2025-07-11, 08:56 PM
„Toooooor!!“
"Yeah, shit," was all I could think, and I took one last desperate leap to the right. Out of the corner of my eye, I suddenly saw something dark approaching me. "The ball doesn't have any red stripes," was all I could think, when suddenly everything went black around me.
“Is something serious?” – “He’s bleeding like a pig.” – “Someone call the paramedics!” – “He’s even too stupid to play football.”
My comrades are being so good to me again. "Yes, thank you very much," I tried to murmur, but a stabbing pain shot through my lips into my head, and everything went mercifully dark again.
As I slowly came to, I realized I was lying in a bed. It was almost to be expected. I carefully opened my eyes. The pain in my head wasn't as bad anymore, and the pain in my lips... hey, wait a minute. I couldn't feel anything from my lips anymore. Everything was numb. Damn.
A quick look around. Aha, so it's a hospital after all. A drip on the palm of my left hand. A small room with a bed, chair, and nightstand, and the same thing to my right, but thankfully unoccupied. Why 'thank God not'? It might be quite interesting to have a nice young man in the room...
Kevin, you're an asshole. Oh, sorry, I haven't introduced myself yet. I'm Kevin. Excuse me, Corporal Kevin Kerner. Now don't giggle like an idiot; I didn't choose that name myself. My parents probably thought it was funny, that double entendre. I've gotten used to it over the last nineteen years.
Oh yes, I come from a small town in the Rhineland between Cologne and Aachen. I also did my vocational training in Cologne. As a freight forwarding clerk. Exactly, with trucks and such, but I liked our small inland shipping department best. And now? At least 600 km separate me from the cathedral. Of course, after basic training, I managed to get as far away as possible. That's what happens when you don't keep your mouth shut and show off your computer skills.
“Good evening, are we awake yet?”
Oh, no. I hate cliches, but this was one of them. Five foot six, just as broad, and with a voice like my sergeant. Just the type of Head Nurse Rabiata.
“Why us?” I thought sleepily, but then made the expected standard statement
"'o `in me?"
"At the hospital, of course. You had a sports accident."
Of course, I had a sports accident. I could have figured that out myself. Now I could make sense of it. I, the idiot I was, had let myself be persuaded to play goal in an indoor soccer game. Typical. And I couldn't even play soccer. If I did any sports, it was running or swimming, but today so many people were missing from soccer that I let myself be persuaded.
"You won't get anything for your lips tonight or tomorrow morning. We'll see after the rounds. If you need anything, just ring the bell."
And with that, she was gone. Great, and I was allowed to starve. Not that I was particularly sad. I wanted to lose some weight anyway. 74 kg is a bit much at 1.84 m. At least, that's my opinion. I'll spare you my mother's comment.
What was wrong with my lips? I carefully touched them with my right hand. Aha, swollen. And what was that? Small, thin, cut short. Sliced honey, I recognized that from my appendectomy. Stitches. My lip had been stitched. In a panic, I felt my teeth with my tongue. Sure enough, one was missing, and then an incisor too.
I slumped back onto the pillow and almost started to cry. I'd tried to keep my teeth perfect for almost 19 years. Brushing until I dropped. Visiting the dentist every three months. Few sweets, lots of fruit. And I'd done it. Not once in my life had the dentist had to drill into me or do other unspeakable things I couldn't even imagine in my wildest dreams. And now this.
The panic about the dentist was already starting to take effect.
Hmm, the nurse had said this evening. What time was it, anyway? I searched the room. There was nothing on my nightstand. Nothing in the drawer either. Aha, a built-in closet. I wanted to swing myself gracefully out of bed, but that was it. First of all, I'd forgotten the drip, and secondly, everything immediately started spinning. Great. Close your eyes, sleep.
The next morning was horrible.
Door open, light on. "Good morning!"
Oh man, it's almost like that comic book movie. The hero is in the hospital, and every few minutes a different old idiot comes in.
Okay, the thermometer thing worked. Then breakfast came. The nurse just glanced at her note and closed the door from the outside. My stomach started to growl slightly. Guess it's not so easy to go hungry after all.
A short time later, the rounds. Five men at once. After an obligatory
"So, how are we doing?" A whole lot of Latin vocabulary. Finally, a "see you tomorrow for observation" message to the nurse. I was studiously ignored. When everyone had left, I frustratedly grabbed the IV drip and went looking for my money and watch. Both were in my pants in the built-in closet. The trip had completely worn me out, and I lay down again.
When I was finally dozing off again, there was another knock at the door. A blond young man in white hospital scrubs pushed through the door. I guessed he was about my age. Dark-blond hair with light-blond highlights. Athletic build. My eyes wandered down his body. I closed my eyes briefly. What was that all about? Aren't there any hot nurses here? My gaze wandered back up to him anyway, lingering on his face. He smiled at me kindly.
"Hi, I'm Marcus, the volunteer here on the ward. I just wanted to ask if I can help with anything."
“Yes, finally let me sleep!”
What was wrong with me today? He hadn't done anything to me. His face twisted slightly and he turned around abruptly.
"No, wait. I didn't mean it like that."
He turned back to me, his face becoming a little friendlier. I raised my left arm with the IV drip.
"Can I get rid of this soon? I actually wanted to go to the bathroom without an attachment."
He laughed briefly.
"Well, let's see. I'll ask the head nurse," he said, looking around briefly and whispering, "when I get a chance to speak."
We both laughed.
"And anything else? Should I get anything else?"
I thought about it for a moment.
"Hmm... maybe something to read," I muttered, more to myself. He had heard it anyway.
“Playboy, or maybe something more sophisticated?”
"Not that crap. Better a crime thriller or something."
Once again, I was quicker with my mouth than my brain. What would he think of me? I'm not into pictures of boobs? I wasn't. Or not mostly. Somehow, most of the women in those pictures looked like cows in a pasture. Oops, if only Daniela knew that. My classmate from vocational school was committed to women's emancipation. That thought just now would have earned me another half-hour lecture.
"Well, let's see what else I can find at the kiosk. Anything else?"
"No, thanks. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know."
“Okay, see you then.”
Marcus turned around and walked to the door. My eyes flickered down at him like before, catching on his butt. He'd already closed the door from the outside when I finally realized what I'd been looking at the whole time. I closed my eyes and sighed. It was that time again. I was watching boys leave. It had started in ninth grade. Physical education had been moved to the first two periods. There were no more excuses; everyone had to shower. Shy as we all were, most of us had turned our faces to the wall and were trying to get out of the shower as quickly as possible. Only Patrik was standing there, with his back to the wall, his eyes closed, the hot water cascading down on him. He was standing right next to me, and a glance out of the corner of my eye let me see that his cock was practically halfway up. It took exactly ten seconds, and mine was standing straight up. I was out of there in no time, grabbed a towel, and changed in record time. The advice section of a well-known youth magazine then informed me in detail that I didn't need to worry; that such behavior was completely normal for boys my age. Exactly, completely normal. So now I could calmly look at the other boys in the shower every time and then run out like a madman.
There was a knock at the door and before I could say anything, Marcus came in.
“Hey, you’re pretty stormy.”
“Sorry, but I thought you wanted something quick to read.”
“And if I had been, hmm...,” I thought about something plausible, “naked?”
Marcus just laughed.
“Who do you think undressed you?”
I froze. That's right, I was wearing those hospital pajamas, and my clothes were over in the locker. Someone must have undressed me and dressed me again. All of them! I felt the blood rush to my head. Why was I embarrassed now?
Marcus just grins now.
"Hey, don't worry about it. I've seen worse."
What did that mean? I didn't look that bad, did I?
“Was I not beautiful enough for you?”
My cheeky mouth. I should probably bite my tongue. We'd only known each other for five minutes, and now it looked like I was flirting with a boy. As if I needed to. Well, thanks a lot. I hope he doesn't think I'm gay or something.
Marcus now looked at me with his big green eyes. He swallowed briefly and then threw a book onto my bed.
"Here, something to distract me. Unfortunately, nothing else was available."
I picked up the book and read the title: All Sense! by Terry Pratchett. It didn't mean anything to me, but whatever. I rummaged for my wallet and gave Marcus the money for the book. He put the money in his pocket without a word and walked out the door. There, he turned around for a moment.
“Yes, much too beautiful” and disappeared.
I was confused. What was that? Until it suddenly occurred to me. It was the answer to my last question. I sank back onto my pillow and thought about the answer. The statement left no doubt, but what frightened me most was that I had liked that answer.
Half an hour later, a nurse appeared and removed that horrible drip. Marcus had kept his word. When I asked about him, the nurse simply said his shift was already over. What a pity.
The next morning, the same ritual. Wake-up call, breakfast (this time there was something), rounds. After a long, well-lit look into my brown eyes, it was decided I should stay another day. The doctor warned me urgently about possible dizziness. Not to walk around so much. Oh well, I still had my book.
The book was excellent. I was over my second fit of laughter of the day when there was a sudden knock at the door and my dear roommates appeared. Our sergeant had assigned them to visit the sick, and they seemed a bit tense because they had to appear in their dress uniforms instead of their camouflage uniforms. Nico was the first to appear. I think his father was Italian or something. A bit shorter than me, anyway, and a dark-skinned guy, with black hair and brown eyes. I'd always known him to be very funny. Behind him was Michael. A few centimeters taller than Nico, but a bit wider. He'd trained as an electrician and was extremely taciturn. And then Robert came. He could have stayed in the barracks. Almost six foot three and broad shoulders. And his head was only on his shoulders to keep the rain out. I waited for a comment from him and was immediately rewarded.
"Well, poor bastard. Did they patch you up again?"
Only Robert could be so stupid. As big as he was, he was just as dumb. And he was also a conscript. I smiled, pained.
“Don’t worry about it.”
Nico's comment, as I could tell from a slight nod, was directed at both my condition and Robert's remark. Without hesitation, Nico sat down on the edge of my bed.
The other two had remained standing next to the bed.
“So, when are you coming out again?”
"Maybe tomorrow. Let's see what the doctor says in the morning."
"Hey," Robert grins at me. "You have a really cool gap. A good souvenir from the soccer game."
Nico turned around.
"You better shut up. Who kicked the ball at his head, causing it to hit the crossbar?"
Aha, so that's how it was. In my mind, I added another negative point for Robert. He gave Nico a sideways look, but kept his mouth shut.
There was another knock at the door. This time it was Marcus. He came in and looked around.
“Oh, you have visitors, so I’ll come back later.”
With that, he disappeared again. Damn, I hadn't been able to speak to him since yesterday afternoon. And I didn't want to ask him in front of the others. What did I want to ask him? Whether he really thought I was beautiful? This could be fun. I shuddered inside. Don't go out on a limb like that, I thought. Later, you'll get an answer you don't want to hear.
“Who was that?”
asked Nico with a long look at the door.
"That was Marcus, our volunteer here. He's quite nice."
Quite nice? Well, should I have said something else?
“Oh, what a piss-tumbler, what a piss-taker,” came from Robert again.
“They’re all gay anyway.”
I'd never seen Nico move so fast. He jerked around, and it seemed as if lightning was shooting from his eyes.
"So what? Would you like his job? You've made it so easy for yourself. There's bound to be a reason he's here and not in some barracks among empty-headed idiots. I'm sure I would have refused, too, if I'd gotten a good job."
"What's all this nonsense? You conscripts are just auxiliary soldiers anyway."
With that, he walked, no, strutted over to the window, leaned against the windowsill and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Poor madman,” Nico muttered.
I struggled not to laugh out loud. But since I'd only been sharing a room with the boys for four weeks and didn't want to ruin things for everyone right away, I decided to keep my mouth shut.
“I’m going to go smoke now,” said Robert and went to the door.
Michael just said, “I’ll come with you,” and trotted behind.
"They're a great couple. If Michael isn't careful, he'll become just as stupid as that other idiot."
"Don't get upset, Nico. It's not worth it."
We were interrupted by a loud knock. Marcus ripped open the door and stormed in, his face bright red.
“If those two idiots show up here again, I’ll forget myself.”
"Helloho? What are you talking about?"
"Those two complete idiots in the monkey suits out there. They stand in the hallway and start smoking. And when I politely point out the smoking ban, one of them tells me I shouldn't stick my stupid face in there with real men."
Nico and I looked at each other speechless. "And then?"
Marcus paused dramatically.
“Yes, then Head Nurse Hildegard came around the corner!”
We all three looked at each other and burst out laughing in unison. I would have loved to see that. Then I saw Nico's smile slowly fade.
“Oh, by the way.” And with that, he stood up, smoothed his jacket, and looked at Marcus.
"This isn't a monkey suit. I'm not making fun of your outfit."
Marcus looked at him confused at first, then his face turned slightly red. He looked down, somewhat embarrassed.
“True, it always depends on who’s inside.”
Now Nico smiled again. "Yes, indeed."
With that he turned back to me.
"Okay, I want to get going again. I don't want those two doing anything else stupid."
He shook my hand.
“And you don’t do anything stupid here either.”
I just nodded. Then he turned to Marcus. Marcus hadn't taken his eyes off him since their brief conversation.
“You can probably tell me where a telephone is.”
Marcus nodded. "Sure, down by the cafeteria. Come on, I'll show you."
With that, he placed his hand on Nico's left shoulder. Nico looked at him briefly, and they both disappeared through the door. Was there anything here I should know?
The journey here had been difficult enough. Now I stood before the door, doubtful. If the pain hadn't been so severe, I wouldn't have come at all. I again imagined the most horrific torment I would endure. Well, I was already in pain, so why not?
The reception desk wasn't manned. Well, okay. Maybe I should come back later...? But then a door opens in the background, and a figure in those white medical clothes comes forward. A soldier—I glance up at his epaulettes: Corporal. He must be at least 6'3". I had to grin, because he's still wearing that ugly face mask.
“Hangnmedeschn?”
What does he want from me? My face turns into a question mark. Then he realizes he's mumbling through this stupid thing and pulls it off with one hand. Out comes the most radiant smile I've ever seen.
“I would like the sick note.”
And that voice. Gentle, but firm. Those blue eyes. They smiled too. I stared at him and didn't even notice.
“Will you give it to me now?”
„Was?“
Oh, damn. I felt the blood rush to my head. I'd been staring at him the whole time like an idiot. What would he think of me now? I slammed the medical form down on the counter. The person sitting across from me was still smiling. After a quick glance at my name tag, he walked over to a filing cabinet and pulled out a yellow index card.
“You’ve never been here before?”
I shook my head.
“And what brings you here?”
Shit, I hadn't even thought about my tooth for the last five minutes. For the sake of simplicity, I bared my dentures.
"Ah yes. You're the one with the soccer game."
I felt my head turn an even deeper shade of red. This is unbelievable. Was I already the laughingstock of the barracks with this stunt? Before I could even get started, the corporal got there first.
“We’ve already received notification from the hospital.”
He came back to the front of the counter with the yellow card.
“Your appointment is this afternoon at 3:00 p.m.”
I was confused. What kind of appointment was it? Had I missed something? And there was that smile again. He must have thought I was stupid.
"Since this isn't an urgent case, the senior medical officer will perform the examination this afternoon and perhaps also the treatment at the same time, depending on how much time is left. So you don't need to plan anything for this afternoon. I'd better keep the medical certificate here, since you're so reluctant to give it away."
And again, tomato time on my face. My God, how embarrassing. He must think I always walk around like that. I turned around, went to the door, and pulled on it. Nothing happened.
"It's like a pub here. The door opens outwards."
Completely exhausted, I made my way outside. I leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. What was all this about? Why was I suddenly so out of it? That smile appeared in my mind's eye again. No! Never! I had decided not to give in to these temptations anymore, and that was it. Those shining blue eyes. OVER! Kevin, you're not like that. Now take a cold shower and that's it.
Ten minutes to three, I was standing in front of the dentist's group again. My panic had escalated over the course of the day into a minor phobia. I had just decided to flee when I heard a voice behind me.
“You want to come to us?”
I turned around and got my paw on my beret just in time.
“Yes, sir!”
She just nodded.
"Come on in. You'll have to wait a few more minutes, but then we'll start right away."
Her accent had a slight Bavarian accent. And she couldn't have been that old. I opened the door (I now knew which direction to go) and let her go first. My gaze automatically wandered to the now-deserted reception desk.
"Don't worry. Someone will be here soon to keep you company."
Today was tomato day.
"I've heard that you're a little afraid of the dentist, but don't worry, it can't be that bad."
How does she know that? I just nodded, muttered "Hopefully," and crept into the waiting room. It's amazing what kind of literature you can find in the waiting room of a Bundeswehr dentist. The self-congratulatory magazine "Bw-aktuell" (Bw-current), a few ancient issues of a well-known automobile club, and a specialist journal for dentists. Who reads that stuff?
“Next please.”
I looked up. What nonsense, I was the only one there anyway. But that voice. There he was again. Still in that white uniform, made of nylon or something. As I followed him, I saw that his underwear was visible through the thin fabric of his white pants. And another hard labor for my circulation as I realized what I'd just been staring at. Where would all this lead me? First to the nearest door, and then I saw it. The torture device of my worst nightmares.
“Sit down.”
How could he say something like that so easily? Didn't he feel sorry for me?
"The chair doesn't bite. Just sit down."
Bravely, I climbed in. Black leather. Sado-Masochism? I was starting to have to watch where my thoughts wandered. As he laid out the instruments, my eyes fell on a small black name tag on his shirt. Why had I missed it? No matter. What did it say? C. Hohenau.
“What does the C stand for?”
I could have slapped myself. Once again, my mouth was faster than my brain. I can't just ask him his first name. But why not? He was on first name terms with me anyway. And he knew my first name from the file. His gaze briefly wandered down to the name tag.
“Hmm? Oh, right. Christian. Why?”
Now I was standing there, no, sitting there. Why would you ask something like that?
“Oh, just like that.”
“And your name is Kevin, not much more original.”
“Hey, that shouldn’t be a…”
"No, it's okay. We'll be seeing each other here more often anyway."
Thank you for those encouraging words. He must have realized from my expression that he'd said something wrong. But before he could respond, our senior medical officer burst through the door.
"Chris, you have to do the assisting. Nurse Marion just called. She's having a problem at home with the little one. And Tanja is in the DZA today."
Chris, I see. And who's Tanja? Well, whatever. He grabbed a face mask from his left hand, and Mrs. Zahnkempner suddenly had one on too. She was standing to my right, fiddling with something on the chair. Suddenly, the backrest tilted backward, the footrest lifted, and I was lying horizontally. Great. What was that all about?
“Stay calm and open your mouth wide.”
Okay, all the way. As she leaned over me, I felt my hands start to shake. My eyelids began to flutter.
"It won't work like that. You need to calm down a bit."
Well said. Suddenly, I felt a touch on my left wrist. Christian had grasped my wrist with his left hand and was holding it tight. Immediately, my shaking stopped. The dentist noticed and frowned at my left side.
“Is that possible, just with the right hand?”
I think she meant Chris. I was already with Chris, what was going on today?
When she examined the tooth more closely, I was almost ready to leave again.
"Don't close your eyes. Breathe calmly. Chris, watch your eyes."
And that's exactly what he did. Those blue eyes looked at me piercingly. A beautiful blue, as bright as the sky. I couldn't compete with my brown eyes. My last girlfriend had told me shortly before we broke up that I had the look of a dachshund.
"Chris, hello. The tampons."
Apparently, I wasn't the only one dreaming. But why? The only thing he had observed was me. I felt hot and cold. Was he supposed to...
“Sorry, I was a little distracted.”
The senior medical officer gave Chris and then me a long look.
“Yes, I believe that too.”
What was that all about? Oh, I saw Chris's cheeks turn a little red.
"Now let's continue. I'll give you an injection first, and then we'll remove the residue from the root canal. It'll be a bit uncomfortable at first, but it will pass."
I did close my eyes for the injection. A terrible prick, and a few tears streamed from my eyes. Then I felt a hand wiping them away. When I opened my eyes again, I only saw out of the corner of my eye the dentist threatening Chris with her index finger.
“So, now we have a few minutes.”
With that, she went to a small sideboard and sorted some papers.
“Are you feeling better now?”
His voice sounded somewhat worried.
“Yes, much better.”
And with that, I raised my left hand. Now it was his turn to turn red. But before he could say anything, the next attack came from the right.
“So, if the anesthetic takes effect, let’s get to work.”
I don't really want to remember what happened next. It certainly was quite crunchy and scratchy. But those blue eyes followed me the whole time, and his hand stayed on my wrist most of the time. When I was finally allowed to stand up after what seemed like an eternity, my knees were shaking.
"Well, there you go. Who would have thought it? It wasn't that bad. The whole thing needs to calm down now. The next appointment is in two weeks. Bye."
“Come with me, I’ll give you the reorder slip.”
I followed him to the registration desk. This time he took off his face mask in time.
“So, and return the sick note to the office.”
He paused a little.
"And if you want, I'll buy you a beer in the cafeteria tonight. To calm your nerves."
I looked at him in amazement, but then I thought to myself: Well, why not? And I wasn't that thick either.
“Sure, it doesn’t have to be beer, but if you absolutely want to get rid of your money, I’ll come.”
He seemed visibly relieved.
“Okay, see you tonight.”
I could now operate the door flawlessly. Outside the building, a thought flashed through my mind. Was this a date tonight? And if so, it was my first with a man.
At exactly 4:30, the first thing to do was change. I preferred my own clothes ten times over this well-stocked, mixed forest. And I really didn't feel like walking around with my beret on in the evenings. We were already suffering a lot with the Red One. "Emergency stop" and all that.
First, to the army mess. I wasn't really hungry, but maybe I could take something with me. What idiot actually thinks that 4:30 is the best time for dinner? By 8:00, I'd be hungry again. Back to the living room. Thank goodness, no one was there. Nico was actually quite nice, but the other two idiots... what the heck, nobody can choose. I took my discman out of the locker and lay down on the bed. The Pogues – certainly not everyone's cup of tea, but good for relaxing. The next thing I heard was the loud slamming of the door. The CD was finished; I hadn't even heard half the tracks.
“So, did you fall asleep?”
Nico always immediately recognizes the obvious.
"Man, it's warm outside. I'm going to take a shower first."
With that, he started searching for the towel in front of his open locker. I was still looking for a few tracks I had missed. It wasn't until Nico pulled his T-shirt over his head that I noticed him again. Then the jeans. Suddenly I felt nervous. I looked at his lean, yet muscular body. I hadn't noticed it until now, but he must have been doing a lot of exercise. After the socks, now the briefs. Even his butt seemed to be well-trained. The small movements of the muscles made the play of muscle easy to see. Plus, he had a full tan. Now he wrapped the large beach towel around his waist and turned around. All of a sudden, my Discman was of paramount interest. I hoped he hadn't noticed that I'd been staring at him the whole time.
"I'll leave the locker open for a moment. You're staying here, right?"
"It's okay. I'll stay a few more minutes."
Why were I suddenly fascinated by these boys? First the looks, the touch of Chris, then Nico's erotic charisma. I needed to take a closer look at that ugly little thought lurking in the back of my mind. Was I really gay? A definite no. Or maybe. A definite yes and no.
I thought about it for a moment. I had my first girlfriend when I was fourteen. Apart from kissing, there wasn't much. Then she broke up with me because I was supposedly "too boring" for her. Stupid bitch. And then there was Susann. Not Susanne, just Susann. She went to vocational school with me and immediately had her eye on me. At a party, she got me drunk, not me her, and dragged me into bed. Okay, it was hot. I was tipsy, young, and innocent. I was determined to change that. We'd been together since that evening. Or rather, she was clinging to me like a leech. When she wanted to sleep with me again, I fobbed her off with the most impossible excuses. And what I only realized afterwards was that every time I kissed her, I saw her brother's face in front of me. It was her twin brother, and apart from the length of their hair, they were almost identical. But only almost. I got along with him really well. The three of us went out together in the evenings, went swimming, and did almost everything together in our free time.
My thoughts were interrupted by the door. Nico came back from the shower. Completely unfazed, he walked to his locker and dropped the towel. Then he grabbed a bottle and started applying lotion. I quickly got up from my bed and went to the door.
“I’ll go then, you’re back here now.”
Nico turned around and looked at me questioningly.
"What? Oh, yeah, thanks. Have fun."
I hurried out of the living room. When he turned around, I got a quick look at him from the front. Those six-pack abs, and then even deeper... I shook my head in despair. It was high time to leave, otherwise Nico might have noticed the already rather large bulge in my jeans.
It wasn't far to the cafeteria, but little Kevin calmed down quickly. I considered whether I should really go in, but then the memory of a beautiful smile won out.
Our cafeteria wasn't that big, just a few tables with maybe 20 seats. A few people were sitting around, and then I spotted Chris. He was sitting alone at a table just in front of the counter, staring into a glass. He was now wearing his camouflage uniform and had placed his beret on the table next to the glass. I walked over and stood next to him.
„Hi“
“Hi, Kevin. Glad you came after all.”
And there it was again, that smile. He was genuinely happy to see me.
"Wait, I'll get something else. What are you drinking?"
"Mineral water."
„Okay“
I went to the counter. Behind it stood our beloved canteen hostess, fat Regine. When she was in a good mood, she sometimes even called herself that. Otherwise, she was very friendly.
“Well, honey, what would you like?”
Yes, yes. Always a joke on your lips.
“Ahem, uh Regine, can I pay tomorrow?”
The next day was the fifteenth and there was money.
"Okay, I already have a few notes. What do you want?"
“Two mineral waters”
Regine looked at me questioningly.
“For you and Chris?”
I nodded. What's next?
"Then take it with you. That's true."
Now I was a little confused, but I took the two glasses and went back to the table.
Christian had overheard the short conversation.
“Thank you, Regine!”
I sat down across from Chris and sipped the water.
"How come?"
"What about the water? It's quite simple. A few months ago, there was a lot going on here, and the guys wanted to dismantle the furniture. I calmed things down a bit, and since then, Regine has been buying me a drink every now and then. Nothing major."
Nothing special? I could easily imagine the scene. Getting into a fight with drunken rioters certainly wouldn't have been for me. I took a closer look at him.
“How tall are you, actually?”
In response, he stood up
"One ninety-one."
I looked up. Oh, man. He had opened his Flecktarn jacket. Underneath, he was wearing the obligatory olive-colored T-shirt. It had apparently gotten a size too small by now. You could clearly see his pectoral muscles, really athletic. Even his nipples were visible. Nervously, my gaze wandered lower, but before I could react, his comment came.
“Well, inspection over? May I sit down again?”
He sat down and I stared desperately into my glass of water.
“You do a lot of sports?” I murmured to the water.
"Yep. Modern pentathlon. And a little martial arts."
"Modern pentathlon? Are you kidding me? Where can you do something like that?"
"Oh, it works fine at our house. There's plenty of room."
I thought about it quickly. That meant running, riding, swimming, shooting, and fencing. Running and swimming were fine, shooting maybe too, but riding and fencing?
"Well, yes. My parents are pretty big on exercise, and when we came to this area, I wanted to try everything, and then I settled on this combination. I've been doing it for seven years now."
I was astonished. He lived in the neighborhood, but was in the cafeteria tonight? Had he stayed because of me? And where did he live then? No wonder he looks so good, given his workout routine. Then a new thought occurred to me.
“You’re a West German?”
I lowered my voice slightly. Even these days, the nasty word with a W isn't welcome here, but Christian had to laugh.
"Yes, but we've been living here again since 1991. My father got back an old family property, and we rebuilt it."
My mind raced. Family property? Reclaimed? Rebuilt?
“Isn’t this a castle by any chance and you’re Prince Charming?”
That was the end of the evening. Why was my mouth always so quick? I stood up, trembling, or at least tried to. But Christian just laughed loudly. Then he looked me straight in the face.
"Well, it's certainly not a castle. And I can't judge the enchanted frog thing. But maybe you have a different opinion?"
Before I could answer, there was a loud noise at the door. Two slightly tipsy soldiers in camouflage came in. Great. I knew one of them. My dear roommate Robert. He's drunk again. I'd seen the second one a few times, too. Robert stopped at our table and looked down. His friend walked over to the bar. Robert swayed slightly. A grin appeared on his face.
“Hey guys, do you know this one yet?”
he asked, pointing at Christian's beret.
“How do you recognize a gay paramedic?”
We both looked up in surprise. Robert was laughing
"Ha, ha. On the blue beret. Ha, ha, ha."
Christian sighed and reached for his beret.
“I’d better go before more funny things like that happen.”
It should be noted that in the army, all medics and doctors wear a blue beret.
Christian now stood up, and so did I. Robert took a step back.
"Don't panic. The joke wasn't that bad."
With that, Christian turned around and we went outside. We stood there in front of the door, silent. After a while, Christian began
"So, if you want to talk to me a little more..."
“And?”
“But someone else lives in my apartment.”
“Me too, I got a four.”
“Oh dear, well then, good night.”
“Yes, good night to you too.”
I turned around and walked slowly away. Behind me, I heard a quiet voice.
“Sleep well and have sweet dreams.”
When I turned around he had already disappeared.
In the middle of the night, I woke up with a feeling I hadn't had in a long time. My stomach felt wet. Clearly, I had had a very realistic dream. The last time something like this had happened to me was three years ago, sometime after that scene with Susann. I cursed inwardly and searched for a towel or something. I didn't want to get up and make a fuss. Finally, I took off my already dirty T-shirt and threw away the rest of it. After that, I couldn't fall asleep for a while. I saw that dream pass by again. There I was, lying naked in a meadow, and a vaguely recognizable person leaned over me and gave me a kiss. A long kiss. Our tongues met, and I felt an infinite sense of happiness. Then hands ran over my body, caressing me everywhere, absolutely everywhere, and the person kissed me again. And again those hands moved over my body, concentrating on a specific spot, stroking and slowly sliding up and down. That was the point at which I had awakened.
"Yeah, shit," was all I could think, and I took one last desperate leap to the right. Out of the corner of my eye, I suddenly saw something dark approaching me. "The ball doesn't have any red stripes," was all I could think, when suddenly everything went black around me.
“Is something serious?” – “He’s bleeding like a pig.” – “Someone call the paramedics!” – “He’s even too stupid to play football.”
My comrades are being so good to me again. "Yes, thank you very much," I tried to murmur, but a stabbing pain shot through my lips into my head, and everything went mercifully dark again.
As I slowly came to, I realized I was lying in a bed. It was almost to be expected. I carefully opened my eyes. The pain in my head wasn't as bad anymore, and the pain in my lips... hey, wait a minute. I couldn't feel anything from my lips anymore. Everything was numb. Damn.
A quick look around. Aha, so it's a hospital after all. A drip on the palm of my left hand. A small room with a bed, chair, and nightstand, and the same thing to my right, but thankfully unoccupied. Why 'thank God not'? It might be quite interesting to have a nice young man in the room...
Kevin, you're an asshole. Oh, sorry, I haven't introduced myself yet. I'm Kevin. Excuse me, Corporal Kevin Kerner. Now don't giggle like an idiot; I didn't choose that name myself. My parents probably thought it was funny, that double entendre. I've gotten used to it over the last nineteen years.
Oh yes, I come from a small town in the Rhineland between Cologne and Aachen. I also did my vocational training in Cologne. As a freight forwarding clerk. Exactly, with trucks and such, but I liked our small inland shipping department best. And now? At least 600 km separate me from the cathedral. Of course, after basic training, I managed to get as far away as possible. That's what happens when you don't keep your mouth shut and show off your computer skills.
“Good evening, are we awake yet?”
Oh, no. I hate cliches, but this was one of them. Five foot six, just as broad, and with a voice like my sergeant. Just the type of Head Nurse Rabiata.
“Why us?” I thought sleepily, but then made the expected standard statement
"'o `in me?"
"At the hospital, of course. You had a sports accident."
Of course, I had a sports accident. I could have figured that out myself. Now I could make sense of it. I, the idiot I was, had let myself be persuaded to play goal in an indoor soccer game. Typical. And I couldn't even play soccer. If I did any sports, it was running or swimming, but today so many people were missing from soccer that I let myself be persuaded.
"You won't get anything for your lips tonight or tomorrow morning. We'll see after the rounds. If you need anything, just ring the bell."
And with that, she was gone. Great, and I was allowed to starve. Not that I was particularly sad. I wanted to lose some weight anyway. 74 kg is a bit much at 1.84 m. At least, that's my opinion. I'll spare you my mother's comment.
What was wrong with my lips? I carefully touched them with my right hand. Aha, swollen. And what was that? Small, thin, cut short. Sliced honey, I recognized that from my appendectomy. Stitches. My lip had been stitched. In a panic, I felt my teeth with my tongue. Sure enough, one was missing, and then an incisor too.
I slumped back onto the pillow and almost started to cry. I'd tried to keep my teeth perfect for almost 19 years. Brushing until I dropped. Visiting the dentist every three months. Few sweets, lots of fruit. And I'd done it. Not once in my life had the dentist had to drill into me or do other unspeakable things I couldn't even imagine in my wildest dreams. And now this.
The panic about the dentist was already starting to take effect.
Hmm, the nurse had said this evening. What time was it, anyway? I searched the room. There was nothing on my nightstand. Nothing in the drawer either. Aha, a built-in closet. I wanted to swing myself gracefully out of bed, but that was it. First of all, I'd forgotten the drip, and secondly, everything immediately started spinning. Great. Close your eyes, sleep.
The next morning was horrible.
Door open, light on. "Good morning!"
Oh man, it's almost like that comic book movie. The hero is in the hospital, and every few minutes a different old idiot comes in.
Okay, the thermometer thing worked. Then breakfast came. The nurse just glanced at her note and closed the door from the outside. My stomach started to growl slightly. Guess it's not so easy to go hungry after all.
A short time later, the rounds. Five men at once. After an obligatory
"So, how are we doing?" A whole lot of Latin vocabulary. Finally, a "see you tomorrow for observation" message to the nurse. I was studiously ignored. When everyone had left, I frustratedly grabbed the IV drip and went looking for my money and watch. Both were in my pants in the built-in closet. The trip had completely worn me out, and I lay down again.
When I was finally dozing off again, there was another knock at the door. A blond young man in white hospital scrubs pushed through the door. I guessed he was about my age. Dark-blond hair with light-blond highlights. Athletic build. My eyes wandered down his body. I closed my eyes briefly. What was that all about? Aren't there any hot nurses here? My gaze wandered back up to him anyway, lingering on his face. He smiled at me kindly.
"Hi, I'm Marcus, the volunteer here on the ward. I just wanted to ask if I can help with anything."
“Yes, finally let me sleep!”
What was wrong with me today? He hadn't done anything to me. His face twisted slightly and he turned around abruptly.
"No, wait. I didn't mean it like that."
He turned back to me, his face becoming a little friendlier. I raised my left arm with the IV drip.
"Can I get rid of this soon? I actually wanted to go to the bathroom without an attachment."
He laughed briefly.
"Well, let's see. I'll ask the head nurse," he said, looking around briefly and whispering, "when I get a chance to speak."
We both laughed.
"And anything else? Should I get anything else?"
I thought about it for a moment.
"Hmm... maybe something to read," I muttered, more to myself. He had heard it anyway.
“Playboy, or maybe something more sophisticated?”
"Not that crap. Better a crime thriller or something."
Once again, I was quicker with my mouth than my brain. What would he think of me? I'm not into pictures of boobs? I wasn't. Or not mostly. Somehow, most of the women in those pictures looked like cows in a pasture. Oops, if only Daniela knew that. My classmate from vocational school was committed to women's emancipation. That thought just now would have earned me another half-hour lecture.
"Well, let's see what else I can find at the kiosk. Anything else?"
"No, thanks. If I think of anything else, I'll let you know."
“Okay, see you then.”
Marcus turned around and walked to the door. My eyes flickered down at him like before, catching on his butt. He'd already closed the door from the outside when I finally realized what I'd been looking at the whole time. I closed my eyes and sighed. It was that time again. I was watching boys leave. It had started in ninth grade. Physical education had been moved to the first two periods. There were no more excuses; everyone had to shower. Shy as we all were, most of us had turned our faces to the wall and were trying to get out of the shower as quickly as possible. Only Patrik was standing there, with his back to the wall, his eyes closed, the hot water cascading down on him. He was standing right next to me, and a glance out of the corner of my eye let me see that his cock was practically halfway up. It took exactly ten seconds, and mine was standing straight up. I was out of there in no time, grabbed a towel, and changed in record time. The advice section of a well-known youth magazine then informed me in detail that I didn't need to worry; that such behavior was completely normal for boys my age. Exactly, completely normal. So now I could calmly look at the other boys in the shower every time and then run out like a madman.
There was a knock at the door and before I could say anything, Marcus came in.
“Hey, you’re pretty stormy.”
“Sorry, but I thought you wanted something quick to read.”
“And if I had been, hmm...,” I thought about something plausible, “naked?”
Marcus just laughed.
“Who do you think undressed you?”
I froze. That's right, I was wearing those hospital pajamas, and my clothes were over in the locker. Someone must have undressed me and dressed me again. All of them! I felt the blood rush to my head. Why was I embarrassed now?
Marcus just grins now.
"Hey, don't worry about it. I've seen worse."
What did that mean? I didn't look that bad, did I?
“Was I not beautiful enough for you?”
My cheeky mouth. I should probably bite my tongue. We'd only known each other for five minutes, and now it looked like I was flirting with a boy. As if I needed to. Well, thanks a lot. I hope he doesn't think I'm gay or something.
Marcus now looked at me with his big green eyes. He swallowed briefly and then threw a book onto my bed.
"Here, something to distract me. Unfortunately, nothing else was available."
I picked up the book and read the title: All Sense! by Terry Pratchett. It didn't mean anything to me, but whatever. I rummaged for my wallet and gave Marcus the money for the book. He put the money in his pocket without a word and walked out the door. There, he turned around for a moment.
“Yes, much too beautiful” and disappeared.
I was confused. What was that? Until it suddenly occurred to me. It was the answer to my last question. I sank back onto my pillow and thought about the answer. The statement left no doubt, but what frightened me most was that I had liked that answer.
Half an hour later, a nurse appeared and removed that horrible drip. Marcus had kept his word. When I asked about him, the nurse simply said his shift was already over. What a pity.
The next morning, the same ritual. Wake-up call, breakfast (this time there was something), rounds. After a long, well-lit look into my brown eyes, it was decided I should stay another day. The doctor warned me urgently about possible dizziness. Not to walk around so much. Oh well, I still had my book.
The book was excellent. I was over my second fit of laughter of the day when there was a sudden knock at the door and my dear roommates appeared. Our sergeant had assigned them to visit the sick, and they seemed a bit tense because they had to appear in their dress uniforms instead of their camouflage uniforms. Nico was the first to appear. I think his father was Italian or something. A bit shorter than me, anyway, and a dark-skinned guy, with black hair and brown eyes. I'd always known him to be very funny. Behind him was Michael. A few centimeters taller than Nico, but a bit wider. He'd trained as an electrician and was extremely taciturn. And then Robert came. He could have stayed in the barracks. Almost six foot three and broad shoulders. And his head was only on his shoulders to keep the rain out. I waited for a comment from him and was immediately rewarded.
"Well, poor bastard. Did they patch you up again?"
Only Robert could be so stupid. As big as he was, he was just as dumb. And he was also a conscript. I smiled, pained.
“Don’t worry about it.”
Nico's comment, as I could tell from a slight nod, was directed at both my condition and Robert's remark. Without hesitation, Nico sat down on the edge of my bed.
The other two had remained standing next to the bed.
“So, when are you coming out again?”
"Maybe tomorrow. Let's see what the doctor says in the morning."
"Hey," Robert grins at me. "You have a really cool gap. A good souvenir from the soccer game."
Nico turned around.
"You better shut up. Who kicked the ball at his head, causing it to hit the crossbar?"
Aha, so that's how it was. In my mind, I added another negative point for Robert. He gave Nico a sideways look, but kept his mouth shut.
There was another knock at the door. This time it was Marcus. He came in and looked around.
“Oh, you have visitors, so I’ll come back later.”
With that, he disappeared again. Damn, I hadn't been able to speak to him since yesterday afternoon. And I didn't want to ask him in front of the others. What did I want to ask him? Whether he really thought I was beautiful? This could be fun. I shuddered inside. Don't go out on a limb like that, I thought. Later, you'll get an answer you don't want to hear.
“Who was that?”
asked Nico with a long look at the door.
"That was Marcus, our volunteer here. He's quite nice."
Quite nice? Well, should I have said something else?
“Oh, what a piss-tumbler, what a piss-taker,” came from Robert again.
“They’re all gay anyway.”
I'd never seen Nico move so fast. He jerked around, and it seemed as if lightning was shooting from his eyes.
"So what? Would you like his job? You've made it so easy for yourself. There's bound to be a reason he's here and not in some barracks among empty-headed idiots. I'm sure I would have refused, too, if I'd gotten a good job."
"What's all this nonsense? You conscripts are just auxiliary soldiers anyway."
With that, he walked, no, strutted over to the window, leaned against the windowsill and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Poor madman,” Nico muttered.
I struggled not to laugh out loud. But since I'd only been sharing a room with the boys for four weeks and didn't want to ruin things for everyone right away, I decided to keep my mouth shut.
“I’m going to go smoke now,” said Robert and went to the door.
Michael just said, “I’ll come with you,” and trotted behind.
"They're a great couple. If Michael isn't careful, he'll become just as stupid as that other idiot."
"Don't get upset, Nico. It's not worth it."
We were interrupted by a loud knock. Marcus ripped open the door and stormed in, his face bright red.
“If those two idiots show up here again, I’ll forget myself.”
"Helloho? What are you talking about?"
"Those two complete idiots in the monkey suits out there. They stand in the hallway and start smoking. And when I politely point out the smoking ban, one of them tells me I shouldn't stick my stupid face in there with real men."
Nico and I looked at each other speechless. "And then?"
Marcus paused dramatically.
“Yes, then Head Nurse Hildegard came around the corner!”
We all three looked at each other and burst out laughing in unison. I would have loved to see that. Then I saw Nico's smile slowly fade.
“Oh, by the way.” And with that, he stood up, smoothed his jacket, and looked at Marcus.
"This isn't a monkey suit. I'm not making fun of your outfit."
Marcus looked at him confused at first, then his face turned slightly red. He looked down, somewhat embarrassed.
“True, it always depends on who’s inside.”
Now Nico smiled again. "Yes, indeed."
With that he turned back to me.
"Okay, I want to get going again. I don't want those two doing anything else stupid."
He shook my hand.
“And you don’t do anything stupid here either.”
I just nodded. Then he turned to Marcus. Marcus hadn't taken his eyes off him since their brief conversation.
“You can probably tell me where a telephone is.”
Marcus nodded. "Sure, down by the cafeteria. Come on, I'll show you."
With that, he placed his hand on Nico's left shoulder. Nico looked at him briefly, and they both disappeared through the door. Was there anything here I should know?
The journey here had been difficult enough. Now I stood before the door, doubtful. If the pain hadn't been so severe, I wouldn't have come at all. I again imagined the most horrific torment I would endure. Well, I was already in pain, so why not?
The reception desk wasn't manned. Well, okay. Maybe I should come back later...? But then a door opens in the background, and a figure in those white medical clothes comes forward. A soldier—I glance up at his epaulettes: Corporal. He must be at least 6'3". I had to grin, because he's still wearing that ugly face mask.
“Hangnmedeschn?”
What does he want from me? My face turns into a question mark. Then he realizes he's mumbling through this stupid thing and pulls it off with one hand. Out comes the most radiant smile I've ever seen.
“I would like the sick note.”
And that voice. Gentle, but firm. Those blue eyes. They smiled too. I stared at him and didn't even notice.
“Will you give it to me now?”
„Was?“
Oh, damn. I felt the blood rush to my head. I'd been staring at him the whole time like an idiot. What would he think of me now? I slammed the medical form down on the counter. The person sitting across from me was still smiling. After a quick glance at my name tag, he walked over to a filing cabinet and pulled out a yellow index card.
“You’ve never been here before?”
I shook my head.
“And what brings you here?”
Shit, I hadn't even thought about my tooth for the last five minutes. For the sake of simplicity, I bared my dentures.
"Ah yes. You're the one with the soccer game."
I felt my head turn an even deeper shade of red. This is unbelievable. Was I already the laughingstock of the barracks with this stunt? Before I could even get started, the corporal got there first.
“We’ve already received notification from the hospital.”
He came back to the front of the counter with the yellow card.
“Your appointment is this afternoon at 3:00 p.m.”
I was confused. What kind of appointment was it? Had I missed something? And there was that smile again. He must have thought I was stupid.
"Since this isn't an urgent case, the senior medical officer will perform the examination this afternoon and perhaps also the treatment at the same time, depending on how much time is left. So you don't need to plan anything for this afternoon. I'd better keep the medical certificate here, since you're so reluctant to give it away."
And again, tomato time on my face. My God, how embarrassing. He must think I always walk around like that. I turned around, went to the door, and pulled on it. Nothing happened.
"It's like a pub here. The door opens outwards."
Completely exhausted, I made my way outside. I leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. What was all this about? Why was I suddenly so out of it? That smile appeared in my mind's eye again. No! Never! I had decided not to give in to these temptations anymore, and that was it. Those shining blue eyes. OVER! Kevin, you're not like that. Now take a cold shower and that's it.
Ten minutes to three, I was standing in front of the dentist's group again. My panic had escalated over the course of the day into a minor phobia. I had just decided to flee when I heard a voice behind me.
“You want to come to us?”
I turned around and got my paw on my beret just in time.
“Yes, sir!”
She just nodded.
"Come on in. You'll have to wait a few more minutes, but then we'll start right away."
Her accent had a slight Bavarian accent. And she couldn't have been that old. I opened the door (I now knew which direction to go) and let her go first. My gaze automatically wandered to the now-deserted reception desk.
"Don't worry. Someone will be here soon to keep you company."
Today was tomato day.
"I've heard that you're a little afraid of the dentist, but don't worry, it can't be that bad."
How does she know that? I just nodded, muttered "Hopefully," and crept into the waiting room. It's amazing what kind of literature you can find in the waiting room of a Bundeswehr dentist. The self-congratulatory magazine "Bw-aktuell" (Bw-current), a few ancient issues of a well-known automobile club, and a specialist journal for dentists. Who reads that stuff?
“Next please.”
I looked up. What nonsense, I was the only one there anyway. But that voice. There he was again. Still in that white uniform, made of nylon or something. As I followed him, I saw that his underwear was visible through the thin fabric of his white pants. And another hard labor for my circulation as I realized what I'd just been staring at. Where would all this lead me? First to the nearest door, and then I saw it. The torture device of my worst nightmares.
“Sit down.”
How could he say something like that so easily? Didn't he feel sorry for me?
"The chair doesn't bite. Just sit down."
Bravely, I climbed in. Black leather. Sado-Masochism? I was starting to have to watch where my thoughts wandered. As he laid out the instruments, my eyes fell on a small black name tag on his shirt. Why had I missed it? No matter. What did it say? C. Hohenau.
“What does the C stand for?”
I could have slapped myself. Once again, my mouth was faster than my brain. I can't just ask him his first name. But why not? He was on first name terms with me anyway. And he knew my first name from the file. His gaze briefly wandered down to the name tag.
“Hmm? Oh, right. Christian. Why?”
Now I was standing there, no, sitting there. Why would you ask something like that?
“Oh, just like that.”
“And your name is Kevin, not much more original.”
“Hey, that shouldn’t be a…”
"No, it's okay. We'll be seeing each other here more often anyway."
Thank you for those encouraging words. He must have realized from my expression that he'd said something wrong. But before he could respond, our senior medical officer burst through the door.
"Chris, you have to do the assisting. Nurse Marion just called. She's having a problem at home with the little one. And Tanja is in the DZA today."
Chris, I see. And who's Tanja? Well, whatever. He grabbed a face mask from his left hand, and Mrs. Zahnkempner suddenly had one on too. She was standing to my right, fiddling with something on the chair. Suddenly, the backrest tilted backward, the footrest lifted, and I was lying horizontally. Great. What was that all about?
“Stay calm and open your mouth wide.”
Okay, all the way. As she leaned over me, I felt my hands start to shake. My eyelids began to flutter.
"It won't work like that. You need to calm down a bit."
Well said. Suddenly, I felt a touch on my left wrist. Christian had grasped my wrist with his left hand and was holding it tight. Immediately, my shaking stopped. The dentist noticed and frowned at my left side.
“Is that possible, just with the right hand?”
I think she meant Chris. I was already with Chris, what was going on today?
When she examined the tooth more closely, I was almost ready to leave again.
"Don't close your eyes. Breathe calmly. Chris, watch your eyes."
And that's exactly what he did. Those blue eyes looked at me piercingly. A beautiful blue, as bright as the sky. I couldn't compete with my brown eyes. My last girlfriend had told me shortly before we broke up that I had the look of a dachshund.
"Chris, hello. The tampons."
Apparently, I wasn't the only one dreaming. But why? The only thing he had observed was me. I felt hot and cold. Was he supposed to...
“Sorry, I was a little distracted.”
The senior medical officer gave Chris and then me a long look.
“Yes, I believe that too.”
What was that all about? Oh, I saw Chris's cheeks turn a little red.
"Now let's continue. I'll give you an injection first, and then we'll remove the residue from the root canal. It'll be a bit uncomfortable at first, but it will pass."
I did close my eyes for the injection. A terrible prick, and a few tears streamed from my eyes. Then I felt a hand wiping them away. When I opened my eyes again, I only saw out of the corner of my eye the dentist threatening Chris with her index finger.
“So, now we have a few minutes.”
With that, she went to a small sideboard and sorted some papers.
“Are you feeling better now?”
His voice sounded somewhat worried.
“Yes, much better.”
And with that, I raised my left hand. Now it was his turn to turn red. But before he could say anything, the next attack came from the right.
“So, if the anesthetic takes effect, let’s get to work.”
I don't really want to remember what happened next. It certainly was quite crunchy and scratchy. But those blue eyes followed me the whole time, and his hand stayed on my wrist most of the time. When I was finally allowed to stand up after what seemed like an eternity, my knees were shaking.
"Well, there you go. Who would have thought it? It wasn't that bad. The whole thing needs to calm down now. The next appointment is in two weeks. Bye."
“Come with me, I’ll give you the reorder slip.”
I followed him to the registration desk. This time he took off his face mask in time.
“So, and return the sick note to the office.”
He paused a little.
"And if you want, I'll buy you a beer in the cafeteria tonight. To calm your nerves."
I looked at him in amazement, but then I thought to myself: Well, why not? And I wasn't that thick either.
“Sure, it doesn’t have to be beer, but if you absolutely want to get rid of your money, I’ll come.”
He seemed visibly relieved.
“Okay, see you tonight.”
I could now operate the door flawlessly. Outside the building, a thought flashed through my mind. Was this a date tonight? And if so, it was my first with a man.
At exactly 4:30, the first thing to do was change. I preferred my own clothes ten times over this well-stocked, mixed forest. And I really didn't feel like walking around with my beret on in the evenings. We were already suffering a lot with the Red One. "Emergency stop" and all that.
First, to the army mess. I wasn't really hungry, but maybe I could take something with me. What idiot actually thinks that 4:30 is the best time for dinner? By 8:00, I'd be hungry again. Back to the living room. Thank goodness, no one was there. Nico was actually quite nice, but the other two idiots... what the heck, nobody can choose. I took my discman out of the locker and lay down on the bed. The Pogues – certainly not everyone's cup of tea, but good for relaxing. The next thing I heard was the loud slamming of the door. The CD was finished; I hadn't even heard half the tracks.
“So, did you fall asleep?”
Nico always immediately recognizes the obvious.
"Man, it's warm outside. I'm going to take a shower first."
With that, he started searching for the towel in front of his open locker. I was still looking for a few tracks I had missed. It wasn't until Nico pulled his T-shirt over his head that I noticed him again. Then the jeans. Suddenly I felt nervous. I looked at his lean, yet muscular body. I hadn't noticed it until now, but he must have been doing a lot of exercise. After the socks, now the briefs. Even his butt seemed to be well-trained. The small movements of the muscles made the play of muscle easy to see. Plus, he had a full tan. Now he wrapped the large beach towel around his waist and turned around. All of a sudden, my Discman was of paramount interest. I hoped he hadn't noticed that I'd been staring at him the whole time.
"I'll leave the locker open for a moment. You're staying here, right?"
"It's okay. I'll stay a few more minutes."
Why were I suddenly fascinated by these boys? First the looks, the touch of Chris, then Nico's erotic charisma. I needed to take a closer look at that ugly little thought lurking in the back of my mind. Was I really gay? A definite no. Or maybe. A definite yes and no.
I thought about it for a moment. I had my first girlfriend when I was fourteen. Apart from kissing, there wasn't much. Then she broke up with me because I was supposedly "too boring" for her. Stupid bitch. And then there was Susann. Not Susanne, just Susann. She went to vocational school with me and immediately had her eye on me. At a party, she got me drunk, not me her, and dragged me into bed. Okay, it was hot. I was tipsy, young, and innocent. I was determined to change that. We'd been together since that evening. Or rather, she was clinging to me like a leech. When she wanted to sleep with me again, I fobbed her off with the most impossible excuses. And what I only realized afterwards was that every time I kissed her, I saw her brother's face in front of me. It was her twin brother, and apart from the length of their hair, they were almost identical. But only almost. I got along with him really well. The three of us went out together in the evenings, went swimming, and did almost everything together in our free time.
My thoughts were interrupted by the door. Nico came back from the shower. Completely unfazed, he walked to his locker and dropped the towel. Then he grabbed a bottle and started applying lotion. I quickly got up from my bed and went to the door.
“I’ll go then, you’re back here now.”
Nico turned around and looked at me questioningly.
"What? Oh, yeah, thanks. Have fun."
I hurried out of the living room. When he turned around, I got a quick look at him from the front. Those six-pack abs, and then even deeper... I shook my head in despair. It was high time to leave, otherwise Nico might have noticed the already rather large bulge in my jeans.
It wasn't far to the cafeteria, but little Kevin calmed down quickly. I considered whether I should really go in, but then the memory of a beautiful smile won out.
Our cafeteria wasn't that big, just a few tables with maybe 20 seats. A few people were sitting around, and then I spotted Chris. He was sitting alone at a table just in front of the counter, staring into a glass. He was now wearing his camouflage uniform and had placed his beret on the table next to the glass. I walked over and stood next to him.
„Hi“
“Hi, Kevin. Glad you came after all.”
And there it was again, that smile. He was genuinely happy to see me.
"Wait, I'll get something else. What are you drinking?"
"Mineral water."
„Okay“
I went to the counter. Behind it stood our beloved canteen hostess, fat Regine. When she was in a good mood, she sometimes even called herself that. Otherwise, she was very friendly.
“Well, honey, what would you like?”
Yes, yes. Always a joke on your lips.
“Ahem, uh Regine, can I pay tomorrow?”
The next day was the fifteenth and there was money.
"Okay, I already have a few notes. What do you want?"
“Two mineral waters”
Regine looked at me questioningly.
“For you and Chris?”
I nodded. What's next?
"Then take it with you. That's true."
Now I was a little confused, but I took the two glasses and went back to the table.
Christian had overheard the short conversation.
“Thank you, Regine!”
I sat down across from Chris and sipped the water.
"How come?"
"What about the water? It's quite simple. A few months ago, there was a lot going on here, and the guys wanted to dismantle the furniture. I calmed things down a bit, and since then, Regine has been buying me a drink every now and then. Nothing major."
Nothing special? I could easily imagine the scene. Getting into a fight with drunken rioters certainly wouldn't have been for me. I took a closer look at him.
“How tall are you, actually?”
In response, he stood up
"One ninety-one."
I looked up. Oh, man. He had opened his Flecktarn jacket. Underneath, he was wearing the obligatory olive-colored T-shirt. It had apparently gotten a size too small by now. You could clearly see his pectoral muscles, really athletic. Even his nipples were visible. Nervously, my gaze wandered lower, but before I could react, his comment came.
“Well, inspection over? May I sit down again?”
He sat down and I stared desperately into my glass of water.
“You do a lot of sports?” I murmured to the water.
"Yep. Modern pentathlon. And a little martial arts."
"Modern pentathlon? Are you kidding me? Where can you do something like that?"
"Oh, it works fine at our house. There's plenty of room."
I thought about it quickly. That meant running, riding, swimming, shooting, and fencing. Running and swimming were fine, shooting maybe too, but riding and fencing?
"Well, yes. My parents are pretty big on exercise, and when we came to this area, I wanted to try everything, and then I settled on this combination. I've been doing it for seven years now."
I was astonished. He lived in the neighborhood, but was in the cafeteria tonight? Had he stayed because of me? And where did he live then? No wonder he looks so good, given his workout routine. Then a new thought occurred to me.
“You’re a West German?”
I lowered my voice slightly. Even these days, the nasty word with a W isn't welcome here, but Christian had to laugh.
"Yes, but we've been living here again since 1991. My father got back an old family property, and we rebuilt it."
My mind raced. Family property? Reclaimed? Rebuilt?
“Isn’t this a castle by any chance and you’re Prince Charming?”
That was the end of the evening. Why was my mouth always so quick? I stood up, trembling, or at least tried to. But Christian just laughed loudly. Then he looked me straight in the face.
"Well, it's certainly not a castle. And I can't judge the enchanted frog thing. But maybe you have a different opinion?"
Before I could answer, there was a loud noise at the door. Two slightly tipsy soldiers in camouflage came in. Great. I knew one of them. My dear roommate Robert. He's drunk again. I'd seen the second one a few times, too. Robert stopped at our table and looked down. His friend walked over to the bar. Robert swayed slightly. A grin appeared on his face.
“Hey guys, do you know this one yet?”
he asked, pointing at Christian's beret.
“How do you recognize a gay paramedic?”
We both looked up in surprise. Robert was laughing
"Ha, ha. On the blue beret. Ha, ha, ha."
Christian sighed and reached for his beret.
“I’d better go before more funny things like that happen.”
It should be noted that in the army, all medics and doctors wear a blue beret.
Christian now stood up, and so did I. Robert took a step back.
"Don't panic. The joke wasn't that bad."
With that, Christian turned around and we went outside. We stood there in front of the door, silent. After a while, Christian began
"So, if you want to talk to me a little more..."
“And?”
“But someone else lives in my apartment.”
“Me too, I got a four.”
“Oh dear, well then, good night.”
“Yes, good night to you too.”
I turned around and walked slowly away. Behind me, I heard a quiet voice.
“Sleep well and have sweet dreams.”
When I turned around he had already disappeared.
In the middle of the night, I woke up with a feeling I hadn't had in a long time. My stomach felt wet. Clearly, I had had a very realistic dream. The last time something like this had happened to me was three years ago, sometime after that scene with Susann. I cursed inwardly and searched for a towel or something. I didn't want to get up and make a fuss. Finally, I took off my already dirty T-shirt and threw away the rest of it. After that, I couldn't fall asleep for a while. I saw that dream pass by again. There I was, lying naked in a meadow, and a vaguely recognizable person leaned over me and gave me a kiss. A long kiss. Our tongues met, and I felt an infinite sense of happiness. Then hands ran over my body, caressing me everywhere, absolutely everywhere, and the person kissed me again. And again those hands moved over my body, concentrating on a specific spot, stroking and slowly sliding up and down. That was the point at which I had awakened.