07-11-2025, 09:34 PM
It really started like any other day. I mean, getting up early in the morning, the way I always jumped out of bed with so much energy so as not to miss a single French lesson, even though I was already a sucker for French anyway. But at school, things were somehow different this time. Cathy, my secret love, came to me and asked me about my math homework again. As if I had done it! I had nothing better to do. Actually, she was a poor sod; it wasn't her fault that she made mistakes in math; she was somehow completely incompetent at any of it. But even though I was considered the nerd because I simply didn't want to have anything to do with those complete idiots of boys who spent all day planning their next party and hitting on the first girl they came across, I wasn't any good at math either. Somehow, those completely antisocial boys were getting on my nerves. I think they have no hobbies other than one or two things and now have to take out their pent-up energy, built up by their antisocial parents and siblings (if they had any), on other people (like me). It's clear that I was suited for this, given my appearance: I just don't fit the bill: Long blonde hair, about shoulder-length, blue eyes, with a green jacket and black or white corduroy pants; skull buttons and Vans.
“Hello Cillian, are you still there?” Cathy asked me.
"Oh, uh, yeah... no... sure..."
„Mathe???“
"Oh, no, not myself. I'm sorry," I stammered, torn from my thoughts.
"Okay, I'll do my morning rounds. Let's see who has it."
I gave her a quick wink and concentrated on what I'd just been thinking. Something about antisocial people, but then our teacher came in. Well, biology was on the agenda now—and a double lesson to boot.
As I sat on a bench during recess, someone tapped me from behind. Surprised, I turned around and was about to say hello to Cathy, probably because she hadn't understood biology. We'd been going through some kind of model-building exercise of a DNA molecule. But it wasn't her after all. Surprised, I looked at a boy, quite skinny and shy. I'd guess he was 15 or 16, a year younger than me. His hair was so blond it almost looked white again, and he had a rather angular face with stark contours, like a hawk's. He was really handsome; I was already envious of him.
„Hi.“
“Um, hi. Sit down.”
He sat down next to me.
"What's your concern?" I asked. You don't have to appear polite right away.
"Oh, nothing. I just wanted to make conversation." Great, since I was just about to eat my lunch. Probably some brainiac who wanted money. I'd better stay on my guard; maybe he was one of those drug dealers. Kids start taking this stuff and dealing it in 7th grade. Well, let's see.
"Okay, let's start."
“What kind of music do you listen to?”
“Anything, probably rock.”
“Do you know Tocotronic?” he asked.
"Ever heard of it? Do you like it?" People who listen to that kind of music don't usually deal. I started to become a little friendlier.
"I love this band. There's a song. It's called 'The idea is good, but the world isn't ready yet,' and it's about approaching people on the street and inviting them in. Maybe they have a problem and want to talk about it."
"I see. I assume you have a problem?" I asked.
"What makes you think that?"
"Oh, just saying. That's the case with a lot of people. I'm just good at empathizing with people." That was really true!
“Well, well... it’s true, I have a problem.”
The bell rang. The break was over.
"Call me, little one, here's my number, and just come by sometime; I'm always here. I live at Dorothea-Erxleben-Straße 34. Bye, bye," I said, somewhat pained. Am I the counselor or what? He stood up and left without a word.
Sure enough, he showed up at my house that same afternoon at three o'clock. He had strangely worn black eye makeup. It looked pretty good on him, and I immediately asked him why he didn't do it at school.
“Oh, the others would just push me away even more anyway,” he replied sadly.
"That's where the wind blows from. You want to be friends and you picked me?"
"You're really good at empathizing with people. I've often watched you. You stand around alone, reading a book. You have as few friends as I do," he said.
I was surprised he mentioned it. Usually, no one talked to me about it. Usually, no one talked to me without a specific reason, either related to homework or school. It was fine with me. Whatever.
"What's your name anyway? And how old are you? I think you should tell me."
"My name is..." Before he could finish, I had already tried to guess. I guessed his name was Jannik.
"Chris...and I am..." he tried to continue. Well, okay, I could be wrong about my judgment of people sometimes.
"16 years old. And you?"
"I'm Cillian and I'm 17 years old. Welcome to my room."
He was kind of cute, quite shy, but still waters run deep. I knew that only too well.
2.
Tuesday
The next day, Chris pretty much avoided me. He seemed a bit embarrassed; he didn't even know what had made him just approach me. Yesterday was actually quite fun; we talked about pretty much everything and laughed a lot until he had to leave around 9 p.m. I still had things to do, after all, but he relaxed more and more and laughed more and more. Otherwise, the day had been normal; the holidays would be here soon. Finally. I'd waited far too long, but it took so long. Luckily, the holidays were next week. I was already counting the days; today was Tuesday. Still, it kind of annoyed me that he kept looking at me when he was just standing in the schoolyard like a wet poodle with nothing to do. He kept looking at me, his eyes almost devouring me. Of course I was pissed off; I need at least some peace and quiet when I'm reading. So I went over to him and greeted him.
„Hey.“
„Hi.“
"So, how are you? I'm fine. You weren't that shy yesterday, were you? I mean, today you're staring at me the whole time and you think I don't notice!"
"I...I'm sorry." He looked down, ashamed. My God, is he afraid of me or something?
Suddenly, two thugs, no older than him, probably a bit younger, came up and punched him on the shoulder. He doubled over a little because he was startled, but luckily it didn't hurt. Then he looked down.
"Hey, little one? Another new one?" They walked away laughing, and I stood there completely stunned, embarrassed that I hadn't intervened. He almost started to cry. You could see how hard he was holding back the tears.
"What was that? Should I take a look at that?"
"Oh no, let's not. They do that all the time. If you just do nothing, they'll leave me alone," he said angrily.
“And what did they want from you?”
"DIDNT YOU HEAR?" he suddenly yelled at me and ran off toward the restroom. At first, I wanted to run after him, but then I decided not to. I knew this kind of situation all too well, when someone insulted me with whatever. I wanted to be alone then, too. Besides, the bell rang, and I had to go in; I still had a math test.
Our math lesson went by relatively quickly. Our teacher, Mr. Schöll, gave us a test and then, in a bad mood as always, said, "No questions," in his oh-so-perfect High German, which he always raved about. And worms. Every lesson, he compared the numbers to worms. Of course, the test had gone wrong, but that didn't bother me. All I could think about was Chris. What had those teenagers said again? It didn't matter, now I had music and then school was over. So I waited for the redeeming dong, but I had already packed my things 10 minutes before because I really wanted to catch Chris. He had told me where he lived, so I assumed he would go out the main entrance because it was closer to his street. That caused trouble, because I had to unpack my things, which I immediately packed again. Our pissed-off music teacher then had to say:
“Cillian, can you please stay here after class?”
As if I had a choice. Still, I tried.
“But I have to hurry, Mr. Wagner.”
“What’s so important?”
I quickly searched for an answer. Sweat beaded on my forehead.
“Um... I... well.” But I couldn’t get any further.
“Please stay here after class.”
That's just what I needed. Of course, the usual babble like "I'm disappointed in you" and "Try harder!" The whole thing lasted a solid fifteen minutes. I resignedly walked out the main entrance, losing hope that he might still be there by chance. Sure enough, there at the bus stop, I tapped him on the shoulder because he had his back to me. I was just starting to talk when he turned around.
“Hey, what happened today...?”
Shit! I hate confusing people. There's nothing more embarrassing.
“Excuse me?” There was no Chris standing in front of me.
“Sorry, I confused you,” I mumbled and moved on.
As I was about to put my key in the door, I felt dim light and felt hands nearby. Someone was joking and holding their hands in front of my eyes.
"That?"
"Hi Chris." Phew, I was glad he approached me on his own. I carefully took his hands in mine and turned around. I didn't even notice that I was still holding his hands.
"Watch out about this lunchtime. I mean, you know..."
"It's okay. I won't ask any questions. I know what it's like," I winked at him. He was clearly relieved. He quickly kissed me on the cheek and only then realized what had happened. He immediately ran away. I stood there, resigned, for a long time, just watching him.
3.
Wednesday
Chris wasn't at school. I still couldn't stop thinking about him. What did that mean yesterday? Okay, I'm not exactly the type of person who's super affectionate with friends and even kisses them on the cheek, but if some people do it out of friendship, fine by me! The weird thing was that he ran away afterward. It was probably all a bit too much for him. I went to his place that afternoon and rang the doorbell.
A nice young woman opened the door for me.
"Hello. I'm Chris's friend and I'm here to give him his homework."
"Chris mentioned something like that, but he didn't tell me he wanted homework from you. Hey, are you new to Chris's class? I'm Alex, by the way, come in. Chris is upstairs in his room. Just to the right and then straight ahead."
I was glad she forgot about the class question, because I didn't really want to lie. But how else would I get in? With a cheese tray and say, 'Room service, your brother kissed me?'
"Thank you very much."
"Oh, and don't tell Chris I let you in, he doesn't want to talk to you."
“You owe me something.”
"Tell me you. I'm not that old."
“Thanks, Alex.”
I knocked on the room with the bright orange door. Someone called "come in," and I slowly opened the door. Suddenly, his voice changed, becoming shaky, and he began to shiver very gently and slightly. Despite this, he tried to stay cool, but failed.
"What do you want?"
“Talk to you,” I said.
“There's nothing to talk about.”
"Yes, and you probably know that better than I do." I sat down next to him on the bed and took a good look around. There were painted dragons on the grass-green walls. It looked beautiful; there were three on each wall, huge and beautiful, almost perfect. A simple, somewhat wide bed stood against one wall. Only then did I notice that there was an angel on the ceiling. One of those angels with a sword and shield in hand, ready to fight, in crisp armor. It was the most beautiful picture I had ever seen. The rest of the room consisted of a desk under a window and a few cupboards. There wasn't really anything else to see. It was pretty sparse, but that's precisely what made it so beautiful. He noticed that I was very surprised.
“I painted it.”
“This is... beautiful”
"Thank you very much."
I almost forgot what I wanted to talk to him about. But then it came back to me.
"So what I wanted to say..."
"I know. You don't want anything to do with me anymore. It happens to me with a lot of people. Suddenly, happiness hits me, and then it's too late. Well, I'll just look for new friends."
“Well, first of all, I’m really offended.”
"Oh?" Suddenly, he felt truly cold. But that was just his outward mask, hiding what was going on inside him.
"I'm offended because I'm apparently so easily replaced as a friend by some other idiot. And secondly, your former friends must have been great if they freak out about something like this."
He looked at me with big eyes. Sweet, that dachshund look. He didn't know what to say, so he just started crying. The tears just flowed, without a sound. I hugged him. He must have had some terrible friends if he was crying like that!
"Thank you," he whispered shakily. I simply enjoyed feeling his warmth. I had a friend. And now I had to cry, too. Finally, someone I could confide in.
“I want us to stay friends.”
“Yeah, me too,” he replied, “You know what?”
“No, how could it?” I laughed.
He leaned over me at the nightstand and rummaged through a drawer. The feeling of him almost lying on top of me was somehow both beautiful and oppressive. Then he pulled out a bound folder and handed it to me. When I opened it, I was thrilled. He noticed, and his eyes sparkled.
“You’re the first one I’ve shown them to.”
I was honored. The folder contained such beautiful pictures. Entire battles of creatures: giant lizards, orcs, humans, dragons, angels. It looked breathtaking. Even the smallest person in the far corner of the battle was painted with such attention to detail that I almost fell over in awe. And that was just from the first picture. The second picture was just as good: a giant castle made of diamonds, all in black and white, but you could still see the glitter so clearly, as if it were real.
"That's... beautiful," I said, just as I had with the murals. Only now did I wonder how he could paint that angel on the ceiling! It must have been difficult enough as it was, but then it was so perfect!
"You should send some of these pictures to companies that have something to do with magic and such. You'd be on the front page!"
“Thank you.” He blushed a little because he wasn’t used to this.
"You can keep them. I have several of them. My only hobby."
I was absolutely stunned. I was allowed to keep it!
“I can’t accept that!”
"Then I'll make you," he laughed out loud. Suddenly, he pounced on me and tickled me. Then we laughed so hard we could have laughed ourselves to death even over a toothbrush. After a quarter of an hour, we were writhing on the floor, staring at each other. If we hadn't immediately burst out laughing ourselves silly again, I would have said the moment had something romantic about it. Somehow, I liked Chris more and more. With every second, he grew closer to me.
“Okay, now it’s… hehe… enough… Phew, that was exhausting.”
“Laughter builds abs...” I giggled a little.
"Great, then you should come every day," he said, pulling up his T-shirt and showing his stomach. He already had a slight (slight!!!) six-pack. And a beautifully tanned stomach. My eyes nearly popped out of my head. Of course, I had peeked at the other boys in the locker room, and they had much bigger six-packs and browner skin, but his stomach looked so nice and delicate. He noticed that I was checking him out, so he pulled his T-shirt down again.
"Oh... Um... well, I guess," I started to stammer, but he shook his head and just said:
"Oh, never mind. We're even." He winked at me. I smiled a little, a little pained.
"Come on, it doesn't matter. And if so, then you just think it's nice or who knows what." He smiled, which made me smile too. To quickly change the subject, I returned to his folder. I looked at it again, and he noticed the twinkle in my eyes again.
“Look, I really can’t accept this.”
"Don't talk such bullshit. I gave it to you, and a gift is..."
"...a gift. I know," I finished. I was really glad he gave it to me, because I don't think I could live without it anymore.
"That's really sweet of you, thank you." Did I just say 'sweet'?
Suddenly Alex stormed into the room, just as things were getting romantic.
“Come quickly Chris, our uncle is here!”
"Right away. And next time, knock!"
She looked disturbed at first, but then she smiled as if she suspected something. Luckily, she went back out.
“Why did she look so strange?”
"Oh, I don't know. She just does that sometimes." He smiled a little.
“Why are you so excited to see your uncle?” My uncle came to our house quite often.
"He lives in Africa and therefore comes to us very rarely. But whenever he does come, he enjoys it and comes completely unexpectedly."
"That's funny. What's he doing in Africa?"
"His greatest wish was always to be a doctor without borders. He fulfilled that dream."
“Wow, a real role model for his little nephew,” I laughed.
“I’ll show you what small is,” he said with mock anger and lunged at me with the pillow.
"I don't have a pillow!" I began. But the pillow was already in my face. How unfair! I quickly grabbed a smaller pillow from the bed and threw it at him like a boomerang. He playfully dodged it and hit me again, causing me to stumble and fall to the floor, laughing. He lunged at me and slammed the pillow into my face.
"Enough?"
“Yes,” came a muffled voice from my pillow.
He put it aside, laughing, and was still kneeling over me when the door opened again, and a man who looked very similar to Chris came in. Only his glasses didn't match. As we lay there on the floor, he looked quite surprised.
"Am I interrupting something?" he asked, amused. Chris was startled when he realized what he was saying. He quickly got off me, his face bright red, and tried to explain the situation to his uncle—I assumed it was him. I, on the other hand, just laughed and slowly stood up.
“Cillian Lert,” I said, holding out my hand.
"I'm Christian Albert," he replied. I was surprised. Another Christian?!
"Yes, you heard right. His name is also Christian. My parents loved my uncle's name," Chris smiled, somewhat embarrassed. (I'll just call him Chris and Uncle Christian.)
“I brought you something, Chris.”
"Yes? What?"
He pulled two stacks of paper of the most expensive but beautiful kind from his backpack.
“I know how much you crumple up and throw away,” he said.
"Wow, thank you. That wasn't necessary."
"Oh, you can't afford it, knowing you. And now to you, young man." He looked at me reproachfully. What's next?
"I actually thought I'd give it to Chris, too, but he'll get something different for once." He pulled out a beautiful ring with a dragon. I can't stand those weird gothic things, but this one was really beautiful.
“I can’t accept that, Mr. Albert.”
“My name is Christian, not Albert.”
“Christian,” I repeated.
"Of course you can. And as I see it, are you friends now?"
“Yes,” I answered, somewhat embarrassed.
“Then my little nephew also needs a ring like that as a friendship ring.”
He pulled another ring, which looked exactly like the other one, out of his pocket.
"I actually wanted to share it with him, but since I can't wear it at work, it would just be a burden." He handed Chris the ring with the beautiful dragon on it. Chris's eyes opened wide and he was delighted. You could see him trying not to freak out, because he loved dragons so much.
“Thank you,” we both said in unison.
“Then I won’t bother you any longer,” he winked and left the room.
"I won't be taking it off anytime soon," I said, slipping the ring on my thumb. Chris gave me a really sweet smile, almost mouth-watering.
"Are you serious?" he asked.
"No, you know? Why would I lie to you? I'm deadly serious," I laughed and threw another pillow at him. So we continued where we left off. We laughed until late into the evening, until I had to leave. But first, I asked about the holidays.
"I'm just home. I don't have anything planned," he replied.
"Cool, me neither. You can come stay overnight sometime," I said and said goodbye.
4.
Thursday
Things went completely normally at school. I met up with Chris during recess; of course, he was wearing the ring. We chatted during the first recess and planned to meet again in the afternoon. This time we weren't so strict about homework, because it was Thursday after all. Unfortunately, he wasn't there for the second recess, or at least I couldn't find him. But I did remember him saying something about the doctor during the recess. Something about a vaccination. In the afternoon, around 4 o'clock, he arrived and sat down on the bed. He already knew my room.
"Oh, you've already hung some things?" he asked, pointing to his drawings on the wall. Some were framed.
"Some? I hung them all up," I smiled.
"I couldn't help it. It was all so beautiful," I added.
“I brought you something,” said Chris with mock secrecy.
“What?!” I asked, standing up and going to him.
Chris pulled out a piece of paper, still holding it with the unpainted side facing me. Then he suddenly turned it over and showed me a picture of a person. Not just any person; it was almost a true-to-life drawing of me. My jaw dropped.
“It was the first leaf of the expensive leaves,” he whispered.
"Wow!" The picture was amazing. Chris looked at me with his dachshund eyes and pressed his lips together.
“Well, I think the line is too weak.”
“I don’t think so.”
“But I do.”
“Are you saying I don’t know anything about drawing?”
"Exactly," he laughed at me. He smelled faintly of coconut.
"Just wait!" I said, taking a piece of paper from my desk. I quickly drew a Chinese character.
"Now it's my turn," he laughed again. A real laugh!
He stood up and turned his back to me. Then he took off his black T-shirt. I thought I was seeing things! What was this all about? But then I understood. From his neck down his spine to his hips were five tattoos, all Chinese characters. It was really beautiful.
“Who made these?!” I asked in amazement.
"Oh, a tattoo artist. I got it for my birthday. I'm glad you like it."
That wasn't the only thing I liked. On that occasion, I noticed his upper arms. Not bad at all! It's easy to get jealous. I already knew his stomach. He put his T-shirt back on, and we talked about his tattoo. I thought it was great, and he liked it too. Then I asked him if he could paint a gecko on my shoulder blade using special paint.
“Sure,” he replied.
"Okay, so... Here's the color, here's my shoulder blade." I took off my T-shirt and lay on my stomach in bed. He knelt over me, and shortly after, I felt the wet brush on my skin.
“You can draw so beautifully, I’d even let you make me antlers,” I laughed.
"Hey, don't wiggle like that. Okay, I'll do it right away. Watch out, your ass antlers will be the prettiest thing ever." He laughed again.
“You can draw so beautifully, I really envy you for everything,” I enthused.
"Oh, my life isn't that great. You make it twice as good," he said.
"Thank you for your compliment," I said. I felt the wet brush on my skin again, continuing to draw. But some other feeling crept in. I couldn't see what it was, but I could guess. Chris gently touched my back with his lips.
“What are you doing?” I asked somewhat uncertainly.
“Nothing, why?”
"Oh, it just felt weird. There was a little pressure."
"That's because I'm trying to squeeze the rest of the paint out of the brush," he smiled. I think he knew what I was thinking. Could I have imagined it? Difficult question, perhaps a pipe dream?
“So I’m at the water now, okay?” We had planned to take a gecko that was looking into the water.
“Finish so quickly?”
“No, I still have to draw the water with the reflection.”
"So? How's your uncle?" Somehow I knew he was getting a little embarrassed.
"Oh, he's fine. You know the usual stuff that comes next: How are you? And what have you been up to? How's this and that doing and blah blah."
“I know.”
“See... So finished!”
“Wow, so fast!” He blushed a little.
"I'm just very experienced." And he certainly was. I looked at my gecko with two mirrors.
„Chris?“
“And?”
“You’re the best,” I laughed and pushed the pillow into his face.
"There you go! My revenge! Do you want more?" I asked when I had overpowered him.
“No,” he laughed from under the pillow.
I pulled it away and we looked deep into each other's eyes. I almost kissed him, with his wonderful coconut scent and his outrageously beautiful face. But I just lay on top of him and we both fell silent. But then he took the initiative. He bent his head upwards and pressed his lips almost gently against mine. I didn't resist, and so we kissed. Passionately and for a very, very long time. So it happened that we turned around and suddenly he was lying on top of me. But after what seemed like an eternity, he started shaking and pushed me away roughly.
“Oh my God,” he whispered and ran out of my room.
"Stop! It was..." but I couldn't say anything further. He was already out the door and running downstairs to storm out of the house.
Slowly, I realized what had happened. I felt over my shoulder blade and then saw the ring on my thumb. I fell exhausted onto the bed and went to sleep.
5.
Friday
The last day before the holidays. How I've been waiting for this day! Of course, I wanted to pay close attention in class so I wouldn't notice the time and everything would go a little faster. But my thoughts kept wandering back to Chris, and so it happened as it had to: the first break took half an eternity. So, for the first two hours, I asked myself a lot of questions: I wasn't gay, was I? After all, I was in love with Cathy. Still, I thought the kiss with Chris was wonderful. But what about him? Was he gay? He had kissed me, or at least he had started it. But after that, he stormed off, even though I tried to hold him back. During the first break, I looked everywhere for him, but there was no sign of him. Still, I knew he was there; I'd seen him that morning. I wanted to ask him, but he ran away as if I were the devil himself. Come on, you can get in line! It was only a kiss. Well, okay, it was unusual, but it wasn't that bad. I had better luck during the second break. I found him where he had first spoken to me: on our bench. I tapped him from behind; the situation seemed familiar.
“Hey,” he said without turning around.
"Hi," I answered slowly. My throat suddenly felt completely dry, and it was getting tighter and tighter. You could see that it was the same.
"I wanted to ask you to come over today. I have a surprise at home," I said.
“Do I deserve this?”
"You gave me the most beautiful pictures in the world and painted me a gecko. By the way, it was a huge hit in the locker room. It was a bit embarrassing at first, but everyone loved it."
“Really?” he asked delightedly.
"Well, hello!" That wasn't even a lie. Everyone thought my gecko was great. That seemed to cheer him up, because he smiled a little.
"Nice to meet you. Okay, I'll come because I'm so curious. But we need to talk," he said, standing up. I had to leave now, too; the bell rang for the last class, which, as always, seemed to last forever.
That afternoon, the doorbell rang around three o'clock. He came into my room and looked at me with some shyness.
“Hello,” he began.
“Hi. Here you go,” I said kindly and handed him a wrapped present.
"You really don't need to...Thank you." He opened the present and pulled out another wrapped present. He placed it on the floor next to him and pulled out a thin sweater. It was plain black, with an angel on the front. His eyes sparkled, and he immediately put it on.
“There you go, it fits like a glove!” I laughed.
"Yes!" he replied. He took the second, slightly smaller package and unwrapped it. A chain appeared, with a frog hanging from the end. It was painted lifelike, with orange spots. He put this on immediately, too.
“Wow! Great! Thank you,” he said, somewhat embarrassed.
"But all joking aside. What's going on? You wanted to tell me something," I smiled. I hadn't mentioned anything about yesterday.
“Yeah, so... about yesterday...” he stammered.
"Don't worry about it. I don't blame you. Every boy has done that with another boy before. Be it out of friendship, or because they were drunk, or because they just had a rough day, or to practice, or whatever—it doesn't matter. In any case, it won't happen again and we'll still be friends, okay?"
“Okay,” he said.
“So now tell me!”
“What?” he asked, puzzled.
"So what do you think?"
"Beautiful. They're both so great. Where did you get them? I think they're just fantastic." Thunder roared.
"Autumn is making itself felt," I said casually. Rain was already beginning to patter against the window.
"Yes. But I don't mind as long as I have a roof over my head. You know, I often hear from my brother how things are for those in Africa. It's really bad," he said.
"Yes. You're right. Is your uncle still home?"
“Yes.”
"How's he?" I asked. His face darkened.
"Oh, him. I'm having a fight with him, he's really pissing me off. That's why I'm here so early."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want to sleep here tonight? We could set up the bed that's under mine." I knew what I was like when I had a heated argument. Then I didn't want to stay here either.
"That would be asking too much. Besides, I'd need a reason to stay here."
“Oh, let me worry about that,” I replied with a small smile.
"So, I've told them," he told me after the phone call. "I'm going to a party at some imaginary Jessica's house tonight. OK?"
"Perfect," I said, looking at a picture on the wall. A picture of Chris, of course.
"Thank you," he said, sounding embarrassed again. He can really overdo it with his embarrassment.
"Now look me in the eyes and say thank you without even being embarrassed. It's only natural!" He became feignedly angry and threw a pillow at me from his freshly made bed.
"Just wait!" I cried. I threw my blanket over him and pounced on him. We continued to romp like two little children until we ended up lying exhausted on both beds.
“Wow, I can’t go on, I’m completely exhausted,” he began the conversation.
"Me too," I said, lying on my side to look at him. I rested my head on my hand. He did the same.
"Well..." he said. The conversation was slowly winding down. We'd been talking for a little over two hours.
“I’m pretty tired, I didn’t sleep much yesterday,” he began.
"You can lie down if you like. I'm tired too," I said. We took off our shirts. I saw his Chinese characters again, and he saw my gecko. Slowly, the gecko began to peel and fade.
"Oh, I almost forgot," he said. "I also brought you henna. It lasts longer than the dyes. Plus some food coloring to mix the different colors. Should I just mix it up and apply it to you?"
“Yeah, cool, let’s not go to sleep yet,” I replied.
He started mixing the henna. He wasn't wearing his shirt; either he'd forgotten it or he was afraid some of it might get on his new sweater. Probably both. When he was finished, which took a little longer this time because he had to keep mixing new colors, he said I might have to wait half an hour. We chatted again during that time.
"I think I can take it off now."
He sat on top of me and scraped off the crust. What remained was the gecko again in all his glory. He leaned down and kissed me on the neck. I turned around and looked into his eyes. He wanted to say something, but I put my hands on his neck and pulled him down to me. We kissed a second time, even more intensely and beautifully. When we separated after what seemed like an eternity, we looked deep into each other's eyes. He began to tremble.
"Hey, hey, everything's okay. Everything will be okay," I whispered. We were now lying next to each other.
"It's all good," he replied and kissed me again. I stroked his back, kissed him passionately on the shoulder, on his neck and back up to his lips. I stroked his back from his shoulder blades and landed on his bottom. He took my hands away and got off me. Then he lay down next to me and whispered, "Not yet. I'm not ready yet." He put my hands around him and snuggled up to me. I kissed his shoulder blade and wished him sweet dreams. So that was our first night. My head was buzzing, his probably was too.
Two soft lips tried to kiss me awake.
“Get up,” someone whispered in my ear.
“Just a moment,” I mumbled, almost falling asleep again.
"3...2...1... Now it's your turn!" he screamed, tickling me. I immediately jumped up and looked at him in shock. He was faster than me and kissed me immediately. I could hardly breathe.
“Wait a minute, not so fast, little one.” He immediately pouted.
“I’m not small.”
"Yes, you are," I said, slowly laying on top of him. Once again, we sealed our lips with passionate kisses.
"I made you breakfast. Where are your parents?"
"Left last night. We have the house to ourselves," I said.
“So…” he pretended to think about it.
“You pig!” I said.
"Okay. But you know the story: Kiss me and I'll be your dream prince."
“Oh, I think pork is fine,” I laughed.
But he kissed me and pretended to transform.
"That?"
“Wonderful, beautiful and kind.”
“Don’t exaggerate,” he laughed.
"All right. You're disgusting."
“You’re not exactly ugly either, thank you,” he countered.
“Turn around,” I said mysteriously.
"What is this? Some kind of... perverted idiot game?" he asked as he turned around.
I slowly kissed his neck and made my way down his spine, each mark one by one, until I reached his hips. I put my arms around his stomach and stroked a little further down. He took my hands and placed them between his thighs. Slowly, I began to massage him until I went a little higher. His cock was hard. I unbuttoned his pants, still from behind. Slowly, he turned around, and I pulled his pants down to his knees. Then I pulled his boxer shorts (a cute pair with cow spots) down. When I was done, he said quietly, "Now it's your turn," and slowly undressed me. As I lay naked in front of him, he kissed me from his mouth down my stomach until he came even further down. Slowly, he started to suck me. I almost came, but when it really started, it was over far too quickly.
“That was the best thing in my life,” I said.
"Me too," he whispered and lay down next to me. That was my first experience with a boy.
“Should we take a shower?” I suggested.
"I'll do anything with you," he whispered, standing up. So we walked naked through the house, so no one could see us, and went into the shower together, where we immediately started again.
Then we went to our bed, where I asked him if he wanted to stay another night. He said yes and stayed for the next few days. We had a lot of fun, laughed a lot, and slept together several times a day. Once he asked me if he could have sex with me. It was wonderful. But then he had to go home. So I asked him why.
“My parents: They’re going away and don’t want to leave me alone.”
“For how long?” I asked, shocked.
“Two weeks,” he said dejectedly.
"Oh no. But I want you to stay here; my parents are going to be away for a while longer."
"I want to too, but my parents just don't want it. I'm so sorry," he said, and we kissed for a long time again, but it didn't seem enough to me. He slowly closed the door behind him, and we looked into each other's eyes one last time.
The time without Chris was horrible to bridge. Everything suddenly seemed so uninteresting, so boring. Simply horrible without my little darling. I was amazed again at how quickly we had found each other. Did we really love each other after such a short time? Like, when I first kissed a girl I didn't want anything from, I thought I loved her afterwards too. Was it the same here? No, absolutely not, because if I was already doubting our love, then nothing could come of it. After all, that was the first step before breaking up, right? At least, it was always like that in the shows, the woman was always wondering if it was all worth it or something, and suddenly she had someone new. I wasn't allowed to doubt anything. It was so horrible! Stupid parents, why did they have to just take my darling away? He would have been much better off with me. It doesn't matter anyway. Happy is he who forgets what cannot be changed. Except I wasn't happy at that moment, because my little one was 1,000 kilometers away in Italy. So I put on "The idea is good, but the world isn't ready yet" by Tocotronic. The song that brought us together. Suddenly I almost started to cry. What a load of crap, I thought. Now I'm sitting here crying just because my boyfriend is away. How ridiculous. So I pulled myself together and wandered around my room for a bit. Without knowing what I was doing or what I should be doing, I sprayed my indoor bonsai and trimmed off some of the leaves. Great.
So I crossed off the days on the calendar, and eventually, it happened as it had to: Day X had arrived, and I was so excited to see my sweetheart. He came running towards me and rushed into my arms. Was he crying?
“Hey, everything’s fine!”
“I’m so happy.”
We kissed for what seemed like an eternity. So we stood in the doorway, and I kissed a boy I'd known for a few weeks and never thought I'd end up with.
“I have something for you,” he said.
I looked at some wonderful pictures again. He didn't yet know about my surprise.
"They're wonderful, but I have something better. Come with me to the park."
I practically dragged him to a comic book store in the park, and he became curious. He was already curious before, because he kept asking what the surprise was. Now we entered and walked past a wall of shelves bursting at the seams with books. Warhammer rulebooks, comics galore, and a small magazine that informed people about all the brand-new books. I picked up the book and opened it almost in the middle. In big black letters, it said "Display Case," and Chris's eyes almost popped out: "That... that's... Oh my God!"
"Exactly! Your battlefields with the angels. I took the liberty of copying everything and sending it off. They printed it right on the front page of the display case and sent a letter. Look here."
I handed him the letter, which he quickly skimmed. I had already read it through. It said something about a job with them that he could take. It also said how great his drawings turned out, etc., etc.
"That's wonderful!!! Unfortunately, I can't take the job; I'm too young," he winked at me.
"You're more grown-up than some other people I know," I laughed. It was a wonderful feeling, the way he beamed at everyone, especially me. I didn't feel superfluous anymore, like I often did at school. No, here the greatest boy on earth loved me. And I loved him, too.
“I’ll buy the magazine right away!”
"No need, I have a copy at home. They sent it to you," I replied with a smile.
"Okay, let's go back. I want to introduce you to a cute little boy. He's really worth a look," I said. He looked at me with oversized eyes.
“You can’t be serious!” he said, frightened.
“No, I only love you,” I slurred, as if I were drunk and didn’t know what I was saying.
"HA! You can fool me all you want, I'm still above you!"
“And why?” I asked.
“Because I’m not as childish as you and don’t fool people at all!” he countered.
"Not bad, I admit defeat! Not many people beat me in this game." The game consisted of verbally destroying each other.
"What sarcasm," he rolled his eyes. "But you don't have to tell me I'm superior to you to mock me. There are other ways."
Oh crap, I thought.
When we got home and I was about to pull Chris back into bed, he strangely blocked me.
“What is it?” I asked with wide eyes.
"Oh, nothing. I just don't feel like it right now." He sat down on the desk chair, and then I noticed that the desk was once again hopelessly cluttered. Besides a large pair of scissors, glue, and glossy paper for crafts, there were all the school supplies I owned (which wasn't exactly a small amount) and a lot of notepads that were already two-thirds past their expiration date anyway. Oh well, whatever.
“Oh, come on, get away from this boring desk and sit next to me.”
“Like I said, I’m not in the mood right now!” he said, a bit more aggressively.
“Don’t be so upset,” I said, surprised.
“I piss myself whenever I want, and right now I don’t feel like it.” Now he was almost shouting.
“Hey, did I complain when you went to Italy?”
"What does that have to do with anything? I'm not in the mood right now, and that's it. You don't have to turn me on!" he yelled at me and stood up.
"Please? I'm turning you on? That's so childish!" I yelled back.
"Oh, shut your damn... fucking mouth!" he slurred as he shouted, which I found so funny, even though the situation was the exact opposite. I just couldn't help myself and burst out laughing.
“Don’t start laughing, you asshole!!!” I continued laughing.
"Stop right now or I..." As he spoke, he picked up my scissors from the desk and brandished them. When he realized he was threatening me, he dropped them like a hot iron, skillfully but dangerously crafted by a blacksmith.
“Shit,” he whispered and ran out of my room.
"Chris!" I called after him, but it was too late. I sat down, numb, and digested what had just happened. Anyone can freak out sometimes, but wanting to attack someone with scissors? Violence isn't the answer!
Only one solution, it crept into my mind. I once heard that sentence from someone who said it as a bad joke. It made me chuckle a little, but I immediately felt a surge of regret for even thinking of jokes in such a situation. I was such an asshole for pushing Chris! The poor guy was cornered and trying to save himself, but things somehow escalated. I wanted to let the matter rest for now before I stirred up any more dust. I could always apologize tomorrow.
But what should I do with the day? Wasn't there a café Chris once told me about? Somewhere in Düsseldorf. Well, I'll go there and think about Chris.
When I walked into the café, I already knew what kind of café it was—a café for gay people. So I sat down and ordered a regular cappuccino. Of course, the waitress was a man, even though there were women serving as well. Whatever. He was cute, anyway.
„Hey.“
I turned around, completely shocked. I was thinking about scissors. It wasn't a big deal, was it? Everyone had to digest that first.
„Hey.“
"My name is Tom. Is this seat still free?" he asked.
I looked at him, puzzled. After what seemed like an eternity (10 seconds), I realized the guy wanted something from me. After the next 5 seconds, I even knew what. Then it took me 3 seconds to reply:
"Yeah... yeah, right!" That's an average of 18 seconds. Bad.
No sooner said than done, and Tom sat down next to me.
“You haven’t told me your name yet.”
“My name is Cillian.”
“Funny, my brother has the same name.”
“Sure, he can’t think of a better pick-up line?!” I thought.
"Cool. How are you? I'm doing pretty well, by the way," I lied.
"Oh, I can't complain," said Tom, who I now examined more closely. He had medium-blond hair and small, square, black glasses. He was a bit taller than me and quite handsome.
“Well, actually, I'm not feeling well,” I said honestly.
“Hey, what’s up, kid?” he asked.
"Oh, my boyfriend and I had a fight," I answered somewhat curtly. What business is it of his?
"Oh, I'm sorry. Since when?"
Okay, he just wanted to help, but this was really annoying.
“Just now.”
"If it's not that bad, then go to him and apologize. If it's bad, then let the grass grow and apologize tomorrow. You'll see, if you love each other, then things will be okay."
Thanks for the platitude, but I would have known that anyway.
"I'll remember that. That's really nice of you, but I have to go now too. See you then," I said a little sadly and left. It got colder on the way, so I put my hands in my jacket pockets and noticed a note.
Everything will definitely be fine again!
0155/553764
Tom
The evening was hell. I missed my sweetheart so much I had a stomach ache. I ruined everything the day he came back! Well done, Cillian!
I got up and made myself a hot water bottle to ease the stomach pain, but it didn't really help. Then I ate something, but I barely managed to keep it down. So, arguments were worse than missing someone, that much was clear. Well, at least I had my first argument. Not that I wanted to keep it that way.
The next morning, the doorbell rang. I opened the door and was startled when someone slammed it so hard I almost broke my nose. I had to lean against the nearest door, which was the kitchen door. It wasn't completely closed, so I stumbled inside and got the shock of my life: someone had placed a knife with the handle on the counter, the edge sticking up in the air. I almost tripped in! Oh man! But the person standing in the kitchen doorway was the last straw.
“Hello Cillian,” said a very familiar voice – it sounded almost soft.
"Do you know how much you scared me, Chris? I almost died because of that fucking knife!" I screamed at him, wide-eyed. Okay, that was a lie, but I could have hurt myself!
"I'm sorry. But I have to tell you something important." His voice was shaky. Either it was fake, genuine, or he was simply trying to cover up something he wouldn't have been able to handle otherwise. Whatever it was, it made me shiver.
“Hello Cillian, are you still there?” Cathy asked me.
"Oh, uh, yeah... no... sure..."
„Mathe???“
"Oh, no, not myself. I'm sorry," I stammered, torn from my thoughts.
"Okay, I'll do my morning rounds. Let's see who has it."
I gave her a quick wink and concentrated on what I'd just been thinking. Something about antisocial people, but then our teacher came in. Well, biology was on the agenda now—and a double lesson to boot.
As I sat on a bench during recess, someone tapped me from behind. Surprised, I turned around and was about to say hello to Cathy, probably because she hadn't understood biology. We'd been going through some kind of model-building exercise of a DNA molecule. But it wasn't her after all. Surprised, I looked at a boy, quite skinny and shy. I'd guess he was 15 or 16, a year younger than me. His hair was so blond it almost looked white again, and he had a rather angular face with stark contours, like a hawk's. He was really handsome; I was already envious of him.
„Hi.“
“Um, hi. Sit down.”
He sat down next to me.
"What's your concern?" I asked. You don't have to appear polite right away.
"Oh, nothing. I just wanted to make conversation." Great, since I was just about to eat my lunch. Probably some brainiac who wanted money. I'd better stay on my guard; maybe he was one of those drug dealers. Kids start taking this stuff and dealing it in 7th grade. Well, let's see.
"Okay, let's start."
“What kind of music do you listen to?”
“Anything, probably rock.”
“Do you know Tocotronic?” he asked.
"Ever heard of it? Do you like it?" People who listen to that kind of music don't usually deal. I started to become a little friendlier.
"I love this band. There's a song. It's called 'The idea is good, but the world isn't ready yet,' and it's about approaching people on the street and inviting them in. Maybe they have a problem and want to talk about it."
"I see. I assume you have a problem?" I asked.
"What makes you think that?"
"Oh, just saying. That's the case with a lot of people. I'm just good at empathizing with people." That was really true!
“Well, well... it’s true, I have a problem.”
The bell rang. The break was over.
"Call me, little one, here's my number, and just come by sometime; I'm always here. I live at Dorothea-Erxleben-Straße 34. Bye, bye," I said, somewhat pained. Am I the counselor or what? He stood up and left without a word.
Sure enough, he showed up at my house that same afternoon at three o'clock. He had strangely worn black eye makeup. It looked pretty good on him, and I immediately asked him why he didn't do it at school.
“Oh, the others would just push me away even more anyway,” he replied sadly.
"That's where the wind blows from. You want to be friends and you picked me?"
"You're really good at empathizing with people. I've often watched you. You stand around alone, reading a book. You have as few friends as I do," he said.
I was surprised he mentioned it. Usually, no one talked to me about it. Usually, no one talked to me without a specific reason, either related to homework or school. It was fine with me. Whatever.
"What's your name anyway? And how old are you? I think you should tell me."
"My name is..." Before he could finish, I had already tried to guess. I guessed his name was Jannik.
"Chris...and I am..." he tried to continue. Well, okay, I could be wrong about my judgment of people sometimes.
"16 years old. And you?"
"I'm Cillian and I'm 17 years old. Welcome to my room."
He was kind of cute, quite shy, but still waters run deep. I knew that only too well.
2.
Tuesday
The next day, Chris pretty much avoided me. He seemed a bit embarrassed; he didn't even know what had made him just approach me. Yesterday was actually quite fun; we talked about pretty much everything and laughed a lot until he had to leave around 9 p.m. I still had things to do, after all, but he relaxed more and more and laughed more and more. Otherwise, the day had been normal; the holidays would be here soon. Finally. I'd waited far too long, but it took so long. Luckily, the holidays were next week. I was already counting the days; today was Tuesday. Still, it kind of annoyed me that he kept looking at me when he was just standing in the schoolyard like a wet poodle with nothing to do. He kept looking at me, his eyes almost devouring me. Of course I was pissed off; I need at least some peace and quiet when I'm reading. So I went over to him and greeted him.
„Hey.“
„Hi.“
"So, how are you? I'm fine. You weren't that shy yesterday, were you? I mean, today you're staring at me the whole time and you think I don't notice!"
"I...I'm sorry." He looked down, ashamed. My God, is he afraid of me or something?
Suddenly, two thugs, no older than him, probably a bit younger, came up and punched him on the shoulder. He doubled over a little because he was startled, but luckily it didn't hurt. Then he looked down.
"Hey, little one? Another new one?" They walked away laughing, and I stood there completely stunned, embarrassed that I hadn't intervened. He almost started to cry. You could see how hard he was holding back the tears.
"What was that? Should I take a look at that?"
"Oh no, let's not. They do that all the time. If you just do nothing, they'll leave me alone," he said angrily.
“And what did they want from you?”
"DIDNT YOU HEAR?" he suddenly yelled at me and ran off toward the restroom. At first, I wanted to run after him, but then I decided not to. I knew this kind of situation all too well, when someone insulted me with whatever. I wanted to be alone then, too. Besides, the bell rang, and I had to go in; I still had a math test.
Our math lesson went by relatively quickly. Our teacher, Mr. Schöll, gave us a test and then, in a bad mood as always, said, "No questions," in his oh-so-perfect High German, which he always raved about. And worms. Every lesson, he compared the numbers to worms. Of course, the test had gone wrong, but that didn't bother me. All I could think about was Chris. What had those teenagers said again? It didn't matter, now I had music and then school was over. So I waited for the redeeming dong, but I had already packed my things 10 minutes before because I really wanted to catch Chris. He had told me where he lived, so I assumed he would go out the main entrance because it was closer to his street. That caused trouble, because I had to unpack my things, which I immediately packed again. Our pissed-off music teacher then had to say:
“Cillian, can you please stay here after class?”
As if I had a choice. Still, I tried.
“But I have to hurry, Mr. Wagner.”
“What’s so important?”
I quickly searched for an answer. Sweat beaded on my forehead.
“Um... I... well.” But I couldn’t get any further.
“Please stay here after class.”
That's just what I needed. Of course, the usual babble like "I'm disappointed in you" and "Try harder!" The whole thing lasted a solid fifteen minutes. I resignedly walked out the main entrance, losing hope that he might still be there by chance. Sure enough, there at the bus stop, I tapped him on the shoulder because he had his back to me. I was just starting to talk when he turned around.
“Hey, what happened today...?”
Shit! I hate confusing people. There's nothing more embarrassing.
“Excuse me?” There was no Chris standing in front of me.
“Sorry, I confused you,” I mumbled and moved on.
As I was about to put my key in the door, I felt dim light and felt hands nearby. Someone was joking and holding their hands in front of my eyes.
"That?"
"Hi Chris." Phew, I was glad he approached me on his own. I carefully took his hands in mine and turned around. I didn't even notice that I was still holding his hands.
"Watch out about this lunchtime. I mean, you know..."
"It's okay. I won't ask any questions. I know what it's like," I winked at him. He was clearly relieved. He quickly kissed me on the cheek and only then realized what had happened. He immediately ran away. I stood there, resigned, for a long time, just watching him.
3.
Wednesday
Chris wasn't at school. I still couldn't stop thinking about him. What did that mean yesterday? Okay, I'm not exactly the type of person who's super affectionate with friends and even kisses them on the cheek, but if some people do it out of friendship, fine by me! The weird thing was that he ran away afterward. It was probably all a bit too much for him. I went to his place that afternoon and rang the doorbell.
A nice young woman opened the door for me.
"Hello. I'm Chris's friend and I'm here to give him his homework."
"Chris mentioned something like that, but he didn't tell me he wanted homework from you. Hey, are you new to Chris's class? I'm Alex, by the way, come in. Chris is upstairs in his room. Just to the right and then straight ahead."
I was glad she forgot about the class question, because I didn't really want to lie. But how else would I get in? With a cheese tray and say, 'Room service, your brother kissed me?'
"Thank you very much."
"Oh, and don't tell Chris I let you in, he doesn't want to talk to you."
“You owe me something.”
"Tell me you. I'm not that old."
“Thanks, Alex.”
I knocked on the room with the bright orange door. Someone called "come in," and I slowly opened the door. Suddenly, his voice changed, becoming shaky, and he began to shiver very gently and slightly. Despite this, he tried to stay cool, but failed.
"What do you want?"
“Talk to you,” I said.
“There's nothing to talk about.”
"Yes, and you probably know that better than I do." I sat down next to him on the bed and took a good look around. There were painted dragons on the grass-green walls. It looked beautiful; there were three on each wall, huge and beautiful, almost perfect. A simple, somewhat wide bed stood against one wall. Only then did I notice that there was an angel on the ceiling. One of those angels with a sword and shield in hand, ready to fight, in crisp armor. It was the most beautiful picture I had ever seen. The rest of the room consisted of a desk under a window and a few cupboards. There wasn't really anything else to see. It was pretty sparse, but that's precisely what made it so beautiful. He noticed that I was very surprised.
“I painted it.”
“This is... beautiful”
"Thank you very much."
I almost forgot what I wanted to talk to him about. But then it came back to me.
"So what I wanted to say..."
"I know. You don't want anything to do with me anymore. It happens to me with a lot of people. Suddenly, happiness hits me, and then it's too late. Well, I'll just look for new friends."
“Well, first of all, I’m really offended.”
"Oh?" Suddenly, he felt truly cold. But that was just his outward mask, hiding what was going on inside him.
"I'm offended because I'm apparently so easily replaced as a friend by some other idiot. And secondly, your former friends must have been great if they freak out about something like this."
He looked at me with big eyes. Sweet, that dachshund look. He didn't know what to say, so he just started crying. The tears just flowed, without a sound. I hugged him. He must have had some terrible friends if he was crying like that!
"Thank you," he whispered shakily. I simply enjoyed feeling his warmth. I had a friend. And now I had to cry, too. Finally, someone I could confide in.
“I want us to stay friends.”
“Yeah, me too,” he replied, “You know what?”
“No, how could it?” I laughed.
He leaned over me at the nightstand and rummaged through a drawer. The feeling of him almost lying on top of me was somehow both beautiful and oppressive. Then he pulled out a bound folder and handed it to me. When I opened it, I was thrilled. He noticed, and his eyes sparkled.
“You’re the first one I’ve shown them to.”
I was honored. The folder contained such beautiful pictures. Entire battles of creatures: giant lizards, orcs, humans, dragons, angels. It looked breathtaking. Even the smallest person in the far corner of the battle was painted with such attention to detail that I almost fell over in awe. And that was just from the first picture. The second picture was just as good: a giant castle made of diamonds, all in black and white, but you could still see the glitter so clearly, as if it were real.
"That's... beautiful," I said, just as I had with the murals. Only now did I wonder how he could paint that angel on the ceiling! It must have been difficult enough as it was, but then it was so perfect!
"You should send some of these pictures to companies that have something to do with magic and such. You'd be on the front page!"
“Thank you.” He blushed a little because he wasn’t used to this.
"You can keep them. I have several of them. My only hobby."
I was absolutely stunned. I was allowed to keep it!
“I can’t accept that!”
"Then I'll make you," he laughed out loud. Suddenly, he pounced on me and tickled me. Then we laughed so hard we could have laughed ourselves to death even over a toothbrush. After a quarter of an hour, we were writhing on the floor, staring at each other. If we hadn't immediately burst out laughing ourselves silly again, I would have said the moment had something romantic about it. Somehow, I liked Chris more and more. With every second, he grew closer to me.
“Okay, now it’s… hehe… enough… Phew, that was exhausting.”
“Laughter builds abs...” I giggled a little.
"Great, then you should come every day," he said, pulling up his T-shirt and showing his stomach. He already had a slight (slight!!!) six-pack. And a beautifully tanned stomach. My eyes nearly popped out of my head. Of course, I had peeked at the other boys in the locker room, and they had much bigger six-packs and browner skin, but his stomach looked so nice and delicate. He noticed that I was checking him out, so he pulled his T-shirt down again.
"Oh... Um... well, I guess," I started to stammer, but he shook his head and just said:
"Oh, never mind. We're even." He winked at me. I smiled a little, a little pained.
"Come on, it doesn't matter. And if so, then you just think it's nice or who knows what." He smiled, which made me smile too. To quickly change the subject, I returned to his folder. I looked at it again, and he noticed the twinkle in my eyes again.
“Look, I really can’t accept this.”
"Don't talk such bullshit. I gave it to you, and a gift is..."
"...a gift. I know," I finished. I was really glad he gave it to me, because I don't think I could live without it anymore.
"That's really sweet of you, thank you." Did I just say 'sweet'?
Suddenly Alex stormed into the room, just as things were getting romantic.
“Come quickly Chris, our uncle is here!”
"Right away. And next time, knock!"
She looked disturbed at first, but then she smiled as if she suspected something. Luckily, she went back out.
“Why did she look so strange?”
"Oh, I don't know. She just does that sometimes." He smiled a little.
“Why are you so excited to see your uncle?” My uncle came to our house quite often.
"He lives in Africa and therefore comes to us very rarely. But whenever he does come, he enjoys it and comes completely unexpectedly."
"That's funny. What's he doing in Africa?"
"His greatest wish was always to be a doctor without borders. He fulfilled that dream."
“Wow, a real role model for his little nephew,” I laughed.
“I’ll show you what small is,” he said with mock anger and lunged at me with the pillow.
"I don't have a pillow!" I began. But the pillow was already in my face. How unfair! I quickly grabbed a smaller pillow from the bed and threw it at him like a boomerang. He playfully dodged it and hit me again, causing me to stumble and fall to the floor, laughing. He lunged at me and slammed the pillow into my face.
"Enough?"
“Yes,” came a muffled voice from my pillow.
He put it aside, laughing, and was still kneeling over me when the door opened again, and a man who looked very similar to Chris came in. Only his glasses didn't match. As we lay there on the floor, he looked quite surprised.
"Am I interrupting something?" he asked, amused. Chris was startled when he realized what he was saying. He quickly got off me, his face bright red, and tried to explain the situation to his uncle—I assumed it was him. I, on the other hand, just laughed and slowly stood up.
“Cillian Lert,” I said, holding out my hand.
"I'm Christian Albert," he replied. I was surprised. Another Christian?!
"Yes, you heard right. His name is also Christian. My parents loved my uncle's name," Chris smiled, somewhat embarrassed. (I'll just call him Chris and Uncle Christian.)
“I brought you something, Chris.”
"Yes? What?"
He pulled two stacks of paper of the most expensive but beautiful kind from his backpack.
“I know how much you crumple up and throw away,” he said.
"Wow, thank you. That wasn't necessary."
"Oh, you can't afford it, knowing you. And now to you, young man." He looked at me reproachfully. What's next?
"I actually thought I'd give it to Chris, too, but he'll get something different for once." He pulled out a beautiful ring with a dragon. I can't stand those weird gothic things, but this one was really beautiful.
“I can’t accept that, Mr. Albert.”
“My name is Christian, not Albert.”
“Christian,” I repeated.
"Of course you can. And as I see it, are you friends now?"
“Yes,” I answered, somewhat embarrassed.
“Then my little nephew also needs a ring like that as a friendship ring.”
He pulled another ring, which looked exactly like the other one, out of his pocket.
"I actually wanted to share it with him, but since I can't wear it at work, it would just be a burden." He handed Chris the ring with the beautiful dragon on it. Chris's eyes opened wide and he was delighted. You could see him trying not to freak out, because he loved dragons so much.
“Thank you,” we both said in unison.
“Then I won’t bother you any longer,” he winked and left the room.
"I won't be taking it off anytime soon," I said, slipping the ring on my thumb. Chris gave me a really sweet smile, almost mouth-watering.
"Are you serious?" he asked.
"No, you know? Why would I lie to you? I'm deadly serious," I laughed and threw another pillow at him. So we continued where we left off. We laughed until late into the evening, until I had to leave. But first, I asked about the holidays.
"I'm just home. I don't have anything planned," he replied.
"Cool, me neither. You can come stay overnight sometime," I said and said goodbye.
4.
Thursday
Things went completely normally at school. I met up with Chris during recess; of course, he was wearing the ring. We chatted during the first recess and planned to meet again in the afternoon. This time we weren't so strict about homework, because it was Thursday after all. Unfortunately, he wasn't there for the second recess, or at least I couldn't find him. But I did remember him saying something about the doctor during the recess. Something about a vaccination. In the afternoon, around 4 o'clock, he arrived and sat down on the bed. He already knew my room.
"Oh, you've already hung some things?" he asked, pointing to his drawings on the wall. Some were framed.
"Some? I hung them all up," I smiled.
"I couldn't help it. It was all so beautiful," I added.
“I brought you something,” said Chris with mock secrecy.
“What?!” I asked, standing up and going to him.
Chris pulled out a piece of paper, still holding it with the unpainted side facing me. Then he suddenly turned it over and showed me a picture of a person. Not just any person; it was almost a true-to-life drawing of me. My jaw dropped.
“It was the first leaf of the expensive leaves,” he whispered.
"Wow!" The picture was amazing. Chris looked at me with his dachshund eyes and pressed his lips together.
“Well, I think the line is too weak.”
“I don’t think so.”
“But I do.”
“Are you saying I don’t know anything about drawing?”
"Exactly," he laughed at me. He smelled faintly of coconut.
"Just wait!" I said, taking a piece of paper from my desk. I quickly drew a Chinese character.
"Now it's my turn," he laughed again. A real laugh!
He stood up and turned his back to me. Then he took off his black T-shirt. I thought I was seeing things! What was this all about? But then I understood. From his neck down his spine to his hips were five tattoos, all Chinese characters. It was really beautiful.
“Who made these?!” I asked in amazement.
"Oh, a tattoo artist. I got it for my birthday. I'm glad you like it."
That wasn't the only thing I liked. On that occasion, I noticed his upper arms. Not bad at all! It's easy to get jealous. I already knew his stomach. He put his T-shirt back on, and we talked about his tattoo. I thought it was great, and he liked it too. Then I asked him if he could paint a gecko on my shoulder blade using special paint.
“Sure,” he replied.
"Okay, so... Here's the color, here's my shoulder blade." I took off my T-shirt and lay on my stomach in bed. He knelt over me, and shortly after, I felt the wet brush on my skin.
“You can draw so beautifully, I’d even let you make me antlers,” I laughed.
"Hey, don't wiggle like that. Okay, I'll do it right away. Watch out, your ass antlers will be the prettiest thing ever." He laughed again.
“You can draw so beautifully, I really envy you for everything,” I enthused.
"Oh, my life isn't that great. You make it twice as good," he said.
"Thank you for your compliment," I said. I felt the wet brush on my skin again, continuing to draw. But some other feeling crept in. I couldn't see what it was, but I could guess. Chris gently touched my back with his lips.
“What are you doing?” I asked somewhat uncertainly.
“Nothing, why?”
"Oh, it just felt weird. There was a little pressure."
"That's because I'm trying to squeeze the rest of the paint out of the brush," he smiled. I think he knew what I was thinking. Could I have imagined it? Difficult question, perhaps a pipe dream?
“So I’m at the water now, okay?” We had planned to take a gecko that was looking into the water.
“Finish so quickly?”
“No, I still have to draw the water with the reflection.”
"So? How's your uncle?" Somehow I knew he was getting a little embarrassed.
"Oh, he's fine. You know the usual stuff that comes next: How are you? And what have you been up to? How's this and that doing and blah blah."
“I know.”
“See... So finished!”
“Wow, so fast!” He blushed a little.
"I'm just very experienced." And he certainly was. I looked at my gecko with two mirrors.
„Chris?“
“And?”
“You’re the best,” I laughed and pushed the pillow into his face.
"There you go! My revenge! Do you want more?" I asked when I had overpowered him.
“No,” he laughed from under the pillow.
I pulled it away and we looked deep into each other's eyes. I almost kissed him, with his wonderful coconut scent and his outrageously beautiful face. But I just lay on top of him and we both fell silent. But then he took the initiative. He bent his head upwards and pressed his lips almost gently against mine. I didn't resist, and so we kissed. Passionately and for a very, very long time. So it happened that we turned around and suddenly he was lying on top of me. But after what seemed like an eternity, he started shaking and pushed me away roughly.
“Oh my God,” he whispered and ran out of my room.
"Stop! It was..." but I couldn't say anything further. He was already out the door and running downstairs to storm out of the house.
Slowly, I realized what had happened. I felt over my shoulder blade and then saw the ring on my thumb. I fell exhausted onto the bed and went to sleep.
5.
Friday
The last day before the holidays. How I've been waiting for this day! Of course, I wanted to pay close attention in class so I wouldn't notice the time and everything would go a little faster. But my thoughts kept wandering back to Chris, and so it happened as it had to: the first break took half an eternity. So, for the first two hours, I asked myself a lot of questions: I wasn't gay, was I? After all, I was in love with Cathy. Still, I thought the kiss with Chris was wonderful. But what about him? Was he gay? He had kissed me, or at least he had started it. But after that, he stormed off, even though I tried to hold him back. During the first break, I looked everywhere for him, but there was no sign of him. Still, I knew he was there; I'd seen him that morning. I wanted to ask him, but he ran away as if I were the devil himself. Come on, you can get in line! It was only a kiss. Well, okay, it was unusual, but it wasn't that bad. I had better luck during the second break. I found him where he had first spoken to me: on our bench. I tapped him from behind; the situation seemed familiar.
“Hey,” he said without turning around.
"Hi," I answered slowly. My throat suddenly felt completely dry, and it was getting tighter and tighter. You could see that it was the same.
"I wanted to ask you to come over today. I have a surprise at home," I said.
“Do I deserve this?”
"You gave me the most beautiful pictures in the world and painted me a gecko. By the way, it was a huge hit in the locker room. It was a bit embarrassing at first, but everyone loved it."
“Really?” he asked delightedly.
"Well, hello!" That wasn't even a lie. Everyone thought my gecko was great. That seemed to cheer him up, because he smiled a little.
"Nice to meet you. Okay, I'll come because I'm so curious. But we need to talk," he said, standing up. I had to leave now, too; the bell rang for the last class, which, as always, seemed to last forever.
That afternoon, the doorbell rang around three o'clock. He came into my room and looked at me with some shyness.
“Hello,” he began.
“Hi. Here you go,” I said kindly and handed him a wrapped present.
"You really don't need to...Thank you." He opened the present and pulled out another wrapped present. He placed it on the floor next to him and pulled out a thin sweater. It was plain black, with an angel on the front. His eyes sparkled, and he immediately put it on.
“There you go, it fits like a glove!” I laughed.
"Yes!" he replied. He took the second, slightly smaller package and unwrapped it. A chain appeared, with a frog hanging from the end. It was painted lifelike, with orange spots. He put this on immediately, too.
“Wow! Great! Thank you,” he said, somewhat embarrassed.
"But all joking aside. What's going on? You wanted to tell me something," I smiled. I hadn't mentioned anything about yesterday.
“Yeah, so... about yesterday...” he stammered.
"Don't worry about it. I don't blame you. Every boy has done that with another boy before. Be it out of friendship, or because they were drunk, or because they just had a rough day, or to practice, or whatever—it doesn't matter. In any case, it won't happen again and we'll still be friends, okay?"
“Okay,” he said.
“So now tell me!”
“What?” he asked, puzzled.
"So what do you think?"
"Beautiful. They're both so great. Where did you get them? I think they're just fantastic." Thunder roared.
"Autumn is making itself felt," I said casually. Rain was already beginning to patter against the window.
"Yes. But I don't mind as long as I have a roof over my head. You know, I often hear from my brother how things are for those in Africa. It's really bad," he said.
"Yes. You're right. Is your uncle still home?"
“Yes.”
"How's he?" I asked. His face darkened.
"Oh, him. I'm having a fight with him, he's really pissing me off. That's why I'm here so early."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want to sleep here tonight? We could set up the bed that's under mine." I knew what I was like when I had a heated argument. Then I didn't want to stay here either.
"That would be asking too much. Besides, I'd need a reason to stay here."
“Oh, let me worry about that,” I replied with a small smile.
"So, I've told them," he told me after the phone call. "I'm going to a party at some imaginary Jessica's house tonight. OK?"
"Perfect," I said, looking at a picture on the wall. A picture of Chris, of course.
"Thank you," he said, sounding embarrassed again. He can really overdo it with his embarrassment.
"Now look me in the eyes and say thank you without even being embarrassed. It's only natural!" He became feignedly angry and threw a pillow at me from his freshly made bed.
"Just wait!" I cried. I threw my blanket over him and pounced on him. We continued to romp like two little children until we ended up lying exhausted on both beds.
“Wow, I can’t go on, I’m completely exhausted,” he began the conversation.
"Me too," I said, lying on my side to look at him. I rested my head on my hand. He did the same.
"Well..." he said. The conversation was slowly winding down. We'd been talking for a little over two hours.
“I’m pretty tired, I didn’t sleep much yesterday,” he began.
"You can lie down if you like. I'm tired too," I said. We took off our shirts. I saw his Chinese characters again, and he saw my gecko. Slowly, the gecko began to peel and fade.
"Oh, I almost forgot," he said. "I also brought you henna. It lasts longer than the dyes. Plus some food coloring to mix the different colors. Should I just mix it up and apply it to you?"
“Yeah, cool, let’s not go to sleep yet,” I replied.
He started mixing the henna. He wasn't wearing his shirt; either he'd forgotten it or he was afraid some of it might get on his new sweater. Probably both. When he was finished, which took a little longer this time because he had to keep mixing new colors, he said I might have to wait half an hour. We chatted again during that time.
"I think I can take it off now."
He sat on top of me and scraped off the crust. What remained was the gecko again in all his glory. He leaned down and kissed me on the neck. I turned around and looked into his eyes. He wanted to say something, but I put my hands on his neck and pulled him down to me. We kissed a second time, even more intensely and beautifully. When we separated after what seemed like an eternity, we looked deep into each other's eyes. He began to tremble.
"Hey, hey, everything's okay. Everything will be okay," I whispered. We were now lying next to each other.
"It's all good," he replied and kissed me again. I stroked his back, kissed him passionately on the shoulder, on his neck and back up to his lips. I stroked his back from his shoulder blades and landed on his bottom. He took my hands away and got off me. Then he lay down next to me and whispered, "Not yet. I'm not ready yet." He put my hands around him and snuggled up to me. I kissed his shoulder blade and wished him sweet dreams. So that was our first night. My head was buzzing, his probably was too.
Two soft lips tried to kiss me awake.
“Get up,” someone whispered in my ear.
“Just a moment,” I mumbled, almost falling asleep again.
"3...2...1... Now it's your turn!" he screamed, tickling me. I immediately jumped up and looked at him in shock. He was faster than me and kissed me immediately. I could hardly breathe.
“Wait a minute, not so fast, little one.” He immediately pouted.
“I’m not small.”
"Yes, you are," I said, slowly laying on top of him. Once again, we sealed our lips with passionate kisses.
"I made you breakfast. Where are your parents?"
"Left last night. We have the house to ourselves," I said.
“So…” he pretended to think about it.
“You pig!” I said.
"Okay. But you know the story: Kiss me and I'll be your dream prince."
“Oh, I think pork is fine,” I laughed.
But he kissed me and pretended to transform.
"That?"
“Wonderful, beautiful and kind.”
“Don’t exaggerate,” he laughed.
"All right. You're disgusting."
“You’re not exactly ugly either, thank you,” he countered.
“Turn around,” I said mysteriously.
"What is this? Some kind of... perverted idiot game?" he asked as he turned around.
I slowly kissed his neck and made my way down his spine, each mark one by one, until I reached his hips. I put my arms around his stomach and stroked a little further down. He took my hands and placed them between his thighs. Slowly, I began to massage him until I went a little higher. His cock was hard. I unbuttoned his pants, still from behind. Slowly, he turned around, and I pulled his pants down to his knees. Then I pulled his boxer shorts (a cute pair with cow spots) down. When I was done, he said quietly, "Now it's your turn," and slowly undressed me. As I lay naked in front of him, he kissed me from his mouth down my stomach until he came even further down. Slowly, he started to suck me. I almost came, but when it really started, it was over far too quickly.
“That was the best thing in my life,” I said.
"Me too," he whispered and lay down next to me. That was my first experience with a boy.
“Should we take a shower?” I suggested.
"I'll do anything with you," he whispered, standing up. So we walked naked through the house, so no one could see us, and went into the shower together, where we immediately started again.
Then we went to our bed, where I asked him if he wanted to stay another night. He said yes and stayed for the next few days. We had a lot of fun, laughed a lot, and slept together several times a day. Once he asked me if he could have sex with me. It was wonderful. But then he had to go home. So I asked him why.
“My parents: They’re going away and don’t want to leave me alone.”
“For how long?” I asked, shocked.
“Two weeks,” he said dejectedly.
"Oh no. But I want you to stay here; my parents are going to be away for a while longer."
"I want to too, but my parents just don't want it. I'm so sorry," he said, and we kissed for a long time again, but it didn't seem enough to me. He slowly closed the door behind him, and we looked into each other's eyes one last time.
The time without Chris was horrible to bridge. Everything suddenly seemed so uninteresting, so boring. Simply horrible without my little darling. I was amazed again at how quickly we had found each other. Did we really love each other after such a short time? Like, when I first kissed a girl I didn't want anything from, I thought I loved her afterwards too. Was it the same here? No, absolutely not, because if I was already doubting our love, then nothing could come of it. After all, that was the first step before breaking up, right? At least, it was always like that in the shows, the woman was always wondering if it was all worth it or something, and suddenly she had someone new. I wasn't allowed to doubt anything. It was so horrible! Stupid parents, why did they have to just take my darling away? He would have been much better off with me. It doesn't matter anyway. Happy is he who forgets what cannot be changed. Except I wasn't happy at that moment, because my little one was 1,000 kilometers away in Italy. So I put on "The idea is good, but the world isn't ready yet" by Tocotronic. The song that brought us together. Suddenly I almost started to cry. What a load of crap, I thought. Now I'm sitting here crying just because my boyfriend is away. How ridiculous. So I pulled myself together and wandered around my room for a bit. Without knowing what I was doing or what I should be doing, I sprayed my indoor bonsai and trimmed off some of the leaves. Great.
So I crossed off the days on the calendar, and eventually, it happened as it had to: Day X had arrived, and I was so excited to see my sweetheart. He came running towards me and rushed into my arms. Was he crying?
“Hey, everything’s fine!”
“I’m so happy.”
We kissed for what seemed like an eternity. So we stood in the doorway, and I kissed a boy I'd known for a few weeks and never thought I'd end up with.
“I have something for you,” he said.
I looked at some wonderful pictures again. He didn't yet know about my surprise.
"They're wonderful, but I have something better. Come with me to the park."
I practically dragged him to a comic book store in the park, and he became curious. He was already curious before, because he kept asking what the surprise was. Now we entered and walked past a wall of shelves bursting at the seams with books. Warhammer rulebooks, comics galore, and a small magazine that informed people about all the brand-new books. I picked up the book and opened it almost in the middle. In big black letters, it said "Display Case," and Chris's eyes almost popped out: "That... that's... Oh my God!"
"Exactly! Your battlefields with the angels. I took the liberty of copying everything and sending it off. They printed it right on the front page of the display case and sent a letter. Look here."
I handed him the letter, which he quickly skimmed. I had already read it through. It said something about a job with them that he could take. It also said how great his drawings turned out, etc., etc.
"That's wonderful!!! Unfortunately, I can't take the job; I'm too young," he winked at me.
"You're more grown-up than some other people I know," I laughed. It was a wonderful feeling, the way he beamed at everyone, especially me. I didn't feel superfluous anymore, like I often did at school. No, here the greatest boy on earth loved me. And I loved him, too.
“I’ll buy the magazine right away!”
"No need, I have a copy at home. They sent it to you," I replied with a smile.
"Okay, let's go back. I want to introduce you to a cute little boy. He's really worth a look," I said. He looked at me with oversized eyes.
“You can’t be serious!” he said, frightened.
“No, I only love you,” I slurred, as if I were drunk and didn’t know what I was saying.
"HA! You can fool me all you want, I'm still above you!"
“And why?” I asked.
“Because I’m not as childish as you and don’t fool people at all!” he countered.
"Not bad, I admit defeat! Not many people beat me in this game." The game consisted of verbally destroying each other.
"What sarcasm," he rolled his eyes. "But you don't have to tell me I'm superior to you to mock me. There are other ways."
Oh crap, I thought.
When we got home and I was about to pull Chris back into bed, he strangely blocked me.
“What is it?” I asked with wide eyes.
"Oh, nothing. I just don't feel like it right now." He sat down on the desk chair, and then I noticed that the desk was once again hopelessly cluttered. Besides a large pair of scissors, glue, and glossy paper for crafts, there were all the school supplies I owned (which wasn't exactly a small amount) and a lot of notepads that were already two-thirds past their expiration date anyway. Oh well, whatever.
“Oh, come on, get away from this boring desk and sit next to me.”
“Like I said, I’m not in the mood right now!” he said, a bit more aggressively.
“Don’t be so upset,” I said, surprised.
“I piss myself whenever I want, and right now I don’t feel like it.” Now he was almost shouting.
“Hey, did I complain when you went to Italy?”
"What does that have to do with anything? I'm not in the mood right now, and that's it. You don't have to turn me on!" he yelled at me and stood up.
"Please? I'm turning you on? That's so childish!" I yelled back.
"Oh, shut your damn... fucking mouth!" he slurred as he shouted, which I found so funny, even though the situation was the exact opposite. I just couldn't help myself and burst out laughing.
“Don’t start laughing, you asshole!!!” I continued laughing.
"Stop right now or I..." As he spoke, he picked up my scissors from the desk and brandished them. When he realized he was threatening me, he dropped them like a hot iron, skillfully but dangerously crafted by a blacksmith.
“Shit,” he whispered and ran out of my room.
"Chris!" I called after him, but it was too late. I sat down, numb, and digested what had just happened. Anyone can freak out sometimes, but wanting to attack someone with scissors? Violence isn't the answer!
Only one solution, it crept into my mind. I once heard that sentence from someone who said it as a bad joke. It made me chuckle a little, but I immediately felt a surge of regret for even thinking of jokes in such a situation. I was such an asshole for pushing Chris! The poor guy was cornered and trying to save himself, but things somehow escalated. I wanted to let the matter rest for now before I stirred up any more dust. I could always apologize tomorrow.
But what should I do with the day? Wasn't there a café Chris once told me about? Somewhere in Düsseldorf. Well, I'll go there and think about Chris.
When I walked into the café, I already knew what kind of café it was—a café for gay people. So I sat down and ordered a regular cappuccino. Of course, the waitress was a man, even though there were women serving as well. Whatever. He was cute, anyway.
„Hey.“
I turned around, completely shocked. I was thinking about scissors. It wasn't a big deal, was it? Everyone had to digest that first.
„Hey.“
"My name is Tom. Is this seat still free?" he asked.
I looked at him, puzzled. After what seemed like an eternity (10 seconds), I realized the guy wanted something from me. After the next 5 seconds, I even knew what. Then it took me 3 seconds to reply:
"Yeah... yeah, right!" That's an average of 18 seconds. Bad.
No sooner said than done, and Tom sat down next to me.
“You haven’t told me your name yet.”
“My name is Cillian.”
“Funny, my brother has the same name.”
“Sure, he can’t think of a better pick-up line?!” I thought.
"Cool. How are you? I'm doing pretty well, by the way," I lied.
"Oh, I can't complain," said Tom, who I now examined more closely. He had medium-blond hair and small, square, black glasses. He was a bit taller than me and quite handsome.
“Well, actually, I'm not feeling well,” I said honestly.
“Hey, what’s up, kid?” he asked.
"Oh, my boyfriend and I had a fight," I answered somewhat curtly. What business is it of his?
"Oh, I'm sorry. Since when?"
Okay, he just wanted to help, but this was really annoying.
“Just now.”
"If it's not that bad, then go to him and apologize. If it's bad, then let the grass grow and apologize tomorrow. You'll see, if you love each other, then things will be okay."
Thanks for the platitude, but I would have known that anyway.
"I'll remember that. That's really nice of you, but I have to go now too. See you then," I said a little sadly and left. It got colder on the way, so I put my hands in my jacket pockets and noticed a note.
Everything will definitely be fine again!
0155/553764
Tom
The evening was hell. I missed my sweetheart so much I had a stomach ache. I ruined everything the day he came back! Well done, Cillian!
I got up and made myself a hot water bottle to ease the stomach pain, but it didn't really help. Then I ate something, but I barely managed to keep it down. So, arguments were worse than missing someone, that much was clear. Well, at least I had my first argument. Not that I wanted to keep it that way.
The next morning, the doorbell rang. I opened the door and was startled when someone slammed it so hard I almost broke my nose. I had to lean against the nearest door, which was the kitchen door. It wasn't completely closed, so I stumbled inside and got the shock of my life: someone had placed a knife with the handle on the counter, the edge sticking up in the air. I almost tripped in! Oh man! But the person standing in the kitchen doorway was the last straw.
“Hello Cillian,” said a very familiar voice – it sounded almost soft.
"Do you know how much you scared me, Chris? I almost died because of that fucking knife!" I screamed at him, wide-eyed. Okay, that was a lie, but I could have hurt myself!
"I'm sorry. But I have to tell you something important." His voice was shaky. Either it was fake, genuine, or he was simply trying to cover up something he wouldn't have been able to handle otherwise. Whatever it was, it made me shiver.