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+--- Thread: Zack (/showthread.php?tid=168)
Zack - WMASG - 11-15-2025
I came out to my friends early last summer. Right after school let out. Okay... I didn't so much 'come out' to my closest friends so much as 'came onto' them.
You hear about schools with LGBT clubs and such, but our school doesn't have one. Being gay around here still means being made fun of and pushed around. So I hid it really well. And so did everyone else. So no one knows who else, if anyone, is gay. So, while we were hanging out everyday with each other over the summer, I ended up sleeping over with one of them sooner or later. And I pretty much took those sexual jokes and grabbing a step further. To the point they directly asked me if I was gay or something. And I told them I was. The first time was really difficult, but it was my best friend, so I managed to force myself to admit it to him.
It was massively scary. And risky. You know. But I made myself do it. And I found out that none of my closest friends were so much as bi, let alone gay. And none of them were willing to do anything at all together. I almost lost one of them, and he still acts a bit stand-offish, but he tries to act like it never happened.
I told a girl, too. One of my closest friends, for years and years now. She laughed and hugged me and make stupid jokes, and it was the best of the coming-out experiences. She acts like I never said anything when anyone else is around, but when we are alone, she always wants to talk about it. Sometimes that gets old, and irritating, but most of the time it's great.
So, my five best friends knew. I wasn't ready to tell the folks. Or anyone else.
I was hoping and praying for someone to be with. I fantasized about all the cute guys, and some of the guys everyone thought was hot, and a few of the dorkier ones. I wasn't picky at all. And not having done it with anyone yet, I was beating off as often as possible, and about willing to do it with anyone.
School started, and like happens each year, you get a whole bunch of new folks to sit next to and maybe become friends with.
It was Jason Davidson in Latin that caught my eye. Okay, so I'm kind of a dork myself. I'll leave my physical particulars up to you. Jason was kind of a dork too. Almost an actually studly dude, but not quite. I'll leave those particulars up to you as well.
A few months after getting to be friends, and repeatedly assuring my five in-the-know friends that we weren't fucking like rabbits, he stayed over one Saturday night. Alone.
Now, I could tell he wasn't gay. He liked girls, or was spectacular at pretending so. He was as convincing as my other friends, and we hadn't really gotten into any sexually charged discussions or such yet.
But, of course, staying the night together, it came up. So to speak. Shit. I promised myself I wouldn't use any of those pathetic double-pun things. Moving on.
We played some video games, and talked, and had a dang good time. And I was hard the whole time, of course, hoping for that opening to take things toward more sexual realms. I intended to let him know I was gay before it got too late.
So, about ten, after a munchie raid, we were watching television in my room again, and I commented that the actor on the show was gay. His reaction was interesting.
"Yeah. He seems like a really great guy, too."
The way he said it, told me that he didn't think poorly of him at all.
"Yeah. I bet he has tons of friends, even if they know already," I replied.
"Probably. Some gay guys are the nicest dudes you'd ever want to know."
I think I almost visibly jerked at his words, but it was probably all inside. It was a few seconds before I could swallow and talk.
"You know any?" I asked.
"Sure. Two cousins are, and a guy I went to school with until I moved here last year," he answered, all cool and casual.
"Wow. Cool."
"You?"
I jerked again, but all inside this time, I was sure.
"Ummm, nope. None I know of."
Coward! I screamed at myself.
I'd try to describe the emotions boiling inside me at that moment, but you'd have to have been in the same kind of situation to really understand anyway.
About twenty quiet seconds later...
"I... uh..."
I swallowed, then tried again.
"Ummm..."
It hadn't been easy with my five best friends, but it was so much harder with someone I didn't know as well. I didn't know if he'd get up and leave, or hate me, or hit me, or what. I kept thinking that he admitted to two cousins being gay, and a guy he knew before he moved here, but that really wasn't enough to really overcome the in-built fear and dread of telling someone when you can't reasonably predict their reaction.
"Look... I'm..."
"You're gay. Right?" he asked, looking at me.
I realized I hadn't looked at him since mentioning the actor on the television. Now I saw he was looking at me calmly, curiously, and with no disgust or revulsion. It was suddenly easier. I held his eyes, and said it.
"Yeah. I'm... gay."
He sort of shrugged as he nodded, smiled a little, then looked back at the show.
I'd already thought he was cute, but now he was gorgeous. Funny how that is.
"I never did anything with the guy I knew before I moved here," he said casually. "Not that he didn't ask," he laughed.
"He wanted to?"
He nodded, then said, "He would have with anyone, though. Can't blame him."
"Blame him?" I asked.
He looked at me and replied, "Yeah. No one to mess around with? Has to suck." He looked at me aside for a second, then asked, "You ever done it with anyone?"
I felt my face catch fire. I struggled to not laugh at the ludicrousness of the idea.
"No, huh?" he said.
"No. You?"