I knew I was different. I knew that I had to hide that from everyone.
On my sixteenth birthday, I had a party with my friends and family at Romine's restaurant on the interstate. Then a big overnight party. My house had a huge basement, and it was pretty much all my playground. Other than some storage in a room in one corner, I got to arrange it how I liked, and spent most of my time and even slept down there sometimes.
Tonight, everyone had brought sleeping bags and pillows, and we were all strewn all around, telling lies and having some laughs. My parents had come down already, so we didn't expect them for the rest of the night.
When it got nice and late, Billy pulled out a plastic sandwich baggie and grinned.
"No way!" most of us said.
I got high for the first time, and so did most of us. Billy, it turned out, was becoming a pothead. In no time at all, we were all giggling and having a blast.
James and Terry started bragging again about having had a blow-job. We knew it was true, they had gotten head from the same girl last month. She was a well-known cock-hound, and any of us could have gotten head from her. There was a rumor that she worked the truck stop on weekends. They both bragged about it, and we asked questions, and it was pretty exciting. We asked why they didn't go get some pussy off her.
"She's probably got AIDS or something. I just let her suck my dick," Terry said.
"She gives great head!" James said.
"How would you know?" Billy asked. "It was the only head you've ever got. It might have been really bad."
"No way," they both said together, smiling really widely.
"She's not as good at it as I am," Mark said.
We were all quiet.
"As
you are?" James asked.
James was the sort of leader of me and my friends. He was the biggest, so we sort of let him be the leader, I guess.
"I know you guys are all cool, and I'm fucking tired of hiding it. I'm gay, guys."
We were all quiet again. I was just plain stunned. I thought that maybe he was kidding. James, as usual, took the lead.
"You are not!" he declared loudly.
"I am."
"How do you know?" James asked.
"I just know. I know I don't... I'm not interested in girls. I like guys instead. Okay? And I know you guys won't care. You all say you won't, anyway. You guys never pick on Charlie Stevens, and we all know he is."
Charlie hadn't been hiding that fact since last year. He was a senior and everyone knew about him since he had come out last year. He had been popular, so it had been a big deal and a huge thing. He was still sort of popular and wasn't bothered, and we all sort of thought it was pretty neat. Especially me. I wished many times that I had his guts. Now I was suddenly envious of Mark, too.
"Did you find out by fucking Stevens?" James asked.
Mark got really red-faced.
"No way!" we all said together.
"You can't let him know I let on! Promise!"
We did.
"You really are?" I asked.
