On the morning of the last day of June 2000, I woke up early after hearing my father. He was rummaging around in the kitchen. He was wearing the boxer shorts I had given him for Father's Day, with the words "Eat me" printed on them. The first thing I noticed when I strolled into the room, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, was a huge bulge.
"You have an erection."
"Yes... you too. Coffee? Looks like you could use it."
"Nice boxer shorts, Dad."
"Yes... but your mother doesn't read."
"Can I borrow it?" I laughed. "Steph is reading."
"Absolutely. Can I borrow Steph for a bit?" he grinned. My dad was really great. I was looking for an older man and thought he could still turn the heads of teenage girls. Probably... especially if they saw him in his boxers.
"Do you have any plans for tonight, Kyle?"
"Not yet."
"Your mother and I would like to invite you to dinner. Would you like to come?"
"Sounds good."
Would you like one of your friends to come along?
"No. I think just the two of us is enough. We don't have that much time together anyway." Hey, Dad? How about you take the day off today and we go surfing together? "The mountain wind is blowing."
I wish. But I'll try to take half a day off. Maybe I'll come along. "See you later, guys."
"Clean."
The coffee was exactly what I needed. The night before, I'd been to a pizzeria with Steph. Mark was serving customers and looked totally cool doing it in his tight jeans and green top with a name tag. The top did nothing to hide his perfectly sculpted pecs, which half the damn restaurant patrons were staring at. And who could blame them? Later, I walked Steph home. I didn't go inside, though, because her parents were home. I was sure her father thought I was a... a rapist or something. He watched me like a hawk whenever I was there. He was cool enough, but...
I wasn't quite sure what to do with it, and the evening was still relatively young, so I just went for it. Over to Kevin's house, where he was fooling around with three friends, all of whom had completely messed up their tournament brackets.
"What the hell did you take?"
"Cola... the kind you snort, not the kind you drink." All the boys burst out laughing. I thought it was hilarious and the biggest joke ever. I didn't stay any longer. It was just boring being straight while everyone else was completely off their rocker.
Still looking for some excitement, I ended up at Wipeout, where I saw Ross and his girlfriend, so I had a couple of beers with them. I didn't get drunk, but I was well on my way. That became pretty clear when I found myself sprawled out on the lawn for a moment before I'd even made it to my front door.
Despite my drunken state, I was still pretty horny. Damn, I was constantly pretty horny. So as soon as I got into bed, I somehow got enough. I had the energy to really fuck my pillow. Right after I came, I fell over. I was asleep—or unconscious—I wasn't sure. Then it was the middle of the night. When I woke up, I was still in my pillow-fucking position, and my ass was freezing cold. I made a mental note: put the pillowcase and sheet in the washing machine. In the morning. Back then, I had no idea I'd have an audience. Perverts.
Anyway, my parents took me out to dinner that evening because they had a masquerade party planned. It was a party to celebrate my eighteenth birthday the following evening, Saturday, July 1st. We went to The Galley, a beach restaurant with a nautical theme—lots of brass fittings, heavy wooden beams, ship memorabilia, and things like that. Totally cool. My dad bought me a beer while he and my mom picked out a bottle—chilled rosé.
I'd received birthday cards before, but never one inside a steak! I was speechless. I was just about to cut off a piece when I noticed something strange inside. After further investigation… I found a card. It was from my parents. Inside was something I'd never seen before. It's expected in a million years.
"200 dollars! [Sfrican Rand] I don't believe it! Hey, you can't afford that! Dad?" Mom?"
"You can spend the money yourself, my son... on whatever you want," said Mom, her eyes watering.
I'd never seen so much money at once and just stared at it. Then Mom got all sentimental and said she could still remember changing my diapers. Diapers, like it was yesterday. Dad agreed and said that was impossible. I'll forget that smell soon enough. That made us all laugh.
It was really great to sit there with my parents and chat. We talked about all sorts of things. We'd always been a close family, but that night was somehow different. I was just one day away from being an adult… a teenager, but… also a young man. Mom and Dad always looked the same to me. I couldn't tell. They couldn't see any changes. But to them, I'd gone through many stages, each one different. From day one, everything was completely different. From diapers to the first day of school. From elementary school to high school. From a kid who could barely keep his balance to… From a surfboard to a guy who could ride that thing like it was a part of him. From a boy whose life revolved around his best friend Paul to a teenager with lots of friends, including a girlfriend.
By the end of the evening, I'd drunk more beer than I needed, and my head was pretty foggy. I was more confused than anything. But I behaved. Hey, haven't I always? Yeah, exactly.
When we got home, Mom made three Irish coffees.
"Wow! I'm totally exhausted, Mom. But thanks for the amazing evening. And you too." "Yes, Dad. It was totally crazy. And I'm glad it was just the three of us. It was just so incredibly special, I can't even tell you. But hey, I have to go to bed now. All in all."
I hugged and kissed them both, thanked them again, and then went to sleep. At the stroke of midnight, I was woken by loud knocking on my bedroom window. What?! What the hell?! I rolled out of bed and investigated.
"Do you even know what time it is?" I asked after recognizing Wingnut. I was standing outside in the darkness.
"It's midnight!"
"Also?"
"Here you go," he grinned, pressing something into my hand. "Happy birthday, Kyle."
I took the handwritten card and read it. “To my big brother Kyle. Stay close.” Forever. With love – your little brother, Wingnut.” But before I could say anything… Grommet pressed a small package into my hand.
"And here."
I unpacked it and saw a pair of Billabong socks and a new surfboard leash. "That's awesome, mate." My reaction had obviously pleased him, because he was beaming from ear to ear.
"Do you like it?"
"I love it. Can I hug you?" He raised his arms as I leaned out of the window. Then I squeezed my little brother so tightly that he was... well, just... there. Himself. "Do your parents know you're gone?"
"Nope. I just snuck out quickly. I'm going to bed now."
"That's absolutely brilliant."
"Was?"
"That you woke up to wish me a happy birthday. You're the first person to wish me a happy birthday." Thank you.
"It's my pleasure. And if you really were my brother, I wouldn't need to meet you secretly." Out in the cold. I would simply walk down the hall to your room.
"Good night, buddy."
"Do you want to masturbate now?"
"I'm completely exhausted."
"I'm going to masturbate now. I'm going to pretend you're masturbating me on your... birthday."
"Good night, Wingnut," I laughed.
"See you later, Kyle," said the beaming face before it disappeared into the night.
After I got back to my bed, I'd changed my mind about masturbation. When I saw the guy and realized how damn nice he was, I kind of got in the mood… as well as the thought of him masturbating his erect penis in his room. But as I stroked my throbbing, an army of faces and bodies invaded my mind. They came from everywhere. Wingnut, Mark, Steve, Steph, Paul, my cousin Chris, Nick… it was weird… a kaleidoscope of sucking, fucking, jerking off, kissing, pecs, erections, hands, lips, tongues, buns, ejaculations, and who knows what else. Crazy!
"Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, dear Kyle, happy birthday." Happy birthday!
I opened my eyes and saw Mom and Dad standing by my bed, holding a pile of... presents. In a flash, I pulled on a pair of boxer shorts and was filled with excitement. They were opening their presents. Yay! A new pair of satin boxer shorts, a new white Billabong shirt, a button-down shirt with an olive-green leaf pattern, a pair of gray jeans, and the $200 from the night before! Amazing!
This was followed by a huge breakfast, even though I was still completely full. Steak from the meal at The Galley restaurant.
After breakfast, I logged onto the internet and checked my emails. There was a whole pile, from all over, but I was disappointed not to find anything from my friend Paul in England. We'd been inseparable since kindergarten, and I was dying to read what kind of smug comment he'd make about me getting older. However, it was still early in the UK when I logged on, so perhaps he hadn't written yet.
While I was online, I looked at Mr. B.'s website and his dedication to me. It was his birthday, and the photo was great. So I wrote to him and thanked him. I was still annoyed. However, I'm a bit upset that I haven't received a message from Paul.
Just minutes after logging out, the phone rang. First it was Steph. Then Mark, then Steve. Even Carol called! With all those birthday wishes, I felt... like the most important person in the world... and just so damn lucky to have so many badass friends.
Wingnut arrived early and helped me and my dad, and Mom, get the house ready. She was getting ready for the masquerade party that evening. She wanted everything spotless. Typical. Female.
After the house was cleaned and tidied to my mother's satisfaction, Wingnut and I set off. I went to the mall with Dad to get beer for the party. My little friend I waited until we were alone before I asked the inevitable question.
"Hey! Can I have a beer tonight?"
"But not in front of my parents. Okay?"
"Cool."
The rest of the day flew by. Before I knew it, it was 8 p.m., and they all gradually showed up. It was absolutely wonderful to see them all there. There were moments during the week when I wondered if the party would be a success… or if everyone would even show up!
Steph and I had our ups and downs, but she left no doubt in my mind. She showed me her feelings when she gave me a silver necklace with a heart attached. Our names were engraved on it. Steve gave me a card with some cash inside. Actually... I got cash from most people. They thought it made more sense to give me cash so I could get whatever I wanted. But Mark had already anticipated that. Exactly what I wanted. He gave me a totally cool pair of satin boxer shorts that looked kind of like sleep shorts. "You can practice in your dreams," he smiled. I was rolling on the floor laughing.
The party was an absolute mega success… everyone went wild and had the best time ever. And for me, it was incredibly cool to see all my friends. My friends were there to celebrate my big day with me. Well, almost all of them. Only one was missing. Paul. And he still hadn't emailed me. The other guys were all there. They were wearing masks, of course, but I thought I knew who most of them were, although I wasn't sure. I had to rely on checking out their cute butts. Meanwhile, my parents kept bringing out snacks, and the beer was flowing freely.
Most of the masks were full-head rubber masks, so the men must have been... I was sweating like crazy under the clothes. I was wearing a Halloween-style hockey costume. Mask. It was impossible to pick Mark. The only reason I finally figured it out was because Carol had told me which mask he was wearing. Steve was recognizable. Because of his height and build. Or so I thought. Wingnut was easy to spot because he was wearing a troll mask, some kind of evil goblin thing. Mark was wearing an old man's mask with wrinkled skin and droopy eyes. Really heavy pockets underneath. Totally cool! I was starting to think he might be... pretending to be Mr. B.
One mask I found a bit odd, though, was a Margaret Thatcher mask. The former Prime Minister of England. It had to be Ross, one of my buddies from my swim team days, because the guy's build was pretty much identical to Ross's. And I'd seen it often enough at the swimming pool or in the showers.
At 11 p.m. it was time for everyone to take off their masks one by one. And I had to guess who was hiding under which mask before it was removed. If I guessed wrong, I had to take a sip of beer.
