Quote:Children are taught not to talk to strangers, but what about coaches and family friends?

The man who kidnapped me was both.

On the thirty-third anniversary of the day of my kidnapping, I awoke to Mom’s alarm clock. As irony would have it, it was not a buzzing alarm but rather the sound of a local radio show, which was accompanied by the jarring realization that I had been coaxed from my sleep by the voice of the brother of my kidnapper.

When I think about the day I was taken, the first thing that comes to my mind is the question I am asked the most: “Did you know it was going to happen?”

The answer is yes. I didn’t know when he was going to kidnap me, but he told me that he would take me somewhere. Jeff was in debt and owed someone a lot of money, and he had a pending court date. But he didn’t have the money to pay what he owed, and he had already conned most of the people he knew in town, so he was running out of options. As the date approached, he told me, “If I don’t get the money, I am going to California, and I am taking you.” That was it.

Leading to the day of the kidnapping, there were many warning signs, but soon it was too late. I was about to be kidnapped, and yet my parents had no clue. I was teetering between two worlds. A world of youth and a world of identity and adulthood, when most kids take some sort of detour. I was not unhappy to be in a car with my coach that day. But my intuition was flickering a warning light that something wasn’t quite right. I just could not pinpoint what was wrong.

That morning, it finally came to me what was happening. I knew he was going to take me, but it never occurred to me to say no or try to escape. I went willingly. Maybe because my parents let me go everywhere with Jeff, and it was the way things were, or maybe because I looked up to him and considered him a friend. My mother had no reason to have suspicions that I wouldn’t be coming home. He often dropped me off at home after karate practice. It had become routine. Everyone, including me, trusted Jeff.

When people ask me if the molestation was worse during the time we were on the run, my answer usually surprises them. It was better during the kidnapping because it did not happen as often. When he took me to California, including Disneyland, the number of times he molested me was reduced because he was stressed, and he spent most of his time worried about avoiding being captured. The mounting anxiety and threat of being captured took over his thoughts. He struggled to maintain his act as someone with a calm, loving demeanor.

Today I train parents and community leaders about the truths, dangers, and facts about how adults prey on children. We often give our trust away to someone undeserving. We judge based on behavior and positional leadership instead of taking the time to stop, evaluate, and tread more cautiously.