‘Jonas, you have to get up!’ Damn, who was calling my name at such an unchristian time? Slowly I was able to organise my thoughts and my brain seemed to come to only very gradually. That I get out of bed well in the morning, can now really be classified in the realm of fantasy.
I opened my eyes briefly and saw my father Werner standing at my bed. He could hardly stop himself from grinning as he said: ‘Yeah, if you don't get into bed at night, you shouldn't complain in the morning!’
With the greatest effort, I managed to grumble a short ‘I'm awake.’ He seemed to be satisfied with that for the time being and disappeared from my room, but still with that terrible grin, humming something happily to himself.
As the attentive reader might have noticed by now, I am not exactly what you would call an early riser. By the way, my name is Jonas Florian Berger, all my friends call me Flo for short, except for my father, who calls me Jonas. I have been 16 years old for about two months and Werner is my breadwinner, sorry, legal guardian. Unfortunately, he is the only one of his kind, which means that only my father is there for me.
My mother died about a year ago in a terrible car accident. My father was in the car with my mother. He was also seriously injured in the accident and had to spend several weeks in hospital.
During this time, I was staying with distant relatives, but somehow I felt that they didn't care about me. My father took the accident quite well. But the loss of my mother is not only still affecting me, my dad is also still doing pretty badly sometimes. He doesn't let on and tries to bring calm and order into our lives, but I can still tell how much he misses Mum.
To make matters worse, my father lost his job due to the long period of illness. He worked as a clerk for a small company in the Ruhr area. Through connections, he has now found a new job after some time. And this is where I come in, because the new job is in a medium-sized town in Hessen. Errr, Hessen, yes, I know J.
So we had no choice but to move. We organised the move so that it took place during the summer holidays, so I didn't miss any more school time. I'm not what you'd call a nerd, but I'm still doing quite well in school, even though I had a lot of catching up to do due to my parents' accident and the stress that came with it.
We have now been through the stress of the move for a good week and a half, and unfortunately the holidays have also come to an end. Just this Sunday, and then the serious side of life begins again for me, that is to say, the 10th grade at a completely different high school.
‘Jonas, are you finally coming to breakfast?’ my father called out from the kitchen in a more forceful tone. That was the signal for me to leave the cosy warmth of my bed and drag myself into the bathroom.
Unfortunately, the accident and the costs associated with it have depleted our savings, and even with the new job, my father doesn't earn enough for us to be able to afford a spacious and generously sized apartment. That's why I don't have my own bathroom, but have to share Dad's.
It's not that we're poor, but we still have to think twice about every penny before we spend it. I'm used to it though, because even when my mum was still alive, we were always just able to keep our heads above water because she only had a temporary job.
In the bathroom, I now briefly performed the absolutely necessary, before I could devote myself to one of my favourite pastimes, eating. Winking, I always said to my father that I needed that for my growth when he once again marvelled at the quantities of food I devoured with an incredulous expression on his face.
It was very important to my father that I always had enough to eat and so he preferred to save at the other end. Thank God I don't put on weight, so I'm slim despite the incredible amounts of food I eat. But it's probably also because of the sport, because I go running with some regularity (it's not only fun, but also cheap!).
What else is there to know about me? I'm 16, I've already mentioned that. Oh yes, I have short blonde hair, blue eyes and I'm about 1.65m tall. And perhaps not entirely irrelevant is the fact that I'm gay.
I realised it a long time ago, but it has only been clear to me for about a year. I used to think that it was just a phase of puberty, as you can read in every teen magazine, but at some point the certainty crept in that I simply feel nothing for the opposite sex.
However, since I am quite shy and a real scaredy-cat, I didn't talk to anyone about it. Even my old friends from Dortmund didn't know about my ‘abnormality,’ as I thought at the time. I just didn't have the guts to tell any of them.
And I still haven't told my dad either, even though he's a really lovely and understanding father and would definitely stand behind me, and will do so once he finds out. But I still haven't dared to tell him.
Still tired, I sat down at the breakfast table and began to stir my tea with relish. ‘Jonas...’ my father began, ‘if you don't want to come, I understand.’
To explain: we had planned to go to my mother's grave in Dortmund again today to say goodbye, as we wouldn't be able to go there for a long time. ‘No, I want to go with you,’ I told him, looking him in the face.
My mother had been the most important person in our family for me, and I would have been the first to tell her that she could not expect any grandchildren from me.
While I was thinking about it again, all the memories that had faded came to light and I felt a tear running down my cheek. I'm not a crier, but I'm not quite over her death either. Hey, after all, I'm just a teenager going through the hormonal changes.
My father had noticed how suddenly my mood had changed and came over to me and gave me a hug. We cried together. This mutual consolation helped us both, and after a few minutes we continued our breakfast, but there was still a sad mood in the air.
After we had finished eating and washing up, we drove to Dortmund in our clunker. I don't want to bore you with boring details now, just so much that we arrived and made it back was already a bigger miracle.
At my mother's grave there were tears again, but it was okay. Afterwards we drove to our relatives and said goodbye to them too.
We came back late at night and I fell into my bed totally exhausted and fell asleep immediately.
After a much too short night my alarm clock woke me up with a hell of a noise the next morning. As you know, getting up is not really easy for me, but today it was even more difficult because the holidays were definitely over and it was time to go back to school.
So there was no way I could avoid getting out of bed. After only five minutes, I managed to drag myself out of my oh-so-warm bed and trudged to the bathroom. Dad is, somewhat incomprehensibly to me, an early riser, so I had the bathroom all to myself for a wake-up shower. Cleaned up, I ventured into the kitchen, where my old man was already waiting for me with coffee, rolls and boiled eggs.
I was quite amazed, because that's not exactly what we usually have for breakfast at home. We usually just have muesli and tea. ‘What's going on here?’ I asked, but Dad must have noticed my strange expression, because he cheerfully replied, “Yes, son. If you're going to take on the daily battle of education, then you should at least be strengthened for the challenge on the first day,” and grinned.
‘How thoughtful,’ I replied laconically, as I sat down at my desk and spread the first roll, “but no one said anything about wanting to.’
‘I hope everything goes well for you today,” my father began. “Yes, I think so, after all, I didn't do too badly in my old school,” I replied, chewing.
‘Jonas, I really hope that you won't have any problems at school. I rather mean that I hope you'll quickly find friends and make friends.’ “I would be happy with just one, and that would be a boyfriend,” I thought to myself, but just said, ’Yes, I hope so too.’
But Dad had hit the nail on the head with his remark, because after all, he knew only too well how shy I am and therefore it takes me quite a long time to build friendships.
‘You'd better hurry up a bit, otherwise you'll be late on your first day,’ he said shortly afterwards. I quickly looked at the clock and saw that he was right. Time had flown by during breakfast, and it was already really late. ‘Oh, what the heck, I'll drive you today.’ Dad still had vacation time today, so he had plenty of time. Normally I would walk the 15-minute route. ‘Great!’ I replied with a grin and shoved another half of a bread roll into my mouth under my father's astonished gaze.
Five minutes later we were sitting in the family car – an old Golf – and off we went to school. The closer we got to school, the stronger the butterflies in my stomach became. “What awaits you there?” it shot through my mind. And my nervousness increased by the second.
Finally we reached the school and Dad stopped briefly on the street and let me out. ‘Good luck, kid,’ he said goodbye. ‘Thanks, I need it,’ I replied and slammed the door a little too hard. Yeah, yeah, the damn nervousness.
I watched as my father turned the car around and drove away, honking the horn briefly. Then I was all alone and on my own. An absolute new beginning lay ahead of me. ‘Well, it won't be that bad,’ I tried to reassure myself as I climbed the first steps of my new school.
The first bell had just rung and some younger students tried to push past me and hastily enter the school before me.
My new school is a somewhat old-fashioned building from the late seventies. Overall, this school consists of three separate complexes, which are connected by walkways. There is the administrative wing with the staff room, offices and the cafeteria, the second complex houses the classes up to ninth grade and the third complex the classes 10-13.
‘Well, let's go,’ I encouraged myself and let the hasty fifth graders pass first. They giggled and laughed, not giving me a second glance. The usual chaos that I was already familiar with from my old school prevailed in the corridors, and I think this is somehow the same in all schools around the world. But at the beginning of the school year, it is somehow even more extreme, because everyone had to greet each other first and tell each other what they had been up to during the long summer holidays.
I stopped for the main course and let this impression sink in. Slowly but surely, the chaos cleared and the students went more or less quickly to their classes, so that I could briefly get a first overview.
In the school's letter to my father, it said that I should go to the secretariat in the first hour to register. So I quickly checked the location of the secretariat. Thankfully, someone at this school had thought of a signpost in the form of a board with directions on a wall. ‘So, to the secretary that way,’ I thought to myself and set off.
After two turns, up some stairs and along a somewhat longer corridor, a large door with a sign saying ‘Secretariat’ appeared.
‘Bingo!’ Since my parents placed a great deal of emphasis on good manners in my upbringing, I naturally knocked politely first and before the soft echo faded away, I already heard a crisp “Yes, please.” from inside.
So I opened the door and entered the office. And even now I saw something that is probably the same in every secretariat in the world, or at least in Germany. In addition to the usual plants on the windowsill and the coffee machine bubbling loudly away, there was also the secretary of the director, in this case Ms Schneider-Offlein, as I could see from the nameplate on her desk.
Ms Schneider-Offlein looked just as you would expect a secretary to look. A little overweight, around 50 years old, her hair pinned up, a hooked nose, over which perched enormous glasses, through which she looked at me and scrutinised me while she poured herself a cup of coffee.
‘You wish?’ She asked me after she had finished her examination and a certain amusement lay in her voice. Having become uncertain, I first looked down at myself to see if I had forgotten any important piece of clothing when I put it on. No, everything was there and even put on the right way.
‘Hello, my name is Florian Berger,‘ I replied. “I'm new here and I'm supposed to register,” I stammered.
‘Let's see... Ah, here we are,’ said Ms Schneider-Offlein, after she had leafed through a large stack of documents and conjured up a large index card. ‘Jonas Florian Berger,’ emphasising the Jonas excessively.
‘I'll report you to the director,’ she said, and after a short knock, she disappeared behind a heavy door with leather fittings.
A short time later, she came out again, holding the door slightly open. “Director Paschke is expecting you,” she said, pushing me into the room with a slight push. She closed the door behind me and I was in the lion's den, in the director's office.
I turned around briefly towards the door, while the director said, ‘Just a moment, I'll be with you in a moment.’ Only now did I realise that he was on the phone. So I took the opportunity to look around the room.
The director sat in his leather swivel chair at an enormous desk, which was covered all over with papers and books. Behind this huge table, he looked a little small and out of place. I estimated him to be about 1.70 m, but that can also be deceiving when someone is just sitting.
The students didn't seem to have worn down his nerves yet, because his hair was piled up in impossible shapes on his head and had probably not seen a brush that day. He wore small, metal-rimmed glasses, which suited him, I thought. They gave him that certain something and emphasised a face that was likeable at first glance.
There are people who you either like or dislike immediately. In my opinion, Director Paschke clearly belonged in the first category, but I didn't know exactly why.
There were still a lot of plants in the room and shelves with tons of books were set up along all the walls. It was a bit chaotic overall, but the room still felt cosy. Somehow not at all like you would imagine the room of a headmaster to be, where disobedient students are brought to their just punishment, if you are to believe old wives' tales. ‘I could imagine working here too,‘ it crossed my mind.
‘Yes, see you then,’ the director ended his phone call and quietly put down the receiver. He now looked at me, and like his vozi (an abbreviation for ‘Vorzimmerdame’, or ‘receptionist’), he now scrutinised me closely and then nodded briefly. ‘Hello. I'm Director Paschke,’ he replied seconds after finishing the examination and held out his hand, which I also shook with a brief nod, “and you must be Jonas Berger.” Without waiting for my answer, which would have been obvious anyway, he grabbed a file, my file, as I suspected, and began to leaf through it a little.
‘So, Jonas, can I call you by your first name?’ I nodded again briefly and he continued, “We have received the documents from your old school. It all looks very good. I think we'll get along well.” I smiled a little sheepishly; what else could I say? That I intended to cause trouble, beat up the caretaker, or what?
‘I'm very sorry about your mother,’ he began again, putting on a sad expression. That had shocked me a little. My smile had suddenly disappeared. “Yes, me too,” I replied in a hoarse voice. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to open old wounds,” he said apologetically when he saw my expression.
‘Then let's move on to something more pleasant. Here is your timetable. I will accompany you to your classroom in a moment and introduce you briefly.’ “Great, I thought. On the first day, the complete idiot who can't even find his classroom on his own.” “Oh, that would be very nice,” I replied. Have I already mentioned that I'm good at putting on an act? ‘Somehow all closeted gays seem to have that ability, I thought to myself.’
‘And now a few small rules that will certainly make life at our school a little easier for you...’ The usual nonsense about order, discipline, not wearing caps in class, not skipping classes, not smoking, etc. followed...
We will also have the pleasure of working together in English and mathematics, because I am your class teacher in those subjects,’ he said, not particularly amused. That didn't bother me, though, because I liked headmaster Paschke somehow from the start, and the way he behaved towards me suggested that the hours would be quite pleasant.
‘I'm curious to see what my old college friend Börgerhaaf taught you in maths,’ he said, jumping up from his chair. Now I could see that he couldn't possibly be taller than 1.60 m, because I, at 1.65 m, was quite a bit taller than he was.
‘Come on, let's go, otherwise you'll miss too much,’ and he opened the door and pushed me outside.
After a short walk, we had reached the third wing and five minutes later, after passing several corridors and staircases, we were standing in front of my new classroom.
‘It will probably take me forever to get to know my way around this school,’ it crossed my mind as the headmaster knocked briefly but violently on the door and, without waiting for an answer, opened the door and pushed me into the classroom behind it, slamming the door behind him again.
The voice, which incidentally belonged to my new GK teacher, immediately fell silent, looking up in surprise and at the director and me. Paschke immediately started rambling: ‘Excuse the interruption, Mr Weber, but I'm bringing you the newcomer, Mr Berger.’ ‘I hope you have fun and behave yourselves,’ he said to the class and before he left the room again, he grinned briefly at the class and finally at me, before we only noticed the slamming of the door
So now I was standing alone in front of the class, apart from the teacher. Some kind of stupid feeling, I can tell you. Thank God Mr Weber started right away.
‘So, Mr Berger. Welcome to the greatest event of this school year, my class.’ General grinning and quiet laughter from my future classmates. “Aha, a joker,” I thought again, but just nodded briefly as I looked at him.
‘Would you be so kind as to introduce yourself to us?’ Damn, exactly what I always hated, but it was probably unavoidable. I had to swallow briefly and noticed that, in addition to my teacher, all the students were now looking at me in a more or less bored manner.
‘Yes, um, so I'm Florian Berger, I'm 16 and I moved here from Dortmund with my father because he found a new job here.’ “Great, how witty,” it went through my mind and while I said this sentence, which meant the world, I looked around a little and looked at my fellow students.
At first glance, a normal class, and even at second glance, it remained so. Slightly more girls than boys and of the boys, nothing that could have melted my heart.
‘Wait a minute, who's that?’ In the second last row on the left, next to the spotty girl? Hallelujah! There sat a boy who captivated me immediately. About 1.75 tall, slim, short black hair, green eyes (as far as I could tell) and a smile that almost knocked me over. And with that smile he beamed at me. Wow, a real cutie!
I was now completely beside myself and just stared in his direction, unable to say anything. Suddenly, I noticed a clearing of the throat next to me.
‘Ahem, I don't want to disturb you, Mr Berger, but do you have anything else to tell us?’ came from the corner where my teacher was standing.
Shit, there was something else. What was it? Right, I was supposed to introduce myself, and instead I stared at this dream of a boy. I blushed bright red.
‘Yes, I think that's everything for now,’ came out of my mouth somehow, although I didn't know who was saying those words.
Do you know the book Crazy by Benjamin Lebert? Some of you may have also seen the film (yes, the one with the biscuit scene). In the book, Benjamin describes a scene when he had to introduce himself to the new class and didn't do a particularly good job of it. As a result, the girls didn't like him and the boys thought he was an idiot. At that moment, I felt exactly as he described.
‘Well, I think you'd best sit with Miss Wegener over there,’ said Mr Weber, pointing to a free seat in the back row. It was diagonally behind the desk with the hunk (*grins*). This school year could actually be quite nice! J
Well, after I had made a fool of myself, I was able to go to my seat. Of course, on my way there, I passed the table of my dream boy and I really had to pull myself together not to look directly at him. That would have given me away for sure if it wasn't already too late.
So I arrived at my pre-assigned seat and put my backpack on the table louder than I actually wanted to. I looked briefly at my fellow passenger, who, as I now knew, was called Wegener. She was actually quite pretty, if you like girls, I thought after I had checked her out very briefly. She was quite small and slim, with blonde hair tied in a ponytail and lots of freckles on a really pretty face.
‘Hello, I'm Florian, but for friends I'm just Flo,’ I said quietly in greeting. ‘Hi, Katrin,’ she replied cheerfully, smiling at me and stretching out her hand, which I gratefully accepted and shook. After I had sat down and unpacked my school things, the teacher also decided that the lesson could now continue and he continued with his lesson.
While he continued speaking, he, the dream boy, turned around and looked me in the eye. I thought I would die. ‘Hello, I'm Lukas,’ he said softly and grinned cheekily at me. ‘I hope we have a lot of fun together.’ Please, how should I understand that now? I was totally confused and just stammered softly, ‘Yup, it's not going to be me.’
I was totally lost and only heard through a haze as Mr Weber called my name. ‘So we'll continue with the November Revolution. Mr Berger, could you perhaps briefly tell us about the historical events and the course of this revolution?’
Oops, that's going fast here. Why are the newcomers always put through their paces as soon as they change schools?
‘So, we'll move on to the November Revolution. Mr Berger, could you perhaps give us a brief summary of the historical events and the course of this revolution?’
Oops, that was quick. Why do new students always get put through their paces as soon as they change schools?
But what the heck. I had to answer something and so I rummaged in the depths of my memory to conjure up something on the keyword November Revolution. We had this topic at the beginning of the last school year at my old school.
Luckily, I had to give a presentation on the period at the time (thank you, Mr Niemayer!), so I had already studied it a little more intensively. Unfortunately, I had forgotten a lot of it. After a few moments, which seemed like hours to me, I remembered a few things.
‘Um, the November Revolution...’ “There were sailors” uprisings in the port cities of the German Empire in the year... hmm... 1918, because they feared being sacrificed in the last days of the war. From there, the spark of revolution spread to almost all cities in the empire in just a few days. Workers‘ and soldiers’ councils formed everywhere, demanding the immediate cessation of hostilities and the abdication of the Kaiser and the princes of the land.
(Thinking) The Imperial Chancellor, I think his name was Prince Max of Baden, had the declaration of the Emperor's abdication published on his own authority, which was only confirmed hours later. Shortly thereafter, the last Imperial Chancellor transferred the affairs of state to Friedrich Ebert, the then-chairman of the SPD.’ I then continued to tell the story and told him everything I knew.
‘Hmm, ... yes, ... quite useful,’ said Mr Weber, nodding contentedly while he made some notes. Lukas suddenly turned around, smiled at me and gave me a thumbs up. “Cool,” he said, then sat back up straight. Katrin beamed at me too and whispered softly, ’Great, you're really good at this. Weber has never been so impressed by anyone here.’
I smiled quietly and happily to myself, a little red in the face, and just enjoyed this moment. But as it is with these moments, unfortunately they are over all too quickly. So it wasn't even five minutes before the lesson was over. The bell rang and Mr Weber ended the lesson, but not without assigning homework.
‘I know it's the first day of school, but they all look so relaxed and rested that a few assignments won't bother them,’ he said, opening the textbook. ’Please read chapters 9 through 13 and answer the questions in writing. Due next class.’
‘Great, off to a good start,’ I thought to myself, and I guess I wasn't alone in my opinion, because everyone made some comment and they didn't sound particularly enthusiastic. “See you then,” said Mr Weber, leaving us alone in the classroom.
Shortly after he left the room, most of the students got up. Some unpacked their breakfast, since it was a short break, while others talked to each other. But some also approached me.
‘Great performance,’ a boy said to me. “I'm Hannes, by the way,” he introduced himself and held out his hand. Hannes must have shouted twice when his height was being called out, because he was an estimated six feet tall and powerfully built, though not fat. You could tell that he did a lot of sports because his handshake was quite strong for a lightweight like me. It was a miracle that he hadn't broken my hand.
While he was introducing himself, he nudged Lukas, who was still sitting at his table and fumbling in his bag, in the side and said, ‘And by the way, I'm this bottle's best friend,’ and began to laugh loudly.
Lukas had to catch his breath after this little attack, but then recovered quite quickly. ‘Hannes, another gag like that, and I was your best friend.’ In revenge, it was now Hannes' turn to be teased, but he obviously enjoyed how Lukas tried to annoy him.
‘You can't take him like that,‘ said Lukas, pointing at Hannes. He may be big and strong and have an appetite like an ox, but inside he's a lap dog. Now it was Hannes’ turn to look annoyed at Lukas.
I had to grin inwardly at how the two of them teased each other. You could tell right away that it was all just fun and that they were really good friends.
Suddenly I heard some of the boys in the front row making fun of me. ‘Uh, uh, I'm from Dortmund...’ one of them imitated me, and two other boys standing around him laughed their heads off. The boy suddenly turned to me, pointed at me and snorted.
‘Don't worry about it,’ said Hannes suddenly. “They're the class idiots, they make fun of everything. And Matthias is their boss.” That was the boy who had imitated me. ’But be careful of them, they're not all right in the head.’
‘If you ever need help, let me know,’ Hannes started again and slapped me on the shoulder. I sank to my knees, but picked myself up again and pretended to brush dust off my shoulders. “Sure, I could use your help, but please don't kill me first,” I said to Hannes, and we both laughed heartily.
Now Katrin came too and sat down on the table.
My timetable came back to me. ‘Say, don't we have to go slowly, otherwise we'll be late for Franz?’ I asked the group. ‘No, we have French in this room,’ Katrin replied, while she slowly pushed a piece of bread into her cheek and chewed on it with relish.
‘Ah, good.’ “You won't repeat that when you've met Mademoiselle Levevrè,” Katrin said, grimacing. “That's right, the Lev has a real toad face,” Hannes said, nodding in confirmation of his words.
‘She's by far the worst teacher we have,’ Lukas also chimed in, making a face that I assumed was supposed to imitate Levevrè. He pursed his lips, raised his eyebrows and said in a fake French accent, ’Monsieur Lüka, I'm appalled. Haven't you understood the text yet?’ He batted his eyelashes meaningfully as he said this. Hannes, Katrin and some of the others standing around us had tears in their eyes from this performance and were clapping their thighs with laughter.
They managed to compose themselves in time, however, as the gong sounded, signalling the end of the break. No sooner had the last sound faded away than the door opened again and a woman entered the room.
She was about fifty years old and the type of an old maid. Flower-patterned granny dress, slim, her hair tied in a bun and much too large glasses on her nose. No, she really wasn't a beauty and she didn't necessarily emphasise her strengths with her outfit, if she had any at all.
It was clear that this could only be Madame Levevrè.
Immediately, all the students sat down on their seats.
‘Bonjour, Mesdames et Messieurs.‘ “Bonjour Madame,” it sounded from all mouths.
‘Comment allez-vous? I hope you all had a nice holiday,’ she said, looking around as she placed an eco-friendly straw bag with her materials on the teacher's desk.
‘Aah, nous avons un étudiant nouveau?‘ and looked at me. Well, that was probably my cue.
‘Qui Madame.’ ‘Et könnten sie sisch bitte seulement vorstellen?’
‘Uh, yes, uh, my name is...’ but she interrupted me, ‘en français s'il vous plait’.
Good heavens, why do you have to speak French in French class? So I quickly brushed up on my French and off I went.
‘Well, well, well, my name is Florian Berger. I live on Lingusterweg. My father is an employee. He says it's interesting but tiring.
What do you do in the evenings? I like films and pop music. Sometimes I listen to CDs with friends...’
It went on like this for about five minutes. I told something, she asked questions and I continued. It was quite bumpy in some places, but I was still quite satisfied. French was a little bit my thing and so I didn't find the interview that terrible. After five minutes, Lev let go of me, and she too seemed satisfied. She scribbled something in her notebook.
Now that I had my baptism of fire behind me, it was the others' turn. Ms Levevrè tortured one after the other and tested them, but she seemed to have her sights set particularly on a boy in the second row on the left.
It was Matthias, who had imitated me so badly before. French really didn't seem to be his strong point, because he stuttered so much that it was hard to understand anything. After about five minutes, the Lev realised that it was no use with him today, and picked out another victim. Somehow I didn't feel sorry for him at all.
While she was quizzing Lukas, I finally had the opportunity to take a closer look at him without attracting attention. Unfortunately only from behind, but at least it was better than nothing. I took in every detail.
He seemed to know a thing or two about fashionable clothing, because the stuff on him looked damn good. But somehow I would have thought everything on him was damn good-looking. Unfortunately, I didn't have that much money to be able to constantly go for the currently trendy outfit. So it happened that my clothes just had to last a little longer than others. But that wasn't so important to me. And what are brand names anyway?
Do you believe in ‘love at first sight’? For me it was definitely like that. I was blown away. Thank God I had already had Lev, so I didn't have to pay too much attention and could let my mind wander. And you can guess three times who my thoughts were about **grins**.
Thanks to the question and answer game, the double period went by quickly, so that it was time for the big break. Of course, the Lev hadn't let us go into the break without homework, but somehow I had expected that.
‘Do you already know our school a little?’ Lukas suddenly asked while packing his bag. “If you like, I can show you around a bit,” he said. “We have to go to the other wing for chemistry and physics anyway, so I can show you the Cafete first.” ’And we have a free period now anyway.’
‘Nothing would please me more,’ I replied. And I really meant it. Suddenly Hannes pricked up his ears. ’Cafete? Did I just hear Cafete? I'm so hungry...’
While he was saying this, he rubbed his stomach with both hands and made smacking noises. He reminded me a lot of Larry Coupiac (is that how he spells his name?). That was King Coup from the series ‘Parker Lewis’. Lukas started laughing. ‘Cafete is the keyword for Hannes, and he's always hungry.
So we took our things and set off. Lukas and Hannes then showed me our most important classrooms as promised. After that, we went to the cafeteria, where Hannes had a snack in the form of three pieces of cake and a chocolate milk. We talked a little about our hobbies and came to the conclusion that all three of us liked good films and good music. Unfortunately, the free period was already over and it was time for chemistry.
Not much happened in the remaining lessons of my first day, except that I had to introduce myself as usual everywhere. But somehow I got through that too and before I knew it, the gong ended the last hour of school and we were released back into freedom.
As I stood in the corridor putting on my jacket, Lukas and Hannes came up to me. ‘Say, where exactly do you live?’ Lukas asked. “At Lingusterweg 4,” I replied. “Cool,” Lukas answered, “then we have a bit of the way together.” “Okay, let's go together,” I said (believe me, without any ulterior motives J) and the three of us said goodbye to school for today and left the school building. We then said goodbye to Hannes, who had to take a different route.
On the way, Lukas told me a little about his family. I learned that he had three younger brothers, his father was a programmer, and his mother took care of the children. ‘And what about you?’ He asked after he had finished telling me.
‘Well,’ I replied, “I live alone with my dad in a small apartment because we can't afford anything bigger at the moment.” “And what about your mother?” Lukas followed up. “She's no longer around,” I said, and I noticed how my voice became so strange again. “She died in a car accident.” Brief silence. ’Oh, sorry.’ ‘It's okay.’
We then walked a little in silence along the path and five minutes later we came to a crossroads where our paths parted.
‘I have to go this way now,’ Lukas said, pointing in the other direction. “If you want, we can do something together tomorrow after school,” he suggested. “Great,” I replied. **grinning** “See you then.” ’Yeah, bye.’
Now we parted ways and five minutes later I arrived at our apartment door. Dad wasn't home yet. Although it was his day off, he still wanted to take care of a few things, which apparently was taking longer than expected. He had already cooked dinner, so I warmed it up in the microwave. It wasn't that great, but so what. Not everyone can be a good cook and a great father at the same time. After I had eaten, I quickly did the dishes and then went to my room.
After I had disposed of my school things on the desk, I turned on the stereo (a small one) and looked for my favourite radio station. Although I couldn't say anything particularly great about the Hessians so far, they certainly had good radio stations. After the music I wanted to hear came out of the speakers, I decided to do the unpleasant things first.
So I started with my homework. The GK tasks were done quite quickly and French didn't take too long either (I wonder how long it will take Matthias – hehehe **grins**). We hadn't opened any of the other subjects yet, so my work for today was done.
It was only 4 o'clock. What else should I do today? Suddenly Lukas came to my mind again. During the homework I had completely suppressed him, but now I had to think of him. But he also looked too sweet in his clothes. And that smile... And what did he mean with his comment about fun. Could he also...?
No, that was probably just a pipe dream.
‘Forget it, Flo,’ I thought. What are the chances that someone in your class is gay and then also your dream boy of all people? That would clearly be too many coincidences to be real. But dreaming wasn't forbidden, I sighed. And then all my self-doubts came up again.
Of course, my dad is a great father and I have a lot of fun with him. But with my mom's death, a part of me died too. I just need a shoulder to cry on. Someone to listen to and just be there for you when you need him. And there's my dad, even though I love him very much, not necessarily my first choice. Even though my father is there for me, I still feel incredibly lonely.
I need someone who understands me, who I could love. Who also loves me, just as I am, with all my faults. I'm not talking about sex here. Not primarily, of course. Finding someone to snuggle up with, who is there for me and for whom I could be there, that's what I was looking for and needed. Damn, how can I describe it better?
And I wouldn't have liked anything better than for Lukas to be that person. There were only two problems. First: Lukas was most likely not gay. Second: even if he was, I would never have had the courage to talk to him. Even now, my friendship with him was too important to me to have it destroyed by a hasty confession.
But at least he seemed to like me. If not as a ‘boyfriend,’ then at least as a good friend! Otherwise, he probably wouldn't have agreed to meet me tomorrow and shown me around school today. And Hannes also seems like a great guy and a great buddy. If I ever got into serious trouble with Matthias or the other Idis, it was good to have someone like Hannes as a friend.
Since the day was still much too young for the telly and I still had to process the morning somehow, I decided to go for a little run. So I put on my old sports clothes and strapped on my Nikes (unfortunately quite old ones, but they serve their purpose) and set off.
The run did me a power of good. I had already scouted out a small route during the holidays and now I ran it. After about an hour I came back quite exhausted. I had let my training slide a bit lately and that takes its toll at some point. I unlocked the door again, panting and gasping for air. Dad still wasn't there. I went to take a shower and enjoyed the warm water.
The run had helped me to get my thoughts back on track. I was now convinced that it was absolutely idiotic that I could have any chance with Lukas and decided not to say anything.
After a long shower (oh dear, the water bill...) I spent the rest of the afternoon in my room reading my current favourite book.
Have I actually mentioned that I'm almost addicted to Harry Potter? Please don't laugh, but I really like the stories. Maybe it's because Harry is an outsider just like me. But he can achieve anything he wants. Somehow I wished for that too and the books gave me a feeling of living in this dream world too. And then there's that goofy Neville... J.
At some point, I looked at the clock again and it was already seven. Suddenly, I heard the door open downstairs and Dad come home. ‘Hello, Junior!’ He called up and threw the groceries noisily on the kitchen table. ‘Hi Dad!’ I called down and quickly finished the chapter.
‘Would you like a cup of tea?’ I heard him call from the kitchen. Without answering, I went downstairs. ‘Sure, a mint for me, please,’ I said when I arrived in the kitchen. ‘An excellent choice, sir,’ he said, chuckling. While he was making the tea, I started to put the groceries away. When I had finished, the tea was ready and Dad and I went into the living room.
‘So, how was your day?’ he asked me as we started drinking tea. “All right,” I replied. “The teachers seem okay and I don't seem to have to catch up on too much.” “I see,” he said with a satisfied look on his face as he took a big gulp.
‘And are there nice people in your class too, maybe even nice girls?’
Oops. Bad question. ‘Yes, I guess so.’ I decided it was best to keep quiet about my experience with Matthias. ‘I think I've already found new friends. One of them is called Lukas and lives nearby, and his best friend Hannes seems to be all right too.’
‘By the way, Lukas and I want to do something tomorrow after school, or do you already have other plans?’ “No, go ahead. I have to go back to work tomorrow and it will definitely be very late.” “I'm glad things are going well for you.” “Yes.” I said.
We talked a little more about Dad's day and decided to let this evening slowly fade away in front of the television. Since we can't afford a TV for me, we chose a nice film and watched it together while drinking the rest of the tea.
But at around 9pm, I realised how tired I was and decided to go to bed. ‘What's the matter with you?’ Dad's comment came immediately.
I usually didn't go to bed before eleven, but today with all the new impressions had really exhausted me.
‘It was a hard day, I'm tired,’ I grumbled and stood up. “Good night, son.” “Good night, Dad.” “And Jonas...?” he said just as I was standing in the doorway. I turned around again. “I love you!” ’I love you too, Dad.’
I trudged upstairs and got ready for bed. Ten minutes later I was already lying in bed. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep.
In my dream, I was walking alone on a beautiful beach. Suddenly I heard a voice behind me and I turned around. It was Lukas standing behind me. ‘I love you,’ he whispered and took me in his arms. ‘I love you too,’ I said. And we kissed. It was the most passionate kiss I had ever experienced. And even if it was just a dream, it seemed so real to me. It seemed as if we were kissing forever. Just as my dream Lukas pulled away from me and was about to say something, I heard an inhuman noise, just as if an alarm clock...
‘Shit, it was all just a dream,’ I thought to myself. It took a while before I was reasonably in control of my senses again. You all know by now that I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. But after a dream like that, I never really want to wake up again. Why can't dreams last forever? And why can't dreams ever become reality?
I sighed.
I sighed again, but it didn't get any better. So I might as well get up. After the morning routine and a breakfast that was much too short, I set off for school. I hoped to meet Lukas on the way, since he also had the same route part of the way. But it wasn't so. I was probably late again.
After a good quarter of an hour I finally reached school and even managed to find my class before the bell rang.
Maths was on the programme for the first lesson today. To be honest, I was looking forward to seeing the head teacher again, as he had made a really nice impression on me.
When I entered the classroom, most of the students were already there. Lukas was already sitting at his desk and grinned at me in a good mood. ‘Did you sleep well?’ He asked me as I passed his desk.
‘Thanks, fine,’ I said and sat down next to Katrin, who also greeted me in a good mood. “Hi,” I replied and began to unpack my things.
Direx Paschke came around the corner with verve and entered the classroom, not without slamming the door behind him again much too loudly.
‘Morning, ladies and gentlemen. I welcome you back to the wonderful world of mathematics after the far too long holidays...’
The lesson went by in a flash. Paschke really knew how to make the dry subject somewhat understandable, but he took it easy for the first lesson and everyone could easily follow the brief repetition of the last school year.
The second lesson – English – also went by way too quickly, and it was already break time. I used the break to chat with Katrin, Hannes and, in particular, Lukas. The remaining lessons before the long break also went by without a hitch, so there was a little more time to chat.
During this break, Lukas and Hannes also introduced me to the others in the class whom I didn't know very well yet. ‘Seems to be a really nice class,’ I said to Hannes, and he nodded in agreement. ‘Except for the few idiots at the front,’ he said, pointing to Matthias and his vassals, who weren't looking at the moment.
The remaining hours of the school day passed quickly and, amazingly, there were no assignments. The teachers didn't seem to be in the mood either. But what the heck. It was fine with me.
I was already looking forward to the afternoon with Lukas. ‘I'll see you outside then,’ Lukas said and went ahead with Hannes, since I was still busy packing up. ‘Okay, I'll be right behind you,’ I said, trying to hurry up a little.
Slowly, the class emptied while I was still busy with my things. Somehow I was especially slow today. By now, only me, Matthias and his cronies were left in the classroom. I was finally ready, put on my jacket and was about to leave the room when I tripped over something and fell flat on my back. When I had pulled myself up again, I saw that I had tripped over Matthias' bag.
‘You idiot,‘ he shouted at me. “Sorry,” I replied sheepishly, “I'm sorry, but I tripped.” “My stuff's obviously not good enough for this gentleman,” he shouted. “So... sorry,” I stuttered, but Henning, one of Matthias’ cronies, had already grabbed me and pushed me in the direction of Matthias.
He immediately continued by pushing me to Dieter, the third in the group. ‘Then we'll show you how to handle other people's things around here,’ said Matthias, grinning maliciously as Dieter pushed me back in his direction.
Matthias didn't stop me, though, but moved aside with an admittedly elegant movement, and I lost my balance and hit my head on the edge of a table. I was dazed and only just realised that I was bleeding from a head wound when I saw Dieter swinging his heavy boot up for a kick...

So'n Mist. Angry, I put the phone receiver back in its place. I would have preferred to smash the phone against the next wall, but the poor thing can't help the bad news it transmits. I need to sit down first. Somehow I'm angry, and the worst part is, there's not even anyone I can blame for the dilemma that has occurred. Micha (my best buddy) broke his leg, and in such a complicated way that he has to stay in the hospital for at least two weeks, and even then, he'll probably be blessed with a thick cast for some time.
All of this in itself wouldn't be a reason for me to be angry, especially since I really feel sorry for Micha, and he can't help it, but we were actually supposed to go on vacation together in eight days for two weeks. It was planned that we would take a tour of the country with his parents' camper van. Micha's parents wanted to sell the vehicle at the end of the month, so it would have been a great opportunity for us to use such a vehicle almost for free. Even the money for diesel was generously gifted to me by my grandma in a sponsorship action. (At this point, I must say that I think grandmas are a great invention.) She always says, "Boy, you need to see something of the world; you're still young." Well, at 18, one is certainly still young, and Micha at 21 is still no retiree.
As mentioned, Micha is my best buddy. I've known him since I was thirteen, and for the last few years, we've been together almost daily. Micha is quite okay, but he has one little flaw - he likes girls. Well, maybe that's not really a flaw, because even if he were gay like me (oops, did I mention that?), he would probably still just be my best friend. Micha doesn't look bad, but he's somehow not my type. He’s more like a big brother to me - just my best friend.
Micha has known for two years that I'm less interested in girls. When I confessed to him in a pretty long and complicated speech, he first started laughing loudly. He found the idea of me walking through the city with a boy in my arms quite funny. I think I could live well with that reaction. Other than that, not much has changed between us, just that Micha no longer joins in when others in our clique make fun of gay people. Besides Micha, only Marcel knows that I'm into boys, but more on Marcel later.
I lie down on the bed and decide to be in a bad mood, which I manage quite well. Everything was so well prepared. The last few evenings, we had been sitting over maps until late at night, planning routes, organizing supplies, and discussing destinations. And now - everything's gone. The drama with my boss about getting vacation time at just this moment was pretty difficult. "It's not common for trainees in their first year in our company to get vacation outside of company holidays," he said with a face that seemed to say I had completely exhausted my bonus of special requests for the foreseeable future.
I ponder for a while what to do with the two weeks of vacation now. Of course, I could take a tour around our house. Visiting a different room every day would certainly be very interesting. Postponing the vacation wasn't an option, and the camper van would be gone then too. I had been really looking forward to the two weeks, but it seems that's not meant to be.
A little bit of being in a bad mood makes me hungry, and I want to set off on a trek to our refrigerator. In the hallway, I run into my mother, and she immediately recognizes from my expression that I am as far from 'being happy' at the moment as the songs of the Wildecker Herzbuben are from music. She looked at me with her typical 'tell-me-right-away-what's-wrong' look, and I told her the whole story to avoid any guessing about my mood.
"That's great, Maik (Have I mentioned that my name is Maik?), then you can help us renovate the guest room," she said with a smile.
She didn't really say 'renovate,' did she? Just the thought of that word gives me hives. It's not exactly my hobby. Although I'm not clumsy, when it comes to wallpapering, I'm always covered in glue from head to toe, and more wallpaper sticks to me than to the wall. I do enjoy helping my parents when there's something to do (for that, I enjoy a very good and appropriate "treatment" in this household), but I had envisioned my vacation a bit differently.
After I've taken care of my hunger, I look for the note on which I wrote the number to reach Micha in the hospital. I want to know how he's doing, as I only spoke briefly with his father earlier.
After two rings:
"Yes, Schubert here," I hear Micha's voice.
"Hey you goofball, you can't be left alone for a minute without causing trouble. Do you have to be taken care of by young, pretty nurses just when I want to go on vacation with you?"
"Hello Maik, if it were up to me, I would rather be lying somewhere else right now, and the 'pretty young nurse' weighs at least 120 kilos, is probably already 60, and might have been pretty at one time when wishing still helped. However, there is still a bed free next to me, so if you quickly break a leg, we can still spend the vacation together."
We tried to keep each other entertained for a while with such or similarly constructive suggestions, but I could already tell that Micha was just as sad as I was, and he had even more trouble on his hands (or rather on his leg) than I did. I promised to visit him tomorrow, and Micha immediately thought of a thousand things he urgently needed that I could bring. I was already considering whether I should choose a freight company instead of the tram.
The evening went quite calmly. I looked over our vacation plans again, and the fact that the crumpled map ended up in the trash can was certainly not an expression of great joy.
There isn’t much to report about the visit to Micha in the hospital. Maybe just that the nurses put on a very grateful smile when I politely said goodbye. We hadn’t taken the term 'bed rest' too seriously. The bed was indeed quiet, but we were less so. Micha's mother always says that the press and radio should warn people when the two of us show up somewhere together. We are simply a well-rehearsed team, and when we're in a good mood, nothing can spoil it for us. We probably wanted to distract ourselves with this lively atmosphere so we wouldn't constantly think about the botched vacation.
When I got home, my mother called out to me:
"Too bad you’re just now coming back. Marcel just left five minutes ago. He couldn’t wait any longer."
So now, as promised, to Marcel. I share a very special friendship with him. Marcel is 19 and lived across the street until he was 12. We basically spent our childhood together, played together, and explored the world. Since he moved further away, we only see each other two or three times a year, and we don’t talk on the phone that often either, but still, when we meet again, everything is like it used to be. I can talk to Marcel really well. He never says a word too much, but what he does say is just on my wavelength. Sometimes we only have to look at each other and we know what the other is thinking. When I told him I was gay, he just shrugged: "So what?" and that was the end of the topic for him. He never makes a big deal out of anything. Marcel himself has had a steady girlfriend for half a year. For a girl, she’s actually quite nice (not that I have anything against girls), and I get along great with her.
I just missed Marcel. He sometimes visits his grandfather, who still lives in our town. Usually, he calls me beforehand, but this time it was more of a spontaneous action, as my mother told me.
"I told Marcel about your botched vacation, and he had a good idea of how you could use the two weeks. You should call him tonight."
"What did he say?" I asked curiously.
"Well, you know that Marcel booked a last-minute trip to Sri Lanka with his girlfriend and another couple."
"Yeah, and? What does that have to do with my vacation?"
"Well, his buddy broke up with his girlfriend, so there’s still a spot free."
Phew, what now? Am I supposed to fly to Sri Lanka with Marcel, his girlfriend, and his buddy? Of course, I would love to have palm trees and 30 degrees in the shade, but how much does that cost? I have to wait a while before this question can be clarified. Marcel is probably still sitting in the car, and I shouldn’t call him for another two hours.
"That would be great, but it’s probably going to be a bit too expensive for me," I said to my mother.
"Don’t worry about it, Maik. You have the money from Grandma, and besides, you have a birthday in four weeks. Your father and I will make sure you don’t drive us crazy here for two weeks."
Oh, that sounds like music to my ears, but I don't want to get too excited too soon. First, I need to talk to Marcel.
The conversation with him was short and to the point. Marcel made it clear to me (as always with few words) that there was really nothing to think about. "You have vacation and nothing planned, so you're coming along!" So what else could I say? The travel price was quite reasonable, even for an apprentice like me who always suffers from chronic financial shortage, and with the help of Grandma and my parents, there was even some decent pocket money left. After all, I had saved something for the vacation with Micha.
Marcel tells me that I have to share a double room with Felix. Well, that shouldn't be a problem. I had seen Felix once at Marcel's last birthday party. Somehow, I didn't have the best memories of that encounter. Felix was probably already 23 or 24, studying something technical, and knew everything better. If I remember correctly, there was only one person who did everything right, and that was himself. At the moment, I didn't care. I can manage for two weeks, and everything else will probably make up for this little flaw. So I tell Marcel, after a brief consultation with my management (meaning my parents), that I'm in, and he wanted to arrange the rebooking at the travel agency tomorrow.
In the evening, I first look for my old school atlas. I know roughly where Sri Lanka is, but that's about it. I try to find something informative about the country, but I can't quite manage it. In bed, I try to imagine how these two weeks of vacation might go; I see myself lying on the beach under palm trees and feel the sun shining on my belly (of course, not just on my belly), and at some point, in the middle of these thoughts, I fall asleep.
The next few days go by pretty quickly. I have to go to the family doctor for any necessary vaccinations, get traveler's checks, and plan the contents of my travel bag. Of course, I also have to keep Micha from getting bored a bit and annoy the station nurse. Micha says he's happy for me, but I think he's not exactly thrilled about his situation. Understandable. I would much rather share the hotel room with him than with this Felix.
Well, not much happened until departure, and I don't want to bore anyone with the few insignificant events of the last days before the flight. We agreed with Marcel that we would meet at the airport, and since that means a 3-hour train ride for me, I decided to take an earlier train. In this regard, I am a bit peculiar. I didn't want to be left alone at the airport due to a possible train delay.
So here I am now with a fully packed travel bag at a phone booth in the airport, dutifully informing my mother of my scheduled arrival. After consuming the typical motherly worried advice and guidelines once again, I thank her nicely for the parental support of my plans and end the conversation with the words, "And say hi to Grandma for me."
So now it could actually start, but before the other three show up, it will probably take another two hours. I sit down on a bench and indulge in my favorite activity in such cases. I look for anything male, roughly my age, and not looking like Karl Dall. Maybe that's not exactly the polite English way, but somehow I always catch myself pretending to look casually in the direction of a nice boy.
Two weeks of vacation. The first long flight for me. I'm pretty happy, and only sometimes does this beautiful feeling get overshadowed by a bit of restlessness. In such cases, I check my hand luggage for at least the 20th time to make sure I have my passport, money, checks, etc. - each time reassured that I probably haven't forgotten anything important. To distract myself a bit, I want to grab a little something to eat. There are still almost three hours until departure, and it will take a while on the plane before there's food.
I decide, against my habits, to go for a not entirely unknown American fast-food chain. The price-performance ratio seems quite reasonable here, as I would have to invest a small fortune in the other places at the airport just for a few sausages with potato salad. The customer service proceeds as usual in several lines at the counter, and I first look for the shortest line.
Already in the hall, I had seen some nice guys, but in one line, there is really a guy who deserves the title 'particularly cute.' He is a bit shorter than me, maybe 17 or 18 years old, has short black hair, a body that (as far as the clothing allows me to see) has nothing to complain about, and as I notice when he glances to the side, he has brown, bright eyes. I don't know exactly why, but I just find some boys extremely adorable, and he definitely belongs to that category.
In such cases, I always hope that no one notices my interested, furtive glances. While I am still lost in thought, a bit saddened that I never get to know such types, the not quite accent-free German-speaking waitress wakes me from my dreams. I order one of the offered menus, and after a few precise grabs by the waitress, the components of it land on my tray.
I look around again but unfortunately can no longer see the nice-looking boy. Too bad! At a table, I begin to examine the items I ordered. I first open the small cardboard box and bet that my expression looks quite suspicious while doing so.
I recognize among other things a lettuce leaf, a piece of cucumber, and some tomato. All in all, it is supposed to give the impression that the contents of the package really are something to eat.
While I eat my meal, I realize that I shouldn’t take too much time if I want to be on time at the agreed meeting point. So, I take my empty tray to the designated shelf and make my way with my luggage. I can already spot Marcel and his girlfriend Lisa from afar, but Felix is nowhere to be seen.
"Hi Maik, we thought you changed your mind," the two laugh.
"Not at all, I'm ready for the island and I'm looking forward to seeing you. Where's Felix?"
"He wanted to buy batteries for his camera, but here he comes."
"Hey, looks like we're all here," someone laughs from behind me. "I guess you're Maik, right?"
I turn around somewhat surprised at the unfamiliar voice, and before I can respond, Marcel says:
"That's Maik. Maik, this is Felix."
I was a bit confused; the boy standing in front of me (or rather, until then behind me) somehow didn’t match the Felix I remembered from that birthday party. Well, I had never asked Marcel if it was actually this Felix or one I didn’t know yet, as it seemed to be the case now. For a moment, I must have looked quite silly, because the boy standing in front of me was exactly the cute guy I had discreetly admired just 15 minutes ago.
"How was your hamburger earlier, did you like it?" I ask Felix.
"Well, it was okay," he replies, surprised. "Are you a clairvoyant, or did I spill half of it on my jacket?" At these words, Felix looks down at himself quite worriedly.
"No, neither, but you were in front of me in line earlier."
"Really? I didn't notice. Well, I sometimes zone out," he apologizes.
"It’s nice that YOU are full for now," Lisa chimes in. "Marcel and I actually wanted to grab a little something to eat after we check in. Are you coming with us?"
We were less inclined to do that. Felix wanted to head to the observation deck to possibly take a picture of our airplane, and since I was interested in that too, I offered to join him. The check-in process went surprisingly quickly. In ten minutes, each of us had checked in our luggage and received a boarding pass in exchange. We even got very good seats. Marcel and Lisa are sitting right in front of us, just like us (that is, Felix and I), one by the window and the other in the seat next to it.
As discussed, we separate again for a while. Marcel and Lisa go to satisfy their hunger, and Felix and I head towards the observation deck. We are lucky; our airplane is already at the gate, and we can take one or two photos. Felix tells me that he is very interested in civil aviation and is often found at the airport. In fact, within a few minutes, I already know quite a bit about him. He just turned 18, has a younger brother, his father and mother work in a photo lab, and his girlfriend ran off with one of his buddies a few days ago.
I try to share the most important details about myself as well, since we will be sharing a room for two weeks, and it’s good to know a bit about each other. I remember seeing double beds in the travel brochure that Marcel showed me. So, if I have to (or rather, get to) share a bed with this boy, I will probably sleep quite restlessly. Felix seems really nice, and I can’t understand the girl who lets such a dream boy slip away.
Watching airplanes take off and land is fascinating. As I watch a jumbo jet take off, I hope that our plane will bravely defy the treacherous force of gravity. I’m not afraid of flying, but it does feel a bit strange.
Forty minutes later, all four of us are already seated on the plane. Felix is inspecting the brochures and instructions in the seatback pocket in front of him, while Marcel is telling Lisa every conceivable horror story about plane crashes. A flight attendant is trying, unsuccessfully, to get the passengers’ attention for her safety instructions, and I check my seatbelt for a perfect fit.
I enjoy the takeoff, which is one of my favorite moments of flying. By now, it has almost become dark, and since it’s slightly cloudy, the last lights visible from the window soon disappear. At this moment, I think of Micha and hope that he will be part of the next trip.
A little later, the flight attendants begin distributing dinner. Felix and I decide on sliced meat, while Marcel and Lisa choose fish. Everyone knows that as long as the meal is neatly packaged on the tray, there is plenty of room available, but woe betide you if you have even just freed the cutlery from its packaging; then it takes the skill of a magician to manage on the small table without jabbing your neighbor with the fork.
After the meal, we receive a small bottle of sparkling wine, so to speak, as a sleep drink. I connect my headphones to the onboard entertainment system and take a look at the accompanying program booklet. Just a few more minutes and I close my eyes. I feel really comfortable. With the prospect of two beautiful weeks during which I will share a room with a pretty sweet boy, I fall asleep to the last notes of "somebody loves you" (Nik Kershaw).

Part 1

It's Saturday, January 11, 2003.
“Hello, Flo? I'm back. Flo" Floho, where are you?”
Nothing.
It's strange; he should have been home by now. “Florian?”
No answer.
I peeled myself out of my armor. After all, it's freezing outside and I hate winter.
After I took off my thick boots, I went to the kitchen.
Actually a kitchen-living room.
It's an old building and back then the kitchen was probably the main living space.
That's how it stayed with us.
Where is Flo?
I started to prepare dinner.
Let's see what else we have, so there is some cheese and?
"dringggg"
Who is that Flo has a key and so does Gabi, right
I opened the door and there were two men in police uniforms
Good evening, are you Mr. Timo Arno Larson??
Er, yes, I think so, but I, uh, I haven't done anything!
May we come in for a moment
May I ask what this is about
Does a Mr. Florian Heinrich live here
I felt queasy in my stomach not to mention that my knees were also getting weak.
Please come in.
I must have blacked out for a few seconds, because the next thing I knew I was lying on the ground, huddled up, with one of the policemen holding me.
“Hello, Mr. Larson? Are you feeling better?”
“Yes, I'm back.”
“Mr. Larson, can you tell us how we can reach the parents or other relatives of Mr. Heinrich?”
“Excuse me?”
Can you tell us how we can reach Mr. Heinrich's relatives?
Why? What's going on?
Mr. Heinrich had an accident and is?
WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM? I interrupted and screamed.
The policeman who had taken me in his arms hugged me a little and asked very gently, “Are you a couple?”
“Yes?“ I blurted out shyly and quietly, with tears welling up in my eyes.
He held me even tighter.
“Hey, it's okay, little one, I understand.”
“Florian was in an accident. The rescue helicopter took him to the UKE.” (Note from the author: UKE = University Hospital Eppendorf in Hamburg)
What? What happened? And how is he?
Some drunk idiot apparently didn't see the red light at the subway station. He hit Florian. We don't know how he is either. We're only supposed to inform his parents.
I blacked out again briefly.
Mr. Larson?
Okay, I'm back.
Can I visit Flo?
Mr. Larson, as I said, we don't know anything about Mr. Heinrich yet.
Can you give us the address of his parents?
Florian and I are orphans. Until four years ago, we lived in the Pezzalozidorf in Hoisb?ttel.
The children's home?
Yes, we both haven't had parents since we were little.
Can we do anything for you?
Would you please drive me to the hospital?
The colleague talked about something on his radio.
Unfortunately, that's not possible yet. Mr. Heinrich, I mean, Florian is still in surgery.
Do you have a family doctor that we can contact?
Uh, yes, he lives two floors above us.
12.01.2003
It was still dark.
I felt completely empty.
I was still a little dazed.
The drug that Dr. Hackenberg had given me was still having an effect.
Florian?
As if stung by an adder, I tried to jump out of bed – and of course landed on my nose.
Slowly, I managed to get into the shower in the bathroom.
There was no time for breakfast.
Thirty-five minutes later, I was at the UKE registration desk.
“Where is Mr. Florian Heinrich, please?”
“Are you a relative?”
“No, his best friend.”
“Then unfortunately you are not allowed to visit him,” I was told mercilessly by the lady.
This can't be true.
How about the cop from last night, who was so nice?
Sorry, Larson's my name, can you tell me which of your colleagues were with me last night regarding the traffic accident involving Florian Heinrich?
Yes, dear readers, I know that cell phones are not allowed in the hospital, but I really wasn't thinking about that at the moment.
May I ask why?
Yes? I need help?
Now, just take it easy, Mr. Larson. It was Chief Inspector Petersen and Chief Inspector Friedrich.
Can you connect me with them?
No, unfortunately not yet.
They are not yet on duty. But I can leave a message.
How can we reach you?
01xx-123 45 67!
All right, Mr. Larson, we'll be in touch. Do you need any help?
No, I think I'm fine.
I hung up the phone and started to cry. Who can understand me? How can anyone help me?
I had no idea how much time had passed, but I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“Say, it's none of my business, but if you keep crying like this, there was the biggest flood in Hamburg since 1962.
What a jerk. Hey, can't you leave me alone!?
I looked into the face of a young nurse.
Hey, stay cool man! I mean it well!?
I felt like crap.
I snapped at someone who just wanted to be friendly.
Sorry, I didn't mean it, but? sobbing?
What's your name? I'm Thobias?
Timo?
Hello Timo, what's your problem man?
I would like to visit my friend, who has been in intensive care here since yesterday. But they only want relatives to see him. But he only has me...
Are you partners?
Big eyes looked at me.
“Yes?” I replied quietly.
Well, then let's see what can be done, he grinned and gestured for me to follow him.
He had quickly found his way around the intensive care unit.
But there was no patient named Florian Heinrich here. Not anymore!
Try pathology.
It was my third blackout in a very short time.
Just to be clear, I'm really not a wimp, but this was definitely too much.
01/17/2003
Gabi was just with me.
She is my best friend.
Not to be misunderstood, she is my friend, not my girlfriend.
She helped me prepare everything for the memorial service that wasn't already taken care of by the funeral home.
If I didn't have her,
she's a sweetheart and has always been there for me in the last few days.
Actually, not just in the last few days. We've known each other since we were kids.
Two more hours, then it was time.
The memorial service took place in the small church in Hamburg-Bergstedt, followed by the funeral on the other side of the street.
Florian? Why you?
Who will ever give me the answer to that?
Friday, 02/14/2003 02:10
The departure in Hamburg was on time, as usual for Lufthansa Cargo. There were no traffic jams in the sky at this time of day. However, the flight lasted a full 9 hours.
As feared (hoped), I was the girl Friday on board and the crew visibly enjoyed my service. Coffee, sandwiches?
I always enjoy pampering other people. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I get along so well with everyone.
The reaction?
When I need something, or ask my colleagues for the impossible, it's always provided. They're really great colleagues!
*
That reminds me, I haven't introduced myself yet.
My name is Timo.
But my friends call me Tim or Timmy.
I'm 22 years old, have dark brown hair and eyes, am 1.82 tall and slim (easily red).
OK, I admit that I had put on a few pounds in the last few weeks. It was probably because I hadn't done any sport for a while. I now weigh a whopping 76 kilos. But I hoped to get back to my old weight on vacation and leave the winter fat behind.
Vacation? Yes, I really needed that.
Gabi had convinced me that maybe I could gain some distance from Florian's death that way.
I'm an air transport dispatcher by profession.
You don't know it? Right?
Just imagine a freight forwarder who organizes worldwide air transport for cargo.
I trained at Lufthansa and stayed there.
And now for something personal: I don't know my parents. I was just two years old when they died in a car accident, together with my older sister.
I grew up in a home on the northern outskirts of Hamburg, together with Gabi and Florian, who were also orphans.
We became the best of friends. I can't remember when it was, but at some point Florian and I realized that there was something more between us.
You know?
When we started our vocational training, we moved into our own apartment, thanks to support from the youth welfare office.
Initially furnished with second-hand furniture, but that didn't really matter to us.
The only important thing was to be with Flo?
Lufthansa employees are allowed to fly for free once a year.
It's called the “line experience flight” here.
The idea is actually to gain experience of the problems that air crews have to deal with at exotic airports abroad.
But it's also a way to fly cheaply on vacation?
*
The other co-pilot? Well, I'd rather not say. I'm not one to gossip.
It was just after 5:00 a.m. (local time) when we reached the parking position in front of the cargo terminal in Atlanta, Georgia. In the dark, I could only make out the dimensions of the huge airport vaguely. In comparison, Hamburg seemed more like a small airfield.
My fellow passenger just said “Bye” and disappeared. I accompanied the crew to the airport hotel and was promptly invited to breakfast (of course on the company's expenses – shush, please don't tell anyone!).
After that, though, I had to see to it that I got to the departure terminal.
In the hall, I saw my flight posted:
ASA Flt 4681 Dep. 9:55A Gate 32
Great, everything seems to be working out. Another early departure, a stopover in Albany, GA and a connecting flight to Dothan, AL.
What I couldn't understand: This crew had the door to the cockpit open!?! (This is the way America executes flight safety) hmm?
11:02 a.m. landing in Dothan, Alabama.
As I got off the plane, I immediately sensed where I was. There was an extreme humidity. Relative humidity around 95%!
It was very hazy and cloudy, but you could see the sun through a thin altostratus cloud cover.
The temperature was actually pleasant, but combined with this humidity, it was quite difficult to get used to. Before landing, the pilot said “70? F? So a bit over 20? C.
So, now quickly into the check-in/reception building.
It was brand new. They had torn down the old one. Everything was well organized and I had quickly found my luggage when Bob and Don came up to me.
We had met four years ago at the Oktoberfest in Munich, by the way.
Since then, we had visited each other every year, taking turns.
Snow-white teeth beamed at me from two almost black faces. Don was wearing a uniform, which indicated to me that he would probably have to go to work soon (he is a flight instructor at Eglin Air Force Base).
A stormy embrace almost squeezed all the air out of my lungs. Well, that's just how they are, the boys. It took a lot of effort to free myself from his grip. Don't they know what a delicate twen I am :-)?
No offense. On the way to the parking lot, Don actually said goodbye and sped off in his Toyota Pickup.
Bob directed me to his, now at least 25 years old Lincoln. That this huge box still ran?
We had barely set off when I asked him to turn on the air conditioning.
So what did the big baby do? He wound down the window and grinned from ear to ear. And then this crazy Southern drawl. Man, I had missed it in the thousands of e-mails.
I asked Bob how much gas the car uses (8-cylinder engine with 6 liters of displacement). ?? average milage is almost nine and a halve? ? oh shit, what was that again? gr?bel? that must be about 25 liters per hundred kilometers?? Madness.
I must have fallen asleep sometime after De Funiak Springs. But somehow the terrible sound from the medium wave radio was still in my ear.
It was done. We had arrived at a trailer park in Destin, Florida, where my hosts call an oversized trailer their own.
Bob quickly helped me with my luggage. I just quickly checked the time. I had already set it back to Central Time shortly after departure. It now showed just after two. So it must be past 9 p.m. in Germany. I had been on my feet for over 24 hours.
No wonder I was starting to feel the effects. It had been a busy day, and yet it was only noon. I couldn't go on.
Bob woke me up after two hours and said it would be better to start participating in life again, otherwise I wouldn't be able to sleep at night (bad Bob, but you're right).
So what's on the agenda? How about food? Good Bob, two huge steaks sizzled on the grill in front of the trailer, along with two corn cobs. Well then, let's get to it.
Since Bob still had a lot to do, I visited the beach. Wonderful? It was barely over twenty degrees, no people to be seen far and wide (who goes swimming in the winter anyway? Besides, Destin is not a tourist region), but the water of the Gulf was pretty warm (I estimate 25?). So, let's get into the fun.
Ahhh, that felt good.
While snorkeling in the crystal clear water, I saw a few shiny silver fish no longer than a finger and while digging in the white sand, I found a few sand dollars. I think they are related to the better known starfish, only almost circular and without arms.
After about an hour, I had enough and headed into town.
The last time I was here, it was still more of a large fishing village.
In no time at all, I had found the old bistro (or rather fish restaurant) again.
I wasn't hungry, but a refreshment would be nice.
As soon as I entered, a tree-like slave descendant wanted to crush me again.
Damn, how did he say his name? (Not yet 23 and already Alzheimer's?)? “Hi Mike, nice to meet you. How are you doing?”
“Hey Timboy, back from Germany to become a real man? Are you already 21 to stay for a beer with me?”
“I guess a Dr. Pepper will do, Mike?” I finally managed to say. And so on.
Great!
They hadn't forgotten me, but nobody asked?
Did Bob and Don perhaps warn you? Seems so. Maybe that's a good thing.
We talked about God and the world. Well, less about the former.
Sometimes, however, I had to paraphrase quite a bit. Somehow I was missing a few words from time to time. Well, that should probably be over soon.
At least I had to look up some words later.
It was just 7:00 PM when I returned to the trailer. I quickly put the last things from the suitcase into the closet and then took a shower.
Now I was a human again. Outside, the daily spectacle of a beautiful sunset began. Next to the grill on a stump, a pelican was cleaning its feathers.
Since I was still alone, I quickly started writing in my diary.
Shortly thereafter, both cars arrived and Bob called me to help unload.
A cozy evening followed, with a few sandwiches, a few stories from the air force base and plans for tomorrow.
I woke up again when Don was just lifting me up to take me to bed. The broad grin was back on his face.
I let him have his way and was dumped like a toddler on my king-size bed.
Man, what a day. What friends.
Good night, you princes!
Saturday 02/15/2003
A new day, a new luck. But somehow I was quite exhausted.
I think the time difference was still making itself felt.
So first of all Don gave me his cell phone. He doesn't need it that often and I could certainly make good use of it if I broke down somewhere.
I had left my own (D1) at home. It wouldn't have worked here anyway.
Breakfast.
Luckily someone remembered that I don't like porridge or peanut butter.
So a small steak on toast with a fried egg on top.
Yup, that'll make Timo big and strong. But the coffee? Oh dear, I knew there was a catch, didn't I?
(I'll get a gallon of milk at the supermarket later. Fortunately, they're open 24/7 here.)
But a good guest doesn't show his annoyance, of course.
I had problems with the battery of my notebook. I'll see if I can find a power supply somewhere. I wanted to go to Pensacola today anyway.
Don took me there.
He also wanted to organize a rental car for me? I already had a hunch what that meant?
?
Boaa eh, really crazy. I had a car for $ 10 a day from a peanut farmer at the air force base and from a pawn shop in Pensacola, a power supply for 110 volts for my notebook.
Now the battery was charging again. The original power supply should actually switch automatically, but obviously it didn't. Hopefully it didn't get a crack?
So, now the vacation could begin, and I was not dependent on the constant help (driving) of Bob and Don. The car was an old car, dented to the max, but it ran (is there no MOT here?).
I had also bought food for dinner. Let's see if I can still manage that. My hosts had taught me the recipe back then and I had gradually modified it at home.
It was to be a JAMBALAYA. I believe it is originally Creole. A rice pan with chicken legs, a lobster tail, plantains, raisins, corn, sugar snap pea pods, cayenne pepper, thyme and saffron.
I couldn't afford saffron, so I bought turmeric.
In Germany, inspired by Flo, I brought something in the direction of a Spanish paella by adding fresh red and green bell peppers, smoked bell pepper salami, and garlic.
Here, smoked bacon had to do (it was hard enough to find that. Everyone here seems to only eat beef).
Garlic? No problem, the boys didn't have to work tomorrow.
Wow, I hadn't received such high praise for my cooking in a long time. And they both really know their stuff.
In their excitement, they tickled me so hard that I almost couldn't breathe.
But then they obediently let me dictate the new recipe. It was really delicious.
On the other hand, they can grill steaks a hundred times better. I always have trouble finding the right doneness, between “rare” and “medium rare” – that's how I like it best.
It must be hard for you, too, since you always eat it “well done”.
But they just press the meat with their finger and know. Maybe I will learn that one day too?
While the two big guys were enjoying a beer or three on the patio, I quickly wrote in my diary. The sunset was picturesque after the heavy thunderstorm earlier, with a pelican.
So, now back to the guys and let the evening fade away.
Sunday, February 16, 2003
The day started out awkwardly. I woke up around 10:00 a.m. and was alone???
Oh shit. I had forgotten. It was Sunday and my friends are obedient Baptists and of course in church. I'm not that religious, but I liked going with them often because of the empathetic gospel songs. Well, I'll still be here for a few days.
I quickly wrote a note that I was going jogging and they shouldn't wait for me for dinner.
I realized that I hadn't done anything in a long time. I was only gone an hour. Otherwise, I usually run two for training. But maybe it's also because of the high humidity.
As soon as I got back, they sent me to the shower and then wanted to go deep-sea fishing with me. Great idea.
On the way to the harbor, the cool box was loaded with drinks and ice cubes and a chicken sandwich from Hardy's (local burger chain a?la McDonald's) was stuffed in. Yes, yes, junk food?
In the harbor we had to wait half an hour, when a friend of my hosts showed up with his two sons.
Didn't know all three yet, but surely soon.
We headed for a cool ocean-going yacht. Although a bit old and no longer snow-white, but still.
Cast off and full speed ahead. Awesome, and it had stopped raining.
However, there was a good wind. I didn't need a jacket, but I had put on a thick hooded sweater as a precaution.
After just 30 minutes, a device responded with bright beeps. Chris (the skipper) pulled the throttle to zero. “Here we are,” he said, spitting his chewing tobacco overboard. So it started.
Hmmm, I've never been fishing on the high seas before, and certainly not with such huge rods.
Philipp, the older of the two boys, apparently understood my expression immediately, grinned, and took care of me.
There it was again. The uncomplicated, tolerant nature of Americans. I was happy to take direction from him; he had a somehow likeable, really pleasant charisma.
I attentively let myself be briefed: he attached a piece of squid to my hook and explained to me that I should now simply winch it overboard slowly until I notice that it has reached the bottom and then catch up about one to two feet at a time. And then just wait.
A few more explanations followed about the winch's mechanics, which seemed complicated at first, but I think I got it.
While the two brothers were still setting up their rods, I noticed a certain activity on mine. I waited almost another minute or two before I yanked the rod up with a strong tug.
Bingo, there was something on it. I gently set the winch in motion and wound foot by foot the thick tendon. The more I cranked, the more resistance my prisoner offered me.
Meanwhile, I attracted the attention of my companions and I received all sorts of conflicting advice.
All anglers are like that, I guess.
I'm not sure, but the “fight” lasted about 5 minutes before I pulled a wildly wriggling fish on board.
Philipp spontaneously jumped in, pulled out his huge hunting knife and gave the fish a strong blow to the head. He called me over and asked for the small pliers that were in his tackle box.
He showed me how to remove the hook from the fish's mouth without hurting myself.
What had I caught? It was a red snapper of almost four pounds. It looks quite similar to our redfish, but has a slightly larger head, which takes up a good third of the whole fish, and huge eyes. Not to forget: razor-sharp teeth.
I was so proud of myself that I only just heard Chris's loud call from the background: “Dams luck!”? I guess it means something like “luck is with the stupid” or maybe “beginners luck”. However, one look at his beaming face told me what he meant and I understood the joke.
The fish was quickly scaled, gutted and stowed in a box of ice.
I was proud of myself for trying to show my young teacher what he had taught me. I also received appreciative looks. Only Nick, his younger brother, giggled occasionally, but that didn't bother me.
But nothing happened for a while. We all reeled in our lines and continued out about 10 minutes more until we heard the beeper again.
On we went, “Good fishing!”
Same procedure as last time?
This time it was Don and Nick almost simultaneously. They both caught a red snapper each. They weren't quite as big, but they were big enough to be caught.
They also weighed at least three pounds each!
Then low tide again. Bob and Don retreated to the cabin to crack open a beer when we drove a bit more.
And again, same procedure?
But nothing really happened. I had the feeling that someone was nibbling on my fresh bait, but there was no real pull.
I also thought I saw a higher level of attention from Nick, but he too was just relaxing when Philipp started shouting loudly.
Now my language skills were hopelessly overwhelmed for a moment.
Nick pushed me very roughly aside and Chris maneuvered his oldest to the fishing seat at the stern of the boat, where he then immediately secured the fishing rod with two snap hooks.
In the meantime, my teacher had only ever let the winch run.
Now there was a little calm in the boat again and Nick smiled at me with a “sorry, my friend, just starting a big deal” on his lips.
Hmm, what should happen now?
In the meantime, Big Daddy had strapped his son into the fishing chair and Philipp began to reel in the winch very gradually.
Judging by the expression on Philipp's face, it was no easy task.
In spurts, his fish offered such resistance that I feared the rod would break.
Nick came to me and politely asked me to help him reel in the other rods so that the lines wouldn't get tangled. It was kind of funny to be told what to do by a little boy, but that thought didn't occur to me until later in the diary. Little boy was probably also not entirely true, I estimate him to be around 16 years old.
I had followed his instructions on the spot, because it was a logical necessity!
When we had hauled in all the lines, we heard cries of enthusiasm from aft and the word “Swordfish”.
Nick and I turned around and could just see something big and gray falling back into the Gulf of Mexico.
Chris now took a thick Havana cigar out of his vest and said to me, “Okay, sunny, it's your turn.” He grinned and lit his cigar.
While Philipp broke out in a sweat, Don and Bob got another beer and brought Nick and me a Coke, but we didn't have time to be thirsty now.
We were both rooting for Philipp.
Nick smiled and explained, “It's his first one.” I thought I could understand what was going on in Philipp's mind.
My red snapper two hours ago was also my first. But that one was easy. Nick pulled me by the sleeve and we were now standing directly behind Philipp.
I couldn't help but put both hands on Philipp's shoulders and gave him a firm squeeze. He just looked around briefly and I saw a sparkle in his eyes.
By now, the fish was only about 30 meters behind the boat when his dad went topside and started the engine at a slow speed. I was a little annoyed and Nick recognized the uncomprehending expression on my face.
I quickly learned that the fish could only be caught when it was exhausted.
For a moment I was reminded of Ernest Hemingway and the novel 'The Old Man and the Sea'.
I thanked Nick, who smiled enthusiastically, and continued to follow the action.
In the meantime, I had opened my Coke and handed it to Philipp, who gratefully took a big gulp and then continued to concentrate on HIS fish.
Finally, Bob and Don came to the stern with two long peek hooks.
The fish had given up.
Philipp now cranked as hard as he could and the fish came to the surface at the stern. It took at least another 10 minutes before we had him on board and then, with a single stab from Philipp with a knife, took his life completely.
It was a swordfish of almost two meters in length. Philipp looked first at his father and then at me as if to ask, “Well, how was I?”
As thrilled as I was, my face could only reply, ‘Great?’ and I patted him on the shoulder with the words, ‘Hey, this is what I call fishing?’ His dad said, ”It's my son?”
That was enough for today and Chris steered the boat back north. I tried to help Philipp gut the swordfish and realized the pride with which he had done it. Nick, meanwhile, started to 'clear the ship'.
Only now did I realize that Don and Bob were trying to finish the beer supply in the cabin again. I guess it's better if I drive the pickup truck later?
We successfully made it back to the small harbor in Choctawhatchee Bay after riding out another typical thunderstorm. It was quite late. Philipp's adventure had lasted more than two hours.
But before we parted, Philipp gave me a note with an address and phone number and the wish that I should call if I didn't know what to do with my vacation and that he would like to meet me again tomorrow?
You can take it for granted, I gushed enthusiastically.
Off home. In our cool box were two red snapper. So it was clear what I was celebrating in the kitchen that evening.
For my good friends, I steamed the fish in plenty of lemon juice. You don't need much more if the fish is really fresh, maybe some toasted bread with it?
But it was way too much? a lot was left over.
A really great Sunday drew to a close with the usual sunset.
Where is the pelican?
Had I found a new friend for the time here? Philipp might be about my age. So I would have found someone who understands me better. Admittedly, Bob and Don are also very nice, but they are almost 10 years older.
It would be really great to experience further adventures with Philipp. No travel company would offer something like that.
Good night, you princes, I love you all!
And now I dream of this eventful day?
Monday 17.02.2003, Washington's Birthday
I slept quite late (for me) and was quite surprised not to be alone.
Oh, national holiday (actually Presidents' Day, but everyone just talks about Washington's Birthday).
Somehow I hadn't really realized that yesterday. Now it's clear why Philipp promised another meeting for today yesterday.
While my friends were spreading the obligatory peanut butter on bread, I made myself scrambled eggs on toast and a hot chocolate and freshly squeezed grapefruit juice.
Well strengthened, I asked about the plans for the day. Don and Bob had not really planned anything important. Don hinted, however, that he wanted to check on his pickup.
It was still wet outside, so it must have rained during the night, and it was damn cold for Florida. It was now 47°F, but Bob said it had been just 40°F earlier.
Where's my ski suit?
So I picked up the phone and called Philipp. He picked up immediately and seemed really happy to hear from me. A meeting point was quickly agreed and he asked if I knew how to skateboard.
Hey, awesome, but where would I get a board here? The problem was quickly solved. Philipp said that Nick would lend me his if he was allowed to come with inline skates.
Of course he was allowed to. We met behind a miniature golf course where a halfpipe had been set up. On the way there, I noticed that the Stars and Stripes were flying in front of almost every house.
They really are all little patriots (or just full of national pride).
First of all, I thanked Nick for his board. After all, at home it is an unwritten law never to lend your board?
By noon we had romped around until we were hungry and then we went to my favorite snack bar.
Ah, wonderful? and heated. It's still pretty fresh, but definitely more pleasant than in frosty Germany.
We walked barefoot through the warm water at the beach and I told the boys about the typical German bad habit of building sandcastles on the beach. I don't think they really understood it.
When I arrived at Philipp and Nick's house, I was invited for coffee (brrr).
It is tradition on this holiday to eat a cherry pie.
I always thought that people in this country enjoy pies warm as a dessert in the evening.
I quickly learned that they are originally of German descent and have retained the habit of drinking coffee in the afternoon on Sundays and holidays. Well, it even tasted like coffee.
When I was invited to dinner, I thought it better to call Bob briefly, should anyone be worried about me.
Gradually, the living room was transformed into a party room. Towards sunset, the place was really packed.
A neighboring family arrived and it could really start. It was strange.
I was a guest in the home of people I'd hardly met, some of whom I'd only met yesterday, and they treated me as if I'd always been one of the family.
It was really great fun for me. All kinds of party games were tried out. I had the most fun when a load of apples was dropped into a medium-sized baby bathtub. Now it was up to all the players to fish out as many as possible at the same time. However, one's hands were tied with a scarf on the back.
The only fishing gear available were the teeth. I almost won and was soaking wet, but when counting it turned out that Nick was even more skilled. He had one more apple.
The two girls of the neighbors, however, failed miserably. Their long hair kept falling into their faces and they couldn't get rid of it? hehe.
We quickly dried ourselves and I got a fresh smurf (hoodie) from Philipp.
A myriad of steaks were now sizzling on the grill – swordfish steaks! Hmm, I've never eaten those before.
They don't look any different than shark or tuna steaks.
After adding plenty of coarse pepper, they were served. In addition, salads of all kinds were available at the buffet.
I must admit, I was pleasantly surprised. I had once fried tuna steaks in Germany, but they were quite dry and firm. Now, however, I bit into very juicy, tender meat that didn't taste anything like fish. Compliments. It tasted great.
It was a shame, but eventually it was time for me to go home. I was offered the chance to stay overnight, but I didn't want to put too much of a strain on the hospitality of my new friends. Besides, I didn't have anything with me.
Philipp was more than willing to help me out with everything, but something inside me resisted
(why actually? Maybe I'm just not ready yet? Hey Timo, life is going on!).
I could see a certain disappointment in his eyes when we said goodbye.
On the way I ran, far in the north a thunderstorm was brewing again, but here the moon was still shining and it was quite cold again.
I think I really found a new friend in Philipp. He is a very nice guy. He is a very good listener, is super athletic? and? Did I already tell you how great he looks?
Most importantly, he seems to have a certain sympathy for me.
I was sure we would have a lot of fun together. Hopefully he wasn't upset that I didn't want to stay overnight.
It was already dark in the trailer, so I tiptoed to bed.
Why did I sweat so much the first night?
Now I could really use my down comforter from home.
I wrote in my diary and listened to the crickets for quite a while.
My thoughts kept returning to Philipp, because he was also damn good-looking? or had I already mentioned that? ?
Oops, he still had his sweater on?
Tuesday 02/18/2003
Dear readers, in the further course of the story, I will take the trouble to try to translate the literal speeches into German *fg*.
So, now I have everything ready and we are ready to go.
This morning I was still with Philipp, or more precisely with his mom.
I had returned the sweater and got mine back.
Over a coffee, a very interesting conversation developed with her.
She said that Philipp had been really cheerful for the first time in a long time since Sunday, and compared to before, he was almost over the top.
He had been said to have been rather listless, introverted and withdrawn for quite some time before that?
I had a very strong suspicion here now. But I didn't tell her. It could also be that I was wrong.
It would be much too easy to let my desire be the father of thoughts.
Let's see how it goes from here.
It was actually a shame that I was now starting my round trip. But what would I do hanging around the small town alone on a weekday, especially with the weather like it was.
My friends and also Philipp had to work.
I had already planned the round trip at home with Gabi's help. The route was planned in detail and I had even obtained hotel vouchers from a travel agency at home.
So I was able to take advantage of the Lufthansa employee rate.
It was a bit cheaper than if I had negotiated at a reception desk here every day.
I'll spare you the detailed travelogue. Just this: I went first to the east to the Atlantic coast. Then south to Key West. The return trip went along the Gulf Coast up to the Panhandle.
I didn't go to any amusement parks. I only visited the Kennedy Space Center. I already knew all the famous parks from my last vacation.
The weather seemed to be on my side. All the days until the early afternoon pure sun.
Only occasionally there was a shower or a thunderstorm in the late afternoon.
The temperatures had now increased again. On Key West it was even 28 C.
On the way back I had a breakdown with the car shortly before St. Petersburg.
The alternator no longer worked.

More then words

"Say I love you, is not the words, are to hear from you." (Extreme More than words)
The same thing every day, I was always stuck in this stupid traffic jam. By now they could have finished the construction site. They have been working on this bypass since last year, but you never saw any workers on the construction site. No wonder they'll never be finished
never get finished, I thought to myself, as the car in front of me started moving again.
Apparently things were now moving a bit, albeit only at walking pace. The thought that I was now driving home and had finished work for the day calmed me. The whole day had already gone wrong today. The customers on the phone today were more than complaint-friendly.
Since I had taken over the freight distribution in our forwarding agency, I just sat in the office and was on the phone all day. Only price talks, delays and delivery bottlenecks. And since Switzerland changed its traffic regulations, it was almost impossible to arrive in Italy on time.
I was glad that I was no longer one of our truck drivers, but only sat in an office. It sounds easy, but putting together the cargo for twenty-five trucks made me angry more than once a day.
But now I was sitting in my car on my way home. The line of cars was still slowly pushing through the town. So I was all the more pleased when I finally caught sight of my street and was able to turn off.
I parked my Golf in the garage; I didn't want to go anywhere else tonight. I was just unlocking the front door when my dear neighbor, Mrs. Bierapfel, called to me from the neighboring property.
“Good evening, Mr. Vogel, celebrating already?”
“Yes, finally, and on the weekend too, what more could you want?“ I replied.
“You're right. Come over here sometime, I have a question for you.”
“What is it?” I asked when I stepped on her fence.
“It's about whether your company would do something for private individuals.”
“It's expensive, but we do that too.”
“I just wanted to ask because a friend of my son's wants to move his household to Italy. You know, my son works in TV and one of the celebrities wants to move?”
“And which celebrity is it?”
Oh, I don't know, you know, there are always so many important people running around.
There are really far too many.
I have to agree with you, I just know that he must have something to do with music.
Music. Your son should just give us a call. Here is my card from the shop.
Oh, thank you. My son will come by later, I'll give him your answer right away.
Yes, please do that. I have to go in now, but your son's friend should just give us a call.
I'll pass on the message, Mr. Vogel, and thank you again.
Thank you too, Ms. Bierapfel.
Once again, I unlocked the front door and picked up my bag from the floor. I'll never get used to this dialect, I thought. I've been living here for seven years now, but I still have trouble understanding it.
I entered my apartment and dropped my bag next to the wardrobe. I should go shopping tomorrow, I thought, when I saw the empty fridge, or maybe now, it wasn't far to the supermarket, just a few streets away. But first I took a shower.
At the supermarket, I wasn't sure what to buy because I didn't know what I should cook for myself over the weekend. So I pushed my cart through the aisles and looked around. I almost overlooked Sabine, who steered her cart right into mine.
“Hello Sabine.”
“Hello Mike.”
“And you're still running errands?”
Yes, just. Hey, are you coming to Klaus' party too?
I don't really know yet, because if Florian shows up, I really don't feel like it.
Are you still not over your breakup?
I'm doing okay, but I'm sick of his constant apologies.
He only has himself to blame, I still don't understand why he got involved with this Dieter guy, he's such a macho guy.
Where love falls Sabine.
You're right, I'm still disappointed in Florian anyway.
You're not the only one. I'll see. Maybe I'll come after all. It might be good to get out of my four walls again.
Okay, then maybe see you tomorrow. I have to go. Peter is waiting at home.
How's his knee?
He can walk quite well again. I'm glad he finally had the operation. The limping was pretty annoying.
Then it's all right, so bye then, and give Peter my regards.
Yes, I'll say goodbye.
I finally found the right things. I went to the checkout and paid. It was more than I wanted to buy, but that was always the case. I walked home with my backpack heavily laden.
When I arrived home, I stowed everything away and then made myself comfortable in the living room. Should I really go to the party tomorrow, I didn't really feel like it. But just because of Flori, hiding in the apartment all the time, I didn't see that either.
So I'll go to the party tomorrow, no matter what or who might come. I watched the boring program on TV and at some point I must have fallen asleep. Sometime during the night, I woke up. I turned off the TV and dragged myself to bed, where I fell asleep again immediately.
*-*-*
The first sunrays woke me up, they seemed to shine directly into my eyes. I had forgotten to close the blinds when I went to bed. I had to sneeze when I looked directly into the sun. I stretched and enjoyed the cozy warmth of my bed.
I could stay in bed, I didn't have to work. The party came to mind again and then all the memories of Florian were back, how I met him. I had to grin at the thought of how he ran right into my ice cream because he didn't look where he was going.
The ice cream ran down his cheek and dripped into his neck, he was so shocked at first. Unfortunately for him, he then ran backwards and fell into the fountain. I still remember how I almost peed my pants laughing.
And then the huge bouquet of red roses that he brought to my house as an apology and stumbled in front of my apartment door and fell to the ground in the middle of the roses. Florian has always been a klutz.
That was all over, but no matter, the main thing was that it didn't hurt anymore. He had been clingy anyway, which I never tolerated. Now it was time to look for something new. But it should be solid, so one-night stands were not my thing.
When I woke up again, it was already lunchtime. With a heavy heart, I got up anyway, because I finally had to make myself presentable again. What should I wear tonight, something provocative or something cool and repellent?
First I went to the bathroom and washed a little, so I wouldn't look too depressed from the bed. Since I knew that Klaus's parties started quite early, I picked out the clothes I wanted to wear. I didn't want to eat anymore, but I had to have a coffee, otherwise I would have been hanging around all evening.
Once I was done styling myself, I left my apartment. I left my car where it was, since it wasn't far to Klaus', and if I had a drink, I wouldn't have to leave it there. I enjoyed the midday breeze and walked leisurely along the avenue.
A few cars were already parked in front of Klaus's house. I couldn't see Florian's. So I went in, the front door was open.
“Hello, is anyone there?
Hi Michael, nice of you to come after all, Biene said, she wasn't so sure, said Klaus, who stormed out of the kitchen.
I only said maybe he wouldn't come, nothing more, said Sabine, who followed him immediately.
Now I'm here, where's the coffee?
Your coffee addiction will be your undoing one day,” Sabine said, and then she disappeared into the kitchen again. ‘Just come with me, there's plenty here.”
“Mmm, it smells delicious in here,’ I said, and followed the scent.
Sabine had already poured me a cup of coffee and handed it to me. Treats were spread all over the kitchen, you could feast to your heart's content.
“Would you like to try one of my love bones?“ Sabine asked me.
“Love bones?”
“Yes, these,” she said, holding a plate under my nose.
I took one and ate it, it tasted delicious.
“Oh dear, I'm afraid I'll put on a few pounds today,” I said to Sabine.
“Could you use it if you lost weight?“ came from the door.
“Ah, hello Harald, no, just wearing loose clothes,” I replied with a grin.
“Long time no see, kid, how are things?”
“Still good, that's right, we haven't seen each other in a while.”
“Yes, since the night I brought you home, drunk as a skunk.”
“You were dead drunk?“ Sabine asked me, aghast, ‘I've never seen you like that.”
“I know, I had a few too many,’ I replied.
“A few is good, I just managed to stop Mike from making the bar we were in put on a show,” Harald said, laughing.
I blushed bright red.
“Now I finally know why everyone is always grinning at me there,“ I said sheepishly.
Sabine and Harald started laughing.
“Well, you three, so happy? Don't you want to join the rest of us in the garden?” Klaus asked as he came into the kitchen.
I grabbed my coffee again and headed towards the garden.
“Hi Michael, there you are at last,“ came from Miriam, who immediately threw her arms around my neck.
“Miriam, Mike may be single, but you still won't stand a chance with him. When will you finally realize that?” asked Joe, giving me a hug of greeting.
“You should never give up hope, right Miriam?” Andrea said, also greeting me with a hug. ”And this is Georg, a friend you haven't met yet.”
I shook Georg's hand.
“Where is our great klutz?“ Joe asked loudly.
“I don't know when he's coming,” Klaus replied.
Everyone knew that Joe was talking about Florian. Somehow, all eyes remained fixed on me.
“It's okay, guys, I'm over it, don't worry about it,” I said, and everyone went back to their coffee or piece of cake.
“Hello guys, I'm here, who else?“ It came from the house.
“Susanne here,” it came from us like a choir.
Susanne came to the balcony door.
“Hello guys, for the second time. Well, are you all already filling up on calories?”
“Yes, Susanne, we're feasting to the full,” said Joe, shoving in the last piece of his cream cake.
A brief greeting from each of them followed. I sat down with Harald on the bench and continued to enjoy my coffee. Suddenly Florian was standing at the balcony door.
No one really took any notice of him, just brief greetings. I didn't think that was right. Just because he gave me the boot, it's not right to treat him like an outcast now.
So I stood up to greet Florian. I knew that all ears would be glued to us, but I didn't care.
“Hi Flori, long time no see,“ I said.
“Hello Michael, right?”
“No more Mike?”
“Um, I thought Mike was only for good friends,” he said uncertainly.
“Aren't you a friend or not?”
“Yes, but I thought...”
Don't think, just talk. Are you okay?
I can't complain, and you?
You look good, don't you? I tried to act, and I succeeded. He took it from me and scooped a pile of cream onto his plate.
Now the ice was broken somehow and everyone was talking to Florian. Somehow I still thought it was stupid, but I didn't want it to ruin the mood for the evening.
I sat back down with Harald and we chatted a little about the shipping company.
“And you really don't have to drive anymore?” Harald asked.
The boss says you don't, maybe in emergencies, but that's pretty rare,? I replied.
Then you're certainly happy about your regular working hours?
Yes, I am, although it takes a little getting used to because I'm almost home on time every evening now, but I'm sure I'll get used to it quickly.
Oh Klaus is coming with the barbecue, I'll go and help with the barbecue and make sure nothing burns like it did last time.
Do this, Harald, I don't want to eat any cabbage steaks either.
We both laughed.
The evening drew to a cozy close. I lifted my belly, apparently I had eaten too much after all, well, and drunk too. We all said goodbye to each other, and so I set off on my slightly unsteady way home.
“Wait Mike?“ I heard behind me.
I turned around and Joe came jumping after me.
“Can I walk with you for a bit, we almost have the same way home,” he asked.
“Sure Joe, I don't like being alone.”
“And everything okay?”
If you mean whether I've had enough to eat and drink, then I'd have to say yes.
No, I meant more about Florian.
Oh, I see, that's why. No, it was fine, he didn't get on my nerves and otherwise he kept his distance from me the whole evening.
Then it's okay.
Why are you all so concerned about me? The Florian issue is over and done with, water under the bridge.
We were just worried about you, we haven't seen much of you lately.
That's sweet of you, but I'm fine again. And how's love treating you?
No change. Except that the guy I love is single again.
Oh Joe, please. Why don't you finally find a decent boyfriend?
You'd be a decent friend.
Joachim, how many times do I have to tell you? For a close relationship, it's just not enough for me. I like you as a friend, but nothing more.
Joe looked sad. Oh man, did I put my foot in it again. Joe was a sweet guy, but not my type. I put my arm around him and he leaned his head on me.
“I feel very honored that you love me, but I can't be more than a friend,” I said softly, feeling his hand on my back, which strangely made me feel good in a way I hadn't felt in a long time.
The next morning I was awakened by pleasant kisses. I opened my eyes and Joe was lying in my arms. I sat up as if struck by lightning.
“Is something wrong?” Joe asked, startled.
“Oh man, how did you get into my bed?”
“Well, for one thing, you're in my bed and we're at my place. And for another thing, you voluntarily came home with me last night.”
Sorry, I knew right away what was going on.
I sank back into Joe's arms.
Don't worry, Mike, you already told me last night that this is a one-time thing and will never happen again.
And you slept with me anyway?
Don't be angry, but a long-held wish has come true, I was finally able to spend a night with you.
And you're not hurt in any way?
No, I'm not, don't worry about it. It was just a wonderful night with you, he said to me and pulled me to him for a kiss.
I finally arrived at my apartment late that afternoon. I couldn't get Joe out of my head. What was that actually, I don't go in for one-night stands. And what was it tonight?
I went to take a shower first. Every single fiber of my body seemed to smell of Joe. I didn't know why I felt nothing for him, no more than for a normal friend. I liked him a lot, and that was all.
But since tonight, that had probably changed. Not a minute went by that I didn't think about him. My body longed for him. I got out of the shower, dried myself off. Naked, I lay down on my bed and felt the hard erection between my legs.
He was a sweet guy. His dark brown curly hair emphasized his green, large eyes. He was about my height, around 185, and his body? wow, you could tell he was a swimmer, not an ounce of fat on him. Unlike me.
All that sitting in the truck and now in the office had already taken its toll. I certainly weighed at least a quarter of a stone more than he did. What also struck me was his easy-going manner. He was a pure happy nature, always with a smile on his lips, and if I remember correctly, I had never seen Joe down.
I must have fallen asleep at the thought. I woke up because I was cold, as I wasn't dressed. I got up, put on my jogging clothes, went into the kitchen and made myself a snack.
*-*-*
The next morning I was stuck in the morning traffic jam again. Meanwhile, I had gotten into the habit of leaving home earlier so as not to arrive at the store at the last second.
My boss's and my colleague's cars were already there, and employees were already loading three trucks. I locked my car and walked across the grounds towards the office.
I greeted my colleagues on the loading bay with a wave. I went into the building, clocked in and went up the stairs to my office.
“Good morning Michael, I'm glad you're here,“ said my colleague Christiane.
“What's going on?” I asked.
“Well, but the boss is expecting you urgently because of an order. And the Polish tour has been canceled because the company there has gone bankrupt.”
“Oh man, that means we have to unpack everything again and send it back to the respective companies,” I complained.
“Don't worry Michael, the warehouse is already sorting everything out.”
“Well, I'll go ask the boss what he wants.”
“See you in a minute, Michael.”
I walked down the long hallway and stopped in front of my boss's door. I straightened my clothes and knocked.
“Come in.”
I opened the door and entered.
“Good morning, bird. You're here at last. I need you urgently.”
“Good morning, boss. What's up?”
Do you have plans from Wednesday until next Friday?
No, not really.
Then take a seat. I don't know how you managed to land a client like that, but you did.
Which client, if you don't mind me asking? I said in amazement.
“A music publishing company that represents the group, what's their name?” my boss rummaged through his papers and pulled out a sheet of paper, ”oh yes, they're called Blue and they're from England, do you know them?”
“Yes, I have a few of their songs at home, but what does this have to do with me?”
It's quite simple. I'll explain it step by step. The group Blue wants to start a tour in Europe. We booked four trucks and provide the drivers (three for the tour and one for the move).
Move?
Yes, while the group is on tour, a small hut is being prepared in Tuscany where the guys can take shelter during their breaks. The music studio and equipment have to be moved down there.
Should I coordinate that?
No, Vogel, they have to drive it down there.
Why me? I didn't want to drive anymore, as you know.
Because it was specifically requested.
By whom?
Don't ask me, I was just told.
Slowly my gray cells started to work. Ms. Bierapfel had given her son Marc my card. Marc knew me well and also knew that I had separated from Florian, and Marc in particular had influence.
And why do I need so long until next week?
You should be involved in the tour planning, because the gentlemen want you to take over the leadership of the truck convoy.
Now, slowly.
Vogel, you have understood correctly. I just need your consent, I have already clarified everything else.
He handed me all the papers and shook my hand.
“Vogel, you represent our company well. It would be great if we could get more orders like this.”
“Okay, boss.”
I left his office totally beside myself and went back to mine.
“You look like the boss has made you a head shorter,” said Christiane to me.
“No, worse.”
“What's the matter? You're all white, why don't you sit down first?”
“I'm not surprised.”
“Now tell me.”
“The boss is sending me on tour.”
“What do you mean, on tour? I thought you didn't do trips anymore?”
I didn't want to, but this offer is too tempting.”
I told her in broad terms everything the boss had told me. She made a face.
“That means you won't be here all summer, even into October?”
That also means that you'll have a new colleague, because the way I see it, I need you here for coordination.
Really?
Christiane, I can't organize everything from the road, I need someone to take care of things here for me. But that also means that I should be able to reach you day and night, is that possible?
Sounds really exciting, of course Michael, you can count on me.
And I'll call this person from the music publisher first. There's only Philipp on the card.
Okay, don't let me disturb you.
I spent the whole morning on the phone and was totally exhausted when I arrived at the small canteen at our company. One of the drivers called me over.
“Hey Mike, you've drawn a unlucky number again,” he said.
“Why unlucky, because I'm going on tour again?”
“No, because the boss said you're getting our new truck.”
“Really, Herbert, he said that?”
Yes, just now, when he had the apprentice wash it.
Wow, I'm flabbergasted, I've always wanted to drive one of those.
Now you have the chance.
Yes, I do, I said, still walking, with a cup of coffee in my hand. And for a long time again.
*-*-*
In the evening, I came home late for the first time in a long time. This guy Philipp told me things on the phone that I hadn't even thought of yet. I spent the whole afternoon organizing things that I still needed for the four trucks. My boss was overjoyed and gave me a free hand.
So I just left everything in the hallway and flopped down on the couch in the living room. Slowly, I went over the past day in my mind, only slowly did I realize what this day had brought me.
The phone rang.
“Michael Vogel.”
“Hi Mike, it's Joe, finally at home.”
“Yeah, finally, I'm completely exhausted.”
“Was it so stressful today?”
What are you doing now?
I didn't really have any plans, just a cozy evening at home and then bed.
Come over for a beer, and I'll tell you the latest news.
Sounds interesting, give me half an hour, I still have to shower.
Okay, me too, see you in a bit, Joe.
Yeah, see you soon.
I hung up. Now I had really invited Joe without really thinking about it. Anyway. I quickly undressed and got into the shower. The hot water felt good on my skin.
I dried myself off, feeling really relaxed and fresh, and put on my comfy clothes. No sooner had I made myself comfortable than my doorbell rang.
“Hey Joe, great that you came over.”
“You know how curious I am, and when you tell me something like that on the phone, I'm immediately nosy.”
“Come in and make yourself comfortable, I'll get the beer out of the fridge.”
Joe ran into the living room and I went to the kitchen to get the beer.
“So, what's the exciting thing that happened?” Joe called out from the living room.
I took the beer and two glasses and went to him.
“Do you know the group Blue?”
“Do you mean the ones who just had a hit with Elton John?”
“Yes, exactly those.”
“Yes, I know them, I have one of their albums at home. Besides, I think Antony is so cute.”
I can make you really jealous then?
Why?
Because I'm going on tour with the guys.
What do you mean, on tour?
Get up, you're sitting on the line, Joe. The group Blue is doing a European tour this summer. And my company has been booked for the transportation and equipment.
You'll be close to them the whole time?
Not only that. They are getting a house set up in Tuscany for the breaks between performances, and I'll be taking all the equipment there personally and staying there for almost two weeks.
Oh man, you're a lucky guy.
Suddenly Joe's expression became sad.
What's wrong?
Then you'll be out of reach for me the whole time.
? Bad?
Yes, somehow. Yes, I know that Saturday night was unique, but somehow I can't get it together, 'Joe said.
What can't you get together?
Don't get angry with me for saying this openly, but when we made love, you were so devoted, so full of love, and now you say you don't love me...
If I'm honest, Joe, I don't know what's going on with me either. I was confused about my feelings myself on Sunday.
Does that mean I can have a little hope?
That means, if you're not in my bed in a minute, I'll throw you out, I said with a cheeky grin.
“Fine, I'll go then,” he said almost silently.
“What?..??
??tsch, I'm kidding, come on old man, or do I have to carry you to bed first??
“Wait Joe, I'll show you what an old man can do.”
It was already late.
“Do you really have to go already?”
“Yes, I want to get to work on time,“ said Joe, who was still in my arms.
“I'll wake you up tomorrow, we'll have breakfast together and I'll drive you home, then you'll be on time,” I suggested.
“Are you serious?”
Yes, I am. I feel so good when I'm close to you. I don't want to fall asleep without you.
Have I finally gotten the great Mike to come around?
In a way, yes. What are you doing to me? Have you brainwashed me? I said with a smile.
Of course I do, with all my victims. And then I screw them senseless.”
“Then go ahead,“ I said, pulling him to me for a kiss.
“Your coffee with milk?” I called into the bathroom, where Joe was taking a shower.
“Gladly, but no sugar, please.”
I sat down at the table and slurped my coffee. Joe came out of the bathroom with only a towel around his hips and sat down next to me.
“What will become of us now?” Joe suddenly asked me.
“I don't know, Joe. Can you give me a little more time?”
As much as you want, Michael. I don't want to push you into anything, that would be the last thing I wanted.
Drink up your coffee and get dressed, we have to leave soon.
He took me in his arms and gave me a long kiss.
How was that? You don't want to push me into anything?
Yes, why?
Then take your hand out of my boxer, otherwise I can't guarantee anything.”
Joe started laughing loudly.
*-*-*
“Morning Mike, did you sleep well?” Christiane asked me when I entered the office.
“Yes, just not enough. Morning Christiane.
Were you so excited about the tour?”
“No, I wasn't alone,” I meekly admitted.
“Listen, listen, who did you trap in your spider web?”
“Joe.”
“You've got the sweetest of them all. Then why do you look so bitter?”
“Quite simply, Christiane, because I'm not sure about my feelings for Joe.”
“It's always the same with you men,“ said Christiane, going back to her work. I did the same. A little later, Christiane was tearing her hair out.
“And the boss really thinks that this should now be a new branch of our company, driving pop stars around the country?”
“Yes, why not?” I asked.
If I see how complex it is now, what we are preparing, what will it be like when the tour is running?”
“You'll experience that soon enough, Christiane.”
“You should get ready slowly, you have an appointment with Philipp in a moment.”
“Oh man, I'm getting forgetful. Good thing I have you. Thanks?”
“You're welcome, and now get lost.”
I ran down the stairs and got into my car outside. In the rearview mirror, I saw Christiane running towards me, waving wildly. I rolled down my window and looked in her direction.
“How about taking your papers with you?” she asked, waving my folder.
“Oh man, where is my head today?”
“I guess about Joe,” she replied, turned around and left.
She was right, I really couldn't get Joe out of my head. I started the car and drove off the company premises. A short stretch of freeway and I was at the desired exit. I quickly found the music company in the industrial area. I parked my car in the parking lot in front of the building.
At the gate I was asked where I was going and I gave him the document that Philipp had sent me.
“Go through the main entrance, then up the stairs and then along the whole corridor, Philipp's room is on the left,” the gatekeeper said to me.
I walked the described way into the house. Inside was a wild bustle. The staircase led up exactly in the middle of the building, and so I could look into all the offices. It felt like a beehive.
Down the hall and I was standing in front of the door. Well, it was open. Inside sat a young man. On his door was a sign >Assistant Tour Manager Philipp Greif<. I knocked on the door to get his attention. Philipp waved me to a chair, he was on the phone.
>When do they arrive? >Already, man, I have to hurry to get to the airport and just today my car conks out. I'll find a solution, so see you in a moment... Bye Davide.?
He hung up the receiver.
“So, you must be Michael?”
“Yes, I am.”
“And I have to put you off right away, because I urgently need to get to the airport.”
“No problem, my car is outside, we can talk in the car.”
“You'd drive me there, that's great. You've already got something good with me. Come on, the plane lands in half an hour.”
“Who's coming?”
“Blue.”
That could be fun. I sat in the car with Philipp and drove towards the airport, where I would get to know the band Blue for the first time.
“The trucks are fine. They'll all be packed by tomorrow. Our people have been working on them all day,“ I told him.
“And you're driving the truck to Tuscany?” asked Philipp.
“Yes, I'm driving. We're leaving tomorrow at seven.”
“Great, I'm glad that all worked out so quickly.”
I steered the car to the airport parking lot.
Michael, please turn right up there.
But that's a restricted area.
We can get in with this pass, he said, holding a tour pass under my nose, I got you one made too, by the way.
Thanks.
I stopped in front of the barrier and a security guard came to my window.
“Can you identify yourself?” he asked me.
Philipp gave me my ID, and I showed it to the man.
“Okay, you can pass.”
The barrier went up and drove into the secured area. The plane seemed to have just landed. Philipp handed me another band that I could hang around my neck with my ID.
“Don't lose it. It gives you access to everything concerning our company,“ Philipp said.
He went to a woman in a black vest with the logo of >Music on Tour<, the name of the music publisher, on the back. She seemed to be waiting here too. He waved me over.
“Michael, this is Bea, our tour manager, who is also my boss,” Philipp said.
I shook Bea's hand.
“So, young man, are you a new member of our crew?” she asked. ‘You'll quickly get used to us and, above all, to the stress. But after the third or fourth tour, you'll be an old hand at this too.”
I looked at her in wonder. Third or fourth tour? What did she mean?
“Oh, Bea, he doesn't know how lucky he is,’ said Philipp.
Then I'll have to explain everything. So listen, here's the short version. Because we're tired of always having to hire a transport company when we go on tour, we just bought into your boss. We now own half of your company. Your boss continues to run the company, at least the part that has to do with delivering the goods.
And what role do I play in all this? I asked, still a little bewildered.
Well, Marc has raved to me so much about your qualities that we will now entrust you alone with the transportation and setup of our tour equipment. You're not on a par with your boss, but you have just as much say as he does.
Now I was a little taken aback. I could hardly believe what Bea had just told me.
“Let's let Michael digest that for now, Bea, and we'll take care of the boys, see they get out,” said Philipp and trotted to the jet.
As if they had been friends forever, Philipp and the boys fell around each other's necks. Even Bea got a kiss from each of them as a greeting. I stood a little way off and watched the whole scene.
(all English again in German! Note from author)
“And who is that?“ Simon asked.
“That's our new guy, Michael, in charge of transportation and construction,” said Philipp.
“Ah, the successor to Tommy, hello Mike,“ said Lee.
He said Mike to me right away, which only my close friends actually said. But it sounded kind of nice coming from him.
“Hello,” I said, a little shy.
It wasn't every day that someone famous stood in front of me. Each one shook my hand and said his first name. With Lee, it seemed as if he held my hand a little longer. But I was sure I just imagined that when he looked at me with his irresistible eyes.
“I'd say we go to the hotel first, then to the company to have the main meeting,“ Bea said.
“Are you driving with the boys?” I asked Philipp.
“Actually, yes,“ he was about to say, but Lee interrupted him.
“I'll go with Mike,” Lee said.
'Um...' I looked at Philipp, at a loss, 'I don't even have a dark-tinted car.
'Who would look for a normal car with a local license plate?' Philipp replied with a smile on his face.
'Then it's okay, I'll follow behind you with Mike,' Lee said, pointing questioningly in the direction of my Golf.
'Yours?'
'Yes,' I replied.
Wow, with all the bells and whistles. I like it.
You surely have a great car yourself.
Yes, I do, but I don't have a driver's license.
I unlocked the car and we got in.
No driver's license?
I'm already nineteen, but when was I supposed to get it, I've hardly had time for it since the store.
Yes, that's right, I can understand that.”
I started the car and slowly rolled the little tour bus behind me.
“And how long have you been at it now?” Lee asked me.
“Officially three days, since today.”
“Oh dear, so you're new to the business?”
“Yes, why 'oh'? I asked in puzzlement.
“You'll see, at the latest when the tour starts... loading... unloading... setting up... and that all along the tour. Especially the long distances?”
“I'm used to that, I'm a truck driver, or rather I was, I quit a quarter of a year ago and until now I've only worked in an office.”
We slowly approached the gate. Suddenly, there were countless people in front of the gate who hadn't been there before.
“Someone always finds out when we show up somewhere,” Lee said, taking cover in his seat.
The main focus was on the car in front of me anyway, so I was able to leave the area unhindered. Back on the highway, Lee emerged from his hiding place and sat back down normally.
“So what else do you do besides drive a truck?”
“Not much, mostly just hanging around with my friends,” I said.
“And no girlfriend?”
Should I tell him, or play along?
“No, I don't have one,” I answered curtly, hoping he would leave it at that.
“I don't understand, you must have girls chasing after you because you're so good-looking.”
He's not letting up, so I'll just be a bit more direct.
“No, you, I'm not that interested in girls.”
“Gay too?“ ‘You really don't look it, I wouldn't have thought so.”
“Have I misunderstood, or did he just say?”
“But you have a boyfriend, don't you?’ he asked further.
“Is this going to be an interrogation?” I wondered.
“No, currently single again, and you?”
Counterattack.
Where am I supposed to get a boyfriend from, how am I supposed to find the time for a boyfriend? I believe that for a friendship like that you have to be there one hundred percent, not a patchwork, here today, gone tomorrow. If I had a boyfriend, I would also want to spend the time with him that he deserves. But with my job, that's not possible anyway.
And so you prefer to do without a friend?
Yes.
His eyes had suddenly taken on a sad appearance.
You demand a lot of yourself, I think, Lee, I said.
Why?
? Listen, just giving up on love because you can't spend enough time on it. I would wither away miserably, believe me.?
I almost do that, I just take refuge in my music and try to give it my all.
You put your heart into it, as you can tell from your ballads. But it's not a long-term solution. If the love of your life comes along one day, what will you do then?
I don't know myself, that's what I'm afraid of. That one day I'll fall in love so much that I can no longer hold on to my principles.
Do the others know about you?
Within the group, yes, and some of the management team as well. No one else, because of the press, they would tear me to pieces.
I can imagine.
Mike, can I ask you a favor?
If it doesn't turn into hard labor, sure.
Can I come to you when I need someone to talk to? I've only known you a short time, but you're one of those people you can trust completely.
Thanks. Of course you can come to me anytime when I'm around.
So for the next five months? Lee grinned.
I looked at him sideways.
“So it's hard labor after all, I'll survive it.”
We had now arrived at the hotel. We had no problem driving into the hotel garage. A few security people were standing by to protect us from curious fans. We drove straight up to the suites that had been booked for the group.
I followed Lee to his room so he could change into something else.
“Man, this room is as big as my apartment,“ I said, looking around.
“One of the advantages of being famous,” Lee said, taking off his clothes.
Antony came in.
“Lee, have you seen my black sweater, the one with the white stripes?” he asked.
I thought you wanted to take it with you, so I packed it for you, Lee said and threw the sweater to him.
Our little one again, always taking care of us, thank you Lee, Antony said and then he was gone.
I sat down and watched Lee getting dressed.
And do you like it?
Startled and pulled out of my thoughts, I asked, “What do you like?”
“What you see, you're staring at me like that?”
Caught off guard, I blushed like a tomato.
“Well, say it,” he urged me.
“Yes,” I said, I wasn't capable of more right now.
“So, ready, we can go to the meeting?”
I stood up and was about to leave the room when Lee called after me.
“Haven't you forgotten something?“ he asked, waving my documents.
“Oh man, it happens to me all the time that I forget something.”
“Don't worry, I can take care of you a little,” Lee said, laughing, and handed me my folder.
My cell phone rang.
“Yes?”
Hello Mike, it's Joe, how are you?
I'm fine, I was just watching a very handsome man getting dressed.
At the shipping department?
I'm at the hotel.
One thing at a time, I don't understand a thing.
Joe, I'm sorry, I have to go to a meeting urgently, but I'll explain it to you tonight over a beer, okay?
Yes, all right.
Hey kid, don't be angry, but I just got a new job, but I'll explain everything to you tonight. At your place or mine?
We can work out the details later. See you later, big guy.
Bye Joe.
“A friend, though?” Lee, who had been walking unnoticed next to me the whole time, asked.
'In the broadest sense, I don't want to commit myself right now, I've had enough of the last one. But never mind, come in with you, the others are probably waiting.'
And so it was. The others were already sitting in a small conference room, talking excitedly.
'Hey Lee, Bea had a great idea,' said Duncan.
“What's it about?“ Lee asked and sat down with me on the two free seats.
“We wanted to try out a few things during the tour, write new songs,” said Simon.
“Yeah, so?” Lee asked again.
“Bea and Philipp have got us a house in Tuscany, where the company is building us a complete recording studio.”
“Not bad.”
Mike, I just called your boss, he said your truck is ready and you can leave on time tomorrow, “said Philipp to me.
That's fine, I'll stop by later to check the rest, ”I replied.
It seemed to me that Lee looked sad all of a sudden, but the meeting needed my full concentration, so I quickly dismissed the thought.
Bea gave a rough outline of the tour dates, what was going on, which halls had been rented, and which hotels had been booked. She went over the tight schedule with me, and I tried to contribute some ideas to make it a little less stressful.
“So Marc didn't exaggerate when he recommended you,” Bea said.
I nodded gratefully and thought that I would have to thank Marc for the great job at the next opportunity.
Philipp later gave me the basic company clothing. Now I also had a vest with the logo on the back and the cap said >Blue<. A few T-shirts were also included. I also got a second cell phone so that I could be reached better by the company at all times.
I said goodbye to everyone, because I still wanted to stop by the freight forwarder's. When I arrived there, I went straight to my boss.
“Congratulations on the new job,” my boss greeted me.
“Congratulations on the new partner.”
“Thanks, son. With the big chunk of change I got from them, I'll finally get those two semi-trucks I've been wanting to buy for a long time.”
“Then we've both benefited from this,” I replied.
“Christiane has prepared all your remaining papers, the key, then they should have everything they need, Vogel.”
“Okay, boss, I'll say goodbye then, and see you in two weeks. I have to go home and pack now.”
“Okay, Vogel, take care and drive carefully, the truck is new.”
Don't worry boss, I'll treat it as if it was mine.
Then I'm reassured, so goodbye?
I gave him my hand again in farewell and was outside. As he had said, everything was on my desk. I took the papers, organized them with the others and set off for home.
*-*-*
At home I thought of Joe, who I actually wanted to meet. So I picked up the phone and dialed his number.
“Florian here at Joe's, who's speaking?”
I pressed the off button. What was Florian doing at Joe's, I wondered. Somehow I was now confused. I didn't want to call again. So I went to my bag and packed the missing clothes in it.
What does Flo want with Joe, what's he doing there, nobody has noticed that I'm becoming closer friends with Joe. I decided not to contact anyone that evening, but to go to bed early because I wanted to leave at seven the next morning.
As arranged, Herbert was ready and waiting in the morning to take me to the transport company. Almost without a word, we drove through the morning traffic.
“You're probably not used to getting up early anymore, Michael?”
“No, I'm really not anymore.”
“But you've always been a morning grouch, haven't you?” Herbert laughed.
I just gave a yawn. On the site, everything was still dark, I realized how quickly something like that was forgotten. When I was still driving regularly, it was a habit to be one of the first to arrive and turn everything on and turn on the lights.
Now that I was almost always the last to arrive, I didn't waste any more thought on it. So I walked with Herbert through the building and switched everything to “on”. Slowly, other colleagues also arrived, who drove their trucks from the yard or still had to load them.
I went to the new track and unlocked it. Once again, I checked everything on the car and also whether the load was lashed down. I pressed the starter and a rich sound emerged from under the cab.
Suddenly there was a knock on my window. Startled, I looked in the direction of the noise. “Joe.” I rolled down the window.
“Joe, for God's sake, what are you doing here so early?“ I asked.
“I'm saying goodbye. You didn't get in touch yesterday.”
“I tried to call, but the line was busy,” I lied.
“It's a shame, I would have liked to talk to you a little longer. Here's a little something for you, so you don't forget me.”
I looked at him sadly and knew why I didn't like goodbyes. I took the package and gave Joe a kiss. He jumped down from the footboard and waved again before I stepped on the gas and rolled off the premises.
There wasn't much traffic on the A5 at that time, so I made good time. I had left Frankfurt far behind me, and the next obstacle was the Walldorfer Kreuz. Every day there were traffic reports from there.
But today I was lucky, only heavy traffic. I stopped at the Bruchsal rest stop. I stretched my legs a little and had a cup of coffee. When I came outside, my truck immediately caught my eye.
Completely white, it stood out clearly from the others. Only the black lettering “Music on Tour” on the back with contact numbers was visible. I chatted a little with other drivers and then continued my journey.
I got into the first traffic jam after Karlsruhe because of roadworks. The morning sun was quite dazzling and was already giving off its warmth weakly. I observed the people in the neighboring cars at walking speed.
A small child was trying to force a Lego brick into a box that was too small. It kept trying for a long time. Suddenly, it had a sense of achievement. The brick was in? the box was broken.
Slowly things picked up, the traffic jam dissolved. The truck in front of me was slowly getting on my nerves. It chugged along at a leisurely seventy in front of me. I looked in the rearview mirror? clear road. I started to overtake and finally realized what kind of power this machine had.
I left the slowpoke behind me and had a clear view in front of me again. Around noon I arrived at the customs office behind Weil am Rhein. I drove to the assigned parking lot and got out with the car papers.
The check went quite quickly. Today must be my lucky day. I have often been here at the border crossing and have had to wait much longer. If I hurried, I could be on the Gotthard for a coffee.
I slowly made my way through Basel on the city highway. With my long semi-trailer, I had no chance of changing lanes here anyway. It was still a good distance to Lucerne, so I didn't need to worry too much about getting through.
For three years Switzerland had been trying to expand the local highway there, but since the A1 and A2 of Switzerland ran on the same route exactly at this point, traffic collapse was inevitable every day.
In the package from Joe was a small letter with a picture of him and a CD. I assumed it was self-burned. I put it in the CD drive and listened to the music he had recorded for me.
I reached Lucerne around two o'clock and, as I had suspected in advance, I crawled through Lucerne at walking speed. But I had a beautiful view of Lake Lucerne. A few small yachts and paddle steamers made their circles on the lake.
I hoped to be through soon, because in some places it was pretty damn narrow for my truck, and I didn't have much room to move up and to the side. Finally, the Seligberg tunnel came into view. After the tunnel came the big bridge that cut through the lake. After that, my truck had work to do, because it was now constantly uphill.
At Ansteg they started to separate the traffic of us trucks. Slowly I drove a twenty-ton truck behind. About a kilometer before the Gotthard, the end of the line of trucks came into view. I braked slowly until I finally came to a stop behind the man in front of me.
I got out and talked to the other drivers who were standing in front of me. A Swiss police officer handed each of us a number. I realized that I would only be able to drive through the Gotthard with the second wave.
Since the serious accident in the Gotthard, trucks were only allowed to enter the tunnel from one side. In addition, you had to keep at least a hundred and fifty meters distance from the truck in front of you. If there were cars in between, the distance had to be even greater.
So I sat back in my truck and the convoy started to move. I got to fourth in line before another officer motioned for us to stop.
Now we had to wait for the trucks to pass through and for those coming from the south side to pass through. I made myself comfortable in my seat and reread Joe's letter.
“Hi Mike,
You're not even really gone yet, and I already miss you terribly. I know we've only been together a few evenings, but it's more than I'd ever hoped for, and I still feel very attracted to you. I appreciate your openness with me and hope that if we do end up together, you'll keep it up. I hope you have a safe trip and come back to me safely.
Your Joe.
The boy is really in love with me, and I'm being so unfair and leaving him in the dark about my feelings. Although I was still unsure myself. It's true, I've already fallen for Joachim a little, but it just hasn't clicked yet, I don't have the feeling that I want to grow old with this person.
On the other hand, there was Lee, who was very open to me. Well, it wasn't normally my style to get involved with someone nine years younger, but there was something about Lee that really appealed to me.
The last truck seemed to have driven out of the tunnel, and the official from before instructed us to start our engines. My front tires slowly rolled forward and I followed them. Seventeen kilometers through the tunnel with fifty and a large distance, that will be a long boring stretch, I thought.
It took almost half an hour until we were through, and as expected, on the Italian side, the opposite weather received us as on the German side. It poured down.
Well, I thought, that's clean. I had not wanted the rain. I wanted to make it at least to Bellinzona, where I wanted to stay overnight at the large rest area. I could continue my journey more badly than well. The spray from the cars in front of me almost reduced my visibility to zero.
I arrived at the rest area completely exhausted. I filled up with fuel first, because I didn't want to wait in line tomorrow, when the majority of my colleagues would be standing in line at the gas pump anyway. I parked my truck a little ways away.
I grabbed my shower stuff and ran to the local shower. It wasn't very busy yet; I was there quite early. So I quickly got a shower. I let the lukewarm water run down over me and enjoyed it.
From the neighboring shower, I heard soft groans, and I realized that there were two men in there. Amused, I washed myself. As I stepped out of my shower, the neighboring cubicle opened and two very young men stepped out.
Both blushed and turned away, and then they left. I shaved and then walked back to the truck. I saw the two of them get into a small bridge car and thought to myself, well, they really wouldn't have had much space there. The license plate started with >Li<. So Livorno, where I also wanted to go.
*-*-*
The next morning I was awakened by trucks starting up. I looked at my watch. 7:03. I still had time to have breakfast. I climbed out of my bunk, which was more like a king-size bed. I quickly put on my clothes, got out and headed for the rest stop.
The heavy clouds from yesterday had disappeared, and the first rays of sunshine promised a glorious day. After a hearty breakfast, I had to hurry to make my schedule.
The truck pulled strongly and I rolled back onto the A2. Not half an hour later, I reached the border with Italy. To my amazement, we were all waved through, no truck was examined.
So the next stop should be near Milan, so I put the pedal to the metal to get out of the mountains as quickly as possible. My cell phone rang.
“Vogel?”
A strange number.
“Hello Michael, this is Philipp, and we made it across the border okay?”
Hello Philipp, good morning. Yes, surprisingly well. I still have about thirty-five kilometers to Milan.
Then you've really made good progress. Listen, when you arrive in Castellina, a Mr. Rossi will be waiting for you there. He will brief you then. I'll arrive with the guys tonight.
Already? I thought it was only tomorrow.
The guys wanted to come earlier.?
Okay, I'll see you tonight then. Say hi to Bea.
I will. Bye, Michael.
Bye, Philipp.
So I'll see Lee again tonight. Interesting. The cell phone rang again. The number of the shipping company was displayed.
Vogel.
Hello Michael, it's Christiane.
“It's already all hell this morning, and you're the second caller in five minutes.”
“Well, work calls.” ”The following is about loading the three other trucks. I don't quite understand who gets what.”
“Take a look at the red folder next to the palm pot.”
“Yes, I have it.”
It shows exactly what goes into which truck. One for... just a moment, I have to overtake.
I pulled ahead of the truck and rejoined the line.
So I'm back. One truck is for the stage, the second is being loaded with the lighting system and the last one has all the entertainment electronics in it.
“Then that's fine,” said Christiane.
“But make sure you load the sensitive parts at the end so that you can secure them better.”
“Okay, I'll do that, Michael. I wish you another safe trip. Where are you now, by the way?”
“Just outside Milan.”
“Oh, how envious I am. I think I'll get my truck driver's license after all.”
Do that, I have to stop, I'm coming to the first toll station.
Okay, see you then, I'll get back to you.
Sure thing, Christiane. Ciao.
* * *

Moonlight

I walked aimlessly through the forest. I was angry and sad at the same time. How could he do this to me? How could he do this to us? And on our anniversary, no less. Exactly one year ago, we had found each other here in the mountains, in a remote cabin that was rarely rented by tourists. This lodge was a classic secret among lovers of steep slopes and people who just wanted to enjoy their winter vacation in peace, without loud parties and deafening screams.
At first I just wanted to take a little walk through the winter forest. But this time I felt a chill earlier than usual and returned to the hut earlier than planned. It broke my heart when I found him in OUR bed with someone else. He looked at me with fear for just a second, then his look changed to resignation and indifference and he just continued to beat the other guy's brains out as if I wasn't standing in the doorway watching them.
With widened eyes, I took a few steps backwards, then turned around and just ran away. Low-hanging branches brushed against my cheeks, slightly scratching my skin, but the pain in my heart outweighed everything. I didn't know exactly why I was so surprised, because it was actually quite predictable. Raoul flirted with this blond pretty boy the whole time yesterday evening, but I thought that if it just stayed that way, it would be okay with me.
I came out onto a large clearing between two trees. I walked a few more steps, but then I stumbled over my own legs and landed lengthwise in the snow. Slowly, I pushed myself up a little, leaning on my knees and forearms. I clenched my fists, then slammed the ground wildly. I had been so stupid, so blind.
We had already started to have problems between us. But I was foolish enough to assume that here, where we came together a year ago, everything would be fine again. A month ago, he told me I was strange. It wasn't the first time I'd heard something like that from someone. Following premonitions or intuition, I had often protected myself from injury. Besides, I had the strange gift of being able to recognize the feelings and attitudes of others. Although this helped me a lot in my job, when it came to relationships it only brought me misfortune.
People became afraid of me, and over time they no longer found my charisma unusually interesting or attractive, but rather creepy. Even my colleagues kept their distance from me because they were partly jealous, since I almost always knew what my customers wanted. On the other hand, I was too “normal” for them. Apart from the fact that I rigorously rejected any advances, whether on a friendly basis or otherwise. Because sooner or later everyone left me and I was alone, as I am now.
Why did I let him get so close to me? But it felt so good to be desired, it felt so good not to be the abnormal misfit for once. Maybe that was exactly why I had overlooked so much. Tears ran down my cheeks, which I only noticed when the salty drops disappeared into the snow. I had calmed down enough to stop beating the ground with my fists, but now I knelt in the white cold, trembling not because of the frost, but because of the coldness in my heart.
Suddenly, however, I stopped. Someone was there, watching me. I sensed quite clearly this dark aura, which crept clammy like fog over the clearing. Startled, I looked up and looked directly into a deep shining green. Fear seized me like a cold breath of air and made me tremble even more. I knelt there as if frozen, my eyes widening in terror as I stared into the dark glittering eyes of the creature, whose pupils fixed me with icy intent.
Then he took a step forward and stretched out his black-clad arm towards me. This was the trigger for me to turn around and start running. However, I didn't get far. I had barely taken two steps before there was a crunching sound beneath me and a few seconds later I was surrounded by icy water. It only slowly dawned on me that I hadn't stumbled upon a clearing but onto a frozen lake.
The cold immediately permeated my entire body, numbing it and also my thoughts. As in a dream, I looked up at the frozen water ceiling, which only the snow muffled the moonlight. As if I were floating, I sank deeper and deeper, and the further I slid down, the more I welcomed the darkness. Nobody would ever miss me, nowhere was I wanted. Here in the gloomy cold, everything was quiet, no evil voices blaspheming behind my back, no disparaging looks haunting me. Here I could be myself, didn't need to pretend, didn't need to put on an artificial smile. Here I was accepted as I am.
I was ready to let the darkness take over, opened my mouth and lungs and let myself be taken in by it, as if it were a tender lover. But something disturbed me. Someone grabbed my arm, brutally ripping me out of my trance and making me look up. And again I was met by this dark, glistening green. Even here it stood out from the blackness, as if it were glowing from within. Like a fallen angel, the creature hovered above me. Its eyes fixed on mine, its brows slightly knit, as if it wanted to prevent me from finding my peace.
Then he began to tug at me and roughly pulled me up, as if he didn't notice my violent protest and my wild wriggling. We broke the surface of the water with a loud foam and automatically I sucked the air into my lungs, choking. I only half noticed how I was pulled out of the water and to the edge of the lake. I coughed heavily in the snow and repeatedly choked water out of my lungs.
I didn't have much time to recover. Heavy, black fabric covered my body. A few seconds later I was lifted up and found myself in the arms of the creature. I was too frightened to resist and so I let myself be carried through the winter forest for what felt like an eternity. Not once did I dare to look up. Shivering with cold, I leaned against the hard body, which, despite my added weight, barely sank into the soft snow. And the louder I chattered with my teeth, the more I felt the creature pressing me harder against its chest and accelerating its pace.
After a while, we arrived at a flat hut, which was surrounded by snow-covered fir trees, so that it was hard to tell where they ended on the right and left. The doors opened almost by themselves, which sent another shiver down my spine. The warm air that hit me inside took my breath away for a brief moment and even the weak light blinded my eyes, which is why I squinted them, turned my head away and snuggled closer to the creature's chest.
An unusual scent filled my nostrils, barely perceptible but still so present that I inhaled deeply and enjoyed this delicate fragrance. That's probably why I was very irritated when I was suddenly placed in a black armchair and the creature in the room disappeared diagonally opposite. I remained sitting, wrapped both arms around my trembling body and began to gently rock up and down. As if muffled by cotton, I heard a steady hissing sound, and a little later the creature reappeared and began to undress me.
Because of the cold, I was not only much too stiff to defend myself, but also much too perplexed. Shoes and socks quickly ended up in the next corner, followed by my sweater and shirt. This all happened so quickly that I had no chance to protest, not even when my pockets were checked. After he put my wallet with my wet clothes, he stood up, took me back in his arms and carried me into the room where the rushing sound was coming from.
Right next to the wall, there was a tub half-filled with water, into which I was now placed. The water was certainly not hot, but warm enough for my chilled body. My benefactor turned to the right, took a thick towel and a bathrobe from the waist-high cupboard and put both on the tub. Then he came back to me, bent over the tub a little and turned the tap to a warmer temperature.
I trembled as I saw those eyes again, the deep dark green, surrounded by a narrow face with pale skin. Only now did I realize that this creature was a young man, certainly not much older than me. He didn't seem to be cold at all, even though he was in the cold ice water just like me. His black hair, which was tied loosely at the back, glistened with moisture and his clothes were stiff. However, he had no blue lips, let alone goose bumps. The cold did not bother him at all.
Without looking at me or exchanging a word with me, my savior turned around, left the bathroom and closed the door behind him. I remained sitting in the tub, distraught and trembling all over, and I didn't know what to make of it. After a while, I had taken off my trousers and shorts, wrung them out as much as possible and put them in the sink next to me. Then I leaned back and enjoyed the warmth that slowly returned to my body.
I had turned off the water a long time ago because it was already steaming slightly and making me sleepy. I was no longer trembling, and I inhaled the subtle lavender scent that rose slightly from the clear water. I relaxed almost to the point of forgetting everything around me. Forgetting what was happening and where I was. But no sooner had I closed my eyes than I saw that deep green again, which glared at me almost threateningly.
Who was this young man whose aura frightened me so much? I just had to find out! With difficulty, I heaved myself out of the tub, dried myself off and put on the bathrobe. It was a little too big on the arms and came down to the ankles. Despite being naked underneath, I felt warmly wrapped. The material was heavy, but really soft on the inside and embroidered with silver tribal designs on the hem, which stood out almost shiny against the black background.
I took another deep breath before pushing the bathroom door down and stepping out into the hallway. Once again, the floor was warm under my feet, despite the parquet, which probably meant that the whole house was equipped with underfloor heating. The hallway was quite wide and, apart from the seating area on my left, which I already knew, there were narrow dark-wood cupboards on the right, against the wall and behind a lonely green plant.
I turned to the left towards a room from which dim light was coming. I entered it slowly and looked around wide-eyed. Bookcases made of dark wood adorned three-quarters of the walls. They weren't overfilled, but they were quite full of antique books, so that one hardly dared to take one out to read. In the middle of the left wall was a wide fireplace with a small fire crackling in it. Above it stood a large brown leather couch in the old style and in front of it a flat table with a large cup on it, from which it steamed slightly.
But what captivated me the most was the person sitting on a large armchair next to the table facing the wall, reading a book and completely absorbed. A strand of his hair had come loose from his braid and hung softly on his pale cheek. Again, I noticed how white his skin looked and how his all-black clothing emphasized this even more. The high cheekbones looked noble, almost a little arrogant, and even from the side I could see the green flashing in his narrow eyes.
I have no idea how long I stood there, eyeing this creature with a pounding heart. But although he must have noticed that I had entered the room, he didn't look up. He seemed to ignore me completely, totally absorbed in his book. Even when I cautiously cleared my throat, he didn't react. Unsettled, I sat down on the couch, which creaked slightly, and took the steaming cup in both hands. The warm water smelled of fresh peppermint, which brought a weak smile to my lips.
I liked herbs, plants and everything that had to do with nature. And this tea was definitely not brewed from an inexpensive bag. I carefully sipped the hot drink and enjoyed the intense flavor. But even though the tea distracted me for a few moments, I kept looking over at the young man. He seemed to hardly breathe or blink, sitting there almost like a ghost.
Again, I felt a shiver as I thought back to the clearing. The way he stood, in the middle of the snow, staring at me with his deep, dark green eyes, like a black panther eyeing its prey. Even now, he was surrounded by this dark aura that made me stay alert. This young man was certainly not as harmless as he seemed now. A movement from the right pulled me out of my thoughts. My host had stood up, put the book aside and left the room.
I looked after him, confused, not knowing whether I should follow him or not. He took the decision out of my hands by walking back into the room and laying a thick blanket around my shoulders. He also added a few logs to the fireplace, as if he wanted to make me extra warm. But I wasn't cold at all. Why then?
? Just a moment. Did he realize earlier that I was a little shaken because of him? So he had been paying attention to me after all. But why didn't he talk to me? Why did he act as if he didn't notice me?
I was so confused that I let go of my almost empty cup without resistance and watched with furrowed brows as my host examined the contents of the cup, turned around and left the room again. He wasn't really going to brew me a new tea, was he? Why didn't he ask if I wanted another one? I was really getting annoyed.
Discontented, I got up and went out into the hallway. Straight ahead, past the seating area and the narrow cupboards, was a room from which soft noises and a gentle light emerged. I pulled the blanket around my shoulders tighter and tiptoed towards the doorless room. When I entered it, it almost took my breath away. I was standing in a huge kitchen whose outer wall was made of clear glass, allowing the bright moonlight to enter the room unhindered. And in the middle of its glow stood he.
He was gazing at the full moon as if hypnotized, as if he wanted to absorb its power. I couldn't take my eyes off this creature, which seemed so unreal and so threatening that my heart was beating faster and faster and a cold shiver ran down my spine. My instinct told me that I should leave as quickly as possible, that this creature was a danger. But something kept me here. Whether it was just gratitude for being saved, or the strange attraction that emanated from him, I couldn't say yet.
The clicking of the kettle made me jump and my host's face flew around to me. His cold eyes hit me like a cold shock and as he approached me, I took a few frightened steps back until my back hit the wall behind me. He stopped right in front of me, scrutinizing my forehead and cheeks. His warm breath brushed my skin, making my heart beat unusually fast.
I took a deep breath as he raised his hand, took a strand of my longer hair between his fingers and examined it closely. Then his thin eyebrows drew together and his eyes narrowed to narrow slits, making him look even more dangerous than he already was. With a contemptuous snort, he let go of my strand and stormed out of the kitchen. I slid down the wall to the floor, totally disturbed, and remained sitting there, trembling.
Why did such a small gesture from a stranger upset me so much? Was it really because of him or just because of my low self-esteem? Raoul always wanted me to cut my hair and get a modern hairstyle like those of these boy bands. But I just felt much more comfortable, I could hide my gaze, my face behind it if necessary.
Did I look that bad with long hair? Why did everyone always want to change me? Couldn't I just stay the way I am? I was so caught up in my self-pity that I didn't even notice my host coming back into the kitchen. I only realized it when a towel landed on my head and he started rubbing it over my head. He dried my hair as if I were a small child. He had crouched down close to me and now looked at me with concern. My host had stopped rubbing my head and looked me directly in the eyes.
When he raised his hand and laid it on my forehead, it was the last proof for me that this being really cared about me. But why? He didn't know me at all. Would he know what surrounds me, what I am like, what I really was? He would never have taken such care of me. He would never have gotten so angry because my hair was wet that I could have caught a cold. Again I sank into self-pity and averted my gaze.
But my host lifted my chin and sought eye contact. I had no strength for that though. I narrowed my lids and wished I was back in the lake, in that gentle, all-encompassing darkness. But even there, the dark-glowing green pursued me. Tears welled up in my eyes and fell silently. Why was I so weak? A single kiss brought me out of the darkness of my thoughts. Startled, I opened my eyes and looked at this creature, who, with half-closed eyelids, gently kissed the tears from my cheeks.
Am I scaring you that much?
His melodious voice penetrated my ear like a deep string instrument and made every fiber of my body vibrate. I was so perplexed that my host was suddenly speaking to me that I just shook my head at first.
“I'm not used to anyone caring about me,” I quietly uttered later.
Raoul had been affectionate and kind to me, but when I was feeling bad, he would get annoyed at my weakness and tell me not to be so girlish. He never asked why. My host furrowed his handsome brow a little and looked at me with a frown.
“Then no one has ever really loved you,” he commented on my explanation.
Did he actually know how right he was? Again, he gently wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb. The dangerous flash in his eyes had almost completely disappeared. They looked at me lovingly, making me feel warm all over. How could someone be so full of contradictions? His hand felt cold on my heated skin and I had this urgent need to take it into mine to warm it. I suddenly wanted to be close to him. Not necessarily on a sexual level, but this creature drew me so completely under his spell that I wanted to know more.
Who was he and why did he live in such seclusion? Were only his hands so cold? I felt quite differently when my host picked me up again in his arms, stood up and walked towards the hallway. Despite my confusion and the constant warnings of my instincts, I felt strangely comfortable. However, he stopped in the middle of the hallway. I looked up at him questioningly and then followed his gaze, which was fixed on the door to the left of the bathroom. Foam was indeed coming out from under it. He gently put me down and opened the door with a jerk. Foam spilled over his feet and a soft rumbling could be heard from the room. Carefully, I went to my host and peeked around his back into the room.
“What happened here?” I laughed, looked for the light switch and turned it on.
I stood in a narrow room, filled only with a washing machine, dryer, large laundry basket and a few cabinets against the back wall. The floor, however, was covered with white water bubbles that kept spurting out of the machine. On top of it stood a bottle of detergent that was completely empty. I took it in my hand and turned to my host.
“Did you empty the entire bottle into the machine?” I asked, amused.
For a few seconds, a slight reddish hue appeared on his pale cheeks and for a brief moment he fixed the empty bottle with an embarrassed look. But then he regained a serious expression, snatched the bottle out of my hand and threw it into a trash can by the cabinets.
“This is not part of my duties!” he grumbled a bit, which only made me grin wider.
My host seemed to be somewhat moody and liked to show his emotions freely. But most of all, I was pleased that this reaction was more than just human. He stood a little lost in front of the washing machine and apparently didn't really know what to do. I laughed to myself, set the machine to “pump” and then turned to the cupboards.
If this was really the cleaning room, there had to be a cleaning cloth somewhere. With it, I found a bucket, which I half filled with water. I wet the rag well, put it on the floor and tried to bind the foam. It was a bit laborious, but it worked. However, I didn't get very far because my host suddenly grabbed me by the arm, pulled me to my feet and into the living room, and pushed me roughly onto the couch.
“That's certainly not one of the guest's tasks!” he snapped, glaring at me angrily.
I looked back just as annoyed. It was very nice that I didn't have to do this, but couldn't he have phrased it a little nicer?
That tone is not exactly fitting for a host either!“, I snapped back, causing his cheeks to turn slightly red again.
“Get some rest!”, I was ordered, after which he disappeared from the living room.
Slightly pouting, I remained sitting on the sofa, gathering the blanket around my shoulders tighter. Fifteen minutes later, my host was back in the room, holding a few things in his hand. His thin sweater was soaked, as were his trousers, as if he had gone swimming in them.
“Your clothes. I don't think they're quite ready yet,“ he said, looking apologetically at me. But when I got up to look at them, he looked angry again.
“I'll just put them in the washing machine. This one does everything else by itself,” I appeased him, whereupon he still looked a bit skeptical, but then granted me leave.
However, he followed me around and watched what I did. I couldn't tell if he wanted to learn or watch over me. When I was finished, he disappeared into the hallway and left me alone. I didn't know what to think about that, but I was curious. Maybe that was exactly what drove me to follow him.
The hallway made a bend to the left in front of the living room, which I followed. The first door on the right was half open and a soft light was burning. I entered quietly, but not quietly enough. As soon as I was inside, my host turned to me and looked at me in surprise. I looked back even more perplexed. He was just about to button up his trousers, his slender upper body was completely naked, with muscles clearly visible on his belly, chest and arms. How could a person look so good? His naked skin was almost white, making his black hair and bright green eyes stand out even more. Even as he approached me, I couldn't take my eyes off him.
“Are you all right? You're flushed.”
He touched my forehead and cheeks with concern, then looked a little annoyed.
“I told you to rest. You're burning up!”
How right he was! However, this was not caused by fever. He took the blanket and towel off my shoulders and pulled me to his huge bed. With weak knees, I climbed onto the mattress and let my host cover me. He briefly disappeared from the bedroom, only to return a few moments later with a dark cup, which he held out to me invitingly. I sat up and accepted what was offered to me. Sceptically, I examined the slightly sparkling drink, then the man next to me.
“This is something for fever and for a restful sleep,” he explained, sitting cross-legged on the foot of the bed.
His presence made me just as nervous as it calmed me. “Now I have to trust him.” I emptied the cup in one gulp and then put it on the bedside table. The drink tasted a bit like lemon, but not like an artificial medicine. The effect set in after a good two minutes. My eyelids became heavier and heavier and my body began to relax. I maintained eye contact with my savior, who watched over me like a dog, until the end. Then I fell asleep.
When I woke up again, I didn't know whether it was morning or evening, because this bedroom had no windows. The delicious smell of fresh rolls had torn me out of my dreams and tempted me to get up. I sat up in bed and looked around. The light was dimmed to a minimum, but nevertheless one could easily recognize the surroundings. To my right were two or three chests of drawers against the wall and apart from the huge bed, which dominated the room, there was nothing else in it.
When I looked around, I saw a few things neatly arranged at the foot of the bed. So I took off my blanket and robe, put on my clothes and followed the delicious scent to the kitchen. The table was richly set with butter, various types of jam, cheese and sausage. There were also various types of juice and bread rolls. How many people were coming for breakfast? I was so amazed that I didn't even notice my host approaching from behind.
“You're awake?” I heard, and felt warm breath on the back of my neck.
Startled, I turned around, stumbled over my own feet and fell backwards. He reacted as fast as lightning. His arm shot forward, grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him. He wrapped his other arm around my waist and pressed me even closer to him. I felt my heart beating painfully, which wasn't just from the shock. We stood close together for about half a minute before my host finally moved. I almost thought he wanted to kiss me; his lips moved close to mine, but slid past, along my cheek to my ear.
“Here, you don't need to be afraid,” he breathed, then lifted my chin so that I had to look at him. I would never have raised my head on my own. ‘And not even of me?’ he added, and stroked my cheek briefly.
He didn't wait for an answer. He just left me standing there, went to the kitchenette and put the kettle on. I remained completely bewildered and had trouble keeping on my feet. This creature completely threw me off balance. The sound of the water broke my rigidity and with weak knees I dragged myself to the table.
There was only one place set, so I sat down at the corresponding place. I couldn't really get anything down, despite the delicious tea that was served to me again. There was the glass wall behind me, but the bright sunlight hardly penetrated it, as the glass was now milky. Did it change its consistency when the sun shone on it? Last night it had definitely been clear. But that wasn't the only thing that was making me nervous. I sensed this creature in the room, but I couldn't see it. I really wanted to see him, to keep him in my sights. Once again my instinct told me to be careful, but I wanted to know more, much more.
“Don't you want breakfast, too?“ I tried to start a conversation.
“It's eleven o'clock,” he answered simply.
“An acceptable time for a vacation,” I persisted, turning in my chair so that I could see my host.
He was standing against the kitchen unit, as far in the dark as he could get. His arms crossed over his chest, the young man stared straight ahead, as if he could see right through that milky glass. He seemed really lost in thought, because he didn't even notice me approaching him. At least that's how it seemed to me.
At 6'3”, I was already quite tall, but my host towered over me by at least 4 inches. His long black hair, tied back in a tight braid, glistened in the twilight and his pale skin gave his narrow face an almost noble appearance. What was bothering him so much that melancholy and bitterness were his constant companions?
“Are you okay?” I asked gently, laying my hand lightly on his arm.
As if the young man was slowly awakening from a trance, he looked over at me slowly and furrowed his brows a little. As if in slow motion, he raised his hand, stroked my cheek down to my chin and looked at me so heartbreakingly, as if he had to make a momentous decision and was already saddened by it. My so typical premonition did not disappoint me this time either. With a jerk, my host turned around.
“Go! Now! Your things are in the bathroom.”
Coldly, he dictated this to me over his shoulder, leaving me no time to ask why, and he simply disappeared behind the door to the right of the kitchenette, which he loudly slammed shut. I stood rooted to the spot for a few seconds, unable to move from terror. But I was so sure that I hadn't done anything wrong so far, wasn't I? Had I stepped on his toes? Had I been too forward with him yesterday? I just didn't know.
He would have been better off leaving me in the lake! Angry and sad at the same time, I stormed out of the kitchen and through the hallway to the bathroom. My clothes were neatly laid out and even the heavy shoes were dry, which surprised me. But I was too upset to pay much attention to this thought. I quickly put them on, made no effort to fold the new clothes neatly and then stormed out, without a warm word of farewell.
A short description of how to find my way back was stuck to the front door, and so I trudged doggedly through the powdery snow, trying to find the main road that should appear between the trees at any moment. It had started snowing again and the wind was picking up. When I finally emerged from the dense fir forest and looked up, I saw the dark clouds closing in. I wrapped my arms around my shivering body and cursed my rashness in storming out of the hotel without my jacket.
I walked along the street, tormented and tormented, and I constantly had this feeling of being watched. The same unpleasant, cold tingle crept up my spine when I stood in the clearing and looked into the dark, flashing eyes of my former host for the first time. Was he following me? Did he want to be sure that I really disappeared?
The sound of engines, which became more and more distinct from the whistling of the wind, pulled me out of my thoughts. A large van with thick snow chains appeared on the road and then stopped right next to me. For once, luck was on my side, because the owners of the car offered to take me up to the hut. The older couple turned out to be the butchers and meat suppliers who provided the small hotel with fresh goods. At first, they were both quite skeptical about my excuse that I was lost, but then they accepted it with the casual comment, “The youth of today.”
The butcher's wife quickly poured me some warm tea, which she had with her in a thermos jug. I gratefully took small sips and enjoyed the sweet-tasting drink, which slowly thawed me out. After a few minutes, I also noticed that the cold tingling in the back of my neck had subsided. However, I tried to push all thoughts of this young man out of my mind, as I had more important things to deal with.
Raoul had hurt me for the last time and I had no intention of forgiving him again. I would pack my things and leave. I had paid for the vacation in advance from my salary, so there would be no problems in that regard. It was just the encounter with my now ex-boyfriend that I didn't like at all. When something didn't suit him, he could get quite short-tempered and I didn't really have the strength for a scene. Somehow my heart still belonged to Raoul, after all, we had been together for a year. But the fact that he had deceived me so violently just hurt too much.
I had a queasy feeling when we finally arrived at the hut, which is why I entered the building through the back entrance and not through the larger taproom. Just as I was about to sneak up the wide staircase in the hallway, Raoul appeared. At first he stopped abruptly, as if struck by lightning, and just stared at me. Then he came stomping towards me angrily.
“Chris! Are you crazy? Do you know how worried everyone was about you?”
He grabbed my left upper arm and squeezed painfully. I almost felt guilty. When I ran away, I didn't think for a moment that anyone might be looking for me. Maybe Raoul regretted his affair and wanted me back. But there was no feeling of any kind in his gaze. I just didn't know which one. But when the landlady of the hut came from the taproom into the hallway and greeted me, some things became clearer to me.
“Mr. Josias! How nice, you seem to be feeling better. When I heard about your upset stomach and that you couldn't come to breakfast this morning because of it, I was really worried. But I see that you've been well looked after by your treasure. If you're hungry, it's almost lunchtime, right?' the good woman chattered and, at my wry smile, disappeared into the kitchen.
“Yes, very good care,” I mumbled tensely. ”Do as you think best, but I'm leaving!”
I angrily tore myself away from my ex-boyfriend and went upstairs. The fact that he hadn't wasted a single thought on me, where I had spent the night, almost brought tears to my eyes. I had only just climbed the first few steps when Raoul suddenly grabbed me, hurled me against the side of the wall and pressed his forearm so hard against my throat that I could hardly breathe. I was far too shocked by this entire action to even think about defending myself. My ex-boyfriend had always been quick-tempered, but never violent.
“You'll do fuck all!” hissed Raoul, just about to say something stupid when someone pulled him away from me and he flew down the stairs in a high arc.
I looked down in astonishment at my ex-boyfriend, who sat up half way, moaning loudly, and then glared up at me angrily. But he wasn't looking at me at all, but at the black shadow diagonally behind me. Again, that icy-cold tingling sensation crept up my spine and made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Very slowly, I turned my gaze around and saw that dark creature in front of me again, the one who had saved me from the lake. Why was he here? Did he want to see me again? But why had he thrown me out of his house before? I didn't understand anything anymore. Raoul had straightened up completely and glared at me angrily.
“Is this your new stud or what? Do you really think he'll be able to stand you for more than a week?
At these words, I began to falter. I was too unusual, too special, and for some even frightening. The fact that my ex-boyfriend had been able to stand me for a year was truly a record.
“Go get your things,” the soft voice of the dark-haired man pulled me out of my gloomy thoughts.
I looked at him for a moment, felt my heart beating faster in my chest. But he kept staring at my ex-boyfriend, ready for any nonsense he might do. I exhaled heavily, continued up the stairs and left them both behind me. Let them smash each other's heads in.
I quickly packed my bag, put on my jacket, which was still lying where I had dropped it the night before, and so, less than ten minutes later, I descended the steps again. Raoul was standing at the entrance to the stairwell, in front of him was the blond beauty from yesterday, examining his lower lip, which had split slightly.
They hadn't actually fought, had they? But my green-eyed one didn't look the least bit confused or hurt. Breathing calmly, he stood at a distance, keeping both men in his sights. When I joined him, he turned away, went to the door and opened it for me. Raoul didn't look at me once and let me go without comment.
Outside, the wind had picked up considerably, turning the gentle snowfall into a small storm. I zipped up my jacket and snuggled deeper into my thick scarf. The black-haired young man had taken my bag from me and led me to his snowmobile. He carefully fastened it in the designated place and then sat down on the front seat. After a brief hesitation, I took my place behind him.
“Please take me to the train station,” I called to him over the whistling of the wind, to which he nodded, started the engine and then immediately roared off.
I was startled by the jolt of the start-up and slid back quite a bit. But my dark angel grabbed my forearm, pulled me close to him and motioned for me to hold on to him. Once again, I hesitated briefly before complying with his request. But as soon as I did so, I immediately felt safer, despite the fact that this quiet warning to be careful continued to lurk in the back of my mind. We sped down the snow-covered road and it didn't take long before we arrived at the train station.
Together we entered the small building and I immediately went to the only counter to buy my ticket. It was normal that there were hardly any people there, as the community was not particularly large. But on that day, there was not a single person waiting for a train, let alone a ticket seller sitting in the ticket booth. I turned around and walked a few steps towards the exit to the tracks when a railway employee came around the corner towards us.
“Hello gentlemen. Unfortunately, I have to inform you that there will be no more trains today. An avalanche has affected the tracks, which first have to be cleared,” he began to explain.
“And how long is this going to take?” I asked, not exactly thrilled.
“You'll have to be patient for another three to four days at least. There's been a lot of damage. I advise you to find accommodation as soon as possible. The storm raging outside is going to get much worse according to the weather forecast.”
Oh, great. Thanks.”
I politely nodded at the official, who then quickly took his leave. I just stood there and was fed up to the back teeth. I had already gotten used to the fact that I wasn't blessed with much luck, but this streak of bad luck was still getting on my nerves. The other hotels, which were scattered around the mountain, were fully booked at this time of year and I didn't have a car either, not to mention the fact that these roads were more than just dangerous for non-locals. And to make matters worse, my bag was snatched out of my hand. My dark-haired beau was carrying it towards the exit, which totally confused me. I ran after him and reached for my luggage. But he held on to it tightly.
“What's the point of that?“ I asked irritably.
“You can hardly spend the night here,” my counterpart said harshly.
“And? Why do you care? First you throw me out of your house and now you appear as the personification of care. Why?
I was more than upset and not only wanted some answers, but also to understand him. In response to my forceful question, his rigid expression disappeared and was replaced by uncertainty. His eyes wandered back and forth as if he were looking for something in particular. Behind his pretty head, it seemed to work mightily, which made him look strangely? human. He released my bag and his arm twitched up briefly, as if he wanted to touch my cheek like he had done before. My black angel took a deep breath until he finally answered.
“I'm not sure,” he said, dissatisfied with himself. I, on the other hand, began to smile.
Who isn't? It's the most normal thing in the world.
Not for me.
Now I frowned and looked up at him, shaking my head slightly, as he tried to explain further.
I can't guarantee anything that might happen. Right now I'm in a huge state of chaos and I can't predict how it will all end.
What kind of things was this stranger worrying about? Was he perhaps seriously ill? Had he just been through a long relationship, like me? Or was he schizophrenic? Maybe several things at once? This young, handsome man seemed very ambivalent to me. Despite the fact that my instinct warned me more than before, my curiosity was aroused, which had to be satisfied for the time being.
“But how can you know the end if you completely ignore the beginning?” I asked him.
My counterpart scrutinized me before he began to smile slightly. Wow, when his green eyes were filled with warmth, he looked more than just breathtaking. This guy had me wrapped around his little finger in seconds.
“May I welcome you as my guest as long as there is no train?“ This beauty asked me very politely.
“Gladly,” I agreed and handed him my bag again. Nevertheless, I allowed myself a little tip. “As long as you don't put me outside the door again?”
“Next time I'll give you the snowmobile,” he laughed, which again left me speechless. The ‘little guy’ had a sense of humor.
A little later, I was standing in the hallway of the house from which I had last fled, with a strange feeling in my stomach. I was pretty sure that it was anything but wise to be here again. But I skillfully ignored that. I was shown the guest room, which was directly across from my angel's bedroom. It was just as wide, only not quite as deep. On the left was a huge modern wardrobe, on the right a desk and office chair. A bed was set up in the middle, on which two people could comfortably sleep, and at the head end of it, on both sides, two small bedside tables.
There were no windows here either. Did he shy away from daylight? In my thoughts, I began to laugh at myself. A vampire? Then my thoughts became calm. I had already experienced a lot, but this? Carefully, I looked at my host, who looked at me kindly.
Hm, pale, shy and “foreign”, has a lot of money, insensitive to the cold and then this dark aura. He hasn't had breakfast either. Actually, everything fits. Except that he hasn't sucked me dry of blood yet. Or is that all part of his hunting style? Oh man, what am I thinking here?
The room is really nice. Really big, I babbled on to slowly organize myself again.
“I'm glad you like it.”
Good, that's settled. And now? We stood a little helplessly opposite each other and didn't really know what to do with each other.
“I should have done something now, shouldn't I?” This angel asked after a little while, to which I smiled slightly.
“Not necessarily.”
With a sigh, my host leaned against the desk.
“I'm sorry.”
“Don't be, you're not here for my personal entertainment,” I tried to cheer him up. Gratefully, he smiled at me.
“Maybe I should explain myself?”
I was curious, so I dropped onto the edge of the bed and listened to his words.
'I'm not from around here,' he began, which made me laugh a little.
'Me neither,' I said.
I seemed to have really cheered him up with that, because he looked much more relaxed.
'I grew up isolated from all of this, and at best I know the etiquette of high society. A normal life with normal people is almost alien to me.'
Was he a nobleman? That would at least explain a few things. But for now, that was enough personal information for me. I stood up.
'Then I have the best deal for us.'
My host tilted his head slightly and looked at me questioningly.
“I'll teach you some normality and in return I can stay with you for a few days for free.”
He hadn't reckoned with the offer, so surprised did the angel look. I held out my hand invitingly, which he immediately grasped.
“Gladly?”
Okay. Lesson number one: When you have a guest, who you invite to your house for the first time, you show him the premises first, take him everywhere and make small, unnecessary comments like “This is the bathroom, living room, bedroom” and so on.
So a tour? Good.
My host seemed pleased with my relaxed way of dealing with everything and, in an exemplary manner, allowed me to lead the way. In the hallway, however, I paused and turned to my angel.
“Oh, and one of the most important things: you introduce yourself first. By the way, I'm Christian Josias. Or just Chris and yes, you really do pronounce the first name in English.
Florian Redewig or just Flo. And the same probably applies to me when it comes to my first name.
I grinned from ear to ear and then let myself be shown around. I was amazed by the first room I was shown. Right next to my guest quarters was a huge library. On the left was another desk made of dark wood with an office chair, next to it a floor lamp and right after that two large, comfortable-looking leather armchairs, only separated by a small table engraved with a chessboard. Otherwise, I only saw books. The shelves on the walls were full of them.
“This is amazing!” I exclaimed, and took a few more steps inside.
I was surprised to find that at the head of the room, it made a bend to the left and continued quite a distance. No wonder my room had no window when it was surrounded on two sides by this library alone. I took a closer look at a few books and was amazed at the variety that was on display. From older literature, to legal texts, poetry collections and the latest youth literature, everything was there.
“You seem to like the room,” my host said.
Are you kidding? This place is just awesome! You haven't really read all of them, have you? I asked, pointing to the books.
Not yet, anyway. This house is often used as a place to stay for a little training weekend. That's why there's something for everyone.
Aha. Hey, there are some real specialties here: Skylark, Beck, Nero Impala?
That's a selection from my little sister. I looked at him in amazement. These books were all about boys and didn't really go beyond holding hands. She's really into these authors.
A girl who likes gay literature. Well, there's no accounting for taste.
Okay, let's move on.
I had hoped to spend a little longer here. I could always pick up a book later. In the hallway, we turned to the door on the left, which led outside to a small, narrow gravel garden, as Flo explained to me. Because when we came out, everything was covered with snow and thick flakes were drifting down, carried by the strong wind. The whole thing reminded me of an old Japanese film and a typical house. A two-step-wide terrace enclosed the garden in a U-shape, and when my angel told me that there was a dojang in the building, it made the whole thing perfect.
Smiling, I followed him to the left, and after a few meters we were outside again. This was the side I already knew from the kitchen window, but instead of leading me to the left again, where we should have come out in the kitchen, he went down the two steps of the terrace to the right and approached a man-high group of bushes. I wrapped my arms around myself, because it was quite cold out here due to the wind. My host noticed immediately and held out his hand.
“We're almost there,” he said, trying to cheer me up. I didn't let go of his hand for a moment. Only when I was standing right in front of it did I see the narrow entrance that actually led to a small oasis of water.
“This is a natural hot spring that comes directly from the ground. You don't even have to add artificial substances to the water to make it so clear.”
Full of amazement, I looked at this small island, which bubbled a little here and there, covered with a gentle mist that came from the gentle water vapor.
“Wow.” I couldn't say more.
After a little while, my angel pulled me back to the terrace. I was also shown the shared showers, the door to the kitchen of which also opened, where we were now standing again.
“That's it,” said Flo modestly, looking apologetically at me.
“Well, I already know the bathroom and the utility room,” I laughed, which made him grin too. ‘This house is really amazing, isn't it?
So you like it?’ He seemed really unsure.
A few days here can definitely be spent quite easily. Say, in the library, the chess table. Is it just for decoration or do you play too?
I love to. I just rarely find someone to play against me.
That good, huh?
My host merely shrugged his shoulders. So it was decided. For the next time, we disappeared into the library and tried to checkmate each other with a variety of tactics. And that was no easy task. My angel was really good, but so was I. We had just reached a tie when I stretched and looked at the clock.
“Oh, it's already six o'clock. What do you say, fancy something to eat?”
“Of course, if you're hungry. However, I'm not very good at cooking.”
“I'm all the better at it. Let's take a look at what your fridge has to offer.”
No sooner said than done, a little later we were already in the kitchen, raiding the place.
“Labeled Tupperware so you know what's in it and how long it's good for. Not bad,” I commented with a smirk, picking out minced meat along with other odds and ends. After I had found the pasta, the menu for the evening was set. How about spaghetti Bolognese?
My angel smiled broadly, which I took as approval, and got started. He watched me with interest as I fried the onions with a little garlic, added the mince and conjured up a deliciously fragrant Bolognese with the rest of the ingredients. The noodles almost cooked themselves anyway, and so dinner was ready to serve less than twenty minutes later. Flo set the table and even opened a bottle of red wine.
Because it was already dark outside and there was only dim light in here, there was a slightly romantic atmosphere. While I placed the well-filled plates on our seats, he poured, so I sat down first, which he did for me a little later. I reached for my glass and held it invitingly out to my angel.
“To a successful evening.”
He looked at me in wonder for a moment, but then smiled warmly.
“To a successful evening.”
We clinked our glasses and then ate the spaghetti together. There was a relaxed atmosphere, without anyone having to say anything. We had talked a little while playing chess, which was enough for both of us for the time being. This did not mean that the conversations had gone badly. On the contrary, it had been very pleasant to listen to his melodic voice. Like the song of a siren, it had drawn me more and more into its spell and made it difficult for me to concentrate on the game.
The kitchen was quickly cleaned up after dinner and by mutual agreement, we retired together to the living room, to the fireplace, in which a fire was already gently flickering, with a good book. I didn't need a big entertainment show, after all this was my vacation and I just wanted to relax. And knowing that a black angel was near me, who would read my every wish from my eyes just to be a good host, amused me immensely.
Although it was quite strange that a melancholy, schizophrenic, constantly angry guy could mutate into such a courteous, polite, reserved young man. However, there were reasons for everything and I was more than just curious to find out what they were. With a good book in my hand, time flew by and I noticed how my eyes were getting heavier and heavier.
“I think it's time to go to bed. You can hardly hold the book anymore,“ Flo grinned and stood up.
“I think you're right,” I yawned weakly and rose from the sofa.
We wished each other a good night in front of our bedrooms and once again I almost melted away at the loving look that this green-eyed beauty gave me as a farewell. As soon as I had undressed and crept under my blanket, I fell asleep, followed by many little dreams that were anything but G-rated.
Nevertheless, I woke up the next morning quite rested, stretched comfortably and then hopped out of bed. A glance at my watch told me that it was just past ten o'clock, so I quickly got dressed, went through the morning routine in the bathroom and then went to the kitchen. Again, the table was set and again only for one person. My angel was once again leaning against the bar and staring straight ahead. But this time he smiled gently at me when he noticed me.
“Good morning. Sleep well?”
“Very well, actually. Say, aren't you eating breakfast?” I pointed questioningly at the laid table, whereupon he looked at me apologetically.
“I've been awake a little longer.”
“Will you keep me company anyway?”
I didn't give up that easily; after all, I wanted him close to me and not standing alone in a corner moping about whatever.
“Gladly.”
Wow, I just couldn't get enough of that smile. He quickly made some tea for me, and then sat down with me, drank his own tea and chatted with me a little. After breakfast, we cleared the table together and just as we were finished, a cell phone rang. We both looked up in surprise. Mine was switched to silent in my travel bag in the guest room, so it could only be his. After a short search, my angel finally found it and answered. He didn't look particularly enthusiastic, didn't necessarily say much, and only occasionally made a few humming sounds.
It looked like it would be a long conversation, so I silently motioned for him to be in the library. I was just outside the door when I heard soft birdsong outside. With a furrowed brow, I turned to the rock garden and when I opened the door to it, it almost took my breath away. It had stopped snowing, there was no wind, and the sun was shining directly on the garden, making the remaining snow glisten like little diamonds. This house, this place, really had something magical about it. I stepped into the warm rays of the sun and enjoyed the crunching sound under my feet. It was simply wonderful!