2025-07-11, 10:23 PM
The day at the quarry lake was supposed to herald a change in Julian's life. But the 14-year-old eighth-grader had no idea what was happening as he enjoyed the tropical temperatures with his friends at the quarry lake.
In the late afternoon, most of the boys returned home. Only Julian remained lying in the shade of a bush, enjoying the peace and quiet.
Suddenly, he jumped when he felt a hand tentatively touch his bare shoulder. Through his narrowed eyes, he recognized the black-haired 9th-grade girl.
"Hannah, you scared me. What are you doing here?"
"Oh... nothing, just a coincidence. Would you like to go get ice cream with me?"
Julian didn't believe Hannah's supposed coincidence, but he said anyway, "Yeah, okay, we can do that." He put on his jeans, T-shirt, and K-Swiss. Hannah watched him closely. Julian noticed and felt uncomfortable, but said nothing. This uneasy feeling didn't get any better in the ice cream parlor. He clearly sensed that Hannah wasn't just interested in eating ice cream. But that seemed so strange and unreal to him. As they said goodbye, he walked home, lost in thought. Thousands of thoughts swirled through his head. There was a girl who wanted to be close to him. Not some little brat who adored him, no, a self-confident girl more than a year older than him. And there was no doubt that this was a hardcore come-on.
He should be happy, proud of himself. Instead, he detested the situation. The longer he thought about it, the more confused he became. Why didn't he go for Hannah? He knew full well that some of the boys at school were after Hannah and had been rejected by her. And him? He could land her, just like that, without much effort. Because she wanted him. So what was he afraid of? .....Afraid? After half a sleepless, brooding night, he was certain: no, it wasn't fear, but something else was keeping him from approaching Hannah. Was it because of Hannah? No, he had to admit to himself that he didn't find any girl attractive or appealing at all. There were a few he liked. Yes, he did, like many other people. Except for... wait a minute.... He found some boys attractive, very attractive. My God, was he..... no, of course not, that would be ridiculous. Surely it was just some weird phase of puberty. He was sensible enough to realize that puberty had its "side effects," which he had already enjoyed, but certainly didn't have to take so seriously... Or didn't want to take them seriously?
He avoided Hannah as much as possible.
The months passed. A new girl came into his class: Sophie. She was so different from the other girls. She had such an open, friendly personality.
They sat next to each other at school and quickly became friends. He often forgot that Sophie was a girl; it simply didn't matter. He enjoyed the physical contact, the hugs, the ease he felt in her presence. They had long since done a lot of things together.
One day, Sophie asked if she could bring her twin brother to the movies. Julian had never met a pair of twins before and was really excited to see what it would be like. It was bound to be fun. Julian deliberately left a little early to pick them up.
Sophie opened the door and let Julian in. "Go on in, I'll be ready in a minute," she said. A handsome blond boy with deep blue eyes sat on the couch in the living room. He shook Julian's hand. "Hello, I'm Philipp."
Julian returned the handshake. "Hey, I'm Julian."
"Yes, I know, my sister's boyfriend," he grinned at Julian.
"Um...yeah, something like that," was all Julian could say.
Over the next few weeks, the three of them spent a lot of time together. Philipp and Julian became good friends. Julian, however, quickly began to feel an attraction for Philipp that grew stronger and stronger. This frightened him, very frightened, because he remembered what happened with Hannah. The confusion of feelings that he had repressed for so long. What was wrong with him? He was 16 now. This damn puberty should have been under control by now. Was he really gay, something that had often crossed his mind? No, that couldn't be, never! He had repressed this thought again and again.
Julian brooded over his problem for days and nights. Until Sophie approached him
"Hey Juli, what's wrong with you?"
"And nothing."
"Don't lie to me, I can see you're not feeling well. What's wrong?"
Julian would have loved to cry to Sophie, but he indulged in excuses. A full two weeks passed before he finally pulled himself together. He told Sophie everything he felt, describing his confusion. The only thing he didn't mention was his feelings for Philipp.
When he finished, Sophie took a deep breath.
"Juli, you know, I've noticed for a long time that you're somehow different. I've even thought that you might be gay."
"What, how did you notice that? I'm not a faggot or anything."
"No, of course not. But your behavior toward girls is certainly revealing."
“Man, I tried not to make it so obvious.”
“Sure, only someone who knows you as well as I do will notice.”
“Shit, I don’t want that at all…”
"July, accept it, otherwise you'll just drive yourself crazy. What's wrong with being gay? You're my best friend and you'll always be."
"You, yes, but what about the others? They'll chase me to hell."
"No one will chase you to hell, but you have to have the courage to admit it to yourself. That's the most important thing right now."
Sophie grabbed Julian by the shoulders and shook him gently.
"Hey, believe in yourself! I do too." She kissed Julian on the cheek. He looked at her with moist eyes and said quietly, "Yes, thank you, I will."
Julian spent the next few days organizing his thoughts. He slowly came to the realization that there was no point in lying to himself. He decided to involve someone else he could trust blindly: his brother. Kevin was seven years older and the best brother in the world.
He waited until dinner.
"Hey Kev, I have some new CDs."
"Yeah cool, let's hear it right away."
After dinner in Julian’s room:
"Come on, show me the CDs."
"Um... well... I don't have any new CDs, but I need to talk to you."
"Man, if you look like that, you've done something wrong. So what's going on? Did you forget the condom while you were fucking and now the old woman is pregnant, or what?"
"No, uh, well, it's heading in that direction."
Kevin put his arm around Julian's shoulders.
"Okay, so it's about a girl, so go ahead and shoot."
Julian hesitated.
"No, it's not about a girl, rather the opposite. I... um, I think, well, I'm pretty sure... I'm... gay."
Julian avoided eye contact. Kevin looked at his brother for a long time before answering.
“Oh, brother, are you really sure?”
“Yes, I think so.”
"Okay, if that's the case. How much do you think I care? You're my brother and I'm always here for you. Tell me, are you scared?"
"Yes"
"Look, I can't take away your fear. You have to do that yourself. Own it. Be honest with yourself, otherwise you'll just ruin your life. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Yes, but that's so simple."
"I know that, little one. I'll help you whenever I can. If you want to talk, I'm always here for you, I hope you know that. But you have to take the first step yourself. Do you understand?"
“Hmm, yes, you’re right.”
Julian lowered his gaze. Kevin ruffled Julian's long hair.
"But tell me, is there anyone there yet?"
Kevin grinned at Julian with his winning smile.
"Yes, Philipp, Sophie's brother."
"Great, go for it then."
"Man, that's so easy to say. What if he doesn't want to and then starts blabbing that I made a move on him? Man, if the others find out, I'll hang myself."
"Kid, you have no choice. You have to take this risk, otherwise you'll be alone for the rest of your life. But people are tolerant enough these days, and your friends aren't freaks. It'll work out."
Kevin gave his brother a friendly pat and grinned. Julian looked at Kevin. "Thanks, dude, I'll manage... somehow."
He lay awake half the night thinking about Kevin's words and how he could make Philipp understand how he felt about him.
However, he did not come to a conclusion.
Over the next few days, he stayed away from Sophie and Philipp to gain some distance and time to think.
The whole week passed uneventfully.
Until early Friday evening, the cell phone rang. It was Sophie.
"Hey Juli, what's wrong with you, are you sick or something?"
"Hi, Sophie, no, not sick, just a little depressed."
"Okay, I know what I'm talking about. Phil and I are going to the movies. Are you coming with us?"
"Hmm, well..."
"Come on, stop beating around the bush and come here."
The thought of seeing Philipp again inspired him; he was looking forward to seeing him.
"Okay, I'll be right there."
He quickly said goodbye to his mother and ran off. Sophie and Philipp were already waiting for him, and they set off.
After the film, the three of them stood in front of the cinema, somewhat undecided. While they were still considering what to do next, a group of girls came straight up to them.
"Huh, Söphchen!"
"Hi, what are you doing here? I haven't seen you in ages."
And a funny chatter began. Julian grinned at Philipp and whispered, "...women..." Philipp grinned back.
"Come on, let's get out of here"
"Hey sis, let's go. Bye."
"Okay, I'm going to walk around the community with the girls for a bit. Bye."
Philipp turned to Julian:
In the late afternoon, most of the boys returned home. Only Julian remained lying in the shade of a bush, enjoying the peace and quiet.
Suddenly, he jumped when he felt a hand tentatively touch his bare shoulder. Through his narrowed eyes, he recognized the black-haired 9th-grade girl.
"Hannah, you scared me. What are you doing here?"
"Oh... nothing, just a coincidence. Would you like to go get ice cream with me?"
Julian didn't believe Hannah's supposed coincidence, but he said anyway, "Yeah, okay, we can do that." He put on his jeans, T-shirt, and K-Swiss. Hannah watched him closely. Julian noticed and felt uncomfortable, but said nothing. This uneasy feeling didn't get any better in the ice cream parlor. He clearly sensed that Hannah wasn't just interested in eating ice cream. But that seemed so strange and unreal to him. As they said goodbye, he walked home, lost in thought. Thousands of thoughts swirled through his head. There was a girl who wanted to be close to him. Not some little brat who adored him, no, a self-confident girl more than a year older than him. And there was no doubt that this was a hardcore come-on.
He should be happy, proud of himself. Instead, he detested the situation. The longer he thought about it, the more confused he became. Why didn't he go for Hannah? He knew full well that some of the boys at school were after Hannah and had been rejected by her. And him? He could land her, just like that, without much effort. Because she wanted him. So what was he afraid of? .....Afraid? After half a sleepless, brooding night, he was certain: no, it wasn't fear, but something else was keeping him from approaching Hannah. Was it because of Hannah? No, he had to admit to himself that he didn't find any girl attractive or appealing at all. There were a few he liked. Yes, he did, like many other people. Except for... wait a minute.... He found some boys attractive, very attractive. My God, was he..... no, of course not, that would be ridiculous. Surely it was just some weird phase of puberty. He was sensible enough to realize that puberty had its "side effects," which he had already enjoyed, but certainly didn't have to take so seriously... Or didn't want to take them seriously?
He avoided Hannah as much as possible.
The months passed. A new girl came into his class: Sophie. She was so different from the other girls. She had such an open, friendly personality.
They sat next to each other at school and quickly became friends. He often forgot that Sophie was a girl; it simply didn't matter. He enjoyed the physical contact, the hugs, the ease he felt in her presence. They had long since done a lot of things together.
One day, Sophie asked if she could bring her twin brother to the movies. Julian had never met a pair of twins before and was really excited to see what it would be like. It was bound to be fun. Julian deliberately left a little early to pick them up.
Sophie opened the door and let Julian in. "Go on in, I'll be ready in a minute," she said. A handsome blond boy with deep blue eyes sat on the couch in the living room. He shook Julian's hand. "Hello, I'm Philipp."
Julian returned the handshake. "Hey, I'm Julian."
"Yes, I know, my sister's boyfriend," he grinned at Julian.
"Um...yeah, something like that," was all Julian could say.
Over the next few weeks, the three of them spent a lot of time together. Philipp and Julian became good friends. Julian, however, quickly began to feel an attraction for Philipp that grew stronger and stronger. This frightened him, very frightened, because he remembered what happened with Hannah. The confusion of feelings that he had repressed for so long. What was wrong with him? He was 16 now. This damn puberty should have been under control by now. Was he really gay, something that had often crossed his mind? No, that couldn't be, never! He had repressed this thought again and again.
Julian brooded over his problem for days and nights. Until Sophie approached him
"Hey Juli, what's wrong with you?"
"And nothing."
"Don't lie to me, I can see you're not feeling well. What's wrong?"
Julian would have loved to cry to Sophie, but he indulged in excuses. A full two weeks passed before he finally pulled himself together. He told Sophie everything he felt, describing his confusion. The only thing he didn't mention was his feelings for Philipp.
When he finished, Sophie took a deep breath.
"Juli, you know, I've noticed for a long time that you're somehow different. I've even thought that you might be gay."
"What, how did you notice that? I'm not a faggot or anything."
"No, of course not. But your behavior toward girls is certainly revealing."
“Man, I tried not to make it so obvious.”
“Sure, only someone who knows you as well as I do will notice.”
“Shit, I don’t want that at all…”
"July, accept it, otherwise you'll just drive yourself crazy. What's wrong with being gay? You're my best friend and you'll always be."
"You, yes, but what about the others? They'll chase me to hell."
"No one will chase you to hell, but you have to have the courage to admit it to yourself. That's the most important thing right now."
Sophie grabbed Julian by the shoulders and shook him gently.
"Hey, believe in yourself! I do too." She kissed Julian on the cheek. He looked at her with moist eyes and said quietly, "Yes, thank you, I will."
Julian spent the next few days organizing his thoughts. He slowly came to the realization that there was no point in lying to himself. He decided to involve someone else he could trust blindly: his brother. Kevin was seven years older and the best brother in the world.
He waited until dinner.
"Hey Kev, I have some new CDs."
"Yeah cool, let's hear it right away."
After dinner in Julian’s room:
"Come on, show me the CDs."
"Um... well... I don't have any new CDs, but I need to talk to you."
"Man, if you look like that, you've done something wrong. So what's going on? Did you forget the condom while you were fucking and now the old woman is pregnant, or what?"
"No, uh, well, it's heading in that direction."
Kevin put his arm around Julian's shoulders.
"Okay, so it's about a girl, so go ahead and shoot."
Julian hesitated.
"No, it's not about a girl, rather the opposite. I... um, I think, well, I'm pretty sure... I'm... gay."
Julian avoided eye contact. Kevin looked at his brother for a long time before answering.
“Oh, brother, are you really sure?”
“Yes, I think so.”
"Okay, if that's the case. How much do you think I care? You're my brother and I'm always here for you. Tell me, are you scared?"
"Yes"
"Look, I can't take away your fear. You have to do that yourself. Own it. Be honest with yourself, otherwise you'll just ruin your life. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Yes, but that's so simple."
"I know that, little one. I'll help you whenever I can. If you want to talk, I'm always here for you, I hope you know that. But you have to take the first step yourself. Do you understand?"
“Hmm, yes, you’re right.”
Julian lowered his gaze. Kevin ruffled Julian's long hair.
"But tell me, is there anyone there yet?"
Kevin grinned at Julian with his winning smile.
"Yes, Philipp, Sophie's brother."
"Great, go for it then."
"Man, that's so easy to say. What if he doesn't want to and then starts blabbing that I made a move on him? Man, if the others find out, I'll hang myself."
"Kid, you have no choice. You have to take this risk, otherwise you'll be alone for the rest of your life. But people are tolerant enough these days, and your friends aren't freaks. It'll work out."
Kevin gave his brother a friendly pat and grinned. Julian looked at Kevin. "Thanks, dude, I'll manage... somehow."
He lay awake half the night thinking about Kevin's words and how he could make Philipp understand how he felt about him.
However, he did not come to a conclusion.
Over the next few days, he stayed away from Sophie and Philipp to gain some distance and time to think.
The whole week passed uneventfully.
Until early Friday evening, the cell phone rang. It was Sophie.
"Hey Juli, what's wrong with you, are you sick or something?"
"Hi, Sophie, no, not sick, just a little depressed."
"Okay, I know what I'm talking about. Phil and I are going to the movies. Are you coming with us?"
"Hmm, well..."
"Come on, stop beating around the bush and come here."
The thought of seeing Philipp again inspired him; he was looking forward to seeing him.
"Okay, I'll be right there."
He quickly said goodbye to his mother and ran off. Sophie and Philipp were already waiting for him, and they set off.
After the film, the three of them stood in front of the cinema, somewhat undecided. While they were still considering what to do next, a group of girls came straight up to them.
"Huh, Söphchen!"
"Hi, what are you doing here? I haven't seen you in ages."
And a funny chatter began. Julian grinned at Philipp and whispered, "...women..." Philipp grinned back.
"Come on, let's get out of here"
"Hey sis, let's go. Bye."
"Okay, I'm going to walk around the community with the girls for a bit. Bye."
Philipp turned to Julian: