Does everybody reading this remember always having a best friend? Please write and let me know, because I don't. I had friends, and I hung out with them, and sometimes one at a time, but I don't remember thinking of any of them as any different than the others. We were all friends, some better than others, but no single one of them was any closer or special to me. Not until the summer between seventh and eighth grades.
I grew up in Anderson, Indiana. I was born in the same house I grew up in, and had the same friends all those years, until the larger school in seventh and eighth grades, then high school.
The first thing I can remember finding sexually thrilling, though I didn't know that was what it was, was a pissing contest. I think it was fourth grade or so, about eight years old. Maybe seven. Some friends and I were at the park, and it was getting late, and we probably should have started heading home. But we were eight or so, and beginning to be allowed to go play and trusted to come home on time, and beginning to stretch our boundaries and our parents' rules.
But it was getting late, the sun was nearly setting, and I had to pee, but I didn't want to go home. If I did, like all of them, I wouldn't be allowed to go back out. David said he had to pee, and went behind the little shed the mowers and rakes and stuff for the park were kept in. I followed with the others, and giggling like the little kids we were, we all whipped out our winkies and sent streams of pee onto the back wall of the shed. The sun just illuminated our hands and the ends of our thingies, and I could see them as we laughed and peed. And for the first time, I felt a weird tingly-tickly sensation in my lower tummy. It was just like when I hung over the parallel bars on my waist, and if I got it just right, it tickled and tingled down there like crazy. Now, watching them hold themselves like that, and being able to see the ends of them, those funny tingles shot up from down there. I loved the feeling.
I also loved how they were all so different. Some seemed sort of rounded, some more pointed, and some even had a bundle of skin on the end that they had to pull back, making the end come poking out in a weird and fascinating way. They were all so interesting.
After that, I tried pretty often to have to pee when I was with the guys, so that I could see their things again. It was always fun and exciting.
It seemed like a normal kind of game, and I didn't think anything about it, other than it was a kind of secret fun that I didn't tell anyone about. I don't know why, it just didn't seem the kind of thing you told about.
By sixth grade I began to realize that I liked looking at other boys, and that I wanted to see them naked, and touch them in private places, and that it wasn't normal. My friends were saying the same things about girls, but girls didn't interest me nearly as much. They started saying that boobs weren't so bad instead of insisting that they were gross. And they started talking about girls' butts, and even that weird, forbidden, unknown place, that mystery of mysteries; the vagina.
