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"Hi, how are you? I saw you like the Beaver Brothers. I find 'Total Dental' sooo funny."
I read this message when I was actually just about to go offline to continue reading The Lord of the Rings. This summer, I accompanied Frodo to Mount Doom for the fourth time. I clicked on the sender's profile. Male, 19, lives in Kleinding. That was hardly a coincidence, because that's where I came from.
"Do I know you?"
"I was a grade below you. Max Weller."
“Doesn’t mean anything to me… Do you have a photo?”
“Sorry, no digital camera.”
"Oh, I see... anyway, yeah, I know it, it's the best episode. The later ones are kind of lame."
"I agree. But the Super Beaver is awesome too."
“And Oxnard Montalvo or whatever his name is.”
"Yes, from Saul."
“So you’re still at Marien-Gymnasium?”
"I just finished my high school exams, and now I'm stuck in the deep black hole that comes afterward. So what do you do now?"
“I’m earning a little money and starting college in the fall.”
“Cool, just like me.”
"It's kind of weird, you know who I am, but I don't know who you are..."
“Do you have an old annual report?”
"No, I never bought one. Describe yourself, maybe that'll ring a bell..."
“Hmm, so I’m 1.80, blonde, blue-eyed, 90-60-90. :-)”
I clicked on the profile again. Male. And besides, his name was Max. So it must have been a joke.
„Haha...“
"Okay. I'm medium height,... short reddish-brown hair, and I usually wear glasses at school..."
“Based on the description, anyone really is a candidate.”
“Sorry, I don’t have a scar on my cheek or a tattoo on my forearm or anything… I’m totally average…”
“Hmm… then there’s nothing we can do.”
"I guess we don't have much more to say to each other, huh? I'll go read now."
I liked the honesty.
“What are you reading?”
“Oh, fantasy, nothing literary.”
“I’m currently reading The Lord of the Rings for the fourth time.”
“And where are you right now?”
“Frodo and Sam have just separated from the others.”
"I like... their relationship. This is true friendship."
“Many see it as something homoerotic.”
I was curious to see how he would react.
"Really? Hmm... maybe. Anyway, I think it's great how they look out for each other."
"Frodo certainly wouldn't have made it alone. Gandalf knew what he was doing when he sent Sam after him."
“What do you think of the movies?”
"I haven't watched it. I'm afraid they'll ruin my whole idea of Middle-earth."
"Yes, that usually happens. I'm always skeptical about book adaptations. But Jackson did a really good job. The characters are so real, and the story is well adapted. I was absolutely thrilled all three times. I even bought the special edition DVDs."
“Well, maybe I’ll change my mind after all…”
"I have to go read now, I'm at a really exciting point right now. But it was nice writing with you, David."
“Thank you too, Max.”
"See you then."
"HI."
I found myself grinning. I liked that he didn't make up an excuse to end the chat, but simply said what he wanted. And what he'd said about Frodo and Sam... that was exactly what I loved about Fellowship. And hardly anyone around me knew or appreciated Brother Beaver. I lay down on my bed and read, somewhat listlessly. Soon I was checking every now and then to see if he'd come back online. But the box next to his name remained dark. I refreshed every few minutes until I dozed off.
When I woke up, it was pitch black, and only the monitor illuminated a corner of my room. Dazed, I got up and refreshed the screen again. And there it was, yellow. It was 2:00 a.m., but I was instantly wide awake.
“Hey, did you have any great adventures?”
"Hey! Yeah, great book. Hopefully the second part will arrive in the mail tomorrow."
“I don’t want to discourage you, but tomorrow is Sunday…”
“Neeeeeeeiiiiiiin!!”
"Oh dear, you're forgetting what day it is. This is symptomatic of the post-graduation black hole..."
“What am I going to do all day tomorrow?”
The thought immediately popped into my head. I wanted to write about watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy with myself. But then I thought about it. How would that come across? A complete stranger I just met online. Besides, I had to work.
"Well, you'll find something. The weather will probably be nice again..."
“Are we really talking about the weather now?”
I typed a laughing smiley.
"Why not? And about local politics."
“I’m not that desperate to be entertained after all.”
“Now I’m under pressure, otherwise you’ll run away from me again.”
"Don't worry, I've finished the book. So, let me ask the big question:"
I felt hot.
“The big question?”
"Yes! Everyone asks: What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Oh, right. Psychologist. You?"
"Physicist."
“They both start with P and have a y in them.”
Why did I send that shit? But a laughing smiley came back, and behind it it said:
“Uuuh, we’re soulmates!”
I had to swallow hard... because he had touched on one of my greatest desires. I decided to simply write him what came to mind.
"After graduating high school, I made a list of things I absolutely had to do. A lot of things haven't worked out yet..."
“What did it say?”
“Finding a soul mate, for example.”
“Do you really believe in such things?”
"Of course. With billions of people out there, there must be someone who sees the world through my eyes."
“And then it’s also likely that he lives near you, because socialization determines one’s worldview and so on…”
“Exactly, that’s my theory too.”
"So keep your eyes open. Your soulmate might be closer than you think..."
I had to swallow. The conversation was taking a very strange turn. Before I could reply, the next message from him arrived.
“Should we talk about the weather instead?”
I laughed out loud and wrote him that too.
"You never laughed at school. You always looked quite serious."
“I suddenly feel like I’m being watched…*looks over shoulder*”
"Heehee, noooo! I generally like to observe."
“Isn’t that my job as a future psychologist?”
“Maybe I should reconsider my choice of degree program?”
"Perhaps."
“So, let’s stay on the deep level: Do you believe in God?”
“Uh, I could/would have to write you a whole essay about that…”
“Yes or no? Make up your mind.”
"Then no. You?"
“Just to keep the conversation interesting, I have to say yes now.”
"Okay, but now I want to explain myself briefly. The thing is, I don't care whether there is a God."
“Oh… okay… interesting attitude, tell me.”
"I always try to do the right thing, whether there's a God up there rewarding me for it or not. It makes no difference to me."
“And where do you get the knowledge of what is right and wrong?”
“I can read the Bible and think, yes, that makes sense, a few smart people got together and wrote it down.”
"True. But where do you get the strength to always do the right thing when doing the wrong thing would be so much easier?"
“A mixture of karma and empathy.”
„?“
"I believe that everything comes back to haunt you at some point. Not through another force, but through revenge, or even through my own guilty conscience. And I would never cause pain to anyone else, because then I would always have to imagine how they feel..."
“Sounds like this would work for you.”
“Yes, it does.”
“Still, it takes a lot of strength, which not everyone has.”
“And luckily for them, there is religion.”
“Are you saying faith is a sign of weakness?”
"I would never presume to do that. I would never judge someone based on what they believe. That's just way too personal and really nobody's business."
“Then thank you for sharing your faith with me.”
“I feel like I can be honest with you.”
"You can do that too. Okay, I'm almost asleep and have to get up early tomorrow."
“Are you going to church or something?”
"Good guess. But only because I'm forced to. I'm being persecuted for my faith. By my parents. They just don't understand how I can stand up for anything other than the Catholic faith."
“What do you think?”
“When you come back tomorrow evening, I’ll tell you.”
“Okay, around eleven, before that I have to work.”
“Okay, see you tomorrow.”
"See you in the morning."
The field next to his name went dark again. It was almost four. I hadn't even noticed how time had passed while I was waiting for his messages. He must have been texting someone else at the same time. I wondered who...
I slept until ten, then I got up and reread our conversation, a grin on my face that wouldn't go away. Maybe he was the one I'd been looking for. But I'd barely thought that thought before I shook my head at myself. We'd emailed for a few hours, that was all. Yes, but about such important topics. I'd confided in him thoughts I'd never shared with anyone before... under the cloak of anonymity. But only for him. He knew me. Maybe he even knew where I worked and was having fun sitting down in my aunt's restaurant and letting me serve him. What if he suddenly appeared in front of me? What if he was ugly? I decided to track down an old annual report as soon as possible.
My aunt often asked me that day where my head was. I kept dropping things, forgetting orders, or just staring into thin air. The day couldn't be over fast enough.
At ten, I finally finished work. I pedaled and was home in ten minutes; it usually takes me 20. To do that, I had to take a shower after turning on the PC.
At 10:30, he still wasn't there. I lay down on the bed with The Lord of the Rings and studied maps, diligently pressing F5 every now and then. It was 11:30 before his field finally lit up yellow. Despite my impatience, I decided to wait until he wrote to me. Another ten minutes passed.
"Hey! Sorry, I just got home. So, how was work?"
"As always. Where were you going?"
"Oh, with a few former (yes, I can say that now) classmates at the lake. Campfire, barbecue, that sort of thing."
„Also?“
“Oh God, I’m not in there at all right now.”
“We can talk about the weather again.”
"Yes, you can thank the rain that I'm back. They were even considering sleeping under the stars."
“Thank you, dear God of rain. ; )”
"Okay, so, I'm convinced there's a force that connects us all. If I cause suffering to someone, I also cause suffering to myself. And the world will only be a better place when we all understand that."
“That sounds kind of cheesy…”
“That’s what I was thinking when I read it again… Do you know Markus Mann?”
“Something’s ringing, yes.”
“He drank too much today and had to ride on my luggage rack.”
"Isn't that a huge guy? And he doesn't look light either. Why did they give him to you?"
“You want to know if I’m stocky, huh?”
Caught…
“No, I… well… hey, I just want to know who I’m writing to.”
“What does my figure say about me?”
“Nothing important… oh, forget it…”
“You got yourself into quite a mess there, didn’t you?”
“Save me!”
"Okay. Do you have any siblings?"
"A little sister. You?"
“No, no one.”
“I often wished I were an only child.”
“And I often wished I had siblings…”
“Well, you always want what you can’t have…”
“Only too true…”
“What else do you want that you can’t have?”
“Oh, some things… but nothing that can be easily explained…”
"Well done..."
“Don’t be mad, okay?”
“Oh nonsense…”
“It’s just… we don’t really know each other…”
"I know. But that's exactly why it's easy for me to talk to you about things like this..."
“I would like to know who gave me my eyes.”
"Huh?"
“These are green and my parents’ are blue.”
“So you think…”
"No, I know. But I also know I can't ask her about it without hurting her..."
"Is it really that important? I mean, it's just genes... upbringing matters much more..."
“I know, … but there’s still a hole there somehow…”
“I understand… and if you explain this to them?”
"Whenever I come near this topic, I see the fear in their eyes. No, not a chance. They'll probably take this secret to their graves..."
"I'm sorry …"
“It’s okay, I’ve been living with it for a while…What is your greatest wish?”
“A home of my own, with people I love.”
“Are you saying you don’t love your parents?”
“Yes, they are my parents… but there isn’t much sense of harmony here.”
“I thought your parents were separated?”
“You know quite a lot…”
“In a small town like this, there’s a lot of gossip…”
"'Separated' means my dad has moved next door. I don't see him any less than before. It's just that now he can receive visitors undisturbed, which makes my mum very angry, as you can imagine..."
“But if they are separated…”
“Yes, that’s what I always tell her…”
“Parents, huh?”
“Yes, terrible…”
“I have to go to bed soon…”
"Really nice?"
“I promised my girlfriend I’d go shopping with her tomorrow…”
My heart stopped. Of course. His girlfriend... what did I expect?
„David?“
„Hm?“
“Why don’t you write anymore?”
“My sister was here for a moment and needed something…” I lied.
"Oh... anyway... Claudi wants to take the train shortly after nine. When it comes to shopping, she's not a joke..."
"Claudi? The slightly crazy one who went out with Hannes?"
"That's exactly who she was. I warned her, but she wouldn't listen. That guy rudely dumped her..."
“And how long have you been together?”
"What?! No! We're friends. Best friends, actually, forever."
I can't even begin to express how relieved I was. It scared me. I was getting completely worked up about something. This had to end.
"Oh. Well, sleep well then."
“See you here again tomorrow evening?”
"I don't know yet. See you then."
“See you then, and good night, David.”
The way he used my name sent a pleasant shiver down my spine. Nevertheless, I decided to spend the next few days without internet.
On Monday, I offered to help out at the restaurant. After I smashed the second plate, my aunt, my mother's sister, took me aside.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“I don’t know, I just can’t concentrate…”
"Are you having trouble with a girl? You know you can talk to me about anything."
“It’s okay, really…”
"So it's about a girl? Now tell me!"
"Okay... we met online. I have no idea what... she looks like. But I really like her. Our conversations were... simply amazing."
“And now you’re scared that she doesn’t feel the same way, or maybe she does, but unfortunately she’s as ugly as night?”
I just nodded.
“Then you have to meet her!”
“It’s not that easy…”
"Why not?"
Because he's a guy, and if I go too far and he turns out to be a gossip, the whole town will soon know about me. But of course, I couldn't tell her that... I just shrugged.
"Now go and enjoy the rest of the afternoon. It's not even four o'clock, go to a pond or something."
"Secure?"
"Sure, before you destroy anything else, go on."
At home, I quickly packed a few things and was on my way to a gravel pit pond less than a quarter of an hour away. I went to the quieter shore because on the other side, a few families with lots of children were enjoying the nice weather before it was due to get worse again in a few days. I'd barely settled in, plugged in my headphones, and found my way back to the side I was on when a whole horde walked past me and landed on 'my' quiet shore. I recognized some of them by sight. The girls had been in middle school when I graduated. Now they seemed to have hooked up with a few older boys. The ten people were making as much noise as 50, I could even hear it through my headphones. When they unpacked a boombox and turned it up to full volume, I was about to move, but the sound was probably enough for the whole lake. I turned up my own music until my ears hurt. Resigned, I turned it off, but left the earplugs in, hoping they might muffle the electronic music a bit. I was reading the same line three times. In the water, the girls screamed as the boys tried to dive through their legs. I was determined to at least finish this chapter. Some started playing Frisbee. I was obviously in their way, but I made no move to leave. After all, I had been here first. I rolled over onto my stomach and did a surprisingly good job of blocking out the rest. Soon I was on the last page of the chapter.
"Danger!"
I flinched violently as the Frisbee landed on my back. I spun around in anger.
„Sorry, sorry, sorry!“
One of the players was already running towards me.
"I tried to warn you. I guess I didn't take the wind into account... Is everything okay?"
He looked so guilty that I couldn't yell at him anymore, even though I really wanted to.
"Eggs..."
I gave him the disc.
“We’ve got you pretty besieged here, huh?”
“It was nice and quiet here, yes…”
"Will you have it soon?"
His friends were growing impatient. With a grimace, he flung the disc away, and the wind carried it far out into the lake.
“Well, wonderful!”
“Sorry! …See, I didn’t take the wind into account again…”
He made no attempt to disappear.
"What are you reading? Ah, The Lord of the Rings."
He plopped down on my towel and just kept talking.
"You know, I always liked the storyline with Frodo and Sam the most. How they take care of each other and all. The god of rain would definitely like to see that."
For a moment I must have looked at him in complete disbelief until something suddenly clicked.
"Now you've got it, huh?"
He held out his hand to me.
„Max.“
„David.“
"I'm not stalking you or anything."
"Well... I'm still a little perplexed..."
“I was too, when I saw you lying here earlier.”
“You’re not even that stocky.”
"I never said that. I was just the only one with a luggage rack."
I studied him for as long as I dared. He looked good. Phew, lucky me. He was slim, about my height, at least as far as I could tell while sitting. His hair was light brown with a copper tint. And those eyes! Bright green! I suddenly didn't know what to say.
“At least now you know who you’re texting.”
"You look so good... uh, I... I mean, you always hear about these asshole guys who hang out in chat rooms because nobody wants to go anywhere near them in real life..."
"Oh, I've been sitting at my computer the whole time anyway, sorting out my decommissioning. I hope I didn't keep you waiting too long for my answers..."
So that was it, he hadn't written to anyone else at all.
“Oh nonsense, I’ve already passed the time…”
"Well, I'm going to go in the water. Are you coming with me? I want to swim to the island."
"Over there? Haven't you heard there's a ghost there?"
"Only at night. So what now?"
“I think I pass.”
“Will you still be here when I get back?”
I nodded, and he plunged into the waves. Oh my God, he was simply perfect. I was suddenly scared. Everything seemed to be going so well. There had to be a catch somewhere. And I could already guess where.
I racked my brains over whether I should tell him I was gay right away, to get it over with and not spend forever anxiously putting it off. But I barely knew him. I couldn't tell him something I'd never told anyone before, after two days... On the other hand, he'd said I could always be honest with him... but he probably hadn't expected that, otherwise he would have been more cautious with such statements. A cold shiver ran through me.
"Waaaah!"
"I'm back."
"A 'hello' would have let me know that too."
"Where's the fun in that? May I?"
"Clear."
He lay down next to me, and I found myself examining the beads of water on his pale, even skin. I quickly buried my nose back in my book.
"Where are you now?"
“Merry and Pippin met Treebeard a few pages ago.”
"He reminds me of my father. He takes forever to make important decisions... Will you read to me?"
“Um, okay… Treebeard is singing something to the hobbits…”
After a few pages, I looked over at him.
“Are you sleeping?”
I took the lack of an answer as a yes and continued reading silently. I hardly dared to move. I surreptitiously examined the bulges of muscle on his back and his tight-fitting swim trunks because they were wet. Somehow, it felt wrong to look at him like that when he couldn't do anything about it. I immersed myself in my book again. It was almost six, but the sun was still blazing down. A few spots on Max's back were already red. I wouldn't have dared touch him to apply sunscreen, so I covered him with my towel. He snuggled gratefully into it and went back to sleep. I was beginning to wonder why none of his friends had come over or anything. But I preferred it this way anyway. I read a few more pages as the sun slowly set. Max stirred. He pulled the towel aside and stretched, yawning. The play of muscles under his skin drove me crazy. Then he smiled at me too.
“I need to get in the water.”
…because I desperately needed to cool down.
"What? Now? You'll never be sober again!"
I was already up to my waist in the pond and submerged. When I resurfaced, I saw the others packing their things. Great, now I'd be left alone to use the last rays of sun to dry myself off a bit before the cold wind gave me meningitis. I trudged to the shore and noticed that even on the family shore, only a few people were still sitting there, already packing. Max came toward me with my towel.
"Here. If you don't catch a cold..."
"Thanks. I'll sit here for a while and then slowly drive home, no big deal... See you online tonight, huh?"
"You don't think I'm going to leave you here wet and freezing in the twilight, do you?"
“But your people…”
"Let her go, then at least things will calm down a bit around here. Look, I'm still fully equipped from yesterday. I have candles, beer, and a blanket."
“Thank the rain god.”
While I dried myself off and changed, Max brought over his backpack and guitar.
“So you play guitar?”
“It’s enough for campfire music. Here.”
He gave me a can of beer and sat down on my towel with his own.
"Take the blanket. You're shivering."
“Oh, the beer will warm you up.”
“As you wish, but heaven forbid you write to me tomorrow that you have a cold…”
“Okay, give it here… don’t grin like that, or I’ll throw you in the water too.”
“Oooooh, now I’m scared.”
We both took a sip from our cans.
“So, those were your people?”
"A few of them, but when these little chicks are around, they act like complete idiots."
“I noticed…”
"You should have seen your face when we arrived. And when the music started."
“And when you threw the Frisbee at me…”
"It really wasn't intentional. I was thinking the whole time about revealing my identity, and then the wind god decided for me."
"And that was a good thing, you coward. I finally wanted to know who I was dealing with."
“So, do you know me?”
“From sight, sure.”
“We played on the same basketball team at the sports festival last year.”
"I have such a bad memory. Where's Claudi? I remember her."
"Visiting relatives, she can only sneak away now and then. That's why I'm so bored..."
“Did your book arrive today?”
“Yes, I’m already halfway through.”
“What are you reading?”
"The Shadow Guild series. Does that ring a bell?"
“Nope, not at all.”
"Lynn Flewelling. I can hardly put the books down."
“If you prefer to read…”
"I'll just ruin my eyes in the candlelight. Can you sing?"
“Not really good…”
"Come on. You'll probably be able to do "Knocking on Heaven's Door" and "Summer of 69." And it'll warm you up."
“You play well, and you have a great voice.”
"Thanks, and you were way too modest. Your singing is definitely worth listening to. Hey, how about this?
And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain”
„Oh, my way!”
I joined in as deeply as I could.
„My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and ev'ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way
Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way”
From then on he continued singing alone.
„For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows and did it my way!”
© Frank Sinatra - My Way
Music: Jacques Revaux & Claude Francois
Original text: Gilles Thibault
English translation: Paul Anka.
Arr. der Sinatra-Version: Don Costa
I was completely captivated. He felt what he was singing, I could sense it. He said:
"Man, that song just hits the nail on the head. That's exactly what it's about. When you look back on your life at the end and don't regret anything because you know you did it your way. When you realize that even all the bad experiences were important in making you who you are. You understand? David, are you okay?"
"I... yes. That one line... 'To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels'—that's exactly my problem. I just can't say it."
"What?"
"What I really feel, who I really am. I have to hide it because I couldn't live with everyone knowing about me. I've been hiding for so long, and I'm afraid that one day I'll look back and realize my whole life was worthless because I was always hiding behind this one big fat lie."
"You're crying. What's wrong? David, you can tell me, I won't tell anyone."
"I can't. I just can't! I have to go now."
I can barely remember gathering my things. The wind made me shiver, my damp hair felt like ice. I tried not to think about anything, but I kept thinking about Max, his bare chest, how I wanted to touch him, and how I wanted to tell him everything about myself. But panic had gripped me. I just couldn't bring myself to say it. I was afraid of the consequences.
There was still a light on in the living room.
"David? There you are. I saved some lasagna for you."
"Already eaten. Good night."
"You're so wet. You'll catch pneumonia. Take a warm bath before you go to bed. Should I make you some tea?"
“I just want to sleep, okay?”
"Okay. Then we'll talk tomorrow."
In the protective darkness of my room, I gave free rein to my feelings and desires.
In the morning, I told myself I was done with the whole thing. I would simply choose not to. I could still decide for myself who I wanted to be and who I didn't. And I certainly didn't want to be the only gay person in this small town. I was strong enough to stick it out, I kept telling myself that.
I was glad to have a job at the restaurant. There was always a special pasta special on Tuesdays, and the place was packed. This time, I couldn't afford to drop any dishes; I just had to function, and that cleared my head. When the worst of the rush was over, my mother came over.
“Do you have a few minutes to eat with me?”
"I think so. What do you like?"
“The daily special.”
"Come immediately."
"Here you go. So, what's up?"
“What happened yesterday?”
"I was just tired and cold and wanted to go to bed, that's all."
“If you don’t want to talk to me, promise me you’ll talk to someone else.”
"Whatever. Don't worry. Is that all?"
“No… your father and I decided that you should get the money now.”
“What kind of money?”
"You know, the alimony payments. Then you can buy a small car and drive home on weekends if you can't get a place at university nearby."
“Why this suddenly?”
"This is more advantageous for us when it comes to dividing the property... We've filed for divorce."
“So soon already?”
“We want a clean break, also for you and your sister.”
“Have you talked to Klara yet?”
"No, not yet. I wanted to talk to you first."
“Why am I being asked for my opinion?”
“No, the divorce is final.”
"Then the matter is settled. I've taken note."
"You always become cynical when you're hurt. I'm sorry..."
"It's better for everyone involved this way. I'm just curious how you're going to manage the clean break when Dad lives next door with Grandma and Grandpa..."
“You should talk to him about that yourself.”
“Is he moving away?”
"Talk to him about it. Now eat. Cora will probably need you again soon."
The day was getting better and better, and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, Max suddenly stood in front of me.
„Hey.“
„Hey.“
“You forgot your towel.”
He held it out to me, obviously freshly washed.
"Oh thank you."
“I’m on my way to the pond right now… how long do you have to work?”
I was just about to lie to him and say that I unfortunately had a lot to do until the evening when Cora arrived.
“Well, who’s keeping my employees from working?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m already gone.”
"Now wait a minute. I know you, right?"
"Mex Weller. I live..."
“On the old Heider estate, of course.”
"Exactly …"
"That's where you live? In the old mansion?"
"My parents bought it ten years ago and renovated it forever. I've spent my holidays here ever since, and four years ago we moved here permanently."
“So what are you two planning to do now?”
“I was just on my way to the pond and…”
"Go ahead, David. There's not much going on here anymore anyway."
"But …"
“Now go before I change my mind.”
I guess I had no choice. I got my bike while Max pushed it beside me.
“If you want, you can have a pair of my swim trunks, then we won’t have to go back to your house and can take the forest path.”
"How you mean …"
"I kind of caught you off guard, huh? Sorry."
“What should I say to that?”
"Let's talk at my house, okay? My parents are away until the weekend."
We turned onto the dirt road that leads to the old Heider estate.
"We used to come here on the night of the dead and smash windows and stuff. The previous owner went crazy, they say."
"Well, senile. The heirs sold it to my parents cheaply. They probably wanted to get rid of it."
"I haven't been here in ages. This really looks brand new."
"That was a hell of a lot of work. Come in."
“Somehow everything here has a southern feel.”
“Yes, my dad is a big America fan…”
“Is that a pool out there?”
"Yes, we've had it since last summer. Unfortunately, it was almost always too cold to go swimming."
“Why are you going to the pond when you have a pool in your backyard?”
“Because of society.”
“Why don’t you invite your people here?”
"You saw that crowd yesterday. That's not a good idea. Besides, I'd soon have a lot of friends. Do you want a drink?"
“I’m taken care of, thank you.”
“Do you want to go in the pool?”
“Then I would need a pair of swimming trunks…”
"Come immediately."
I was happy to see that he also favored the long, wide swims, so I quickly went to the bathroom to change. When I got to the pool, Max was already lying on an inflatable lounger, floating on the water. I did a cannonball, getting revenge for the cold water splash I'd gotten the day before.
“Wow!”
„Haha!“
"On your watch!"
“What, I’m already wet.”
"Damn. But I'll get you again."
"Oh, I'm shivering. What's that cool thing? What if I throw you off it?"
He immediately rolled down voluntarily and shuddered.
“It’s sooo cold…”
"Get moving, and it'll get warmer. Wow, a pool like this opens up whole new possibilities..."
"For example?"
I felt my ears turning red.
"Making out in here, for example, huh? That was Claudi's first thought, too."
"And? Did you?"
"Not yet, no. It hasn't really come up yet..."
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"No you?"
I shook my head. Max swam backward toward the exit.
“I think I’ll warm up a bit.”
“I’ll be right there…”
"Take your time. I have a good book."
I swam a few more laps, then went out and pulled up a deck chair next to Max's.
"What's happening? You're almost done."
"Oh, I don't want to give too much away, maybe you'll read this sometime, but something just happened that I've been waiting for for a long time. But I'm at the end of a chapter. Would you like a drink now?"
“No, I’ll get back to you.”
He put the book aside and sat up.
“So, do you want to talk about yesterday?”
I was totally taken aback by this directness and sat down.
“Max, don’t take it personally, but I can’t tell you.”
“Are we friends?”
"No idea? Are we?"
"I'm your friend. I know we haven't known each other long, but I just know. Be honest with me, please."
“I know that after this everything will fall apart.”
"Nothing you say can be so bad that I can't understand it. I don't just want to get to know you, I want to know everything about you. No secrets. Those only hurt. I want someone who is completely honest with me and with whom I can be completely honest."
"Are you sure? Once I say it, then..."
“Just say it!”
"Okay. Max, I'm gay."
His expression wasn't what I expected. Not disgusted or angry, but astonished.
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
“Are you with someone…”
“No! Never.”
“But you’re sure?”
“Of course I’m sure.”
"I'm kind of... I was expecting something terrible..."
“So you don’t think it’s bad?”
“Do you like me?”
„Was?!“
“Please be honest.”
“Even if I do, you don’t have to worry about me ripping your clothes off and…”
"Fuck it all."
He slid off his lounger, knelt in front of me, and placed his hand on the back of my neck. With a look, he asked me for permission, and I closed my eyes. His lips were so warm and so soft. And then it was over. But his hand stayed and ran through my hair. I suddenly saw his friendly, warm smile with completely different eyes.
"You too?"
"Me too."
“Do your people know?”
"Not my family, but a few friends. And you?"
"No one. I've never told anyone."
"Was it okay... I mean, just because we both happen to like guys doesn't mean we have to..."
"Yes! I mean... yes, it was okay. More than okay. I like you."
"I like you."
"I'm afraid …"
“Have you ever…”
"There were a few girls, more to prove something to myself. But I've never kissed a man..."
“Do you want to go again?”
In response, I pulled him to me. I had forgotten all my good intentions. I had tasted blood; there was no turning back. The taste of his tongue drove me crazy. Before I could think about it, he pushed me back into the armrest and lay on top of me. His wonderful upper body pressed against mine, I felt his heartbeat against my chest and his tongue dancing with mine. It was even better than I had imagined. He looked into my eyes. His hands explored my neck and shoulders. I got goosebumps and trembled all over. I had waited my whole life for this. Exactly this feeling. Finally, everything was right. I felt a tear running down my cheek. Max caught it with his index finger, broke away from my kiss, and pulled me into his arms instead. We lay close together on the narrow lounger for a while.
"Everything okay?"
“Everything is wonderful, Max. Don’t you see that?”
“We should take it slow.”
“I want to kiss you all day.”
“Will you stay with me tonight?”
“Take it slow, huh?”
"We could watch the trilogy, I'd curl up in your arms and doze while you marvel at Jackson's masterpiece."
"Sounds good."
“So you’re staying?”
"I don't have anything else planned. But it's still bright sunshine. Come in the pool."
“Does this whole thing seem a bit surreal to you?”
"Indeed. Half an hour ago everything was different..."
"And now I can kiss you whenever I want. Do you know how long I've dreamed of this?"
“Is that why you wrote to me?”
“No comment.”
"Come here. I want to thank you for finding me."
As we jumped into the pool holding hands, I saw it clearly for a moment. The face of the love of my life. His face. Man, my hormones were really going crazy.
We kissed for a while, tightly embraced, the water lapping at us. I felt high, as if I were watching myself from the outside kissing this beautiful man I'd seen many times at school, or at the train station, or at the supermarket, by the pond... but it would never have occurred to me...
“If we don’t stop now, I can’t guarantee anything anymore.”
Max pushed me back a bit and I reluctantly allowed it.
“I think I want to sleep with you.”
“I want to sleep with you too.”
“Then why don’t we just do it?”
I could hardly believe I had just asked that.
"Take your time, David. We shouldn't rush this. It's far too special for that."
"You are so beautiful."
“Oh, stop it…what time is it?”
"Maybe five or so. It's starting to get cold, huh?"
"Are you hungry?"
„Bald.“
“Delivery service or frozen pizza?”
“How about cooking?”
“If you can do something, I can’t…”
We got out of the pool and Max wrapped a large towel around both of us. I'll never forget the way he looked at me as he pulled me close.
“This could be something big, something very big.”
“I really hope so.”
“By the way, you’re beautiful too.”
In gratitude, I kissed him and ran my hands over his torso. I circled his nipples, making my strokes smaller and smaller. He closed his eyes as I began kissing his neck. Feeling him tremble under my touch was the best part. Just as my lips were about to touch his nipples, my cell phone rang next to the lounger.
“My mom…”
“Go on, answer it.”
"Hello?"
"Hi David. I just wanted to make sure you were coming home for dinner. Your father and I wanted to talk to you both."
I had completely repressed the whole divorce drama…
"Then when?"
“In half an hour?”
"Already? Okay..."
“Okay, see you later then.”
"That?"
“I have to go home again soon.”
“Oh no…”
"I'm sorry. But I forgot something..."
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah, it's just that. My parents are getting divorced, and today they're telling my sister. I'm worried about her."
"And how are you doing?"
“I don’t know, to be honest… right now I just think it’s awful that this is ruining our evening…”
"My parents aren't coming until Friday. So we still have plenty of time, don't stress."
"Still. I'd rather never let you go..."
“Klara is your sister, right?”
“Yes, do you know her?”
“She goes to the class of the girls yesterday at the pond.”
“Are they still that young?”
“Two years younger than me.”
“Somehow, three years back then were more… to me, she will always be my little sister that I have to look after…”
“And she doesn’t know about the divorce yet?”
"No, and the breakup has already taken such a toll on her. She's still hoping things will get better. But my mum hinted that Dad is moving away. Oh, I don't know, I'll just listen to what they have to say. And I'll email you later..."
„Okay. David?“
„Hm?“
“I had the most amazing afternoon with you today.”
“Wait for our nights.”
I winked at him and gathered my things. I was already on my way home. I was still completely intoxicated by Max's kisses and could still taste him. Nothing would spoil my happiness today.
My dad was already sitting at the table and looked at me with a serious expression.
“An evening.”
"Hey Dad. Where are the women?"
"Upstairs. Your sister knew immediately what was going on when I walked in here for dinner."
“Oh, I guess I’ll look up then.”
“Wait, I need to discuss something with you.”
I sat down next to him. I noticed how old my father looked, even though he wasn't yet 50.
"I don't want to beat around the bush. I'm moving to the big city. I'm tired of commuting every day. And if you get a place at university there, you can live with me. What do you think?"
“Wow, okay… does Klara already know that?”
"Yes, for ten minutes. I promised her she could visit me anytime, and that I'd come out here on the weekend and we'd do something. I think she just needs to get used to the idea..."
“Okay, wow… big news…”
“You weren’t planning on getting your own apartment anyway, were you?”
“No, I wanted to commute.”
“Well, then that would be perfect!”
“Seems so…”
“Now you just have to get the place at university.”
"I probably won't find out until August at the earliest. When are you moving?"
"For the First Seventh. You can come later, starting in October... think about it."
„Okay.“
“Now go and see your sister.”
Mum was sitting on the bed with Klara. Both of them had obviously been crying.
“Will you move in with him?”
"I don't know. Probably. Sounds pretty reasonable, doesn't it?"
"Traitor."
My sister practically vomited the word out, full of contempt.
"Is this what I came home for? So I can get insulted now? You should consider whether this might be the reason Dad can't stand being around you anymore! Have a nice evening."
And then I was on my way back downstairs. Accusations were constantly being thrown at me from all sides, even though I wanted to have as little to do with the whole thing as possible. Let them just beat each other's heads in, but I wasn't planning on spending my evening like this.
"David? Where are you going?"
"Sorry Dad, but I'm really not in the mood for all this fuss right now. I'm at a friend's. Don't expect me until tomorrow, if at all."
I expected an objection, but nothing of the sort came.
I decided to stop by the supermarket to buy some condoms. I didn't recognize myself there. But the thought of Max... I wanted him so badly. And I was 20. It was time for my "real" first time. I immediately looked to see if I knew the cashier. No. Fine. Then I headed for the condom shelf, right next to the bandages. Why was I embarrassed, the hell with that? I was a grown man who bought condoms. If anything, that showed that I was responsible and that someone wanted to have sex with me. So absolutely no reason to be ashamed, quite the opposite.
Still, I almost backed away when I saw Max standing in front of the shelf. So he'd had the same idea as me... just to be prepared. He seemed very engrossed in the description on the back of a package. The whole situation was somehow awkward. I had no idea how to approach him. After all, I couldn't just hug him and shout 'Surprise!'
While I was still pondering this from a safe distance, Claudi turned the other corner. Automatically, I quickly crept into the next corridor where I could hear what they were saying.
“So, here you are.”
“Did you find everything?”
"Yes. And you? Rubbers, huh?"
“I just want to be prepared.”
“I guess I missed a lot while I was driving Aunt Trude around in her wheelchair, huh?”
"Might be."
„Also?“
„Hmmm?“
"Don't act like that! Someone I know?"
“Maybe so…”
"Now tell me! Male or female?"
"Masculine."
"From here? Yes? Who?"
“Now don’t be so curious, I don’t know if he’d be okay with that…”
"Hey, I'm your best friend! Okay, let's call him Hugo."
"I'm sorry, what?"
"It doesn't matter. So, Hugo and you, huh? Give me details!"
I pricked up my ears, but they seemed to be moving away from me. Damn! I counted to 20, then I turned the corner again and headed for the exit. Of course, I ran into Claudi. Since Max wasn't there, I just said, "Sorry," and quickly moved on, only to bump into Max at the next corner. His scent was immediately there again.
“Sorry, I… oh, David.”
„Hey.“
We stood there a bit sheepishly until I looked at the pack of condoms in his hand with raised eyebrows.
“Do you have anything else planned today?”
“Haha. … Here comes Claudi…”
“That’s okay.”
"Really? Well, then... Claudi—David."
"Ah, sure, you graduated last year. Klara's brother."
“That’s exactly it.”
"And, even on an evening shopping trip? You haven't found anything yet, what do you need?"
"Actually, that's settled. Do you really want to take the expensive ones, Max?"
He looked at me in surprise because I took the pack from his hand. I felt like I was drunk, and in that state I said everything that came to mind.
"Um... I don't know, I just thought, to be on the safe side and all..."
"They're all tested. I just saw a report about it recently. You might as well buy the house brand, it only costs half as much."
“As you say, then the cheaper ones…”
"Do you have everything else? You know..."
"Yes, I have …"
„Gut …“
“What about your family?”
“That’s over.”
“So you’re coming with me right now?”
"If you want …"
“And as I wish.”
"Wait a minute! You two?"
“Now you were slow…”
"I, yeah... I just don't have... well, I'll go and pay then... I hope you all have a nice evening."
“I didn’t mean to drive you away…”
"It's okay. I have to go back to my relatives anyway."
She gave Max a quick hug and winked at me.
“Well… I’ll pay for it then…”
“Okay… I’ll find something to eat…”
“Okay, then we’ll meet outside?”
"And..."
I grabbed a five-minute terrine from the shelf, paid, and found Max by my bike. He said what I was thinking:
“Man, I would love to kiss you right now…”
"Here."
"But that would be a pretty stupid idea, huh? Let's just quickly drive to my place."
I had nothing more to add to that.
We parked the bikes in front of the house. The lamp was on, and I could see Max's longing expression. As soon as he unlocked the door, our lips were already touching. I felt his greedy hands under my shirt, dropped the five-minute terrine, and did the same. We headed toward the stairs. He pulled away, but took my hand and pulled me along.
“The last room on the right.”
The door opened and we stood in a large room, that much I could tell in the twilight.
“Should I turn on the light?”
I shook my head and maneuvered Max toward the bed. We flopped down next to each other and kissed passionately. I thought I tasted blood for a moment as his teeth ripped open my lips. We pressed against each other and I felt the promising bulge in his pants. I took off my shirt and then I took Max's. His upper body was so hot and his heart was racing, just like mine. There was no point in 'taking his time' anymore. Next, I felt his hand between my legs and a hot shiver ran through me. It wasn't just a brief touch. His hand stayed and exerted gentle pressure. A soft moan escaped my mouth. I felt his breath in my ear as he whispered a question to me.
“Should I give you a blowjob?”
I nodded vigorously, eager for him to undo my pants. He carefully pushed my pants down, then kissed my hipbones, suddenly no longer in a hurry. I writhed and wanted to beg him to take my cock in his mouth. Then he did, infinitely tenderly and slowly. He closed his mouth, and I was surrounded by that warm, wet cavern. He began to move rhythmically. My whole body seemed to become weightless. I couldn't suppress the trembling and heard my own teeth chattering. Indescribable.
“I’m… coming…”
He pulled back a little and I felt his tongue glide over my balls as the sticky liquid spread over my stomach and a long and intense orgasm followed.
He crawled into my arms and I gratefully pulled him towards me.
"That was... the best thing I've ever experienced. Thank you."
I kissed him deeply and felt renewed desire rise in my loins.
"I want to sleep with you."
"Sure? We have all the time in the world."
"Come inside me, very carefully. I'm sure."
He sat down briefly, took off his pants, and opened a condom. He pulled a small bottle of lubricant from a drawer. He was actually well prepared. Now I was starting to get a little nervous.
"Don't worry, you can always say stop. Come on, turn around, I'll massage your back."
He sat lightly on top of me and began massaging my neck and back with skillful hands. He didn't seem to be in a hurry, and I soon began to relax. His hands moved lower and were suddenly sticky and wet with lubricant. The cold made me flinch briefly. I felt his warm lips as compensation. Max began to massage more purposefully, and soon I felt his fingertips inside me. It was a strange feeling, but not a bad one. I could tell he was enjoying touching me like that. He enjoyed it for a while, and I liked it more and more, too.
"Ready?"
I nodded. He lay on top of me, kissed my neck, and told me again that I could say stop at any time. Then he was inside me, going deeper with each careful thrust. After a while, I realized that I'd only been lying there listlessly until now, trying to stay relaxed. Slowly, I felt safe enough to move. I lifted my hips and was rewarded with wonderful sensations. Then I felt Max coming. He lay on top of me for a moment to catch his breath. Then he said, "Let's jump in the pool."
We both stayed naked and jumped into the cold water. For a moment, I couldn't breathe, but then the cold was welcome. We swam a few laps until we met in the middle and kissed. Max wrapped his legs around me, and I felt he was ready again.
“Let’s go inside to the rubbers.”
„Puh … okay.“
“Are you weakening yet?”
“Of course not!”
We dried ourselves off somewhat and collapsed onto the bed. Then I gave someone a blowjob for the first time, and then it was my turn to put on a condom.
After that, I finally collapsed into the pillows, exhausted. Max snuggled up to me and looked at me with wide eyes.
"Are you happy?"
"Yes, I'm happy. And you?"
"That was the best blowjob I've ever had. You're a natural."
“Oh, you’re just saying that…”
“No, honestly.”
"And what about the other thing? I mean, was it okay?"
“Yes, it was.”
“Have you had any experience with that?”
“No, you’re my first too.”
“How romantic.”
"I'm thirsty. I'll be right back."
I must have fallen asleep because I woke up at dusk and felt Max's warm body close to me. Fascinating how well our forms complemented each other, almost as if Mother Nature had planned it that way. I thought for a moment about everything that had happened that evening. Max pressed himself even closer to me when he felt the movement between my legs. I hugged him and took his cock in my hand. Soon we were lying on top of each other again. This time I lay on my back while Max was inside me. We kissed tenderly and he held my hands. It was completely different from the night before.
"Everything okay?"
“I enjoy being close to you.”
He leaned even closer to me, and I felt my joints slowly reaching their limits.
“Would you like to sit on me?”
“We can try.”
For the next hour we tried all sorts of positions until my stomach growled loudly.
"Oh, your five-minute terrine is still in the hallway, huh? Let's go get breakfast."
“It’s the middle of the night…”
“Almost eight.”
“I’m usually still sleeping soundly…”
"Oh dear, I see potential for conflict there. I'm usually already running by this time."
"No problem. Then you just get up, run your laps until you're sweating, and then you come back to my bed and we have sex, then the shower will be worth it..."
"We could do it like this. So, how do you like your eggs?"
"I'm sorry, what?"
“Your breakfast eggs…”
“Oh, so… touched?”
“I can do it.”
“What do you mean you can’t cook…”
"Well, I wouldn't call making scrambled eggs cooking. Do you want bacon too?"
“No thanks.”
“You’re not a vegetarian, are you?”
“Nope, it’s just too hearty for me early in the morning, why?”
"My ex-boyfriend is a vegetarian. I really couldn't deal with that..."
I decided to ask him more about this ex-boyfriend and felt a tiny hint of jealousy rising within me...
While I disappeared into the bathroom, he took care of breakfast. When I saw him standing there at the stove, spatula in hand, whistling happily along to music... naked, I could easily imagine spending every morning of the rest of my life like that. An incredible feeling of happiness overcame me. I put my arms around him and kissed his neck, far too passionately.
"Hey, slow down. Yes, I like you too..."
"Do you know how long I've been waiting for this? And now you're here. Where have you been for so long?"
“I know… the eggs are burning…”
“I’m so in love with you.”
"Here."
"Ditto? Have you watched 'Ghost' too many times?"
He started laughing.
"Sorry, I just need to focus on the eggs right now. And I don't want to say the big three words too soon..."
“But if you feel them…?”
"I feel her. But we've only known each other since Saturday..."
"I know. But it just hit me completely, I don't feel like playing games."
"That's good. Are you setting the table? There are plates up there, cutlery in the drawer..."
“I’ll do it, don’t worry, I’m a professional.”
“Oh yeah… do you have to work today?”
“Closed on Wednesdays.”
"Very nice."
As we sat across from each other at breakfast, I could hardly take my eyes off him. Last night I had had sex, with a man, with this man. And it had far exceeded all my expectations. Every touch from him was such a pleasure, every look... I could hardly wait for him to finish eating. I quickly put everything in the dishwasher while he watched, somewhat bewildered. And then I was kneeling in front of him, watching his hands grip the edge of the worktop and his ability to hold back became less and less apparent until his loud breathing turned into rhythmic moans.
“Stop, or I’ll come…”
But I didn't stop. On the contrary, it spurred me on even more, and soon I tasted him and swallowed everything he gave me. He pulled me up to him, still trembling and breathing heavily. He whispered softly in my ear, "Get some condoms," and then I took him, bent over the kitchen table like in a porno.
Afterward, we simply sank to the floor. His hand on my chest burned. His green eyes shone at me, and I knew they were doing it for me, for no one else. We belonged together.
“So, what do you want to do today?”
“Well, this is exactly it.”
“Let’s see if we can hold out…”
“In between, we can swim a bit in your amazing pool… And have sex in it… And in every other room in the house…”
“That sounds like a plan…”
I kissed him even though he wanted to say something else, but I couldn't help it. He tasted too good, and I had too much to catch up on... And he felt so good...
“Slow down, I need a break…”
I stepped back a little.
“You’re right, but I just can’t keep my hands off you…”
"Yesterday you were the shy guy who could barely tell me he was gay, and now you're this confident super-lover who doesn't want to talk at all anymore or anything..."
“Oh Max… don’t think I’m only after your body…”
"Since we started making out, we haven't exchanged five sentences..."
I found his mock-offended look so cute that I could barely resist kissing him, instead of standing up and sitting down at the table like a decent person. He pulled his chair next to me and gave me his hand. While I stroked the back of his hand with my thumb, I asked:
"What do you want to talk about? The weather? Looks like it's going to rain soon..."
He gave me a smile, but then immediately became serious again.
“Is it too early to talk about things like AIDS, the future, and the past?”
"It's probably never too early to talk about AIDS... we should get tested, even though I don't consider myself at risk, but no one seems to be doing that..."
“Okay… Who’s your family doctor?”
“Dr. Berger, of course, the only decent doctor in this dump.”
“Okay, then I’ll call them and find out… There’s a new rapid test…”
"But not everyone does it, and it's incredibly expensive. It's free at the health department, and we could combine it with a shopping trip through the big city..."
"Okay, let's do it like this... and then? Let's do it without condoms?"
“That’s the point of the exercise, right?”
“Then you have to promise me that you won’t sleep with anyone else.”
"Of course! I promise. You're enough for me anyway."
He gave me a smile that made my heart sing.
“So we’re together now?”
“I couldn’t imagine anything else with you.”
"I'm still waiting to wake up and realize with horror that it was all just a dream."
"I feel exactly the same way. But this is really happening."
"Incredible …"
“What else did you want to talk about?”
“Past and future.”
“That’s a good thing… I wanted to ask you about that vegetarian…”
"Andi? That was a really stupid idea from the start... I just wanted someone, and he was there... but that only worked for a few weeks, and we never slept together, not properly..."
“How long ago was that?”
“A few months.”
“Are you still in contact?”
"He sometimes writes emails, which I answer to be polite, but that's it..."
“Any other ex-boyfriends?”
"Nobody."
“Ex-girlfriends?”
"All of them are already statute-barred. The last one was at 15. Holding hands, making out, fondling, wondering why it felt so wrong, breaking up. That's how it went every time until I finally got it..."
"So late?"
"Well, until I finally really believed it... the move helped me. All these new guys I hadn't known since elementary school... and Claudi, who saw through the whole thing right away... How was it for you?"
"I was just a total late bloomer. For a long time, I had no interest in girls or boys. Then, at some point, the classic 'in love with your best friend' came along, but before I could have allowed that... anyway, I met a nice girl and thought, 'Here or no one.'... Then, probably no one... Later, I gave it another try, but then I finally admitted to myself that I was gay... but I definitely didn't want to act on it..."
"Why not?"
"Here? In this dump? For fear of being chased to the old mill and lynched..."
„Frankestein, hm?“
"Hey, you're good! Anyway, this guy came along, and everything changed."
"So? What was his name?"
„Max Weller.“
"What a coincidence! Just like me..."
He squeezed my hand and we just looked at each other for a moment. Then he said:
“Okay, now for the future…”
“And?”
“Where will you study?”
I suddenly felt completely miserable. What if we lived in different places? What if that drove us apart? What if our paths diverged in four months?
"I don't know yet. I'm hoping to get a spot here, with the two semesters waiting... You?"
“Pretty sure here too.”
"Woohoo..."
“Will you continue to live at home then?”
"No, my dad's moving to the city, so I'll probably live with him. And you commute?"
"No, my parents pay for my apartment... so I have more time to study... Yes, I know, I'm a spoiled only child, something like that definitely spoils your character..."
“So far I haven’t been able to find any flaws…”
“That’s just what I wanted to hear… and how secure is your place at university?”
“2.0 plus two waiting semesters with a NC of 1.6 last year… My great hope is the waiting list procedure…”
“So we have to worry until the beginning of October?”
"Probably... but if things go the way I imagine, I'll add another semester or two and stay here."
“But the later you finish, the later you’ll finish…”
“Then I’ll just earn a little money beforehand, it won’t hurt, with 500 euros in tuition fees…”
"Now let's see if you get the spot. I don't want to get in your way."
“Could you live with only seeing me every other weekend?”
"Probably not... relationships are tricky, huh?"
“But as long as they’re worth the effort…”
He squeezed my hand again and suddenly said:
"Okay, enough talking. Let's go swimming."
“But it’s about to rain…”
“Don’t worry, I’ll warm you up again…”
We spent the whole day sleeping together or caressing each other to sleep, only to wake up feeling totally horny again. All too soon, it was dusk, and my phone rang. My mom was complaining, irritated to say the least...
“Do you plan on coming home today?”
“Not really, why?”
“Are you still part of this family?”
“What’s going on now?”
“Klara and I are having a family night today.”
"Sorry, but I already have plans. Next time, let me know earlier."
"How you mean."
CLICK.
Very friendly. Max looked at me with concern.
“Would you rather go home?”
"Absolutely not. Don't worry, they'll be fine. There's nothing I can do except be the whipping boy for their whims. Now let me kiss your incredibly perfect belly."
“That tickles.”
“Get used to it, I’ll do this every hour from now on.”
"Oh no …"
He giggled happily and carefree as I blew into his navel.
When he fell asleep around midnight, my fingers were still gliding over his body, studying his every reaction to find the spots where he was most sensitive. On his neck, under his jawbone, where his chest meets his armpits, on his sides near his belly button, on his prominent hip bones, at the small scar on his groin, behind his knees, between his big toe and the one next to it. I could easily imagine studying his body with all its little peculiarities for even longer, but tiredness was slowly overcoming me.
Although I had firmly resolved to pounce on him again at dusk, I didn't wake up until my cell phone alarm went off at 9:30 a.m. Max grumbled and curled up in the light linen blanket.
"I have to go …"
He was immediately wide awake.
"What? What time is it?"
"Half past nine. I have to be at the restaurant at eleven..."
“You only need a quarter of an hour…”
“I have to go home, shower and change and stuff…”
"Leave here. You can shower here too, and you can get clothes from me... and a new toothbrush. Come on, I can't start the day without having sex anymore..."
Of course I let myself be persuaded…
At exactly eleven o'clock, I stood in front of the restaurant, freshly showered and wearing Max's clothes, and my aunt let me in.
"Where have you been? Your mother said you haven't been home since Tuesday."
“The mood was so bad…”
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"No why?"
"Just like that. Well then, off to work..."
I couldn't stop thinking about Max, and his shirt, with his scent clinging to it, did the rest. For the first time, I was glad for the embarrassing waitress apron my aunt insisted on wearing. Just as I had decided to ask my aunt if I could have the afternoon off, since there was nothing going on anyway, she pulled me aside.
"I won't need you until this evening. Go home and spend some time with your sister. Mona called and said she doesn't want to leave her room at all..."
At first I was pissed off, but immediately I felt guilty.
The clouds parted and the sun came out as I parked my bike in the driveway. As I was about to go inside, I saw my father sitting in his parents' garden. He beckoned me over.
„Hey Dad.“
"Hello son. So, where are you always going?"
“Oh, at a friend’s.”
“Which friend?”
“Is this going to be an interrogation?”
"Sorry. You look tired. Didn't you get much sleep?"
"Yes, enough. So, what's going on in there?"
"Well, I went on a little bike ride with your sister, and the whole thing ended in a fiasco again. I'm starting to feel like everything I'm doing is wrong, and those two are so conspiring..."
"However."
“I’m sorry if you’re feeling the frustration that comes from me.”
“It’s okay, I’ll just piss off then.”
“Is that why you disappeared for two days?”
“I wasn’t missing… just not home.”
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"No! Why is everyone asking me that?"
"I don't know, just a thought... Why don't you check on your sister? You're kind of friends, right?"
“If it’s not about the divorce, then yes…”
Mum was sitting at the kitchen table with a coffee and looked at me with a mixture of anger and concern.
"Where have you been?"
“At a friend’s house.”
“Have you taken drugs?”
"What?! No! What's going on?"
“I don’t even know who you’re hanging out with anymore.”
"I'm an adult, you know? So let me worry about that. Is Klara in her room?"
She just nodded.
I knocked, but as expected, there was no answer, so I simply opened the door a crack.
“Klara? Can I come in?”
“So you’re coming after all.”
"True."
She lay on the bed and pretended to be engrossed in a book.
“Do you want to talk?”
"Actually not."
“I have until five, shall we lie down by the pond for a while?”
"I don't know …"
"Come on, the weather's really nice. And the fresh air is good for pimples."
“You’re so stupid.”
But I saw that she was struggling to suppress a smile.
"So, little sister, are you in? I'll go ahead and pack my things."
"Oh man..."
A quarter of an hour later, we were riding down a small hill without holding our hands, arguing about who was the king of the world. We pushed the last bit, and Klara asked me where I was.
“It’s none of your business, you’re too young for that.”
"Oh, in love, engaged, married! What's her name?"
"Do you think I'm telling you this so you can come up with horrible rhymes?"
"You've learned a thing or two... Hey, there's Conny and the others. Shall we lie down with them?"
“If it has to be…”
"You're such a hermit... come on, they're really nice once you get to know them."
„Mhm.“
The girls once again had their own music with them, and the boys who wooed them. I was completely shocked when my little sister let everyone hug her, sporting the same stupid, childish look on her face as her friends. I placed my towel on the edge and wondered what I was doing here when I could be in the pool with Max. My sister didn't seem sad at all anymore, nor did she seem to need her big brother for entertainment. On the contrary, I had the feeling my presence made her uncomfortable as she gave me a cautious glance while flirting with a Neanderthal. And then I saw him, that so familiar body. He had just come out of the water; I could just make out the goosebumps on his chest, and he discreetly placed my towel in my lap. How could this person have such an incredible effect on me? The images of the last few nights flickered before my inner eye. And then he saw me, and he smiled. I wondered if he would come over, but he sat back down on his own towel, and the whole horde was between us. Frustrated, I turned around and tried to immerse myself in my book. Instead, I closed my eyes and saw him again, in front of me, below me, behind me, above me, beside me... Splash! The water was so cold that I momentarily lost my breath.
“Now that you’re already wet, swim with me to the island.”
The demanding, mocking tone gave no hint of the intimacy of the last few nights. By the time I got to my feet, he was already underwater. I cautiously dipped a toe into the pond.
“Don’t be fussy, come on. You’ll warm up on the island!”
'I'll warm you up again,' he had said yesterday. Was that a cryptic promise? I ran in until my legs gave out from under me and swam after him as fast as I could. He didn't wait; he was always a few meters ahead of me, impossible to catch. He pulled himself up the steep bank and looked around, then he helped me up and we disappeared between some bushes. He pulled me towards him and kissed me passionately. In between, he whispered a few words.
"David... we have to... come up with something... This won't work... When we meet... I see you and I get a hard-on. Just thinking about you is enough..."
“You covered it up well.”
“I don’t have any condoms.”
"Suck my."
I leaned against a tree and tried to be as quiet as possible. Then we swapped. It gave me so much pleasure to give him pleasure. He took me in his arms. Those were my favorite moments, when we were both content and just held each other, concentrating on each other's heartbeat...
"Do not you have to work?"
“I got the day off to nurse, but only until five.”
“What time are you out tonight?”
“If I’m lucky, at nine.”
“Will you come to me then?”
“What time are your parents showing up tomorrow?”
"Afternoon."
„Okay.“
"We still have to have sex in four rooms, and the garage."
“Your house is really big.”
„David?“
„Hm?“
"Seriously, how are we going to cope when my parents are back? If we no longer have any privacy..."
“We’ll think of something.”
“We should swim back…”
"Yes, right away. One more kiss, otherwise I won't be able to hold out until tonight..."
Max got his towel next to mine. He had barely lain down and unpacked his book when my sister slammed herself between us.
“Do you have something to drink?”
I rolled my eyes and pulled a bottle of water out of my backpack.
“How about bringing your own stuff?”
She drank the bottle and mimicked me.
“So, what have you two been doing over there for so long?”
"Injected heroin, what do you think? Don't you have to make eyes at one of those monkeys again?"
“Well, Max, don’t you want to defend your friends?”
"Actually not …"
“Fine, then get your noses back in the books while the others get the girls.”
We exchanged a knowing look and both started laughing.
"You two are a great match. Goodbye."
Max briefly touched my hand as if by chance.
"Did you hear? Your sister thinks we're a good match."
“So we already have your blessing…”
Afterwards we lay next to each other at a suitable distance and read.
It became half past four much too quickly.
“I have to go soon…”
“Then see you at my place?”
"Yes, in four and a half hours. That's still way too long..."
“I know, be strong.”
He winked at me, and I wanted to stroke his cheek. I tore my gaze away from him. Klara was surrounded by boys and showed no signs of leaving any time soon.
"Clear?"
„Hm?“
"I have to go."
"Okay. Will you be back later? We're having a campfire and everything."
“It’s supposed to rain tonight.”
One of the tree blocks intervened.
"Then we'll go back to Plan B and invade Wellers. That's fine, right? Max?"
He looked just as surprised as I was and shrugged.
"Come on, you only have the house to yourself today. We need a little party. Just a few people, no rowdiness."
“I guess I don’t have a choice, do I?”
“Doesn’t look like it.”
“Okay, but only the people who are here, nothing more.”
"Bonged."
I looked at Max desperately, but he couldn't change it either.
At 9:30 a.m. I rode along the dirt road. From a distance, I could hear shouting, music, and splashing in the pool. There were a dozen or so bicycles parked in front of the house. More than at the pond. The front door was open, and my suspicions were confirmed. At least 20 people were milling around in the living room, and even more were milling around the pool. A bottle of beer just tipped over on the coffee table, and no one bothered to put it back... A guy I didn't know at all was about to light a cigarette.
“Not in here.”
"Whatever."
He pissed off to the pool. I put the bottle on the table and headed to the kitchen to look for paper. I didn't find any paper there, but I did find my sister kissing me. Something I never wanted to see in my life.
“Damn it, Klara!”
“Now don’t act like a big brother here.”
“Where is Max?”
“How should I know?”
I left the scene of horror and looked out where a chick was just taking a shower in the pool.
"Say, are you out of your mind? There are still people who want to swim in there."
She demonstratively ash into a potted plant.
"Better?"
I circled the pool once, but there was no sign of Max. Just more chaos. So I looked inside again. And there he was, just coming out of the pool.
“You really know how to party…”
"These idiots seem to have invited everyone they know. And now there's chaos. What am I going to do?"
"First, we need ashtrays, otherwise they'll fill everything with ashtrays. Lots of ashtrays. Flowerpot saucers, for example, can you find some?"
“I think so…”
“Neighbors aren’t a problem out here, are they?”
“No, but the destruction and chaos in the house…”
“Then we’ll move the whole thing outside.”
"How come?"
“I’ll do it, you get the ashtrays.”
„Okay …“
“And a few buckets.”
"For what reason?"
“I’ll explain later.”
Max disappeared toward the basement. I turned off the music; other music was playing outside anyway. That got everyone's attention.
"Wet T-shirt contest at the pool, everyone, please meet us there. The winner will receive a very special prize. Every vote counts, so get out there."
Sure enough, the crowd began to move. Max came back up the stairs.
“How did you do that?”
"Don't ask. See if there are any upstairs, and in the kitchen and so on..."
He had found three buckets and a stack of clay pots.
Showtime. I went outside, where people, especially the men, were already getting impatient.
"Okay, all participants, please line up here. Don't be shy! The prize is worth it, trust me!"
Note: I still need to find a price…
Some girls had already lined up, a few others were still hesitant, but they just needed encouragement from the boys. Eleven girls had found their way.
"All right, ladies, get rid of your bras! By the way, the first points are awarded for the best model. So I hope for your sake that no flesh-colored, padded bustiers from grandma's time come to light. Oh, yes, that looks good. Black lace, the classic, what do you think, guys?"
The crowd howled. One of the girls stood in front of me in a bikini and whispered in my ear.
“Can I have your T-shirt? I’d love to join in…”
"Na klar."
Secretly, I was already thinking about how the white fabric would surely shine later, thanks to its transparency. As I peeled off the shirt, I received cheers from the women. Then I gathered the remaining bras. I let the crowd vote on the top three. My favorite, made of black lace, won. The Asian woman wearing it demanded her prize and, before I knew it, was getting a kiss from me. While I was gathering myself, I looked for Max in the crowd, but couldn't spot him. If that didn't cause trouble...
"All right, ladies. Ready? Then I need three volunteers from the audience."
They were found quickly.
“Fill the buckets! Ready? Go!”
Torrents of joy poured down on the girls, leaving them with chattering teeth. Nevertheless, they struck poses and encouraged each other to go further. A few girls in dark shirts, who couldn't score with their charms, improved their chances with some girl-on-girl action. The crowd went wild. After the participants had stretched themselves enough, I had the crowd applaud each one individually. The Asian girl, the two lesbians, and the girl with my practically see-through shirt made it to the finals and were allowed to show what they could do once again. In the end, my shirt clearly won. She also got a kiss from me and whispered to me that I should try on my shirt again in one of the bedrooms. She didn't ask for another prize.
A few people were surprised that the doors to the house were suddenly closed, but everyone was busy gawping at the still-wet girls and drinking. I went to the front door and rang the bell, with the one girl still in tow.
“Listen, things are bad right now…”
“Where should I get dressed?”
“You can see everything anyway, so don’t make a fuss…”
Max opened the door. His look made me jump. I entered, the girl behind me.
"It's really sticking to me, huh? I should really take it off before I catch a cold..."
“The others manage somehow…”
“Don’t you want your shirt back?”
“Yes, give it here…”
She pulled it over her head, Max rolled his eyes, and went into the kitchen. I took the shirt relatively indifferently. The girl made no attempt to put on her bikini.
“Are you gay or what?”
“I am forgiven.”
"Whatever. Will you help me with this?"
I was starting to get annoyed; I just wanted to chase after Max. Clumsily, I somehow tied the strings together and pushed her out the door. Then I went into the kitchen.
"Max? Where are you? I'm sorry, but what..."
He wasn't alone in the kitchen. Claudi and a guy I recognized by sight were there too. I fell silent.
“It’s okay, they both know.”
“Oh, okay… but I’d still prefer to discuss this privately.”
He took the dripping shirt from me, which was his anyway, and disappeared into the basement with it. I looked to Claudi for help.
“What should I have done?”
"I'm definitely not going to interfere. Just sort this out on your own. We'll just clean up a bit in here."
“By the way, I’m Thorsten.”
„David.“
"I'm pleased."
Max came back up the stairs.
“Can we talk in your room?”
"According to me …"
Before the door was even closed, I started talking.
"I'm sorry, but I didn't know what to do. I was completely taken aback. Should I have pushed her away? Do you think I like having complete strangers' tongues in my mouth? I did it to save your ass!"
"I know... Still, it wasn't a pretty sight. I'm not mad... just kind of hurt... I know you didn't mean for this to happen..."
He sat on the bed and looked like an injured little child.
“I’m sorry, how can I make it right?”
“You already did, you were fantastic.”
“May I come to you?”
When he held out his arms to me and our eyes met, tears of relief actually welled up in my eyes. I buried my face in his neck, inhaled his wonderful scent, and was so happy that he let me be with him.
"It's okay. It wasn't that bad..."
But my hands were shaking and I couldn't do anything about it.
“David, shhh. It’s okay.”
"No, it's not. I finally have you, and then I do something like this. I should have stopped caring what others thought and stopped them. I'm such an idiot, and you're so perfect. Please let me make it up to you. I love you so much, I can't bear to hurt you, even unintentionally."
I felt his hands caressing my back, infinitely tender. Then I saw his green eyes and the tears in them, too few to spill out, but enough to stab me in the heart.
"Oh David, what are you doing to me? Not even a week and my heart already belongs to you."
“I promise I’ll take good care of it.”
"I love you too."
Only then did I realize that in my torrent of words I had said the three big words. And he had said it back. He loved me. His eyes left no room for doubt. We held each other for a while, and I asked myself why I was crying at this, the happiest moment of my life. It was the relief and the fear of knowing my happiness was so dependent on another person. What if something happened to him, what if fate separated us? What would become of me then? I shook the thought from my mind and kissed Max's salty lips. Then we pulled ourselves together and went back downstairs.
Claudi was sweeping through the living room.
"We made three bags. Glass, deposit bottles, and trash. Is everything okay with you?"
Max briefly took my hand, brought it to his mouth and kissed it.
"Great. So, what's left to do?"
“Nothing more in here, moving it outside was a really great idea, David.”
“I’ve had to cover up quite a few parties…”
“So we wait until they disappear, right?”
"Well, we might as well celebrate and prevent the worst disasters, right? Besides, I'd be able to keep an eye on my sister..."
We mingled with the crowd, and I was very careful to keep my distance from my two 'attackers.' Klara had mingled with her friends again, and there was no sign of the guy, I noted with relief.
After a few... too many beers, I imposed a self-imposed alcohol ban and dangled my legs in the pool. Thorsten sat down next to me.
„Hey.“
„Hey.“
"Understood?"
"I'm trying to sober up."
“So you and… you know who.”
“Yes, it looks like it.”
“I’ve barely been on vacation for a week…”
“Is the speech coming now?”
"Maybe. Well, Max is very important to me. He hasn't always had an easy time in relationships, and he deserves to be treated well. Really well."
“I’m trying.”
"Good. And if I ever catch you doing something that hurts him, then..."
“I know, I know, I get it.”
„Gut.“
“So you don’t have a problem with it?”
"Over the past few years, I've been able to prepare myself for the day when he'd bring home the guy of his dreams, and believe me, I expected far worse."
“Pink tank tops and Cher music nonstop?”
"Something like that, yeah... so I'm relieved it's you. And don't worry, I know none of your people know."
“Okay, good.”
“Well, I really have to thank you.”
"For what?"
"Well, for that spontaneous contest you organized. Man, I wish I could have swapped places with you when you were collecting the bras..."
“All I could think about the whole time was what Max would think…”
"Right. So, how's your alcohol level?"
"It's going down. That's a good thing, I have to work tomorrow..."
“You waitress for your aunt, right?”
“Yeah, right, I’ve seen you there a few times, with your parents.”
“Yes, Tuesday is noodle day…an old tradition.”
“This week we're having penne al forno.”
“Then we’ll see each other again there at the latest.”
"This is really pissing me off. I have to work late tomorrow and the day after. I have Monday off, Tuesday I have to be there during rush hour, and Wednesday I'm off again... If I had a few days off in a row, I could go away with Max. I'm already dreading what it will be like when his parents are back and we can't meet anywhere in peace, without all the secrecy..."
“And if you tell your parents?”
“I have no idea how they would react, and right now, while I’m still living at home, it’s really too risky for me…”
"So you have no idea? Neither does Klara?"
“Not in the slightest, no.”
“I can understand that with Max’s parents, but with normal parents…”
"I don't know, I'm just getting used to the idea of having a boyfriend. One thing at a time."
“Okay… I think I’ll get another beer…”
By 1:30, it had become too chilly outside for most people, and only a handful of people remained, which I chased away. Klara was hanging on to the guy from the kitchen again. I cleared my throat.
“The party is over.”
“Who made you master of the house?”
Max appeared behind me.
“The party is over.”
“Okay, then come with me.”
I could hardly believe this guy's audacity.
"No way, you're not going anywhere. You're sleeping on the couch."
“Why don’t we go home?”
“So we can be a little useful tomorrow morning.”
“And why us?”
"Because we're better than these idiots. Now, say goodbye."
"Me, Mom."
“Mum would tell you something completely different if she could see you like this.”
Max gestured for me to come along. Claudi and Thorsten had already said goodbye, and no one else was there.
“Am I acting too much like a big brother?”
"A little, but you mean well and she knows it. Now give them time to say goodbye. We'll fix the couch in the meantime, okay?"
“Okay…I guess the four rooms and the garage aren’t going to happen today, huh?”
"We'll have to postpone that, yes. But we still have my room..."
“Let’s get everything ready here quickly, okay?”
„Okay.“
When my sister came in, Max locked the door. She went into the bathroom, while Max went upstairs. I stayed to say goodnight. She padded over to the couch.
“I drank too much.”
“Lots of water and one foot on the ground, that’s the trick.”
"All right. Where are you sleeping?"
"Above."
“Okay, see you tomorrow morning.”
“See you tomorrow morning.”
I kissed her on the forehead and went upstairs.
Max was already in bed and gestured for me to lock the door.
The horrible alarm clock rang at nine. I woke Max with a quick blowjob.
“That’s exactly why I love you so much…”
“You’re easy to get…”
“I don’t want to get up…”
"Then stay lying down. I'll start."
“That’s not possible…”
"And how does that work? I insist that you rest for a while. If I need you, I'll get you."
“When do you have to leave?”
“Quarter to eleven.”
Klara was sleeping peacefully on the couch, and I sneaked past, being as quiet as possible. After a while, I had already filled a whole bag with returnable bottles, a small fortune, when Max came out onto the terrace, looking quite crumpled. He was barefoot and wearing only a shirt and boxers.
“Put something on, you’re freezing.”
“Good morning, everyone.”
We both glanced at my sleeping sister and risked a kiss.
“It looks much better here.”
"Yeah, and you're rich. I don't understand why they don't take their deposit bottles with them..."
“What do we do with all these bags?”
"Do you have a car?"
“My mum’s, yes.”
"Well, there you go. That takes care of the old glass and the deposit. And there's a container somewhere for the rest... it might cost a bit, but you'll just pay for it with the deposit bottles..."
“Great…breakfast?”
“Do you have any fruit?”
“Bananas.”
"Perfect."
“I’ll bring you a…”
“Put some clothes on.”
"Eggs..."
When he came back with two bananas, at least he was wearing slippers.
"Thank you. You're shaking..."
“I wish you could warm me…”
"Come here."
“What about your sister?”
“She’s sleeping…”
I took him in my arms and rubbed his back to warm him up. He relaxed and leaned against me.
“I want to stay here forever…”
“I wish that were possible, but your parents…”
He sighed.
"I know …"
For a moment, his hand ran down my neck and stroked my hair. But then he let me go.
We sat on the loungers and ate our bananas.
„David?“
"Me Max?"
This mutual calling by name always initiated a conversation about a relationship topic.
"How do we proceed? Drive to a secret spot in the woods, fold back the seats, and off we go, right?"
“Doesn’t sound very romantic…”
“And not very comfortable either…”
“But I don’t know what else we should do…”
"We have half of June, July, August, and September to bridge, right? I'll have my own apartment starting October 1st..."
“Ah, so only three and a half months without real sex, no problem.”
“So my parents are flying to America for three weeks on July 6th.”
"Yes? Very nice, that gives me hope."
“Don’t your parents… like your mum go away sometimes?”
“It certainly wouldn’t hurt her, but then there would still be my sister…”
“Maybe she’ll come along, or what if…”
He paused and suddenly looked quite uncertain.
“What if what?”
“What if we tell her?”
“My sister?!”
“Do you think she would mind?”
"I have no idea, but she definitely had leverage. Whenever she found out something my parents shouldn't know, she used it to blackmail me."
"But she's older now, and the matter is more important. Do you really think that..."
"Yes. At least I can't be sure that it doesn't. And I don't want to take that risk."
I tried to make my tone sound less irritated again.
“Why don’t you tell your family?”
“You don’t know her, otherwise you wouldn’t ask that…”
“What's this all about?”
We both drove around.
“Damn, how long have you been standing there?!”
"Long enough to know I'm not supposed to know something, but too short to know what. What's going on?"
Before I could say anything, Max got there first. He stood up and walked over to her, asking:
"If your brother confided an important secret in you, something that no one else should know, would you use it as leverage?"
"It depends."
“What?”
"Is it really important? I know the limit where you shouldn't joke about something like that. And if it were something that could get him into trouble, like drugs, for example, then I'd probably tell my parents..."
„Okay …“
“What’s going on now?”
“Nothing, go home.”
“But I should help clean up.”
“We have this under control.”
“Are they drugs?”
“Have you talked to Mum?”
“She was worried…”
"No, no drugs. Nothing bad... I think."
"You don't know if it's something serious? Should I be worried?"
"No! Now, can we perhaps drop the subject?"
"Trust me, big brother. Come on, tell me."
I looked to Max for help. He said:
“Your decision, David, but you know my opinion.”
I knew I should shut up and send her away, but instead I said:
“I’m gay, Klara.”
"What?! Are you kidding me? You've had girlfriends and stuff..."
I decided not to say anything about Max and me for now, so as not to drag him into it if she freaked out.
"Yeah, right. Doesn't change the fact that I like guys."
Somehow it felt good to finally say it out loud... Klara looked really shocked now.
"But... why are you doing this to our parents? Don't they already have enough on their plate?"
“Well, first of all, I didn’t choose this, and secondly, that’s exactly why I’m keeping it a secret from them, so they don’t worry even more…”
“And why are you telling me?”
"Because you begged me to tell you my secret. Now you know."
“I think I’ll go home now.”
“Not a word to anyone, okay?”
"Yeah! I don't want anyone to know."
And with that she disappeared.
“Well, that went really well…”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed you…”
"Hey, that was my decision. Don't worry. I think I'll go take a shower first..."
„Okay …“
“Don’t look so sad, she probably just needs to get used to the idea…”
"Hey, I should comfort you... why didn't you mention me?"
“That would have been too much for her, I think…”
“You wanted to protect me.”
"It wouldn't have done any good to drag you into it. But she'll probably figure it out soon enough anyway..."
"Might be …"
After my shower, I helped Max clean up a bit. He still had a few things to do, like fishing cigarette butts out of the pool... Then I had to leave for work.
I was glad I didn't have time to think about it; that would have only scared me. Then, at two o'clock, Klara suddenly appeared.
“We should talk.”
“Okay, I’ll ask Cora.”
We took two plates of risotto with us and sat down on a bench in the city park.
“You and Max, huh?”
“You figured it out?”
"It wasn't so difficult after I thought about it again. If his parents knew about it..."
“Are they really that bad?”
"Oh, yes. From what I hear, yes. I want you to be careful, okay?"
“I’m cautious.”
“Is it serious?”
“If not, I would never have been persuaded to tell you.”
"And you're sure this isn't a... phase or something?"
"Absolutely. The girls were just there to prove something to myself. It didn't work out."
"Okay... I find this really strange. I suddenly see you through completely different eyes. I mean, you're always so reserved, now I know why. Because you have this secret... And you've never really had any friends and stuff..."
“Yes, it’s probably all connected somehow…”
“Are you happy now, with… him?”
"I can't tell you how happy I am. I've waited so long to meet someone like him, and now it's like Christmas and Easter... and my birthday, all at once."
“He’s a nice guy…”
"Yes, that's right."
"But don't tell Mum and Dad. It's best not to tell anyone at all."
“Thanks for the tip…”
"I have to get used to it, okay? This is all kind of unreal..."
"I know. The whole thing with Max caught me off guard, too..."
“The risotto is really good.”
And that ended the conversation about my sexual orientation and I didn't know what to think.
Coffee guests, helping in the kitchen, dinner guests, then cocktails... There were a lot of young people there, and I kept having to show them ID. It was the last weekend of the Whitsun holidays, and the place was busier than usual. It didn't look like I'd be getting out of here before midnight...
Suddenly, I saw Claudi sitting at a table. As I approached her, a few departing guests revealed Max. He smiled at me, and it was once again indescribable.
“Good evening, what can I get you?”
“What do you recommend?”
"Hmm, Claudi, you look like a cinnamon colada fan, and Max... when I look at you, I think of Sex on the Beach."
“Okay, fine, then we’ll take that.”
“Then I would need to see your IDs.”
Max strummed at me.
“Surely a way can be found to circumvent this bureaucratic hurdle…”
“I’m out in an hour, meet me in the closet.”
"Haha. We were thinking more about the pond. I've got my guitar with me. Thorsten's coming too."
"Sounds good."
A few other guests wanted to pay.
“I have to go, your drinks will be here soon.”
I must have been grinning to myself because my aunt asked me when I ordered the drinks:
“Is that her?”
"Who?"
"Well, your girlfriend. Pretty."
"Yes, but... no, well, she's pretty, but she's not my girlfriend."
I had even confused myself and was not surprised when Cora said:
“Anyway, the drinks are on the house, of course.”
"Thanks."
"So, enjoy. Claudi, yours is on the house. And Max, I'm sure you'll be able to work yours off somehow..."
“So, so. Well, let’s see what the evening brings.”
"I wish people would finally go home. My feet already hurt."
“By the way, my shirt suits you better than me…”
"Thanks. I have to go again..."
Half an hour later, the two of them said they were already at the pond.
I finally arrived there at 12:30. Everything was quiet and dark on our bank. A few campfires were burning on the other side. I lit my way with my bike light. At the very back, where the bank became steep, I saw a few figures sitting with their hands over their faces to protect themselves from my light.
„David?“
“Yes.”
"Finally!"
I pushed toward them. Max gestured for me to come next to him. I turned off the light and felt him groping for me in the darkness. He pulled me toward him, kissed me for a long time. Then he let go so I could greet Claudia and Thorsten.
“Why are you sitting here in the pitch dark?”
“We told each other ghost stories.”
“All right… and did your parents get home safely?”
"At two o'clock sharp, they were standing there, complaining that the dishwasher wasn't empty. If they'd seen the house a few hours earlier... Then I slept for a few hours and then I got Claudi out of her hole."
"We talked. You two were in a bit of a hurry with everything, weren't you?"
I was a little surprised, of course. Not that he had told his best friend so much, but that she had asked me about it.
“What are we waiting for?”
“Woe betide you if you move on as quickly as you came…”
"Thorsten already gave me the speech. But again: I have only the best intentions, and I'm glad Max has such good friends looking out for him."
“Okay, now ask him about Italy.”
"Claudius!"
“Go on.”
"So, next weekend is graduation and prom and all that... and on Monday, some people from the class are going to Lake Garda for four nights. There are still spots available if you want to come along... 120 euros including breakfast isn't that expensive, and we'd have our own room, although we'd obviously have to act like friends during the day..."
“That doesn’t sound bad… but I have to see if I can get some time off…”
“Okay, it would be really awesome to have you there…”
“I’ll talk to my aunt tomorrow.”
"Ask her about next Saturday, too. That's our prom."
"Claudi! What's he doing there? We'll probably never be able to dance together..."
“But he should still be there…You said it yourself…”
“Now shhh.”
I could tell by his voice that he was blushing. How cute. I pulled him into my arms and touched my lips to his mouth. After a quick peck, I ran my fingers through his hair and said:
“If you’d like me there, I’ll be there.”
“But you have to work…”
“Hey, my boyfriend only has prom once in his life.”
It felt good to say that. My friend. He buried his face gratefully in my neck.
We stayed for maybe an hour and a half, during which Max made himself comfortable between my legs, leaning his back against my chest. Occasionally, he fell completely still and breathed deeply. Even though my stiff back was starting to hurt, I would have sat there forever, listening to his breathing, if Claudi hadn't said at some point that it was starting to get cold. I kissed Max's neck, and he stirred.
"I dreamed that your Aunt Trude stayed the whole summer and that you tried to sink her and her wheelchair in the lake..."
"Interesting dream. What does our psychologist say about it?"
It took me a moment to realize she was talking to me.
"Hmm, so... I think he misses you and wishes your aunt would finally disappear..."
“Well interpreted.”
“She’ll be gone on Tuesday.”
“Yes, finally…”
“Unless she decides to stay here for the summer after all.”
"That's not funny."
Max and I said goodbye at the beginning of the dirt road to his house.
“What are you doing tomorrow night?”
"There's a party going on. Do you want to come too?"
“I’ll call you when I’m done with work.”
"Okay... and about next Saturday... don't stress about it, it's not that important. And my parents are there too, so..."
"Hey, I want to be there. And I want to take a look at your oh-so-terrible parents. And next time you have a request, just ask me. If Claudi hadn't said anything..."
"Yes I know …"
“You know I would do anything for you, and that’s not just a saying…”
"That's exactly why I have to be careful what I ask of you. I can't ask for too much..."
"Oh Max... you couldn't ask for too much... I owe you a huge debt for all the great sex."
"You're stupid."
"Anyway, I was smart enough to catch you."
“Well, whoever caught who…”
“The main thing is that I can do this…”
I leaned over my handlebars and his and kissed him. That taste, I immediately felt drunk again...
The next day I went to the restaurant a little earlier so I could talk to my aunt in peace.
"You're early. That can only mean you want something."
My aunt owned the restaurant for ten years and had good instincts when it came to dealing with her employees.
"Caught. I need a few days off..."
“So, which one?”
“So next Saturday maybe from six, and then Tuesday, Thursday and Friday.”
“What are you planning?”
"A few people are going to Lake Garda. 120 euros for four nights, including breakfast and transportation... That's an unbeatable deal."
“Then I need you this Monday and the one in two weeks.”
I expected that.
"No problem."
“And what about Saturday?”
“Prom.”
"So, is your girlfriend in her senior year? ... Stop denying it, your mom and I already figured this out."
I just rolled my eyes.
"Why don't you want to introduce her to us? We can't get anything out of Klara either."
"It's better for her, too. I'm not ready yet, okay?"
"Okay. Then you have Saturday off too. The certificate ceremony is this afternoon, so you should be there."
"Really? Cool, thanks."
“So, now I expect you to be particularly diligent today.”
"I fly."
However, this resulted in me practically falling asleep standing up at eleven. Cora sent me home, but she was very pleased with all the extra services I'd taken on. To avoid falling asleep on the bike, I called Max.
„Hey.“
"Wait, I'm going out... So, hello. Are you coming by?"
"I think I'll go to sleep. But I have good news. I have the whole of Saturday off, and the other five days as well. So I can come along."
"Terrific. I'm so happy. I couldn't have lasted this long without you. I miss you so much already..."
"I love you too. But I really can't do this anymore today."
"That's okay. I'll stop by the restaurant again tomorrow with Claudi. And you have Monday off..."
“Actually, I have to work there… it’s part of the Lake Garda deal.”
“Oh no, but I wanted to go to the health department with you and go shopping and stuff…”
“Then we’ll just do it on Wednesday, okay?”
"Well done..."
"Think about next week. Four nights in a private room..."
"Then I guess I'll just have to live off the memories for a few more days. All right, sleep well. And remember, I love you."
"I love you too. Have fun..."
The next morning, Klara had to go back to school and Mum had to go to work, so by seven o'clock there was already a total ruckus in the house. I dragged myself to the bathroom. My Mum caught me.
"When are you going to introduce her to us? You've already confessed to Cora."
"I also told her I'm not ready yet. Give me a little more time, okay?"
"What's wrong with her? Is she a punk or something?"
I burst out laughing.
"No, nothing like that. I just want to wait a little longer, okay?"
“But not for much longer…”
“I’m going back to bed now.”
That was just what I needed. She wouldn't let me keep her waiting for long.
After the lunch rush was over, Claudi and Max came by.
“You look busy…”
“Freezer broken… that kind of threw everything off… Don’t you want to sit down?”
“We are on our way to the pond…”
“I can’t leave here right now, but wait a minute…”
I got two ice cream sandwiches that would soon melt anyway. As I handed them to Max, our hands touched briefly, and a flash of desire shot through me. He must have felt the same. He said:
“Tomorrow we’ll swim back to the island, okay?”
"Around two. Are you picking me up here?"
"In any case."
His suggestive smile... maddening.
When I got home shortly before midnight, I realized I hadn't been online in a long time. And who was there? My Max. Just as I was about to text him, a message from him fluttered in.
"Hi, how are you? I saw you like the Beaver Brothers. I find 'Total Dental' sooo funny."
I laughed out loud, then replied:
"You know, I'm not really into them, I just put them in there to pick up guys."
“ How was the work?”
“I brought home a cooler full of ice.”
"Not bad. Will we stick to tomorrow at two?"
“Of course, nothing could stop me.”
“I finally have to touch you again…”
"It's so crazy, really. Like a drug or something..."
“That shirt you were wearing… I’d rather not tell you what I did with it.”
"Hehe. How do we get rubbers to the island?"
“My swim trunks have pockets…”
"Very convenient. Oh man, I wish you were here..."
“What do you think about cybersex?”
“Oho! I even have a webcam…”
"Me too …"
“I thought you didn’t have a digital camera…?!”
"I don't post photos online on principle, so I'm saying this. So, there you go, now you know my darkest secret..."
“I would like to see your face…”
“What’s your name on Skype?”
Shortly after, I had my headset on and heard it ring.
"Hello. Wait, just..."
And then a window popped open and I saw him, also wearing a headset, smiling past the camera into the monitor and examining my image.
“Hey, that’s my shirt.”
"I sleep in it. It smells like you..."
“Oh, maybe I should lock the door.”
I saw him stand up and did the same. We sat back down in front of the cameras at the same time.
“I can’t talk that loudly.”
“Me neither… although my mum would probably think I was talking to my girlfriend on the phone…”
“Did I miss something?”
"It seems like you can tell from the tip of my nose that I'm in love. She drew the wrong conclusions...and now she wants to meet her."
“And what are you doing?”
"I'll hold her off as long as possible and then I'll come up with something. Maybe I'll borrow Claudi..."
“Well, I don’t know…”
“Now let’s wait and see… So what was that about cybersex?”
“You’re clumsy.”
"I didn't know I still had to seduce you..."
"You're stupid."
“We’ve had this before…”
“Hey, come run with me tomorrow morning.”
"When?"
“Around eight.”
“That’s in eight hours!”
“Yes, that’s enough sleep…”
“And then you run away from me…”
“No, I’ll lure you into a secluded forest and then…”
“And?”
He typed something he apparently didn't want to say. I was intrigued.
"...then I'll rip your clothes off and fuck you on the soft forest floor."
I also wrote:
"But first, I'll give you the hottest blowjob of your life. You'll scare the deer with your moans..."
“Move the camera lower, I want to see your hands.”
After we watched each other come, I wrote to him:
"Right now, I'd actually hold you tight, listen to your heart slow down, feel your hands in my hair. Cybersex isn't a good substitute..."
"Then come running with me tomorrow. We'll meet at eight where we said goodbye."
"Okay. You have the rubbers."
"I've had to buy new ones again; we've really gotten quite a bit of wear and tear."
"Not to Italy. Well, if I have to get up so early, I should go to sleep now."
I looked into the camera and said:
"I love you. Sleep well."
I saw his smile and was happy.
My alarm went off at 7:30. Mum was still at home.
“What are you opening?”
“I’m going for a run.”
"What's going on now? Is the world ending?"
“Haha… I have to go.”
“Are you going running with her?”
"Have a nice day."
“You’re such a sadist.”
Outside I met my dad.
"Morning."
"Morning. What are you opening?"
“What else are you doing at home?”
"I'm on my way to the train station. Are you?"
"The other way. I'm going for a run."
“Your mum told me something about a friend.”
"I thought you weren't talking to each other... I have to go."
“Yes, don’t keep her waiting.”
Oh man, this just kept getting better…
The distance I had to walk to get to Max was actually enough for me. He was already waiting.
"Good morning!"
“Ugh. Jogging is totally stupid.”
“Old grouch, come on, this way.”
He set a pretty brisk pace, which I certainly wouldn't be able to maintain for long... But I also didn't want to look like a wimp in front of him. Luckily, Max soon turned off the path and into the undergrowth.
“I hope you’re vaccinated against ticks.”
“All vaccinations up to date. Yours?”
“I have no idea, to be honest.”
"Ma-hax!"
"Yes I know."
"Now you're free. I want you to go to Berger's this week. An assistant will do it, you don't even have to wait."
“Maybe on Thursday…”
He looked around.
“I don’t think anyone gets lost here anymore, huh?”
At ten, I trotted back home, thankfully alone. Why hadn't I brought Max home with me? No one would be here anytime soon. I made a mental note of that for next time, while I found pine needles in the most unlikely places.
At two o'clock I was already ready, and Max, Claudi, and Thorsten picked me up. We let the other two drive ahead.
"That 'soft forest floor' thing wasn't really a thing, huh? I even found a few needles after my shower..."
"I felt the same way, and then an idea occurred to me... My mom works until the afternoon. Why don't you just jog over to my place in the morning? So you'll be there shortly after 8, when she'll definitely be gone... then we'll have two whole hours to ourselves before I have to go to work..."
"Isn't that quite risky? What if she's still there?"
“Then you’re just a friend who wants to pick me up for a jog…”
“And when she comes home?”
"Why would she come home? We can still lock the door, and if she comes, I'll hide you in the closet. Hey, no risk, no fun. Or pine needles in your underwear..."
"Okay, let's try it on Thursday. Because tomorrow..."
“Let’s go to the big city. Exactly.”
We decided not to swim to the island. Instead, we fooled around underwater for a bit. Then we sunbathed for a bit, chatted with Claudi and Thorsten... secretly held hands under the towel... I even fell asleep without letting go of Max's hand.
At a quarter to five I was rudely awakened by Thorsten.
“We have to go, I’m meeting my parents at the restaurant at five.”
“Already so late…?”
Max let go of my hand and stretched. Apparently, he had been asleep too...
“Oh no, that was way too short.”
“See you tomorrow morning at the train station, huh?”
“Still so long away…”
“The train at half past nine?”
„Mhm …“
"It's not that long now... Claudi will definitely entertain you. Come on, you know I can't leave with you looking like that..."
He tried to smile.
“Shall we go to McDonald’s tomorrow?”
"If you want."
Now his smile was genuine.
"Wow, great. So go on, don't be late..."
“See you tomorrow. Ciao Claudi.”
Thorsten and I pushed to the parking lot.
"Man, you've really been hit hard, huh?"
"You have no idea... It's almost frightening. When he smiles at me, everything's fine, but woe betide him if he's missing something..."
"I see, I don't have to worry about him. But all this secrecy..."
"...it's pretty annoying, yes. But if you can't change something, then you just have to get through it... By the way, I told Klara what was going on."
"So, how did she take it?"
"Very...ambivalent, I'd say...but she says she's getting used to it...But she also warned me not to tell our parents under any circumstances..."
"Hmm, this is all really shit... And your friends? The ones you graduated with and stuff...?"
“They are scattered to the four winds.”
"Hmm... let's see if it's the same for our year. I heard you're coming to the certificate ceremony on Saturday, too?"
“Yes, I plan to.”
"Max is actually quite happy about it, even though he'd kill me if he knew I was telling you this. A person who's really there for him."
“His parents are coming too.”
“But only to proudly tell everyone that her son is the top student in his class.”
„Was?!“
"Didn't you know? No one else has gotten 1.2."
“Wow… I caught a nerd…”
"Looks like this."
In the evening Max was back on Skype.
“As if I know your darkest secret…”
"Hmm? Why?"
He was munching chips at the same time.
„1,2.“
“Oh, well, you would have found out on Saturday anyway.”
“You’re a super brain!”
"Well, it's okay. I was also very lucky and so on..."
"Hey, don't make excuses. Not only are you beautiful, but you're also super smart."
“Oh, well… keep talking.”
“And so athletic… and you have the greatest sense of humor.”
"Aha, mmm."
“And in bed you’re simply world-class…”
"Oh, you... you only think that because you're so in love with me. I was just watching Brothers Beaver..."
“Yes, I hear that.”
“Claudi is now free of relatives again.”
"Very good."
“Are you nervous about tomorrow?”
"Not really. You?"
“I hate taking blood…”
“I’m holding your hand.”
"What's it like in the big city? Can we risk acting like a couple?"
“Let’s decide this spontaneously, shall we?”
„Okay …“
“So we go there first, then to Mäcky, and then go shopping or something?”
“Or something like that, yes.”
“What kind of undertone is that?”
“Very astute… shopping isn’t really my thing…”
“It doesn’t have to be clothes, we can also go to an electronics discount store and so on…”
“Hmm, not bad… what do you play?”
"Oh, I'm not much of a pro. A bit of Diablo 2 online... action adventures, mostly... you?"
"Yeah, too. I could spend hours in the games department, but Claudi has nothing to do there."
"I'm more patient. Maybe not for hours now, but for a while, and the music section is still there. That's where I get ideas for what to download next."
"Soso, you Criminals..."
"No, I'm not going to say what was on my mind. I don't think bondage is my thing..."
“You have to try everything at least once…”
"So? Well, maybe when you have your own apartment..."
“Don’t forget to stay sober tomorrow.”
“How on earth did you go from bondage to staying sober?”
“Sex – Gummi – Aidstest, that’s it.”
“Well… the mood is ruined anyway…”
"I have to sleep anyway. Are you coming for a run tomorrow? Like, a real run?"
"Before the big trip? Sorry, but I'm not that fit..."
"Okay. See you at the train station then. I hope I dream about you again."
“Did you dream about me yesterday?”
"However."
“Something dirty?”
He grinned meaningfully, waved, and hung up. Maaaaannn. Suddenly, I thought about what a model student he was. Surely no one would expect what he was really like. That turned me on even more.
Max was already standing at the station and he was wearing plastic glasses with dark frames.
"Hey stranger. What's that on your nose?"
"I can't walk around blind in the big city. Hey, your eyes are blue."
"Haha. What all do you have with you?"
I pointed to his backpack.
“Oh, water, glasses case, money, cell phone, vaccination record, something to read… whatever you need…”
“You like to be prepared for everything, huh?”
"Don't play psychologist. Do you have a ticket?"
"Well."
“So partner day ticket?”
"Exactly."
“I’ll buy it.”
“I’ll smoke one while…”
„Was?!“
"Just a test. We really don't know each other that well yet, huh?"
"You know me like no one else knows me. We'll figure out the details, otherwise it would be boring, huh? You don't smoke, do you?"
“No, and if so, I would stop right now after seeing your face.”
We sat opposite each other on the train.
"What is your favorite color?"
„Was?“
"You said yourself that we barely know each other. So, David... buddy. Tell me..."
“Well, a friend has never asked me what my favorite color is…”
“Yeah, yeah, tell me.”
“Hmm… black?”
"Really? Why?"
“Goes with everything.”
"Okay, I guess you can't argue with that. Favorite school subject?"
“Wouldn’t you just give me your poetry album to write in…?”
"Yeah, you were the box office clown, I see that. So?"
“I had English and biology classes… you?”
“Math physics.”
“You sick bastard.”
“I get that reaction often.”
“And you got a 1.2?!”
"Well, I'm a super brain. What else...? Hmm, a few more serious topics. Organ donation?"
"Sure, if it helps someone. But nothing on the face, like retina or anything."
"Why not?"
"Vanity. You?"
"It doesn't matter to me. I want to be cremated anyway."
"Why? Don't you find the idea of all this being burned horrible? Your perfect hands, your..."
“Shh… that’s not how you talk among friends…”
“Who actually started this shit?”
He leaned over.
“Half the people on this train are from Kleinding, so…”
"Okay. I don't want to be cremated."
“Who should take care of your grave?”
“My relatives… children, what do I know…”
"Children?"
He seemed genuinely surprised.
“Yes, or grandchildren, or great-grandchildren.”
"Again: Children? So you know, with the bees and flowers it's like this:"
"Haha, yes, thanks. I was also with Mr. Rieder in fifth grade... In any case, I can't imagine life without children. I'll probably have to find a way to make it work with two little bees at some point..."
"Bio-LK, hm?"
"You're kidding, but you really hit a nerve. When I finally admitted to myself that flowers weren't for me, I really mourned my perfect family for quite a while... How do you imagine that?"
"Children still scare me too much to imagine having them myself. But I can imagine that in a few years, I'll at least be able to imagine it, you know? I just have absolutely no idea how that's going to work."
"Okay... as long as your 'no' isn't set in stone, I can live with it..."
“I can’t believe we’re talking about kids, I just graduated from high school!”
"Me too, or at least it seems that way to me... The year has flown by so fast. But now it's really time for my studies to begin."
“You don’t have many friends here, do you?”
“They are scattered all over the world.”
“What about community service?”
"Hab T3, you?"
"I was recently retired as well. Why do you have T3?"
“Bee allergy.”
"What?! And you're running around the pond barefoot?"
"Oh, that was a childhood reaction. The last two bites just caused excessive swelling, nothing more."
“But that depends on where it stings you…”
“I usually have one of these with me, and there’s always one in the fridge at home…”
"Nice to hear that too. Any more surprises like this?"
I knew how he felt. The idea that an unfortunate event could tear him from my life so quickly was unbearable.
"Max, don't worry. There's still time to get the medicine. From the pharmacy, from home, from my pocket..."
“Do you have one with you?”
“It doesn’t fit in my pocket…”
"David, damn it. You shouldn't take this so lightly."
“There’s a pharmacy on every corner, don’t worry.”
“The thought that something could happen to you drives me crazy!”
"I'll take care of myself. And you'll get vaccinated tomorrow..."
“We should talk about some emergency things.”
„Okay …“
“Do you have an organ donor card?”
"Yeah, I have something like that. Look at that, huh?"
“Let’s see.”
I took the red card out of my wallet.
“Write my cell phone number under emergency contacts, too, go on.”
He pressed a pen into my hand. I knew the number by heart. Then he wrote mine down.
“Wow, that was a big step.”
"That's not funny. If something happens to you, no one will tell me because no one knows about me. I feel better having that written on there."
"Okay. I feel the same way. But we can't get too worked up about it. Nothing will happen."
"You know, I'd love to sit down with you right now. I find this whole thing really disgusting. In the big city, I'm no longer making a secret of who I am and what we have."
"I want that too. Let's see, hm?"
“I just made a decision.”
"But this, don't be silly."
At the health department, we had to wait an hour and weren't allowed to go in together. Max went first. While he was inside, a middle-aged gay couple came and sat down on the empty chairs next to me. They held hands and flirted. A few other people looked at me disdainfully and moved to seats further away. Was this my fate?
"Do you have a problem?"
I must have been staring at the two of them…
“No, sorry... it’s just... you get used to it eventually?”
"What? The idiots who look stupid or walk away? Absolutely. The bad ones are the ones who shout and fight."
“That doesn’t exactly give you courage…”
The other said kindly:
"It's a price you're happy to pay. Not being able to show your love eats away at you in the long run... Do you have a boyfriend?"
"He's in there right now. We haven't been together long..."
The harsher of the two said:
"If you hide, you're playing by their rules. Then they've already won."
The door opened.
“I will take it to heart.”
Max looked pale. I offered him my chair and was about to go in, but then I leaned down again and kissed him on the mouth.
"You made it through. I'll be right back with you."
He looked at me in surprise, and he looked even more surprised when one of the two men next to him patted him on the shoulder.
A young doctor asked me what tests needed to be done and took three vials of blood. Then I was given something to press on and a plaster for later. It really wasn't bad at all. I would pick up the results in person when I got to Italy.
The couple talked to Max.
"Okay, done. Off to Mäcky, huh?"
“Yeah… I’m still a little dizzy.”
“Do you want to sit for a while?”
“Maybe if you put your arm around me when you leave…”
"You're welcome. Thanks for your advice."
"Gladly. Stop by Flags sometime when you have time, okay?"
“Sure, if it comes up.”
Max stood up, and I put my arm around his waist. His steps quickly became more confident, but I didn't remove my arm.
„David?“
"Me Max?"
“People look like that.”
"Let them look. We're not doing anything wrong."
“And nobody here knows us.”
"I love you."
"I love you. But I'm not ready for kissing in public yet."
“Okay, it’ll be okay…”
“Doesn’t that bother you at all?”
"Yes, but if I show them this, I'm just confirming it. I'm only focused on you. And on finding the next Mäcky."
"Follow me."
He took my hand and pulled me along. He looked quite carefree, which I liked.
"What?"
“I’m glad you’re doing well.”
"It's all up to you. Being here with you makes everything more real..."
"I know what you mean. And somehow I feel like my life is just beginning, like everything before was just a preparation for this."
“Fuck, I know exactly what you mean!”
"Yes? Good."
At McDonald's, we discovered we complemented each other well. He finished my Coke, and I got the rest of his curry sauce.
"I've sat here so many times. The last time was with Claudi, on the Monday after we first emailed. If someone had told me I'd be sitting here with you today... crazy."
“Can I hold your hand?”
He handed it to me across the table, behind the tray... better than nothing. We sat there for a while and talked about a few people we both knew, including the guy my sister had been messing around with. Max warned me not to interfere. After all, we didn't want her interfering with us either... He was right about that, but still...
Then we spent almost two hours in the Saturn games department. It was really weird, because suddenly neither of us thought about kissing or touching each other in any way. We talked shop about different games, I found out that Max had a PS2, he was thrilled that I had a Nintendo DS... the time flew by, and we both bought a new PC game.
Outside the sun was blinding.
“If we take the 2:20 train, we could still get to the pond.”
“Good idea.”
“It’s kind of weird right now, isn’t it?”
So Max felt it too.
“Yeah, kind of…”
“You’d make a good best friend too.”
“The combination is even better, isn’t it?”
“Yes, but also confusing…”
"Granted. What do we do now? Stay friends?"
"You're stupid. Of course not! We'll find a niche and make out. That'll fix everything."
“We could go to the movies…”
“In this weather?”
“Okay, then we’ll disappear down that side street?”
“Now the mood is like hell.”
“That’s exactly why we wanted to go make out, remember?”
“I have a better idea, come on.”
I followed him to a street vendor. Max looked through the leather bracelets and chose a simple dark brown one. He paid and turned to me.
"This is a token of our friendship, which is the foundation of any good relationship. A friendship bracelet, if you will."
He tied it around my wrist. His fingers were so dexterous...
“Come on.”
Without saying anything, I followed him. He headed for a flower stand and bought a single small blue cornflower. He trimmed the stem to a few centimeters.
“And this one represents everything we have that goes beyond friendship.”
He rummaged through his backpack and pulled out a thick book. He opened it and placed the flower inside.
"Even though we usually have to keep that part secret, it's always there. And we both know it. Wear our friendship like this ribbon, but always remember the beautiful flower in its safe hiding place. Remember that I love and desire you, David."
“I don’t know what to say at all…”
“Then just kiss me.”
And I did, right in the middle of a busy square in a big city. It felt like a first kiss. And the strangest thing about it: none of the people streaming past seemed to even notice.
On the return trip, I twirled the flower between my fingers and communicated with Max only through glances. We spent the rest of the afternoon at the pond, or rather, on the deserted island.
I was home for dinner, only to have to alternately dodge Mum's questions and tune out her hateful tirades about Dad. From 10 to 1, I Skyped with Max while we both tested out our new games. By the end of the conversation, we became a couple again.
"You'll come tomorrow morning at quarter past eight, right?"
"Yes, I plan to. Then I'll finally see your room in real life."
“It’s nothing special.”
“What’s your bed like?”
“1.40, very stable, doesn’t squeak as far as I know.”
“Have you ever had sex in it?”
"With someone else, you mean? No, not yet."
„Gut.“
“Are you getting jealous now?”
"No, I just find it really sexy. A virgin bed."
"We should break up soon. And when I wake up, you'll be here."
“I’ll just ring the bell, right?”
“Yes, then I’ll drag myself to the door.”
"This could be exciting... Well then, sleep well. Thanks for the great day."
"Thank you. Especially for what you did on the island."
"Oh, that... I enjoyed that more than you did. Good night, my sh... shit."
„Hey!“
“I almost called you honey!”
“Oh, disaster.”
"Imagine this happening to me in public! And even if it doesn't, it's still pretty uncool to call someone sweetheart..."
"Well, I was flattered... But whatever you say. Good night, buddy."
“You’re stupid, but I still love you.”
He waved and hung up.
The next day, everything went smoothly, and at 8:30 a.m. we deflowered my bed, as Max puts it. That morning, something truly wonderful happened as Max lay on top of me.
"Oah, yes, that's good... oh... very good. Mmmmh, yes, just like that oooh. Aah, mmmmm yes, oh, don't stop... Deeper, mh mh mh mh mh mh mh ah ah ah oooooh!!!"
I felt the orgasm ripple through my entire body, tingling all the way to my fingertips. It was pure bliss, and it lasted. Afterward, every single part of my skin was overstimulated. Max wasn't allowed to touch me. My teeth chattered and I writhed on the bed.
"David? ... Are you okay? Did you just, I mean, were you..."
„Fuck …“
I couldn't say anything else. Just "fuck." And a smile spread across my face and stayed there for the rest of the day.
On Friday morning, Max came back and explored my room while I tried to get him into bed so I could do everything as exactly as I had the day before. It didn't work, but it was still great. Before he left, we sorted out the organizational details.
"So, it starts at two. You know the dress code from last time. After that, I'm going to dinner with my parents and Claudi's family. And then I'm going to Claudi's to make the final preparations. Get there at 7:30. You don't need a soda, but a bike won't do either..."
“Should I pick you up?”
"Claudi and Thorsten and me. If we can't dance...it's my prom, after all. So?"
“Sure, I’ll definitely get my mom’s car.”
"I have two tickets if you want to bring someone else. The seating arrangement is a bit rigid at first, but..."
“Hey, this isn’t my first prom…”
“Okay… sorry, I’m just kind of nervous…”
"It'll be fine. It'll be a memorable day. And I'm looking forward to seeing you in your suit."
"You always know exactly what to say to make me feel better...Don't roll your eyes, I mean it. So, I'll look for you in the audience tomorrow."
Without my asking, my sister offered to go to the graduation ceremony, so I asked her if she wanted to go to the dance as well. She was immediately enthusiastic. After all, she wanted to know what she'd be expecting in two years. At a quarter to two, we arrived at the gym, dressed smartly but not too smartly. A chill ran down my spine. Back at school... hmm.
"Those up there are his parents. The ones talking to Mr. Neuberger."
My old math teacher never liked me... Mr. Weller was tall, dark-haired, and his eyes seemed kind of cold... like those of a real estate shark, which he was. Mrs. Weller was pretty, but she didn't really look like Max either. But he'd mentioned that before. We sat in one of the back rows, where we could still see well.
"I think Max is up there, yes. Next to him is Claudi. I always thought the two were together..."
I craned my neck and saw the back of a copper-brown head and, next to it, piled-up, dark brown hair. Yes, there it was. And then it began. A long, boring speech about the future of the high school graduates from the headmaster, then a shorter one from the college supervisor, then two representatives of the high school graduates. Man, these people must have liked hearing themselves talk... And then came the certificate presentation. Claudia Bechthold in a skirt that was definitely too short. ... Thorsten Finger ... a few other familiar faces ... and one of the last: Maximilian Weller. I enjoyed the sight of him as he confidently walked upstairs towards the headmaster. Black trousers, white shirt. Classic, it suited him. His certificate was wrapped in blue. The headmaster handed it to him with a particularly broad smile.
"Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Weller is not only the best student in his class, he is also receiving the Max Planck Student Award and a scholarship worth 5,000 euros for his outstanding achievements in the field of quantum physics. Our school congratulates the national winner."
I can't even describe how stunned I was at that moment. Mr. Weller stood up and took a photo. As Max turned to the camera, I saw something blue flashing from his breast pocket. Our flower. I whispered in Klara's ear:
“That’s my friend up there.”
She squeezed my hand and smiled at me.
After the traditional farewell song, the ceremony was over. There was champagne and orange juice for everyone. Max was taken over by Mr. Neuberger and a few others. His father proudly had his hand on his son's shoulder. Families were gathered everywhere. My gaze fell on a guy who had received his diploma shortly before Max. His girlfriend was congratulating him with a tender kiss, while his parents just shook their heads and laughed. I swallowed a lump in my throat.
“That’s not fair, is it?”
Klara had read my thoughts. Claudi waved us over to her family, who were standing right next to the Wellers.
"Hello you two. Mom and Dad, this is David and Klara Lenz. Good friends of Max and me."
"Hello you two. You didn't get anything to drink."
Mrs. Weller was also standing there. I felt an urgent need to make a good impression. What nonsense. If she ever found out what I was doing with her son... I felt my ears turning red.
“Oh, we’re on the move again…”
"You haven't even congratulated Max yet! The teachers will surely give up on him soon. They'll definitely miss their best student."
“So David, did you go to this school too?”
Why in God's name did Mrs. Weller speak to me?
“Yes, I graduated last year.”
“And what are you studying?”
“Hopefully psychology starting in the fall.”
"Ah, interesting. And now you were in the military?"
"No, I was discharged. I used the two waiting semesters to earn some money."
"Very commendable. Our Max never had time to work outside of school. It certainly wouldn't have hurt him."
“After all, it earned him a 5,000 euro scholarship.”
"Of course, I'm not complaining. This will certainly look better on his resume than any waitress job."
The woman was even more horrible than I had imagined. How dare she still find something to complain about? And that dig about the waitress job... Grrr. Luckily, Claudi jumped in with some small talk and winked at me. And then Max finally came over. My sister congratulated him with a hug. I wondered what that was all about, but then I understood. With that, she had paved the way for me to hug him too. Klara stood on the left, Claudi on the right, so I took the risk and whispered to him:
“I am so proud of you, my heart.”
"Thanks."
I could barely smell his scent, the hug was so brief. His father called him back. Klara and I said our goodbyes to everyone and set off on foot for home.
“What did you whisper to him?”
“That I am very proud of him.”
“I think he loves you.”
“How did you come up with that?”
"The way he looks at you when he thinks no one's looking. And the way his eyes sparkle when he spots you somewhere... Has he told you yet?"
“Yes.”
“Do you love him too?”
“More than I ever could have dreamed.”
“I guess this one is for you.”
She held out the small blue flower to me.
"Thanks."
"He slipped it to me when I hugged him. He probably didn't know if you were hugging him too. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, sure... it's just... seeing him up there... and knowing he's mine. And that stupid little flower in his breast pocket... I just can't believe my luck..."
“Oh, big brother… I’m sorry I acted so bad at the beginning…”
“It’s okay.”
“Your boyfriend is really great.”
I started laughing and didn't really know why...
Mum sat in the garden and grinned.
“Well, was it nice?”
"Me, Mom."
“Klara, tell me, is she pretty?”
“David has good taste…”
"Great. Will I meet her tonight? Since you're using my car..."
“Mom, let it go… When I’m ready, I’ll let you know.”
"Clara..."
“Mom, I think he’s right.”
“Are you conspiring against me now?”
“How about a round of cards?”
“Well, okay…”
Shortly before 7:30, Klara finally came out of her room. Mum and I were both more than surprised. She looked so grown-up. Her long black dress fit perfectly, her hair was pinned up. Mum made me put on my jacket and took a few photos.
Shortly after half past 12, we parked in front of Claudi's house. We rang the bell. Claudi's mum opened the door.
"They'll be ready soon. My husband isn't here, and no one can tie a tie."
"You can do it, right? Dad showed you."
Ms. Bechthold glanced briefly at my shirt collar, where there was no tie. I've only worn one three times in my life, and that was enough for me. It made me feel claustrophobic...
“Well then, I’ll call her down.”
Thorsten arrived first, wearing a badly tied tie. Then Claudi and Max came down the stairs. I noticed Claudi's 1920s corduroy dress, but my eyes remained on Max. Black trousers, white shirt, black jacket. No one wore it better than him. And he had broad shoulders. Klara whispered to me:
“Close your mouth, you’re about to drool.”
Max waved his tie.
“I heard you can help me with that?”
“Sure, but I need a mirror for that.”
Mrs. Bechthold pointed to the bathroom. Max raised an eyebrow.
I closed the door behind us.
“Damn, that suits you.”
"Thanks. You look damn good too... so what do I do now?"
"The easiest thing would be if I tied them to myself, but that's less sexy. Come here, stand in front of me."
In the mirror, I saw the two of us standing there, not a bad picture. I put the tie around Max's neck and tied it. The first attempt worked. I adjusted it even longer than necessary and smelled his hair.
"David, do you have a boner? I'm horrified."
“This is all your fault.”
“Think of something distracting, we’re running late.”
“Wait, you’re not finished yet.”
I pulled the flower out of my pocket and pinned it onto a safety pin. I used it to pin it to Max's jacket.
"Perfect. Thank you."
Max's parents were already sitting at the table. Klara and I were seated at the next table. The opening dance, a short speech, then the usual standard music. Everyone was dancing. My sister's boyfriend appeared out of nowhere, and I was sitting alone at the table... Wonderful. Then Claudi arrived, my savior.
"Come on, dance with me. Then you won't have to stare at Max from so far away."
"Well done..."
He was dancing with his mother. His father was dancing with an old German teacher and seemed moderately enthusiastic. Max often sought my gaze, but that was all he could do at the moment.
I was glad when things started to loosen up around ten. Meanwhile, I had settled down at a high school graduate's table and was chatting with the Asian girl whose bra had won the competition. Max came from somewhere and was no longer sober.
“You don’t drink anything.”
“I have my car here, remember?”
“Oh… hmm… let’s go for a drive then.”
"What now?"
"Just a quick walk, come on. We'll be back before anyone misses us."
"Well done."
When we were in the parking lot, he said:
"I want to be able to say, 'Yes, and on the night of my prom I had hot sex in the car, like I should.'"
“Do you have condoms?”
„Logo!“
“Okay, where should I go?”
“To the dirt road in front of my house.”
“Can’t we go straight to your place?”
“Sexy in a car.”
“Well, okay…”
“Ouch… wait, my leg.”
“I’ll move the seat back even further…”
“Maybe if we get in the back seat…”
TRÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ
“Oops, that was me with my butt…”
“Ma-hax, that won’t work…”
"But …"
“I can’t even get myself into the right position to give you a blow job…”
“Oh shit… that was obvious.”
“Hey, why are you so pissed off?”
"Oh, I don't know... My parents annoyed me. They're never satisfied... and the teachers with their chatter. If they were as brilliant as they claim to be, they probably wouldn't have become teachers, but would be doing research themselves... and now even this isn't working... I'm just annoyed..."
“And drunk…”
“Yes, probably.”
“Let’s go back, huh?”
“It’s probably the best…”
„Max?“
„Hm?“
“You are the greatest person I know.”
“Oh my…”
After the Française at twelve, most of the parents went home, and the music became... not necessarily better, but more modern. I watched Max and Claudi enthusiastically partying while I sipped my Coke. Suddenly, Mr. Neuberger plopped down on a chair next to me.
“Mr. Lenz! My very special darling!”
I smelled his scent and looked for a way to escape.
"Mr. Neuberger. What's little Daniel doing?"
"Growing and thriving. Bringing us much joy. And what brings her here? Longing for the old days?"
"Not really, no. A few of my friends graduated this year."
I pointed to Max and Claudia.
"Yes, she's exactly her cup of tea, isn't she? She also likes to play the clown. However, her legs are much more entertaining than yours, Mr. Lenz."
When Claudi turned quickly, the cords revealed her black panties.
“A matter of taste, I suppose.”
He looked at me in surprise. Then he shook his head and walked away.
Around two o'clock, Max, the model student, as I'd come to call him, was slumped over the toilet bowl. I handed him some paper, stroked his back, and was almost glad he wasn't so perfect after all.
When he was able to control himself somewhat again, I drove Claudi and Thorsten home while Klara looked after Max.
Als ich zurückkam, saßen sie schon vor der Tür.
"Max wants to sleep with us. His parents, you know..."
"All right. For better or for worse, huh?"
“Are you proposing to me?”
"Not while you have vomit on your shirt. Well, let's go home then, huh?"
As quietly as possible, we got Max into my bed, where he immediately fell asleep. I put another bucket down and made myself as comfortable as possible, squashed against the wall.
“Ouch… damn!”
Max apparently tripped over the bucket.
“Who put him there looking so stupid?”
"Damn, can't you even sleep until nine if you've been drinking until two?"
“I have to pee.”
“You know the way…”
"I'm hungry."
"You can't be serious! It's 8:30 on a Sunday and you have a hangover. Go back to bed."
“David! Wake up.”
"Don't shake me around, Max, model student."
"What please?"
„Filmriss, hm?“
He probably thought for a moment.
“Midnight… then nothing for a long time… oh, and then a toilet bowl… Was it very bad?”
"You puked all over your clothes and invented a new dance. The woof-baa. It was very amusing. I was almost glad no one knew you were mine..."
His hand slapped against my upper arm. I pulled him toward me, but he was hungry...
“If you could remember the stuff you threw up yesterday, you wouldn’t be hungry now.”
“Well, lucky for me.”
We went to the bathroom for a moment and then downstairs. Mum had already made herself some coffee and was sitting at the table with a magazine.
"Morning."
"Good morning. You have visitors, right?"
“Yes, I have visitors. Hungry visitors.”
“Well then, introduce her to me.”
“Sure, please. Mum, here comes Max.”
"Good morning."
“Oh, I thought… good morning.”
Max chatted casually with my mum while devouring three sandwiches. I mentioned his honors from the previous day, and my mum was very impressed. Max modestly waved me off. As he headed home… he had declined my offer of a ride three times, my mum remarked again what a nice guy he was and that he should come over for dinner more often. Well, at least it's a step in the right direction…
I spent the rest of the day packing and working, of course.
On Monday, at 6:00 a.m., I stood in front of the school with my duffel bag, where the bus would leave. Five hours of sleep was definitely not enough. There were probably about 20 of us. Max and Claudi came together, and Claudi had her arm in his. No wonder they were a couple...
"Morning."
“When is the bus coming? I want to sleep.”
"Okay, then I'll sit next to Claudi. I need entertainment."
“I don’t care, I’m going to sleep for at least another four hours anyway.”
Thorsten came over.
"You lucky thing. I wish I could sleep on the bus. I'm always so bored, and those two are always hanging out together. You'd think they were the couple."
Max actually gave me a guilty look, but I waved it off.
“I have the Nintendo DS with me if you want…”
Thorsten was immediately enthusiastic. That settled the seating arrangements. Finally, the bus arrived. Thorsten let me sit by the window, and Max and Claudi sat behind us. I dug out my DS and made myself comfortable.
When I briefly opened my eyes again, we were stuck in traffic on the highway. I immediately fell asleep again until I felt something near my mouth. I opened my eyes in surprise and saw Max leaning toward us.
“You’re drooling.”
„Ihh.“
"No big deal. Gave me a reason to touch you."
Thorsten rolled his eyes, but Max smiled at me and everything was fine.
"What time is it?"
“Quarter past ten.”
“How long?”
"One and a half to two hours. Do you think you'll sleep again?"
“Hmm… no… but I’m hungry…”
“Thorsten, do you want to swap places?”
"Clear."
Max came forward with his backpack and pulled out a lunch box.
“Mommy’s cheese sandwich.”
“Very practical.”
“Didn’t yours give you anything?”
“The last time I saw them was when I went to work yesterday.”
"Oh God, you had to work yesterday... And I kept you up half the night. I'm sorry, I didn't even think about that."
"You didn't choose it, you were just drunk. By the way, your mommy makes good cheese sandwiches. What did you do yesterday?"
Somehow it had suddenly become twelve o'clock while I was talking to Max about teachers, fellow travelers, and computer games.
The holiday home was large. There were ten bedrooms on three floors, and a small bathroom on each floor. A map was hanging on the door.
"The twin rooms are at the very top. Let's go."
Of the three bedrooms on the second floor, one was already occupied by a couple. Claudi and Thorsten found a room on the first floor. Apparently, they didn't want to share a room with two people. Soon, a guy I recognized by sight came into our room with the Asian woman in tow.
"Hey Max, you don't need a double room. We do. Can't we swap? There are two spaces available in a four-person room on the ground floor."
"Sorry, Wolf, but I can't sleep with so many people. It really annoys me that there are no single rooms. But at least with David, I know he doesn't snore..."
"I think you're more concerned about Claudi being able to sneak in here and you only having to kick one person out of the room instead of three, huh?"
Max raised his eyebrows meaningfully. The two of them disappeared, and he rolled his eyes. I tried to smile, but the rumors were getting too much for me. I looked around the room. Light wooden furniture, a double bed—that was all we needed. Max started putting his things away in the closet. I decided it wouldn't be worth it for a few days. From the window, you could see the lake between other houses. The sun glittered on the water, and windsurfers with colorful sails glided overhead.
“I want to go in there.”
“Don’t let anything stop you.”
I got my swim trunks and a towel and changed. I enjoyed the sideways glances Max gave me while he put away his clothes.
“I’ll be at the lake then.”
“I’ll be there soon.”
I gave him a kiss on the cheek and disappeared.
The cool breeze was more than pleasant after the long, sticky bus ride. The water was fresh but not cold. I swam a lap and then lay down on the edge to watch the windsurfers. I was starting to wonder where Max was. My eyes fell on a tall, blond guy trying out a few tricks on his board. He looked like a picture-perfect surfer. His wavy, sun-bleached blond hair hung down to his shoulders, his skin was tan, and his swim trunks were decorated with tropical flowers. He looked really good on his board, the way his shoulder muscles bulged... I felt a little guilty for a moment, but hey, I'm allowed to look. Then he came out of the water. I recognized a Hawaiian character dangling from a chain on his chest and a tattoo flashing above the waistband of his pants. Suddenly he was standing in front of me.
“Wanna try?”
He pointed to his board, which he had left on the shore.
“Well … I never did that.”
“I’ll show you. ”
I had nothing better to do than follow him.
“I’m a teacher, so you’re in good hands.”
“Where are you from?”
“Netherlands. You?”
“Germany.”
“Yeah, I thought so.”
“Why?”
“All the pretty boys are from Germany.”
I looked at him in surprise as I did dry runs on his board.
After a brief hesitation, he asked:
“It that okay, I mean …?“
“Oh … Yes … no … well I don’t know.”
“You’re funny.”
“Sorry … so … is this right?”
”You’re a natural.”
“Heard that before.”
“I bet. So wanna try it in there?”
“Show me.”
“I have to adjust this to you.”
“Okay.”
He was tinkering with something. When he was finished, he asked:
“You can swim, right?”
“Sure. ”
“Okay, so we go till our knees are under water. Come on.”
“I’m getting nervous.”
“It’s safe now, try to step up.”
It wasn't easy, as the board was constantly being lifted by the waves. But after a short time, I was standing securely on it, my feet in the designated straps.
“Okay, very good. Now’s the hard part. Try to lift up the sail.”
I bent down and was just able to keep my balance.
“That’s heavy.”
“Just the water. I help you. Mind the wind.”
After a few not-so-elegant attempts, I was actually standing there, holding the sail, propelled by the wind. It was a really great feeling until the wind shifted and I couldn't tack the sail fast enough. I spun around in circles, and my instructor laughed.
“You are very far for your first lesson. You really are a natural. Need a break?”
“Maybe a short one …”
We trudged out of the water. Claudi, Thorsten, and Max were sitting there. Why did I feel so caught out? I hadn't done anything wrong.
“Want a drink?”
“There are my friends, so …”
“Wanna do something this evening? ”
“I’m not sure. I’m with a group, don’t know what they are planning …”
“I’m at the Marine Sparks, if you change your mind. ”
“Okay. Thanks for the lesson. ”
“You’re very welcome.”
I got my towel and sat down with the others.
“So, who was that?”
Claudi, the outspoken one.
"Damn, I didn't even ask his name."
“He was flirting with you a lot.”
I felt my ears turning red.
“Oh, nonsense, he just showed me a little something…”
“Yes, you could call it that.”
“Now just leave him alone, he’s already quite embarrassed…”
Why did Max come to my rescue? He must have read my mind.
"It's okay, David, really. He was really hot..."
“But I didn’t… I didn’t mean to…”
“David, I said it’s okay.”
„Okay …“
"So, you missed a general meeting. We were briefed on this week's events and sports and recreational opportunities."
“So, was there anything useful there?”
"Seems everyone who's anyone is going to Marine Sparks tonight."
"Oh no."
"What?"
“That guy goes there too…”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“But he will think…”
“Then you just set the record straight, don’t be like that.”
"And what should I tell him? My secret boyfriend is watching us?"
“Better idea?”
"Nooooo..."
"You're really terrible. I barely leave you alone for five minutes and you're already hooking up with some hot surfer. I see I have to take better care of you..."
At three o'clock we got hungry and looked for a pizzeria. No one else from our group was around.
“You do a lot without the others, huh?”
“Yes, yes… we’re isolating ourselves so much… we don’t really fit in with the class community… that’s what my parents have heard at every parent-teacher meeting since we moved here…”
“But then why did you come here?”
"120 euros is really cheap, and we wanted to go away together anyway. So. And it's not like we're consciously avoiding the others. It just happens."
"The girls are all pretty stupid. I share a room with three of them, and they just talk about how great their guys are all the time..."
I'd rather not mention the saying about the envy of the have-nots...
“Would you like to try some of mine?”
Max held out a skewered slice of pizza to me.
“It’s very couple-ish…”
"How you mean …"
“No, wait, I want to taste it…”
"Forget it."
“I have to get used to these constant changes from buddy to lover…”
“Lover, … wow.”
“Now… you know what I mean…”
“Should we leave you two alone?”
That wasn't really an offer from Claudi, but more of a warning not to be annoying.
Afterwards, we lay by the lake for a while and went to our rooms at seven to get ready for the evening. Alone in the room with Max. It felt kind of strange...
„Max?“
“Yes, David?”
“Is everything okay between us?”
"Yeah... I don't know. The whole buddy thing is kind of bothering me, too."
I walked over to him and stroked his cheek.
“Oh Max… my Max…”
“And seeing how easily you could land something better made me a little uneasy, too…”
"Oh come on, you're the best thing that ever happened to me. You're the whole package. You're perfect for me. If you want, we can just stay home tonight..."
"No, Claudi and Thorsten are counting on us. As long as you go to bed with me tonight, everything's fine."
“Oh Max, you’re not really worried about that, are you?”
"I do not know either …"
"I love you, only you. Let's not have any jealous scenes, okay?"
“No, of course not… I would never have said anything in front of the others…”
"I'm glad we're talking about it... you know, I'm a little jealous too..."
"What? Whom?"
“So that everyone thinks that you and Claudi…”
“Do I spend too little time with you?”
"No, that's not it... I definitely don't want to come between you. It's just this couple image you have..."
“Do you think there’s any way to change this?”
“I don’t know… Maybe if Claudi had someone else.”
"All right, so the mission is 'find a guy for Claudi.'"
Shortly after eight, we set off on foot to this marine-themed place. It turned out to be a large disco with three areas. For twelve euros entry, you could drink as much as you wanted. Oh man, it wouldn't be fun here by midnight at the latest. The place was almost full, and the first few people had already had enough to drink. We took a look around. It wasn't long before I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“Hey, you came.”
“Well, yes … my whole group came, so …”
”I would buy you a drink, but they are free, so …”
“Oh, that’s okay …”
“So, you wanna make out or something? ”
At first I thought I had misheard...
“Oh … well …”
“You’re not gay? ”
“I am … and I really think you’re hot … but I’m in a relationship and I’m not the cheating kind of guy, so … sorry.”
“What a shame … well see you around then.”
He'd lost interest in me so quickly. I glanced at Max, who was trying hard to pretend he hadn't noticed anything.
After a few drinks, I got fed up with constantly hanging out with the quiet Thorsten and the secretive couple. I wandered around and soon found a few other people from our group outside at the beer benches.
„Hey.“
“Hey, David, right?”
"Yes, exactly."
“Alex, Bernd, Sina, Sandra, Kathi and I am Tobi.”
"Understood."
“Well, are you getting bored with the Three Musketeers?”
Bernd got a nudge in the ribs from Sina.
“Honestly, yes…”
"We were wondering how you fit in. You actually seem completely normal..."
“Um, okay… thanks, I think…”
Then the usual small talk followed until Sandra said:
“So, are they a couple now, or are they not?”
"Who?"
“Well, Max and Claudi.”
“No, not that I know of.”
“Well, you’ll realize that at the latest when you’re evicted tonight…”
I shrugged, seething inside. Then came the climax. The surfer. He had a young guy in tow and blinked at me as if to say, 'Well, that could be you.' They sat down on an empty bench and immediately started making out wildly. I heard mock gagging noises next to me, but I was so captivated by the sight of the two men kissing. He pulled the boy onto his lap. Someone stood up next to me.
“Come on, let’s get out of here.”
The bench tilted a little as everyone except me stood up.
"Are you coming?"
“Hmm? … Yes …”
“Gross, huh?”
„Was?“
“Well, those guys.”
I just shrugged my shoulders.
“I should look for the others again…”
I navigated through the crowds for a while, but didn't find anyone. And I was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol... I needed fresh air and headed slowly but purposefully back to the beer benches. I didn't know anyone there. I sat down and let my head hang between my legs. I could have cried, damn it. I hated feeling like a monster, I hated that it ruined the beautiful feelings I had for Max. I hated that he and Claudi made such a good couple. I hated that all my friends were so far away and that they had no idea who I really was. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I thought it was Max, but when I looked up, I saw blond hair.
“Need a friend?”
I nodded.
“Where’s that guy?”
“Did him, now he moved on, as usual … where’s your boyfriend?”
“No idea…”
“What’s wrong?”
“Guess I’m just drunk …”
“Everybody here is drunk, but nobody looks as sad as you …”
“I wish I was as brave as you …”
“What do you mean?”
“Being open about … it.”
“So you’re not out?”
“No …”
“What about your boyfriend?”
“Neither.”
“That can be hard …”
“Everybody thinks he and his best friend are a couple …”
“No wonder you look sad. Is he with her now?”
“I guess ….”
“Can I help you?”
“No … I just … I would like to be out sooo much, but then I see the reactions you get and I get scared.”
“It looks worse than it is …”
“Still … what about my family …?”
“You should tell them first. Maybe they’ll surprise you …”
“Maybe in a bad way …”
“You should be independent … earn some money, have your own place and stuff. Then they have time to be angry and you are not in trouble …”
“Still, it’s a really huge step. Maybe I’ll lose people I love …”
“You won’t lose people who love you back. They will just want you to be happy. And you don’t look happy now.”
„David?“
There stood Max. He looked a little pissed off.
“Boyfriend?”
I nodded.
“Well, I’m off then. Take care.”
The surfer left and I hadn't asked him his name again...
Max sat down opposite me.
"Where have you been?"
"Out here. I looked for you for a while but couldn't find you."
“Did you have an affair with him?”
"No. And I'm really not in the mood for that kind of conversation right now."
"What's up?"
“Not here, okay?”
“Then let’s go back…”
"Just like that?"
"You're hanging out here looking like you're about to burst into tears...Come on, I'll take you home."
He texted Claudi and we headed back. When the street was less busy, he reached for my hand.
“So, what’s going on?”
"I don't really know myself... I just want something I can't have."
"The Surfer?"
"You, you idiot! You, whenever I want, whether in public, at home, or anywhere else. I want to tell every one of the dozen people who ask me if you and Claudi are together: 'No, he's with me. I've landed this great guy.' I want to tell my friends to their faces, but they're somewhere else. I want to tell my mom and her sister when they pester me about a girlfriend again. Damn, do you know how much I wish I could have been with you tonight? To hold you, to dance with you, to kiss you... The thought of it drives me crazy!"
I kicked a tree on the side of the road and bruised my foot.
“You know it’s not that easy.”
"Yeah, damn it. Otherwise I wouldn't be so angry!"
"I don't see a way out, David. And you scare me."
I saw the worry and also something like fear in his eyes.
“My heart, I’m sorry…”
He almost flew into my embrace.
"David... I love you so much. And I want all of this too. But how? It's not possible... but everything will be better in the big city. We just have to hold on until then..."
„Okay …“
"I love you."
"I know."
“Together we can do it all.”
"I know, I'm just drunk, just ignore me..."
He smiled at me and took my hand again. Even though it was dark and hardly anyone noticed us, I still felt like I was finally acknowledging my feelings and showing who I loved. I was just an emotional mess that night. So it wasn't surprising that after Max came inside me, I started crying because I was so happy. He held me in his arms and stroked me to sleep.
The next day, I was really embarrassed about the whole thing, but Max just said that I couldn't have paid him a greater compliment than bursting into tears of joy after sex. There was some truth in that...
We had breakfast, went to the lake, and in the afternoon we went to the Tuesday market in town, then had dinner and then played mini golf. Max won and had to treat all three of us to ice cream. It was tradition, because he was always able to do everything and should pay for it, Claudi explained to me.
"So, let's see. Thorsten: chocolate and stracciatella, Claudi: strawberry, lemon, David?"
“Walnut, Amarena.”
All three of them said at the same time, “Really?”
“Um… isn’t that a legal combo or something?”
The three of them had so many strange rules that I wouldn't have been surprised...
"No, yes... it's just already taken. That's my combo."
"Really? Cool. Then I'll have Amarena Walnut."
“That should be okay, right guys?”
The two were still completely stunned.
“Hey, we like the same ice cream… coincidence, nothing more.”
“Max, explain it to this scoundrel.”
"Claudi has a book... about what your ice cream flavor says about you. And it clearly states that the best match is between people whose ice cream flavors are as similar as possible. So we're basically meant for each other."
"And that's why you needed the ice cream flavors? I already knew that."
"Aaaaahhh..."
I didn't even allow the urge to kiss him to arise and instead concentrated on my ice cream.
“You still have there… no, further to there… still not…”
I suppressed the urge to wipe it away. Familiar faces could be lurking everywhere in the busy pedestrian zone... I overcame my fear and admitted to myself that I needed help to rid my friend of the cherry residue.
“Claudi, take it away from him.”
But he turned to me.
"No, you take it away. I'll take the risk."
I rubbed the red mark from his cheek. Our first touch since we left the room this morning. My body craved more.
"You know, I'm really pretty tired..." Max said suddenly, grinning. "I think I'll lie down for a bit..."
"Oh, mind if I come along too? I'm pretty tired too," I said, grinning just as much.
“Just go, my God…”
We left them behind and jogged to the holiday home, where we pounced on each other as soon as the door was closed.
When I opened my eyes, the room was bright and Max was wearing a terribly boring white polo shirt and a light green sweater around his shoulders.
"Uh …"
No, I couldn't think of a stupid saying so early in the morning.
"Good morning. Lovely weather for a little friendly match, isn't it?"
“Are you on drugs?”
That wasn't a stupid saying, but serious concern.
“Now get dressed and follow me to the sand court.”
„Tennis?“
"Exactly. Very astute, my dear friend."
“Do you and Claudi talk like this all day now?”
“We’ll see what the day brings, won’t we?”
Claudi wore a ponytail tied too high that dangled with every step, also a white polo shirt and shorts with creases.
"I'm really glad I'm not the only normal person here anymore. It was pretty lonely," Thorsten whispered to me.
As it turned out, the show was necessary because they couldn't play at all. Thorsten and I soon had enough of the "gay-hetero mixed doubles" where there was more psychological warfare than actual balls going over the net. We rented the court next door and played properly. It turned out we were equally good at something and we had a tough, two-hour match, which I won 6:4 4:6 6:4. It dragged on into the midday heat, and since the start of the second set, Max and Claudi had been grumbling about how they finally wanted to go to the lake. My shirt was lying on the bench and my upper body was burned by the sun. I almost fell flat on my face on my last serve, but in the end it was enough. I drank half a liter of water and poured the rest over my head. Max looked at me lasciviously, but I warned him not to touch me. I felt like 1,000 needles were pricking me and was dreading the day my skin would peel off.
Cool water and shade until the sun finally set. Putting on a shirt was out of the question. But I didn't want to walk around half-naked either, so I decided to spend the evening indoors. Max offered to stay with me, but that would have been total nonsense. I had the DS, Lord of the Rings, and after-sun lotion that Max had gotten me. Thorsten had left his shirt on and only had mild sunburn on his arms and legs. Grrr. I won for that.
When I went to get a snack around ten, I realized that Kathi had also stayed home because she had a sore throat and didn't want it to get worse, and she didn't have anything left from her vacation. We played cards and I talked about the match I had won. Shortly after eleven, the door opened and Max came in.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
“Is anyone else here?”
“Just the two of us.”
"Good. I wanted to check on you. I didn't feel comfortable leaving you alone."
He bent down and kissed my cheek.
“Hmm?”
“That’s okay, right, Kathi?”
“Sure… I almost figured it out.”
"Hello?"
"Kathi and I were together once, when I was 15. She was the second person I told, after Claudi."
“Okay… that’s a bit much information all at once…”
"How are you doing?"
“As long as I don’t lean on it, it’s okay.”
“Should I spray you again?”
“Wouldn’t hurt…”
“I'll go get it…”
“So you’re together?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”
„Okay …“
“You should have seen your face…”
"I was really wondering if he was too drunk to notice that someone else was there... You could have said something..."
"I wasn't sure if you knew... I thought maybe it was a one-sided story or something..."
“Okay, let me spray you.”
“But don’t touch it.”
“Yeah, don’t worry… it’s going to be an exciting night…”
“I think I’ll sleep in the bathtub…”
Max told Kathi a little about how we got together and held my hand while he did so. Then we played cards until twelve. In the room, we both unpacked our books.
“Like an old married couple, huh?”
“I’m really sorry…”
"I didn't expect the sun to be so harsh. Poor darling."
He gave me a gentle kiss on the nose and turned over to sleep.
The next day, we rented bikes and explored the area. We spent the afternoon by the lake, in the shade. We ate, played mini-golf, and had Max's victory ice cream. Then we had a little party at the Marine.
That was it again. On Friday morning, Max was able to pull whole chunks of skin off my back. After breakfast at 8:00, the bus arrived. This time it was real torture. I could hardly lean back, and I was way too hot. Max did his best with good advice and entertainment, but I was just grumpy and wanted nothing more than a cold shower. It was a long five hours. But Max didn't complain.
The bus dropped us all off at school.
"I'll come with you. You can't carry your sack."
“Oh, I can handle it.”
“But I want to spend a few more minutes with you before I go home.”
“If that’s the case, thank you.”
Max had a lot to carry, while I only had his backpack in my hand.
“Did you enjoy your vacation?”
"Sure. I think we learned a lot about each other and stuff."
"Yes, that's right. David?"
"Me, Max?"
“You really are wonderful.”
"He said, dragging my bags..."
"Seeing you on the tennis court was... interesting."
“In what way?”
“You were so determined, ambitious.”
“Yes, that’s probably true…”
“Where did you learn to play?”
"My dad almost became a pro. He often took me to the court with him..."
“Really, cool…”
"There he is. Hey Dad!"
"Ah, are you home already? What do you look like?"
“I probably underestimated the sun on the clay court.”
“You finally played tennis again?”
"Yeah, it's been a while. This is Max, by the way."
"Ah, hello. Max Weller, right? I saw you in the newspaper. Oh, that's my old duffel bag, give it here, I'll carry it over."
Max said goodbye, and my dad accompanied me inside and brought the bag to my room. Klara greeted him somewhat politely, then made a few stupid remarks about molting reptiles and disappeared again. My dad put on his "boys talk" face.
“You’re protecting yourself, aren’t you?”
“Don’t worry, I’m not as careless in that relationship as I am with sunscreen.”
"Good. Then I'll go over there again... I'm off next week because of the move. If you want to take a look at the new apartment..."
“Maybe I’ll come by on Wednesday, since I’ll be in town with Max anyway.”
"Good. I'll write down the address for you."
Everyday life caught up with me quickly. I didn't see Max again until Monday, when he sneaked over to my place for two hours in the morning. We planned the week. On Tuesday, he would actually go for a run, and in the afternoon, we could meet for a few hours at the pond, wearing lots of sunscreen. Wednesday, we would pick up our results and visit my dad, and on Thursday, he would take his parents to the airport, and then the house would be ours for three weeks.
The tests were negative, and the new apartment was really nice and centrally located. My room wasn't big, but I planned to spend most of my time with Max anyway. As an engineer, my dad was naturally very interested in Max's research. I spent the time admiring the view from the small balcony. When Max was in the bathroom, my dad said:
"A fine fellow. Keep him warm."
“Uh… okay…”
“Where is your hippie friend anyway?”
“Paul is still traveling in India.”
"So, well, still searching for himself, huh? I prefer Max..."
“Okay… noted…”
By Thursday, I already had a backpack with me to work and told Mum and Klara that I'd probably be staying somewhere else for a few days. Luckily, Mum had stopped pestering me by then. I could hardly wait until 10 o'clock so I could leave. I was determined to finally finish the four rooms and the garage. And despite Max's comments that we had three weeks, I managed to finish it the first night, starting in the garage and not staying there long because of the spiders.
In his father’s office, on the swivel chair, Max said:
“Tell me, why do we still use condoms?”
“Good question… At least this way we won’t leave any telltale stains…”
“Turn again.”
In the morning, Max skipped running and instead had sex without a condom for the first time. Afterward, we had breakfast and I headed off to work. Yes, that was the way to live...
“Well, did you have a nice night?”
“Lots of Cora!”
“One should still be allowed to ask…”
At eleven, I was able to leave and pick up some vegetables. Max had given me a key, so I could just walk in. Claudi and Thorsten were there.
“Hello, I’m home.”
"Finally!"
Max pulled me onto the chair with him and obviously wanted to eat me.
"We'll let ourselves out. Have a nice evening."
“And you really want to cook now?”
"This is fun. And you'll have something real for tomorrow, too. I won't let you live on convenience food for three weeks."
Max actually enjoyed cooking and even enjoyed it.
"It'll be like this every day from October onwards. I can hardly wait. I love having you around, especially for everyday things... And I like that you know your way around here so well now. You know where everything is, as if you were at home with me..."
On Saturday, Thorsten and Claudi were back. With a certain childish satisfaction, I realized that Claudi didn't know her way around as well as I did. Max's final discharge notice had arrived in the mail, so that was something to celebrate.
We enjoyed our Monday off to the fullest. A few people would be coming over in the evening. We'd play Singstar and other board games. I wasn't particularly thrilled, but I'd be able to share an evening together. It was fascinating how much Max and I had grown closer over the past few days. We'd already developed a real routine at breakfast, for example. We were a well-rehearsed team. We went shopping for some snacks, secretly held hands in the car... oh, being in love is so wonderful...
Claudi, Thorsten, Kathi, Bernd, and a few other classmates arrived around nine. I was kind of bored with all the games. Singstar could have been fun, but the girls were too competitive, which almost boiled over into cattiness. Plus, everyone was drinking dry white wine, how stuffy. I felt kind of out of place, but Max seemed to be having a great time. Shortly after ten, the bell rang.
“Strange, who else is missing?”
“Nobody, I think.”
Max went to the door. When he came back, I couldn't believe my eyes.
„Paul!“
I was with him in three steps. I was so happy to see him, my best friend, who had been traveling somewhere in India for the past ten months, and whose last postcard was already four months old... We hugged. I could feel how thin he had become, and he smelled so exotic. His brown hair was tied back in a braid, he was wearing oversized linen trousers that I recognized and a light cotton shirt with embroidery. As always, he had his dark green bag slung over his shoulder. It was so nice to see his face again, and his daring smile.
“What are you doing here?”
"Klara told me you were hanging around here. Nice place."
"Max, Claudi, Thorsten, Kathi... everyone... this is Paul. Just back from India."
“Landed three hours ago.”
“And you’re only here now?”
"I had problems at customs. But now I'm here. So, what are you doing?"
“Play Singstar.”
"Consumer electronics, huh? Is that a pool?"
"However."
I followed him outside, just like Claudi, Kathi and Max.
"Wow, it's really nice here. Who lives here?"
Max raised his hand.
"Max, right? Mind if I smoke?"
“No, go ahead.”
I wasn't getting any good vibes from Max...Paul rummaged in his bag and pulled out a hand-rolled cigarette. Luckily, he didn't offer me one...
“Hey, the balls.”
"Yeah, of course. I've practiced a lot."
“Oh dear, not me at all.”
He put the cigarette aside and started juggling. Yes, he'd always had that self-promoting streak.
“Ready, David?”
"Oh, it's..."
As always, I felt that tingling feeling of fear just before he threw the balls to me. Four of them flew back and forth between us. We had practiced this for a summer, and since then, we'd mastered it. He showed off his tricks, while I just threw the balls back to him. Once he'd run through his repertoire, he caught the balls one after the other.
"You're still the best returner. You have the rhythm and the composure."
“I just find it stressful.”
“You’ll come back in.”
“Do you have any more stuff like that?”
Claudi was obviously thrilled.
“I could still offer fire poi, but we’d have to go further away from the house.”
When he lit it, a few other people came out of the house and watched the spirals of fire. Paul was really good at it; his figures were truly impressive. There was something magical about this fire dance...
“Well, David, are you still in it?”
"Let's see …"
Max took a sharp breath behind me.
“Be careful.”
I did a few simple moves and then decided to call it a day. Claudi practiced with the balls, but quickly became frustrated. The PlayStation soon lured everyone back inside. Paul sat next to me and listened to the off-key sounds. I noticed that Max kept watching us while we were fooling around. Paul soon became restless.
“Shall we leave?”
Of course I couldn't just run away, so I said:
“There is a balcony…”
"Well done."
When we were out of earshot he asked amusedly:
“Where did you pick up those squares?”
"Hey, you all left me alone... and some of them are actually okay. You just picked a really bad night to show up here."
We sat on the balcony floor and looked at the stars for a while.
"Now tell me, how was it? My dad asked if you've found yourself now."
He laughed. The intimacy between us was still there. Slowly, I remembered that feeling again.
"Tell him I realize I'm asking the wrong questions."
"What have you experienced? Any major insights?"
"We're all the same. Everywhere. That was probably the biggest realization. Actually, we're all the same. But you've probably had a lot of time to find yourself, huh? Must have been pretty lonely here..."
“You kind of get used to it.”
“You seem different somehow.”
"Yeah? You too. You've gotten thin."
"I don't mean outwardly. Somehow you're more confident... like you've found your center."
I guess I had to get used to Paul's esoteric style of language again...
"Yes? It's possible..."
"How did you do it?"
“I’ve discovered that my center is not within myself, if you will.”
“Ah, love…”
I just grinned. Paul rummaged around in his pocket again. Out came the familiar pipe and a bag of weed.
“Is that why you had trouble with customs?”
"Well, I'm not that stupid. This is good old German stuff... To love, hm?"
I inhaled the smoke deeply into my lungs and held it there for a few seconds. This little ceremony had already initiated many good conversations, and this one would be a particularly important one...
"So, love, huh? What kind? Physical? Friendly?..."
"The really big one. Everything together. The one some people wait a lifetime for in vain... the one that never goes away..."
“Oh, those.”
We continued smoking in silence. Oh, why was Paul always so... slow? Why wasn't he more curious? I was dying to finally tell him everything...
“Oh, here you are…”
Max suddenly appeared in the balcony door. He looked at the pipe in my hand, then looked from me to Paul and back.
"You're not serious, are you? Damn it, David!"
He was really angry, I didn't expect that.
“Now don’t be such a baby, it’s just a little bit of weed to celebrate.”
I had obviously said exactly the wrong thing.
"Go ahead and smoke your head off if you like, but not in this house. Go."
“Now wait a minute…”
Paul stood up and walked past Max. I followed him, but I was really angry that Max had interrupted the conversation. I had been so close...
"You're so hypocritical. Do you really want to play the innocent now?"
"That's really something else. Now get out of here. I really don't need stoned people here."
"As you wish. Have fun with the board games, Max, the model student."
“Just piss off.”
I gave him the middle finger and immediately regretted it. Where did my anger come from so suddenly?
We strolled along the dirt road. I decided not to let it spoil my evening and accepted my first cigarette in ten months from Paul.
“I’m sorry about how that turned out.”
“It’s okay, he’ll get over it…”
“Shall we sit by the pond?”
“Good idea.”
We lay down on the bank, and I felt the damp grass beneath me. Paul dug out his pipe again.
“So, where were we?”
“By love…”
"Oh yeah, right. The love that never goes away, huh?"
“Love, which can change into completely different feelings from one moment to the next…”
Paul laughed.
"I assume he's not that conservative on all issues, huh?"
I didn't dare answer anything.
„David?“
“And?”
"I've known for a while...or at least suspected it. It's okay."
I had to let that sink in for a while before I could manage to say “thank you.”
“So… how bad was today?”
"The first big fight... I really don't understand why he overreacted like that... Let's see when he contacts me tomorrow."
“Do you still work at the restaurant?”
"Clear."
“Tomorrow is Tuesday, so you have the afternoon off.”
"Exactly."
“Pond?”
"Clear."
"This is home. The old pond, good grass, you..."
“I’m really glad you’re back.”
“Now everyone will gradually come back here…”
“And I didn’t move an inch.”
"That's why you found your Max. That's more than most others can boast..."
He talked about India, about the people he had met, about views, ideas, meditations, gurus, women…
“Is it getting dark back there?”
“Just like old times, huh?”
“I should get some more sleep.”
“Okay… I’ll be at the restaurant around two.”
At half past five, I sneaked into the house; Mum and Klara would be up soon… I only then realized that I was completely soaked with dew…
At 10:00, my cell phone alarm rang. No message from Max. No message online either. I planned to stay stubborn for a while. He had simply overreacted and kicked me out... I felt this angry butterflies in my stomach and went to take a shower before I had to leave.
"Hello. You don't look well. Had a stressful night?"
“Mum called you, right?”
"She said you were suddenly in your bed this morning. Had a fight?"
“Nothing serious…”
"Don't be stubborn, okay? Don't wait too long to get in touch."
“But it was just totally…grrr…stupid…”
“Talk to her soon, okay?”
“I’ll wait a little longer…”
"How you mean …"
I noticed myself getting more and more worked up about it. Luckily, the place was full, and I didn't have much time to be angry. Besides, I was sleep deprived. Afterward, I'd lie down by the pond and make up for it.
It was slowly getting time for a "Let's talk" text from Max, but apparently he'd also been given the stubborn option. There you go, I was good at that game.
When the rush was over at 1:30 a.m., my cell phone finally rang. Aha.
But I didn't know the number.
“Yes, hello?”
A female voice:
“Who am I speaking to, please?”
“David Lenz, um…”
“This number is on Mr. Maximilian Weller’s emergency ID card, is that correct?”
At first I thought it was one of Claudi and Max's jokes to break the radio silence.
"Yes, that's right."
“Are you part of the family?”
“Not exactly.”
I was starting to feel uneasy.
"So what's going on?"
“Mr. Weller was involved in a traffic accident and is in the district hospital.”
“Is this a joke?”
"No, my name is Sister Theresa Neumeier. We haven't been able to reach any family members yet."
"They're on vacation. What happened? How is he? Can I talk to him?"
“I’m not allowed to give such information over the phone.”
My aunt stood in front of me and looked at me questioningly.
“I’m on my way.”
"Good. Ask for Dr. Mooser."
“Doctor Mooser, understood.”
I hung up and for a moment thought my legs would give way. I felt my aunt's hand on my shoulder.
"What's up?"
“Take me to the hospital.”
"Is something wrong with Klara? Mona? Your father?"
I shook my head. She pushed me through the kitchen and behind the house, where her car was parked.
“To our hospital?”
“The district hospital.”
A traffic accident. And straight to the district hospital. My mind flooded with the worst horror scenarios. I was afraid the 20 minutes would feel like hours, but afterward, I could barely remember the journey. I saw everything as if through frosted glass.
We went straight to the gate.
“Dr. Mooser?”
“Station 5A. Take this elevator.”
My legs moved on their own. I wondered how long my aunt's arm had been around my waist. She did all the talking.
“We’re looking for Dr. Mooser.”
I read that we were in the intensive care unit. My aunt had obviously read it too and squeezed my hand.
"He's currently with a patient. Your name, please."
“David Lenz.”
I couldn't interpret the look.
"Mr. Lenz, we spoke on the phone. Wait, I'll see if you can come in."
Ein paar Sekunden später kam sie wieder aus der Tür neben dem Schwesternzimmer.
"He just woke up. Please."
Max was lying in that hospital bed, under a hospital blanket in a typical hospital room. I saw the bandage around his head. I was immediately on him. He opened his eyes tiredly. As I got closer, I saw the scratches on the side facing away from me. His green eyes were bloodshot. He seemed so lost in that big white bed. But he smiled crookedly when he saw me.
"I shouldn't have kicked you out... I'm sorry."
I laughed briefly and took his hand. I had to be strong; I couldn't allow myself to cry. His face contorted briefly in pain as he moved. I gently kissed his hand. It looked completely intact.
"What happened then?"
“I don’t really know…”
A doctor had appeared.
“I’ll explain everything to them outside in peace.”
“Okay… I’ll be right back, my love.”
I kissed the unharmed hand again and followed the doctor into the hallway. My aunt was standing behind me again.
“Mr. Weller was hit by a turning car while jogging this morning.”
"Already this morning? It's after two now."
"The wallet was only later found on the street and brought here. Mr. Weller was unresponsive for a few hours. Because the situation appeared quite critical, he was brought here. However, examinations have shown that there are no broken bones. He suffered a concussion, a hematoma on his left thigh, and several abrasions. The abrasions, in particular, still require further treatment to prevent infection. Small stones are still lodged in the wounds on his thigh and right arm. Now that a skull fracture has been ruled out, the next step is to remove them. Mr. Weller will have to stay with us for a few days. We need some medical records, if you could provide them. We haven't reached any relatives yet."
"I know where everything is, no problem. His parents are in the States. There's a contact number pinned to the fridge at home."
“Good, then that’s settled.”
“I would like to be there when the stones are removed.”
"Good, the paperwork will last until this evening. Mr. Weller will now be transferred to a regular ward. He's really very lucky."
Max was looking at me more clearly now. A nurse came. My Tate was waiting in the hallway.
“Okay, Mr. Weller, we need to turn her a little bit to the side.”
The movement seemed to cause him great pain. The nurse carefully pulled the blanket down a bit. I was startled when I saw his arm. Red and purple scratches were distributed almost evenly all over his arm. In between you could see dark bumps. Gravel. She attacked him with tweezers. Max turned red and his eyes glazed over. He looked at me so desperately, but I couldn't hold his hand without getting in the way. In some places she had to cut open the skin with a small scalpel. Blood mixed with what looked like dust and the clear disinfectant.
„David …“
“I know… it will be over soon.”
I walked around the bed, but even that didn't allow me to reach him. I stood where he could see me again, feeling so incredibly helpless as tears streamed down his cheeks.
“Good, the arm is clean.”
She sprayed an orange liquid on it.
"The faster we move on, the sooner it'll be over. Now we have to take off our coats."
Fortunately, the abrasions on the ribs were minimal and no stones were visible.
“Then just the thigh.”
She pulled the blanket all the way down. Max was only wearing a pair of transparent hospital mesh panties. Again, I had to fight back tears when I saw the torn skin on his leg. And the many dark bumps.
“I can’t stand it.”
"Yes, my heart. Yes."
"Hold me tight."
I looked to the nurse for help. But I would have been in her way anywhere. But somehow I had to help him...
I sat as close to his head as possible, and he buried his face in the waiter's apron I was still wearing. When another incision had to be made, his fingers dug into my thigh. His good hand squeezed mine. It took forever for the procedure to be over. I was strong for him while he cried into my apron. I put his coat back on and covered him up.
"You were so brave. Now you've made it through. And I'll bring you your own clothes."
“Don’t leave me alone.”
"I'll be back in an hour. This will be over in a minute."
I was amazed at how calm my voice sounded.
My aunt was waiting in the hallway.
“I need to get some things for him.”
“Of course, come.”
Still completely composed, I walked to the elevator, out the exit, and got into the car. My aunt turned to me. I saw the wet stain his tears had left on my apron. I saw his face contorted in pain, his bruised body. I saw the anger in his eyes when he threw me out. I saw the car hit him, heard the impact, saw him skid sideways across the asphalt. I felt Cora's hand on my cheek. The tears streamed from me; I could no longer maintain the strong facade. She hugged me.
"If he had died... Aunt Cora, what if I had lost him? It was a close call. All those deep, dark furrows. What if the last time I spoke to him had been during an argument?"
"He'll get better, that's all that matters. Be grateful and be there for him."
“I keep thinking about what would have happened if… I couldn’t live without him, Aunt Cora.”
"It's okay, my love. Cry it all out. I'll take you back to him quickly."
I ran through the house, got the number from the fridge, the folder with important documents from the bottom desk drawer, the book from the nightstand, a pair of boxer shorts, a couple of loose-fitting shirts, a pair of loose-fitting pants... toothbrush, my glasses in their case, my cell phone... towels... slippers. That was probably the most important thing for now.
Then we drove back. I had left him alone for 45 minutes. He had been asleep. Good. A nurse raised the head of the bed. Max's color had returned. I sat down next to him; I wanted to protect him, to make him feel safe. I carefully put my arm around him. The movement must have hurt him, but he laid his head on my chest anyway. My hand rested very gently on his shoulder. My left hand held his left hand, his elbow resting on my stomach. I was almost uncomfortably aware of every single place I touched him. He seemed to relax. My aunt went to the window and looked out over the city. Max fell asleep. I didn't dare move.
"Go home, Cora. I'll stay as long as they let me and then I'll take a taxi."
"David, you're like my own child. I won't leave you alone."
I looked down at Max sleeping. His features were completely relaxed. The head bandage had been replaced with a large plaster. The scratches on his cheek were slowly scabbling over.
"I'm not alone, Cora. I have everything I need."
"Are you sure? Should I tell your mother?"
"Then she would come here. This isn't the time to tell her who Max is..."
"Okay. But call if you need anything. And here's some taxi money..."
She came over and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
"You've grown up so much, my little one. You're a good friend."
“If we hadn’t argued, he wouldn’t have gone running…”
"Don't blame yourself. It was an accident. What matters is that you're there for him now. Poor boy. Tell his parents soon."
"Now drive. You're needed at the restaurant."
Max slept until dusk outside and dinner was brought. All the while, I watched his chest rise and fall and felt the life within him. The warmth and the quiet sounds. After that day, I knew I would never leave that person in anger again, that I would do anything to make him happy, and that I would never let him go.
„Hey.“
"Hello."
“It’s already getting dark…”
“And there’s food.”
He stretched, and it didn't seem to hurt him. Then he sat up a little. I unfolded the food tray and placed the tray on it.
“Mhm… meatloaf…”
"Bon appetit."
“Aren’t you hungry?”
“I’ve already eaten something.” … this morning.
He actually ate everything and his features became much more lively.
“Do you need anything else?”
"I don't believe …"
“What about your parents?”
"I'll let them know when I get home. There's nothing they can do anyway."
“And Claudi?”
“I could call them.”
“Then I’ll let your TV go free for the time being.”
To do this, I had to go down to the gate. The whole thing took a while, but when I came back, Max was still on the phone with Claudi.
"Okay, I have to go, see you tomorrow then. ... She almost freaked out because I didn't call her sooner..."
“You were well looked after.”
"I really let off steam with her yesterday. I was so mad at you and I didn't even know why..."
"Let's just forget about it, okay? I won't touch grass again if that's so important to you."
"It wasn't just that, I think... I think it was Paul too... he appeared out of nowhere and suddenly you were so different... Also the fire number and the way you made fun of the others while singing..."
“I was just kidding.”
"I know... but I somehow didn't recognize you. You and Paul have a past that I don't share... that's kind of... threatening."
“Now you know how I feel about you and Claudi…”
“Yes, that’s right, I can understand that better now.”
"I should call Paul. We were supposed to do something this afternoon. But first, I'll help you get dressed properly. I have your Snoopy boxer shorts with me."
The hematoma on his thigh was almost the size of a plate and almost black in the middle.
"Hello, this is David. Is Paul home?"
"Hello! Yes, wait, I'll get him."
“Yes, hello?”
„Hey. Sorry.“
"Where have you been?"
“Max had a minor collision with a car while jogging.”
“Oh, how bad?”
"Bruises, scrapes, and a concussion. I'm still in the hospital. I just wanted you not to be surprised."
"Okay. Then we'll talk tomorrow, huh? Tell him get well soon from me. Or better not, so he doesn't get too upset..."
"You caught each other off guard. The next encounter can only be better."
"You're right. So, see you tomorrow."
"See you in the morning."
“Paul wishes you a speedy recovery.”
“He must have had a great first impression of me too.”
"You'll see each other often enough. By the way, why I was so pissed off yesterday that you 'interrupted' us..."
“…to put it kindly…”
"That was because I was about to tell him about us."
"Oh... I'm really sorry. That really went badly..."
“I told him later, or rather, he guessed it.”
"And?"
“He doesn’t have a problem with it, no idea why I acted like that…”
"That pleases me."
“Are you tired?”
“No, not at all.”
“Do you want to talk about what happened?”
“I can hardly remember anyway…”
“Do you want to watch TV?”
"Neither …"
“Should I read something to you?”
"Well..."
"So what do you want?"
“So, back to smoking weed…”
“Max, what else can I say?”
"I know. It's just... we absolutely can't understand something like that."
"We?"
“Claudi, Thorsten and I…”
“Wait, so you three talked about this?”
"They were helping clean up, and I was totally distraught. I had to talk to them about it..."
“Okay… and Claudi said she doesn’t understand the weed thing?”
"Yes. Just like me and Thorsten."
“Honey, I hate to say it, but Claudi is quite a hypocrite.”
„Was?“
"Last year, she joined us a few times and had a drink. That's how I knew her."
"What? You must be confusing them."
"I'm not confusing them. Last summer, at the pond, for sure, more than once."
“I just don’t believe that.”
“Why should I lie?”
"Maybe someone looks like her... or maybe you can't remember because you were smoking weed or something..."
"Max, if you weren't in the hospital... but as it is, I'm being lenient. Ask her yourself, see what she says. But let's not talk about such nonsense right now..."
For the first time, an awkward silence fell between us.
“I’m kind of tired.”
"Don't do that. Not after I had to worry so much about you. Please don't send me away again."
“I’m sorry, I just can’t handle this right now.”
"Then forget I said anything. Let's just lie here, okay? Let me be with you, please."
I snuggled up close to him.
“David… oh… damn…”
"Shh. Enough talk. I'm staying here until they kick me out, and I'll be back tomorrow morning at eight. I'll never leave you alone again unless I have to."
"You're shivering. Get under the covers."
At some point a nurse came in.
“Visiting hours ended half an hour ago.”
"Can't I stay? I won't bother anyone in a single room."
"Sorry, hospital rules. See you tomorrow morning at 8."
She gave us a moment to say goodbye. Then I got into one of the last taxis still standing.
I briefly considered sleeping in Max's house to avoid my mother's questions... but that would have been too weird...
Mum and Klara were sitting in front of the television.
“What are you doing at home?”
“I was at a friend’s hospital.”
“Which friend?”
„Max Weller.“
Klara jumped halfway up.
"What? Why? What is it?"
"A car hit him, but he escaped with a concussion. He can go home in a few days. But his parents are in America... I brought him a few things and stuff."
“Ah, good…”
“Can I have the car tomorrow morning?”
“I have to go to work…”
“If I take you there?”
“And pick you up?”
“I can’t promise that…”
“What do you need it for?”
“I want to go to the hospital again.”
“Eight in the morning?”
“If you want me to take you to work, yes.”
“I didn’t know you and Max were such good friends.”
"Yes, pretty good. I'm going to sleep now, good night..."
When I came out of the bathroom, Klara was already waiting in my room.
"How's he?"
I shrugged my shoulders.
"Better now than this afternoon. I think it looks worse than it is..."
“You look exhausted.”
“I got quite a fright…”
“Is there anything I can do?”
“No, but thanks for the offer…”
“Then I’ll leave you alone… Oh, Paul was looking for you today.”
“I know, I already called him.”
My alarm went off at seven, but I was awake long before that. I didn't want to risk another nightmare.
"Morning."
"Morning."
"Morning."
“We haven’t had breakfast together all three of us in a long time.”
"True."
„Mhm …“
“You still haven’t become more talkative.”
„Sorry …“
“I’m writing math today. I have to go.”
“But the cornflakes…Do you want cornflakes?”
“I’m gay.”
"I knew it. Get out of my house, you freak! Your father left us because of you!"
Luckily, my alarm clock woke me up. Damn, these waking-up-in-a-dream dreams are really unfair.
Luckily, I was greeted by a completely different scene downstairs. Mum was hastily wolfing down her breakfast, and Klara was nowhere to be seen.
“Take some fruit with you, we have to go.”
I was back on the ward at three minutes past eight. Max was still asleep, so I just lay down next to him.
“Hey, you’re here.”
"Naturally."
“I dreamed about you.”
“Something nice?”
“It was about the swivel chair…”
"All right. Good thing you have a single room... How are you feeling?"
He sat up.
"Much better. My head doesn't throb so much, my muscles don't hurt anymore... I want to go home."
“Slow down… the doctors say…”
"I'm feeling better, and I don't have any more tests scheduled. Why should I stay here?"
“To be on the safe side…”
“You’ll look after me, right?”
“Sure, but…”
"There you go. I hate hospitals. The idea of so many sick people in that building... and the bed is sooo uncomfortable, and I want you with me at night."
This argument worked.
"Maybe we could ask what it would be like if you came to my place... Not to your house... I want someone else in the house at night..."
“I don’t care, as long as I get out of here.”
After breakfast, a nurse came and disinfected the scrapes again. She also left some cream for the huge bruise. When she left, I carefully rubbed it on Max.
“Man, we won’t be able to have sex for weeks…”
"Do I look that repulsive?" he asked coquettishly. He just wanted to get some compliments. I did him the favor.
At eleven Dr. Mooser came.
"Good morning, Mr. Weller. I'd like to examine you. Would you excuse us for a moment?"
“Can he stay, please?”
"Okay, for once. How are you today?"
"Much better. My head is only a little buzzing now, and I've figured out pretty well which movements to avoid with my arms and legs..."
Pupillary reflex, blood pressure… blood draw…
“Everything looks good.”
“When can I go home?”
“You still have to take it easy.”
“I can do that at home too.”
“Your parents are away.”
“David takes care of me.”
"He would come with me to my family. I can manage what the nurse did today. I'll make sure he has three meals a day and gets up as little as possible."
"In general, that would be possible. Discuss it with your family and have a nurse instruct you. If everything stays as good as it is until this afternoon, we'll prepare the discharge papers."
"Thank God. Thank you, Doctor."
Max beamed as the doctor left.
“Thank you for doing this for me.”
"Hey, I'm happy to take care of you. As long as you're with me."
There was a knock and Claudi stuck her head in the door.
“What are you doing, you madman?”
I stayed just long enough to witness the intimate embrace. Then I went out to make a few calls.
„Hey Mum.“
"Hello. What's going on? When was the last time you called me at the office?"
"I wanted to say I'm bringing Max home. His parents are gone, and he needs someone to take care of him."
"Okay, no problem. If something like that happened to you while I'm away, I'd also be happy if you could stay with someone."
“I don’t know exactly how long this will take…”
"Call me if you know anything more specific. If necessary, I'll come home alone."
"Okay. Thanks."
"Clear."
„Hey Cora.“
"Hello. Any news?"
"He's feeling much better. It looks like he can go home today. He'll be on bed rest, though... He'll stay at home with us for now."
“And what do you tell your mother?”
"That he's a friend who needs help. That's not a lie either..."
"I don't feel comfortable knowing something she doesn't know."
"Sure, but for now... how do you think she'll react?"
"I don't know. Really, I don't...I hope we can talk in peace soon."
"Yeah, me too. So, why am I calling? I guess I need the rest of the week off..."
“Can’t you try to be there during peak hours?”
"Maybe in the evening. But at lunchtime he's usually alone..."
“You know, half the staff is on vacation…”
"I know. I'll make it up to you somehow."
“I’m excited about that.”
I didn't really want to go in to see Max and Claudi, so I strolled over to the nurses' station.
"Ah, Mr. Lenz. I heard Mr. Weller would like to go home?"
"Yes, that's right. Doctor Mooser said I should get some more training, whatever that means."
“Come in.”
Sister Theresa wrote down the name of a cream I should get and made a list of other things: Disinfectant, swabs, gauze, large bandages...
"Dr. Mooser will then write a prescription for the painkillers. He will tell you the dosage. Otherwise, he shouldn't take any medication without first discussing it with his family doctor. He should see him tomorrow and every other day thereafter. You'll receive the records for him afterward. It's best if you contact him right away. Home visits would be best. Until tomorrow, Mr. Weller should only get up to go to the bathroom. His family doctor will tell you everything else."
“Okay… well, then I’ll call Dr. Berger and then I’ll go down to the pharmacy… What about a shower?”
“Not for now, maybe a sitz bath tomorrow.”
“He won’t like that.”
"You have to show him his limits. He's one of those people who tends to overestimate himself, I can see that. He should get plenty of rest and avoid straining his eyes, as that only makes the headaches worse. A cool cloth on his eyes helps. If anything seems strange to you, if he's confused or feels excessively dizzy, if his pupils are constantly dilated..."
“Then I’ll call and bring him here.”
"Good. I'm sure they'll take good care of him. I think the biggest danger is himself."
“That will certainly be interesting.”
“Dr. Berger’s office, Silvia speaking, hello.”
"Good afternoon. I'm calling on behalf of Mr. Max Weller. He's in the district hospital following a traffic accident and needs follow-up care."
"Of course. When will he be released?"
"This afternoon. The family doctor should see him tomorrow. He has a concussion. Would a home visit be possible?"
"Sure, at 1 p.m. It's best if you bring the documents in today."
"Good, thanks."
At the hospital pharmacy, I showed my list and got everything. Then I had no excuse to hang around any longer. Claudi was sitting on the bed next to Max, who was eating lunch.
„Hey.“
“Hey, what do you have in the bag?”
"Lots of really great stuff from the pharmacy. And Dr. Berger is coming tomorrow at 1:00 PM. I'm supposed to drop off your documents this evening. I have the rest of the week off. Now Mooser just needs to give his final approval. How are you?"
"Always better. I'd like to get some fresh air..."
“I can open a window.”
“That’s not the same thing…”
“Sorry, strict bed rest.”
"But I could push him around the garden in a wheelchair. Like in A Decision Made for Love."
"No. The nurse just told me again. He should only get up to go to the bathroom."
“Then I’ll just piss in the flowerbed.”
Claudia burst out laughing. I felt anger rising within me. But I controlled myself.
"Please ring for a nurse and ask her. But I won't take you home if you're so unreasonable. I won't take responsibility for that. When you're with me, my rules apply."
“Sounds boring, huh, Max?”
Claudi was still fooling around like a little kid. I turned to leave.
“Wait… you’re right, I’m sorry.”
Thank God.
When I turned around, Max looked at me remorsefully; Claudi's gaze was more of the kind that people say could kill...
I walked over and kissed the good side of his forehead. I would have loved to crawl into bed next to him, but Claudi was already sitting there... I sat by the window until I was sick of it. I noticed that Claudi was holding back, deliberately only talking about boring things and constantly looking at me disparagingly.
“I’ll go make another phone call…”
"Hello, this is David. Is Paul home?"
“He just got up, wait.”
It was after one...
"Good morning."
“I’ve been up since seven, so don’t say good morning.”
"Why is that?"
“Love, remember?”
“Are you in the hospital?”
"Yes. ...I can probably take him home in a few hours."
“Good, I’m glad.”
“But that means I probably can’t do anything with you today.”
"Sure, that's okay. I'm glad your Max is feeling better..."
"There's something else. Claudi... do you still remember her?"
"You mean from last year? Sure. She was always begging and didn't even say thank you... weird girl, but your Max is friends with her, huh?"
"Best friends, by the way. And together they made fun of us bad stoners."
“Was she converted over the winter, or what?”
"Apparently. The most interesting thing is that Max knows nothing about her escapades... knew nothing at all. And now she's stirring Max up against me..."
“Very strange…”
"And she's hanging around him all the time, lying in bed with him, putting crazy ideas into his head, and then I have to act like a super mom... I don't understand why she's suddenly like this..."
“Maybe she realized how serious you were…”
"And what next? Then she should definitely get on my good side."
"Unless …"
“Unless, what?”
"Oh, I don't know, it just sounds like she was hoping that sooner or later he'd switch back to the right side and she'd get her chance."
“You think she has a crush on him?”
"I don't know. I'm just saying that's a possible explanation."
When I saw the two of them sitting on the bed like that, I thought Paul's theory was more than likely.
“So, now it’s my turn again…”
I stood on Claudi's side of the bed and demanded my rights. With a snideness that was meant to sound fake, but wasn't, she said:
"You have him all night. The day is mine."
She didn't move an inch. I have no idea what would have happened if there hadn't been a knock at the door. Dr. Mooser.
"So, good afternoon, gentlemen. May I ask you to leave the room for a moment? You too, Mr. Lenz."
Claudi looked at me with satisfaction. Everyone in the hallway dispersed in different directions. So I definitely wasn't imagining her hostility. This was proof.
After a few minutes, Dr. Lenz called me in. He reminded us again to consult a doctor if we had the slightest doubt and to avoid any unnecessary exertion. Then he agreed to discharge Max. The paperwork would take another hour or two. I didn't plan on getting out of bed until then. Claudi sat by the window and sulked while I asked Max what his favorite foods were and made myself a shopping list. At 3:30 a.m. a nurse came in with the paperwork and explained to me what needed to be taken where. She also gave me the prescription. I sent Claudi down to the pharmacy and helped Max into the bathroom and get changed.
“I would be completely lost without you, you know that?”
"You...damn, how could I have forgotten to bring you a sweater?"
"It's okay. It's warmer outside than inside, the way the sun is shining..."
"I need to call my mom. Maybe we can pick her up on the way."
She agreed.
Claudi insisted on pushing the wheelchair. Sister Theresa watched them both leave with a disgruntled expression.
"That girl is trouble, I can practically smell it. Take good care of Mr. Weller. And here are the clothes he was wearing when he was admitted."
I looked in the bag and saw a bloody shirt.
“I can’t even think about it…”
"It all worked out well. Goodbye, Mr. Lenz."
"Goodbye. But not here."
Max sat next to me, his hand resting on mine on the gearshift. His good hand. Whenever traffic allowed, I looked over at him. He wasn't feeling well, but I would feel more comfortable if he were in my bed. Claudi grumbled that I should turn on the radio, but I didn't want to risk it being too stimulating for Max. My mum was already standing at the main gate of the factory premises where she worked in the office.
“Hello you… oh, three.”
In the rearview mirror, I saw her looking at Claudi. My stomach lurched.
“Mom, Claudi isn’t who you think.”
"No?... Oh, okay. Okay. So, Max, how are you?"
"That's better, thank you. And thank you for letting me stay with you for a while."
"That's a given. Now close your eyes and relax. I had a concussion once as a teenager. The insidious thing is that you only realize it's too much when the headache is already unstoppable."
“Okay… I’ll try… but you can’t really do much with your eyes closed…”
"We have a few radio plays. The Silmarilion, for example. And tonight we're having pasta bake. You can eat with your eyes closed."
We stopped at Dr. Berger's and then as close to the front door as possible. Claudi put her arm around Max's waist and supported him, while I could only watch and carry the bag. My mom brought extra pillows so Max could sit comfortably in my bed. Then she went to cook.
“Food will be ready in 40 minutes.”
“I think I’ll sleep a little longer…”
Finally, Claudi said goodbye, but announced she'd be back the next morning with a few CDs. While Max slept, I packed his things in the bedside table, where he could get to them himself. Then I went to take a shower.
Max woke up just in time for dinner. Mum and Klara insisted on eating upstairs with us.
“So, Max. Is Claudia your girlfriend?”
"No! For God's sake. We've been friends for ten years. She's like a sister."
I thought it was a shame that Claudi hadn't heard that answer.
"Oh, I see. I'm not really getting the hang of it at the moment. David's been keeping this whole relationship thing so secret. I've been begging him for weeks to finally introduce me to his girlfriend. But he's being stubborn."
“Yes, he’s good at that.”
"Indeed. Oh, look at him, staring straight into me. It's okay, I'll change the subject. So, what do your parents say?"
"I haven't told them anything yet. They would have just worried unnecessarily. Now I can say I'm out of the hospital."
"Really... the idea of my son being in the hospital and not telling me... Call her right after dinner, okay?"
"Well done..."
“And how was school, Klara?”
"As always."
“Find out anything?”
“No, but I have math tomorrow.”
I thought about my nightmare and wondered what would happen if I just said it now... Maybe feeling sorry for Max would dampen my anger and there wouldn't be a real explosion... or maybe she'd kick us both out. I don't even have a car. Max would have to walk all the way to his house, get a terrible headache, and...
"Hello? Earth to David!"
„Hm?“
"I asked what Paul had to say about India. What kind of dark thoughts were you thinking?"
"Oh, ... whatever ... Paul talked quite a lot. Most of it was what you could already guess if you knew him..."
An idea came to me.
"The most interesting thing was probably what he said about the differences. In India, there's the so-called third gender. People who were born male but live as women. That's totally accepted. And it's similar with homosexuality."
I paused, and as I had hoped, Mum spoke her mind.
"Isn't it the same here? I don't think anyone here in Germany seriously objects to it anymore."
"No? Well, I don't know."
"I raised you both to treat everyone equally. I grew up in the '60s and '70s. And I'd say most people think like me."
"Yes, this political correctness is one thing. People know how to deal with it. But be honest, if Klara or I came home now and told you that we prefer our own gender..."
"Then I'd tell you that you're still too young to really know what you want. But I wouldn't disown you or anything."
I looked cautiously at Max. Now would be the time. But he shook his head, barely noticeable.
"Okay. Maybe you're the exception... So, Klara, what about math? Are you good at everything? We have a math genius in the house now."
“I’m fine, thanks.”
After dinner, I left the room with Max to call his parents. I helped Mum tidy up a bit downstairs.
“Tell me, all this talk about homosexuality…”
Oh oh …
“And?”
“Was there a particular reason for that?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Just a feeling…”
“What feeling?”
"Sit down."
“What’s next?”
“Could it be that Max is gay?”
I thought about my answer for a moment.
“If so, it’s not my business to talk about it.”
"Of course. But purely hypothetically... you know, I think... I think he might have a crush on you."
“Is that another feeling?”
"Yes... and I saw him looking at you. Maybe I'm wrong, but I wanted to bring it up. Be careful."
“What do you mean by that?”
I cursed the irritated tone in my voice. I finally had to learn to control it...
"I just mean that you should be honest with him."
“I’m always honest with him.”
"Good. You know, if my guess is correct, you could hurt him badly."
“I understand.”
"I just don't want you to be one of those guys who looks disgusted and disappears forever."
If I had answered anything, it would have betrayed me. Because all I could think of was that I would never leave Max.
“Listen, David… if there’s anything I can do, talk to Max or something…”
"No! No... we'll sort this out between us. Thanks for your concern."
“Of course… should I make up the couch for you?”
"Huh, why? Oh, no, I was actually planning on sleeping upstairs."
“At Max’s?”
“He doesn’t want to be alone at night.”
“Don’t play with his feelings, David.”
“This is getting too much for me, Mum… I’m old enough to know what I’m doing.”
“Of course… So we get the extra mattress from the attic?”
I guess I couldn't say anything against that.
As soon as the door closed, I crawled under the covers with Max. By now, I knew the places where my hands wouldn't hurt him.
"Finally. I've been waiting for this all day. Finally alone with you."
"How are you doing?"
"It'll be fine. I'm glad I was able to convince my parents not to cut the vacation short. I'm glad I have peace and quiet from them. They'd probably call five different doctors to find something serious..."
“Well, they just want to protect you, I can understand that…”
"I felt very well looked after by you. You did a great job. And I wanted to apologize again for the flowerbed saying. I was just overwhelmed... but that's not the case here. Everything smells of you. I wouldn't want to go anywhere else."
"Good, because you'll probably be staying here for a while. What do you want for breakfast tomorrow?"
"Scrambled eggs!"
“With fresh zucchini from the garden?”
"Gladly."
"Okay, and then I'll go shopping for a bit. And the doctor will be here at one."
“I guess there won’t be any showering, huh?”
“No, but maybe a quick bath if you’re feeling well enough.”
“Okay… And you have to work from noon onwards?”
“No, of course I took the day off.”
“But there’s so much going on at the moment…”
"Don't be ridiculous. I'm not going to work and leave you here alone. There could still be so much going on."
“Claudi is coming over anyway.”
Inwardly I counted down from five.
"Yes, but I definitely want to be there when the doctor comes. Maybe I'll help out in the evening, we'll see."
“Okay… can you turn off the big light?”
"Sure. But first I have to put some cream on you. Otherwise I won't be able to see anything..."
The next day, I made breakfast, disinfected the abrasions, changed the bandages and gauze, applied cream to the hematoma, which was turning yellow on the outside, and when Claudi arrived, I went shopping and picked up some of Max's things.
When I got home, Max told Claudi that he needed some rest before the doctor came. After she left, I ran him a lukewarm bath and dabbed his wounds with a washcloth.
“I’m pretty pathetic, huh?”
"Are you kidding? It's taking all my self-control not to jump into the tub with you and..."
I whispered the rest into his ear. It felt so good to hear him laugh.
Dr. Berger was satisfied and also said that Max was able to get out of bed calmly, but not without help, as he still felt dizzy sometimes.
In the afternoon, I read to him from Lord of the Rings and made pancakes, as requested. At five, he sent me to a restaurant. Klara was right next door if he needed anything, and Mum would be home any minute. Cora was happy to see me. Those three hours were really stressful. When I came back at eight, Claudi was there. She had her laptop with her, and the two of them were completely engrossed in watching some crap on YouTube. When I arrived, Claudi disappeared. It didn't take five minutes before Max was complaining of a headache.
"No wonder with that flickering thing on your lap, when you're supposed to be resting your eyes. Lie down, I'll bring you a wet wipe."
He hadn't eaten dinner, the headache made him nauseous, and I wasn't even allowed to change his bandages. Well done, Claudi. Luckily, he soon fell asleep...
Friday, Saturday, Sunday... on Monday he was running around again. Dr. Berger said it was okay. I had to work... Claudi spent the afternoon with Max. At four, I stopped by. They were lying in the garden, reading... Cosmopolitan. Oh my God.
"Hello you two. I brought you paella..."
“Cool, thanks!”
“Hey, where’s your bandage?”
“I thought I should leave some oxygen on it.”
"Looks much better already. Well... I just wanted to drop this off. See you tonight then..."
“Don’t I get a kiss?”
“Look, there in the neighbor’s garden, that’s my grandmother.”
“Oh… okay… then tonight…”
“Don’t overdo it, okay?”
“I feel good.”
“Okay… have fun with the Cosmo…”
The two of them giggled to themselves. Thorsten passed me on the path.
"Hey! Do you want to go to Max's?"
"Give."
"Think again. Claudi's here and the two of them are browsing through Cosmopolitan."
“And I thought nothing could surprise me anymore…”
"Well... you'd better come with me to the restaurant. You'll get a Coke on the house, too. It's not so busy today, I almost wanted to stay home, but the Cosmo made me run away..."
“Okay, then I’ll watch you work for a bit.”
I was able to have another Coke with Thorsten and wanted to use it to get some information out of him. Unfortunately, the crowd quickly grew, and I didn't have time to approach him cautiously...
"Tell me, do you think Claudi is being so weird to me because she wants something from Max?"
His silence was answer enough for me.
“Okay… that’s really wonderful… really great.”
"I know... but you've seen her. When she sets her mind on something..."
“David, are you coming?”
“Yeah, right away… any tips?”
“Sorry, but Claudi is just as much of a mystery to me.”
"Great. Enjoy your Coke. I have to go do something..."
I finished at eight. I checked the mail at the Wellers', picked up the two letters for Max, left the rest on the stairs, and headed home.
Max was sleeping... great. Claudi had had all the fun, and I was allowed to clean up the mess. There were scraps of paper scattered on the floor, and clothes... I tidied up a bit, then sat down in the far corner of the garden by candlelight. Soon after, my cell phone rang. It was Paul. Ten minutes later, he was sitting next to me on the porch swing, and I was telling him my woes. I declined the pipe, just like the cigarette.
“I’m not good company today, am I?”
“You’ve had a shitty week.”
"Indeed. Really shitty. And how was your first week home?"
“Chilling…my brother has a new…um…there’s someone lurking around the house…”
„David?“
"Back here. What are you opening?"
“Couldn’t sleep… oh, hello Paul… I didn’t mean to disturb you…”
He was about to leave again.
"Max, wait... I heard what happened. How are you?"
I was so proud of Paul. We slid together and made room for Max.
"Getting better and better. Almost good again, I'd say."
By candlelight, I saw that he was wearing only a T-shirt and his jogging pants. He was barefoot. I took off my sweater and draped it around his shoulders.
“Why aren’t you wearing anything?”
“I was still warm before…”
I draped my arm over the backrest and he laid his head on my shoulder. I gave him a quick kiss in his hair. He pulled his legs up and made himself comfortable.
“Just pretend I’m not there…”
“Okay… so, your brother has a new… girlfriend?”
"No, still the same old one. He has a new bike. We drove around the Alps a bit, which was a lot of fun..."
As I talked to Paul, I felt Max's head getting heavier.
“Is he sleeping?”
"And..."
I stroked his cheek to see if he was cold, but he was pleasantly warm.
“The scratches on my face seem to be healing well.”
"Yes. But his leg still looks bad. But it'll be okay. I'm telling you, I found myself thanking God for not taking him away from me."
"What, you? My favorite atheist?"
"I know... it was just comforting to believe not just in luck, but that a higher power had spared him and would spare him next time too..."
"Understand …"
"I can't believe I'm sitting here with the love of my life in my arms and I can finally talk to you about it...Is it really okay, I mean..."
"David. It's really okay. Who could possibly object to seeing you two like this? Now let's not get sentimental."
“It’s hard with Max in my arms…”
I felt Max's cheek move on my shoulder as he smiled.
“Hey, you’re not even sleeping.”
"But."
"Okay... So, Paul, what I wanted to tell you was, last week, while my boyfriend was lying clueless in the hospital, I met this great guy..."
“You didn’t!”
“Just as little as you sleep.”
"You're stupid …"
He raised his head and pressed himself against me.
“You were talking about me.”
"So? Maybe..."
“That’s rude.”
“You didn’t sleep anyway.”
“But you didn’t know that.”
"Of course. All the time."
“Yeah, yeah, blah blah… I’m hungry.”
“What did you have for dinner?”
“Paella, but that was five o’clock ago…”
"Of course, that was way too long ago. What would you like to eat?"
„ChickenMcNuggets.“
“But Max, we can’t go to Mäcky’s today…”
"Why not?"
"Yeah, why not? You could take your mom's car, we'll get the stuff at the drive-through, and eat in the car with a view of Kleinding."
“Or at my house by the pool.”
"Even better. Let's do this!"
“Then I guess I’m outvoted, huh?”
I got the key and Max's shoes from the house and we set off.
We arrived at Max's with three large bags.
“Home sweet home. Wow, that’s a lot of mail.”
“I have two letters for you at home now.”
"Oh, it's just advertising anyway. So, food, food, food."
"Outside?"
“Jaaaah!”
“You spent too much time with Claudi today, it’s rubbing off on you.”
"I don't care. Give me food."
After we were completely drunk, we lay down on the loungers and looked at the stars. I'd brought out a few blankets, and it was really cozy. We talked about everything under the sun, and Max and Paul got along well. Paul smoked his cigarettes, and when the wind blew the smoke in my direction, I inhaled it as discreetly as possible. But Max wasn't stupid...
“You know, if you want a smoke, I won’t stop you…”
"Not?"
“As long as it’s just tobacco…”
“Cool, then…”
“But then you can’t expect me to kiss you again before tomorrow morning…”
“I knew there had to be a catch…so I’d rather not do it…”
“As you wish…”
“But then you have to kiss me to make it worth it…”
“Isn’t it enough that I saved millions of your alveoli?”
“No, I don’t notice anything…”
He came over to my lounger and crawled under my covers. I made as much room as possible for him, since he couldn't lie on his side...then I went for a kiss.
“You’re really lucky, you know that?”
“Oh yes, I know.”
"I mean, how many gay men do you think there are in this dump?"
“Statistically speaking, ten percent…”
“So please… practicing gay men… and then of the right age… same level of education…”
"Max is much smarter than me. 1.2, I'm just saying."
"Really? Crazy... well, anyway, it's a huge coincidence that you both live in the same town and all... So you should be really grateful... Wow, I'd really like to smoke something right now..."
"Yes, I know that feeling... lying under the stars and talking about the really important things... it's just part of it..."
“Oh man… whatever you want…”
"Yeah? I mean, strictly speaking, we're not in your house either..."
"Ha ha ha …"
"Go ahead, before he changes his mind. ...Oh crap."
"What?"
“I’m here by car.”
“Oh fuck, that’s right…”
“Well… then, not.”
“Mind if I…?”
“No no, just do it…”
Instead, I snuggled up close to Max. That was just as good.
“Man, we last had sex a week ago…”
"Uh, hello? I don't think Paul really cares..."
“Oh, don’t be such a baby… I think he can guess…”
"Despite it …"
“Heal faster.”
“I’m trying.”
“Tell me, David, do your parents actually know?”
"No, not yet. Klara and Cora know... I almost told my mum, but Max stopped me..."
“I didn’t really buy her sympathy act and I really didn’t feel like getting into any trouble…”
“But you want to tell them soon, right?”
“Yeah, sure, if it happens…”
“And you, Max?”
"I'll keep it a secret from my parents for as long as possible. If I'm lucky, they'll never find out."
„Okay, krass …“
"They wouldn't accept this and would leave no stone unturned. I'm their only child, where would the heirs come from?"
"Understand …"
"Tell me, David, something just occurred to me: You once mentioned something about the classic. In love with the..."
“We don’t need to go into this now.”
“Ah… hehe, all right.”
„Was?“
"Nothing."
“Just tell me.”
"Never."
"Now David, tell him. I think he has a right to know."
"So? Let's talk about you and Claudi first."
"Huh? What does one have to do with the other?"
“It’s exactly the same.”
"What?! I've never been... oh, you mean her in... that's absurd."
“So… well, if you say so.”
"You're just jealous."
"I have no reason to be jealous. I know you only want me. But does she know that?"
"Of course. I tell her all the time how perfect you are."
“Well, you hear what you want to hear.”
"Nonsense. You're imagining things."
"Like the smoking weed, huh? Ask Paul, he remembers her too."
“We’ve settled the matter, that’s it.”
"So? What did she have to say?"
“That was something personal.”
“Of course, I won’t expose her as a liar again.”
"Look, you have no idea what you're talking about, so stop. Can we stop now, please? My head already hurts."
“Okay… I’m sorry.”
“Yes, me too…”
SILENT
"You two really have this fertile conflict thing going on, huh?"
“Well, I really don’t know how fruitful our conflicts always are…”
“But the make-up sex…”
"David! Stop flaunting our sex life in front of others!"
"My God, I've had to listen to other people's bullshit for years. Now I want to have a go."
“That’s something different…”
"Why?"
“You know why.”
I couldn't believe it.
"Because we're gay? You can't be serious, right? Should I be ashamed of that?"
“Just don’t force it on anyone.”
“Nobody asked me if I wanted to hear all the stories.”
"It's just different. They assume you want to hear it..."
“Because straight is normal and gay is not?”
“Now don’t play activist as long as we don’t even hold hands in public.”
“Oh, but that’s not just my fault.”
“I’m not saying that, but it’s not just me.”
"You're doing it again. And you're talking so fast I can hardly keep up..."
"That's enough now. I don't want you to spend the whole night whining to me about your headache."
“Very considerate, thank you.”
"Oh, a shooting star. Quick, make a wish."
“Make-up sex.”
“A big band-aid for your mouth.”
“Hey, don’t go around talking about our sex life.”
“You’re so stupid.”
We stayed there until dusk. Then we took Paul home and went to sleep until the alarm went off at 10:15. Sleepily, I turned it off and threw something down.
“Do you have to work?”
"I'm afraid so...go back to sleep. I'll be there around two and bring some food. And I've got my phone with me."
“I’ll be fine.”
"Okay. Goodbye then, my love. I had a great night with you. Oh, there are your letters on the floor."
I disappeared into the bathroom for a moment. When I returned, Max was sitting in bed reading a letter.
“Something important?”
“Can I have a phone?”
I got it from downstairs.
"So what's going on?"
"I'm not sure. ... Yes, hello, Max Weller. I should contact a Ms. Weinsteiger. Okay, thanks. ... On hold. The letter is from the Kreuzach District Office, where I used to live. It says I'm here because of... Yes, good morning, Max Weller. I got a letter and... yes, exactly. Personal? What's it about? ... I understand... Yes, I think so. And they can't... okay, yes, ... of course. ... Yes, they like it. Okay, fine, then I'll come by soon. ... Thank you too. Goodbye."
“What was that?”
“An employee of the Office for Youth and Family asks me to come by if I am interested in contacting my biological mother.”
„Was?!“
"I do not know either …"
“You knew about this, right?”
"Rumor has it... but I'm just... shocked, I think."
"Understandable. And now?"
“I’m supposed to come there during opening hours to initiate further steps… at least that’s how I understood it…”
"Okay... and? Do you want to?"
"I don't know. What are you asking me? How should I know?"
"Okay. You have time. Think about it."
Max first took a shower and then came with us to the restaurant.
"Ah, hello you two. You're looking much better, Max."
“That’s how I feel too.”
"Here, pick out whatever you want. The kitchen will be ready in a quarter of an hour."
"Thanks."
“David, I need you to stand at the table.”
“Sure, that’s what I’m here for…”
Max sat at the bar for an hour, sipping his orange juice. He didn't want anything to eat. The place was packed, and all I could give him was an occasional smile. Eventually, I got fed up and just put a plate of pasta in front of him.
"Eat. I don't have time for discussions."
He rolled his eyes, and then I had to move on. However, half an hour later, I was able to clear an empty plate.
"Thanks."
"All right. We'll talk later, okay?"
„Okay.“
He just sat there staring into space until half past one. My aunt stepped up next to me as I was studying him from a distance.
“The whole thing really took its toll on him, huh?”
"The accident is yesterday's news. We're already on to the next problem."
„Coming Out?“
She must have done some research or something...
“No, that’s on the ‘do it later’ list…”
“Can I do something?”
"No, Max pretty much has to go through this alone. I have to cash in at table four..."
Finally I was able to sit down next to him with a plate of noodles.
“Well, have you thought of something yet?”
“Can you drive me to Kreuzach tomorrow?”
“Of course, I just have to figure out how to handle the car.”
“We can take one of my home.”
"Right. Good. So we'll go to Kreuzach tomorrow, and then?"
“Then I’ll listen to what the woman from the youth welfare office has to say.”
“Are you sure you can do this?”
“Believe me, the constant brooding would wear me out much more.”
I brought him home, and he lay down. I lay down next to him. I could feel him in pain. And he was scared, too. I pulled him close until we both fell asleep.
I woke up when I heard the front door downstairs. My mom had come home. No wonder, it was almost five.
"Max? I have to go. My mom is downstairs if you need anything. I'll be back as soon as possible."
"Hm... mmm..."
When I got home, Max was playing cards with Klara and Mum.
“So, I guess you’re feeling better then, huh?”
“A long nap like that works wonders.”
“So, how much have you played for the ladies?”
“I think they’re cheating… they always have all the good cards…”
“That’s not true, we just have better tactics,” Klara blurted out.
“And you have conspired against me…”
“I’ll take a quick shower, then I’ll come help you, okay?”
"Very good."
Only when I took my hand off his shoulder did I realize it had been there... Mum was looking at her cards... perhaps a little too intently? I hurried and joined her a few minutes later as Klara was counting her points. It was nothing unusual. We played a few more games and went to bed.
“I touched you earlier.”
“I know… but it was just a friendly gesture…”
“Something like that can still give us away…”
"I know... but we need to be able to relax sometimes. This constant being on guard is really unhealthy..."
“Can’t we move back in with you?”
“Yes, that’s what I wanted to suggest to you, starting tomorrow we’ll stay at my place again.”
„Gut.“
"There's something else... I received an email confirmation for an internship today. It's for the entire month of September. That means I'll be looking for an apartment by September 1st."
“Okay… the sooner the better.”
“What about the restaurant?”
"I'll ask my dad if I can move in with him on September 1st. I'll say I want to settle in before the stress of university starts, and look for a job and all that..."
“Okay, if this all works out… what kind of job?”
“As a waiter again, probably… otherwise, I wouldn’t know.”
“What about something that will help you with your studies?”
“You don’t earn anything there… let’s see…”
I noticed that Max was deliberately asking more and more questions to distract himself. Tomorrow we would get to the bottom of this ominous letter.
We got up at 8:00 a.m., headed to Max's, and climbed into his mother's BMW coupe. During the nearly hour-long drive, Max didn't say much. He just gave me directions.
“So, this is where you grew up, huh?”
"You have to go right up ahead... Yes. We're passing my old school."
“Maybe we can visit some old friends or something?”
“I don’t know… too spontaneous… That’s the school…”
“Pretty… and so central…”
“At the next traffic light, turn left…”
“We should clarify whether we’re friends today or a couple.”
"Depends on what I find out, I guess... Maybe one friend won't be enough."
“Okay, all right.”
From the parking lot, you had to cross a wide wooden bridge to reach the main entrance of the district office. I walked half a step behind Max, who, using the signs as a guide, marched purposefully to the second floor. There, he studied the doorplates and finally knocked without hesitation. From inside, I heard a faint "Yes?"
We walked through the door. A middle-aged woman sat behind a desk. Her hair was short and dyed black.
“Hello, we are looking for Mrs. Weinsteiger.”
"You found me. What can I do for you?"
“My name is Max Weller, I…”
"Ah, Mr. Weller! Nice to have you here. Please sit down."
I closed the door and sat down on the chair next to Max. Mrs. Weinsteiger stepped around the desk and pulled up a third chair.
"Okay, Mr. Weller. How much do you know about the circumstances of your birth?"
“My parents don’t talk about it much, but over the years I’ve pieced together a few things…”
“Would you like to know more?”
"Yes, of course."
"Well, let's see, where do I begin... well, her biological mother was still very young. She made the decision to give her up for adoption. The Wellers had already been identified as adoptive parents before her birth. At the time, they insisted on an anonymous adoption. But now that they've been adults for some time, they have the opportunity to review their records. Her biological family contacted the local authorities. They would like to meet her. Hence the letter. Of course, I couldn't just give them her address. That's why they're here today. To decide whether they want this contact or not."
Max slid his hand into mine. It was sweaty and cold.
“Okay… I thought something like that… but I can’t decide right now.”
"Of course not. Take your time. You've waited 20 years, and nothing more matters."
Max would soon be turning 20. What would I give him? Nothing could come close to expressing how much I felt for him. I gave his hand a gentle squeeze.
“How would that work?”
"So you could just look through the documents and write down the address, just in case. Or I could arrange a meeting for you. Whenever you want, wherever you want."
“Does the family live here?”
"No. Adoptions must be cross-district. The family lives in a district further north... in the Kleinding district."
"Like me."
"Yes, by chance. So, you have my number and also my email address. Let me know when you've decided."
“Okay, fine… thank you and goodbye.”
We stood up and Max shook her hand.
“What happened to her arm?”
“Traffic accident. No big deal.”
The understatement of the century…
"Oh my goodness. Take care. We'll hear from each other."
"Yes, thanks again. Goodbye."
“May I?”
He nodded, and I put my arm around him. He didn't say anything, so I didn't ask anything. We walked back to the car in silence.
"What time is it?"
“Almost eleven.”
"Second break starts at five past eleven. Can we go to my old school?"
“Sure, if you want…”
We entered the school building just as the break bell rang.
“So, what are we doing here?”
“I would like to see an old teacher again.”
„Okay …“
"I don't know if he's still here. Maybe he's already retired... Anyway, he was my math teacher in elementary school and my physics teacher in middle school. He always encouraged me, entered me in competitions, took time in the afternoons to help with my experiments, and so on... Since I'm already here, I want to show up... That's the way to the teachers' lounge... Man, that was a long time ago..."
A crowd of students had formed in front of the staff room. It was probably the same at every school. Max pushed his way to the front, trying to see if the teacher was there. I waited at the end of the line. Then another group arrived, along with an older teacher with bushy eyebrows and a gray braid. You could still see from his hair that it had once been jet black. I stood in his way.
"Permission."
"Naturally."
“Oh, do you speak Spanish?”
"A bit."
"Are you a student?"
"No, just a visitor."
“Hello Mr. Comez.”
"Max Weller? Yeah, crazy! You've grown so much! You can't believe it! What are you doing here?"
"I was in town and thought I'd stop by. I read your article in Spektrum. Very inspiring."
"And I heard that the Planck Student Prize went to you this year. I was so proud. I absolutely have to show you our new solar cell project on the sun terrace, come with me."
“David, are you coming?”
“Ah, the young man is yours?”
Max held out his hand to me. Irritated, I took it.
“Yes, he belongs to me.”
Mr. Comez raised his eyebrows in surprise, but smiled.
“Where did you learn Spanish, David?”
“On vacation and through a Spanish pen pal.”
"Very good, very good. Oh, Max! What happened to your arm?"
“A traffic accident, half as bad…”
"Don't you dare say 'no big deal' again. You were lucky, but getting hit by a car isn't 'no big deal'."
"Hit a car? What else do you need?"
"Scuffs on my leg. A large bruise on my thigh, and this."
He pointed to the bandage on his head, which was half hidden by hair.
“Oh dear… shouldn’t you be resting instead of running around here?”
“I’ve rested long enough…”
"Still. When we get home, you'll lie down. That's what we agreed."
"Yeah...."
Mr. Comez was visibly amused and held the door to the roof terrace open for us.
„Wow!“
Max immediately went behind the solar panel slant wall thing and looked at the cables and everything.
“Do you share a passion for physics?”
“I dropped out of physics after the eleventh grade…”
"I see. Okay, we'll try not to bore you."
They didn't succeed... but I was happy to wait while Max and the teacher enthusiastically discussed ways to increase efficiency... Apparently, Mr. Comez had the fifth period off... I leaned against the wall, enjoying the sun, and found myself longing for a cigarette. Thanks, Paul...
“Was it very bad?”
"No, not at all. Did you like it?"
"Yes, very much so. You know, Mr. Comez has only been a teacher for ten years. He was new to the school when I was in fifth grade. Before that, he worked in research. Radiation protection. Then he got cancer. After treatment, he had to promise his wife that he would find something safer."
"I believe that too. I would never let you do something like that..."
“Oh, ehm… hm…”
„Was?“
“Oh, I think we should talk about that later… What time is it?”
“Just after twelve. Are you hungry?”
“There’s an Asian snack bar nearby.”
"Let's go. How are you? Can you hold on?"
“Sure, don’t worry.”
Max already had red spots on his face.
“Pretty hot, isn’t it?”
“Not mine.”
“Let’s try it. … Wow … yes …”
“Then I guess you can’t handle anything spicy… So… um… is it later now?”
"You mean because of the radiation thing? No, it's not later now..."
"I'll tell you, if you have anything like that..."
"Later, David. Please."
"Okay... You came out to Mr. Comez."
"That's correct."
“Was that a spontaneous decision, or…?”
"I thought I should practice it slowly, you know... and I knew it was safe to practice on him..."
"Understand. …"
"What time is it?"
"Quarter past twelve. Why do you keep asking what time it is?"
“Because Mrs. Weinsteiger has lunch break until half past one.”
"You want to go again? Have you decided?"
"I just have to know... I have to know who I look like and whether I inherited from them the things that make me different from my parents..."
“Well, okay… so should she arrange a meeting for you?”
"Yes. But first I want to see the documents..."
"Okay. Then I'll eat more slowly..."
We ordered dessert and green tea, and Max tried to explain the basics of a solar cell to me. At a quarter past one, we headed back to the district office.
"Yes, please?"
“Hello again.”
"Ah, there you are again. What can I do for you?"
“I would like to see the documents.”
"Of course. Sit down."
She pulled a folder from her desk and handed it to Max. As he looked through everything... copy of the birth certificate, contracts, agreements... he massaged his temples more and more frequently.
“Do you need a pill?”
“I don’t have any with me.”
"I do. Here. I'll look for a vending machine."
"Thanks."
He pulled me toward him and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. I had butterflies in my stomach the whole way to the vending machine. Kissing my Max, no matter when, where, or in front of whom. We were getting closer and closer to our goal.
"Thanks."
Max swallowed and drank half the bottle of water. Then he asked:
"When do you get off the weekend? Saturday or Sunday?"
“Saturday afternoon, Sunday evening.”
“Then Saturday afternoon is better.”
“Okay, then I’ll arrange that and call her on her cell phone.”
“Okay, thank you.”
"No problem. Goodbye, Mr. Weller, goodbye, Mr...."
“Lenz. David Lenz.”
“Mr. Lenz.”
“You want to meet her so soon?”
“I want to do this before my parents come back.”
“I see… okay… So, home now?”
"Can you find the way? I can hardly keep my eyes open..."
“Sure, I always find my way home.”
I put my arm around him and felt his exhaustion. He'd pushed himself too hard. I should have been more careful.
He slept the entire drive home. I drove straight to his house. There, I kissed him awake.
“Mmm… we’re already there.”
"Yes. Everyone out, final stop. You can lie down on the couch right now, then I'll pick up our things from my house by car."
„Okay …“
Klara was at home and easily irritable, so I didn't bother with her much, but instead made sure I packed all my things and went back to Max. As I was about to get into the car, heavily laden, my grandmother called me over.
“You haven’t been seen in so long.”
"Yeah, I know, I'm sorry... But with work and stuff... and a friend of mine had an accident..."
"Yes, I've seen you in the garden a few times. That's the boy who now lives on the Heider estate, right?"
“Max Weller, exactly.”
“And the girl who always laughs so much?”
“Claudi? That’s his best friend.”
“Oh, I thought that might be your girlfriend.”
"No …"
“You do know your grandfather is turning 70 in two weeks, right?”
That was new to me…
"Yes, of course."
“He wants you to bring your girlfriend.”
"Well, I can hardly imagine that. I think you want that, huh?"
"Both of us. Why are you making such a secret out of it, boy?"
“I don’t think a family celebration is the right time…”
"You're just as stubborn as your grandfather. And here comes your father."
“Hello son.”
„Hey Dad.“
“Who owns the car?”
"Max's mom. I just picked up a few things. I'm staying with him until his parents come back."
"So? But listen, don't take advantage of the boy."
"What? Have you talked to Mum?"
"No why?"
"Oh... just saying... so what do you mean, take advantage?"
“As an alibi to meet your girlfriend in peace.”
"Dad, Max is... my best friend. I just don't feel comfortable with him being left alone after the accident."
"Okay, I just wanted to say it. You don't need to look for an alibi. Your girlfriend is welcome anytime."
"I know. Oh, there's one more thing... would it be okay if I moved in with you on September 1st to give myself some time to get my bearings, settle in, find a job, and so on?"
“Sure, I’d love to.”
“Okay, then I’ll sort it out with Cora tomorrow…”
“And then you tell your mother and Klara?”
"Guess it can't be avoided...So, I have to go to Max's. See you later."
“Yes, in two weeks at the latest…”
“Grandpa’s birthday, I know.”
“But if you want to stop by again beforehand, feel free to do so with Max or your girlfriend…”
“Yes, Dad, I’ll call you then.”
Max was lying on the couch, asleep, but his face didn't look relaxed. I sat next to him for a while and thought about what I could do, but nothing came to mind. I undressed, jumped into the pool, and swam a few laps. Max stomped out, squinting against the sun.
„Hey …“
"Hey, my heart, how are you?"
“Stop asking me that all the time,” he replied grumpily.
"So good then? Can I do something for you?"
He shook his head, but then thought better of it.
“We could watch Lord of the Rings…”
With the beautiful weather, I was reluctant to sit down and watch a DVD, but if that's what he wanted right now...
“Okay, then I’ll just dry myself off quickly…”
“I’ll get everything ready…”
I stayed naked, yes... perhaps to see if he felt ready for any kind of sexual activity again, and sat down next to him on the couch. He was only interested in the movie, though. While we were watching the first movie, it got dark outside. I had to admit, the movie lived up to the book quite well. We discussed it a bit more in the dark, then I guided Max's hand between my legs to show him what I wanted.
“I think we should wait for that…”
“Okay, sure…I’m going to shower off the chlorine…”
“Don’t be mad, okay?”
"I'm not mad, I'm just going to take a shower and do what I did before you."
“That’s really not fair, David.”
“I know… but what should I do?”
“Be patient until tomorrow, okay?”
“Morning, huh?”
“Yes, I promise…”
“Well, okay…”
That night, I could barely stand lying next to Max. I was surprised at how difficult it was for me to control myself.
I had to work Thursday and Friday. When I came back at eleven o'clock at night, Max was already asleep. I cleaned up the traces of his adventures with Claudi and fell into bed. Yeah, so what about tomorrow, huh?
On Saturday, I was free until five. In the morning, Max was a nervous wreck. The fact that he was chugging liters of coffee down his throat only made it worse.
“Relax… come here, sit down.”
"What are you doing?... Oh David, I can't think about this right now... oh... hmmmm."
As I knelt before him and buried my face in his lap, I felt his relaxation as if it were mine.
“I’m so scared…”
"I know …"
“What if she’s really terrible?”
“Then you’re glad you have your parents.”
“And what if she’s really great?”
“Then it’s good!”
“But then I’ll definitely want to see her more often…”
"And?"
“And?! That doesn’t work!”
"Why not?"
“Because of my parents…”
“Then keep it a secret… but let’s not worry about that yet, huh?”
“What should I wear?”
“It doesn’t matter at all.”
“Great help…”
"Okay... long pants so your scrapes don't panic them..."
"So bad?"
“For a mother…”
“Don’t call her that.”
“Okay… nothing too stuffy anyway.”
“Do you think my clothes are stuffy?”
"I don't think I can say anything right now, huh? Show me what you've got..."
In the end, he settled on long, olive-green linen trousers and a simple, fox-brown shirt. Before he could change his mind, I pointed out that we had to leave. The day before, he had considered bringing Claudi along for emotional support. Luckily, he then decided that three would be too many...
„Max?“
“Yes, David?”
“Buddies or more?”
“I haven’t decided yet.”
„Okay.“
The address led us to a small town, about a 10-minute drive away. And then to an allotment garden settlement.
“Are we lost?”
“No, the address is correct… Oh man.”
„Was?“
“Where all the cars are, that’s number 17.”
“Well then I’ll park…”
“David, let’s just go again.”
"If you're serious, I'll do it right away, but I think we should at least take a look..."
I parked the BMW between an old FIAT Panda and a VW Beetle.
“Now I feel really stuffy…”
“Close your eyes and go through it, my heart.”
We got out and walked through a rusty garden gate. The smell of barbecue wafted up to us, and a large black dog ran towards us, barking at us. And then a young woman came along. She was slim and not tall, and her hair was the same reddish-brown color as Max's. She waved and smiled and whistled for the dog to come back. As she came closer, I realized she must be in her late 30s.
"Unbelievable. You're Max, unmistakable. You have your father's eyes."
I thought about how long Max had been puzzling over his bright green eyes.
“I’m Sonia, your… well… biological mother.”
She pulled Max into a hug, he was still a little taken aback.
"And you brought someone with you. That's good, I needed some loving people behind me."
She held out her hand to me.
“David,” I said without further explanation, because Max hadn’t yet decided who I was today.
"Please come with me. I hope you're hungry. The grill is already hot."
She linked arms with Max, who smiled bravely. I trotted behind them with the dog. We heard cheerful voices and children playing. As we rounded a few trees, we also saw the spring. There, next to a small pond, were two marquee sets, and they were almost full. A few girls were frolicking around a tree with flower wreaths on their heads.
“Here he comes, my Max!”
All faces turned toward us. I stepped next to Max to give him the chance to take my hand, but he didn't. Then Sonia started introducing everyone. Uncles, aunts, cousins... it seemed like they were all family. What must have been going through Max's mind? We were asked to sit down, facing each other, and then we were fattened like Christmas geese. Max asked again for a few names and degrees of relationship. Then a girl our age came in, holding a baby.
"Hello everyone!"
"Maya! Max, may I introduce your sister? This is my Maya. How well your names fit together, eh? Max and Maya."
"And this is my son Orlando. His dad is Spanish."
She placed the little one in his arms. For a moment, he looked to me for help. Children scare him, he'd once told me... I stood up and stepped next to him to get a better look at the little one. He was maybe three months old, the tiny little one.
"This is David..." Sonia said briefly, with a clear emphasis at the end, as if she were waiting for me to say who I actually was. I pretended not to notice and asked instead:
“Can I take it?”
Maya looked at me briefly with the same green eyes Max had, but her hair was lighter, perhaps artificially bleached.
"Clear."
I took Max from him and briefly thought I saw gratitude in his eyes.
"Hello little one. Wow, you've already got a good eye. I'm curious to see what color your eyes will be later."
“Probably brown, like his father.”
A short time later, Sonia asked Max to walk the dog with her. I assumed she wanted to answer his questions. For example, why she hadn't kept him back then and who his father was. Meanwhile, I learned from Maya that she had just turned 19, almost a year younger than Max. As I had suspected, they had the same mother and father. However, the two had separated while Max was pregnant. Both were still minors, and the grandparents insisted on adoption. Then the two reunited and were adults by the time Maya was born. A year later, they separated again, this time for good. The father was now living with a new family further away, but had expressed interest in getting to know Max. Maya apparently wasn't on good terms with him, and I gathered that she and her mother hadn't always had an easy time. I held Orlando, who was sleeping, in my arms the whole time.
"He doesn't usually like strangers. But he likes you."
I shrugged, but secretly I was very proud of it.
When Max and Sonia returned, they both looked somewhat worn out but content. I gave Max a pill, which he took immediately. Max talked to a few relatives, asked questions, and so on. Orlando woke up and returned to his mother because he was hungry. The two girls, apparently Max's cousins, wanted to show me the stream. They dragged me behind the hedge, where a small concrete staircase led down. Drinks were kept cool there, and a few fish were swimming around. The girls fed them breadcrumbs. Then Sonia came along. As if the whole thing had been a setup, the girls skipped away. I continued watching the fish and noticed that Sonia sat down next to me.
“Hello David… am I disturbing you?”
"No, of course not. I'm just enjoying some peace and quiet."
"Yes, as the youngest of six children, I also appreciate peace and quiet. Do you have any siblings?"
“A younger sister, and two parents who act like little children…”
“Oh dear, then enjoy the peace and quiet.”
“This is a really nice place.”
"In the summer, I practically live here. I have everything I need. Since Maya got her own apartment, nothing keeps me in civilization anymore... but I wasn't actually sneaking around after you to talk about myself."
I acknowledged this honesty with a smile.
"I wanted to ask you a few things about Max. Things I can't or don't want to ask him directly."
“Okay, what for example?”
“Are his parents good parents?”
I thought for a moment.
"In their own way, certainly. They're wealthy, they don't let him want for anything... they've nurtured his talents... he's turned out well. But they're also strict and old-fashioned in some ways. He doesn't always cope with that."
"So you're the other extreme from me... well, I guess that's okay. But you're good to him, aren't you? The thing with his arm..."
"No! It was an accident while jogging. A turning car missed him."
“Oh God, then he was lucky.”
"Yes, that's right …"
“One more thing.”
She put her hand on my knee so that I looked up and into her face.
“Is my son a good kisser?”
For a few seconds I just looked at her in surprise. Then I said:
“The best.”
“Do you love each other?”
"Very."
“Do you make him happy?”
“That’s what he says, yes.”
“Are you taking good care of him?”
“I try my best, but he tends to overestimate himself, to take on more than is good for him…”
“What kind of person is he?”
"A very good one. He's always friendly, humorous, and honest. He's also incredibly smart. He graduated from high school with a 1.2, top of his class. I have the newspaper article in my wallet..."
I unfolded the photo of the headmaster and the short report, and she read it with fascination.
"5,000 euros and an important young research award. My son is brilliant."
“Yes, that’s him.”
“I think I did the right thing back then.”
“I think so too, otherwise we probably wouldn’t have found each other.”
She laughed.
“Welcome to the family, David.”
“How did you know?”
"I asked Max if he was currently in love, and he said yes. That's when it became clear to me. You don't bring your best friend to something like this when you have a girlfriend. Our family is tolerant. And I'm glad Max has such a good friend."
"Thanks."
"Thank you. Then I'll go back. Are you coming?"
Max was being taken over by two men who were trying to find a topic to talk about. Football, cars, pretty women... Max looked a bit helpless. I sat back down next to Maya, who gave me the little one and stretched.
“Well, my mother got her hands on you.”
"A little bit …"
"Did you make it through okay?"
"Clear."
The little one practiced a few different facial expressions and drool ran out of his mouth, which I wiped away with his cloth.
“Do you want children too?”
"At some point, sure. But first I want to study."
"Yes that would be nice …"
“What did you do before the little one came?”
"Pediatric nurse. I'll get some parental allowance first, and then I'll see what happens next."
“And his dad?”
“Is back to Spain.”
“Oh, I’m sorry…”
“It was better that way, believe me.”
I looked into her green eyes again, a little too long. She said.
“You’ll make a good dad.”
"Thanks. …"
Max was just refusing a beer. The two men were becoming increasingly confused about what to do with him. I couldn't help but grin, but Max seemed increasingly uncomfortable. Maya leaned toward me.
“He is different from the other men in our family…”
“Yes, I notice it… maybe I should come to his aid…”
Maya took the little one from me and I squeezed onto the other bench.
"Ah, David. Will you at least have a beer with us?"
"That non-alcoholic one. I still have to drive."
“You drive a nice car, by the way.”
"Yeah, I pushed it a bit on the highway. I'm telling you, I thought I was about to take off. And this is supposed to be a family car..."
"Have you seen the new X5 yet? That's my big dream. A desert rally in an X5. One man and his car."
As I continued the conversation, Max looked at me with a mixture of surprise and... a wrinkled nose. I let the bully out a bit, for God's sake. Just for socializing. Luckily, Maya soon engaged him in conversation about his studies and then they started talking about some medical devices. Both of them had a lot to contribute to that. I was just saying that unfortunately I couldn't watch football because I usually had to work in the evenings when the thought occurred to me to look at the clock again. Half past four. I interrupted the conversation briefly to tell Max that. He seemed just as surprised as I was that it was so late and was obviously reluctant to leave just yet. Sonia had heard that we would have to leave soon.
"Oh, guys, you can't do that. Later we'll have a campfire and grill again over an open flame. Then the fun really begins. You have to stay!"
Max looked at me pleadingly. How could I have dragged myself away on such an important day? I went to a quiet corner of the garden and called the restaurant.
"It's me."
"David? Don't tell me you're not coming."
"I'm sorry, but it's really important. I can't leave here right now."
“Do you know what’s going on here?”
“Maybe someone can help out spontaneously…”
"On Saturday night? Damn, if you'd said something sooner..."
"Sorry, I just thought I could make it to five."
"Where are you?"
"The …"
"...you can't say, of course. Since you've been with Max, you've had a lot of secrets... Then be here all day Monday and Tuesday."
"Aunt Cora, Max's parents are coming back on Thursday. I'd like a few days..."
„David!“
"Don't get me wrong, I'm having the time of my life right now. This will never happen again..."
"Perhaps you should spend the five weeks you're still here with him, and I'll look for a replacement for you starting immediately."
“So many Cora…”
"I have to think about business, David. I don't want my people to feel like they're being blamed just because you're my nephew."
“I’ll be there tomorrow, and then we’ll talk.”
"Save it. I hope you have a good time."
With that, she hung up. Great, wonderful. So I had lost the job that had provided me with a good living for five years. It wasn't so much the money that I would miss. In a month, I would have had to find something else anyway. It was an unpleasant farewell; I hadn't imagined it would be anything like that.
When the joyful noise from the beer benches washed over me, I almost felt sick because it was so contrary to my mood. I retreated to the stream and threw small stones into the water.
„Hey.“
„Hey …“
"Sonia told me you were here. Is everything okay?"
“I don’t want to talk about it now.”
He sat down next to me anyway.
"Okay. Can I do something?"
"You haven't decided yet whether I'm a buddy or a friend today, as you need me to be. But what if I need you as a friend today?"
He pulled me into his arms, lifted my chin, and kissed me tenderly. We sat there for a few minutes, holding hands and watching the fish, until I became restless, not wanting to keep Max busy for so long. After all, he was here to meet his family.
“We should go back.”
“Yes, probably.”
But he kissed me again for a long time before we stood up. I let go of his hand.
"What are you doing? I'm your friend."
“I think I’ve filled up enough…thanks.”
He grinned at my expression.
When we came around the hedge, only Sonia looked over. She smiled knowingly. I hadn't even told Max that she'd guessed. Soon everyone was engaged in some kind of conversation again. Maya put the little one to sleep in the caravan, which was heated by an oil heater. It was getting dark. A campfire was lit. No one left, no one came. After long discussions, the two girls were bundled up by their mothers in warm trousers and sweaters. We moved the benches closer to the fire. Somehow, I ended up next to Max.
“Do you need a pill?”
"No, I'm fine."
"Are you cold?"
"That's OK."
“There’s a blanket in the car, I saw.”
“Not yet, but soon.”
„Okay.“
“Maybe you could warm me up a bit…?”
"Secure?"
He nodded, and I swung a leg over the bench so I was facing him, and he leaned against my chest. I put my arms around his waist, marveling at how natural this touch felt now.
“Here, there are enough blankets.”
Sonia held out a rough gray blanket, which I threw around us. Max placed his legs over my right leg. 'If I didn't hold him, he'd fall,' I thought to myself. It was getting so nice and warm. For a moment, my lips touched his neck. That smell... When I looked up, I caught a strange look from Maya, who was sitting on the other side of the fire. I smiled at her, but she looked away. I focused on Max again.
"That is nice …"
“Tell me if it gets too uncomfortable for you…”
"Never."
“You’ve been giving me so much strength lately.”
He whispered, I got goosebumps.
“Oh, I’m just with you, it’s pure self-interest.”
"I think I'm feeling better now. Now you can stop acting tough. What was going on before?"
“Do you really want to talk about this now?”
He just nodded.
"All right. My aunt will find someone to replace me right away, not in September."
"What? Why? ...Oh... because of me, right? Because you needed time off so often..."
"I told her I'd rather spend the time with you. I've saved up quite a bit, I also get some money from my parents... I can live with my dad rent-free... I don't really need a job right now."
"You've never said it like that before. It wasn't your decision, was it?"
"Sort of. If I'd really wanted to, I could have changed her mind. It'll just be strange not working there after five years..."
“Can I help you?”
“Spend your time with me, that’s all I want.”
"Very gladly."
“Do you like it here?”
“It's so different from my parents' house... it's really kind of strange... it all still seems unreal to me...”
"I can understand."
"But this doesn't seem unreal to me anymore, David. It's like we've always been together."
“Yes, for me too.”
"I don't really fit into either family. But I fit with you."
I couldn't say anything, but simply pulled him into a long kiss that felt as if we'd never done anything else. I knew his movements, and he knew mine. I tasted him, as always and forever. If he had been a woman, I probably would have fallen to my knees before him at that moment...
Maya kept looking over with that strange look. As she walked toward the caravan, I took the opportunity, left the blanket with Max, and followed her. Glancing back over my shoulder, I saw two new people approaching. A young woman, short and dark-haired... she looked a bit like Sonia, at least in the light of the campfire... and a tall guy who seemed somehow familiar to me... He was well-built, maybe mid-20s, wearing a dark Metallica shirt... that's all I saw.
„Maya?“
“And?”
"I thought maybe we should talk..."
“Come with me to the stream.”
We sat down on the bank and got some cold Coke from the water.
“You looked so strange…”
"Yeah, I'm sorry... you know, since the little one was born, I haven't had much of a chance to socialize... I thought you... you'd be interested..."
„Was? An dir? Oh …“
“Yeah, pretty far-fetched, I know…”
"No, not at all... if I were into women, you'd be exactly my type."
“You’re just saying that…”
"No, really. Just your green eyes..."
“Which Max has too.”
“Exactly, exactly my case…”
“And Orlando wouldn’t bother you?”
"On the contrary. That's ideal. If he's nice, I can take care of him, and if he smells, he's your son again."
She laughed.
“I’ve never seen it like that before…”
"I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression... it's the eyes, I just can't tear myself away from them..."
“Max is really lucky.”
"I'm the lucky one. So, shall we check on the little one again?"
"Clear."
By the light of a small nightlight, we saw that he was sleeping peacefully, still well tucked in. As we walked out, we were greeted by singing voices and guitar music. The guy was sitting next to Max, playing while pretty much everyone else was singing Summer of '69...
“Who is that?”
"I don't know, my cousin brought it, never seen it before. Ah, we're grilling again."
“Wow, I’m still totally drunk…”
“Yeah, me too… well, just don’t show any weakness.”
I sat down on another bench and watched as Max studied the guy's chords. Three or four songs later, the guy passed the guitar to Max and spread out a blanket in the grass a few meters away. He was typing on his phone... why did he look so familiar? You'd think I'd remember such a... yeah, good-looking guy... Sonia handed me a beer.
"Can you give this to him? My English is rusty..."
“Oh, he’s English?”
"American."
Then I guess I didn't know him after all... I went over.
“Want some beer?”
“Sure, thanx. … Wanna sit down? ”
“Sure … I’m David. ”
“Jordan. ”
“So you’re from the States? ”
“Yes, from L.A. ”
“Really? Cool. I’ve been there once, but I hardly remember. Only the Universal Studios. ”
“Yeah, those are quiet memorable, aren’t they? So are you one of Nina’s many relatives? ”
“No … I haven’t even met her. I’m new to the family. ”
“So you can’t help me with the names? ”
“Not really, no … You’re good on the guitar. ”
“Thank you. Do you play? ”
“No, I tried it, but I’m not really talented …”
“You’re English is good. ”
“It’s been my major. ”
“What else do you speak? ”
“French, a little bit of Spanish, even less Italian …”
“Well, I’m half Italian. I understand almost everything, but I can’t find the words myself. ”
“That’s very common …”
His cell phone vibrated.
“Sorry …”
He tapped around for a moment, smiled, and put it away.
“You were saying?”
“I lost it … you’re grinning. Girlfriend?”
“Husband. He just got out of bed.”
“Husband? You mean your husband?”
“My husband, yes … well not really … the law in California doesn’t allow gay marriage yet.”
Ever since I started dating Max, handsome gay guys started popping up everywhere.
“You’re gay? Really?”
“Last time I checked …”
“Sorry, I just don’t know if, in a situation like that, I’m supposed to just tell you that I’m too.”
“Really? Okay … you’re the first German gay guy I met.”
“Not really. You’ve met my boy-friend, Max. The one with the guitar.”
“Oh, okay … cute.”
“Isn’t he? He is the cousin of the girl you came with.”
“Okay, I’ll try to remember … Now it’s kind of getting cold here …”
“Now that you mentioned it …”
“Let’s get back to the fire …”
Max put the guitar down again and pulled me toward him. Jordan sat down on another bench and played quietly to himself.
“So, what did you talk about?”
“That would interest you, huh?”
"Yeah, sure! He looks really damn good, huh?"
"Say, Max, I've never heard you talk like that before...I have one piece of good news and one...no, even two pieces of bad news for you. Which one first?"
“Bad good bad.”
“Okay, the first bad news: you’re taken.”
“Oh, yeah… okay, I can live with that.”
"Oh, so. Then the good news: He's actually gay."
"Of course he's gay. Hello?"
“What hello?”
“Everyone knows that…”
"Huh?"
“Now tell me you didn’t recognize him.”
“Uh… help me out…”
"Man, David! That's Jordan Bonanno! The singer of Summerskin."
I looked at him again over the fire.
"Indeed. He seemed so familiar to me."
“So the second bad news was that he’s married, huh?”
“Yeah… what was it again? That was kind of a scandal.”
"His husband spent a few years in prison because he and his friends attacked some black boys. One died... Pictures surfaced, of some Nazi tattoos and such... There was even speculation that Summerskin broke up because of that. In the end, Jordan married him despite all the opposition. That was the big headline this spring... about whether this man deserved a happy ending and all that..."
"Yes, that's right. I thought back then how much you must love someone if you're willing to give up your band, your reputation, and everything for them, and forgive them for their past..."
"Yeah, pretty crazy. And now he's sitting there strumming his guitar. And he really looks so good... almost out-of-place-good... like the elves or something..."
“Because he’s so tall and he radiates this self-confidence…”
"His husband is even taller than him. Can you imagine being a couple like that? I mean, the two of us can blend in if we want to, but those two attract attention wherever they go."
"No wonder you become self-confident. You have no choice..."
Jordan smiled at us, and we felt totally caught out. He came over.
“Guess now you know who I am, huh?”
“Yes … you looked familiar right away …”
“Yeah, I always do …”
He gave Max the guitar and disappeared toward the stream, presumably to get something to drink. The baby was crying. Maya immediately stood up.
“When he wakes up alone, he’s always scared…”
“Then I’ll keep him company for a bit.”
“Cool, thanks.”
When I entered the caravan, I was surprised to see that Jordan was already inside, his head almost hitting the ceiling and his little one in his arms.
“I heard … him or her on the way.“
“Him.”
“Yours?”
I laughed out loud.
“No! He is Max’s nephew. How could he be mine?“
“I have kids.“
“Really? I never heard that.“
“I try to keep them off the spotlight.“
“So, how did you manage to get them?”
“The old-fashioned way. Fell for a girl, and you know how the rest works.”
He sat down with the little one and gestured for me to sit down too. His attractiveness really bothered me. It was almost frightening.
“How old are they?”
“Josh is 13 and Gwen is three and a half. Dylan and me are thinking about adoption.”
“Really? A third kid? ”
“Josh and Gwen live at their mother’s most of the time … besides: they are mines, but nor Dylans.”
Orlando had fallen asleep again. He looked so tiny in Jordan's arms...
“I see …”
“You want kids? ”
“Sure … but later. ”
“How old are you? ”
“20. ”
“And your boyfriend? ”
“Turns 20 next month. ”
“How long have you been together? ”
“Not even two month, but it seems longer.”
“Wow, that’s fresh. ”
“But we’re very serious. ”
“Yeah, I often thought that, too. … Sorry, didn’t want to preach …”
“No, that’s okay. You’re a married man. Surely you’ve got some wisdom to share …”
He laughed quietly so as not to wake the baby.
“Yeah, right. Well first things first: it’s not eternal sunshine. It’s not just fun. It’s work.”
“Got a taste of that, already. But still, the fun part weights heavier.”
“Exactly. Second: don’t trust destiny. You know like ‘Oh, we’re meant to be together, nothing’s gonna come between us.’ Bullshit. Again: it’s work. That’s the point I missed many times. I met people and maybe some of them really were meant for me. But I got careless. I trusted destiny and lost every single one of them … mostly to somebody else. Here’s what changed: For me and Dylan, we decided we are meant to be and that it is our responsibility to make it work. The secret sounds simple, but it really isn’t. Commitment. Making sacrifices, compromises, be loyal, no matter what. That’s why you can’t let destiny decide who you will be loyal to for the rest of your life. Well, done with the preaching. Amen. ”
“Amen. ”
“What do you think? ”
“I think Max is worth the effort. And he is always doing the right thing, is gentle and friendly. It’s easy to be loyal to him. ”
“Good for you. Well, this little fellow here is tightly asleep …”
He laid him down and I covered him. When I turned around, Jordan and I were suddenly standing very close together. I could smell his bitter aftershave and looked up at him... he was actually only four inches taller than me, but he seemed so tall... He looked into my eyes. For a split second, I imagined him easily lifting me off my feet, pushing me against the wall, and...
“I missed to tell you the most important third point: If you’re tempted to do something really stupid, get out your cell and call your husband.”
“Or get to your boyfriend near the fireplace as fast as you can.”
“Precisely.”
He already had his cell phone in his hand, and as I closed the caravan door I could still hear him talking:
“Hey Dylan … Nothing special. Just calling to hear your voice …”
Grinning, I slumped down on the bench next to Max. He wrapped the blanket around my shoulders.
"You're freezing. Where have you been?"
“Learned a life lesson.”
"Huh?"
I kissed him before he could ask any more questions.
We fished aluminum foil potatoes out of the fire and laughed a lot... Maya and the little one left at eight, the first others were already leaving, and I could see that Max wasn't really fit anymore.
“Well, my dear, I think I’ll take you home now.”
"But …"
“Come on, if you sit here sleepy, you won’t get anything out of the evening.”
“That’s right…”
“I’m sure we can come back here again sometime, huh?”
"And..."
While Max calmly said goodbye to Sonia, Jordan came over again.
“Already leaving?”
“Yes, I better bring him home …”
“Is he sick? ”
“No, he was hit by a car two weeks ago. He gets tired early and should get some rest …”
“Sure. … Well I’m leaving the day after tomorrow, so we probably won’t meet again. But I enjoyed our chat. Thank you.”
“No, thank you, for your advise. ”
“Sure thing. I wrote you down my aol-address. If you ever feel like it, send word. ”
“I will. Thank you.”
“Well then … there he comes …”
He politely said goodbye to Max and then we headed home.
"Everything okay?"
“I think so…”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not today…”
„Okay.“
So we remained silent on the drive home… Max's hand on mine on the gearshift…
It wasn't even ten o'clock yet, but Max fell asleep immediately at home.
But the next morning, oh yeah, it finally happened. I was woken up with a blowjob, and then we had sex. The first time lasted exactly two minutes... hey, I was totally starved. And then we did nothing else until two in the afternoon. Then we cooked, and over dinner, I recounted everything Jordan had told me in the trailer.
“He was hot for you!”
"That's not the point. It's about what he said. I think it's true."
“Yes, he’s right.”
“I want things to work between us.”
“Just do it.”
“Yes, it’s still easy… but I mean, forever.”
“Okay… that’s a nice thought.”
"Max, that's not just a nice thought. I mean it."
I was completely exhausted from our morning activity, which I realized when I stood up and walked over to him. He still had a piece of zucchini on his fork when I knelt down and took his good hand.
"I love you, Max. And I want to be with you forever. I want to be your friend during college, someone you can unwind with from the stress and take to parties where you don't know anyone yet... a student couple, after all. And after that, I want to be your partner when you're writing applications and starting your career. I want to move into a bigger apartment with you, squander our first paychecks... get a cat, and slowly get more serious... think about family, get used to the idea of caring for a child. At some point, we'll both be ready, and then we'll be a real family, with Sunday outings and parent-teacher meetings... and child-free weekends, and suddenly 19 years will be over, and we'll have the house to ourselves again and almost half of our lives ahead of us, and then we can travel and slow down at work, and grow old together, and during all these years, I'll fall asleep next to you and wake up next to you every day, and on walks, your Hold hands and watch as our reflection changes more and more, and I will love and honor you and always be good and honest to you, and our friends will ask us what the secret of our relationship is, and we will just smile and say that fate brought us together, and that we took over from then on and were rewarded for our efforts with a happy life together..."
“David… this is…”
"Wait. Max Weller, my heart and soul belong to you. And without expecting anything in return, I swear here on my knees before you that I will love you until my last heartbeat, give you what you need, and make you happy. I want you to be sure of this: as long as I exist, you will never be alone. That's a promise."
The next moment, I found myself on the floor, Max lying on top of me, pulling me tightly to him. He kissed my neck passionately, then my lips. Then he whispered at least a dozen "thank yous." And then:
“I want rings.”
“And?”
"Yes. Let's go ring shopping."
“You know what rings mean, right?”
"Eternity."
"Then let's do this right. Let me get up."
We sat cross-legged on the floor next to the kitchen table, holding hands.
"Max Weller, will you wear my ring as a sign that we have sworn eternal love and fidelity to each other, and that we will seal this vow with a wedding as soon as we are on our own two feet?"
“Yes, that’s exactly what I want.”
I wasn't the least bit surprised by his answer. It was simply clear to both of us that this was our path, that this was exactly what we wanted.
On Monday afternoon, we drove into town, visited every jewelry store we could find, and bought the perfect rings. Plain silver, in our price range, with slightly rounded edges. We put them on our fingers right there in the store. It didn't matter how they got there, only that they stayed there until they were replaced with civil partnership rings. Afterward, we looked at two apartments that Max had found online. Both were small, old, dark, and far too expensive for their price. And then we visited my father.
"Ah! There you are, come in. Everything's ready now, except for David's room, of course."
I recognized some of the old furniture; everything was bright and friendly and didn't seem as empty as it had been last time.
"So, sit down. Would you like something to drink?"
"Water."
“For me too, please.”
My dad took a big bottle out of the fridge.
"What were you doing? Were you shopping?"
I dreamily twisted the heavy silver ring on my finger while Max answered:
“Yes, and look at apartments.”
“Are you looking for an apartment?”
“From September 1st, yes… Commuting is quite time-consuming…”
“What do you have in mind?”
“One or two rooms, no more than 500 euros cold.”
"There are two newly renovated attic apartments in this building. A real bargain. 450 euros plus utilities for one and a half rooms. Also from my landlord; he showed them to me once. It's an old building, like this one. Everything's been refurbished, with an interesting layout. If you want to take a look, the landlord also lives in the building. He'll definitely let us in quickly."
“Yeah, sure, that would be great.”
“Okay, then finish your drinks in peace, I’ll go and ring the bell downstairs.”
When we heard the front door, Max asked:
"What do you think? Would that work? Living in the same house as your dad?"
"Why not?"
“Wouldn’t he wonder why you spend so much time with me?”
"We're just friends. Now just wait and see what the apartments are like. If they're as great as my dad says, and the landlord's okay, then you'd be stupid not to take them. Think of the dark holes we've already seen today..."
“Yes, you’re right…”
“Or do you think your dad will find something better?”
“Only if I want to live in some kind of business premises… And besides, I’d rather manage it myself.”
“Okay… then I’m curious…”
The landlord was about Dad's age and actually seemed likeable. The two seemed to get along well. Max was introduced as a potential tenant, and we trudged up to the fourth floor.
"The apartments are arranged in mirror symmetry. Left or right?"
Two doors were right next to each other.
„Links.“
Mr. Kolber unlocked the left door, and it immediately became light. All the doors were open. We stood in a narrow hallway. To our right, there were no doors. That was the other apartment. The ceilings were at least two meters high. The first door on the left led to the bathroom.
“Just take a look around.”
Max went inside. The room was quite long, and not too narrow. Opposite the door was a large skylight, but one could stand under it. To the left was a sink and toilet, to the right a shower tray. Bathing! One could bathe here. The light yellow tiles gleamed... everything was clean and new. And there was a washing machine hookup and space for a few shelves. Yes, I liked that, and Max seemed thrilled too.
Right next door was the bedroom. Exactly the same length as the bathroom and with the same skylight. Dark, elegant-looking parquet flooring and white walls. The room was only about two meters wide, though... I imagined a large bed under the window, accessible only from the foot end. That was something, and thanks to the length, there was enough room for a wardrobe and maybe a bookshelf or something.
I noticed there was only one door. Kitchen and living room in one? I saw through the door that the room was very large. And there was a small balcony! Wow. I walked in behind Max. To the left, the room went back just as far as the others. I could already see the couch under the attic, a TV... a shelf in the corner... a desk on the balcony side. And to the right was a kitchenette, with enough work space and everything you could need. The fronts were a very light blue, which looked good. There would also be enough space for a dining table, and there was a refrigerator, a dishwasher, a stove with an oven, a microwave, and an extractor fan; it looked like something out of an Ikea catalog. I was simply thrilled.
“Well, what do you think, Mr. Weller?”
"I'm thrilled. And they really only charge 450 cold?"
"Yes, there are many interested parties, and I would probably get more. But I've been renting for a long time and have learned that it's better to lower the price a bit and be able to choose the tenant."
“Why don’t we sit down at my place and talk about the rest,” my dad suggested.
Mr. Kolber peppered Max with questions: What he was going to study, what his parents did, and so on. In the end, he seemed satisfied. No wonder, since Max was a model tenant. My dad also threw in the Planck Prize, and then everything was pretty much settled. Max wanted to come over with his parents as soon as possible. Mr. Kolber also offered to let him have the apartment for half a month's rent starting August 1st, so he could take his time moving in. Max thanked him profusely, including my dad, and I still couldn't quite believe it. The apartment was simply fantastic. The whole drive home, we spent planning what we would put where and where we would shop.
In the evening, Claudi and Thorsten came over, and we talked about the apartment and about Sonia and her family. Neither of us mentioned the rings. Max also said that he planned to keep in touch with Sonia and Maya, but that all the rest of the family was getting a bit overwhelming. Later, he called his parents, while I lay next to him and remained silent. He told them about the apartment, and Mr. Weller suggested we finalize everything on Friday, after he had personally viewed the apartment.
On Tuesday, my mother called and begged me to come home. I arrived at three o'clock, after Max and I had spent hours searching the internet for couches and beds, and then spent some time in the pool. Cora's bike was parked in the driveway. Wonderful, that didn't bode well...
The three women sat on the terrace and drank coffee.
"I'm here."
“Fine… do you want cake?”
“Actually, I just ate…”
“Sit down, I think we should talk…”
„Okay … ?“
“Cora told me you don’t work at the restaurant anymore.”
"Yes, that's right."
“Where do you spend your time?”
“With Max, you know that.”
“And your girlfriend?”
“Only with Max.”
“Are you and your girlfriend… are you still together?”
“I don’t have a girlfriend.”
"I see... that's why you're so weird... but you know? Everyone has to go through it... a breakup like this isn't pleasant, but it passes."
“Thank you for the wisdom…”
"What's been going on with you lately? You don't talk to me anymore, you're never home, you quit your job..."
"I'm quitting my job? What nonsense! All I wanted was a few days off! I've worked six days a week almost nonstop for the past year. I need a break before college starts. I just wanted a few days off!"
“You kept canceling at short notice!” my aunt defended herself.
“Maybe a few times, but you know everything is complicated right now.”
That made my mum sit up and take notice.
"Cora, do you know anything? Is he involved with drugs?"
"Hello?! Drugs? Would you perhaps ask me that yourself? How do you even come up with such nonsense?"
"You have secrets, David. You always look a little worried, and you're always off somewhere. And God knows why you didn't want to introduce us to your girlfriend! I'm worried! Talk to me!"
“Leave it, Mum.”
"No, David. What's bothering you so much? What's changed you so much? I want to know now."
I leaned back and closed my eyes for a moment. What should I do? My sister looked at me encouragingly, nodding barely noticeably. Cora avoided my gaze, and Mum pleaded again:
“Please, David.”
I took a deep breath.
"You want to know what changed me? I fell in love. And why it bothers me? Because it's a man. I fell in love with a man. With Max."
The sentences just hung in the air for a while. My mother looked at me in amazement; I could practically hear her thoughts racing...
“And he… her…”
"We've been together, yes. For two months."
“So there was no girlfriend at all?”
“Just a friend.”
"But... you never said you had such feelings... you even had girlfriends."
"But the feelings were always there. I'd known for a long time that I was gay... I just couldn't say it..."
"And you were with him the whole time? No drugs?"
"No drugs, just Max. I really love him, Mum. It's not a phase... nothing like that. And please don't tell me I can't know what I want yet. I'm almost 21. You were with Dad when you were my age, too."
"I know... you're an adult... oh David, why didn't you ever say anything? I could have helped you..."
"How? Would you have moved with me from this dump to a distant utopia where half the people are gay? You can't take that away from me, Mum... I'm different, Max is different. We met by chance and fell in love. I'm just worried about what will happen when everyone finds out about us... his parents, Dad... Grandma and Grandpa... my friends..."
“Oh David…”
She hugged me... I was so relieved I could have cried.
"The only thing that bothers me is that I didn't even suspect anything, really... what kind of mother doesn't sense something like that? Of course, I wonder what else is going on with my children that I have no idea about... How is Max? Can he come here?"
“Yes, I think so.”
"Then call him. Go on."
So I called him and simply told him that my mother would like him to join us for coffee and cake. To save us the wait, he drove to the house and was there within five minutes. I picked him up in the driveway, and as we walked to the terrace, I dropped the bombshell.
“I told my mother about us.”
"What?! What did she say?"
“That I should invite you for coffee.”
“You could have warned me…”
“I’ll do it now.”
As we turned the corner behind the house, I took his hand. When Mum saw us, she immediately came towards us, laughing joyfully.
“We’re finally getting to know each other properly, Max. Come here.”
She hugged him and whispered something to him. He later told me what she had said:
"You're one of the good guys. I'm glad to have you by his side."
Visibly moved, he sat down at the patio table between Klara and me. The atmosphere was suddenly relaxed and cheerful, and we talked about the apartment and how we imagined it all.
“That means you’ll have to talk to your father about it soon.”
"Once I live with him, yes. Then I'll have more peace and quiet and won't always bump into him in passing."
"What about your parents, Max? I'd like to invite them to dinner sometime."
"That's nice, but they don't know about me and David, so it's probably not such a good idea."
“But you’ll tell them, right?”
"Better not. You wouldn't be as understanding as she is."
"Call me Mona. And I think your parents would surprise you..."
He shook his head firmly.
“No, that would be really fatal as long as I can’t stand on my own two feet.”
"Well, then make sure you're on your own two feet soon. This secrecy can't be healthy. And you're always welcome here, Max."
“Thank you, Ms. L… Mona.”
“What are you planning to do today?”
"Nothing special. Maybe look online for furniture again... or tidy up a bit, since the Wellers are coming back the day after tomorrow..."
“The day after tomorrow? And then you’ll sort out the apartment?”
"Exactly."
“That worked out well.”
"Indeed. We were really lucky."
“And Dad.”
“Yes, it’s good that Mr. Lenz has such a good relationship with the landlord.”
“And you’re moving in a month, David?”
"Yeah, right, I haven't told you yet. I've already arranged it with Dad. I'm moving in on September 1st, just like Max."
We stayed until the evening, and Cora had to go back to the restaurant. Mum served us lasagna and a fresh salad. Then we went back to Max's.
"Your mom is great. Why didn't we tell you sooner?"
“I don’t know… really.”
“Why didn’t we tell her we were engaged?”
“Why didn’t we tell Claudi and Thorsten?”
“Strange, isn’t it?”
"Yes... but somehow I want to wait. We've only been together for such a short time... to outsiders it might seem rushed, but I want to be taken seriously..."
“Yeah, I think that’s why I didn’t say anything…”
“Look at these, for 499.”
"But terracotta? I don't know... and the backrest looks so short again..."
“Maybe we should go to some furniture stores tomorrow and try out the seats…”
"Yes, we can do that. Maybe we'll have to order something... that'll take some time, too..."
"You, Max?"
“Yes, David?”
“...if you see us sitting like this, you might think we're moving in together...”
“We kind of do that too, don’t we?”
“But… shouldn’t I contribute something then?”
“My parents pay the rent.”
“What about the new facility?”
“I guess they’ll contribute something too.”
“I want to pay for the bed.”
"The bed?"
He grinned.
“Yes… I want to feel at home there too…”
“You are always welcome in my bed.”
"Now! I'm serious about this. I want to pay for something."
"Okay. Then I'll see what my parents contribute, and we'll split the rest somehow, okay?"
„Okay.“
"Daaaaaaaaaaaaay
„Hm?“
“We’re moving in together!!”
"Crazy, huh? After less than two months?"
"Not crazy at all. I'm so happy."
“You are my fiancé.”
"That sounds really uncool. Friend sounds much cooler. We're cool, we're young, we're having fun."
"You're right, that's why I call you friend, but the ring on your finger knows better."
„Pool?“
"Too cold."
“I’ll warm you up afterward.”
"Well then …"
The next morning I was woken up by my ringing cell phone.
"Hello?"
"Waaaaaaaaah!"
"Huh?"
“Guess who’s here?”
„Flo?“
“Yeah! Party at my place tonight.”
„Krass! Okay.“
“There are a few surprise guests.”
“Who’s home yet?”
"Surprise guests, David! I have beer and a grill. Bring gin and get some weed with Paul."
"Understood."
“See you tonight then.”
"Saucool."
Max was apparently already up. I went downstairs and found him engrossed in a magazine.
"Morning."
"Good morning. You always sleep soooo long. I want to go to Ikea and some cheap furniture stores."
“Okay, give me ten minutes.”
In the car, I told him about the call. Max was feeling better, so he drove.
“Flo… the loud one?”
"Exactly."
“And who all is coming?”
“A few old friends, he didn’t want to tell me who exactly…”
„Okay …“
“You can come with me if you want.”
"And out myself in front of half your class? I don't know if that's such a good idea... but as a friend, I'd like to go along..."
“Okay… but I warn you, the customs there are rough.”
"You're totally... transformed."
"My friends are back. The quiet life is over. Now the night is turned into day again."
“Hey, the sparkle in your eyes is almost scary…”
"I'm just happy. The year of loneliness is over! I'm so excited to see who's here."
We did a quick tour of four furniture stores and were back home by 2:00. And we had found a couch, which we reserved. A display piece, almost half price. 500 euros for a dark brown corner couch that looked really chic and modern. We were so proud of our find.
“Well then, it’s time to clean up again, eh?”
“I still have something to do…”
"What?"
"Something with Paul. You don't want to know."
“David, what?”
“We still need to do some shopping for tonight.”
“Sure, I’ll come with you.”
“Buying weed.”
At first he didn't say anything and just looked at me in total shock.
"Not really, right? You're kidding."
“Just a few grams, for the general public… that doesn’t mean I have to smoke it…”
"Are you crazy? You can't go buy weed! Are you out of your mind?"
"Max, don't get upset. We've always done it this way. It's completely harmless."
“Then Paul should just go alone…”
“This is too much for one…”
“You expect to get caught?”
“It’s just a precaution… and anyway, driving alone is boring.”
“Where are we going?”
"Half an hour from here, such a small town. We know the stuff is good..."
"Listen to yourself! That's totally... just crazy!"
“Now Max, give me this one evening to reminisce about old times.”
"Please, whatever you want. But I'm definitely not going there."
“We can talk about that when I get back…”
Two hours later I was back.
“You didn’t bring that stuff here, did you?”
"No, we left everything with Paul. Hey, things are looking pretty good here. I'll continue upstairs then..."
At six I asked Max again.
“Well, are you coming with me?”
“I want to keep an eye on you…”
“Hehe, okay, maybe not so bad…”
Why on earth did I say that?
"Anyway, I still have a few things to buy. Are you coming with me?"
“Sure, I still need something…”
We got some barbecue meat and two bottles of gin and orange juice to mix. Max wanted wine.
"Seriously?"
“I thought I’d take it easy.”
"Then drink beer. Wine will only get you stupid comments."
“Oh man, promising.”
"Just ask Claudi if she wants to come along. Then you'll definitely feel more comfortable..."
“Can I just bring someone along?”
“If that person has breasts, yes.”
"Oh man..."
Claudi arrived at eight, and we left at nine. We could already hear voices coming from the garden.
Indeed. Sitting there were Flo, his girlfriend Chrissy, Tom, Michi, Anne, Jenny, and Julia.
„David!!!“
"Hello everyone."
The girls immediately stormed me and started chatting about chocolate cake, films I hoped I had seen, Rome, Berlin... I don't know what else. Most of them had only been back yesterday, so pretty much everyone was seeing each other for the first time. But from one second to the next, it was like old times again. The coals in the grill were already glowing, Paul came and put the two bags on the table. The girls brought salads. Beer was being passed around, stories were being exchanged, and people were talking about films, music, and computer games. When I looked at the clock, it was half past eleven. Max and Claudi were standing in the garden, looking at something in the sky. A dowel was making the rounds... oh yes, wonderful. By now I had switched to gin.
"David!!! You pigs! You said... they said you weren't coming!"
"Jana!! And they told me you're not home yet."
She was already sitting on my lap, planting kisses all over my face. I don't know why I didn't immediately look at Max or something... anyway, I was ecstatic to have Jana back with me. She was the first girl I'd ever slept with... and after we broke up, she'd become something like my best friend... best friend with a hands-on approach, still. That was convenient because the boys didn't bother me... she was an alibi and company... we liked each other, but we both knew we weren't really meant for each other... And then she'd gone to Australia for a year as an au pair... that, and Paul's ten months in India, had been a tough blow. And now they were both back. Paul was sitting next to me, giving me the boot, Jana was sitting on top of me, still ranting at the others for messing us up. It wasn't until Flo yelled, "Now shut up and kiss him already, damn it."
Only then did I look for Max. He wasn't sitting in his seat anymore, and neither was Claudi... Paul whispered to me:
“They went into the house towards the street and didn’t look particularly happy…”
“Fuck… Let me get up, Jana…”
“What’s going on now?”
"I'll be right back …"
Max and Claudi were sitting on the curb. When they saw me approaching, Claudi stood up and walked past me, glaring, back to the house.
„Max …“
"Save the bullshit. You know, everything you said, and the rings... you're putting everything on the line... What do you expect me to do? I'm supposed to watch all this? No, be quiet! I'm going home now. Come when you've had enough of the old days. Do what you want, but don't let me watch. Good night, David."
“But don’t just leave now.”
"If I stay, this will end badly. One more thing. Explain to your friends that gay isn't a synonym for shit."
He left me standing there... Claudi scurried past me and was back at his side. How I hated that sight. I sat back down. What should I do now? I couldn't just disappear... I had to at least say goodbye.
"There you are again. We're doing the truth round."
“I actually just wanted to…”
"Sit down, play a few rounds. The motto is 'Everything I did last year.' We have a lot of catching up to do."
“Okay, but only briefly…”
"Okay, so the question is, when was the last time you had sex. Michi?"
"Oh come on, that question is really funny. What does that shit say?"
“Ah, has it been that long?”
I saw my people through Max's eyes. Drinking, smoking weed, cracking jokes... and gay as a synonym for shit... I completely ignored that...
“Three months ago… but before that…”
“We don’t care.”
„Flo?“
"This afternoon. Hee hee hee."
Chrissy blushed…
„David?“
"Last night."
“We’re talking about sex with another person…”
"Yes. Last night."
“With whom?”
“No questions about enlargement!”
"Oh, gay game, fuck it. Now tell me. Who did you pick up?"
Jana said: “Yes, I would be interested in that too…”
“Only if you swear to me that it won’t leave this round.”
"Ready..."
“Of course, man, count on it.”
„Max.“
"Max? Is that an abbreviation? Maxima or something?"
“No, the Max who just left.”
"Wait. You're fucking a guy?"
"Looks like this."
„Fuck!“
“At least he has money…”
“Oh, shut up, I’m serious.”
“So you’re a sis… gay?”
I nodded and stood up. This time, no one stopped me as I left. As soon as I turned the corner, I called Max.
"What do you want?"
"Wait. I'm on my way to you."
“Then we’ll wait here at the gas station…”
“Then I’ll soon catch up with you… See you soon.”
Paul and Jana came after me.
“Well, are they already tearing each other apart?”
"You can count on it. Where's Max?"
“Wait with Claudi at the gas station…”
Jana said:
“I’m sorry… if I had known…”
“It’s okay… you couldn’t have known…”
“Should we leave you alone?”
“Not as long as Claudi is still there, no…”
So we walked quickly to the gas station. Max and Claudi were sitting outside with a pack of gummy bears. I pulled him up and kissed him, hoping he wouldn't push me away. He kissed me back. I tasted a yellow bear.
“I was an idiot and I’m sorry.”
„Okay …“
“I had somehow turned off my brain…”
"Allegedly …"
"This is Jana. We were together, but that was quite a while ago..."
Jana shook Max’s hand.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know about you… otherwise I wouldn’t have intruded like that.”
“It’s okay… really.”
I could see that it wasn't okay, but he obviously wasn't going to let it slip in front of the others.
“Shall we go home?”
“No, Claudi and I wanted to go to the pond.”
“Oh, I see…”
I didn't dare ask if we could join them. Luckily, Paul asked, and so we headed toward the pond. I kept taking Max's hand, but he kept finding…as if by chance…an opportunity to let go. My stomach was churning; I was drunk, stoned, and guilty. I just wanted to hug him and tell him he shouldn't be hurt anymore. I wasn't worth it. Either the others were speeding up or I was slowing down; I could see them far ahead of me, felt my stomach cramp, and tasted bitter bile. The next moment, I was puking on the side of the road. It wouldn't stop. My eyes and nose were already overflowing. I could only hope I hadn't puked myself. Finally, it seemed to be over. Someone was holding out a pace for me. Paul. Max was nowhere to be seen. My knees felt so weak…and Max wasn't there.
“Are you okay?”
That was Jana. I just nodded because I didn't want to risk opening my mouth to speak.
"Max gave us the key. You should leave it outside for him."
So we turned onto the dirt road to the old Heider estate.
“Can you manage on your own?”
"Yes, and..."
“We can also stay…”
“I just want to sleep.”
"Okay. Don't forget to leave the key outside for Max."
They both hugged me and then I lay down on the couch and fell asleep almost immediately.
"Morning..."
“When did you get home?”
“Around two.”
I sat up and immediately regretted it.
“Too bright.”
“Here, drink this. Aspirin Plus C.”
I drank it greedily, but almost vomited it up again. Max sat down next to me and stroked my back.
“Claudi advises me not to get involved with you any further…”
„Was?!“
“Don’t worry, I don’t plan on taking her advice.”
But now I was awake.
“Damn, what does she think she’s doing?!”
"She just said what any good friend would say after last night... But I know you weren't yourself. I got to know you completely differently. Responsible, thoughtful,... loyal."
"I wasn't... I wasn't messing around with Jana or anything. I wasn't doing anything with her that you wouldn't do with your best friend."
“You were with Jana.”
“What does that have to do with it?”
“It’s different when she jumps on your lap and licks your whole face…”
"She won't do it again now that she knows I'm forgiven."
“You knew you were taken.”
“Well, maybe I should have said stop earlier…”
"... oh yes!"
“…but at that moment I didn’t know how to explain it…”
“Don’t come on the tour now…”
"Yes, that was the thought that popped into my head. This secrecy brings nothing but trouble, so I told everyone the truth."
"What?! Are you crazy? Tomorrow the whole town will know!"
“I made them promise that it wouldn’t leave the circle.”
“Ah, yes then… honorable men that they are…”
"Hey, they're still my friends. They'll keep quiet. Besides, they probably don't want anyone to know there's a faggot among them."
“Why do you surround yourself with people like that?”
“They have always been my friends…”
“No wonder you never told anyone…”
“Neither do you.”
"Yes. Claudi and Thorsten. I didn't have to worry about them calling me a faggot behind my back."
“Paul and Jana would never do that either.”
“Then why didn’t you ever tell them?”
"I don't know, I just wasn't ready yet... listen, I have a headache. Can we please just talk about sensible things?"
"I don't want you to smoke weed, and I certainly don't want you to buy weed. Promise."
“Okay, I won’t buy anything anymore and I won’t smoke excessively anymore.”
“No, not at all anymore.”
“Not even with Paul?”
"No."
“That’s really hard…”
“David, these are my conditions.”
“Well, then I guess I have no choice.”
I went to take a shower while Max did some cleaning.
"I have to leave in an hour to pick up my parents. Do you want something to eat?"
I shook my head and gave him a look that told him not to talk about food.
"Okay... Go get some fresh air, huh? I still have to do laundry and stuff..."
“Can I help you?”
“No, you don’t look good at all… Lie down…”
„Okay …“
"Hey, wake up... I have to go. Come on, I'll drive you home."
„Okay …“
I already felt much better. Even the winding car ride didn't bother me.
“Okay… I’ll call you tonight…”
“Okay… I don’t want to get off with this uneasy feeling in my stomach…”
"Everything's fine. A strange evening, I can live with that... but that's enough."
"Yes, I promise. I love you, Max."
“And I love you.”
I hung around for the rest of the day... read, played games, ... ate something at some point... Klara came home and drove straight to the pond... she just briefly mentioned that we would get report cards the next day... At some point it was five o'clock and my mum came home.
“Alone today?”
“Max’s parents have come home…”
"Oh yeah. Do you want something to eat?"
"Later."
“Why are you so pale?”
“Yesterday we had a barbecue at Flo’s…”
"Okay... so he's home again. Great."
Mum wasn't on good terms with the entire group of friends... I retreated to my room until dinner was ready. That's when I learned that Klara now had a boyfriend too... the Neanderthal. Mum wanted to meet him, Klara refused... back and forth...
“What advanced courses did you take?”
“French History.”
“And who will take over?”
“It’s not certain yet… but Franz will probably be the higher-up and…”
At least that changed the subject.
Later, I drove to the pond with Paul and Jana, my cell phone always within earshot in case Max finally called. Jana told me that the others had tried to question her, whether she had suspected anything, and so on. Apparently, my coming out was the main topic of conversation, but no one talked to me... Jana told me about her family in Australia and the trips she had taken in between. Paul told her about India and I told her about Max. My cell phone just didn't ring. I drove home at twelve, which they both found very uncharacteristic of me... but I wanted to see if Max was online or had called home or something... But there was nothing there either. I lay down to sleep, alone... totally unusual... I missed him so much. He was probably still angry... what should I do? Then my cell phone vibrated. A text message.
"Sleep well. I love you. M."
"And I miss you too. Hope to see you tomorrow. I miss you. Can we still talk?"
My cell phone rang.
“Hello, my heart.”
“Hello David.”
“Sleeping alone sucks.”
“Yeah, totally.”
“Sneak up to me.”
“Oh David… not today.”
“What have you been up to?”
"I did the insurance paperwork with my parents, told them what I remembered, and talked them out of reporting the driver... And told them about the apartment. My dad and I are going there tomorrow morning... My parents said they'll put up $2,000 for the new furniture."
“How much?! We can’t possibly spend that much…”
"It counts as a birthday present and a 'good thing nothing worse happened to you' present. My mom insists I rub cream on the bruise every three hours, even though it's almost gone by now anyway... Well, parents... oh, and one more thing. You're invited to dinner here tomorrow."
"What why?"
"Don't worry, Claudi and Thorsten are coming too. My parents do this regularly. They want to know who I'm hanging out with. And after I told them how well you took care of me..."
“Oh God… help.”
"Don't panic. They're so grateful to you, you don't have to worry. Besides, I don't really care what they think of you anyway..."
"But not me. What should I wear?"
“Normal stuff, but clean and ironed and all… then you don’t look too tried…”
“And what should I bring?”
"No wine, that wouldn't be good. My parents think I should still drink bottled water with dinner... Flowers would be nice, but you don't really have to bring anything."
“Which flowers?”
"No matter …"
“Oh God… I definitely won’t be able to sleep now…”
"Don't stress. This will just be a casual dinner..."
“Yes, maybe for you…”
"So, let's think about the cell phone bill... Good night, David. Call me when you wake up."
"Okay, I'll do it. Good night."
"Morning."
"Good morning."
“Are you in the car?”
“Yes, my father and I are on our way to the apartment.”
"Ah, cool. Say hi to my dad if you see him. What time is that tonight?"
“At seven.”
"Okay, so we'll see each other tonight, right? Or do you have time before then?"
“No, not really…”
“Okay, see you tonight then.”
“See you later, bye.”
Klara came home, and I let her persuade me to turn off the computer and go to the pond. Paul and Jana came too. The rest of the group remained missing...
At six, I drove home, showered, asked Mom to iron some clothes, drove her car to a field where you could cut your own flowers, changed my clothes, got my bike, and at seven sharp, I rang the bell at Wellers. Max's mom opened the door.
“Ah, David. Welcome.”
“Thank you for the invitation.”
I gave her the flowers and she thanked me politely. Claudi and Thorsten were already seated at the table, as were Mr. Weller and Max. I was seated next to Thorsten. And as if they had been waiting for me forever, Mrs. Weller served the starter. A mixed salad with turkey strips. Somehow, no one said anything... Luckily, soft music was playing in the background... Then, when everyone was finished, Mrs. Weller immediately jumped up to take the dishes away. I stood up to help her. She waved me off, but I took the remaining plates anyway and followed her into the kitchen. A roast was simmering in the oven.
"Thanks, David. Just put everything over there. The roast will be ready soon, I think."
“Can I help with anything else?”
“Oh no… although… maybe you could try the red cabbage while I finish the spaetzle.”
Apparently, the main course was about to be served. Everything was nicely arranged, and Mr. Weller came to carve the venison roast. I was alone in the kitchen with Max's parents, praying I wouldn't drop anything. I looked at the small kitchen table for a moment... no, not thinking about that now. I carried out the red cabbage, which smelled vaguely of Christmas, and caught Max's pitying look as I went back to get the vegetables... Man, I was grateful when we all sat down at the table and filled our plates. The meal passed in silence again, and I tried not to stuff everything in too quickly, because it really tasted great, but I didn't want to be the first whose empty plate caused Mrs. Weller to jump up.
“Once again, wonderful cooking, Isa.”
"Oh, stop it. You seasoned the sauce."
The Wellers were flirting... yuck... apparently the vacation had renewed their love or something. I also caught a... irritated look from Max.
"So, David. Unfortunately, we didn't see your father today, but please give him my thanks. The apartment is truly a gem. Max was lucky. When I was at university, I lived in this dump with three other, not exactly appetizing fellows."
“One of them is still your best friend, my dear.”
“But he has learned to wash himself now.”
Everyone giggled. Then Mrs. Weller spoke more seriously.
"I still think it's a shame that Max won't have this experience. The time in the shared apartment was fun and educational at the same time... Living alone... won't you be lonely?"
"Oh, Isa. He should concentrate on his studies anyway. And he still has David."
"Yes, of course. You'll probably spend more time with Max than with your father, right?"
I felt my ears turn red…
“If the course allows it, probably, yes.”
Before dessert, a pear cream with fresh fruit, I had to tell everyone about the accident.
“But how did the hospital get your number?”
Max interrupted me.
"I wrote it on my emergency ID, just to be safe. Just a week before the accident."
"That was really good thinking. They would never have reached us. You were really lucky, Max."
“Yes, I know, I’ve heard that often enough.”
After dessert, Mr. Weller asked us what we were planning to do. It wasn't even nine o'clock yet, and I felt like I was about to burst.
"David has the house to himself. We want to watch The Lord of the Rings, all three parts."
“Oh dear, that will take all night.”
“Yes, I think I’ll be home tomorrow around noon.”
“Well, have fun, you four.”
And that was it.