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Information Offside
Posted by: WMASG - 12-26-2025, 02:14 PM - Replies (1)

“Are you coming at last?”
“Yes, I'll be right there.”
“Benny, hurry up, will you?”
“Yes!”
Oh man, the same old story every time. Dad has a new job and we have the stress.
Why? It's simple! My dad is the coach of a Bundesliga soccer team! That meant we had to change cities every three years.
In this business, it's called fluctuation, quite simply. And now he had received an offer that, in his own words, he couldn't refuse.
The team in Germany, the biggest for any trainer in this country. So we're moving again. This time to Munich! To the great FC Bayern. From northern Germany to this, well, how should I put it? Bavaria, that's it! For me, that means: losing friends, moving, new school! Great!
I'm thrilled! Very thrilled! I could throw up!
Good! He's making a shit load of money! The press are already pissing him off and I have to go with him. Great!
From Hamburg to Munich! For me, that's about as good as from Hamburg to... I don't know what?
Definitely rubbish!
And I was doing really well, had settled in, even found a few friends.
Yes! All right! I'll stop whining.
So I got into the new Audi A8, free from the sponsor, of course.
Everything is pushed up your ass. New house, paid for by the club, tutoring for God knows what. And you guessed right! Paid for by the club!
I sat in the passenger seat because a mom no longer exists. She had preferred to give my dad the boot. That was two years ago. They drifted apart! What a word! Why don't they just tell me the truth? She fell in love with someone else and my dad is in love with his job. Simple! Or? Well, for a 15-year-old, it's probably still too much to understand.
What do you think?
I was looking out of the side window. Signs and guard rails passed by and I looked briefly behind me, where my brother Leif was sitting and playing something on the laptop.
Leif had just turned 15 and didn't really mind moving again. Leif? Kind of a weird guy. Our relationship has never been the best, I don't know why. We're just too different, I guess. He likes to hang around on the PC more than I do with people.
He's just a loner! At some point I just stopped giving him a hard time about it. If there's no reaction, it's just no fun.
With the Kassel mountains just behind us, my dad said to me:
“And so bad?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, Munich?”
“No idea! I just happen to like Hamburg.”
“Because of your mother?”
“Nonsense! You know that. No, because of my friends there.”
“Hey! Benny! I'm sure you'll make new friends and besides, Hamburg isn't out of the world.”
“Only 900km away. Do you think you can make it in Munich with the star ensemble?”
“Well, come on! With my best co-trainer named Benny? What could possibly go wrong?”
Typical of my dad! He always asked me about new player signings and line-ups. Why? No idea! He just said I had a good nose for who fits into the team and who doesn't. Yes! I like soccer! It's exciting, the tactics, the players – even though most of them are pretty empty-headed.
“I'll still be a Pauli fan though.”
“Son! Me too! But don't tell anyone.”
My answer remained a grin. Four years ago, my dad had taken FC St. Pauli from the third to the first Bundesliga. The last season then in the Uefa Cup and that was also the reason for this offer from FC Bayern. Yes, Pauli is something special, led by a gay president, with the most awesome fans ever. Very alternative, sometimes they look a bit wild, but they are usually super peaceful and nice. They always got so baked at the Millerntor that it didn't matter whether they won or lost, by the end they were so stoned themselves that they always went out celebrating. And I don't even smoke pot. I tried it two or three times and fell asleep every time. Nah, I'd rather shoot a bottle of wine in the head and be done with it.
I must have dozed off, my old man woke me up when we finally arrived. Munich-Grünwald is apparently a rich neighborhood, in any case, the neighboring houses looked exactly like our new one. It was a mansion-like neighborhood. The moving company that took care of our move was apparently already finished, I saw a fully furnished house.
My room is on the second floor, but I was too tired to take a closer look. When I woke up, I realized that it was light again. How long have I been sleeping? A glance at the clock on my bedside table confirmed it. I had slept for ten hours straight. Oh man! Now it's time to get up! Off to the bathroom! Bathroom? Where is the bathroom?
“Dad? Where's the bathroom?” I shouted into the open house!
My father was sitting at the kitchen table, a pot of coffee in his hand, grinning at me.
“You have your own. The door in your room.”
“Thanks.”
Door which door? It was weird, but I had overlooked it.
I found it right away. Cool! I even had a bathtub in here! Finally no hassle with Leif about who could use the bathroom first.
Freshly polished, I wanted to go with Dad to the training ground in Säbener Strasse. There was the first team training session with the new coach, that is, my father.
He had hardly arrived when he was taken over by the manager, so I felt a little lost.
I was still standing around a little indecisively next to the A8 and didn't really know how to get in here, when I heard someone from behind:
“Hi! Do you know where the dressing room is?”
I turned around and saw the face of one of Germany's most talented young players, Daniel Berg. However, I not only saw the player but also two super cute shiny eyes that literally leapt out at me. Wow! He's got something!
“Um, I, well, um, no idea!” Phew, that was hard!
“Ah, so!“ and grinned at me so sweetly that I blushed. Earth open up! Swallow me! Please!
“And what are you doing here then? A fan or a spy?”
“More of a spy,” I had found my voice again.
Puzzled, Daniel looked at me and said, “You're way too young for that!”
In the meantime, a bodyguard or supervisor (or whatever these people are called) had apparently spotted Daniel and guided him to the training ground. He winked as he passed me and said, “Have fun spying.”
The supervisor gave me a dark look and disappeared with Daniel.
Man, Daniel was really cute! Blond hair cut into a fringe, just as tall as me, 5'9“, and his face was just cute. Yes, cute, that's all I could think of at the moment.
I had another problem, this 6'7” hulk of a man standing in front of me and telling me to go away.
My head went up slowly to meet his eyes.
“That won't work.”
“What? That won't work? Move your haunches and goodbye.”
“My dad would object.”
“Oh yeah? And who's your dad?”
“The trainer.”
The cabinet looked at me and started laughing loudly. This laughter sounded so hollow that I almost expected an echo.
“Benny! What took you so long?”
My dad was standing behind the fence, looking at me impatiently.
“I can't get past this human.”
The hulk stood motionless in front of me and his laughter now slipped away.
“Why didn't you say so?“ he hissed at me.
“Huh? I did!” After an apology from the locker, I now also entered the training ground.
It took a while for the team to be complete. Some of the players were sitting, others were standing, forming a semi-circle around my dad. I stood a little way off and watched my dad's inaugural address with interest. Well, actually, I was more watching the players and their reactions; the younger ones all looked very focused, the older ones a little bored. They've probably been through something like this many times before.
The new assistant coaches were introduced. My dad mumbled something and pointed at me, the players grinned and nodded at me.
I don't know what Dad said to them, but it was probably something like 'mascot' or something like that.
The players warmed up and Daniel came up to me grinning:
“So, so, a spy for the coach?”
“Nonsense!“ My reaction was a little too intense, so I immediately felt sorry for Daniel, who gave me a friendly punch on the arm and said:
“Hey! I didn't mean it like that. I'm glad you're here.” And then he walked away, winking at me again.
What was that about? And that wink! Oh man! I could really go for him. Nonsense! Him and gay? No way. Come on! No way! But enough about me and my fantasies!
Yep! I'm gay! Even though I've never had a real boyfriend. I'm not really sure why. My looks are okay, I guess, but it's probably more to do with my shyness. That's the disadvantage of being the son of a celebrity. I just don't know if people want something from me because of who I am or because my dad is the coach. Once I've found out and made friends, it's time to move! Well, that's how it was in Hamburg.
The rest of the training was boring, so I went to see the club house. It's pretty impressive. Very modernly furnished and styled in the club colors.
In the hallway, I met the manager, who recognized me and said:
“Well, Benny? How do you like it here?”
“It's pretty impressive.”
He then blabbed something about hard work and a traditional club and stuff like that. I tuned my ears to auto mode or draft and nodded my head from time to time. The last thing he said, I did catch though.
“I still have something for you.”
“And what would that be?”
“Come with me.”
I followed the manager into a room, which was probably his outer office. A secretary greeted us and shook my hand.
“Susanne, have you got the ID for Benny ready yet?”
I was amazed at the casual tone that prevailed here.
“Just a moment, boss!” She rummaged around in a drawer and then gave me a VIP ID with my picture on it.
“So the security people will let you in.”
Aha, so they're called security. After I had thanked her, I disappeared towards the exit. The training must have ended too, because some of the players, already dressed, were talking in the parking lot or signing autographs. Daniel was standing there too and was being hugged and smothered by some chick. Damn! Of course, the cutest player here had a girlfriend. My mood went down.
“Hey, Benny!” Daniel said when he saw me.
I traipsed over to him and he introduced me to his girlfriend, babbling something about maybe doing something together, to which I replied with a simple yes. With my head bowed, I then crept over to Dad's car, but he was nowhere to be seen. Bored, I watched the players and noticed the first difference to Pauli. At Pauli, the whole team usually went to the clubhouse or the local bar to chat, but here the players left immediately after the end of training. So much for team spirit. My dad turned up and asked me what was going on. I explained to him what I had just seen and he nodded approvingly.
“Yes, I've noticed that too. So what do you think about inviting the team to a barbecue?”
“At our house?”
“Yes, sure! We did that quite often in Hamburg.”
“OK! When?”
“Saturday! Sunday is a training-free day and we don't have a friendly game either.”
“Fine by me.”
“Oh, one more thing.”
“Yes?”
“The new player from the USA is arriving tomorrow.”
“And?”
“I wanted to ask you to come with me to the airport, he'll be living with us for a while anyway, so he'll have at least one person to turn to. Besides, you're the same age and might become friends, so it won't be so hard for him.”
Shit! I hadn't thought about the American anymore. There is a club boarding school here, but it was probably already full. That's why the club management decided to put him up with us for now. More of a family atmosphere, so that he feels comfortable. The once-in-a-century talent, as the German trade journals called him, should thrive in a sheltered environment. I didn't know all that much about him, only that his name is Sean Kaiser, he has a German mother and would therefore probably be eligible for our national team. Oh, and that he is 17 years old and that FC Bayern paid 6 million euros for his transfer. And that for a 17-year-old! That's a lot, but it's not my money, so I don't care.
I still had three weeks of vacation left and didn't have anything better to do anyway.
“Well, if I'm doing you a favor.” There's nothing wrong with a little brown nose every now and then.
“Thanks, I knew I could count on you. Oh, and by the way, maybe you'll find what you're looking for in him?”
My dad grinned from ear to ear and I blushed. Great! Always pick on the little ones! My father has known that I'm gay for three years and, unlike my mother, he took it quite lightly and sometimes makes fun of me about it. It's probably one of the reasons why I chose my father and moved in with him and not with my mother, who couldn't come to terms with my homosexuality at all. My mother had made a fuss after my involuntary coming out. Involuntary? Uproar? My mother caught me with a classmate practicing French kissing. We were just practicing! The old lady went crazy and screamed like a fury. She kept asking me if I was gay and at some point, out of defiance, I got tired of it and said yes. After that, there was no contact between us. At the time, I didn't even know for sure if I was really gay. That changed over time and I became very sure of it. My dad had laughed at my mother and told me that I should stand by it. Yes, that welded us together. My brother Leif just took it without comment. What can you say as a 12-year-old? The only problem is that I still don't know how he feels about it and whether he can handle it. As I said, he's a loner.
The flight from America was supposed to land in Munich around 10:00 a.m. My dad was getting impatient because I couldn't get ready in the bathroom. I had the usual problem: my hair was standing on end in all the wrong places. So I whipped out the hair gel and tried to tame the beast with hairspray. I looked in the mirror: disaster!
Wash my hair again, blow-dry it and the same game all over again. Normally I'm not that vain, but somehow I wanted to make a good impression on the American guy. Why? Just because! I mean, he's going to be living with us for a while and if he comes across an exploded toilet brush right away? First impressions count! I read that somewhere.
So check! Yes it's OK! Let's go. We wanted to travel incognito, that is, just my dad and me. When we arrived at the new Franzdings Airport (or what was the last King of Bavaria's name again? *fg*), we hadn't reckoned on the local tabloids, which had somehow got wind of the American's arrival today. Photographers and reporters were already bustling around the entrance hall.
“Shit!” my dad exclaimed.
“Yep!”
“So what?”
“Do the press people know me?”
My dad looked at me and then grinned.
“Nope, I don't think so.”
“Then maybe you should disappear and I'll go and get him out.”
“OK! Do you know what he looks like?”
“No idea!”
“Here's a photo of him, and when you've found him, come immediately to the side exit, I'll somehow make the BGS people understand that they should get rid of the hordes. All right?”
“Jo! Do you have enough autograph cards with you?”
“Why?”
“For the BGS people?”
My dad grinned at me and gave me the thumbs up sign. So, into battle I went! I looked at the photo of Sean and my knees went as soft as jelly. Shit! If the guy looks half as good in person as he does in the photo, I'll probably have a few sleepless nights. Then Daniel came to mind again, he's just a footballer! Sean probably has a girlfriend in America, so what the heck! Sigh! I bought a pair of sunglasses and a pretty cool hat at a souvenir stand. I reached the gate just in time. The first Lufthansa passengers from Boston were streaming out of the security area when I saw Sean. Man, the photo wasn't even half as good as he looks in person. Tanned, brown hair and deep blue eyes. Shit! Oh please not that! A certain part of me was making itself felt in my pants! How embarrassing is that, please! My hair is in place, but my pants are not, or rather they are sticking out because I only have cargo shorts on! Garbage! I don't have time to think about it anymore or the press will get him right away! So over to him!
“Hi! Are you Sean Kaiser?” How imaginative!
His eyes scanned me from top to bottom. My boss in the pants had meanwhile calmed down in the rush. Phew!
He looked at me uncertainly and then said after what seemed like an endless moment:
“Uh, yeah! I'm Sean! Why?”
His German is damn good. Almost accent-free. He still looked at me uncertainly and couldn't seem to pigeonhole me in his brain.
That was probably my part now.
“Hi! I'm Benjamin Degen, your coach's son! Welcome to good old Germany! And of course to FC Bayern Munich! Please put on these sunglasses and this hat!”
“Why?”
“Why? Because it's essential for you! That's why!”
Shit! Now the little guy was even more intimidated, I could see that from his eyes staring nervously at me. That's exactly what I didn't want! What should I do now? Best to tell the truth, right?
“Listen Sean! You're playing for FC Bayern from now on! And that means you're something of a star! The press is lurking in the reception area for you. We wanted to spare you that at first, that's why I'm here! The two of us won't attract as much attention as if the entire Bavarian entourage had appeared here. So put on sunglasses and a hat and follow me!”
“OK!”
I think Sean was so frightened that he would have accepted anything. I put the sunglasses and the hat on him and grinned at him.
“Looks cool!”
Hey! A first slight smile from him! I grabbed one of the two light bags he was carrying with him, the suitcases would follow anyway by FC-Bayernexpress, and stomped towards the side exit. I looked at him a little from the side and had to grin again. The way he had looked at me just now, that shy look from bottom to top, wow! For me, he fell into the category of: cuddling, protecting and holding on to. My little one! We made it to the side exit without any problems, where we were met by a line of BGS officers who then escorted us out of the building to my dad's car without being observed.
After the obligatory greeting from my father, I sat down in the passenger seat and Sean sat down in the back. Sean didn't say a word the whole ride. I turned around to him and smiled encouragingly, which he gratefully accepted to briefly smile back.
Sean Kaiser Boston, USA
(The story continues from Sean's point of view, one week before departure!)
“Please Sean, don't go to Europe!”
My boyfriend sat across from me and looked at me with tear-filled eyes. Oh shit! Why is he making this so difficult for me?
Two months ago, I received a call from Munich asking if I could imagine moving to Munich. What a question. To the top club in Germany? To one of the best clubs in the world? Of course I could! Especially to Germany, my mother's home country and a language I am proficient in? At home, we spoke German almost exclusively because my mother wanted me to grow up bilingual. The manager and coach came to Boston two weeks later to finalize the contract. We met at the office of my Boston River Soccer Club's manager, who plays in the US Major League and with whom I had a long-term contract. It was actually clear to me that I would go to Munich, you only get such a chance once in a lifetime. My manager discussed it with the Munich people and when it came to the transfer fee, my jaw dropped.
The guy actually wanted $7 million for me. Shit! That's it then. Bye, bye Bayern! The two of them will surely stand up and leave the room without saying a word. But the FC Bayern manager didn't even bat an eyelid and just said, pretty cool, “OK!” My manager's facial features slipped and, just to be on the safe side, he asked if he had understood correctly.
Mr. Schmidt, the manager of FC B, confirmed that this was correct. My stomach tightened at that moment. 7 million? Is a player who is just 17 years old worth that much?
I felt slightly queasy. What expectations do they have of me? Never before has so much been paid for an American player, especially not for a 17-year-old.
After everything was signed, we said goodbye to each other. I still couldn't quite believe it. Yesterday, the two gentlemen from Munich had been at our house and discussed everything with my mother and me. I got a six-year contract with an annual salary of over a million euros. That seemed pretty excessive to me, and when I realized that it was euros and not dollars, I didn't understand anything anymore.
I didn't really care about the money. I only wanted to play soccer. Money was not really important to me!
In Boston, I earned $2,500 a month and thought that was a lot.
I probably would have played for Munich for €500 a month.
Of course, at the beginning my mother was not at all happy about me going to Europe. With a lot of charm and persuasion from the people of Munich, she finally agreed. A few free flights did the rest.
The other problem was now facing me. Jason! My boyfriend, who I had been with for two months. He just couldn't and wouldn't understand what an opportunity this was for me. Jason is my first boyfriend, my first real boyfriend.
“Jason! Please, understand that this is my chance!”
“Sean! I can't understand it! What's so special about this club that you want to go to Europe? You can play here too, can't you?”
Jason didn't have a clue about soccer, like most Americans.
“Here in the US, we play in front of 2,000 spectators because Americans aren't interested in what sport is number one in the rest of the world. Americans think that baseball, rugby, and basketball are number one. But Jason prefers not to think that way! Soccer is the number one sport played all over the world. And this club that wants me, almost every child outside the United States knows it!”
“What about us?”
That was the question I had dreaded the most. What about us? Jason loved me, I felt that every day we were together, but did I love Jason? I wanted it so much! I like him, sex with him, his naturalness! Do I love him? Would I go to Europe then? No, hardly, right?
Oh shit, that was complicated! What should I answer him? He was waiting for me to answer his question! I didn't know the answer.
After endless minutes of silence, he just left my room.
What should I tell him? That it's over between us? I just couldn't.
When do you love someone so much that you give up your dreams for them? Probably only if that person is one of those dreams?
Jason was definitely not one of my dreams!
Unfortunately!
Jason was my first sexual experience and at the time I thought I loved him. Today I think differently, no, I felt differently! Jason is nice! Uncomplicated, others would call him boring, but at the time he was just there for me! At the time! Just two months ago! At the time! Good heavens!
As if he had already been forgotten! Am I so selfish?
Of course I would miss Jason in Europe. Our conversations, coming out to our parents, which only brought us both closer together.
My mother, who almost collapsed when we told her. Jason wanted to call an ambulance. A glass of water in the face did the trick.
The second one my mother got when I told her that I wanted to go to Europe.
Wanted? No, had to! That was my dream! My life! That's what I trained for, that's why I skipped so many parties. That's why I gave up my first boyfriend. Shit!
To play soccer in front of 80,000 people cheering you on, that's it!
My brain was on a rollercoaster! Jason! Bayern Munich!
My mother drove us to Logan Airport Boston, Jason sitting next to me on the back bench, holding my hand the whole time. I hardly dared to look at him, knowing he was crying. When we arrived at the gate, he stroked my hair and whispered,
“Sean, don't forget me!”
Shit! I bowed my head and had to swallow endlessly. I tried to suppress everything, but at that moment?
“Hey! Shhhh! Stupid! I'll never forget you! I promise you one thing: when we're in the final, you'll come and see me!”
“Really?”
“Yep!”
Alone in the Lufthansa bird, I suddenly felt so very small. In my mind, movie scenes played out, showing a soccer game in which I bombed. The spectators booed me. My teammates looked at me sympathetically, my coach on the sidelines looked angry. Shit! Soccer in the US and Europe, there are class differences!
The flight was very smooth and I soon fell asleep. Time for a snack. Which, by the way, was excellent, since I was in business class.
I spent most of the time sleeping. We then began our descent and I looked out the window for the first time. Sunshine!
No rain? As I had expected?
In the States, I was told so much about life in Germany that I fully expected it to just rain here.
There were people who told me that I would have to salute here before I was even let in.
With mixed feelings, I set out to leave the passport controls behind me. Strangely enough, the police officers greeted me in a super nice way and wished me a nice time in Germany. Quite different from our cops in the States, who were usually just grumpy.
Almost in a trance, I walked on when a boy approached me and spoke to me.
“Are you Sean Kaiser?”
The boy who spoke to me was just, just... Wow! About the same height as me, gray-blue eyes, blonde messy hair sticking out on all sides.
His face was almost too perfect. No pimples, nothing, nothing at all! Shit! Did this guy look good! Do they all look this good here? Oh, man!
He mumbled something about sunglasses and a hat, which I didn't really notice. And welcome! And he was the coach's son!
The coach's son? I was supposed to live with the coach! With him? With this perfect German boy? How could I stand that? Just being near him provoked a hormonal surge in me to unimagined proportions.
What did he say again? I don't know! I must have stuttered something. Reporter, star or something like that? Whatever! I'll follow him wherever he goes!
Following him, I stumbled to a side exit where several uniformed policemen were standing. I was apprehensive about opening the door, but the cops just grinned at me. Where am I that even policemen smile at me?
I made myself comfortable in the back seat of my coach's car. He had just greeted me warmly, beaming with joy, just like those other supposedly oh-so-grungy Germans!
I didn't know what to think of that! And when a grinning trainer's son looked at me, I read only one thing in his face: Welcome! Warm, loving, open and honest, that's what I felt at that moment. I couldn't help but smile back at this perfect German boy. What was his name again? Benjamin! Yes! Benny! Thank you! Benny would become a friend, that much was clear to me at that moment. How far could this friendship go? Until I told him everything? Jason and all that?
What then?
Would he understand?
Or hate me? For being gay?
Was he tolerant?
I decided not to say anything for the time being and to wait and see what he was like.
Although, damn, he was cute!
“Oh my God, I'm supposed to live here?“ That was my first thought when I saw my future home. It was huge, it had to be a mansion, and this property! I was just blown away.
“Come on, I'll show you your room!” Benny called to me.
I didn't say anything, I couldn't say anything, I was way too overwhelmed.
We took the two bags out of the car and I trotted after Benny, just like at the airport.
Pretty stupid! I must have looked like a little kid standing in front of Santa Claus on Christmas Eve, full of anticipation but so intimidated that I couldn't say a word. Benny must think I'm crazy. Shit.
When we arrived on the second floor, he pointed to a door.
“This is your room, right next to mine.”
He opened the door and my eyes popped out. What a place. My room alone had to be almost as big as my mom's and my old one in the States, combined. No one would believe me if I told them over there. Benny went in and put the bags on the bed.
“Oh, there's still a small problem.”
Great, there had to be some catch to it.
“You don't have your own bathroom, but if you want, you're welcome to use mine.”
And what was the problem? I didn't understand.
“Come on, I'll show you!”
So it was duck walk again. Mama duck waddled ahead and the chick behind. At least that's how it seemed to me.
“So the bathroom can only be reached through my room. I hope you don't mind?”
Huh? I should mind? Well, if anyone should mind, it would be him, since I would have to march through his room while he was still asleep. And he certainly looked even cuter when he slept; I just had to imagine it to get weak in the knees. I loved this bathroom on the spot.
These thoughts probably took a moment too long. Benny looked at me questioningly and I blushed. Shit!
“Um, Sean, if you're embarrassed, you're welcome to use the other one in the hallway, but then you'd have to share it with my brother Leif.”
Shit! Messed up! I probably replied a little too quickly:
“No, no, that's perfect!“ And I got even more nervous.
“Sure? If there's anything you don't like, please say so, OK?”
“Yep! No, I don't mind at all, quite the opposite.” Oops! What was I talking about? “So I mean, uh, what I wanted to say, I uh.”
Loss of mother tongue! Shit!
“Yeah??”
Oh my God, he was so cute! He tilted his head slightly to his right shoulder and grinned at me.
“I wanted to say...” Yes, what did I actually want to say? Oh man, those eyes, that grin on his face. ”I'd like to go through your room.”
I heard these words and my brain registered a fraction later what I was saying. Please, someone, make this not come true!
“Then it's okay.” Benny's grin grew wider and wider. What am I supposed to do with that? No kidding? Nothing? He must think I'm nuts. Of course, what else could he think.
“Um, yes, thank you! So I'll go over there and unpack, OK?” Get out of here, just go. Shit, it was so embarrassing here! No, not here! I was the one who was so embarrassed! Benny, on the other hand, was great! The way he reacted? Yes, he was great and so sweet!
It took quite a while before I had stowed all my stuff safely in the new cupboards. My thoughts took on a life of their own, I dreamt of Benny, what would he look like when he sleeps? And when he awakes? And what would he look like naked? I was just dreaming when I felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped like a little schoolgirl who had just been caught dreaming of horses.
“Oh, sorry, didn't mean to scare you.”
Benny was standing behind me, his hand still on my shoulder. Please keep your hand on my shoulder! This touch was driving me crazy.
Unfortunately, it only lasted a few seconds. And again this look and I was supposed to answer something.
“You can't scare me,” I purred to myself. If I keep this up, he really thinks I'm crazy.
“Then it's okay, are you done?”
Oh, shit. He grinned at me again with that indescribably sweet, cute, melancholy, irresistible smile.
“With what?”
“Um, with unpacking, maybe?”
I'm an idiot! Why do I always say such rubbish?
“Yes, I was just somewhere else.”
“I noticed that. And where were you?”
With you!
“Um, I don't know either.”
“Oh, yes.” And that grin again. ”It's OK! It's all still very strange for you. If you need anything, you know where my room is.”
Without me being able to answer, he had already disappeared.
What did he think of me?
At home--- Benjamin Degen
Hmm, that Sean is a strange one. Actually, I thought he liked me. But then that reaction about the bathroom. Okay, he was an American, I put that down to his prudishness. Yanks are just prudish. And what was that now? I just wanted to help him unpack and caught him dreaming. About his girlfriend, whom he had left alone? He didn't even go into that when I asked him. Well, how long had we known each other then? Just a few hours. What could you expect? But hey! I just wanted to help him.
I would like to walk around your room. What was that supposed to mean? Probably he couldn't speak German as well as I thought.
Could he?
I lay down on the bed and dozed off a little.
Dreamt of Sean caressing me, kissing me, talking to me and kissing me again. Hmmm. Of a stupid cow standing in the door and screaming Shit loudly. Sean's girlfriend? I woke up from this loud Shit.
“Shit! Bullshit!”
No, not a dream! Someone was screaming Shit!
From the bathroom!
Still half asleep, I opened the door. Sean, with only a towel around his hips, was hopping from one leg to the other. With both hands he held his cheeks. American rituals to summon rain? I just cackled. Sorry, at the sight of it?
Sean looked at me with a look that should probably kill me. But he didn't.
“Sean? What's wrong?”
“This aftershave stings like hell! How can you use something like that?”
“Why? What did you use?”
He points to the blue Joop! Nightfly Eau de Toilette bottle without the atomizer. And that really stings on freshly shaved skin.
“Sean! This isn't aftershave!”
“Oh!”
I handed him the Nivea Balm, which he then immediately smeared on.
“Phew, that feels good.”
I looked at him and at the same moment we both burst out laughing.
“Sean, you just looked really stupid. Sorry, but that had to come out.”
His laughter died down and he looked at me, annoyed? Serious? Surprised? and said:
“Hmm, yes I know, I just sometimes look like what was the word? Stupid? I'm sorry.”
He said it and disappeared into his room without saying a word.
What was that now? Did I hurt him?
Should I not have laughed? Was he so sensitive?
I put my hands on the sink and looked at myself in the mirror.
Haphazard thoughts hit the outskirts of my brain. Sean grew up in a different culture, so he thought differently from a European.
In a “theocracy” as it is not known here in Europe, where church and state are strictly separated. Unlike in the US.
Where a bare bosom on TV attracts more attention than reports of torture in Iraq or Guantánamo.
In whose media it is spread that there is only one good one (namely the USA) and its allies who allow themselves criticism are scourged as a rogue state. In a country where the Geneva Conventions are not valid and this country takes for itself to be morally a role model. Yes, to be a constitutional state that locks people up without a fair trial and tortures them for years. The free country of the Bush era!
My hands went to the tap, I turned it on and splashed cold water in my face.
And Sean?
Oh shit! Should I run after him every time Mister America superstar had got something in the wrong throat?
No! I didn't feel like it, he should call his stupid trine in the USA!
He could then whine to her.
Boooaaahhrr! I urgently needed a beer and a smoke! No sooner thought than done! Down to the kitchen, beer from the fridge, to the kitchen table and a smoke lit.
“What are you doing?” Sean asked as he came down the stairs.
“I'm having a beer and a smoke.”
“You're not allowed to do that!”
“Says who?”
“The law!”
“Huh? Who?”
“You're not even allowed to smoke and drink beer yet!”
“Yes I am! Here in Germany you can smoke and drink beer from the age of 16!”
“What? You're kidding me, right?”
“Nope, why would I do that? Do you want a beer too?”
“Um, what?”
“Do you want a beer too?”
“Oh man, I think I need to get used to Europe first.”
“Do that, but quickly, you live in Europe now!”
“Yes, I'm trying, but I just realized that Europe and the US are fundamentally different.”
“Yes, maybe the governments, but also the people?”
“Yes, the people too, it's true!”
“How so?”
“Well, Americans like to talk about freedom, you have it!”
“Have I offended you?” I asked Sean.
“How?”
“Well, with the stupid and stuff? If that's the case, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.”
Sean looked at the ground. I had hurt him. That probably meant pulling myself together in the future! Phew! That would be difficult with Sean.
He just said that he wanted to go to bed and sleep. I wished him a good night and that was that.
“Hello, brother! You've probably just ruined your chances, haven't you?” I hadn't even heard Leif come in.
“Don't be annoying!”
“You like him, but you're too scared to tell him!“ Sometimes Leif is brilliant, but only sometimes.
“100 points.”
“And now? Is your American boy going to walk languishingly around your room and you're going to stare at him languishingly, or what?” There are times when I could kill Leif.
“He's not gay anyway, so stop it!”
“I think he's pretty gay, the way he looks at you!”
“Huh?”
“Man Benny, he's into you, that's how it is!”
“Oh, and how do you know that?”
“I'm smart and I have eyes in my head!”
“Since when?” I grinned at Leif, who just shook his head and walked up. Was I so wrong about my brother?
Could Sean really be gay?
Please! He's cute, he's... everything!
Gay soccer player at FC Bayern! I could already see the headline of the tabloid in front of me! The first headline would probably be:
How gay is Sean really? Can a pretty woman help him???
And then they would probably start a call and put the tits of the applicants on the first page! According to the motto:
Look Sean, German tits are so beautiful! DISGUSTING!!!
The Bild newspaper still hasn't shaken off the “glorious” seventies. The language level has remained the same, as has the world view,
which also got stuck in the Middle Ages. It's just boring, intolerant and vulgar! If only you could laugh about it, but no, they're serious!
A noise woke me up the next morning. It sounded a bit like an airport, the typical turbine noise of the jets. After an endless five minutes, I was even able to localize the noise – it was definitely coming from the bathroom. The hair dryer! It shot into my skull. Yes, that must be it. My hands pulled the blanket over my face, it happened automatically. I let out a growl and turned around until I felt eyes on me. Slowly, I blinked out from under the covers and saw Sean grinning in front of my bed.
“Hello sleepyhead!”
“Hi, sleepyhead hater!”
Sean's face now showed a horror that I definitely didn't want.
“What hater? I thought we were friends?”
Without waiting for an answer, he ran out of my room. Shit! Now I was wide awake and jumped out of bed to intercept Sean in the hallway.
I caught his arm and held him tight.
“Wait! I didn't mean it like that, of course we're friends! You misunderstood me, I meant that you woke me up, nothing more.”
His eyes appraised me and his sad eyes became radiant again.
“Yes, I see.”
His head pointed to a region that was in the lower part of my body and I followed it. Before I saw my morning wood, I felt it. Embarrassing! How do you get out of embarrassing situations? Right! Stay cool!
“Oh, my morning wood! I sometimes have that, luckily I'm wearing these shorts,” I grinned back as coolly as possible.
“Wow! You're cool. If I were you, I'd probably have sunk into the ground!”
“Why? It's quite normal, isn't it, or do you never have a morning wood?”
“Um, of course.”
I said and walked away. Me, cool? Sean had got a completely wrong impression of me, and I had to fix it as quickly as possible. But how? No idea!
When I arrived at the breakfast table, I noticed first of all that Leif was talking to Sean and that the two of them seemed to be getting on very well. The second thing I noticed was that we were alone – my dad had already left for the training center. Hmm, that was strange. It usually took Leif ages to deign to befriend someone. This time it seemed to be different with Sean; the two were laughing and joking. I hardly recognized my brother. I must have missed something.
“Hey you two!”
“Hey, you one,” they said in unison.
Conspiracy! That was the first thought that came to my mind. The two had joined forces to pull one over on me. But they hadn't reckoned on the famous Benny the quick-witted. All right, so I just played along for a bit.
“And what are you laughing at?”
“Oh, brother dear, Sean was just telling me how you reacted so coolly to your mola.”
“And?“ I became more nervous by the second.
“Well, I told him how my oh-so-cool big brother reacted when I caught him jerking off.” No sooner had he finished this sentence than Leif leaned back in his chair with relish to watch the show that was about to unfold.
My head (I wanted to, but couldn't do anything about it) turned red. Oh, God! When I think back to it! Just embarrassing. I was in the shower in Hamburg, pampering my pride and joy, when who should burst in on me in the middle of this extremely important session? That's right, my little brother. Once again, I had forgotten to lock the door. Instead of just turning around, my brain clicked off, and I tried to grab a towel.
Which was not so easy, because the hanger was a bit far away. Well, it was wet – supposed to happen in the shower – and that's why I fell flat on my face.
And then I lay on the floor like a crashed ladybug in front of Leif. Do I have to tell you more? I don't think so. Or do I?
Hmm. Leif stood motionless in front of me and then said as he turned to leave: “So, Benny, next time you're jerking off, just let me know so I can get your friends to have a laugh too.” Yes, one of the highlights of my life.
I looked at the two of them, who could hardly stop laughing. Well, so much for the theory. Benjamin Degen would be cool. At least that was settled.
“Yeah! All right now, where's Dad?” Distraction!
Leif looked at me with narrowed eyes and replied, ”Benny, stop hanging around with the guys, it's not like you.”
He was right! That's the worst part of it, I'm not the type for that, I'm much too shy, but did he have to tell Sean like that? And then there was this story that my brain tried to erase by just making me forget it? Although I wanted to make it clear to him how I really am – not the tough guy, but more the shy guy. Leif has accepted it by now.
“Yes, all right! So Sean, I'm not who you think I am. I'm now, um, different! Um, oh, I don't know.”
“Huh?” Sean looked at me with wide eyes and probably didn't understand the world anymore or me.
“Well, Sean,” it was my brother again who took the initiative, ”Benny is the shyest and at the same time the sweetest person you can imagine. Even if he is sometimes very, very strange.”
Leif? Something like that from my brother? That was almost a declaration of love. The boy must have had a fever!
Chapter 2: Benjamin Degen
The week dragged on. Most of the time I was alone, Sean at training, Leif somewhere. But I didn't mind, because it gave me time to properly furnish my room, check out the area a bit, and of course call some friends in Hamburg. And to brood. I wondered what it would be like to have a friend I could be there for. The phone pulled me out of my thoughts and I picked it up. I only heard a lot of mumbling until it occurred to me that it must have been English – with a terrible slang. I understood only half of what the other person was telling me. A friend of Sean's, I understood that much, and that he would like to talk to him. Since Sean is currently at training, I put him off and suggested that he call back later. But since I already had this friend on the line, I asked him a little about Sean. Did he have to leave his girlfriend at home? In response, I heard sobbing. Oops, what's going on here? The other one, his name was Jason, calmed down quickly and said something like that. I felt a bit queasy and wanted to end the conversation when Jason said to me, “Be a good friend to him and quickly hung up.
What was that supposed to mean? ‘Something like that?’ Did he have a girlfriend or not? Or a boyfriend? The longer I thought about it, the clearer it became to me. Jason is his boyfriend – it couldn't be any different. At that moment, everything fell apart inside me. Sean is gay – great! But he's got a boyfriend – shit! Why did this have to happen to me? But what could I do about it? Nothing! And on the other hand, I finally had someone to talk to. Someone who felt the same way I did. All of a sudden, I felt better and decided to go to the training ground.
Once there, I rode my bike straight to the training ground, which earned me a scolding from the onlookers watching from the fence. The security guard recognized me and immediately opened the gate for me, and the crowd fell silent with curious looks. They probably thought I was a new player here for a trial training session. The team was just about to leave the building. Daniel and Sean spotted me and trotted over to me.
“Our mascot is showing his face again!”
Daniel was the one who said that. Sean looked at us irritated.
“Did I miss something now? Why mascot?”
“Hm, right! You hadn't been there yet when the coach introduced us to his son. So Sean, the little one there is our mascot.”
“Oh.“ Sean looked more and more bewildered and didn't understand anything anymore – I couldn't help grinning.
“And Benny, what brings you here? Did you come to pick me up from training?” Daniel grinned at me.
“Um, actually I came to pick up Seani.”
“Seani?” Daniel raised one eyebrow and, as he stood there, looked like he was competing with Mr. Spock. He then continued, ‘What a shame, and I thought you came for me?”
“For what? You have a girlfriend who will surely take you up in a moment.”
“Boahh, stop it!’ Daniel made a dismissive hand gesture and jogged off.
I turned to Seani.
“What's up with him?”
“I guess he's tired of his girlfriend – she's probably being pretty annoying.”
“Who wants a girlfriend?”
Seani froze and looked at me thoughtfully.
“How long have you been calling me Seani?”
Well, actually I didn't mean to, it just slipped out after Jason kept calling Sean that on the phone.
I lowered my head and whispered, “Jason.”
Panic! That's probably the most appropriate word to describe Sean's facial expression.
“You know Jason? How?”
“He called earlier and wanted to talk to you and, well, we just started talking.”
“And what did you talk about?”
“About you!”
“Yes, I know, but what exactly?”
The little one was getting more and more nervous and I would have liked to have held him, just as he was standing there now, totally sweaty and infinitely helpless.
What should I say to him? The assumption I had? I tried another way.
“Relationship?”
Sean Kaiser (a few hours ago)
My alarm clock rang and I went over to Benny's room to get into the bathroom. Quietly, I opened the door and saw Benny lying in bed, fast asleep. What a sight! His cute tousled head was on the pillow, the duvet pulled up to his nose. I just couldn't take my eyes off him and in an automatic reaction I kissed him on the forehead. I just had to. Benny moved his head and mumbled my name in his sleep. I was slightly startled, thinking he had felt something and woke up from it. I didn't dare move, or even breathe. Relieved, I saw that he would probably still sleep until he started mumbling again. So he talks in his sleep – how cute! I could hardly understand what he was saying, as he had a heavy Hamburg slang on it. Especially at that moment. I understood only fragments of what he mumbled: Sean, kiss m., yuck... love, please, so much and the rest was undefinable grumbling. But what I had heard was enough to trigger a wave of jubilant thoughts in me. Still in the shower, I came up with the most fantastic things I would do with Benny. Would I let him fidget until he came to me on his own? Or would I just walk up to him and kiss him passionately on the mouth, just to see his bewildered expression? I had so many options open to me, but the best thing was that Benny had a crush on me. I felt like I was on cloud nine, it was incredible! In a good mood, I finished showering and blow-drying my hair and entered Benny's room again. He was now awake.
“Hello, sleepyhead!” I greeted him.
“Hello, enemy of sleepyheads!” I got again. Sssnnnooosch! From the cloud into the deepest crater and all within a second. I didn't understand it and said to Benny:
“How enemy? I thought we were friends?”
Just get out of here! I almost ran out into the hallway, but Benny was faster and grabbed me by the arm.
“Wait! I didn't mean it like that, of course we're friends! You misunderstood me, I was just referring to you waking me up, nothing more.”
While I kept my head bowed the whole time, I saw his boner, which couldn't be missed in his shorts. And I just had to grin.
“Yes! I see!“ And pointed to his shorts. I think that if I had been in his situation, I would have been a bit embarrassed. But Benny?
“Oh, my morning wood! I sometimes have it, luckily I'm wearing these shorts,” he just grinned at me coolly.
“Wow! You're cool. I'd probably have sunk into the ground in your place!”
“Why? It's quite normal, isn't it? Don't you ever have a morning wood?”
“Um, of course I do.”
Once we had settled that, I went downstairs to eat breakfast. Leif was already sitting at the table and greeted me.
I've got along very well with Leif so far. We didn't see each other that often, but when we did, we always had a lot of fun. I know from Benny that Leif is quite a loner, but I couldn't really believe that. He was way too relaxed with me for that. We fooled around a lot and Leif was basically much more relaxed than his brother. Although I now knew why Benny sometimes seemed a bit uptight. And why not talk to Leif about it?
“Say, Leif, could it be that Benny's gay?”
Leif looked at me with wide eyes.
“You figured that out so quickly? Not bad!”
“Well, not exactly, but your brother talks in his sleep!”
Leif spurted the milk he had just drunk over half the table.
“It was bound to happen that he would blurt it out in his sleep. Awesome!” Leif now became more serious and looked at me thoughtfully before speaking, ”And what about you? You fell in love with Benny, didn't you?”
“Yes, I did! If only he wasn't so damn cool!”
“Who? My brother? Well, I think I have to tell you a story about that!”
Leif then told me the story of how he caught Benny jerking off and then Benny slipped and was lying in front of him. We doubled over with laughter and just then Benny burst into the kitchen.
“What are you laughing at?”
“Oh, brother, Sean was just telling me how you reacted so cool to your mola.”
“And?“ You could really see how Benny was getting more and more nervous.
“Well, then I told him how my oh-so-cool big brother reacted when I caught him jerking off.” No sooner had he finished this sentence than Leif leaned back in his chair with relish to watch the spectacle that was about to unfold.
You could be nasty to Leif. I had to pull myself together hard not to laugh. But this sight was just too funny. You could really count the seconds in which Benny became more and more restless and nervous. The poor guy! It was still funny.
“Yes, all right! Look, Sean, I'm not who you think I am. I'm different now! Um, oh, I don't know.”
“Huh?” Now I was the one who was surprised. What was this, a coming out in front of me or what?
“Well, Sean,” it was Leif again who took the initiative, ”Benny is the shyest person and at the same time the kindest person you can imagine. Even if he is sometimes very, very strange.”
I grinned quietly to myself and just thought that I already knew what kind of strange person Benny is.
The morning training always started at 10 a.m. and lasted 1 1/2 hours. Most mornings, only fitness training was on the agenda. So, stretching first and then jumping and running exercises, mostly with the ball. One of the first differences to the training I had in the States was that here they really only worked with the ball. In the past, there was often monotonous training, but here the exercises were constantly changing. For example, the good old wheelbarrow that everyone knows. In the past, it was boring up and down hopping, but here poles were set up and each wheelbarrow had a ball in front of it, which it then had to maneuver around these poles in a slalom. This served to improve coordination and team spirit, because the person behind had to steer the person in front by holding their legs. At the beginning it was hard for me, because I first had to get used to the workload, but in the meantime it worked. Also thanks to the team, who had welcomed me very openly. With one or two players there was trouble at the beginning because they were afraid for their starting place. They fouled me harder than necessary when tackling.
I then gave it back to them and they quickly realized that I wouldn't put up with that kind of thing. That was it, with the rest of the team there were and are no problems. Of course, you get along better with some than with others, but that's normal with 26 different guys.
I somehow got on well with Daniel Berg straight away. He's a really nice person who you just have to get along with. He's always in a good mood and up for a laugh.
Between the two training sessions, there was lunch and massages or recovery in the fatigue pool, which I always enjoyed, not only because Daniel usually sat next to me.
The afternoon training then usually consisted of tactical things like moves, set pieces, defensive behavior, training games and so on. After the cool down, training was usually over by 4 p.m.
I was just running when Daniel, next to me, and we heard a murmur from the onlookers. We both turned to see what was going on, and there was Benny riding his bike onto the training ground. Strange! That was the first time I saw him here at all and I already thought that he just wouldn't be interested in football. I found it even stranger that Daniel knew him, because as soon as he saw him, he ran over to him beaming with joy. It was Daniel who reached Benny first. I just heard him call him a mascot. I understood less and less and must have looked like I didn't understand because the two explained what it was about.
“And Benny, what brings you here? Did you want to pick me up from training?” Daniel said to Benny.
“Um, actually I wanted to pick up Seani.”
Seani? Only Jason ever called me that, and I felt a slight dizzy spell coming on.
“Seani?” Daniel's eyebrow went up and wondered about this address until he continued, ‘It's a shame and I thought you were coming for me.”
“What for? You have a girlfriend who will take you away in a second.”
“Boahh, just stop it!’ Daniel made a dismissive hand gesture and jogged away from us.
Benny turned to me and asked,
“What's up with him?”
“He's probably tired of his girlfriend – she's probably getting on his nerves.“ I'd known for a while that Daniel was having trouble with his Tussnella; she was probably taking up so much of his time that he hardly had any left for other things.
“Who wants a girlfriend?” Benny replied. I almost choked on my own spit.
“Since when do you call me Seani?”
Actually, my question should sound quite inconsequential but the answer was quite something.
Very quietly, almost whispering, Benny replied: “Jason.”
Kaawwwuuummm! It hit me and almost knocked me off my feet. Shit! How did he know Jason? And did Benny now think that I was still together with Jason? It sent a cold shiver down my spine.
“You know Jason? How?”
“He called earlier and wanted to talk to you and well, we just started talking.”
“And what did you talk about?”
“About you!”
“Yeah, I know, but what exactly?”
I just had to know everything! Now that I know that Benny is gay, I didn't want to lose him because of such bullshit.
“Relationship?”
“I'm not with Jason anymore!” It came out of my mouth like a shot from a pistol.
Benny grinned from ear to ear. That ass! He didn't know anything and tried to draw me out like that. Yes, I knew something already, I already knew that Benny was gay, but not from me, did he?
“You little bitch!” I shouted and threw myself on him to tickle him.
“Stop, please, have mercy!”
He squealed miserably a few times until I let him go.
“Well, tickled enough by the master?”
I then helped him up while he provocatively smelled my jersey and grimaced in disgust.
“Boa ey, you stink like a whole herd of sheep!”
So I took him in a headlock. Benny gasped and laughed at the same time.
After we calmed down a bit, we both lay on the floor next to each other.
“Duuu?” came from Benny.
“Hmm?”
“Have you been together for long? You and Jason?”
“No, just a few weeks and then Europe happened.”
I knew that Benny wouldn't give up, so I told him the whole story with Jason.
Thoughtfully, he looked at me and then finally said:
“It must be pretty shitty for Jason, the whole situation.”
“It wasn't exactly easy for me either.”
“But it didn't sound like that.”
“How should it sound? Should I walk around here crying all day?”
“No, that's not what I meant! Was it not the greatest love either?”
Was it love at all? What is love? Can you feel it when you've fallen in love? I had no idea. Did I love Benny?
I just knew that I liked being with him and that I missed him when he wasn't around. Was that love?
We lay there in silence for a while, I knew that I didn't have to answer his question, sometimes silence means more than any spoken word.
Saturday – barbecue evening Benjamin Degen
The evening was a great success. The players came with their wives or girlfriends and were really relaxed for a change.
Daniel came alone, which didn't really surprise me, and so the three of us usually sat together. He told us about his relationship and what went wrong. I was a little surprised how casually he could talk about it.
“Women are so shitty, first they act like they want to go to bed with you three times a day and then they have a headache and prefer to go shopping, of course at our expense, and in the evening they even grumble when you want to go out alone, brrr. I'll just say one thing: keep your hands off those creatures.”
“My words.”
“And you, Benny, don't have an opinion at all, do you?”
I grinned nastily to myself and shook my head with laughter.
“Hmm, nope!”
“Oh man, another womanizer.”
“Nah, probably the opposite.” Daniel just looked at me questioningly and I almost burst with laughter.
While I was still giggling, the two were talking about soccer, which didn't interest me at the moment. A little tipsy from the alcohol, I said goodbye to the two of them and went to bed.
I couldn't fall asleep right away, which is more the rule than the exception for me, since I'm basically quite a daydreamer, and then I start spinning stories that have nothing in common with reality.
I dreamt that I felt Sean's hand on my stomach, gently stroking the hairline just below my belly button, and I got goosebumps and Sean whispered something in my ear that I couldn't understand. Why couldn't I understand it, after all it was my brain that came up with it, wasn't it? Hmm, strange. I must have fallen asleep after all, and now I tried to wake up, which I then managed to do.
Still completely drowsy, I felt a real body behind me, entwining me and holding me tight with its arms. What was going on here? Now wide awake, I turned to this real person, to finally look into the two cutest eyes in this universe, Sean's. I was about to say something when he put his fingers on my mouth and told me to shut up. I just enjoyed what happened next, my first sex with another human. Damn, what a fuss I had made about it before: What if I was too clumsy? What if my dick was too small or too big for him? What if I was too thin or too fat for him? What if he wanted to do things to me that I wasn't ready for? What if a piece of frozen shit from an airplane hit us? Is it because I'm from northern Germany and therefore always worry so much, as we are often accused of? No idea, that night I must have switched to southern European and just let myself go. It was beautiful, I oriented myself to Sean, we laughed, we were just horny for each other, without a brain, everything switched off, we surrendered to our urges.
The next morning, or was it already noon? I had completely lost my sense of time. We picked up where we left off during the night, only this time we were decidedly slower, more tender, more overwhelming, the initial curiosity was satisfied – what followed was the free program. We blew each other in the “69” position and both came at the same time, which triggered an incredible feeling of togetherness in me. Yes, Sean and I were a couple! Everything else was insignificant, only we mattered, only we are important, our relationship!
How wrong I was at that time, I didn't know yet.
We spent the day at the Isar like two teenage lovers, which we were, more fiddling with each other than looking at the area, we went for a walk, always thinking about the fact that we would be separated for a week from tomorrow because of the training camp.
Sean slept in my room that night, too. My dad, who wanted to wake Sean that morning, found an empty room and ran straight to mine to give me the message. He opened my door, saw us cuddled up together, walked backwards out, not without saying his piece:
“Sean, when my son lets you go, I expect you at the breakfast table – the plane won't wait!” My door closed almost silently.
“And, son of my trainer, can you let go of me?”
“Never!”
“Hmm, then I'll get fired and you'll have to support me.”
“If you then do the housework?” I was still able to ward off the first pillow that was to hit me. ‘Former soccer star spotted taking out the trash.’ The second pillow then hit me squarely.
We fooled around at the table for quite a while until it was time: the FC Bayern pick-up service was at the door, I helped the two of them stow the bags and said goodbye to my dad, only to then kiss my new, and first, friend goodbye. Shit, that already hurt, even though he hadn't even left yet. I didn't want to! Not now! I needed Sean! Garbage! My brother, who was standing next to me with a knowing smile, then said:
“Well, did you and Sean finally work it out?”
“What? Um, yes, why?”
“Nothing, it took long enough.”
“Pardon?”
“You're just a bit ditzy sometimes, but otherwise quite okay.”
“Oh, thanks.” Is that supposed to be my brother? The super shy one I once knew? I no longer understood the world. Shit, my hormones or whatever else is responsible for this, were entering a dangerous phase. Please don't cry in front of my little brother! I turned away from him so that he couldn't see my tears and stomped back into the house, alone. Shit! What was I doing here alone? Without Sean?

Continue reading..

Information Inclination
Posted by: WMASG - 12-26-2025, 02:12 PM - Replies (1)

Actually, it was an evening like many others during the week. The whole group was sitting together in the kitchen playing cards while something to eat was being prepared.
There was chatter about everything under the sun, and yet today was a little different! Today HE was there and if I hadn't warned him about the sharp tongues of my friends, HE would certainly have turned around on the doorstep.
I had met him about two weeks ago. I had just finished cleaning the darkroom. I wanted to take a break outside and almost ran into HIM.
We got to talking and quickly realized that we had a lot in common. The same music, the same movies, similar clothes, the same food, you'd think we were one and the same person.
We were both slim and slightly muscular, had short hair and striking eyes.
I had spent every second of my free time with him in the last two weeks and had fallen deeply in love with him. Surely it hadn't gone unnoticed in the shared flat and now they wanted to finally meet him.
I was a little nervous, because after all, it was a very close friendship between us. We weren't a couple yet, and to be honest, I didn't even know if he was into men at all.
You couldn't necessarily tell that I was gay. After all, I was very heterolike. Still, people suspected it because of my job. I was a partner in three businesses here in the city.
There was a darkroom, an only men's restaurant and an only men's disco. There was always a lot to do and actually my time was much too short for a relationship.
There was a danger that he would meet someone else. That's why I made sure that I really sacrificed every free minute for him.
We had time and it didn't have to come to a relationship immediately. I really enjoyed the harmony and closeness. Small gestures that meant a lot.
For example, when he simply massaged my shoulders because I was once again totally tense. After all, that was his job and he was absolutely great at it. Or when I cheekily just sat on his lap because there was no other place available when we were sitting with his friends.
I was just being myself and it suited me. It didn't come across as a come-on or even as gay.
Nevertheless, I had my thoughts. Was it just friendship for HIM?
*~*
Freshly showered and perfectly styled as always, I was about to fry dinner. The others were already sitting at the table together playing cards.
Crasy, whose real name was Karl, our crazy punk, was sitting at the table with Ben, our quietest member of the group. They were playing cards with Sascha, our emo. The five of us lived in a big house that I had inherited from my parents when I turned eighteen.
Unfortunately, they had passed away early and I had grown up with my uncle, who ran the business. When I came of age, I also became a partner and after training as a hairdresser, which I completed in two years, I started working.
Now I was just twenty-one years old and already fully in the business. Most of the time I ran everything by myself because my uncle had business in another city that he also had to take care of.
Mike, my best friend, was like my big brother. He was the cool biker, a head taller than me and five years older. My watchdog and always there for me when I had problems.
We had it all, really. Mike was totally straight. Sascha was also straight, although he once confessed to me that he wouldn't kick me out of bed. Crazy and Ben were bisexual and I was gay.
I was tired after a double shift and all the paperwork, but I also took care of a lot of the household and cooking.
Mike stood next to me and grinned broadly. Any moment now, the doorbell would ring.
“JJ, take it easy,“ Mike said.
“Micky! Don't be a pain!” I grumbled from the side. My real name was James Jessy, the middle name was my mother's first name, and since I didn't like James and Jessy was too feminine, everyone called me JJ (pronounced in English).
My eyes nervously flicked to the clock, which was ticking ever closer to six o'clock.
*-*-*
I had been back in Germany for about half a year, back from America, where I had completed an internship abroad.
I had taken my best friend Lee, whom I had met in America, with me directly from there, or rather, he had come with me, and we now lived in my large three-room condominium in a kind of shared flat.
Lee Scott was a native American. He was twenty-five years young, 1.85 m tall and of slim, athletic build. He had a big mouth when it came down to it and so fast nobody fooled him. He also didn't put up with anything.
Since he spoke four other languages, French, Japanese, Korean and Italian, perfectly and fluently, in addition to his own, he now worked here as an interpreter.
He was my best friend, my advisor and sometimes also my protector. I could always rely on him.
I had opened my own massage studio here, which was doing very well, and I was the boss. My two employees, Jonas and Roman, had very quickly become very good friends of mine.
I knew from Jonas that he was my age, gay and living with a man. He was quite cheeky, but also very funny, which made me laugh out loud on many occasions.
Roman was a year younger than me and single. He just didn't want a relationship; he found them too exhausting. He was very quiet and studious. But he was good to talk to and a very good listener.
Everything was going well until about two weeks ago when a guy who looked almost exactly like me almost ran into me.
We got along very well very quickly and found that we had some similarities.
With one exception! I was not quite as wired as he and he behaved very strangely to me in part. However, I had no plan what that should and made me no great thoughts about it. So I took it just as it and did it as wired? cute.
My name is Derek Draven, also called DD (English). I am twenty-four years young, have short dark brown hair and steel-blue eyes. Physically I am 1.80 m tall and of slim, slightly muscular build.
For today, JJ, that's the name of my new friend, had invited me to his place at 6 o'clock.
As he thought, I would probably meet the other tenants and they would get to know me. Well, he had already warned me about them? that they were quite critical and had sharp tongues.
Without further ado, I decided to take my best friend Lee with me for support. He had agreed and I was glad not to have to go there alone.
Of course, I had informed JJ via text message that I would be bringing someone with me so that he would not be too surprised.
When I came home from work, Lee was already ready, so only I had to get ready.
I quickly ate a snack, then went to the bathroom, showered, took care of myself and then got dressed in my room. Of course, I styled my hair perfectly, as always, and put on a few accessories. A little perfume and I was ready.
“Shall we go?” I asked my best friend.
“Sure, come on.”
Together we left my apartment, got into the car and I drove to the address given, which was not so hard to find.
We got out of the car, I locked it, then we walked towards the big house, nodded at each other and I pressed the doorbell.
*-*-*
When the bell rang, I pressed the ladle for the pan into Mike's hand and rushed to the door. I was already excited and very nervous as I opened the door.
Then I fell around DD's radiant neck and hugged him, while I shook hands with Lee and grinned at him.
“It's great that you're here,“ I said and kissed both of them on the cheek, close to their lips. It was just my way and I always greeted them like that.
“Come in!” I added and pulled DD along with me by the hand. I squeezed his hand firmly, wanting to show him who my friends were, but also that I was nervous. I knew that he understood me without words.
We then entered the kitchen together and Mike, who had already met both of them, smiled broadly and greeted them by shaking their hands.
The others also introduced themselves politely when we approached the table and shook hands one after the other.
“Why don't you sit down?” I said to Lee and DD, while I let go of DD's hand and went back to my meal.
Crasy looked at DD and whispered something in Ben's ear, who was sitting right next to him: ”No wonder JJ likes him. He's just as cute as he is.”
Then he had to giggle and got a dirty look from me.
Mike, meanwhile, was talking to Lee in another language to improve his French, as he usually did when they met.
Now the meal was ready and I placed the large pan on the table. Plates and cutlery were also handed out.
I sat down on the corner bench, close to DD. It was a bit cramped, but also very cozy with so many people eating.
“Well, then, bon appetit!” I wished and grinned at DD.
The first step had been taken and so far it had gone quite harmlessly. I hoped it would stay that way.
*-*-*
Jeez, as soon as the door opened, I had JJ hanging around my neck, which caused Lee to smirk cheekily, but I just rolled my eyes. How could you be so wound up?
But I didn't want to be so grumpy and I also gave him a short hug, but immediately let go of him again.
“I'm also happy to be here,” I replied to JJ's greeting in my very deep but gentle voice.
And as if that wasn't enough, JJ now also took me by the hand and led me to the kitchen to the others, where we greeted the others. Lee followed us obediently.
We greeted the others and shortly after Lee was taken over by Mike, both talked in French, of which I did not understand too much.
I checked out the situation here first, before I joined the action. However, I looked again and again slightly jealous to Lee and Mike, because Lee seemed, as always when we met, to get along very well with Mike.
I didn't say too much at the moment though.
So I began to regret that I had brought Lee with me. He was my friend, not Mike's! I couldn't take my eyes off the two of them, and I was almost afraid of missing something.
However, I was repeatedly distracted by JJ. My jealousy remained and I could hardly hide it. Crazy Ben had whispered something in his ear and had to laugh. However, I didn't quite understand the reason, because my thoughts were somewhere else – with Lee and this “Mike”.
I tried not to let it show too much, but I only succeeded to a limited extent. I would certainly have a word with Lee afterwards. Finally the meal was served and we sat down. It was very cramped, but it worked. JJ was sitting on one side and Lee was sitting next to me on the other.
I nodded when JJ wished us all bon appétit, as did Ben, Sascha, everyone else, and my Lee. But since I had already eaten at home, I didn't take too much of the food and allowed myself plenty of time before I slowly began to eat.
Again and again I looked at everyone in turn, my gaze repeatedly lingering on Lee and Mike.
*-*-*
I only had eyes for DD. I didn't really notice that he looked at Lee more than at me. My rose-colored glasses fit perfectly and couldn't really be taken off. The fact that Mike and Lee got along so well made me wonder. I could have sworn that Mike was more than straight. But as the saying goes: Everyone is a bit bi!
The meal was quickly consumed and while I was still clearing up, the cards were already being shuffled for a new game.
“But JJ isn't playing!” I heard Crazy say. He knew exactly how well I could play and that I always won.
I cheekily stuck out my tongue at him: ”I'm still busy anyway!”
First of all, I had to do the dishes and, as always, no one helped. They were all lazy; even Mike was much too busy with Lee.
*-*-*
The meal had tasted really good, even though I couldn't get much down. Of course, I had also noticed how JJ kept looking at me, but I was only concerned with my jealousy and watched Lee and Mike closely.
After dinner, the others wanted to play cards, but I didn't feel like it at all. My eyes were more or less glued to my best friend.
To distract myself a little, I helped JJ clean up and do the dishes. But I didn't talk; my thoughts were somewhere else anyway.
They all seemed very nice, at least as far as I could tell so far. Only Mike was a thorn in my side.
*~*
In the meantime, Lee had noticed that DD wasn't talking as much as usual and that something seemed to be very wrong with him. So he excused himself briefly to Mike and went over to DD.
“DD, would you come with me, please? I think we need to talk.”
DD nodded and went with Lee briefly before the door.
*-*-*
I was totally glad that DD helped me with the clearing up. He understood me without words, which is why we didn't speak. A smile or nod was enough and everything was fine. However, when Lee took DD away from me, I didn't understand the world anymore.
Something was not right here. Mike came over to me and helped me with the dishes, after Lee had of course said that it was totally okay if he went out briefly. Lost in thought, I fished around in the dishwater.
“Are you going to catch something today?” Mike joked.
“Micky!“ I scolded and kept looking at the door.
“Lee won't eat DD and will surely bring him back to you in one piece,” Mike winked at me.
A sigh escaped my lips and I took a dirty plate and washed it clean.
*-*-*
Once outside, Lee looked me in the eye and asked:
DD, what's the matter with you, hm??
Nothing, what should be the matter??
Yes, you think I didn't notice that something is wrong with you? You hardly talk, constantly look at Mike and me. So, do you want to talk to me??
What should I tell you? It's nothing.?
Why are you lying to me, hm??
I looked at Lee first, then I looked at the floor.
I was just thinking, but it wasn't anything bad.
Oh, and that's why you kept looking over at us?
Um, it wasn't intentional, I promise, I tried to talk my way out of it.
Okay, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt this time, but please change that. I mean, JJ is your friend and the others here are really nice too and they don't deserve for you to keep to yourself, okay?”
“Okay,” I replied, and then Lee took me in his arms and I snuggled up against him a little, but only briefly, not wanting to draw too much attention to myself.
We went back inside and I tried my best not to let anything show on my face.
*-*-*
Finally they came back inside and Mike went out on the terrace for a smoke. I finished the dishes and put everything away in the cupboards.
“Do you want to get some fresh air too?” I asked DD, looking him directly in the eye.
I would have loved to drag him upstairs with me, where we would have been alone, without the others. But that would have been a bit stupid. Tired, I had to rub my eyes; the double shift was making itself felt.
“DD, you should let JJ sleep at night sometime,” Crazy said cheekily, and I just looked at DD, shaking my head.
Luckily I had warned him, otherwise he might have thought who knows what.
*-*-*
While Lee sat down at the table with the others and played cards with them, I nodded in agreement to JJ.
“Okay, let's get some fresh air,” I answered his question.
I grinned at Crazy's comment and replied,
“Let's see what can be done.” and looked him cheekily in the eye before I caught JJ's gaze and knew what he was trying to tell me.
Of course it was just a joke on my part and I thought to myself that it was just a joke from Crasy too. After all, my heart only beat for Lee, but he didn't know that and I would never be able to tell him. So I would continue to torture myself, and the fact that we lived under the same roof unfortunately didn't make things any better.
JJ was a very good friend to me, a bit eccentric, but somehow cute and very handsome, and he had incredibly beautiful eyes. If I hadn't been so infatuated with Lee, JJ would have been right up my street.
And maybe? hmm? no? I quickly dismissed the thought? didn't even think it through.
Finally, I went out with JJ and enjoyed the fresh, clear air?
*-*-*
Once outside, Mike quickly finished his cigarette and rejoined the others, sitting down next to Lee. Somehow there was something wrong with DD, because whenever he was with Lee, it was somehow weird.
Do you want to talk about it?, I asked, because I noticed that something was bothering you.
I looked DD directly in the eye, unsure of myself. I wanted him to know that he could trust me completely. I lovingly put my hand on his upper arm as a small gesture. I was always tormented when DD wasn't feeling well, and I wanted certainty. Things were going very well between us and I was enjoying it. It could stay that way for a while.
After years of changing men like my underwear, I was now very sure that I finally wanted something permanent.
*-*-*
I listened to JJ and thought about it. However, I somehow couldn't really open up.
“Nothing's bothering me. It just seems that way, don't worry. If something were wrong, I would tell you,” I replied, lying to myself once again and to my friend on top of that.
I didn't know exactly whether I could trust JJ; I hadn't known him that long, after all. I knew that he wouldn't say anything to Lee, but I just couldn't really confide in him yet.
His hand on my upper arm felt good and somehow he made me feel like I could trust him... but then what? Should I really dare?
? Alright, you want to know?. Okay, I just lied to you and to myself? it's because of? Lee? I love him, you see. But I can't tell him? I can't. He's the best friend I've ever had. He's my advisor? and sometimes also my protector. But I can't tell him that I love him? I fell in love with him the moment I saw him. But he must never know, and he never will,? I explained to JJ, lowering my head.
What would JJ think of me now? My insecurity grew? now that I had practically come out.
*-*-*
Suddenly my soap bubble burst and everything fell off my face. I had expected everything under the sun, but not that!
I would have loved to write, cry, rage, whatever, to let off steam. But I remained calm and didn't show anything.
I quickly wiped away a tear where DD was still looking at the ground and leaned with my arms crossed against the small stone wall that was in front of us. I looked out into the distance, let my gaze wander.
“I understand you. That's really difficult!” I replied to him. My voice was very calm, maybe even more composed than usual and very serious.
But you mean a lot to him, too, that's clear. If you want my advice, don't hide it any longer. If you wait too long, someone else might snatch him up!” I added after a pause, putting a lot of feeling into the words.
Why had I remained silent? Had I remained silent the whole time? Maybe I had sensed it? Now I didn't want to say it anymore. At least not at that moment. Maybe sometime?
Now I looked DD directly in the face, put on a mask, smiled at him.
“He won't find out from me! You'll have to do it yourself! Dare to do it!”, I advised him.
He should be happy and get what he longed for.
If you never dare, how will you know? And even if he doesn't return your love, which I don't think he will, you've been friends for so long that you should be able to handle it! I added before looking out into the distance again and enjoying the fresh air.
*-*-*
While JJ was talking, I shook my head negatively. But I listened to the end of what he said and advised me. Then I replied in a calm voice.
“No, no, I can't do that. I want him to be happy and I don't want to stand in his way. I guess I'll stay alone.”
Of course, I noticed how calm JJ suddenly became, and I realized that something was not quite right with him either. So I leaned against the wall, right next to him. I looked at him, then I looked into the distance.
Would you like to tell me what's bothering you, too? I can tell that you have something on your mind, too. I mean, we're friends and I just opened up to you, too. I'd like to listen to you, too, I offered.
I couldn't know what was really going on with him, but I wanted to at least listen to him, if he would let me.
*-*-*
As if by itself, I leaned my head on his shoulder and enjoyed the closeness he gave me.
“I just want you to be happy! You're putting obstacles in your own way!” I answered him.
There was no other way, because I couldn't tell him yet. Instead, I just enjoyed his closeness and security.
“Besides, I'm pretty exhausted from today,” I added, yawning.
Then I stretched and yanked myself. It had cooled down a bit by now and I looked at DD questioningly.
“Do you want to go back inside?”
*-*-*
Hm? What more could I say? Nevertheless, I sensed that something was bothering him, but I didn't press the issue, not wanting to harass him.
Besides, it felt nice to have him leaning against me and seemingly enjoying it.
“I understand you. Go ahead, I would like to stay here a little longer, if it's okay,“ I replied calmly.
“I think we'll go home soon, too,” I added quietly.
Then I looked further into the distance and a few small tears ran down my face, but I hid my face from JJ, didn't want him to have to worry.
*-*-*
Then I'll stay too!, I decided. However, I didn't look at DD, but further into the distance.
I let my head rest on his shoulder, really enjoying it. Then I just kept quiet and looked at the sky. Slowly it began to dawn and you could see the first bats.
A magnificent natural spectacle presented itself to us and I was glad that he was there. It's a shame that his heart already belonged to someone else. Still, I wanted to take all I could get, even if it was just to be near him.
*-*-*
I just nodded in agreement and enjoyed him leaning against me. Still, the tears would not stop. I was in agony as I stared ahead and wished I could just disappear, which of course wasn't possible.
Finally I wiped the tears away as if they were pesky flies and pulled myself together.
*~*
Meanwhile, Lee realized that DD had been gone for quite a while and asked around.
“Say, do you know where DD disappeared to?”
“I think he's outside with JJ. I'm not sure though.”
“Hm? Yes, thank you. I'll go take a look,” said Lee, and got up.
Sascha then said:
“Well, leave them alone, maybe they have something important to discuss.“ and had to grin a little.
Lee looked at Sascha a little aghast? slightly confused?
“Well, if you think so,” he replied, but had his own thoughts about it and would probably have to talk to him later when they got home.
But for now, he acted completely normal, just like he always was.
*-*-*
Mike grinned at Lee and then said in French: 'Tell me you haven't noticed the spark between the two of them yet?
He felt it was clear that something was going on between DD and JJ. Just like everyone else seemed to notice.
*~*
Outside I still enjoyed DD's presence, but I noticed that something was wrong. However, I remained silent.
“We could also go up to my room and listen to some music,” it occurred to me. Somehow I wanted to be alone with him, but it was very uncomfortable outside. For some reason, I also wanted to hold him and just hold on to him.
Maybe I was afraid of losing him?
*-*-*
Lee now started to laugh, after Mike's words.
“You don't seriously believe that DD wants something from JJ, do you? I don't? Honestly, I can't imagine it,” he replied, also in French.
In fact, he couldn't imagine it, because he didn't know that his friend was gay. He had never noticed anything like that about him, but now he was already worrying about it.
*~*
At JJ's suggestion to go to his room, I nodded in agreement, because it was also slowly becoming too uncomfortable and a bit too cold for me there.
'Well, let's go to your room,' I said quietly and with a reasonably calm voice.
I risked another look into the distance, then I turned to JJ and smiled gently at him, while I looked him directly in the eyes.
Somehow I felt alone and quite lonely at the moment, even though it wasn't the case. The initial joy of being here had now turned to sadness.
*-*-*
Mike grinned even wider and remained silent. He now devoted his attention to the cards and left it at his statement.
Maybe he was wrong and the crackling was just JJ who had gone out? Lee knew DD very well and what if he was right?
*~*
I just hugged DD so intensely, I didn't want to let go of him at all. But then I did and pulled him by the hand to the next door, so that we didn't have to go through the kitchen. Then I snuck up the stairs with him, all the way up to my room.
I left the light dim and turned on some music. My room was small but cozy. The only place to sit was on my bed, but that was just as well. I got something to drink from a mini-fridge and poured DD a drink, and one for myself.
There were lots of cushions on the bed, so I just sat down in the middle of them and made myself comfortable. I would have liked to just fool around with him like I usually did and forget everything that had just happened. But somehow I couldn't.
There was a strange mood in the air and I had to overcome that first. On the other hand, I longed to just hug him again and comfort him a little.
*-*-*
Lee also went back to playing cards and didn't show anything, which he was very good at. He was so good at repressing feelings that he seemed like an iceberg, which he truly wasn't.
But on the outside, he could appear as if he was, and that's exactly what he did at that moment.
Nobody could see behind his facade, he would never allow that!
*~*
“Thank you,” I whispered to JJ, as he gave me something to drink, and I took the glass in my hand.
At first I just looked into the glass, watched the liquid a little, how beautifully it was reflected. I almost began to dream. JJ had made himself comfortable on the pillows, but I didn't dare to do that, I just sat there and didn't know what to say.
The mood and the tension between us was almost unbearable for me, who was actually an emotional person. I took a deep breath in and out? and finally burst into tears after all? I didn't want to, but I just couldn't stop it anymore? the tears just ran down my eyes? then dripped quietly and lonely to the ground.
*-*-*
Wow, hey?, I said, startled. I quickly put my glass down and took DD's in my hands too, put it away.
Then I just took him in my arms and let myself fall back into the pillows with him.
“Shhh? It's okay,” I tried to calm him down and gently stroked his back. It almost broke my heart to see him like this, and I was overcome.
Very gently and lovingly, I began to kiss away his tears, one by one. I don't know if it was the mood here, the music, the dim light, but I just couldn't control myself anymore.
I just wanted to comfort DD and show him how much I liked him.
*~*
Meanwhile the others continued playing cards and didn't even realize what was going on upstairs.
They drank, laughed and talked about everything under the sun. Lee was just part of it, as if he sat with them every evening.
*-*-*
Keeping his poker face, Lee won one game after the other. But his facial expression didn't change at all. He came across as ice-cold, although he did give a brief grin every now and then, but that was it.
He felt quite comfortable here, but he wanted to go home again at some point, because he was slowly getting a little tired too. Besides, he had already had quite a bit to drink, which made him even more tired now and he could hardly keep his eyes open anymore.
*~*
Just then, I was overcome by sadness, and I couldn't stand the tension and this depressed mood any longer. I cried when JJ paid attention to me, hugged me and fell into the pillows with me.
He began to kiss away my tears and I just let it happen, as if there were no tomorrow. Suddenly it seemed as if I couldn't get enough of him, as if that was what I wanted, but was it really?
I let myself go, gave myself to him, and now I knew what he felt, sensed what had been oppressing him, and that he was probably gay too, like me. And I now also sensed what he very likely felt for me.
Because it was also clear to me that you don't try to comfort a friend with kisses and certainly not with kisses like that. Nevertheless, I now looked at him very surprised and with wide eyes, from which tears were still running, as if they had only aimed to be kissed away by him.
Fully aware of what he was doing and what I was allowing, I broke away from him and still looked at him wide-eyed and scrutinizingly, almost skeptically. With a voice choked with tears, but still very calm, I asked him:
What are you doing to me? What's the point of this? What would you do if I left you? What exactly do you feel for me? Talk to me, please! Tell me what's going on!
Sure, there were a lot of questions that I bombarded him with, but I wanted answers from him now! Even though I already suspected what was going on, I just wanted confirmation from him.
I wouldn't have been quiet before anyway.
*-*-*
Mike was happy for Lee that he had such a good hand. Nevertheless, he was also slowly getting tired and he would certainly not last much longer. Yawning, he broke away from the group and went for a smoke again.
*~*
I looked at DD, feeling depressed. Now I had given myself away.
You've got me there, I guess? No? I know that I've fallen in love with you. Only after you told me that you were in love with Lee, it was almost impossible for me to tell you, I explained.
Now I took my hands and wiped away his tears, I couldn't bear to see him like this.
*-*-*
Now?. yes, now I realized a lot, but he had now only confirmed what I had suspected anyway.
“I thought so,” I heard myself say and looked lovingly at JJ.
Oh dear, JJ, I'm so sorry. You feel the same as I do. We could actually team up on this, couldn't we?, I continued, enjoying his hands lovingly wiping away my tears from my face.
I moved up a little closer to him, took him in my arms and gently pressed him against me.
“Forgive me? I'm sorry. I like you, really, and actually you're totally my type. You're so sweet? a bit wound up? but totally cute. JJ, please give me a little time, okay. It's all a bit much at the moment,” I whispered, gently stroking his back.
I felt so sorry for him, because he felt the same way about me as I did about Lee.
*~*
Lee was now starting to yawn and said, “Well, I'll go see what's keeping DD. We should go home soon.”
Then he got up and went outside, hoping to find DD there.
*-*-*
“It's okay! I wanted to take my time anyway,” I said calmly, enjoying his embrace.
I just held him and stroked his back, enjoying the warmth he radiated.
“Everything's okay, don't worry about it. With all the work I have, I can't worry about anything anyway,” I added.
It was nice just to lie there with him and he hadn't rejected me, that felt really good. I had more than enough time.
*~*
Mike grinned at Lee: “Well, you're looking for DD? They're probably up in JJ's room! Come on, let's go see if we're disturbing anyone?”
Then he went up quietly with Lee and listened at the door first. Except for a little music, nothing could be heard, so he knocked tentatively.
*-*-*
I can't express how much I enjoyed this moment with JJ. I snuggled up to him, then I couldn't control myself anymore and just did what my heart told me to do... I looked lovingly into his eyes and began to kiss him tenderly.
I didn't hear the knocking at the door, did I? Did JJ not want to let go? As if he had taken me prisoner? Just like that.
All of a sudden, I felt so safe and loved with JJ. Was it him I had been missing all this time?
*~*
Lee had just nodded at Mike and had gone with him to JJ's room. He too listened at the door after Mike had knocked.
But he couldn't hear anything either, except for the soft music, but spoke through the door.
“DD?” ”DD, come on, open the door. I want to go home slowly.”
But still nothing happened.
'Well, I'll just go home alone then, if you don't want to come with me,' Lee said, and went back downstairs.
*-*-*
I was only too happy to return the intense kiss that DD gave me and didn't even notice the knocking. I didn't care about anything at the moment, I just wanted to enjoy the moment and gave myself completely.
Meanwhile Mike called after Lee to wait and just opened the door. What he saw then made him grin and he nodded to Lee, beckoning him back.
“Didn't I tell you!” he said quietly, pointing at us.
We were lying on the bed, tightly wrapped around each other, making out like there was no tomorrow, and we didn't even notice what was going on around us.
*-*-*
Lee actually saw the two of them lying in bed and making out? he would never have thought that. He shook his head at first, but didn't say anything. With a raised eyebrow, he looked at Mike.
“Thanks, that's enough,” which almost sounded a little jealous.
He then turned around, ran down the stairs and left the house, slightly angry and almost fleeing. It wasn't intentional that he hadn't said goodbye to anyone, he just wanted to get out of there.
*~*
I hadn't noticed the door opening, I just wanted to be with him at the moment... with JJ. A little shyly, I stroked his lips and asked for admission. Suddenly I couldn't let go of him anymore, held him tight in my arms and sent my hands wandering over his beautiful body... closing my eyes with relish.
*-*-*
Mike thought his part and would tell it later to the two, now he closed the door quietly and went to bed himself.
*~*
I hadn't noticed any of that either. My lips were much too busy with DD's and my hands were also caressing his body. At first still quite shy, since I could hardly believe it, then increasingly more forceful and aroused, I went forward.
I welcomed his tongue in my mouth and teased it directly with mine. I gave a blissful sigh into his mouth and could hardly contain myself. I was so glad that this was happening and I enjoyed it so much.
*-*-*
Lee had taken a taxi home and then angrily slammed the door shut.
He locked himself in his room and raged verbally. When he finally wanted to go to sleep, he couldn't fall asleep because he was too preoccupied with what he had seen.
He was jealous because he would have liked to be in JJ's place. He felt the same way as DD, who hadn't dared to tell him how he felt. Lee hadn't been able to either? hadn't dared.
So now it seemed as if he was the loser. Should he dare to talk to DD later? He wasn't sure.
*~*
I sensed that JJ wanted a little more? I wasn't averse either. So I continued to kiss him passionately for quite a while, but now I let my hands wander under his clothes and began to caress his naked skin. I pushed up his shirt and kissed my way down his body, leaving a wet trail on his skin with my tongue. I did everything extremely slowly, wanting to savor it, wanting to “eat” him.
Slowly, I began to undress him, exposing his body piece by piece. I drew fine lines on his body with my fingers and tickled him with my tongue. I no longer had myself under control.
Finally, I arrived at his waistband, first just unbuttoning the button, then sinking my tongue into his belly button while opening his trousers completely.
Very slowly and with relish, I took off his trousers, but still left his hands in his briefs. But my right hand was particularly inquisitive and felt the need to slide into his briefs and caress the sensitive skin there, while my mouth soaked through his briefs and explored his manhood through them.
Meanwhile, it was already quite tight in my pants, I could hardly control myself anymore.
*-*-*
I let out a soft hum, otherwise I was more of the quiet type during sex and just enjoyed it. Even now I just let myself go and go. My manhood had already straightened up and filled my panties completely. The glans was even already perky and wanted to come out at the side.
His hand in my panties drove me crazy and his mouth drove me crazy. It was as if my panties were on fire. Everything felt so incredibly horny, as if I were trapped in a dream from which I never wanted to wake up.
I gently ruffled DD's hair and pressed him harder against my stomach.
*-*-*
Smiling to myself, I noticed how much it excited JJ what I was doing. And I continued with what I was doing.
I noticed the tip emerging at the side and my tongue was cheeky enough to gently lick the glans, then let go of JJ briefly, freeing him from the last bit of fabric, so that he now lay naked before me and I caressed him while looking at him.
Again I bent down, lay down between his legs and began to satisfy him orally. I kissed the glans, licked the length of the penis and then took it briefly into my mouth, but let it slide out again immediately.
I did this again and again until I took it all into my mouth and began to suck. I didn't ignore his testicles either, which I also licked from time to time or massaged.
*~*
Meanwhile, Lee decided that since DD was somehow not coming home, he would travel back to his home country and he would not come back. He turned on his notebook and booked a ticket to America, more precisely to Miami, then he packed his things because he no longer had any business here.
Of course, he would probably have to talk to DD first, but what would be the point? He loved DD, who didn't know this, and he seemed to have lost out to JJ anyway.
Once his things were packed, he wrote DD another letter. In the letter, he revealed his feelings and disappointment to his “friend” that he seemed to have lost out to JJ. He also wrote that he had traveled back to Miami and would not be coming back.
He signed the letter with his name, then waited a moment before finally leaving the apartment for good. Tears ran down his cheeks? tears of unrequited love? of disappointment.
*-*-*
When DD now gave me oral sex, I began to toss my head wildly from side to side. Nevertheless, I remained calm, even though it was damn nice what he was doing to me. I had had so much sex before, but this time it was different. I had never been so much in love and so I couldn't control myself when it suddenly came to me.
I actually wanted to warn DD, but it happened so fast. Apologizing, I stroked his cheek and let the great feeling linger for a moment. Then I turned the tables. Pushing DD into the pillows, I grinned broadly.
Piece of clothing after piece of clothing fell to the floor, while I kissed and licked every inch of naked flesh that came to light. I even tortured the nipples a little by nibbling on them and then licking them apologetically. They were also pinched a little by my fingers.
When his pants finally hit the floor and DD was almost naked in front of me, I had to look at him for a moment before cheekily pushing down his briefs to reveal his manhood.
I started to work on it intensively. With relish, I sucked it into my mouth while rubbing it with my hand. Every now and then I licked DD's belly or testicles so that I could sink his manhood into my mouth again.
I was certainly enjoying it to the full, but I also had in the back of my mind that I still needed a little sleep before my alarm clock would ring way too early again for the double shift.
There was so much to do at the moment anyway that I was getting far too little sleep. But I skillfully ignored the screaming of my bed, because first I wanted to pamper my great love!
*-*-*
Wow, JJ had come off quite nicely and so I was not surprised that he reached his climax a little later. I swallowed what he had just let go of, looked at him and licked my lips lasciviously. I couldn't quite stop myself from grinning cheekily.
To my surprise, JJ now made a move on me. I let it happen and just let myself go. Enjoying, I closed my eyes, felt how he began to undress me? felt the rollercoaster between the slight pain and the pleasure that he gave me.
While one hand clutched in the bed cover, the other wanted to feel JJ, to caress. My mind had already left my body and my head was pressed frantically into the pillows, twisting back and forth, when I felt JJ at my manhood and then an incredibly pleasurable feeling overcame me.
My back was already arched when my hands clawed into the bedspread, so that my knuckles turned white, as the wave of lust and unbridled passion seized me and carried me away.
With an extremely excited and deep, smoky groan, I reached the summit of desire, of insatiable longing, and poured myself into my benefactor's mouth.
Panting, I now had to catch my breath again, because this was undoubtedly the best thing I had ever experienced.
*~*
After waiting for a while, Lee called a taxi, which arrived shortly afterwards and picked him up.
He looked around the place once more, as if he wanted to say goodbye to everything inside. Then he left the apartment, locked the door and threw the key into the mailbox. Then he left the house, got into a cab and went to the airport.
From now on, there would be no turning back. He and DD would probably never see each other again, which almost broke his heart.
*-*-*
Grinning, I swallowed everything that was pumped into my mouth and then lay down tiredly next to DD. Now I was completely finished with the world, I just wanted to go to sleep. But first I drank some more and pulled the blanket over me.
“Do you want to stay here?” I asked DD uncertainly. ”My alarm goes off very early though!”
I would love to snuggle up to him tonight, but on the other hand I would also let him sleep and we could meet tomorrow. In my mind, I was already standing in the doorway with him and couldn't get enough of the goodbye kiss.
*-*-*
After I had recovered a little, I snuggled up to JJ, caressing him tenderly. When he asked me, I just looked at him.
“I think I'd better go home. Lee is probably already home. I don't want him to worry about me. We can meet again some other time, if you like.”
I kissed him gently and lovingly after saying this. I then slowly got up, but first gathered my things together and got dressed. I could still shower at home.
Besides, you need your sleep and so do I,? I said after I had dressed and grinned at him.
*~*
Lee had already arrived at the airport and still had about two hours before the plane would take off and he would be gone forever. So he sat down in the airport lounge first? he hadn't even checked in his suitcase yet. He was just sad, just plain sad.

Continue reading..

Information Moonchild
Posted by: WMASG - 12-26-2025, 02:09 PM - Replies (1)

Prologue:

This story starts out very cruelly and may not be something for everyone. Yes, I have strong memories of it – at least in part. But here I gave the main character the chance to lead a better life. Something that unfortunately was partly denied to me.
Of course I don't deviate from my writing style, the homoeroticism, in this story either. However, there will be no detailed act? scenes here. This time I only hint at such scenes.
One of my favorite characters is of course part of the party and as expected, he is not doing very well for the time being. However, this phase doesn't last too long, because I can't stand, read, let alone write such scenes for too long. Why? Well, unfortunately I know such scenes from my own experience... it hasn't been so much different for me...
*-*-*
The characters Sephiroth, Genesis, Zack, Cloud and Angeal are and remain the property of Square Enix (Final Fantasy VII).
Of course, I have changed these four characters a lot here, in terms of their nature, all that will remain of them are their names.
And another thing: this story has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with Final Fantasy VII or other Final Fantasy games.
And please don't rip my head off when you read this, I still need my head.
And now, I hope you enjoy reading it.
*-*-*


Chapter 1:
A peaceful little village just outside of London. It was the dead of winter and, consequently, bitterly cold. The snow lay several centimeters thick on the streets and fields, while darkness covered the village like a veil.
The windows of the small village radiated comfort, warmth and wonderful lights. The small accessories hanging in the windows added to the atmosphere. Everyone in this village was happy and content and busy preparing for Christmas Eve, which was to take place in two days.
Unfortunately, not everyone was doing so well and not everyone was so happy.
*-*-*
“Damn it, where did that boy go again?”, a drunken woman called out questioningly to her equally drunk husband.
“How should I know where you sent him this time?!”
? Then you better go find him. He should bring me my beer, and on the double!?, the woman called back from the living room.?
Yes, yes, I'm on my way!?, the man replied irritably, went into the hallway and climbed a few steps.
The man quickly entered a small room, which looked more like a closet than a child's room, on the upper floor of the house, and slammed the door shut. He immediately grabbed the little four-year-old boy, who was sitting in a corner, completely frightened, by the hair and pulled him out of the corner. The little boy lay on the floor and looked up at his father, who then shouted at him:
“Didn't you hear, you rotten, depraved little brat?! Your mother wants her beer! Bring it to her, but hurry up! and slapped the little boy in the face with the flat of his hand, then kicked him and pulled him out of the room by his hair?down the stairs and into the kitchen?right in front of the fridge, he dropped the little boy.
But the little boy didn't cry. He hadn't had any tears for a long time. Because it was the same nasty game every day – he was no longer used to it.
Humbly, he got up from the floor, took the beer out of the fridge, brought it to his mother in the living room, and received no praise for it, but a strong slap in the face and a kick, just as always.
The same cruel abuse every day? Since he was two years old, the little boy was beaten, abused and deeply humiliated by his parents almost every day. He rarely had any peace and quiet from his parents.
Quietly and as inconspicuously as possible, the little boy left the living room again. Now he had his peace for the time being, he knew. So he took his little jacket from the coat hook in the hallway, pulled it over his battered little body and left the house. His parents wouldn't notice that he was gone now anyway.
Hungry, because he had not had anything to eat for three days, only a sip of water now and then, and freezing, because his thin little jacket could not protect him sufficiently from the biting cold, he walked through the streets of the village and looked at the beautiful colorful windows here and there, which were so wonderfully illuminated. How he longed for something he didn't really know: warmth, just a little warmth.
Bitterly weeping and sobbing, he ran on until he simply could not run anymore, because his little legs could no longer carry him. He sat down on a cold stone wall, in the wet, cold but soft snow, huddled up and tried to defy the cold. His tears, which ran silently down his little face, immediately froze into small glittering ice beads. And yet not a single sound came over his lips. Finally, darkness enveloped the small, delicate, emaciated body, as if in a cloak, and he tipped over to one side.
With his purchases finished and stowed in the car, the eighteen-year-old young man was just about to get into his car and drive back home to his parents when he noticed something dark by his car. Something or someone was leaning against the bumper. He bent down and saw that a small child was leaning against his car. He touched it gently and spoke softly:
“Hey, sweetheart, are you okay?“ Oh dear, you're as cold as ice,” he said more to himself than to the little girl.
Quickly, he opened the car, took out a warm, soft blanket, wrapped the child in it, lifted the little one up and carefully placed it on the back seat of his car. Then he gently strapped it in so that nothing could happen to him while driving.
He then got into the car, started the engine and drove as fast as he could and was allowed to, to the nearest hospital in London.
When he arrived, the little child was immediately examined in the emergency room. The pediatrician who was called knew the child already and asked the young man where he had found the little boy.
The young man, with long silver hair, told exactly and truthfully what had happened.
The doctor nodded and said:
“Young man, you have saved the life of this little boy. He would not have lasted much longer and would have frozen to death. The little boy is now four years old and has been regularly and horribly abused by his parents since he was two years old. He was therefore often brought here. The poor child? poor little Randir?, the doctor finished his explanation.
Please tell me: Why hasn't anyone done anything against these parents, if you can call them monsters, and reported them to the police?, the young man wanted to know further.
Allow me to ask you a counter-question. Who are you actually?, the doctor wanted to know.
My name is Sephiroth Crescent. But now please answer my question.,” the young man replied impatiently and rather irritably, as he didn't understand how ‘parents’ could do something like this to a small child.
We reported the parents many times, but every time the youth welfare office visited the parents, everything was fine. They could never be proven guilty. Another problem is that the youth welfare office has to announce itself before every home visit,” the doctor explained.
Then I'll report the parents one more time. And another thing: I'll take care of Randir in the future, if possible. And then he'll surely be happier, I can promise you that. Sephiroth spoke with determination and with a little rage in his voice that couldn't be overheard.
Yes, Sephiroth was angry, very angry about how someone could be so cruel to such a small child. He just couldn't understand it.
“Very well, then I'll make the necessary arrangements immediately. Thanks to you, the little one is doing quite well and if you like, you can take him with you right away. I'll just quickly get the medical certificate and a note, which I'll give to you right away. The youth welfare office would then also have to be informed, but I'm sure you know that.”
Sephiroth nodded and waited for the doctor in the treatment room.
While he waited for the doctor, he looked at little Randir and gently stroked his little head with the black hair. He gently touched the little one's hands as well, but the little one didn't seem to notice?
“You'll be fine with us, I promise you, my little one,” Sephiroth spoke gently and very softly.
The doctor entered the room again and handed Sephiroth the certificate and authorization for little Randir, and Sephiroth put the documents in his coat pocket.
“Doctor, tell me: is the little one really all right? Because he's not moving at all. I'm very worried about him,” Sephiroth asked the doctor anxiously.
“Don't worry, Randir is fine. He's just sleeping. Go home with him, keep him warm and take good care of him, and he'll be fine. However, I fear that his little soul has been damaged quite a bit. You should be very careful with him. He has been through a lot in his life so far.,” the doctor replied kindly, because he could already tell that this young man really cared about the little one and he knew that Randir would be fine from now on.
Sephiroth took the little boy in his arms and left the hospital with him.
The doctor and Sephiroth actually pressed charges against Randir's parents again.
When he reached his car, Sephiroth unlocked it, put Randir back in the back seat and fastened him gently with a belt so that little Randir would be safe.
Sephiroth then took Randir home as quickly as possible.
Of course, his parents had been very worried about Sephiroth. But how surprised they were when their son entered the house with a small child in his arms, who was also a beautiful little boy with black hair.
“Oh, isn't he cute?” Dilara enthused immediately and had already taken him into her heart. Reid was also very taken with the little boy.
But both were shocked by the terrible injuries on the little face.
Sephiroth told them both, after they had unloaded the car and entered the house, what had happened to the little one, but that he had already been to the hospital with him and had been examined there.
“I have taken responsibility for Randir, as the little one is called,” and stood, proud and full of determination, before his parents.
His parents understood Sephiroth all too well and offered him their help if there were any difficulties. Of course, the adoption that Sephiroth wanted for the little one had yet to be initiated, but that shouldn't be a problem, given the status that he and his parents enjoyed.
Carefully, Sephiroth laid little Randir on the sofa in the living room and covered him gently and very carefully with a soft blanket. Now the little one could recover and get some sleep.
Dilara and Reid also remained quiet. Now all three sat in the room and watched the little one sleeping so peacefully.
However, the calm was soon over because the doorbell rang. Dilara immediately jumped up, went to the door and opened it. Angeal, Zack and Genesis were standing in front of the door.
“Hello Dilara!” the three greeted her loudly and almost in unison.
But Dilara put her index finger to her mouth after she had greeted the three quietly and gestured to them that they should be quiet. Then she led the three friends quietly into the living room.
When the three saw Randir lying on the sofa with the devoted Sephiroth next to him, they could hardly believe it and first had to sit down in one of the other chairs in the room to take it all in.
“Seph, how long have you had a kid here?” Zack wanted to know.
The little one's name is Randir and I will take care of him from now on.', Sephiroth explained proudly and also told his friends what he had experienced and how he had found the little one.
The three looked first at Sephiroth, then at Randir, and shook their heads.
*-*-*
Chapter 2:
Slowly, Randir awoke at some point and looked around, still a bit drowsy. At first, he saw the face of a young man with long silver hair and thought he was dreaming. But then he saw other people in the room and looked around in fright.
Panic rose up inside of him, his little heart hammering fearfully and just as frantically against his small chest, as if every beat could be his last, while his body trembled like aspen leaves with fear. Then he suddenly jumped up from the sofa and ran somewhere, scared, but he didn't know where. He didn't even know where he was. Finally, he found a small corner in which he cowered, completely distraught, and didn't leave for the time being.
Sephiroth had also jumped up and followed the little one slowly and cautiously, then he found Randir sitting in the corner, completely frightened and huddled up.
Sephiroth squatted down in front of Randir at a great distance and spoke soothingly to him:
“Don't be afraid, little one. You're safe here, no one will hurt you. I'll protect you, I promise. And I'll wait here for you until you come out of your corner. I promise you. Yes, I know that there was no one else there for you, but I will always be there for you. Do you hear me? I will always be there for you, no matter when or where. By the way, my name is Sephiroth. But you can call me Sephi, little Randir. Sephiroth fell silent and just looked into Randir's eyes. But did he not want to stare him dead now, so that he looked away from him now and then and looked somewhere else? But always kept Randir in his field of vision.
After Randir had looked around fearfully and also looked his counterpart in the eye, he slowly came out of “his” corner after about an hour. But for the time being he kept his distance.
It took a while before Randir slowly approached Sephiroth, but he kept stopping after almost every step and kept looking back to “his” corner. When he finally reached Sephiroth, who hadn't moved from the spot and had thus kept his promise,
Very slowly, Randir raised his hand and held it out to Sephiroth. Sephiroth also slowly raised his hand and gently touched the little one's hand before taking it into his own and smiling at him.
“Will you come with me, my little one?” Sephiroth asked Randir.
The little one nodded and let Sephiroth take him back to the living room after Sephiroth had stood up and taken the little one in his arms.
Once there, Sephiroth asked him calmly, 'Would you like to sit with me?
' Again, the little one just nodded his head in agreement and looked hopefully at him, wide-eyed.
Then Sephiroth sat Randir down on the sofa next to him. Randir, however, slowly and carefully crawled onto Sephiroth's lap, where he remained sitting quietly and calmly. Sephiroth smiled at Randir and then gently hugged him.
Randir now looked at Sephiroth with a questioning look. He didn't understand what was going on here, why the human was being so affectionate towards him. He didn't know anything like that. He had only ever been beaten and insulted.
“Are you hungry, Randy?” Sephiroth wanted to know, looking lovingly into Randir's eyes.
He then timidly replied,
Yes?“ He was silent, but then spoke again, for fear of saying something wrong and of the expected beating, which did not come, though.
“Randy?” No one had ever called him that before.
“Hey, kid, you can talk?” Sephiroth tried to joke with Randir and gently stroked his little head.
Of course Randir flinched briefly, because he had never experienced affectionate caresses either; he had only ever been beaten and kicked.
“Mum, could you please cook a grieß pudding for Randy? I think he'll like that,” Sephiroth asked his mother, pressing Randir gently and protectively to him.
You like Grie?brei, don't you? Would you like something else to eat, then please say so, little one,” Sephiroth added in a gentle voice.
But Randir just nodded and now looked at Sephiroth, fascinated.
Dilara nodded and went to the kitchen to prepare something for the little boy.
Meanwhile, the three friends and Reid sat silently in the living room. But each of them had their own thoughts. There was only one thing they all agreed on, without knowing it. The little boy should definitely stay here. He didn't deserve to have monsters as parents.
Sephiroth spoke calmly to Randir:
“You see those people sitting here? That's my Dad Reid over there, and he's the best Dad in the world. Genesis is sitting here next to us, Zack is next to him, and Angeal is over there at the table. We are all best friends,? and pointed to each person, who then nodded at the little one with a friendly smile, as Reid did, or, as in the case of Zack, made faces or grinned, like Genesis. The only one who remained a bit more serious was Angeal, but he too gave the little one a brief friendly smile.
Finally, Dilara had the meal ready and beautifully garnished, then she brought it to the living room to her son and perhaps future grandson? little Randir.
The little boy's eyes widened visibly when he saw the plate in front of him. Everything on it was so beautifully colorful, he had never seen anything like it either, so he didn't dare touch the plate for fear of breaking something. And he knew what would happen if he broke something. Still, he looked at everything curiously.
Only when Sephiroth spoke to him:
“Randy, you can eat that. Look, there are strawberries and Smarties on it. Taste it, it tastes great.” and took the spoon in his hand to feed Randir if necessary.
But Randir just held out his small hand and touched everything suspiciously, yet curiously, with his fingers. It felt so good. Finally, he opened his mouth and let Sephiroth feed him.
As if Randir would savor every bite, he chewed slowly on almost everything and then swallowed it down. Only very gradually did Randir gain confidence in Sephiroth. After about half an hour, the plate was empty and Sephiroth caressed Randir very lovingly.
“And did you like it, little one?” Dilara asked softly, looking at the little one with gentle eyes.
Randir looked at Dilara, slightly startled when she spoke to him, came to him and also caressed him gently. Randir clung to Sephiroth with one hand, but still looked at Dilara and answered barely audibly,
“Yes?”
After that, he turned his little head back to Sephiroth, clung to him and didn't look at anyone else?
It was quite late when Genesis, Angeal and Zack said goodbye and left the house. They didn't want to disturb the family any further and would come back another time.
Sephiroth accompanied his friends to the door, with Randir in his arms, and said a friendly goodbye to them.
Then he asked his mother to show him how to bathe, dress and put to bed such a small child. Of course Dilara was happy to show him everything her son wanted.
Sephiroth went into the bathroom with Randir and the boy immediately began to cry and tremble, for he had had a very bad experience in the bathroom, too.
“Shhh... take it easy, my little one. I'll bathe you, dress you and take you to your room to bed, okay. Do you trust me, Randy?”
Randir nodded shyly and looked at Sephiroth, who smiled lovingly at him.
Meanwhile, Dilara had let pleasantly warm water into the bathtub and added fragrant relaxation and healing oil.
Sephiroth dipped his hand into the water and then carefully wetted Randir's face with it.
“You see, nothing happened. It's pleasant, isn't it?” Sephiroth spoke soothingly to Randir.
Again, Randir looked at Sephiroth with wide eyes. He wasn't used to anyone speaking to him so lovingly either, and nothing really did happen to him.
Gradually, and with a lot of coaxing, Sephiroth undressed Randir and saw the many bruises on the little body. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he swallowed and pulled himself together. What must poor little Randir have been through. It must have been hell for the little one, right?
Gently, Sephiroth took the little boy in his arms and carefully placed him in the bathtub. He then very carefully wet Randir's skin with pleasantly warm and fragrant water. And slowly, Randir's trust in Sephiroth grew a little more.
Meanwhile Dilara fetched a small pair of pajamas, which she still had from her son, and a soft bath towel. She brought both to the bathroom and put them on the dresser.
She stayed with her son and watched him carefully, while also giving him a few useful tips.
Sephiroth followed her instructions exactly.
He carefully took the little boy out of the tub, wrapped him gently in the bath towel and dried him softly.
Then he dabbed the hematomas with a light healing cream, dressed Randir and then brought him to one of the many rooms that was now to become his.
Sephiroth gently put Randir into the big, soft bed and covered him. Then he wished him good night and was about to leave the room when he heard quiet words:
“Please can you stay here, yes please?” Randir asked, stuttering, and looked hopefully at Sephiroth, still a little afraid.
“Of course, I'll stay with you if you want me to,” Sephiroth promised and added, ‘Please wait for me a moment, yes, I'll just quickly go and wash and change.’ Then he winked at the little boy and left the room for a short time.
Randir remained exactly where Sephiroth had put him. He didn't dare to move even a millimeter.
A little later, Sephiroth entered the room again and lay down in bed with Randir. He gently took him in his arms, caressed him and told him a bedtime story. Randir soon fell asleep in Sephiroth's arms, but Sephiroth also fell asleep peacefully very soon.
Dilara and Reid had also gone to bed and also fell asleep very soon, after they had talked a little about little Randir and made plans.
Sephiroth woke up the next morning because he felt a gentle touch. He slowly opened his eyes and saw little Randir sitting in front of him, gently stroking Sephiroth's face.
Quietly, Sephiroth said,
“Good morning, my little one. Well, did you sleep well?”
Randir only flinched slightly when Sephiroth opened his eyes and spoke to him. But there were no bad 'words' in it, Randir wondered quietly.
'It's all right, little one, you can trust me,' Sephiroth immediately reassured Randir, for he had seen how Randir had flinched.
Randir slowly crawled back to Sephiroth and gave him a small smile, although he was still afraid. Sephiroth just smiled back and caressed Randir, who then snuggled up to Sephiroth and just enjoyed this moment.
And it was really just a moment, because there was already a knock on the door and Dilara, Reid, Angeal, Zack and Genesis came in.
They all had a few small packages, bags and other things with them.
They put all of this on the bed and everywhere else they could find space. Well, the room was big enough.
Dilara had decided early that morning to go shopping with her husband Reid and get everything they could for little Randir. Dilara and Reid had already taken the little boy into their hearts, because for them he was already their grandson. They had really grown fond of him.
On the way, they met their son's friends and immediately involved them.
Dilara then spoke only briefly and smiling:
“Little Randy, this is all for you. Have fun, my little one.” With these words, Dilara giggled again, then the five people left the room again, leaving Sephiroth and Randir alone again.
Of course they had meant well, but the little boy couldn't handle it, because he didn't know anything like that either.
Randir really couldn't believe what he was seeing. All of this was supposed to belong to him? Of all people? That couldn't be right, could it?
Weeping because he really wasn't used to something like this, he lay down on the bed face-down and couldn't calm himself. Randir was simply overwhelmed. Other children would have been happy to have him, but him? Well?
Sephiroth quickly put everything away in a closet. He only took a small fluffy light brown teddy bear and went back to the bed, to Randir.
Sephiroth gently stroked Randir's back and took him very carefully, so that nothing happened, in his arms.
He hugged the little boy lightly and stroked his little head.
“It's okay, my little one, it was probably all a bit much for you, um? I understand,” Sephiroth spoke soothingly to Randir.
Then he showed him the little teddy bear and said:
“Look, Randy, this here is a teddy bear. I give it to you and you can play with it, tell it all your secrets and it will always be with you, as long as you want. Whenever you feel lonely, talk to it and it will always listen to you. He will never betray a secret. Just like I will always be there for you and you can also trust me with everything. I will never betray a secret either. Would you like to give the little one here a name? Hm? and he looked at Randir with a gentle smile.
Randir took the teddy bear and gently hugged it. Then he looked at it, nodded slightly, thought for a moment and then spoke very quietly:
“Moonchild... the teddy bear shall be called Moonchild. Is that good or is it wrong?” Randir was worried and looked at Sephiroth questioningly and a little anxiously at the same time.
Sephiroth listened quietly, nodded, and replied:
“That's a very nice name, Randy. And you certainly didn't do anything wrong, little one. Trust me, Randy.”
Meanwhile, Randir looked first at Sephiroth, then at the little teddy bear, wide-eyed.
Finally, Randir took his teddy bear Mondenkind in his arms, snuggled up to Sephiroth and closed his eyes. Now he felt safe and secure. He was beginning to feel truly loved here.
Sephiroth continued to gently caress him.
“Yes, that's right, my little one, relax and don't be afraid. I'm here and I'll take care of you,” Sephiroth whispered to the little one.
At some point, the two of them got up and went into the bathroom. First, Sephiroth gave the little one a shower and then dressed him. Randir grabbed Mondenkind. Then Sephiroth brought Randir down to the kitchen to the others and sat him on the chair by the window. Gently Sephiroth stroked the little one's head and spoke calmly:
“Randy, I'm going to take a shower and get dressed, okay, and I'll leave you with these people. You don't need to be afraid of anyone here. Because you know these people now, too, don't you. These people here are all very nice, believe me. I'll be back for you in a moment, my little one, and then he left the kitchen, while Randir looked after him, frightened and scared.
Zack was the first to dare approach the little one.
Hey, little one, do you remember me? I'm Zack. Are you as hungry as I am? Come on, let's eat, okay? Zack tried to cheer the little one up, but he already had tears in his eyes.
Sephi will be right back, Randy. Don't be afraid, Zack added, wanting to caress the little one.
But Randir started to cry loudly.
“Let him be?” Genesis said bored, but Angeal also thought that Zack should leave the little one alone.
Only Dilara didn't let it take away, took the little one in her arms and tried to calm him down.
Shhh? Take it easy, my little one. You're not alone, and no one will hurt you. Your Sephi will be right back, okay. Well, tell me, what a cute teddy bear you have there. Does he have a name? Hmm? Dilara spoke lovingly to the little one, whom she was very fond of, and tried to distract him a little.
Randir stopped crying and looked at Dilara in amazement. Then he nodded and told her quietly and with a choked voice:
“The teddy bear's name is Moonchild.”
“But that's a very beautiful name, Randy. Did you think up the name yourself?”
“Yes,” replied Randir, while Dilara gently hugged him and stroked his hair.
Slowly, Randir's tears dried up and he now observed everything and everyone.
Meanwhile Reid was preparing dinner while the three friends sat down on the soft chairs in the kitchen – except for Zack, of course, who couldn't resist trying to get in touch with Randir again. Randir looked at Zack calmly but a little anxiously, while he held on to Dilara and leaned his head on her shoulder.
The food was finally on the table and Sephiroth was finally ready, too. He entered the kitchen and saw that Randir was with Dilara. He wanted to leave it at that. Nevertheless, he made himself noticeable. He went to his mother, stroked the little boy's back and said, smiling,
“Well, Randy, everything okay?”
Immediately, Randir lifted his head and his eyes lit up when he saw “his Sephi”.
He promptly let go of Dilara and stretched out his little arms towards Sephiroth.
Sephiroth took him in his arms and gently hugged him.
“Did you miss me so much, my little one?” Sephiroth asked Randir and sat down at the table with him.
The meal went without major incident, except that Randir didn't know bread rolls either, but after a lot of coaxing from Dilara and Sephiroth, he ate them.
Randir remained a little suspicious, even though he experienced so much good in this family. Of course, everything had to be explained to him before the little one would agree to anything.
After dinner, Sephiroth asked his friends:
“How about it, do you guys feel like going outside a bit? We can take Randy with us if he wants to come.” Turning to his mother, Sephiroth asked, ‘Say, Mom, do we still have the sled?
“Yes, we still have it, it should be up in the attic, Seph,’ Dilara replied.
Okay, then we'll get the sled down,“ Sephiroth decided, looked at Randir and asked him:
“Well, little one, do you want to come with us? But you can also stay with Dilara if you want.”
Randir looked first at Sephiroth, then at Dilara and decided:
“Can I stay with Lara?” Randir replied questioningly.
Of course, my little one. I'll be home soon, too, okay?“ Sephiroth replied, gently hugging his little darling once more and already having an idea of what he wanted to do?
“Mom, is it okay with you if the little one stays with you?” Sephiroth asked, looking at his mother beseechingly.
“Of course, the little one can stay here. We'll keep ourselves busy, won't we, my darling?” Dilara spoke to Randir, and immediately took him gently from Sephiroth's arms and went with him into the living room.
Sephiroth put on his long coat and left the house with his friends. Together they got into Sephiroth's car, and he drove off. He knew where he was going.
Soon he had reached the village where Randir came from and turned into the street where Randir's parents lived. He had gotten the exact address from other sources.
“Umm? Sephiroth? Can you please tell us what you're up to!” Genesis demanded, questioningly.
Sephiroth stopped right in front of the house where Randir's parents lived and spoke resolutely:
“The parents of Randir, those monsters, live here, and I'm going to explain to them how to treat a small child.”
“Sephiroth, please don't make a mistake, okay?” Angeal worriedly.
Don't worry, I won't get my hands dirty with those beasts. You can wait here if you want, or you can come with me,” Sephiroth explained and got out.
The friends had decided to accompany him because they also felt very sorry for the little guy. And the little guy was really lucky that Sephiroth had found him. They still had to get used to the fact that from now on their friend only came in a double pack, but the little guy was really cute and they would all quickly get used to the new situation.
*-*-*
Chapter 3:
Sephiroth stood right in front of the door and rang the bell. His friends were all standing behind him.
A little later, they heard a shuffling sound, then a man who looked rather worn opened the door.
“What is it?” the man asked gruffly.
“Hello, Mr. I'd like to have a little talk with you about your son. May we come in?“ Sephiroth replied as politely as he could, considering the monster standing before him.
“Yes, okay, come in. Where is the boy, anyway?” the man asked casually.
The four friends entered the house and followed the man into the living room, which looked more like a garbage dump, just like the whole house.
In an armchair, near the television, sat a drunk woman who at first didn't even realize that anyone was there and therefore didn't greet them.
The man offered the strange men a seat, but they firmly refused.
“Listen, we're not here to have a coffee klatch with you. And to get back to your question: the 'rascal' is called Randir and he won't be coming back to you anymore! You will never trample on him again! Is that clear?”
The man and the woman seemed to be stone-cold sober immediately, because the woman also got up from her chair and looked questioningly at the “figures” in front of her.
“What does that mean?!” the woman asked indignantly.
What that means, I'll tell you. It means that Randir will live with me from now on and I'll adopt him. The little one doesn't deserve monsters like you! Sephiroth got worked up and Genesis added his two cents as well:
The little one is so afraid of everything, it's not normal anymore, what have they done to the little one? Man, if you have parents like that, you really don't need enemies anymore.
Zack and Angeal kept out of it and thought their part.
They'll regret this, we won't let them take our son away just like that. You can count on that,“ the man said loudly and aggressively.
“Is that so? We'll see about that. If necessary, we'll go to court and then a judge will decide where the little one stays.” “Mr.,” is a promise. And what do you think the judge will do when he finds out what you've done to the little one? By the way, a report has been filed against you anyway.”
“You can't be serious! Besides, you can't prove a thing!“ the woman now shouted.
“Yes, miss, I am dead serious and I can very well prove it. You'll both be hearing from the police very soon. Good day, ‘gentlemen,’” Sephiroth now spoke calmly again and then left this 'dump' with his friends.
In the fresh air, everyone took a deep breath. The smell in there had been truly nauseating and unbearable, and the friends felt even sorrier for the little boy.
Genesis then suggested:
“Friends, what do you think about buying a few more presents for the little one? I mean, tomorrow is Christmas Eve anyway, so it's kind of fitting.”
That's a good idea, Genesis. We'll do it like that., Sephiroth, Zack and Angeal agreed.
Immediately the four got back into the car and drove away. Back in London, Sephiroth drove to the best department store he knew, stopped and all four got out of the car.
Then it was time for a big shopping spree for 'Randir'?
Meanwhile, Dilara took a little time to spend with the little one and she had already called the youth welfare office and described the case to them.
The case worker agreed to the adoption request and asked the family, along with little Randir and Sephiroth, to come to the office after Christmas. The adoption would then be carried out immediately. The case worker knew Dilara's family very well, but also little Randir's family, and therefore had no objections. They had often taken in foster children and always given them a lot of love.
Meanwhile, Randir was sitting in his room playing with his toys. But Dilara also sat with him after the phone call and played with the little boy so that he would not be so alone.
Slowly, Randir began to trust Dilara a little, and his fear diminished as well. This happened slowly but surely.
He began to move and behave normally, without fear. He could even laugh a little. And he had a sweet laugh, as Dilara thought. When Randir laughed, his eyes laughed with him. Yes, they really sparkled.
It was still early in the evening when Sephiroth came home and asked his father to keep the present for the little one safe. Reid agreed and had to grin.
“Um, Dad, is it okay if my friends are here tomorrow too, because they also want to give Randy a little something?” Sephiroth asked his father.
“Of course, that's no problem. But you know you shouldn't buy Randir with gifts, don't you?” Reid agreed, with a slight admonishment.
“Thanks, Dad. And, yes, I know that,” Sephiroth replied.
Then he left the living room and went up to Randir's room. He leaned casually against the doorframe and watched Dilara and Randir playing and laughing for a while. Then he cleared his throat and said with a smile,
“Well, where is my little angel?”
Randir immediately turned around, dropped all of his toys and ran towards Sephiroth.
“SEPHI!!!!” Randir was happy and with one leap, he almost jumped into Sephiroth's arms.
Sephiroth caught the little one, lifted him up and twirled him around. Randir began to laugh and to beam.
“Yes, hello, my little one, you can laugh so sweetly. I love you so much, Randy,” Sephiroth spoke gently.
Dilara watched them both, impressed, and was glad that Randir was finally doing well.
After the big welcome, Sephiroth sat down with his little treasure in the armchair by the window. Dilara sat down on the bed and then spoke:
“Sephiroth, I called the youth welfare office today. They're arranging the adoption and we're supposed to come to the office after Christmas to sign the papers.”
“Really! Hey, Mom, you're the best. Thanks.,” Sephiroth said happily and embraced his mother joyfully.
Then he looked at his little darling and said,
“Did you hear that, Randy!? You never have to go anywhere again and can stay with us forever. But tell me, is that what you want?“ Sephiroth wanted to know, teasing a little, from Randir.
But Randir just nodded his head violently and then said,
“Do you want to stay here with my Sephi?” and just beamed at Sephiroth.
“I thought so,“ Sephiroth said happily, gently hugging Randir.
“All right, my little one, now it's time for a bath and then you'll go to bed. Tomorrow is Christmas and you want to be well rested, right?” Sephiroth said to Randir, who just looked at him questioningly.
Don't tell me you don't know Christmas either? Oh dear, what have they done to you? Come on, I'll explain it to you. And Sephiroth explained to Randir, in a few words, what Christmas is. Randir understood that, and went voluntarily with him to the bathroom and let himself be made ready for bed by “his Sephi”.
Since Dilara and Reid had already eaten with the little one, the little one could go to bed right away.
Randir was put to bed by Sephiroth, Dilara and Reid. All caressed him lovingly, only Sephiroth then read him a little bedtime story. Finally, he asked his little darling:
'Are you sleeping alone tonight, my darling?' and put his little teddy bear 'Moonchild' into his bed as well.
Randir nodded, smiling, and replied,
'Yes, I'll try. Love you, Sephi.' At these words, tears welled up in Sephiroth's eyes and he had to swallow hard to keep from crying.
He gently hugged the little boy once more.
“I love you too, little one,” Sephiroth replied quietly.
Then he stood up, went to the door and said,
“Little one, if anything should happen, if you have a bad dream or feel lonely, then come to me, okay? I'll be right in the next room. Good night, my darling. Sleep well.' With these words, Sephiroth extinguished the light, but left the door open a crack, and then went downstairs to his parents in the living room, where they were still watching a movie on TV together and talking.
Randir, meanwhile, lay in his bed, looked up at the ceiling for quite a while and smiled. For the first time in his life, he was happy. He felt very welcome and loved here. He hugged Mondenkind close, snuggled into the pillow and the blanket, and then fell blissfully asleep.
Very late that evening, Reid, Dilara and Sephiroth also went to their sleeping chambers. But before they did so, they checked on the little one to make sure he was all right.
Quietly, they opened the door and entered the room.
“Look how he's sleeping, all sweet and good. Isn't he adorable??, Dilara enthused, who would have liked to take Randir in her arms and hug him immediately.
But of course she held back. Reid whispered to his son:
?You did well to bring the little one here. And I agree with your mother?the little one is really adorable.?
Sephiroth just nodded and looked at his little treasure for a long time, then he caressed him again and went to bed as well.
The next day, Randir got up very early, ran to the bathroom, showered as best he could, didn't forget to brush his teeth, got dressed and ran down the stairs when Reid came towards him:
“Hey, hey, hey? Not so rough, little man,“ Reid laughed and stroked the little one's head. Then he spoke lovingly.
“My little one, today you can't go into the living room yet, okay? Not until we call you,” Reid explained to Randir, who then looked at him with wide eyes and nodded.
Finally, he walked on and went into the kitchen, where he sat obediently at the window and looked out. Reid had just smiled as he watched the little one and was pleased that the little one had already settled in to some extent.
Sephiroth was still asleep, for he had been very tired and enjoyed this time out.
Meanwhile, Dilara had already gotten up, had a shower and got dressed. Then she also went to the kitchen, where she met Randir, who was sitting obediently at the window.
“Good morning, my darling,” Dilara greeted Randir joyfully, took him lovingly in her arms and pressed him gently to her. Randir was also happy to see Dilara and wrapped his little arms around her.
“Yes, my little one. I love you. Do you know what, you and I are going to have breakfast now, okay. Would you like to help me?“ Dilara asked Randir, gently stroking Randir.
Randir looked at Dilara and nodded, beaming with joy.
“Well then, come on, my darling. Here are the plates, you put them on the table,” Dilara explained to Randir.
He beamed and did as Dilara said. Dilara handed him the plates and he placed them on the table, one at each place. This went on until the table was completely set. Then, however, the doorbell rang.
Sephiroth woke up when the doorbell rang. He got up, looked out of the window and thought his part. He quickly put on some clothes, then ran down the stairs, but he was too late, because his mother had already opened the door and his father was standing next to Dilara.
Sephiroth stood behind his parents and asked them to take care of Randir, he would sort this out alone.
Dilara and Reid nodded and left Sephiroth alone with the two people.
“Should you need help?”, Reid still spoke to Sephiroth, in his departure, but was then interrupted by his son:
I know, I'll let you know. But father, please don't worry. I know what I'm doing., then Dilara and Reid disappeared through the door and went to the kitchen to Randir.
“Well, to them. As I already told them, Randir stays with us and I'll adopt him, do you understand me!? I won't give them the little one!, Sephiroth declared consistently, sensing what the two wanted.
“Then you'll force us to call the police!, Randir's father now threatened.
“Please, shall I bring you the phone?! I'm curious to see what the police will say about the hematomas that result from their abuse, which Randir has all over his body!“ Sephiroth also threatened, and there was anger in his voice, but he pulled himself together.
“All right, all right. Let's talk to each other sensibly,” Randir's mother replied soothingly.
Yes, sure, I should give them Randir. Never! I love the little one and my parents have taken him into their hearts as well, and he is welcome here. Be honest for once, you don't love your son at all. You just need your doormat back anyway. No, but not with me. Why don't you just drink another crate of beer?!!!!, Sephiroth mocked them, looking at them scornfully.
The man and the woman didn't stand a chance against Sephiroth and had to leave without having gotten anything. Sephiroth let the door fall shut and went to the kitchen to his parents and Randir.
First, Sephiroth greeted Randir.
“Hello, my little one. Good morning. Did you sleep well and dream of something nice?” Sephiroth asked Randir, then looked at him more closely and asked him further:
“Well, look at you, you're already dressed. Did Dilara get you ready?”
Randir shook his head and replied, “I washed and dressed myself and I even brushed my teeth.” and bowed his head.
“Hey, little one, that's no reason to hang your head. You did very well, my darling. I'm very proud of you,” Sephiroth cheered the little one up and lovingly took him in his arms.
Dilara now intervened and said,
“Our little one has even set the table for breakfast already.” With these words, Dilara winked at Randir and smiled.
Randir also gave Dilara a loving smile. Sephiroth didn't let go of the little one at all and, after he had looked at the table, praised him:
“You've done a really nice job, Randy. I love you...”
Randir looked at Sephiroth and slightly blushed. He wasn't used to praise and had to get used to it first. But it felt so good for him, so very different from his parents, although he was happy and everyone here loved him. Tears welled up in his eyes and he began to cry. Sephiroth saw that Randir had begun to weep and Dilara and Reid also saw their little darling crying.
“You've been through a lot, little one. Um, it's all good. You don't know this, do you? But we love you, Randy, and that will never change. You'll never have to go back to those monsters either. I won't, we'll all protect you and stand up for you. No one will ever hurt you like that again., Sephiroth tried to comfort Randir.
Dilara and Reid also comforted Randir very lovingly.
This went on for quite a while, then Randir had calmed down a little, his tears had dried up and everyone was having breakfast together.
After breakfast, Sephiroth grabbed his little treasure, put a warm jacket on him, took him by the hand and went for a walk with him.
Meanwhile, Dilara prepared lunch and Reid decorated the Christmas tree. Reid also put all the presents under the Christmas tree, except for Sephiroth's, which Sephiroth wanted to give to Randir himself.
Randir had great fun, because Sephiroth had taken him to a large park with lots of snow.
First, they went sledding down a somewhat larger hill, then they built a snowman together, and after that, they had a really big snowball fight. Randir had never had more fun or enjoyed himself more.
The two were watched by Randir's parents, who of course didn't dare to approach the two. They had followed Randir and Sephiroth the whole way. They had waited until someone would leave the house, but they couldn't know that it was Sephiroth and Randir, of all people.
They would have liked to take Randir with them right away, but they didn't want to mess with a guy like Sephiroth. They knew very well that Sephiroth would protect the little one with all his might, at least that's how it seemed to the two, the way the young man had stood up for their son.
Well, they would get the little one back, they were sure of that.
Sometime later, Sephiroth and Randir made their way back home. After both had entered the house, they went to the bathroom to wash their hands. After that, dinner was on the table and everyone enjoyed the meal together. Little Randir was surprised over and over again.
After that, Dilara took Randir to his room for a short time.
“Randy, you stay here nicely until we call you, okay?” With these words, Dilara stroked Randir's head and left the door ajar so that the little one would not feel locked in.
The doorbell rang and Dilara went to open the door to let the three guests in.
Everyone gathered in the living room, then Dilara fetched the little one from his room and brought him slowly into the living room.
Once there, Randir could hardly close his mouth. His eyes widened visibly and began to shine brighter than the sun itself.
Never before in his life had Randir seen such a Christmas tree, or any Christmas tree at all. He stood rooted to the spot in front of the tree and was almost beside himself with joy. Speechless, he looked at the tree a little closer and touched it gently. Then he turned around and saw Sephiroth, Dilara, Reid and Sephiroth's friends standing in the room.
Reid and Dilara were the first to approach Randir and wish him a Merry Christmas. Then he was allowed to take three packages that were under the tree. Of course, he opened these gifts right away and was very happy about everything.
But he also opened the presents from Sephiroth, Genesis, Zack and Angeal immediately and continued to be overjoyed. He didn't know what to say to all of it, except,
“Thank you,” and now seemed to be very overwhelmed again.
Amidst all the presents and all the nice people, Randir suddenly stood there and didn't say a word. Finally, he looked around questioningly, while the first small tears ran down his face, and then he ran away, crying.
He quickly left the house and ran as far as his little legs would carry him. That is, he would have run if it hadn't been for Genesis, who ran after the little boy and soon caught up with him. But Sephiroth was quick too, and soon caught up with him as well?
Genesis gently held Randir:
Hey, little one, what's wrong?
But Randir just looked at him, with tears streaming down his face.
Sephiroth knelt down in front of Randir, took him gently in his arms and comforted him. Meanwhile, he gestured to Genesis that he should go back into the house. Genesis did so.
After that, Sephiroth spoke to Randir, very calmly:
“Please listen to me, my little one. I know you don't know any of this, and I'm very sorry that we've once again overwhelmed you a little, but please don't run away when something becomes too much for you. I'm just afraid that something might happen to you. Do you understand? I love you very much and all I want is for you to be happy and for you to be fine. It was probably a bit much for you again, um... I understand that well. Will you come back inside anyway, or... do you want to stay out here a little longer?, Sephiroth consoled his little angel.
Randir looked at Sephiroth and answered quietly:
“Inside. It's so cold out here.” ‘Sorry, I ran away. I didn't mean to.’ With these words, Randir snuggled up to Sephiroth, hoping he would forgive him.
Hey, it's all right, my little one. You don't have to apologize for anything. Come on, let's go inside. It really is very cold out here. And another thing: If something gets to be too much for you, then talk to me, okay? And with all the gifts, you can do whatever you want, but please do everything very slowly and only as far as you're comfortable with, okay?”
Randir nodded while looking at Sephiroth. After that, Sephiroth took the little boy in his arms and went back into the house with him. Once in the living room, he sat the little one on the sofa and the others left him alone for the time being, chatting a little among themselves and drinking their tea, though keeping an eye on Randir and watching him a little. After all, it had been clear to them all that Randir would have to get used to everything first, right?
At first, Randir remained sitting quietly on the sofa, but then he looked around carefully once more and then slowly left the sofa. Once more, he went to the Christmas tree, stood in front of it and looked at it thoroughly from all sides.
Very slowly, he went to the table with the presents and looked at one present after the other very carefully. He did everything with a lot of feeling and very carefully.
Among the many gifts were two small game consoles, along with the corresponding games. He sat down on the floor with the consoles and looked at them for a while. Finally, he turned one of the consoles on, looked carefully at the screen, and slowly realized what he had to do. He was busy with this for quite a while. He was now only visible, not audible? He still held Mondenkind in his arms?
Naturally, he was observed a little by those present. They were glad and very happy that Randir had calmed down and now seemed to be enjoying himself after all.
However, nothing bothered him anymore – these consoles had sparked his full interest.
Zack, who was also interested in video games, stood up, went to Randir, sat down next to him and watched him with interest.
“Hey kid, you're doing great. Have you been playing for long and have you ever played a game like this before?” Zack addressed the little guy.
Randir didn't look at Zack, but he quietly replied,
“No, I've never played anything like this before. Is this the first time?”
Zack's eyes grew wide and he looked at the little guy next to him in amazement.
“Wow, for being new at this, you're really good, Randy,” Zack praised the little guy and grinned.
Randir looked at Zack and gave him a quiet smile.
After a while, both were having a great time and getting along well.
*-*-*

Continue reading..

Information Memories
Posted by: WMASG - 12-26-2025, 02:04 PM - Replies (1)

Memories

An ambulance drove along the streets to the hospital with its blue light flashing and siren wailing. The ambulance reached the hospital within minutes.
Of course, the ambulance was already expected by a few doctors and nurses. The paramedics opened the back door of the ambulance and pulled a young woman, who was lying on a gurney, out of the ambulance.
After that, a man with a worried face also got out. The woman was in terrible pain, groaning repeatedly with each new contraction.
The woman was taken by the hospital staff and immediately wheeled into the operating room, while the husband was asked for his personal details.
“Um, yes, my wife's name is, um, can't we do that later? I have to see my wife, please?” the man pleaded, looking agitated and somewhat desperate, his head glistening with sweat.
“Please, there is nothing you can do for your wife right now and we need to have your personal information. Please be reasonable,” the receptionist spoke calmly to this man.
The man nodded and then said, ‘My wife's name is Fabienne Lymand and my name is Randir Lymand,’ he then gave more or less willingly.
After that, the nurse asked him to take a seat in the waiting room. Bathed in sweat and very nervous, he waited and waited and waited?
Seconds became minutes, minutes became hours, and these almost became an eternity.
Meanwhile, in the operating room, doctors and nurses were trying to save the lives of Fabienne and the unborn child.
Unfortunately, only Fabienne's life could be saved. The child was stillborn.
The child died during the cesarean section to deliver it.
Since Fabienne had been put under general anesthesia, she was naturally unaware of what had happened. She only found out about the death of her child later and collapsed from it. The death of her child, whom she had been looking forward to so much and had waited for so long, had been very difficult for her. She had a hard time coping with the funeral of her child and had to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital for a while.
*-*-*
All this happened about a year ago. Everyday life had been largely restored, but Fabienne, understandably, never quite got over the death of her child – her little son Toby, whom she had nevertheless given a name to.
To make matters worse, Fabienne was unable to have any more children, which intensified her grief even more. She constantly visited Toby's little grave and spoke to him. Day after day she was here with him and Randir, who had thrown himself into his work, only went with her at the weekend.
All of this had hit him very hard, too, but he tried everything to suppress the death of his son, which of course was very difficult for him.
Once again, Fabienne was in the cemetery, talking to Toby. The day was beautiful, the sun was shining down from the sky and it was as if Toby himself had painted the sun in the sky. Nevertheless, it was bitterly cold because it was winter and there was snow on the ground.
As Fabienne spoke, as always, about Toby's grave, she suddenly heard a soft whimper. Was she just imagining things? Was she already having hallucinations? But as she continued speaking, she heard the whimper again. Now it was getting too eerie for her and she went to find out where the whimper was coming from.
She knew that the whimpering could not have come from the grave.
Just a few meters from her son's grave, she found a small carrier bag. She bent down and looked inside. What she saw shocked her deeply. Inside was a small baby, who was surely only a few days old, crying and whimpering heart-wrenchingly. It was almost frozen blue.
What kind of monster, what kind of woman, or whatever, could have the heart to abandon such a small baby here in the cemetery in this freezing cold???, Fabienne wondered and shook her head.
Fabienne took the baby in her arms. She opened her coat, held the child against her body and carefully closed the coat again. The child immediately snuggled up against Fabienne and was instantly quiet. She also took the carrier bag with her and went to her car by the quickest route.
She sat down on the back seat and looked at the little bundle of warmth. It's so cute, she thought. She was very taken with the baby from the first moment. While she was warming the baby, she looked again into the carrycot and found a note inside.
*-*-*
Hello, the one who found the baby, please take good care of him.
It's a little boy and I named him Sephiroth.
He's only three days old, but I can't keep him, I'm sorry.
My parents beat me. They beat me because I gave birth. They didn't understand.
I beg you, take care of Sephiroth and please give him a good and loving home.
Thank you and I wish you all the best and good luck with the little one.
Best regards,
the unknown mother.
*-*-*
Fabienne didn't let go of the little one and put the note in her coat pocket. With the little one under her coat, she sat down at the wheel and drove home as quickly as possible?
*-*-*
From a safe distance, the unknown mother had seen everything. And she was happy for her little boy, because she knew that he would have a good home and a happy childhood with this woman, who came to this cemetery and visited this child's grave every day?
*-*-*
Soon Fabienne arrived home, parked the car and ran into the house after removing the carrier bag from the car.
Once inside, she ran into the living room and found, to her surprise, her husband Randir there.
“Randy, my darling,” she greeted him and beamed, ‘Look what I found.’ She began, unbuttoning her coat and showing her husband the baby she was holding under her coat, beaming with joy.
She told him the story of how she had found the little one, then, completely euphoric, she asked Randir:
“Dearest, could you please go buy baby food and everything else we need?”
She wrote him a list of everything she needed for Sephiroth.
“Stop! Stop! No, that's not how it's done. Dear, you can't just keep the little one like that. We have to notify the youth welfare office and the child has to be examined by a doctor,” Randir explained to his wife, in his very matter-of-fact manner.
Startled, Fabienne looked at her husband and with tears in her eyes she shook her head.
“NO, I won't give Sephiroth away. You can forget that. I'll keep this little bundle of joy and give him a wonderful home. And if you won't go buy the needed things, I will,” she replied, holding the baby protectively in front of her.
“All right, all right, you can keep him for all I care,” Randir finally agreed.
He took a closer look at the little one. He nodded and smiled, saying,
“I can see why you're upset. He really is cute. We'll keep him and raise him as we would our own son.”
He couldn't do his wife any harm by taking the child away from her. She suddenly seemed so completely different, full of joie de vivre, and he was sure that she would be a wonderful mother to the little one.
Beaming with joy, Fabienne kissed her sweetheart, then he took the note from his wife, left the house and went shopping.
Meanwhile, Fabienne took care of the little one. She climbed the stairs with the baby – “her baby” – and went first to the nursery, which had not been changed since then, and undressed the baby.
After wrapping him in a soft bath towel, she took him in her arms again and entered the bathroom with him. She ran pleasantly warm water into a small children's bathtub and then bathed the little one.
Afterwards, she took the little one to the children's room, where she dressed him and spoke lovingly to him.
“Well, my little one? You're so cute. Who could have brought you here? But I promise you, my little one, that I will always protect you from now on, no matter from whom, and you will have a good home here. I love you so much, my little prince?” and almost adored him.
Eventually, Randir came home as well and brought everything they had asked for.
With Sephiroth in her arms, she went to meet her lover.
“Look, darling, isn't he adorable?” Fabienne beamed, delightedly, and placed Sephiroth in Randir's arms.
It almost looked as if the baby was smiling slightly at his 'father' Randir, which of course wasn't the case, but it looked that way. Of course Randir was also very fond of the little one.
*-*-*
Both kept little Sephiroth and officially adopted him only a short time later. From the first moment, the little boy was treated like a prince by the two. There was nothing they denied him. No wish remained unfulfilled. It didn't matter if it was just a bedtime story, walks, trips, or material things?but the loving care that Fabienne and Randir gave Sephiroth was at the top of the list. In short, Sephiroth lacked for nothing?
Of course, Fabienne and Randir never forgot their first child? Toby. But now they only went to Toby's grave once a week, and soon even less often than that.
Of course, Fabienne always took Sephiroth with her. Fabienne never left her young son alone. Every time, Fabienne placed a few fresh flowers on Toby's grave and said a few words to the grave...
*-*-*
The years passed much too quickly and soon Sephiroth had reached the age of sixteen.
Sephiroth had been very much spoiled by his parents and he liked to show it a little to those around him. He was something better. However, he never let his parents feel this. He adored and loved his parents very much, although he knew that he was “only” adopted. Both had told him at some point that they had adopted him and also told him the story of how Fabienne had found him in the cemetery.
Fabienne and Randir were the only parents he ever had and would ever have, Sephiroth was sure of that.
His biological mother never got to know Sephiroth, because she had taken her own life at some point.
She saw Fabienne again and again when she went to the cemetery with Sephiroth. She was pleased to see that her little son was doing well. The unknown mother also saw Sephiroth learning to walk. And she saw how cute and pretty her little son was. However, she could no longer bear it. It hurt her too much that she could not take care of the little one herself, and so she ended her own life at some point.
*-*-*
Sephiroth had the most modern, expensive and best things ever. At school, only selected students were among his friends. Of course, he was the leader of the clique that HE had founded.
His academic performance was excellent, so he occasionally gave tutoring – but only when it suited HIM.
It was just another normal day at school – crowds in the hallways and chaos in the classrooms. Sephiroth was still chatting with his clique when a twelfth-grade student suddenly bumped into him.
“Excuse me,” the student said hastily, and continued on his way – or rather, he wanted to continue on his way?
“WAIT A MINUTE!” Sephiroth shouted after the student.
He grabbed the bastard, as he called him, in a flash and held him by the arm.
“Listen up, you little creep. You can't just bump into me and say ‘excuse me’. Who do you think you are and who do you think you're dealing with? Sephiroth hissed at the guy in front of him.
The guy just grinned and didn't let himself be intimidated by the other guy.
Oh, I'm sorry, little guy. Did I hurt you? You're the little spoiled brat. I've heard a lot about you at school. You're Sephiroth, aren't you? You're easily recognized with your long silver hair. Go home to your mommy and get a decent haircut, little Sephiroth, who isn't even a man yet. The other guy laughed at him, freed himself from the silver-haired boy's grip, and continued on his way.
Sephiroth was furious and swore revenge, and his boys agreed with him, of course. They all stuck by him and during the next breaks they planned their next move.
In one of the longer breaks, the four of them were sitting in their usual spot, against a tree in the schoolyard.
“Hey Seph, how about we waylay Damien, that's the guy's name who bumped into you, after school and give him a good punch in the face,” suggested Zack.
But Sephiroth was somewhere else with his thoughts. He wanted to pay back this guy alone. He wanted to get rid of him, destroy him, eliminate him. Although it was only an accident, Sephiroth felt that his honor had been violated, that the guy had offended him.
There was no way Sephiroth could let that go.
Seph??, Zack asked, nudging his buddy lightly.
Uh? Yeah? What is it then?, Sephiroth asked, pulled out of his thoughts.
Were you listening to me?, Zack asked, grinning slightly.
No, sorry, please, what were you saying?, Sephiroth replied.
Zack told him everything again, but Sephiroth just waved it away.
“No, I'll take on Damien alone and I'll destroy him, you can count on it. And don't any of you dare interfere?” Sephiroth threatened, looking at his friends with threatening glances and a slightly raised fist.
His friends looked at him and nodded: “It's okay,” Genesis said.
“Do you already have a plan how you want to accomplish that?“ Angeal wanted to know.
“Yes, of course, but that's and remains my secret,” Sephiroth replied, quietly? threateningly?
*-*-*
School was over and the friends went home, each on his own. Sephiroth walked along the street, lost in thought. He was still preoccupied with the matter of Damien and was already hatching a plan.
“Well, if it isn't little nerd Sephiroth,” it said, after Sephiroth had bumped into something because he hadn't looked and paid attention.
He looked up and saw someone standing in front of him – exactly the one he hated with a passion, whom he wanted to destroy – Damien!
Clear the way, Damien, or you'll curse the day you were born, I swear to you!“ Sephiroth warned Damien, looking menacing as the wind played with his long silver hair.
“Oh, really? Is that supposed to be a threat, little guy?” Damien grinned, taking a closer look at Sephiroth.
Grinning, he looked at the other, but thought his part.
“I don't associate with scum,” Sephiroth turned away.
Sephiroth went in the opposite direction, because he could also get to his parents' estate in the other direction. He would and wanted to deal with Damien later, when the time was right.
But if Sephiroth now thought that he had lost Damien, he was far from it. Damien followed him. Damien was above Sephiroth's threats, he was used to that. Gently, Damien took Sephiroth by the arm and turned him around.
“What's the matter, Sephiroth? A moment ago, you swore revenge on me, and just now you even threatened me. You haven't changed your mind, have you, my little nerd?”, Damien said provocatively to Sephiroth.
“First of all, don't call me 'my' little nerd, because I'm not, and secondly, let go of me immediately?” Sephiroth replied, with the friendliness of a full-grown king cobra and? there was coldness in his voice – icy coldness.
His eyes also radiated a coldness that would freeze even hell.
“No, I won't let you go, Sephiroth. What's the matter? Are you uncomfortable when I touch you?” Damien wanted to know provocatively.
Yes, Sephiroth was very uncomfortable when he was touched. Even his friends kept more or less distance to him, they knew that Sephiroth didn't like it. So they left it alone if they could. The only ones allowed to touch him were his parents. Sephiroth himself did not know why that was.
Seemingly calm, Sephiroth stood there and looked at Damien with his cold eyes narrowed to small slits.
“So, you won't let go of me, then I'll have to teach you a lesson,” Sephiroth whispered with a threateningly calm voice, looking like a cobra about to attack.
Then, as if he had missed something, Sephiroth brought Damien back down to earth. With a quick and very skillful move, he had thrown him to the ground, where Damien remained for the time being, very bewildered and somewhat shocked. This was not what Damien had expected. Then maybe Sephiroth wasn't the mama's boy and a nerd after all, as Damien had thought.
Finally, Sephiroth kicked Damien with his right foot, standing on Damien's chest. Then he spoke triumphantly:
“Let me tell you one thing: I don't like it when I'm touched – only my parents are allowed to do that. And another thing, I'm neither a coward nor a nerd – I'm a perfectionist. What I do will never be half measures. I'll finish you off one day, be aware of that. And Damien? Don't you dare come too close to me again, got it!? Then Sephiroth took his foot off Damien, smiled maliciously and deviously, then went home?
Damien quickly stood up and watched Sephiroth go. He really wasn't who Damien had thought he was. Sephiroth had much more to offer than what he was usually willing to show. He was much stronger than he appeared. But you couldn't tell by looking at him.
Slowly, Damien began to admire Sephiroth. From now on, he would leave him alone. Well, at least that's what he decided. Besides, this little lesson from Sephiroth was a lesson to Damien. He would certainly not mess with him again. And yet, there was something about this boy that... Wait a minute, what was he thinking?!
After Sephiroth had arrived home, he was greeted warmly by his mother Fabienne, as always.
“Sephi, my angel. There you are again. Well, how was your day? Dinner will be ready soon, dear,” she said, giving him a loving embrace and a kiss on the cheek.
He didn't particularly like it, but he let his mother have her way. However, he rolled his eyes and looked up. Of course Fabienne knew that her son didn't like it when she kissed him on the cheek. But she couldn't help it? she loved her son too much.
“My day was okay, thanks,” Sephiroth replied with a grin, and then continued, ‘Mom, I'd like to be alone for a bit, okay. I can eat later, right?”
“That's okay, sweetheart. I'll leave you alone,’ Fabienne respected her son's wish.
Sephiroth went up to his room, closed the door and sat down at his desk, which was right in front of his window. Thoughtfully, he looked out. Then he saw Damien! What was he doing here? He hadn't followed him, had he? Didn't he live in a completely different part of town? But maybe one of his friends lived nearby.
But why hadn't he seen him around then? Questions upon questions went through Sephiroth's mind, but for every answer he found, another question arose.
Was that a doorbell ringing? Not that it mattered, but it was too late to think about it now.
“Sephiroth?” His mother called up from downstairs. ‘Could you come down, please?’ she asked him.
Sephiroth went to his door, opened it a crack and called down.
“What's the matter, Mom?”
“There's someone here who wants to see you, shall I send him up?“ Fabienne asked.
“No, Mom, I already told you I want to be left alone,” Sephiroth refused the question, consistently.
“It's all right, Sephi,“ his mother agreed, and then there was silence.
“I'm sorry, Damien, but if Sephiroth wants to be left alone, then I accept that. Please come back another time,” Fabienne asked, and she was about to accompany Damien to the door when he said,
“You know what, I think your son is a little spoiled and pampered mama's boy, someone should really tell him that and wean him off it.” With those words, he walked past Fabienne and up the stairs without saying another word.
Then he opened the door to Sephiroth's room without knocking first. After all, he had been able to see where Sephiroth's room was when the latter had opened the door a little.
Damien found Sephiroth on a soft sofa, where he seemed to be resting.
So, so, the little one rests and lets himself be pampered. Get up, Sephiroth!” Damien spoke loudly and stood next to the sofa.
Sephiroth turned away: “Leave me alone. And get out of here, once and for all.” What the? Sephiroth stood up and stood right in front of Damien.
Then he asked, “What the hell do you want from me?”, and glared at Damien.
“You're not really asking me that, are you? I want you to get off your sofa, get moving and stop letting people take care of you all the time. Who do you think you are, anyway? You're no 'prince', just a spoiled little brat! You need  a good spanking!” Damien said, getting a bit louder, and he again stole a glance at Sephiroth, unnoticed.
But then it was suddenly over, because Fabienne entered the room and raged like a fury:
“You will leave my son's room immediately, or I will call the police and have you thrown out! How dare you talk to my son like that! Get out of here, or I'll forget myself!
Grinning, Damien retreated.
“All right, I'm going, but Sephiroth, we'll meet again, you can count on that,” he winked at Sephiroth and disappeared through the door, followed by Fabienne.
Fabienne still raged and now paid close attention to make sure that Damien didn't try any tricks. She only gave up when Damien had left the house through the door and she had locked it from the inside.
Finally, Fabienne went back to her son's room, knocked, and then entered. She slowly approached Sephiroth, who was still standing next to the sofa, staring at the wall in front of him.
“Hey, my little one, what's wrong?” Fabienne asked, gently taking her son in her arms.
Sephiroth snuggled up to his mother and asked her in a whisper:
“Mum, am I really that bad? And why have you never spoken to me like that, or Dad? What did I do wrong?”
Fabienne caressed Sephiroth tenderly.
“My little one, I never had any reason to talk to you like that, and your father never had any reason to address such words to you either. And you haven't done anything wrong, my son. You're the best thing that could have happened to us and you'll always be that. You've never been bad, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. We love you.
Thanks, Mom. I love you too., Sephiroth whispered and was really happy to have such parents.
On the way home, Damien was sorry again for what he had said to Sephiroth. Because he really liked the little one? that charisma? those long silver hair? that slender figure? to seduce him? a dream?
In his thoughts, it seemed to really revolve only around Sephiroth.
However, Damien also knew that it wouldn't be easy to confess his feelings for Sephiroth. He wouldn't understand, would probably run away, or curse at him. It would certainly be hard work, but he had to try to win Sephiroth over.
To win him over? Almost a life's work?
*-*-*

Continue reading..

Information Ju & Ju
Posted by: WMASG - 12-26-2025, 12:25 PM - Replies (1)

The building was a relic of the late 70s of the last century, the seating looked almost modern again, but was uncomfortable to the point of no return. But what do you expect from a court? Justice should be spoken and not a beauty prize awarded, but it could have been made a little friendlier; the color scheme on the walls was enough to make you want to run away!
I stared at the wall, massaging my temples, a mild headache was on the way. What was I doing here, anyway? I was waiting! Waiting to be called to give a statement. A statement in a matter that I had long since successfully repressed. I hadn't thought about Enrico for four long years, who had suddenly stopped all contact with me. How I had grieved back then! But grief turned to anger and finally to forgetting; life had to go on somehow.
But since exactly four days ago, since I had fished the summons out of my letterbox, forgetting had come to an abrupt end: Enrico was on my mind again! I had nightmares, woke up bathed in sweat, my inner peace was gone. But what should I testify? The last time I saw him was at Easter 2007, then a few letters followed; in his last letter he hinted at an Arab patron. While I had thought he was the lover of an oriental sheikh, a certain Benedikt Hartenberg had killed him, and the charge was manslaughter.
The door to the courtroom opened, and a slight, lanky law enforcement officer peered into the hallway. “Mr. Kleeve?” I nodded. “Please come in, it's your turn now.”
I followed the uniformed officer, who more or less led me to the witness chair. After I sat down, I unbuttoned my jacket and let my gaze wander. To my right sat two men: a somewhat portly bespectacled gentleman in a robe and a cute young man, albeit in a somewhat cheap suit.
On the bench sat three professional judges, the two “civilians” were sitting outside, the man looked like a teacher to me, the woman sitting next to the clerk looked like the sister of my dentist, she had the same horse teeth. The presiding judge, surrounded by a rather athletic type with a well-groomed three-day beard and a middle-aged lady, had snow-white hair and wore gold-rimmed glasses.
To my left, sitting between two lawyers, was a man in his mid-fifties who looked like a smartly dressed insurance salesman: He wore a thick gold chain around his neck, his shirt open, his hands ringed like those of the former fashion icon, Margaret Thatcher; two uniformed officers stood behind him. His female legal counsel appeared normal, age difficult to estimate, the male counterpart had gelled hair and a mole on his left cheek; oversized sideburns belong in the past!
Mr. Kleeve, thank you for being able to comply with the summons at such short notice. Your name has not come up in the course of the proceedings so far, and you have been summoned at the request of the defense. The chairman cleared his throat. Let's start with your personal details: your name is Julius Friedrich Kleeve, you are 44 years old, a photographer, and live in Düsseldorf. You are not related to the defendant Benedikt Hartenberg?
I shook my head. “No, I don't know the gentleman at all.”
“Mr. Kleeve, you are no doubt aware that you must tell the truth in court. You would be liable to prosecution if you told an untruth here, and you don't even have to be under oath for that. But I'm already pointing out to you that you can always refuse to give evidence if you yourself would have to accuse a criminal offense.” He turned to the clerk: ”55th?
After the normal instruction, the same reference to the right to refuse to give evidence? What was that for? I don't see what I've done to make myself liable to prosecution.
The bespectacled judge ignored my objection. Mr. Kleeve, the defendant Hartenberg claims to be an acquaintance of yours, however.
“I'm sorry, I really don't know where I should put him.” I shrugged my shoulders.
The chairman took off his glasses. ‘The defendant has stated that he met you several times in the Cologne bar ’Zum Treber' and later at a kind of vernissage in Essen, in the rooms of the Blue disco.”
Please?” I had to process the information first. The Treber was one of the oldest Cologne hustler bars, not really a place I usually frequent.
The man with white hair played with the golden part in his hands. ”In Essen, they would have also introduced the defendant to the later victim Enrico Jublinski. What do you have to say about that?”
I was only in the Treber twice, once during normal opening hours, the other time it was a shoot without an audience. I looked at the guy in the dock again more closely, but I really didn't know where to put him at the moment. It may be that I met the defendant at the Blue at a vernissage and we exchanged a few words, because I often exhibit there, the owner is a good friend of mine. If you define that as knowing, then I know the defendant, but he is certainly not part of my immediate circle. When exactly did I introduce him to Enrico??
The gentleman in the middle looked at me sternly. “According to the defendant, Easter 2007.”
“Easter 2007?” I scratched my chin. “We presented the illustrated book with Enrico at Blue; it was, if you will, a pure sales event; it's always good when the model is also personally present at such events. Is that when it happened?”
The bespectacled gentleman nodded. “You are supposed to have praised him to the skies. Expressions like ‘horny hottie’ and ‘hot stuff’ were apparently used?”
“Wait a minute! It may be that I did describe Enrico that way, but was he really a hot stuff? I took a deep breath. His pictures spoke and speak for themselves, he was a natural in front of the camera! You really didn't have to praise him.
As the defendant put it, they had... The chairman leafed through his documents. ...the subsequent victim literally forced on him.?
Sorry, but that can't be it! Even though Enrico and I weren't a couple, we still had some kind of relationship. He was almost like my muse. I would have done anything with him, but impose him on someone else? Not on your life! I would have liked to have jumped up and taken the insurance agent to task.
The man in the robes smiled benignly. “And what was your relationship to the victim?”
“Very private, and I think you can say that I idolized him.” I looked at the table in front of me. “If you want, I was more than infatuated with him, almost in love!”
There you have it! Kotelette grinned triumphantly. The witness was jealous and, after the victim Enrico Jublinski had finally left him for my client, killed him out of jealousy and then buried the body on the banks of the Bever Dam.
You're crazy! When would I have done that? I could have strangled him.
Chief Silverlocke raised his arms in appeasement. Gentlemen! No insults in my courtroom, I won't stand for it! Mr. Kleeve, then I'll ask you directly: Where were you on the weekend of June 16-17, 2007?
That was four years ago!? I took a deep breath. I'd have to check my organizer; I can't tell you off the top of my head.?
How long would it take them to get it? He rolled his eyes.
I grinned, reached into the left inside pocket of my jacket. “Give me two minutes, my old Tungsten T5 is no longer the fastest PDA, but it has been my loyal companion for six years.” There are other options for managing appointments today, but I'm attached to the thing. It took a while for me to find the relevant page, but even an old car can get to its destination. So, I was in Rio from June 14 to 19, 2007 for a photo shoot.
Anyone can claim that, right? The gelled-up beard got on my nerves.
I reached into my jacket again, but this time I took out my passport. I can even prove it! Brazil stamps passports when you leave the country, too, right?
It is enough if they show it to me.” Chief Silver Locks waved me over with your gold-rimmed glasses. Before I made the almost six-meter-long way to the judges' table, I still looked for the appropriate page and pressed the official document into the chairman's hand. He smiled, took another look at the data page and handed me back the burgundy passport. “Well, Mr. Defense Attorney, Mr. Kleeve can be ruled out as a possible perpetrator! He actually left Brazil on June 19, 2007.” He looked at me. ”Mr. Kleeve, I would be grateful if you could first tell me and the court how you even met the victim.”
I took a deep breath. But to do that, I would have to go back a little further.
Go ahead, you're the only witness this morning, so we have all the time in the world to listen to your story. A smile crossed his face.
I briefly wondered where I should start. I met Enrico more or less by chance. In 2005, Jonas Schmitz, the then chairman of Looks, wanted to publish a new brochure about the Strichers.
Looks? This time it was the public prosecutor who spoke. You mean the project to improve the situation of male prostitutes?
I nodded. “Exactly! Jonas asked me to shoot the pictures for this brochure. But I only got to it after the content work was already done, I just had to implement it visually. The funds for the project were quite limited, so no professional photo models, but a group of five or six hustlers: Germans, Turks, Thais – a pretty motley mix. In the Treber, we then approached a few of these escorts to see if they wanted to participate.
The chairman waved encouragingly with his glasses.
A smile flitted across my face. “Well, the landlord of the Treber was also on board, and some pictures were to be taken of him, showing how a chat-up line works, for example. Boris, one of the callboys we were able to recruit for the project, brought Enrico with him to the photo shoot. He said he was his flatmate.”
They were immediately smitten? The lady of the defense had a soprano voice.
I shook my head. On the contrary: I was annoyed that Boris had brought a stranger. In this milieu, it's difficult to take pictures anyway, and a certain level of trust must exist between photographer and model if you want to achieve a decent result. But since one of the guys who had agreed to come hadn't shown up, Enrico was basically conscripted, as the location wasn't available for an unlimited period of time.
My eyes slid over the bench. After the pictures were taken in the bar, we went to a private apartment in Rodenkirchen to take the pictures of the usual sexual practices. Blowjobs, wanking, licking and cuddling were no problem, all the hustlers took part in that, but they got caught in gay sex bags when it came to the GKG, that was a bit too tricky for them.
GKG? The teacher at the judges' table looked at me in disbelief.
I grinned. “Rubber control grip, so when the suitor is active in anal intercourse. It should be shown how the hustler, so to speak playfully, makes sure that only a sheathed penis enters him. Everyone who had been in the sex business for years literally drew in their horns. But Enrico? Enrico approached the oldest member of the “client group” and said, “You can shag me for a fiver! We'll do the recording, and when it's in the can, you just carry on fucking. Agreed?” I was a bit perplexed, but the two of them had their deal and their fun; so that was that for me.
So that's how they met the victim? The woman in the robe on the bench had turned quite red in the face. And what happened then?
Well, after we had shot all the footage for the brochure, the crew went to eat, that was part of the compensation for the shoot. I couldn't help but smile at all the memories that came flooding back. Anyway, David sits down next to me...
Which David? The prosecutor was still there.
I looked at him apologetically. “As a rule, hustlers have an alias; only beginners in the business use their real names. Enrico called himself David the whole time and was also introduced to us as David by Boris, who is actually called Viktor. Names in the business are all smoke and mirrors. What's-his-name Shakespeare said, “What's in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet?”
That's a pretty free translation. Dreitagebart grinned. ”How did it go on?”
David, or Enrico, was sitting next to me at dinner, we were chatting, joking around, having fun. Suddenly he asked me how much reasonable pictures of him would cost. Admittedly, I was a bit surprised and asked why he wanted pictures of himself. I stared at the cross on the back wall of the bench. His answer was simple: he wanted to get away from the station! He wanted to be able to choose the guys he would go to bed with himself. At the station, he would have to serve every bum who came along to make money, but Enrico wanted to play in a higher league, as an escort, as a luxury hustler, but... for that he needed good advertising material. I gave him my card and said he should come and see me.
And when did he come to see you? Chief Silver Locks looked at me curiously.
I tilted my head. He was waiting for me in the restaurant parking lot and asked if I could give him a ride into town. When we were just outside the cathedral, he said that we could do the recording now. What could I say? I took him to my place.
What happened next? The chairman was in a hurry.
I looked at him, confused. What happened next? On the way, we stopped at a gas station. I filled up the tank and he used the 50 euros he had gotten for the afternoon's fuck to buy a carton of cigarettes. When we were back in the car, he said that he would stay with me until the last pack was gone, I just had to take care of the food and the pictures. After a week, he left me, but then came back after only three days.
So they became lovers? Silver Locks smiled patronizingly.
I shook my head. “No, not a couple in the conventional sense, more of a community of convenience. We had our fun, and plenty of it, but Enrico quickly took on the role of a major domus: he ran the household, I was able to concentrate more on my work.”
So you weren't his sugar daddy? The prosecutor seemed to have had some experience in the field. The age difference between you was quite enormous, wasn't it? Over 20 years?
To be precise, 21 years and six months. As it turned out, Enrico was only 17 when we met, but I only found that out later. I looked at the representative of the law enforcement agency, who nodded contently.
The man with the sideburns interrupted my thoughts on how to continue. “So you have committed statutory rape?”
If you want to put it that way, but fornication with a hustler? I didn't like the guy one bit! No money changed hands, if that's what you mean. I never paid him for sex, not at any time! It was a kind of symbiosis that we entered into: he had a roof over his head and...
So you weren't his pimp?” Dreitagebart looked at me questioningly.
I could only shake my head in dismay. ‘God forbid! I'm not a pimp, I couldn't do that!’ After the first week with me, he said, he spent the weekend in Cologne. On Monday, he was back on the doorstep, stayed a few days, and then went back to Cologne to offer his services. This went on for almost half a year, until the end of 2005. He always came for two or three days and then left again. He only spent the weekend of his 18th birthday with me. After that, I didn't see him for almost a month.
Did you have a fight? Goldrand was curious.
I shook my head. No, we hardly ever had any arguments. Enrico was incredibly in need of harmony. The reason was simple: I was on vacation and he didn't have a key.
Didn't you trust him? The dentist's sister seemed concerned.
I looked at her, slightly confused. “Trust was there, David had long since become Enrico. But? something always hovered in the background, like a sword of Damocles. Enrico had told me his life story, but? this story was not coherent: sometimes his father had left his mother while she was pregnant, sometimes he died in a car accident, sometimes he was in jail for years for bank robbery. Sometimes he was an only child, sometimes the youngest of the family. The most outrageous story he once told was that his identical twin brother had died at birth. As I said, something was rotten in the state of Denmark, but that didn't surprise me particularly, because a hustler invents himself and his life anew for every trick.
My throat went dry, I looked at the chairman. “Could I please have a glass of water?”
“Of course! Ms. Sinkewitz, if you would be so kind as to He probably meant his minute-taker, but the young assistant district attorney, obviously his legal trainee, was faster. As he handed me the refreshment, our hands touched briefly, and I was struck by an electric shock; the boy had something.
Silberlocke grinned. “Well, that's taken care of, then. Please continue?”
I took a sip. “Gladly.” When I came back from vacation, he had changed considerably. He seemed harassed, exhausted, sad, angry with himself and the world. He said he had missed me, but I couldn't really buy it. “Why not?” The portly prosecutor wanted to know exactly.
I looked in his direction, but I preferred to look at his assistant, who, despite the suit, looked considerably better. It's pretty hard to put it right, but I think it was the safe haven he lacked. It's one thing to find shelter with a client for a night or two, but I think he missed the feeling of being able to come home. He was probably looking for a nest, a refuge. He stayed for a full two weeks, and during that time the first pictures for the book and the exhibition were taken. Enrico was a natural in front of the lens, as if he had never done anything else in his life.
The water was warm. He would probably have stayed longer, but it came to the only argument we had in the whole time. I caught him red-handed, as he?
?stole from her? Was that a question of the defense attorney or a prejudice?
I looked at the lady in disbelief. “No, Enrico was a prostitute, but not every hustler is also a thief. When he went to the supermarket and shopped for me, the receipt and change were always on the kitchen counter later, even if it was only 23 cents. He never touched my wallet, even when it was lying open on the table.” I turned back to the judge's bench. “I caught him with a woman in my bed! I don't have anything against women, but that was too much for me! The girl he had with him and with whom he... well, you know? didn't exactly inspire confidence either. I suspect he picked her up on the drug street and she probably reminded him of a sister from the home.
Didn't you just say that you had doubts about his life story? The gold-rimmed glasses were back on his nose.
I nodded. “That's right, but one condition for the long stay was absolute openness and honesty, so?” Besides, he stuck with one story from that point on, and it was also coherent. His father died in an accident when his mother was pregnant with his brother. She apparently couldn't cope with the loss and then turned to alcohol. The youth welfare office later took the children away from her and they were placed in separate foster families, which was a real mistake for Enrico: one foster father abused him and another beat him up so badly that he had to be hospitalized. He finally ended up in a home and went off the rails. At 16, he came to Berlin and ended up on the streets. He had a few run-ins with the police and then turned up in Cologne, where I met him.
“But that's not true!” a voice said from the background. I turned around and was shocked: there sat a second version of Enrico, only with glasses and medium-length hair. ”Our mother died of lung cancer and the old man was the drunk who was always off on his travels.”
Mr. Jublinski! The chief judge seemed annoyed. No interrupting! This isn't one of those other awful court shows. If you have something to add to a statement by another witness, you can indicate this with a hand signal, and I'll ask you about it.
All right! I just wanted to say it. Did I hear a pout in his voice?
Then you must be Justin? I laughed at the boy. Your brother hasn't said much about you, but you two look so much alike, it's a little scary.
Mr. Kleeve, the same goes for you: please don't talk to the witness bench! The senior judge was still grumbling. If you would please continue with the report?
I turned around again and smiled cautiously. With pleasure. Where was I?
Before the digression into the life story? The drug-addicted girl and the argument they had with the later victim? The gold-rimmed glasses were being held in hand again.
After the argument about Nadine, as the girl was called, there was silence for a while. He was pissed off, and so was I. But after a week and a half, we talked it out. I massaged my chin. He seemed to be really infatuated with her, because he took care of the girl touchingly, especially when she got pregnant; she was something like a little princess for him!
So the victim wasn't gay at all? Three-day stubble had question marks in his eyes.
I shrugged. “Most sex workers from southern Europe are heterosexual and send the money they earn from sex back home to support their wives and children, but Enrico?” Enrico was more likely to be gay than bisexual, because, except for the one time I caught him, not much happened with Nadine, at least I didn't notice anything. The two of them also behaved more like brother and sister than like boyfriend and girlfriend.
I took a sip of the rather warm water. It even went so far that he rented the small granny flat next to my studio for her. Since Nadine, for whatever reason, didn't want to move in, he then used the flat for himself during the week and apparently also pursued his business there, while continuing to spend the weekends in Cologne.
You do realize that you are guilty of promoting prostitution, don't you? I really found the gelled guy repulsive!
The public prosecutor answered instead of me. My colleague! What a tenant does in his rooms is not the landlord's business. Even if Mr. Kleeve should have known that the victim was engaging in prostitution there, there is no 180a StGB is present, at most a violation of a possible restricted zone ordinance. It would therefore be at most a misdemeanor and that is statute-barred!?
But then we would have possible tax evasion!? The sideburns grinned at me nastily. Did you also declare the rental income?
I don't see what Mr. Kleeve's tax return has to do with the death of Enrico Jublinski, colleague!” The portly prosecutor was getting worked up. ”Are you trying to say that the witness Kleeve would have hired a killer because of a few incorrect statements in his tax return? He himself was out of the country, after all!
I'm just saying that... The addressed person backtracked.
The representative of the prosecution glared angrily in the direction of the defense. Stick to the facts, colleague! Only facts count, not opinions!
Didn't you try to keep Mr. Jublinski in Düsseldorf entirely? The judge again!
I looked at the lady. I even talked with the tongues of angels, but unfortunately without success! I tried to persuade him to go to night school to at least get his secondary school certificate, but no chance! He didn't want to have anything to do with the authorities, nor did he want to register because he was afraid that any arrest warrants that might still be out against him would be executed. I took a sip. He was supposed to register as unemployed in order to get health insurance, but he didn't even want Hartz IV. He also rejected out of hand the photography apprenticeship I offered him: he could earn more money as a hustler than as an apprentice, and he had to take care of Nadine and their offspring.
Was he the father? The question came from the public prosecutor.
I have no idea about childbearing, but... I grinned at him. I don't believe in premature babies, unless the fetus is already almost seven pounds and over 50 centimeters big at six months' gestation. That was the data that Enrico had given me after the boy was born.
The woman in the judge's robe grinned. “Seven pounds? That was quite a bundle of joy, believe me!”
“Immediately and unconditionally?” I laughed at her. “Enrico was really enthusiastic, really excited, but then came the big disillusionment for him: Nadine gave the child up for adoption after one month. What can I say? Enrico let her down and fell into a big hole himself.
And how did he get out of it? The gold-rimmed glasses were back on his nose.
I shrugged. Only with great difficulty, I tried to distract him: first we spent a week in Malta, then we resumed work on the illustrated book. He was on fire at first, almost back to his old self, the Enrico that you couldn't help but love. But once the book was finished and went to press, he became erratic again and lost interest in everything. The actual book presentation went well, but the promotional tour? I had to beg and plead to get him to even move his ass and come with me.
What was the promotional tour like? The three-day stubble was curious.
The book launch was in mid-December, then in January we spent a weekend in Hamburg and Berlin, and a second weekend in Munich and Stuttgart. In February it was Frankfurt, Cologne and Dortmund. He canceled all the dates in March, and only came with me to the vernissage in Essen in April, over Easter. But by that time, I emptied the glass.?? he was anything but a reliable contemporary. I think it was on the drive to Dortmund that he told me he had met a certain Ben someone or other in Cologne who would really lavish praise on him.?
The head judge looked up from his glasses. ?Did he describe this Ben in more detail??
Unfortunately not!” I shook my head. ”The only thing I know about him is that he owns a few shops in the Ruhr area and has a share in a few bars in Berlin and Munich. The whole thing seemed a bit fishy to me, but Enrico was convinced that he'd hit the jackpot with this guy.”
And then? The gold-rimmed glasses were once again misused as a visual aid.
My expression turned sad. I didn't see him again after Essen. We spoke on the phone a few more times, but all of our conversations revolved around this ominous Ben, who completely monopolized him. The last thing I heard from him was a message on my answering machine: He wouldn't be able to make it to my 40th birthday because Ben wanted to take him to Rome.
And that was the last sign of life from him? The voice of the only fully qualified lawyer in the college sounded congested. How did you react?
I took a deep breath. I was angry, but what could I do? Enrico had always had a mind of his own, you couldn't tie him down. Mind you, he was more reliable before Ben. But to answer the first part of your question, that wasn't the last message from him.
How? Chief Silverlocke's eyes grew wide.
I reached into my inside pocket again and took out three letters, which I placed on the table. “He wrote to me again, but could I answer?” Unfortunately, I couldn't reply to them! I didn't know how I could have reached him, unfortunately I didn't have an address!
“The victim wrote to them?” The prosecutor's voice was almost frantic.
I nodded. “Yes, he did. Would you like to see the letters?”
“Gladly!” That was all he said.
The gelled-up lawyer jumped up. “I protest in the strongest possible terms! The witness could have written the letters himself.”
“Mr. Defense Attorney, I would like to remind you that the witness was summoned at your request. If he provides new evidence, we will take it into account.” The prosecutor seemed to be bursting at the seams. ‘If necessary, an expert can clarify who actually wrote the letters.’ He looked at me intensely. ”Mr. Kleeve, would you please hand the letters over to the court?”
I took the envelopes, stood up and brought them to the bench. After a benevolent nod from the presiding judge, I returned to my original seat. Silver Locks had probably already glanced at the first letter, cleared his throat. “Then the letters will now be examined by reading them out.”
Mr. President, I hereby request the following evidence: The letters presented by the witness Kleeve are to be examined by a handwriting expert for their authenticity.” The defense attorney was still standing. “The authorship by the victim is disputed. Furthermore, as long as we have no knowledge of the content, the reading out could violate my client's most personal sphere of life.”
The somewhat port prosecutor had also stood up and just waved him off curtly. ”Colleague! If the victim writes a letter to the witness, how is the privacy of your client affected? Mr. Kleeve presents us with letters that are explicitly addressed to him and he agrees to their being read, so what is the problem? I didn't know that letters from the victim existed, but since they are now present, they are present evidence. Should I submit the motion in writing?
The three professional judges briefly put their heads together and whispered to each other. The chief judge sat up, looked past me at the witness stand. “Mr. Jublinski, could you take a look at the letters and tell us if this is your brother's handwriting?”
The man addressed stood up, went to the judge's table, and took a look at the pages handed to him. “Yes, that's my brother's handwriting, I'm sure of it.” He fumbled with his jacket and also took out an envelope. “Here, this is the last letter from him, for my 17th birthday; I always have it with me. You are welcome to compare!”
Thank you. The silver-haired man seemed almost shy as he accepted the memento.
His sideburns were now back in place. Mr. Chairman! What about my motion to introduce evidence?
One: The court withdraws for deliberation on the motions for evidence by the defense and the prosecution. Two: The main proceedings are suspended for 20 minutes. He now looked at me. Mr. Kleeve, you are not dismissed yet! I'll see you in a moment!
I didn't know what was happening to me. If you think so.
The judges left the courtroom through a door behind them, almost all those present rose, and I followed suit. At the exit, someone tapped me on the shoulder, I turned around, it was the second edition of Enrico. May I speak to you briefly?
“But of course, I'd just like a cigarette...” Why was I so inhibited?
My counterpart laughed. ‘Me too!”
Together we left the building, I didn't feel like looking for a smoking room first. As we stood in the cold, we had provided each other with fire, we smiled at each other. ’So you're Enrico's brother?”
That's me!“ The young man grinned. ‘And you were his lover?”
I inhaled deeply. ’I would have liked to have been, but Enrico never let anyone get close enough to achieve that status. There was always a certain distance between us.”
“Even during sex?” The bespectacled guy was really cheeky!
I couldn't help but grin. “When it came to the interpersonal game, your brother knew no bounds. It was wild, if you can say that about someone. But when it came to the interpersonal realm, whenever things got private and intimate, your brother was very good at putting up barriers. In bed, he was the biggest pig, but in conversation, he was the most chaste nun!”
The young man seemed slightly embarrassed. “I wouldn't have thought that about you. It's the other way around with me.”
I was amazed. ‘What do you mean?”
“The way I said it: I like to open up in conversations, I have a big mouth, but in bed? I'm rather simple.’ He chuckled. ”I just don't have that much experience.”
I waved it aside. “You gain experience over time, but in my opinion, in the interpersonal area, it depends more on the basic attitude: are you able to approach your partner openly and honestly, without ulterior motives?”
“And Enrico couldn't do that?” He looked at me in wonder.
I shook my head. “No, but that was probably due to his life story, to the experiences he has had. How do you think he behaved when things got personal? You could talk to him about politics for hours and hours and with growing enthusiasm! But woe betide you if you talked about family! I've heard more than one version of his story from him. It was only when I put a gun to his head that he became more explicit, but that... I looked deep into his eyes. But that was also a lie, as I found out today through you. I don't even blame him for telling me a white lie, Enrico was like that, but I'm somehow also disappointed.
That he didn't show you the same trust that you showed him? Is that what you mean? He rubbed his nose.
I nodded. Right. The basis of every relationship, whether between man and man or man and woman or woman and woman, is, in my experience, absolute openness and honesty towards your partner: that's the be-all and end-all of a good relationship.
It's striking! But I think we should slowly go back inside. He grinned at me.
I looked at the clock with horror. You're right, we still have about five minutes before we have to be back in the hall.
Then let's go. He stubbed out his cigarette on the pavement. But first I have to apologize, I was once again too forward!?
I rubbed my eyes in amazement. Sorry, but I don't quite follow you! What do you mean?
I've been on first-name terms with you the whole time, even though you didn't offer me the same! Embarrassment spread across his face, and he shifted his weight from one leg to the other.
I could only shake my head. “Justin, what's the problem? If only Enrico had been a bit more open, I'm sure we would have become a couple. So we would have been like family, so the informal ‘you’ is more than appropriate. Don't you think?
But you do!? He smiled. But we should seal the deal, just between us, shouldn't we?
And how? I looked at him curiously. Unfortunately, I don't have any beer for a toast!
He took a step towards me, pursed his lips and kissed me on the mouth. It took me a moment to fully grasp the situation, but then I opened my lips, put my left hand on the back of his head, and slowly pulled him towards me. His tongue conquered my mouth, but my counterattack was also successful.
When we finally broke away, he laughed at me. “Three more minutes! Come on, dear brother-in-law!
After you, dear brother-in-law!” I just thought he was sweet.
When we entered the courtroom, most of the spectators were already sitting in their places, the defendant, together with his defense team and guard, was also present again, the prosecutor was also sitting in his place, only the high court was still absent. It took a while, but then the door opened and the high court entered at a stately pace. Everyone rose until the highest-ranking robe-wearer cleared his throat. “The hearing against Benedikt Hartenberg for manslaughter will now continue. Please take your seats.” Everyone in the room sat down, and I sat down in the witness chair.
“After deliberation, the court has decided to take a closer look at the letters presented by the witness Kleeve. The court assumes the authenticity of the letters, after confirmation by the witness Justin Jublinski and the presented sample of the victim's handwriting. The defense's motion to dismiss is therefore rejected, as it also smacks of a possible delay in the proceedings. However, the public prosecutor's application was to be granted, since the taking of evidence is not inadmissible; I refer to Section 245, paragraph 2 of the German Code of Criminal Procedure. He looked around. “May I begin then?” I looked ahead; the letter had been wrapped in a transparent film in the meantime, and he adjusted his glasses. “Mr. Kleeve, is JFK your nickname?”
I nodded dutifully. “It's not just what friends and people in the scene call me, it's also my trademark as a photographer.”
“Well, let's get started!” He cleared his throat again and began his lecture. ”Cologne, May 2nd, 2007. Hi JFK, I know I'm an asshole, I'm really sorry that I've been so scarce lately, but I had to think about some things in my life. Düsseldorf is no longer for me, too many thoughts of Nadine and the kid that the slut just gave away. But I don't want to annoy you with the bitch, you always had your problems with her. But you were right with your skepticism, I was probably too naive.
Ben offered me a job in one of his shops last week, so I'll be a bartender in one of his businesses. He said I could live with him too. I think I'll take him up on that offer, I finally want to get off the streets. Feel hugged and cuddled? Yours, Enrico? PS: My new cell phone number is?
He looked around, put the paper aside and took the next transparent folder in his hand. Cologne, May 15, 2007. Hi JFK, thanks for your text message. How was Dubai? At least everything seems to be going well for you, but it's not looking so good for me. Ben got me a new passport, my name is now David Husselmann, but suddenly he wants to double the price for it, that ass! The promised bartender job didn't materialize either, I have to spread my legs for him, so back to hustling! Why did I leave you for him? I'm an idiot!
The ass also demands 500 rent per week for the room, so I now owe him almost 7,000 euros! Why do I always end up with the wrong people? He took my cell phone, I feel like I'm in jail. He wants to take me to Munich tomorrow to offer my ass there, I would be fresh meat. Feel hugs and kisses anyway! Your Enrico.
Almost mechanically, he reached for the last letter. Somewhere on the highway, dated 06/15/2007. Hi JFK, believe it or not: this asshole actually has a mobile brothel with all the comforts, disguised as a normal caravan. Ben is driving and I'm sitting in the back writing to you.
I finally have something positive to report: I had a regular client in Munich, a rich Arab who wants to buy me out! Ben seems to be okay with it, because ever since Ibrahim (that's the Arab's name) made the suggestion, I've been nothing but his private sex slave. But I've had worse: his three inches (that's all he's got in his pants!) don't hurt, even if he's got a long way to go. What is worse is that he always starts by beating me with his belt or whip to get him up at all.
We are on our way to his weekend house in the mountains. I am supposed to serve him and his friends there as a sex object for the whole weekend. Ben called it my last official act. No matter! Monday the nightmare will finally be over and then I will finally go to freedom with Ibrahim. I'll get back to you about my things that are still in the granny flat at your place. Love, Your Enrico? PS: I only have a 40 cent stamp left, I hope you'll forgive the postage due! E.?
The defendant banged his hand on the table. “I don't believe it! The little cocksucker has written letters! I was looking for a second cell phone, but letters??
Was that the beginning of a confession?? The judge's question was cool and sober.
The insurance man jumped up. “Fuck you!”
“The following decision has been made: The defendant is ordered to pay a fine of 1,000 euros or four days in custody for improper behavior. Mr. Hartenberg, you are not allowed to insult witnesses or the court here! Is that clear?”
Instead of answering, the insurance man reached for the glass in front of him and threw it in the direction of the bench. The two officers only reacted when it crashed to the floor and shattered into a thousand pieces. Silverlock remained surprisingly calm.
Another order was then issued: the defendant Hartenberg was to be fined another 2,000 euros or imprisoned for eight days, and the defendant was to be handcuffed. Gentlemen, handcuff him! The uniformed officers complied. “Mr. Hartenberg, one more such outburst and we will continue in your absence.” He made a few notes. “Are there any motions or statements regarding the letters? Mr. Prosecutor? Mr. Defense Attorney??
There was absolute silence. The two benches whispered intensely, but the deliberations at the public prosecutor's table were faster. Based on the new evidence, it is now probably no longer manslaughter, but rather murder. Regarding this qualification, in the opinion of the public prosecutor, a reference to § 265 paragraph 2 StPO is sufficient. The prosecutor cleared his throat. In addition, there are now charges of forgery, dangerous bodily harm, possibly even grievous bodily harm, as well as exploitation of prostitutes and pimping. One could already include part of? 266 StPO [supplementary charge] in the proceedings today, but I don't think the defendant would agree to that. I also see a need for further investigation with regard to? 180a [exploitation of prostitutes], 181a [pimping], 267 [document forgery]. So I guess we'll all be seeing each other again soon.
The man with the gold-rimmed glasses looked at the dock. What does the defense say?
This time it was the lady who raised her voice. We would not have agreed to a supplementary charge, of course, but we request the suspension of the proceedings according to §265, paragraph 3.
Silberlocke raised his eyebrows and looked to the other side. The prosecutor had apparently been expecting it, as his answer came promptly. “Ms. colleague! What are you doing? You're throwing one smoke screen after another at this trial! First it was a hustler who got rid of an unwelcome rival, then it was a john who killed the victim in a sex frenzy and whom your client only helped to dispose of the body. Today, the witness Kleeve is supposed to serve as a jealous killer, but this attempt also went badly awry.”
He poured some water from the carafe in front of him into his glass and took a sip. “What you are trying to do here is obvious; you just want to drag out the trial unnecessarily. The DNA traces of your client found on the victim, the gas station receipt found in the victim's pants that was paid for with your client's credit card, the bloodstains in the trunk of your client's car, which only he and no one else drove, all clearly show that only your client could be the perpetrator.”

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