I lived in a small town in Indiana called Rensselaer. There really isn't much here. It's so small that my high school still has a farm next to it and you can walk from one end of town to the other even on a hot summer day.
I always knew I was gay. I also always knew I was probably the only gay guy at my school. Then we didn't have any GLBT Alliance or IPads. I hear they have both now. But then, nada.
A lot of my family lives in town too. I have cousins all over the county, and four went to high school with me that year. I was a junior. My cousin Jeff was a senior, his sister, Teresa was a freshman, Terry was a sophomore, and Katy was another frosh.
I got along with all of them fine, but Terry was more like a brother. He was one year younger than me, and a grade below me. He lived just around the corner from me, and we spent a lot of time with each other. We sort of grew up together like brothers or best friends.
It was Easter break. He was staying at my place the whole week because his house was being set up for relatives who were coming to visit for the holiday and were going to stay at his house. He lost his room, so to speak.
So we spent the week doing normal things. Mostly.
It was the Monday after Easter. We spent the day doing cleaning at his house after breakfast, and then went to the lake. It was crowded, so we went back to my house. My folks were at his place with the rest of the family that hadn't left yet, and we both knew they would be playing cards and such all day. We had the house to ourselves.
Well, we weren't big dopers, but he had got some weed from a friend, and we smoked it in my room watching the DVD of The Thing. We were nerdy, what can I say. We had smoked some weed a couple of times before, but only that couple of times, so we got really high.
After The Thing, we got online to check out some porn. We'd done that together before, but never anything like what happened today. We teased and joked each other before, but usually the other went home and we probably both jerked off.
Today, though, he couldn't go home, not with all of them there, so he was sort of trapped. We got through a bunch of porn, and I went to get us some drinks. Pot gives you cotton-mouth, if you don't know. And when I got back, he was sitting at my computer and looked up at me with a really weird look on his face.
"You like, watch gay porn?" he asked me as I sat down.
He had looked through my bookmarks. I couldn't deny it, now could I? I hadn't told him anything about that side of myself. I had kept it really well hidden. Until then.
I sort of hemmed and hawed, trying to think of something to say.
"Are you gay?"
He was looking right at me. I couldn't get out of the situation. I nodded.
"Wow. How long?"
"My whole life, I guess."
"Wow."
"You won't tell anyone, will you?"
"Uh, no. I don't see it's my place to. You going to tell your folks?"
"How can I? You know how they are. They'd freak!"
He nodded, then looked back at the long list of favorite gay porn bookmarks.
"What's your favorite?"
"Huh?"
"What one is your favorite one?"
"You serious?"
"Yeah. What one?"
I pointed to the one at the top. I loved that one. He clicked it. The familiar video started. I handed him the soda. I was already getting hard, and starting to sweat. I was shaking, too, like a leaf on a tree in a storm. I was wondering how much of it he would let play before he stopped it.
The blond guy was lying on his bed studying, then started playing with it, took it out and started jerking it, and then the knock came on the door. He got up and tried to hide his erection, but couldn't. He answered the door and the pizza guy was there. It went on, until they were kissing and then laying on the bed. My cousin laughed and sipped his soda, and kept watching. It went all the way through. It was twenty-three minutes long, and we watched the entire thing.
"Holy shit," was all he said when it ended.
He looked at me and then down at my lap. It was obvious I was hard. I glanced at his lap. It was obvious he was too. I got those tingling thrills all over, especially in my stomach. It was so embarrassing, but so hot, too.
My cousin is pretty hot. He's no sports stud or anything, we were both bookish nerds. He had nice sandy-blond hair, and nice blue eyes. No acne, pretty nice bod, and a butt that didn't fit his nerdishness at all. I had always noticed that he had long fingers and wondered if that old wives' tale was true.
He was blushing really bad, and grinning. And he kept looking at me like he was going to say something.
"Well? You hate me now or something?" I finally asked.
"Hate you? Hell no. I didn't know you were gay. It's okay with me, I guess."
"Honest?"
"Sure."
I felt so relieved! I could have hugged him! I sort of laughed and relaxed a little.
"You have to do me a favor, though."
Uh-oh, I thought. He's gonna blackmail me!
It would be nothing new. We had blackmailed each other a few times when we could. I wondered what he was going to make me do this time. His chores for a week? His homework for a month?
"Shit. What?"
"You're really gay?"
"Well, duh. Yeah."
It felt so weird to say that!
"Wow. So, would you blow me?"
"
What?"
"Would you give me a blow-job?"
"You can't be fucking serious!"
He got even redder and nodded.
"You are?"
"Yeah. If you give me one, I won't tell."
"You'd tell!? If I didn't?"
He looked serious for a second, then laughed.
"No. I wouldn't. Never. Honest. I just..." He shrugged and looked embarrassed. "Forget it. Sorry."
He stood up, and I could tell that he was going to leave. As soon as he stood up, I saw how hard he was in his jeans. I mean, it stood out like a sausage or something. Before I even thought of it, I reached out and pulled him back down into the chair by his arm. I looked right in his face, his eyes. He looked worried or scared.
I couldn't believe I was even thinking it, but if I did, I knew he couldn't ever say anything. Plus, it seemed like the perfect way to keep him from leaving. I really didn't want him to leave.
"I know you never had a girlfriend. I know you're a virgin, too. So, I will, if you really want me to."
His jaw dropped.
"Serious?" he asked really slowly.
I nodded.
