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Let's call him Luis, 15 years old, from Berlin Neukölln. He hasn't had an easy life: his parents were divorced, he'd never met his father, and he had three siblings. Social security benefits (Hartz IV) completed his fate. Luis's home is an anonymous prefab building; he's always lived there, and his few friends lived there too. His friends had similar fates. He learned early on that he had no chance of escaping this vicious cycle. His mother was hopelessly overwhelmed with the four children. Their apartment was sparsely furnished. Luis had dreams: he wanted to become a driver and then travel the world. He only knew other cities and countries from the television, which was on all day because his mother didn't work and just sat smoking in front of the box. The children were left to fend for themselves most of the time. Luis was the oldest and had to take care of everything. With three younger siblings, there was hardly any time for himself. Often in the evenings, when his siblings were in bed and his mother was sitting in front of the television, he would stand on the balcony on the 12th floor of their apartment and gaze longingly into the distance. He was anything but happy and a little envious of his classmates who had grown up in better circumstances than he had. In the darkness, he watched the brightly lit windows opposite. Then he wondered if the people had suffered similar fates. He often dreamed of what it would be like to have been born into an intact family. Cinema, swimming, playing football in a club, inviting classmates to birthday parties, pocket money, or maybe even his own room – well, he only knew all of that from stories his classmates told him. At school, Luis had no friends. He was an outsider. Who wants to be associated with an antisocial person? Some of them made it clear to him from time to time. He tried to get through school as best he could. He rarely did schoolwork, not because he didn't feel like it, but because he didn't have the time. After school, he would go shopping to cook dinner for his younger siblings. When Luis came home from school and heard voices, it simply meant that his mother was no longer in bed; she had already made her way onto the filthy couch. He had to cook and clean up more often. Little by little, his siblings also came home from school, hungry like his mother. Most of the time it was spaghetti with tomato sauce or canned ravioli, rarely vegetables or fruit. Luis was quite independent for his age. If he didn't do all of this, he and his siblings would have ended up in a home long ago. But he was very attached to his siblings and wanted to prevent exactly that. He often argued with his mother, however. She thought he was too lazy and threatened to throw him out of the apartment. Sometimes he would leave, but only three floors down to his friend Thomas. Thomas had it better. He was an only child and was spoiled by his parents. They didn't like Luis very much and often told their son to find better friends. But Thomas always stood by Luis. They had the same dream: to be long-distance truck drivers. Luis also inherited this passion for distant places from Thomas. They often watched DVDs together. Always the same ones: "Auf Achse," an old trucker series from the 80s. The main characters traveled all over the world and had the most exciting adventures. Like Franz Meersdonk and Günther Willers, the names of the two main characters, Luis and Thomas also wanted to travel the world, away from this dreary apartment block with its seemingly endless problems. The two often spent warm summer evenings on the roof of their house. They had figured out the trick to opening the door illegally. Then they would lie side by side on the roof for a long time and gaze out at the starry night. That was the highlight for Luis. Because his parents had jobs and money, Thomas was on a soccer club and was quite successful there. The family also went on vacation twice a year: in the summer for two weeks to the North Sea and in the winter for a week of skiing in the mountains. Thomas would then tell them about his experiences. This always made Luis sad because he would have loved to go on vacation too. He had never seen the sea or the mountains before; he only knew them from books, TV, or the many pictures Thomas always showed him, while telling him the most amazing stories.
Then the day came when Luis's world collapsed. Thomas told him that he and his parents were moving to Bavaria because his father had gotten a good job at BMW. Luis was unable to react, let alone say anything. He burst into tears and ran away.
Why? Why did his father have to get a job in Bavaria of all places? he told himself. There's enough work in Berlin. Except for his mother, who always said she was too good to slave away for so little money. Luis ran up onto the roof, sat down in a corner and cried bitterly. Thomas of all people. 'What will become of me now?' was the thought that kept going through Luis's head. It was slowly getting dark. Tearful and sniffling, he looked up at the sky. What would he still be doing here if his only friend was leaving him? He realized that he was more than just a friend. Luis was very attached to this friendship. It had been dark for a long time when he suddenly heard footsteps. He turned in the direction he had heard the footsteps and saw Thomas coming towards him. He sat down next to him.
“When are you moving to Bavaria?”
"Morning."
Luis turned quickly to Thomas and said a little too loudly:
“Tomorrow? So suddenly?”
"I've known for four weeks. But I haven't dared tell you."
The two sat on the roof for a long time, silently gazing into the distance. Then Luis broke the silence.
"Thomas, to me you will always be the best friend, no, you are the only friend I've ever had. I don't know how to tell you, but I think..."
Luis stopped speaking because he was crying. Thomas moved closer and put his arm around Luis.
"Oh Luis, I wish you could move with me to Bavaria. I'll miss you very much, too."
Thomas also started to cry. He'd been crying himself to sleep in bed for the past few days, as the possible end of their friendship loomed. Now it was their last evening together, and he wanted to say something important to Luis, something very important, even if it might ruin his friendship, which didn't matter now anyway.

"You, Luis..." Thomas began quietly. "...I have something very important to tell you, even if you might hate me. It's not easy for me, but since I'm unfortunately leaving Berlin tomorrow, I wanted to tell you something very personal..."
Luis looked questioningly in Thomas's direction. Thomas took a deep breath and then said quietly, "Luis, I... I... shit... I've fallen in love with you."
Luis looked at Thomas the whole time, without moving. What had Thomas just said?
"What? What do you mean? Why? ... The way you are... Whaaat?"
Only now did Luis understand what Thomas had just said to him. Thomas jumped up and ran toward the door. What was that? Before Luis could say anything or even react, Thomas was already gone.
“Thomas, wait!”
Luis jumped up and tried to follow him. He ran down the stairs but couldn't find him. He rang Thomas's parents' doorbell, but no one answered. His knocking and banging on the front door went unanswered. Nothing moved. Luis leaned his back against the apartment door and slid down. Then he pulled his legs up, wrapped his arms around them, and buried his face in them. He thought about what Thomas had said.
I 've fallen in love with you .
The longer he thought about it, the more he became certain that he, too, felt more, much more than just friendship for Thomas. That must be it. He always liked having him around, and when he was having trouble with his mother, Thomas was there for him, never annoyed by his stories. Thomas always had good advice for him. And when he said goodbye to him again, there was always a strange feeling.
'Do I love him too?' Luis kept thinking.
The light in the stairwell had long since gone out when he suddenly heard footsteps.
“Thomas, is that you?”
The footsteps stopped. Luis pulled himself together to turn on the light switch. When the light came on, Thomas suddenly appeared in front of him, halfway up the stairs. His eyes were red from crying. They both looked at each other for a long time. Luis was already slumped over in front of the front door when Thomas walked toward him with firm steps, stood in front of him, unlocked the apartment door, stepped over Luis, and then locked the door behind him. Luis didn't quite understand what was going on. He turned around to bang on the door.
“Thomas, please open the door!”
It slowly opened. Thomas stood there, tears streaming down his face, his head bowed, wiping his damp cheeks with his shirtsleeve.
"What do you want from me now? Please leave me alone. Don't make this any harder for me."
“Thomas, what you told me earlier on the roof, were you serious?”
“Luis, you better go instead of making fun of me now.”
"Hey, please let me in. I have something to tell you, Thomas. Please!" Luis begged.
“Okay, come in, but if you want to make fun of me or insult me, you better leave now.”
Luis went into Thomas's apartment and locked the front door behind him. After a while of silence on both sides, Luis leaned against the front door and spoke quietly, "I... I thought I was the only one who felt this way..." while looking down at the floor the whole time.
“What did you say?”
Luis now looked into Thomas' face.
"I think that... that I love you too. I don't really know. Whenever I'm around you, I get this weird feeling in my stomach. And just thinking about you makes me want to jump for joy. If I had known before that this had to be love, then... then..."
Luis couldn't go any further because Thomas stood in front of him and slowly brought his mouth closer. Their lips touched tentatively at first, then became more and more demanding. Thomas put his arm around Luis to pull him closer. Luis gave in to the pressure and put his arms around Thomas's hips. They kissed more and more intensely.
Then Thomas pulled Luis toward his room. They kissed and caressed each other all over and slowly began to undress.

Much later, they were lying naked in Thomas' bed, both asleep, when suddenly the front door opened. "Shit, that must be my parents. Come on, get dressed, Luis."
Thomas's mother came into Thomas's room without knocking.
"Hello Thomas, we're back... what's going on here? Günther, come here quickly. Günther! What... what's going on? What are you doing here with our son? Günther, come on!"
Thomas and Luis hurriedly got dressed. Günther now stood next to his wife. "What are you doing?"
“I… I… why are you even coming into my room without knocking!” Thomas suddenly yelled.
"Calm down, buddy. And YOU, leave our apartment immediately!" Thomas' mother scolded, looking in Luis's direction. Luis picked up his socks and shoes and was about to walk past Thomas's parents when Thomas grabbed his arm.
"Stay a moment, Luis. I have something to tell my parents. Please!"
"Get out of here immediately!" Thomas's mother yelled at Luis. If looks could kill... Luis looked sadly back at Thomas, who was now standing there completely alone, looking at him, close to tears, desperate and begging for help. That was the last time he saw Thomas.

When Luis tried to ring Thomas's doorbell the next day, the door was open and removal men were already clearing out the apartment. Thomas had left for Bavaria with his mother early that morning. Only his father was still in the apartment, directing the removal men, when he saw Luis standing sadly in the doorway. He looked at him angrily at first, but then approached him. Luis assumed a fighting stance because he didn't know how Thomas's father would react. He stopped just in front of Luis and pressed a package to his chest.
"Here, Thomas told me to give this to you. Now stop disturbing us. Come on, get out of here!"
With his head bowed and sobbing, Luis turned around, sat down on the steps, and began to cry. Thomas' father looked at him for a long time, then took a few steps toward Luis and sat down next to him on the steps, snorting.
"You have to forget him. It will hurt at first. One day you won't think about him anymore."
He gently patted and stroked Luis's shoulder. Luis clutched Thomas's package tightly.
"He was my best friend. Now I have no one here. I will never, ever forget him."
“Have you two been a couple for a while?”
“No, we just confessed our feelings yesterday.”
"Oh dear, barely together and already torn apart again. That's hard. But you're still young. You'll definitely find someone else soon." Luis stood up and walked slowly up the stairs, then turned around.
"You only find someone as special as Thomas once in a lifetime," and looked into the face of a sad man who had probably just admitted to himself that his job change had cost him his son's first love. Luis walked upstairs in silence, opened the door, and went into his room.
Sitting on the bed, Luis looked at the package, which read in large letters > For my best friend <. Slowly, with trembling hands, Luis opened the package. He took out the letter and began to read what Thomas had written to him:

My dear Luis,

I don't know what to write to you. It's 2:00 a.m. and I'm still lying awake. I can't stop thinking about you. Last night with you was wonderful. I've never had a friend like you. I don't know how I'll be able to live in Bavaria without you. I talked to my parents about us for a long time yesterday. Dad didn't think it was so bad that I was gay. Only Mom kept grumbling. But you heard that too. Mom would have loved to go to Bavaria with me straight away, but Dad managed to talk her out of it. But she wants to leave early tomorrow morning. Dad is going later with the removal companies. I actually wanted to go with them. I was so excited. Finally, to drive a big truck. Mom is really stupid sometimes.
I would have loved to say a proper goodbye to you. Please, Luis, try to forget me. One day you'll find a friend who deserves you. I will definitely never forget you. We had a great time, and if I hadn't been such a coward...

You will remain a part of me forever.

I will always love you.

Your Thomas

Also included in the package was the DVD box set of their favorite series, "Auf Achse." When Luis held it in his hands, he burst into tears. How many times had they watched the episodes together? There was also a CD included. It contained Thomas's favorite song by Bette Midler, "The Rose." From then on, it was Luis's favorite song, too. And whenever he heard this song or it was played on the radio, he thought of his first love: Thomas.

Time passed, and Luis made new friends. "Friends"? Peer and Dragan weren't the best company for Luis. But he wanted to forget, and these two came in handy. They robbed old people for €20 or robbed and blackmailed schoolmates. They were often caught by the police. His mother would then kick him out, and so he secretly lived with Peer in the basement, on the street, or in old, condemned buildings.
They continued to walk through the streets together when they encountered another alleged victim in Volkspark Friedrichshain. But this time, things were about to escalate.
Dragan asked a boy what time it was to distract him. Luis quickly grabbed the surprised boy from behind in a headlock and demanded his valuables. The victim resisted and reached into his jacket pocket. It wasn't his cell phone that he was holding. With a sudden movement, the boy turned and stabbed Luis in the stomach. Screaming, Luis let go of the victim and grabbed his stomach.
Blood, blood everywhere.
Peer and Dragan stood frozen, staring at Luis in horror. Dragan was the first to come to and nudged Peer.
“Come on, let’s get out of here!”
And then the two were no longer visible. Luis fell to his knees, whimpering, and held his hands to his stomach. "Shit, I'm bleeding," he stammered in the direction of the attacked boy. With the presence of mind, the boy did the only right thing, pulled his cell phone from his pocket, and called 911. Luis was already lying on the ground, whimpering, a pool of blood forming. The boy knelt in front of Luis and spoke excitedly.
"Shit, the ambulance is almost here. Don't give up now. I don't want to go to jail for murder."
“I’m sorry!” Luis just whispered.
The ambulance could be heard from afar.
"Do me a favor and lie still. I'll quickly direct the ambulance. Please don't die now, do you hear?"
"I promise!" Luis panted. There was already blood in his mouth. Luis thought of Thomas. That was the last thing he noticed. Then everything went black around him.

Markus
Finally the weekend. I wanted to go out with my friends today. We'd arranged to meet at 11:30 p.m. in Volkspark Friedrichshain. I was late again. If choosing clothes wasn't always so difficult. My God, the more you have in your closet, the harder the decision. Unfortunately, if I wanted to be even remotely on time, I had to walk through Volkspark. That would be hell. No, I'm not really a scaredy-cat, but almost two years ago I was mugged in Volkspark. A couple of idiots were apparently having fun scaring unsuspecting people out of the bushes. Because I panicked, these idiots beat me up. When I came to, my cell phone and money were gone. I filed a police report. But the perpetrators were never caught. I've heard of other cases of this scam; some didn't file a report out of fear or false shame. Well, ever since then I've avoided Volkspark at this time of night.
This one time, I thought, nothing will happen. Besides, I had my new knife with me as a deterrent. That made me feel more confident.

My friends knew about my habit of being late, so everyone was told the correct time, and only I was always asked to be at the meeting point at least 30 minutes early. Many of you are probably familiar with the 'academic quarter of an hour'; for me, it was even changed to 'half an hour'. Isn't that nice of my friends? I always said, 'If you're friends, you don't need enemies.' We were a close-knit team and had a lot of fun. Well, everyone had the most amazing girl stories to tell, but I hadn't had anything like that to show for it. Which was probably because I didn't find girls as exciting as, say, boys. Yes, you've noticed, I'm gay (I'll refrain from saying 'and that's a good thing' for now). I was very uptight about it. Until recently, I wasn't so sure either. For example, in gym class, I would secretly look at my classmates while they were showering and changing. Or in the summer at the outdoor pool, I kept glancing at various boys. I always had to be careful not to wake up my little friend and salute me proudly. Well, it did happen once, that my little one (this isn't meant as a reference to his size) just took off on his own. I hadn't dared to come out to either my parents or my friends. I was afraid of losing their friendship if they took issue with it.

So, I walked quickly towards the Volkspark to cross it as quickly as possible.
“Hey, could you please tell me what time it is?” a boy came towards me.
"Sure, just a minute," I replied, looking for my phone. Well-mannered as I am, if you ask nicely, you'll get an answer.
Then it all happened in a flash. I was suddenly attacked from behind and immediately put in a headlock. Panic spread through me. I was reminded of the attack from back then. My hand still in my pocket, searching for my cell phone, I spontaneously and without much thought grabbed the knife and with one swift movement I pulled it from my pocket and stabbed my opponent, who still had me firmly in his grip. He screamed and let go of me at the same moment. I stumbled to the ground and looked into three terrified faces. My tormentor immediately grabbed his stomach, where I must have hit him. He looked at his bloody hands and slowly sank to his knees. Like the other two, I panicked.
"Shit!" I whispered. "What did I do?"
"Come on, let's get out of here!" was the first reaction of one of the other two. Before I could think anything, they started running. The injured attacker was now lying on the ground, yelping. As if in a trance, I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and, trembling, made an emergency call.
"Shit, the ambulance is almost here. Don't give up now. I don't want to go to jail for murder."
I spoke fearfully to the boy lying in front of me. He just whispered, "I'm sorry!"
I heard the ambulance in the distance. I looked around, but there was no one around who I could approach to help me.
"Do me a favor and lie still. I'll quickly direct the ambulance. Please don't die now, do you hear?" I shivered all over, feeling alternately hot and cold. I looked at him briefly again.
"I promise!" he gasped, spitting out a little blood. If only I hadn't bought that stupid knife back then. But my friends had advised me to. Now it was too late. I quickly ran to the street toward the ambulance and directed it to the injured boy, who was still huddled on the path. I felt sick when I saw him lying there so calmly.
Is he still alive?
I blamed myself so much, I started crying and collapsed on the way. Then it all came out. I couldn't take it anymore. Four paramedics were tending to the boy, shouting orders over each other. I could barely hear anything. Someone suddenly stood behind me and put their hand on my shoulder. It was a policewoman. "Did you have something to do with this?"
I looked at her with tears in my eyes and just nodded.
“Please stand up and follow me to the car.”
I don't know how I got there, but suddenly I was sitting in a police car.
“Well then, tell me what happened.”
I kept sobbing as I looked at the paramedics who were still caring for the boy.
"I, I, ... was robbed. Three people, I don't know. It... it all happened so fast. First they asked me the time, and then when I tried to get my phone out of my pocket, I was attacked from behind. Suddenly I had the knife in my hand, and it was over."
“And where is the knife now?”
“I don’t know, it must be there somewhere.”
“Kurt, look for a knife over there!” the policewoman said to her colleague.
Meanwhile, the injured boy had been placed on a stretcher and connected to an IV. A paramedic approached the police car and told the policewoman: "We're taking him to Urban Hospital. He's already lost a lot of blood."
Then he looked at me with a nasty look. I started crying again as the paramedic turned around to quickly walk to the ambulance, which then drove off.
"He can't die. If only I hadn't bought that knife back then." "Back then? What happened? Are you trying to tell me that?"
“I was mugged almost two years ago and then, on the advice of my friends, I got the knife.”
The policewoman just nodded and took notes. Now her colleague was back at the car, holding out a plastic bag containing the blood-stained knife.
“Is that your knife?”
I looked down and just nodded.
"Okay, we've got everything for now. Unfortunately, I'll have to ask you to come with me. We still have to sort out some routine things like fingerprints and a breathalyzer test."
I just nodded my head absentmindedly.
I let it all happen. Later, I asked if I could call my friends. "Later," she simply replied. "We'll call their parents first, since they're not 18 yet."
“Do you have any information about the injured man’s condition?” I asked after a while.
"I'm not supposed to give you any information, but our last information was that he's still undergoing surgery."
"Thank you!" I said briefly and prayed, which wasn't usually my style, that he would survive and that everything would be okay again. I couldn't live with having hurt or killed another person. If only I had thought of that back then, but all I could think about was the fear of being attacked again. Then my parents came to pick me up. There was no risk of me fleeing, the policewoman said. Where would I run to? My father was a little pissed off that I was being treated like an offender even though I was the victim.
"That still needs to be clarified. We're investigating in all directions. It's best if you bring your son home first."
I said goodbye to the nice policewoman and left the police station with my parents.
Finally home, I immediately went to bed. I just wanted to sleep, but I couldn't get a wink of sleep. My mother kept checking on me and bringing me something to drink. Eventually, I finally fell asleep.
The sun was already high in the sky. What did I dream about yesterday? I thought to myself.
“Good morning, Markus,” my mother came into the room and sat down next to me on the bed.
“Are you feeling better today?”
I looked at her questioningly.
“Did I really do that?”
"Don't blame yourself. They're to blame! Not you!"
Did the boy survive?
“Mom, I have to go to Urban, I need to know how the boy is.”
"Take it easy. If you want, I'll accompany you. But first, let's eat something. I'll quickly bake some rolls, make us some coffee, and you can take a shower."
"Okay, Mom."
Later at the table I told my mother that I wanted to go alone.
I quickly made my way to Urban and inquired at the information desk.
"Hello, my name is Markus Jäger. I would like to know the location of the boy who was brought here last night with a stab wound."
"Are you a relative?" Oh dear, should I tell him I'm the stabber? I don't even know his name.
"I'm his brother. His half-brother."
"Oh, he's still in intensive care. You can't see him yet."
“Can I speak to a doctor?”
"I think so. Station four. Down the hall to the right, take the elevator to the third floor. Then turn right to the large glass door. You'll have to ring the bell there."
"Thanks."

It took forever for someone to come to the door. I was afraid my worst fears were coming true.
“Yes, young man, what can I do for you?”
"I wanted to see the boy who was brought in last night with a stab wound."
"Oh, stab wounds? We had three of those last night. Unfortunately, one died, then there's a 60-year-old man and a still unknown person. I turned chalk white and everything went black.

When I came to, I was lying in a darkened room. What was going on? A door opened quietly.
“Ah, Mr. Jäger, there you are again.”
“Huh?” I replied. “Where am I?”
“You just collapsed in front of the intensive care unit.”
“The boy who was brought in yesterday... has he died?” I looked anxiously at the nurse.
"I think you mean Luis, the one who was stabbed in Volkspark? He's out of danger after emergency surgery. You told the gentleman at the information desk that you're Luis's half-brother?"
"Well, that's not really true. Everyone knows that if you're not a relative, you don't get any information. I don't know if I can tell them. But they shouldn't get mad."
"Well, tell me. I'm a good listener."
She took a chair and sat at the head of my bed.
"So, I was mugged yesterday in Volkspark. And since it wasn't the first time, I've always carried a knife with me since then. Somehow, I stabbed the boy who attacked me from behind in the stomach. It all happened so quickly. I'm afraid he's hurt. I also blame myself so much."
"Hey, you're the victim. You were just defending yourself. That was your right. Whether there will be consequences for using the knife is up to the judge to decide. Was he alone? And who called the ambulance?"
"There were three of them. The other two ran away immediately. When I realized what I'd done, I immediately called an ambulance."
"That's very good. You stabbed him because you were probably panicking and scared to death. But you probably also saved his life. So you don't have to worry too much. Everything will be okay." - "I hope so. Is it possible for me to visit him?"
"Unfortunately, that's not possible. He's still in an artificial coma so his injuries can heal better that way. He's lost a lot of blood. How are you doing? Can you get up yet?"
“I think so,” I said, sitting up straight.
“Come on, let’s go to the nurses’ station, where you can get a strong coffee and then you can go home, okay?”
I just nodded.
After coffee, I asked the nurse when Luis would wake up again.
“I think around the weekend.”
“Well, I’ll stop by again if I may.”
"Let's do this. Report to Sister Angelika, that's me. But you have to be there by 3 p.m. I have the early shift and then the weekend off."
"Thank you. For the coffee, and thank you for listening. See you Friday. Have a great shift," I smiled at her and headed home.
I was feeling much better now, compared to this morning. Luis, I thought to myself, what a lovely name. He's over the hill. His name is Luis. I absolutely had to go back to Urban on Friday.
The week went very slowly. At school, I tried to concentrate as best I could. I kept thinking about Luis. Luis, Luis, Luis. Oh, what a lovely name. Did I mention that? Luis is definitely not gay. And if he were, would he want anything to do with the man who almost took his young life? Although, really, it's his own fault. After all, he attacked me, and then, quite cowardly, from behind, with two accomplices. Oh, I'm thinking too much.
It's finally Friday. School! Damn! I would have preferred to go to Urban at 8 a.m. instead of school. But since I didn't have the courage, I went to school anyway. School finally ended at 1 p.m. I was just about to leave quickly when Sebastian stopped me.
“Shall we hit the slopes today?”
“No, not today, I have to go to Urban now.”
"Are you crazy? He cowardly attacked you, Markus, are you crazy?" "Sebastian, I almost killed him. I need to know how he's doing. Do you know how it feels when someone is lying on the ground in front of you, covered in blood, because you stabbed them in the stomach?"
"Not again, Markus. It's not your fault. If he hadn't attacked you, he wouldn't be in the hospital right now. Imagine if he had stabbed you... would he have helped you, or would we be at your funeral right now? That's how you have to look at it. You can't blame yourself. Besides, you called the ambulance and saved his life."
"Sebastian, I have to go see him. The uncertainty is eating me up. And if he kicks me out, I'll just leave and that'll be fine."
"Whatever you say, Markus. We can talk again on Saturday, okay?"
„Ok.“

On the way to the hospital, I imagined all sorts of possibilities about what might await me. I went to Ward 3 and asked for Nurse Angelika. It took a moment because the food was just being cleared away.
“Hello Markus, how are you?”
"Good. How's Luis? Has he woken up yet?"
Sister Angelika looked at me worriedly.
"We started the wake-up phase on Wednesday, but he hasn't come to yet. He needs to wake up on his own now. It might take some time, as he lost a lot of blood."
I resigned myself to falling into a chair and buried my face in my hands.
"What have I ever done? What have I ever done?" Markus sighed, unable to hold back his tears any longer. Sister Angelika knelt before me.
"Hey Markus, don't make it so difficult for yourself. It'll be okay, trust me. You have to be patient. Come on, come with me. There's someone else here waiting for Luis."
I looked up and followed Sister Angelika. I wondered who was waiting for him? His mother? She would definitely make me look like a snail, or worse...
We stopped in front of a room. Sister Angelika pointed to a boy of about 13 with a tear-stained face, his eyes fixed on the floor. "That's his little brother. He's the only one who comes here every day to visit Luis."
“Oh God, doesn’t Luis have any parents anymore?”
"Yes, but his father ran away, and his mother doesn't care about Luis. She put him out on the street, and that's probably why he became a criminal. If anyone is to blame for Luis's condition, it's his mother. I spoke to her on the phone, but she reacted completely coldly. I felt really sick. Then I called again later and his brother was on the line. He came right over and sits here in front of his bedroom door the whole time because he's not allowed in."
“Thank you, Sister Angelika, I’ll sit down with him sometime.” He said and walked towards the little boy.
“Hello, my name is Markus, may I sit down?”
The little boy looked at me sadly for a moment and then looked back down at the ground in front of him and nodded slightly.
"Julius," he whispered barely audibly. "I'm afraid for my brother. Who on earth did this to him? He's not hurting anyone."
“Do you think he was mugged?”
"Yeah, what else? Are you from the police?"
“No, I’m only 16. That’s probably too young for this job.”
I tried to gain his trust and lied to him that I knew him from school. "He always looks after me and my little siblings when Mom wants to watch TV. We don't have a dad. Luis also usually makes dinner and helps us with our homework."
“You must be proud of your brother, right?”
"Yes, I can't imagine anyone better. Without him, we'd probably be in a home by now."
That gave me another pang. How could this boy, on the one hand, care so lovingly for his siblings, and on the other, attack and rob people in the park? Luis piqued my curiosity more and more. I still didn't know what made this boy so interesting. Julius raved about his brother, and there must be some truth to that.
I had to coax Julius out of his shell a little and questioned him.
"Tell me, Julius, Luis is said to have had a lot of trouble with the police. He's supposedly robbed other people and stuff."
"Yes, that's true. He must have met some stupid friends there. When they were out, I was never allowed to go with them. They always said we didn't want little babies with us. They were really mean. Luis would talk like that too. But when he got home, he usually apologized to me."
“He allegedly attacked someone again last week and the victim apparently fought back.”
“But that doesn’t mean you have to try to kill the other person,” sobbed Julius.
"Maybe the other guy was already attacked and panicked. He stabbed someone in fear to free himself. The victim then called an ambulance, while his supposed friends simply fled," Julius said, looking questioningly at Markus.
“How do you know all this?”
"Uh, yeah, ... well, ... well, you know ... hmm ... it, it said so in the newspaper." "In which newspaper?"
“The one with the four letters.”
„Hm.“
Julius looked down again.
“What do you actually want here?”
Oh dear, what am I doing here? How am I supposed to explain to him that I'm the one who stabbed his brother?
Suddenly, a flurry of activity erupted in the hallway. Two nurses came running and disappeared into the room where Luis was lying. A loud beeping sound came from the room, and the nurses were talking frantically. A doctor came running and also disappeared into the room. Shortly afterward, a nurse came back out, looked at us briefly, and then ran toward the nurses' station. My heart began to race. Julius looked from side to side, his mouth open and his eyes wide open. Now Nurse Angelika also came running. I jumped up.
"Is something wrong with Luis? Sister, say something!"
"Take care of Julius. Go for a little walk in the park."
What kind of answer is that? I looked at Julius, who was now sitting trembling and apathetic in his chair.
"Luis, Luis, please don't, Luis. No. Not Luis. NO!!!"
Julius jumped up and tried to storm into the room. He ripped open the door. There we saw Luis lying shirtless on his bed. Next to him stood a doctor with a defibrillator. "Attention, please step back. One, two, three. Nurse, get the children out. Again, step back, one..."
“Come on, there’s nothing you can do for him here.”
“Is my brother dead?” Julius asked in a tearful voice.
"We're still fighting. Pray for him. Markus, please take care of Julius and go to the nurses' station," he said, and disappeared back into the hospital room.
I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore, my lungs burned, I felt dizzy and started to stagger.
"I didn't mean that. You have to believe me. I didn't mean that," I cried, falling to my knees. Julius stood before me, sniffling.
"YOU?" ... "WHY?"
Damn, my life won't be worth anything if Luis dies. That day last week kept running through my head. Why had I let myself be persuaded to buy a knife?
I sat on the floor next to the nurses' station and cried. Julius stood at the window, looking out and sniffling. I heard footsteps coming from the direction of the hospital room. Looking up, I saw Nurse Angelika's face. She winked at me and gave me a thumbs-up. A cold shiver ran down my spine. I immediately jumped up, threw myself into the nurse's arms, and cried uncontrollably. This time, they were tears of joy.
"Julius, your brother did it, do you hear? Julius!"
But he remained standing at the window, crying to himself. I slowly walked over to him and placed my hand on his shoulder.
"Don't touch me, you pig! You almost killed my brother. Go away. I don't want to see you again!"
"Julius, let me explain. He attacked me... I was terrified... Do you understand? ... Scared to death... it was like a movie..."
"Stop lying. You stabbed him. What did he do to you? ... What?" Julius shouted, emphasizing the last word.
"..He attacked me and wanted to rob me with his friends...I...I...I didn't mean to..."
I stopped mid-sentence and sadly turned away from Julius. I had now hurt two people with my actions. I slowly crept toward the exit when a hand rested on my shoulder. Sister Angelika.
"Markus, give Julius time. He'll eventually understand that you acted in self-defense. Give me your phone number and I'll call you when Luis comes to."
No sooner said than done. We exchanged phone numbers, and I went home sadly. If he had died, oh my God, I would never have been happy again.
The days passed. I kept waiting for a call from the clinic.

The phone rang. I ran to it excitedly. "Markus Jäger." "Hello Markus..." It was Sebastian. "...do you want to go to the disco today? Hannes and Guido want to go too. What's the situation?"
"I can't, I'm not feeling well. Besides, I'm waiting for a call from the hospital."
"Still that guy who attacked you? Markus, I'm starting to get a little creeped out by you."
"I don't know. I'm just not in the mood. Celebrate without me and say hello to the others."
"Okay, whatever you want. Well then. Bye!" "Bye"...

Riiiing ---------- Riiiiing ----------- Riiiiing -------- Riiiiing

"Markus Jäger... Hello Sister Angelika... yes?... that's a weight off my mind! Thank you Sister Angelika. Yes, see you tomorrow. And... thank you!"
I jumped for joy and cheered loudly. My mother looked out from the kitchen
“What’s going on, Markus?”
"Mom, he woke up. Finally woke up."
I collapsed exhausted onto the sofa and began to cry with joy. My mother sat down next to me, held me in her arms, and cried with me. I wondered if she was happy that she didn't have a murderer for a son? I sent a thank you to "up above," even though I had nothing to do with God. But I had found myself sending quick prayers to heaven time and time again.

Luis
Thomas, always Thomas. He constantly haunted my thoughts. The voices I heard were completely foreign to me. Bright flashes of lightning flashed every now and then. And then Thomas again. The voices became clearer. Somehow, I couldn't make myself heard. "He should actually be waking up. I don't understand," the strange voice said. Hello, here I am. But no one responded. I felt weak and thought of Thomas again. Why can't anyone hear me? "Little Julius is sitting at the door again. He must love his brother very much." Julius? Julius, where are you? There was more flashing, but this time much more intensely. The strange voices became clearer and clearer. And more flashes. It became bright. I could see something. Fluorescent tubes! Fluorescent tubes? Since when have there been fluorescent tubes in heaven? Oops, a strange face moved over mine and even spoke: "Luis? Luis, are you awake? I'm Sister Angelika. Hello Luis!"
Is this what hell looks like? No, it doesn't have horns. Do female devils even have horns? Anyway, at least she knows my name. But why am I here? "Doctor, Luis is coming around." - "Finally."

"Where am I? What's going on?"
“Can’t you remember anything?”
"I was out with my friends and then there was this boy... My stomach suddenly hurt so much... Blood! ... I don't really know anymore..."
"It'll come back. Just rest for a while."
“What about Julius?”
Sister Angelika turned around and looked at me. "Did you hear us talking about your brother?"
"Yeah, I don't know exactly what, but they were talking about Julius. Is he here?"
"He's been sitting outside all day, waiting for you to wake up." "Days? Have I been lying here for a while?"
“Yes, almost two weeks.”
“I can’t remember anything.”
“You’ve been sleeping the whole time.”
The nurse didn't tell me about the sudden cardiac arrest.
“I’ll get your brother in now.”
"Yes, please."
Sister Angelika left the room, and a moment later the door was thrown open again and Julius stood in the doorway with big red eyes.
"Luis, finally," he rushed toward me. At first I thought he was going to jump onto my bed, but then he stopped in time and threw himself around my neck. He started crying loudly and sobbing:
"I was so scared for you, Luis, you're finally awake again. Please, never do that, never again, do you hear? I can't stand it. We need you."
Now I started to cry too.
"It's okay, my little one. Everything will be fine. How are Susi and Kevin?"
“I think, good.”
“Have you been here in the hospital the whole time?”
"Yes, Kevin and Susi are still too small. And Mom just sits in front of the TV."
“Did she miss me?”
"She didn't mention you at all. And if Sister Angelika hadn't called again, we wouldn't even know where you were."
"That's typical of her. Did she always make you something to eat?" "I always had to go shopping. But I never had much money. So we usually had spaghetti with ketchup."
I had to grin a little.
“Well, the main thing is that you’re full.”
After a while, Sister Angelika came back into the room.
"So, Julius. Visiting hours are almost over, and Luis needs some rest now. Tomorrow is another day."
She said, stroking Julius's back. When Julius left, I became very thoughtful. What had I ever done? I had to get out of here as quickly as possible and get back to taking care of my siblings.

Markus
I haven't slept well the last few nights. I couldn't stop thinking about Luis. Would he forgive me for almost killing him? Did he even remember him? I imagined all the different ways he might react. What if I don't go at all and simply forget about him? That's not possible, because at some point we'll see each other again in court. I can't even think about a possible trial. I don't even know whether I'll end up standing before the judge as a robbery victim or as a stabber. The latter really weighed on me. At least the burden of standing trial as a murderer had been lifted from my mind. After much deliberation, I got up and went to the bathroom. After a hearty breakfast, my heart pounding, I made my way to the hospital. When I got there, I discovered that Nurse Angelika was off work today. Since I knew the way, I went straight to Luis's room. As I stood in front of the door, I started to think: Should I go or shouldn't I? I paced back and forth in front of the door. Something was odd here. I turned to walk to the bedroom door when I saw Julius standing there with his arms crossed. He glared at me as I approached. "Hello Julius. How are you?"
"Still good. And if you don't disappear immediately, that could change quickly!"
"Hey, Julius, what's going on? Please let me see your brother. I have some things to clear up with him."
“That you wanted to kill him?”
“Don’t talk nonsense!”
“Oh yeah, so why is he lying here?”
“Because he cowardly attacked me with his even more cowardly friends.”
“You’re twisting the facts here, aren’t you?”
"No, Julius. Put yourself in my shoes: I was mugged two years ago and was badly injured. It took me a long time to be able to walk alone on the street again in the evenings. I was finally on the right track when your 'oh so sweet, innocent brother' had to mug me. I was panicking, Julius, scared shitless. Do you understand?"
I had now talked myself into a rage and was shaking slightly.
“Aren’t you exaggerating a bit?”
"Man, man, Julius. Have you ever been truly scared? Scared to death, not knowing if you'd survive the next moment?"
“Only when what happened to Luis here in the hospital a few days ago.” Julius became a little thoughtful.
"Be happy. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. You know... I've never told anyone this because it's so embarrassing. After the attack, I wet my bed several times at night. Can you imagine how that feels as a 14-year-old? You can't fall asleep because you're so scared, you leave the light on at night, you wake up drenched in sweat, and your parents are standing in your room because you were screaming in your sleep!"
I was now shaking more violently and my eyes were moist as I revealed myself to the person opposite me.
Julius became thoughtful and lowered his head.
"I'm sorry. Does Luis have to go to jail now?"
"I don't know. That's up to the judges. But first, I want to talk to Luis. We hurt each other. He's just as much to blame for his situation as I am. But I want to clear this up with him privately. So, will you please let me see your brother?"
Julius looked at me for a long time, then took a step to the side and said, “Okay.”
I knocked on the door and then slowly opened it. Only a curly blond man peeped out of the single bed, not moving. Was he asleep? I didn't want to wake him and was already considering coming back later. Then something moved.
“Julius, is that you?” the voice said sleepily.
"Hello Luis, I'm Markus. We had a bad encounter two weeks ago."
The boy in the bed jumped up, turned towards me and looked at me with wide open eyes.
"I've never seen you before. I don't remember you."
"Then think about it. The other day in Volkspark Friedrichshain? huh?"
Luis thought about it and then the euro cent must have fallen.
"You? Shit... I... I... You are... oh,... hmm..." He seemed to be thinking about what to say, looking sheepishly at his duvet. Luis slowly looked up from his duvet, excitedly picking at his fingers, and then shyly looked in my direction. I didn't bat an eyelid. Luis blinked right into my eyes.
“Please go now, it would be better if you just disappeared,” he whispered softly.
“Is that all you have to say?”
Luis looked out the window and sniffed quietly. He didn't respond to my question, but simply nodded slightly. What's going on now? I, the victim, come to visit the perpetrator in the hospital, and what does he do? He just throws me out. How do I feel about that?
"Are you out of your mind? You attacked me, and even though I attacked you with a knife—which I'm very sorry about, by the way, because I didn't consider the consequences—I want to apologize to you! And you just throw me out?"
Silence, just silence.
"Well, if that's the case, I was probably mistaken about you. Julius must have been talking about another brother he told me about in the last few days. That can't be you. Well then, I think we'll see each other again at your court hearing."
I turned around, disappointed and a little angry, and opened the door to leave when Julius suddenly appeared in the hallway in front of me.
“Have you sorted everything out?”
I pushed Julius aside to leave the room.
“Markus, wait a minute!”
I just kept walking, I was too hurt. Tears welled up in my eyes, I became increasingly angry, and I regretted being in the hospital all that time.
“Come on, Markus, just wait a minute!”
Annoyed, I turned around.
“What else is it?” I said a little too aggressively and wiped a tear from my face.
“What was going on?”
Julius had followed me. We stood facing each other.
"I don't know, but Luis seems angry at me about the knife attack. I can kind of understand it. But then again, he started everything with his sneaky robbery in the Volkspark. I guess I should be angry with him. I tried to talk to him, but he didn't want to. Well, and then he just kicked me out."
"I'll talk to him, Markus. You're really good. I wish you were Luis's friend, because the people he's been hanging out with lately haven't been good for him. Back when Thomas still lived here, the two of them were like, heart and soul. But since Thomas moved to Bavaria a year ago, Luis has changed a lot. I don't know what's wrong with him either. I'm really sorry."
"I have to go. Take care, Julius."
I turned to leave when Julius put his hand on my shoulder. "Can you give me your number? Then I could call you when Luis is back to his senses and wants to talk to you."
I thought about it for a moment and then agreed. I gave him my number and asked for his.
"Sorry, I don't have a cell phone. We don't have enough money for one in our family," Julius said sadly. I just nodded briefly and gave him a gentle pat on the upper arm.
"It's okay. Bye, Julius," I turned around and left the hospital. In the parking lot, I looked around briefly and saw Julius in the doorway. We waved to each other briefly, then I headed to the bus.

Luis
He was gone. Why did I let him go? I'm to blame for the whole thing. At least, I bear the main blame. Something like this was bound to happen at some point. And my friends Peer and Dragan just took off. I don't want friends like that anymore. I don't care about them. Why did Markus come to see me in the hospital in the first place? He didn't need to. Would I have gone to visit him if things had happened the other way around? If Thomas still lived here, I certainly wouldn't have slipped into such a tailspin. I was ashamed of the things I had done. Markus woke me up with the knife attack. I didn't want to go on like this; this wasn't the life I wanted. Above all, I still wanted to LIVE. Somehow, Markus wouldn't leave my mind. I started to cry quietly. I didn't notice Julius come back into the room.
"Luis, what's wrong with you? Should I call the nurse?" he whispered, gently placing his hand on my shoulder.
"No, no need. Everything's fine, Julius," I sniffed.
"I just realized what a mess I've been up to lately. ... I'm afraid I've gone too far and will end up in jail. What will happen to you if I can't take care of you anymore? I don't want you to end up in a home. Mommy isn't capable of taking care of you. I'm such a failure. I'm sorry, Julius."
"You're not a failure, Luis. Please don't say things like that. Maybe you should apologize to Markus first. He seemed very sad earlier. Maybe the whole trial won't be so bad if you just talk to him. And as for Kevin, Susi, and me, we'll be fine. Once I know you're not hanging out with those idiots anymore, things will be fine. I trust you, Luis!"
“Thank you, Julius.”
After Julius left, I thought about my lifestyle. Things couldn't go on like this, and I needed to talk to Markus. Somehow, he wouldn't leave my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about Thomas's letter.
>You will find a friend one day who deserves you .<
Is this THE friend?
No, he's definitely not gay, and even if he were, why would he fall in love with a criminal who, to top it all off, robbed him? No, that would be too much of a good thing. But I'll have to talk to him. Yes, I definitely will. Damn, now that he's gone... I only know his first name. I don't know his last name, nor do I know his address. Not to mention a phone number. All in vain? No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn't come to any conclusion. How on earth would I ever see Markus again? Hmm, I could wait in the Volkspark when I'm released from this hospital... Who knows, maybe I'll meet him there one day.
Ouch!!! I'll see him again, but not in a nice way. The trial! I'll probably be questioned by the police... And I'll see him again in court at the very latest. Will it be too late by then? I want to see him again soon.
After all these thoughts, I fell asleep and had a restless and dreamless sleep.

A few days later.
Sister Angelika woke me up very early.
"Good morning, Luis. Did you sleep well?"
“Not really.”
"Well, it'll be okay. The boss's rounds are at 10:00, and then you'll be picked up by the police. You'll be transferred to prison."
I flinched.
“I’m going to jail?”
"It looks like it, little one. But you should have thought about that sooner. It's too late now. But don't try to run away! There's a security guard outside the door, you can't get past him."

Markus
I couldn't get Luis out of my head. Why did he treat me like that? I could have reacted completely differently. I didn't care about him. On the contrary, I even felt sorry for him. Was he attacking others because he didn't have enough money at home? Okay, that shouldn't be a reason or even a justification for attacking and robbing other people. How desperate did someone have to be to go that far? I thought a lot about it. I would have loved to go back to the hospital the next day to talk to Luis. But I wanted to give him time. Besides, it would have seemed too intrusive if I left his room angrily yesterday, only to be back at his door the next day. So I tried, more or less successfully, to distract myself. Sebastian and I met up to go to the movies.

We decided on a comedy to lift my spirits a bit. Well, Sebastian just decided that for me. As for my bad mood, I didn't really want to let him know what was bothering me. We watched 'Ted,' a funny movie with a talking teddy bear who always had some not-so-suitable lines. We laughed a lot, and I was even able to forget my worries for a while. After the cinema, we went to an American burger restaurant for a Coke.
"Tell me, Markus, why are you so bothered by the robbery? There's something wrong with you. Do you want to talk about it?"
"What do you think?"
"Hey, don't act like that. I can tell something's going on. Markus, can I ask you a question? But don't freak out. Okay?"
“Well, then ask, Sebastian.”
"Well, I've been watching you a bit lately. And I'm starting to wonder. Could it be that you... well, that you're gay?"
“What?” I said, a little startled and much too loudly.
"How did you come up with that? I... I..."
I slumped down in my chair and looked sadly and thoughtfully at my Coke.
"Hey, don't look so sad, Markus. I don't mind. I'll continue to be your friend, gay or straight. I won't tell anyone. I promise."
I played with my Coke glass and then slowly looked up into Sebastian's face. I took a deep breath and then spoke in a tearful voice, "Yes, I'm gay."
Tears streamed down my face. Suddenly, Sebastian stood up and looked at me with a serious expression. My face froze within seconds. Had I just lost my best friend? We both looked into each other's eyes, and then Sebastian walked around the table toward me and hugged me. I was so overwhelmed by this gesture that I burst into tears. I was so relieved to finally be able to say it. It felt really good.
"Markus, don't cry, everything will be fine. I'm your friend and always will be."
"Thanks, Basti. You're the first person I've told this to. I haven't been aware of it for very long either. For a long time, I didn't want to believe it. But whenever I see a handsome boy, I get a little tingly. At first, I thought it was just a phase, but that phase didn't let up. In fact, it got worse. I had no one to talk to about it. Who could I tell about my feelings? It was horrible."
"Well, now you have me. You don't have to be embarrassed. By the way, I have a gay uncle. His name is Michael, and we're fine with it. I grew up with that fact and don't know him any differently. He's been with his Guido for over 10 years; the two of them are a great team. We have a lot of fun together. Not what you're thinking. But they're quite relaxed about being gay. And they're popular with the neighbors, too. If you like, we can go and visit them sometime."
I now looked at Sebastian embarrassed.
"Let's see. Thanks, Basti. I was so afraid that you wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore if you found out I was gay. I struggled with it for a long time because I didn't know how people around me would react to my coming out."
"Thank you, Markus, for your trust. Is there anyone... I mean... have you ever had a boyfriend?"
"No, I haven't. I've only really come to terms with being gay for a few weeks. But... there's someone out there..."
Now I didn't speak any further but looked sadly at the ground.
"And?"
"No, let's not. It won't work. He's definitely not gay."
"Do I know him? Is he someone from our class or at least from our school?"
"No, you don't know him. It's... Well... but don't freak out. It's... the boy who mugged me in the Volkspark."
"Are you crazy?" Sebastian responded a little too loudly. Several people turned to look at us.
"I knew you'd react like that. I don't know. I talked to his little brother at the hospital for a while. And the more I learned about Luis, the more I felt for him."
"Aha, so his name is Luis. And you're really sure about that? About your feelings for him? Have you ever spoken to him?"
"I wanted to talk to him a few days ago, when he finally woke up from his coma. But he..." I couldn't continue speaking, put my hands over my face, and sobbed to myself.
“But he... what?” Sebastian looked at me and sighed.
"Let's have another drink, Markus. You don't have to go on if it's difficult. Take your time."
After another Coke, I started talking.
"Luis has three siblings. They live on welfare. Their father abandoned them, and his mother seems overwhelmed by the whole situation. He takes care of his siblings while his mother sits in front of the TV and couldn't care less. That really impressed me. I'm only an only child. Okay, I would have liked to have a brother or sister, too. I don't think Luis attacks other people on his own. It's probably his weird friends who encouraged him to do it. Julius told me that."
"Julius? Is that the brother who's been waiting at the hospital all this time?" "Yes, he's very worried about his brother. He's afraid he's going astray. Well, I guess he already is. But I don't think it's too late. Besides, anyone who cares so selflessly for their siblings can't be a bad person."
“And you, my dear Markus, believe you can lead him back to the right path of virtue?” Sebastian grinned in my direction.
"I definitely want to try. He deserves a second chance. I'd like to be his friend. Well, definitely a friend, if not his FRIEND."
"I know what you mean. If that makes you happy, it would be okay with me, too."
“Thanks, Basti.”
We both grinned at each other and then headed home.
It was already quite late.
“Tell me Markus, where does this Luis actually live?”
"I don't know. Julius was talking about some kind of prefabricated buildings. Probably Marzahn, Märkisches Viertel, or something like that."
Sebastian and I walked home in silence for a while.
"Okay, Markus, have a safe trip home. See you tomorrow at school. Good night and sleep tight. Sweet dreams," Sebastian laughed at me and hugged me.
"Yes, Basti, I wish you the same. And thank you for listening. See you tomorrow."

When I got home, my father came to meet me. "Good evening, son. You left your cell phone in the kitchen again. It wouldn't be so bad if it didn't keep ringing." Oh dear, I hadn't thought of that. I picked up my cell phone and immediately checked who was calling. It was a landline number, always the same, at least six times. The number was unfamiliar to me. I was just about to turn it off when it rang again. That same number again. This time I answered.
“Markus here, hello?”
A voice sniffed on the other end.
"Markus? Finally, you answer. I've been trying all afternoon and evening."
“Who is it?”
“Oh, it’s me, Julius,” the voice sniffed repeatedly.
"Hello Julius, what's wrong? Have you been crying? Is something wrong with Luis?"
“I was at the hospital this afternoon and wanted to visit Luis, but he wasn’t there anymore.”
I suddenly felt sick.
“Did... did he run away?”
"No, he's been transferred to prison. I... I'm not allowed to visit him. They can't do that, can they?"
"Oh Julius, I think so. That was to be expected. Is everything okay at home?"
"Yes, so far everything's clear. Why?"
"I was just thinking about your siblings."
"They're already in bed. I don't know what to do next."
"Shall we meet tomorrow after school? What school do you go to?"
“Max Planck High School.”
"Hey, so we go to the same school. You know what? Tomorrow at recess at the snack bar. OK?"
„Ok.“
"Well then, good night, see you tomorrow... and Julius... Everything will be fine, don't worry."
"Yes, thank you. See you tomorrow."

Alarm clock rings – drag myself out of bed – into the bathroom – a completely unfamiliar face in the mirror – breakfast in silence – doorbell rings – Sebastian! How can you be in such a good mood in the morning?
“Hello Markus! Is everything okay?”
"Hey, have you taken drugs? How can you be so excitable at this time of morning?"
"Oh, Markus, my darling. Eat your cereal, we have to go!" "Markus??? Are you crazy? Or did you run into the tram? Or do you secretly have a girlfriend?"
“Nope, I have you.”
Shocked, I turned to Sebastian, who was still leaning casually against the kitchen door.
"Sorry, Markus. I... I didn't mean to tease you."
Now Sebastian, who had just been so cool, looked ashamedly at the kitchen floor tiles. I couldn't suppress a cheeky grin.
"It's okay. I don't know you any differently. But on a different topic: I spoke with Julius on the phone yesterday."
“This Luis’s brother?”
"Yes, exactly. He goes to our school, by the way. I'm meeting him during recess. He was completely upset. His brother was transferred to prison yesterday. And Julius isn't allowed to visit him there. His mother wasn't bothered at all."
"Unlike you, right?"
"Now Julius has to take care of his siblings. Maybe I can support him a little. I'm not entirely innocent in the situation."
"Markus! Now make a point. Do you want to save the world right now? Who attacked whom? You're not responsible for all the misery in this world! Hurry up, or we'll be late for school."
That was the end of the matter for now. We didn't speak a word on the way to school. A double German lesson so early in the morning—who thought that up? It was still almost night.
Finally, the recess bell rang. I immediately headed for the playground. I repeatedly scanned the playground, but I couldn't see Julius anywhere. When someone tapped me on the shoulder, I jumped and quickly looked around.
“Hey Sebi, do you have to scare me like that?”
“Sorry, have you spotted Julius yet?”
“No, maybe he has class later today.”
"Come on, let's go to the cafeteria. I need a strong coffee before we're tormented by Franz."
Things suddenly became hectic and loud in the back of the schoolyard. I turned around and saw a large group of students gesticulating wildly. I don't know why, but I had to get to the bottom of it.
"Wait, Sebi, I'll be right there. Bring me a coffee, please. I need to see what's going on there."
He said this and walked toward the pack. I couldn't figure out what he was talking about, only picking up snatches of conversation.
`If your brother is a criminal, surely you are too`
`Hartz IV, you're all antisocial`
`Just look at his clothes`
`He hasn't even showered, he stinks so bad`...
I made my way through the others and saw Julius, totally intimidated and close to tears.
“Are you crazy?” I shouted at the others
"What the hell is this! Leave Julius alone. Piss off. You're all a little old! Get out of here!"
I screamed myself into a rage. I don't know myself like that. But my screaming had the desired effect. The students took a few steps back in shock or left the scene.
“His brother is a criminal,” said one of the group.
"Yeah, maybe. You said it yourself, his brother. So not Julius! What does Julius have to do with it? Are you crazy? Come on, everyone, get out of here."

"Thanks Markus, I was really scared. They would have definitely beaten me up. I saw the hatred in their eyes."
Julius began to cry. He slowly sank to the ground and buried his face in his trembling hands. I knelt down next to him and hugged him.
"Hey, Julius, everything's fine. I'm with you."
“Thanks,” sniffed Julius.
“Are you okay?” Julius nodded, looking at me with his red eyes.
Come, I'll help you up.
"Have you been going to this school long? I've never noticed you before."
“For 3 years,” said Julius.
“Everything okay, Markus?” Sebastian suddenly stood in front of us with two cups of coffee in his hand.
“Here Markus, your coffee.”
"Thanks. Sebastian, this is Julius, Luis' younger brother. Julius, this is Sebastian, a good friend of mine. Here, would you like a sip of coffee? It'll do you good."
Julius accepted gratefully and took a hearty sip.
"Are you coming? Break's over."
Sebastian directed us towards the school building.
"Thanks, Markus. See you at the next break. Then we can finally talk. OK?"
“Yo, Julius. See you later.”

Franz, or French, isn't exactly my favorite subject. But those lessons passed, too. During the next break, I hurried to the school door to intercept Julius so he wouldn't suffer the same fate as the first break. I saw Julius slowly coming down the stairs, his face fearful. When he saw me standing at the door, his face suddenly lit up. He waved to me and then skipped down the last few steps. "Hey, Markus."
"Hey, Julius. Let's go outside for a bit."
We went to a quiet corner of the schoolyard. How should I start the conversation now?
“When was Luis transferred?”
"Yesterday morning. When I got to the hospital after school, he was already gone." "You miss him a lot, don't you?"
"Yes, after all, he's my brother and best friend. You can always rely on him."
"He's apparently had run-ins with the law before. We'll have to wait and see whether he gets off lightly again or perhaps even has to spend a longer time in prison."
"It's all the fault of those stupid friends of Luis, Peer, and Dragan. Dragan goes to that school too."
"What? Shit. I don't even know what he really looks like. It all happened so fast that night."
“He’s standing back there.”
I turned around and saw Dragan standing in a corner with his friends. They were smoking. That's actually forbidden at our school (as it probably is at all other schools).
"That's Dragan? He asked me what time it was that evening. Then Luis grabbed me from behind and..."
Markus bit his lip and turned back to Julius. Julius just looked at him, nodding, and then said:
"It's okay. I know what happened next."
At that moment the second break was over.
After two more hours, school was over for the day. I left school with Sebastian. We were walking toward the bus stop when I saw Dragan standing across the street, animatedly chatting with his friends. I recognized one of these friends as Julius. I poked Sebastian lightly in the ribs.
"Look over there. That's Julius standing there with one of Luis's stupid friends."
"Yes, that's right. Does he know them better than he lets on?"
We turned around and walked to the bus stop. As if on cue, our bus arrived. We sat in the very back. I looked again at the others and Julius, who were still deep in conversation. But this time something was different. From what I could see, Dragan angrily tapped Julius on the chest, causing Julius to stumble backward. Dragan approached Julius again. Unfortunately, the bus moved off, so I couldn't follow what was happening.
In the afternoon, after finishing my tedious homework, I met up with Sebastian to go shopping. Teenagers our age often need new clothes due to growth spurts. Since our parents knew this, and we were already old enough to shop on our own, we were given the money to buy new clothes on our own. However, I had to account for myself later at home and put on a fashion show.
“Have you ever noticed that it takes a long time to decide on a piece of clothing?” Sebastian grinned at me openly.
“Stupid cow,” I grinned back.
"Markus, look over there. Isn't that Julius?"
"Where?"
“There by the T-shirts.”
I turned around and was just about to shout when Julius nervously turned in all directions and quickly made an expensive T-shirt disappear under his sweater.
“What was that?” Markus whispered to me.
“Well, one robs people and the other steals.”
I looked at Sebastian angrily.
“It’s true.”
I turned back toward the crime scene, but Julius was already gone. I'd lost my desire to shop. We grabbed the things we'd already chosen and went to the checkout. Back on the street, I looked in all directions, but Julius was, of course, long gone. We walked through the streets in silence when we spotted Julius with other boys in a small side street. I saw Dragan taking the stolen T-shirt from Julius.
"Sebi, there's Julius. Damn, that Dragan is there too. The guy next to Dragan is the third person who was there when I was attacked."
“Come on Markus, let’s go.”
"No, wait. I want to know if Julius is in cahoots with those idiots. Let's go over there so they don't discover us."
Dragan was talking to Julius. It didn't seem like the way friends usually talk to each other. After a short while, Dragan said something to the others, but of course, I couldn't understand it from a distance. Everyone laughed, and Dragan pushed Julius aside and walked with his friends toward the subway. Julius was left alone.
“Come on, let’s go to Julius.”
Julius saw us and was about to run away in the other direction.
“Julius, wait.”
"Sorry, I don't have time right now. I still have homework to do."
I grabbed Julius by the shoulder.
"Just a minute. You can go now. Who are you hanging out with?"
"I do not know what you mean."
“Julius, don’t fool me!”
"What do you want?"
“Julius, we were just in that clothes store over there…” I pointed in the direction of H&M.
“…and, is the euro going to fall now?” I said, a little more angrily.
"Shit. Dragan blackmailed me."
“What did he blackmail you with?”
"I can't say anything. Otherwise he'll try to set his people on me. Please understand, Markus."
"No, Julius. I don't understand. You can't let him do that to you. He's already led Luis astray. Otherwise you'll end up like your brother!"
"Leave Luis out of this! You have no right to judge Luis. Not you!" Julius yelled at me.
“Relax, man. Calm down,” Sebastian chimed in.
“Luis certainly wouldn’t be thrilled with your performance.”
Julius looked at his feet and started to sniff.
"Julius, listen, let's go to that café over there. Then you tell us everything, okay? And then we'll find a solution. Come on."
The three of us went to the café. Julius told Sebastian and me what had happened. Dragan blackmailed Julius by insisting he testify that Luis was the driving force behind their crimes and that he was blackmailing them. Julius emphasized that Dragan was the gang leader, not Luis.
“You have to go to the police, Julius.”
“No, that’s not possible.”
"Yes, it's possible. Do it for Luis."
“But I stole the T-shirt.”
"You were forced. And if you turn yourself in, you'll take the wind out of Dragan's sails. Come on, Julius, we'll accompany you too. You don't have to go through this alone."
A few tears rolled down Julius's face as he looked alternately at Sebastian and me.
"Okay, I'll do it. But right now, or I'll lose my courage again." Markus paid for the drinks and then went straight to the police station. Julius filed a report and told the officer everything.
Later, all three of us went to my place.
"Julius, I have something else for you here. This is my old handset with a prepaid card. I don't need it anymore. It still has about €10 credit left. If anything happens, my new number is saved under 1, and Sebastian's under 2."
"Markus, I can't accept that. It's not possible."
"Julius, no arguments. If Dragan ambushes you again, you can contact us immediately or call the police. So?"
"Thank you. But why are you doing this for me?"
"I don't know. I think I have to make amends for what happened with Luis."
I went to the window and looked out. Was I just feeling guilty, or was there more?
The next few days passed uneventfully. It was Friday. Finally the weekend. I had arranged to meet Sebastian and was about to go to the outdoor pool when my cell phone suddenly rang.
"It's Julius. Yes? Hello Julius, what's up? ….. Yes, that's fine ……….. well, actually, I was just about to go to the outdoor pool with Sebastian and a few friends…. Okay… I'll do it…. See you soon."
“That was Julius,” I looked confusedly at Sebastian
"Oh, I wouldn't have thought that. And it's definitely about Luis, that look says it all. And you probably don't want to go to the outdoor pool anymore, right?"
"Uh, yes, Sebi... Julius told me that Luis will be released from custody this afternoon. He asked me to accompany him to the detention center."
"Is that a good idea? I don't know. Let the two of them do it alone. What will it look like if the victim picks up the perpetrator from jail?"
"No, Sebastian, you go swimming with the others and I'll go to Julius. But please, don't tell the others about this."
"Okay, whatever you say, Markus. But don't get your hopes up. You don't even know if he's gay, too."
“How did you come up with that?”
"I can see it in you, Markus. Those shining eyes whenever you talk about Luis. Julius has probably noticed that too. Or why does he want you there to pick up Luis?"
“Nonsense, Sebi, go for a nice swim and don’t forget to take a good cold shower first.”
“You should do that sometime,” Sebastian grinned back.
“Idiot,” I laughed too.
After a friendly hug, I set off to meet Julius.

Luis
Shortly after breakfast, the chief's rounds began. I was a little nervous about the results. If he deemed me healthy enough, I would be sent to jail that very day.
Shit! What have I done?
Shit! Why did I let those stupid guys persuade me?
Shit! Why did that stupid guy have a knife with him during the last robbery?
Shit! Why am I acting so whiny now? It's my own fault.
The doctor sees no reason to keep me here any longer. What a bummer, now I'm going to the prison. After the rounds, the police officer and his colleague come to escort me. I'm feeling really sick and have to fight back the tears. This is what's happened to me. I act like a big mouth, and if things go wrong, I start to cry. The scar still hurts as I slowly get dressed. This way I can blame the tears on the pain. When I'm finished getting dressed, the ward nurse comes over.
"Luis, if I may give you some advice, apologize to your 'victim'. I believe he will forgive you. Give him this chance. He was truly afraid for you when things were critical. And apologize to your brother, too. He spent every free minute here in the hospital. I hope this attack, with this outcome, has opened your eyes. I am convinced that you are a decent boy."
Now I couldn't hold back any longer. I collapsed onto my bed and cried. I didn't notice the nurse leaving the room. The police officer put his hand on my shoulder.
“Come on, Luis, we have to go.” I slowly stood up, nodding.
“Maybe a few days in the den would do you good so you can see where you’re going if you keep going like this,” said the policewoman.
With slumped shoulders, I crept down the ward corridor. The two police officers waived handcuffs because I promised them I wouldn't escape. Where would I go? To my mother? She never even visited me in the hospital. She kicked me out a while ago. I didn't want anything to do with Dragan and Peer anymore. So I faced my punishment. I paused briefly in front of the nurses' station.
"Sister Angelika, I would like to thank you very much. I promise you that I will improve."
Tears welled up again. Sister Angelika spontaneously hugged me, and tears welled up in her eyes, too.
"I believe in you. Your siblings need you. Besides, you're no good to anyone sitting in jail. Do you promise me you'll change your life?" I just nodded silently and then squeaked a barely audible "Yes."
I perceived the rest as if it were a film. Suddenly I was standing in front of the large gate of the prison.
Goodbye freedom. With a loud bang, the large gate opened. It was at least three or four meters high. Truly terrifying. I turned around once more and looked longingly towards freedom. A hand was placed on my shoulder from both sides, probably so that I wouldn't suddenly change my mind and try to escape after all. I took a deep breath and then looked back at the gate, which had already opened. We took a few steps and stood in front of the next large gate. Again that bang. Now the large gate closed behind us. We were now standing in a courtyard about 6 x 6 meters, with large tinted windows on both sides. One of the police officers waved towards the tinted windows and a small door opened. With the jingle of keys, a man, about 50 years old, came towards us.
"Hello, Dirk. Who did you bring for us?"
"This is Luis. Robbery. He's coming from the hospital to await his trial here. The guard looked at his pad and then at me. Back at the pad, then back into my eyes.
"Pretty young for a repeat offender. And all these crimes in such a short period of time. Hmm, what do you think, Luis, can we get this under control?"
I said nothing and just shrugged my shoulders.
“Well then, come with me,” and to the two police officers, “You’ll get your signature and stamp for the documents.”
After this signature and stamping was completed, a few more notes were exchanged, and then the three said their goodbyes. The officer turned to me again. "Make the most of your time here." At first, I didn't understand what she was trying to tell me.
“Come on, Ellen, we have a new call,” the police officer called to his colleague.

"So, you're Luis? I'm the prison doctor. I'm going to examine you first. After that, you'll get your prison clothes and then be assigned your cell."
I followed the doctor into an adjoining room, which was furnished like a normal doctor's office. The only difference was the barred windows.
"Okay, then undress yourself. That means take off all your clothes and put them on the chair behind you." Disturbed and hesitant, I began to undress when suddenly a young woman came into the room. I froze, looked at the young woman, then at the doctor, and then back at the young woman. The doctor started giggling.
"This is my assistant, Ms. Maier. Don't worry, she's seen plenty of naked guys. Besides, she has one of her own at home. So Luis, go ahead."
I was quite embarrassed to undress in front of them, but since I couldn't escape anyway, I resigned myself to my fate. I was now standing naked in front of the doctor's desk, hiding my jewelry with my hands. The two of them were busy with some documents that Mrs. Maier had brought with her earlier.
“Ah, Luis, come with me to the scales.”
I was weighed, measured, and examined for all sorts of ailments. Aside from the stab wound and a slight case of phimosis, I was completely healthy and therefore perfectly fit for jail. The phimosis was perhaps embarrassing for me. Then the old doctor actually grabbed my penis and pleasurably pushed my foreskin back and forth. I had to really control myself not to get an erection. It was the first strange hand since Thomas... I burst into tears.
"Luis, what's wrong? Did I hurt you? Put on this hospital uniform and then sit down next to me. Mrs. Meier, please get us two teas. Luis, would you mind a tea?"
I just nodded, sniffing, as I got dressed.
"Do you want to tell me why you were just crying? I'm a doctor and sworn to confidentiality."
"I, ... I had to think of a friend. A good friend. He ... he, oh, ..."
"Did he abuse you? Something you didn't want?"
"No, I wanted it just like him... well, I... am gay, and Thomas was my first boyfriend until he moved to Bavaria almost a year ago because of his father. I was just thinking about him. I still miss him so much. I was sad and angry because my life suddenly made no sense anymore. I don't know, but when they touched me down there earlier, it felt like Thomas."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. But it's good that you told me. That way I can get you a solitary cell so you don't have to be afraid. You should be out in a week or two. This is meant as a disciplinary measure to deter you from further crimes. You shouldn't really know this, but I think you've been honest with me, so I should be honest with you."
"Thanks."
“Do you have a boyfriend at the moment?”
"No, after Thomas moved away, everything was so sad and empty. I decided I'd never fall in love again."
“Since when did you know you were gay?”
"Ever since Thomas confessed his love to me on our last night together. At first, I was confused, but then I realized why I liked Thomas so much. It was like scales falling from my eyes. What I'd felt for him all these years had to be love. I just couldn't quite interpret it."
"It's tragic that your first night was also your last. That must have hurt a lot. You tried to suppress it with your fake friends, right?"
“Yes, that’s probably it,” I took the cup of hot tea that Mrs. Maier had brought in the meantime and took a big sip.