horses when everyone jumped up.
"Arne, the off-road vehicle with the large trailer. Beate, check the stables and prepare the boxes. Christian and Kevin will go with Arne. Chrissy and I will get the halters and ropes. We'll meet at the gate."
Christian's mother apparently left nothing to chance. And her tone in this situation would have suited our sergeant well.
Outside, it was pouring with rain, but we ignored it as best we could. A large horse trailer was hitched to an off-road vehicle, and the bumpy ride began. It took some time until we reached our destination, and by then, lightning had already struck twice. The thunder followed shortly after and was deafening.
In the fenced pasture, in the dim light of the wagon, one could see four horses running back and forth, completely frightened.
“How do you want to catch them?”
Christian shrugged his shoulders.
"Chrissy will probably do it; she has the best hand with animals. But I don't know how that's going to work."
Mrs. von Hohenau was driving at a high speed. Her car skidded to a stop, and she and Christiane practically jumped out. Chrissy looked over at the horses and cursed quietly. Then she took a halter and lead rope and tried to approach the first animal. She spoke softly to the horse and had the halter ready when another flash of lightning struck, making the horse shy.
It took a long time until the first two horses were in the trailer and Arne and Christian drove them over to the stables. I stayed at the gate and watched Chrissy slowly lead the third horse over. The rope was tied to the fence with a strange knot.
"It's a tie-down knot. You can undo it even if the horse pulls on it."
Mrs. von Hohenau must have noticed my questioning look. Then she looked back at Christiane, who was just approaching the last horse, which was clearly more nervous than all the others.
"If that's good... Chrissy! Careful!"
The horse shied and reared up, brushing against Christiane and knocking her to the ground. Then it ran at full gallop toward the side fence and simply jumped over it like a show jumper.
"What a crap!"
I could hardly believe my ears, but Mrs. von Hohenau was already on her way to her daughter.
"Kevin! The horse! There's a ditch on this side!"
I immediately trotted around the fence to the spot where the escapee had escaped. I couldn't see anything, but then I heard a loud whinny behind me that sounded almost like a scream. Damn! That didn't bode well.
I followed the noise and suddenly had to brake to avoid falling into the ditch. The ditch was deep and muddy. At the bottom, sunk almost up to its belly, stood the horse, continuing to neigh pitifully.
Behind me I could see the swinging glow of searching flashlights.
“Here! Over here!”
Christian appeared with his mother and looked relieved when he noticed that nothing had happened to me.
“What about Chrissy?”
Mrs. von Hohenau waved her hand.
"Just knocked over. Nothing wrong. She'll probably be here soon."
Thoughtfully, she examined the ditch and the horse in it.
“So, what do we do with you now?”
All five of us stood at the edge of the ditch until I remembered something from my training that we had never actually done.
“Do you have a wheel loader or something?”
Arne nodded.
"We have a telehandler in the yard. Why?"
“With a rescue strap, you can pull the horse out again if it stays relatively still.”
"Our farmhand drives the loader. I can't handle the thing."
I almost feared that.
"But I do. We had to get a certificate of competence during training. How much does a horse like that weigh?"
Chrissy looked over at me.
"Estimated up to 600 kg. This little one here, I'd say, weighs around 450."
“Do you have wide belts?”
Arne and Christian whispered for a while before turning to us.
“We take the lashing straps and place thick, wide wool blankets underneath them. That should work.”
Chrissy wanted to say something, but her mother interrupted her.
"You take the trailer away, and Beate should stable it. Kevin gets the telehandler, and you two get the belts and the blankets. Chrissy and I stay here."
It took almost until dawn to finish the work. After several failed attempts, it finally worked, and the horse was now standing in its stall. The yard was somewhat tidy, and five completely soaked and filthy people shuffled, dead tired, toward the main house.
“Come here, let’s go through the dirt room.”
For the umpteenth time, I shook my head at all the new things that were crashing down on me.
"It's quite simple. A room where you change clothes when you come in from the farm. It's equipped with lockers, but also with a large shower and all the accessories. After all, you don't want the whole house to stink of horses."
The dirty room was actually equipped with a row of lockers, and I was just wondering how the changing process would work when Beate pulled out a stack of towels.
“Since no one has a change of clothes down here, it means showering and then going through the house.”
Within moments, everyone had undressed and headed for the shower room. I stood there, somewhat stunned, until Christian nudged me.
"You'll have to go through with it. We've been doing this ever since we were allowed to play outside; it's nothing special for us. Besides, you've probably been to a public sauna before."
Right, I was. So I took off my clothes and went into the shower room, which could easily have served as a communal shower in the barracks. Just a few minutes later, everyone was heading to their rooms, wearing only a towel.
I snuggled up to Christian and fell asleep just seconds later.
The remaining two days of the weekend passed much more quietly, although I noticed that the tone towards me had changed somewhat. I was no longer questioned curiously, but was simply seamlessly integrated into all the plans and activities.

---

Once again, Chris surprised me with a trip to the cinema. They were watching the latest Batman movie, and I was more than fascinated by Chris O'Donnell in his role as Robin.
After the cinema, Christian nudged me gently and winked at me.
“Do you want to go to the lake?”
I looked at him questioningly. A quick glance at my watch said it was 10:30. I grinned.
“You mean night swimming?”
Christian nodded slowly. I continued to think.
“But I don’t have any swimming trunks with me.”
Now Christian's grin widened. He leaned forward and whispered:
“Then maybe night swimming will become nude swimming.”
I grabbed my helmet, put it on, and flipped up the visor.
"What now? Are we starting?"
Chris put on his helmet, started the bike and we set off.
By the time we arrived at the lake, it was already well into dusk. We looked at each other and began undressing. Chris was in a hurry and ran into the water. I followed shortly after. Now he stood before me, submerged up to his belly button, illuminated by the setting sun. A young god, all my own. I waded over to him and hugged him.
Two seconds later, I was in the water. Chris laughed and dunked me under.
"Na, worth it"
We played, dived, and splashed. Out of breath, we came out of the water and lay down on the grass. I lay on my stomach, arms crossed, head resting on my arms. Chris lay down next to me. Slowly, his hand ran down my back, down to my buttocks. There, he stroked me more intensely. I recoiled slightly.
"Don't worry, little one. We're not there yet. Just let your feelings guide you."
So I did. My entire back tingled, then it moved down my legs, up my inner thighs. Instinctively, I spread my legs slightly. I heard him laugh softly.
Then I turned on my side. My cock was already unnecessarily trapped. Chris now turned onto his stomach, like I had before. Now I could pleasure him just as he had me before. But he couldn't hold out for long. He turned back to me and kissed me. Then our hands simultaneously wandered lower. It was simply beautiful. Everything I had experienced before paled in comparison to this feeling. And so it didn't take long before I finished, breathing heavily. Just a few seconds later Chris followed. Then he turned me onto my back and lay on my stomach. I resisted a little at first, but the unpleasant slippery feeling slowly subsided.
“I think we should go back into the water, otherwise we’ll be stuck together here.”
Chris laughed. Then he jumped up, pulled me up by one arm, and we walked back into the water, hand in hand.

---

The bang couldn't be ignored. The door flew open and slammed against the wall. Lights on, festive illuminations. Robert and Michael staggered in, tipsy. I blinked through my half-closed eyes. Best to just ignore them. They'll calm down eventually. Robert put another six-pack of beer on the table. That could take a while, after all. Michael had managed to close the door when Robert started yelling loudly.
“Well, isn’t he cute, the little one?”
Robert slowly approached my bed. Michael giggled foolishly.
“Well, where is our little asshole?”
Michael giggled louder. I felt hot under my blanket.
“Hey,” Robert yelled, “stand up when I’m talking to you!”
Then he kicked my bed. I jumped up, but as drunk as he was, he grabbed me by the neck in a flash and shook me until I couldn't breathe.
"You little faggot! I saw you right there. You probably thought no one was at the lake at night!"
He grabbed me by the neck with both hands and slammed my head against the wall. The first stars appeared before my eyes.
"You were wrong, you dirty cocksuckers. You're all..."
“Stop! Let him go immediately!”
I'd never heard Nico so loud before. Unnoticed by the two drunks, he'd gotten up and was now standing next to his bed, shaking with anger. Wearing only a pair of boxer shorts. He looked really cute when he was angry, it occurred to me. If I hadn't had Chris...
Robert slowly turned around and looked at Nico in disbelief.
“Well, there’s another one of those little perverts!”
I thought I had misheard, but suddenly Robert let go of me and pushed me over to Michael.
“Come on, hold him until I’m done with this ass.”
With that, he turned back to Nico and stood in front of him. He was almost a head taller than Nico and considerably heavier, but Nico seemed unfazed. Michael had meanwhile twisted one arm behind my back and turned his attention back to Robert.
"Okay, now it's your turn, you little faggot. You probably think I'm blind too, huh? Because I saw you too, you and that civilian slut, in front of the cinema."
Robert turned briefly to his companion and nodded.
"There they stand, calmly shoving their tongues down each other's throats. How disgusting."
My ears pricked up. Civilian slut? Did he mean Marcus? Nico and Marcus? Now a lot of things became clear to me.
Robert now swung his right fist wide, aiming to strike. Nico ducked, and in one fluid motion, twisted his right arm behind his back. Robert screamed and ended the twist, striking Nico in the face with his left backhand. Nico staggered back, and Robert threw himself on top of him with all his weight. They both fell to the ground. I tried to free myself, but Michael only continued to twist my arm painfully.
Then a voice at the door.
“What’s going on here?”
I hadn't even thought about the UvD anymore.
Corporal Kleinert was on duty today and was obviously not thrilled about the riot. I immediately dismissed her question as rhetorical. Robert now had to divide his attention.
“Just go away, you stupid cunt!”
Hmm, I thought to myself, that was probably the wrong answer. I'd only seen NCO Kleinert once or twice before, but I remembered the paratroopers' beret well.
She immediately entered and came closer to Robert.
“Say that again!”
Robert got up and came towards her.
“I told you to fuck off, you bitch!” and with that he lashed out.
Similar to Nico, she dove away and did a quick turn. I couldn't quite see what happened next, but Robert was suddenly lying on the ground with NCO Kleinert kneeling behind him. Michael fidgeted behind me. He probably wanted to help his friend, but to do that, he'd have to let go of me. His decision was taken away from him.
"Release!"
The voice came from the entrance door behind us. Michael turned around and pulled me with him. I screamed. Then I felt my arm released. I also looked at the door. The OvWa was standing there with two guards. First Lieutenant Richter came through the door and walked over to Robert, who was still lying on the ground.
“What do we have here?” he asked, not addressing anyone directly.
“That chick just attacked me,” came a voice from below.
First Lieutenant Richter leaned forward and shook his head.
"First, moderate your language. I'll deal with you right away."
With a brief gesture, he signaled to NCO Kleinert that she could now release her victim. She let go of him and took three steps back. Then she turned back to the OvWa.
“I call this an assault on a superior officer.”
The lieutenant nodded. Robert had gotten to his feet and was staring at the two of them. Suddenly, he rushed to the door, but was intercepted by the two guards.
"Okay," said First Lieutenant Richter. "That's it then. You're under temporary arrest. Follow these two to the station without resistance, otherwise..."
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of handcuffs, which he showed to Robert. Robert hung his head and trotted after the two guards.
The first lieutenant turned briefly to Uffz Kleinert.
“We’ll do the rest tomorrow morning.”
Then he quickly followed the guards.
She nodded curtly, looked around briefly, and pointed at Michael. "You're coming with us. You'll be staying in another room tonight."
Nico had now stood next to me. The left side of his face was red and swollen. He looked at NCO Kleinert and grimaced.
"Thanks, Dani. That almost went wrong."
She smiled back and gave him a kiss on the right cheek.
“As long as you don’t make it a habit.”
With that, she turned around and beckoned Michael to follow her. Then she closed the door from the outside.
"Dani? Habit? And anyway, what civilian slut?"
Completely perplexed, I looked at Nico. He was still half naked, kind of mouth-watering. Then I realized I was just as naked. Nico looked down at me.
“I better put something on, or I’ll get into trouble with Chris.”
I felt my face turning red again. So he'd noticed my hard-on. How embarrassing. And how did he know that Chris and I...? I went to my locker and got myself a T-shirt. Then I sat down on my bed, and Nico came over and sat down next to me.
"So, let's start with the civilian slut. You've known him a little longer than I have. The other day at the hospital, when we were at your place, I saw Marcus for the first time and immediately fell in love."
Nico's eyes stared into the distance.
"Two days later, we met for the first time, and we've been together ever since. It's that simple."
I looked at him from the side.
“I didn’t notice anything about that.”
"You shouldn't have. The way he was adoring you, I thought you were going to get him, but then Chris came along."
I was stunned. Marcus had adored me? I was pretty naive.
“And NCO Kleinert?”
Nico laughed.
"I've known Daniela since kindergarten. What do you think the hello was when we met here? We were also in the same sports club."
Nico laughed again.
"Guess what, judo. I've forgotten a bit of it, though. Besides, she's known I'm gay for four years."
“How is that?”
Nico was silent for a while, but then he slowly continued
"Quite simple. She was the one it didn't work out with. We'd been together for six months, and she cautiously suggested it was probably time we slept together. There was a minor disaster. I couldn't get it up, and she thought she was to blame. The next day, she didn't pay any attention to me. Or so I thought. She watched me all day at school. The next morning, she came up to me, looked me in the eyes, and simply told me I should be honest with myself. The way I acted and looked at boys, it was clear to her I was gay. Period."
Nico sighed, “How right she was.”
Then he turned to me.
“Satisfied with the statements, Your Honor?”
I blushed again.
"I didn't mean to pry. I mean, I wanted to..." my voice trailed off.
Nico looked me in the eyes.
"Be curious. Don't worry. You can ask me anything."
His face became serious.
"Don't think anything wrong with me. You have a boyfriend and so do I, but sometimes I need someone else to talk to and be silly with."
With that, he leaned over me and gave me a kiss. Very lightly on the lips. I was a little startled at first, but then I knew what he meant. I hugged him and held him tightly. It took a while before Nico let go of me. He whispered softly.
"I think I've got a problem now. I'd better go to bed."
I looked at him questioningly, but when he stood up and I looked down at him, I noticed the bulge in his boxers. I quickly slipped under my covers. How could this end? I didn't even dare think about what would happen if Nico and I took a shower together. Nico turned off the light and crept to his bed. I turned over at least three times so I could find a somewhat comfortable position to sleep in. Why is that thing always there when you can't use it?
The next morning, my alarm clock rang. Completely sleepy, I fumbled with the alarm clock until it finally went off. My throat was sore, and then the memory of the previous night came flooding back. I shuddered. Had all that really happened? I looked over at Nico. He was still asleep, curled up like a little kid. Tired, I grabbed my things from the locker and trotted toward the bathroom. After my morning routine, I felt somewhat better. I checked on Nico again. I felt really sorry for waking him.
"Come on, get out. You're late."
He grumbled something and stood up. I stood in front of my locker, sorting through my things. It would probably be a few more days before I could comfortably look at Nico half-naked again. A thought of Chris flashed through my mind. Had I been unfaithful to him? Nothing had happened, with Nico, I mean. But the brief thought of Chris was enough, and my longing for him almost overwhelmed me. I slammed the locker door resolutely and headed toward the army mess hall. Nico usually skipped breakfast.
After starting work, I sat in front of my computer, waiting for something to happen, but everything went as usual. Then, around 10:00 a.m., our department sergeant popped his head through our office door.
“Kerner to the company commander!”
I headed for the company building. The office door was wide open, as always. I entered, and Corporal Schneider from the office grinned broadly at me, but said nothing. He just pointed wordlessly toward the door to the sergeant major's office.
I knocked and waited.
“Come in,” I heard the robust voice of our sergeant.
I entered. The sergeant was enthroned behind his desk. To his right, our company commander sat in an armchair.
I greeted, “Private Kerner, reporting as ordered!”
The boss waved it off.
"All right, Kerner. Sit up there."
He pointed to the chair in front of the large desk. The sergeant was moving some papers very importantly.
I sat down nervously. My gaze wandered between the sergeant and the boss. I wondered what was going on.
"So, Mr. Kerner. What we're going to do now is question you about the incident last night in your room. Since you're not accused of any misconduct, we're only going to question you as a witness. First, a few personal details."
I dutifully recited my information: rank, last name, first name, personal identification number, and whatever else was required. I am not related or related by marriage to Corporal Robert M. God forbid!
And then to the point. I recounted the events in great detail, including all the insults, threats, and physical violence. None of it mattered to me anymore. If it was going to be a clean sweep, it would be right then and there. The boss just sat in his chair and listened. The sergeant couldn't write as fast as I talked.
As I finished, almost out of breath, the sergeant and the boss looked at each other briefly.
"I think that's it. Mr. Kerner, you've been a great help to us."
I looked at my boss in surprise.
“That was all?” I blurted out.
The boss nodded. "Yes, you can go back to your department."
I stood up, saluted, and marched out of the room without a word. Corporal Schneider was waiting for me outside, his eyes expectant.
“Well, was it bad?”
I just shook my head without saying a word. But Schneider persisted.
"Man, you really gave Munzer a good beating. It was about time he got one. He can really congratulate himself now."
I looked at Schneider in confusion.
“Why, what’s happening now?”
"Man, you're stupid. That was physical assault on a superior officer. That'll be referred to the public prosecutor's office. He'll go to court. And then his meteoric career with the federal government will be over."
I began to understand, “He’s going to be fired?”
"Sure. If he's convicted, he's out. But tell me, is the story about you and the paramedic true?"
I felt myself blush again. Then I took a deep breath. Now or never.
"Uh, yeah. We're together."
My face must have been glowing bright red by now.
"Man, I just lost ten marks because of you. I didn't believe it. But don't worry, it's okay."
I stood there, completely bewildered. They've already made bets in the company? And what, that's okay? I hurried out of our office and looked at the big clock in the hallway. It was just after eleven. The mess hall was already open. Should I go or shouldn't I? Whatever, I'm hungry.
As I entered the dining room, it suddenly became quieter. Gathering up all my courage, I grabbed a tray and went to the counter. The noise level slowly increased again, and I stood there with my full tray, looking for an empty table. I didn't dare sit down at someone's table. When I was halfway across the dining room, I heard a whistle behind me. It was a long, drawn-out whistle, like the ones people sometimes whistle after girls. I froze. But before I could react, I heard a loud voice behind me.
“Sergeant! Please come outside with me!”
I saw our G2, a lieutenant colonel, who had stood up and was moving toward the exit. He was followed shortly behind by a staff sergeant I didn't recognize, his face bright red.
“Kevin! Come here to us.”
I turned around and saw Daniela sitting at the table with another sergeant. I walked over and sat down.
“Enjoy your meal,” I said dryly.
"Well," said Daniela, "there's a lot going on today. Oh yes, this is Felix. I actually wanted to set him up with Nico, but unfortunately he's already taken."
I choked on the soup and coughed. Now I took a closer look at Felix. It was hard to judge his height, but he was slim, almost thin. He had a narrow face with freckles and reddish-blond hair. Green eyes. Felix beamed at me.
"Hello, Kevin. You've caused quite a stir. The entire staff is discussing last night's incidents. Opinions are pretty divided. There were some negative comments about gays. Some from officers, too, but the Chief of Staff grabbed them before dinner."
I stared at him. The Chief of Staff had summoned officers for homophobic remarks. I didn't believe it.
“How do you know that?”
“I’m in the boss’s anteroom”
Oh, our chief of staff was considered a bit difficult, I didn't want to sit in the anteroom.
“And you are also...uhhh...” I started stuttering again.
"Gay. S, C, H, W, U, L, gay. Six-letter word."
Daniela and Felix burst out laughing. Once again, I didn't understand a thing.
"That's from a movie. Never seen Real Men ?"
I shook my head. Felix sighed and looked at Daniela.
"Well, honey. If things don't work out with Nico, I guess I'll have to find something else."
Daniela laughed, then looked at my tray.
"Ready? Then we can."
When we stood up, I saw that Felix was exactly the same height as me - I could easily look him in the eyes.
As we passed the announcement board in the company building, we saw a new entry: Company roll call today at 1:00 PM for all NCOs and enlisted men. Great.
At exactly ten to one, everyone started to gather. We were still standing around in small groups, chatting. I was looking for a particular blue beret. Then Chris came around the corner with Staff Sergeant Löffler from his dentist group. All conversations died down. The silence was almost palpable. Christian stopped in front of me and looked down at me. Very slowly, he raised his arms and hugged me very gently, then lowered his head. The kiss was incredible. Just like the reactions all around me. The cheering and whistling was deafening, but slowly died down. Then a voice next to us.
“Can we?”
We scattered. The rest of the headquarters company had already lined up, and the sergeant major was already at the front. We both turned bright red and hurried to the back of the company. The sergeant major gave us an indefinable look but said nothing.
"Headquarters company, stand at attention! Line up! Eyes straight ahead! Report to the company commander, eyes right!"
The boss came around the corner right on time.
"Eyes straight ahead! Staff Company, move!"
"Ladies and gentlemen. I have called this roll call here today for a very specific reason. Last night, there was a fight in the company building, followed by a physical attack on a superior officer. I hereby make it unmistakably clear that I will not tolerate such behavior under any circumstances. Once the matter has been definitively clarified, all necessary disciplinary steps will be taken. Furthermore, unfortunately, the personal rights of some other soldiers have been severely violated. Please be assured that I will also not tolerate any discrimination or personal attacks against any of my soldiers. Nevertheless, after consultation with the Chief of Staff, I have decided that some of the soldiers involved will be transferred. I expressly emphasize that this is a measure of care for those affected and not any form of punishment or demotion."
The speech ended abruptly. The chief looked around briefly and nodded to the sergeant. He stepped forward again.
"Staff Company, stand still! Eyes right!"
The boss disappeared around the corner.
"Eyes straight ahead! Staff Company, move!"
Slowly the sergeant looked down the line of lined-up soldiers.
“Hohenau and Kerner come to me later.”
We looked at each other and suspected what was coming next.

---

"They're both being transferred. I can't say where yet; we'll have to clarify that with G1 first; the boss is over there right now. At least they'll stay within the division's area. So it won't be that far away."
The sergeant raised his hand when I tried to say something.
"Today is Thursday. Pack all your things and come back here on Monday. From here, you'll be set off. You can leave all your things here until Monday."
Then he turned to Christian.
"You live in the area. It's easier for you. You come here tomorrow and get your papers. On Monday you can go straight to your new office. Any questions?"
When no questions came, he nodded.
"Good. Let me know when I'm finished packing."
We left the office.
"But I don't want to leave here. I want to stay with you!"
I struggled to hold back my tears.
"Hey, kid, I'm coming too. And who knows, maybe we won't be so far apart after all. You know where I live, and I still have a fast bike."
I sighed. This weekend, of all weekends. It would have been nice to be with Christian again, but this was the weekend his father was returning from America, and I had promised my mother I'd finally come home. Well, the upside was, I got home a little earlier than expected.

---

Saying goodbye to Nico on Monday morning was obviously difficult for me. When my alarm went off, I grabbed my things and went to shower. Then Nico suddenly appeared in the shower. I'd never seen him so early before. He casually undressed and stood next to me. His eyes wandered up and down my body, and I became nervous. Now, however, I could observe him just like that. I immediately noticed his erection; it was impossible to miss. I reacted in kind. Nico laughed at me. I was becoming more and more nervous.
"What's going on now? I thought we'd settled this?"
Nico was still laughing at me.
"I just wanted to give you a little treat. Besides, I was a little curious. No offense, but I didn't want to let you go without a lasting memory of you."
With these words, he grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his waist. The bulge was still impressive. I grabbed my towel too, and we walked back to the living room, laughing.
When we were all dressed, the moment had come. Nico slowly walked over to me and hugged me.
“Good luck, Kevin.”
He had tears in his eyes and I started to cry too
"Good luck to you too. And thank you for everything."
On impulse, I leaned down and kissed him. Then we separated, and I grabbed my bag and hurried out of the room.
My sergeant was already waiting for me.
"So, I have your transfer order here. Sit down, I have something to explain."
What was there left to explain?
“You are coming to a BeaReg.”
My face was full of question marks.
"The BeaReg is a kind of liaison officer to a district administration in areas where there are no Bundeswehr barracks. He is, so to speak, the Bundeswehr's contact person for the respective local administration. They will report there now and then clarify how their accommodation should be arranged. We have to accommodate them somewhere, after all. Today, for once, the transport will be carried out directly by official vehicle. HG Schneider will drive them directly there in my Wolf."
With that, he handed me my transfer order to the district town 30 km south of us. I nodded.

---

At the reception of the district administration, I was initially looked at in confusion until the older lady said
"Oh, you mean the nice naval officer who came today. He's in room 309."
I thanked him politely and looked for the elevator. 3rd floor, get out. Left or right? Left. 311, 312. So right. 310, 309. A door sign with BeaReg Bw, nothing else. Oh, yes, that one was new too. The door was half open. I knocked and entered.
A tall, elderly man in a naval uniform stood in front of the window. He was wearing only a long-sleeved shirt, and I couldn't make out his epaulettes. It was already difficult enough for me to interpret all those stripes. He turned around and looked at me. I put on my best show. Damn, what was the real name of this department? Anyway, now I had to improvise.
“Private Kerner, I report to BeaReg effective today.”
The naval officer raised his eyebrows slightly.
"Almost, but never mind. Just a moment, please. Sit down there."
He pointed to the chair in front of his desk. Then he went to his chair, picked up the jacket lying on it, and put it on. By now I had time for a quick glance around. A desk, a shelf. That couldn't be all there was. Aha, a door on the left, presumably to another office. The door was half open, but I couldn't see into the other room. My attention was now focused on the sleeves of the uniform jacket in front of me. One, two, half a sleeve, and another. What was that again? Fregattenkapitän, which means lieutenant colonel. I shrank a little in my chair.
"So, so. So you're the young man who so shamelessly seduced my son."
I thought I'd misheard. The "excuse me?" died on my lips as my gaze snapped to his name tag: FKpt von Hohenau.
I felt myself getting sick. My face must have been as white as the wall behind me.
I slowly stood up.
"Commander. I never thought something like this would happen to me. I've never done anything to anyone and never meant harm to anyone. I've never seduced anyone. I was just giving in to my feelings. And that's exactly what your son did. I love him, and I know he loves me. If you can't understand that, then I'm sorry, but I can't and won't stop loving Christian. Do what you want, but you can't separate us forever. No matter what happens, I will always stick by him. And someday we'll get married."
As I spoke, I began to cry. Nevertheless, I tried to speak clearly, slowly, and with great emphasis, because I knew these would be my last words for a long time.
But then Christian's father stood up, just as slowly as I did. A quiet voice sounded from the left. Chris stood in the doorway to the other office. He was also wearing a uniform and crying just as much as I was. He came over to me and hugged me.
“You would do that?”
I looked at him and nodded.
“Yes, I want to.”
We then burst into hysterical laughter.
Christian's old man cleared his throat.
"An impressive speech, if I may say so. So Christian wasn't exaggerating. Nor was the rest of the family."
I looked at Christian questioningly.
“I said pretty much the same thing Thursday night.”
"Well, Mr. Kerner. I... no, we'll do it differently. Come here, please, Kevin."
I was completely astonished. What happened next? Hesitantly, I walked around the desk. Chris pushed me from behind. Mr. von Hohenau held out his hand. When I took it, he pulled me toward him and hugged me.
"If someone has won my son's heart, I can accept them too. Welcome to the family, Kevin."

EPILOGUE
Frigate Captain Klaus-Dietrich Freiherr von Hohenau slowly walked through the crowd of guests. As he did almost every year, he had invited his relatives and friends to the summer festival. Last year, it was unfortunately canceled because he was in America, but this year's festival seemed to be a complete success.
“My dear Hohenau, I must say, your summer festivals are always a real joy.”
"Thank you very much, General. I'm always happy when my guests enjoy their meal."
The fat brigadier general took a drag on his cigar and let his gaze wander. Then his brow furrowed.
"Now, tell me, I've known your family for years. But there next to the medical officer candidate, Christian, right?"
Herr von Hohenau smiled graciously.
"The young man in the naval uniform, a midshipman, as far as I can tell. I've never seen him with you before."
Now a slight smile crept onto old Hohenau’s lips.
“This is Kevin, my son-in-law.”
“Oh.” The general took a deeper drag on his cigar.
“I thought her daughters weren’t married.”
Klaus-Dietrich von Hohenau now looked directly at his guest.
“They aren’t.”
He paused dramatically.
“Kevin is Christian’s life partner.”
A heartbeat-long pause.
“Oh, General, I’m afraid you dropped your cigar.”