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"Hi, how are you? I saw you like the Beaver Brothers. I find 'Total Dental' sooo funny."
I read this message when I was actually just about to go offline to continue reading The Lord of the Rings. This summer, I accompanied Frodo to Mount Doom for the fourth time. I clicked on the sender's profile. Male, 19, lives in Kleinding. That was hardly a coincidence, because that's where I came from.
"Do I know you?"
"I was a grade below you. Max Weller."
“Doesn’t mean anything to me… Do you have a photo?”
“Sorry, no digital camera.”
"Oh, I see... anyway, yeah, I know it, it's the best episode. The later ones are kind of lame."
"I agree. But the Super Beaver is awesome too."
“And Oxnard Montalvo or whatever his name is.”
"Yes, from Saul."
“So you’re still at Marien-Gymnasium?”
"I just finished my high school exams, and now I'm stuck in the deep black hole that comes afterward. So what do you do now?"
“I’m earning a little money and starting college in the fall.”
“Cool, just like me.”
"It's kind of weird, you know who I am, but I don't know who you are..."
“Do you have an old annual report?”
"No, I never bought one. Describe yourself, maybe that'll ring a bell..."
“Hmm, so I’m 1.80, blonde, blue-eyed, 90-60-90. :-)”
I clicked on the profile again. Male. And besides, his name was Max. So it must have been a joke.
„Haha...“
"Okay. I'm medium height,... short reddish-brown hair, and I usually wear glasses at school..."
“Based on the description, anyone really is a candidate.”
“Sorry, I don’t have a scar on my cheek or a tattoo on my forearm or anything… I’m totally average…”
“Hmm… then there’s nothing we can do.”
"I guess we don't have much more to say to each other, huh? I'll go read now."
I liked the honesty.
“What are you reading?”
“Oh, fantasy, nothing literary.”
“I’m currently reading The Lord of the Rings for the fourth time.”
“And where are you right now?”
“Frodo and Sam have just separated from the others.”
"I like... their relationship. This is true friendship."
“Many see it as something homoerotic.”
I was curious to see how he would react.
"Really? Hmm... maybe. Anyway, I think it's great how they look out for each other."
"Frodo certainly wouldn't have made it alone. Gandalf knew what he was doing when he sent Sam after him."
“What do you think of the movies?”
"I haven't watched it. I'm afraid they'll ruin my whole idea of Middle-earth."
"Yes, that usually happens. I'm always skeptical about book adaptations. But Jackson did a really good job. The characters are so real, and the story is well adapted. I was absolutely thrilled all three times. I even bought the special edition DVDs."
“Well, maybe I’ll change my mind after all…”
"I have to go read now, I'm at a really exciting point right now. But it was nice writing with you, David."
“Thank you too, Max.”
"See you then."
"HI."
I found myself grinning. I liked that he didn't make up an excuse to end the chat, but simply said what he wanted. And what he'd said about Frodo and Sam... that was exactly what I loved about Fellowship. And hardly anyone around me knew or appreciated Brother Beaver. I lay down on my bed and read, somewhat listlessly. Soon I was checking every now and then to see if he'd come back online. But the box next to his name remained dark. I refreshed every few minutes until I dozed off.
When I woke up, it was pitch black, and only the monitor illuminated a corner of my room. Dazed, I got up and refreshed the screen again. And there it was, yellow. It was 2:00 a.m., but I was instantly wide awake.
“Hey, did you have any great adventures?”
"Hey! Yeah, great book. Hopefully the second part will arrive in the mail tomorrow."
“I don’t want to discourage you, but tomorrow is Sunday…”
“Neeeeeeeiiiiiiin!!”
"Oh dear, you're forgetting what day it is. This is symptomatic of the post-graduation black hole..."
“What am I going to do all day tomorrow?”
The thought immediately popped into my head. I wanted to write about watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy with myself. But then I thought about it. How would that come across? A complete stranger I just met online. Besides, I had to work.
"Well, you'll find something. The weather will probably be nice again..."
“Are we really talking about the weather now?”
I typed a laughing smiley.
"Why not? And about local politics."
“I’m not that desperate to be entertained after all.”
“Now I’m under pressure, otherwise you’ll run away from me again.”
"Don't worry, I've finished the book. So, let me ask the big question:"
I felt hot.
“The big question?”
"Yes! Everyone asks: What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Oh, right. Psychologist. You?"
"Physicist."
“They both start with P and have a y in them.”
Why did I send that shit? But a laughing smiley came back, and behind it it said:
“Uuuh, we’re soulmates!”
I had to swallow hard... because he had touched on one of my greatest desires. I decided to simply write him what came to mind.
"After graduating high school, I made a list of things I absolutely had to do. A lot of things haven't worked out yet..."
“What did it say?”
“Finding a soul mate, for example.”
“Do you really believe in such things?”
"Of course. With billions of people out there, there must be someone who sees the world through my eyes."
“And then it’s also likely that he lives near you, because socialization determines one’s worldview and so on…”
“Exactly, that’s my theory too.”
"So keep your eyes open. Your soulmate might be closer than you think..."
I had to swallow. The conversation was taking a very strange turn. Before I could reply, the next message from him arrived.
“Should we talk about the weather instead?”
I laughed out loud and wrote him that too.
"You never laughed at school. You always looked quite serious."
“I suddenly feel like I’m being watched…*looks over shoulder*”
"Heehee, noooo! I generally like to observe."
“Isn’t that my job as a future psychologist?”
“Maybe I should reconsider my choice of degree program?”
"Perhaps."
“So, let’s stay on the deep level: Do you believe in God?”
“Uh, I could/would have to write you a whole essay about that…”
“Yes or no? Make up your mind.”
"Then no. You?"
“Just to keep the conversation interesting, I have to say yes now.”
"Okay, but now I want to explain myself briefly. The thing is, I don't care whether there is a God."
“Oh… okay… interesting attitude, tell me.”
"I always try to do the right thing, whether there's a God up there rewarding me for it or not. It makes no difference to me."
“And where do you get the knowledge of what is right and wrong?”
“I can read the Bible and think, yes, that makes sense, a few smart people got together and wrote it down.”
"True. But where do you get the strength to always do the right thing when doing the wrong thing would be so much easier?"
“A mixture of karma and empathy.”
„?“
"I believe that everything comes back to haunt you at some point. Not through another force, but through revenge, or even through my own guilty conscience. And I would never cause pain to anyone else, because then I would always have to imagine how they feel..."
“Sounds like this would work for you.”
“Yes, it does.”
“Still, it takes a lot of strength, which not everyone has.”
“And luckily for them, there is religion.”
“Are you saying faith is a sign of weakness?”
"I would never presume to do that. I would never judge someone based on what they believe. That's just way too personal and really nobody's business."
“Then thank you for sharing your faith with me.”
“I feel like I can be honest with you.”
"You can do that too. Okay, I'm almost asleep and have to get up early tomorrow."
“Are you going to church or something?”
"Good guess. But only because I'm forced to. I'm being persecuted for my faith. By my parents. They just don't understand how I can stand up for anything other than the Catholic faith."
“What do you think?”
“When you come back tomorrow evening, I’ll tell you.”
“Okay, around eleven, before that I have to work.”
“Okay, see you tomorrow.”
"See you in the morning."
The field next to his name went dark again. It was almost four. I hadn't even noticed how time had passed while I was waiting for his messages. He must have been texting someone else at the same time. I wondered who...
I slept until ten, then I got up and reread our conversation, a grin on my face that wouldn't go away. Maybe he was the one I'd been looking for. But I'd barely thought that thought before I shook my head at myself. We'd emailed for a few hours, that was all. Yes, but about such important topics. I'd confided in him thoughts I'd never shared with anyone before... under the cloak of anonymity. But only for him. He knew me. Maybe he even knew where I worked and was having fun sitting down in my aunt's restaurant and letting me serve him. What if he suddenly appeared in front of me? What if he was ugly? I decided to track down an old annual report as soon as possible.
My aunt often asked me that day where my head was. I kept dropping things, forgetting orders, or just staring into thin air. The day couldn't be over fast enough.
At ten, I finally finished work. I pedaled and was home in ten minutes; it usually takes me 20. To do that, I had to take a shower after turning on the PC.
At 10:30, he still wasn't there. I lay down on the bed with The Lord of the Rings and studied maps, diligently pressing F5 every now and then. It was 11:30 before his field finally lit up yellow. Despite my impatience, I decided to wait until he wrote to me. Another ten minutes passed.
"Hey! Sorry, I just got home. So, how was work?"
"As always. Where were you going?"
"Oh, with a few former (yes, I can say that now) classmates at the lake. Campfire, barbecue, that sort of thing."
„Also?“
“Oh God, I’m not in there at all right now.”
“We can talk about the weather again.”
"Yes, you can thank the rain that I'm back. They were even considering sleeping under the stars."
“Thank you, dear God of rain. ; )”
"Okay, so, I'm convinced there's a force that connects us all. If I cause suffering to someone, I also cause suffering to myself. And the world will only be a better place when we all understand that."
“That sounds kind of cheesy…”
“That’s what I was thinking when I read it again… Do you know Markus Mann?”
“Something’s ringing, yes.”
“He drank too much today and had to ride on my luggage rack.”
"Isn't that a huge guy? And he doesn't look light either. Why did they give him to you?"
“You want to know if I’m stocky, huh?”
Caught…
“No, I… well… hey, I just want to know who I’m writing to.”
“What does my figure say about me?”
“Nothing important… oh, forget it…”
“You got yourself into quite a mess there, didn’t you?”
“Save me!”
"Okay. Do you have any siblings?"
"A little sister. You?"
“No, no one.”
“I often wished I were an only child.”
“And I often wished I had siblings…”
“Well, you always want what you can’t have…”
“Only too true…”
“What else do you want that you can’t have?”
“Oh, some things… but nothing that can be easily explained…”
"Well done..."
“Don’t be mad, okay?”
“Oh nonsense…”
“It’s just… we don’t really know each other…”
"I know. But that's exactly why it's easy for me to talk to you about things like this..."
“I would like to know who gave me my eyes.”
"Huh?"
“These are green and my parents’ are blue.”
“So you think…”
"No, I know. But I also know I can't ask her about it without hurting her..."
"Is it really that important? I mean, it's just genes... upbringing matters much more..."
“I know, … but there’s still a hole there somehow…”
“I understand… and if you explain this to them?”
"Whenever I come near this topic, I see the fear in their eyes. No, not a chance. They'll probably take this secret to their graves..."
"I'm sorry …"
“It’s okay, I’ve been living with it for a while…What is your greatest wish?”
“A home of my own, with people I love.”
“Are you saying you don’t love your parents?”
“Yes, they are my parents… but there isn’t much sense of harmony here.”
“I thought your parents were separated?”
“You know quite a lot…”
“In a small town like this, there’s a lot of gossip…”
"'Separated' means my dad has moved next door. I don't see him any less than before. It's just that now he can receive visitors undisturbed, which makes my mum very angry, as you can imagine..."
“But if they are separated…”
“Yes, that’s what I always tell her…”
“Parents, huh?”
“Yes, terrible…”
“I have to go to bed soon…”
"Really nice?"
“I promised my girlfriend I’d go shopping with her tomorrow…”
My heart stopped. Of course. His girlfriend... what did I expect?
„David?“
„Hm?“
“Why don’t you write anymore?”
“My sister was here for a moment and needed something…” I lied.
"Oh... anyway... Claudi wants to take the train shortly after nine. When it comes to shopping, she's not a joke..."
"Claudi? The slightly crazy one who went out with Hannes?"
"That's exactly who she was. I warned her, but she wouldn't listen. That guy rudely dumped her..."
“And how long have you been together?”
"What?! No! We're friends. Best friends, actually, forever."
I can't even begin to express how relieved I was. It scared me. I was getting completely worked up about something. This had to end.
"Oh. Well, sleep well then."
“See you here again tomorrow evening?”
"I don't know yet. See you then."
“See you then, and good night, David.”
The way he used my name sent a pleasant shiver down my spine. Nevertheless, I decided to spend the next few days without internet.
On Monday, I offered to help out at the restaurant. After I smashed the second plate, my aunt, my mother's sister, took me aside.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“I don’t know, I just can’t concentrate…”
"Are you having trouble with a girl? You know you can talk to me about anything."
“It’s okay, really…”
"So it's about a girl? Now tell me!"
"Okay... we met online. I have no idea what... she looks like. But I really like her. Our conversations were... simply amazing."
“And now you’re scared that she doesn’t feel the same way, or maybe she does, but unfortunately she’s as ugly as night?”
I just nodded.
“Then you have to meet her!”
“It’s not that easy…”
"Why not?"
Because he's a guy, and if I go too far and he turns out to be a gossip, the whole town will soon know about me. But of course, I couldn't tell her that... I just shrugged.
"Now go and enjoy the rest of the afternoon. It's not even four o'clock, go to a pond or something."
"Secure?"
"Sure, before you destroy anything else, go on."
At home, I quickly packed a few things and was on my way to a gravel pit pond less than a quarter of an hour away. I went to the quieter shore because on the other side, a few families with lots of children were enjoying the nice weather before it was due to get worse again in a few days. I'd barely settled in, plugged in my headphones, and found my way back to the side I was on when a whole horde walked past me and landed on 'my' quiet shore. I recognized some of them by sight. The girls had been in middle school when I graduated. Now they seemed to have hooked up with a few older boys. The ten people were making as much noise as 50, I could even hear it through my headphones. When they unpacked a boombox and turned it up to full volume, I was about to move, but the sound was probably enough for the whole lake. I turned up my own music until my ears hurt. Resigned, I turned it off, but left the earplugs in, hoping they might muffle the electronic music a bit. I was reading the same line three times. In the water, the girls screamed as the boys tried to dive through their legs. I was determined to at least finish this chapter. Some started playing Frisbee. I was obviously in their way, but I made no move to leave. After all, I had been here first. I rolled over onto my stomach and did a surprisingly good job of blocking out the rest. Soon I was on the last page of the chapter.
"Danger!"
I flinched violently as the Frisbee landed on my back. I spun around in anger.
„Sorry, sorry, sorry!“
One of the players was already running towards me.
"I tried to warn you. I guess I didn't take the wind into account... Is everything okay?"
He looked so guilty that I couldn't yell at him anymore, even though I really wanted to.
"Eggs..."
I gave him the disc.
“We’ve got you pretty besieged here, huh?”
“It was nice and quiet here, yes…”
"Will you have it soon?"
His friends were growing impatient. With a grimace, he flung the disc away, and the wind carried it far out into the lake.
“Well, wonderful!”
“Sorry! …See, I didn’t take the wind into account again…”
He made no attempt to disappear.
"What are you reading? Ah, The Lord of the Rings."
He plopped down on my towel and just kept talking.
"You know, I always liked the storyline with Frodo and Sam the most. How they take care of each other and all. The god of rain would definitely like to see that."
For a moment I must have looked at him in complete disbelief until something suddenly clicked.
"Now you've got it, huh?"
He held out his hand to me.
„Max.“
„David.“
"I'm not stalking you or anything."
"Well... I'm still a little perplexed..."
“I was too, when I saw you lying here earlier.”
“You’re not even that stocky.”
"I never said that. I was just the only one with a luggage rack."
I studied him for as long as I dared. He looked good. Phew, lucky me. He was slim, about my height, at least as far as I could tell while sitting. His hair was light brown with a copper tint. And those eyes! Bright green! I suddenly didn't know what to say.
“At least now you know who you’re texting.”
"You look so good... uh, I... I mean, you always hear about these asshole guys who hang out in chat rooms because nobody wants to go anywhere near them in real life..."
"Oh, I've been sitting at my computer the whole time anyway, sorting out my decommissioning. I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long for my answers..."
So that was it, he hadn't written to anyone else at all.
“Oh nonsense, I’ve already passed the time…”
"Well, I'm going to go in the water. Are you coming with me? I want to swim to the island."
"Over there? Haven't you heard there's a ghost there?"
"Only at night. So what now?"
“I think I pass.”
“Will you still be here when I get back?”
I nodded, and he plunged into the waves. Oh my God, he was simply perfect. I was suddenly scared. Everything seemed to be going so well. There had to be a catch somewhere. And I could already guess where.
I racked my brains over whether I should tell him I was gay right away, to get it over with and not spend forever anxiously putting it off. But I barely knew him. I couldn't tell him something I'd never told anyone before, after two days... On the other hand, he'd said I could always be honest with him... but he probably hadn't expected that, otherwise he would have been more cautious with such statements. A cold shiver ran through me.
"Waaaah!"
"I'm back."
"A 'hello' would have let me know that too."
"Where's the fun in that? May I?"
"Clear."
He lay down next to me, and I found myself examining the beads of water on his pale, even skin. I quickly buried my nose back in my book.
"Where are you now?"
“Merry and Pippin met Treebeard a few pages ago.”
"He reminds me of my father. He takes forever to make important decisions... Will you read to me?"
“Um, okay… Treebeard is singing something to the hobbits…”
After a few pages, I looked over at him.
“Are you sleeping?”
I took the lack of an answer as a yes and continued reading silently. I hardly dared to move. I surreptitiously examined the bulges of muscle on his back and his tight-fitting swim trunks because they were wet. Somehow, it felt wrong to look at him like that when he couldn't do anything about it. I immersed myself in my book again. It was almost six, but the sun was still blazing down. A few spots on Max's back were already red. I wouldn't have dared touch him to apply sunscreen, so I covered him with my towel. He snuggled gratefully into it and went back to sleep. I was beginning to wonder why none of his friends had come over or anything. But I preferred it this way anyway. I read a few more pages as the sun slowly set. Max stirred. He pulled the towel aside and stretched, yawning. The play of muscles under his skin drove me crazy. Then he smiled at me too.
“I need to get in the water.”
…because I desperately needed to cool down.
"What? Now? You'll never be sober again!"
I was already up to my waist in the pond and submerged. When I resurfaced, I saw the others packing their things. Great, now I'd be left alone to use the last rays of sun to dry myself off a bit before the cold wind gave me meningitis. I trudged to the shore and noticed that even on the family shore, only a few people were still sitting there, already packing. Max came toward me with my towel.
"Here. If you don't catch a cold..."
"Thanks. I'll sit here for a while and then slowly drive home, no big deal... See you online tonight, huh?"
"You don't think I'm going to leave you here wet and freezing in the twilight, do you?"
“But your people…”
"Let her go, then at least things will calm down a bit around here. Look, I'm still fully equipped from yesterday. I have candles, beer, and a blanket."
“Thank the rain god.”
While I dried myself off and changed, Max brought over his backpack and guitar.
“So you play guitar?”
“It’s enough for campfire music. Here.”
He gave me a can of beer and sat down on my towel with his own.
"Take the blanket. You're shivering."
“Oh, the beer will warm you up.”
“As you wish, but heaven forbid you write to me tomorrow that you have a cold…”
“Okay, give it here… don’t grin like that, or I’ll throw you in the water too.”
“Oooooh, now I’m scared.”
We both took a sip from our cans.
“So, those were your people?”
"A few of them, but when these little chicks are around, they act like complete idiots."
“I noticed…”
"You should have seen your face when we arrived. And when the music started."
“And when you threw the Frisbee at me…”
"It really wasn't intentional. I was thinking the whole time about revealing my identity, and then the wind god decided for me."
"And that was a good thing, you coward. I finally wanted to know who I was dealing with."
“So, do you know me?”
“From sight, sure.”
“We played on the same basketball team at the sports festival last year.”
"I have such a bad memory. Where's Claudi? I remember her."
"Visiting relatives, she can only sneak away now and then. That's why I'm so bored..."
“Did your book arrive today?”
“Yes, I’m already halfway through.”
“What are you reading?”
"The Shadow Guild series. Does that ring a bell?"
“Nope, not at all.”
"Lynn Flewelling. I can hardly put the books down."
“If you prefer to read…”
"I'll just ruin my eyes in the candlelight. Can you sing?"
“Not really good…”
"Come on. You'll probably be able to do "Knocking on Heaven's Door" and "Summer of 69." And it'll warm you up."
“You play well, and you have a great voice.”
"Thanks, and you were way too modest. Your singing is definitely worth listening to. Hey, how about this?
And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain”
„Oh, my way!”
I joined in as deeply as I could.
„My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and ev'ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way
Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way”
From then on he continued singing alone.
„For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows and did it my way!”
© Frank Sinatra - My Way
Music: Jacques Revaux & Claude Francois
Original text: Gilles Thibault
English translation: Paul Anka.
Arr. der Sinatra-Version: Don Costa
I was completely captivated. He felt what he was singing, I could sense it. He said:
"Man, that song just hits the nail on the head. That's exactly what it's about. When you look back on your life at the end and don't regret anything because you know you did it your way. When you realize that even all the bad experiences were important in making you who you are. You understand? David, are you okay?"
"I... yes. That one line... 'To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels'—that's exactly my problem. I just can't say it."
"What?"
"What I really feel, who I really am. I have to hide it because I couldn't live with everyone knowing about me. I've been hiding for so long, and I'm afraid that one day I'll look back and realize my whole life was worthless because I was always hiding behind this one big fat lie."
"You're crying. What's wrong? David, you can tell me, I won't tell anyone."
"I can't. I just can't! I have to go now."
I can barely remember gathering my things. The wind made me shiver, my damp hair felt like ice. I tried not to think about anything, but I kept thinking about Max, his bare chest, how I wanted to touch him, and how I wanted to tell him everything about myself. But panic had gripped me. I just couldn't bring myself to say it. I was afraid of the consequences.
There was still a light on in the living room.
"David? There you are. I saved some lasagna for you."
"Already eaten. Good night."
"You're so wet. You'll catch pneumonia. Take a warm bath before you go to bed. Should I make you some tea?"
“I just want to sleep, okay?”
"Okay. Then we'll talk tomorrow."
In the protective darkness of my room, I gave free rein to my feelings and desires.
In the morning, I told myself I was done with the whole thing. I would simply choose not to. I could still decide for myself who I wanted to be and who I didn't. And I certainly didn't want to be the only gay person in this small town. I was strong enough to stick it out, I kept telling myself that.
I was glad to have a job at the restaurant. There was always a special pasta special on Tuesdays, and the place was packed. This time, I couldn't afford to drop any dishes; I just had to function, and that cleared my head. When the worst of the rush was over, my mother came over.
“Do you have a few minutes to eat with me?”
"I think so. What do you like?"
“The daily special.”
"Come immediately."
"Here you go. So, what's up?"
“What happened yesterday?”
"I was just tired and cold and wanted to go to bed, that's all."
“If you don’t want to talk to me, promise me you’ll talk to someone else.”
"Whatever. Don't worry. Is that all?"
“No… your father and I decided that you should get the money now.”
“What kind of money?”
"You know, the alimony payments. Then you can buy a small car and drive home on weekends if you can't get a place at university nearby."
“Why this suddenly?”
"This is more advantageous for us when it comes to dividing the property... We've filed for divorce."
“So soon already?”
“We want a clean break, also for you and your sister.”
“Have you talked to Klara yet?”
"No, not yet. I wanted to talk to you first."
“Why am I being asked for my opinion?”
“No, the divorce is final.”
"Then the matter is settled. I've taken note."
"You always become cynical when you're hurt. I'm sorry..."
"It's better for everyone involved this way. I'm just curious how you're going to manage the clean break when Dad lives next door with Grandma and Grandpa..."
“You should talk to him about that yourself.”
“Is he moving away?”
"Talk to him about it. Now eat. Cora will probably need you again soon."
The day was getting better and better, and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, Max suddenly stood in front of me.
„Hey.“
„Hey.“
“You forgot your towel.”
He held it out to me, obviously freshly washed.
"Oh thank you."
“I’m on my way to the pond right now… how long do you have to work?”
I was just about to lie to him and say that I unfortunately had a lot to do until the evening when Cora arrived.
“Well, who’s keeping my employees from working?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m already gone.”
"Now wait a minute. I know you, right?"
"Mex Weller. I live..."
“On the old Heider estate, of course.”
"Exactly …"
"That's where you live? In the old mansion?"
"My parents bought it ten years ago and renovated it forever. I've spent my holidays here ever since, and four years ago we moved here permanently."
“So what are you two planning to do now?”
“I was just on my way to the pond and…”
"Go ahead, David. There's not much going on here anymore anyway."
"But …"
“Now go before I change my mind.”
I guess I had no choice. I got my bike while Max pushed it beside me.
“If you want, you can have a pair of my swim trunks, then we won’t have to go back to your house and can take the forest path.”
"How you mean …"
"I kind of caught you off guard, huh? Sorry."
“What should I say to that?”
"Let's talk at my house, okay? My parents are away until the weekend."
We turned onto the dirt road that leads to the old Heider estate.
"We used to come here on the night of the dead and smash windows and stuff. The previous owner went crazy, they say."
"Well, senile. The heirs sold it to my parents cheaply. They probably wanted to get rid of it."
"I haven't been here in ages. This really looks brand new."
"That was a hell of a lot of work. Come in."
“Somehow everything here has a southern feel.”
“Yes, my dad is a big America fan…”
“Is that a pool out there?”
"Yes, we've had it since last summer. Unfortunately, it was almost always too cold to go swimming."
“Why are you going to the pond when you have a pool in your backyard?”
“Because of society.”
“Why don’t you invite your people here?”
"You saw that crowd yesterday. That's not a good idea. Besides, I'd soon have a lot of friends. Do you want a drink?"
“I’m taken care of, thank you.”
“Do you want to go in the pool?”
“Then I would need a pair of swimming trunks…”
"Come immediately."
I was happy to see that he also favored the long, wide swims, so I quickly went to the bathroom to change. When I got to the pool, Max was already lying on an inflatable lounger, floating on the water. I did a cannonball, getting revenge for the cold water splash I'd gotten the day before.
“Wow!”
„Haha!“
"On your watch!"
“What, I’m already wet.”
"Damn. But I'll get you again."
"Oh, I'm shivering. What's that cool thing? What if I throw you off it?"
He immediately rolled down voluntarily and shuddered.
“It’s sooo cold…”
"Get moving, and it'll get warmer. Wow, a pool like this opens up whole new possibilities..."
"For example?"
I felt my ears turning red.
"Making out in here, for example, huh? That was Claudi's first thought, too."
"And? Did you?"
"Not yet, no. It hasn't really come up yet..."
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"No you?"
I shook my head. Max swam backward toward the exit.
“I think I’ll warm up a bit.”
“I’ll be right there…”
"Take your time. I have a good book."
I swam a few more laps, then went out and pulled up a deck chair next to Max's.
"What's happening? You're almost done."
"Oh, I don't want to give too much away, maybe you'll read this sometime, but something just happened that I've been waiting for for a long time. But I'm at the end of a chapter. Would you like a drink now?"
“No, I’ll get back to you.”
He put the book aside and sat up.
“So, do you want to talk about yesterday?”
I was totally taken aback by this directness and sat down.
“Max, don’t take it personally, but I can’t tell you.”
“Are we friends?”
"No idea? Are we?"
"I'm your friend. I know we haven't known each other long, but I just know. Be honest with me, please."
“I know that after this everything will fall apart.”
"Nothing you say can be so bad that I can't understand it. I don't just want to get to know you, I want to know everything about you. No secrets. Those only hurt. I want someone who is completely honest with me and with whom I can be completely honest."
"Are you sure? Once I say it, then..."
“Just say it!”
"Okay. Max, I'm gay."
His expression wasn't what I expected. Not disgusted or angry, but astonished.
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
“Are you with someone…”
“No! Never.”
“But you’re sure?”
“Of course I’m sure.”
"I'm kind of... I was expecting something terrible..."
“So you don’t think it’s bad?”
“Do you like me?”
„Was?!“
“Please be honest.”
“Even if I do, you don’t have to worry about me ripping your clothes off and…”
"Fuck it all."
He slid off his lounger, knelt in front of me, and placed his hand on the back of my neck. With a look, he asked me for permission, and I closed my eyes. His lips were so warm and so soft. And then it was over. But his hand stayed and ran through my hair. I suddenly saw his friendly, warm smile with completely different eyes.
"You too?"
"Me too."
“Do your people know?”
"Not my family, but a few friends. And you?"
"No one. I've never told anyone."
"Was it okay... I mean, just because we both happen to like guys doesn't mean we have to..."
"Yes! I mean... yes, it was okay. More than okay. I like you."
"I like you."
"I'm afraid …"
“Have you ever…”
"There were a few girls, more to prove something to myself. But I've never kissed a man..."
“Do you want to go again?”
In response, I pulled him to me. I had forgotten all my good intentions. I had tasted blood; there was no turning back. The taste of his tongue drove me crazy. Before I could think about it, he pushed me back into the armrest and lay on top of me. His wonderful upper body pressed against mine, I felt his heartbeat against my chest and his tongue dancing with mine. It was even better than I had imagined. He looked into my eyes. His hands explored my neck and shoulders. I got goosebumps and trembled all over. I had waited my whole life for this. Exactly this feeling. Finally, everything was right. I felt a tear running down my cheek. Max caught it with his index finger, broke away from my kiss, and pulled me into his arms instead. We lay close together on the narrow lounger for a while.
"Everything okay?"
“Everything is wonderful, Max. Don’t you see that?”
“We should take it slow.”
“I want to kiss you all day.”
“Will you stay with me tonight?”
“Take it slow, huh?”
"We could watch the trilogy, I'd curl up in your arms and doze while you marvel at Jackson's masterpiece."
"Sounds good."
“So you’re staying?”
"I don't have anything else planned. But it's still bright sunshine. Come in the pool."
“Does this whole thing seem a bit surreal to you?”
"Indeed. Half an hour ago everything was different..."
"And now I can kiss you whenever I want. Do you know how long I've dreamed of this?"
“Is that why you wrote to me?”
“No comment.”
"Come here. I want to thank you for finding me."
As we jumped into the pool holding hands, I saw it clearly for a moment. The face of the love of my life. His face. Man, my hormones were really going crazy.
We kissed for a while, tightly embraced, the water lapping at us. I felt high, as if I were watching myself from the outside kissing this beautiful man I'd seen many times at school, or at the train station, or at the supermarket, by the pond... but it would never have occurred to me...
“If we don’t stop now, I can’t guarantee anything anymore.”
Max pushed me back a bit and I reluctantly allowed it.
“I think I want to sleep with you.”
“I want to sleep with you too.”
“Then why don’t we just do it?”
I could hardly believe I had just asked that.
"Take your time, David. We shouldn't rush this. It's far too special for that."
"You are so beautiful."
“Oh, stop it…what time is it?”
"Maybe five or so. It's starting to get cold, huh?"
"Are you hungry?"
„Bald.“
“Delivery service or frozen pizza?”
“How about cooking?”
“If you can do something, I can’t…”
We got out of the pool and Max wrapped a large towel around both of us. I'll never forget the way he looked at me as he pulled me close.
“This could be something big, something very big.”
“I really hope so.”
“By the way, you’re beautiful too.”
In gratitude, I kissed him and ran my hands over his torso. I circled his nipples, making my strokes smaller and smaller. He closed his eyes as I began kissing his neck. Feeling him tremble under my touch was the best part. Just as my lips were about to touch his nipples, my cell phone rang next to the lounger.
“My mom…”
“Go on, answer it.”
"Hello?"
"Hi David. I just wanted to make sure you were coming home for dinner. Your father and I wanted to talk to you both."
I had completely repressed the whole divorce drama…
"Then when?"
“In half an hour?”
"Already? Okay..."
“Okay, see you later then.”
"That?"
“I have to go home again soon.”
“Oh no…”
"I'm sorry. But I forgot something..."
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah, it's just that. My parents are getting divorced, and today they're telling my sister. I'm worried about her."
"And how are you doing?"
“I don’t know, to be honest… right now I just think it’s awful that this is ruining our evening…”
"My parents aren't coming until Friday. So we still have plenty of time, don't stress."
"Still. I'd rather never let you go..."
“Klara is your sister, right?”
“Yes, do you know her?”
“She goes to the class of the girls yesterday at the pond.”
“Are they still that young?”
“Two years younger than me.”
“Somehow, three years back then were more… to me, she will always be my little sister that I have to look after…”
“And she doesn’t know about the divorce yet?”
"No, and the breakup has already taken such a toll on her. She's still hoping things will get better. But my mum hinted that Dad is moving away. Oh, I don't know, I'll just listen to what they have to say. And I'll email you later..."
„Okay. David?“
„Hm?“
“I had the most amazing afternoon with you today.”
“Wait for our nights.”
I winked at him and gathered my things. I was already on my way home. I was still completely intoxicated by Max's kisses and could still taste him. Nothing would spoil my happiness today.
My dad was already sitting at the table and looked at me with a serious expression.
“An evening.”
"Hey Dad. Where are the women?"
"Upstairs. Your sister knew immediately what was going on when I walked in here for dinner."
“Oh, I guess I’ll look up then.”
“Wait, I need to discuss something with you.”
I sat down next to him. I noticed how old my father looked, even though he wasn't yet 50.
"I don't want to beat around the bush. I'm moving to the big city. I'm tired of commuting every day. And if you get a place at university there, you can live with me. What do you think?"
“Wow, okay… does Klara already know that?”
"Yes, for ten minutes. I promised her she could visit me anytime, and that I'd come out here on the weekend and we'd do something. I think she just needs to get used to the idea..."
“Okay, wow… big news…”
“You weren’t planning on getting your own apartment anyway, were you?”
“No, I wanted to commute.”
“Well, then that would be perfect!”
“Seems so…”
“Now you just have to get the place at university.”
"I probably won't find out until August at the earliest. When are you moving?"
"For the First Seventh. You can come later, starting in October... think about it."
„Okay.“
“Now go and see your sister.”
Mum was sitting on the bed with Klara. Both of them had obviously been crying.
“Will you move in with him?”
"I don't know. Probably. Sounds pretty reasonable, doesn't it?"
"Traitor."
My sister practically vomited the word out, full of contempt.
"Is this what I came home for? So I can get insulted now? You should consider whether this might be the reason Dad can't stand being around you anymore! Have a nice evening."
And then I was on my way back downstairs. Accusations were constantly being thrown at me from all sides, even though I wanted to have as little to do with the whole thing as possible. Let them just beat each other's heads in, but I wasn't planning on spending my evening like this.
"David? Where are you going?"
"Sorry Dad, but I'm really not in the mood for all this fuss right now. I'm at a friend's. Don't expect me until tomorrow, if at all."
I expected an objection, but nothing of the sort came.
I decided to stop by the supermarket to buy some condoms. I didn't recognize myself there. But the thought of Max... I wanted him so badly. And I was 20. It was time for my "real" first time. I immediately looked to see if I knew the cashier. No. Fine. Then I headed for the condom shelf, right next to the bandages. Why was I embarrassed, the hell with that? I was a grown man who bought condoms. If anything, that showed that I was responsible and that someone wanted to have sex with me. So absolutely no reason to be ashamed, quite the opposite.
Still, I almost backed away when I saw Max standing in front of the shelf. So he'd had the same idea as me... just to be prepared. He seemed very engrossed in the description on the back of a package. The whole situation was somehow awkward. I had no idea how to approach him. After all, I couldn't just hug him and shout 'Surprise!'
While I was still pondering this from a safe distance, Claudi turned the other corner. Automatically, I quickly crept into the next corridor where I could hear what they were saying.
“So, here you are.”
“Did you find everything?”
"Yes. And you? Rubbers, huh?"
“I just want to be prepared.”
“I guess I missed a lot while I was driving Aunt Trude around in her wheelchair, huh?”
"Might be."
„Also?“
„Hmmm?“
"Don't act like that! Someone I know?"
“Maybe so…”
"Now tell me! Male or female?"
"Masculine."
"From here? Yes? Who?"
“Now don’t be so curious, I don’t know if he’d be okay with that…”
"Hey, I'm your best friend! Okay, let's call him Hugo."
"I'm sorry, what?"
"It doesn't matter. So, Hugo and you, huh? Give me details!"
I pricked up my ears, but they seemed to be moving away from me. Damn! I counted to 20, then I turned the corner again and headed for the exit. Of course, I ran into Claudi. Since Max wasn't there, I just said, "Sorry," and quickly moved on, only to bump into Max at the next corner. His scent was immediately there again.
“Sorry, I… oh, David.”
„Hey.“
We stood there a bit sheepishly until I looked at the pack of condoms in his hand with raised eyebrows.
“Do you have anything else planned today?”
“Haha. … Here comes Claudi…”
“That’s okay.”
"Really? Well, then... Claudi—David."
"Ah, sure, you graduated last year. Klara's brother."
“That’s exactly it.”
"And, even on an evening shopping trip? You haven't found anything yet, what do you need?"
"Actually, that's settled. Do you really want to take the expensive ones, Max?"
He looked at me in surprise because I took the pack from his hand. I felt like I was drunk, and in that state I said everything that came to mind.
"Um... I don't know, I just thought, to be on the safe side and all..."
"They're all tested. I just saw a report about it recently. You might as well buy the house brand, it only costs half as much."
“As you say, then the cheaper ones…”
"Do you have everything else? You know..."
"Yes, I have …"
„Gut …“
“What about your family?”
“That’s over.”
“So you’re coming with me right now?”
"If you want …"
“And as I wish.”
"Wait a minute! You two?"
“Now you were slow…”
"I, yeah... I just don't have... well, I'll go and pay then... I hope you all have a nice evening."
“I didn’t mean to drive you away…”
"It's okay. I have to go back to my relatives anyway."
She gave Max a quick hug and winked at me.
“Well… I’ll pay for it then…”
“Okay… I’ll find something to eat…”
“Okay, then we’ll meet outside?”
"And..."
I grabbed a five-minute terrine from the shelf, paid, and found Max by my bike. He said what I was thinking:
“Man, I would love to kiss you right now…”
"Here."
"But that would be a pretty stupid idea, huh? Let's just quickly drive to my place."
I had nothing more to add to that.
We parked the bikes in front of the house. The lamp was on, and I could see Max's longing expression. As soon as he unlocked the door, our lips were already touching. I felt his greedy hands under my shirt, dropped the five-minute terrine, and did the same. We headed toward the stairs. He pulled away, but took my hand and pulled me along.
“The last room on the right.”
The door opened and we stood in a large room, that much I could tell in the twilight.
“Should I turn on the light?”
I shook my head and maneuvered Max toward the bed. We flopped down next to each other and kissed passionately. I thought I tasted blood for a moment as his teeth ripped open my lips. We pressed against each other and I felt the promising bulge in his pants. I took off my shirt and then I took Max's. His upper body was so hot and his heart was racing, just like mine. There was no point in 'taking his time' anymore. Next, I felt his hand between my legs and a hot shiver ran through me. It wasn't just a brief touch. His hand stayed and exerted gentle pressure. A soft moan escaped my mouth. I felt his breath in my ear as he whispered a question to me.
“Should I give you a blowjob?”
I nodded vigorously, eager for him to undo my pants. He carefully pushed my pants down, then kissed my hipbones, suddenly no longer in a hurry. I writhed and wanted to beg him to take my cock in his mouth. Then he did, infinitely tenderly and slowly. He closed his mouth, and I was surrounded by that warm, wet cavern. He began to move rhythmically. My whole body seemed to become weightless. I couldn't suppress the trembling and heard my own teeth chattering. Indescribable.
“I’m… coming…”
He pulled back a little and I felt his tongue glide over my balls as the sticky liquid spread over my stomach and a long and intense orgasm followed.
He crawled into my arms and I gratefully pulled him towards me.
"That was... the best thing I've ever experienced. Thank you."
I kissed him deeply and felt renewed desire rise in my loins.
"I want to sleep with you."
"Sure? We have all the time in the world."
"Come inside me, very carefully. I'm sure."
He sat down briefly, took off his pants, and opened a condom. He pulled a small bottle of lubricant from a drawer. He was actually well prepared. Now I was starting to get a little nervous.
"Don't worry, you can always say stop. Come on, turn around, I'll massage your back."
He sat lightly on top of me and began massaging my neck and back with skillful hands. He didn't seem to be in a hurry, and I soon began to relax. His hands moved lower and were suddenly sticky and wet with lubricant. The cold made me flinch briefly. I felt his warm lips as compensation. Max began to massage more purposefully, and soon I felt his fingertips inside me. It was a strange feeling, but not a bad one. I could tell he was enjoying touching me like that. He enjoyed it for a while, and I liked it more and more, too.
"Ready?"
I nodded. He lay on top of me, kissed my neck, and told me again that I could say stop at any time. Then he was inside me, going deeper with each careful thrust. After a while, I realized that I'd only been lying there listlessly until now, trying to stay relaxed. Slowly, I felt safe enough to move. I lifted my hips and was rewarded with wonderful sensations. Then I felt Max coming. He lay on top of me for a moment to catch his breath. Then he said, "Let's jump in the pool."
We both stayed naked and jumped into the cold water. For a moment, I couldn't breathe, but then the cold was welcome. We swam a few laps until we met in the middle and kissed. Max wrapped his legs around me, and I felt he was ready again.
“Let’s go inside to the rubbers.”
„Puh … okay.“
“Are you weakening yet?”
“Of course not!”
We dried ourselves off somewhat and collapsed onto the bed. Then I gave someone a blowjob for the first time, and then it was my turn to put on a condom.
After that, I finally collapsed into the pillows, exhausted. Max snuggled up to me and looked at me with wide eyes.
"Are you happy?"
"Yes, I'm happy. And you?"
"That was the best blowjob I've ever had. You're a natural."
“Oh, you’re just saying that…”
“No, honestly.”
"And what about the other thing? I mean, was it okay?"
“Yes, it was.”
“Have you had any experience with that?”
“No, you’re my first too.”
“How romantic.”
"I'm thirsty. I'll be right back."
I must have fallen asleep because I woke up at dusk and felt Max's warm body close to me. Fascinating how well our forms complemented each other, almost as if Mother Nature had planned it that way. I thought for a moment about everything that had happened that evening. Max pressed himself even closer to me when he felt the movement between my legs. I hugged him and took his cock in my hand. Soon we were lying on top of each other again. This time I lay on my back while Max was inside me. We kissed tenderly and he held my hands. It was completely different from the night before.
"Everything okay?"
“I enjoy being close to you.”
He leaned even closer to me, and I felt my joints slowly reaching their limits.
“Would you like to sit on me?”
“We can try.”
For the next hour we tried all sorts of positions until my stomach growled loudly.
"Oh, your five-minute terrine is still in the hallway, huh? Let's go get breakfast."
“It’s the middle of the night…”
“Almost eight.”
“I’m usually still sleeping soundly…”
"Oh dear, I see potential for conflict there. I'm usually already running by this time."
"No problem. Then you just get up, run your laps until you're sweating, and then you come back to my bed and we have sex, then the shower will be worth it..."
"We could do it like this. So, how do you like your eggs?"
"I'm sorry, what?"
“Your breakfast eggs…”
“Oh, so… touched?”
“I can do it.”
“What do you mean you can’t cook…”
"Well, I wouldn't call making scrambled eggs cooking. Do you want bacon too?"
“No thanks.”
“You’re not a vegetarian, are you?”
“Nope, it’s just too hearty for me early in the morning, why?”
"My ex-boyfriend is a vegetarian. I really couldn't deal with that..."
I decided to ask him more about this ex-boyfriend and felt a tiny hint of jealousy rising within me...
While I disappeared into the bathroom, he took care of breakfast. When I saw him standing there at the stove, spatula in hand, whistling happily along to music... naked, I could easily imagine spending every morning of the rest of my life like that. An incredible feeling of happiness overcame me. I put my arms around him and kissed his neck, far too passionately.
"Hey, slow down. Yes, I like you too..."
"Do you know how long I've been waiting for this? And now you're here. Where have you been for so long?"
“I know… the eggs are burning…”
“I’m so in love with you.”
"Here."
"Ditto? Have you watched 'Ghost' too many times?"
He started laughing.
"Sorry, I just need to focus on the eggs right now. And I don't want to say the big three words too soon..."
“But if you feel them…?”
"I feel her. But we've only known each other since Saturday..."
"I know. But it just hit me completely, I don't feel like playing games."
"That's good. Are you setting the table? There are plates up there, cutlery in the drawer..."
“I’ll do it, don’t worry, I’m a professional.”
“Oh yeah… do you have to work today?”
“Closed on Wednesdays.”
"Very nice."
As we sat across from each other at breakfast, I could hardly take my eyes off him. Last night I had had sex, with a man, with this man. And it had far exceeded all my expectations. Every touch from him was such a pleasure, every look... I could hardly wait for him to finish eating. I quickly put everything in the dishwasher while he watched, somewhat bewildered. And then I was kneeling in front of him, watching his hands grip the edge of the worktop and his ability to hold back became less and less apparent until his loud breathing turned into rhythmic moans.
“Stop, or I’ll come…”
But I didn't stop. On the contrary, it spurred me on even more, and soon I tasted him and swallowed everything he gave me. He pulled me up to him, still trembling and breathing heavily. He whispered softly in my ear, "Get some condoms," and then I took him, bent over the kitchen table like in a porno.
Afterward, we simply sank to the floor. His hand on my chest burned. His green eyes shone at me, and I knew they were doing it for me, for no one else. We belonged together.
“So, what do you want to do today?”
“Well, this is exactly it.”
“Let’s see if we can hold out…”
“In between, we can swim a bit in your amazing pool… And have sex in it… And in every other room in the house…”
“That sounds like a plan…”
I kissed him even though he wanted to say something else, but I couldn't help it. He tasted too good, and I had too much to catch up on... And he felt so good...
“Slow down, I need a break…”
I stepped back a little.
“You’re right, but I just can’t keep my hands off you…”
"Yesterday you were the shy guy who could barely tell me he was gay, and now you're this confident super-lover who doesn't want to talk at all anymore or anything..."
“Oh Max… don’t think I’m only after your body…”
"Since we started making out, we haven't exchanged five sentences..."
I found his mock-offended look so cute that I could barely resist kissing him, instead of standing up and sitting down at the table like a decent person. He pulled his chair next to me and gave me his hand. While I stroked the back of his hand with my thumb, I asked:
"What do you want to talk about? The weather? Looks like it's going to rain soon..."
He gave me a smile, but then immediately became serious again.
“Is it too early to talk about things like AIDS, the future, and the past?”
"It's probably never too early to talk about AIDS... we should get tested, even though I don't consider myself at risk, but no one seems to be doing that..."
“Okay… Who’s your family doctor?”
“Dr. Berger, of course, the only decent doctor in this dump.”
“Okay, then I’ll call them and find out… There’s a new rapid test…”
"But not everyone does it, and it's incredibly expensive. It's free at the health department, and we could combine it with a shopping trip through the big city..."
"Okay, let's do it like this... and then? Let's do it without condoms?"
“That’s the point of the exercise, right?”
“Then you have to promise me that you won’t sleep with anyone else.”
"Of course! I promise. You're enough for me anyway."
He gave me a smile that made my heart sing.
“So we’re together now?”
“I couldn’t imagine anything else with you.”
"I'm still waiting to wake up and realize with horror that it was all just a dream."
"I feel exactly the same way. But this is really happening."
"Incredible …"
“What else did you want to talk about?”
“Past and future.”
“That’s a good thing… I wanted to ask you about that vegetarian…”
"Andi? That was a really stupid idea from the start... I just wanted someone, and he was there... but that only worked for a few weeks, and we never slept together, not properly..."
“How long ago was that?”
“A few months.”
“Are you still in contact?”
"He sometimes writes emails, which I answer to be polite, but that's it..."
“Any other ex-boyfriends?”
"Nobody."
“Ex-girlfriends?”
"All of them are already statute-barred. The last one was at 15. Holding hands, making out, fondling, wondering why it felt so wrong, breaking up. That's how it went every time until I finally got it..."
"So late?"
"Well, until I finally really believed it... the move helped me. All these new guys I hadn't known since elementary school... and Claudi, who saw through the whole thing right away... How was it for you?"
"I was just a total late bloomer. For a long time, I had no interest in girls or boys. Then, at some point, the classic 'in love with your best friend' came along, but before I could have allowed that... anyway, I met a nice girl and thought, 'Here or no one.'... Then, probably no one... Later, I gave it another try, but then I finally admitted to myself that I was gay... but I definitely didn't want to act on it..."
"Why not?"
"Here? In this dump? For fear of being chased to the old mill and lynched..."
„Frankestein, hm?“
"Hey, you're good! Anyway, this guy came along, and everything changed."
"So? What was his name?"
„Max Weller.“
"What a coincidence! Just like me..."
He squeezed my hand and we just looked at each other for a moment. Then he said:
“Okay, now for the future…”
“And?”
“Where will you study?”
I suddenly felt completely miserable. What if we lived in different places? What if that drove us apart? What if our paths diverged in four months?
"I don't know yet. I'm hoping to get a spot here, with the two semesters waiting... You?"
“Pretty sure here too.”
"Woohoo..."
“Will you continue to live at home then?”
"No, my dad's moving to the city, so I'll probably live with him. And you commute?"
"No, my parents pay for my apartment... so I have more time to study... Yes, I know, I'm a spoiled only child, something like that definitely spoils your character..."
“So far I haven’t been able to find any flaws…”
“That’s just what I wanted to hear… and how secure is your place at university?”
“2.0 plus two waiting semesters with a NC of 1.6 last year… My great hope is the waiting list procedure…”
“So we have to worry until the beginning of October?”
"Probably... but if things go the way I imagine, I'll add another semester or two and stay here."
“But the later you finish, the later you’ll finish…”
“Then I’ll just earn a little money beforehand, it won’t hurt, with 500 euros in tuition fees…”
"Now let's see if you get the spot. I don't want to get in your way."
“Could you live with only seeing me every other weekend?”
"Probably not... relationships are tricky, huh?"
“But as long as they’re worth the effort…”
He squeezed my hand again and suddenly said:
"Okay, enough talking. Let's go swimming."
“But it’s about to rain…”
“Don’t worry, I’ll warm you up again…”
We spent the whole day sleeping together or caressing each other to sleep, only to wake up feeling totally horny again. All too soon, it was dusk, and my phone rang. My mom was complaining, irritated to say the least...
“Do you plan on coming home today?”
“Not really, why?”
“Are you still part of this family?”
“What’s going on now?”
“Klara and I are having a family night today.”
"Sorry, but I already have plans. Next time, let me know earlier."
"How you mean."
CLICK.
Very friendly. Max looked at me with concern.
“Would you rather go home?”
"Absolutely not. Don't worry, they'll be fine. There's nothing I can do except be the whipping boy for their whims. Now let me kiss your incredibly perfect belly."
“That tickles.”
“Get used to it, I’ll do this every hour from now on.”
"Oh no …"
He giggled happily and carefree as I blew into his navel.
When he fell asleep around midnight, my fingers were still gliding over his body, studying his every reaction to find the spots where he was most sensitive. On his neck, under his jawbone, where his chest meets his armpits, on his sides near his belly button, on his prominent hip bones, at the small scar on his groin, behind his knees, between his big toe and the one next to it. I could easily imagine studying his body with all its little peculiarities for even longer, but tiredness was slowly overcoming me.
Although I had firmly resolved to pounce on him again at dusk, I didn't wake up until my cell phone alarm went off at 9:30 a.m. Max grumbled and curled up in the light linen blanket.
"I have to go …"
He was immediately wide awake.
"What? What time is it?"
"Half past nine. I have to be at the restaurant at eleven..."
“You only need a quarter of an hour…”
“I have to go home, shower and change and stuff…”
"Leave here. You can shower here too, and you can get clothes from me... and a new toothbrush. Come on, I can't start the day without having sex anymore..."
Of course I let myself be persuaded…
At exactly eleven o'clock, I stood in front of the restaurant, freshly showered and wearing Max's clothes, and my aunt let me in.
"Where have you been? Your mother said you haven't been home since Tuesday."
“The mood was so bad…”
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"No why?"
"Just like that. Well then, off to work..."
I couldn't stop thinking about Max, and his shirt, with his scent clinging to it, did the rest. For the first time, I was glad for the embarrassing waitress apron my aunt insisted on wearing. Just as I had decided to ask my aunt if I could have the afternoon off, since there was nothing going on anyway, she pulled me aside.
"I won't need you until this evening. Go home and spend some time with your sister. Mona called and said she doesn't want to leave her room at all..."
At first I was pissed off, but immediately I felt guilty.
The clouds parted and the sun came out as I parked my bike in the driveway. As I was about to go inside, I saw my father sitting in his parents' garden. He beckoned me over.
„Hey Dad.“
"Hello son. So, where are you always going?"
“Oh, at a friend’s.”
“Which friend?”
“Is this going to be an interrogation?”
"Sorry. You look tired. Didn't you get much sleep?"
"Yes, enough. So, what's going on in there?"
"Well, I went on a little bike ride with your sister, and the whole thing ended in a fiasco again. I'm starting to feel like everything I'm doing is wrong, and those two are so conspiring..."
"However."
“I’m sorry if you’re feeling the frustration that comes from me.”
“It’s okay, I’ll just piss off then.”
“Is that why you disappeared for two days?”
“I wasn’t missing… just not home.”
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"No! Why is everyone asking me that?"
"I don't know, just a thought... Why don't you check on your sister? You're kind of friends, right?"
“If it’s not about the divorce, then yes…”
Mum was sitting at the kitchen table with a coffee and looked at me with a mixture of anger and concern.
"Where have you been?"
“At a friend’s house.”
“Have you taken drugs?”
"What?! No! What's going on?"
“I don’t even know who you’re hanging out with anymore.”
"I'm an adult, you know? So let me worry about that. Is Klara in her room?"
She just nodded.
I knocked, but as expected, there was no answer, so I simply opened the door a crack.
“Klara? Can I come in?”
“So you’re coming after all.”
"True."
She lay on the bed and pretended to be engrossed in a book.
“Do you want to talk?”
"Actually not."
“I have until five, shall we lie down by the pond for a while?”
"I don't know …"
"Come on, the weather's really nice. And the fresh air is good for pimples."
“You’re so stupid.”
But I saw that she was struggling to suppress a smile.
"So, little sister, are you in? I'll go ahead and pack my things."
"Oh man..."
A quarter of an hour later, we were riding down a small hill without holding our hands, arguing about who was the king of the world. We pushed the last bit, and Klara asked me where I was.
“It’s none of your business, you’re too young for that.”
"Oh, in love, engaged, married! What's her name?"
"Do you think I'm telling you this so you can come up with horrible rhymes?"
"You've learned a thing or two... Hey, there's Conny and the others. Shall we lie down with them?"
“If it has to be…”
"You're such a hermit... come on, they're really nice once you get to know them."
„Mhm.“
The girls once again had their own music with them, and the boys who wooed them. I was completely shocked when my little sister let everyone hug her, sporting the same stupid, childish look on her face as her friends. I placed my towel on the edge and wondered what I was doing here when I could be in the pool with Max. My sister didn't seem sad at all anymore, nor did she seem to need her big brother for entertainment. On the contrary, I had the feeling my presence made her uncomfortable as she gave me a cautious glance while flirting with a Neanderthal. And then I saw him, that so familiar body. He had just come out of the water; I could just make out the goosebumps on his chest, and he discreetly placed my towel in my lap. How could this person have such an incredible effect on me? The images of the last few nights flickered before my inner eye. And then he saw me, and he smiled. I wondered if he would come over, but he sat back down on his own towel, and the whole horde was between us. Frustrated, I turned around and tried to immerse myself in my book. Instead, I closed my eyes and saw him again, in front of me, below me, behind me, above me, beside me... Splash! The water was so cold that I momentarily lost my breath.
“Now that you’re already wet, swim with me to the island.”
The demanding, mocking tone gave no hint of the intimacy of the last few nights. By the time I got to my feet, he was already underwater. I cautiously dipped a toe into the pond.
“Don’t be fussy, come on. You’ll warm up on the island!”
'I'll warm you up again,' he had said yesterday. Was that a cryptic promise? I ran in until my legs gave out from under me and swam after him as fast as I could. He didn't wait; he was always a few meters ahead of me, impossible to catch. He pulled himself up the steep bank and looked around, then he helped me up and we disappeared between some bushes. He pulled me towards him and kissed me passionately. In between, he whispered a few words.
"David... we have to... come up with something... This won't work... When we meet... I see you and I get a hard-on. Just thinking about you is enough..."
“You covered it up well.”
“I don’t have any condoms.”
"Suck my."
I leaned against a tree and tried to be as quiet as possible. Then we swapped. It gave me so much pleasure to give him pleasure. He took me in his arms. Those were my favorite moments, when we were both content and just held each other, concentrating on each other's heartbeat...
"Do not you have to work?"
“I got the day off to nurse, but only until five.”
“What time are you out tonight?”
“If I’m lucky, at nine.”
“Will you come to me then?”
“What time are your parents showing up tomorrow?”
"Afternoon."
„Okay.“
"We still have to have sex in four rooms, and the garage."
“Your house is really big.”
„David?“
„Hm?“
"Seriously, how are we going to cope when my parents are back? If we no longer have any privacy..."
“We’ll think of something.”
“We should swim back…”
"Yes, right away. One more kiss, otherwise I won't be able to hold out until tonight..."
Max got his towel next to mine. He had barely lain down and unpacked his book when my sister slammed herself between us.
“Do you have something to drink?”
I rolled my eyes and pulled a bottle of water out of my backpack.
“How about bringing your own stuff?”
She drank the bottle and mimicked me.
“So, what have you two been doing over there for so long?”
"Injected heroin, what do you think? Don't you have to make eyes at one of those monkeys again?"
“Well, Max, don’t you want to defend your friends?”
"Actually not …"
“Fine, then get your noses back in the books while the others get the girls.”
We exchanged a knowing look and both started laughing.
"You two are a great match. Goodbye."
Max briefly touched my hand as if by chance.
"Did you hear? Your sister thinks we're a good match."
“So we already have your blessing…”
Afterwards we lay next to each other at a suitable distance and read.
It became half past four much too quickly.
“I have to go soon…”
“Then see you at my place?”
"Yes, in four and a half hours. That's still way too long..."
“I know, be strong.”
He winked at me, and I wanted to stroke his cheek. I tore my gaze away from him. Klara was surrounded by boys and showed no signs of leaving any time soon.
"Clear?"
„Hm?“
"I have to go."
"Okay. Will you be back later? We're having a campfire and everything."
“It’s supposed to rain tonight.”
One of the tree blocks intervened.
"Then we'll go back to Plan B and invade Wellers. That's fine, right? Max?"
He looked just as surprised as I was and shrugged.
"Come on, you only have the house to yourself today. We need a little party. Just a few people, no rowdiness."
“I guess I don’t have a choice, do I?”
“Doesn’t look like it.”
“Okay, but only the people who are here, nothing more.”
"Bonged."
I looked at Max desperately, but he couldn't change it either.
At 9:30 a.m. I rode along the dirt road. From a distance, I could hear shouting, music, and splashing in the pool. There were a dozen or so bicycles parked in front of the house. More than at the pond. The front door was open, and my suspicions were confirmed. At least 20 people were milling around in the living room, and even more were milling around the pool. A bottle of beer just tipped over on the coffee table, and no one bothered to put it back... A guy I didn't know at all was about to light a cigarette.
“Not in here.”
"Whatever."
He pissed off to the pool. I put the bottle on the table and headed to the kitchen to look for paper. I didn't find any paper there, but I did find my sister kissing me. Something I never wanted to see in my life.
“Damn it, Klara!”
“Now don’t act like a big brother here.”
“Where is Max?”
“How should I know?”
I left the scene of horror and looked out where a chick was just taking a shower in the pool.
"Say, are you out of your mind? There are still people who want to swim in there."
She demonstratively ash into a potted plant.
"Better?"
I circled the pool once, but there was no sign of Max. Just more chaos. So I looked inside again. And there he was, just coming out of the pool.
“You really know how to party…”
"These idiots seem to have invited everyone they know. And now there's chaos. What am I going to do?"
"First, we need ashtrays, otherwise they'll fill everything with ashtrays. Lots of ashtrays. Flowerpot saucers, for example, can you find some?"
“I think so…”
“Neighbors aren’t a problem out here, are they?”
“No, but the destruction and chaos in the house…”
“Then we’ll move the whole thing outside.”
"How come?"
“I’ll do it, you get the ashtrays.”
„Okay …“
“And a few buckets.”
"For what reason?"
“I’ll explain later.”
Max disappeared toward the basement. I turned off the music; other music was playing outside anyway. That got everyone's attention.
"Wet T-shirt contest at the pool, everyone, please meet us there. The winner will receive a very special prize. Every vote counts, so get out there."
Sure enough, the crowd began to move. Max came back up the stairs.
“How did you do that?”
"Don't ask. See if there are any upstairs, and in the kitchen and so on..."
He had found three buckets and a stack of clay pots.
Showtime. I went outside, where people, especially the men, were already getting impatient.
"Okay, all participants, please line up here. Don't be shy! The prize is worth it, trust me!"
Note: I still need to find a price…
Some girls had already lined up, a few others were still hesitant, but they just needed encouragement from the boys. Eleven girls had found their way.
"All right, ladies, get rid of your bras! By the way, the first points are awarded for the best model. So I hope for your sake that no flesh-colored, padded bustiers from grandma's time come to light. Oh, yes, that looks good. Black lace, the classic, what do you think, guys?"
The crowd howled. One of the girls stood in front of me in a bikini and whispered in my ear.
“Can I have your T-shirt? I’d love to join in…”
"Na klar."
Secretly, I was already thinking about how the white fabric would surely shine later, thanks to its transparency. As I peeled off the shirt, I received cheers from the women. Then I gathered the remaining bras. I let the crowd vote on the top three. My favorite, made of black lace, won. The Asian woman wearing it demanded her prize and, before I knew it, was getting a kiss from me. While I was gathering myself, I looked for Max in the crowd, but couldn't spot him. If that didn't cause trouble...
"All right, ladies. Ready? Then I need three volunteers from the audience."
They were found quickly.
“Fill the buckets! Ready? Go!”
Torrents of joy poured down on the girls, leaving them with chattering teeth. Nevertheless, they struck poses and encouraged each other to go further. A few girls in dark shirts, who couldn't score with their charms, improved their chances with some girl-on-girl action. The crowd went wild. After the participants had stretched themselves enough, I had the crowd applaud each one individually. The Asian girl, the two lesbians, and the girl with my practically see-through shirt made it to the finals and were allowed to show what they could do once again. In the end, my shirt clearly won. She also got a kiss from me and whispered to me that I should try on my shirt again in one of the bedrooms. She didn't ask for another prize.
A few people were surprised that the doors to the house were suddenly closed, but everyone was busy gawping at the still-wet girls and drinking. I went to the front door and rang the bell, with the one girl still in tow.
“Listen, things are bad right now…”
“Where should I get dressed?”
“You can see everything anyway, so don’t make a fuss…”
Max opened the door. His look made me jump. I entered, the girl behind me.
"It's really sticking to me, huh? I should really take it off before I catch a cold..."
“The others manage somehow…”
“Don’t you want your shirt back?”
“Yes, give it here…”
She pulled it over her head, Max rolled his eyes, and went into the kitchen. I took the shirt relatively indifferently. The girl made no attempt to put on her bikini.
“Are you gay or what?”
“I am forgiven.”
"Whatever. Will you help me with this?"
I was starting to get annoyed; I just wanted to chase after Max. Clumsily, I somehow tied the strings together and pushed her out the door. Then I went into the kitchen.
"Max? Where are you? I'm sorry, but what..."
He wasn't alone in the kitchen. Claudi and a guy I recognized by sight were there too. I fell silent.
“It’s okay, they both know.”
“Oh, okay… but I’d still prefer to discuss this privately.”
He took the dripping shirt from me, which was his anyway, and disappeared into the basement with it. I looked to Claudi for help.
“What should I have done?”
"I'm definitely not going to interfere. Just sort this out on your own. We'll just clean up a bit in here."
“By the way, I’m Thorsten.”
„David.“
"I'm pleased."
Max came back up the stairs.
“Can we talk in your room?”
"According to me …"
Before the door was even closed, I started talking.
"I'm sorry, but I didn't know what to do. I was completely taken aback. Should I have pushed her away? Do you think I like having complete strangers' tongues in my mouth? I did it to save your ass!"
"I know... Still, it wasn't a pretty sight. I'm not mad... just kind of hurt... I know you didn't mean for this to happen..."
He sat on the bed and looked like an injured little child.
“I’m sorry, how can I make it right?”
“You already did, you were fantastic.”
“May I come to you?”
When he held out his arms to me and our eyes met, tears of relief actually welled up in my eyes. I buried my face in his neck, inhaled his wonderful scent, and was so happy that he let me be with him.
"It's okay. It wasn't that bad..."
But my hands were shaking and I couldn't do anything about it.
“David, shhh. It’s okay.”
"No, it's not. I finally have you, and then I do something like this. I should have stopped caring what others thought and stopped them. I'm such an idiot, and you're so perfect. Please let me make it up to you. I love you so much, I can't bear to hurt you, even unintentionally."
I felt his hands caressing my back, infinitely tender. Then I saw his green eyes and the tears in them, too few to spill out, but enough to stab me in the heart.
"Oh David, what are you doing to me? Not even a week and my heart already belongs to you."
“I promise I’ll take good care of it.”
"I love you too."
Only then did I realize that in my torrent of words I had said the three big words. And he had said it back. He loved me. His eyes left no room for doubt. We held each other for a while, and I asked myself why I was crying at this, the happiest moment of my life. It was the relief and the fear of knowing my happiness was so dependent on another person. What if something happened to him, what if fate separated us? What would become of me then? I shook the thought from my mind and kissed Max's salty lips. Then we pulled ourselves together and went back downstairs.
Claudi was sweeping through the living room.
"We made three bags. Glass, deposit bottles, and trash. Is everything okay with you?"
Max briefly took my hand, brought it to his mouth and kissed it.
"Great. So, what's left to do?"
“Nothing more in here, moving it outside was a really great idea, David.”
“I’ve had to cover up quite a few parties…”
“So we wait until they disappear, right?”
"Well, we might as well celebrate and prevent the worst disasters, right? Besides, I'd be able to keep an eye on my sister..."
We mingled with the crowd, and I was very careful to keep my distance from my two 'attackers.' Klara had mingled with her friends again, and there was no sign of the guy, I noted with relief.
After a few... too many beers, I imposed a self-imposed alcohol ban and dangled my legs in the pool. Thorsten sat down next to me.
„Hey.“
„Hey.“
"Understood?"
"I'm trying to sober up."
“So you and… you know who.”
“Yes, it looks like it.”
“I’ve barely been on vacation for a week…”
“Is the speech coming now?”
"Maybe. Well, Max is very important to me. He hasn't always had an easy time in relationships, and he deserves to be treated well. Really well."
“I’m trying.”
"Good. And if I ever catch you doing something that hurts him, then..."
“I know, I know, I get it.”
„Gut.“
“So you don’t have a problem with it?”
"Over the past few years, I've been able to prepare myself for the day when he'd bring home the guy of his dreams, and believe me, I expected far worse."
“Pink tank tops and Cher music nonstop?”
"Something like that, yeah... so I'm relieved it's you. And don't worry, I know none of your people know."
“Okay, good.”
“Well, I really have to thank you.”
"For what?"
"Well, for that spontaneous contest you organized. Man, I wish I could have swapped places with you when you were collecting the bras..."
“All I could think about the whole time was what Max would think…”
"Right. So, how's your alcohol level?"
"It's going down. That's a good thing, I have to work tomorrow..."
“You waitress for your aunt, right?”
“Yeah, right, I’ve seen you there a few times, with your parents.”
“Yes, Tuesday is noodle day…an old tradition.”
“This week we're having penne al forno.”
“Then we’ll see each other again there at the latest.”
"This is really pissing me off. I have to work late tomorrow and the day after. I have Monday off, Tuesday I have to be there during rush hour, and Wednesday I'm off again... If I had a few days off in a row, I could go away with Max. I'm already dreading what it will be like when his parents are back and we can't meet anywhere in peace, without all the secrecy..."
“And if you tell your parents?”
“I have no idea how they would react, and right now, while I’m still living at home, it’s really too risky for me…”
"So you have no idea? Neither does Klara?"
“Not in the slightest, no.”
“I can understand that with Max’s parents, but with normal parents…”
"I don't know, I'm just getting used to the idea of having a boyfriend. One thing at a time."
“Okay… I think I’ll get another beer…”
By 1:30, it had become too chilly outside for most people, and only a handful of people remained, which I chased away. Klara was hanging on to the guy from the kitchen again. I cleared my throat.
“The party is over.”
“Who made you master of the house?”
Max appeared behind me.
“The party is over.”
“Okay, then come with me.”
I could hardly believe this guy's audacity.
"No way, you're not going anywhere. You're sleeping on the couch."
“Why don’t we go home?”
“So we can be a little useful tomorrow morning.”
“And why us?”
"Because we're better than these idiots. Now, say goodbye."
"Me, Mom."
“Mum would tell you something completely different if she could see you like this.”
Max gestured for me to come along. Claudi and Thorsten had already said goodbye, and no one else was there.
“Am I acting too much like a big brother?”
"A little, but you mean well and she knows it. Now give them time to say goodbye. We'll fix the couch in the meantime, okay?"
“Okay…I guess the four rooms and the garage aren’t going to happen today, huh?”
"We'll have to postpone that, yes. But we still have my room..."
“Let’s get everything ready here quickly, okay?”
„Okay.“
When my sister came in, Max locked the door. She went into the bathroom, while Max went upstairs. I stayed to say goodnight. She padded over to the couch.
“I drank too much.”
“Lots of water and one foot on the ground, that’s the trick.”
"All right. Where are you sleeping?"
"Above."
“Okay, see you tomorrow morning.”
“See you tomorrow morning.”
I kissed her on the forehead and went upstairs.
Max was already in bed and gestured for me to lock the door.
The horrible alarm clock rang at nine. I woke Max with a quick blowjob.
“That’s exactly why I love you so much…”
“You’re easy to get…”
“I don’t want to get up…”
"Then stay lying down. I'll start."
“That’s not possible…”
"And how does that work? I insist that you rest for a while. If I need you, I'll get you."
“When do you have to leave?”
“Quarter to eleven.”
Klara was sleeping peacefully on the couch, and I sneaked past, being as quiet as possible. After a while, I had already filled a whole bag with returnable bottles, a small fortune, when Max came out onto the terrace, looking quite crumpled. He was barefoot and wearing only a shirt and boxers.
“Put something on, you’re freezing.”
“Good morning, everyone.”
We both glanced at my sleeping sister and risked a kiss.
“It looks much better here.”
"Yeah, and you're rich. I don't understand why they don't take their deposit bottles with them..."
“What do we do with all these bags?”
"Do you have a car?"
“My mum’s, yes.”
"Well, there you go. That takes care of the old glass and the deposit. And there's a container somewhere for the rest... it might cost a bit, but you'll just pay for it with the deposit bottles..."
“Great…breakfast?”
“Do you have any fruit?”
“Bananas.”
"Perfect."
“I’ll bring you a…”
“Put some clothes on.”
"Eggs..."
When he came back with two bananas, at least he was wearing slippers.
"Thank you. You're shaking..."
“I wish you could warm me…”
"Come here."
“What about your sister?”
“She’s sleeping…”
I took him in my arms and rubbed his back to warm him up. He relaxed and leaned against me.
“I want to stay here forever…”
“I wish that were possible, but your parents…”
He sighed.
"I know …"
For a moment, his hand ran down my neck and stroked my hair. But then he let me go.
We sat on the loungers and ate our bananas.
„David?“
"Me Max?"
This mutual calling by name always initiated a conversation about a relationship topic.
"How do we proceed? Drive to a secret spot in the woods, fold back the seats, and off we go, right?"
“Doesn’t sound very romantic…”
“And not very comfortable either…”
“But I don’t know what else we should do…”
"We have half of June, July, August, and September to bridge, right? I'll have my own apartment starting October 1st..."
“Ah, so only three and a half months without real sex, no problem.”
“So my parents are flying to America for three weeks on July 6th.”
"Yes? Very nice, that gives me hope."
“Don’t your parents… like your mum go away sometimes?”
“It certainly wouldn’t hurt her, but then there would still be my sister…”
“Maybe she’ll come along, or what if…”
He paused and suddenly looked quite uncertain.
“What if what?”
“What if we tell her?”
“My sister?!”
“Do you think she would mind?”
"I have no idea, but she definitely had leverage. Whenever she found out something my parents shouldn't know, she used it to blackmail me."
"But she's older now, and the matter is more important. Do you really think that..."
"Yes. At least I can't be sure that it doesn't. And I don't want to take that risk."
I tried to make my tone sound less irritated again.
“Why don’t you tell your family?”
“You don’t know her, otherwise you wouldn’t ask that…”
“What's this all about?”
We both drove around.
“Damn, how long have you been standing there?!”
"Long enough to know I'm not supposed to know something, but too short to know what. What's going on?"
Before I could say anything, Max got there first. He stood up and walked over to her, asking:
"If your brother confided an important secret in you, something that no one else should know, would you use it as leverage?"
"It depends."
“What?”
"Is it really important? I know the limit where you shouldn't joke about something like that. And if it were something that could get him into trouble, like drugs, for example, then I'd probably tell my parents..."
„Okay …“
“What’s going on now?”
“Nothing, go home.”
“But I should help clean up.”
“We have this under control.”
“Are they drugs?”
“Have you talked to Mum?”
“She was worried…”
"No, no drugs. Nothing bad... I think."
"You don't know if it's something serious? Should I be worried?"
"No! Now, can we perhaps drop the subject?"
"Trust me, big brother. Come on, tell me."
I looked to Max for help. He said:
“Your decision, David, but you know my opinion.”
I knew I should shut up and send her away, but instead I said:
“I’m gay, Klara.”
"What?! Are you kidding me? You've had girlfriends and stuff..."
I decided not to say anything about Max and me for now, so as not to drag him into it if she freaked out.
"Yeah, right. Doesn't change the fact that I like guys."
Somehow it felt good to finally say it out loud... Klara looked really shocked now.
"But... why are you doing this to our parents? Don't they already have enough on their plate?"
“Well, first of all, I didn’t choose this, and secondly, that’s exactly why I’m keeping it a secret from them, so they don’t worry even more…”
“And why are you telling me?”
"Because you begged me to tell you my secret. Now you know."
“I think I’ll go home now.”
“Not a word to anyone, okay?”
"Yeah! I don't want anyone to know."
And with that she disappeared.
“Well, that went really well…”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed you…”
"Hey, that was my decision. Don't worry. I think I'll go take a shower first..."
„Okay …“
“Don’t look so sad, she probably just needs to get used to the idea…”
"Hey, I should comfort you... why didn't you mention me?"
“That would have been too much for her, I think…”
“You wanted to protect me.”
"It wouldn't have done any good to drag you into it. But she'll probably figure it out soon enough anyway..."
"Might be …"
After my shower, I helped Max clean up a bit. He still had a few things to do, like fishing cigarette butts out of the pool... Then I had to leave for work.
I was glad I didn't have time to think about it; that would have only scared me. Then, at two o'clock, Klara suddenly appeared.
“We should talk.”
“Okay, I’ll ask Cora.”
We took two plates of risotto with us and sat down on a bench in the city park.
“You and Max, huh?”
“You figured it out?”
"It wasn't so difficult after I thought about it again. If his parents knew about it..."
“Are they really that bad?”
"Oh, yes. From what I hear, yes. I want you to be careful, okay?"
“I’m cautious.”
“Is it serious?”
“If not, I would never have been persuaded to tell you.”
"And you're sure this isn't a... phase or something?"
"Absolutely. The girls were just there to prove something to myself. It didn't work out."
"Okay... I find this really strange. I suddenly see you through completely different eyes. I mean, you're always so reserved, now I know why. Because you have this secret... And you've never really had any friends and stuff..."
“Yes, it’s probably all connected somehow…”
“Are you happy now, with… him?”
"I can't tell you how happy I am. I've waited so long to meet someone like him, and now it's like Christmas and Easter... and my birthday, all at once."
“He’s a nice guy…”
"Yes, that's right."
"But don't tell Mum and Dad. It's best not to tell anyone at all."
“Thanks for the tip…”
"I have to get used to it, okay? This is all kind of unreal..."
"I know. The whole thing with Max caught me off guard, too..."
“The risotto is really good.”
And that ended the conversation about my sexual orientation and I didn't know what to think.
Coffee guests, helping in the kitchen, dinner guests, then cocktails... There were a lot of young people there, and I kept having to show them ID. It was the last weekend of the Whitsun holidays, and the place was busier than usual. It didn't look like I'd be getting out of here before midnight...
Suddenly, I saw Claudi sitting at a table. As I approached her, a few departing guests revealed Max. He smiled at me, and it was once again indescribable.
“Good evening, what can I get you?”
“What do you recommend?”
"Hmm, Claudi, you look like a cinnamon colada fan, and Max... when I look at you, I think of Sex on the Beach."
“Okay, fine, then we’ll take that.”
“Then I would need to see your IDs.”
Max strummed at me.
“Surely a way can be found to circumvent this bureaucratic hurdle…”
“I’m out in an hour, meet me in the closet.”
"Haha. We were thinking more about the pond. I've got my guitar with me. Thorsten's coming too."
"Sounds good."
A few other guests wanted to pay.
“I have to go, your drinks will be here soon.”
I must have been grinning to myself because my aunt asked me when I ordered the drinks:
“Is that her?”
"Who?"
"Well, your girlfriend. Pretty."
"Yes, but... no, well, she's pretty, but she's not my girlfriend."
I had even confused myself and was not surprised when Cora said:
“Anyway, the drinks are on the house, of course.”
"Thanks."
"So, enjoy. Claudi, yours is on the house. And Max, I'm sure you'll be able to work yours off somehow..."
“So, so. Well, let’s see what the evening brings.”
"I wish people would finally go home. My feet already hurt."
“By the way, my shirt suits you better than me…”
"Thanks. I have to go again..."
Half an hour later, the two of them said they were already at the pond.
I finally arrived there at 12:30. Everything was quiet and dark on our bank. A few campfires were burning on the other side. I lit my way with my bike light. At the very back, where the bank became steep, I saw a few figures sitting with their hands over their faces to protect themselves from my light.
„David?“
“Yes.”
"Finally!"
I pushed toward them. Max gestured for me to come next to him. I turned off the light and felt him groping for me in the darkness. He pulled me toward him, kissed me for a long time. Then he let go so I could greet Claudia and Thorsten.
“Why are you sitting here in the pitch dark?”
“We told each other ghost stories.”
“All right… and did your parents get home safely?”
"At two o'clock sharp, they were standing there, complaining that the dishwasher wasn't empty. If they'd seen the house a few hours earlier... Then I slept for a few hours and then I got Claudi out of her hole."
"We talked. You two were in a bit of a hurry with everything, weren't you?"
I was a little surprised, of course. Not that he had told his best friend so much, but that she had asked me about it.
“What are we waiting for?”
“Woe betide you if you move on as quickly as you came…”
"Thorsten already gave me the speech. But again: I have only the best intentions, and I'm glad Max has such good friends looking out for him."
“Okay, now ask him about Italy.”
"Claudius!"
“Go on.”
"So, next weekend is graduation and prom and all that... and on Monday, some people from the class are going to Lake Garda for four nights. There are still spots available if you want to come along... 120 euros including breakfast isn't that expensive, and we'd have our own room, although we'd obviously have to act like friends during the day..."
“That doesn’t sound bad… but I have to see if I can get some time off…”
“Okay, it would be really awesome to have you there…”
“I’ll talk to my aunt tomorrow.”
"Ask her about next Saturday, too. That's our prom."
"Claudi! What's he doing there? We'll probably never be able to dance together..."
“But he should still be there…You said it yourself…”
“Now shhh.”
I could tell by his voice that he was blushing. How cute. I pulled him into my arms and touched my lips to his mouth. After a quick peck, I ran my fingers through his hair and said:
“If you’d like me there, I’ll be there.”
“But you have to work…”
“Hey, my boyfriend only has prom once in his life.”
It felt good to say that. My friend. He buried his face gratefully in my neck.
We stayed for maybe an hour and a half, during which Max made himself comfortable between my legs, leaning his back against my chest. Occasionally, he fell completely still and breathed deeply. Even though my stiff back was starting to hurt, I would have sat there forever, listening to his breathing, if Claudi hadn't said at some point that it was starting to get cold. I kissed Max's neck, and he stirred.
"I dreamed that your Aunt Trude stayed the whole summer and that you tried to sink her and her wheelchair in the lake..."
"Interesting dream. What does our psychologist say about it?"
It took me a moment to realize she was talking to me.
"Hmm, so... I think he misses you and wishes your aunt would finally disappear..."
“Well interpreted.”
“She’ll be gone on Tuesday.”
“Yes, finally…”
“Unless she decides to stay here for the summer after all.”
"That's not funny."
Max and I said goodbye at the beginning of the dirt road to his house.
“What are you doing tomorrow night?”
"There's a party going on. Do you want to come too?"
“I’ll call you when I’m done with work.”
"Okay... and about next Saturday... don't stress about it, it's not that important. And my parents are there too, so..."
"Hey, I want to be there. And I want to take a look at your oh-so-terrible parents. And next time you have a request, just ask me. If Claudi hadn't said anything..."
"Yes I know …"
“You know I would do anything for you, and that’s not just a saying…”
"That's exactly why I have to be careful what I ask of you. I can't ask for too much..."
"Oh Max... you couldn't ask for too much... I owe you a huge debt for all the great sex."
"You're stupid."
"Anyway, I was smart enough to catch you."
“Well, whoever caught who…”
“The main thing is that I can do this…”
I leaned over my handlebars and his and kissed him. That taste, I immediately felt drunk again...
The next day I went to the restaurant a little earlier so I could talk to my aunt in peace.
"You're early. That can only mean you want something."
My aunt owned the restaurant for ten years and had good instincts when it came to dealing with her employees.
"Caught. I need a few days off..."
“So, which one?”
“So next Saturday maybe from six, and then Tuesday, Thursday and Friday.”
“What are you planning?”
"A few people are going to Lake Garda. 120 euros for four nights, including breakfast and transportation... That's an unbeatable deal."
“Then I need you this Monday and the one in two weeks.”
I expected that.
"No problem."
“And what about Saturday?”
“Prom.”
"So, is your girlfriend in her senior year? ... Stop denying it, your mom and I already figured this out."
I just rolled my eyes.
"Why don't you want to introduce her to us? We can't get anything out of Klara either."
"It's better for her, too. I'm not ready yet, okay?"
"Okay. Then you have Saturday off too. The certificate ceremony is this afternoon, so you should be there."
"Really? Cool, thanks."
“So, now I expect you to be particularly diligent today.”
"I fly."
However, this resulted in me practically falling asleep standing up at eleven. Cora sent me home, but she was very pleased with all the extra services I'd taken on. To avoid falling asleep on the bike, I called Max.
„Hey.“
"Wait, I'm going out... So, hello. Are you coming by?"
"I think I'll go to sleep. But I have good news. I have the whole of Saturday off, and the other five days as well. So I can come along."
"Terrific. I'm so happy. I couldn't have lasted this long without you. I miss you so much already..."
"I love you too. But I really can't do this anymore today."
"That's okay. I'll stop by the restaurant again tomorrow with Claudi. And you have Monday off..."
“Actually, I have to work there… it’s part of the Lake Garda deal.”
“Oh no, but I wanted to go to the health department with you and go shopping and stuff…”
“Then we’ll just do it on Wednesday, okay?”
"Well done..."
"Think about next week. Four nights in a private room..."
"Then I guess I'll just have to live off the memories for a few more days. All right, sleep well. And remember, I love you."
"I love you too. Have fun..."
The next morning, Klara had to go back to school and Mum had to go to work, so by seven o'clock there was already a total ruckus in the house. I dragged myself to the bathroom. My Mum caught me.
"When are you going to introduce her to us? You've already confessed to Cora."
"I also told her I'm not ready yet. Give me a little more time, okay?"
"What's wrong with her? Is she a punk or something?"
I burst out laughing.
"No, nothing like that. I just want to wait a little longer, okay?"
“But not for much longer…”
“I’m going back to bed now.”
That was just what I needed. She wouldn't let me keep her waiting for long.
After the lunch rush was over, Claudi and Max came by.
“You look busy…”
“Freezer broken… that kind of threw everything off… Don’t you want to sit down?”
“We are on our way to the pond…”
“I can’t leave here right now, but wait a minute…”
I got two ice cream sandwiches that would soon melt anyway. As I handed them to Max, our hands touched briefly, and a flash of desire shot through me. He must have felt the same. He said:
“Tomorrow we’ll swim back to the island, okay?”
"Around two. Are you picking me up here?"
"In any case."
His suggestive smile... maddening.
When I got home shortly before midnight, I realized I hadn't been online in a long time. And who was there? My Max. Just as I was about to text him, a message from him fluttered in.
"Hi, how are you? I saw you like the Beaver Brothers. I find 'Total Dental' sooo funny."
I laughed out loud, then replied:
"You know, I'm not really into them, I just put them in there to pick up guys."
“ How was the work?”
“I brought home a cooler full of ice.”
"Not bad. Will we stick to tomorrow at two?"
“Of course, nothing could stop me.”
“I finally have to touch you again…”
"It's so crazy, really. Like a drug or something..."
“That shirt you were wearing… I’d rather not tell you what I did with it.”
"Hehe. How do we get rubbers to the island?"
“My swim trunks have pockets…”
"Very convenient. Oh man, I wish you were here..."
“What do you think about cybersex?”
“Oho! I even have a webcam…”
"Me too …"
“I thought you didn’t have a digital camera…?!”
"I don't post photos online on principle, so I'm saying this. So, there you go, now you know my darkest secret..."
“I would like to see your face…”
“What’s your name on Skype?”
Shortly after, I had my headset on and heard it ring.
"Hello. Wait, just..."
And then a window popped open and I saw him, also wearing a headset, smiling past the camera into the monitor and examining my image.
“Hey, that’s my shirt.”
"I sleep in it. It smells like you..."
“Oh, maybe I should lock the door.”
I saw him stand up and did the same. We sat back down in front of the cameras at the same time.
“I can’t talk that loudly.”
“Me neither… although my mum would probably think I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone…”
“Did I miss something?”
"It seems like you can tell from the tip of my nose that I'm in love. She drew the wrong conclusions...and now she wants to meet her."
“And what are you doing?”
"I'll hold her off as long as possible and then I'll come up with something. Maybe I'll borrow Claudi..."
“Well, I don’t know…”
“Now let’s wait and see… So what was that about cybersex?”
“You’re clumsy.”
"I didn't know I still had to seduce you..."
"You're stupid."
“We’ve had this before…”
“Hey, come run with me tomorrow morning.”
"When?"
“Around eight.”
“That’s in eight hours!”
“Yes, that’s enough sleep…”
“And then you run away from me…”
“No, I’ll lure you into a secluded forest and then…”
“And?”
He typed something he apparently didn't want to say. I was intrigued.
"...then I'll rip your clothes off and fuck you on the soft forest floor."
I also wrote:
"But first, I'll give you the hottest blowjob of your life. You'll scare the deer with your moans..."
“Move the camera lower, I want to see your hands.”
After we watched each other come, I wrote to him:
"Right now, I'd actually hold you tight, listen to your heart slow down, feel your hands in my hair. Cybersex isn't a good substitute..."
"Then come running with me tomorrow. We'll meet at eight where we said goodbye."
"Okay. You have the rubbers."
"I've had to buy new ones again; we've really gotten quite a bit of wear and tear."
"Not to Italy. Well, if I have to get up so early, I should go to sleep now."
I looked into the camera and said:
"I love you. Sleep well."
I saw his smile and was happy.
My alarm went off at 7:30. Mum was still at home.
“What are you opening?”
“I’m going for a run.”
"What's going on now? Is the world ending?"
“Haha… I have to go.”
“Are you going running with her?”
"Have a nice day."
“You’re such a sadist.”
Outside I met my dad.
"Morning."
"Morning. What are you opening?"
“What else are you doing at home?”
"I'm on my way to the train station. Are you?"
"The other way. I'm going for a run."
“Your mum told me something about a friend.”
"I thought you weren't talking to each other... I have to go."
“Yes, don’t keep her waiting.”
Oh man, this just kept getting better…
The distance I had to walk to get to Max was actually enough for me. He was already waiting.
"Good morning!"
“Ugh. Jogging is totally stupid.”
“Old grouch, come on, this way.”
He set a pretty brisk pace, which I certainly wouldn't be able to maintain for long... But I also didn't want to look like a wimp in front of him. Luckily, Max soon turned off the path and into the undergrowth.
“I hope you’re vaccinated against ticks.”
“All vaccinations up to date. Yours?”
“I have no idea, to be honest.”
"Ma-hax!"
"Yes I know."
"Now you're free. I want you to go to Berger's this week. An assistant will do it, you don't even have to wait."
“Maybe on Thursday…”
He looked around.
“I don’t think anyone gets lost here anymore, huh?”
At ten, I trotted back home, thankfully alone. Why hadn't I brought Max home with me? No one would be here anytime soon. I made a mental note of that for next time, while I found pine needles in the most unlikely places.
At two o'clock I was already ready, and Max, Claudi, and Thorsten picked me up. We let the other two drive ahead.
"That 'soft forest floor' thing wasn't really a thing, huh? I even found a few needles after my shower..."
"I felt the same way, and then an idea occurred to me... My mom works until the afternoon. Why don't you just jog over to my place in the morning? So you'll be there shortly after 8, when she'll definitely be gone... then we'll have two whole hours to ourselves before I have to go to work..."
"Isn't that quite risky? What if she's still there?"
“Then you’re just a friend who wants to pick me up for a jog…”
“And when she comes home?”
"Why would she come home? We can still lock the door, and if she comes, I'll hide you in the closet. Hey, no risk, no fun. Or pine needles in your underwear..."
"Okay, let's try it on Thursday. Because tomorrow..."
“Let’s go to the big city. Exactly.”
We decided not to swim to the island. Instead, we fooled around underwater for a bit. Then we sunbathed for a bit, chatted with Claudi and Thorsten... secretly held hands under the towel... I even fell asleep without letting go of Max's hand.
At a quarter to five I was rudely awakened by Thorsten.
“We have to go, I’m meeting my parents at the restaurant at five.”
“Already so late…?”
Max let go of my hand and stretched. Apparently, he had been asleep too...
“Oh no, that was way too short.”
“See you tomorrow morning at the train station, huh?”
“Still so long away…”
“The train at half past nine?”
„Mhm …“
"It's not that long now... Claudi will definitely entertain you. Come on, you know I can't leave with you looking like that..."
He tried to smile.
“Shall we go to McDonald’s tomorrow?”
"If you want."
Now his smile was genuine.
"Wow, great. So go on, don't be late..."
“See you tomorrow. Ciao Claudi.”
Thorsten and I pushed to the parking lot.
"Man, you've really been hit hard, huh?"
"You have no idea... It's almost frightening. When he smiles at me, everything's fine, but woe betide him if he's missing something..."
"I see, I don't have to worry about him. But all this secrecy..."
"...it's pretty annoying, yes. But if you can't change something, then you just have to get through it... By the way, I told Klara what was going on."
"So, how did she take it?"
"Very...ambivalent, I'd say...but she says she's getting used to it...But she also warned me not to tell our parents under any circumstances..."
"Hmm, this is all really shit... And your friends? The ones you graduated with and stuff...?"
“They are scattered to the four winds.”
"Hmm... let's see if it's the same for our year. I heard you're coming to the certificate ceremony on Saturday, too?"
“Yes, I plan to.”
"Max is actually quite happy about it, even though he'd kill me if he knew I was telling you this. A person who's really there for him."
“His parents are coming too.”
“But only to proudly tell everyone that her son is the top student in his class.”
„Was?!“
"Didn't you know? No one else has gotten 1.2."
“Wow… I caught a nerd…”
"Looks like this."
In the evening Max was back on Skype.
“As if I know your darkest secret…”
"Hmm? Why?"
He was munching chips at the same time.
„1,2.“
“Oh, well, you would have found out on Saturday anyway.”
“You’re a super brain!”
"Well, it's okay. I was also very lucky and so on..."
"Hey, don't make excuses. Not only are you beautiful, but you're also super smart."
“Oh, well… keep talking.”
“And so athletic… and you have the greatest sense of humor.”
"Aha, mmm."
“And in bed you’re simply world-class…”
"Oh, you... you only think that because you're so in love with me. I was just watching Brothers Beaver..."
“Yes, I hear that.”
“Claudi is now free of relatives again.”
"Very good."
“Are you nervous about tomorrow?”
"Not really. You?"
“I hate taking blood…”
“I’m holding your hand.”
"What's it like in the big city? Can we risk acting like a couple?"
“Let’s decide this spontaneously, shall we?”
„Okay …“
“So we go there first, then to Mäcky, and then go shopping or something?”
“Or something like that, yes.”
“What kind of undertone is that?”
“Very astute… shopping isn’t really my thing…”
“It doesn’t have to be clothes, we can also go to an electronics discount store and so on…”
“Hmm, not bad… what do you play?”
"Oh, I'm not much of a pro. A bit of Diablo 2 online... action adventures, mostly... you?"
"Yeah, too. I could spend hours in the games department, but Claudi has nothing to do there."
"I'm more patient. Maybe not for hours now, but for a while, and the music section is still there. That's where I get ideas for what to download next."
"Soso, you Criminals..."
"No, I'm not going to say what was on my mind. I don't think bondage is my thing..."
“You have to try everything at least once…”
"So? Well, maybe when you have your own apartment..."
“Don’t forget to stay sober tomorrow.”
“How on earth did you go from bondage to staying sober?”
“Sex – Gummi – Aidstest, that’s it.”
“Well… the mood is ruined anyway…”
"I have to sleep anyway. Are you coming for a run tomorrow? Like, a real run?"
"Before the big trip? Sorry, but I'm not that fit..."
"Okay. See you at the train station then. I hope I dream about you again."
“Did you dream about me yesterday?”
"However."
“Something dirty?”
He grinned meaningfully, waved, and hung up. Maaaaannn. Suddenly, I thought about what a model student he was. Surely no one would expect what he was really like. That turned me on even more.
Max was already standing at the station and he was wearing plastic glasses with dark frames.
"Hey stranger. What's that on your nose?"
"I can't walk around blind in the big city. Hey, your eyes are blue."
"Haha. What all do you have with you?"
I pointed to his backpack.
“Oh, water, glasses case, money, cell phone, vaccination record, something to read… whatever you need…”
“You like to be prepared for everything, huh?”
"Don't play psychologist. Do you have a ticket?"
"Well."
“So partner day ticket?”
"Exactly."
“I’ll buy it.”
“I’ll smoke one while…”
„Was?!“
"Just a test. We really don't know each other that well yet, huh?"
"You know me like no one else knows me. We'll figure out the details, otherwise it would be boring, huh? You don't smoke, do you?"
“No, and if so, I would stop right now after seeing your face.”
We sat opposite each other on the train.
"What is your favorite color?"
„Was?“
"You said yourself that we barely know each other. So, David... buddy. Tell me..."
“Well, a friend has never asked me what my favorite color is…”
“Yeah, yeah, tell me.”
“Hmm… black?”
"Really? Why?"
“Goes with everything.”
"Okay, I guess you can't argue with that. Favorite school subject?"
“Wouldn’t you just give me your poetry album to write in…?”
"Yeah, you were the box office clown, I see that. So?"
“I had English and biology classes… you?”
“Math physics.”
“You sick bastard.”
“I get that reaction often.”
“And you got a 1.2?!”
"Well, I'm a super brain. What else...? Hmm, a few more serious topics. Organ donation?"
"Sure, if it helps someone. But nothing on the face, like retina or anything."
"Why not?"
"Vanity. You?"
"It doesn't matter to me. I want to be cremated anyway."
"Why? Don't you find the idea of all this being burned horrible? Your perfect hands, your..."
“Shh… that’s not how you talk among friends…”
“Who actually started this shit?”
He leaned over.
“Half the people on this train are from Kleinding, so…”
"Okay. I don't want to be cremated."
“Who should take care of your grave?”
“My relatives… children, what do I know…”
"Children?"
He seemed genuinely surprised.
“Yes, or grandchildren, or great-grandchildren.”
"Again: Children? So you know, with the bees and flowers it's like this:"
"Haha, yes, thanks. I was also with Mr. Rieder in fifth grade... In any case, I can't imagine life without children. I'll probably have to find a way to make it work with two little bees at some point..."
"Bio-LK, hm?"
"You're kidding, but you really hit a nerve. When I finally admitted to myself that flowers weren't for me, I really mourned my perfect family for quite a while... How do you imagine that?"
"Children still scare me too much to imagine having them myself. But I can imagine that in a few years, I'll at least be able to imagine it, you know? I just have absolutely no idea how that's going to work."
"Okay... as long as your 'no' isn't set in stone, I can live with it..."
“I can’t believe we’re talking about kids, I just graduated from high school!”
"Me too, or at least it seems that way to me... The year has flown by so fast. But now it's really time for my studies to begin."
“You don’t have many friends here, do you?”
“They are scattered all over the world.”
“What about community service?”
"Hab T3, you?"
"I was recently retired as well. Why do you have T3?"
“Bee allergy.”
"What?! And you're running around the pond barefoot?"
"Oh, that was a childhood reaction. The last two bites just caused excessive swelling, nothing more."
“But that depends on where it stings you…”
“I usually have one of these with me, and there’s always one in the fridge at home…”
"Nice to hear that too. Any more surprises like this?"
I knew how he felt. The idea that an unfortunate event could tear him from my life so quickly was unbearable.
"Max, don't worry. There's still time to get the medicine. From the pharmacy, from home, from my pocket..."
“Do you have one with you?”
“It doesn’t fit in my pocket…”
"David, damn it. You shouldn't take this so lightly."
“There’s a pharmacy on every corner, don’t worry.”
“The thought that something could happen to you drives me crazy!”
"I'll take care of myself. And you'll get vaccinated tomorrow..."
“We should talk about some emergency things.”
„Okay …“
“Do you have an organ donor card?”
"Yeah, I have something like that. Look at that, huh?"
“Let’s see.”
I took the red card out of my wallet.
“Write my cell phone number under emergency contacts, too, go on.”
He pressed a pen into my hand. I knew the number by heart. Then he wrote mine down.
“Wow, that was a big step.”
"That's not funny. If something happens to you, no one will tell me because no one knows about me. I feel better having that written on there."
"Okay. I feel the same way. But we can't get too worked up about it. Nothing will happen."
"You know, I'd love to sit down with you right now. I find this whole thing really disgusting. In the big city, I'm no longer making a secret of who I am and what we have."
"I want that too. Let's see, hm?"
“I just made a decision.”
"But this, don't be silly."
At the health department, we had to wait an hour and weren't allowed to go in together. Max went first. While he was inside, a middle-aged gay couple came and sat down on the empty chairs next to me. They held hands and flirted. A few other people looked at me disdainfully and moved to seats further away. Was this my fate?
"Do you have a problem?"
I must have been staring at the two of them…
“No, sorry... it’s just... you get used to it eventually?”
"What? The idiots who look stupid or walk away? Absolutely. The bad ones are the ones who shout and fight."
“That doesn’t exactly give you courage…”
The other said kindly:
"It's a price you're happy to pay. Not being able to show your love eats away at you in the long run... Do you have a boyfriend?"
"He's in there right now. We haven't been together long..."
The harsher of the two said:
"If you hide, you're playing by their rules. Then they've already won."
The door opened.
“I will take it to heart.”
Max looked pale. I offered him my chair and was about to go in, but then I leaned down again and kissed him on the mouth.
"You made it through. I'll be right back with you."
He looked at me in surprise, and he looked even more surprised when one of the two men next to him patted him on the shoulder.
A young doctor asked me what tests needed to be done and took three vials of blood. Then I was given something to press on and a plaster for later. It really wasn't bad at all. I would pick up the results in person when I got to Italy.
The couple talked to Max.
"Okay, done. Off to Mäcky, huh?"
“Yeah… I’m still a little dizzy.”
“Do you want to sit for a while?”
“Maybe if you put your arm around me when you leave…”
"You're welcome. Thanks for your advice."
"Gladly. Stop by Flags sometime when you have time, okay?"
“Sure, if it comes up.”
Max stood up, and I put my arm around his waist. His steps quickly became more confident, but I didn't remove my arm.
„David?“
"Me Max?"
“People look like that.”
"Let them look. We're not doing anything wrong."
“And nobody here knows us.”
"I love you."
"I love you. But I'm not ready for kissing in public yet."
“Okay, it’ll be okay…”
“Doesn’t that bother you at all?”
"Yes, but if I show them this, I'm just confirming it. I'm only focused on you. And on finding the next Mäcky."
"Follow me."
He took my hand and pulled me along. He looked quite carefree, which I liked.
"What?"
“I’m glad you’re doing well.”
"It's all up to you. Being here with you makes everything more real..."
"I know what you mean. And somehow I feel like my life is just beginning, like everything before was just a preparation for this."
“Fuck, I know exactly what you mean!”
"Yes? Good."
At McDonald's, we discovered we complemented each other well. He finished my Coke, and I got the rest of his curry sauce.
"I've sat here so many times. The last time was with Claudi, on the Monday after we first emailed. If someone had told me I'd be sitting here with you today... crazy."
“Can I hold your hand?”
He handed it to me across the table, behind the tray... better than nothing. We sat there for a while and talked about a few people we both knew, including the guy my sister had been messing around with. Max warned me not to interfere. After all, we didn't want her interfering with us either... He was right about that, but still...
Then we spent almost two hours in the Saturn games department. It was really weird, because suddenly neither of us thought about kissing or touching each other in any way. We talked shop about different games, I found out that Max had a PS2, he was thrilled that I had a Nintendo DS... the time flew by, and we both bought a new PC game.
Outside the sun was blinding.
“If we take the 2:20 train, we could still get to the pond.”
“Good idea.”
“It’s kind of weird right now, isn’t it?”
So Max felt it too.
“Yeah, kind of…”
“You’d make a good best friend too.”
“The combination is even better, isn’t it?”
“Yes, but also confusing…”
"Granted. What do we do now? Stay friends?"
"You're stupid. Of course not! We'll find a niche and make out. That'll fix everything."
“We could go to the movies…”
“In this weather?”
“Okay, then we’ll disappear down that side street?”
“Now the mood is like hell.”
“That’s exactly why we wanted to go make out, remember?”
“I have a better idea, come on.”
I followed him to a street vendor. Max looked through the leather bracelets and chose a simple dark brown one. He paid and turned to me.
"This is a token of our friendship, which is the foundation of any good relationship. A friendship bracelet, if you will."
He tied it around my wrist. His fingers were so dexterous...
“Come on.”
Without saying anything, I followed him. He headed for a flower stand and bought a single small blue cornflower. He trimmed the stem to a few centimeters.
“And this one represents everything we have that goes beyond friendship.”
He rummaged through his backpack and pulled out a thick book. He opened it and placed the flower inside.
"Even though we usually have to keep that part secret, it's always there. And we both know it. Wear our friendship like this ribbon, but always remember the beautiful flower in its safe hiding place. Remember that I love and desire you, David."
“I don’t know what to say at all…”
“Then just kiss me.”
And I did, right in the middle of a busy square in a big city. It felt like a first kiss. And the strangest thing about it: none of the people streaming past seemed to even notice.
On the return trip, I twirled the flower between my fingers and communicated with Max only through glances. We spent the rest of the afternoon at the pond, or rather, on the deserted island.
I was home for dinner, only to have to alternately dodge Mum's questions and tune out her hateful tirades about Dad. From 10 to 1, I Skyped with Max while we both tested out our new games. By the end of the conversation, we became a couple again.
"You'll come tomorrow morning at quarter past eight, right?"
"Yes, I plan to. Then I'll finally see your room in real life."
“It’s nothing special.”
“What’s your bed like?”
“1.40, very stable, doesn’t squeak as far as I know.”
“Have you ever had sex in it?”
"With someone else, you mean? No, not yet."
„Gut.“
“Are you getting jealous now?”
"No, I just find it really sexy. A virgin bed."
"We should break up soon. And when I wake up, you'll be here."
“I’ll just ring the bell, right?”
“Yes, then I’ll drag myself to the door.”
"This could be exciting... Well then, sleep well. Thanks for the great day."
"Thank you. Especially for what you did on the island."
"Oh, that... I enjoyed that more than you did. Good night, my sh... shit."
„Hey!“
“I almost called you honey!”
“Oh, disaster.”
"Imagine this happening to me in public! And even if it doesn't, it's still pretty uncool to call someone sweetheart..."
"Well, I was flattered... But whatever you say. Good night, buddy."
“You’re stupid, but I still love you.”
He waved and hung up.
The next day, everything went smoothly, and at 8:30 a.m. we deflowered my bed, as Max puts it. That morning, something truly wonderful happened as Max lay on top of me.
"Oah, yes, that's good... oh... very good. Mmmmh, yes, just like that oooh. Aah, mmmmm yes, oh, don't stop... Deeper, mh mh mh mh mh mh mh ah ah ah oooooh!!!"
I felt the orgasm ripple through my entire body, tingling all the way to my fingertips. It was pure bliss, and it lasted. Afterward, every single part of my skin was overstimulated. Max wasn't allowed to touch me. My teeth chattered and I writhed on the bed.
"David? ... Are you okay? Did you just, I mean, were you..."
„Fuck …“
I couldn't say anything else. Just "fuck." And a smile spread across my face and stayed there for the rest of the day.
On Friday morning, Max came back and explored my room while I tried to get him into bed so I could do everything as exactly as I had the day before. It didn't work, but it was still great. Before he left, we sorted out the organizational details.
"So, it starts at two. You know the dress code from last time. After that, I'm going to dinner with my parents and Claudi's family. And then I'm going to Claudi's to make the final preparations. Get there at 7:30. You don't need a soda, but a bike won't do either..."
“Should I pick you up?”
"Claudi and Thorsten and me. If we can't dance...it's my prom, after all. So?"
“Sure, I’ll definitely get my mom’s car.”
"I have two tickets if you want to bring someone else. The seating arrangement is a bit rigid at first, but..."
“Hey, this isn’t my first prom…”
“Okay… sorry, I’m just kind of nervous…”
"It'll be fine. It'll be a memorable day. And I'm looking forward to seeing you in your suit."
"You always know exactly what to say to make me feel better...Don't roll your eyes, I mean it. So, I'll look for you in the audience tomorrow."
Without my asking, my sister offered to go to the graduation ceremony, so I asked her if she wanted to go to the dance as well. She was immediately enthusiastic. After all, she wanted to know what she'd be expecting in two years. At a quarter to two, we arrived at the gym, dressed smartly but not too smartly. A chill ran down my spine. Back at school... hmm.
"Those up there are his parents. The ones talking to Mr. Neuberger."
My old math teacher never liked me... Mr. Weller was tall, dark-haired, and his eyes seemed kind of cold... like those of a real estate shark, which he was. Mrs. Weller was pretty, but she didn't really look like Max either. But he'd mentioned that before. We sat in one of the back rows, where we could still see well.
"I think Max is up there, yes. Next to him is Claudi. I always thought the two were together..."
I craned my neck and saw the back of a copper-brown head and, next to it, piled-up, dark brown hair. Yes, there it was. And then it began. A long, boring speech about the future of the high school graduates from the headmaster, then a shorter one from the college supervisor, then two representatives of the high school graduates. Man, these people must have liked hearing themselves talk... And then came the certificate presentation. Claudia Bechthold in a skirt that was definitely too short. ... Thorsten Finger ... a few other familiar faces ... and one of the last: Maximilian Weller. I enjoyed the sight of him as he confidently walked upstairs towards the headmaster. Black trousers, white shirt. Classic, it suited him. His certificate was wrapped in blue. The headmaster handed it to him with a particularly broad smile.
"Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Weller is not only the best student in his class, he is also receiving the Max Planck Student Award and a scholarship worth 5,000 euros for his outstanding achievements in the field of quantum physics. Our school congratulates the national winner."
I can't even describe how stunned I was at that moment. Mr. Weller stood up and took a photo. As Max turned to the camera, I saw something blue flashing from his breast pocket. Our flower. I whispered in Klara's ear:
“That’s my friend up there.”
She squeezed my hand and smiled at me.
After the traditional farewell song, the ceremony was over. There was champagne and orange juice for everyone. Max was taken over by Mr. Neuberger and a few others. His father proudly had his hand on his son's shoulder. Families were gathered everywhere. My gaze fell on a guy who had received his diploma shortly before Max. His girlfriend was congratulating him with a tender kiss, while his parents just shook their heads and laughed. I swallowed a lump in my throat.
“That’s not fair, is it?”
Klara had read my thoughts. Claudi waved us over to her family, who were standing right next to the Wellers.
"Hello you two. Mom and Dad, this is David and Klara Lenz. Good friends of Max and me."
"Hello you two. You didn't get anything to drink."
Mrs. Weller was also standing there. I felt an urgent need to make a good impression. What nonsense. If she ever found out what I was doing with her son... I felt my ears turning red.
“Oh, we’re on the move again…”
"You haven't even congratulated Max yet! The teachers will surely give up on him soon. They'll definitely miss their best student."
“So David, did you go to this school too?”
Why in God's name did Mrs. Weller speak to me?
“Yes, I graduated last year.”
“And what are you studying?”
“Hopefully psychology starting in the fall.”
"Ah, interesting. And now you were in the military?"
"No, I was discharged. I used the two waiting semesters to earn some money."
"Very commendable. Our Max never had time to work outside of school. It certainly wouldn't have hurt him."
“After all, it earned him a 5,000 euro scholarship.”
"Of course, I'm not complaining. This will certainly look better on his resume than any waitress job."
The woman was even more horrible than I had imagined. How dare she still find something to complain about? And that dig about the waitress job... Grrr. Luckily, Claudi jumped in with some small talk and winked at me. And then Max finally came over. My sister congratulated him with a hug. I wondered what that was all about, but then I understood. With that, she had paved the way for me to hug him too. Klara stood on the left, Claudi on the right, so I took the risk and whispered to him:
“I am so proud of you, my heart.”
"Thanks."
I could barely smell his scent, the hug was so brief. His father called him back. Klara and I said our goodbyes to everyone and set off on foot for home.
“What did you whisper to him?”
“That I am very proud of him.”
“I think he loves you.”
“How did you come up with that?”
"The way he looks at you when he thinks no one's looking. And the way his eyes sparkle when he spots you somewhere... Has he told you yet?"
“Yes.”
“Do you love him too?”
“More than I ever could have dreamed.”
“I guess this one is for you.”
She held out the small blue flower to me.
"Thanks."
"He slipped it to me when I hugged him. He probably didn't know if you were hugging him too. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, sure... it's just... seeing him up there... and knowing he's mine. And that stupid little flower in his breast pocket... I just can't believe my luck..."
“Oh, big brother… I’m sorry I acted so bad at the beginning…”
“It’s okay.”
“Your boyfriend is really great.”
I started laughing and didn't really know why...
Mum sat in the garden and grinned.
“Well, was it nice?”
"Me, Mom."
“Klara, tell me, is she pretty?”
“David has good taste…”
"Great. Will I meet her tonight? Since you're using my car..."
“Mom, let it go… When I’m ready, I’ll let you know.”
"Clara..."
“Mom, I think he’s right.”
“Are you conspiring against me now?”
“How about a round of cards?”
“Well, okay…”
Shortly before 7:30, Klara finally came out of her room. Mum and I were both more than surprised. She looked so grown-up. Her long black dress fit perfectly, her hair was pinned up. Mum made me put on my jacket and took a few photos.
Shortly after half past 12, we parked in front of Claudi's house. We rang the bell. Claudi's mum opened the door.
"They'll be ready soon. My husband isn't here, and no one can tie a tie."
"You can do it, right? Dad showed you."
Ms. Bechthold glanced briefly at my shirt collar, where there was no tie. I've only worn one three times in my life, and that was enough for me. It made me feel claustrophobic...
“Well then, I’ll call her down.”
Thorsten arrived first, wearing a badly tied tie. Then Claudi and Max came down the stairs. I noticed Claudi's 1920s corduroy dress, but my eyes remained on Max. Black trousers, white shirt, black jacket. No one wore it better than him. And he had broad shoulders. Klara whispered to me:
“Close your mouth, you’re about to drool.”
Max waved his tie.
“I heard you can help me with that?”
“Sure, but I need a mirror for that.”
Mrs. Bechthold pointed to the bathroom. Max raised an eyebrow.
I closed the door behind us.
“Damn, that suits you.”
"Thanks. You look damn good too... so what do I do now?"
"The easiest thing would be if I tied them to myself, but that's less sexy. Come here, stand in front of me."
In the mirror, I saw the two of us standing there, not a bad picture. I put the tie around Max's neck and tied it. The first attempt worked. I adjusted it even longer than necessary and smelled his hair.
"David, do you have a boner? I'm horrified."
“This is all your fault.”
“Think of something distracting, we’re running late.”
“Wait, you’re not finished yet.”
I pulled the flower out of my pocket and pinned it onto a safety pin. I used it to pin it to Max's jacket.
"Perfect. Thank you."
Max's parents were already sitting at the table. Klara and I were seated at the next table. The opening dance, a short speech, then the usual standard music. Everyone was dancing. My sister's boyfriend appeared out of nowhere, and I was sitting alone at the table... Wonderful. Then Claudi arrived, my savior.
"Come on, dance with me. Then you won't have to stare at Max from so far away."
"Well done..."
He was dancing with his mother. His father was dancing with an old German teacher and seemed moderately enthusiastic. Max often sought my gaze, but that was all he could do at the moment.
I was glad when things started to loosen up around ten. Meanwhile, I had settled down at a high school graduate's table and was chatting with the Asian girl whose bra had won the competition. Max came from somewhere and was no longer sober.
“You don’t drink anything.”
“I have my car here, remember?”
“Oh… hmm… let’s go for a drive then.”
"What now?"
"Just a quick walk, come on. We'll be back before anyone misses us."
"Well done."
When we were in the parking lot, he said:
"I want to be able to say, 'Yes, and on the night of my prom I had hot sex in the car, like I should.'"
“Do you have condoms?”
„Logo!“
“Okay, where should I go?”
“To the dirt road in front of my house.”
“Can’t we go straight to your place?”
“Sexy in a car.”
“Well, okay…”
“Ouch… wait, my leg.”
“I’ll move the seat back even further…”
“Maybe if we get in the back seat…”
TRÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ
“Oops, that was me with my butt…”
“Ma-hax, that won’t work…”
"But …"
“I can’t even get myself into the right position to give you a blow job…”
“Oh shit… that was obvious.”
“Hey, why are you so pissed off?”
"Oh, I don't know... My parents annoyed me. They're never satisfied... and the teachers with their chatter. If they were as brilliant as they claim to be, they probably wouldn't have become teachers, but would be doing research themselves... and now even this isn't working... I'm just annoyed..."
“And drunk…”
“Yes, probably.”
“Let’s go back, huh?”
“It’s probably the best…”
„Max?“
„Hm?“
“You are the greatest person I know.”
“Oh my…”
After the Française at twelve, most of the parents went home, and the music became... not necessarily better, but more modern. I watched Max and Claudi enthusiastically partying while I sipped my Coke. Suddenly, Mr. Neuberger plopped down on a chair next to me.
“Mr. Lenz! My very special darling!”
I smelled his scent and looked for a way to escape.
"Mr. Neuberger. What's little Daniel doing?"
"Growing and thriving. Bringing us much joy. And what brings her here? Longing for the old days?"
"Not really, no. A few of my friends graduated this year."
I pointed to Max and Claudia.
"Yes, she's exactly her cup of tea, isn't she? She also likes to play the clown. However, her legs are much more entertaining than yours, Mr. Lenz."
When Claudi turned quickly, the cords revealed her black panties.
“A matter of taste, I suppose.”
He looked at me in surprise. Then he shook his head and walked away.
Around two o'clock, Max, the model student, as I'd come to call him, was slumped over the toilet bowl. I handed him some paper, stroked his back, and was almost glad he wasn't so perfect after all.
When he was able to control himself somewhat again, I drove Claudi and Thorsten home while Klara looked after Max.
Als ich zurückkam, saßen sie schon vor der Tür.
"Max wants to sleep with us. His parents, you know..."
"All right. For better or for worse, huh?"
“Are you proposing to me?”
"Not while you have vomit on your shirt. Well, let's go home then, huh?"
As quietly as possible, we got Max into my bed, where he immediately fell asleep. I put another bucket down and made myself as comfortable as possible, squashed against the wall.
“Ouch… damn!”
Max apparently tripped over the bucket.
“Who put him there looking so stupid?”
"Damn, can't you even sleep until nine if you've been drinking until two?"
“I have to pee.”
“You know the way…”
"I'm hungry."
"You can't be serious! It's 8:30 on a Sunday and you have a hangover. Go back to bed."
“David! Wake up.”
"Don't shake me around, Max, model student."
"What please?"
„Filmriss, hm?“
He probably thought for a moment.
“Midnight… then nothing for a long time… oh, and then a toilet bowl… Was it very bad?”
"You puked all over your clothes and invented a new dance. The woof-baa. It was very amusing. I was almost glad no one knew you were mine..."
His hand slapped against my upper arm. I pulled him toward me, but he was hungry...
“If you could remember the stuff you threw up yesterday, you wouldn’t be hungry now.”
“Well, lucky for me.”
We went to the bathroom for a moment and then downstairs. Mum had already made herself some coffee and was sitting at the table with a magazine.
"Morning."
"Good morning. You have visitors, right?"
“Yes, I have visitors. Hungry visitors.”
“Well then, introduce her to me.”
“Sure, please. Mum, here comes Max.”
"Good morning."
“Oh, I thought… good morning.”
Max chatted casually with my mum while devouring three sandwiches. I mentioned his honors from the previous day, and my mum was very impressed. Max modestly waved me off. As he headed home… he had declined my offer of a ride three times, my mum remarked again what a nice guy he was and that he should come over for dinner more often. Well, at least it's a step in the right direction…
I spent the rest of the day packing and working, of course.
On Monday, at 6:00 a.m., I stood in front of the school with my duffel bag, where the bus would leave. Five hours of sleep was definitely not enough. There were probably about 20 of us. Max and Claudi came together, and Claudi had her arm in his. No wonder they were a couple...
"Morning."
“When is the bus coming? I want to sleep.”
"Okay, then I'll sit next to Claudi. I need entertainment."
“I don’t care, I’m going to sleep for at least another four hours anyway.”
Thorsten came over.
"You lucky thing. I wish I could sleep on the bus. I'm always so bored, and those two are always hanging out together. You'd think they were the couple."
Max actually gave me a guilty look, but I waved it off.
“I have the Nintendo DS with me if you want…”
Thorsten was immediately enthusiastic. That settled the seating arrangements. Finally, the bus arrived. Thorsten let me sit by the window, and Max and Claudi sat behind us. I dug out my DS and made myself comfortable.
When I briefly opened my eyes again, we were stuck in traffic on the highway. I immediately fell asleep again until I felt something near my mouth. I opened my eyes in surprise and saw Max leaning toward us.
“You’re drooling.”
„Ihh.“
"No big deal. Gave me a reason to touch you."
Thorsten rolled his eyes, but Max smiled at me and everything was fine.
"What time is it?"
“Quarter past ten.”
“How long?”
"One and a half to two hours. Do you think you'll sleep again?"
“Hmm… no… but I’m hungry…”
“Thorsten, do you want to swap places?”
"Clear."
Max came forward with his backpack and pulled out a lunch box.
“Mommy’s cheese sandwich.”
“Very practical.”
“Didn’t yours give you anything?”
“The last time I saw them was when I went to work yesterday.”
"Oh God, you had to work yesterday... And I kept you up half the night. I'm sorry, I didn't even think about that."
"You didn't choose it, you were just drunk. By the way, your mommy makes good cheese sandwiches. What did you do yesterday?"
Somehow it had suddenly become twelve o'clock while I was talking to Max about teachers, fellow travelers, and computer games.
The holiday home was large. There were ten bedrooms on three floors, and a small bathroom on each floor. A map was hanging on the door.
"The twin rooms are at the very top. Let's go."
Of the three bedrooms on the second floor, one was already occupied by a couple. Claudi and Thorsten found a room on the first floor. Apparently, they didn't want to share a room with two people. Soon, a guy I recognized by sight came into our room with the Asian woman in tow.
"Hey Max, you don't need a double room. We do. Can't we swap? There are two spaces available in a four-person room on the ground floor."
"Sorry, Wolf, but I can't sleep with so many people. It really annoys me that there are no single rooms. But at least with David, I know he doesn't snore..."
"I think you're more concerned about Claudi being able to sneak in here and you only having to kick one person out of the room instead of three, huh?"
Max raised his eyebrows meaningfully. The two of them disappeared, and he rolled his eyes. I tried to smile, but the rumors were getting too much for me. I looked around the room. Light wooden furniture, a double bed—that was all we needed. Max started putting his things away in the closet. I decided it wouldn't be worth it for a few days. From the window, you could see the lake between other houses. The sun glittered on the water, and windsurfers with colorful sails glided overhead.
“I want to go in there.”
“Don’t let anything stop you.”
I got my swim trunks and a towel and changed. I enjoyed the sideways glances Max gave me while he put away his clothes.
“I’ll be at the lake then.”
“I’ll be there soon.”
I gave him a kiss on the cheek and disappeared.
The cool breeze was more than pleasant after the long, sticky bus ride. The water was fresh but not cold. I swam a lap and then lay down on the edge to watch the windsurfers. I was starting to wonder where Max was. My eyes fell on a tall, blond guy trying out a few tricks on his board. He looked like a picture-perfect surfer. His wavy, sun-bleached blond hair hung down to his shoulders, his skin was tan, and his swim trunks were decorated with tropical flowers. He looked really good on his board, the way his shoulder muscles bulged... I felt a little guilty for a moment, but hey, I'm allowed to look. Then he came out of the water. I recognized a Hawaiian character dangling from a chain on his chest and a tattoo flashing above the waistband of his pants. Suddenly he was standing in front of me.
“Wanna try?”
He pointed to his board, which he had left on the shore.
“Well … I never did that.”
“I’ll show you. ”
I had nothing better to do than follow him.
“I’m a teacher, so you’re in good hands.”
“Where are you from?”
“Netherlands. You?”
“Germany.”
“Yeah, I thought so.”
“Why?”
“All the pretty boys are from Germany.”
I looked at him in surprise as I did dry runs on his board.
After a brief hesitation, he asked:
“It that okay, I mean …?“
“Oh … Yes … no … well I don’t know.”
“You’re funny.”
“Sorry … so … is this right?”
”You’re a natural.”
“Heard that before.”
“I bet. So wanna try it in there?”
“Show me.”
“I have to adjust this to you.”
“Okay.”
He was tinkering with something. When he was finished, he asked:
“You can swim, right?”
“Sure. ”
“Okay, so we go till our knees are under water. Come on.”
“I’m getting nervous.”
“It’s safe now, try to step up.”
It wasn't easy, as the board was constantly being lifted by the waves. But after a short time, I was standing securely on it, my feet in the designated straps.
“Okay, very good. Now’s the hard part. Try to lift up the sail.”
I bent down and was just able to keep my balance.
“That’s heavy.”
“Just the water. I help you. Mind the wind.”
After a few not-so-elegant attempts, I was actually standing there, holding the sail, propelled by the wind. It was a really great feeling until the wind shifted and I couldn't tack the sail fast enough. I spun around in circles, and my instructor laughed.
“You are very far for your first lesson. You really are a natural. Need a break?”
“Maybe a short one …”
We trudged out of the water. Claudi, Thorsten, and Max were sitting there. Why did I feel so caught out? I hadn't done anything wrong.
“Want a drink?”
“There are my friends, so …”
“Wanna do something this evening? ”
“I’m not sure. I’m with a group, don’t know what they are planning …”
“I’m at the Marine Sparks, if you change your mind. ”
“Okay. Thanks for the lesson. ”
“You’re very welcome.”
I got my towel and sat down with the others.
“So, who was that?”
Claudi, the outspoken one.
"Damn, I didn't even ask his name."
“He was flirting with you a lot.”
I felt my ears turning red.
“Oh, nonsense, he just showed me a little something…”
“Yes, you could call it that.”
“Now just leave him alone, he’s already quite embarrassed…”
Why did Max come to my rescue? He must have read my mind.
"It's okay, David, really. He was really hot..."
“But I didn’t… I didn’t mean to…”
“David, I said it’s okay.”
„Okay …“
"So, you missed a general meeting. We were briefed on this week's events and sports and recreational opportunities."
“So, was there anything useful there?”
"Seems everyone who's anyone is going to Marine Sparks tonight."
"Oh no."
"What?"
“That guy goes there too…”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“But he will think…”
“Then you just set the record straight, don’t be like that.”
"And what should I tell him? My secret boyfriend is watching us?"
“Better idea?”
"Nooooo..."
"You're really terrible. I barely leave you alone for five minutes and you're already hooking up with some hot surfer. I see I have to take better care of you..."
At three o'clock we got hungry and looked for a pizzeria. No one else from our group was around.
“You do a lot without the others, huh?”
“Yes, yes… we’re isolating ourselves so much… we don’t really fit in with the class community… that’s what my parents have heard at every parent-teacher meeting since we moved here…”
“But then why did you come here?”
"120 euros is really cheap, and we wanted to go away together anyway. So. And it's not like we're consciously avoiding the others. It just happens."
"The girls are all pretty stupid. I share a room with three of them, and they just talk about how great their guys are all the time..."
I'd rather not mention the saying about the envy of the have-nots...
“Would you like to try some of mine?”
Max held out a skewered slice of pizza to me.
“It’s very couple-ish…”
"How you mean …"
“No, wait, I want to taste it…”
"Forget it."
“I have to get used to these constant changes from buddy to lover…”
“Lover, … wow.”
“Now… you know what I mean…”
“Should we leave you two alone?”
That wasn't really an offer from Claudi, but more of a warning not to be annoying.
Afterwards, we lay by the lake for a while and went to our rooms at seven to get ready for the evening. Alone in the room with Max. It felt kind of strange...
„Max?“
“Yes, David?”
“Is everything okay between us?”
"Yeah... I don't know. The whole buddy thing is kind of bothering me, too."
I walked over to him and stroked his cheek.
“Oh Max… my Max…”
“And seeing how easily you could land something better made me a little uneasy, too…”
"Oh come on, you're the best thing that ever happened to me. You're the whole package. You're perfect for me. If you want, we can just stay home tonight..."
"No, Claudi and Thorsten are counting on us. As long as you go to bed with me tonight, everything's fine."
“Oh Max, you’re not really worried about that, are you?”
"I do not know either …"
"I love you, only you. Let's not have any jealous scenes, okay?"
“No, of course not… I would never have said anything in front of the others…”
"I'm glad we're talking about it... you know, I'm a little jealous too..."
"What? Whom?"
“So that everyone thinks that you and Claudi…”
“Do I spend too little time with you?”
"No, that's not it... I definitely don't want to come between you. It's just this couple image you have..."
“Do you think there’s any way to change this?”
“I don’t know… Maybe if Claudi had someone else.”
"All right, so the mission is 'find a guy for Claudi.'"
Shortly after eight, we set off on foot to this marine-themed place. It turned out to be a large disco with three areas. For twelve euros entry, you could drink as much as you wanted. Oh man, it wouldn't be fun here by midnight at the latest. The place was almost full, and the first few people had already had enough to drink. We took a look around. It wasn't long before I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“Hey, you came.”
“Well, yes … my whole group came, so …”
”I would buy you a drink, but they are free, so …”
“Oh, that’s okay …”
“So, you wanna make out or something? ”
At first I thought I had misheard...
“Oh … well …”
“You’re not gay? ”
“I am … and I really think you’re hot … but I’m in a relationship and I’m not the cheating kind of guy, so … sorry.”
“What a shame … well see you around then.”
He'd lost interest in me so quickly. I glanced at Max, who was trying hard to pretend he hadn't noticed anything.
After a few drinks, I got fed up with constantly hanging out with the quiet Thorsten and the secretive couple. I wandered around and soon found a few other people from our group outside at the beer benches.
„Hey.“
“Hey, David, right?”
"Yes, exactly."
“Alex, Bernd, Sina, Sandra, Kathi and I am Tobi.”
"Understood."
“Well, are you getting bored with the Three Musketeers?”
Bernd got a nudge in the ribs from Sina.
“Honestly, yes…”
"We were wondering how you fit in. You actually seem completely normal..."
“Um, okay… thanks, I think…”
Then the usual small talk followed until Sandra said:
“So, are they a couple now, or are they not?”
"Who?"
“Well, Max and Claudi.”
“No, not that I know of.”
“Well, you’ll realize that at the latest when you’re evicted tonight…”
I shrugged, seething inside. Then came the climax. The surfer. He had a young guy in tow and blinked at me as if to say, 'Well, that could be you.' They sat down on an empty bench and immediately started making out wildly. I heard mock gagging noises next to me, but I was so captivated by the sight of the two men kissing. He pulled the boy onto his lap. Someone stood up next to me.
“Come on, let’s get out of here.”
The bench tilted a little as everyone except me stood up.
"Are you coming?"
“Hmm? … Yes …”
“Gross, huh?”
„Was?“
“Well, those guys.”
I just shrugged my shoulders.
“I should look for the others again…”
I navigated through the crowds for a while, but didn't find anyone. And I was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol... I needed fresh air and headed slowly but purposefully back to the beer benches. I didn't know anyone there. I sat down and let my head hang between my legs. I could have cried, damn it. I hated feeling like a monster, I hated that it ruined the beautiful feelings I had for Max. I hated that he and Claudi made such a good couple. I hated that all my friends were so far away and that they had no idea who I really was. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I thought it was Max, but when I looked up, I saw blond hair.
“Need a friend?”
I nodded.
“Where’s that guy?”
“Did him, now he moved on, as usual … where’s your boyfriend?”
“No idea…”
“What’s wrong?”
“Guess I’m just drunk …”
“Everybody here is drunk, but nobody looks as sad as you …”
“I wish I was as brave as you …”
“What do you mean?”
“Being open about … it.”
“So you’re not out?”
“No …”
“What about your boyfriend?”
“Neither.”
“That can be hard …”
“Everybody thinks he and his best friend are a couple …”
“No wonder you look sad. Is he with her now?”
“I guess ….”
“Can I help you?”
“No … I just … I would like to be out sooo much, but then I see the reactions you get and I get scared.”
“It looks worse than it is …”
“Still … what about my family …?”
“You should tell them first. Maybe they’ll surprise you …”
“Maybe in a bad way …”
“You should be independent … earn some money, have your own place and stuff. Then they have time to be angry and you are not in trouble …”
“Still, it’s a really huge step. Maybe I’ll lose people I love …”
“You won’t lose people who love you back. They will just want you to be happy. And you don’t look happy now.”
„David?“
There stood Max. He looked a little pissed off.
“Boyfriend?”
I nodded.
“Well, I’m off then. Take care.”
The surfer left and I hadn't asked him his name again...
Max sat down opposite me.
"Where have you been?"
"Out here. I looked for you for a while but couldn't find you."
“Did you have an affair with him?”
"No. And I'm really not in the mood for that kind of conversation right now."
"What's up?"
“Not here, okay?”
“Then let’s go back…”
"Just like that?"
"You're hanging out here looking like you're about to burst into tears...Come on, I'll take you home."
He texted Claudi and we headed back. When the street was less busy, he reached for my hand.
“So, what’s going on?”
"I don't really know myself... I just want something I can't have."
"The Surfer?"
"You, you idiot! You, whenever I want, whether in public, at home, or anywhere else. I want to tell every one of the dozen people who ask me if you and Claudi are together: 'No, he's with me. I've landed this great guy.' I want to tell my friends to their faces, but they're somewhere else. I want to tell my mom and her sister when they pester me about a girlfriend again. Damn, do you know how much I wish I could have been with you tonight? To hold you, to dance with you, to kiss you... The thought of it drives me crazy!"
I kicked a tree on the side of the road and bruised my foot.
“You know it’s not that easy.”
"Yeah, damn it. Otherwise I wouldn't be so angry!"
"I don't see a way out, David. And you scare me."
I saw the worry and also something like fear in his eyes.
“My heart, I’m sorry…”
He almost flew into my embrace.
"David... I love you so much. And I want all of this too. But how? It's not possible... but everything will be better in the big city. We just have to hold on until then..."
„Okay …“
"I love you."
"I know."
“Together we can do it all.”
"I know, I'm just drunk, just ignore me..."
He smiled at me and took my hand again. Even though it was dark and hardly anyone noticed us, I still felt like I was finally acknowledging my feelings and showing who I loved. I was just an emotional mess that night. So it wasn't surprising that after Max came inside me, I started crying because I was so happy. He held me in his arms and stroked me to sleep.
The next day, I was really embarrassed about the whole thing, but Max just said that I couldn't have paid him a greater compliment than bursting into tears of joy after sex. There was some truth in that...
We had breakfast, went to the lake, and in the afternoon we went to the Tuesday market in town, then had dinner and then played mini golf. Max won and had to treat all three of us to ice cream. It was tradition, because he was always able to do everything and should pay for it, Claudi explained to me.
"So, let's see. Thorsten: chocolate and stracciatella, Claudi: strawberry, lemon, David?"
“Walnut, Amarena.”
All three of them said at the same time, “Really?”
“Um… isn’t that a legal combo or something?”
The three of them had so many strange rules that I wouldn't have been surprised...
"No, yes... it's just already taken. That's my combo."
"Really? Cool. Then I'll have Amarena Walnut."
“That should be okay, right guys?”
The two were still completely stunned.
“Hey, we like the same ice cream… coincidence, nothing more.”
“Max, explain it to this scoundrel.”
"Claudi has a book... about what your ice cream flavor says about you. And it clearly states that the best match is between people whose ice cream flavors are as similar as possible. So we're basically meant for each other."
"And that's why you needed the ice cream flavors? I already knew that."
"Aaaaahhh..."
I didn't even allow the urge to kiss him to arise and instead concentrated on my ice cream.
“You still have there… no, further to there… still not…”
I suppressed the urge to wipe it away. Familiar faces could be lurking everywhere in the busy pedestrian zone... I overcame my fear and admitted to myself that I needed help to rid my friend of the cherry residue.
“Claudi, take it away from him.”
But he turned to me.
"No, you take it away. I'll take the risk."
I rubbed the red mark from his cheek. Our first touch since we left the room this morning. My body craved more.
"You know, I'm really pretty tired..." Max said suddenly, grinning. "I think I'll lie down for a bit..."
"Oh, mind if I come along too? I'm pretty tired too," I said, grinning just as much.
“Just go, my God…”
We left them behind and jogged to the holiday home, where we pounced on each other as soon as the door was closed.
When I opened my eyes, the room was bright and Max was wearing a terribly boring white polo shirt and a light green sweater around his shoulders.
"Uh …"
No, I couldn't think of a stupid saying so early in the morning.
"Good morning. Lovely weather for a little friendly match, isn't it?"
“Are you on drugs?”
That wasn't a stupid saying, but serious concern.
“Now get dressed and follow me to the sand court.”
„Tennis?“
"Exactly. Very astute, my dear friend."
“Do you and Claudi talk like this all day now?”
“We’ll see what the day brings, won’t we?”
Claudi wore a ponytail tied too high that dangled with every step, also a white polo shirt and shorts with creases.
"I'm really glad I'm not the only normal person here anymore. It was pretty lonely," Thorsten whispered to me.
As it turned out, the show was necessary because they couldn't play at all. Thorsten and I soon had enough of the "gay-hetero mixed doubles" where there was more psychological warfare than actual balls going over the net. We rented the court next door and played properly. It turned out we were equally good at something and we had a tough, two-hour match, which I won 6:4 4:6 6:4. It dragged on into the midday heat, and since the start of the second set, Max and Claudi had been grumbling about how they finally wanted to go to the lake. My shirt was lying on the bench and my upper body was burned by the sun. I almost fell flat on my face on my last serve, but in the end it was enough. I drank half a liter of water and poured the rest over my head. Max looked at me lasciviously, but I warned him not to touch me. I felt like 1,000 needles were pricking me and was dreading the day my skin would peel off.
Cool water and shade until the sun finally set. Putting on a shirt was out of the question. But I didn't want to walk around half-naked either, so I decided to spend the evening indoors. Max offered to stay with me, but that would have been total nonsense. I had the DS, Lord of the Rings, and after-sun lotion that Max had gotten me. Thorsten had left his shirt on and only had mild sunburn on his arms and legs. Grrr. I won for that.
When I went to get a snack around ten, I realized that Kathi had also stayed home because she had a sore throat and didn't want it to get worse, and she didn't have anything left from her vacation. We played cards and I talked about the match I had won. Shortly after eleven, the door opened and Max came in.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
“Is anyone else here?”
“Just the two of us.”
"Good. I wanted to check on you. I didn't feel comfortable leaving you alone."
He bent down and kissed my cheek.
“Hmm?”
“That’s okay, right, Kathi?”
“Sure… I almost figured it out.”
"Hello?"
"Kathi and I were together once, when I was 15. She was the second person I told, after Claudi."
“Okay… that’s a bit much information all at once…”
"How are you doing?"
“As long as I don’t lean on it, it’s okay.”
“Should I spray you again?”
“Wouldn’t hurt…”
“I'll go get it…”
“So you’re together?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”
„Okay …“
“You should have seen your face…”
"I was really wondering if he was too drunk to notice that someone else was there... You could have said something..."
"I wasn't sure if you knew... I thought maybe it was a one-sided story or something..."
“Okay, let me spray you.”
“But don’t touch it.”
“Yeah, don’t worry… it’s going to be an exciting night…”
“I think I’ll sleep in the bathtub…”
Max told Kathi a little about how we got together and held my hand while he did so. Then we played cards until twelve. In the room, we both unpacked our books.
“Like an old married couple, huh?”
“I’m really sorry…”
"I didn't expect the sun to be so harsh. Poor darling."
He gave me a gentle kiss on the nose and turned over to sleep.
The next day, we rented bikes and explored the area. We spent the afternoon by the lake, in the shade. We ate, played mini-golf, and had Max's victory ice cream. Then we had a little party at the Marine.
That was it again. On Friday morning, Max was able to pull whole chunks of skin off my back. After breakfast at 8:00, the bus arrived. This time it was real torture. I could hardly lean back, and I was way too hot. Max did his best with good advice and entertainment, but I was just grumpy and wanted nothing more than a cold shower. It was a long five hours. But Max didn't complain.
The bus dropped us all off at school.
"I'll come with you. You can't carry your sack."
“Oh, I can handle it.”